Speaker 1: Nicky. Here's Nikki. Hello, it's me. Welcome to the show. Mmm. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I didn't clear my voice throat voice cankers um before
Speaker 1: we started. It's early here in St. Louis, Missouri, even
Speaker 1: earlier in Arizona where Noah is because you guys don't
Speaker 1: change time zones, so you're your Pacific time. It's four
Speaker 1: or forty in the morning where you are. Yeah, that's insane.
Speaker 1: And you woke up I'm guessing at like three something.
Speaker 1: I woke up at two thirty because I was anticipating
Speaker 1: my alarm at like, it's fine. I went to though,
Speaker 1: it's fine. Still, do you have a big day? Um?
Speaker 1: I have like a it's fine, Nikki, have a regular day. Okay. Um.
Speaker 1: This is the life of a radio producer. First, my
Speaker 1: first rodeo. That's true. I was thinking this morning when
Speaker 1: I woke up. I was thinking of the montage at
Speaker 1: the beginning of The Morning Show. Have you watched that show? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Or like it's like they just and like people on
Speaker 1: the Today Show are always so chipper in the morning,
Speaker 1: and like as I was thinking of putting on the
Speaker 1: Today Show because I was up so early, and I
Speaker 1: was like, that'll make me feel like ready to stop
Speaker 1: that day because I don't know, there's something about waking
Speaker 1: up in the morning to go to school and then
Speaker 1: my dad would be eating breakfast getting ready for work,
Speaker 1: and I would be, you know, go in to eat
Speaker 1: cereal or whatever. And the Today's show, those people were
Speaker 1: so wide awake it made you feel like it was
Speaker 1: okay too. It waked, it woked waked, it would waken,
Speaker 1: it would awaken you because of their personalities. But you know,
Speaker 1: and then I just pictured a producer being like guys
Speaker 1: speed Ship or this Morning, like they always have to
Speaker 1: like kind of phone it in because you can't always
Speaker 1: be that chipper um. And I just felt so bad
Speaker 1: for anyone who works in like morning anything like morning entertainment,
Speaker 1: because you've got to be chipper a f When you
Speaker 1: did Howard, you know, he's on so early in the
Speaker 1: morning and you have to do you know, you have
Speaker 1: to get ready and all that, and they even start earlier.
Speaker 1: I think, you know, Howard's probably up at three. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: and Howard for the first time, you could hear Howard's
Speaker 1: voices voice in some of Beth's videos. This weekend, Beth,
Speaker 1: his wife, was posting videos of cats and you could
Speaker 1: hear Howard's voice and I was like, oh, I just
Speaker 1: haven't been able to listen in so long because just
Speaker 1: no time to listen. And I miss him. I miss
Speaker 1: his voice. It's so nice. People so many times on
Speaker 1: the show on the road come up to me at
Speaker 1: meet and greets and are like, we know you from
Speaker 1: Howard and they replayed my um and I judged the
Speaker 1: Perfect Penis Contest last year. It was probably like a
Speaker 1: year ago, and they replayed that recently, so I got
Speaker 1: a lot of new fans from that, and UM, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just love I love meeting these fans. No, I
Speaker 1: can't wait for you to come to one of these
Speaker 1: tour shows because they're always like I wish no I
Speaker 1: were here for the picture. They always they always grab
Speaker 1: Andrew because Andrew's usually off to the side at the
Speaker 1: meet and greets, which I don't know how he does that.
Speaker 1: I used to hate that so much, of like standing
Speaker 1: next to the headliner as people would come out and
Speaker 1: say good night, Like I I always used to just
Speaker 1: hide in the green room because I just couldn't take
Speaker 1: standing there with like nothing to sell. There was no
Speaker 1: point I was just standing there and waiting for someone
Speaker 1: to say something nice. Andrew's not the type of person
Speaker 1: that has a problem waiting for compliments and and and
Speaker 1: being okay if people walk by and don't say anything.
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe maybe he does have a problem with that,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't seem to as fact his mood. Everyone's
Speaker 1: very nice, though, But I just I just hate anyone
Speaker 1: giving me something because they're like, oh, she's standing here,
Speaker 1: I should say something to her too, and then or
Speaker 1: you know, is it hitty? I mean, you don't want
Speaker 1: anyone to pity you. Uh. I just only want to
Speaker 1: get things I deserve and that i've like earned on
Speaker 1: my own merit, not because people feel bad. That's you
Speaker 1: know why I blur my eyes because I don't want
Speaker 1: people to look at I don't want to look at
Speaker 1: people in the eye because they'll just laugh no matter what.
Speaker 1: That's why I don't like to do crowd work, because
Speaker 1: it seems like a cheap way to get people to laugh.
Speaker 1: I just don't like to do cheap things or like
Speaker 1: things that I don't know. It's because I'm not I
Speaker 1: don't feel like I'm just worthy enough by just being that.
Speaker 1: I have to like prove myself to earn love and
Speaker 1: it's not enough that I'm just there. Um, I give
Speaker 1: an announcement now before show is right all like I
Speaker 1: so Anya goes out and then Andrew goes out. Um,
Speaker 1: but in between Andrew and Anya, I bring up Andrew
Speaker 1: and I give a little like you know, intro to
Speaker 1: Andrew and like kind of explain I don't know, I
Speaker 1: don't our friendship, and just it's kind of fun. It's
Speaker 1: it's it's just a way for me to go out
Speaker 1: there and a little like warm up and not not
Speaker 1: really be expected to do you know, joke joke joke, joke, joke, um,
Speaker 1: even though it is joke heavy. But I always say
Speaker 1: to them like if during the show you have to
Speaker 1: like p please just go because I kept meeting people
Speaker 1: at the meet and greets that were like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I be so bad the last half hour of your show.
Speaker 1: And I know I probably said this before, but like
Speaker 1: I've been just saying, if you have a panic attack,
Speaker 1: if you have anything like get up and go. I
Speaker 1: am not you will not throw me. I am not
Speaker 1: gonna like be distracted and be like what are you doing?
Speaker 1: Like what's I'm not gonna pretend like I won't call
Speaker 1: you out and say you're gonna go have take a
Speaker 1: ship like other comedians might. That's always fun stuff when
Speaker 1: that happens. By the way, I'm not you know, I'm
Speaker 1: not uh, you know, judging them for doing that. But
Speaker 1: I just feel like people are so anxious nowadays. I
Speaker 1: just hate the idea of anyone not just being able
Speaker 1: to sit back and have a comfortable time, like they're
Speaker 1: watching TV on their couch, like that kind of comfort
Speaker 1: where you're not expected to you know, where you're Because
Speaker 1: people watching comedy shows, I realized they are so scared
Speaker 1: you're gonna make fun of them, or that it's gonna
Speaker 1: be turned on them. Some people want that so badly,
Speaker 1: and that's why they're like heckling. But I remember you,
Speaker 1: I want to go see the Blue Man Group. Um
Speaker 1: when I was like a little kid, and I was
Speaker 1: so terrified that they were going to grab me and
Speaker 1: make me participate. I mean so freaking scared. Noah, Like
Speaker 1: my parents took me because they got free tickets. When
Speaker 1: we were young. We went up to Chicago for my
Speaker 1: dad's work and they were telling the story the other
Speaker 1: day when we were in Chicago and they're like, Nick
Speaker 1: Eat was horrified the entire show because we had to
Speaker 1: sit separately. I mean, my sister I had to sit separately.
Speaker 1: I don't know why. There just weren't enough tickets available
Speaker 1: or whatever. It was really the Blue Band group was
Speaker 1: huge back. I mean they were. They were seriously it
Speaker 1: was like stomp huge and wait, what do they used
Speaker 1: to do? Like what was their gimmick? Well, it's the
Speaker 1: same gimmick. I think. They come out and they they're
Speaker 1: amazing percussionists, and then they pour paint into the drums
Speaker 1: and then there's lights coming out, so it's like this
Speaker 1: blue splashing plaint. They have blue faces. They don't talk
Speaker 1: the whole take time. They just do like weird sounds
Speaker 1: and like um, and then they call on an audience
Speaker 1: member to come up and eat a bunch of marshmallows.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It was just like they just used
Speaker 1: audience participation and they would just like they were creepy dude.
Speaker 1: They would just like come out and like look at
Speaker 1: you and like crawl across the c I don't know.
Speaker 1: It just scared the ship out of me and UM
Speaker 1: and my parents that like the whole time they were
Speaker 1: just watching me be so scared. I couldn't. I couldn't.
Speaker 1: I was just always scared of being being singled out
Speaker 1: and those things, even though now it would be like
Speaker 1: kind of my dream, Like I imagine the kid version
Speaker 1: of me would be like, please pick me, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: be on stage. But back then, oh boy, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no. Did you like um, like if you went
Speaker 1: to Disneyland or any place like that, Not like you
Speaker 1: necessarily had to for for this answer, but like any
Speaker 1: kind of like character that was dressed up Santa. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know you're Jewish, but like any kind of like
Speaker 1: you know, Mickey Mouse, these people in costume, even like
Speaker 1: Chucky Cheese, Animatronic. Did g are you a child that
Speaker 1: likes to hug those people and like get up in
Speaker 1: like and and I don't understand. I don't understand kids
Speaker 1: that are hugging Mickey Mouse and Goofy at Disneyland, don't.
Speaker 1: I don't get it. I think I honestly, I think
Speaker 1: I was. I do remember going to disney and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, hugging Goofy and stuff. I used to love
Speaker 1: hugging them. Why was I so scared of those people?
Speaker 1: I didn't think they were people, by the way, Like
Speaker 1: I knew that they were people. I knew that, but
Speaker 1: I just I also there was something they were like
Speaker 1: not Goofy, but they weren't a human either. There was
Speaker 1: something in between. Because it doesn't look like the cartoon.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's the thing. Do kids think this is
Speaker 1: the cartoon? Yeah? Like do they think the cartoon is
Speaker 1: a cartoon representation of the living Goofy, which is this
Speaker 1: giant like almost like Bigfoot like character, Like it looked
Speaker 1: like Bigfoot to me, like mysterious. They don't talk to
Speaker 1: that is very weird. I don't like the fact that
Speaker 1: they don't talk and they just like motion and they're
Speaker 1: like whoa, it's like mascots. I hate mascots. I think
Speaker 1: there must be a phobia of mascots and I have it.
