Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist,
Speaker 2: and speaker.
Speaker 3: And I'm Sarah hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer,
Speaker 3: and course creator. We are two working parents who love
Speaker 3: our careers and our families.
Speaker 2: Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about
Speaker 2: how real women manage work, family, and time for fun,
Speaker 2: from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals.
Speaker 2: We want you to get the most out of life.
Speaker 1: Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura.
Speaker 2: This episode is airing in mid to late August, not
Speaker 2: right before Labor Day, but getting close on there. This
Speaker 2: episode is going to be our long Weekend Little Kid
Speaker 2: Survival Guide.
Speaker 1: Why did we want to do this episode?
Speaker 2: Well, long weekends our thought of is usually being relaxing,
Speaker 2: but that is from the perspective of people who do
Speaker 2: not have young children in their care over this longer
Speaker 2: period of time when everyone is off their usual routines.
Speaker 2: And I was thinking about this over July fourth weekend,
Speaker 2: which is kind of the last long weekend that people experienced.
Speaker 2: My kids aren't even that little anymore, but we were off,
Speaker 2: so to speak, with childcare perspective since Tuesday at five pm.
Speaker 2: And I remember at the end of Thursday thinking, wow,
Speaker 2: it's not even the real weekend weekend yet. And yet
Speaker 2: there has been a whole weekend of time between Tuesday
Speaker 2: at five pm and the end of Thursday, and we
Speaker 2: had three more days to go at that point. If
Speaker 2: you do have little kids, this is just a note
Speaker 2: of solidarity. People talk about how relaxed they are, and
Speaker 2: long weekends with little kids are just not relaxing, right.
Speaker 3: Sarah, Absolutely. I mean that feeling when everybody at work
Speaker 3: is like, Oh, I can't wait to just relax, and
Speaker 3: I have these plans and I'm going to do this
Speaker 3: and that, and then thinking like, I have a two
Speaker 3: year old and I have to fill up so many hours.
Speaker 3: And for us, I'm not sure I have a specific
Speaker 3: nightmare weekend to share, but let me just say that
Speaker 3: many times when there are three day weekends, one of
Speaker 3: us is on call, usually more often my husband on call,
Speaker 3: because he takes more call than I am. So I
Speaker 3: have the double whammy of like, yes, I'm hanging out
Speaker 3: with kids during an extended period of time, but also
Speaker 3: I'm doing it on my own. I know I'm not
Speaker 3: the only one in that scenario, and some people do
Speaker 3: that all the time, which is incredibly hard. But let
Speaker 3: me just say, if I have like a three day
Speaker 3: weekend coming up, even now with my kids being a
Speaker 3: lot older, I'm not that excited about it when I'm
Speaker 3: going to be doing it all on my own, And
Speaker 3: we'll talk about strategies that I often employ to make
Speaker 3: things better. So for me, the most difficult ones have
Speaker 3: been the long weekends that also happen to be solo
Speaker 3: parenting endeavors.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and this episode, as we give you our solidarity
Speaker 2: shout out for people who are planning long weekends with
Speaker 2: little kids, we will also want to say that there
Speaker 2: are ways to make them more manageable. Right that we
Speaker 2: always think with best of both worlds that we can
Speaker 2: come up with practical solutions that even if you know
Speaker 2: it is a tough situation, like, there's no reason to
Speaker 2: be miserable more than one might need to, because there's
Speaker 2: lots of ways to at least have some fun, get
Speaker 2: some time for you, hopefully make some memories, even if
Speaker 2: you do have little ones and are filling a lot
Speaker 2: of time. So the first part, we have kind of
Speaker 2: a lot of different strategies here. But the first strategy
Speaker 2: is to know that the long weekend is coming right, like,
Speaker 2: don't get blind sided. So especially if your office, you know,
Speaker 2: isn't closed as many hours as school or daycare might be,
Speaker 2: you might need to make arrangements. But whenever the school
Speaker 2: calendar is posted, you want to make sure that you
Speaker 2: are getting whatever half days are coming up, what other
Speaker 2: random teacher in service days, whatever days they happen to
Speaker 2: be off for conferences, that you have those on your calendar.
Speaker 2: Know about all your daycare closures, I know, make sure
Speaker 2: if you have a nanny or regular babysitter, you know
Speaker 2: what their vacation days are. And so when these things
Speaker 2: are coming up, right, Sarah, you're gonna have two schools
Speaker 2: worth of random days now.
Speaker 3: Oh yes, and they all coincide, just kidding, like none
Speaker 3: of them do it. So I would like to reiterate
Speaker 3: that our very first tip is to plan. Yay, that
Speaker 3: is our tip because it's so true, like knowing that
Speaker 3: this three day weekend, whether it is because of a
Speaker 3: holiday that you celebrate, a holiday that you don't celebrate,
Speaker 3: or just a random school teacher planning day, is going
Speaker 3: to go better if you have time to think about
Speaker 3: what you want to do with those hours in advance.
Speaker 3: And I have failed on this on occasion and kind
Speaker 3: of learned the hard way when I'm like, oh, you know,
Speaker 3: we'll just like stay home and do whatever, and when
Speaker 3: you have toddlers, like I again, like we're trying to
Speaker 3: avoid misery, and that has been That has been sort
Speaker 3: of the low lights of my longer weekends. The best
Speaker 3: ones happen when I've really taken the time to think
Speaker 3: about what could we do to make this more fun?
