1 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:16,040 Speaker 1: Let's get into business compatibility. For some reason, people think 2 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:20,520 Speaker 1: about relationship compatibility but don't think about business compatibility. So 3 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,279 Speaker 1: the way that you have to have the right fit 4 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:28,720 Speaker 1: in relationships energy. So they say, the experts say, you 5 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: have to have like like an attraction, you're attracted to 6 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 1: each other. Okay, there's some version of an attraction. Okay, 7 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,199 Speaker 1: that could happen that that needs to happen in business too. 8 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 1: What's the attraction? Do I like the idea? Do I 9 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,360 Speaker 1: think you're interesting? Are you? Am I excited by what 10 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,519 Speaker 1: you're saying? Am I excited about by the products you have? 11 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 1: Am I excited by the partnership? Okay? That's the that's 12 00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:51,879 Speaker 1: the chemistry. Okay, then we need desire, like commitment. Do 13 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: you want to do this? Are you in the same boat? 14 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,760 Speaker 1: Are you on the same page. Someone could be like 15 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 1: they say breadcrumbing you where they're giving you little bits, 16 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 1: where they're asking for booty call, but you want to 17 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,960 Speaker 1: get married. That's not the same page. In business, it 18 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,600 Speaker 1: could be like someone basically wants to take a business 19 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,200 Speaker 1: and they want to turn it in eighteen months. They 20 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,560 Speaker 1: want to cash out. You want to build a legacy 21 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,240 Speaker 1: business that you could pass on to your kids. You 22 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: think your idea is good enough, that's not a compatibility fit. 23 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:18,760 Speaker 1: There are a thousand examples, but you're picking up what 24 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: I'm putting down. Then energetic are you on the same 25 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:28,199 Speaker 1: energetic wavelength? Meaning do you vibe well with this person 26 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 1: or your like patterns aligned? So if you're vibing with 27 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 1: someone in a relationship. I vibe with certain people more 28 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:38,240 Speaker 1: than others. And I have been in serious relationships where 29 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 1: I care about and love the person, and or I 30 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: trust them and I think they're loyal, but I don't 31 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,800 Speaker 1: vibe with them like they want to go to bed early, 32 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: I want to stay out late. They don't burst and 33 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,960 Speaker 1: then relax. They're constantly at like a slow burn all 34 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: the time. They're extremely structured. They like the same thing 35 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: every day. I don't like that. I want to go 36 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: then I want to retreat, Like that's the vibe, that's 37 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,200 Speaker 1: the energy, And that has to happen in business too. 38 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 1: Do you have a business partner that's gonna be like, 39 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 1: let's fucking go right now, it's go time. We will 40 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 1: sleep when we're dead. Pros play hurt, but then when 41 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:11,840 Speaker 1: it's calm, be like, all right, we all need a 42 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 1: work retreat. Everyone needs to relax. I'm staying home, I'm 43 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,959 Speaker 1: getting a massage. You know, I need a break. Some 44 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,280 Speaker 1: people energetically want to be working twenty four hours a day. 45 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,760 Speaker 1: Some people energetically want a work life balance. They need 46 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,079 Speaker 1: to be home for their kids. They need to be 47 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 1: at every single recital. They want to be doing pick 48 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,799 Speaker 1: up and drop off. It's all okay, but you need 49 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 1: to know before you get into business with someone. Business 50 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 1: compatibility is equally as important as relationship compatibility, and it 51 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: doesn't mean in either case it has to be the same. 52 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,400 Speaker 1: You don't have to be looking for someone exactly like you. 53 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 1: But if you are going to go burst, is that 54 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,520 Speaker 1: person gonna then pick up the slack when you're bursting, 55 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:51,880 Speaker 1: you know, meaning they're gonna balance you out. They're gonna 56 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,079 Speaker 1: be the yin to your yang. And the same thing 57 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:57,560 Speaker 1: in relationships, like you're gonna be the star, they're gonna 58 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,840 Speaker 1: be the rock. You're gonna be nuts. They can handle 59 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:03,120 Speaker 1: it nuts, they're gonna balance you out. Same thing in business. 