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Speaker 1: Lisa Lambinelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.

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Speaker 1: She is a meddling advice giving yana and know it all,

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Speaker 1: and her words come from her head, her heart, and

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Speaker 1: often out of her ass. This podcast should not be

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Speaker 1: misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge

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Speaker 1: grain of salt for entertainment purposes only.

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Speaker 2: These.

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Speaker 3: You need help, You're the problems.

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Speaker 4: Come on, come down, go cleamb.

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Speaker 3: Take a pill. I think you're insane. Do what I say,

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Speaker 3: dumb ass, listen to me.

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Speaker 4: You and this is why I.

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Speaker 3: Have no friends. Welcome to shrink this with Lisa Lambinelli.

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Speaker 3: A podcast. You know what a podcast is, Nick, It's

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Speaker 3: like an asshole. Everyone has one. I they sure there's

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Speaker 3: five good podcasts.

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Speaker 4: Honestly, ours that's it.

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Speaker 2: That's it.

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Speaker 4: I don't even include ours. I hope ours all get lost.

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Speaker 2: We're the sixth best.

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Speaker 3: I hope Celia didn't press record and she's fired and

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Speaker 3: I have to employ her because I feel sorry for her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she's a real bitch, real clam and a half.

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Speaker 3: If you have a question for me, Lisa Elevenelli, who

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Speaker 3: could help solve all your problems theoretically, please send your

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Speaker 3: query is to shrink this show at gmail dot com.

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Speaker 3: That shrinked this show at gmail dot com. My creative assistant,

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Speaker 3: Slash unpaid co host. Slash will never be famous, so

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Speaker 3: don't follow him. Comedian is Nick Scopoletti. Nick, who are you?

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Speaker 3: And where can people find you?

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Speaker 2: I am about five to eleven. I'm two hundred and

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Speaker 2: fifty pounds.

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Speaker 3: At the least.

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Speaker 2: A bitch?

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Speaker 3: She she think.

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Speaker 2: I just bawn new jeans. I had to go up

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Speaker 2: away size of thirty six.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, you're so bad.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, you can follow me on Instagram at nick Scopes.

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Speaker 2: I post some clips of new stuff. Sometimes I did

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Speaker 2: nude stuff.

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Speaker 4: If you want listen you tell Usten.

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Speaker 3: You sent me and my good friends Bobby and Brian,

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Speaker 3: who are both gay black men, a video that was shirtless.

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Speaker 3: I must admit I almost vomited, not because you're that gross,

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Speaker 3: but because you're that gross.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, because what were you saying?

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Speaker 3: I can't remember what was this.

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Speaker 2: About eating oreos? Because it was my birthday, okay, And

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Speaker 2: I was eating oreos about to go somewhere, and I

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Speaker 2: was listening to Chapel Roans Hot to go.

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Speaker 4: Oh yes, I.

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Speaker 2: Was filming myself and I said who would enjoy this.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, Lisa would probably hate it but

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Speaker 2: also laugh, and then the two gay black friends would

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Speaker 2: really love it.

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Speaker 3: True, they did love it. They've responded quite enthusiastically.

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Speaker 2: They sent it to a few lucky people.

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Speaker 3: There was there was comments on the color of the nipples.

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Speaker 3: That's all I'm gonna say. Yeah, a little hershey kisses

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Speaker 3: in the moments, Oh my god.

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Speaker 4: Nope, we don't own the songs.

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Speaker 3: Celia is, of course, our long suffering producer who's grow

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Speaker 3: hatred for us is growing every day. I know she

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Speaker 3: she kind of had a love hate with us. I

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Speaker 3: think she loves to hate us. What do you think, Celia?

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Speaker 3: Would you say that's about true, about accurate? No, oh,

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Speaker 3: turn off your mic Terry, And like I said, that's

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Speaker 3: in behavior of Hawaii. I can't have friends because all

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Speaker 3: I do is yell. So our subject today is friendship,

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Speaker 3: the search for the one, because everyone thinks when you

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Speaker 3: talk about trying to find the one, they're talking about

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Speaker 3: a romantic partner.

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Speaker 2: Not me.

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Speaker 3: Since I don't have any needs down there except the

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Speaker 3: once a month beanflick, and because I cannot imagine myself

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Speaker 3: ever living with anyone, I found that in the past

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Speaker 3: ten years or so, I have been on the hunt

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Speaker 3: and it wasn't even conscious. Just everyone I met or

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Speaker 3: hit it off with, I'd be like, Oh, maybe they're

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Speaker 3: the one. Maybe they're the friend who will fulfill every

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Speaker 3: single need I have quick to discover that guess what,

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Speaker 3: not one person is in existence who could be all

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Speaker 3: the things I need Slash want them to be. Every

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Speaker 3: post on Instagram, everything, National best Friend's Day, every TV show,

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Speaker 3: every movie has the girl and her bestie. And I'm like,

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Speaker 3: wait a minute, what's wrong with me that I can't

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Speaker 3: attract one person who is good for every single thing?

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh, I know why. Because I'm complicated,

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Speaker 3: And that's okay. I need to have several friends and

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Speaker 3: they each wilfill different needs and sometimes that overlaps. But

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Speaker 3: to require that of one person I don't think is logical.

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Speaker 3: I don't think it makes any sense, just how I

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Speaker 3: think when you're in a relationship with a man or

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Speaker 3: a woman, it's like they can't fulfill it all either.

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Speaker 3: I think sometimes it's easier to admit that I can't

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Speaker 3: get everything from a partner, like that's a known quantity,

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Speaker 3: but to say I can't get it from my bestest friend.

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Speaker 3: It feels like we've somehow failed. Does that make sense

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Speaker 3: to you?

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Speaker 2: For sure? My follow up question would be, you know,

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Speaker 2: now that you have me as a friend, do you

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Speaker 2: feel like I've checked all the boxes? So why are

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Speaker 2: you not find this one?

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Speaker 3: No? Nick, here, I'll tell you what you fulfill, and

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Speaker 3: you fulfill more than you used to. You used to

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Speaker 3: be a basic no no, a little tough to hang

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Speaker 3: out with because you couldn't help, but go to humor

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Speaker 3: all the time.

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Speaker 4: It's called talent, no is it?

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Speaker 3: You always deflected with you, But I was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I guess he's just gonna be a fun surface he friend.

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Speaker 3: But as you worked on yourself, as you went to

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Speaker 3: more intensive therapy, there are serious conversations that have occurred

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Speaker 3: and will continue to. So I'm like, wow, Nick's actually

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Speaker 3: a fun friend. But also like, I honestly feel in

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Speaker 3: some sort of mild crisis, as in, oh gosh, I

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Speaker 3: feel like sad about dot dot dot that you would

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Speaker 3: get it. I don't know if you'd have the answers

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Speaker 3: because you're young and new to ish to therapy, but

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Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, at least as a listening board, he's there,

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Speaker 3: and he would be an empathetic ear. I think my

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Speaker 3: problem has been been like, well, well, I got to

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Speaker 3: get that immediately. I don't have this. I don't have

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Speaker 3: the time to waste with this person who's still growing

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Speaker 3: or things like that.

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Speaker 2: So I'm pretty much perfect saying.

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Speaker 4: I did not say that. But if that's how you're

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Speaker 4: if that's what you're hearing, that's great.

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Speaker 3: But it's weird because I think it's so deeply ingrained

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Speaker 3: because of societal stuff and media and also just because

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Speaker 3: of whatever I've seen growing up, like, oh, there's something

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Speaker 3: wrong with me if I didn't attract that person. But

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Speaker 3: if say you said to me, hey, Lisa, I haven't

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Speaker 3: attracted the right woman yet, what's wrong with me? I

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Speaker 3: would quickly be like, there's nothing wrong with you, it

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Speaker 3: just hasn't happened yet. I don't do that to myself.

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Speaker 3: When it comes to friendship, I'm like, oh my god,

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Speaker 3: if so and so doesn't fulfill everything, it's a total

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Speaker 3: waste of time. I don't want some bitch I could

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Speaker 3: just have fun with, which is so stupid because just

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Speaker 3: having fun with somebody.

