Speaker 1: Hey, hey, Hey, I'm back and I'm black and brown.
Speaker 2: Okay, Mandy, Hey, hey to.
Speaker 3: How are you?
Speaker 2: How are you doing?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 2: I'm okay. I have been I feel like kind of
Speaker 2: homeless lately.
Speaker 3: I was at it.
Speaker 2: I went to a conference in Austin, Texas Wednesday through Friday,
Speaker 2: and then I flew to the A which was a
Speaker 2: secret until I just said it out loud right now.
Speaker 2: You know how when you go to your hometown and
Speaker 2: you live where you work, but you go to your
Speaker 2: hotown and you like, don't tell anyone you're going to
Speaker 2: be there because you don't want to be bombarded. I
Speaker 2: snuck in like a ninja to Atlanta, and then I
Speaker 2: was at my alma mater, University of Georgia, today, where
Speaker 2: I was talking to the kids about business journalist and podcasting,
Speaker 2: which was perfect. I talked all about brown ambition and
Speaker 2: inspired the use. I think I basically told them that
Speaker 2: we can do it. Anybody can do a podcast. So
Speaker 2: I'm in Athens, Georgia now, and I have to head
Speaker 2: back to Atlanta and then I fly back to New
Speaker 2: York tomorrow. And I still don't have a home because
Speaker 2: mine's being ripped apart right now so I feel a
Speaker 2: little funky.
Speaker 1: Well I am saying, I get well, not really, I mean,
Speaker 1: I you know, we haven't even started on the house.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm leaving that for now. But I have
Speaker 3: a new niece. Oh really, Yes.
Speaker 1: I'm the twelfth. My sister had our niece. Her name
Speaker 1: is Lily and Lily for short, and she's super adorable,
Speaker 1: full head of hair. So I'm super excited because my sister,
Speaker 1: you know, she and her husband been trying for a
Speaker 1: long time.
Speaker 3: So we've got this amazing, beautiful little girl. And so
Speaker 3: now we are up next.
Speaker 1: I know I haven't given you guys any update about
Speaker 1: like my child trying journey. So actually today I had
Speaker 1: like I don't want to call it a minor surgery,
Speaker 1: but it's not like like I feel like I've had
Speaker 1: it so many times. So what happens is you get
Speaker 1: your fibroids removed, and some people get scar tissue, which
Speaker 1: I did.
Speaker 3: So I had a scar tissue. I had my five
Speaker 3: words removed.
Speaker 1: In January of this year, had scar tissue removed maybe
Speaker 1: a few months after that. Unfortunately, the scar tissue came back.
Speaker 1: So apparently, you know how like, let's just say you
Speaker 1: get like a cut on your arm, and like the
Speaker 1: skin is like searching for itself, so it like connects together,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 3: And so the same thing happened like in my unus.
Speaker 1: So like the top part of my unius and the
Speaker 1: bottom part of my units are like, hey girl, we're
Speaker 1: both trying to heal. Let's hold hands. So literally it
Speaker 1: was like so they were they were like, oh, you
Speaker 1: got a lot of scar tissue. So I had to
Speaker 1: get it removed a second time. And then they put
Speaker 1: something inside me called like a it's.
Speaker 2: A u I DA's pregnancy it is.
Speaker 3: And so but what it does is they did the
Speaker 3: one that they did.
Speaker 1: It's not with the medicine to actually hold open my
Speaker 1: unus as it heeled, so now youg it's almost like
Speaker 1: a stick like a prop you know. And so they
Speaker 1: put that in and so I'm not supposed to get
Speaker 1: pregnant now anyway, I have to basically wait until I
Speaker 1: was healed.
Speaker 3: And so they but they put that in. I had
Speaker 3: a removal surgery.
Speaker 1: They put it in so that way my my uterus
Speaker 1: would would not try to stick together again, and it
Speaker 1: went really well. So I went today to the doctor,
Speaker 1: which is I think it's called a hisster copy something
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: No, heck nod, yeah, yeh.
Speaker 2: I'm like trying to keep track with what. No, don't
Speaker 2: do that, don't do that.
Speaker 3: I know it's called a hisstorocopy, I think.
Speaker 1: So basically, it's basically they go in and remove any
Speaker 1: like remaining scar tissues. So she said she just saw
Speaker 1: just a little bit when she was in there today,
Speaker 1: so she took it left the IUD in because she was.
Speaker 3: Like, you know, you probably just need one more month
Speaker 3: of healing.
Speaker 1: But she's like, honestly, Tippy, you look awesome on the inside,
Speaker 1: so your your uterus is completely clear, it looks healthy,
Speaker 1: and then I'm going to start my IVF process once,
Speaker 1: you know, like after this month basically, So basically, like
Speaker 1: in October November ish, I should start like the process
Speaker 1: which is like I don't know, need don't needle needle,
Speaker 1: take your eggs, you know, fertilize them with Superman's firm,
Speaker 1: you know, hopefully they grow, grow, grow, put them in you.
Speaker 1: So I honestly could be pregnant by the end of
Speaker 1: this year, or it might not take the first cycle.
Speaker 1: So basically every cycle is matched with your cycle so
Speaker 1: you know, the next time my cycle comes is basically
Speaker 1: when I can try. So it can like you know,
Speaker 1: like some people right away you know their first cycle
Speaker 1: it takes in yay, and some people it's like three
Speaker 1: or fourt cycles in, so you just never know.
Speaker 3: But I don't know.
