WEBVTT - Kate Micucci 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:02.240 When I do live gigs around the country, I'll be 0:00:02.240 --> 0:00:04.960 honest with you. I sell T shirts and swag to 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:07.200 the folks who are there, and then people always say, 0:00:07.360 --> 0:00:09.760 can we get this swag without sitting through a whole 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:13.840 evening of you. Well, it's happened. It's finally here. You 0:00:13.880 --> 0:00:17.239 can buy Craig Ferguson merch on the Craig Ferguson Merch 0:00:17.360 --> 0:00:20.440 website and you can buy it for yourself or someone 0:00:20.480 --> 0:00:23.200 you hate or someone you love. For more information and 0:00:23.280 --> 0:00:25.599 link to the web store, please go to the Craig 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:29.160 Fergusonshow dot com. That's all lowercase, the Craig Ferguson show 0:00:29.440 --> 0:00:33.960 dot com. My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of 0:00:34.000 --> 0:00:38.760 this podcast is Joy. I talk to interest in people 0:00:39.200 --> 0:00:44.000 about what brings them happiness. Do you know who's on 0:00:44.040 --> 0:00:46.120 the podcast today? Well, of course you do, because it's 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:48.560 written down, but I'm going to do the introduction anyway. 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:53.000 My guest today is Kate mccuchi. She's part of Carfunklin Oats. 0:00:53.159 --> 0:00:55.320 She's the Oats. And if you don't know who they 0:00:55.360 --> 0:00:57.560 are or what she does, and if you listen to 0:00:57.600 --> 0:00:59.760 the podcast or watch the podcast, you. 0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:01.520 Will find out. 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:11.200 On this podcast. My only real is that I only 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:12.399 talk to people I want to talk to. 0:01:13.600 --> 0:01:18.560 So apparently that's you. 0:01:19.280 --> 0:01:21.680 Oh yeah, because thanks for having me. 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:26.240 You were doing that very funny thing, the garfunkeln Yeach thing. 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:28.360 Which are you guys still doing that? 0:01:28.440 --> 0:01:30.480 We haven't been for a little bit. We're right now 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:33.320 working on other projects, like our separate projects. But I 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:35.880 am sure we'll get back to it. I feel like 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:38.959 it'll be really interesting because now we're both moms, and 0:01:39.040 --> 0:01:42.560 I feel like that'll be a whole other turn in 0:01:42.880 --> 0:01:44.399 a cool way. Probably sure. 0:01:44.480 --> 0:01:45.440 I mean, look, you. 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:48.600 Grew up, you know, you grew into something else. I mean, 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:50.960 I think we were just talking about this. If I 0:01:51.640 --> 0:01:52.640 have two boys, you have. 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:57.120 One one boy. Yees four, he's four. That's lovely. That's 0:01:57.120 --> 0:01:58.240 actually a good time. 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:01.280 Yeah, it's lovely because they're kind of a little bit 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:03.080 better and pre school yet. 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:05.200 Yeah, he's in preschool. He just had his first school play. 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:07.760 Oh my gosh, it was so he was a bird. 0:02:07.880 --> 0:02:10.880 I was it was he? Yeah, I love I've really 0:02:10.960 --> 0:02:12.880 been having like I did not do great with the 0:02:12.919 --> 0:02:16.200 baby phase. I didn't realize this is there's just nothing 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:19.040 to do other than try to like feed it is 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:19.600 just a lot. 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:22.280 It's a lot of work and nothing coming back in, 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:23.360 no gargles. 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:26.440 And once they start talking though, oh my gosh, I've 0:02:26.440 --> 0:02:28.560 been having like really like I love two, I love three. 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:30.480 I've been having such a great time. Four is getting 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:32.840 a little tricky because he's he's getting smarter, like, you know, 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:36.000 not everything. He doesn't believe everything, so uh. 0:02:36.080 --> 0:02:38.840 Yeah, but also they they but they still watched the 0:02:38.880 --> 0:02:40.639 same movie over and over again and stuff like you 0:02:41.120 --> 0:02:43.360 put him down on Ratty walk Away. 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:47.240 Yeah, my kid is he he doesn't sit long because 0:02:47.280 --> 0:02:49.160 then he wants to play whatever he's seeing, which is 0:02:49.240 --> 0:02:51.359 kind of cool, but it's like a lot of pretend 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:52.880 of whatever we just watched. 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:54.440 But do you know a lot of people, because you 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:56.880 do a lot of animated movies, do you do you 0:02:56.960 --> 0:02:58.560 know a lot of you? 0:02:59.040 --> 0:03:00.640 Is he watching anything that you're in? 0:03:01.040 --> 0:03:07.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've showed him some Scooby Doo. I 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:09.239 feel like maybe I should try that again now that 0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:12.400 he's a little bit older. But yeah, he'll know like, oh, 0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:14.080 I'll say, hey, that's me or that's my friend or 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:17.000 you know, uh, but yeah, my friend. Claudia is a 0:03:17.080 --> 0:03:19.760 voice on Bluey and so that's been a very big deal. 