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Speaker 2: Is great fun.

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Speaker 3: Friends, Yeah, and I think they're all good and it's

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Speaker 3: just putting too much pressure on one person to fulfill

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Speaker 3: all your needs.

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Speaker 2: I find myself doing that because I got so lucky

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Speaker 2: early in life with like some of my closest friends

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Speaker 2: who are also fun and I have great times with,

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Speaker 2: are also like the ones I could talk deep with

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Speaker 2: or if I have a real issue, if they have

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Speaker 2: a real issue, and I've known them since I was

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Speaker 2: nine and or fourteen, right, so I've had them for

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Speaker 2: a long time. So any friend I meet after that,

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Speaker 2: if they I'm always like, oh, these are like second

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Speaker 2: tier friends. Right, it's not that right, big of it.

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Speaker 4: If the B team yeah right, like great, yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I'm a part of their lives and they're a

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Speaker 2: part of mine and I like them. But if they

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Speaker 2: give me any I don't know, this is me being nuts,

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Speaker 2: but if they give me any gray or bullshit, I'm like, listen,

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Speaker 2: you're on the fucking backup.

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Speaker 3: Well, they say, honestly they say, which I think changed

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Speaker 3: my life the expression except where people are but know

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Speaker 3: where to place them. So suppose I have a friend

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Speaker 3: who literally if you go try to go deep with them,

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Speaker 3: they've really been done the emotional internal work on themselves.

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Speaker 3: For me to feel satisfied in that conversation. Well, I

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Speaker 3: accept that they're in that place. My challenge is always

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Speaker 3: to not try to drag them up to a place

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Speaker 3: of enlightenment and be like, well, you should want a retreat,

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Speaker 3: or you should at therapy, or you should do this.

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Speaker 3: They should shouldn't enter the conversation at all. It should

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Speaker 3: be like, wait a minute. Know what I should do

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Speaker 3: is know where to place them, which is, oh gosh,

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Speaker 3: they know every new restaurant in the city. Ask them

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Speaker 3: and have a good time. They know which place to

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Speaker 3: go to Broadway, they know you know where.

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Speaker 4: The drag bingo is like just stuff that.

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Speaker 3: Really sounds frivolous but isn't because life is fun sometimes

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Speaker 3: and it's okay to just be fun and not heavy.

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Speaker 3: So even if a day with them, you just release

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Speaker 3: the expectation of Okay, this is not gonna be a

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Speaker 3: deep day. It's gonna be just running around having a

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Speaker 3: good time.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 3: It takes the pressure off them, takes the pressure off

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Speaker 3: the relationship, and then, by the way, who knows, in

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Speaker 3: a few years it might be like how it was

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Speaker 3: with you, is like, oh, this person actually have a conversation.

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Speaker 3: That's cool.

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Speaker 4: Perfection but it's like not really.

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Speaker 3: But okay, So it just takes the pressure off them,

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Speaker 3: takes the pressure off me, and you just accept where

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Speaker 3: they are and don't try to force anything. So I

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Speaker 3: think that's the goal.

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Speaker 2: Really, Yeah, accepting, Well, that's that was gonna be. My

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Speaker 2: follow up question was what do you do with a friend?

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Speaker 2: Like I've had friends, like some of whom have I've

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Speaker 2: had for a really long time, and one of them,

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Speaker 2: like I don't know how to explain it, but like

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Speaker 2: we've always had a really good friendship. We've been friends forever,

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Speaker 2: but there's times I wish I like got more out

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Speaker 2: of them, or I wish I was a little more

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Speaker 2: involved with things that were happening in his life. But

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Speaker 2: like it's it's whatever. But but then like when we talk,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, it's fine, but like it's all good.

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Speaker 2: But like I guess my question is, like, how do

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Speaker 2: you deal with someone who maybe is the one or

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Speaker 2: was the one and then your relationship changed. It's not

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Speaker 2: bad or good, but it starts to change a little.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Like when you say you want more out of it,

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Speaker 3: does that mean like you want to spend more time

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Speaker 3: or like is it mostly like I want to be

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Speaker 3: included in something.

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Speaker 2: Yes, but like I'm in overall, I'm included enough. There's

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Speaker 2: just moments where like I feel like I should be

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Speaker 2: more involved, but then I'm like, well, our friendship's fine.

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Speaker 3: So this an instance of you making trouble in your

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Speaker 3: own life, like we've talked about, or is it that,

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I really suppose this person says, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 3: we're having family over and for what ever? It is

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Speaker 3: like some people you just go, oh gosh, that sounds fun,

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Speaker 3: like is it okay if I come? And by the way,

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Speaker 3: that's so vulnerable to like invite yourself somewhere. It's so hard.

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Speaker 3: I've done that. I've invited myself on full ass trips.

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Speaker 4: Like I remember.

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Speaker 3: I remember I wanted to get more involved with my

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Speaker 3: sister's life and my brothers so one year, and I

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Speaker 3: hate travel, but I figured this is the way to

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Speaker 3: get them more involved because you're stuck with each other.

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Speaker 3: So remember my sister one year said we're going to

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Speaker 3: Italy and I go, can I come?

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Speaker 4: And they're like sure?

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Speaker 3: And I was like, well that was kind of cool

236
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Speaker 3: that I was vulnerable enough to ask. We end up

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Speaker 3: having a blast. To be honest, with you. I didn't

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Speaker 3: hate the travel as much. I mean first class, so

239
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Speaker 3: I've heard it you might want to experience out once

240
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Speaker 3: or no, But it was like really I learned more

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Speaker 3: about them. And the next year my brother said something.

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Speaker 3: They were going on some family trip that I actually

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Speaker 3: think sounded great because I love the desert. So they're

244
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Speaker 3: going to Sedona and Joshua Tree and I go, I come, like,

245
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Speaker 3: I kind of pose it. It's kind of a joke

246
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,560
Speaker 3: and they're like yeah, I go, wow, that's really a

247
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Speaker 3: good test that the right people will say yes, now

248
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Speaker 3: the wrong people will say no. And you have to

249
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Speaker 3: have discernment about what you invite yourself to. Like I

250
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Speaker 3: have a couple of friends who are just couples and

251
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Speaker 3: they're you know, just them, and like it would be

252
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Speaker 3: pretty weird for me to be like, oh, you're taking

253
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Speaker 3: your boyfriend out for dinner for his birthday? Can come

254
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Speaker 3: like have some sense of decorum that sometimes a romantic

255
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Speaker 3: night is something, you.

256
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Speaker 2: Know, self awareness.

257
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Speaker 3: So I think it's having the guts to go. Why

258
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Speaker 3: do I really want to be involved? Or am I

259
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Speaker 3: just making trouble because I'm not comfortable with everything going okay?

260
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Speaker 2: You know, probably a little bit of trouble because also

261
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Speaker 2: like it's just like if he did want to do more,

262
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Speaker 2: I would be like, oh okay, like it's more of

263
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Speaker 2: a not a burden, but it's just like, oh it's

264
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Speaker 2: a lot more now, Like right, you're want more responsibility

265
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Speaker 2: than you get it, and then you're like, ah, correct, work.

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Speaker 3: Well. It's like I think I told you. My sister

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Speaker 3: they want to go on a cruise next year because

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Speaker 3: her son just had a big health scare. Thank god

269
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Speaker 3: he's fine now, and he's like, yeah, I want to

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Speaker 3: go on a cruise, go to Universal and this and that.

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Speaker 3: And my sister looks at me in the hospital room

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Speaker 3: she goes, you want to come, and like I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I'll look at my book because I want the feeling

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Speaker 3: of being invited. But I don't know if seven days

275
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Speaker 3: on a cruise is right for me. But it might

276
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Speaker 3: be right for me. But I think it's something you go, well,

277
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Speaker 3: I get to pause and think about it. I really

278
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Speaker 3: it's really heartwarming to be invited to things like that.

