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Speaker 1: Doll world. Would you believe you? My jo sillion pieces

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Speaker 1: would bananas Baby baby, Oh, our beautiful, beautiful beloved bananamals.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to another fabulous, spectacular, exquisite bananas minisod. I am

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Speaker 1: banana Boy number two, Scottie Landers, I'm Kurt Brown Older.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to our part silly Little podcast.

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Speaker 1: And this is the Sillier Little Mini podcast where we

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Speaker 1: take your your confessions, your true stories, let them inspire

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Speaker 1: stories from our lives, and we just chat a little

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Speaker 1: bit on the hangar, fun Fun. The thing I was

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Speaker 1: doing with fish in Maria and Tahiti feeding pizza, I'm

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Speaker 1: now doing with coyotes in my neighborhood. I'm happy to

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Speaker 1: report that I've put a piece of pizza on a

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Speaker 1: different step all the way down my front stoop. Coyotes

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Speaker 1: are they're coming, They're they're coming out of the woodwork.

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Speaker 1: Turns out they love pizza just as much as tropical fish.

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Speaker 1: This can't end well now.

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Speaker 2: Is that the video that you sent me? I still

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Speaker 2: couldn't see it. Is it a video of a coyote

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Speaker 2: eating a piece of pizza?

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Speaker 1: It isn't. I sent you one of one walking off

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Speaker 1: my deck. I didn't talk about it on really podcast.

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Speaker 1: And then I had another one that my security camera caught,

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Speaker 1: like went off at like eight fifteen am, and I

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Speaker 1: heard something and suns out all that good stuff, and

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Speaker 1: I just had a full sized coyote just trot just

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Speaker 1: lovingly right down my stairs up to my door and

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Speaker 1: then turn and go into my neighbor's yard. It's beautiful.

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Speaker 1: It couldn't be healthier. There's nothing mangy or patchy about

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Speaker 1: this guy is a small wolf. Probably heard about the

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Speaker 1: free pizza. I like it. I like how wild la is.

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Speaker 1: People don't think it, but there are animals galore. I

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Speaker 1: love it. I love it. You got you got a

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Speaker 1: good confession story? I get into it so many fun ones.

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Speaker 1: Let's do a salacious one. And as always, our confessions

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Speaker 1: are completely anonymous. We would never say your name, rout

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Speaker 1: you out. It's a safe space, safe space confession.

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Speaker 2: Here.

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Speaker 1: I was living with my girlfriend in a shared house

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Speaker 1: with two other friends. I developed feelings for one of

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Speaker 1: my roommates and ended up having a secret relationship with them.

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Speaker 1: I would go out to pee in the middle of

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Speaker 1: the night, but would actually go visit her. Obviously. After

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Speaker 1: a month, we were found out. Both kicked out. I

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Speaker 1: guess we uh you hauled that relationship before it even started.

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Speaker 1: Cheating is a shitty thing to do, and I regret

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Speaker 1: how it played out. However, four years later we are

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Speaker 1: still together and recently gotten great engaged. Whoa, I upgrade it.

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Speaker 1: So there you go, you are absolved. The heart wanted

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Speaker 1: what the heart wanted, even though you were sharing walls

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Speaker 1: with someone else. Sounds like it turned out for the past.

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Speaker 1: What a crazy move. I'm gonna go pee. I'll be

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Speaker 1: back in an hour and a half. That I did

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Speaker 1: pee before I went in there. When I went, here's

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Speaker 1: a fun one. You'll like this one, and I think

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Speaker 1: this will teep something that I'm not sure we talked about. Well, okay,

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Speaker 1: I may have. Here's a confession. When I was a

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Speaker 1: new driver, I took the car to the car wash.

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Speaker 1: It was in automatic kind that pulls the car through

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Speaker 1: for you. The directions at the start said to put

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Speaker 1: the car in neutral. I thought that meant don't push

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Speaker 1: the gas pedal. Anyways, I left the car and drive,

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Speaker 1: and as I entered the car wash, because of the brushes,

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Speaker 1: water and soap, I didn't see that there was another

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Speaker 1: car in front of me. Midway through the car wash,

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Speaker 1: my car drives ahead bumps into the car in front

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Speaker 1: of me, and I was mortified. As I departed from

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Speaker 1: the car wash, I noticed my car waiting. Oh okay,

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Speaker 1: I see, so she was outside. She was watching her

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Speaker 1: car go through the wash house, which is even funnier.