Speaker 1: I've got a good feeling. So for those of you
Speaker 1: who are listening, like you know, I'm just sharing it
Speaker 1: because honestly, I think, I don't know. I feel like
Speaker 1: people think having kids so easy. I know, I thought
Speaker 1: because I just figured, you know, in my thoughting twenties,
Speaker 1: Not that I was a huge stop, not really, but
Speaker 1: I just, you know, definitely was on my mind, like
Speaker 1: don't get pregnant, don't get Yeah, you spend so much
Speaker 1: time not like wanting not to be pregnant, and then
Speaker 1: when you finally shift your mind to how to get pregnant,
Speaker 1: you realize it's not that easy. Yes, And honestly, when
Speaker 1: I tell you, when I share with my girlfriends who
Speaker 1: are like you know, I too, honestly, Mandy, like it
Speaker 1: feels like thirty percent have like a story of how
Speaker 1: they struggled, and I'm just like, well, I didn't realize
Speaker 1: how many women struggle so I just wanted to give
Speaker 1: you guys a head up because honestly, the only thing
Speaker 1: I've been doing since the last time I spoke about it,
Speaker 1: and now it's basically getting scar.
Speaker 3: Tissue removed, healing Haley Haley getting scar tissue.
Speaker 1: So there was no like real you know, there's nothing
Speaker 1: I could really do, but just like keel scar tissue.
Speaker 1: And like the surgery that I had today was I mean,
Speaker 1: you're up and about, like honestly, like you know, they
Speaker 1: tell you don't drive. Obviously Superman has to come because
Speaker 1: you know, they put you under, but there's no pain
Speaker 1: or anything like that, and then they put you on
Speaker 1: like hormones so like rebuild up your lining.
Speaker 3: Since they took some scar tissue.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm excited because we could finally actually start
Speaker 1: all this time. It's been a year of prepping Tiffany's uterus,
Speaker 1: you know, and so now finally it's like uterus, girl,
Speaker 1: it's almost.
Speaker 2: Time renovating your uterus exactly, a little fixer upper.
Speaker 3: And now it's like, whoo, finally fix her upper.
Speaker 1: Exactly like and then you walk in like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you this girl cuting here. So I'm excited and plus
Speaker 1: you know, what I really love is that, Like and
Speaker 1: then the fact that like my sister who also you know,
Speaker 1: like it wasn't as easy to get pregnant, is the
Speaker 1: fact that she just had her baby. It's like, you know,
Speaker 1: just confirmation of like there is and not saying not
Speaker 1: that because I guess maybe I'm still so early in
Speaker 1: the process because I haven't. We haven't actually tried as
Speaker 1: far as like you know, like with IVF.
Speaker 3: So it's not like I've had this disappointment. It's just
Speaker 3: been prep work. I don't feel like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 3: it's not gonna happen for me.
Speaker 1: I still feel like, yes, next up, baby time, And
Speaker 1: so I guess we'll see, like what you know, Like,
Speaker 1: I am a little.
Speaker 3: Nervous about the IVA process.
Speaker 1: I'm not needle skittish, but from what I hear to
Speaker 1: love out of needles, you know, well.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about it, because don't you have to inject yourself?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, So basically, you like, from what I understand, you
Speaker 1: inject yourself, inject yourself.
Speaker 3: And then.
Speaker 1: Something new like to the doctor was tell me today
Speaker 1: but I was loopy off of my my meds and
Speaker 1: she was basically saying something to the effect of like
Speaker 1: first they kind of suppress your your your homeownes a
Speaker 1: little bit, and then they give you something to kind
Speaker 1: of boost them, so that way you have really good,
Speaker 1: strong eggs that are all mature at the same time.
Speaker 1: And then they harvest them and take you know, they're hoping.
Speaker 1: So let's just say you're you know, you are an
Speaker 1: egg and making machine, and they could take twelve of them.
Speaker 1: That would be twelve healthy egg that would be awesome.
Speaker 1: But some people they can only get one or two, right,
Speaker 1: and so you just never know, like you know what
Speaker 1: you're like, what you're gonna do, what you're gonna be,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 3: So if they take say like three or four, I'm
Speaker 3: somewhere in the average. They'll take the.
Speaker 1: Three or four, they'll get a sample from Superman, and
Speaker 1: they will fertilize the eggs and basically watch them, she said,
Speaker 1: for five days to see which eggs which Well, by
Speaker 1: then they'll be not fetuses. What's the thing before the
Speaker 1: embryos look at you, Mandy, like, they'll be embryos, and
Speaker 1: they'll see which embryos are growing basically you know which
Speaker 1: ones are healthy. And then when the embryos are like,
Speaker 1: you know, the ones that continue to grow up the
Speaker 1: five days, that's the ones that are most likely to
Speaker 1: make it. We opted for the second level, which is
Speaker 1: to get them tested chromozonally.
Speaker 2: The don't want to make sure abnormalities.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so that's extra.
Speaker 1: So I'm fortunate in that because of the man works
Speaker 1: for the city, his insurance. Honestly, Mandy paid for like
Speaker 1: every penny. I think I paid ten dollars to go
Speaker 1: see the doctors, you know, of.
Speaker 2: All the treatments too, like the are Oh that's amazing.
Speaker 1: Honestly, I don't know that we would be able to
Speaker 1: do this without that. So one of his coworkers did this,
Speaker 1: and she his wife has twins and so and yeah,
Speaker 1: they pay for everything, the treatment before after, like all
Speaker 1: of these like clean up surgeries, all of that has
Speaker 1: been paid for. And so yeah, so the one thing
Speaker 1: that they didn't pay for, which we're gonna pay for.
Speaker 1: It's like, I think it's two thousand dollars, but I
Speaker 1: want to get the embryos tested chromosonally to make sure that,
Speaker 1: you know, like to test for things that you know,
Speaker 1: like it would just make it really hard to raise,
Speaker 1: you know, a baby afflicted with those things and so
Speaker 1: we'll get tested for those and then choose the healthiest
Speaker 1: embryo and then the other ones that are also healthy.
Speaker 1: So let's just say chromosonally, they're all fine, and of
Speaker 1: the five, three of them grow you can freeze two
Speaker 1: and then you know, try with the one and then
Speaker 1: if the one doesn't grow and inside you, then they
Speaker 1: can like unthaw another one.
Speaker 3: Here's the thing that's really important is that this.