Speaker 3: Because often you will be able to come up with
Speaker 3: some stuff and we'll talk about the specifics of that
Speaker 3: in a second, but really it's true. The awareness means
Speaker 3: a lot and is such an important first step here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I feel like we have this discussion
Speaker 2: about Christmas every year, Like wait, I have like two
Speaker 2: weeks I have to cover or something like that. And
Speaker 2: the earlier one knows that that is coming up, the
Speaker 2: more mental time spread out over a longer period of time,
Speaker 2: you can sort of devote to making sure that it
Speaker 2: is more enjoyable. So first, know that they are coming up. Second,
Speaker 2: this is the official make a plan one.
Speaker 3: Right, yes, like actually put something in writing to actually
Speaker 3: think through those actual hours and what you might want
Speaker 3: to do with that. Now, your strategy has to do
Speaker 3: with like having some anchor events. Can you talk about that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So, I when I'm planning out weekend or vacations
Speaker 2: or anything like this, I think of each day as
Speaker 2: having one anchor event, and that is something that you
Speaker 2: say like, oh, like, well, what are we doing this day?
Speaker 2: And it doesn't mean that that's the only thing you
Speaker 2: do that day, but that's kind of what the day
Speaker 2: is built around.
Speaker 1: So for instance, I mean.
Speaker 2: Especially if you have little kids toddlers, it's almost always
Speaker 2: better to do this in the morning, right, So get ready,
Speaker 2: get up, go somewhere as soon as the children's museum opens,
Speaker 2: or the zoom opens, or if you're going to visit
Speaker 2: friends or something like that, go to the science museum.
Speaker 2: But choose something that gets you out of the house
Speaker 2: that you go do it, get the kids to have
Speaker 2: ideally something that you don't find terrible as well, look
Speaker 2: at the weather.
Speaker 1: Plan it in. It's good to have kind of a
Speaker 1: local bucket list of this sort.
Speaker 2: Of thing, so if you know wherever you happen to live,
Speaker 2: sometimes people just wind up going to the same thing
Speaker 2: over and over again because it's there, and it's hard
Speaker 2: to think of things when you're taking care of little kids.
Speaker 2: But it might behoove you at some point to make
Speaker 2: a local bucket list, like things that are within an
Speaker 2: hour of you that your family or at least a
Speaker 2: majority of members of your family find reasonably enjoyable, so
Speaker 2: that you can pull from that list when you're planning
Speaker 2: out your long weekend, as opposed to just sit in
Speaker 2: and be like, jeez, what is there to do? There's
Speaker 2: nothing to do. I don't know what do we want
Speaker 2: to do?
Speaker 3: So yeah, knowing what that is ahead of time, one
Speaker 3: hundred percent agree with the getting out of the house piece,
Speaker 3: especially when kids are really little, because let's all be real,
Speaker 3: what do the kids do in the house? They destroy that? Well,
Speaker 3: my kids maybe not your kids, but my kids just
Speaker 3: find stuff to like wreck, especially when they were younger,
Speaker 3: sometimes still now, and they get bored and they get
Speaker 3: antsy and they want screens, and like, do I want
Speaker 3: to give it to them at ten in the morning,
Speaker 3: Probably not, because I'd rather relax later, And you get
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. So knowing ahead of time, like we're
Speaker 3: going to one, we might as well give some concrete examples,
Speaker 3: because you know, why not this might spark your ideas
Speaker 3: the zoo a different smaller zoo, to a children's museum,
Speaker 3: to the science museum, to the cool art place where
Speaker 3: you spatter paint all over the place, to the paint
Speaker 3: your own pottery place, to the bouncy house, whatever, you know,
Speaker 3: just somewhere something. And bonus points if it is something
Speaker 3: where you can do it recurrently and subscribe, like be
Speaker 3: a member, because then you can kind of go in
Speaker 3: a very low pressure way and just be like we're
Speaker 3: going for a couple of hours and at least we're
Speaker 3: out of the house. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And again, if it's someplace that you personally don't mind
Speaker 2: that much, that is always a benefit. I mean, I've
Speaker 2: we've gone a lot to Longwood Gardens, which is a
Speaker 2: little bit of a drive for us. But again, if
Speaker 2: you're doing this in the morning, maybe you've got more
Speaker 2: energy for it. But the flowers are pretty. And then
Speaker 2: they have a children's area that the kids have wound
Speaker 2: up in a lot. We have a ton of photos
Speaker 2: of our kids at various different ages in this children's
Speaker 2: garden that's inside the green house and has various things
Speaker 2: that they can do, but you know it's something I like,
Speaker 2: but then they don't hate it either, So I think
Speaker 2: figuring out if you can hit both of.
Speaker 3: Those is good for me. The best way to make
Speaker 3: one of those community outings more fun is to find
Speaker 3: a friend to go with me. So that's like another
Speaker 3: really helpful thing. You're probably not the only one facing
Speaker 3: the labor day doldrums. And the best is when I
Speaker 3: can find somebody else who also has to solo parent
Speaker 3: fairly frequently, because then it's like woo, Like we want companionship,
Speaker 3: we want to hang out together, but it's maybe just
Speaker 3: us and our kids. And how fun it is if
Speaker 3: we can actually have a conversation and catch up while
Speaker 3: our kids are running around. So even more fun for
Speaker 3: me if you can also maybe turn that into a
Speaker 3: social event, and that requires planning, Like people aren't going
Speaker 3: to be free like when you ask them that morning
Speaker 3: most likely, but even a week before to be like, hey,
Speaker 3: it's this holiday and we're not going anywhere. Want to
Speaker 3: meet up at the whatever museum at ten am on Saturday?
