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Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts bring you the ultimate Summer of Love Tree.

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Speaker 1: This is famously available. Welcome back the on it to

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Speaker 1: the podcast. Now. Recently we sent you to Wingo Tango.

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Speaker 1: It's an amazing concert. I've been many times. That was

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Speaker 1: back in May, and you got to hang out at

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Speaker 1: the beach and start to see what you like, what

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Speaker 1: you're interested in. Again, today we're here as we get

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Speaker 1: this whole thing kicked off to kind of figure out

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Speaker 1: what your type is, or for our listeners to just

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Speaker 1: understand more what your type is. So let's start with

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Speaker 1: just the overview of everything. How was Wingo Tango.

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Speaker 2: Oh, it was a lot of fun. I haven't been

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Speaker 2: to a concert in a really long time, and it

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Speaker 2: was so fun. I really, all I care about is

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Speaker 2: squin Stephanie, and I was just hoping she would play

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Speaker 2: some of her old school No Doubt stuff. So it

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Speaker 2: was actually really funny because Rachel and Genevieve, who are

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Speaker 2: significantly younger than I am, were there and we had

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Speaker 2: I mean we were right next to the stage. We

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Speaker 2: were like just having the best time ever. And some

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Speaker 2: of her newer stuff the girls knew, but when she

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Speaker 2: started playing some of that No Doubt stuff. The girls

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Speaker 2: were like, yeah, no, I have no clue what this

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Speaker 2: song is. Said here I am living my best almost

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Speaker 2: forty four year old life and she's playing like all

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Speaker 2: of my high school favorites and we knew every single

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Speaker 2: word and we're jumping up and down, and poor Genevieve

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Speaker 2: she was like, yeah, I don't know this song at all,

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Speaker 2: Like she had no clue any of the songs that

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Speaker 2: Gwyn was playing.

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Speaker 1: So Genevieve is one of my favorite people, by the way,

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Speaker 1: that I've ever hung out with in Vacherination. She is hilarious,

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Speaker 1: and then you got to see Rachel as well. The

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Speaker 1: two of them together is a power team. Did they know?

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Speaker 1: Do they know your current situation that you are mingling

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Speaker 1: and looking to potentially find a nice little dating partner.

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Speaker 2: Genevieve was a little confused. So that was the first

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Speaker 2: time that I met Genevieve, And yes, she's delightful, and

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Speaker 2: she also was on the prowl, so you know, we

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Speaker 2: were like working beside each other to try and find

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Speaker 2: anything remotely attractive. And Rachel I adore and she's also

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Speaker 2: super great. But Rachel knows about the podcast and was

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Speaker 2: super stoked Genevieve. I kind of had to explain a

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Speaker 2: little bit what was going on, and she was like, okay, cool, yeah,

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Speaker 2: let's find you a husband. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 2: no, no no no, I'm in it for different reasons this

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Speaker 2: time around. So but Rachel, yeah, she was on the

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Speaker 2: prow for me because it has been so long been

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Speaker 2: since I have been in the dating scene that I

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Speaker 2: kind of didn't know what to do. Like, I'm pretty

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Speaker 2: good on my own, I'm pretty fun I'm funny, I

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Speaker 2: like to have a good time, but like, I don't

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Speaker 2: know how to interact with the opposite sex anymore, I'm

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Speaker 2: realizing because I haven't dated in so long, and Rachel

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Speaker 2: was like on the lookout, trying to find me anyone

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Speaker 2: to flirt with, any cute guy to talk to, and

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Speaker 2: I just like it was like I clammed up and

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Speaker 2: I frozen. I didn't know what to do.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that's where we're going to start then, because I

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Speaker 1: think this is a very relatable and interesting topic. I

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Speaker 1: didn't love dating. I didn't I wasn't great at it.

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Speaker 1: It made me a lot more anxious than what I

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Speaker 1: think was healthy. I would have good sometimes really good

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Speaker 1: times on dates, but leading up to those dates, it's

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Speaker 1: all I can think about, Like I just couldn't like

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Speaker 1: roll in, relax and have a good time. So this

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Speaker 1: is a skill set. I think it is a muscle

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Speaker 1: that needs to be practiced and worked on to get

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Speaker 1: back out there again. You haven't done it. Let's just

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Speaker 1: call it what it is. You're not great at dating

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Speaker 1: right now because you haven't done it in so long.

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Speaker 1: How are you going to get okay at dating again?

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Speaker 1: How are you going to get this muscle flexed and

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Speaker 1: worked out?