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Speaker 1: Switch she's not in the car, so the car how

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Speaker 1: does the car go forward? I don't understand it in

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Speaker 1: and then you put your car in track. Then you

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Speaker 1: get out, and then you stand and there's like it's

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Speaker 1: the Oh no, I know that, right, yeah, but like,

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Speaker 1: but but her car is in neutral. I guess it

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Speaker 1: was in drive. She didn't put it in I just

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Speaker 1: got out of the car. Yeah, said put it in neutral.

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Speaker 1: I thought that men don't push the gas pedal, so

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Speaker 1: she gus it meant put it in drive. As I

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Speaker 1: departed from the car wash, I noticed my car with

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Speaker 1: two angry men inside the next one and I sped

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Speaker 1: off like a coward, you're absolved. I mean, it's not

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Speaker 1: the right thing to do, but it's a cool thing

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Speaker 1: to do.

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Speaker 2: That does remind me of the fact that I had.

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Speaker 2: I had a stand up show that I created that

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Speaker 2: was it was before the Great car and it was

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Speaker 2: a comic would get in your It was at a

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Speaker 2: car wash, and a comic would get in your car,

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Speaker 2: and then you would go through the car wash, and

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Speaker 2: while you were in the car wash, the comic would

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Speaker 2: perform for you, just you and your car. And then

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Speaker 2: at the end of the car wash, she would just

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Speaker 2: hear she would get out and just go back and

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Speaker 2: start over again.

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Speaker 1: And charged just two minutes of stand up comedy. Yep,

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Speaker 1: and it was. It was crazy.

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Speaker 2: Also, no place would let us do it, like no

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Speaker 2: car wash would let us do it, so we had

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Speaker 2: to just do it illegally. We just had to like

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Speaker 2: set it up at a shell that had a car

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Speaker 2: wash on it, and then people would just go buy

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Speaker 2: car washes and then we'd just be waiting over by

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Speaker 2: the car wash. And it went through and we did

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Speaker 2: it for like two or three hours, and then the

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Speaker 2: cashier changed shifts and the new person immediately picked up

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Speaker 2: on what was happened, like the old person knew and

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Speaker 2: she didn't care.

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Speaker 1: She like thought it was funny. Who gives a shit?

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Speaker 1: Especially like it was that shell in Hollywood, wasn't it's out.

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Speaker 1: It's like kind of a dumpy area.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it was like, uh, we just had like

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Speaker 2: thirty people come use Nobody's fucking on a Friday night.

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Speaker 2: Thirty people coming and using this car wash, you know, yes,

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Speaker 2: And it.

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Speaker 1: Was just like it was crazy.

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Speaker 2: But the experience itself was the weirdest stand up experience

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Speaker 2: I've ever had.

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Speaker 1: It was so strange.

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Speaker 2: Some people would do like some people would have trying

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Speaker 2: to have a conversation with them, where I just would

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Speaker 2: get in and pretend like it's a show, do you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean? I would pretend like it's a

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Speaker 2: big show, and I would just do material, whereas like

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Speaker 2: some people would do like crowd work in a car.

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Speaker 1: Crowd work at a car is called a conversation. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: where you from? Right here? Literally right here? I lived

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Speaker 1: one block away. I remember gay guy Gay brought him,

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Speaker 1: No guy brought him. He was got in a car

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Speaker 1: and he is a gay man.

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Speaker 2: And he got in a car and there was two

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Speaker 2: men in the front seat, yes, an older man and

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Speaker 2: a younger man, but not much younger. And uh first,

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Speaker 2: first first piece of crowd work was oh, so are

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Speaker 2: are you guys?

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Speaker 1: Lovers?

