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Speaker 1: And Martinez in Real Life podcast Carmichael everybody, Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: Hi Rod, I like you so much already. I like

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Speaker 1: you so much already.

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Speaker 2: I've been very excited.

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Speaker 3: I like in my life shut up truly, like maybe

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Speaker 3: three dream people to talk to you. Who am I

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Speaker 3: on the list with it? This is Oprah, Charlie Rose,

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Speaker 3: Charlie's gone. We love Yeah, we lost Charlie.

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Speaker 2: We had a great run, and it's like, but just.

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Speaker 1: No Oprah yet? Ever.

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Speaker 3: You know, I don't know if me and Oprah, I

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Speaker 3: might say Nigga too much for Oprah. I don't know

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Speaker 3: what it is about Oprah Like I love her. I

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Speaker 3: mean I think she's absolutely I know you love her too.

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Speaker 3: She's I mean, yes, she's absolutely incredible.

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Speaker 1: She's been taking a beating lately. I feel like her

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Speaker 1: people don't love her as much like you used to

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Speaker 1: be unanimous that everybody loved Oprah.

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Speaker 3: Well, it goes through phases. It was like, because I

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Speaker 3: grew up during the she's a sellout. My dad couldn't

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Speaker 3: stand Oprah. My mom watched her every day, so it

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Speaker 3: was always these waves of like they love her, they

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Speaker 3: hate her. She's black excellence, she's white, She's what like

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Speaker 3: you kind of I'm old enough to have seen those

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Speaker 3: phases that she's gone through, and so it's so yeah,

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Speaker 3: like right now people don't like rich people and they

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Speaker 3: tweet about it on Elon Musk's Twitter.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what happened. I love that I get to

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Speaker 1: be on the list with just me and Oprah for sure.

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Speaker 2: I was so excited, like, and.

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Speaker 3: Uh, you know, I loved I used to like download

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Speaker 3: your interviews on like Kazah and lin Wire and stuff

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Speaker 3: like that, so random. Yeah, Like I just like I

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Speaker 3: was in North Carolina and so there was no way

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Speaker 3: to capture them before pre internet like things. And especially

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Speaker 3: like your interviews with Jay were like my father at

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Speaker 3: Jay's like like one of the architects architects of my personality.

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Speaker 3: So I love you and him together because it was

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Speaker 3: so it was just like always a great, exciting, funny

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Speaker 3: dynamic and you got so much more out of them

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Speaker 3: than everybody else.

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Speaker 1: Well, we used to he used to call us the

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Speaker 1: Snoop and Dre of the radio because we had so

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Speaker 1: many great interviews. And I wish a lot of those

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Speaker 1: were on video because I don't think people A lot

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Speaker 1: of people don't even know that.

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Speaker 3: Oh I love love I mean the post I mean

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Speaker 3: uh post r Kelly one is exciting, exciteding, exciting, like

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Speaker 3: post summer jam post. All these moments you find him

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Speaker 3: than when when he just showed up you didn't even

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Speaker 3: know he was coming. That happened, Yeah, you just like

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Speaker 3: had to like, I love all love that.

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Speaker 1: That makes me so happy. Who were you back then?

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Speaker 1: Like in that timeframe? So you're listening, this is Andrew

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Speaker 1: Martinez JAYZ Interviews. Who are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm a little kid and like probably bo was born

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Speaker 3: in eighty seven, so uh you know thirteen maybe and

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Speaker 3: wear my like Rockaware or Sean John or dabout like

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Speaker 3: T shirt the lots of logos and labels.

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Speaker 2: My big brother lived in the house.

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Speaker 3: He's like eight years older than me, so he was

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Speaker 3: the one that really put me on all the music

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Speaker 3: that shaped my personality, like just big. He was like

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Speaker 3: in North Carolina listening to Biggie early we had reasonable

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Speaker 3: doubt on Priority records. He had to tape the original

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Speaker 3: like Priority the original dead pres like and was like

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Speaker 3: one of the only ones at the time, like really

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Speaker 3: really a jay And you know, we listen to a

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Speaker 3: lot of New York rap and.

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Speaker 1: Stuff like that are you funny?

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Speaker 3: At that age, I'm learning I'm funny. Eighth grade, I

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Speaker 3: think was the moment when I really realized I was funny.

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Speaker 2: There was this class debate.

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Speaker 3: It's this guy, mister Nairi, who wanted us to have

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Speaker 3: a class debate, and he separated us into teams, like

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Speaker 3: he had us read this article. It's like, if you

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Speaker 3: agree with the man in the article, you sit on

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Speaker 3: this side of the classroom. If you disagree, you sit

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Speaker 3: on the other. And I was the only one who agreed,

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Speaker 3: and I battled the whole class. But I was funny,

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Speaker 3: Like everyone was laughing, and like the more people laugh

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Speaker 3: the more they saw my point. So I remember that

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Speaker 3: being a big turning point. But my family's funny. My

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Speaker 3: dad's real funny, like everybody's.

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Speaker 2: Like my MIC's swallowing a little bit. So yeah, I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna get it together here, Yeah a little bit.

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Speaker 3: You know. I've been going on never never walks.

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Speaker 2: All I got.

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Speaker 3: That's why I live in New York so I can

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Speaker 3: go on walks. It's all. That's my only exercise. I

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Speaker 3: got a couple of thirty pound dumb bells in the house.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes I lift them up.

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Speaker 1: That's it.

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Speaker 2: That's it.

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Speaker 3: It's reuly nothing that's funny.

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Speaker 1: You say your dad is funny because I only know

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Speaker 1: your dad from the show now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and he's quieter now and more people like my

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Speaker 3: dad was. I mean, they're flashes to him younger on

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Speaker 3: the show. My dad was very charismatic.

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Speaker 2: You gotta be.

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Speaker 3: We can't maintain multiple families and not be kind of charismatic,

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Speaker 3: kind of funny.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know. And also this is a very specific

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Speaker 1: time in his life that you captured his energy. That

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Speaker 1: is probably a little different.

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Speaker 3: Well, he's now in the like, let's lead the past

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Speaker 3: in the past, let's not talk about anything. Just watch

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Speaker 3: the game phase of his life. Like he plays Madden,

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Speaker 3: so he just wants to play Madden. He doesn't want

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Speaker 3: to talk about the past. He just wants to like

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Speaker 3: was born. He was born in fifty seven, so he's

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Speaker 3: thirty years.

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Speaker 2: Older than that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, gues, I find that that generation.

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Speaker 2: Oh, they don't want to talk about it.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about that. No, they don't

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Speaker 1: want to talk about any wrongdoings or any like it's there.

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Speaker 1: They hired, you know, they would like cover up anything

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Speaker 1: that was like.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and he wants to be seen as a good

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Speaker 3: person like we all do, like we all want to

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Speaker 3: be good. Yeah, but he doesn't want to do the

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Speaker 3: work necessary to get to that. Like you have to

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Speaker 3: go through the bad things, mistakes, regrets, own them, own them.

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Speaker 3: You have to own them and go through them. And

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Speaker 3: he's more of the I apologized once I said it,

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Speaker 3: I said, Remember i said I'm sorry that one.

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Speaker 1: Time for the second thousand.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, like I said, I'm sorry one time

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Speaker 3: Merry Christmas.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's so I don't want to dig into it

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Speaker 1: yet because I want to when we talk about this

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Speaker 1: show that is on HBO right now. I have so

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Speaker 1: many thoughts and so many questions, but.

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Speaker 3: I'm comforting you can get anything out of me.

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Speaker 2: So you know, I love that. I'll say anything to you.

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Speaker 1: I love that for us. Well, let's start at the

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Speaker 1: beginning of IRL, because we ask everybody, on a scale

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Speaker 1: of one to ten, how happy are you today?

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Speaker 3: Oh? Today's good.

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Speaker 2: I feel really really good today.

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Speaker 3: I'm only going to say a nine because I want

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Speaker 3: to give myself room for something else. No, actually ten,

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Speaker 3: this is if this isn't a ten day. No, really,

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Speaker 3: I'm happy to be here. I was excited to talk

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Speaker 3: to you. I feel like comfortable.

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Speaker 2: I feel.

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Speaker 3: I love that, Yeah, I feel good?

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Speaker 1: Is that like on an average day, where do you land?

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Speaker 4: Do you think?

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Speaker 3: I mean there are days I'm usually a pretty happy person.

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Speaker 3: I've had phases in periods like you see it on

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Speaker 3: the show where I'm really tormented by.

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Speaker 2: Things and I'm going through things.

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Speaker 3: And that's really the reason we captured it, because it

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Speaker 3: was such a disruption to my demeanor, like who I

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Speaker 3: normally am, normally like a positive, happy person, and then

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Speaker 3: I was going through things like really like tough situations.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know what the answer was and.

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Speaker 3: I was trying to figure things out in my life

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Speaker 3: and I was in the fetal position a lot. And

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Speaker 3: it's no good. But that like a lot of that

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Speaker 3: is captured on the show.

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Speaker 1: On the show, yeah, yeah, because I wonder about that

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Speaker 1: watching it, like it is it you? I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I've had a lot of conversations, not a lot, but

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Speaker 1: a few conversations about the show, and there's so many

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Speaker 1: different The way people lands with people is so different

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Speaker 1: from person to person.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, some people can't.

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Speaker 3: Some people Episode one like nope, yeah no is the

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Speaker 3: number one reason all the foot in the mouth. People

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Speaker 3: people get real conservative about like I've put someone's like

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Speaker 3: sexuality of it. I put someone's foot in my mouth,

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Speaker 3: and people are.

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Speaker 2: Like, no, don't want it at all.

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Speaker 3: I didn't realize people were so conservative until until that moment.

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Speaker 2: I thought that was mild.

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Speaker 1: Sexuality, Especially on display like that. You know, you can

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Speaker 1: lose people right away for sure.

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Speaker 2: That's a big part of religion.

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Speaker 3: Like a lot of religion is just like, hey, let

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Speaker 3: me I can't focus on what I want sexually, so

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Speaker 3: let me talk to this guy. Yeah, like, dear God,

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Speaker 3: dear God, take my sexual urges away from me, please please.

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Speaker 1: You think that's the root of.

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Speaker 3: I think that's a huge part of religion. I think

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Speaker 3: it's to cover up like sexual urgents, because a lot

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Speaker 3: of it it's like, I mean, religion is like drugs,

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Speaker 3: and a lot of drugs is to cover up sexual urgency.

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Speaker 3: And I think a lot of it is like like

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Speaker 3: sexual yeah, yeah, I think you go to God to

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Speaker 3: protect yourself.

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Speaker 1: From So do you want to piss people off early

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Speaker 1: in this podcast is what you're telling me.

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Speaker 3: No, I want to free them. I want to free them.

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Speaker 3: I want I want to liberate people. I'm feeling comfortable.

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Speaker 3: I want people to go through what I went through

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Speaker 3: because I was. I definitely hid behind God. I'm speaking

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Speaker 3: to myself a lot of times, it sounds like I'm

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Speaker 3: like just talking. I'm really talking about me. I was

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Speaker 3: a twenty something very religious person, and a lot of

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Speaker 3: the reasons because I felt wrong. I felt ashamed of

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Speaker 3: myself such a deep shame.

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Speaker 2: I was gay.

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Speaker 3: I wasn't supposed to be. That's not the idea that

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Speaker 3: my mother had of me or my father. That's not

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Speaker 3: who I thought I was. It's not who I wanted

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Speaker 3: to be. I tried to pray it away. I tried

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Speaker 3: so hard not to be gay.

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Speaker 1: Oh my God, did you like literally say that prayer?

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Speaker 3: I said the prayer I used to. I don't know

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Speaker 3: how graphic can we be on this one? Whatever you want?

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Speaker 3: So I like when I this is from like middle school,

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Speaker 3: early high school, Like I would get home from school

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Speaker 3: before my parents got off work. So you know, you're

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Speaker 3: a kid, you like, I have the Internet, So it

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Speaker 3: was like definitely going to like sits. I'm definitely jerking

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Speaker 3: off right. But I had to put things away because

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Speaker 3: of religious household. So I like had to put the

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Speaker 3: Bible away, because I felt like God was watching me.

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Speaker 3: That was always a presence. Put hide the footprints in

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Speaker 3: the sand, thing like just all these things. So I

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Speaker 3: would I would go to like a gate site jerk off.

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Speaker 3: I would follow it up with straight porn. I always

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Speaker 3: jerked off twice as a kid. I know I'm being

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Speaker 3: real grad, but I jerked off twice as a kid,

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Speaker 3: once for me and then once to cleanse myself. I

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Speaker 3: was like, okay, well, if God sees me jerking the

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Speaker 3: straight porn straight. I was trying to trick God, you know,

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Speaker 3: because you know, because God loves pussy.

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Speaker 2: That's the thing about God loves pussy.

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Speaker 1: Want second want to upset people, So you okay, so

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Speaker 1: you're trying to.

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Speaker 3: Trick God, trying to trick God, trying to trick.

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Speaker 1: Myself, trying to trick yourself. Really were you aware?

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Speaker 3: I was trying to believe it, just trying to believe it.

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Speaker 3: I thought I believed it. I was like, this is

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Speaker 3: like because immediately I would feel the guilt. Oh my god,

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Speaker 3: I can't believe like lusting after men, Oh my god,

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Speaker 3: How did you know anything?

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Speaker 1: Was there any examples of did you know anybody else gay?

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Speaker 3: Or there were kids that we called gay. No one

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Speaker 3: ever made that statement. Like by high school there was

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Speaker 3: like one guy who was like out, maybe one or

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Speaker 3: two like guys that said they were gay. But in

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Speaker 3: the South, it's just a dangerous thing, like you fear

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Speaker 3: for your own safety. I get why nobody really came out.

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Speaker 3: And so there's guys, you know, leading the choir which

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Speaker 3: is lying to their grandmas. You know, that's the environment

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Speaker 3: I'm from, Like, you just don't say it, and people

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Speaker 3: respect you for not saying it, even the ones that

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Speaker 3: couldn't hide it as well, you just don't say it.

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Speaker 3: So it wasn't a lot. I didn't grow up with

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Speaker 3: a lot of examples of out gay men.

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Speaker 1: That's so that makes me so sad for you, like

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Speaker 1: or not you, but the kid version of you, Like yeah,

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Speaker 1: a kid who's got it's just all of that emotion,

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Speaker 1: all of that like guilt and I don't know, just just.

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Speaker 3: Looking for an out there. And because that's part of

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Speaker 3: the reason I wanted to make the show. I wanted

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Speaker 3: to be what I needed to see as a kid,

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Speaker 3: just like even with all the warts in the trouble

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Speaker 3: and the turmoil, I wanted to make something that I

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Speaker 3: wish I had seen. I remember when was in real

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Speaker 3: world when Karamo like he's on queer eye now, but

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Speaker 3: I remember him saying he was by and that was

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Speaker 3: like I was like, oh my god, it's like a

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Speaker 3: like a masculine black man that was like, I'm by

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Speaker 3: and like my homegirl every thought he was hot. So

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Speaker 3: I was like, oh, that's oh, he's so cool. Like

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Speaker 3: Karamo was so like secretly cool to me because I

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Speaker 3: just there just weren't a lot of examples.

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Speaker 1: It's so interesting because now I feel like and maybe

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Speaker 1: just because I have a different perspective because I'm from

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Speaker 1: New York.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you have more of that.

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Speaker 1: You know. We go in to clubs, we go to

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Speaker 1: gate clubs, go to straight clothes, doesn't matter, you know,

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Speaker 1: you're around. It's just a freer growing up in New York.

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Speaker 1: It's just a freer atmosphere. Yeah, So I I don't know,

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Speaker 1: to me, I can't even imagine living that in something

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Speaker 1: like you know, and.

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Speaker 3: There are people that way, even in New York or

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Speaker 3: LA one of these major cities who still have like

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Speaker 3: a religious family, have like a mother that wouldn't accepted

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Speaker 3: or a father or someone that they stay in the

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Speaker 3: closet for and so even even in the most liberal situation,

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Speaker 3: most liberal city, like you still might have a reason

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Speaker 3: to be terrified.

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Speaker 2: Terrified to make that statement, especially when.

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Speaker 1: You talk about the fact that you were a hip

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Speaker 1: hop fan.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think about.

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Speaker 1: Early hip hop and how homophobic it was. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean obviously there's still tons of that happening. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but earlier hip hop was even it was like no impossible.

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Speaker 2: Nobody even thought twice about.

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Speaker 1: It impossible for somebody to be gay and also be

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Speaker 1: part of hip hop.

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Speaker 3: Call no it's over, It's over. Yeah, that was the

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Speaker 3: I mean, even the insinuation was.

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Speaker 1: Like really crazy. Maybe when you think.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you reflect on it, you're like, what, what's

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Speaker 3: the accusation?

