WEBVTT - Matt and Rachel Call it Quits 0:00:02.000 --> 0:00:06.160 Hey, there are folks in this episode when heartbreak makes headlines, 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:10.880 Matt and Rachel have decided to end their relationship. And 0:00:10.920 --> 0:00:15.120 with that, folks, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. Yes, 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:21.120 Matt James and Rachel Kirconnell, the controversial but couple at 0:00:21.120 --> 0:00:23.840 the center of season twenty five of The Bachelor, have 0:00:23.960 --> 0:00:26.720 after four years now ropes decided to call it quits. 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:29.760 And we got this word just a short time ago 0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:33.559 from Matt himself in an Instagram post announcing it. Can 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:36.440 I ask you first? You pointed it out to me 0:00:37.040 --> 0:00:40.080 because you follow and you keep up with stuff on Instagram. 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:41.960 What was your reaction when you saw it? Oh? 0:00:42.080 --> 0:00:43.040 I was heartbroken. 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:47.559 You know, it's something that so many people have followed 0:00:47.560 --> 0:00:50.600 over the past four years. But we know Matt intimately 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:54.240 and well, and he has been a huge source of 0:00:54.280 --> 0:00:59.320 support for us individually and as a couple ever since 0:00:59.480 --> 0:01:02.880 we went through through our situation a few years ago, 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:08.360 and so he is considered a close friend of ours 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:12.840 and we're always rooting for him, and if that means 0:01:13.040 --> 0:01:16.280 him going his separate ways, then obviously we support that. 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:19.759 But it's still sad to see a couple that we 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:23.520 were rooting for, and that I think America was rooting for. 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:31.760 So I've felt sad and his post definitely shows that 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:37.160 he's sad too. He's hurting too. Breakups are hard, tough decisions. 0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:39.840 Yeah, this is one. If you hell again, this is 0:01:39.880 --> 0:01:43.200 a significant period of time that this relationship has been together. 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:46.720 This is not a This wasn't a new something that 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:49.800 was blossoming again four plus years that season was my goodness, 0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:54.520 twenty twenty one is when it aired. But plenty of 0:01:54.520 --> 0:01:58.040 headlines if folks been following them, they seemed great, seemed happy, 0:01:58.080 --> 0:02:00.200 at least if you were following them in news, head 0:01:59.840 --> 0:02:03.800 and social media. But his social media posts, we will 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:06.520 let you know how we all found out the news 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:09.200 that Matt and Rachel we're ending that relationship. It was 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:11.239 from a post early this morning. 0:02:11.080 --> 0:02:14.080 Yes, on Instagram, and it shows a picture actually of 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:16.400 the two of them meeting for the first time on 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:19.799 The Bachelor. So this was from twenty twenty and it's 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:23.120 a joyful that first moment when you meet the person 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:25.639 who you think, at one point you may spend the 0:02:25.680 --> 0:02:27.360 rest of your life with. And that certainly is the 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:29.400 look these two are giving each other in this picture. 0:02:29.440 --> 0:02:33.880 He chose, and his caption reads this, Father, God, give 0:02:34.000 --> 0:02:37.440 Rachel and I strength to mend our broken hearts. Give 0:02:37.520 --> 0:02:41.000 us a piece about this decision to end our relationship 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:45.720 that transcends worldly understanding. Shower our friends and family with 0:02:45.840 --> 0:02:49.040 kindness and love to comfort us and remind us that 0:02:49.080 --> 0:02:52.079 our joy comes from you, Lord. And then he has 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:54.880 a broken heart emoji after that, and he turned the 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:55.519 comments off. 0:02:55.639 --> 0:02:59.760 Yeah, and that's done by a guy who's been through it, 0:03:00.120 --> 0:03:06.640 who's been through a lot publicly. Look, these are human beings. 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:11.040 We don't folks we see on TV and a public eye. 0:03:11.360 --> 0:03:13.960 This is someone Think about any breakup you had in 0:03:13.960 --> 0:03:17.040 your life and how much that hurt, even if you 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:20.240 were the one who initiated the breakup. Breakups are still difficult, 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:22.680 and certainly if you have this many years put into it, 0:03:22.680 --> 0:03:24.560 But then to have to go through the relationship they 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:28.320 had in a public manner is certainly something we can 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:30.679 attest to is difficult. But then what they went through 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:33.840 initially on the show with the controversy, these two have 0:03:33.960 --> 0:03:38.920 been through some fire together and publicly, and I think 0:03:39.000 --> 0:03:41.360 that is why, in a lot of ways, I think 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:42.960 this will come as a shock. It'll come as a 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:45.120 shock to a lot of people. If you've been following 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:49.360 on social media, these two are everywhere together, playing, having fun, eating, traveling, 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:52.800 and so this that might be the reason that comes 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:53.600 to the shock to people. 