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Speaker 2: I don't know, Ben, and I believe that our listeners

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Speaker 2: are going to be quite surprised to hear this because

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Speaker 2: you're talking to two people here who went on national

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Speaker 2: television to date and find they're forever lasting love. So

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Speaker 2: I always think that, and I'm I'm relatively an outgoing

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Speaker 2: human being. I'm very extroverted. I thrive on being with

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Speaker 2: friends and being able to do social events and stuff

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Speaker 2: with other people. But I am with you. I didn't

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Speaker 2: love dating even when I was single, and I actually

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Speaker 2: didn't love it when I was a bachelorette because I

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Speaker 2: found it very hard to focus on multiple people at

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Speaker 2: a time. I'm not a very good serial dater at that,

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Speaker 2: like I don't. I can't focus really on more than

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Speaker 2: one person at a time, and I most of that

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Speaker 2: is just myself because I'm incredibly loyal and I need

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Speaker 2: to just have one one thing, one man, one person

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Speaker 2: to kind of put my time in energy in. I'm

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Speaker 2: not very good at like disassociating when it comes to

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Speaker 2: one person to another, to another and all of that.

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Speaker 2: And I also don't like dating in the sense of

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Speaker 2: going and sitting down at dinner and having to get

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Speaker 2: to know someone you know like, which is weird for

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Speaker 2: me because I truly can get to know a wall. Ben,

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Speaker 2: like you could sit here for the next forty five

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Speaker 2: minutes and not say a word and I'll believe this

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Speaker 2: and be like, Ben is so great. We just had

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Speaker 2: the most wonderful conversation ever.

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Speaker 1: Please do job very easy.

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Speaker 2: See see, So I can get to know someone and

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Speaker 2: I can do a date. And I guess that's why

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Speaker 2: I'm drawn to this Ben doing the podcast where someone

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Speaker 2: else will do the betting for me, hopefully some good betting,

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Speaker 2: and send me on dates with some really great people

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Speaker 2: that a connection might be there. Because I'm also not

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Speaker 2: I'm one of those women that I believe that chivalry

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Speaker 2: is not dead. I'm not necessarily the girl in the

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Speaker 2: grocery store who walks up to the handsome guy and

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Speaker 2: is like, oh my god, hello, I'm divorce and single,

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Speaker 2: are you Like? I don't do that. I wait to

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Speaker 2: be approached, and I like for the man to be

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Speaker 2: a man and to take the lead. I very much

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Speaker 2: want that. I think that I am. I have so

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Speaker 2: many parts of my life that I have to be

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Speaker 2: really organized and I have to be in charge of

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Speaker 2: and I have to lead all of those places and

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Speaker 2: those pieces in my career and with the kids and

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Speaker 2: paying bills and things like. I have to be an adult.

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Speaker 2: And I think that the one thing that I have

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Speaker 2: always desired in a relationship is for a man to

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Speaker 2: do that part. I would love to be. And I'm

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Speaker 2: going to use the word submissive, which I hate because

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Speaker 2: I am not a submissive human being. Like I'm very

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Speaker 2: much I'm a very strong, independent woman. But I think

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Speaker 2: there is a place in a relationship that I've always crazed, craved,

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry for a man to take the lead. That's

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Speaker 2: the one place I don't really want to have to

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Speaker 2: be in charge. And maybe that's why I'm still here,

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Speaker 2: although you know, I haven't been able to find that.

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Speaker 2: But and maybe that's ultimately why I went on the

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Speaker 2: Bachelor and became the bachelorette. It was a unique space

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Speaker 2: to meet someone to hopefully have a long lasting relationship,

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Speaker 2: and so that's why I jumped on this opportunity too,

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Speaker 2: because you know, when I'm at home, I have my kids,

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Speaker 2: and when I'm at work, I'm traveling the world. And

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Speaker 2: I love both of those pieces of my life and

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Speaker 2: I'm in charge of those pieces, and those pieces I

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Speaker 2: can control, but I don't necessarily go out and meet

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Speaker 2: guys to date to have that kind of part of

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Speaker 2: my life. And so maybe that's why I jumped on

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Speaker 2: this being able to do the podcast, because I like

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Speaker 2: being able to give that control to you or anyone

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Speaker 2: else that set me up on a date and hopefully

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Speaker 2: it's somebody really great and it turns into something and

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Speaker 2: I don't have to do the legwork to get there.

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Speaker 2: Does that make sense?

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Speaker 1: It makes a lot of sense. There's a lot of

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Speaker 1: questions I want to ask from what you just said,

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Speaker 1: but I think through this process, you know, you and

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Speaker 1: I are just getting familiar with each other. And how

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Speaker 1: this is going to work. I've always believed with any

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Speaker 1: of my girlfriends who are still single or have been

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Speaker 1: single and have been a part of my life, my

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Speaker 1: job is to not spew advice. One I don't have

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Speaker 1: like the ultimate advice to give everybody. But I can

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Speaker 1: ask questions that sometimes ruffle feathers, that sometimes bring to

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Speaker 1: light maybe something you said or something you're doing to

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Speaker 1: make us all think about it, and maybe you can

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Speaker 1: convince me you know this is the right way to

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Speaker 1: do it. I think the first part of this is

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Speaker 1: you have just laid out your life currently and on

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Speaker 1: the last time we sat down, you laid that same

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Speaker 1: life out and you said, I have these kind of structures,

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Speaker 1: these parts of my life where I have my kids

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Speaker 1: and I'm focused on my kids and I love my kids.