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Speaker 2: And he and the guy driving the car just went,

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Speaker 2: that's my son and that guy. That guy was like,

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Speaker 2: all right, so let's just say and that was at

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Speaker 2: the beginning. That was like the first moment that happened

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Speaker 2: in the beginning, and then it was like going through

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Speaker 2: with the weirdest vibe ever.

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Speaker 1: Wrapped in there. Oh it was such a good idea.

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Speaker 1: But you just did that for the sake of it, right.

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Speaker 1: That wasn't for anything, No, it was just for fun. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: It was called car wash. It was called comedians and

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Speaker 1: cars getting washed, simple, straight down, fastball. That car wash

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Speaker 1: I've been to, and I had a weird thing happened

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Speaker 1: to me. Where I was, I was in a little

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Speaker 1: bit of a hurry. There's one car pulling in the

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Speaker 1: car wash. So I pulled in and then it was

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Speaker 1: one of those things where it was that touch screen

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Speaker 1: kind of like when you pull in, you enter in

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Speaker 1: what'll kind of wash want? You run your credit card

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Speaker 1: and you get your number and you roll up. So

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Speaker 1: I got like, let's say, there was a fifteen dollars one,

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Speaker 1: and a ten dollars one and a five dollars one.

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Speaker 1: I got the fifteen dollars one, and the car in

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Speaker 1: front of me is like pulls up and it's that

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Speaker 1: car's turn to pull in, and it doesn't, so the

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Speaker 1: car wash just starts, so the the wash they bought

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Speaker 1: goes without their car in, so then no cars are

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Speaker 1: getting washed. And it's like, I don't know, five minutes

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Speaker 1: or whatever. It takes four minutes. So then the thing

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Speaker 1: says green light comes in, the car in front of

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Speaker 1: me pulls in, so now the car is getting my wash.

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Speaker 1: So it gets so annoying. So then I have to

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Speaker 1: walk back because now there's a car behind me. So

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Speaker 1: it's either I go through the car behind me's wash

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Speaker 1: and not tell them, or so I go back and

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Speaker 1: I'm like hey, and the guy's like scared shitless because

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Speaker 1: there's just some dude walking up to his car. I go,

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Speaker 1: that guy just stole my car wash? Can I type

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Speaker 1: another one in? And then I was like, and then

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Speaker 1: you can use mine. Which one did you get? He's like,

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Speaker 1: I got lava extreme or whatever it's called. I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: so I gave him another love of extreme. I get

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Speaker 1: in love it. I love the names lava extreme, but

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Speaker 1: that's what they are, you know. It's like super classic

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Speaker 1: lava explosion. I just wanted to be called soap and water.

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Speaker 1: That enough for me just give me the old soap

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Speaker 1: and water. Give me a brand Paul's hose, the slightly

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Speaker 1: nicer one. That's right. I got paid last week. So

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Speaker 1: I go in, I get my wash, and I'm not

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Speaker 1: like mad, but I'm like, that person is a fucking idiot.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I can't believe that we're all having

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Speaker 1: because now the guy that's going through mine has to

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Speaker 1: get out and do it for the next perd. So

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Speaker 1: it's offless chain of events where basically you had to

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Speaker 1: pay it for the guy or the gal behind you.

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Speaker 1: And so when I get out, slightly fuming, the person

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Speaker 1: that went in first is standing there and they're holding

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Speaker 1: a bottle of water, and they gave me a bottle

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Speaker 1: of water. They went in and bought me a bottle

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Speaker 1: of water because they realized what happened. Oh no way.

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Speaker 1: It was just like the smallest, dumbest gesture. But I

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Speaker 1: was like, it's totally cool, it's totally fine. I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: it's no big deal. It's but it was like my

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Speaker 1: feelings of being like that jackass. And then I'm like,

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Speaker 1: that's how you do it. You just go I was wrong.

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Yep, they were like, hey, smart. You

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Speaker 1: took your wash, here's a bottle of water, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, thank you very much and just drove away.