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Speaker 1: But I think of you in that time and being

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Speaker 1: that age and just just confirmed it. Even in your

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Speaker 1: Withathaniel Special, you say there was a moment where you

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Speaker 1: were like that you were somebody who used to use

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Speaker 1: the term pause like you.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it was would I still kind of say

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Speaker 3: it as a joke, you know, it's still say it,

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Speaker 3: say Paul's no homeod.

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Speaker 1: It's funny now because you're living in your truth, right,

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Speaker 1: But like when you're not.

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Speaker 3: But that's a lot of what masculinity, A lot of

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Speaker 3: what masculinity is. I think it's defined by just don't

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Speaker 3: do anything a woman would do, right, Like that's like

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Speaker 3: it's like it's a very like historically narrow definition of masculinity,

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Speaker 3: like don't do anything a woman would do, including but

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Speaker 3: not living in too lusting after a man in any way.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's over. It's over.

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Speaker 3: Like I mean, just think about like the number one

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Speaker 3: insults like suck my dick, like all these things. These

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Speaker 3: are like like just don't do anything, don't be soft. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: what does that mean?

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Speaker 1: Well, you know, how did that make you feel about like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, your favorite rappers when they would say

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Speaker 1: things or you know, you could be a fan of

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Speaker 1: the culture, but then also being someone insulted by it.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, you know, well I didn't think I was gay,

335
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Speaker 3: So to me, I'm just like, yeah, get them, yeah yeah, yeah,

336
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Speaker 3: Paul's no homeo whatever. Like I identified with the straits,

337
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,920
Speaker 3: like you know, I thought I was that I'm dating girls,

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Speaker 3: you know, Like.

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Speaker 1: So then does that make the transition harder when you

340
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Speaker 1: finally coming to your truth and you realize, oh wait

341
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Speaker 1: a minute.

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Speaker 3: Well, I just never thought I would that. That's the thing.

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Speaker 3: I never thought I would come out. I just assumed

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Speaker 3: I would, Like I assume I get married, you know,

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Speaker 3: do some stuff on the side. Maybe that was your

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Speaker 3: big plan. Yeah, yeah, I have.

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Speaker 2: Some kids that my mom could be happy with.

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Speaker 3: But never make that statement, because that's the hard thing

349
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Speaker 3: to say it, Like it's like, oh, I'm gay, Like

350
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:08,680
Speaker 3: I never planned on saying that.

351
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,880
Speaker 1: I was the thing that made you well.

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Speaker 3: Being in the closet was so stressful, it was it

353
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Speaker 3: was ruining my life. Like I felt like such a hypocrite,

354
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Speaker 3: just making my dad confront his secrets because I'm the

355
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,360
Speaker 3: one that made him tell my mom about his other family.

356
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,280
Speaker 3: Trying to live truthfully? What does that mean? Lying about

357
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,960
Speaker 3: where I was last night? One lie to get a

358
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,440
Speaker 3: million lives, Like you say one like it is true,

359
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,440
Speaker 3: Like you never lie about one thing. Like if you

360
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:44,560
Speaker 3: lie about one thing, you gotta tell a million line.

361
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,680
Speaker 3: You gotta maintain it. You'd be surprised how often comes up,

362
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,880
Speaker 3: Like no, I thought you said you gotta maintain it.

363
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Speaker 3: So I just got exhausted by it. I got exhausted

364
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,120
Speaker 3: by it. I felt like a liar. I was a liar.

365
00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:01,280
Speaker 3: I forget. Actually I was thirty. I believe when I

366
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:06,000
Speaker 3: came out maybe oh yeah, it was grown. Yeah, And

367
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,720
Speaker 3: that's a little hard. It's a hard thing to deal

368
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,080
Speaker 3: with because a lot of the show you see me

369
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Speaker 3: in a post adolescent phase. Right, I came out and now, okay,

370
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Speaker 3: I did the thing that a lot of people do

371
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Speaker 3: when they're sixteen the brave ones.

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Speaker 1: Well, you're talking about what happened on the special, the

373
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,080
Speaker 1: Ruthaniel Special, right, or you're not? Is that one of

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Speaker 1: that is that when you actually.

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00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,280
Speaker 3: Came that was me coming out public public. It was

376
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:33,320
Speaker 3: very That was very close to when I told my

377
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:37,920
Speaker 3: my friends and family, like I recently told them, and

378
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:42,879
Speaker 3: by Rothaniel, I had the talk with my mom and

379
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,920
Speaker 3: my dad maybe a year prior to that, and things

380
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,560
Speaker 3: got really rough and we just weren't speaking. So then

381
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 3: I made the special as a response, like I didn't

382
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Speaker 3: go home for Christmas for the first time. It was

383
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:57,159
Speaker 3: just a really really rough period in my life. And

384
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Speaker 3: so Rothaniel was, Okay, this is a statement to my mom.

385
00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:06,080
Speaker 3: It's really focused to my mom, like a thing for

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Speaker 3: her to see me.

387
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, I get that from you, like even from the

388
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,439
Speaker 1: even when We were talking earlier about the news, the

389
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,760
Speaker 1: new show, the reality show, and the different perspectives of it.

390
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,680
Speaker 1: My perspective it is that you've been bottled up for

391
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:22,200
Speaker 1: so long and then and then you like, not only

392
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,720
Speaker 1: do you want truth for yourself, but you want truth

393
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Speaker 1: for everybody around you.

394
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:27,040
Speaker 2: Yeah.

395
00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, to live in it. It's hard for me to

396
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:35,199
Speaker 3: even have small talk. I always say this about my boyfriend.

397
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,520
Speaker 3: One of the things I love about him is that

398
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,480
Speaker 3: he does not have small talk. He just won't engage.

399
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,640
Speaker 3: We be on the elevator of people like yes, hot

400
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:46,080
Speaker 3: out because I'm not doing this with you. But but

401
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:50,320
Speaker 3: I I he's a very honest person, Like he lives

402
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,919
Speaker 3: very truthfully and honestly, and I aspire to that. I

403
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,399
Speaker 3: think I'm like kind of a natural born liar.

404
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,359
Speaker 1: First of all, all you do is tell the truth.

405
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,240
Speaker 1: Of the reason some people can't watch the show is

406
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:03,440
Speaker 1: it's like too truthy.

407
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's too much truth. Yeah.

408
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,719
Speaker 1: I think it's like somebody who's been bottled up for

409
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,560
Speaker 1: so long, it's like, oh d.

410
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Speaker 2: Truth, yes, oh no.

411
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,439
Speaker 3: This is like remember the Jim Carrey movie Liar, Liar

412
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,560
Speaker 3: just like got struck by lightning or something, just had

413
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,320
Speaker 3: to tell the truth.

414
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,680
Speaker 2: I have to tell the truth all the time.

415
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:25,719
Speaker 3: But it's a response to my life up until this point,

416
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:30,400
Speaker 3: where I lived in secrecy, a lot of shame, everything

417
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:34,399
Speaker 3: was a lie, compartmentalized friends, compartmentalized parts of my life.

418
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,360
Speaker 3: Wasn't like I was keeping one hand from the other.

419
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:41,960
Speaker 3: And now I'm like, no more of that truth like truth, truth, truth,

420
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,159
Speaker 3: which can be hard on relationships. My boyfriend calls me

421
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,760
Speaker 3: the thought police, So I'm like, you mean that, I'm

422
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:50,119
Speaker 3: always just like I'm always giving them the Larry David eyes,

423
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:55,960
Speaker 3: just like yeah, yeah, yeah.

424
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Speaker 1: And how's that working out for you? Like all of

425
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,480
Speaker 1: this truth, how does it feel?

426
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,560
Speaker 3: Oh, it's rough, it's rough at times. It feels good

427
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,080
Speaker 3: to live in that to not because I was so

428
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:04,639
Speaker 3: used to.

429
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 1: Because it's not just sexual it's not just your sexuality,

430
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,120
Speaker 1: it's not just being gay. That's the truth. You're even

431
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,960
Speaker 1: being truthful about whether you can be monogamous, You're being

432
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,960
Speaker 1: truthful about You're just being truthful about your relationship with

433
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:16,680
Speaker 1: your parents.

434
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Speaker 3: Yes, And my belief is that everybody's in the closet

435
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:23,439
Speaker 3: about something, Like everybody has some part. Some people like

436
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:27,760
Speaker 3: are anti social and in very highly social environments.

437
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:31,000
Speaker 1: Smiling, lying, going home, crying, going home.

438
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:35,320
Speaker 3: Crying, just like devastated. I was in the closet about

439
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 3: more than my sexuality. And the show is me just

440
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,679
Speaker 3: coming out of a million closets, Like all right, let

441
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:45,160
Speaker 3: me come out of all the all the closets, all

442
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,320
Speaker 3: the things that I was ashamed of, all the things

443
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 3: that I would normally hide.

444
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 2: Hey, now you got.

445
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,800
Speaker 3: Nothing on me, Like, now I'll just be totally honest

446
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,480
Speaker 3: about everything in my life. And now the world doesn't

447
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,880
Speaker 3: have Because it felt like the world had a secret

448
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,240
Speaker 3: on me, and I had to stay in line, be

449
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,000
Speaker 3: a good boy because like any moment, I could be exposed.

450
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,400
Speaker 2: And I don't feel that way anymore.

451
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,320
Speaker 3: Good for you, Yeah it feels.

452
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 2: Good, But it's also people will hate you for it.

453
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:10,800
Speaker 1: It doesn't come with no cause.

454
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, people will. People will get mad at you,

455
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,239
Speaker 3: sometimes for good reasons, sometimes just because they don't want

456
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,199
Speaker 3: to see the truth in themselves. They don't want to

457
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,880
Speaker 3: confront it, they don't want to live in it. They'd

458
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,800
Speaker 3: rather live in the pleasantries and the small talk.

459
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 2: They'd rather live in that realm.

460
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,360
Speaker 3: And sometimes I feel like I'm standing in this circle

461
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,280
Speaker 3: of reality and I'm inviting people in, so people just

462
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,960
Speaker 3: don't want to join the circle. Some people would rather like, no,

463
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,719
Speaker 3: come back out here, we're safe. It's yeah, come back

464
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,159
Speaker 3: out here where we could we just talk about nonsense.

465
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:42,199
Speaker 1: That's boring.

466
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:43,040
Speaker 3: Yeah.

467
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,160
Speaker 1: And then somebody like you was like, you're a comedian,

468
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 1: and I don't mean in the traditional sense comedian. It's like,

469
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,320
Speaker 1: but comedians by nature to me are like, you're supposed

470
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:55,399
Speaker 1: to be finding the deepest, most unique truths.

471
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:59,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, to make art well about my soul, that's what

472
00:21:59,440 --> 00:21:59,679
Speaker 3: I mean.

473
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're around the question, you're like watching your Comedians

474
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,719
Speaker 1: by nature are observers. You observe people, You observe situations,

475
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,640
Speaker 1: and your job is to like bring it to us

476
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,359
Speaker 1: in a way that we go, Oh, that's funny, because

477
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:10,919
Speaker 1: I never thought about it. Oh, yeah, you're right. I

478
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 1: never you know, Yes, you're meant to do that.

479
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 2: Yes, and I'm doing that.

480
00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:17,159
Speaker 3: I think before I came out, it was always I

481
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 3: was trying to bring the truth about everything, politically, racially,

482
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,640
Speaker 3: whatever I was trying, I was throwing a lot of grenades.

483
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,320
Speaker 3: Now I'm only talking about the thing that I have

484
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,320
Speaker 3: ownership over myself, my life.

485
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 2: I'm not even an expert on my own life.

486
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,000
Speaker 3: I'm still figuring things out, but a lot of my

487
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 3: time spent on stage is exploring the problems that I have,

488
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:41,159
Speaker 3: exploring the truth, understanding it, understanding myself, And that's felt

489
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 3: so much better. It's like even like now people come

490
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 3: to the show and it's it.

491
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 2: Is so fun.

492
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:48,960
Speaker 1: I want to go to a show. You have to

493
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 1: for sure, I would love that.

494
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:52,639
Speaker 3: Oh I would love that. I would love if you

495
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,800
Speaker 3: were there. Yeah, I feel so much pressure with you

496
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 3: in the crowd.

497
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 1: Stop, I would love that.

498
00:22:58,600 --> 00:22:59,760
Speaker 2: That would be my best show.

499
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:03,119
Speaker 1: Stop it. Yeah, that would be so much fun. Or

500
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 1: a New York show.

501
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, for sure. Do you have a hard time

502
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 3: telling the truth? Because I feel like part of the

503
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,400
Speaker 3: reason I love you and part of the reason I

504
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 3: was like excited to come here, is because everything always

505
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:15,679
Speaker 3: feels so honest, Like all your conversations always feel so honest.

506
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:17,760
Speaker 2: You're this ray of light, like your light.

507
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 3: Isn't diminished in any way, and you feel very bright

508
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:25,480
Speaker 3: and very very attractive. And I feel like I feel

509
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 3: like you went and struggle with it, or you're able

510
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 3: to overcome that struggle.

511
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 2: But that's me projecting that.

512
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,160
Speaker 1: That's a good question. I think I have always tried to.

513
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 1: I think that's my interview thing, right, It's like, if

514
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,680
Speaker 1: I'm talking to whoever it is, I'm trying to find

515
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:39,200
Speaker 1: their truth.

516
00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:39,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

517
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 1: So if you're a rapper, if you're a singer, and

518
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 1: if you're presenting something to me that feels false, yes,

519
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,880
Speaker 1: I'm going to try to get you past that. Yeah,

520
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:50,400
Speaker 1: get to the truth of what you're saying.

521
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 3: You're really good.

522
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,160
Speaker 1: I try to find truth. I try to find truth

523
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,040
Speaker 1: in people. I don't try. I don't want to hurt anybody.

524
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,359
Speaker 1: But like, let's let's get to know you really. Yes,

525
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,399
Speaker 1: I know you're posturing a little bit right now, but

526
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,159
Speaker 1: let's get to know you.

527
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:01,400
Speaker 3: Know.

528
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 1: That's my thinking.

529
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:03,879
Speaker 3: Because what it's cool about you, you'll be like we

530
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,880
Speaker 3: can just not talk about it. Like if you don't

531
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 3: want to bring the truth, that's fine, we could go

532
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:08,400
Speaker 3: somewhere else.

533
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 1: But like, yeah, totally, I'm not trying to hurt you. Yeah.

534
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:12,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not.

535
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 1: Trying to hurt you. And if your truth hurts you

536
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: and you're not ready, then I don't want to do that. Yeah,

537
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 1: But like yeah, so I think so so. But the

538
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 1: thing is I was always able to do that in

539
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,479
Speaker 1: conversation or find some truthful connection with people. But I

540
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:28,119
Speaker 1: didn't give a lot of my own stuff, you know,

541
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 1: I would I had the luxury of talking about somebody.

542
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:31,720
Speaker 3: Else about them.

543
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, so this podcast is really when I had to start. No,

544
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 1: maybe before my book. I wrote a book and I

545
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 1: shared a lot, and so there's moments.

546
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,359
Speaker 3: In my books when I watch episode like I was

547
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:45,120
Speaker 3: watching the Ryan Coogler episode of Great. Yeah, but you're great,

548
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 3: like you also share you are also very open well.

549
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,920
Speaker 1: Now because I'm like grown up version of myself now, yeah,

550
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 1: but younger version of myself are always a little protected,

551
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 1: especially in the culture, you know, hip hop and a

552
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,720
Speaker 1: woman running around town and trying to.

553
00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:58,360
Speaker 2: Oh it's hard.

554
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 3: I couldn't imagine just being in that highly masculine environment

555
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:03,640
Speaker 3: you see it place. Yeah.

556
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 1: Do you ever remember like episodes of me crying or

557
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 1: getting vulnerable in any of those.

558
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, wow wow, Yeah. Yeah, you just kind of had

559
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 3: to be the one of the guys kind of well

560
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:20,840
Speaker 3: because comedies like that in a sense, like like female

561
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:25,320
Speaker 3: comedians and like female rappers, Like it's a really strong

562
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 3: ravado that you, like a lot of time, you put

563
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:31,160
Speaker 3: on for success in the you have to be super tough,

564
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 3: and you gotta have thick skin and and and I think,

565
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 3: you know, while that serves a purpose, like it's like,

566
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:41,440
Speaker 3: you know, what's really interesting is vulnerability. Like the ones

567
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:44,359
Speaker 3: even like the rappers that I love are the ones

568
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,680
Speaker 3: that like give you a crack of vulnerability where I

569
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,879
Speaker 3: love Jay. I think it's part of the secret to

570
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 3: Drake's success is that like it gives you, he gives

571
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,280
Speaker 3: you a window vulnerability.