Speaker 1: Done?
Speaker 2: Absolutely, We're going to take a quick ad break and
Speaker 2: then we'll be back talking a little bit more about
Speaker 2: the structure of a long weekend planned. Well, we are
Speaker 2: back with our long weekend little Kid Survival Guide. We
Speaker 2: strongly suggested getting out of the house in the morning
Speaker 2: with your little ones to go do something in the zoo,
Speaker 2: the park, the children's museum, whatever it is. You probably
Speaker 2: then want to come home for lunch in a mid
Speaker 2: afternoon downtime or nap for little ones. So this is
Speaker 2: a great time for obviously the youngest ones to have
Speaker 2: their rest or quiet time, for the older kids to
Speaker 2: read or have some screen time, and then the supervising
Speaker 2: adult can have a little bit of leisure time for
Speaker 2: themselves as well. People are told to stay in their
Speaker 2: rooms under severe penalty for coming out or something like that,
Speaker 2: only at emergencies. You play your cards right. Ideally you
Speaker 2: can get two hours or so to chill, right.
Speaker 3: Sarah, Yes, I mean it is hard when they're in
Speaker 3: that post napping year. Maybe the older sibling doesn't nap
Speaker 3: and then the younger one does. But figuring out a
Speaker 3: way that everybody can just Usually if you've done something
Speaker 3: active in the morning, this is easier because everyone is
Speaker 3: more ready to just kind of chill and rest.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then make sure you have something for that
Speaker 2: post nap slot. I think this is you know, what
Speaker 2: separates the newbies from the veteran parents. But you know,
Speaker 2: the kid gets up from the nap three three thirty,
Speaker 2: it's like, well, you know, all this, all the normal
Speaker 2: stuff is closing at five, so it's kind of a
Speaker 2: pain to get there. Or oh it's kind of like
Speaker 2: maybe they slept a little later. I don't really feel
Speaker 2: like doing anything. But then you're stuck there from like
Speaker 2: four to five thirty as people are melting down, and
Speaker 2: it feels like you're counting minutes till everyone can be
Speaker 2: in bed or something like that. And we don't want
Speaker 2: to wish time away, So figure out something some intention
Speaker 2: for that post nap slid. Doesn't have to be intense,
Speaker 2: but something.
Speaker 3: Like go to a playground, right, Yeah, I feel like
Speaker 3: this is a time or at least for us, this
Speaker 3: is like the really low key piece, Like the morning
Speaker 3: thing is like the big anchor, but the post is
Speaker 3: just like I mean, it doesn't for us even always
Speaker 3: have to be leaving the house, but this is when
Speaker 3: you whip out that activity from the garage that they
Speaker 3: you know, haven't seen, or go for a walk around
Speaker 3: the block or just like knock on the door of
Speaker 3: a neighbor's house and say hi, like the it doesn't
Speaker 3: low bar, but like something something.
Speaker 2: Right because then when they've got something to distract them
Speaker 2: from melting down until it's dinner, and then it's after dinner,
Speaker 2: it's kind of like sliding into bedtime bathtime anyway, So
Speaker 2: it's worth figuring out or a low key playdate, especially
Speaker 2: if you have someone who doesn't mind a little bit
Speaker 2: of flexibility on when it starts. So if the baby
Speaker 2: wakes up at three versus three thirty, you know, it's
Speaker 2: all good that you can go to that.
Speaker 1: Or again, if you do have.
Speaker 2: A membership somewhere that's close by, even if it does
Speaker 2: close at five, it's fine to go at four and
Speaker 2: just stay for an hour because it's you remember, you
Speaker 2: don't have to pay to go in.
Speaker 3: The member thing with kids is like the best anyway,
Speaker 3: just because kids are so unpredictable and it just takes
Speaker 3: the pressure off of every outing having to be awesome.
Speaker 3: Like and also like if there has to be some
Speaker 3: situation where a kid does something where you're like, well,
Speaker 3: the consequences we have to leave, you can feel great
Speaker 3: about that. If you're a member because you can come back.
Speaker 3: You didn't waste your money then, right, Yeah, no, totally true.
Speaker 3: The third suggestion and remember the first to be aware
Speaker 3: of when these long weekends are happening, because they don't
Speaker 3: always perfectly match up with holidays that we normally think of. Second,
Speaker 3: have a good plan for something in the morning as
Speaker 3: an ancor event, downtime, early afternoon post nap slot. Third,
Speaker 3: plan in something fun for you. So we want to
Speaker 3: get a break somehow.
Speaker 2: So that it doesn't feel like all, you know, you
Speaker 2: have your work work during your regular time and now
Speaker 2: you have your family care work. You want to have
Speaker 2: something that's at least moderately fun for you. We just
Speaker 2: had a whole episode about trading off, so that's always
Speaker 2: a good idea.
Speaker 3: Trading off is awesome. Or this was actually when I
Speaker 3: think I was best about hiring a babysitter for short stints.