Speaker 1: I mean, now I could just be like, I know,
Speaker 1: that's just like a dude in that, but I just
Speaker 1: I don't like how they always seem to see me
Speaker 1: and wave at me, like want to interact. I was
Speaker 1: scared of everything as a kid, and then my parents
Speaker 1: were talking about they brought me to six Flags as
Speaker 1: a young child, and by young I mean like eleven,
Speaker 1: and we went on this like spooky hay ride or whatever.
Speaker 1: I hate Halloween, like haunted House anything like that. Count
Speaker 1: me out. God. That was one of the worst things
Speaker 1: about growing up as a teenager in St. Louis is
Speaker 1: like they, you know, the radio ads were like, oh,
Speaker 1: come out to Spooky Halloween in Grants Farm with the Googles. Well,
Speaker 1: and it's like every there's all these different places you
Speaker 1: can go. Silo X were lasers. You have to walk
Speaker 1: through lasers, and men with chainsaws will come at you.
Speaker 1: And the thing is that none of these canna touch you.
Speaker 1: You know that. I used to just scream when I
Speaker 1: don't have to go through them. I used to scream, like, dude,
Speaker 1: touch me, you can't touch me. It's a legal like
Speaker 1: that was the Do you remember that like rule that
Speaker 1: if they touch you they have to like they like
Speaker 1: you could sue them. Do you remember that rule of
Speaker 1: like hunting houses? I did not, we can't touch houses.
Speaker 1: Did you ever go in one? I I think I
Speaker 1: went once and it traumatized me so bad. I still
Speaker 1: don't like going to them. I'm okay terrified. Well why
Speaker 1: did you go in the first place, because like kids
Speaker 1: were going, like your peers were going. I think I
Speaker 1: was like on a date or something or something like
Speaker 1: an X wanted to do. Oh god, I I hate
Speaker 1: them so much. But my parents said that that that
Speaker 1: we went on this hay ride. And they were always
Speaker 1: pulling me on things that I didn't want to go
Speaker 1: to and making me feel like I was nicky. Come on,
Speaker 1: it's not bad. And I would see all these kids
Speaker 1: in line and I'd be like, God, none of these
Speaker 1: kids are freaking scared of anything. And I feel like
Speaker 1: such a baby. Was always like Nikki, such a baby.
Speaker 1: Roller coasters, movies, anything that got scary, I just would
Speaker 1: freak out. And they brought me on this roller coaster
Speaker 1: or on this hay ride, and they were like, Nikki
Speaker 1: got so scared on the On the hay ride, they
Speaker 1: had an actress that was a little girl and a
Speaker 1: guy pulls her off screaming and then puts her in
Speaker 1: a shed and then the shed blows up, and it
Speaker 1: was like, of course I would be scared of that.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's really good, a good idea, but still
Speaker 1: so scary. And last night I was over at my
Speaker 1: sister's house and I was watching there's some new Muppet
Speaker 1: Halloween special with like a million celebrities in it, and
Speaker 1: then there Arlow is five about to be you know,
Speaker 1: the four and a half, and he keeps being like,
Speaker 1: go to the scary part, go to the scary part.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, what is wrong with this child? And
Speaker 1: then Poppy is two and a half and she's loving
Speaker 1: the scary part too, and it's like, there's this really
Speaker 1: scary part that even made me jump. I was like,
Speaker 1: what why do people like to get scared? I don't
Speaker 1: get it. I hate being scared so much. Um I
Speaker 1: just yeah, I mean I was just listening to the
Speaker 1: radio and Halloween Kills, you know whatever. The Michael Myers
Speaker 1: movie number one of the box office by far. People
Speaker 1: like being scared. There's this adorable video on TikTok, you
Speaker 1: know of that voice that's like, my daughter loves Michael
Speaker 1: Myers more than Mickey Mouse. It's like that stupid TikTok voice.
Speaker 1: But it was like, my daughter is the biggest fan
Speaker 1: of Michael Myers. He came to her birthday parted. Did
Speaker 1: you see that video? It's so creepy. He comes out
Speaker 1: from like a middle school with the administrative office and
Speaker 1: she sees him from far away and then starts running
Speaker 1: to him and like and then I thought he was
Speaker 1: gonna like pull out or have a machete or whatever
Speaker 1: in his hand, but he just picks her up and
Speaker 1: she's so happy. I was like, that kid is so cool.
Speaker 1: I would have been so jealous of that little girl.
Speaker 1: My parents had to pull me out of Pinocchio, the
Speaker 1: Disney movie Pinocchio. Why because the whales scared me. I
Speaker 1: was scared of everything name it, and I was scared
Speaker 1: of it. I came up with tactics in um. I
Speaker 1: guess it was six fifth or sixth grade. We went
Speaker 1: to go see the Imax. Oh, Imax is scared the
Speaker 1: ship out of me. There was all the stars that
Speaker 1: you like in the beginning of the Imax. It's like
Speaker 1: this is Imax and you go through like the galaxy
Speaker 1: and you get oh no, but there was this We
Speaker 1: were seeing the Ring of Fire and it was all
Speaker 1: about volcanoes and I was like, Imax just scared me.
Speaker 1: But I had to go for this field trip and
Speaker 1: I my mom was out of town on like a
Speaker 1: girl's trip or something, and my dad. I couldn't stay
Speaker 1: home from school six because there was no one to
Speaker 1: watch me because my dad had to go to work.
Speaker 1: So like I had to go with this field trip,
Speaker 1: and I was just like, I mean, I was so scared,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I can't hide my eyes during
Speaker 1: it because everyone will make fun of me. So I
Speaker 1: that's when I learned to blur my eyes and I
Speaker 1: used a headband to cover my eyes very surreptitiously, so
Speaker 1: no one knew. I was just scared of everything. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm x is are cool as ship Now. I don't
Speaker 1: know why I don't go all the time. It's so
Speaker 1: fun um to feel like that. Oh my god, what
Speaker 1: was I just about to say? Over this weekend something
Speaker 1: cool happened? Oh god, I forgot seeing my niece and
Speaker 1: nephew yesterday. That was so funny. I haven't seen them
Speaker 1: in so long. They are so sweet and Poppy had
Speaker 1: a band aid on her head, like Nellie was so cute.
Speaker 1: And I have this thing no where, I have a
Speaker 1: trunk full of like out to Target one day and
Speaker 1: just like went wild and bought like every single toy
Speaker 1: under seven bucks that I could find. And I just
Speaker 1: bought like forty toys, you know, filled my trunk with them,
Speaker 1: so that every time I come over to their place,
Speaker 1: I can like bring a toy and they can associate
Speaker 1: me with you know, tangible things that they get, and
Speaker 1: and you know they can I can make them good
Speaker 1: consumers and realize that love is giving you things. But
Speaker 1: I don't see them often, so I always want to
Speaker 1: bring them a toy. But it's just turned into this
Speaker 1: big fucking cluster fuck because every time I bring a
Speaker 1: toy to Harlow, he hates it. He is so excited
Speaker 1: about it. He goes, he do you bring a toy,
Speaker 1: and I'm like yes, and then I go in my
Speaker 1: trunk and I have a toy for Poppy and a
Speaker 1: toy for Harlow. I tried to buy, like, you know,
Speaker 1: toys that they each would want, and Arlo's very much
Speaker 1: into like I don't want girl things like I want
Speaker 1: boy things. So at first I was just giving them
Speaker 1: toys like gender neutral, like whatever, and he would always
Speaker 1: get upset because he wanted Poppy's toy, like his toy
Speaker 1: was never good enough, even though if I gave if
Speaker 1: I switched them, he'd want whatever Poppy like. He just
Speaker 1: never he's so excited and then he gets it and
Speaker 1: then he's like I ate it and he like throws it,
Speaker 1: and then it's a big fucking mess because my sister
Speaker 1: is like, you need to thank aunt Nikki, and I'm
Speaker 1: just like, no, you don't like you don't like your toy.
Speaker 1: I don't care. It's fine, Like you're entitled to not
Speaker 1: like things, like you know, being polite that can come
Speaker 1: down the road, like you don't need to be polite
Speaker 1: your four and a half. I don't care, um, And
Speaker 1: she's like and then we get into a fight because
Speaker 1: I'm like, stop making him like thank me for something
Speaker 1: he's not grateful for, Like it's dishonest, Like I just
Speaker 1: don't want him to ever have to lie to me.
Speaker 1: And so now I pulled up yesterday and he's like,
Speaker 1: do you have a toy? And I go yes, and
Speaker 1: I go listen, harlow, this might you might hate this
Speaker 1: toy based solely on the fact that I've given you
Speaker 1: seventeen other toys and every single time you hate them,
Speaker 1: you might not like this one. And it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: what it is, by the way, it doesn't matter, and
Speaker 1: it's you know, you might be listening to this and
Speaker 1: be like, what a little brat, But like he's just
Speaker 1: a kid that gets so excited about he's like me,
Speaker 1: he likes the before he doesn't like. Actually, when he
Speaker 1: gets the thing, it's over. The excitement is over, and
Speaker 1: he's not wrong. That's how are like a reward system works.
Speaker 1: Our dopamine shoots up when we're anticipating something, and then
Speaker 1: when we get it, whether it's an orgasm, food, it
Speaker 1: goes down as soon as we get it. It's not
Speaker 1: like the first bite, the first orgasm, it goes down.
Speaker 1: It's right before you get it. That it's the highest
Speaker 1: and the only reason we crave sex and food and
Speaker 1: all these things is not literally for the sex and food.
Speaker 1: It's for the dopamine that those set off that give
Speaker 1: us the urge to get those things. I read that
Speaker 1: this weekend. It was a very interesting read in that
Speaker 1: Cupid poison Arrow book. But like when I was a kid,
Speaker 1: I never wanted I never wanted to open presence because
Speaker 1: I realized that that feeling goes away when I opened
Speaker 1: the present, and I why I would stave it off.
Speaker 1: That's why I don't like to come. That's why I
Speaker 1: don't like it, because I just want to keep I
Speaker 1: know that it's gonna go away. That's why I don't
Speaker 1: like to eat. I don't want the the urge and
Speaker 1: the yearning to go away even though it always comes back,
Speaker 1: you know. So I told him, I go, Arlow, good chance,
Speaker 1: you're gonna hate this toy. If you don't like it,
Speaker 1: you can throw it on the ground. I don't care.