572
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, well now it's like cool now, like being vulnerable

573
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 1: is fine. You know, thank you to Brown. I know

574
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 1: I saw that the dog you're watching were trying to

575
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 1: get Brenee on the show. Such a great what I

576
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 1: think I promised to be my most vulnerable if we

577
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 1: get Brene Brown on the show. I cried off. I

578
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 1: cried in my last episode we did earlier today. No,

579
00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:23,360
Speaker 1: I'm comfortable now doing that. But back in the day,

580
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,640
Speaker 1: that wasn't that wasn't a thing. I don't. I think

581
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 1: maybe the first time I cried on the radio was

582
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,919
Speaker 1: probably when Pop died. And I remember even in that

583
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,959
Speaker 1: moment thinking to myself, oh God, this is like not okay,

584
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 1: Like I gotta get I got to pull myself together.

585
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,479
Speaker 1: It wasn't a comfortable like somebody really important, somebody that

586
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 1: had just recently impacted me passed away, and I'm it's

587
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 1: okay that I'm crying on the radio. No, No, My

588
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:51,240
Speaker 1: feeling was like get yourself, get your ship together. You're

589
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 1: on the radio, like what are you doing? And I

590
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 1: cried and it happened, but I was it was not comfortable,

591
00:26:56,119 --> 00:27:00,360
Speaker 1: and then you know, unfortunately lost the other time. Yeah,

592
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 1: it was read alert.

593
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, red alerts, like hey, get it together.

594
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:07,919
Speaker 1: Women were on the radio. Thought it wasn't like that. No, no,

595
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 1: but I'm just saying.

596
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,440
Speaker 3: But it's hard to reveal that part of you.

597
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,159
Speaker 1: Oh, vulnerability was not.

598
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 3: You're afraid people are gonna dismiss you. Is weak. I've

599
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 3: been afraid of that my whole life. Just oh, you're

600
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 3: gonna write me off? We cast them, cast them aside.

601
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:23,880
Speaker 1: Did people write you off?

602
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,159
Speaker 3: No? I found the opposite. I found the opposite. I

603
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:30,400
Speaker 3: found actually deeper connection. The more I revealed, the more

604
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,880
Speaker 3: I actually show. And that's why I don't mind even

605
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 3: some of the response to the show. People have, like

606
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:40,880
Speaker 3: a kind of negative response. I know that's necessary, especially now, Yeah,

607
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 3: it's necessary, like people like that's That's why it's hard,

608
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,200
Speaker 3: because people will have a negative response to certain things

609
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 3: that you reveal. But on the other side of that

610
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 3: is deep connection, like you find people. I'm recording these

611
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 3: things in search of connection. I want to connect with

612
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 3: the audience. I want to connect with people, and you

613
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:00,800
Speaker 3: can only do that. You can only have a truthful

614
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 3: connection by revealing things about yourself that make you uncomfortable.

615
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 1: Are you getting that from Like, are you getting a

616
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: reaction from people who have yet to come out and

617
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: are aspired by your journey?

618
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 3: Oh?

619
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:15,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, or recently came out.

620
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 3: I got my little private ig that we message on,

621
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 3: like in in the little in the DMS.

622
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I sound so old like mad.

623
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 3: All the time.

624
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to act above it, but I but

625
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:31,120
Speaker 2: I forget.

626
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 1: But but the terminology what I.

627
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 3: Was trying to think of was the hidden requests, you know,

628
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,359
Speaker 3: like the people who aren't your friends, so the hidden

629
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:41,040
Speaker 3: request folder. I read some of those sometimes and they

630
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 3: are very thoughtful, very very heartfelt messages of people who

631
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:48,120
Speaker 3: just came out to their families, who struggling with being seen,

632
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:52,280
Speaker 3: who's struggling with making the statement about their lives, like

633
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 3: some gay, some not gay. It's it's been very beautiful

634
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 3: people on the streets, it's been very, very beautiful. I'm

635
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 3: thankful that people have such a strong response to this.

636
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 1: So that's really nice to see. That's what we all hope.

637
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 2: It makes me really happy.

638
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 1: We hope that when we live in our purpose and

639
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 1: we do our work and we are truthful, that in

640
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:12,480
Speaker 1: some way it lands on somebody and it affects them.

641
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,200
Speaker 3: Yes, makes it worthwhile. Otherwise you're just doing it in

642
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 3: the vacuum.

643
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I felt like I felt that from you. I

644
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 1: felt because some of that some of the show is

645
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: hard to watch, Like it's tough stuff, even especially the

646
00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 1: stuff with your dad and your mom, your parents, the

647
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 1: sexuality stuff. It's like, okay, if you're if you're not

648
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 1: used to it. I mean, if you've never been around

649
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 1: somebody gay, maybe that rubs you the wrong way. But

650
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 1: if you have, it's really not that it's funny. A

651
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 1: lot of it is actually funny to me. You're outragel,

652
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 1: But I also feel because you've been bottled up for

653
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 1: so long, you're like, why not be the frise I've

654
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 1: ever been?

655
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:53,600
Speaker 2: What am I hiding now?

656
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 1: Like?

657
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 3: What from who? Like I'm hiding from what from you?

658
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 1: From you, You're like, yeah, I don't know, You're you're

659
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 1: talking to the kid who had know like who was

660
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 1: searching for that? Like you said, the small, younger version

661
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 1: of yourself. But like some of the conversations with your

662
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 1: dad about having him having other a whole other, whole

663
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 1: other family.

664
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, at least at least he had four kids

665
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 3: by one woman. There might be some others. We can't

666
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 3: get them to talk about it.

667
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 1: Not I'm not confirmed. You know, there's all types of

668
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:23,560
Speaker 1: ways that I.

669
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 3: Know, but there's there's like a couple floating around. I'm like, bro,

670
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 3: you already.

671
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 1: Part of me felt happy for you watching not happy.

672
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 1: Part of me felt like I was I understand, I

673
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 1: understand you want truth and you're comfortable with the camera

674
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 1: on helps you get to your truth. You say that

675
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,680
Speaker 1: yourself on the show. Then part of me I felt

676
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 1: bad for him because I felt like he just looked

677
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 1: so and he's older now.

678
00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 4: Right, So yeah, so it's like this.

679
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 1: The poor guy. But then you don't want to go

680
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 1: down the poor guy road too much because he also

681
00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: has to answer for some of the things that have

682
00:30:58,880 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 1: affected his son.

683
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 3: In a real he's older now, I use a Sopranos analogy,

684
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 3: where like you think.

685
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 2: That did you watch the Sopranos.

686
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, so like in the show, you think that I'm

687
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:14,640
Speaker 3: Tony and my dad's uncle Junior. But emotionally he's Tony

688
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 3: and I'm aj like like I'm still the kid, like

689
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 3: afraid of him, like terrified of his.

690
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 1: Oh it doesn't come off like that at all.

691
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, the cameras give me a little bit of strength.

692
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 3: But the thing is, I need the cameras because you

693
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 3: don't know what Thanksgiving is like without them. Like it's

694
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 3: so it's he just gives me a look and a recoil.

695
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 2: I'm terrified.

696
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,640
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, of course, of course he's got that like

697
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:44,760
Speaker 3: that Joe Jackson Grill family like this man, like I

698
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 3: just know he's got guns in the house the show.

699
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 3: He was big. I know you don't see that, but

700
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 3: but he he was someone I've always been afraid of.

701
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 3: Don't get me wrong, charming funny wasn't like just like

702
00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 3: terrified every day, but like the certain lines you don't

703
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,880
Speaker 3: cross with my dad. And now part of that is

704
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 3: how he maintained the secret, Like he was able to keep.

705
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 2: Everybody in line.

706
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 3: And I felt not only brave enough with the cameras,

707
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 3: but also it incentivized me because otherwise it's like, oh,

708
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 3: I'm just wrong for bringing it up. You're ruining Christmas Jeriid,

709
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 3: they'd say, like for asking the questions that I really

710
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 3: need to know the answer to questions to help me

711
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 3: figure out my own life. I'm trying to move forward,

712
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 3: and I want my dad to move forward. He lives.

713
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 3: So my secret is being gay. His secret is the

714
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,200
Speaker 3: other family. We both want to be seen as good people.

715
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:41,680
Speaker 3: We both are weighed down by that secret. Like you

716
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 3: could see it in my dad, like he carries it

717
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 3: with him and he's he's afraid to go outside.

718
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 2: He has a lot of shame.

719
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 3: I'm trying to do the thing that when I came

720
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 3: out Rothaniel, it's like, hey, everybody knows I'm gay. I

721
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 3: got nothing to hide. I don't got to like lie

722
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 3: to people on data and apps. I gotta like do

723
00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:02,600
Speaker 3: I can just be myself. I'm trying to liberate my

724
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 3: father in that same way, like, hey, it's on HBO now,

725
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 3: and I've been doing this for years, Like I had

726
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 3: like two documentaries before this where we talked about it.

727
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 3: It's like it's over, Like this thing that you were

728
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 3: trying to hold onto, it's out there. Everybody knows. Be free,

729
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,560
Speaker 3: move on with your life, like, enjoy the rest of

730
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:20,040
Speaker 3: your life.

731
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 1: How has it been since it's come out better or worse?

732
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 1: Did it work or did it not?

733
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 3: Always trying to get them to see me, see themselves.

734
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:34,280
Speaker 3: I can't tell. I can't tell. It's it's led to

735
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 3: conversations we were afraid to have. Now my dad calls more,

736
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 3: they ask about my boyfriend, which feels really nice. I

737
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 3: feel seen in that way. So I do think it helped.

738
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,680
Speaker 3: I think it helped in many ways to be able

739
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:53,239
Speaker 3: to just have these conversations, break through that wall, and

740
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,000
Speaker 3: now it's out in the open.

741
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 1: You know what's interesting to me? One thing about you

742
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 1: talk about your dad and him having this whole other family.

743
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 1: But then you even on this in the reality show,

744
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:08,279
Speaker 1: we see you really struggle with being like monogamy is

745
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 1: not a thing for you, Yes, So I just wonder

746
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:14,439
Speaker 1: how much of that is because of your father or.

747
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 3: The example that was set, like like, okay, this is

748
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:22,360
Speaker 3: the relationship you model yourself after your parents, like or

749
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 3: whatever immediate relationship you see growing up. So my dad

750
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:30,799
Speaker 3: maintaining a secret validated as manhood in some way, a

751
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,879
Speaker 3: way that I'm still trying to figure out. I think

752
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 3: I seek that same validation.

753
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,920
Speaker 2: I'm trying to. I'm trying to validate. I'm trying to.

754
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's the cachet of numbers. I

755
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 3: don't know exactly what I'm seeking.

756
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 1: Well, you were bottled up for so long.

757
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:44,800
Speaker 3: I was bottled up for so long. But I'm still

758
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 3: seeking validation in some way. Luckily I'm gay. Otherwise they'd

759
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:53,240
Speaker 3: be like eleven kids running around like if I was straight.

760
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 3: There's so many kids with these eyebrows just running around

761
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,439
Speaker 3: the Metropolitan Yeah, oh my god.

762
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:04,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, insane.

763
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:06,799
Speaker 1: But it's funny that that's the thing that you want

764
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,720
Speaker 1: him to be free about and owning that part of him,

765
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 1: but you're still kind.

766
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 3: Of I'm exploring it and his help. I need his

767
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 3: help in answering these questions about myself, because your parents

768
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,800
Speaker 3: are the blueprint for your life. You can either rebel

769
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 3: against it or you follow in the footsteps, but they

770
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 3: are they are a template. And I'm trying to understand him,

771
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 3: and I want him to understand me.

772
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:33,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, everybody everybody got things with their parents, parents, parents,

773
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 1: daddy issues is a very common conversation here on the

774
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 1: in real life.

775
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 3: Mommy and daddy issue you got, Yeah, it's a it's

776
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:45,840
Speaker 3: a blessing.

777
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 2: I'm not on Heroin, like somehow I'm not on Heroin.

778
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 1: What are you going?

779
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:52,759
Speaker 2: Like?

780
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:53,840
Speaker 1: What is what is your advice?

781
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 3: Oh?

782
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is. It's sex.

783
00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 2: It's sex, for sure, actually for sure? Yeah, yeah, for sure.

784
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:05,440
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, it's a quick thing to turn to, something

785
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:08,840
Speaker 3: that gives me validation, gives me a sholt of energy.

786
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:09,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.

787
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:12,920
Speaker 1: How do you feel about how I don't know. I

788
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:16,040
Speaker 1: saw what happened with the breakfast club, and also I've

789
00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:19,919
Speaker 1: seen some other comments, you know, just social media ship

790
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:23,360
Speaker 1: from response to some of the things on the show. Yeah,

791
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 1: how do you deal with that? Like a blowback or

792
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:31,560
Speaker 1: I don't know. You make this thing, this piece of art, Yeah,

793
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 1: for your own purposes, for your own reasons, and you

794
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 1: put it out in the world and then it's received

795
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 1: and then you get shipped back.

796
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 4: Yeah.

797
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 2: I think the all the cake and everybody just took

798
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 2: a piss on it.

799
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:44,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, they throw the cake at you, they take the

800
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 1: cake is trash.

801
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:49,440
Speaker 3: I did expect a certain amount of this shows at

802
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:53,959
Speaker 3: the intersection of a lot of things, sex, religion, race, masculinity,

803
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:58,360
Speaker 3: a lot of things that people can take opposite sides

804
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:01,759
Speaker 3: on and clash over. The Breakfast Club was a rough

805
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:05,400
Speaker 3: period because there was a lie just being spread and

806
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,840
Speaker 3: being spread as the truth, and so I went in angry.

807
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 2: I was very, very angry, and.

808
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 1: It was a liar, was just perception.

809
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:15,760
Speaker 2: Well as it was reported.

810
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 3: Was absolutely a lie, and it affected me and my

811
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:22,960
Speaker 3: relationship in a way that I just couldn't. I wouldn't

812
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,399
Speaker 3: stand for that because it was a lie. I give

813
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:28,920
Speaker 3: enough for people to talk shit about, Like, there's plenty

814
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:31,879
Speaker 3: to talk There's so much you could throw stones at

815
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:35,319
Speaker 3: and like, and I'm fine and I'm making something. I

816
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 3: know that I'm going to be analyzed and dissected and

817
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 3: have like such a sometimes an angry response, sometimes a

818
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:49,200
Speaker 3: visceral response from Twitter or Reddit or inscrimt whatever. But

819
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,880
Speaker 3: what I couldn't handle was a lie being perpetuated, especially

820
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 3: by charlomagn knew, somebody that I respect, and I just

821
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:02,120
Speaker 3: I went in upset over that. I saw Kevin Hart

822
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 3: at a party. He was joking about it. He was

823
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 3: just like, he was like, don't never let him see

824
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 3: you angry. I was like, but what if you mad? Yeah?

825
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:11,480
Speaker 2: Then what like what I do?

826
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:12,640
Speaker 1: You don't know your truth?

827
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 3: Yeah?

828
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:14,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, the truth. I was like, I was mad. What

829
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:17,400
Speaker 2: do you want from? He did a funny impression of it.

830
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 3: He was Kevin Hart was just like okay, okay, you

831
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 3: be you be Charlemagne and I'm gonna be you and

832
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 3: asked me how I'm doing.

833
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 2: I was like, how you doing? It's like no, no, no, no,

834
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 2: like fun all that ship.

835
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,360
Speaker 3: Like Kevin, Kevin is so funny.

836
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:36,800
Speaker 1: That's funny. You did going angry. I guess that's probably.

837
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:37,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

838
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:39,640
Speaker 3: It's never good. It's never good.

839
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 2: But I mean it was true.

840
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:44,720
Speaker 3: It was true. Yeah, somehow like the Shade Room issued

841
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:47,879
Speaker 3: a retraction. That was a victory for they did. They

842
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 3: followed up, what more can you ask for?

843
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:50,920
Speaker 1: What did they say? I didn't see that.

844
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 2: They just they played the whole joke.

845
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:53,759
Speaker 3: It was like all I asked is like you can

846
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:57,359
Speaker 3: still talk shit, but just like you know, yeah, play

847
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:58,879
Speaker 3: the whole thing. Put some context out there.

848
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:00,920
Speaker 1: The race is always going to be, oh.

849
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:01,839
Speaker 3: For sure, especially now.

850
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:02,799
Speaker 2: And I know I get it.

851
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:04,719
Speaker 3: I got it from the trailer, like you know, you

852
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,560
Speaker 3: put it out I got a white boyfriend. People get

853
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:10,960
Speaker 3: upset about that. People have really really strong feelings. It's like,

854
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 3: you know, what can you do here?

855
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:13,399
Speaker 1: I am?

856
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 3: I mean, it's funny because I am in love for

857
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:17,759
Speaker 3: the first time in my life, and here I am

858
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,359
Speaker 3: with someone who cares about me and I care about him,

859
00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 3: and it's it's already it's hard enough to find someone

860
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:28,560
Speaker 3: that you're compatible with just across all areas, like like,

861
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 3: just like I got to sleep with this person. I'm

862
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:32,800
Speaker 3: not even talking about sex, like sleep, like compatible in

863
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 3: the bed, on vacation, food and interest and all these things.