Speaker 3: If Josh had a call weekend that was like over
Speaker 3: a three day weekend and my kids were little to
Speaker 3: the point where like I really couldn't ever just like
Speaker 3: zone out and let them do their own thing, I
Speaker 3: would be like, okay, fine, I'm getting a babysitter for
Speaker 3: three or four hours. It didn't feel like a huge expense,
Speaker 3: but it felt like enough of a luxury. And I
Speaker 3: used to like use that time to go to bar
Speaker 3: class back in the day when we lived in Miami Beach.
Speaker 3: So I agree like having one little treat in there.
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be something huge. I don't even
Speaker 3: know that it has to be every single day, but
Speaker 3: like something that you're looking forward to that's just for you. Obviously,
Speaker 3: if your partner is not working on call and in
Speaker 3: the hospital, then this can be accomplished via trading off,
Speaker 3: like we talked about recently.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, and one way to think about this
Speaker 2: is that you look at when each of you is
Speaker 2: going to want to do your particular forms of exercise,
Speaker 2: right that that's a very easy thing for each person
Speaker 2: to trade off and say, Okay, this person is going
Speaker 2: to do a run on Saturday morning and this one's
Speaker 2: going to do a run on Sunday morning, and so
Speaker 2: you both explicitly agree that you are trading off for
Speaker 2: that time. But you know, little things you can do,
Speaker 2: like even a post bedtime sort of treat for yourself
Speaker 2: as you're thinking about your daily After I get the
Speaker 2: kids into bed, I want to watch this show, which
Speaker 2: is a favorite show of mine. Or I want to
Speaker 2: take a bubble bath. People always have these nice bathtubs
Speaker 2: in the primary bedroom bathroom and then they.
Speaker 1: Never use them.
Speaker 2: So you know, if you have built this nice bathtub,
Speaker 2: you should use it. Maybe it's having a glass of
Speaker 2: something festive on your porch if the weather is nice.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's that you got a new magazine in the mail.
Speaker 2: I'm a big fan of magazine subscriptions because that's something
Speaker 2: that you can do at home for entertainment, reading edition
Speaker 2: of a magazine as it comes out. But that might
Speaker 2: be fun. Or maybe it's a new book or a
Speaker 2: new puzzle or something like that. Sarah, what are your
Speaker 2: favorite kind of I know you go to bed pretty
Speaker 2: soon after your kids go to bed, but what were
Speaker 2: your favorite sort of naptime treats?
Speaker 3: Oh? I mean usually just reading, Like I love to
Speaker 3: get my lovely livery hold whatever it is, or that
Speaker 3: I'm like reading, or some other kind of book that
Speaker 3: I have and just relaxed, lay on the couch, maybe
Speaker 3: have a nice snack. But I was going to say that, like,
Speaker 3: my like favorite source of fun on a three day
Speaker 3: weekend is also just having a date night for those nights.
Speaker 3: I mean, sometimes you need a break in the middle.
Speaker 3: So Sunday night can be awesome for this, Like normally
Speaker 3: a night that we wouldn't typically go out because thinking
Speaker 3: about early wake up's Monday morning. But how awesome if
Speaker 3: Monday is a day off to have that the night
Speaker 3: be to get a babysitter and kind of like celebrate
Speaker 3: the middle of the week, getting through the middle and getting.
Speaker 1: Through the middle.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is again another reason to know that these
Speaker 2: weekends are coming up in advance, because then you can
Speaker 2: text whatever sitters you have to see which of them
Speaker 2: is not traveling over a long weekend and might be
Speaker 2: interested in coming for a few hours. And having that
Speaker 2: and knowing you can look forward to that can often
Speaker 2: be the difference between being like, oh, geez, this is
Speaker 2: a lot of time versus, hey, we've got a lot
Speaker 2: of you know, I'm going to the zoo and I'm
Speaker 2: going out for an adult dinner, So I have a
Speaker 2: little bit more energy for this zoo in the morning
Speaker 2: because I'm also knowing that I'm going to be having
Speaker 2: my margarita and guacamole at night or something like that.
Speaker 3: Yes, like a little kid free conversation break can be amazing.
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly, And make sure you acknowledge when this cool
Speaker 2: thing is happening, like if you have built in a
Speaker 2: little bit of a treat. It's helpful just to have
Speaker 2: that mental narrative of like, oh, look, yes it's a
Speaker 2: long weekend with little kids, but I got to go
Speaker 2: on this nice run in the cool morning hours in
Speaker 2: a pretty place. Or yes, it's a long weekend with
Speaker 2: little kids and there's been a lot of meltdowns and
Speaker 2: things like that, but I got to go out for
Speaker 2: coffee with a friend. Or I got to read the
Speaker 2: new whatever you read Southern Living. H you had a
Speaker 2: brand novel, Yeah, the new Ellen Hill and Brand lovel
Speaker 2: at night after an hour after my.
Speaker 1: Kids went to bed.
Speaker 2: So acknowledge that it might even help to like list it,
Speaker 2: because you know, a lot of time is just our
Speaker 2: mental model of it anyway. And so when we see
Speaker 2: these good things along, you know, side the fact that
Speaker 2: your kid had a diaper blowout in the children's museum
Speaker 2: while you were there, you know, it makes makes the
Speaker 2: weekend feel a little bit better in general.
Speaker 3: Absolutely so.