Speaker 1: I didn't understand the whole thing about freezing your egg
Speaker 1: so because I'm thirty eight, like, let's just say I
Speaker 1: would have frozen my eggs at like thirty three. And
Speaker 1: I really recommend folks really thinking about it, especially women
Speaker 1: who know that they might not have kids until a
Speaker 1: little later.
Speaker 3: When you freeze your eggs, you freeze like.
Speaker 1: The timeframe, like, so any eggs, any embryos that I
Speaker 1: can freeze, now, those are thirty eight year old woman's embryos.
Speaker 1: So if I say, let's just say later at forty two,
Speaker 1: let's just say I have this baby, and at thirty nine, yay,
Speaker 1: the baby comes, and then at forty I'm like, I
Speaker 1: want to do it again.
Speaker 3: I don't have to use forty year olds eggs and embryos.
Speaker 1: I can use my thirty eight year old, which you know,
Speaker 1: by definition should be a little bit stronger and healthier.
Speaker 2: You know, so you're gonna do as many as you can.
Speaker 3: Well I guess yeah, whatever, I yeah, I mean who
Speaker 3: I am.
Speaker 1: I only get one healthy embryo, and then that's what
Speaker 1: we work with, you know, you just there's no way
Speaker 1: to tell, quite honestly, and so yeah, so there's just yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just such a process because you're just like wow,
Speaker 1: people literally just lay down in bed and they're like, oh.
Speaker 3: Man, and then they have a baby what exactly?
Speaker 1: Literally, And then there are people who are like you
Speaker 1: have to you know, just all of this and it's
Speaker 1: just crazy to me, like how that works out. But
Speaker 1: like I said, I'm feeling really good about it, and
Speaker 1: I you know, one thing that they said too, is
Speaker 1: that some people pick and I don't know that we'll
Speaker 1: do this, but like you can, because we're getting tested chromozonally,
Speaker 1: you can like let's just say like all of them
Speaker 1: are boys, that's one thing. But I'll know the sex
Speaker 1: of the of the baby. But like let's just say
Speaker 1: I had an embryo that's a girl. An embryo that's
Speaker 1: a boy. Both of them are healthy. She said, you
Speaker 1: can pick, and I'm like, I don't know. I probably,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I want to do all that, but
Speaker 1: I'm someone who would want to know ahead of time.
Speaker 1: I might just be like, pick the healthy one. Oh
Speaker 1: it's a boy, great, you know. Yeah, but yeah, if
Speaker 1: you got a chance to pick, would you pick the
Speaker 1: sex of your child?
Speaker 2: It would feel so unnatural to pick the sex of
Speaker 2: a child. I guess, you know what, I would pick
Speaker 2: a girl because I feel like there's lots of societies
Speaker 2: where people purposefully don't have girls because of like social normalis.
Speaker 2: Maybe I'm overthinking it, but uh yeah.
Speaker 3: We talked about it a lot, like what do you think?
Speaker 3: And I was like, honestly, at this point.
Speaker 1: I just really want a healthy baby, and so I
Speaker 1: feel like, I mean that might be out of our hands,
Speaker 1: not the healthy baby part, but there might be.
Speaker 3: We might have three healthy embryos and they're all boys, you.
Speaker 2: Know, I mean, think the best one with the best
Speaker 2: shot of thinking.
Speaker 3: I feel like, yeah, exactly what I said. I'm like,
Speaker 3: I just want like a healthy baby, and you know,
Speaker 3: a boy or girl. Although I'm like, lord, like.
Speaker 1: Supergirl, you know, she's she's so much better now, you know.
Speaker 1: She certainly doesn't say Tiffany, Tiffany ain't done the dishes
Speaker 1: in a while. I'm sure she thinks it, but she
Speaker 1: doesn't say.
Speaker 3: So I'm not gonna lie having another girl in the mouth.
Speaker 3: I don't know. But at this point, I just want
Speaker 3: a healthy baby.
Speaker 1: So I'm excited, though a little nervous because I'm like, yikes,
Speaker 1: a baby because whatever, our baby, said my niece and
Speaker 1: my nephew, because my niece is one and my nephew's three.
Speaker 3: My sister looks at me like, you sure you want.
Speaker 2: All me listen, I don't look too closely, Like that's
Speaker 2: my philosophy because if you if you overthink it. That's
Speaker 2: the hard part about like doing this, the IVS and
Speaker 2: all that, like adopting even like you're willfully doing this
Speaker 2: to yourself, like you are on purpose having a baby.
Speaker 1: Yes exactly. So I'm just like, yeah, but I mean,
Speaker 1: I know it's not going to be easy. But honestly,
Speaker 1: me and Superman we're just talking the other day. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, we're just so blessed, like you know, we
Speaker 1: we've got you know, we're I mean, we have each other.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm thankful that my parents are here still.
Speaker 1: You know, I've got awesome family. My sister's, my niece,
Speaker 1: my nephew, my new niece, and like I get to
Speaker 1: do what I love for.
Speaker 3: A living and you know, make a good amount of
Speaker 3: money doing so.
Speaker 1: But bigger than that, I mean, just it comes down
Speaker 1: to family and love, and I just want to, like,
Speaker 1: you know, expand that.
Speaker 3: You know, I really want to have a baby with Superman.
Speaker 1: He's like such an awesome dad already, the Supergirl and like,
Speaker 1: just like my niece and my nephew, they just love him, honestly,
Speaker 1: all the kids.
Speaker 3: In the neighborhood. He is the black mister Rogers.
Speaker 1: And like, just the other day, I'm telling you, I
Speaker 1: can't come in the house without somebody eating our apple sauce.
Speaker 3: Hey, it's mister Superman. Well they don't call me Superman,
Speaker 3: it's missus Superman a home, you know. And I'm like, no,
Speaker 3: y'all got apple sauce. I'm like, that's.