864
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 3: You got to find somebody that you align with. And

865
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 3: I finally found that. And it's just like, who cares

866
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,279
Speaker 3: what race that person is. I'm just so thankful to

867
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:48,720
Speaker 3: have somebody. I'm so thankful and I needed them.

868
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:52,399
Speaker 1: This is your first time like being in love?

869
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:52,879
Speaker 2: Yeah?

870
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 1: Oh really?

871
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:53,919
Speaker 3: Yeah?

872
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 2: Yeah in any true way? Yes?

873
00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:59,239
Speaker 1: Wow? What do you attribute that to? Like what do

874
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 1: you think.

875
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 3: Self acceptance getting over? Like I was hiding for a

876
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:07,800
Speaker 3: long time and I met my boyfriend when.

877
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 1: I was straight, Right, shut up, I didn't know that.

878
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:12,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've known him for seven or eight years.

879
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:14,360
Speaker 1: Did he know you were straight?

880
00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:16,880
Speaker 3: He knew me as a straight man, and we have

881
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:20,360
Speaker 3: a mutual friend and so like I came out to

882
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 3: our friend and said I wanted him like I wanted

883
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:28,319
Speaker 3: my boyfriend. So it was like my friend called Mike

884
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,879
Speaker 3: and was just like, guess who's gay and who wants

885
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 3: to fuck you?

886
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:35,560
Speaker 1: Yeah?

887
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:36,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.

888
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 3: It's like shortly thereafter, well, I went through a phase.

889
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 3: I was going kind of crazy for a little while,

890
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:44,799
Speaker 3: and then like it was a few years later and

891
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 3: now and now I'm learning from him.

892
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 2: I'm at peace now. When he's out of town, we

893
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:55,040
Speaker 2: FaceTime to go to sleep.

894
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,640
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you are like in love.

895
00:40:57,960 --> 00:40:59,239
Speaker 2: I got the laptop on the bed.

896
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 3: I don't even like I don't even like electronics in

897
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 3: the bedroom, but I need them.

898
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:07,280
Speaker 1: What is it about monogamy? Then what is the problem?

899
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:08,399
Speaker 1: He's like your guy?

900
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:10,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, I know. And then I think, does

901
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 3: he want that still?

902
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 1: Because he was kind of he was okay with you

903
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:15,800
Speaker 1: not being okay with it yet.

904
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we and we opened it. And even with that, I.

905
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,600
Speaker 1: Feel like he opened it but only because you wanted to.

906
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 3: He's so mature and focused and he's like, yeah, if

907
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 3: you need it, he's understanding. He doesn't worry about it,

908
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 3: like he I think there's like the last vestiges of

909
00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:38,400
Speaker 3: adolescents that I had to get out of my system.

910
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:42,520
Speaker 3: And even still and also there is attraction for someone

911
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 3: else outside of the relationship, and that's it breeds a

912
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 3: lot of jealousy. And there are gay men and open

913
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 3: relationships and that's really really rough.

914
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 2: But it also.

915
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,759
Speaker 3: Creates an opportunity to actually talk about things that you

916
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,399
Speaker 3: would normally push aside. Like if I if I were

917
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,919
Speaker 3: in a like a straight relationship, it just wouldn't even

918
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 3: be an option. I got like straight friends who can't

919
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 3: even say a girl is pretty. They're just like they

920
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:11,120
Speaker 3: an They're like, I'm not even looking like they just

921
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:13,360
Speaker 3: have to pretend those emotions don't exist.

922
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:17,719
Speaker 1: It's interesting because even in the show, like like if

923
00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 1: you're this straight guy who can't bring himself to get

924
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 1: past certain scenes and can't watch.

925
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:24,400
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, you're so straight.

926
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 1: You're so straight that the show makes you uncomfortable. If

927
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:29,399
Speaker 1: for some reason you are able to manage to get

928
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:32,960
Speaker 1: through it. An interesting thing for anybody, whatever your sexuality is,

929
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:35,360
Speaker 1: is the way that you approach a relationship and with

930
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:38,960
Speaker 1: the honesty that you do that's talking it out so

931
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,359
Speaker 1: dope and inspiring to.

932
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,840
Speaker 3: Me was just don't lie. We just don't lie to

933
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 3: no matter what I mean. That's that's the goal. Don't

934
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:50,480
Speaker 3: get me wrong. There's still we're humans, so things happen,

935
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:53,920
Speaker 3: things could happen, things could slip through the crack. Sometimes

936
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,239
Speaker 3: you don't even realize. I don't realize I'm holding on

937
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 3: to something. Oh I didn't tell you that. Oh I

938
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:03,440
Speaker 3: I wasn't even lying to you. I didn't realize. I

939
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:07,319
Speaker 3: just was withholding information like the So it's sometimes that

940
00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 3: comes up. But it is beautiful to be able to say, oh,

941
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 3: you can go through my phone and there's no surprises,

942
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:19,360
Speaker 3: there's no I have no secrets from you, there's nothing that.

943
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 1: There are people that would love to have a relationship

944
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 1: like that.

945
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:24,759
Speaker 3: I'm thankful for and it's the only way for me

946
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:27,080
Speaker 3: because otherwise, and I was the one that was lying.

947
00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 3: I was the one like I fucked up, yeah, and

948
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 3: you know, and then I was projecting suspicion on to

949
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 3: him because.

950
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 2: I was fucking up.

951
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,440
Speaker 3: Like it's just it's all just traumatic all around. But

952
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 3: I'm glad we were able to actually communicate now, to

953
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:46,520
Speaker 3: actually say tough things, really difficult things.

954
00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 1: What is what have you learned most from this relationship?

955
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,280
Speaker 3: Oh, I don't even want to say anything like cliche,

956
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 3: but I understand the practice of making it work, the

957
00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:02,399
Speaker 3: practice of being open. It's that, it is practice. It's

958
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 3: like something that you have to work at every day.

959
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:07,759
Speaker 3: And he's somebody that I want to keep in my

960
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:08,360
Speaker 3: life forever.

961
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:10,400
Speaker 2: I love him very very much. So I don't want to.

962
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:11,799
Speaker 2: I don't want to.

963
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 1: Just you know, I don't want to do whatever.

964
00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:16,439
Speaker 3: Yeah.

965
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:17,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I don't want to.

966
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:21,000
Speaker 3: I don't like managing it with yes.

967
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:21,400
Speaker 1: Yeah.

968
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:21,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

969
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 1: The interesting thing too, is watching you not only your

970
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:28,120
Speaker 1: relationship with him or your parents, but also your friends.

971
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:32,440
Speaker 1: We see friend like friendship is clearly an important thing

972
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 1: to you.

973
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, It starts episode one.

974
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 3: I had feelings for a friend and I expressed them

975
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 3: and then we couldn't talk about it and things were

976
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:44,680
Speaker 3: just awkward.

977
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:44,799
Speaker 2: For a year.

978
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 1: This is Tyler the creator. Yeah, everyone on said, who

979
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 1: hasn't watched the show? Yeah, yeah, I say that because

980
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:53,080
Speaker 1: he's a public figure and your first episode.

981
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's part of the reason I invited him to

982
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:56,600
Speaker 3: do it, because he's used.

983
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:57,959
Speaker 1: To know what he was walking into.

984
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 3: He told me he I knew it was going to

985
00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:03,799
Speaker 3: be some crazy shit because he knows me, and he

986
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:06,880
Speaker 3: knows that, like I was, I was asking him to

987
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:08,719
Speaker 3: have a conversation I was afraid to have.

988
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 4: So yeah, no, it was so sad.

989
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:13,480
Speaker 1: I felt so sad for you when he didn't really respond.

990
00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:18,840
Speaker 3: I'm a vulnerable position. Yeah, it's memed out on TikTok.

991
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:22,520
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, of course of course.

992
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:26,000
Speaker 1: So then what happens when he sees that back? Is

993
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 1: there a reaction from him?

994
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, he was like joking about it on stage. Yeah,

995
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 3: it's it's like, what can you do? It's an awkward thing.

996
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:37,200
Speaker 3: It's very awkward. It's awkward without cameras, And that's part

997
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:38,560
Speaker 3: of the reason I wanted to bring it in because

998
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:42,240
Speaker 3: I know I'm not alone and going through this very awkward,

999
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:47,959
Speaker 3: uncomfortable experience, and I wanted to record it. I felt

1000
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 3: this instinct to just record it and put it out

1001
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 3: there because I'd never seen a conversation like that before ever, Like,

1002
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 3: and it's it's embarrassing. I was very embarrassed to have

1003
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:01,799
Speaker 3: these feelings. Was I'm required, So it's doubly embarrassing.

1004
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 1: Are you able to go back to what your friendship

1005
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,320
Speaker 1: was after you kind of are vulnerable with your friend.

1006
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:11,560
Speaker 3: Like well, able to actually live truthfully once the conversation has.

1007
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 1: Had But is your friendship back to or not really?

1008
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:16,640
Speaker 3: Well, I mean we live in different cities, so it's

1009
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:20,239
Speaker 3: not It is a different thing, you know, and will

1010
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:23,759
Speaker 3: be a different thing, and we'll evolve over time. But

1011
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:28,799
Speaker 3: but we're able to actually be honest. The most uncomfortable

1012
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,760
Speaker 3: thing was said, So what else is there?

1013
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1014
00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:33,160
Speaker 1: What else you got?

1015
00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:33,879
Speaker 2: What else you got?

1016
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:37,360
Speaker 1: But even your straight friends, you college roommate was a college.

1017
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:39,640
Speaker 3: I never went to college. I had a high school friend,

1018
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 3: just a high school friend.

1019
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:43,920
Speaker 1: You said that he felt tricked into having a gay

1020
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:44,359
Speaker 1: best friend.

1021
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:46,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was like he would have never

1022
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:47,160
Speaker 3: signed up for it.

1023
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 1: So funny you never Yeah, it's so funny to me.

1024
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 1: But you took the time to like make sure you

1025
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:55,560
Speaker 1: were Like, I don't know, friendship seems like it's important.

1026
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 2: To very important.

1027
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 3: Well, I mean that's kind of the the gay thing,

1028
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:03,879
Speaker 3: like the the chosen family, because you feel alienated from

1029
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 3: your family and so then you build, like you rebuild

1030
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:12,600
Speaker 3: your family with your friends in your life. And that's

1031
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 3: a very common thing amongst gay people. Who come out,

1032
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 3: who have a rough experience at home, and so my

1033
00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:23,840
Speaker 3: friends became my family. That became very very important to me.

1034
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 3: So and most of my friends were very accepting. And

1035
00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:34,480
Speaker 3: then any sense of rejection from the chosen family, You're like, oh, no, hey, I.

1036
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:36,759
Speaker 2: Thought I filtered. I thought I filtered that out.

1037
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:41,680
Speaker 1: And then what do you think? What do you think

1038
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:46,920
Speaker 1: makes a good friend? Oh, because it seemed like it

1039
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:47,680
Speaker 1: matters to you.

1040
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:54,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a really good question. And I'm

1041
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 3: still learning the answer to that because I retreat in

1042
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:01,400
Speaker 3: certain ways when things become overwhelming. That's the bad habit

1043
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 3: that you see in the show. I just like run,

1044
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 3: just like stop answering calls and texts. Horrible thing to do.

1045
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:09,760
Speaker 1: Not ideal.

1046
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:13,840
Speaker 3: Oh it's bad, It's really really bad. And I'm learning

1047
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 3: from that because I've had to happen to me. It

1048
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 3: doesn't feel good. It is being there, it's being open,

1049
00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:25,760
Speaker 3: it's listening. I think listening is very very important. Hearing

1050
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 3: someone seeing someone, like accepting someone. I think that's the

1051
00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:35,400
Speaker 3: role of a friend. To accept all of it. You

1052
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:38,040
Speaker 3: don't have to always agree, but to accept, to say

1053
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:38,800
Speaker 3: I still.

1054
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:41,919
Speaker 1: Love you, m yeah, yeah, and showing up you showed

1055
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:43,880
Speaker 1: up at your friends. You missed the wedding.

1056
00:48:44,239 --> 00:48:46,440
Speaker 3: I missed the speech. I was supposed to give a speech.

1057
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:49,920
Speaker 3: I was the best man at my friend Pool's wedding.

1058
00:48:50,239 --> 00:48:51,120
Speaker 1: He was pissed.

1059
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:53,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, well he was fissed because I had on a

1060
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:55,200
Speaker 3: different I didn't want to wear the tucks everybody was wearing.

1061
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 3: I don't like black on black tux like about you.

1062
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 2: Know, but you know I'm still gay and.

1063
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:06,759
Speaker 1: Fashion fashion over front.

1064
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:08,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, a little bit, a little bit.

1065
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:09,920
Speaker 3: It's just like like, I don't know if I love

1066
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:16,000
Speaker 3: anybody enough to do a black on black talks. Do

1067
00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:18,919
Speaker 3: a black like that's just redundant ass talks.

1068
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:20,000
Speaker 1: Dare you even ask?

1069
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:20,520
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1070
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:22,440
Speaker 1: He should be he should he should apologize.

1071
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:25,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't love anyone enough for a fashion faux p.

1072
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:28,360
Speaker 1: He should apologize for you for even asking you to

1073
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:32,279
Speaker 1: wear that. Are you happier since it's come out, since

1074
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:34,800
Speaker 1: the show has been out dressing all those things.

1075
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a couple of stressful moments, but I also

1076
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:43,120
Speaker 3: know that it's necessary. Being seen is stressful. The anxiety

1077
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:45,839
Speaker 3: of being seen is very stressful. Oh my god, they're

1078
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:47,560
Speaker 3: gonna see me. Oh my god, they saw me?

1079
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 1: Then it's like, okay, yeah, cool, it's funny because I

1080
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:53,040
Speaker 1: think there's probably people that can relate to that on

1081
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:56,000
Speaker 1: every level. Like you said, everybody's got a thing. Your

1082
00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:58,080
Speaker 1: friend says to you, your friend who decided not to

1083
00:49:58,120 --> 00:49:59,799
Speaker 1: be in the show to wear a mask and hide

1084
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:01,239
Speaker 1: it voice. Is he famous by the.

1085
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:03,960
Speaker 3: Way, he is? Right, I can't confirm anything. Okay, i'll

1086
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 3: tell you.

1087
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:06,680
Speaker 1: You will good because it was bothering me. I was

1088
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:08,439
Speaker 1: really trying to guess who he was because he's really

1089
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:10,719
Speaker 1: smart and it seems very cool.

1090
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:12,279
Speaker 2: Who cares about me a lot?

1091
00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:15,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I could tell. But he said, you know, you

1092
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:19,600
Speaker 1: take the most like vulnerable, vulnerable parts of your life

1093
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 1: and you're like serving it.

1094
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:20,960
Speaker 4: Up to.

1095
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:25,320
Speaker 2: Well, just to the public.

1096
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 1: No, no, he said something to the effect of, like the.

1097
00:50:28,719 --> 00:50:29,399
Speaker 2: What did he say?

1098
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:30,799
Speaker 1: I think I have it? I think I have it

1099
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:32,319
Speaker 1: in my not told them. I'm gonna tell you right

1100
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:35,040
Speaker 1: now what he said. Oh no, it wasn't that bad.

1101
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:36,920
Speaker 1: Maybe in my mind it was. He said, you take

1102
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:38,680
Speaker 1: the most intimate parts of your life, for the most

1103
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:40,279
Speaker 1: cherished parts of your life, and you serve it up

1104
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:42,680
Speaker 1: to the public, and like the worst part of the

1105
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:46,400
Speaker 1: public is there too, So you're serving like the most.

1106
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 1: I don't know why. I guess it's why.

1107
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 3: I'm trying to be as public as I was private.

1108
00:50:55,680 --> 00:51:00,200
Speaker 3: So it's a personal decision because most of my life

1109
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 3: lipped in such secrecy and such fear.

1110
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:07,919
Speaker 2: That I'm just trying to just put it all out there.

1111
00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 2: I said this.

1112
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:12,399
Speaker 3: About my special Rothaniel, which could apply to the show

1113
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:16,120
Speaker 3: as well. That the premise could be man who's afraid

1114
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:21,959
Speaker 3: of heights skydives on national television. That's essentially what I'm doing, Like, oh, okay, well,

1115
00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna face my biggest fears.

1116
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:29,839
Speaker 2: Being seen is Yeah, being seen is a huge fear.

1117
00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:32,840
Speaker 3: It's terrified that people would see me, they would judge me,

1118
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 3: they wouldn't like me. They would and it's happening.

1119
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:37,719
Speaker 2: Some people are just like.

1120
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:40,120
Speaker 3: We don't like and I'm like, okay, you know, it's okay,

1121
00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:42,239
Speaker 3: you got to take that. I offered it, but.

1122
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:46,400
Speaker 1: It's still better, right, Oh for sure, yeah, for sure?

1123
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 1: What is your What do you say to somebody who's

1124
00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 1: at that point like do you is this like don't

1125
00:51:52,160 --> 00:51:54,799
Speaker 1: try this at home thing? Or or do try this?