Speaker 2: Our fourth principle for our long weekend Little Survival Guide,
Speaker 2: Little Kid Survival guide is that screen time is not evil. Now,
Speaker 2: of course, we all would like to not have the
Speaker 2: kids zone out for say, seventy two straight hours on screens,
Speaker 2: but that's probably not happening anyway. If you're the sort
Speaker 2: of conscientious person who is listening to a podcast about
Speaker 2: planning your long weekends, you're probably putting things like going
Speaker 2: to the children's museum and the zoo and the aquarium
Speaker 2: and the playdate in there anyway, So they're not going
Speaker 2: to be on all the time, which means that if
Speaker 2: they are on during some of the downtime, it's fine.
Speaker 1: Which I mean, at what age did your kids start
Speaker 1: being reasonably entertained by screen?
Speaker 3: Sarah? I think Genevieve was like the earliest because she
Speaker 3: had the earliest opportunity to do.
Speaker 1: So because she's the youngest kid.
Speaker 3: Usually does the youngest kid and a COVID toddler like,
Speaker 3: so it was like, well, get used to it, child,
Speaker 3: and still today like I'll be impressed. Like she was
Speaker 3: watching some Spider Man that I have trouble following the plot,
Speaker 3: and Cameron's like is loving it and she's like watching
Speaker 3: it really into it, So I don't know, maybe I
Speaker 3: shouldn't this kind of stuff, but yeah, she'll do fairly
Speaker 3: sophisticated stuff. And I feel like it started around age
Speaker 3: two wish maybe, yeah.
Speaker 2: It was three, three, three and a half. I mean
Speaker 2: it was interesting to me. We took a road trip
Speaker 2: up to Cape cod when Henry was about three and
Speaker 2: a half last year, and I remember that being kind
Speaker 2: of hard to keep him entertain on that trip for
Speaker 2: long hours in the car, with being very aware of
Speaker 2: the fact that we were in the car with a
Speaker 2: little kid for a long period of time. We did
Speaker 2: the same trip about a year later, maybe thirteen months later,
Speaker 2: and it was fine. Like he played Minecraft on some
Speaker 2: device I think may have even been Michael's phone because
Speaker 2: we didn't have his kindle working or something, but he
Speaker 2: played it on like for hours in the car. That
Speaker 2: there's something that like the your ability to focus on
Speaker 2: an actual game, like just probably the executive function gets
Speaker 2: there between maybe three and four.
Speaker 1: So that was an interesting thing to observe.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I feel like movies like Disney movies can
Speaker 3: be captivating even earlier, like we definitely I think I
Speaker 3: sat through like all of Frozen with Annabelle when she
Speaker 3: was like two. Wow, and that can be a wonderful
Speaker 3: break when your kid is sitting there wrapped by Elsa
Speaker 3: and Anna, and I don't know, I don't even feel
Speaker 3: bad about that kind of screen time, Like it's a movie,
Speaker 3: it's I don't you know, Like I've read The Anxious
Speaker 3: Generation too, but it didn't say anything about like watching
Speaker 3: Little Mermaid being so terrible.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know, Little Mermaid might make me anxious.
Speaker 1: I mean it's kind of a scary bad guy.
Speaker 3: But yeah, true, bad example to.
Speaker 1: Know your kid on that.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean, and that could be you know,
Speaker 2: a family activity too, Like if there is a new
Speaker 2: little kid movie out and your kids are maybe even
Speaker 2: four and up, that's something that you guys could go
Speaker 2: do as a family on a long weekend. They often
Speaker 2: are released over holiday weekends precisely because people are looking
Speaker 2: for stuff to do during that time. But you can
Speaker 2: stream anything these days, so thinking in advance of like, well,
Speaker 2: what would be a cool movie for the little kids
Speaker 2: to watch, Maybe even talk it up so they're excited
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 1: Wear a costume or something.
Speaker 2: It makes it more of a party with the screen
Speaker 2: time versus just you know, zoning out while watching YouTube kids.
Speaker 3: No, that's a fun idea we I mean for a
Speaker 3: long weekend. My approach is just the same as always,
Speaker 3: which is like kind of delay it for as long
Speaker 3: as we can in the day. My kids kind of
Speaker 3: know they have to ask for it, and it's generally
Speaker 3: not going to be granted until one or two, like
Speaker 3: after lunch. So it's fine, we're out and doing stuff
Speaker 3: in the morning, we come in, we have lunch, and
Speaker 3: then we're past the nap stage. But let's say I
Speaker 3: still had a napper. It would be pretty natural for
Speaker 3: the napper to be napping and then my older child
Speaker 3: maybe watching a movie or doing stuff like playing a
Speaker 3: video game or something like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and if you don't want it to go to bedtime,
Speaker 2: then at that point, that is again the upside of
Speaker 2: having a post nap activity because people won't just and
Speaker 2: to know what that is in advance, because people won't
Speaker 2: just want to stop playing Minecraft at four o'clock to
Speaker 2: go do something. It needs to be that there is
Speaker 2: something arranged that you are stopping to go do, like, oh,
Speaker 2: we're going to go play at Billy's house. Now, that's
Speaker 2: why we're stopping, because in the moment, yeah, nobody's gonna
Speaker 2: want to do that.
Speaker 3: Totally. Yeah, a natural stopping point is great.
Speaker 1: Let's take one more quick ad break.