Speaker 1: But that's only You're only getting one toy, and you
Speaker 1: gotta just move on and we gotta go inside and
Speaker 1: we gotta play with your other toys that you still
Speaker 1: have that you do like, because a lot of times
Speaker 1: he's just like, I don't like that, and then he
Speaker 1: just like it, gets so mad the rest of the
Speaker 1: time because because it's over, the fun is over. And
Speaker 1: so I'm teaching him about like I'm trying to teach
Speaker 1: him about being grateful for what you have, even if
Speaker 1: the thing that you are anticipating. I mean, I'm teaching
Speaker 1: myself essentially, because I get excited about things and then
Speaker 1: they're over and then I get sad again. But I
Speaker 1: have to remember that even before I knew that thing
Speaker 1: was coming, my life was good, so I can go
Speaker 1: back to that stasis and not go down to these
Speaker 1: depths of like sadness. Like I mean, this is very
Speaker 1: representative of everything in my life. Like I don't like
Speaker 1: anything to be over um or to like reach the climax,
Speaker 1: because it will be over. But if I just think
Speaker 1: about before I even anticipated I was happy, then I
Speaker 1: can just get back to that instead of going the
Speaker 1: into a negative space. Anyway, he hated the toy. He
Speaker 1: liked it first we were on a good role. Then
Speaker 1: he started looking at Poppy's toy. He liked it a
Speaker 1: lot more. And then Poppy wouldn't share with him, and
Speaker 1: I go, come on, just share. And then I realized
Speaker 1: a way to communicate with Poppy that makes her feel
Speaker 1: like she that to get her to do things is
Speaker 1: to whisper. And so I go, Poppy, you gotta share
Speaker 1: with Harlowe and she go, I don't want to share.
Speaker 1: I go, you gotta share. I love sharing so much.
Speaker 1: It's so fun because you get it back. It's yours,
Speaker 1: but you share it and then they play with it
Speaker 1: and then they give it back. She's like a ship,
Speaker 1: and she just like, if you make it a secret,
Speaker 1: you can get kids to do anything because they feel
Speaker 1: like special and like it's like clandestine. So you can
Speaker 1: be like I love broccoli, Oh my gosh, are you
Speaker 1: gonna eat that broccoli? Like you can get it's like
Speaker 1: a new technique I came up with. And Pobby is
Speaker 1: so cute and she whispers because I feel like it's
Speaker 1: just me and her. She's so sweet. I always think
Speaker 1: these kids are gonna forget who I am, and then
Speaker 1: they just like embraced me and it's so god I
Speaker 1: freaking love it. Is there anything sweeter than a child
Speaker 1: like laying on your lap and like just wanting to
Speaker 1: hug you. I love them? Um, yeah, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be really sad when their childhood is over and they
Speaker 1: don't want it to go away. And that's why people
Speaker 1: keep having babies. That's why my sister is having another one. Dude,
Speaker 1: December five. Let's get Andrew and here he is in
Speaker 1: South Carolina. Still. I left him there. I left you
Speaker 1: there in Charleston one day ago. Um, we were in
Speaker 1: Durham on Friday and Charleston on Saturday. Great shows. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much all the best sees that came out
Speaker 1: and asked about my canker sores. Are they still going Yes?
Speaker 1: Am I a little bit concerned? Yeah, They're never going away.
Speaker 1: They always get down to ten percent and then now
Speaker 1: I'm talking and they're bulking back up to thirty. It's fine,
Speaker 1: We're gonna survive. Let's get Andrew in here. What up
Speaker 1: and Drew? What's going on? How's it going in South Kakilaki? Well?
Speaker 1: Do you like my headphones that my dad let me borrow.
Speaker 1: They're terrible. You look like an air traffic controller. You really?
Speaker 1: I mean those look like those soundproofing ones that they
Speaker 1: were on the airfield. My dad bought gamer headphones and
Speaker 1: a gamer computer because he likes to graphics better when
Speaker 1: he trade stocks. What wait, what, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't get what that means. My dad trades stocks. He
Speaker 1: and apparently the uh what he uses has like different
Speaker 1: graphics and stuff, so he likes to the whatever the
Speaker 1: gaming computer gives him and then he's gaming. I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's a little much, but yeah, he gave me these
Speaker 1: headphones last night, and I was like, Nikki are gonna
Speaker 1: love these? Nikki are going to love these? Um? And
Speaker 1: then what about we know we realized Andrew forgot all
Speaker 1: of his podcasting equipment. He's like, it's fine, I'll go
Speaker 1: to best Buy. I'll get a bunch, I'll get new
Speaker 1: stuff and they'll return it. How are you going to
Speaker 1: return it? Are you just gonna go it didn't really work.
Speaker 1: Fucking thief. You're on video using it? Wait where if
Speaker 1: you pay for something, you're not a thief. Okay, you're
Speaker 1: thee turns something after you use it? You a thief?
Speaker 1: Not true? Not? Um, oh my god, besties chime in.
Speaker 1: It is not It's not virtuous to wear something or
Speaker 1: use something and then return it after you've done using it.
Speaker 1: This isn't a rent. You think I'm gonna return this.
Speaker 1: You think I'm gonna take my time. No, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have this blue snowball in the back room where I
Speaker 1: put everything else where. I'm a hoarder. Right, you're right,
Speaker 1: but the thought process was right. And I had to
Speaker 1: drive forty minutes to best Buy last night from where
Speaker 1: I'm staying, and and I kind of missed there wasn't
Speaker 1: an electronics store anywhere closer? Or did you just have
Speaker 1: your mind set on the best Buy? You want to
Speaker 1: see where I am right now? I'm in the middle
Speaker 1: of ship. Uh you there, I get where you are.
Speaker 1: You don't need to show me. You're in the middle
Speaker 1: of a golf course. I get it. But you gotta
Speaker 1: see this here. Can you see that? I mean there's
Speaker 1: a lake, yeah, and where's a yard. Yeah, I'm on
Speaker 1: the I'm on the third floor. Okay, but none of
Speaker 1: this makes me feel like you're not close to a
Speaker 1: bust buy there's places that way, now, Nicky, you don't understand.
Speaker 1: You really proved it to me, Andrew. I get it. Um,
Speaker 1: you're in Kiowa, right, Kiowa. Yeah, it's in South Carolina
Speaker 1: outside Charleston. Um, how's golfing been? We wanna hear Jesus Christ?
Speaker 1: You are? Oh there? I thought you were just being
Speaker 1: your dad for a second. You're showing us you're is that? What?
Speaker 1: What is this jacket you're wearing. This is my uncle's
Speaker 1: real estate company that I got fired from. I thought
Speaker 1: you were showing us the golf. That was an accident.
Speaker 1: Didn't you feel like he was showing us the label
Speaker 1: on purpose? NOA, yeah, what's going on? I don't know
Speaker 1: what's going on? Man, I'm out of it. I played
Speaker 1: so bad. Oh no, oh no, NICKI I can't even
Speaker 1: like no, and I can't even all came down to
Speaker 1: this rise. Andrew has been training, As you know, Andrew
Speaker 1: has been obsessed with golf for months and months and months,
Speaker 1: and it all came down to this, like there's no
Speaker 1: he has no other competition in his life. There's no
Speaker 1: other like this is it? Dude playing against his two
Speaker 1: brothers and his dad in like one of a great
Speaker 1: golf course on South Carolina family trip, showing them what's
Speaker 1: he's put the work. He's put in thousands of dollars
Speaker 1: on lessons, thousands of dollars on new clubs, thousands of
Speaker 1: hours on on just practicing, and it all came down
Speaker 1: to this. What happened? Dude? Um, First of all, I'd
Speaker 1: like to thank you're a little exhausted from doing ten
Speaker 1: minutes two nights in a row. I'd like to thank God.
Speaker 1: First of all, I'd like to thank my team. I'd
Speaker 1: like to thank my my golf pro at Family Outing
Speaker 1: and Golf Center over there in outside St. Louis. You know,
Speaker 1: everything was supposed to come together for Andrew Collin. Um.
Speaker 1: He put in the hour just tell us. I don't
Speaker 1: want to do a news conference. Oh I thought I was.
Speaker 1: Just tell me what happened. I went to the range.
Speaker 1: It was very windy. Okay, it was extremely windy. I'm
Speaker 1: not used to very tight, tight uh uh courses where
Speaker 1: you can lose a ball. Very easily. I was playing
Speaker 1: with my older brother who is no offense towards him,
Speaker 1: absolutely terrible. I mean I played bad, but this this
Speaker 1: guy on six holes in a row put the ball
Speaker 1: maybe he hit it maybe fifteen yards and about a
Speaker 1: hundred yards right like it was. It was, so you know,
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, you play. I hate to say
Speaker 1: that you played. Are we focusing on his game? He
Speaker 1: didn't he he's been working, he's a father, he has
Speaker 1: multiple properties. Yes, he hasn't been He probably has played
Speaker 1: maybe an hour of golf in the time that you've
Speaker 1: played thousands. Yes, you know that he should be bad.
Speaker 1: What was what was going on with you? Um? And
Speaker 1: what did you shoot? What? What? What was your score?
Speaker 1: I can't even say. It's like did your dad beat you?
Speaker 1: My dad ended up winning. We we played based off
Speaker 1: my handicap, which it's hard to explain what handicap is.
Speaker 1: Whatever you kind of like shoot over par is your handicapped,
Speaker 1: so like mine, for instance, yesterday was a ten or
Speaker 1: twelve or ten a ten, and then everyone played off
Speaker 1: of me, So how do you know what that is?
Speaker 1: Going into it? Like you played off of like what
Speaker 1: your last game was, the last you know four months
Speaker 1: where I've been shooting um mid eighties or lower every
Speaker 1: single time. Okay, So so to give you an example,
Speaker 1: yesterday on the front nine, I shot a fifty one,
Speaker 1: which would be a total score of a hundred and two.
Speaker 1: So I was twenty over whatever I usually shoot. I
Speaker 1: honestly haven't shot that bad. I was better before this
Speaker 1: whole thing started. It's you got the yips, dude, No,
Speaker 1: because you know what on the back on the back nine,
Speaker 1: I started off bogey par par birdie parr, and then
Speaker 1: I had an eight because we had to wait so
Speaker 1: fucking long for these fuckers to play. There was a
Speaker 1: conference out here and it's a bunch of nerds from
Speaker 1: Dell and they all watch each other fucking tall. Yeah,
Speaker 1: people are still buying Dell's I mean, I think at
Speaker 1: this point it's it's just a table company that people
Speaker 1: use the computers for. But but anyways, I was a
Speaker 1: little off. I'm not gonna lie. I felt like I
Speaker 1: was a little off. Did you have fun? Did you
Speaker 1: have fun? I don't know, I gotta think about it.
Speaker 1: I got on that and you were in quite a
Speaker 1: mood when your first nine holes were not what you
Speaker 1: wanted them to be. Was there a lot of cussing?