1126
00:51:55,080 --> 00:51:58,000
Speaker 3: I hope everybody gets their own reality show. People seem

1127
00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:01,320
Speaker 3: to be aiming for again, like if you are posting,

1128
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:05,360
Speaker 3: like if you're One of my favorite responses is a

1129
00:52:05,360 --> 00:52:06,360
Speaker 3: woman on TikTok.

1130
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 2: She's like recording on her phone.

1131
00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:10,239
Speaker 3: She's like, what Gerid Carmichael needs to understand is that

1132
00:52:10,280 --> 00:52:13,840
Speaker 3: everything don't need to be on camera. And I'm like, man,

1133
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:19,000
Speaker 3: we're all on the same Internet, like like HBO Max

1134
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:19,520
Speaker 3: is just.

1135
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 2: A corner of the Internet.

1136
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:24,640
Speaker 3: Like we're all just sharing the same Internet, putting things out,

1137
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:26,880
Speaker 3: wanting to be seen, want people to say, I see you,

1138
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:30,839
Speaker 3: I hear you, I understand you, I accept you. That's

1139
00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:33,319
Speaker 3: the whole and that's what I'm putting things out for.

1140
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 3: Mine has really a specific but a lot of it's

1141
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:39,279
Speaker 3: for my family, for my parents, like I want them

1142
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:40,960
Speaker 3: to see me, I want them to understand me. It's

1143
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:44,040
Speaker 3: this eternal quest to be seen and understood by them.

1144
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:46,920
Speaker 3: But also in the larger sense, I like also the

1145
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:50,360
Speaker 3: public I want to be. I think the rejection that

1146
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:55,839
Speaker 3: probably hurts the most are from the communities that I'm

1147
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:58,880
Speaker 3: inherently a part of. If it's a rejection from the

1148
00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:02,480
Speaker 3: gay community, from the black community in any way, that

1149
00:53:02,760 --> 00:53:05,960
Speaker 3: is definitely hurtful because it's I am you, you know,

1150
00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 3: I am you. I'm living the same experience as you,

1151
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:12,000
Speaker 3: and I'm not lying to you like that's that's part

1152
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:13,520
Speaker 3: of the thing that hurts, where you're like, oh no,

1153
00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:18,480
Speaker 3: I'm actually not lying to you like I could lie.

1154
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:22,919
Speaker 3: Most public figures aren't this honest. They mostly don't put

1155
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:26,319
Speaker 3: out the things that could make them unlikable, but like

1156
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 3: I'm doing it in the hopes for acceptance.

1157
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:33,920
Speaker 1: Has there been anyone, even publicly that has supported you

1158
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:36,759
Speaker 1: that you were surprised that they they got it and

1159
00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:38,440
Speaker 1: they were ooh like.

1160
00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:41,840
Speaker 3: I think that there have been some good like dms,

1161
00:53:41,880 --> 00:53:46,240
Speaker 3: like we talked about before, you know, the Kevin Hart

1162
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:48,719
Speaker 3: Kevin Hart. I don't know if you've seen the show

1163
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:56,840
Speaker 3: Kevin's Kevin's Busy with thirty Companies or whatever, But I

1164
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,319
Speaker 3: talked about Jays that he's one of the first people

1165
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:03,320
Speaker 3: I sent it to. I sent Jay the episode with

1166
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:05,800
Speaker 3: the road trip with my dad just because I thought

1167
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:08,000
Speaker 3: he would like relate to it, and he sent me

1168
00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 3: a really sweet, thoughtful response to it, and he he

1169
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:15,320
Speaker 3: told me one of my favorite parts of his response,

1170
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:17,759
Speaker 3: because I go to bow Jangles like this restaurant, like

1171
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:20,600
Speaker 3: looking for a sausage biscuit, for half the episode, and

1172
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:22,960
Speaker 3: Jay was like, you're going hard on the bow Jangles

1173
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:26,719
Speaker 3: chill Champ, and I promise you I haven't eaten pork

1174
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:29,840
Speaker 3: since it was a year ago, Like Jay, I promise

1175
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:32,040
Speaker 3: Jay I would give up pork, and he's gotten me.

1176
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:33,799
Speaker 3: So it's like I made a promise to God, I

1177
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:36,560
Speaker 3: give up pork. And so yeah, it's made me healthier.

1178
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:37,399
Speaker 1: And you sent to him.

1179
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:40,080
Speaker 3: You sent him that, and I sent him I sent

1180
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,560
Speaker 3: him the road trip episode. But I think he responds

1181
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:44,520
Speaker 3: to things that I do and it makes me feel really good,

1182
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:48,040
Speaker 3: like he's such an artist, He's a true art And

1183
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:52,319
Speaker 3: I do think that artists have a different response to

1184
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:57,800
Speaker 3: it than the general public because artists know the dangerous

1185
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:01,840
Speaker 3: territory that I'm in, right, Actually, Like portraying something this

1186
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:05,560
Speaker 3: truthful and putting it out for the general public to

1187
00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:10,040
Speaker 3: dissect and to comment on is a place that people

1188
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:14,319
Speaker 3: don't typically go. They don't for good reason because it

1189
00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:18,120
Speaker 3: doesn't feel good to be like analyzed and yelled at

1190
00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:21,360
Speaker 3: or whatever. But it's it's also it's it feels like

1191
00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:22,759
Speaker 3: new territory in a way.

1192
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:26,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's brave. I think that's what I said

1193
00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:26,800
Speaker 1: to you when.

1194
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:31,839
Speaker 4: I first saw it, Yeah, that's sweet, but.

1195
00:55:31,760 --> 00:55:34,400
Speaker 1: It's what I felt was my immediately reaction after watching

1196
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:36,440
Speaker 1: all I don't remember the words I said, but I

1197
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:40,600
Speaker 1: said it was like crazy, brave, all the things. It's

1198
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:42,480
Speaker 1: like all the things truthful.

1199
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:44,960
Speaker 2: Yeah so wild watch.

1200
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:48,600
Speaker 1: Yeah it is, but it's but it's mostly it's brave

1201
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:52,120
Speaker 1: to me, especially like you said, just when it's your

1202
00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:55,200
Speaker 1: most vulnerable things whatever it is, not just not just

1203
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:57,440
Speaker 1: the sexuality of it, but just all of it, and

1204
00:55:57,719 --> 00:56:02,240
Speaker 1: just putting all of your soft spots myself and yourself

1205
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:04,560
Speaker 1: spots you must be. Are you proud of yourself for that?

1206
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:09,560
Speaker 3: I feel good. I feel like I'm not hiding. And

1207
00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:12,799
Speaker 3: there's a lot of like very proud of Like I

1208
00:56:12,880 --> 00:56:15,759
Speaker 3: put out things that I'm ashamed of, things that I

1209
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:16,960
Speaker 3: was embarrassed.

1210
00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:19,960
Speaker 1: By that would you put out the youth?

1211
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:22,239
Speaker 3: Well, I mean to all of I mean from episode one, Oh,

1212
00:56:22,239 --> 00:56:24,440
Speaker 3: it was like a lot of it's embarrassing. There's people

1213
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:27,279
Speaker 3: some of the comments of like like this is embarrassing.

1214
00:56:27,320 --> 00:56:31,959
Speaker 2: I'm like, I know I say it in the show,

1215
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:33,560
Speaker 2: like this is embarrassing.

1216
00:56:34,239 --> 00:56:35,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, like things that he'll do it.

1217
00:56:35,880 --> 00:56:37,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's embarrassing.

1218
00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:40,200
Speaker 3: That's all the more reason to put it out there,

1219
00:56:40,960 --> 00:56:43,120
Speaker 3: to not be controlled by that, because you can be

1220
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:46,080
Speaker 3: controlled by that emotion. You're embarrassed by something, you want

1221
00:56:46,120 --> 00:56:47,239
Speaker 3: to hide it and you want to control it. You

1222
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:49,440
Speaker 3: want to rewrite, rewrite it.

1223
00:56:49,880 --> 00:56:51,640
Speaker 1: What about the healing part of it? Like you do

1224
00:56:51,680 --> 00:56:52,480
Speaker 1: a lot of therapy.

1225
00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:56,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do psychoanalysis four times a week. What too,

1226
00:56:56,160 --> 00:56:56,840
Speaker 3: double sessions?

1227
00:56:56,920 --> 00:56:58,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, four times a week.

1228
00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:02,920
Speaker 3: So it's two double sessions on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

1229
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:06,520
Speaker 1: Which is what two hours two and a half hours

1230
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:10,120
Speaker 1: twice a week. Yeah, that's a lot.

1231
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:11,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's deep.

1232
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:14,320
Speaker 1: Never therapy, no therapy for together?

1233
00:57:15,239 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 2: Was that? Like?

1234
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 3: I like when my therapist goes on vacation because it

1235
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:22,440
Speaker 3: gives me like, yeah, okay, you're right.

1236
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:24,360
Speaker 1: You're just like being accountable for all your ship.

1237
00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:26,760
Speaker 3: Well, explore because you want to know what's underneath.

1238
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:27,520
Speaker 2: That's the thing.

1239
00:57:27,600 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 3: Like when you start exploring your own life, you realize

1240
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:33,800
Speaker 3: that all of your actions have something deeper behind it.

1241
00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:35,800
Speaker 3: Like and I'm trying to bring that to my family,

1242
00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:38,160
Speaker 3: but trying to get my mom to explore it is

1243
00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:39,200
Speaker 3: just like because it's.

1244
00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:39,800
Speaker 2: Easy to just.

1245
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:44,880
Speaker 3: My mom uses the word preferences a lot. Well, that's

1246
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:48,440
Speaker 3: my preference like, I'm this way because it's my preference,

1247
00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:51,600
Speaker 3: and I'm always like, yes, how do we get here?

1248
00:57:51,880 --> 00:57:54,960
Speaker 3: What's behind that? What led you to this preference? What

1249
00:57:55,120 --> 00:57:58,680
Speaker 3: led you to this decision? And that's something that my

1250
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:01,760
Speaker 3: family isn't used to explore, and I try to introduce that.

1251
00:58:01,760 --> 00:58:04,320
Speaker 3: That's what you learn in therapy. You start exploring your

1252
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:07,280
Speaker 3: own life. You start realizing like, oh, this is oh,

1253
00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 3: this is why. You start drawing lines between something happened

1254
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:13,280
Speaker 3: when you were eight to a thing that you're doing

1255
00:58:13,320 --> 00:58:15,840
Speaker 3: when you're thirty eight. Like you realize like, oh, it's

1256
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:16,840
Speaker 3: been thirty years of.

1257
00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:24,440
Speaker 1: What has been the biggest revelation for you through therapy?

1258
00:58:27,160 --> 00:58:28,360
Speaker 1: I know there's probably so many.

1259
00:58:28,520 --> 00:58:30,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a lot because it is day to day.

1260
00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:34,440
Speaker 3: I realized, like a lot of like my sexual behavior,

1261
00:58:35,240 --> 00:58:39,080
Speaker 3: it's rooted in things that I saw or felt or

1262
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:42,360
Speaker 3: didn't feel as a child.

1263
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:44,120
Speaker 2: I realized a.

1264
00:58:44,040 --> 00:58:47,720
Speaker 3: Lot of my selfish behavior is rooted in inadequacies I

1265
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:50,120
Speaker 3: felt as a child.

1266
00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:53,400
Speaker 2: Fear things that I was afraid of. Start drawing life.

1267
00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:55,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm trying to think of I'm trying to narrow down.

1268
00:58:56,080 --> 00:58:58,040
Speaker 1: The therapist tells you something and you're like, holy shit,

1269
00:58:58,160 --> 00:59:00,800
Speaker 1: that's right. Yes, Oh my god, I love that feeling.

1270
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:02,640
Speaker 3: Oh, I hang up. Actually, I don't know that. You

1271
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:05,720
Speaker 3: have a big moment. No, it's over. I'm not going

1272
00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 3: to top it. And we call it Lacan. There's this like,

1273
00:59:08,600 --> 00:59:12,000
Speaker 3: uh funny, yeah, we just I just hang up. That's

1274
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:14,520
Speaker 3: so funny, Like this is it for today.

1275
00:59:14,680 --> 00:59:16,560
Speaker 1: He reminded me of a thing that happened to one

1276
00:59:16,560 --> 00:59:18,920
Speaker 1: of my interviews back and the cameraon told me one

1277
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:21,640
Speaker 1: time that he does he gives his like his assistance

1278
00:59:21,680 --> 00:59:24,320
Speaker 1: and all his like publicists. He's like, he gives him

1279
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:26,480
Speaker 1: a time the beginning of the call. Okay, you have

1280
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:27,240
Speaker 1: ninety seconds.

1281
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:28,160
Speaker 2: Oh Jesus.

1282
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:30,120
Speaker 1: So they say that what they need him to do,

1283
00:59:30,160 --> 00:59:31,400
Speaker 1: and he literally just hangs.

1284
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:31,520
Speaker 3: Up the PHO.

1285
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:33,840
Speaker 2: That's funny. I get that.

1286
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:35,760
Speaker 3: I do get like I wish I could do that.

1287
00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:36,240
Speaker 1: I want to do.

1288
00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:38,720
Speaker 3: I want to do a trick if you if you

1289
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 3: go into a party that has a lot of people,

1290
00:59:41,040 --> 00:59:44,880
Speaker 3: I enter saying goodbye. So if you enter the party

1291
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:47,600
Speaker 3: saying like I was just leaving, people say the thing

1292
00:59:47,680 --> 00:59:49,400
Speaker 3: that they wanted to say to you, that they would

1293
00:59:49,560 --> 00:59:50,160
Speaker 3: say for later.

1294
00:59:50,200 --> 00:59:51,200
Speaker 2: They just get it all out.

1295
00:59:51,240 --> 00:59:53,920
Speaker 1: Then that's really good. Hey, oh yeah, I was just

1296
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:55,400
Speaker 1: about to live. I'm so good to say good to

1297
00:59:55,400 --> 00:59:59,160
Speaker 1: see you, yeah yeah, and then bye. Then do you

1298
00:59:59,160 --> 00:59:59,640
Speaker 1: really leave?

1299
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:02,200
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I usually leave a party pretty.

1300
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:04,600
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try that. We should try that at home, everybody.

1301
01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:07,520
Speaker 1: We should try that in real life. How that works

1302
01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:11,720
Speaker 1: for us. I'm gonna totally try that. Sometimes people think

1303
01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:14,480
Speaker 1: therapy is just when you got bad shit going on,

1304
01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:18,640
Speaker 1: or when you're in crisis, or when you're no depressed.

1305
01:00:20,280 --> 01:00:24,360
Speaker 3: It's an excuse to talk, and it's explored up during COVID.

1306
01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:28,240
Speaker 3: My mom really wanted to get her hair done and

1307
01:00:28,360 --> 01:00:30,640
Speaker 3: we were all bef was like it was during the

1308
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:33,160
Speaker 3: don't leave the house phase, like you don't leave, and

1309
01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:36,240
Speaker 3: she was like, okay, except I need to go. She

1310
01:00:36,360 --> 01:00:39,600
Speaker 3: goes to the Dominicans. It's the thing she needs it,

1311
01:00:39,640 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 3: loves its. But but I was like, why is this

1312
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:45,320
Speaker 3: so important to you? She's like, again, this is my preference.

1313
01:00:45,360 --> 01:00:47,560
Speaker 3: I like my hair a certain way. And then I

1314
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:50,919
Speaker 3: kept asking her questions and we got to a place

1315
01:00:50,960 --> 01:00:52,880
Speaker 3: where she was the only black girl in one of

1316
01:00:52,880 --> 01:00:56,120
Speaker 3: her classes and felt so left out, like and she

1317
01:00:56,360 --> 01:01:00,040
Speaker 3: saw how guys treated the other girls and treated the

1318
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:02,840
Speaker 3: girls with the straight hair and how she started to

1319
01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:05,440
Speaker 3: see that as ideal and like we got into a

1320
01:01:05,520 --> 01:01:08,919
Speaker 3: really really deep, beautiful place through exploration. It's a place

1321
01:01:08,960 --> 01:01:10,840
Speaker 3: you wouldn't normally get to. It's like, oh, she likes

1322
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:12,800
Speaker 3: to hair a certain way. It's like yes, but.

1323
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:15,400
Speaker 1: Why Yeah, did it free her at all?

1324
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:18,440
Speaker 3: I hope So I always hope that. I hope that

1325
01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:20,560
Speaker 3: that's what I could offer because I tried to protect

1326
01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:23,040
Speaker 3: my mom for a long time and now I want

1327
01:01:23,120 --> 01:01:26,480
Speaker 3: to offer an outlet for my parents. Like it's it

1328
01:01:26,720 --> 01:01:30,200
Speaker 3: really is with the hope of freedom, like that I

1329
01:01:30,280 --> 01:01:33,600
Speaker 3: do these things. It's insane. I acknowledge that that's insane

1330
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:36,800
Speaker 3: because somebody could Friday nights, say, in all our business,

1331
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:37,600
Speaker 3: somebody could.