Speaker 2: Exactly you must have the good You must have the
Speaker 2: good squeeze apple sauce. Everyone loves now.
Speaker 3: No, well no, we all we just we get the
Speaker 3: like the little moths cups. Literally, we don't even eat
Speaker 3: apple sauce.
Speaker 1: I think super Girl doesn't even enjoy apple sauce like
Speaker 1: that anymore because she's eleven now, so you know, she
Speaker 1: thinks she's grown in seventh grade, so she's not a
Speaker 1: big apple sauce either. We literally keep it for the
Speaker 1: babies in the back. And now to even know to ask,
Speaker 1: can I have a spoon, I'm like, I spooned to
Speaker 1: we get I get the disposable spoon because god forbid,
Speaker 1: you know, we don't have a spoon to go with
Speaker 1: the apple.
Speaker 3: Sauce that they're confiscated from our home.
Speaker 1: But honestly, he's just like the best, and I just
Speaker 1: like I could just see him, like he's just a
Speaker 1: really good father, and I just know that I want
Speaker 1: to to bring, even though the world is a little crazy,
Speaker 1: a baby into the world with him and raised a baby.
Speaker 3: He's like, Oh, baby's gonna save the world. I'm like
Speaker 3: about all answers, man.
Speaker 1: Probably I just want our baby to be healthy and happy.
Speaker 2: Well, it's nice to hear you're such a like positive love.
Speaker 2: That's the only attitude, Like, the only way to approach
Speaker 2: it right is just to be you know, as open
Speaker 2: minded and positive as you can be, and just surround
Speaker 2: yourself with other people who are positive about baby super
Speaker 2: Budget Nesta and oh I hope it happens.
Speaker 3: Yeah, me too. Yeah, but you know, I'm sure you guys.
Speaker 1: You guys, they hit me up sometimes, like in my mentions,
Speaker 1: like send of your baby raids, or like telling me
Speaker 1: drink some vitamin that's supposed to be like a baby
Speaker 1: making vitamin.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, you know, like, I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna stick to the doctor's orders right now.
Speaker 2: But thanks man, well, thank you so much for being candid.
Speaker 2: I mean, if you guys, have you put tiff on blast?
Speaker 2: Someone was asking on Twitter, like can we get an
Speaker 2: update on Tiffany's vibroids?
Speaker 1: Honestly, and I don't mind, because it's it's it's it's
Speaker 1: something that we don't talk about enough. And I think,
Speaker 1: like you know, and I find that there's so many women,
Speaker 1: even women who've already have kids, so many women, especially
Speaker 1: women of color, brown women, we are afflicted with five
Speaker 1: boards like crazy. Honestly, it's really the reason why I
Speaker 1: went vegan. I mean, because honestly, I love chicken, you know,
Speaker 1: and I went vegan because although they don't know the
Speaker 1: one hundred percent cars of five boards, you know, the
Speaker 1: suspected cause is like you know, hormones and meat and
Speaker 1: stuff like that.
Speaker 3: That that definitely adds to it.
Speaker 1: So I was like, well, what can I do on
Speaker 1: my side, like to help with this process? And so
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, what if I have to give
Speaker 1: up you know, meat, and well dairy was easy because
Speaker 1: I wasn't really having that anyway, then so be it.
Speaker 3: No chicken No.
Speaker 1: I mean I still sneak in like fish here and there,
Speaker 1: but no chicken, no red meat, no turkey, no pork,
Speaker 1: which I don't eat pork anyway, but you know, definitely
Speaker 1: no dairy, and hoping to just because I don't want
Speaker 1: them to grow back, you know, because they can, you know,
Speaker 1: just because you got them removed. I know people who
Speaker 1: are having you know, they're young. A friend of mine
Speaker 1: is in her still in her thirties, she already has kids.
Speaker 1: So she's actually getting a hysterectomy to just remove her
Speaker 1: her units altogether because the five words have just taken over,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 3: So yeah, it can be a scary thing.
Speaker 2: Well, thanks for talking about it, and you've found them
Speaker 2: through like a routine checkup.
Speaker 3: Right now, I'll tell a story one day once I
Speaker 3: have the baby.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you how I found them because it's pretty
Speaker 1: sad and I'm just like, yikes, but I just feel
Speaker 1: like I'm not ready to open up about that part yet.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I found them in a sad way and
Speaker 1: I was just like, well, this sucks, but but yeah,
Speaker 1: so when the baby's here, it'll be a good story.
Speaker 1: And I say that to myself, like I'm gonna it'll
Speaker 1: be a good story to share for those who have
Speaker 1: been through the same thing.
Speaker 2: No, well, based on what you've gone through. And then
Speaker 2: my sister went through her own experience with three productive
Speaker 2: issues this year and I have them kicking myself because
Speaker 2: I need to go to the guyn of collegist and
Speaker 2: get my own checkup. And it's been a while. And
Speaker 2: I feel like, if you're listening and it's been a
Speaker 2: while since you've had a check up at the guyano,
Speaker 2: just go and see what see what's there, Because even
Speaker 2: though I may not be planning to have a kid
Speaker 2: right now, I do. I don't want it to be
Speaker 2: too late when I'm ready to find out there were
Speaker 2: issues that I could have, you know, gotten on top
Speaker 2: of you know, it's like it's like saving up for retirement.
Speaker 2: Like I'm not going to retire tomorrow, but I want
Speaker 2: to make it easier for myself by taking some steps
Speaker 2: today to make sure that I can retire.
Speaker 4: Well, h questions, how you going to?
Speaker 3: I really need to learn the words to what was that?
Speaker 3: I said? It's A. It's A. That's the shout song,
Speaker 3: I think, and it's like.