279
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Speaker 3: And honestly, I probably if I can get my head

280
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Speaker 3: around that I don't like the outdoors or the sea

281
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Speaker 3: or water, I'll probably have a good time, but it's

282
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Speaker 3: I think I want the feeling of inclusion. And also

283
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Speaker 3: it's also spreading out the responsibility to different friends and

284
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Speaker 3: family and not expecting that one bestie to be everything.

285
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Speaker 3: Because I have this good friend Andrew who we talk

286
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Speaker 3: about and I was complaining to him once because I

287
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:10,400
Speaker 3: have a friend who I love them, but they have

288
00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:14,719
Speaker 3: limited experience with therapy and things like that, so I

289
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,480
Speaker 3: always want to go super deep. And I get really

290
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:19,720
Speaker 3: frustrated because I have a PhD in this stuff in life,

291
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:23,040
Speaker 3: and you're just at your BA level. So, by the way,

292
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,480
Speaker 3: those things nick our degrees at a college.

293
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:29,360
Speaker 4: Huge cut, pretty huge cock. Yes that's a PhD.

294
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Speaker 3: So I was getting mad and he goes, well, what

295
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,360
Speaker 3: do you like about them? And I go, well, they

296
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,520
Speaker 3: love to go to restaurants and they love to have

297
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,280
Speaker 3: fun and they're funny and they go to drag bingo

298
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,480
Speaker 3: and he goes, every time you call them and want

299
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,360
Speaker 3: them to go deep, it's like you're picking up a

300
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:49,440
Speaker 3: fork when you should have picked up a spoon. And

301
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:56,920
Speaker 3: I'm like, holy shit, they are the spoon, and the

302
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,520
Speaker 3: spoon is good. The spoon has lots to offer. Why

303
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:04,120
Speaker 3: am I owing to fork them? I should be spooning them.

304
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,640
Speaker 3: But I told my shrink that and she was blown away.

305
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,440
Speaker 3: She's like, oh my god, if we just went to

306
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:12,760
Speaker 3: the people for what they're appropriate for, we'd have no

307
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,680
Speaker 3: trouble because we wouldn't be trying to change them. So

308
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,680
Speaker 3: I've noticed ever since I lightened up on that, I

309
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,360
Speaker 3: was like, WHOA, I had a much more pleasant time

310
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Speaker 3: with that person because I wasn't trying to force them

311
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:25,960
Speaker 3: into a role I think they should be in. But

312
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,280
Speaker 3: there is still I don't know's. I think it's gonna

313
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:33,400
Speaker 3: take years or a while at least to settle with

314
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:37,760
Speaker 3: the grief and sadness of oh I don't have one

315
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:42,160
Speaker 3: person to fulfill everything, and doesn't mean a partner. It

316
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:48,400
Speaker 3: means the BFF, the imaginary BFF out there, the vague

317
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:52,040
Speaker 3: idea of that, because for a lot of people that

318
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,560
Speaker 3: doesn't exist. You have a group, and you're like, oh,

319
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:58,720
Speaker 3: I remember in that movie Clueless, which I loved, share

320
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:04,440
Speaker 3: only Silverstone said something about it was a nice part

321
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,400
Speaker 3: in the movie shows I realized that my friend group,

322
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,560
Speaker 3: like I get so much out of different people like

323
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,960
Speaker 3: Christian introduces me to the beauty in the world and

324
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,520
Speaker 3: the arts. Dion does this, this one does this, and

325
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:19,920
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, like fucking share in fucking Beverly Hills

326
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,960
Speaker 3: knew that twenty five years ago before it dawned on me.

327
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:27,480
Speaker 3: I think I've just been thinking someone else is going

328
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,960
Speaker 3: to fulfill every need and it's just not accurate even

329
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:35,600
Speaker 3: for her. Yeah, and who's better than her? No one me. No,

330
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:40,800
Speaker 3: they're not great. What Yeah, I know, but isn't it

331
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,280
Speaker 3: Isn't it funny? Like what we're fed by the media

332
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:44,760
Speaker 3: is what we believe in?

333
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,200
Speaker 2: Fuck I know.

334
00:16:56,800 --> 00:17:00,600
Speaker 3: No, we're the ones who tell the truth, right, are.

335
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:01,640
Speaker 4: The only ones.

336
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,280
Speaker 3: And I think there's just no perfect person. It's like,

337
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,440
Speaker 3: what value do each of these people bring in? Because

338
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:12,119
Speaker 3: I bet for every time I complain about someone not

339
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,320
Speaker 3: having something I want, someone out there's complain about me

340
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,280
Speaker 3: not having something they want. Right. Well, at Lista is

341
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:19,280
Speaker 3: great at this, but she sucks at this. My sister

342
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,440
Speaker 3: could be saying, well, Lisa is great in the evening

343
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,120
Speaker 3: and having fun with games and doing this and going

344
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:27,520
Speaker 3: to trivia and but boy, during the day she sucks.

345
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:32,520
Speaker 3: Like yeah, you're not wrong, So I think it's really

346
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:36,280
Speaker 3: getting your head around ooh, that artificial construct of the

347
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:39,960
Speaker 3: BFF is something I have to grieve and learn about.

348
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:44,199
Speaker 3: And it's nothing about worth, It's about just reality and

349
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,720
Speaker 3: then going, Okay, I'm really fucking lucky with what I

350
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,880
Speaker 3: got because I have a list in my phone literally

351
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,200
Speaker 3: under favorites is everyone I could call in an emergency,

352
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,960
Speaker 3: not a physical emergency, but like literally like if something

353
00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:00,480
Speaker 3: horrible emotionally happens, I'm like, there's people whon't even have one.

354
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:06,320
Speaker 2: Always I feel, yeah, I feel tough for people, people

355
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,080
Speaker 2: who don't have a good friend group.

356
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,720
Speaker 3: And that's very often. I've been seeing a lot on

357
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,879
Speaker 3: TikTok where I'm gonna go I feel completely alone, and

358
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,280
Speaker 3: I feel like going like I'll be a friend, like

359
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,320
Speaker 3: not out of like some need for me, but I

360
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,119
Speaker 3: feel like, ooh, that's going to feel lonely.

361
00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:24,480
Speaker 2: Or where their friends just suck or they get caught

362
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,600
Speaker 2: up in this group, or like even after the group's

363
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,320
Speaker 2: like kind of dissipated, like they just can't get out

364
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,400
Speaker 2: of like this cycle of like finding the same it's

365
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,200
Speaker 2: like relationships. You find the same type of people, Yeah,

366
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,360
Speaker 2: that are your friends and all this shit, and it's

367
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:39,320
Speaker 2: like the same thing over and over again. Like I

368
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:43,320
Speaker 2: feel I've been more than lucky, fortunate, whatever the word

369
00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:46,159
Speaker 2: is you want to use. Friend Wise, I feel awful

370
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,160
Speaker 2: people who don't have like other people who they could

371
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:50,199
Speaker 2: call in a crisis like that.

372
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I don't think I knew what friendship was

373
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:58,560
Speaker 3: really like, because it was so just didn't grow up

374
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,720
Speaker 3: like we. I grew up in a k out of house.

375
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:05,439
Speaker 3: Then college was miserable and I was so into like

376
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:09,000
Speaker 3: food and body stuff and then thinking I'd find the

377
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:12,280
Speaker 3: answers in the one being a man versus like a

378
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:16,680
Speaker 3: relationship that I didn't learn how friendship works until I'm

379
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:20,399
Speaker 3: not shitting you, like thirteen fourteen years ago. Like I

380
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:24,080
Speaker 3: didn't know it's reciprocal. I thought it was transactional, like

381
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:27,520
Speaker 3: something you know, especially when you have something and you

382
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,880
Speaker 3: want to give someone an opportunity, Like it becomes about

383
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,960
Speaker 3: what did you do for me? Look what I did

384
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,160
Speaker 3: for you. So when I got out of the show

385
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:38,359
Speaker 3: business stuff and went onto this low Leaf podcast, No,

386
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,080
Speaker 3: when I got out of the the big job, I

387
00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:44,960
Speaker 3: was like, oh, friendship's like you do ask someone and

388
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:48,639
Speaker 3: how are you? Right, Like, honestly, it's hard for me

389
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:52,119
Speaker 3: to remember to say how are you? Because I'm the

390
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:55,119
Speaker 3: most important person in my world, shouldn't they just be

391
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:58,960
Speaker 3: asking me in the world. That's true, we all know

392
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:02,560
Speaker 3: that they accept it. But it is funny because I'm like, wow,

393
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:06,280
Speaker 3: it really is about them too, and so learning those

394
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,359
Speaker 3: skills so late, I think I'm like good at it now.