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:22.880 But no, I haven't been in the world of young 0:03:22.960 --> 0:03:24.160 kid yeah for a while. 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:25.040 So blue is. 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:27.560 That that's like the one, right, Like that's like everybody 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:30.840 is talking about it, right, but it's for a good reason. 0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:33.399 It's actually a really really amazing showy Yeah. 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:36.320 See, I don't know. I mean, here's the thing. Did 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:38.760 you ever get into music for your kid? 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:41.080 You mean like playing music or. 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:44.040 Well, obviously you play music, but do you play kids 0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:45.680 music to your kid or growing up music? 0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:49.080 I play growing up music mostly choice, Yeah, and I 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:51.760 even't I put out a kid's album which wasn't like, 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:54.600 you know, the songs that I write that like come 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:58.040 from me, like are just maybe very kid centered, even 0:03:58.080 --> 0:03:59.920 though I wouldn't like I'd say half the songs that 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:02.800 on the album we're not written for children, but they 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:05.720 just were, yes, yeah, and then the other half were 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:08.960 written specifically. But but yeah, so I I you know, 0:04:09.400 --> 0:04:11.360 I play him. I have played him those songs and 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:13.200 he played. I do a show at the Bob Baker 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:16.200 Marionette Theater and mikey uh plays along. He plays the 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:19.000 whole show, an hour of him. He doesn't actually play 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:21.640 the guitar but he's got the guitar, but so yeah, 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:23.160 so I guess that's kind of kids music that he 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:25.599 does know. But I am you know, I just like 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:28.240 to show him cool songs like you know, and he 0:04:28.279 --> 0:04:30.200 really is into like Broadway and stuff like well because 0:04:30.200 --> 0:04:32.279 of what I played. Well. 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:35.320 But here's the thing, though, what were you into when 0:04:35.360 --> 0:04:35.880 you were a kid? 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:39.920 Broadway? Like big time and you know the Disney musicals 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:42.080 of course, which I guess also kind of aligned with 0:04:42.200 --> 0:04:43.760 Broadway and Billy. 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:45.200 Have you ever done Broadway? 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:49.360 No? But I want to someday. That's my dream do Broadway? Yeah? 0:04:49.440 --> 0:04:51.120 Have you done it Broadway? No? 0:04:51.279 --> 0:04:55.120 I've been to Broadway, yeah, a couple of shows, but 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:56.320 I haven't done anything. 0:04:56.520 --> 0:05:00.480 I did the West End in London, the Rocky Horror Show. 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:03.760 Oh you did? Oh that's fun. How was it? 0:05:04.120 --> 0:05:07.480 You know, eight shows a week for a year, dancing 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:12.520 in high heels. It's a it's a it's a job, Harvard, 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:15.359 Yeah it is. What kind of Broadway shows do you like? 0:05:15.400 --> 0:05:16.960 Do you like the kind of the Wickeds and all 0:05:17.000 --> 0:05:17.520 that kind of stuff? 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:18.159 Is that your thing? 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:20.720 I mean all of it. I love the big spectacles. 0:05:20.760 --> 0:05:23.880 I love the smaller you know, like small like you know, 0:05:23.920 --> 0:05:26.200 a play with three people. I love all of it. 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:27.800 I'm such a nerd for all of it. 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:30.000 Was that your thing when you were in school? Was 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:31.440 you a theater nerd? Was that the thing? 0:05:31.520 --> 0:05:33.800 I've always been a theater nerd. I wasn't in a 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:36.600 lot of shows. I didn't. I was really shy in school. 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:38.600 The fact that I've become an actress is I think 0:05:38.640 --> 0:05:40.200 surprising to anybody that knew me before. 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:40.480 I was. 0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:42.960 You were in Jersey, right, I am from New Jersey 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:46.400 and then grew up mostly in Pennsylvania, and then I 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:48.920 went to a tiny school, like a little art school 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:50.760 in Pennsylvania that was only a two year school. I 0:05:50.760 --> 0:05:52.560 thought I was going to be a toy designer, and 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:53.640 so I was going to school. 