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Speaker 1: I have my job and I'm focused on my career

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Speaker 1: and I love my career, and I get to travel

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Speaker 1: the world. And then I have this really fun time

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Speaker 1: where like maybe those two things aren't happening at you know,

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Speaker 1: neither of them are existing for a couple of days,

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Speaker 1: and you really love your alone time. Where are you

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Speaker 1: going to find the space or let's ask you the

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Speaker 1: question that I think so many want to know, do

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Speaker 1: you actually want to find the space again?

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Speaker 2: I do. I do, Actually, I really do. Something that

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Speaker 2: I've said from the moment that I decided I was

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Speaker 2: ready to start it to date again, because I think

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Speaker 2: I shared with you before, I wasn't in that capacity

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Speaker 2: for a really long time. I really chose and I

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Speaker 2: have done this throughout every relationship that I've had. I

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Speaker 2: really sit in a space of myself and find my again,

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Speaker 2: and I really grieve that stuff. I am not one

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Speaker 2: to go back to relationships like once they are done,

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Speaker 2: they're done for me. I'm not someone who lives in

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Speaker 2: the past. I heard this recently that when you the

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Speaker 2: past is depression, right to past his depression, future is

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Speaker 2: anxiety that we all have to live in the present,

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Speaker 2: right And I don't go back. I don't when relationships

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Speaker 2: come to an end, I don't go back. And I

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Speaker 2: really utilize that space to sit with myself and to

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Speaker 2: grieve and to find myself again and learn how to be,

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Speaker 2: you know, and myself a woman alone, you know what

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Speaker 2: I mean. And I'm really okay with that. So I

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Speaker 2: didn't date for a really long time. I didn't have

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Speaker 2: any interest in it. I was with Stephen for fifteen years.

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Speaker 2: I was really at a loss when that marriage came

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Speaker 2: to an end, and I think that that's okay. I

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Speaker 2: had no desire to jump into another relationship, to focus

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Speaker 2: on another human being, to pour into them, to make

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Speaker 2: them feel loved and cared for, because I needed to

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Speaker 2: do that for myself. I needed to do that for

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Speaker 2: my children. They had been through a lot. And so

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Speaker 2: I am just now in a space where I feel

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Speaker 2: like I am personally ready to open that up. And

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Speaker 2: for me, that's really great, and I feel really, you know,

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Speaker 2: powerful in saying that, because I would have been doing

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Speaker 2: not just myself a disservice, but another human being before

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Speaker 2: a disservice, to just utilize them for a period of time.

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Speaker 2: Because now I can say that I'm ready to do

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Speaker 2: that now, I understand your question about clarity with my career, right.

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Speaker 2: I'm not opposed to having someone that I genuinely care

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Speaker 2: about in my children's life. It just had to be

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Speaker 2: the right person. So, and what I mean by that

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Speaker 2: is that I don't want a revolving door for my children.

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Speaker 2: In no way, shape or form. I need to date

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Speaker 2: someone for a significant period of time before I have

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Speaker 2: them even around my children at all, you know, And

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Speaker 2: that's something that I can control, and that something that

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Speaker 2: I will do for myself and for them, and I

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Speaker 2: believe that that is really important to them. I do

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Speaker 2: not want them to see every person that I date.

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Speaker 2: I don't want them to see a revolving door of

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Speaker 2: men come in and out of my house. They don't

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Speaker 2: need a stepdaddy, right they have a dad. So I

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Speaker 2: am going to be really picky about that person that

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Speaker 2: I choose to invest my time in, let alone have

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Speaker 2: around my children. So I think once that groundwork is there,

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Speaker 2: then it will be easier for me to make those

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Speaker 2: spaces in my life combined right with my children, someone

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Speaker 2: to live in my daily life, and I really want that.

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Speaker 2: In the meantime, I might have to get creative, you know,

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Speaker 2: and the times that I am home and I'm not

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Speaker 2: working and I don't have my children, that's a great

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Speaker 2: time for me to date. Or I have always really

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Speaker 2: wanted a partner that would like to travel the world

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Speaker 2: with me. I love my job, Ben, and I love

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Speaker 2: to travel the world. I love to see different cultures,

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Speaker 2: different parts of the world. For parts of the United States.