Speaker 1: Was there throwing of clubs? Um? I put away to
Speaker 1: clubs a couple of times, very angrily, very angrily. Um.
Speaker 1: I then, you know, did you document this on Instagram?
Speaker 1: I wasn't following you yesterday. I did not. I did not.
Speaker 1: I was too Honestly, I played that bad where it
Speaker 1: wasn't even funny to me, which is crazy. Did you
Speaker 1: were you able to sleep last night? Like? What? What?
Speaker 1: What's the runoff from this going to be? I fell
Speaker 1: asleep watching many videos, you know what. I hit some
Speaker 1: of my clubs very well. I did not hit my
Speaker 1: driver well. And I started to look for different, uh
Speaker 1: different golf stores that were open for some reason that
Speaker 1: at midnight to trade in my driver for another. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I looked there was it was closed. Unfortunately. You think
Speaker 1: it might be the club. No, it's me. I know
Speaker 1: it's me, but I like it. You know, it's probably
Speaker 1: just this happens a lot. Like you you prepare for something,
Speaker 1: it's it's like it all comes down to this. I
Speaker 1: mean you've been talking about it all week of like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, Like there's been a nervous energy I'm
Speaker 1: playing with my brothers and my dad, and like, I mean,
Speaker 1: you already have like a lot of you know, your
Speaker 1: family is like succession. You know, like there's a lot
Speaker 1: of uh family drama that is just beneath the surface
Speaker 1: that none of you were talking about. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of tension. There's also a lot of um goodwill and
Speaker 1: like just you know, you guys have so much fun together,
Speaker 1: but there's there's a this is you like being able
Speaker 1: to show like I've I've really worked at something and
Speaker 1: this is what I've show what of This is where
Speaker 1: I can, like my older brother, he might be more
Speaker 1: financially successful than me, but this is where I'm gonna
Speaker 1: like really show I could I can put the work
Speaker 1: in and he's gonna I'm gonna prove to him and
Speaker 1: to everyone that like I can also be as successful
Speaker 1: at something. And then you know, is it was it?
Speaker 1: Did you do? You think it was a mental thing?
Speaker 1: Obviously right because your game you said you went to
Speaker 1: the less another day and your your instructor was like, dude,
Speaker 1: like blown away. I mean you joked about the ten
Speaker 1: minute thing, which is a common joke that you say,
Speaker 1: but but I mean, there's just no you cannot say
Speaker 1: that you were tired from the shows. You just can't.
Speaker 1: You just can't. I'm not tired from the show. I'm
Speaker 1: not tired from my ten minutes, and I'm tired from traveling.
Speaker 1: We travel fifteen hours and my brain is a little off,
Speaker 1: and even if it's ten minutes, my brain still needs
Speaker 1: to get right to perform. It's still a thing, you know. Yeah, yeah, So,
Speaker 1: and then I slept, you know, you like a nice
Speaker 1: green room hang. I didn't get home until what twelve
Speaker 1: that night. I didn't go to bed until probably one thirty,
Speaker 1: you know, And then I wake up at seven to
Speaker 1: go to their hotel. So I slept five and a
Speaker 1: half hours. Then then we traveled an hour and a
Speaker 1: half to get here. Uh. And then we hit balls,
Speaker 1: and then I ate too big of a lunch before
Speaker 1: the match. I had a trout salad with way too
Speaker 1: much bread. You know, all these things, sad person of
Speaker 1: the day, a little drought salad. So all these things
Speaker 1: do add up. And I love a trout sound because
Speaker 1: it sounds like such a healthy option. And then you
Speaker 1: said with so much bread? Yeah, well, trout salad is
Speaker 1: a like a tuna fish, if you will. But with trout. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: it's a it's a delicacy you want and colin type
Speaker 1: of salad. Yeah, well, I like a triple bogey where
Speaker 1: you get the egg salad, tuna, and chicken salad all
Speaker 1: on the same plate and you mix them up. God,
Speaker 1: golfers of the most least healthy diet, we like to
Speaker 1: chill anyway. So I came out here, and all that
Speaker 1: being said, I think I'm gonna play much better today.
Speaker 1: I didn't. You definitely are. I put way too much
Speaker 1: on it. I showed my goods in the sect back nine.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest, I'm all right, but it was
Speaker 1: a lot. We we look forward to hearing about what
Speaker 1: happens today. Keep us posted. I hope you documented on Instagram.
Speaker 1: I think that might make give you a little bit
Speaker 1: more of an investment in it and and um lighter
Speaker 1: attitude about it all. So it doesn't if you do
Speaker 1: play bad, at least you can make comedy out of it.
Speaker 1: Let me put on INSTA. I mean, yeah, I think
Speaker 1: I could. Uh, you know what, I'm gonna go ahead
Speaker 1: and blame you for this because yeah, because it sounds
Speaker 1: like you didn't get enough sleep. I wanted a green
Speaker 1: room hang after the show. No, no, no, I got it.
Speaker 1: I got it comes down to I got a text
Speaker 1: on the third hole about when we were going to
Speaker 1: do the pod, and then, you know me, I get worried, like,
Speaker 1: you know, can we do it tonight or tomorrow? And
Speaker 1: then I was thinking about having to get the best buy.
Speaker 1: So it was a very tough day. But you know,
Speaker 1: your boy's gonna Andrew Collin's gonna bounce back and he's
Speaker 1: gonna play well today. I promise the tech. The text
Speaker 1: I said that delayed the podcast even more than you
Speaker 1: originally thought. You made you stressed out. Yes, I blame
Speaker 1: I blame you, and no I blame no. Listen, listen,
Speaker 1: I deserve it. I just hope you have fun, try
Speaker 1: to have fun and not. It's none of this matters.
Speaker 1: Let's get to the news. Apparently here it comes first.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, it's Monday, folks. You know what that means.
Speaker 1: It's Monday. I hope you're having it started, I have.
Speaker 1: I hope you're having all the swells out there. I'm
Speaker 1: not because my dad has took me out of the
Speaker 1: will because I played so poorly yesterday. No, you were
Speaker 1: even going to take you out of it if he
Speaker 1: if you did better than him. So I think he's
Speaker 1: probably pretty happy right now. Honestly, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think somewhere in the middle would have been best. But
Speaker 1: here we go. Okay. Horrifying horrifying video shows a subway
Speaker 1: worker walking through roof food, putting food on the bathroom
Speaker 1: floor and drinking out of bottles before putting them back
Speaker 1: in the fridge. Demand said, demand, No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: What I don't want to hear this? Why I depend
Speaker 1: on subway? No? What is that? Well, in fairness, it
Speaker 1: wasn't the only thing I can eat on the road.
Speaker 1: I don't think he was sucking up your lettuce, though.
Speaker 1: You're the only person that only eats lettuce at some point,
Speaker 1: you know that's true. Okay, So it was the meats. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's mostly the meat and the bread. But desecrate animals
Speaker 1: that gave their life for your shitty five dollar sandwich?
Speaker 1: What did they do? What? I love this? Though? I
Speaker 1: love this? The man said he did it to draw
Speaker 1: attention to his films and meats and music, and made
Speaker 1: a series of thirty horrified videos after putting in his
Speaker 1: two weeks notice. So he did this all as a
Speaker 1: reward for himself, you know what I mean, like to
Speaker 1: get attention for himself. So I just follow him on
Speaker 1: Spotify and I just figured it out. You mean Scort
Speaker 1: Casey's son. Wait what what is what? What do you
Speaker 1: what did the guy do? I don't understand the picture
Speaker 1: I saw. It just looked like a bunch of trash,
Speaker 1: like in a on the floor. I mean, yeah, he
Speaker 1: walked all over to food, he drank, he's doing an
Speaker 1: art piece, and then he put the food back in.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think there's a photo of him
Speaker 1: in the article. And he took all of the cold
Speaker 1: cuts and he put it around a toilet seat and
Speaker 1: took a selfie in front of it. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: pretty brilliant. This is worse than what Jared did. This
Speaker 1: is better than my golf game yesterday. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: That's kind of that kind of is I like it
Speaker 1: as a vegan to be like, you know, this is
Speaker 1: basically what you're eating anyway, Like people can be grossed
Speaker 1: up by that, but you're eating animal parts. So his name,
Speaker 1: his name is Jermaine. Jermaine. He's at one point I'm
Speaker 1: willing to take a higher risk for a higher reward.
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, I like this. This kind of
Speaker 1: sounds like the American beauty guy that filmed plastic Bags.
Speaker 1: I do want to watch this guy's films. What the
Speaker 1: fuck you when? You know? I mean, listen. I went
Speaker 1: to subway this weekend in um god, a really small
Speaker 1: town somewhere between Durham and Charleston on Like, you know,
Speaker 1: all we're doing is two lane highways the whole way.
Speaker 1: It was a big fucking phobia fest for old Glazed Dog.
Speaker 1: And we finally get to the subway in a really
Speaker 1: small town attached to a gas station, and there's this
Speaker 1: guy working there that it's just I mean, the people
Speaker 1: that work at subway looks so that there's no sadder
Speaker 1: employee than a subway em play none none. I bet
Speaker 1: I beg you to find a person who looks more disgruntled,
Speaker 1: not even disgruntled, just they're the life has been sucked
Speaker 1: out of them. They don't make eye contact. They just
Speaker 1: our machine. Like I've I've you know, I used to
Speaker 1: go to subways all the time and I meet, you know,
Speaker 1: some fairly nice people occasionally, but it's always just me, like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, can I get a little bit more lettuce,
Speaker 1: and it's like, why don't I have to beg for
Speaker 1: you to get more. I know it's annoying that you
Speaker 1: have to replace the lettuce eventually, but just you didn't
Speaker 1: have to slice meat for me, you didn't have to
Speaker 1: toast it. You didn't have to chop my salad and
Speaker 1: a fucking weird bowl like they make you do. Sometimes
Speaker 1: this is the easiest thing you could ever make. Why
Speaker 1: did you you don't You're not losing money, even if
Speaker 1: you own this franchise. You're not losing money by giving
Speaker 1: me more salad. Just give me more fucking let us.
Speaker 1: I like that shredded let um. But this is the
Speaker 1: life behind these people's eyes. I love watching you order
Speaker 1: a salad at Subway. It is I mean, I've been
Speaker 1: doing the same thing since I was you know, I
Speaker 1: think sophomore year of high school I start. My my
Speaker 1: obsession was Subway started, and probably sixth grade. I used
Speaker 1: to get a roast beef on white uh lettuce, extra
Speaker 1: extra lettuce. You ordering a roast beef on white bread
Speaker 1: is fucking wild. Oh my god, it was so delicious.