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:56.640 Babe the post and look, I know, we know that 0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:59.160 what you put out on social media is the best 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:02.120 version of yourself most of the time, the best of times. 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:06.040 You aren't normally posting about or talking about the fight 0:04:06.120 --> 0:04:10.400 you just had or the deep seated problem you're trying 0:04:10.440 --> 0:04:13.520 to work through. So we get that all relationships have 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:16.599 those different layers that you aren't necessarily showing. 0:04:16.720 --> 0:04:20.960 But I think for me, the announcement. 0:04:20.480 --> 0:04:25.080 I was expecting from Matt was an engagement and there's 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:27.320 a reason for us to have felt that way. I mean, look, 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:34.279 the post he put up ten hours actually twelve hours 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:36.960 before the announcement that they broke up, was a picture 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:40.080 of the two of them eating pizza in London together, 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:43.880 And all of the posts before that, which were almost daily, 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:47.680 were the two of them together, laughing, talking, smiling, eating, 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:51.320 enjoying each other, having pet names for one another. So 0:04:51.800 --> 0:04:56.120 it is a little jarring given that the last post 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:58.359 was one of love and joy or seeming and maybe 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:02.480 that still existed. Maybe they've realized they're better friends than lovers. 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:04.000 I mean, there were so many things that could go 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:08.359 into it, but it is definitely shocking, especially when you 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:11.200 look at Rachel's last post. It was Matt's birthday, which 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:13.120 was recent December fifth. It was just a little over 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:16.120 a month ago. And if you don't mind, I'm going 0:05:16.200 --> 0:05:19.640 to read her caption from I guess what would be 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:23.039 five weeks ago, six weeks ago, happiest of birthdays to 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:26.279 my best friend, my teammate, my souex chef, the man 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:29.440 that has my whole heart you feel it and my 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:31.599 tummy with so much love and laughter, and I'm so 0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:33.880 thankful I get to dance through this life with you. 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:37.240 Thank you for never ending love and support and smooches 0:05:37.279 --> 0:05:42.080 and snuggles to many more adventures. Happy birthday, my pumpkin. 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:46.279 And he teased and wrote a caption saying I'm your pumpkin, 0:05:46.880 --> 0:05:49.320 and then he called her chicken, so they were using petne. 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:52.760 This is just a few weeks ago, so yes, so. 0:05:52.800 --> 0:05:57.080 Look, will you never and ever ever know what's going 0:05:57.080 --> 0:05:59.840 on behind the scenes? And look, I can tell you 0:06:00.000 --> 0:06:03.560 they weren't just putting on public click we could confirm 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:08.599 that for one hundred percent sure, but not only could 0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:12.000 you speculate and hope and wonder that the next announcement 0:06:12.040 --> 0:06:14.680 was going to be one about an engagement. He flat 0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:17.200 out as they say these things they I mean, he 0:06:17.320 --> 0:06:20.800 was on the show earlier on on our podcast, and 0:06:21.360 --> 0:06:23.719 he's not shy about saying, yes, marriage is next, and 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:25.440 marriage is what we're thinking. We're talking about this, and 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:28.359 that the planning was being done for a future together. 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:32.479 Things happened behind the scenes, and it doesn't mean it 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:34.599 has to be nasty. It doesn't mean something had to 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:37.720 somebody had to have done something wrong. Sometimes you just 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:40.240 come to this realization and it could have happened late 0:06:41.440 --> 0:06:44.680 or very recently. I mean, so yes, those posts could 0:06:44.720 --> 0:06:46.480 have been one hundred percent accurate for what they were 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:49.960 feeling and experiencing at the time and something changed or 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:53.159 conversation became different. So we're not going to speculate on 0:06:53.200 --> 0:06:53.640 the reasons. 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:57.000 No, No, And we know Matt well enough to say 0:06:57.000 --> 0:07:01.680 this with confidence. He is an authentic dude. He is 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:06.240 not putting on a show for Instagram followers or to 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:08.000 make things seem better than they are. And so I 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:11.800 believe that if six weeks ago, they were both speaking 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:14.720 as if they were looking forward to the future, excited 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:18.520 about their lives together. Then that was the case six 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:21.080 weeks ago. I mean in October they were on a 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:23.720 podcast as you I think you kind of referenced there 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:28.360 that they are talking. They were talking publicly and candidly 0:07:28.480 --> 0:07:31.800 about getting engaged, because if you follow them on Instagram, 0:07:31.880 --> 0:07:33.600 you know that they've been through They're in that time 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:35.920 or that phase in their life where everyone's getting married. 