1332
01:01:37,480 --> 01:01:39,480
Speaker 1: Watch it and go, why is he doing that to space?

1333
01:01:39,520 --> 01:01:40,000
Speaker 3: Oh? People do?

1334
01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:43,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know it could people could think it's mean

1335
01:01:43,720 --> 01:01:44,760
Speaker 1: or it's tough.

1336
01:01:44,880 --> 01:01:47,959
Speaker 3: I would invite them to dinner at my mother's house.

1337
01:01:50,360 --> 01:01:51,760
Speaker 2: They wouldn't know why.

1338
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:54,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you're right if it ends up, I mean,

1339
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:56,960
Speaker 1: the best case scenario, right, is that it ends up

1340
01:01:56,960 --> 01:01:59,280
Speaker 1: with a place where they are freer and they live

1341
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:03,440
Speaker 1: a better life. Yeah, that's a good therapy. No, I mean,

1342
01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:05,600
Speaker 1: it's a revelation. But that wasn't do therapy you hope

1343
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:06,160
Speaker 1: to find that out.

1344
01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:09,280
Speaker 3: Well, it's something I learned through it. It's like paying

1345
01:02:09,440 --> 01:02:09,800
Speaker 3: for it.

1346
01:02:09,880 --> 01:02:12,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll do a therapy session. I keep a weekly

1347
01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 1: and even if everything's just super great, I'll do it

1348
01:02:14,840 --> 01:02:18,760
Speaker 1: just because I trust this person's opinion. Sometimes I would

1349
01:02:18,840 --> 01:02:21,560
Speaker 1: want to flush an idea out, whatever, whatever the thing

1350
01:02:21,640 --> 01:02:22,280
Speaker 1: is of the week.

1351
01:02:22,400 --> 01:02:24,400
Speaker 3: And yeah, even sometimes when things are great, you ever

1352
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:28,080
Speaker 3: like have a great moment and you get afraid it's

1353
01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 3: gonna end. I mean like it's like foreshadowing doom is

1354
01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:34,440
Speaker 3: what people call it. But like you're just like everything's

1355
01:02:34,440 --> 01:02:38,440
Speaker 3: going so great. Oh man, everyone's having a wonderful time. Like,

1356
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:40,840
Speaker 3: oh man, what if the ceiling cave in?

1357
01:02:41,680 --> 01:02:42,439
Speaker 1: Are you that guy?

1358
01:02:42,920 --> 01:02:46,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm terrified. I'm always waiting for the other shoot

1359
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:50,600
Speaker 3: to drop. I'm always afraid that something's gonna happen. And

1360
01:02:50,640 --> 01:02:53,400
Speaker 3: it's like I can't even just let a beautiful moment

1361
01:02:53,480 --> 01:02:55,120
Speaker 3: be a beautiful moment. Yeah.

1362
01:02:55,160 --> 01:02:58,840
Speaker 1: My therapist told me that I tend to go to

1363
01:02:58,960 --> 01:03:02,800
Speaker 1: doom Doom's day for no reason. Everything's totally fine. Why

1364
01:03:02,840 --> 01:03:03,920
Speaker 1: do you have But a lot of that is from

1365
01:03:03,960 --> 01:03:06,680
Speaker 1: PTSS at a bad car accident so I'm like trading

1366
01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:09,840
Speaker 1: cars the worst thing, you know if if you know,

1367
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:12,840
Speaker 1: my husband's laid and I'm like, it's okay, Yeah, of

1368
01:03:12,880 --> 01:03:15,240
Speaker 1: course something happened in.

1369
01:03:17,040 --> 01:03:17,479
Speaker 2: Those things.

1370
01:03:17,560 --> 01:03:20,200
Speaker 3: Linger they stay in your body and they affect your

1371
01:03:20,400 --> 01:03:23,440
Speaker 3: day to day life in a real way. And unless

1372
01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:26,360
Speaker 3: you explore that, unless you actually go to the uncomfortable

1373
01:03:26,360 --> 01:03:29,480
Speaker 3: place and say, wait, why do I think this way?

1374
01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:32,440
Speaker 3: You just just live with the pain.

1375
01:03:32,720 --> 01:03:33,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1376
01:03:33,240 --> 01:03:35,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's not the good way to do it.

1377
01:03:35,120 --> 01:03:35,680
Speaker 2: It's not good.

1378
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:37,760
Speaker 3: It's it's not good for your health, it's not good

1379
01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:39,040
Speaker 3: for your day to day life. It's not good for

1380
01:03:39,080 --> 01:03:42,160
Speaker 3: your relationships. Yeah, because you start taking that out on

1381
01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:42,840
Speaker 3: other people.

1382
01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:47,200
Speaker 1: For sure. Yeah, yeah, for sure, look at you giving

1383
01:03:47,240 --> 01:03:51,320
Speaker 1: healing advice out to look at you and healing advice

1384
01:03:51,360 --> 01:03:52,120
Speaker 1: out to the world.

1385
01:03:52,360 --> 01:03:55,040
Speaker 3: I mean, I got a sex therapist that me and

1386
01:03:55,120 --> 01:03:58,880
Speaker 3: my boyfriend see together and I see alone. I got

1387
01:03:58,920 --> 01:04:01,680
Speaker 3: my therapist, got we got all the therapists.

1388
01:04:01,800 --> 01:04:03,640
Speaker 1: Do you ever think you could do you think that

1389
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:07,040
Speaker 1: you could ever be fully healed? Is that like a goal?

1390
01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:09,400
Speaker 3: Well, as long as you have new experiences, there's new

1391
01:04:09,400 --> 01:04:13,480
Speaker 3: ways to process them. So like, yeah, like sometimes I

1392
01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:15,840
Speaker 3: joke with my therapist like have I graduated yet?

1393
01:04:16,480 --> 01:04:18,560
Speaker 2: Like, is this over? Did I? Did I do it?

1394
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:23,120
Speaker 3: You know? But there's always there's always something new to explore,

1395
01:04:23,240 --> 01:04:25,760
Speaker 3: and maybe you take breaks and and I'm one of

1396
01:04:25,800 --> 01:04:28,680
Speaker 3: those people that are like, maybe you are finding ways

1397
01:04:28,720 --> 01:04:32,040
Speaker 3: to explore and to contend with your life and you

1398
01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:35,640
Speaker 3: don't need therapy, like sure, but you have to ask

1399
01:04:35,680 --> 01:04:40,040
Speaker 3: the questions. And if you aren't made uncomfortable by something

1400
01:04:40,040 --> 01:04:42,680
Speaker 3: in your life, then it's usually a sign that you're

1401
01:04:42,680 --> 01:04:44,600
Speaker 3: not facing something that you need to face.

1402
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:46,439
Speaker 1: You're so good, You're really good.

1403
01:04:46,440 --> 01:04:47,000
Speaker 2: No, you're good.

1404
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:49,360
Speaker 3: I'm so you don't know how happy I am.

1405
01:04:49,760 --> 01:04:51,200
Speaker 2: This feels really good.

1406
01:04:51,680 --> 01:04:54,400
Speaker 3: I've truly like when I saw I when I saw

1407
01:04:54,440 --> 01:04:56,680
Speaker 3: you at that party, I like wanted to say I.

1408
01:04:56,760 --> 01:04:59,480
Speaker 1: Was we were at a party together. I thought, this

1409
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:01,600
Speaker 1: is not We didn't meet though right now because.

1410
01:05:01,360 --> 01:05:03,960
Speaker 3: I was afraid. I know, I saw you over there,

1411
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:06,920
Speaker 3: you were like over like everyone was to you, and

1412
01:05:07,080 --> 01:05:08,440
Speaker 3: I was just like kind of in a corner.

1413
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:09,240
Speaker 2: This is all that here.

1414
01:05:09,880 --> 01:05:12,720
Speaker 1: This was the jay Z four four four the night

1415
01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:16,200
Speaker 1: it came out, Well, that was the private party, because

1416
01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:18,520
Speaker 1: that was that's the house you're at the house.

1417
01:05:18,520 --> 01:05:19,200
Speaker 2: That pretty cool.

1418
01:05:19,400 --> 01:05:21,720
Speaker 1: That was I don't think that was their househouse. I

1419
01:05:21,760 --> 01:05:23,680
Speaker 1: think that was like a loaner house till their house

1420
01:05:23,760 --> 01:05:24,120
Speaker 1: was ready.

1421
01:05:24,200 --> 01:05:27,600
Speaker 3: Yeah maybe, yeah, still gorgeous, gorgeous, beautiful blue life.

1422
01:05:27,640 --> 01:05:30,600
Speaker 1: He's running around four four four, which was his most

1423
01:05:30,920 --> 01:05:31,920
Speaker 1: Jay's most.

1424
01:05:32,080 --> 01:05:37,440
Speaker 3: Personal personal personal as a fan, I'm just because he

1425
01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:41,400
Speaker 3: showed evolution, and that's the thing that Jay offers to

1426
01:05:41,800 --> 01:05:45,840
Speaker 3: wrap that I I try and offer to Like what

1427
01:05:45,920 --> 01:05:48,840
Speaker 3: I do is like, okay, can we evolve? Like a

1428
01:05:48,840 --> 01:05:52,000
Speaker 3: lot of times, like you get stuck at one thing

1429
01:05:52,040 --> 01:05:54,600
Speaker 3: and it's profitable, so it's easy to be stuck at

1430
01:05:54,600 --> 01:05:55,120
Speaker 3: the one thing.

1431
01:05:55,720 --> 01:05:57,840
Speaker 2: And Jay just his.

1432
01:05:57,840 --> 01:06:00,480
Speaker 3: Work grows with his life and I really respect that.

1433
01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:02,960
Speaker 1: It's funny because what was the time I don't want

1434
01:06:02,960 --> 01:06:04,960
Speaker 1: to get this wrong, what was the time between Lemonade

1435
01:06:04,960 --> 01:06:08,160
Speaker 1: and four for four? Like not that long, right, maybe

1436
01:06:08,200 --> 01:06:08,560
Speaker 1: a year?

1437
01:06:09,440 --> 01:06:12,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, I actually don't I don't know, but yeah.

1438
01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:17,360
Speaker 1: I just remember that night having a conversation with Beyonce.

1439
01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:22,320
Speaker 1: They were so comfortable for two people who never share

1440
01:06:22,400 --> 01:06:26,560
Speaker 1: their private who are so have been so private and

1441
01:06:26,880 --> 01:06:30,440
Speaker 1: intentionally private, Yes, to share so deeply.

1442
01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:32,440
Speaker 3: Oh, they do so with their work as part of

1443
01:06:32,440 --> 01:06:34,600
Speaker 3: the reason they don't need to give interviews like they're

1444
01:06:34,600 --> 01:06:37,480
Speaker 3: sharing more than the average artists for sure their work.

1445
01:06:37,560 --> 01:06:40,000
Speaker 1: But I just remember that night that they seemed so

1446
01:06:40,120 --> 01:06:45,000
Speaker 1: at peace and so happy with with that. They weren't

1447
01:06:45,040 --> 01:06:47,880
Speaker 1: uncomfortable about it at all. Yeah, they had that kind

1448
01:06:47,920 --> 01:06:49,800
Speaker 1: of like the energy you're giving me right now, it's

1449
01:06:49,880 --> 01:06:52,000
Speaker 1: a freedom I feel like they had that. They both

1450
01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:54,760
Speaker 1: had that, and they were both really I said something

1451
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:56,480
Speaker 1: to each of them about how it affected me and

1452
01:06:56,560 --> 01:06:59,680
Speaker 1: they and they both you could tell that that really

1453
01:06:59,760 --> 01:07:02,120
Speaker 1: mad to them. Why they It's huge.

1454
01:07:02,840 --> 01:07:03,479
Speaker 2: Again, like.

1455
01:07:04,920 --> 01:07:07,320
Speaker 3: You know, this is a man who had the mantra

1456
01:07:07,480 --> 01:07:11,560
Speaker 3: I will not lose. Making an album about fear of loss.

1457
01:07:12,400 --> 01:07:13,720
Speaker 3: It's huge.

1458
01:07:13,920 --> 01:07:14,520
Speaker 2: It's huge.

1459
01:07:14,600 --> 01:07:17,440
Speaker 3: You can't. You can't overstate the importance of that to

1460
01:07:17,600 --> 01:07:18,160
Speaker 3: the genre.

1461
01:07:18,320 --> 01:07:20,560
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, if you compare the lyrics of Young Jay.

1462
01:07:21,080 --> 01:07:23,920
Speaker 2: Yes, growth, growth, Yeah, growth.

1463
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:26,880
Speaker 3: And as an artist, if you're never contradicting yourself, then

1464
01:07:26,920 --> 01:07:27,920
Speaker 3: don't call yourself there.

1465
01:07:28,280 --> 01:07:30,000
Speaker 1: So we were both at that same party together.

1466
01:07:30,080 --> 01:07:31,840
Speaker 3: We were there, but you were you were like in

1467
01:07:31,880 --> 01:07:35,080
Speaker 3: the cool corner would be just like you know, it's

1468
01:07:35,160 --> 01:07:35,640
Speaker 3: just on the.

1469
01:07:35,640 --> 01:07:37,840
Speaker 2: Perimeter, just like drink.

1470
01:07:37,880 --> 01:07:38,720
Speaker 1: If you were a house.

1471
01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:40,560
Speaker 2: I want to say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say.

1472
01:07:40,400 --> 01:07:42,640
Speaker 1: Hey, I wish you would have we would have had

1473
01:07:42,640 --> 01:07:43,720
Speaker 1: that moment, had.

1474
01:07:43,640 --> 01:07:45,440
Speaker 2: A moment, we had a great moment.

1475
01:07:45,520 --> 01:07:48,160
Speaker 3: Yeah. No, I remember you being there and just feel

1476
01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:50,880
Speaker 3: like like I want to say everything, like I loved

1477
01:07:50,880 --> 01:07:51,320
Speaker 3: you forever.

1478
01:07:52,680 --> 01:07:56,400
Speaker 4: That too sweet, That is very sweet.

1479
01:07:56,800 --> 01:07:58,280
Speaker 1: That was a great night. That's a good one. That's

1480
01:07:58,280 --> 01:08:00,120
Speaker 1: a good memory for us that I remember that wh

1481
01:08:00,280 --> 01:08:02,600
Speaker 1: we were there, a very beautiful night. I have a

1482
01:08:02,640 --> 01:08:04,240
Speaker 1: whole bunch of in real life questions that I want

1483
01:08:04,240 --> 01:08:04,840
Speaker 1: to ask anything.

1484
01:08:05,280 --> 01:08:08,040
Speaker 3: I'll tell I'll say anything. I'll roll my career today.

1485
01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:11,520
Speaker 1: Shut up, I don't put you What could you possibly say?

1486
01:08:11,880 --> 01:08:15,280
Speaker 1: What else? What else could you possibly have left in

1487
01:08:15,320 --> 01:08:17,280
Speaker 1: the chamber? I would have to like literally set you

1488
01:08:17,360 --> 01:08:19,200
Speaker 1: up for no reason looking for a click, which I

1489
01:08:19,200 --> 01:08:22,040
Speaker 1: would never do to you, which you are, by the way,

1490
01:08:22,160 --> 01:08:23,000
Speaker 1: very prone.

1491
01:08:23,040 --> 01:08:24,519
Speaker 3: To like click.

1492
01:08:25,640 --> 01:08:27,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you're going around like did you do a

1493
01:08:27,439 --> 01:08:29,920
Speaker 1: lot of press? You didn't do that much press after

1494
01:08:30,040 --> 01:08:32,240
Speaker 1: the or did you try and limit it?

1495
01:08:32,520 --> 01:08:35,360
Speaker 3: And I value another reason I was excited to come

1496
01:08:35,360 --> 01:08:39,480
Speaker 3: here because I I I need thoughtful conversation.

1497
01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:42,599
Speaker 1: Yeah, I get that, because it gets it gets lost

1498
01:08:42,680 --> 01:08:43,519
Speaker 1: low hanging fruit.

1499
01:08:43,760 --> 01:08:46,040
Speaker 3: Oh, it's very Oh it's so easy to write the

1500
01:08:46,080 --> 01:08:49,120
Speaker 3: show off, to write me off, Like I need a

1501
01:08:49,280 --> 01:08:53,160
Speaker 3: thoughtful person, that one that's actually watched it, because there's

1502
01:08:53,160 --> 01:08:54,880
Speaker 3: a lot of that too. It's a lot of like,

1503
01:08:55,400 --> 01:08:59,040
Speaker 3: you know, I saw thirty seconds and fuck this, niggah.

1504
01:08:59,400 --> 01:09:01,800
Speaker 3: It's a lot of that. So like I need someone

1505
01:09:01,840 --> 01:09:05,599
Speaker 3: who actually watches the thing and has a you know response.