Speaker 2: I don't know, Okay, yeah, misindependent or no independent, Yeah,
Speaker 2: Charlie's angels.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: But one of these days I'm going to learn some
Speaker 1: some some some words so it makes sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it makes Yeah, you got it, you got it,
Speaker 2: I got you.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Questions, So, if you guys want to send us questions,
Speaker 2: you know, you can hit us up at Brannambission Podcast
Speaker 2: at gmail dot com. Got and we got an amazing
Speaker 2: assortment of questions. Also, I need to apologize because we
Speaker 2: ran and we ran a rerun while we were taking
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks off in late August, and I
Speaker 2: guess I accidentally left a call out that we had
Speaker 2: put on the show a couple of years ago where
Speaker 2: we were asking people to tell us what brand ambition
Speaker 2: means to you to enter a contest where you can
Speaker 2: have dinner with us and get a swag, get some
Speaker 2: swag from Tiffany. And that contest is no longer technically running,
Speaker 2: but we got some fun emails from you, guys, So
Speaker 2: I think we're going to talk about some way to
Speaker 2: thank you guys for those sweet messages that you sent.
Speaker 2: But I'm sorry that was an old contest, my bad,
Speaker 2: no longer running, So stay tuned, Stay tuned, We'll find
Speaker 2: a way to thank you, guys. But a couple of
Speaker 2: questions in the mailbox this week. Let's take one from
Speaker 2: listener Shantel. Chantel says, you talked, You ladies talked a
Speaker 2: lot last year about engagement rings and the amount a
Speaker 2: man should spend for one. I'm not engaged yet, but
Speaker 2: like Tiffany, I know it's coming and I'm trying to
Speaker 2: prepare for my expenses, so her expenses. That's funny, to
Speaker 2: be honest. I want his band, his wedding band, to
Speaker 2: be special, so I want to customize it a little.
Speaker 2: Not sure how yet. My question is how much did you,
Speaker 2: ladies pay for your husband's wedding bands? And did a
Speaker 2: lot of thought go into it interesting. So much focus
Speaker 2: on the women's engagement ring, but uh, did the men
Speaker 2: get any love?
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna lie, I'm the worst person to ask us.
Speaker 1: We didn't spend that much, honestly, because he is so
Speaker 1: similar to me in that he was like what.
Speaker 3: His only thing was.
Speaker 1: We were literally like going to Macy's for like a code,
Speaker 1: and then we walked by the obviously I already had
Speaker 1: my engagement ring already.
Speaker 3: And then we walked by the.
Speaker 1: Jewelry section and he's like, oh, do you want to
Speaker 1: look because we have to get bands because we were,
Speaker 1: you know, getting married I guess in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 3: And I said okay.
Speaker 1: So when it came down to his he honestly didn't
Speaker 1: want any embellishment on it. He just wanted like a
Speaker 1: simple uh uh what is that rose gold?
Speaker 3: What's the gold that looks like silver? White gold?
Speaker 2: White gold? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, so a simple white gold band. And my husband
Speaker 1: is like really tall, so he was like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to do you know, one of these baby bands,
Speaker 1: you know, so he wanted like he wanted like a
Speaker 1: thick band, but you know, so but something that was
Speaker 1: going to look normal. So it might look thick on me,
Speaker 1: but it looks normal on him. And honestly, it was
Speaker 1: like because it was so simple, it was like, I
Speaker 1: want to say, probably not even a thousand dollars. And
Speaker 1: then and then on top of that, Macy's was having
Speaker 1: this huge tremendous sale. It was like, and then we
Speaker 1: also had like, he has a Macy's car, so it
Speaker 1: was like, hey, this weekend, you know, this jewelry is like,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 3: Fifty percent off plus with your car.
Speaker 1: And it ended up being like, I think, like for something
Speaker 1: five hundred dollars, So it was next to nothing, not
Speaker 1: next to nothing, but for as far as a band
Speaker 1: is concerned. So yeah, we didn't like, you know, it
Speaker 1: was just us strolling through. And like I said, he
Speaker 1: specifically didn't want he didn't want any diamonds, He didn't
Speaker 1: want any He just wanted a really simple band. And
Speaker 1: I mean, and so it was easy for me, so
Speaker 1: I didn't have to really think about it. I mean,
Speaker 1: if he would have wanted something fancy, you know, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, do do the women traditionally pay for we
Speaker 1: just kind of did it as a I don't want
Speaker 1: to say as a couple, but we were like it's
Speaker 1: on the Macy's card and it just gets paid for
Speaker 1: our bill's account, so I never thought about it.
Speaker 3: Did you pay for end weekend? Ooh for husbies?
Speaker 2: Oh it's fun. He's out there Husby's wedding band.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean by that point, we were living together and
Speaker 2: our finances were one so he saved separately in a
Speaker 2: secret savings account for my engagement ring, and I forget
Speaker 2: how we paid for I mean, yeah, I was kind
Speaker 2: of out of one pot. But his wedding band was
Speaker 2: five hundred dollars and that was significantly less than my
Speaker 2: wedding band. But I feel like men get off easy
Speaker 2: because you know, their bands are typical, more simple and
Speaker 2: they don't have you know, diamonds or embellishments and stuff.
Speaker 2: And yeah, same thing. He had a very simple, I
Speaker 2: think a platinum or white gold band, and we went
Speaker 2: to a local jewelry shop in Brooklyn that we just
Speaker 2: happened to be passing through, kind of similar to your story,
Speaker 2: and that was that was it. Five hundred bucks? I
Speaker 2: think five hundred bucks Max. Like, I don't know, unless
Speaker 2: your man wants something really fancy, I don't I don't
Speaker 2: see any reason to spend more than five hundred bucks
Speaker 2: on something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why I said, Like I mean, like I said,
Speaker 1: it's because his was I'm sure you know Macy's.
Speaker 3: I'm sure it's inflated anyway, No.
Speaker 1: Shade to Macy's, but like, yeah, I was really thinking
Speaker 1: in my head like it should not be. I hadn't
Speaker 1: done any research on bands, so I was like I
Speaker 1: didn't know what the norm was. But when it came
Speaker 1: all down to the price, I was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: four fifty or whatever.