395
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,720
Speaker 3: But I fully understand that I wasn't a good friend

396
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,160
Speaker 3: in the way people wanted me to be. I thought

397
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:22,159
Speaker 3: caretaking was friends. I thought it was like yeah, And

398
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 3: also like I had a friend who was disabled and

399
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:29,919
Speaker 3: was poor, and I thought, yeah, I thought it was

400
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 3: helpful to give her things, and it is not. It

401
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 3: is okay to give people things if they ask. She

402
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,800
Speaker 3: did not. I was constantly throwing stuff at her, as

403
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,119
Speaker 3: constantly paying for things. I was kind of, come on,

404
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,320
Speaker 3: I'll pay. It doesn't matter who gives a shit. So

405
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:46,199
Speaker 3: it was never listening for the little hint that no,

406
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,040
Speaker 3: I can't afford it, and I feel less.

407
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,720
Speaker 2: Than you now say something or you know, we had a.

408
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:53,639
Speaker 3: Big blow up, but that this is thirty five years

409
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,160
Speaker 3: we're friends, and it was a big blow up about

410
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,480
Speaker 3: something that literally was almost meaningless. But it was all

411
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:01,640
Speaker 3: this contributed to it. And again, was it all my fault? No,

412
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,760
Speaker 3: she should have had a boundary and said that makes

413
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,760
Speaker 3: me uncomfortable. I don't like that. I'd rather we sit

414
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 3: in my house and I'll make coffee versus us going

415
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 3: out and feeling like you're always treating me like she

416
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,400
Speaker 3: felt less than but she didn't say it, So I'll

417
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,240
Speaker 3: take totally fifty percent of that blame.

418
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 2: You know, did you push her out of her wheelchair?

419
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,440
Speaker 3: I said disabled, It didn't mean your little wheelchair.

420
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 4: You races, you throw? Shut up, Shut up that fucking back.

421
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,760
Speaker 3: Oh my god, don't look like it says on like

422
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,879
Speaker 3: it says on my shirt. Platonic love too, because I

423
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:42,120
Speaker 3: honestly feel like platonic love is gay just as important,

424
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:46,440
Speaker 3: if not more than your primary love relationship. His chances aren't.

425
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,440
Speaker 3: Your fucking husband's gonna die and you're gonna be left

426
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:52,720
Speaker 3: with me. So I actually, yeah, you're you're in a

427
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 3: die and I would. I actually have a good friend

428
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 3: who's married who told me that she had to rein

429
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,679
Speaker 3: it in a little because her and her husband like

430
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:05,400
Speaker 3: she will like literally neglect her husband and like cater

431
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:09,520
Speaker 3: to the female friends more. And I kind of love that,

432
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 3: And she was like, I had to rein it in,

433
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,720
Speaker 3: so where I do say to him, you know, I

434
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 3: know I've been out for six hours? Is it okay

435
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 3: to be out another six Versus the one who like

436
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 3: doesn't even think of that. But I like somebody who

437
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 3: keeps their friendships as elevated as the primary thing. Yeah,

438
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 3: in the beginning you can't. It's all that honeymoon face.

439
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,760
Speaker 3: But man, somebody who actually values those friendships as much

440
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 3: as romantic love, I think that's a keeper.

441
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:35,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

442
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 3: She even has the thing the dream where she's like,

443
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:41,159
Speaker 3: we're gonna move to like a like a compound, like

444
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 3: a little cul de sac. She goes, I want like

445
00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:44,960
Speaker 3: everybody to live around me in a house. I'm like,

446
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,480
Speaker 3: I'm in because I do not want to be out

447
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,760
Speaker 3: of community. I think that sounds so fun.

448
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 2: A community's fun living, not.

449
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 3: In a house with somebody.

450
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:57,160
Speaker 2: In the same like area.

451
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,640
Speaker 3: I would love that. No, I really I'm that I'm

452
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:04,159
Speaker 3: gay friend schiple like walk but not. But these are

453
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,680
Speaker 3: people to who have strong boundaries, Like she has really

454
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 3: strong boundaries. So she's like, wouldn't be stopping over, Like

455
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:14,240
Speaker 3: there's no step pop over. I really hate the pop in.

456
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 3: It's like no, no, no, no, you got to call first.

457
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:20,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have friends have had ford so as a child,

458
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,359
Speaker 2: I would never just show up you.

459
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,399
Speaker 3: Actually you shouldn't. You never know who's naked. It's gross.

460
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:26,399
Speaker 2: It's just uncomfortable.

461
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,159
Speaker 3: I've seen naked people. I don't like it.

462
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:32,400
Speaker 4: Nick, Do we have questions about friend shop? We do?

463
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:33,120
Speaker 3: Oh yeah.

464
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 2: Our first one is from Maria from Savannah Geologia.

465
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:38,880
Speaker 3: Oh boy, this is trouble.

466
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 2: Say it in this big dummy over. Dear Lisa, my breast,

467
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:51,639
Speaker 2: my breast, breast, my breast, Dude, I'm losing You're a loopy.

468
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:55,359
Speaker 2: My best friend for the past twenty years was my

469
00:23:55,560 --> 00:24:00,440
Speaker 2: college roommate, but the last few times out there, I

470
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:05,160
Speaker 2: realized we didn't have much in common anymore. Declared I

471
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 2: have many friends now that I would call before her

472
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:11,960
Speaker 2: if I needed something. Do I need the replace a

473
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 2: name of successor? Oh god, I got the debutante, Paul

474
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:23,600
Speaker 2: of success Can I just not have a best friend?

475
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:28,400
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't think one needs to name a successor.

476
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:31,679
Speaker 3: I also think it's super gross, and I still stand

477
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 3: by this, to hold on to friends who aren't that

478
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 3: you don't really like that much. I'm not saying she

479
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 3: doesn't like her, but I've had friends who go you know,

480
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 3: I just don't like Joanne anymore, but I don't have

481
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,200
Speaker 3: anybody else, so I'm gonna hang on to her until

482
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 3: I find a replacement. And like the whole thing is

483
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 3: like if your hands are closed, I'm I'm, I have fists.

484
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,879
Speaker 3: If hands are closed, it's not open to receive the

485
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:01,240
Speaker 3: new So you holding onto her isn't going to bring

486
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 3: in new people. So sometimes you're just gonna let go.

487
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,159
Speaker 3: Like when my friend and I had to blow up

488
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 3: and thirty five years later, we're not friends anymore. Okay.

489
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,879
Speaker 3: I had to fully grieve it, let it go, and

490
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,600
Speaker 3: hope the hands were open and people would find their

491
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 3: way in. And as you know, it took ten years,

492
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:23,200
Speaker 3: but other people are there now. It's like this long

493
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:27,400
Speaker 3: road to finding that fulfillment with people. So with her,

494
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,119
Speaker 3: you almost just have to know to placer in that

495
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:35,439
Speaker 3: category of oh, nostalgic cute. We have our memories and

496
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 3: the acceptance that she's just not the bestie anymore. And

497
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:40,920
Speaker 3: it's a little sad, but that's okay.

498
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's okay, man, People change. It's fine, Like it's

499
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 2: totally acceptable. I get kind of who I was talking

500
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:49,879
Speaker 2: about before, was it was similar where I was like, oh,

501
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:50,919
Speaker 2: I felt like in the past.