0:05:54.000 --> 0:05:55.640 Was it a tiny school, as know, a little people 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:57.760 are just a tightest school because you were quite small. 0:05:57.520 --> 0:06:01.000 And both things. No, it was like probably a thousand kids. 0:06:01.240 --> 0:06:03.680 It was really a small school in a very small town. 0:06:03.720 --> 0:06:05.159 But it had a great art program. 0:06:05.240 --> 0:06:07.280 What did you do then? Did you do performance art? 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:09.000 No? I was doing fine art at the time. 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:12.360 Ah yeah, So what were you painting? 0:06:12.600 --> 0:06:16.440 Mostly painting and getting into sculpture, and then through sculpture 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:19.640 started making puppets. And I was really into Julie Taymore. 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:22.719 You know, she did The Lion Can and I'd seen 0:06:22.720 --> 0:06:25.600 a show she started. Yeah, she said, she's done a 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:28.440 bunch of movies, and I really got into the way 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:30.120 she makes puppets. And I was trying to like do 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:32.160 that on my own, kind of like learning from books 0:06:32.200 --> 0:06:34.599 and things, and uh. And then I thought, oh, maybe 0:06:34.600 --> 0:06:36.919 I do want to perform. That's like my secret wish, 0:06:36.960 --> 0:06:38.720 you know. But I didn't want to tell anyone. It 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:41.120 felt very like I think I was embarrassed to say 0:06:41.120 --> 0:06:42.359 that I wanted to be an actor, you know. 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:44.320 No, I understand that I felt the same way because 0:06:44.320 --> 0:06:46.800 I wasn't your Your family background was nothing like that. 0:06:47.160 --> 0:06:50.080 No. I mean, my my parents were exposed my brother 0:06:50.080 --> 0:06:51.400 and I to the arts a lot, and we were 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:53.440 you know, we were in the school plays and things 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:55.720 like that. And both my brother and I competed with 0:06:55.800 --> 0:06:59.120 classical piano, so that was. Yeah. 0:06:59.160 --> 0:07:02.960 So here's what I'm thinking, Like classical piano, you still 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:03.520 play piano. 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:06.159 I do, but I lost I've lost the chops, but 0:07:06.160 --> 0:07:07.599 I still play it and I enjoy it. 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:11.280 Classical piano and sculpting. Mm hmm that's both. 0:07:11.680 --> 0:07:14.360 They're both very specific people I've met in my life 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:17.800 classical pianists and sculptors, and they're quite similar. 0:07:18.160 --> 0:07:21.320 Really, how so I feel like. 0:07:21.600 --> 0:07:24.000 I want to say this without being judgmental, but they 0:07:24.000 --> 0:07:27.360 can be quite difficult personalities. 0:07:27.640 --> 0:07:34.880 Interesting kind of emotionally it's tortured too much. Yeah, it 0:07:34.920 --> 0:07:38.440 maybe a little too much, but certainly shut down is 0:07:38.480 --> 0:07:39.400 the vibe that I've. 0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:42.760 Got over again. Interesting, you don't seem that way at all. 0:07:43.240 --> 0:07:46.880 Well, I wouldn't say i'm either. I mean, I love, 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:49.160 like I dabble and like now, I mean, the only 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:50.920 thing I sculpt is like when I go to the beach, 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:53.920 but I am kind of I was able to like 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:56.000 take a block and make something out of it, and 0:07:56.000 --> 0:08:00.680 that was to me really fun. Yeah, and I love that. 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:02.640 Was that is it Henry Muir who said to make 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:05.119 a sculpture of a cop you got a big lump 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:06.080 of marble. 0:08:06.040 --> 0:08:07.760 And just cut away all the bits that aren't cot. 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:12.280 He was pretty good at that. Sculptures were kind of 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:13.160 weird look at it. 0:08:13.240 --> 0:08:13.920 That's cool though. 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:17.960 Did you study different artists in the sense that, like 0:08:18.800 --> 0:08:19.480 where were you drawn? 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:21.240 Were you drawing it? Stuff? Like Andy Murror? You drawn 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:21.960 abstract stuff. 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:24.840 When you drawing, I was very much into just doing 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:28.120 like realistic at that time, like you know, and and 0:08:28.200 --> 0:08:30.640 oil painting and like you know, just trying to make 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:33.360 I was more in the real like trying to make 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:37.000 it look as real as possible, and which is the 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:40.680 opposite of what I make now. But it's just and 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:42.240 But sometimes I think, oh, I should kind of go 0:08:42.360 --> 0:08:44.640 back to that, it would be fun, But I always 0:08:44.679 --> 0:08:48.440 just end up doing these more like cartoony. I don't 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:50.439 know if it's a matter of the time I have 0:08:50.640 --> 0:08:52.160 to make things now, which is why you. 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.000 Have a young child. So you're going to be working 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:56.560 mostly in macaronio, yes for a while. 