Speaker 2: We will be back with more on our Long Weekend
Speaker 2: Little Kids Survival Guide.
Speaker 1: So we are back.
Speaker 2: This is our long weekend Little Kid's survival guide. If
Speaker 2: you are looking forward to Labor Day, or maybe not
Speaker 2: so much looking forward to labor day because it's gonna
Speaker 2: be long for you, these are some tips and strategies
Speaker 2: that can help manage sort of lengthy periods of time
Speaker 2: with little kids. We first were talking about being aware
Speaker 2: that they are coming up. Second, having a plan that
Speaker 2: involves an anchor event each day and something for the
Speaker 2: post nap slot. Third, planning in something fun for you. Fourth,
Speaker 2: recognizing that screen time is an evil, like you can
Speaker 2: put it in in a way that can feel good
Speaker 2: and make life feel sustainable, that the kids won't necessarily
Speaker 2: be zoning out for seventy two hours, but having fun
Speaker 2: with it. And finally, fifth hit the easy button where
Speaker 2: poss So this might be a weekend where you use
Speaker 2: Uber Eats or grub Hub for a meal or two, Sarah,
Speaker 2: is this something that happens in your house? Oh?
Speaker 3: Yes, I use uber each, I use door Dash. I
Speaker 3: am indiscriminate. They are all very helpful sometimes, and this
Speaker 3: is the kind of weekend where I do that, And
Speaker 3: especially when the kids were little, what an amazing thing
Speaker 3: it was to be able to do that when we
Speaker 3: needed to, and just I don't know, just making things
Speaker 3: like not trying to like do all the laundry and
Speaker 3: keep up with it every second of the day, and
Speaker 3: also speaking of easy, like not expecting the house to
Speaker 3: look awesome all day long, like deciding like, okay, once
Speaker 3: we are at bedtime, I will spend twenty minutes getting
Speaker 3: things to be like reasonable, and that's like all we're
Speaker 3: gonna do. Just keeping those expectations really low, because I
Speaker 3: do feel like, you know, you see these Instagram videos
Speaker 3: of kids playing with a perfectly clear floor and like
Speaker 3: one wooden toy out, And aren't you supposed to run
Speaker 3: around after your children making it look like that all
Speaker 3: the time so they can get their maximum enrichment out
Speaker 3: of their Montessori selected playset. Well not at our house.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well it just I mean, the housekeeping can expand
Speaker 2: to fill the available time. So if you are trying
Speaker 2: to relax and enjoy yourself over a long weekend and
Speaker 2: you already have the little kids, so the messes are
Speaker 2: being made constantly. I mean, you would be spending all
Speaker 2: your time cleaning it up, so you need to put
Speaker 2: a limit on it, Like don't spend the entire nap
Speaker 2: time cleaning up the house, right, like maybe five ten minutes,
Speaker 2: but do your fun thing.
Speaker 1: First, Like, don't do the cleaning first.
Speaker 2: Go do whatever fun thing you wanted to do during
Speaker 2: nap first, and then maybe do ten minutes of cleaning
Speaker 2: toward the end when it you know, if it's about
Speaker 2: ready to be interrupted, because it's fine if the cleaning
Speaker 2: gets interrupted, because the toys aren't just going to come
Speaker 2: out again, right, whereas you will never get that time back.
Speaker 2: Same at night, like put a limit on it, set
Speaker 2: a timer, do not spend more time than that because
Speaker 2: you have a date with your magazine, your bubble bath,
Speaker 2: and you want to enjoy yourself on this. With that,
Speaker 2: I would say, don't assign yourself big house projects. I
Speaker 2: mean people often think of like, oh, you know, the
Speaker 2: weekends are where I need to get these big things done.
Speaker 2: We're going to clean out the garage this weekend, Like
Speaker 2: you are not, like you know, just maybe that stuff
Speaker 2: happens after your youngest child is four or five. I mean,
Speaker 2: you know, unless you're going to hire professional assistants with
Speaker 2: various things along these lines, like you're just not going
Speaker 2: to personally have time for a lot of the extensive
Speaker 2: Homer projects when your kids are little and if you
Speaker 2: are responsible for them, So that is what it is.
Speaker 1: Just accept it.
Speaker 2: If you're not ordering in for meals, very easy meals
Speaker 2: is also a great idea. Pasta is a meal.
Speaker 3: A lot of good jarred sauces out there. There are
Speaker 3: a lot of good jars and things you can dump
Speaker 3: in a.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you can get various like Asian type sauces
Speaker 2: to you know, we've been doing like well some people
Speaker 2: like taking masala or you know, rogan josh or you
Speaker 2: could get like tie red curry or.
Speaker 1: Something like that.
Speaker 2: You can get chicken that is pre chopped up, so
Speaker 2: all you have to do is just like put it
Speaker 2: in the pan and cook it.
Speaker 1: Then you mix the sauce.
Speaker 2: In, you do one of those boil in a bag
Speaker 2: things of rice and like you've got a meal and
Speaker 2: maybe heat up some frozen corn and it's even a
Speaker 2: healthy meal.
Speaker 1: So's it's like pretty easy to do some of these things.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to maybe be okay with like some repetition,
Speaker 3: But honestly, in that phase of life, I think a
Speaker 3: lot of people would just embrace it like whatever is easy.