502
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 3: It was Yeah, it's a nostalgia.

503
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, it's nostalgia. It's a loss in a way.

504
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,199
Speaker 2: You're like, ah, but like they're not hurting you, and

505
00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:59,160
Speaker 2: it's like a fine. If you have lunch once a year,

506
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,399
Speaker 2: you talk on the phone's here for an hour, two hours.

507
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:05,119
Speaker 3: Yeah, and if the person yeah, and if the person's

508
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 3: horrible or they like remember if if they whiteladus you

509
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 3: if they become like those three broads who were on

510
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 3: White Lotus last year where they're just friends from tenth grade,

511
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 3: but still the dynamics is going on of gossiping and

512
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 3: like teaming two against the other one in different groups circumstances.

513
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,959
Speaker 3: It's like, well, maybe that has to be let go of.

514
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,480
Speaker 3: But I think it's just the only thing that really

515
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 3: has to be let go of the expectations of her

516
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 3: to be everything, because she's not anymore. She's just like

517
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:38,680
Speaker 3: this cute, fun friend and it's kind of sad. Yeah, Honestly,

518
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,120
Speaker 3: every episode we have is almost like just feel the feelings.

519
00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 3: That's the hard part, and then you can accept where

520
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 3: they are.

521
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:46,359
Speaker 2: This is our last episodes, so we're just going to

522
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 2: tell you, yeah, feel the feelings.

523
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 3: And just replay this like over and over. Yeah, yes,

524
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 3: I feel like two, like when you have this story

525
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:00,640
Speaker 3: being told to you that your whole bridle Arnie should

526
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 3: be friends from college and your high school bestie, and

527
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 3: it's just setting you up to feel like a loser

528
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,640
Speaker 3: if you don't have it. Yeah, it's like anything society

529
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 3: sets us up to have, whether it's a certain type

530
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 3: of body, certain type of car possession. We're not losers

531
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 3: if we don't have it. We're just different than them,

532
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,160
Speaker 3: and that's that's all.

533
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:21,879
Speaker 2: Right, And we're better than most people.

534
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,600
Speaker 3: I mean, I think I am me never.

535
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 2: What do you think about Celia?

536
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 3: She's terrible? Okay, go ahead, next question. We love her?

537
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,919
Speaker 4: Go ahead, next question.

538
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:39,439
Speaker 2: Excuse me? Michelle from Washington, d C. Dear Lisa, I

539
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,520
Speaker 2: have a few friends who say their husband is their.

540
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:44,720
Speaker 3: Oh no, not the husband's best friend.

541
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:48,199
Speaker 2: Dear Lisa, I have a few friends who say their

542
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:53,719
Speaker 2: husband is their best friend, which I find insane. Thank you,

543
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 2: because I don't even want to look at mine most nights.

544
00:27:58,640 --> 00:27:59,679
Speaker 4: There's a bigger problem.

545
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:04,160
Speaker 2: Think I feel like I must be doing something wrong

546
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,120
Speaker 2: or are they just freaks? Thanks?

547
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:07,200
Speaker 4: You know, what's weird.

548
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 3: I wish I could be more judge of those people,

549
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,960
Speaker 3: but I legit I can name four couples right now

550
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:18,120
Speaker 3: that I know they feel that way, and I think

551
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:22,880
Speaker 3: they're right. What I do feel like they like each

552
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:27,040
Speaker 3: other the best. But the reason I sign off on

553
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 3: these four couples doing that because I can think off

554
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:32,679
Speaker 3: the bat four because they all have other friendships that

555
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 3: are super close. So it's not my husband's my only friend.

556
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:38,840
Speaker 3: Because a lot of people say that, and that to

557
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 3: me is mentally ill, like there's something going on there.

558
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 3: There's some weird like, uh, what's that thing Stockholm syndrome

559
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 3: where your husband or wife is convinced you she's the

560
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 3: only person in the world for you, and then you

561
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 3: don't have friendships. But if people like my friend who

562
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 3: said she's trying to do a little commune of friends

563
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 3: who live together, if you're inclusive like that and say, well,

564
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:00,600
Speaker 3: but my husband I are super close because we've been

565
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 3: together thirty years, You're like, okay, So I can accept it,

566
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 3: and I'm not as grossed out about it as it

567
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 3: used to be. But it's only with people who have

568
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 3: other hobbies, pursuits, friendships et cetera. But the exclusive it's

569
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 3: just me and him. That's against the world. Like go

570
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 3: go fry Ice, then go I want you as a

571
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 3: friend anyway, you dumb hunt.

572
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, I hate yeah, you do hate it.

573
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 3: I think what I know why because your friendships are

574
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 3: mostly men, And for a guy to say that, I

575
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,600
Speaker 3: think more women say that than men.

576
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:38,479
Speaker 2: I could. I could almost. I can almost understand it

577
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 2: more as a woman saying it. Yeah, yeah, a guy

578
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 2: saying it.

579
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:44,480
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, well you don't have.

580
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 2: Any fucking friends you could or like when.

581
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 3: It got anybody better friends?

582
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, when a guy gets married and like half of

583
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 2: his grooms like the groomsman party the bride or whatever

584
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 2: party is like the bride's brothers.

585
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,400
Speaker 3: But you have to do it though, I mean.

586
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 2: I, oh shit, I had too many.

587
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 3: That's great, you're gonna be in a fight.

588
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 2: I don't like this. I come from a small family.

589
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 2: Like that's all great, but like, hey, I got a

590
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 2: lot of fucking friends. I don't need your.

591
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 3: I oh my god, that's so funny because when I

592
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 3: got married Jimmy, I mean, I'm divorced. But he's a

593
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 3: good guy, Like, well, your brother's gonna come right, He's

594
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 3: gonna come to my bachelor party, right, And I'm like, oh, yeah,

595
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 3: I guess you don't have to. So it's a nice

596
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 3: inclusive but also my brother's not annoying. There's not more

597
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 3: than one of him, Like it wasn't a baby shit.

598
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, so nobody was like you, but yeah, it's

599
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 3: I don't think it's like you have to do that.

600
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,560
Speaker 3: But I was like, it's funny when a woman's It's

601
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 3: funny the four people I'm thinking about when the woman says,

602
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 3: my husband's my best friend, but then I see them

603
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 3: with like twenty other friends that are close. I'm like, yeah,

604
00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 3: I get that because that guy's cool. But when it's

605
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 3: so sexist when a guy says about a woman, I'm like,

606
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:06,200
Speaker 3: how cool could she really be? You can't talk about

607
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:06,959
Speaker 3: blowies with her?

608
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, well they made a whole movie about it.

609
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,240
Speaker 2: I love you man. The guy who knows you knows

610
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 2: who only.

611
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 3: Had friends was the wife. It is Cringey's tough dude.

612
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you don't have your own thing, it's.

613
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,640
Speaker 3: Just like maybe that's what triggers me and you when

614
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 3: we're going to eat. It was like, we want our

615
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 3: friends and family to have their own thing too. So

616
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 3: I think my family, you know, is very relieved that

617
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 3: I have a lot of friends and hobbies and pursuits

618
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 3: because they don't have to worry about you. Then they

619
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 3: don't worry. Oh and Lisa's buyers sound like, I don't

620
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 3: think there's ever a pitying glance in my direction. They

621
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 3: wouldn't know that I even struggle with anything, or that

622
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 3: I'm sad about anything, because I'm like, they're like, well,

623
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,479
Speaker 3: what are you doing now? Who you hanging with? Are

624
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:57,360
Speaker 3: you going here? I'm like, yeah, I built like kind

625
00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 3: of a cool life, so I'm glad nobody worries about me.

626
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 3: So you never want to be that person who uh

627
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 3: oh yeah, poor thing, We better invite her. Nobody likes

628
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:10,280
Speaker 3: the sympathy, the pity.