1506
01:09:05,800 --> 01:09:07,519
Speaker 1: I always think about this for people who have to

1507
01:09:07,600 --> 01:09:11,800
Speaker 1: like the thing about sexuality, it's like, okay, whether you're

1508
01:09:11,800 --> 01:09:15,200
Speaker 1: gay or straight or buy whatever your thing is. I'm

1509
01:09:15,200 --> 01:09:17,519
Speaker 1: a straight woman, but I don't want to talk about

1510
01:09:17,520 --> 01:09:20,439
Speaker 1: my sexuality all the time. So if I had to

1511
01:09:20,479 --> 01:09:22,519
Speaker 1: come out as being straight, like if that was a

1512
01:09:22,560 --> 01:09:24,120
Speaker 1: thing for me, where I had to the whole world

1513
01:09:24,200 --> 01:09:27,920
Speaker 1: was gay and I had to be like, guys, i'm straight. Yeah,

1514
01:09:27,960 --> 01:09:30,040
Speaker 1: and then every day people want to ask me about

1515
01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:34,800
Speaker 1: sex and sexuality like that would be really uncomfortable for

1516
01:09:34,880 --> 01:09:36,800
Speaker 1: me because it's linding your damn business. Well.

1517
01:09:36,800 --> 01:09:39,960
Speaker 3: The unique experience of being gay is that, I mean

1518
01:09:40,040 --> 01:09:42,720
Speaker 3: this is a joke, but I think it's true, is

1519
01:09:42,760 --> 01:09:47,600
Speaker 3: that gay people have to tell their mom what they're into. Yeah,

1520
01:09:47,640 --> 01:09:50,080
Speaker 3: And that's a conversation that I want to never have

1521
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:53,080
Speaker 3: to have. My brother never came out as straight. He

1522
01:09:53,160 --> 01:09:56,320
Speaker 3: just showed up with five kids. My mom knows what

1523
01:09:56,400 --> 01:09:58,360
Speaker 3: that is and how it got there. Like, so there's

1524
01:09:58,400 --> 01:10:01,760
Speaker 3: no questions, there's no conversation. I had to make the

1525
01:10:01,840 --> 01:10:05,599
Speaker 3: statement to explain my life, to explain why there's no wife,

1526
01:10:05,760 --> 01:10:08,120
Speaker 3: why there's no I had to I had to come

1527
01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:12,160
Speaker 3: out and explain, Hey, this is what I like and

1528
01:10:12,200 --> 01:10:14,000
Speaker 3: this is what the rest of my life is going

1529
01:10:14,080 --> 01:10:14,439
Speaker 3: to look like.

1530
01:10:14,920 --> 01:10:16,640
Speaker 2: And it's hard.

1531
01:10:16,920 --> 01:10:18,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, But in saying that, I understand because sometimes I

1532
01:10:18,920 --> 01:10:21,720
Speaker 1: see people. There's certain celebrities that most of us kind

1533
01:10:21,720 --> 01:10:23,599
Speaker 1: of know what their lifestyle, but they don't. They don't

1534
01:10:23,600 --> 01:10:26,439
Speaker 1: ever come out and there's always this like chatter about

1535
01:10:26,439 --> 01:10:28,960
Speaker 1: what they should and you know, they should be honest

1536
01:10:29,000 --> 01:10:32,400
Speaker 1: about and I think, why why would they? Why would

1537
01:10:32,439 --> 01:10:33,320
Speaker 1: anybody have to?

1538
01:10:33,680 --> 01:10:36,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, And it's still that and it's still scary because

1539
01:10:36,880 --> 01:10:38,960
Speaker 3: the thing is people some people be like, oh, it

1540
01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:39,559
Speaker 3: doesn't matter.

1541
01:10:39,600 --> 01:10:42,960
Speaker 2: But then I mean, you know, I've read enough about myself.

1542
01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:47,080
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, it's still people to say really hateful yeah, but.

1543
01:10:47,240 --> 01:10:49,479
Speaker 1: Things yeah, And then then you have to talk about

1544
01:10:49,479 --> 01:10:52,120
Speaker 1: it all the time. Do you ever get tired of

1545
01:10:53,680 --> 01:10:54,720
Speaker 1: that being a conversation?

1546
01:10:54,880 --> 01:10:57,720
Speaker 3: I don't mind. I don't mind it, mostly because I

1547
01:10:57,760 --> 01:11:00,160
Speaker 3: came out later in life, so there are things that

1548
01:11:00,240 --> 01:11:02,439
Speaker 3: I didn't explore, And a lot of my work is

1549
01:11:02,479 --> 01:11:06,599
Speaker 3: me exploring these questions that I have, like what does

1550
01:11:06,640 --> 01:11:10,240
Speaker 3: it mean? What does it mean to stand firmly in

1551
01:11:10,400 --> 01:11:12,080
Speaker 3: the idea of being a gay man?

1552
01:11:12,120 --> 01:11:15,320
Speaker 2: Does it make me less of a man? Does it?

1553
01:11:15,600 --> 01:11:15,680
Speaker 1: Like?

1554
01:11:15,800 --> 01:11:17,000
Speaker 2: How do I contend with that?

1555
01:11:17,280 --> 01:11:18,920
Speaker 3: Like a lot of the work that I make is

1556
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:22,960
Speaker 3: me trying to answer those questions. So I have a curiosity.

1557
01:11:23,040 --> 01:11:26,000
Speaker 3: I like things. I'm not even afraid of things coming

1558
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:30,400
Speaker 3: off as homophobic, Like there's nobody more homophobic than the

1559
01:11:30,439 --> 01:11:33,639
Speaker 3: man who hid his sexuality for so long.

1560
01:11:33,840 --> 01:11:36,240
Speaker 2: Like I was saying, this is wrong, this is bad.

1561
01:11:36,320 --> 01:11:39,479
Speaker 3: I like, there's almost nothing that someone could say or

1562
01:11:39,640 --> 01:11:42,519
Speaker 3: ask that I haven't asked myself, or that I shouldn't.

1563
01:11:43,520 --> 01:11:48,200
Speaker 3: I need to ask myself these questions. So I at

1564
01:11:48,200 --> 01:11:51,000
Speaker 3: some point it would be you know, I've answered those

1565
01:11:51,120 --> 01:11:54,120
Speaker 3: questions and we'll move on to something else, you know.

1566
01:11:54,200 --> 01:11:56,360
Speaker 3: But I'm still yeah, I'm still asking.

1567
01:11:56,720 --> 01:11:58,519
Speaker 1: Not now when you just put out this show showing

1568
01:11:58,560 --> 01:12:01,160
Speaker 1: us all your business. Now it's just now people.

1569
01:12:00,960 --> 01:12:04,080
Speaker 3: Got questions, So yeah, I still got Yeah, they got questions. Now, no,

1570
01:12:04,160 --> 01:12:05,200
Speaker 3: we got questions.

1571
01:12:05,439 --> 01:12:06,960
Speaker 1: It's really funny. All right, I'm gonna ask you some

1572
01:12:07,160 --> 01:12:10,519
Speaker 1: real life questions. Now, in real life, in real life,

1573
01:12:10,520 --> 01:12:11,760
Speaker 1: what do you pray foremost?

1574
01:12:12,040 --> 01:12:14,160
Speaker 2: Oh?

1575
01:12:15,080 --> 01:12:17,520
Speaker 1: I mean you did grow up in a church? Yes, yes, yeah.

1576
01:12:17,640 --> 01:12:24,800
Speaker 3: I try to accept the divinity within and my prayers

1577
01:12:24,920 --> 01:12:29,160
Speaker 3: are trying to align myself with what I believe is

1578
01:12:29,200 --> 01:12:33,640
Speaker 3: an innate good, that what God is is within me

1579
01:12:34,160 --> 01:12:37,719
Speaker 3: and within you. I try and recognize that in you

1580
01:12:37,920 --> 01:12:42,599
Speaker 3: when looking at you, saluting the divinity within you. There

1581
01:12:42,640 --> 01:12:45,760
Speaker 3: was this exercise that I used to do and I

1582
01:12:45,760 --> 01:12:48,280
Speaker 3: can't remember. It's a thing that I don't know if

1583
01:12:48,320 --> 01:12:50,560
Speaker 3: I made it up or if I read it somewhere.

1584
01:12:50,720 --> 01:12:54,559
Speaker 3: But anyway, if I'm out in public, I imagine that

1585
01:12:54,600 --> 01:12:58,400
Speaker 3: I'm stuck at the bottom of a well, and every

1586
01:12:58,439 --> 01:13:01,360
Speaker 3: face that I see is the first space peering over

1587
01:13:01,400 --> 01:13:04,519
Speaker 3: the edge, and that person has the ability to save me,

1588
01:13:04,680 --> 01:13:07,200
Speaker 3: to rescue me, to help me. And I try and

1589
01:13:07,280 --> 01:13:09,840
Speaker 3: see that in people like I. It you get rid

1590
01:13:09,840 --> 01:13:13,200
Speaker 3: of any shell. You just see the good. You just

1591
01:13:13,280 --> 01:13:16,800
Speaker 3: see God. That person over the edge is God, and

1592
01:13:16,960 --> 01:13:18,760
Speaker 3: I try and see God in you. I try and

1593
01:13:18,800 --> 01:13:22,439
Speaker 3: recognize the God in me. And accept that and live

1594
01:13:22,560 --> 01:13:25,120
Speaker 3: like that. And it's it takes work, and it takes

1595
01:13:25,560 --> 01:13:29,639
Speaker 3: daily realignment. But that's my prayer every day, all all

1596
01:13:29,680 --> 01:13:32,839
Speaker 3: the time, multiple times today, constantly, I'm trying to realign

1597
01:13:32,880 --> 01:13:33,080
Speaker 3: with that.

1598
01:13:33,360 --> 01:13:39,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, religion must be, Religion must be I I I

1599
01:13:39,840 --> 01:13:43,040
Speaker 1: separate from religion from God. You know, yes, must be

1600
01:13:44,520 --> 01:13:47,559
Speaker 1: an interesting thing for you to explore, especially having grown up.

1601
01:13:47,560 --> 01:13:49,320
Speaker 1: And then also some of the views of like your

1602
01:13:49,360 --> 01:13:51,200
Speaker 1: mom feels like it's a sin.

1603
01:13:51,439 --> 01:13:55,479
Speaker 3: Yes, and and a lot of times you don't l

1604
01:13:55,640 --> 01:13:59,760
Speaker 3: but she hasn't had to explore the religion itself, right.

1605
01:13:59,800 --> 01:14:04,040
Speaker 3: I coming out meant that I felt rejected by the

1606
01:14:04,080 --> 01:14:07,160
Speaker 3: religion that raised me, by my mother's religion. So I

1607
01:14:07,240 --> 01:14:09,360
Speaker 3: was forced to go off and read. I had to

1608
01:14:09,439 --> 01:14:12,360
Speaker 3: read literature about the religion that I grew up in.

1609
01:14:12,640 --> 01:14:14,320
Speaker 3: I had to try and understand it. I had to

1610
01:14:14,360 --> 01:14:18,120
Speaker 3: put things into context. I search for a deeper understanding

1611
01:14:18,160 --> 01:14:21,360
Speaker 3: that most people don't have to search for. You just

1612
01:14:21,439 --> 01:14:24,439
Speaker 3: kind of accept God as is, as it's taught and

1613
01:14:26,320 --> 01:14:29,320
Speaker 3: separating the week from the chap. Some things are in

1614
01:14:29,360 --> 01:14:32,799
Speaker 3: the text, some things are taught, some things are cultural.

1615
01:14:32,880 --> 01:14:36,240
Speaker 3: Some things are just said in the church that are

1616
01:14:36,520 --> 01:14:38,640
Speaker 3: that have nothing to do with the text, but that

1617
01:14:38,760 --> 01:14:42,640
Speaker 3: are accepted. There's a funny list of things that I

1618
01:14:42,640 --> 01:14:44,680
Speaker 3: can't think of any of the expressions, but it's a

1619
01:14:44,720 --> 01:14:47,679
Speaker 3: list of expressions that people just assume is in the Bible,

1620
01:14:47,840 --> 01:14:49,920
Speaker 3: and there's nothing to do with the Bible.

1621
01:14:49,960 --> 01:14:50,360
Speaker 2: The Bible.

1622
01:14:51,000 --> 01:14:54,439
Speaker 3: You'd be shocked by the Bible never explicitly states that

1623
01:14:55,080 --> 01:14:56,880
Speaker 3: there's an afterlife.

1624
01:14:56,640 --> 01:14:57,240
Speaker 2: Heaven and hell.

1625
01:14:58,200 --> 01:15:00,519
Speaker 3: That's a whole other combu we wouldn't need We would

1626
01:15:00,640 --> 01:15:04,000
Speaker 3: need three in real life to get down.

1627
01:15:03,840 --> 01:15:07,240
Speaker 1: To all of that. And you don't want to opening

1628
01:15:07,240 --> 01:15:07,760
Speaker 1: yourself up.

1629
01:15:08,439 --> 01:15:10,280
Speaker 3: Things are starting to get better with me and my mom.

1630
01:15:10,320 --> 01:15:10,840
Speaker 2: Let me not.

1631
01:15:14,439 --> 01:15:19,599
Speaker 1: Hmmm, in real life? What are some of your pet

1632
01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:26,599
Speaker 1: peeves and triggers, pet heaves, things that annoy you, that

1633
01:15:26,680 --> 01:15:27,200
Speaker 1: annoy me.

1634
01:15:27,320 --> 01:15:31,120
Speaker 3: I'm a fast walker, so I don't like people that

1635
01:15:31,479 --> 01:15:34,479
Speaker 3: lack self awareness on the sidewalk. I don't like people

1636
01:15:34,520 --> 01:15:37,320
Speaker 3: who think they're in an episode of Girls and walk

1637
01:15:37,479 --> 01:15:39,559
Speaker 3: like three in the line on the sidewalk and like

1638
01:15:39,720 --> 01:15:41,679
Speaker 3: they're not being filmed with the funk out of my way.

1639
01:15:42,760 --> 01:15:46,040
Speaker 3: I hate the SIGNI because it's got sodium minute for

1640
01:15:46,080 --> 01:15:46,639
Speaker 3: no reason.

1641
01:15:47,160 --> 01:15:50,679
Speaker 2: I hate uh oh, I hate.

1642
01:15:50,520 --> 01:15:52,719
Speaker 1: So much more yeah, yeah, so many things.

1643
01:15:52,920 --> 01:15:56,559
Speaker 3: I hate the illusion of danger and art. I hate

1644
01:15:56,640 --> 01:16:00,320
Speaker 3: people that call themselves dangerous but aren't the really puppy.

1645
01:16:00,520 --> 01:16:03,720
Speaker 3: I hate, I hate, hate a lot of things, a

1646
01:16:03,800 --> 01:16:04,639
Speaker 3: lot of pet peeves.

1647
01:16:06,360 --> 01:16:11,080
Speaker 1: That's pretty good. I have a terrible one for myself.

1648
01:16:11,160 --> 01:16:13,760
Speaker 1: It's like one of my It's like something I feel.

1649
01:16:18,600 --> 01:16:20,559
Speaker 1: It's really a terrible thing about It's one of the

1650
01:16:20,920 --> 01:16:23,920
Speaker 1: not nice things of myself. I have a real problem

1651
01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:28,439
Speaker 1: like when people trip, like like that's it. Like if

1652
01:16:28,479 --> 01:16:31,000
Speaker 1: you're near you know the natural reaction. If somebody you

1653
01:16:31,080 --> 01:16:33,519
Speaker 1: care about trips over this thing, they walk by, your

1654
01:16:33,560 --> 01:16:35,559
Speaker 1: natural action, it's oh my god, are you okay? Yes,

1655
01:16:36,520 --> 01:16:40,400
Speaker 1: what's happening inside of me is annoyed. I'm like, loser

1656
01:16:40,880 --> 01:16:44,120
Speaker 1: you looking at them like the it bothers me. It's

1657
01:16:44,160 --> 01:16:47,240
Speaker 1: like and I'm working on it because I know it's fould.

1658
01:16:48,400 --> 01:16:52,480
Speaker 3: I think it is in control that they lack some control.

1659
01:16:52,640 --> 01:16:55,479
Speaker 1: It's like, get yourself together. It's like a thing like

1660
01:16:55,520 --> 01:16:58,880
Speaker 1: I have an aunt. I love her. She's so clumsy,

1661
01:16:59,160 --> 01:17:00,960
Speaker 1: Like we're in the supermart. She's the one that likes

1662
01:17:00,960 --> 01:17:02,400
Speaker 1: walking behind you, is looking at the thing on the

1663
01:17:02,400 --> 01:17:04,880
Speaker 1: floor and crashes into your ankle. And the cart like

1664
01:17:04,960 --> 01:17:06,720
Speaker 1: bangs up the whole back of your leg, and I'm like,

1665
01:17:06,760 --> 01:17:09,840
Speaker 1: come on, man, pay attention to where you're going. It's

1666
01:17:09,880 --> 01:17:12,519
Speaker 1: a little world out here. Drive me nuts. So it's

1667
01:17:12,520 --> 01:17:15,000
Speaker 1: the similar type of thing when somebody and I never

1668
01:17:15,040 --> 01:17:16,800
Speaker 1: really noticed about that about and I had an old

1669
01:17:16,840 --> 01:17:19,360
Speaker 1: assistant shut out to Monte. He said in the same

1670
01:17:19,439 --> 01:17:21,360
Speaker 1: that he was in the studio one day and he tripped,

1671
01:17:21,400 --> 01:17:24,559
Speaker 1: and I was like, and he said to me, can

1672
01:17:24,600 --> 01:17:26,800
Speaker 1: I tell you something about you that you don't even know?