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:39.560 So they were constantly going to a lot of Rachel's friends' weddings, 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:41.560 and Matt even joked about it. I think he couldn't 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:44.200 come to one of our events or something we had 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:46.440 invited him too, because he was going to get another 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:47.400 wedding with Rachel. 0:07:47.520 --> 0:07:49.960 But I think another time he skipped the wedding so 0:07:49.960 --> 0:07:51.000 we could do something with him. 0:07:51.200 --> 0:07:52.960 I think he did a podcast with us and he 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:55.000 skipped the wedding. But there was you know, you go 0:07:55.040 --> 0:07:58.320 through your late twenties, early thirties, everyone's getting engaged, everyone's 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:02.200 getting married. So he was even speaking two months ago 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:06.200 about having had so many Rachel's friends going through engagements. 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:07.960 He said, I wouldn't dare go look at a ring 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:10.760 without consulting Rachel first. But he's clearly said when they 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:13.040 asked about him getting married or them getting married, he said, 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:15.800 I think that's the next step. Again, this is two 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:19.960 months ago, and so then Rachel even went on to say, 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:23.800 I have the finger ready. I feel that's definitely something 0:08:23.840 --> 0:08:27.440 we want, but I'm on his time. And so I 0:08:27.440 --> 0:08:30.160 think she made it very clear that she was ready, ready, ready. 0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:32.280 She said, my problem is I definitely need to go 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:34.240 find a ring I like and everything, but that's on 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:38.200 him at this point. So you know, she was saying, hey, 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:41.800 I'm ready, and he indicated that he was too, or 0:08:41.840 --> 0:08:42.720 he was getting ready. 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:45.640 Look, and we talk about this stuff publicly, and this 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:49.800 is look walking a fine line here because there's obviously 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:52.160 some stuff that we are privy to behind the scenes 0:08:52.240 --> 0:08:55.280 and from a personal standpoint with Matt over the years 0:08:55.559 --> 0:08:58.240 now oh dang god, it's been four or five years 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:01.320 now with Matt. But so I do want to make 0:09:01.320 --> 0:09:05.320 sure we're respectful of that relationship. But I can say 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:07.840 that stuff he's putting out publicly is also what he 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:10.680 was saying privately. Yes, it's been talking plenty with him 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:13.400 about marriage and future and Rachel and where they were 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:15.440 going what they were going to be plenty So it 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:17.760 was in line publicly and privately with the things you 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:25.280 were saying. It sucks any breakup you're always rooting for. Well, 0:09:25.320 --> 0:09:27.160 I am at least right, I'm still rooting for Jalo 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:31.760 and Ben. We've seen a number of celebrity or high 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:35.280 profile breakups here lately. But the way this one came 0:09:35.320 --> 0:09:40.040 together because we first started interviewing this cat in twenty 0:09:40.520 --> 0:09:43.040 twenty or twenty twenty one. So Season twenty five with 0:09:43.120 --> 0:09:45.120 the Bachelor launched in January of twenty twenty one. 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:48.120 Yeah, it was filming in twenty twenty during the pandemic 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:51.120 and all of that, but everybody was kind of glued 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:53.079 to their TVs in a way maybe they weren't before 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:54.319 because of the pandemic. 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:57.319 Okay, so you throw in the pandemic, and you throw 0:09:57.320 --> 0:10:01.080 in the fact he's the first black Bachelor. This was huge, 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:04.199 Like this was an event. His season was wild, everybody 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:09.640 paying attention, and he is as charming and intelligentic and 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:12.360 ready for that show. He was a perfect bachelor to 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:13.079 be honest. 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:15.920 With you, you really he really was and is Yeah, oh. 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:19.080 In his background, just everything about this dude. You just love. 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:22.640 And then, of course came the controversy in the season 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:26.200 because pictures came out about one of his finalists, Rachel 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:32.600 Kreconnell Antebellum party while she was in college in the South. 0:10:32.679 --> 0:10:34.720 Those pictures came out, she was accused of being a 0:10:34.840 --> 0:10:38.800 racist and participating in this thing. That controversy hit. The 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:42.080 problem there is Robes. The show taped so early, so 0:10:42.120 --> 0:10:46.160 the shape show was done taping, he had already picked somebody. 