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Speaker 2: I live for that and I have always genuinely wanted

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Speaker 2: someone who would enjoy doing that with me, and I've

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Speaker 2: never had that. I've never ever had that, not even

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Speaker 2: in my marriage. And so I also think that if

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Speaker 2: that's a place for creativity, if I'm able to find

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Speaker 2: someone that I really like, why not meet me when

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Speaker 2: I'm in Cabo and date in Mexico. Why not meet

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Speaker 2: me when I'm across the world in South Africa and

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Speaker 2: let's go on a safari. I would really like to

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Speaker 2: meet someone that has the ability to do that. The

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Speaker 2: financial stability to do that would also be really cool.

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Speaker 2: I'm not looking to be someone's sugar Mama Ben. I

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Speaker 2: realized that might come as a shock. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 2: and that's a big ask.

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Speaker 3: I realized that's a big ask for someone.

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Speaker 1: Before we start the rapid fire here and kind of

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Speaker 1: diving into what you're most attracted to, I want to

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Speaker 1: remind you of something. It has been fifteen sixteen years

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Speaker 1: since you were in the dating pool, and as you

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Speaker 1: were talking, I reminded myself of this. And in fact,

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Speaker 1: about six months ago, I had a friend who's thirty one.

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Speaker 1: She was wanting to find relationships so bad. She's always

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Speaker 1: struggled with it, and she called me and said, I've

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Speaker 1: met somebody and I think this is the right person

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Speaker 1: for me. And here's why they think it's the right

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Speaker 1: person for them. And I actually think this is simple

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Speaker 1: and brilliant all at the same time. And it's something

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Speaker 1: we forget because you know, we'll talk about red flags

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Speaker 1: in a bit. We'll talk about, as the kids say today,

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Speaker 1: the ick. What gives you the ick? Like those things

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Speaker 1: that throw you off. Here's how she knew. And they're

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Speaker 1: gonna get married. They're engaged now. She wanted to be

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Speaker 1: around that person you just said it. Like the space.

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Speaker 1: There'll be people you date where you're like, I really

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Speaker 1: have no desire to see them tomorrow on my off day,

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Speaker 1: But then all of a sudden, there might be somebody

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Speaker 1: that comes through You're like, oh my gosh, I cannot

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Speaker 1: wait to see that person. Like this isn't a responsibility,

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Speaker 1: this isn't a burden, this isn't a struggle. And I

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Speaker 1: want to remind you of that because it's been a bit.

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Speaker 1: But that feeling does exist, and I think it really

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Speaker 1: is a big factor on is this the right person

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Speaker 1: or not? Do I want to see them tomorrow or

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Speaker 1: the next.

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Speaker 2: Day, I a thousand percent agree with you, because I

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Speaker 2: only barely dipped my toe into dating in the last year.

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Speaker 2: I tried the dating apps for a hot minute that

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Speaker 2: was it's just worse than anything else in the whole world.

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Speaker 2: Ben But I remember saying that to myself. You know,

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Speaker 2: my girlfriends were super excited for me, because thankfully, my

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Speaker 2: friends think I'm pretty great, and they would like for

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Speaker 2: me to find someone really great. And when I would

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Speaker 2: go on a date, they'd be like, oh, you know,

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Speaker 2: what do you think, Or like when I would come

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Speaker 2: home from a trip, you know, a guy would be like,

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Speaker 2: let's go get dinner. And I would say that to myself.

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Speaker 2: If I really liked someone, I would want to hang

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Speaker 2: out with them. I would want to use my spare

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Speaker 2: time to be with them. And I have not experienced that.

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Speaker 2: When I come home from a trip, I have not

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Speaker 2: found anyone. Not that I've dated a lot, Okay, only

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Speaker 2: a few people, but none of those few people have

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Speaker 2: I come home from a trip and thought I'd love

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Speaker 2: to go out and see that person and grab dinner. No,

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Speaker 2: I couldn't wait to take my shoes off and lie

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Speaker 2: on my own couch and make myself dinner and eat

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Speaker 2: alone and watch what I wanted on television, like I

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Speaker 2: knew in my heart of hearts that should tell me something.

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Speaker 1: I agree, No, I think that's a good marker. We

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Speaker 1: are going to work our hardest to find you some

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Speaker 1: incredible people to date, and you will date them, and

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Speaker 1: they might be incredible and you might have something with

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Speaker 1: them or you might not. That is not the pressure

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Speaker 1: that you need to feel or should feel. That's part

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Speaker 1: of dating. And I think that's what's so fun about

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Speaker 1: this show is going to give people an insight. And

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Speaker 1: as you said, you're great at describing and explaining your

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Speaker 1: feelings and your emotions and your thoughts on what you

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Speaker 1: were into and what you weren't. And I think a

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Speaker 1: lot of people are going to relate with it when

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Speaker 1: they listen and say, wait, I felt that same way.