Speaker 3: And that's so true about the big projects. I would say,
Speaker 3: any big project or any work project. I mean, I
Speaker 3: enjoy working on the weekends now. When my kids were toddlers,
Speaker 3: I couldn't do much of it because the only time
Speaker 3: would have been either if I was going to like
Speaker 3: have a block of childcare, which on occasion I did,
Speaker 3: but if I didn't, then it would be nap. And
Speaker 3: I don't want to use my nap for that because
Speaker 3: it's such an incredibly limited time that is my only downtime,
Speaker 3: and so so to spend that time like organizing something
Speaker 3: like just doesn't it doesn't make sense and feels kind
Speaker 3: of unsatisfying. So I really do agree, like take the
Speaker 3: pressure off, You're gonna feel better about just like leaning
Speaker 3: into it and being where you are versus having these
Speaker 3: lofty aspirations that are just not really possible and then
Speaker 3: feeling guilt about what didn't happen.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, but then a quick message of hope that it
Speaker 2: gets better. So a message for people, I mean, obviously
Speaker 2: We've both have lots of kids, and so we've been
Speaker 2: in the little kid years for a long time, including
Speaker 2: many years well we've had this podcast going. But we're
Speaker 2: starting to kind of age out of it, and I
Speaker 2: have actually started to enjoy my weekends a lot more
Speaker 2: now that it is possible to relax without making prior
Speaker 2: arrangements to relax. I guess is how I would put it.
Speaker 2: It was never impossible to relax. I just have to
Speaker 2: be like, Okay, Mike got the kids now, and now
Speaker 2: is my relaxing time. And then I'll take them and
Speaker 2: then it'll be his relaxing time, or we have a
Speaker 2: sitter and now we have the relaxing time. But once
Speaker 2: Henry is able to do something like play Minecraft, it
Speaker 2: introduces the possibility that you can in fact sit on
Speaker 2: the couch with a magazine and if he's absorbed enough
Speaker 2: in it, then you probably won't be called up for
Speaker 2: at least a little while, and you can start to
Speaker 2: do more things, especially now that I have older kids
Speaker 2: who can be babysitters, Like if I want to go
Speaker 2: somewhere for forty five minutes, they can, right, And that's fine. Again,
Speaker 2: don't have to make huge prior arrangements to how it happened.
Speaker 1: So it's definitely gotten a lot easier.
Speaker 3: I agree, And there's almost like a subtle realization when
Speaker 3: that shift's like, huh, it's Friday night and I don't
Speaker 3: have like the slight feeling of dread that maybe did
Speaker 3: tend to come on back in the day, and that
Speaker 3: feels really really nice. I will also say it's when
Speaker 3: you don't have to It's like that period of parenting
Speaker 3: that's just absolutely constant reactivity than the less somebody else
Speaker 3: is on your kid. You have to be responsive to
Speaker 3: their needs absolutely immediately. It's pretty long. I mean it's
Speaker 3: like a number of years, Like a two year old's
Speaker 3: not going to wait. But once they get to the
Speaker 3: point where like they can do some things for themselves
Speaker 3: and even if you're caring for them, their needs are
Speaker 3: just less urgent. It just becomes so much more relaxing
Speaker 3: and fun, and they are more likely to want to
Speaker 3: do things that I find like legitimately fun and that
Speaker 3: is super cool, like when we want to go to
Speaker 3: movies that are you know, maybe I mean, well, I
Speaker 3: took my five year old to Spartable Me for no.
Speaker 3: I mean some might not want to take their younger
Speaker 3: kids to a movie like Barbie, but like we did,
Speaker 3: and like I love that movie, Like I legitimately enjoyed
Speaker 3: myself and the kids liked it, and like that's a
Speaker 3: big milestone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is.
Speaker 3: It is.
Speaker 1: So it does get better.
Speaker 2: So shout out to anyone who is planning a long
Speaker 2: weekend with little kids.
Speaker 1: We see you solidarity.
Speaker 2: But in a few years it'll be feeling more relaxing,
Speaker 2: and then you can be the one telling your colleagues
Speaker 2: about your relaxing long weekend and providing encouragement to the
Speaker 2: colleagues who have the two year old and who are
Speaker 2: going through it themselves. So this week's question, should I
Speaker 2: buy a minivan? So this listener is expecting kid number
Speaker 2: three and never thought of themselves as a minivan person,
Speaker 2: but you know suburbs and kid number three, So should
Speaker 2: they buy one? Sarah, you resisted the minivan.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I don't think you need a minivan,
Speaker 3: but I do think it's helpful to have a car
Speaker 3: bigger than I said Dan. So we've been extremely happy
Speaker 3: with a like mid to larger sized suv. We have
Speaker 3: a three to row Highlander and actually we have the
Speaker 3: hybrid version, so a little bit less gas guzzling. I
Speaker 3: love that car so much. I love driving it. I
Speaker 3: love how my kids fit in it. I love how
Speaker 3: much we can fit in the back. I've never actually
Speaker 3: driven a minivan, to be fair, but like they don't
Speaker 3: look like they be like that fun to drive, and
Speaker 3: I actually enjoy driving the suv. So I don't know, Like,
Speaker 3: I guess i'd just say, you don't have to have
Speaker 3: a minivan, Like I think there are other larger cars
Speaker 3: that do a lot of what a minivan does. But
Speaker 3: I know people love their minivan, so it's definitely a
Speaker 3: good option as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, so when we had kid number three, I
Speaker 2: didn't want to buy a minivan, so I wound up
Speaker 2: with an Accura, which we still have and you know,
Speaker 2: Jasper will mostly be driving it now. Is an suv,
Speaker 2: a three row suv, but it's kind of hard to
Speaker 2: get in the back row.