1673
01:17:26,880 --> 01:17:29,080
Speaker 1: That I don't know if you know or not about yourself? Yeah,

1674
01:17:29,320 --> 01:17:31,720
Speaker 1: I was like, what what is it? He's like, you know,

1675
01:17:31,760 --> 01:17:34,639
Speaker 1: you get annoyed when people like trip or like fall,

1676
01:17:34,800 --> 01:17:36,479
Speaker 1: like you should ask me? Am I okay?

1677
01:17:36,640 --> 01:17:37,200
Speaker 2: Wow?

1678
01:17:37,400 --> 01:17:42,080
Speaker 1: And I just was like, wow, you're right, that's terrible.

1679
01:17:42,400 --> 01:17:44,640
Speaker 3: That's a great topic for therapy though, right have you

1680
01:17:44,680 --> 01:17:45,240
Speaker 3: explored that?

1681
01:17:45,320 --> 01:17:47,280
Speaker 1: I haven't, But now that you just reminded me about

1682
01:17:47,320 --> 01:17:49,640
Speaker 1: that about myself, something must have happened when somebody was

1683
01:17:49,680 --> 01:17:50,960
Speaker 1: inconsiderate or klutzy.

1684
01:17:51,360 --> 01:17:54,200
Speaker 3: And then I mean even something because.

1685
01:17:54,000 --> 01:17:57,120
Speaker 1: I is that not crazy behavior? Is that? Am I

1686
01:17:57,160 --> 01:17:58,000
Speaker 1: a terrible person?

1687
01:17:58,240 --> 01:18:02,040
Speaker 3: Sometimes? Sometimes I have like I have a negative reaction to.

1688
01:18:02,400 --> 01:18:04,240
Speaker 1: You tripped earlier and it bothered me, you know that

1689
01:18:04,360 --> 01:18:05,360
Speaker 1: right in the back.

1690
01:18:06,240 --> 01:18:07,599
Speaker 3: But you're well and it's fine.

1691
01:18:07,640 --> 01:18:08,320
Speaker 1: I'll get over it.

1692
01:18:08,360 --> 01:18:11,559
Speaker 3: But that could be like like I'm no, I'm not

1693
01:18:11,680 --> 01:18:13,800
Speaker 3: the fair for so my far beat from me. But

1694
01:18:15,000 --> 01:18:19,520
Speaker 3: because I have a reaction to weakness, sometimes that is

1695
01:18:19,560 --> 01:18:23,679
Speaker 3: almost inhumane. It's it lacks empathy where it's like no, no.

1696
01:18:23,600 --> 01:18:26,960
Speaker 2: Tough, like hey, get your Oh it's the same thing.

1697
01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:30,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, I get like I have that sometimes where it's

1698
01:18:30,320 --> 01:18:32,280
Speaker 3: like I had to be tough, you better be tough,

1699
01:18:32,400 --> 01:18:35,679
Speaker 3: like walked ten toes ten toes down.

1700
01:18:36,000 --> 01:18:38,759
Speaker 1: The crazy shit is is that I'm such an empathetic person,

1701
01:18:38,840 --> 01:18:42,080
Speaker 1: sometimes overly empathetic, Like I shouldn't have sympathy for this

1702
01:18:42,120 --> 01:18:44,800
Speaker 1: person's dirt, but I feel bad because he came from

1703
01:18:44,840 --> 01:18:47,280
Speaker 1: a band. I had a lot of empathy for people.

1704
01:18:47,280 --> 01:18:51,719
Speaker 1: But something about tripping or being clumsy, it really irks

1705
01:18:51,760 --> 01:18:52,120
Speaker 1: my soul.

1706
01:18:52,240 --> 01:18:53,599
Speaker 3: It's interesting, it's terrible.

1707
01:18:54,320 --> 01:18:54,960
Speaker 2: That's funny.

1708
01:18:55,040 --> 01:18:56,360
Speaker 1: I say that with shame, not.

1709
01:18:56,320 --> 01:18:57,200
Speaker 2: P that's funny.

1710
01:18:57,200 --> 01:18:59,920
Speaker 3: Just see somebody's just like, oh, like common tripping like

1711
01:19:00,080 --> 01:19:01,320
Speaker 3: a bunch of oranges in the air.

1712
01:19:02,880 --> 01:19:04,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, what is wrong with.

1713
01:19:05,960 --> 01:19:06,439
Speaker 3: Lose her?

1714
01:19:07,920 --> 01:19:12,760
Speaker 1: I'm so I'm so ashamed that. And also a pet

1715
01:19:12,760 --> 01:19:16,040
Speaker 1: people in mind is people who tried to manipulate well

1716
01:19:16,200 --> 01:19:18,519
Speaker 1: not just me, but anybody else. Like if you walk

1717
01:19:18,560 --> 01:19:20,519
Speaker 1: in the room and you try to manipulate somebody in

1718
01:19:20,560 --> 01:19:23,920
Speaker 1: the room, but it would it would immediately irritate me

1719
01:19:23,960 --> 01:19:26,240
Speaker 1: about you, like any if I see that type of

1720
01:19:26,400 --> 01:19:28,320
Speaker 1: especially in a bullying sense, or.

1721
01:19:28,680 --> 01:19:29,880
Speaker 2: Oh that's me in church?

1722
01:19:30,360 --> 01:19:33,040
Speaker 3: What do you mean like hearing hearing like a rich

1723
01:19:33,080 --> 01:19:35,559
Speaker 3: person get up and like talk to like a poor

1724
01:19:35,640 --> 01:19:39,680
Speaker 3: congregation about Like I get real sensitive to that, Like

1725
01:19:39,720 --> 01:19:43,040
Speaker 3: I start filtering. I feel very protective at church with

1726
01:19:43,120 --> 01:19:45,639
Speaker 3: my mom. I'm like, I'm like, what are you saying?

1727
01:19:45,840 --> 01:19:47,400
Speaker 3: Because she believes all of us, Like what are you

1728
01:19:47,479 --> 01:19:49,920
Speaker 3: telling her? I get real protective over that. And like,

1729
01:19:50,560 --> 01:19:52,560
Speaker 3: you know, church is a place where a lot of

1730
01:19:52,600 --> 01:19:55,360
Speaker 3: good happens. I'm not even trying to like just talk

1731
01:19:55,439 --> 01:19:57,360
Speaker 3: down on it, but there's a lot of manipulation that

1732
01:19:57,400 --> 01:19:59,360
Speaker 3: happens there, and I get it.

1733
01:20:00,080 --> 01:20:01,360
Speaker 2: That's where I feel it the most.

1734
01:20:01,560 --> 01:20:06,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you come from a family that your mother lives.

1735
01:20:05,240 --> 01:20:08,240
Speaker 3: I have a very personal traumatic reason to feel that.

1736
01:20:08,280 --> 01:20:10,559
Speaker 3: But but that's where I'm like, what are you saying?

1737
01:20:11,479 --> 01:20:15,519
Speaker 3: Like what do you, Like, I'm very judgmental of because

1738
01:20:15,520 --> 01:20:18,360
Speaker 3: that person has a lot of power and control. Like,

1739
01:20:18,360 --> 01:20:21,759
Speaker 3: like you, you're talking to a crowd that believe God

1740
01:20:21,920 --> 01:20:25,400
Speaker 3: is speaking through you. So like I'm like, careful what

1741
01:20:25,479 --> 01:20:26,680
Speaker 3: you say.

1742
01:20:26,640 --> 01:20:27,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm on you.

1743
01:20:27,680 --> 01:20:28,519
Speaker 3: I see, I'm on you.

1744
01:20:28,640 --> 01:20:30,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like that might be part of why you do

1745
01:20:30,760 --> 01:20:31,240
Speaker 1: what you do.

1746
01:20:31,600 --> 01:20:34,360
Speaker 2: Yeah a microphone too.

1747
01:20:34,280 --> 01:20:37,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it might be definitely part of your what

1748
01:20:37,200 --> 01:20:42,600
Speaker 1: you do for a living in real life. What is

1749
01:20:42,640 --> 01:20:43,640
Speaker 1: one regret that you have?

1750
01:20:44,320 --> 01:20:48,400
Speaker 2: M hm, huh. I'm not saying how do you at

1751
01:20:48,400 --> 01:20:58,639
Speaker 2: that party? No, trying to think hmmm, I regret.

1752
01:20:59,520 --> 01:21:02,240
Speaker 3: That's tough, right, because, like you know, there are things

1753
01:21:02,280 --> 01:21:06,360
Speaker 3: that you know, I wish I had the courage to

1754
01:21:06,400 --> 01:21:12,519
Speaker 3: say or confront earlier. I wish I had better protected

1755
01:21:12,560 --> 01:21:18,920
Speaker 3: my mom. I wish that I were more honest about myself.

1756
01:21:19,000 --> 01:21:21,360
Speaker 3: But these things all kind of played out how they

1757
01:21:21,400 --> 01:21:24,200
Speaker 3: played out, and dealt with them as I was ready

1758
01:21:24,200 --> 01:21:27,160
Speaker 3: to deal with them. So I can't call them regrets.

1759
01:21:27,720 --> 01:21:31,200
Speaker 3: But you had to have to think about that, Like,

1760
01:21:31,240 --> 01:21:35,280
Speaker 3: what regret that I have. I'm certain it's not helping

1761
01:21:35,880 --> 01:21:37,479
Speaker 3: someone that I could have helped.

1762
01:21:39,720 --> 01:21:41,719
Speaker 1: What are you most proud of about yourself?

1763
01:21:43,160 --> 01:21:46,599
Speaker 2: Oh?

1764
01:21:46,640 --> 01:21:54,760
Speaker 3: My ability to change and grow. I'm proud that I

1765
01:21:54,840 --> 01:21:58,680
Speaker 3: can say I was wrong, like, oh what I was

1766
01:21:58,720 --> 01:22:02,519
Speaker 3: doing was wrong, Like I'm doing something else now, Like

1767
01:22:02,560 --> 01:22:06,759
Speaker 3: it's helped my artistry, It's helped me personally, the ability

1768
01:22:06,840 --> 01:22:12,800
Speaker 3: to to to change, to recognize, to accept criticism, to

1769
01:22:12,880 --> 01:22:15,920
Speaker 3: accept like I am open.

1770
01:22:16,479 --> 01:22:18,000
Speaker 1: What is the end goal for you? Like what is

1771
01:22:18,000 --> 01:22:20,280
Speaker 1: the what is the the shining star?

1772
01:22:20,520 --> 01:22:21,559
Speaker 4: Like the thing that.

1773
01:22:21,479 --> 01:22:26,719
Speaker 3: You Because Jay is like an artist, like a capital

1774
01:22:26,720 --> 01:22:30,439
Speaker 3: a artist to me, like he evolved, he changes, takes breaks,

1775
01:22:30,760 --> 01:22:33,720
Speaker 3: comes back when he has something to say. Because I'm

1776
01:22:33,800 --> 01:22:35,720
Speaker 3: someone It's part of the reason I'm not like on

1777
01:22:35,800 --> 01:22:38,320
Speaker 3: social media, because I don't like to speak unless I

1778
01:22:38,360 --> 01:22:42,559
Speaker 3: have something to say. So I'm very I think words

1779
01:22:42,600 --> 01:22:46,920
Speaker 3: are really really important, so I'm very like precious with words.

1780
01:22:46,920 --> 01:22:50,679
Speaker 3: I'm very precious about what I write and put out,

1781
01:22:50,760 --> 01:22:52,439
Speaker 3: Like I like, I had a Twitter account for a

1782
01:22:52,479 --> 01:22:55,240
Speaker 3: little while and it's just like I'm just like writing.

1783
01:22:55,400 --> 01:22:57,760
Speaker 3: I'm just like in the car writ like no, like

1784
01:22:58,760 --> 01:23:01,920
Speaker 3: I value this too much SHM. So I would like

1785
01:23:02,040 --> 01:23:07,200
Speaker 3: to I would like to consistently mean what I say.

1786
01:23:08,640 --> 01:23:09,240
Speaker 1: MM.

1787
01:23:09,280 --> 01:23:11,559
Speaker 3: That's what I want as an artist. I wanna mean

1788
01:23:11,640 --> 01:23:13,720
Speaker 3: what I say Okay.

1789
01:23:13,439 --> 01:23:15,960
Speaker 1: So then in real life, what do you hope that

1790
01:23:16,000 --> 01:23:17,320
Speaker 1: people learn from your life.

1791
01:23:20,160 --> 01:23:25,559
Speaker 3: I've been trying to put out uh huh, the most

1792
01:23:25,960 --> 01:23:28,439
Speaker 3: like honest version of myself.

1793
01:23:29,920 --> 01:23:31,920
Speaker 2: And put out things that I've hidden for so.

1794
01:23:32,000 --> 01:23:36,120
Speaker 3: Long, and things that I had a reason to hide,

1795
01:23:36,560 --> 01:23:39,040
Speaker 3: and some things I had no reason to hide. And

1796
01:23:39,080 --> 01:23:44,040
Speaker 3: I try and put all of that into work. And

1797
01:23:46,479 --> 01:23:49,800
Speaker 3: I hope people see uh uh. I hope people see

1798
01:23:49,840 --> 01:23:54,560
Speaker 3: the humanity in me mm and and can recognize a

1799
01:23:54,640 --> 01:23:57,920
Speaker 3: part of themselves in in me in in some way.

1800
01:23:58,240 --> 01:24:03,360
Speaker 3: I I do wanna be seen, uh finally unafraid of

1801
01:24:03,439 --> 01:24:08,960
Speaker 3: being seen mm and so yeah, I like for people

1802
01:24:09,120 --> 01:24:12,360
Speaker 3: to see me and I I'm on a quest for understanding.

1803
01:24:14,720 --> 01:24:16,599
Speaker 4: That's great, it's.

1804
01:24:18,000 --> 01:24:20,240
Speaker 1: I can't help to think that you're looking for a

1805
01:24:20,360 --> 01:24:23,559
Speaker 1: quest for understanding in a time where the world is

1806
01:24:23,600 --> 01:24:25,400
Speaker 1: probably the least understanding.

1807
01:24:25,640 --> 01:24:27,200
Speaker 3: Yeah right, yeah.

1808
01:24:27,439 --> 01:24:27,679
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1809
01:24:27,760 --> 01:24:30,640
Speaker 3: It's a lot of team sports, a lot of battles.

1810
01:24:31,200 --> 01:24:35,800
Speaker 3: Yeah uh uh, it's not room for the nuance that

1811
01:24:35,920 --> 01:24:37,439
Speaker 3: comes with being a human being.

1812
01:24:38,000 --> 01:24:38,160
Speaker 1: Mm.

1813
01:24:38,600 --> 01:24:44,880
Speaker 3: It's a lot of presenting one side of yourself and

1814
01:24:44,960 --> 01:24:47,200
Speaker 3: saying that's all of who I am. And that's just

1815
01:24:47,240 --> 01:24:50,920
Speaker 3: not true if you're a human being. There's always something else,

1816
01:24:50,960 --> 01:24:55,120
Speaker 3: there's always something We're more complex than that, like and

1817
01:24:55,120 --> 01:24:58,800
Speaker 3: and as an artist, it's my responsibility to explore that complexity.

1818
01:25:00,280 --> 01:25:02,040
Speaker 1: Well, I think we see you today, So thank you

1819
01:25:02,080 --> 01:25:02,320
Speaker 1: for that.

1820
01:25:02,720 --> 01:25:05,080
Speaker 3: I felt seen, I felt really, I felt really.

1821
01:25:05,280 --> 01:25:08,360
Speaker 1: I did then do my job. Thank you very very

1822
01:25:08,439 --> 01:25:10,720
Speaker 1: much for thank you, thank you for trusting me, thank

1823
01:25:10,760 --> 01:25:11,879
Speaker 1: you for coming, thank.

1824
01:25:11,680 --> 01:25:12,439
Speaker 2: You for having me.

1825
01:25:12,840 --> 01:25:17,120
Speaker 3: We're friends now, Oh my god, next party we're dancing together.

1826
01:25:20,080 --> 01:25:23,160
Speaker 1: Thank you very much, Drug, Carmike, everybody.

1827
01:25:24,400 --> 01:25:25,719
Speaker 2: Thank you much for husband,