Speaker 1: Eventually went to Turkey because I thought that was more healthy.
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, it's because it's it's a lighter color.
Speaker 1: And what does that mean of this mean beef sounds
Speaker 1: like oh, if someone's beef, they're fat, so equals like
Speaker 1: all of this just lies. And then um man, quiz
Speaker 1: Nos was my jam in high school. I toasted white
Speaker 1: bread a turkey. They had that like roasted turkey that
Speaker 1: almost like it wasn't like you know, the slimy with
Speaker 1: the Italian fucking dressing my hand. Yes, yes, lettuce, so
Speaker 1: much lettuce pepper chini's. I used to have them go
Speaker 1: and my friends would always make fun of me, but
Speaker 1: I came up with a great plan. At my local
Speaker 1: quiz nos. I'd go, honestly more lettuce than you think
Speaker 1: any human would ever want on their sandwich, I'm telling
Speaker 1: you right now. And then they would do it, and
Speaker 1: I'd go, honestly more than that. I'd say, here's what
Speaker 1: you do. Put your splay your hand out like you're
Speaker 1: giving a high five. Now dump it in the salad.
Speaker 1: Now close it like a crane, like let's do uh,
Speaker 1: like one of those toy machines, and then get as
Speaker 1: much as you can now put it back into like
Speaker 1: I would always do that. But you know what these subways,
Speaker 1: it's always just I'm sorry, gonna get more less. I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry, Like I apologize every time because they make
Speaker 1: it seem like it's the worst thing they've ever had
Speaker 1: to do. And I hate on subway when they slam
Speaker 1: the mayo and goo pump bump bump, that's my favorite part.
Speaker 1: Oh god, it's squirts all over some gross. But I
Speaker 1: do love something. Why don't you bring the toy idea?
Speaker 1: I think I think maybe I think going a little more,
Speaker 1: a little more. They that's cute when you're in high school,
Speaker 1: and like flirting with the guy at quiz Nose who
Speaker 1: works there, does ain't cute when the guy is you know,
Speaker 1: you know what I think him? You know what I
Speaker 1: think the cold cut to the bathroom. What I think
Speaker 1: that subway They just First of all, it's always like
Speaker 1: one or two people that work in the whole store.
Speaker 1: They have to make the bread. They have way too
Speaker 1: many responsibilities there. I mean, I feel for any employee
Speaker 1: of these places. I mean they have to make fresh bread.
Speaker 1: I mean fresh bread there. It smells like plastic. So
Speaker 1: it's like I don't even know why they have to
Speaker 1: make it there, But I guess it does taste pretty good.
Speaker 1: It's the illusion they heat it up there something. Well,
Speaker 1: I guess it does rise there. I don't know they
Speaker 1: have a grain field in the backyard. UM okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: they got to wake up. I used to UM, I
Speaker 1: used to have a joke, but this really did happen.
Speaker 1: One time I walked into a subway and the guy
Speaker 1: you know, obviously was trained to go welcome to subway.
Speaker 1: And I thought he said, I work at subway. Now,
Speaker 1: So one time I walked in, he goes, I work
Speaker 1: at subway, and I go, did you see you work
Speaker 1: at subway? And he was like and I said, welcome
Speaker 1: to subway. And I was like, oh, I thought you
Speaker 1: said I work at subway. And he goes, well I do.
Speaker 1: Stared at each other. I was like, I'm sorry, dude, sorry,
Speaker 1: they make you say I work at the subway. What
Speaker 1: did you say after that? You just are like, in silence,
Speaker 1: said now put your hand out giving me a high five.
Speaker 1: All right, let's get to the next story. Next story. UM,
Speaker 1: here are some salvating thinking about subway. I love it.
Speaker 1: That's shredded lettuce. It's so fresh. What Andrew, what are
Speaker 1: you looking down at? Look at look at what we
Speaker 1: can see when you look down there. It's just hat
Speaker 1: headphonest nedphone, those awful phone. Hey dude, I play Fortnite.
Speaker 1: Every knee's everyday knees all. We had fun in the
Speaker 1: green room hanging, by the way, I had That's all
Speaker 1: I want. That's why I go on tours for green
Speaker 1: room hang I can't stop doing that because you've got
Speaker 1: to have a better golf game. First of all, Nikki
Speaker 1: to follow us, he get starts to get sleepy. He's
Speaker 1: so funny when he's just like yeah, that's why he
Speaker 1: lays back and he's like yeah, yeah, yes, that was sad.
Speaker 1: That's why I said. That's what I said, we start
Speaker 1: we deserved. Making Andrew talk when he's really tired is
Speaker 1: so funny. That video I posted of you singing Yes,
Speaker 1: it's very trying to make your voice as beautiful as
Speaker 1: possible because we were making fun of how bad andrews
Speaker 1: and I go try to honestly saying as best you
Speaker 1: can find, give me a song right now, I can
Speaker 1: say I could really sing. I can't um uh Jackson Brown,
Speaker 1: running on empty, I'm running on empty, running on empty.
Speaker 1: It's not bad, by the way, it's like kind of beautiful,
Speaker 1: but it's not good, you know, like it's it's just
Speaker 1: like I think you you think that making it good.
Speaker 1: It's like like like raise your eyebrows. Give me a lesson,
Speaker 1: Give me a lesson, Give me a lesson right now?
Speaker 1: What do I do? I can't. I don't know. I'm
Speaker 1: going to a voice lesson later today. I don't know
Speaker 1: what the fun to do. You go to a voice lesson,
Speaker 1: you just talked to a lady for an hour and
Speaker 1: a half. You don't even start joking you. I didn't
Speaker 1: even talk about it on the show. The last time
Speaker 1: I went to this voice lesson with this girl who
Speaker 1: I like, I'm obsessed with, I talked the entire lesson.
Speaker 1: We never sang one note. No, I had to apologize.
Speaker 1: I go, I am sorry. I talked the whole time.
Speaker 1: She didn't even talk, and I go, I just really
Speaker 1: needed this. She was like, it's okay, and I had
Speaker 1: I've been embarrassed to go back. This is the first
Speaker 1: time I've gone back, and it's been weeks and weeks
Speaker 1: because I was so embarrassed that I talked the whole time.
Speaker 1: UM not surprising for me. Okay, next door okayas class
Speaker 1: the sounding slang name for a vagina and penis. Oh,
Speaker 1: classies sounding slang. It's very small, classiest sounding slang terms
Speaker 1: for vagina, good old hat, headphones, just no, person, just
Speaker 1: hold up your the classiest names for a vagina. Yes,
Speaker 1: for the last six hundred plus years. Okay, so this
Speaker 1: is like almost going to be the Canterbury Tales. Yes
Speaker 1: in six Okay, here's vagina in six of bell Shoes
Speaker 1: belt shoes, belchose. Okay, I think it's I think it's
Speaker 1: Bella chose. It's L L DASH C H O S E.
Speaker 1: I like this. In sixteen they called it a phoenix nest.
Speaker 1: Don't phoenix's rise from the ash from your ass? Uh?
Speaker 1: Contra contrapunt in? Yeah, I think Noah highlighted the ones
Speaker 1: I won't be able to say here. Okay, First of all,
Speaker 1: a phoenix nest is a classical term for a penis,
Speaker 1: not a vagina. Well, the phoenix nest and so is
Speaker 1: a contrapunctum. Oh, these are all labeled under vagina. Interesting,
Speaker 1: now there's a there's penis. I just didn't underline it.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's why. Well, no, you have penis after vagina
Speaker 1: in the list here. You know what, you look very
Speaker 1: Lady Gaga today. Thanks. Like I feel there's been multiple
Speaker 1: times I've looked at the screen and been like, that's
Speaker 1: Lady Gagat Like a part of my brain thinks it
Speaker 1: is a thatch cottage. That's kind of funny. That's gotta
Speaker 1: be a pussy. Yeah, I mean that makes sense with
Speaker 1: the hair in front of it. I like this one
Speaker 1: a lady's load to pay. I mean, okay, I what
Speaker 1: are you telling me that's a penis? Too? No? No,
Speaker 1: how about a privy council? What can you serve vagina?
Speaker 1: Privy council? Well, privy means I mean, I guess they're
Speaker 1: saying privy means like I'm privy to it, Like I
Speaker 1: know it a council. It's got to be a penis
Speaker 1: because it sounds more stately and these are probably written
Speaker 1: by men. Privy council. What about an afro Dsac Desatal
Speaker 1: tennis court? What? Yeah, yeah, it's something. Um, I mean
Speaker 1: that can't be from third and sixty. There wasn't tennis
Speaker 1: courts back maybe there were one. Um, that's vagina. Noah,
Speaker 1: I'm afraid that's a penis. Nikky, What does any of
Speaker 1: this mean, it doesn't relate to anything. I can't even
Speaker 1: understand how this even makes sense. Do you talk about
Speaker 1: dicks on the golf course? Is there sex stock on
Speaker 1: the golf course with you and your brothers and your dad. Um,
Speaker 1: that's where a lot of like really lewd conversations happen.
Speaker 1: Tits was mentioned. At one point, tits was yeah, I
Speaker 1: can't remember in regards to what your dad had one removed.
Speaker 1: He did have one removed to make his swing better. Oh,
Speaker 1: you were saying that women's have uh, you know, boobs
Speaker 1: getting the way of a good golf swing. Yeah, my
Speaker 1: dad had big fat tits, so they got in the way,
Speaker 1: but he got one. Kind of reading on Reddit yesterday
Speaker 1: there was a m you know, in the ask men
Speaker 1: thing It said what is your biggest insecurity? And I
Speaker 1: thought of you because I thought puffy nipples. Someone's got
Speaker 1: to say puffy nipples. No one said it, you know
Speaker 1: in the top comments, you know the number one thing
Speaker 1: that most men are insecure about. Noah, I think about
Speaker 1: what it takes some guesses and it's not the Privy
Speaker 1: councils good guests. I would have thought that as well. Yes, money, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it made me realize Noah, like men really need to
Speaker 1: feel like they earn and that they like have. It
Speaker 1: made me so sad that all these guys feel like
Speaker 1: they're just such less men because they have a studio
Speaker 1: apartment or because they don't drive a cool car like
Speaker 1: and of course you know that stuff does matter because
Speaker 1: it's like or it you know, it can matter to
Speaker 1: a lot of interesting that I would have never thought
Speaker 1: that would have been like the one I saw over
Speaker 1: and over and over. Well if you say that, uh,
Speaker 1: when women want to like dress certain way or where heels,
Speaker 1: it's because you know, magazines and guys think you guys
Speaker 1: are catering to what was Yeah, yeah, which is money, No,
Speaker 1: which is protection and security? Right, but you know it
Speaker 1: used to which is true, but it used to come
Speaker 1: from like we were the weaker sex and so we
Speaker 1: need more defenses against things. And we also like our
Speaker 1: you know, when we have babies, were definitely slower and
Speaker 1: like I'm guessing we were just like we need we
Speaker 1: need men to protect us. Why now we do we
Speaker 1: need to get our nails done every couple of weeks
Speaker 1: so we can scratch people, scratch tigers. That might be
Speaker 1: what did you call a saber tooth tiger. I don't
Speaker 1: know a tiger with teeth bigger teeth. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: you've had some line for a saber tooth tiger. You
Speaker 1: must it up. Ah, and someone made a meme for
Speaker 1: us about it. I forget what you said. This is
Speaker 1: a great podcast. Um okay, so let's take a quick
Speaker 1: quick I can come back with why do I care?