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Speaker 1: Now she's putting words to what I felt in a

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Speaker 1: way I could never do it. And that's what I'm

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Speaker 1: excited about. But I want to dive in here, uh

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Speaker 1: to find out kind of what we're looking for when

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Speaker 1: we go out here on our search. It's not going

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Speaker 1: to be a hard search. I have a feeling there's

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Speaker 1: going to be many men going hey, I would like

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Speaker 1: to date her. But let's start with an easy softball question.

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Speaker 1: When I ask you, who is your celebrity crush, first

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Speaker 1: person that comes to mind.

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Speaker 2: I hate this question. Then I don't have one.

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Speaker 1: I truly, yes, you do. Who do you find attractive? Then?

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Speaker 1: Are you a George Clooney? Are you a brad person?

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Speaker 2: Are you no?

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Speaker 1: Who was I looking at the other day that I

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Speaker 1: was like, goodness, that dude is handsome.

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Speaker 2: I mean, they're handsome. I think this is Okay, let me.

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Speaker 2: This is a bad question for me because in my

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Speaker 2: career I have flown a lot of celebrities and I

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Speaker 2: am not I'm the least fangirl kind of person. I

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Speaker 2: never had that. You know, everybody has that like list

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Speaker 2: that that that list that even if you were with someone,

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Speaker 2: you could sleep with those people your crush. I just, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I don't have any of that. I really don't. Like.

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Speaker 2: I can appreciate handsome, but like, yeah, I've never thought

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Speaker 2: I want to haul pass to be able to sleep

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Speaker 2: with bread.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that's fair. Okay, Then let's start with this you

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Speaker 1: mentioned on the last episode, and it's clear to your

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Speaker 1: friends and your followers and your fans that your faith

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Speaker 1: is really important to you, and it is not just

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Speaker 1: a faith of words, but this is a not only

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Speaker 1: a lifestyle. This has your relationship with your faith has

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Speaker 1: changed your life from the inside out. So as a result,

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Speaker 1: is faith a massive I don't want to say issue

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Speaker 1: that makes face sound like an issue. Is faith important

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Speaker 1: to you and your next partner?

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Speaker 2: It's very important for me if I am going to

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Speaker 2: date someone long term and have a long term relationship, partnership,

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Speaker 2: companionship with someone. Yeah, I ideally would like to date

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Speaker 2: someone who believes in God and believes in Jesus. That's

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Speaker 2: what I do. I want. I envision myself to holding

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Speaker 2: a man's hand at church on Sundays like I would

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Speaker 2: really love that. So ultimately, long term for me, those

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Speaker 2: things have to coincide.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think it's it adds a depth to

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Speaker 1: the relationship. How in the world are you supposed to

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Speaker 1: confront any type of difficult conversation if the two of

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Speaker 1: you aren't coming from a similar place. And this is

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Speaker 1: what we believe about humans, and this is what we

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Speaker 1: believe about the world around us. So I do think

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Speaker 1: it adds a depth for long standing relationships.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I start my day in prayer, and I end

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Speaker 2: it in prayer, and I would love to do that

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Speaker 2: with someone.

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Speaker 1: I think that's fair. Okay, that's good. That's a really

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Speaker 1: good marker. As we begin this, and you know, in

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Speaker 1: the same breath we've seen it. You know more and

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Speaker 1: more where you know there's single dads out there, they're

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Speaker 1: they're wanting to date, and they're they're speaking the same

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Speaker 1: kind of language you're speaking, where it's like, I don't

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Speaker 1: I want to date, but I don't know if I

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Speaker 1: have the time or the space, the abilities. When you

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Speaker 1: think about a single dad with kids, still raising children,

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Speaker 1: is that something that's attractive to you. Is that something

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Speaker 1: that's just the Hey, that's cool, or is this a no,

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Speaker 1: a non starter like I can't also add in those kids.

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Speaker 2: No, it's super attractive to me, been for many reasons.

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Speaker 2: For starters. They will understand what I'm going through. They

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Speaker 2: will understand my lifestyle. They will understand that some days,

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Speaker 2: a date does not mean dinner at six o'clock. It

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Speaker 2: means let's grab coffee after we drop our children off

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Speaker 2: at school. Let's get lunch on Wednesday, because our children

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Speaker 2: don't get out until two thirty in the afternoon. So

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Speaker 2: for me, that's really attractive for that like scheduling piece,

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Speaker 2: but also for someone who doesn't have children, they'll, I mean,

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Speaker 2: and I say this in the kindest way possible, They're

400
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Speaker 2: never going to be able to understand when I say, no,

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Speaker 2: you know what, my children need me tonight, I can't

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Speaker 2: meet you this evening. They might be kind about it,

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Speaker 2: but for me, I think that there will come a

404
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Speaker 2: point where that will become a point of resentment because

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Speaker 2: I'm always going to choose my kids over someone else.