Speaker 3: That sounds good.
Speaker 2: He was like, yeah, just divide that by eternity, and
Speaker 2: you know, it's like a dollar.
Speaker 3: A year exactly. I love that. Divide that by eternity.
Speaker 2: Like when they sell you a mattress, it's someone that
Speaker 2: had cost you eighty none sense a day. When you
Speaker 2: think about the average time you're going to own a mattress,
Speaker 2: what does that even mean? Thanks Sean Teal and good
Speaker 2: good on you for at least thinking ahead and hopefully
Speaker 2: it works out. Uh So, let's take another question this was.
Speaker 2: This is a funny one from an anonymous listener. She says,
Speaker 2: I am currently working at payoff some credit card debt
Speaker 2: using the debt snowball method. I plan on having everything
Speaker 2: paid off next year, but restricted spending is kind of
Speaker 2: getting me down right now. I miss being able to
Speaker 2: grab a bottle of wine on my way home without
Speaker 2: a second thought, or buying new clothes on a whim.
Speaker 2: While budgeting makes me feel more in control of my
Speaker 2: finances and aware of my spending, which is fantastic, I'm
Speaker 2: just having a hard time adjusting to my new budget
Speaker 2: babe lifestyle. Any thoughts or recommendations, Poor anonymous, poor budget babe,
Speaker 2: we'll call her. You're trying to get used to your
Speaker 2: your new budget conscious life. Yeah, you know, it's it's
Speaker 2: not fun when you think about it as missing out
Speaker 2: on something, you know, so don't think about the bottle
Speaker 2: of wine that you're missing out on. Well, we'll get back.
Speaker 2: We'll come back to that bottle of wine, because I've
Speaker 2: been budgeting for a while and I never I never
Speaker 2: missed my bottle of wine. But I mean, think about
Speaker 2: think about what you're going to be gaining by paying
Speaker 2: off that credit card debt. Think about every dollar you're
Speaker 2: paying off as one dollar in your pocket, Like you're
Speaker 2: getting richer by paying off that credit card debt. And
Speaker 2: then I mean maybe maybe your budget is so is
Speaker 2: restricted in the wrong ways, Like maybe the things that
Speaker 2: truly bring you joy you could make a little bit
Speaker 2: more room in your budget for and then cut back
Speaker 2: in other areas to save money. I mean, a five
Speaker 2: dollars ten dollars bottle of wine, you know once in
Speaker 2: a while will not should not be breaking your budget.
Speaker 2: So I would, I would, just I would, I would
Speaker 2: take a look at where you're cutting back and maybe
Speaker 2: bake in a little bit of wiggle room if you're
Speaker 2: being way too restrictive, because like you don't want to
Speaker 2: make life miserable. And then even beyond that, just think
Speaker 2: about your mindset around budgeting too, because I think that's important.
Speaker 2: Just think about the positive aspects of it versus what
Speaker 2: you may be missing on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also too, sometimes it helps of like I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're a cash person, but like
Speaker 1: it helps to have like money that you don't have
Speaker 1: to think about, meaning like you know, so one of
Speaker 1: the things I used to do when I was teaching
Speaker 1: a preschool and I had like this really like kind
Speaker 1: of like concrete budget. I kind of had like this
Speaker 1: fun money where it was like it was either on
Speaker 1: my debit card or I would take it out in cash,
Speaker 1: and I did, like I purposely did not have to
Speaker 1: be responsible with it.
Speaker 3: It was like tiffany.
Speaker 1: Retirement money set aside savings and set aside bills are
Speaker 1: set aside, and this fun money, this whatever it is,
Speaker 1: is literally I could. I used to tell myself, you
Speaker 1: could take this money and flush it down the toilet
Speaker 1: and you're fine. Like this is like your non allocated
Speaker 1: has to be responsible money. So sometimes setting aside that
Speaker 1: you know, outside of your other responsibilities helps because if
Speaker 1: I want a sushi every night for a week, and
Speaker 1: my fun money, you know, allowed for that, then so
Speaker 1: be it. And so that way, you know, when you
Speaker 1: when you splurge, you can do so without you know,
Speaker 1: without worrying about it. Sett inside a fun fund might
Speaker 1: be helpful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I totally agree. I mean, a small five dollars
Speaker 2: bottle of one if it brings you joy and it
Speaker 2: makes you feel like you're still living your fun life,
Speaker 2: missbudget babe, I mean, that's a small price to pay,
Speaker 2: and I don't feel like it's gonna wreck your It's
Speaker 2: not going to make your break your budget, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 2: treat yourself, just a tiny bit.
Speaker 3: Treat yourself preach yourself.
Speaker 2: Thank you for your question, and good luck. Budget Babe.
Speaker 2: Just stick with it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you got it, You got it.
Speaker 2: Because budget Babe is way more fun than debt Diva.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, ah yeah.
Speaker 2: Debt depression. Okay, one last question. I'm maybe a couple
Speaker 2: more so. This is another anonymous question. Y'all shady in
Speaker 2: these streets. She says, Hey, guys, I love your show.
Speaker 2: I'm late to the podcast game and just started about
Speaker 2: a month ago, but you're my number one show for inspiration. Awesome.
Speaker 2: My question is a tax question. Yea, I did not
Speaker 2: file my taxes quite Tiffany, just like.
Speaker 3: I've been there, girl reads.
Speaker 2: She says, we're also we're getting a tax question in September,
Speaker 2: so we know where this is going. Okay, She says,
Speaker 2: I did not file my tax this year and also
Speaker 2: did not file for an extension. I know I owe
Speaker 2: a huge amount and I just panicked. I usually do
Speaker 2: my own taxes through Turbo tax, but I'm a little
Speaker 2: scared since I'm so late. Should I just hire someone
Speaker 2: to do them or should I just file like I
Speaker 2: usually do ps. I have a senior in high school
Speaker 2: and I need my taxes done so we can get
Speaker 2: her facts for going in a few months.