Speaker 1: All right? Why do I care? All right? Why do
Speaker 1: I care? Um? How Aree Mandel? Can I do a
Speaker 1: left turn here? Real quick? Oh? I know what happened
Speaker 1: with Howie Mandel. Yeah, he fainted in a Starbucks after
Speaker 1: getting a colonoscopy yep, and he was dehydrated. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: did a comedy show after doing that, so fuck you, Howie,
Speaker 1: thank you. I still was wearing the socks that they
Speaker 1: give me on the show. Yeah, the grip socks. Yeah
Speaker 1: we was it just because you were like, oh I
Speaker 1: like these socks. I just thought it would be funny
Speaker 1: to be take my shoes off and show people that
Speaker 1: I was wearing the song and they like it. No,
Speaker 1: they didn't really care for it. But um um alright,
Speaker 1: so you so yeah, I mean, colonoscopies can be traumatic
Speaker 1: to your system and and you don't eat to eat
Speaker 1: before him, so he was like probably low and fluids,
Speaker 1: and he fainted at a Starbucks. He saw the price
Speaker 1: of his latte and him fainting on a Starbucks floor
Speaker 1: as a germophobe. Yikes. He's also a workaholic. He went
Speaker 1: and did a logan Paul's podcast during that day. Like
Speaker 1: it just sounds like he can't take a day off.
Speaker 1: But yeah, um, I could see you fainting and not
Speaker 1: knowing and not knowing why because of working so hard. Well, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I have fainted before. But I think my canker sores
Speaker 1: are definitely like I don't get sick, you know, like
Speaker 1: I rarely get colds or flues or anything. And I
Speaker 1: think that my body knows that, Like if we give
Speaker 1: her the flu, she's not going to even fucking feel
Speaker 1: it or do anything with it. So we're going to
Speaker 1: give her something so the only thing that will make
Speaker 1: it so she can't work, which is we're gonna infect
Speaker 1: her time with sores that makes it so she can't talk. Um, Karma,
Speaker 1: cankar stors, I believe are like you're like people keep
Speaker 1: telling me it's herpes that I need to try like
Speaker 1: valal tracks, and I'm just like, I don't think that's true.
Speaker 1: I mean, I will be open to the fact that
Speaker 1: I have some sort of like it's I don't care. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I would not care if I had something that was
Speaker 1: like a viral thing in my mouth. Like I had
Speaker 1: a cold store before in two thousand, like ten or eleven.
Speaker 1: It was the last time I had one. But and
Speaker 1: no shame if you get those. I don't think anchor
Speaker 1: stores are that. I've been getting them since I was
Speaker 1: a kid. I don't have I didn't have HPV as
Speaker 1: a four year old, like it just I think it's
Speaker 1: just your body's um, just weakened immune system and anxiety
Speaker 1: and lack of sleep and abrasions in your mouth. Anyway,
Speaker 1: it was so funny. These two girls came up to
Speaker 1: me at the show this weekend. Andrew heard it and
Speaker 1: they go, She was like, Nikki, how so many besties
Speaker 1: asked about my cold sores at the at the Beaten Grades.
Speaker 1: It was so nice. It was so nice to like
Speaker 1: how are they? And I got to show them close up.
Speaker 1: I was like look and they're like, oh boy, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, see fucked up um. But one girl was
Speaker 1: with her girlfriend and she was like, here, you gotta
Speaker 1: take um Valtreks at me or something and it sounded
Speaker 1: like val Treks and I go, it's not viral, girl,
Speaker 1: it's not her reason. She was like it is. It's
Speaker 1: a form and I'm like, it's not. I've researched this
Speaker 1: a ton, Like if that were it, I would take it,
Speaker 1: but I'm I'm not gonna take Valtrek's needlessly. And she's like,
Speaker 1: I swear to God, he used to get them all
Speaker 1: the time, and now I take a daily. I don't
Speaker 1: get him. And I was like, okay, I will ask
Speaker 1: my doctor about it. Then she was like, also, I
Speaker 1: only dated men until I started dating her, and I
Speaker 1: took a chance, and oh my god, you gotta try it.
Speaker 1: It's like this is the answer. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: so let me get things straight. I'm gonna ask my
Speaker 1: doctor about bisexuality and I'm gonna start taking about which
Speaker 1: one is it? Um. But this girl was just like
Speaker 1: spouting out like you gotta do this, and I love
Speaker 1: what you gotta do, Like I gotta recommend this thing,
Speaker 1: so you know I'm open to it. I can't tell
Speaker 1: you the amount of women meeting and no in my
Speaker 1: personal life who dated men and then all of a
Speaker 1: sudden fall in love with a woman and they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: it was this the whole time. I'm open to it,
Speaker 1: but there's nothing about I don't want to switch my
Speaker 1: apps to women. I just I need a woman just
Speaker 1: come in my life and I fall in love with her,
Speaker 1: like like, oh my god, I didn't even realize I
Speaker 1: could feel this way. It's not gonna happen with me
Speaker 1: like putting my I just it's not that's not the
Speaker 1: way it's gonna happen. But I'm open now to looking
Speaker 1: at women in a different light, like how so like
Speaker 1: you mean like just you know, like the way I
Speaker 1: look at men when I meet men and just being like, oh,
Speaker 1: could I date them? Like that's how I get interested
Speaker 1: in men generally. You're in my sphere and I go, oh,
Speaker 1: the guy's kind of cute. Let me just keep being
Speaker 1: friends with them and see where it goes. And then
Speaker 1: I eventually go, actually I like them, and then it's like,
Speaker 1: all right, now I've got a crush. They None of
Speaker 1: my real like relationships ever start on these apps where
Speaker 1: it starts off with like do we like each other. Well,
Speaker 1: I feel like you're you love a toy, you love
Speaker 1: multiple toys. I mean a woman can provide that very easily. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't need a dick. Yeah, so all these things like,
Speaker 1: so I do need dicks, but I you know, they
Speaker 1: can be brought in by someone who doesn't have a
Speaker 1: dick or someone with a dick, you know. And I
Speaker 1: love and I love a dick attached to a man.
Speaker 1: But um, I feel like even if I was in
Speaker 1: a relationship with a woman, we would have some kind
Speaker 1: of rule where we could have those brought in. At times,
Speaker 1: I feel like I would have others brought in. Maybe
Speaker 1: the man could have sex threw her legs into you. No,
Speaker 1: I don't need it to be like it, and I
Speaker 1: mean they were girls can wear strap on. There's there's
Speaker 1: no issue sexually with me, like my sex life where
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh no, it would be weird. I just
Speaker 1: I like a masculine energy and I like the way
Speaker 1: men look strong. Job. Yeah, do you like you like
Speaker 1: a hairy chest? Surprisingly to me? Yeah, yeah, I like
Speaker 1: hair on a man. I like Harry legs. I like Harry,
Speaker 1: like ass crack, I like balls, I like it. I
Speaker 1: like Harry pitts, not that women can't have those two.
Speaker 1: I like stubble, I like them, I like men what about?
Speaker 1: But I do feel like fine that um, I could
Speaker 1: be in a really good relationship with a woman. I'm
Speaker 1: I'm into it. But as a woman, when you think
Speaker 1: of balls, like what is it about balls? Do you like? Like? What? What?
Speaker 1: Because they're so absurd and they there's nothing on our
Speaker 1: body that even resembles them almost they're almost like tit,
Speaker 1: you know, like you guys don't have them, so you're
Speaker 1: just like what is it? And you just want to
Speaker 1: like squish them like that is in a good pair
Speaker 1: of balls, Like it's very a taught pair of balls
Speaker 1: that's like full and like feels like, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: like a a squid that washed up on the jellyfish
Speaker 1: that washed up on the shore, Like like taught, not saggy.
Speaker 1: That's a good that's a good feeling in your mouth,
Speaker 1: in your life and your hand, even a saggy pair.
Speaker 1: It's just funny And there's something powerful about feeling balls
Speaker 1: when you're blowing someone and like having that kind of
Speaker 1: control and making it like it's just a new kind
Speaker 1: of it's it's just like a dick. You know, it's
Speaker 1: like this thing you don't have that you get to
Speaker 1: kind of play with and it's squishy and fun, and
Speaker 1: when you get more comfortable with it, it's great. I
Speaker 1: was giving Brenna foot Missige, and I covered her. We'll
Speaker 1: have the foot with my balls. Good. I bet it
Speaker 1: would feel cool. I was once with someone that had
Speaker 1: balls that were so big they reminded me of the
Speaker 1: thing from that that. Um, what's the movie with the
Speaker 1: fat kids at camp? Or little giants or little jump
Speaker 1: on that big thing in the lake? Yeah, the blob?
Speaker 1: What the Jotapata movie? He wrote it Ben Stiller's in
Speaker 1: its Heavy Weights. His balls looks like that giant it was.
Speaker 1: They were so big and interesting. I loved it. Um yeah,
Speaker 1: I what are you? What are your feeling about balls? Noah,
Speaker 1: I agree with everything you're saying. I love it. It's
Speaker 1: like a stress relief ball. Yes, those attached to someone
Speaker 1: you care about. Yeah, those zen things that you can
Speaker 1: just move in your hands. Um, do you feel? Um? Wait,
Speaker 1: what was I going to say about balls? Um? I
Speaker 1: used to be scared of them though, Like there you
Speaker 1: know when guys are like, oh, I got hitting the
Speaker 1: balls like they're too sensitive. I don't want to touch them.