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Speaker 2: I'm just going to I'm their mom and those are

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Speaker 2: my kids. So there's also that emotional piece that for me,

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Speaker 2: a single dad is going to understand that that first

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Speaker 2: and foremost, I'm a single mom and my children are

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Speaker 2: really important to me, and a single dad we'll also

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Speaker 2: get that. So there's a scheduling piece, there's the emotional piece,

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Speaker 2: and then I would like to think at some point,

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Speaker 2: if it gets to that, then there's the piece of

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Speaker 2: combining families, you know what I mean. Like that, ultimately,

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Speaker 2: if I'm looking really far down the road and I

416
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Speaker 2: don't have anyone, you know what I mean. But in

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Speaker 2: my mind, when I'm looking at the long term and

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Speaker 2: down the road of things. That's what I would like

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Speaker 2: to have. Someone who understands parenthood because again I've shared

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Speaker 2: with you, I don't want more children. I will be

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Speaker 2: forty four this year. I have no desire to be

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Speaker 2: pregnant again and breastfeeding for another year year and the

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Speaker 2: lack of sleep and up every few hours. You know

424
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Speaker 2: it very well, Ben, I don't have a desire to

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Speaker 2: do that again. But I think I can be a

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Speaker 2: really incredible stepmom. I think I can.

427
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Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's always so beautiful no matter what

428
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:50,399
Speaker 1: life has brought. You know, these people together to see,

429
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Speaker 1: you know, you go to the zoo and you see

430
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Speaker 1: you can tell two families having fun. Usually the kids

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Speaker 1: are very similar in age, which doesn't like always get

432
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,280
Speaker 1: to exist when you know, because you wait a year

433
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:04,240
Speaker 1: or two years to have your next kid. So sometimes

434
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,280
Speaker 1: there's like similar age groups that can play together and

435
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,760
Speaker 1: have fun together. I think it's a beautiful thing. And

436
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:12,159
Speaker 1: I get what you're saying too. When it talk when

437
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,160
Speaker 1: you talk about space and when you talk about obligations,

438
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:16,680
Speaker 1: and when you talk about the things that are important

439
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:19,919
Speaker 1: to you, somebody with kids will get that. They'll understand it.

440
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 1: It won't have to be explained to them. They'll be like,

441
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,120
Speaker 1: I get it. Yeah, that's fine. Actually, tonight I wanted

442
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 1: to sit at home too, because I haven't been without

443
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,000
Speaker 1: the kids for the last two weeks. I'm exhausted. So yeah,

444
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,760
Speaker 1: I'm going to sit on the couch and maybe I'll

445
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:31,560
Speaker 1: text you let's.

446
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 2: Order take out of watch a movie and I have

447
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 2: to get dressed. Like that sounds ideal. The other thing

448
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:37,359
Speaker 2: that I didn't hit on is what I don't want

449
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,399
Speaker 2: is someone who doesn't have children. They either haven't had

450
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,719
Speaker 2: the opportunity to have children so they still want children,

451
00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:46,240
Speaker 2: or they just genuinely don't want children. Right. I can't

452
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,159
Speaker 2: live in either one of those spaces been because I

453
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,280
Speaker 2: don't want any more children. And the other piece is

454
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:52,160
Speaker 2: I don't know that I could date someone who has

455
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,679
Speaker 2: never had a desire to have children, because then to

456
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 2: incorporate them in my life because I love my children

457
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,639
Speaker 2: a whole lot and expect them to love them too,

458
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 2: as prob not gonna happen, and either way of the spectrum,

459
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 2: ben it will ultimately lead to resentment. And I'm not

460
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,359
Speaker 2: saying that in a negative way. I'm just pretty rational

461
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 2: when it comes to that.

462
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've thought this through, You're gonna be a tough

463
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,360
Speaker 1: one because you've thought like, we can't trick you here,

464
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 1: Like there's not like a no give him a shot?

465
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 1: Maybe you know what?

466
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,640
Speaker 2: A lot of people are always like, oh my god,

467
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,680
Speaker 2: would you do the Bachelorette again? I'm like no, because

468
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 2: when I was twenty six I was very naive. I

469
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,119
Speaker 2: am no longer very naive. I would stand up for

470
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 2: myself and I have an opinion and I feel really

471
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:30,479
Speaker 2: strongly about that.

472
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 1: What are some red flags that stand out to you?

473
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 1: If there's any that you've kind of figured out in

474
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 1: a human that right away is like Nope, not going

475
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 1: to work.