0:08:57.280 --> 0:09:00.120 Yeah, I feel like I my time is limited, so 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:02.480 I I go go go when I draw or paint 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:05.280 and uh, and so the things I make are quicker, 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:07.559 but I feel like it's really fun to just kind 0:09:07.559 --> 0:09:08.160 of So. 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:11.520 How did it go from? Like what did your parents did? 0:09:11.559 --> 0:09:11.959 For eleven? 0:09:12.160 --> 0:09:14.400 My mom is a piano teacher, although I did not 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:17.199 take lessons from my mom. I went to a very 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:19.880 strict woman who she was from Germany. She was a 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:24.520 wonderful lady, Missus Smith. I was very scared of Missus 0:09:24.559 --> 0:09:28.120 Smith's growing up, and she was just the most wonderful lady. 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:32.080 But I and I owe so much to her. But 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:34.600 I would get stomach aches before every lesson because I 0:09:34.640 --> 0:09:36.160 was like, I hope I did it right. I hope 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:39.120 you did it right. My mom was teaching piano to 0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:42.520 pay for our lessons, basically, and so she would also 0:09:42.520 --> 0:09:45.160 sit with us during practice and you know where she'd 0:09:45.200 --> 0:09:47.080 be like cooking in the kitchen, going count out loud 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:51.480 or you know, and that wasn't right. Do it again, Like, yeah, 0:09:52.720 --> 0:09:55.959 he's an electrician, but my dad is very creative and 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:58.640 he's just got a real creative I think he is 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:01.280 an artist, there's no doubt, but he so I think, 0:10:01.320 --> 0:10:03.440 you know, we were always like doing very creative things 0:10:03.480 --> 0:10:05.959 around the house and he would make you know, he 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:08.120 would make toys with us, which I guess maybe partly 0:10:08.120 --> 0:10:09.640 why I wanted to do toy design. 0:10:09.840 --> 0:10:12.440 But you know, is that what you finished when you 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.160 were doing our school? Did you finishing toy design? 0:10:14.800 --> 0:10:18.400 Kind of railed I was gonna go to f I 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:20.560 T in New York, which at the time was the 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:22.200 only toy design program in the country. 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:23.120 I don't know what that is. 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:26.840 Oh, the fashion, the Fashion Institute. Yeah, sorry, and uh, 0:10:26.880 --> 0:10:29.760 and then but I was very shy, and I went 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:31.680 and looked at the school and I just was like, 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:32.960 I don't know if I'm ready to go to New 0:10:33.040 --> 0:10:35.720 York City, even though I grew up ninety minutes from there. 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:38.400 I was just like, I don't know. And then I 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:41.160 was putting myself through college, which is, you know, very expensive. 0:10:41.240 --> 0:10:42.000 Did you have a job. 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:44.559 I was small jobs here and there, and then a 0:10:44.559 --> 0:10:47.240 lot of financial aid and figuring it out. I never 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:50.560 did that. I'm not that coordinated. I felt like, I mean, 0:10:50.640 --> 0:10:53.720 I don't know that I'd be the guy. I guess 0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:56.320 I could wait tables. I was always I always taught. 0:10:56.360 --> 0:10:59.280 I taught piano myself to make money, or baby sat 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:02.319 aton and I taught art also to a little. 0:11:02.160 --> 0:11:04.760 Kids, babysat and you still went ahead and had a baby. 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:09.800 Anything like the amount of time from babysitting to actually 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:13.400 it was a good gap. But yeah, I just kind 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:15.600 of I put myself through school. I wasn't sure if 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:17.800 f I t going to New York was the right move. 0:11:17.880 --> 0:11:19.839 So I went to Hawaii and I lived with my 0:11:19.840 --> 0:11:23.520 aunt and uncle for three months. And what did you do? 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:33.079 I I didn't. I'm very I was very good. I 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:35.000 don't know what good means. I mean now like whatever, 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:37.760 I don't, I don't do I don't smoke only because 0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:40.439 I'm crazy on MARYL I don't do well. 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:43.560 No, it's not that old the drugs, but marijuana was 0:11:43.559 --> 0:11:46.000 the one that actually had the worst effect on me. 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:49.320 I'm not good on it. Yeah, I ate it. I 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:52.880 don't like it either. I like I like mushrooms, but 0:11:52.920 --> 0:11:54.880 I've only done a few. I was micro dosing mushrooms. 0:11:54.960 --> 0:11:55.880 Here I'm getting sidetracked. 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:57.959 But no, no, that's quite interesting because I want you 0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:00.000 to tell me what micro dosing is because I don't understand. 