Speaker 1: It was only for.
Speaker 2: When we had to use it as a seven passenger
Speaker 2: of a person kind of thing. But then when we had Alex,
Speaker 2: it was like, okay, well we need the family minivan
Speaker 2: just to have the ability to have like two car
Speaker 2: seats and then two other kids in the car at
Speaker 2: the same time.
Speaker 1: And I gotta say they're pretty cool.
Speaker 2: I mean, now again, I didn't get rid of my
Speaker 2: accurate so I was not the one driving the minivan
Speaker 2: all the time. Our nannies have been the one mostly
Speaker 2: driving it, and then we drive it on weekends or
Speaker 2: family trips or you know, family activities things like that.
Speaker 2: But they're pretty cool, Like there's a reason everyone has that.
Speaker 2: Like I was picking Ruth and a friend of hers
Speaker 2: up at camp the other day and I parked in
Speaker 2: the carking lot and then I walk up to the
Speaker 2: car and I start like pulling on the car, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, why is it opening? Like when I have
Speaker 2: my keys in my pocket, why is this not opening?
Speaker 2: Because it was somebody else's Toyota Siena that was parked
Speaker 2: two down from mine, because everyone else was the Toyota Sienna,
Speaker 2: and the lady.
Speaker 1: Was like right behind me.
Speaker 2: She's like, well, god, she didn't see me, but she
Speaker 2: saw my kid trying to get in the car, and
Speaker 2: she's like, I didn't think I had to take another
Speaker 2: kid home. I mean maybe my daughter inviting somebody else home.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: So it was just like all fun and games but
Speaker 2: I mean the sliding doors are great because your kids
Speaker 2: cannot hit another car in the parking lot. With a
Speaker 2: sliding door, you can get into the back seat quite easily.
Speaker 2: You can't get around the laws of physics. I mean,
Speaker 2: you still have like this somewhat crunched no matter what
Speaker 2: car you're in. But I feel like minivans feel like
Speaker 2: they are spacious but are not quite as huge as
Speaker 2: some of the bigger three row SUVs, and so with
Speaker 2: that the gas mileage might be slightly better too.
Speaker 1: So you know, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think you don't have to buy one, but they
Speaker 2: do have their upsides. And you know, if you think
Speaker 2: you might wind up with a fourth kid, it might
Speaker 2: be worth going ahead and switching to being a minivan family.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I could see that. And I'll also say that
Speaker 3: you can get away when your kids are little with
Speaker 3: probably not even like an suv like we did have
Speaker 3: I think all three kids in the well. No, we
Speaker 3: did buy the suv and Genevie was born, but we
Speaker 3: were able to fit all three car seats in a
Speaker 3: Toyota Prias. And if you have to do it, you
Speaker 3: do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there are some car seats that are designed to
Speaker 2: be a little bit thinner, and so you can fit
Speaker 2: it now. I will point out then that you have
Speaker 2: three children crammed on top of each other in the
Speaker 2: back seat, and if they are not perfectly behaved, they
Speaker 2: may be arguing and fighting and have easy access to
Speaker 2: hit each other in the back seat.
Speaker 1: I'm just throwing that out there as a reason that
Speaker 1: you might wish.
Speaker 3: To have a very theoretical, theoretical possibility.
Speaker 2: I am not saying this would ever happen for us
Speaker 2: or anyone else who is listening to this, but I
Speaker 2: love it. Something to keep in mind, all right. Love
Speaker 2: of the week, Sarah, what is your love of the week.
Speaker 3: My love of the week is that we were able
Speaker 3: to get a like I don't know that there were
Speaker 3: really good back to school deals on laptops, and we
Speaker 3: were able to get an Apple laptop for Annabel for like,
Speaker 3: way less than I thought you could get one for.
Speaker 3: So look for the tax free shopping, look for the
Speaker 3: back just if that's the thing in your state. Florida
Speaker 3: has that. Look for the back to school deals because
Speaker 3: that was exciting.
Speaker 1: That was exciting.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, if it's something you needed to get and
Speaker 2: you get a significant discount, that's always great. I guess
Speaker 2: my love of the week is solo swimming. I'm sure
Speaker 2: I've said this before, but usually when I'm in the pool,
Speaker 2: i am lifeguarding for other folks, So it is really
Speaker 2: kind of nice to just relax. Speaking of the long
Speaker 2: weekend with little kids, to be in the pool without
Speaker 2: that responsibility as a great way to feel the sense
Speaker 2: of bliss long weekend, even if it's just for a
Speaker 2: little bit of time. So this has been best of
Speaker 2: both worlds. This has been our long weekend little Kid's
Speaker 2: Survival Guide, hopefully some strategies that people can use. We
Speaker 2: will be back next week with more on making work
Speaker 2: and life fit together.
Speaker 3: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the
Speaker 3: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram.
Speaker 2: And you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com.
Speaker 2: This has been the Best of Both Worlds podcast. Please
Speaker 2: join us next time for more on making work and
Speaker 2: life work together. Out of a Man