476
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:52,880
Speaker 2: A grown man who lives at home with his mom

477
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:59,320
Speaker 2: and dad. That's wild, pretty tough at this age. Someone

478
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:03,120
Speaker 2: who you know. I don't know that I was ever

479
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,399
Speaker 2: taught to have a conversation, but I believe there is

480
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 2: a point in conversation where you you ask genuine questions

481
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 2: if you want to get to know someone. And so

482
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,879
Speaker 2: someone who you sit down to talk to and doesn't

483
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,600
Speaker 2: ask you a single question about yourself, that to me

484
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,919
Speaker 2: is a red flag, like that they don't try to

485
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 2: get to know me. And again, I try to be

486
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 2: really graceful, because I could get to know the wall

487
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,200
Speaker 2: in this room Ben really well and walk out of

488
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:28,160
Speaker 2: here and think that was a great conversation. But someone

489
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,160
Speaker 2: that you sit down with and speak to for thirty

490
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 2: minutes or an hour and they don't ask you one

491
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 2: thing about yourself, to me, that's a red flag.

492
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 1: You're the easiest date in the world, by the way.

493
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 1: I mean, all I would have to do is show

494
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:45,080
Speaker 1: up and ask you one question and then I would Yeah,

495
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,240
Speaker 1: I'd be like awesome, Like all the stress is gone.

496
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:52,199
Speaker 1: So anybody listening that will be maybe added to this show.

497
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 1: Just think of like four or five good questions for

498
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:58,120
Speaker 1: the first date when you're super nervous and let things fly,

499
00:23:58,480 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 1: like just sit back and relax.

500
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, she's I got Smiths shoes. Another one is

501
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 2: eye contact. That's really important to me. I have always

502
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 2: thought from her young age is someone who cannot hold

503
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 2: or make eye contact is a huge red flag to

504
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,119
Speaker 2: me because if you're looking at it scientifically, it usually

505
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:21,239
Speaker 2: means that they're a liar. And the other piece is

506
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:27,400
Speaker 2: it also tells confidence level. So I personally and again

507
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 2: these are my things. So just stating that Ben, I

508
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,199
Speaker 2: don't I'm not saying this is everyone, and maybe this

509
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 2: is a little judgmental on my part. I find it

510
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 2: unattractive to be sitting with a man who cannot hold

511
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 2: eye contact because that immediately tells me he's either not

512
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 2: mature or he's not confident enough. And I don't care

513
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 2: what you look like physically. Confidence is truly really attractive.

514
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,159
Speaker 1: Okay, that's my next question, and we're getting close to

515
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 1: the end here because we're kind of getting an idea

516
00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:01,440
Speaker 1: of what we're looking for. You just mentioned you said

517
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 1: the words you don't care what they look like physically.

518
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 1: Do you mean that statement or is that just you

519
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:08,359
Speaker 1: speaking out?

520
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 2: Like?

521
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 1: Is there physical attributes that you are at least attractive?

522
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 2: Superficial humans that like I right, we're all self centered,

523
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 2: we're all centers. There's a little bit in all of us. Okay,

524
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:23,119
Speaker 2: I say that meaning for me, confidence and personality is

525
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 2: really important to me. It truly is. You could be

526
00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:30,400
Speaker 2: the hottest guy and six foot three tall, dark and handsome,

527
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 2: and have the complete worst personality possible, and that immediately

528
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 2: turns me off. Okay, but I am also an adult

529
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 2: woman and understand that physical attraction is important. I can

530
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:50,439
Speaker 2: usually usually again, I haven't dated in a long time. No,

531
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 2: right off the bat, if I am physically attracted to someone,

532
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 2: I can usually determine if I believe in the first

533
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 2: fifteen to twenty minutes if it is worth a second date.

534
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 2: And that would mean if I am physically attracted to

535
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 2: someone and if the personality is there. I love a

536
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 2: funny guy, love a funny guy. When I first came

537
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,520
Speaker 2: on to The Bachelor and and people were like, oh,

538
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 2: Bob Guiney was our best Bachelor ever, and I was like,

539
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 2: I don't get it. I don't get it. You know

540
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 2: Bob really well. Two seconds into talking to Bob, I

541
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 2: was like, oh, I bet you those girls were all

542
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:25,120
Speaker 2: up in his bed because he has the best personality

543
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 2: and he's so funny.

544
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,879
Speaker 1: Rumors are they were the rumor.

545
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 2: Hey listen, I have heard the rumors too. He is

546
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 2: one of the naughtiest bachelors in the history of the show.

547
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: But I get it.

548
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 2: I get it. He's funny, he's charismatic, he's confident, you know,

549
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 2: he's just all around a great guy. And yeah, that's

550
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,679
Speaker 2: important to me, Like I want that. I want that,

551
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,119
Speaker 2: and so but I also there has to be physical

552
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:50,879
Speaker 2: attraction and someone needs to listen.

553
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 1: I get it.

554
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 2: I'm on here. You're trying to find me a date,

555
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 2: but someone also needs to be physically attracted to me.

556
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 2: I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay.