0:12:00.600 --> 0:12:02.839 I don't really understand it either. I had really bad 0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:05.960 postpartum depression after having it said really that and it 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:09.160 was it was also during lockdown during the pandemic, so 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:11.760 it was kind of extra looking back, I don't know what, 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:15.280 you know, where there was probably both the depression from 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:16.400 you know, having. 0:12:16.600 --> 0:12:20.480 What does it feel like postpartum depression? Because I mean, 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:22.880 I know that it's it's a real problem for a 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:25.040 lot of women, and it's not really talked about much. 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:26.800 Yeah, I mean it is. 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:28.520 A little more now, but it is more and more. 0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:31.640 But I think I have this theory that it's such 0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:34.680 a terrible thing to go through that when you're out 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:36.840 of it, it's almost like I don't even think. 0:12:36.840 --> 0:12:38.680 I don't want to talk about it. Yeah. 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:40.480 I was talking to a friend of mine who's a playwright, 0:12:40.520 --> 0:12:42.520 and she she had it as well, and I was like, 0:12:43.200 --> 0:12:44.800 when I was in it, I was like, Oh, I 0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:46.480 want to make art about this, or I want to 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:47.959 make a book about this, or maybe a book of 0:12:48.000 --> 0:12:50.360 cartoons about this or something. But then the minute I 0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:52.679 felt good again, I was like, I don't want to 0:12:52.679 --> 0:12:55.760 think about it. And I think that has that happens 0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:58.199 to people like where it's like, I mean, there are 0:12:58.200 --> 0:13:00.760 some amazing books about it, thankful, but. 0:13:01.160 --> 0:13:03.160 What form does it take though, because like I've heard 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:05.320 stories like women like have thoughts about. 0:13:05.120 --> 0:13:05.920 Heart and their baby. 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:11.760 Yeah, weird and shameful thought to cope with and stuff. 0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:12.240 Is that right? 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:14.600 I mean yeah? And I think a lot of times 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:17.640 I understand I feel like those horrible news stories we 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:21.240 read about, you know, bad things happening. I can go 0:13:21.400 --> 0:13:24.000 I now see like, oh that woman was dealing with 0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:27.920 postpart Like sure, I was very fortunate that I was 0:13:27.960 --> 0:13:30.360 not in you know I didn't want to. Well, this 0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:32.360 was the thing I went to. I knew something was 0:13:32.400 --> 0:13:36.760 wrong because I just couldn't stop crying, like just deep sadness. 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:39.520 And I said to my doctor, I need I need help. 0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:43.080 And and so I went to UH specialist that specialized 0:13:43.120 --> 0:13:46.320 in postpartum. She asked me all these questions and uh 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:48.199 and then she said I. She said, oh, do you 0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:49.720 want to harm your baby? I said, no, that is 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:52.840 not something in my mind. I'm just very deeply, deeply 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:55.480 sad like everything. Like I was washing bottles on the 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:57.560 sink and I was crying because they were drowning, like 0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:00.920 like it was just irrational thoughts. Yeah, and so and 0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:03.040 she said, oh, no, you just have the baby blues. 0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:05.199 It'll go away. And I was I remember thinking in 0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:09.360 my gut like no, yeah. I remember thinking that's not right, 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:12.760 that isn't the right thing. But I was also so like, 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:14.440 you're kind of just like down, you know, like I 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:17.000 kind of like, oh okay. So I walked out of 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:21.880 there with just that advice, which was not anything, and 0:14:23.000 --> 0:14:26.000 then we went into lockdown with the pandemic two days later. 0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:28.640 And so I never I should have sought out help 0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:30.680 through you know, something online or something. But I was 0:14:30.760 --> 0:14:33.040 just it was so much happening at once, you know, 0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:37.040 the world, so it was odd. It was bad timing, 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:39.960 but I as far as me getting the right help 0:14:40.000 --> 0:14:41.640 and being able to get out of it. 0:14:41.880 --> 0:14:43.560 So what I did you get out of it? 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:48.400 I did brain spotting, which is that, and that was 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:51.480 over zoom because of the pandemic, and it took me 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:55.120 a year, over a year to get myself to get help. 