629
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:12,720
Speaker 2: Fuck do you think that too? And you can speak

630
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 2: to this better than I can. But guy friendships and

631
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 2: female friendships are I think are very different. Yeah, So,

632
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 2: like I feel like it's it makes more sense when

633
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 2: a girl maybe doesn't have a million friends, Like if

634
00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:29,200
Speaker 2: a girl has if they have less friends than the

635
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 2: guy guys like oh the boys from college and the

636
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 2: boys from high school, blah blah blah. But like when

637
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 2: women's friendships, I think are a little bit different. So

638
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 2: I think for a woman to say that about her

639
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 2: significant other would make a little bit more sense, just

640
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 2: because female relationships being at more like just tough.

641
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 3: I think it's so like there's not one answer that works.

642
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 3: But I just I've never had a boyfriend that I

643
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 3: felt would be above any of the people in my life,

644
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 3: Like I've never I mean, I should be told, like, honestly,

645
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 3: I think my parents, my brother, my sister, they're like

646
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 3: the loves of my life. I think because I just

647
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:09,400
Speaker 3: think I would put them before everybody else. But I've

648
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 3: never been like, oh, Jimmy fulfills all my friendship needs.

649
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 3: Like that's just weird, but hey, I'm godless. People who

650
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 3: have that go for it. But also again, any female

651
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 3: friend I have who says that about her husband, they

652
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 3: still are very inclusive of others. I think what I

653
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 3: hate about the statement is, oh, does that mean like

654
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 3: we don't count? And those those people be like no, no, no,

655
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 3: that shit's important to me, Like I don't just ignore

656
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 3: my friends. Yeah, I'm always like fascinated by people who

657
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 3: seem to just need the partner like that that she

658
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:45,960
Speaker 3: gaves me.

659
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think for me too, I've just been brought up,

660
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 2: especially my dad. My dad's best friends growing up could

661
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 2: not There were men that could not be alone, like

662
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 2: couldn't and my father hated that about it when I

663
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 2: hated it, but he was like, man, he goes, can't

664
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,959
Speaker 2: these guys just fucking be good with themselves? Like they

665
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 2: always need someone. My uncle Ronnie's on you know, he

666
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:12,799
Speaker 2: had four marriages, he's on girlfriend number five now and

667
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:15,880
Speaker 2: it's you know, it's just different might. So I was

668
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,040
Speaker 2: always brought up to like, even when my friends started,

669
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:21,319
Speaker 2: they settled down early. My dad sat me down and

670
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:25,680
Speaker 2: was like, you gotta have your own stuff. Yeah, you

671
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:29,399
Speaker 2: need to learn how to be with yourself and be Okay.

672
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:32,400
Speaker 3: That's a huge lesson man, cause I never had any

673
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 3: say that out loud to me. But I always saw

674
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 3: my father having lots of pursuits. He was always so

675
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 3: learned and he was always reading and always painting, and

676
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, it just it just oh, daddy

677
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 3: has a life even after retirement. My mom was always

678
00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 3: searching for something and never found it. So I think

679
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 3: that's where I get the trigger of like, oh my god,

680
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 3: like I want that one thing to fulfill me, like

681
00:34:57,760 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 3: Mommy never found it. I have to find the thing

682
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,280
Speaker 3: a person. And it's just like, no, just keep doing

683
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,799
Speaker 3: things and maybe that friend's good for that, and that

684
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,439
Speaker 3: friend's good for the other, and that hobby is good

685
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 3: for whatever season it is. But yeah, it's so if

686
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,880
Speaker 3: you don't have your own life, it's pretty easy to

687
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 3: try to jump into other people's and feel like they're

688
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 3: not fulfilling you.

689
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:24,239
Speaker 2: It's scary. It's such a to jump into something, to

690
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 2: not have anything of your own and jump into someone's

691
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 2: life and like make it yours. It's so man, I'm

692
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 2: getting horrifying. No a horror movie about it.

693
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 3: Honestly, I felt like I was doing that right after retirement.

694
00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:37,360
Speaker 3: I was like, well, let me follow up with SO

695
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 3: and so, let me see what's going on with them,

696
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 3: instead of just letting things evolve nice and naturally. And

697
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 3: it's like, oh, that's the way it was supposed to evolve,

698
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 3: not pushing. So I think a lot of this is

699
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 3: going you know, I've for heard long ago there was

700
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 3: this way. Also, because I get frustrated with people who

701
00:35:55,560 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 3: aren't quote at my level, and like that's the danger

702
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 3: of being friends with people who are younger is that first?

703
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,320
Speaker 3: A good part about being friends with people are younger

704
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 3: is that you're more open minded, You listen to ideas,

705
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 3: you become more of a student of life because you're

706
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:17,279
Speaker 3: actually listening to what they say. And I just don't

707
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,360
Speaker 3: like people my age because they always feel stuck in

708
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 3: their age group, like I can't change my mind, I

709
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 3: can't change things. So that's agist and I shouldn't feel

710
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:29,640
Speaker 3: that way. But I years ago, I remember complaining about that,

711
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 3: how do I become how do I have friends? And

712
00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 3: how do I figure out who I could tell things to?

713
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:38,600
Speaker 3: And this therapist has said to me, she just take

714
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:42,319
Speaker 3: everyone in your life and divide them into two categories

715
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:47,279
Speaker 3: peers and patience, and she goes, and then you'll know

716
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 3: who to go to for what. So if I have

717
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:57,719
Speaker 3: let's take Andrew and our friend Andrew, he's appear in

718
00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 3: some areas like meditation, self knowledge, things like that he's

719
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 3: a patient in the relationship for writing or whatever, like

720
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 3: I'm quote above him in that or have more knowledge

721
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,600
Speaker 3: in that, So then I know if he's a patient

722
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 3: in one area, don't ask him him to help me

723
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 3: with shit in that area, because he's not gonna know

724
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:19,800
Speaker 3: he doesn't know how to do it himself. So I

725
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 3: think it's just patient appears real fucking helpful, and most

726
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 3: of the people are gonna end up patients because of

727
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 3: my advanced age and just knowing too much and doing

728
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 3: too much work on myself. Then when I find a

729
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 3: mentor who looks at me as a patient, that's the

730
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:39,319
Speaker 3: best because then, like my friend Anthony, who's my other

731
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 3: friend who really knows so much more than me. I

732
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 3: have one other friend that I'm like, not that guy.

733
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 3: I always I'm like, oh my god, I get two

734
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,120
Speaker 3: people I get to learn from. That's pretty badass.

735
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 4: I could every.

736
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:54,120
Speaker 3: Other Monday, I could say to Anthony when we have

737
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 3: our little five hour dinners, I'm like, what do you

738
00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:58,640
Speaker 3: think I should do about this? And I know the

739
00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:03,320
Speaker 3: answer is gonna be really earned by him throughout sixty

740
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:06,399
Speaker 3: something years. So it's just those categories that really help.

741
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 3: On the fork and knife things huge, don't I'm a

742
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 3: fork and spoon. Don't pick up a fork if you

743
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 3: need a spoon. So let's not fork.

744
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:15,280
Speaker 4: What's spoon?

745
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:17,960
Speaker 3: Bitch? Do we have another question?

746
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:20,719
Speaker 4: Oh my god, fuck it, hurry on.

747
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:32,360
Speaker 2: So hyle Tha, just here, I'm seventeen from Portland.

748
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 3: That's rough, both on accounts, and.

749
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 2: I know you'll probably roast me for being a dramatic,

750
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 2: but whatever, I'm stressed. Oh, which was a dramatic sentence.

751
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 4: It sure was.

752
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 2: Every show I watch has that one amazing best friend

753
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 2: duo and I have acquaintances like people. I say with

754
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,880
Speaker 2: that lunch. Everyone's always like your best friend should feel

755
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,920
Speaker 2: like family. And I'm out here like okay, but what

756
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 2: if I'm the side character and everyone else's story same.

757
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,560
Speaker 2: I try to put myself out there, but people are

758
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:07,440
Speaker 2: either flaky weirdly. Well, it's Portland. People are either flaky, weirdly, intense,

759
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:10,759
Speaker 2: or just kind of nah. It's normal to feel like

760
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 2: I missed the magical friendship boat? Or do I just

761
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,920
Speaker 2: have to wait until college and hope someone shows up

762
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 2: and wait until oh my god, I just had a seizure.