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Speaker 1: That's smart, it's smart, it was sweet. Makes you handled

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Speaker 1: it well. Give me some more confessions. I got a

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Speaker 1: good one that just came in. I just checked it

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Speaker 1: right before we hopped on. Here we go. This is

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Speaker 1: a good one. I had put up lying for no

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Speaker 1: reason as one of the topics. Here's a lying for

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Speaker 1: no reason confession. I used to travel for work, and

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Speaker 1: I have no idea why. Maybe I was just tired

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Speaker 1: of the same old small talk you always get on planes.

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Speaker 1: But I started completely lying about everything in my life,

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Speaker 1: my name, my job, my interest. I change it up

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Speaker 1: each time. Eventually I just stopped talking to people entirely,

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Speaker 1: so the live stopped too. But I did this for

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Speaker 1: at least three months. Whoa great three months of just

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Speaker 1: lying to whoever you were sitting next to, completely fabricating

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Speaker 1: a life. I would greatly encourage doing this forever. It

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Speaker 1: is a time to be someone else. You're never going

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Speaker 1: to see that person again. Yeah, live out your fantasy. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: cup a story.

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Speaker 2: Don't do it to people who you have intimate relationships with,

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Speaker 2: But do do it to strangers who you have a

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Speaker 2: momentary conversation with.

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Speaker 1: Yes, because that's your moment to be anybody you want.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. It's no stakes, it exactly no sticks.

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Speaker 2: I know.

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Speaker 1: Sticks. That reminds me actually that I was on a

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Speaker 1: flight once I got bumped up to first class. It

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Speaker 1: was a short, little flight from LA to Minneapolis, which

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Speaker 1: I think is like two and a half hours. It's

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Speaker 1: it's a quickie maybe Denver. Then I get seated up front.

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Speaker 1: I'm like to scrape it. It's really small plane. One

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Speaker 1: seat on the left side, two seats on the right side,

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Speaker 1: first class. Huge man in one a like what you

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Speaker 1: would picture like like business traveling businessman in his sixties. Okay,

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Speaker 1: And he by the time I'm on there, he is

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Speaker 1: flirting it up with the flight attendants, who are great.

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Speaker 1: This was on a Delta flight and they were being

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Speaker 1: they were laughing everything he says. And so I sit

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Speaker 1: down and buckle up, and one of the other people's like, hey,

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Speaker 1: are you serving a meal or food? And the guy's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're serving prime rib. And of the flight attendant's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's funny, he said, are they serving prime rib? And

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Speaker 1: she's like what do you say? Is like prime Rib

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Speaker 1: and everybody has a little laugh and I like smile

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Speaker 1: just to participate. So then when she comes in and

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Speaker 1: take the drink order, when when we're taking after we've

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Speaker 1: taken off, and he goes, I'm still waiting on that

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Speaker 1: prime rib. No, No, she goes, She like touches his

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Speaker 1: shoulder in that way that's like you're telling me shut up. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's over, and he's like, I like it medium rare.

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Speaker 2: And then.

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Speaker 1: It is oh my god, oh my god, this is

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Speaker 1: just like I think you should leave. It is like

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Speaker 1: I think you should leave. It's like this awkwardness intensifies.

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Speaker 1: And so he's also drinking. Like sometimes when you get

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Speaker 1: air line menus and it'll be like, what do you

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Speaker 1: want to drink for alcohol? You look at it and go,

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Speaker 1: Tito's vodka. I know what that is, you go, Jack Daniels,

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Speaker 1: I know what that is. And then there's always like

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Speaker 1: one or two old school like doers will be on there,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. There's always one that you're like,

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Speaker 1: who is drinking this right now? This guy? So he's

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Speaker 1: like pounding doers on the rocks. The flight keeps going.

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Speaker 1: I'm not kidding one more time in the air, he

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Speaker 1: says something about the rhyme and the woman. The flight

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Speaker 1: attendant just smiles and is like, okay, well, we got

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Speaker 1: like an hour to go, and he's like okay, and

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Speaker 1: then he's like, how'sing these things? He's getting redder and redder.