Speaker 3: Help.
Speaker 2: Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Speaker 3: Woof.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not filing your taxes not cool. So if you
Speaker 2: guys are out there, if you owe taxes, just because
Speaker 2: you don't file doesn't mean that the IRS doesn't see
Speaker 2: the debt. It's still there and a cruing interest. So
Speaker 2: you don't say how much you owe. But the worst
Speaker 2: thing you can do is what you're doing now, which
Speaker 2: is to ignore it. To be perfectly honest, you need
Speaker 2: to go to IRS dot of find the find the
Speaker 2: I'm gonna literally send you a link to an i
Speaker 2: rs dot coup page where you have the contact info
Speaker 2: where you can call them and get on a payment plan.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was gonna say that they exist.
Speaker 2: I know people who have done IRS payment plans, and
Speaker 2: you know, interests will still accrue, but at least you
Speaker 2: will be getting on top of it and getting your
Speaker 2: ducks in a row versus just letting it sit out
Speaker 2: there and collect late penalties and nastiness.
Speaker 1: And honestly, if you have a good like so like
Speaker 1: my accountant, Carlos, I remember, like you think you're mad
Speaker 1: tried three years three years of non filing pack when
Speaker 1: I when I started my businesses because I was like,
Speaker 1: I didn't even really make no money. That's not how
Speaker 1: it works, Oh my god. And honestly, I ended up
Speaker 1: owing eight thousand dollars like at the end, in half
Speaker 1: of which were fees.
Speaker 3: Can you imagine?
Speaker 1: Almost like Carlos was like, tiphany, Yo, you didn't even
Speaker 1: owe that much, like because you're right, you didn't make
Speaker 1: a ton, but because it was like fiance and fild
Speaker 1: top and fiantip.
Speaker 3: Fee and so.
Speaker 1: But there's also too like you if you're nervous about
Speaker 1: doing it yourself. I know a friend of mine who
Speaker 1: he owed even more than that. He owed a significant
Speaker 1: amount of money. And because of the amount, I like
Speaker 1: I said, I don't know how much you owe since
Speaker 1: it's just a year, But because of the amount, Carlos
Speaker 1: was able to call the IRS and actually work out
Speaker 1: not only a payment plan but a reduction. So like
Speaker 1: you know, like like me eight thousand, although it was
Speaker 1: a good amount of money, it's not like I think
Speaker 1: my friend owed like thirty thousand something crazy, so and
Speaker 1: he was just like, there's no way I'm going to
Speaker 1: be able to pay that. So you know, he worked
Speaker 1: out some sort of like well, settlement basically, so depending
Speaker 1: on how much, if it's if it's you know, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, a few thousand or a few hundred,
Speaker 1: you know, calling the IRS and just say I could
Speaker 1: do this by myself. But if you're like I really
Speaker 1: think I owe even more than that, you might want
Speaker 1: to get an accountant who So Carlos's father used to
Speaker 1: actually work for the IRS and together they opened a firm.
Speaker 1: So looking for an accountant who has a specialty and
Speaker 1: like basically like IRS dealings. You know, that's one of
Speaker 1: the reasons why I him is because he's not just
Speaker 1: the regular CPA. He's someone who actually, like, if if
Speaker 1: I had to go to IRS court, he would go
Speaker 1: on my behalf. He's done that before for people, So yeah,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: You'll probably end up doing is getting put on some
Speaker 2: sort of installment month installment agreement, and installments is just
Speaker 2: where you pay the debt off in a monthly payment.
Speaker 2: And I believe with the if you that's for people
Speaker 2: who owe fifty thousand dollars or less. I'm actually looking
Speaker 2: at the Magnifying Money Guide to Facing Tax Debt, which
Speaker 2: I can send you a link to as well, which
Speaker 2: probably has some helpful information. But yeah, I mean you
Speaker 2: you just just just be honest with yourself about it, Anonymous,
Speaker 2: and get on top of it, because I mean, you're right,
Speaker 2: you do need you need to have your I believe
Speaker 2: you need to have your most recent W two, not
Speaker 2: W two, but most recent tax files, tax is filed
Speaker 2: if you want to fill out your kid's FAFSVA. So
Speaker 2: you want to get on that days app.
Speaker 3: Yes you do.
Speaker 2: But thank you for your question and being honest about it,
Speaker 2: because now you're you can at least get on the right.
Speaker 3: Track exactly, because you know everybody makes mistakes. Is about
Speaker 3: what do you do.
Speaker 2: Now all of us make mistakes?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 2: I was just speaking to I was at this conference
Speaker 2: last week, I mentioned, and I got to talk with
Speaker 2: a handful of kids who go to HBCUs and they're
Speaker 2: studying journalism, and of course I went there to like
Speaker 2: talk about career, but I ended up talking like by
Speaker 2: the end of it, I had them all on discoverscorecard
Speaker 2: dot com and checking their credit report. You know, it
Speaker 2: was it was really hilarious. But like one of the
Speaker 2: girls in the group, she like she was so nervous
Speaker 2: to admit that she had taken out this Discover student
Speaker 2: credit card and then had misplaced a credit card and
Speaker 2: hadn't told her parents, and she was super she just didn't.
Speaker 2: She was like, I don't. I'm just I did just
Speaker 2: feel like it's really bad that I lost it, and
Speaker 2: I feel like people could be using it. I just
Speaker 2: didn't want to tell anybody, and I'm like, but I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, it's okay. You know, I lose my
Speaker 2: credit card all the time, not really all the time,
Speaker 2: but it's such an easy fix. And yeah, she just
Speaker 2: felt this sense of like embarrassment around it and around
Speaker 2: the repercussions. So it's not just big things, like tax said,
Speaker 2: it's like even the small things. Everyone kind of you know,
Speaker 2: you get like you feel embarrassed and you don't want
Speaker 2: to do anything. But that's usually the worst thing to do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, not even it's always the worst thing to do,
Speaker 1: but it's always the number one default, isn't it.