0:10:46.200 --> 0:10:47.280 Just the public didn't. 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:49.559 Know he had already picked her. He had already picked Rachel. 0:10:49.679 --> 0:11:02.240 That's the problem. We didn't know that. So then these 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:05.319 pictures come out while she was just a finalist, and 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:08.240 I think a lot of people behind the show freaked out, 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:13.040 Oh shit, everybody hates this girl and she's the one 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:16.160 that he ended it so to some degree, and I 0:11:16.160 --> 0:11:19.440 think that's where Chris Harrison came in and he started 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:23.000 to kind of defend her a little bit. Is that 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:23.520 a fair way? 0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:25.839 Well, I think the I think the point because he 0:11:25.920 --> 0:11:28.360 knew the outcome right, and he was fully invested in 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:30.280 the show in multiple ways, not just being the host, 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:33.240 but being a part of this franchise for two decades, 0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:38.080 So he was trying to amend I believe the pr 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:41.800 that was blowing up in defense of the show, probably 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:46.679 first and foremost, and also of Matt and Rachel, because 0:11:46.679 --> 0:11:49.319 he knew them and liked them, and so he thought 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:51.240 he was doing a solid for them. 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:54.280 But it came out terribly wrong. It came out up. 0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:57.720 It ended up ending his career on the show. And 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:03.840 the other Rachel Yes, Yes Lindsay. 0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:06.679 Rachel Lindsay, he did an interview with her on her 0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:12.040 entertainment show and came off as if he's defending racist Behaviorrent. 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:14.320 He got into a little back and forth with Rachel Lindsay, 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:20.400 and that moment probably hurt Rachel Kirconnell and Matt James' 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:22.840 relationship even more because it blew up the controversy into 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:25.920 an even bigger one to a great degree. So they 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:30.120 ended up. Matt and they broke up for a little while. Yeah, 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:34.319 and I applauded them for getting back together, but it 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:36.840 was all you were saying here. It was such a 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:40.120 strain on their relationship that controversy that it ended them 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:41.080 the first time around. 0:12:42.240 --> 0:12:43.520 And they've talked about that. 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:47.400 That that that public pressure of what people thought about 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:52.040 them about her absolutely influenced that, and then he even 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:54.880 talked about in that same interview a few months ago 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:57.640 in October on that podcast, about pressure, and. 0:12:57.600 --> 0:12:58.560 He said, we're doing great. 0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:00.360 I feel like when you feel pressure, it's when you 0:13:00.400 --> 0:13:02.959 don't want to do something. So he said he never 0:13:02.960 --> 0:13:05.559 felt pressure to get engaged because it's something he's always 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:07.600 wanted to do and it's something that we're gonna do 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:10.560 at some point. He said, that's why we're together, that's 0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:13.240 what we're working toward. I'm excited about our future. But 0:13:13.280 --> 0:13:15.959 he talked about that very same pressure as being part 0:13:15.960 --> 0:13:17.840 of the reason why they broke up the first time. 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:20.679 But because they'd been through it, because they got through it, 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:23.360 because they worked through it, they felt more solid than 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:25.240 ever continuing their relationship. 0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:27.400 I was and you know what, that gave me confidence 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:29.840 as well. I did not think they would actually get 0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:32.040 back through that first breakup. Oh yeah, I was like, Okay, 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:35.160 I get it. I actually get it, and I got 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:38.679 why as a black man, he would have a difficult 0:13:38.760 --> 0:13:43.000 time maybe trying to reconcile what his girlfriend had done, 0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:45.680 trying to explain it to his family or his friends, 0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:48.080 and trying to say no, she's okay, you trust me, 0:13:48.120 --> 0:13:49.720 and again at that point, they didn't know each other 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:53.800 that well, right, I have a history with you that 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.400 no matter what you do today, I have a foundation 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:58.920 of who you are. I don't think they knew each 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:00.160 other well enough at that time. 