763
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:21,919
Speaker 3: It's a good point.

764
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,560
Speaker 2: Is it normal to feel like I missed the magical

765
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,880
Speaker 2: friendship boat? Or do I just have to wait until

766
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:32,320
Speaker 2: college and hope someone shows up? Who gets my weirdness?

767
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 3: Okay, seventeen boy is at angsty. That's tough. I get it,

768
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 3: and it's weird. I think that old trope of if

769
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 3: you haven't met them by the time you're fourteen, you're fucked.

770
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:46,600
Speaker 3: It's like the women of the same idea about marriage.

771
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,240
Speaker 3: Like you'll see posts like being like I'm so old,

772
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 3: I'm thirty and I haven't met the man yet. It's

773
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 3: like the thirty I got married for the second time

774
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 3: at fifty, Like.

775
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 4: It's never too late.

776
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:56,919
Speaker 2: Two rings, baby, Yeah.

777
00:39:56,960 --> 00:40:00,200
Speaker 3: I have a shrink years ago who said she a

778
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 3: client who met the love of her I thought this

779
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:05,000
Speaker 3: was so sweet, love of her life at ninety and

780
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, because it's supposed to come when

781
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:11,839
Speaker 3: it comes, So poor Jess. That's why I'm not saying

782
00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:17,319
Speaker 3: wait till college, wait till whenever. You just got to

783
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:20,759
Speaker 3: hold on and be like, Okay, maybe it's this year,

784
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 3: maybe it's not. What have I learned along the way?

785
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:27,439
Speaker 3: Her judgment, Sorry, you're seventeen, so I have to point

786
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 3: out your judgment of they're either flakes or they're meh

787
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:35,880
Speaker 3: or there whatever. That's you judging them. So you're kind

788
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:41,320
Speaker 3: of contributing to the problem. You're not accepting their flaws

789
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 3: and the search. It's almost like the search will never

790
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:53,279
Speaker 3: end until these acquaintances. It sounds but acquaintances are just

791
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 3: friends in early stages, like they're just not friends yet.

792
00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:00,719
Speaker 3: I'm shocked that my friend Bobby is such a good

793
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:04,040
Speaker 3: friend because we met and were just acquaintances. We're just like, oh,

794
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,920
Speaker 3: somebody to hang out with, probably won't go anywhere. He's fun,

795
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 3: he's nice, and I'm like, holy shit, like he has knowledge,

796
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 3: like I can call him and be like, dude, like

797
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,880
Speaker 3: what do I do about this? I'm like, Wow, for

798
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 3: a young guy, that's cool. He was just everybody starts

799
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 3: an acquaintance because if they start at that best friend level,

800
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 3: that's just gonna burn out anyway. The fast friend never works.

801
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:27,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, I start too, so I mean again, like all

802
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 2: the friends I've had or I currently have some of

803
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:32,839
Speaker 2: them that like they're my closest people and I could

804
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:36,560
Speaker 2: call it any moment. Like when we were seventeen, it

805
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:39,479
Speaker 2: was a different friendship, like you're it's a different thing,

806
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,360
Speaker 2: Like I know, this is my best friend who I

807
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:43,400
Speaker 2: could hang out with and talk to forever.

808
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 3: Or you never know.

809
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:46,879
Speaker 2: I don't know yet. I know you're seventeen and you're

810
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 2: both like you know, for guys, especially you know, I

811
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 2: played football in high school. I was a meat head.

812
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:53,920
Speaker 2: You get in like fistfights with your friends and then

813
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:57,160
Speaker 2: you're like, oh, I'm sorry, Like the relationship is dumb

814
00:41:57,239 --> 00:41:58,160
Speaker 2: sometimes well.

815
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 3: You know what will take like a mayor and look

816
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:03,719
Speaker 3: at it. Say people got married at twenty one and

817
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 3: then they get a divorce and like quote we grew

818
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:10,239
Speaker 3: in different directions, totally valid. Well accept that with a

819
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:14,319
Speaker 3: couple friends. Same thing. I had a friend who was

820
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 3: when I met her we were probably twenty one. It

821
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:24,120
Speaker 3: served its purpose and like her values. In about ten

822
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:27,480
Speaker 3: years in, I was like, these are not my values.

823
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 3: Like I learned she was a super believe it or

824
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:36,680
Speaker 3: not conservative. Her parents hated gay people. Make her political.

825
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:38,440
Speaker 3: I mean she was like definitely in one of the

826
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 3: most not her but her family was in a very conservative,

827
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,680
Speaker 3: like what would be classified as a hate group. And

828
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:46,680
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, we're not supposed to be friends because

829
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:49,319
Speaker 3: she still talks to her family. So I was like,

830
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:51,880
Speaker 3: we're just ending this. But it was like I just

831
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:54,239
Speaker 3: got to step away these this girl does not have

832
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:57,040
Speaker 3: the values I have and there's nothing wrong with that.

833
00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:00,239
Speaker 3: It served its purpose when this wacky stuff was isn't

834
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,800
Speaker 3: going on now it doesn't. So I think everybody feels

835
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,719
Speaker 3: like that's the problem. They feel like they're a failure

836
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,600
Speaker 3: if they haven't made it work despite shit like that.

837
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:15,919
Speaker 3: So your friend has a nervous breakdown, and I'm gonna

838
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 3: stick with her no matter what, and like your personality changes,

839
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 3: do I have to stick with it? No, I don't

840
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:24,120
Speaker 3: have to be mean about it. But you'd be like, well,

841
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:26,279
Speaker 3: she's not for me anymore. And this takes a lot

842
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:29,920
Speaker 3: of strength to just be like, wow, that just doesn't

843
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 3: work anymore. So this girl seventeen who knows who she

844
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:36,960
Speaker 3: meets this year. They may not be right, but they

845
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:38,960
Speaker 3: wouldn't have been right in the long run. Anyway.

846
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:40,800
Speaker 2: It's too young to make a judgment call.

847
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:42,400
Speaker 3: I think it's just be open.

848
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're so young, But also.

849
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:48,439
Speaker 3: You're gonna they gotta remember in friendships you're gonna kiss

850
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:52,120
Speaker 3: a lot of frogs too. I have had about ten

851
00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 3: failed friendships or friendship attempts in the last ten years

852
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,719
Speaker 3: because I'm like, oh, they seem nice, and then you

853
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:01,319
Speaker 3: find now you don't like them that much and they

854
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 3: don't like you that much, and then it's like okay,

855
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 3: and then you're a little bit grieving of it, and

856
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:07,400
Speaker 3: you put it to rest and go. No one was

857
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 3: evil here. This wasn't some arch conservative like that crazy

858
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:12,360
Speaker 3: cunt when I was in my twenties.

859
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 4: But it was just like, oh, you're not right for me.

860
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:16,560
Speaker 3: I'm not right for you. That's okay. But it's also

861
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:19,399
Speaker 3: then still fishing in a good way of like, oh,

862
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:21,880
Speaker 3: but they seem nice, I'll talk to them. It's not

863
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,239
Speaker 3: getting closed off. So all she has to do at

864
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:28,600
Speaker 3: any age, especially that young, is just stay open, don't

865
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 3: panic and cling to someone who isn't right for you

866
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 3: and ignore the signs. And I just be like, all

867
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 3: I might not work out every time, because it usually doesn't.

868
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 3: It's hard to grow in the same direction as a person.

869
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:44,040
Speaker 2: It's true you're seventeen. Also, let's relax.

870
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:46,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, well it's easy for you to say, though. I

871
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:51,200
Speaker 3: get because that's why I'm not dismissive and you are,

872
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:53,360
Speaker 3: and that's why I will never be friends.

873
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:55,800
Speaker 2: I'm a PhD in kunt.

874
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 3: You asked the next question fast, and I'm going to

875
00:44:58,040 --> 00:44:59,360
Speaker 3: answer it in two sentences.