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Speaker 1: The guy to the right of me is clearly has

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Speaker 1: had an affair and is looking at photos he took

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Speaker 1: on an iPad of a woman in a bikini on

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Speaker 1: ad A Marina. So I'm having the grass flight of

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Speaker 1: my life. He's what I'm describing now, besides the awkwardness

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Speaker 1: that's clawing at me. So then when we're deplaning, the

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Speaker 1: guy said he couldn't help him. Now he was like,

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Speaker 1: he goes, you know, great flight, fight, thanks, great flight,

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Speaker 1: Thanks ladies, but I really could have used that prime

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Speaker 1: rib and the woman without smiling, without laughing. The two

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Speaker 1: flight attendants are just standing in that little gallery and

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Speaker 1: they look at him getting off and they're like, why

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Speaker 1: don't you go get yourself a prime rib, go buy it.

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Speaker 1: You just come back, and I just think I was like,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much, sorry about that, and they're like,

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Speaker 1: but it was just like he couldn't let his joke die.

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Speaker 1: If you get the laugh, guys, that's it, the laugh.

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Speaker 1: Take leaving one good laugh. You want them, you want

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Speaker 1: to leave them wanting more. You don't want them to

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Speaker 1: want you to leave. Yes, get that laugh, sitting down,

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Speaker 1: then pretend to be asleep for two short hours and

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Speaker 1: then walk off and say thank you so much, and

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Speaker 1: they go, I like him waiting on that prime rib

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Speaker 1: classic buffoon. I got more? All right, great? Yeah, please go.

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Speaker 1: I got tons. You'll like this one. I might you

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Speaker 1: know who this is. I jokingly told a guy on

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Speaker 1: a first date that I used to date Chad Kroger,

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Speaker 1: that we had broken up recently. That's a lead singer Nickelback. Okay.

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Speaker 1: I googled it as well, okay, because I was like,

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Speaker 1: is that the son of the man who founded Kroger's, Oh,

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Speaker 1: supermarket impresario? Nice? Good for you. I jokingly told a

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Speaker 1: guy on a first date that I used to date

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Speaker 1: Chad Kroger and that we had broken up recently. We

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Speaker 1: ended up dating for a while, and he brought it

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Speaker 1: up several times, and I broke up with him without

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Speaker 1: ever telling him. It was a lot fun mine. I

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Speaker 1: used to do that a little bit you used well

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Speaker 1: in New York when I was twenty three and super

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Speaker 1: broke and would find myself in places like bars and

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Speaker 1: instaurants and stuff where I was invited in and people

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Speaker 1: would be like, what do you do? I would just say, like,

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Speaker 1: I designed fonts. That was always a thing. And I

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Speaker 1: would always say.

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Speaker 2: Also, when you first moved to New York City, like

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Speaker 2: it was when a great like every hip person you

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Speaker 2: met was a great graphic designer. Yes, yes, right, like

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Speaker 2: now it's now they're everything, they're a social media manager now,

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Speaker 2: but back then it was they were a graphic designer.

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Speaker 1: They had a messenger bag, they were like hip looking. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's what we would do. We would just say to

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Speaker 1: them like I designed fonts, and they'd be like which one,

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Speaker 1: and you would just start listing anyone that you can

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Speaker 1: think of. You'd be like, oh, dude, I did a body,

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Speaker 1: I did Garamount and they're like they were not at you.

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Speaker 1: It's like I did Avenir. It was so funny just

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Speaker 1: to make shit up. But then it would always be like,

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Speaker 1: did you do like I didn't do wing dings? Wing dings?

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Speaker 1: Was it me? It worked? Wings? Not a real font?

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Speaker 1: Not just a joke. Really no one's ever used it.

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Speaker 1: That's actually that would be a great.

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Speaker 2: If someone was like sending code, but just it was

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Speaker 2: just typed in wing dings and if you just highlighted

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Speaker 2: it and change the font.

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Speaker 1: Dude, it sounds like a John Benjamin bit that he

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Speaker 1: would have written an entire novel and wing dings and

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Speaker 1: then you'd have to like somehow decipher it. There's this

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Speaker 1: great comedian. He's Bob from Bob's Burgers. A lot of

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Speaker 1: people when we started this podcast thought I was John,

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Speaker 1: it's so crazy. I don't hear it. I don't hear you.