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:03.360 And I think anytime you meet somebody, We've watched enough 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:07.120 reality TV to know that there are always those questions 0:14:08.440 --> 0:14:10.160 among the contestants as. 0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:12.199 To who is there for the right reasons, who. 0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:15.000 Is there to get a larger following on social media, 0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:18.080 who was there to become an influencer, And so you 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:19.880 can see where that could have played into. 0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:20.440 All of it as well. 0:14:20.480 --> 0:14:22.800 Where you're not who you think you are, You're not 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:25.080 who you say you are because I don't know you. 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:27.720 But they Yeah, four years together is no small thing 0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:32.080 in the public eye after all of that to get through. 0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:34.880 I mean, I think people know this, We know it 0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:37.640 really well. But that was a lot of strain on 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:43.160 that relationship from responsibilities from I mean personal and public responsibilities, 0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:47.200 from living situation. They're in several different places and bouncing 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:49.880 around states, so coordinating all that can be difficult as well, 0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:53.520 but they always always, in my opinion, even behind the scenes, 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:57.120 every relationship has an issue of sulf. Of course, no 0:14:57.120 --> 0:15:02.720 nobody is perfect, but I held out hope you put 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:04.480 money on it, I would have bet for an engagement 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:05.920 was going to be the next thing we heard versus 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:06.680 a breakup. 0:15:06.560 --> 0:15:08.920 A one hundred percent my way, and that's absolutely what 0:15:09.000 --> 0:15:12.040 I would have thought as well, hearing how he speaks 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:14.440 of her and spoke of her, And you know, you 0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:15.880 make the point we've talked about this. 0:15:16.600 --> 0:15:17.720 They were kind. 0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:20.320 Of in a long distance relationship because they never I 0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:24.560 don't believe from our understanding, they never actually lived in 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:25.240 the same. 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:25.840 Town full time. 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:26.760 That's tough. 0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:29.960 And they do have rigorous travel schedules with what he 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:32.400 does and what she does. She's just started a lifestyle brand, 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:36.000 I believe, so they're constantly traveling apart from one another, 0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:40.000 and that absolutely puts a strain on a relationship as well. 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:42.440 And you know, they had to They would have had 0:15:42.480 --> 0:15:44.880 to decide had they gotten engaged, where they were going 0:15:44.960 --> 0:15:47.240 to live, and that might have been a huge sticking point. 0:15:47.320 --> 0:15:50.320 You know, we don't know, and those are major when 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:55.360 you when you have differences of opinion, you obviously have 0:15:55.400 --> 0:15:57.360 to compromise if you're going to end up living your 0:15:57.400 --> 0:16:00.360 lives together. But on major issues when it come to 0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:05.160 where you're living or how you're living, who works, who doesn't, 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:07.320 Who stay at homes with a kid, who doesn't? You know, 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:09.840 I love that I see a lot of young couples 0:16:10.320 --> 0:16:13.480 really putting in the time to consider those factors before 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:16.400 they get married. And I applaud that because that's not 0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:18.400 something I even really considered or thought about when I 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:20.800 rushed into marriage at twenty three. And so I applaud 0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:23.760 anyone who gives extra time and thought to some of 0:16:23.800 --> 0:16:28.800 these major things that can absolutely derail a marriage. 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:30.120 So, you know, I. 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:33.280 Think, as sad as it is to see a breakup 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:35.720 and two people who we were I think all invested 0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:40.880 in and rooting for, I actually applaud. I applaud the 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:44.680 bravery encourage it takes to break up before you get married, 0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:47.280 to not do what people expect you to do, to 0:16:47.360 --> 0:16:49.640 not walk down the aisle because you think you should 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:53.400 or you said you would. And I can only speak 0:16:53.440 --> 0:16:55.280 for myself that I have been in that position before 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:58.880 and made the wrong call. So I applaud someone who 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:01.360 can in it. It does take courage to break up 0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:05.440 like this before, especially when you know people are rooting 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:05.800 for you. 0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:11.239 That to that last point you make. I've talked about this. 