876
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:02,880
Speaker 2: Go cool, read fast, Emily and Vancouver. Dear Lisa, my

877
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:04,279
Speaker 2: best friend doesn't consider.

878
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:06,320
Speaker 4: Me your best friend. I got those.

879
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:08,240
Speaker 2: She picks someone else to be her maid of honor

880
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:11,440
Speaker 2: even though she was she was mine at my wedding.

881
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 2: Do you think this matters? Do we both have to

882
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:15,319
Speaker 2: have each other's number one?

883
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:16,000
Speaker 4: Oh?

884
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:17,799
Speaker 2: God, I have to be each other's number one?

885
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 4: Sorry.

886
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:22,160
Speaker 3: I think that is a hard one because of the

887
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 3: wedding thing. Take the wedding thing out and it's a

888
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,520
Speaker 3: little easier to manage. Because I have three friends who

889
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:31,319
Speaker 3: I strongly suspect like me best, but I don't like

890
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 3: them best. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with

891
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 3: any of them. So my friend Andrews one of them.

892
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:38,759
Speaker 3: We have a joke. I always go, I know I'm

893
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:41,759
Speaker 3: your best friend, you're not mine because I don't have

894
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 3: a best friend. I think it's an artificial construct that

895
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 3: doesn't really exist and is sort of possession based, and

896
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:51,239
Speaker 3: I don't think you can possess another person. So I

897
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:54,760
Speaker 3: think it's fine in theory to have different best friends.

898
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:58,880
Speaker 3: But boy, when a wedding thing comes up, everybody gets heightened,

899
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 3: so everybody on their worst behavior.

900
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:03,760
Speaker 2: Especially with women. I think when men it's different because

901
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:08,600
Speaker 2: I know for a fact that, like again my friend Anthony,

902
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:11,279
Speaker 2: he has two brothers, so like I knew that, like,

903
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,680
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna be the best man. It's all good.

904
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:16,400
Speaker 2: I wasn't like, why aren't I the girl that was

905
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:18,920
Speaker 2: hurt by me and my buddy, My buddy Corey, we've

906
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 2: been friends we were nine years old. I was his

907
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:24,600
Speaker 2: best man, I you know, work close, But like, I

908
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:26,680
Speaker 2: don't know if he would be mine. Yeah, I really

909
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:28,719
Speaker 2: it would probably be my friend Anthony. But at the

910
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 2: same time, like, guys are just like whatever, man like

911
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:33,719
Speaker 2: so much cooler, it's so much different and like it.

912
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:35,880
Speaker 2: First of all, it depends on so many factors. I

913
00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:37,440
Speaker 2: always think about this. This is like the woman in me.

914
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:39,480
Speaker 2: I always think about, like whether I'm marrying however many

915
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:40,640
Speaker 2: how many friends is she gonna have?

916
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:41,879
Speaker 3: Well, that's what I can.

917
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 2: Fill as many as you need. But if we only

918
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 2: have four, we.

919
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 3: Gotta have sixteen.

920
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:47,080
Speaker 2: I mean I couldn't want to.

921
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:49,239
Speaker 3: Well, the fact is too like I'm lucky because I

922
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:52,480
Speaker 3: had one sister, so I always insert her in the wedding,

923
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:55,480
Speaker 3: right best or what's it called maid of honor? She

924
00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:57,360
Speaker 3: was a maid of honor in the first, matron of

925
00:46:57,360 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 3: honor in the second. Great, everything's fine, but yeah it

926
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:03,960
Speaker 3: is weirder with friends. But who is this? What's this

927
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:04,920
Speaker 3: bitch's name.

928
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:09,320
Speaker 4: Emily counting me Emily.

929
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,720
Speaker 3: Take the wedding out of it, but you have full

930
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:16,319
Speaker 3: permission to like them as much as you like them.

931
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 3: Feel a little butt hurt that you're not the first

932
00:47:19,680 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 3: that they think of. I think that could even be

933
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:23,840
Speaker 3: brought up because, like I said, I do joke with

934
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 3: Andrew about that. I think a man can take that

935
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:27,840
Speaker 3: joke a little better than a woman could. But it

936
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:30,040
Speaker 3: might be a nice little conversation being like, Ooh, I

937
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:32,440
Speaker 3: thought I thought you'd think of me first. I'm not mad,

938
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:35,399
Speaker 3: but can we talk about if anything's changed between us?

939
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:38,319
Speaker 3: Can we talk if like I could do something that

940
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 3: I'm not doing. Am I letting you down? Somehow? That

941
00:47:41,239 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 3: might be what happens.

942
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:44,240
Speaker 2: If you want to. Ye, it's just different.

943
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:47,319
Speaker 3: We just talk about everything. Women can't let anything go.

944
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,839
Speaker 3: We have to be yaping it up all the time.

945
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like know immediately who I would like like

946
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 2: it would be my buddy Corey and Anthony for my

947
00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:57,959
Speaker 2: bachelor party. I'll be the last one to get married.

948
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,839
Speaker 2: I'm the last one. I would literally just go take

949
00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:01,960
Speaker 2: care of it planet guys, and they would do it,

950
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:02,640
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.

951
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, But it's it's also when but there's no hurt

952
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:10,160
Speaker 3: feelings most of the time with guys. I think with

953
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:14,839
Speaker 3: girls they get really feeling less than because it's just

954
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:17,560
Speaker 3: a struggle to be like, oh no, like I thought

955
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:19,120
Speaker 3: I had this and now I don't like it feels

956
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:24,480
Speaker 3: like a great loss, sadly enough, So Emily hanging there, Hunty, hunty,

957
00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:27,919
Speaker 3: it's a k girl. Just be friends with gay man.

958
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 3: I think we just have to do that from now on.

959
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:31,839
Speaker 3: No women anymore, just.

960
00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 2: Gay men game. They're basically the same thing.

961
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 3: And black ones. Then it's like knock off, two minorities and.

962
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:38,960
Speaker 2: One two birds with one cock.

963
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:41,959
Speaker 3: That's what, okay, but a big one because they're black.

964
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:44,400
Speaker 3: We have to say goodbye. But don't think for a

965
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:48,720
Speaker 3: second we're not BFFs. Actually we're not. I'm not your friend,

966
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 3: I'm not friends with poors, I'm not friends with a Nick,

967
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:56,839
Speaker 3: and I'm certainly not friends with Celia, our producer, who

968
00:48:56,960 --> 00:49:01,120
Speaker 3: doesn't like us anymore. I don't know. I don't trust

969
00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:04,839
Speaker 3: her lack of loyalty. She didn't make me her maid

970
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:09,280
Speaker 3: of honor, and I'm very upset about that.

971
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:10,799
Speaker 4: That's for the next episode.

972
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 3: Next episode, Desperate Women and the People they married the

973
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 3: shoring Celia, Nick, wrap it up, tell people where they

974
00:49:19,560 --> 00:49:20,239
Speaker 3: can find us.

975
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:23,720
Speaker 2: Thanks for listening. Be sure to email us your questions

976
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 2: at shrink This Show at gmail dot com. That is,

977
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:30,360
Speaker 2: Shrink this Show at gmail dot com. Make sure to

978
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:34,440
Speaker 2: follow me on social media at Nick Scopes, Yeah, Instagram, TikTok.

979
00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:37,799
Speaker 2: You could follow Lisa at Lisa Lampinelli and make sure

980
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:41,960
Speaker 2: to listen to Shrink This on your iHeartRadio app Yeah

981
00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 2: bed or wherever you get podcasts or whatever your best

982
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:45,920
Speaker 2: friend tells you.

983
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 4: To podcast or whatever you twiddle.

984
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:52,279
Speaker 3: You'r twat and have fun with I honestly sit on

985
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:58,280
Speaker 3: my iHeart app and it vibrates and it's terrific. Shrink

986
00:49:58,360 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 3: This with Lisa Lambinelli.

987
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 2: I gonna at ya

988
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 3: Mhm