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Speaker 1: I think I'm a little more enthusiastic. Yeah, John is

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Speaker 1: like famously, he's made an incredible career. He's Archer, He's

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Speaker 1: Bob and Bob's Burgers. He's many many voiceovers. It's Coach McGirk.

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Speaker 1: But he made an album, a jazz album, even though

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Speaker 1: he cannot play any instruments. Remember when he did No,

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Speaker 1: I don't remember this, No, I've never heard this album.

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Speaker 1: John H. Benjamin hired some of the best session jazz

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Speaker 1: musicians in New York City, then sat down at a piano,

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Speaker 1: unable to play the piano, and recorded an entire jazz

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Speaker 1: album just you would just make noise and the jazz

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Speaker 1: musicians would just riff and play along, because to him,

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Speaker 1: jazz sounded like that anyways. But yes, he put out

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Speaker 1: an entire album of I can't believe you didn't know this, No,

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Speaker 1: I had no idea. Yeah, there's a YouTube video that's

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Speaker 1: like a trailer for it too, where he's like, oh

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Speaker 1: on two with no skill whatsoever, and then all the

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Speaker 1: drummer and the horn players and everybody just jump in

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Speaker 1: and are playing along with this GUYH my god, that's

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Speaker 1: such a great Oh you you gotta have it. I

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Speaker 1: love a concept.

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Speaker 2: I love a comedy concept that reminds me good friend

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Speaker 2: of his. Also from Bob's Burger's Eugene Merman has an

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Speaker 2: has a comedy album out. It was put out by Subpop.

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Speaker 2: It is, Yeah, I believe it's twelve actual physical records

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Speaker 2: and one like there's multiple records. There's multiple LP's that

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Speaker 2: are like one is just tracks of him crying in

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Speaker 2: different ways. There's there's one that's just different audio.

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Speaker 1: Drugs. He calls them and I'll have a name, but

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Speaker 1: then he'll just like make noises like that. Drug sounds

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Speaker 1: pretty fun. I could get into that. That's so good,

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Speaker 1: all right, send us home with one, Scottie, this is

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Speaker 1: a fun one. I used to work at a huge

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Speaker 1: fitness center chain. It rhymes with brunch well done, And

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Speaker 1: before they fired me, I gave myself a free year

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Speaker 1: long membership using fake information. It's been seven years. I've

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Speaker 1: moved twice and that still works, so the membership still works.

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Speaker 1: They stole what might be a membership for the rest

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Speaker 1: of their life. Wow, that's great, I'd say this is

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Speaker 1: they won't know. Brunch won't know. Good for you as

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Speaker 1: long as you're using it. Let your friends use it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: come on, get in there. Let everybody get in on brunch. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: those twads. We used to say that all the time,

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Speaker 1: the made up muscle to twads. You gotta get in there,

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Speaker 1: go twads.

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Speaker 2: Oh man, Oh well, thank you guys so much for

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Speaker 2: listening to this minisode from Bananas.

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Speaker 1: Scottie send us herdie b Thank you so much. Exactly right,

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Speaker 1: to Katie Levine, to Lisa Maggan, to everybody who helps

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Speaker 1: us make Bananas a possibility, and our benevolent overlords Karen

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Speaker 1: and Georgia on behalf occurred to me and.

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Speaker 3: I Banana, this has been an exactly right production produced

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Speaker 3: and engineered by Katie Levine.

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Speaker 1: Theme music by Kahan, and all of our artwork is

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Speaker 1: done by Travis Millard. You can follow us on Instagram

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Speaker 1: at the Bananas Podcast, where we post stories every day

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Speaker 1: and things that we don't cover on the podcast.

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Speaker 2: Listen, subscribe, and please leave us a review on Apple podcast, Stitcher,

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Speaker 2: or wherever you get your podcast.

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Speaker 1: And if you're interested in advertising on Bananas, please email

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Speaker 1: us at thee Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com. That's

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Speaker 1: the Banana Us Podcast at gmail dot com.