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:14.639 I think you've I think you've said it's less for 0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:16.479 you than it is for me. But that public pressure 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:21.760 sometimes is you've had so many I mean, you've had 0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:25.040 other people come along and invest in the decision you're 0:17:25.119 --> 0:17:28.520 making because they also say, Okay, TJ, I'm with you. 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:30.520 But if you tell me this is what you want, 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:32.240 I am going to root for it too. I am 0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:34.639 gonna support it as well. But now you've got all 0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:37.760 those people with you, which feels great when everything's going great. 0:17:37.960 --> 0:17:40.240 But then the next thing, Okay, this grouple, I'm going 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:43.200 to disappoint them, I'm going to disappoint my family again. 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:45.480 You think, oh my god, what are they gonna say 0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:48.280 about us here or there or you for it to 0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:50.600 have to run through your mind for a split second 0:17:50.800 --> 0:17:54.160 that your relationship you need to consider a headline that's 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:56.840 going to be written. That is. That's not a way 0:17:56.880 --> 0:18:00.159 to be. But it's a reality, and it is. It 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:06.080 feels awful. It does. It feels awful. As difficult as 0:18:06.080 --> 0:18:08.840 a relationship can be, we all know they're hard roabes. 0:18:10.119 --> 0:18:14.040 You show me one relationship and there's no way ones 0:18:14.040 --> 0:18:16.360 that have made it that it's been an easy road. 0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:19.560 It's never easy, and I mean, I think that is 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:24.359 what makes them so special and valuable if you do 0:18:24.480 --> 0:18:26.359 find the right person who you're willing to work hard 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:30.200 for and with, because it's rare. I do actually think 0:18:30.240 --> 0:18:32.960 it's rare, and you know it's I think anyone who's listening. 0:18:32.960 --> 0:18:35.639 You don't have to be a celebrity or someone in 0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:38.280 the public eye to know how hard it is to 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:42.120 make these decisions, because in your world, if it's your 0:18:42.160 --> 0:18:47.000 pastor if it's your neighbors, if it's your children's school 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:55.080 friends and community, no one wants to admit that they 0:18:55.119 --> 0:18:57.800 can't work it out, that they can't figure it out, 0:18:57.840 --> 0:19:01.439 that they fell out of love, that they want different things. 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:07.439 Those things all feel embarrassing, humiliating, shameful even sometimes so, 0:19:07.800 --> 0:19:08.240 But why do. 0:19:08.240 --> 0:19:10.480 We feel that if everybody's gone through it, everybody listening 0:19:10.560 --> 0:19:12.240 is gone through what you're talking about, So why is 0:19:12.280 --> 0:19:16.119 it we end up being made to feel like crap 0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:18.920 in a public way like this or no, even privately. 0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:22.560 Sometimes people look at yes, okay, is if your relationship 0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:24.399 is great, is if everything's great over there, and you go, 0:19:24.640 --> 0:19:27.600 why is it we look we do that to people, 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:30.439 even if we've gone through it, every single one of us, 0:19:30.800 --> 0:19:34.000 but everybody is going to be online and typing something 0:19:34.000 --> 0:19:37.040 is saying something negative. Aha, I told you that kind 0:19:37.119 --> 0:19:38.119 why do we do that? 0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:40.720 And then there's finger pointing because people always want to 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:44.560 blame one person for being the cause or reason for 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:47.120 a breakup because you know what, it's easier you want 0:19:47.119 --> 0:19:49.600 to you want to have an explanation so you can think, Ah, 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:52.199 that's not happening in my marriage or in my relationship, 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:54.359 so I'll be okay. I do think that is what 0:19:54.440 --> 0:19:57.439 it all boils down to. But I just I just 0:19:57.520 --> 0:20:00.320 want to say that my heart is breaking for both 0:20:00.359 --> 0:20:03.520 of them and their families and their friends and everyone 0:20:03.520 --> 0:20:04.480 who is rooting for them. 0:20:04.400 --> 0:20:05.640 Because it is a loss. 0:20:06.000 --> 0:20:07.800 It's a loss of a dream, it's a loss of 0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:11.040 a hope, and somehow we all maybe even personalize it 0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:12.800 and think, oh, no, if it could happen to them, 0:20:12.840 --> 0:20:14.919 it could happen to me. And I think that is 0:20:14.960 --> 0:20:17.800 what goes through a lot of people's minds when they 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:21.040 see a breakup like this, even if it's someone you've 0:20:21.040 --> 0:20:23.639 never met, someone you've never known, but someone who you've 0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:28.040 looked up to or looked to for comfort or joy, 0:20:28.600 --> 0:20:31.800 and maybe even if your relationship isn't going great, seeing 0:20:31.800 --> 0:20:34.639 someone else sometimes gives you hope that yours might come around. 0:20:34.680 --> 0:20:36.760 So I do think we all end up relating this 0:20:37.680 --> 0:20:40.520 sometimes back to ourselves and our own lives, and you 0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:46.080 want to have those beacons of hope that relationships can 0:20:46.200 --> 0:20:47.800 last through the tough times. 0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:49.520