Speaker 1: I don't want to make a guy feel uncomfortable. Now,
Speaker 1: I just get in there. Oh, balls in your mouth?
Speaker 1: Have you ever do you like to do this? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's all very fun. There's so much to play with
Speaker 1: down there. You put the whole balls in your mouth, like, yes,
Speaker 1: I do one at a time. I'm too scared to
Speaker 1: squish them too much. I don't know. Oh. I try
Speaker 1: to go all in and I try to do it
Speaker 1: like a like I'm the Blue at the Blue Man
Speaker 1: Group show with Marshmallows. You put the whole scrotum in
Speaker 1: your mouth. Wow. I don't even have a big mouth either.
Speaker 1: I really get them in there because it's almost becomes
Speaker 1: like a challenge. Yeah, it's like getting all the lettuce
Speaker 1: like the toy arm. Yeah, it's so interesting. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: like putting them on my nose and like feeling them divide.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's so it's just very therapeutic. I'm
Speaker 1: literally going to do that the next I've been just
Speaker 1: I just want to feel them divide with my nose.
Speaker 1: I just miss long division. I just oh my god,
Speaker 1: carry the ball. Oh my god, that is so funny
Speaker 1: because we know that. I know exactly what you're talking about,
Speaker 1: feeling them divide. No, it's perfect, it's perfect so far.
Speaker 1: All right, let's get to top one, bottom one. I
Speaker 1: think we're talking about balls. Things you like to divide
Speaker 1: with your nose. Top one, the left one, bottom one,
Speaker 1: the right one, and coke. I'm giggly today? What's the
Speaker 1: top one? Bottom one? Today? We're doing singing voices? Is
Speaker 1: that the one we turn? I thought we're doing fountain
Speaker 1: sodas today we're doing fountain sodas. Okay, fountain soda is alright,
Speaker 1: Like this was an interesting one. Andrew, you came up
Speaker 1: with this. I'm going to ask you to start. What
Speaker 1: is your least favorite fountain soda? Are we talking about ice?
Speaker 1: Are we talking? I mean you came up with this, dude?
Speaker 1: What I I okay? I would say my leaves favorite?
Speaker 1: What do you mean? Are we talking about ice? What
Speaker 1: do you mean? What do you mean? We said the
Speaker 1: least favorite fountain sodas? And you go, are you talking
Speaker 1: about what? No? Because ice matters in this dude, that's
Speaker 1: the ice does matter. Okay, So like whatever kind of
Speaker 1: ice you want? Okay, all right, I would say my
Speaker 1: least you're starting with a crushed ice. No. I love
Speaker 1: crushed ice. I know you. I said, you're starting with
Speaker 1: crushed ice. What are you putting on the crushed ice? No? Oh,
Speaker 1: so your least favorite is going to be cube dice. Yes,
Speaker 1: big junkie cubes of ice that are coming out like
Speaker 1: every twenty seconds ago. Yes, yes, and you just have
Speaker 1: to wait and hold it. And they have circles in them.
Speaker 1: They have circles. They have empty circles in them. It's
Speaker 1: like the Swiss cheese of ice. Yeah. Does that looks
Speaker 1: like a little bunyan separators? Yeah, I would have to say,
Speaker 1: and I noticed is probably hack. But uh it's hack
Speaker 1: for a reason is when you go to a diner
Speaker 1: and they have the shitty ice, the ice that's even
Speaker 1: too big to chew on. Um, because it will hurt
Speaker 1: your teeth that I don't have. And you love chewing ice.
Speaker 1: I did until I lost my molars in the war.
Speaker 1: But um, the War of eighteen twelve is what the
Speaker 1: number of my teeth went from going down. Uh. So
Speaker 1: it's funny. So, I mean, you know, I love the
Speaker 1: divide like Noah, but um, you know, so when when
Speaker 1: you go into a diner, and you go, hey, can
Speaker 1: I get a coke? And they go with pepsi? Okay,
Speaker 1: And I gotta tell you it's not okay, it's not okay.
Speaker 1: Why isn't here a monopoly one or the other. Just
Speaker 1: have fucking both there, right, Okay, who's saying to a diner,
Speaker 1: hey you got coke? We're not doing business with you.
Speaker 1: It's like what pepsi? Fuck you? But okay, So that
Speaker 1: would be my my least because it's just I'm expecting
Speaker 1: a great coke and I get a fucking pepsi. Alright,
Speaker 1: great answer. Um, I am gonna go for my least
Speaker 1: favorite with um. The little dribble of water that comes
Speaker 1: out of the like a minute made like the little
Speaker 1: white the white nozzle you pressed next to the minute
Speaker 1: made one to get just the water mixture and it
Speaker 1: comes out and it has yellow, and get to wait
Speaker 1: so long for the yellow to drain out so that
Speaker 1: you can get just clear water. Where that dude, it's
Speaker 1: I have no idea. It's I think it's all the
Speaker 1: holes in the ice are cut out and then melted,
Speaker 1: and then a guy takes them in the back and
Speaker 1: puts them in the toilet and takes a selfie with
Speaker 1: them and they're bringing them back in the machine. I
Speaker 1: don't like that dribble of water that they go, we
Speaker 1: got water on the thing and you have to go
Speaker 1: with your little cup. You got to fill it with
Speaker 1: water and it takes longer. And um, I just want
Speaker 1: to water. I want the water to have his own spigott.
Speaker 1: And does spigot sound like a hate term? Yes? Is it? No?
Speaker 1: But does that have all the parts of a racially
Speaker 1: um insensitive everything? It has everything, but the words pigott
Speaker 1: is not sound good aver saying it, but that is
Speaker 1: the word for it. And I want water to happen.
Speaker 1: You know what's so bad about that water is you
Speaker 1: could even throw a little lemonade in there in a
Speaker 1: clear cup and people won't call you out because they're like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: that makes sense that water totally. It's um. You can
Speaker 1: do whatever you want with the water cup. We all
Speaker 1: know that there's no rules. No one's really watching that.
Speaker 1: The subway employees, they can't see that far. Their vision
Speaker 1: has been ruined from just staring at this the board
Speaker 1: in front of them making sandwiches. They never look you
Speaker 1: in the eye. They can't see beyond the meat. The
Speaker 1: cold cuts. So they'll they'll let you get away with
Speaker 1: just the water cup for water, sure, for water? Um,
Speaker 1: all right. Sometimes though, if they've been like, hey, don't know,
Speaker 1: don't use that water cup and you I saw you
Speaker 1: could uh dr pepper in that and you go, no,
Speaker 1: this is water and they go, oh, yeah, I forgot.
Speaker 1: We were in Flint, Michigan. Okay, no h What is
Speaker 1: your least favorite found soda? Least favorite? Bottom has to
Speaker 1: be root beer general. I mean I don't get root
Speaker 1: beer in general when it's from a fountain, even like
Speaker 1: it's just drinking licorice. Why does anybody like it? Oh? Disagree,
Speaker 1: hard disagree, girl, I don't even I'm I'm so on
Speaker 1: board with you dividing balls with your You've divided this
Speaker 1: podcast with that, with that, with that bottle. Just wait
Speaker 1: until you hear my top. God, root beer is like
Speaker 1: the nose that cut these balls off the sucking podcast.
Speaker 1: You never you never liked rutbier ever, Like I can
Speaker 1: understand not liking it out of a fountain because it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: rupier needs to be bottled, but like you just don't
Speaker 1: like to be in general. You think it tastes like
Speaker 1: a niece. Yeah, like like licorice and not not the
Speaker 1: rawberry one, like the black licorice. You know it has
Speaker 1: like black licorice is liquorice, And I think strawberry licorice
Speaker 1: is a bastardization of liquorice, right, But we all think
Speaker 1: that that's licorice, because who the hell likes black? I
Speaker 1: mean some people do like black. It tastes like medicine.
Speaker 1: To me, I don't like it, Yes, agreed. I love
Speaker 1: root beer, and I think it probably was medicine initially,
Speaker 1: so that's not too far off. But I do love
Speaker 1: root beer. Um Zva SODA's the ginger root beer is
Speaker 1: one of the most delicious things on the planet. My
Speaker 1: sister yesterday gave me a diet and w also a
Speaker 1: delicious beverage. I'm back on diet soda. Have they given
Speaker 1: me ganger source? Probably um andrew Top soda Fountain soda. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's it's so tough, but you know, Chick fil A
Speaker 1: does a good job with their ice. So you throw
Speaker 1: a DC a little diet cope. Chick fil A, take
Speaker 1: the lid off, don't funk with the lid, don't drink
Speaker 1: through this straw because then you get right to that
Speaker 1: crushed ice. What you get there, chew up drink. It's fantastic.
Speaker 1: It's like usually I hate Andrew and his ice shoeing
Speaker 1: because it is insanely loud, and he shakes, he rattles
Speaker 1: the cup before he goes for it, so you get
Speaker 1: at and so it's like a precursor to let you know.
Speaker 1: But this weekend we add to our flights. Got really
Speaker 1: fucked up. That's a story for another podcast. We committed
Speaker 1: maybe a federal crime this weekend. I don't want to
Speaker 1: get into it. Got really fucked up, Yes, exactly. Well,
Speaker 1: we landed in Durham. We're supposed to fly from Durham.
Speaker 1: Or sorry, we're supposed to fly St. Louis Charlotte to Durham.
Speaker 1: We had landed Charlotte because our flight connection was going
Speaker 1: to be too late. Because our flight was delayed out
Speaker 1: of St. Louis, we had to get a car service
Speaker 1: from Charlotte to Durham. Um, you know, two and a
Speaker 1: half hour drive. This old old old man picks this up.
Speaker 1: I could have sworn he was probably ninety, but he
Speaker 1: ended up being sixty six. Um. I like flip those
Speaker 1: numbers around sir um he I felt was falling asleep
Speaker 1: at the wheel at one point because we heard the
Speaker 1: traction go and it like lasted too long. You know,
Speaker 1: like when you like fuck, like you're driving someone and
Speaker 1: you drive over the rumble strips and you almost stay
Speaker 1: on them longer because you're like, I know him on it,
Speaker 1: because if you were to jerk off constantly, you would
Speaker 1: have been like I made a mistake, but instead you're like,
Speaker 1: I wanted to go on the rumble step. I was
Speaker 1: kind of stayed on him too long, which made me
Speaker 1: think that he did wake up, but he knows how
Speaker 1: to not jerk when he wakes up because he does
Speaker 1: it so much. He so I was worried about him
Speaker 1: falling asleep. Then I couldn't fall asleep. But then Andrews
Speaker 1: started shaking the ice, and I go, that is keeping
Speaker 1: this guy awake, because I know what's keeping me awake.