Speaker 3: You're like, yeh, child, but that hurs.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna stit here with it, my toothaches, you
Speaker 1: know what, let me see how long I can wait.
Speaker 3: Let me know.
Speaker 1: The default is always if I ignore, maybe it'll go away.
Speaker 1: And it literally only compounds the trouble. So I'm trying
Speaker 1: to practice that. Like, so one of my new practices
Speaker 1: and what do you do for this maybe is that
Speaker 1: like if I'm scared, like say, like today my contractor
Speaker 1: emailed me and I was I had asked him for
Speaker 1: a bunch of things, and I thought I was scared
Speaker 1: to open the email that he was gonna be like, girl,
Speaker 1: you tried it, I'm moving on to somebody else, and
Speaker 1: so I forced myself as soon as I saw it,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm scared opening now. So I'm trying
Speaker 1: to re re kind of like I guess, I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I almost like retrain my brain that fear equates
Speaker 1: to immediate action because that's not my normal.
Speaker 3: That's not my normal trajectory.
Speaker 1: When something happens, it's like, yeah, yikes, I'm scared, open
Speaker 1: the door, yikes, I'm scared, read the email, yanks, I'm scared.
Speaker 3: Listen to the voice message, you know. And so that's
Speaker 3: like what I've been trying to practice.
Speaker 1: I don't always get there, but I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: like fifty percent of the way there of doing the
Speaker 1: doing the that initial take action right away when fear.
Speaker 2: Hits I'm totally with you on the whole. I get
Speaker 2: an email, you know how you can like read the
Speaker 2: first line of the email to creeve you, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: I don't think I want to read this right now.
Speaker 2: I like close my browser and try and tell myself
Speaker 2: I didn't see it. Yeah, but then it just ends
Speaker 2: up weighing on me and it just stresses me out.
Speaker 2: Like I'll try and say I'm not going to read
Speaker 2: that till tomorrow, but then I end up reading it
Speaker 2: that night because I just can't, you know, sit with
Speaker 2: the wondering for that much longer. So I agree, just
Speaker 2: pull the band aid off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm super passive aggressive. I'll actually send an
Speaker 1: email to a friend. I'm like, girl, read you, So
Speaker 1: what is it bad?
Speaker 3: It is it good?
Speaker 2: I've just done a couple of times.
Speaker 3: I'll just get one to ten. What would you say?
Speaker 3: Read the email and then you want to take one more?
Speaker 2: Yeah, we can do one more. Quick question. This is
Speaker 2: from listener Pollette. She says, one, do y'all think is
Speaker 2: a good time to request your interest rate to be
Speaker 2: lowered on your credit card and or a credit limit increase?
Speaker 2: Did you guys know you can request an interest rate
Speaker 2: reduction on your credit card. You can.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I usually say like if right, I think I
Speaker 1: feel like A good time is if you've seen that
Speaker 1: your credit score has increased, because typically the question is, like,
Speaker 1: you know, the reason why you have the interest rate
Speaker 1: is the reflection of where your score basically is. So
Speaker 1: if I've seen, like, hey, my score is doing so
Speaker 1: much better than it was six months ago whenever I
Speaker 1: got this card, let me call, then that's a that's
Speaker 1: a good time.
Speaker 2: But I not after you miss three payments in a row.
Speaker 1: Because I'm like, oh, so glad you call because you
Speaker 1: owe us money.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean, it doesn't hurt to ask for
Speaker 2: a credit a rate reduction, but when you ask for
Speaker 2: a credit limit increase, just know that it will trigger
Speaker 2: a hard inquiry on your credit report because they're basically
Speaker 2: going to pull your credit again and it could be
Speaker 2: a temporary ding to your credit. Have you found this though?
Speaker 2: Sometimes I've indirectly gotten a credit limit increase by just
Speaker 2: using my card a lot. Yeah, like charging, Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 2: it's it's kind of bad. But sometimes if you actually
Speaker 2: use your card and you you are almost maxing it
Speaker 2: out and you're paying it off each month, but you're
Speaker 2: almost maxing out each month as well. They will eventually
Speaker 2: some credit cards will be checking for that and they
Speaker 2: will bump your limit up. That happened to us with
Speaker 2: our one of our credit cards recently because we've been
Speaker 2: buying so many appliances, and they were like, Okay, we'll
Speaker 2: give you more wiggle room because you need a bigger
Speaker 2: limit on your credit card.
Speaker 1: No, for sure, but you're right, it's not about like,
Speaker 1: it's not like if you're just putting ten dollars on
Speaker 1: a month, but typically they're doing that. They're like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're responsibly using more of your balance.
Speaker 3: We got you.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean, there's nothing wrong with asking because
Speaker 1: they will help, like the increase. Although you'll get that
Speaker 1: like little a ding on your credit score, you know,
Speaker 1: it might help with your utilization rate, you know, and
Speaker 1: so you might get like actually like an increase in
Speaker 1: your credit score because now you have unless you're actually.
Speaker 3: Using using your you know, the card to that amount.
Speaker 3: But now you've.
Speaker 1: Got a bigger credit limit and hopefully you're keeping your
Speaker 1: balances low. So the comparison of my credit limit is higher,
Speaker 1: even though our balances might be the same. So that
Speaker 1: difference might might result in a few points in your
Speaker 1: credit score, so usually it kind of like a nets
Speaker 1: out even But I mean, if your credit score is
Speaker 1: DC and you have a decent payment history and you're
Speaker 1: not late, typically their answer is yes. They might not
Speaker 1: do it to the extent that you wanted, but typically
Speaker 1: their answer is yes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, good tip. All right, thank you, thank you b
Speaker 2: A listeners.
Speaker 3: Yes, this was a good one. I like you guys
Speaker 3: have some really great questions.
Speaker 2: Yes, sorry spaced out.