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:59.120 But then it's where you look. It's it's similar to E. M. 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:06.040 D R, which which is more but it's something it 0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:08.400 has something to do with rewiring the brain. But it's 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:10.760 all visual. And so I'd be like looking at the 0:15:10.800 --> 0:15:15.480 wall and listening to these this music and headphones, and 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:18.280 then the therapist over zoom would say, Okay, now I 0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:20.240 want you to think about this, think through this. Now, 0:15:20.560 --> 0:15:22.280 put your eyes a little to the left. And I 0:15:22.320 --> 0:15:25.200 don't know how. It sounds like magic or something, but 0:15:25.720 --> 0:15:28.720 somehow by looking at spots on the wall and listening 0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:32.040 to this thing and walking through my thoughts, somehow it 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:36.440 rewired the kind of traumatic experiences that I was had 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:38.640 dealt with, you know, with having babe. It was a 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:41.040 traumatic birth. All these things and so I kind of 0:15:41.040 --> 0:15:43.960 walked through all the bad stuff. And I remember the 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:45.960 therapist saying that if if you do it right, and 0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:48.560 it really like if you get it, you know, if 0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:50.560 you take to it, it'll be like six sessions and 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:52.360 then you'll feel good. And it was. It was six 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:54.480 and maybe her saying that as part of it, but 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:57.920 it really was six sessions. It was so helpful. And 0:15:58.000 --> 0:16:00.440 that and then I started microdosing mushrooms and I. 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:03.120 Can't quite what is a microds of mushrooms because for me, 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:04.960 the only thing I took mushrooms was like. 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:05.600 In a pub. 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:08.120 Yeah, and I bought them from a guy that looked 0:16:08.160 --> 0:16:10.880 like Charles Manson, and that's probably not. 0:16:11.160 --> 0:16:14.680 My Yeah, No, I mean it's it's such a small amount, 0:16:15.040 --> 0:16:17.280 and I feel like it's the thing that everybody's doing 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:19.920 these days, but that you don't get high, you don't 0:16:19.960 --> 0:16:22.560 even really feel, you don't feel it. It's just a 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:25.800 it's just each day. I would do it. I do 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:30.200 a tiny dose every three days, and for some reason 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:34.600 it kind of works as a like depression or something. Yeah, 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:36.720 and uh, and so I did that for a few months, 0:16:36.720 --> 0:16:40.160 and that I think that coupled with the brain spotting 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:42.160 really kind of lifted me out of whatever was dealing. 0:16:42.480 --> 0:16:44.000 Had you ever done therapy before that? 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:47.400 Had you ever experienced like because I look the reason 0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:49.360 I bring up, I've done all of that, and I 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:50.600 know a lot. 0:16:50.520 --> 0:16:52.920 Of performers and fight most people I know are performers. 0:16:53.120 --> 0:16:56.680 Yeah, and it feels like that it's quite common for 0:16:56.880 --> 0:17:00.320 folks like us to get kind of trapped and dark 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:01.800 alleyways a little bit in your head. 0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:03.480 Did you get it before the baby? 0:17:03.640 --> 0:17:05.760 I mean, I think even as far as depression goes, 0:17:05.840 --> 0:17:08.320 or I've been very lucky. I've gone to therapy, you know, 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:10.080 throughout the years here and there with different people. It's 0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:12.040 almost like dating, like trying to find the right person 0:17:12.080 --> 0:17:17.480 that understand yeahship and definitely, So I think I was 0:17:17.520 --> 0:17:19.080 getting better at going like I don't know that this 0:17:19.119 --> 0:17:21.199 person's for me, and then finding the right person for 0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:23.840 a while, or you know, when I made the switch 0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:26.000 once I met the woman who was going to help 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:29.199 me with the postpartum that I've stuck with her. But 0:17:29.200 --> 0:17:32.560 but I feel like, yeah, I don't know, I feel 0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:37.520 overall I'm very fortunate. I found that I usually am 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:39.439 a pretty uperson. So I think that's why when that 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:42.160 took me down, and I had I've had moments, of course, 0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:46.840 like in any person. But yeah, but that was like 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:51.720 a dark, dark place to go. But but then you know, luckily, 0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:54.680