Speaker 1: And I really liked it. Well. I feel like sometimes
Speaker 1: when I drive with old people, I go, oh, they
Speaker 1: could just die right now. You know you ever think
Speaker 1: about that going like ninety on the highway and you're like,
Speaker 1: oh no, it's like they could have six years ago.
Speaker 1: I mean, just based off science. Yeah, they could. Just
Speaker 1: I feel like there's a little bit of a there's
Speaker 1: a precursor to just dying. I don't think when you
Speaker 1: die of old age, it's just like what about a
Speaker 1: heart attacks? Heart attack? Well, I think you'd go like
Speaker 1: and then he'd slowly pull off the side of the road.
Speaker 1: Is Bussy on you? Noah, Buzzy? Oh? I thought, see
Speaker 1: there's like a black like your your outfit. Your sweater
Speaker 1: has like a black thing to it. So I thought
Speaker 1: Buzzy was like laying on you like you know how
Speaker 1: your sweater has like gray on it and then black.
Speaker 1: It looked like Buzzy was crawled up he was on
Speaker 1: me before. Okay, that makes sense. Um, my number one
Speaker 1: fountain soda is a suicide. Um, what is killing myself
Speaker 1: in front of the machine because none of it's good enough? No,
Speaker 1: um suicide classic kids thing where you just go down
Speaker 1: the road a single soda in it. I don't know
Speaker 1: why they called it a suit side, but that was
Speaker 1: the first time I've ever heard that term in my
Speaker 1: life as a child. And um, that's when you just
Speaker 1: get them all, but you don't do the juices, you know,
Speaker 1: all the carbonated ones, so you go Mountain Duke, dr
Speaker 1: pepper pepsi, diepe you know, I would skip diapepsi because
Speaker 1: that was for my mom. And then I would just
Speaker 1: hit the you know Mr pib maybe a slice and
Speaker 1: you just make a fucking crazy sugar concoction with all
Speaker 1: of them and it just turns into the color of
Speaker 1: you know, pepsi. But that's I used to like that.
Speaker 1: It's like my it's like the chicken salad, egg salad,
Speaker 1: tuna salad of the soda. Yes exactly. Um So I
Speaker 1: like to do that. As a kid. I always felt
Speaker 1: like very like badass and like it was the earliest
Speaker 1: way to do like drugs, you know, like taking a chance,
Speaker 1: throwing caution to the wind, not knowing where this was
Speaker 1: gonna lead you to, like sugar and soda and like
Speaker 1: And also that was the first time you had like
Speaker 1: you were autonomous as a child, like you had the
Speaker 1: right to go get your own Like there was very
Speaker 1: there was a lot of like, oh, you got your
Speaker 1: own cup, you know when you go to McDonald's. And
Speaker 1: there was just something very fun about being in control
Speaker 1: as a kid there And I used to just shirk
Speaker 1: all of my control and just how is a coke.
Speaker 1: Have you ever gone just coke and a diet coke?
Speaker 1: Half and half? I wonder how that I'm going to
Speaker 1: try that I'm trying. I'm sure be delicious. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: sure it's great. Yeah alright, No, number one, okay, Number
Speaker 1: one has to be soda water. Yeah, the straight soda
Speaker 1: water from from the fountain. Yes, I'm into it. And
Speaker 1: what it's it's always like, I always have such a
Speaker 1: hard time ordering it because depending on who's taking the order,
Speaker 1: how they know it's either a water cup and nothing
Speaker 1: or it's they charge it for soda. No, it's just okay.
Speaker 1: I either have to say, um, I'd like a Seltzer please, huh,
Speaker 1: a club soda? H what? Soda water? Got it? But
Speaker 1: what if you're helping yourself to the to the fountain,
Speaker 1: bever do you buy a soda if you're not getting
Speaker 1: the flavor? Does the car you should you pay for
Speaker 1: the carbonation? I believe you should, like I treated like water. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: but the way you're saying water but that, you know,
Speaker 1: is a different thing altogether. I love soda water too. No,
Speaker 1: it is my favorite beverage. Let me just say, when
Speaker 1: you get your own fountain sodas soda water and then
Speaker 1: a splash of whatever juicy kind of juice they have,
Speaker 1: citrus juice. Seltzer for me has to be in a
Speaker 1: can like I don't. I'm not a huge I love
Speaker 1: a club soda with a straw glass bottle for me.
Speaker 1: Oh glass, who's having glass? Oh? Like a period? Remember
Speaker 1: when club soda came? I feel like when my mom
Speaker 1: would drink club sodad look at my mom drinking clubs
Speaker 1: like it was like fancy, It's like water, it's everything.
Speaker 1: I mean, I started drinking club soda when I was
Speaker 1: a drinker, and I would get a club soda and
Speaker 1: kettle kettle one and soda with a with a lot
Speaker 1: of lemon, and then boom, no taste them. And then
Speaker 1: I got addicted to soda, and then you know, diet
Speaker 1: soda became just so so much super loose and all
Speaker 1: that bad sugars that I switched and now Lacroix. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's like it's no one could have predicted this. And
Speaker 1: perry a is not the same as soda water. I
Speaker 1: don't know the difference. Why is it different? Don't slide
Speaker 1: into my d m s and tell me I don't
Speaker 1: even care. But it is different. I realized it is.
Speaker 1: And when you call them sparkling water mineral water, what
Speaker 1: the funk are you talking about? No? No, um. Anya
Speaker 1: is always like and I'll have a um and I'll
Speaker 1: have a mineral water. I'm like, no, she goes, that's
Speaker 1: that's another word for sparkling water. I go, yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: in nineteen two, no more mineral water equals like flat water.
Speaker 1: That's like maybe in a glass bottle. Right to me,
Speaker 1: I feel like mineral water water. Yeah, that's what I thought.
Speaker 1: It's not because it is mineral water. Oh no, that's yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but no one calls it mineral water anymore except an
Speaker 1: that's what they call it. A pussy in I think.
Speaker 1: Final thought, I um, I'm taking Luigi to the vet today,
Speaker 1: um for anxiety two because I never even thought like, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe I could do something about his anxiety. And I'm
Speaker 1: like excited to have maybe a chill or dog than
Speaker 1: I have. I just want him to feel calm, in peace,
Speaker 1: really chilled out. What does he go to a therapist
Speaker 1: or a vet? Like he's gonna sit on a little couch,
Speaker 1: lay down. He's already sitting on a corral about his feelings.
Speaker 1: I would give to I would give anything to know
Speaker 1: where he came from and what he's been through. What
Speaker 1: have you been through? Like sometimes I watched these Dodo
Speaker 1: videos and these dogs are so shaky and sad and
Speaker 1: going before their pet, and it's just like, what what
Speaker 1: would harm you? What? Who harms a little baby dog?
Speaker 1: And I just want to know what you know atrocities
Speaker 1: he's seen because he's been through so much trauma. I mean,
Speaker 1: this is like adopting someone who's been in war as
Speaker 1: a child. I wonder streets. I wonder if anyone uh
Speaker 1: brings their animal in to get drugs for themselves, like
Speaker 1: they can't get the drugs anymore because they were drug
Speaker 1: addicts and or they're oh yeah, I bet you anything.
Speaker 1: Whoa Because you ever seen that Seinfeld episode or Cramer's
Speaker 1: Uh he has a cough and he can't and the
Speaker 1: dog has the same cough as him. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's so funny. He ends up taking cough medicine. He's
Speaker 1: in denial about his cough, and Jerry is like a germopopus,
Speaker 1: like you've got to get that checked. And then he
Speaker 1: is taking care of this dog and the dog has
Speaker 1: the same kind of human cough that crame as they
Speaker 1: like pumped in a human cough. And it's one of
Speaker 1: the funniest scenes ever. Jerry is trying to give Kramer
Speaker 1: medicine to um to, you know, heal his cough, and
Speaker 1: he's like, He's like, you gotta take this medicine. He's like, no, Jerry, no,
Speaker 1: I don't want to. And he grabs Kramer and he
Speaker 1: like he puts the pill in Cramer's and he's just
Speaker 1: doing the dog thing where he's like and then he
Speaker 1: like tackles them to the floor and it's just like
Speaker 1: and rubbing his neck and going like eat it, eat it,
Speaker 1: and holding his mouth shut, and it is. Kramer's like
Speaker 1: interpretation of a dog taking medicine is one of the
Speaker 1: funniest comedic moments I think of all time. I love
Speaker 1: that Seinfeld is now on Netflix. I haven't watched it yet,
Speaker 1: but it's just nice knowing it's there. There's so many
Speaker 1: things I gotta watch. I really want to watch Brittany
Speaker 1: Murphy doc No, what were you a Brittany Murphy fan?
Speaker 1: You watched the documentary yet? Um? Are you gonna be
Speaker 1: able to wait a week until I get to st
Speaker 1: Louis and maybe we'll watch it. Yeah, we can watch
Speaker 1: it together. That'd be great. Okay, I'll save it. There's
Speaker 1: it's a two parter. I'm very excited. What happened to
Speaker 1: Brittany Murphy? I think I know and I think it
Speaker 1: was old. You said mold, like like muld will hear
Speaker 1: you godwhere? Yeah, that's my speculation. I read a report
Speaker 1: one time that it's mold, but who knows. Um. I'm
Speaker 1: very excited to watch that documentary. I heard. It's very sad.
Speaker 1: I feel like she's still alive for some reason. She's
Speaker 1: been gone for so long. It's been ten years. Over
Speaker 1: ten years. Oh Luigi, you stink boa I think you
Speaker 1: just like anally expressed. Oh god, Okay, I gotta go
Speaker 1: take him to the vet and wash his ass before
Speaker 1: I do. Oh, I think it got on me. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: this was a podcast, and Andrew will be back tomorrow
Speaker 1: from South Carolina again. And oh my god, this is
Speaker 1: seriously infiltrating my skin. I have to go shower and
Speaker 1: I'm running late. I love you guys so much, Thank
Speaker 1: you for listening. My dog just anually expressed on me,
Speaker 1: anually expressed yourself. Noah, likes to divide balls with her nose.
Speaker 1: Andrew's gonna play a better golf game today. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go shower and probably have to shave my head for
Speaker 1: what just happened to me. Um, you skunked me, Luigi,
Speaker 1: you skunked Uh, don't be and um yes,