557
00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, shout out to Bob Guiney real quick. Bob guinea

558
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 1: is down twenty five pounds currently, so this guy is

559
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 1: not only getting more attractive with age, he's also still

560
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 1: funny and confident. Goodness gracious, he's the man. He's the man.

561
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 1: I love that guy. Okay, well, we're going to close

562
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: up here with this. Now we've talked about the physical attributes, confidence, personality, caring,

563
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 1: a conversation, a good listener. I mean, I think our

564
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 1: options here are fairly expansive, which I'm excited about because

565
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:34,119
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of really maybe uniquely interesting

566
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 1: people who are great, who you maybe wouldn't have gone

567
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 1: on a date with unless it was set up. And

568
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 1: that's what I'm excited about when it comes to this

569
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 1: experience is we get to kind of look and support

570
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 1: you from behind the scenes.

571
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 2: Okay, well, when you find me one Ben, make sure

572
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 2: that he understands that chivalry is not dead. Okay, I'm

573
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:54,280
Speaker 2: from the South. I would love for someone to open

574
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 2: up my car door for me.

575
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 1: You know, my wife's dad opens up the car door

576
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 1: for or mom at every stop we make when I'm

577
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: there in the South.

578
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,879
Speaker 2: It's a big deal, wonderful. My high school boyfriend, I

579
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:09,679
Speaker 2: dated him for five years and there was not a

580
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 2: door that I went through. He had lots of other issues,

581
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,280
Speaker 2: don't get me wrong, but there wasn't a door that

582
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 2: I walked through that he didn't open it up for me.

583
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 2: And I remember thinking like that, I just I just

584
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,760
Speaker 2: really appreciated that a man who puts a woman first, Right,

585
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,439
Speaker 2: that's I just to me, that's important. I would like that.

586
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:30,199
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's beautiful. Okay. So the big question, the one

587
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 1: you probably have him and asked in a long time,

588
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,439
Speaker 1: what are your physical boundaries on a first day? And

589
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 1: I'll make it easier for you to answer. If you're

590
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 1: having a great time, let's start with the kiss. And

591
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 1: somebody tries to kiss you on a first day at

592
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 1: this point in your life, do you lean in or

593
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 1: do you lean back?

594
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 2: No, if I'm feeling it, I would kiss on a

595
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 2: first date. I mean I've been I believe that it

596
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 2: is well known at this point in my life that

597
00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 2: I am not a virgin. I've had at least two children.

598
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a headline. Yeah.

599
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 2: No, if I'm feeling it and I'm attracted to someone

600
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 2: and it's a great date, I'm down for a first kiss.

601
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 1: Yeah.

602
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, a little flirting, little touching right small of your back.

603
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 2: You know, you want to feel like someone's attracted to you.

604
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, especially a concert. You said you didn't really know

605
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 1: how to do it at a concert, like how to

606
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 1: flirt and stuff.

607
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 2: Listen. I tried to flirt in it did not go well. Listen.

608
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 2: We saw these cute I don't know what it is

609
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 2: about women with men in uniform, Like we're really into

610
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:34,960
Speaker 2: firefighters and police officers and military men. Just put us

611
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 2: in a uniform. I did four tours to Iraq in

612
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 2: Afghanistan when I was single, and it was like a

613
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 2: kid in a candy land. Yeah, we try to flirt

614
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 2: with these firefighters. They were not paying us any attention whatsoever.

615
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,160
Speaker 2: We're all dressed cute and around the beach and we're

616
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:49,719
Speaker 2: just feeling ourselves and we're listening to Gwenn, having our

617
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 2: best times, and we purposely go and stand in front

618
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 2: of these four firefighters and they're so cute. They don't

619
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 2: pay us any attention whatsoever. So we turn around some

620
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 2: there's all these kids smoking pod these days. I don't

621
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 2: understand it, but just you know, it's freaks whatever. We

622
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 2: kind of turn around and we look at them. We're like,

623
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:10,120
Speaker 2: not you guys smoking, is it? And they're like, no,

624
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 2: we're on the job. Jokes on us then, you know,

625
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 2: and that was it, Like they didn't pay us any

626
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:19,000
Speaker 2: more attention. We were kind of like, wh as we

627
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 2: better go, you know.

628
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, this is gonna be fun. I can't wait

629
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 1: for the audio at this thing when we hear what

630
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 1: kind of pickup lines you're throwing.

631
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 2: Man, it's time to go.

632
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is getting weird. Pull pull me. Uh. Thank

633
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 1: you for being so open here about what you're attracted to,

634
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 1: what you're into, what you're not into, what the future

635
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:47,480
Speaker 1: could look like. We are opening up the applications, We

636
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 1: are sifting through all the prospects, and I am so

637
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 1: excited to follow and kind of walk alongside this journey

638
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 1: with you. But until the next time, thanks for joining today.

639
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:01,840
Speaker 2: Thanks Jan you never know it