60 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:06,880 Speaker 1: You're gonna have one person that's operations, logistics, strategy, a 61 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:11,400 Speaker 1: little more weeds, little less sexy. The other person's the visionary, 62 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:15,200 Speaker 1: the creator, the connector, the alive one, the person with 63 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,359 Speaker 1: all the ideas, the rainmaker. That would be me, for example. Now, 64 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,560 Speaker 1: I'm very organized and I can deal with the other part, 65 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 1: but I can't get bogged down in weeds. I have 66 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:24,640 Speaker 1: the idea. I know what we should do, I know 67 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 1: where we should go, I know everything about it, and 68 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 1: I know even how we're gonna get there. I could 69 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 1: give them the map. Someone else has to sit there 70 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 1: and look at the map and drive the boat and 71 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,600 Speaker 1: make sure we get there. That's what I'm talking about 72 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 1: about business compatibility. I believe that this is the true 73 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 1: timeline of dating cycles. Okay, you're gonna have to listen 74 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 1: to me, because I go on social media. I listen 75 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 1: to these girls in their twenties and their thirties. They 76 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: don't know what the fuck they're talking about. They just 77 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 1: don't have enough institutional knowledge. I don't care if it's 78 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 1: twenty twenty four or if you're holding a fucking club 79 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:11,200 Speaker 1: in bedrock wearing a pelt. Okay, these things are true. 80 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:16,240 Speaker 1: I do believe. I've always believed ninety days three months 81 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: is when you know if you're off to the races 82 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:22,279 Speaker 1: or not. Like this, is when you have swum between 83 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,560 Speaker 1: Cuba and Florida. You are halfway and you're like, are 84 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,159 Speaker 1: we going to continue this thing or are we going back? Okay, 85 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,880 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean you're definitely imprinted. It also depends upon 86 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,760 Speaker 1: the dynamic. Have you seen the person once or twice 87 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,640 Speaker 1: a week? Are you seeing them all the time? A 88 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:38,000 Speaker 1: lot of things factor in. But if you are connected 89 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,839 Speaker 1: and you are really dating someone and you're both intentional 90 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,800 Speaker 1: about that with the same goals, after three months, you 91 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 1: will know we got a real fucking shot at this thing, 92 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 1: or we probably don't, and it can be a time 93 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:54,719 Speaker 1: to reframe and redefine. Okay, and number two, I believe 94 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:58,680 Speaker 1: that the first gauntlet is six weeks. In the very beginning, 95 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 1: both people are literally like dogs in the dog parks, 96 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,599 Speaker 1: sniffing each other. They don't know. You don't know what 97 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 1: you get, the pheromones, you get the oxytocin. In the beginning, 98 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,160 Speaker 1: you think there's an attraction, but there is a lot 99 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:11,640 Speaker 1: to work out, depending upon what age you are. But 100 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:14,000 Speaker 1: it could be religion, it could be location, It could 101 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,039 Speaker 1: be family, It could be blending. It could be kids, 102 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 1: it could be parents, It can be jobs, lifestyles, a 103 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,839 Speaker 1: person's a player. You're not you know, bier rhythms. It 104 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:26,760 Speaker 1: could be a thousand things. Okay, it takes you at 105 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:30,520 Speaker 1: least six weeks to even know if you know how 106 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:34,040 Speaker 1: to walk together. You're like toddlers, like you can't, you're 107 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 1: not even like you don't even know what you're doing yet. 108 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 1: But once you hit like six weeks, you're like, all right, 109 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,360 Speaker 1: we got a live one. We got a live one. 110 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: It's like in television production when you're like, we might 111 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 1: have a show. You don't definitely have a show, but 112 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 1: you know at a certain point if you might have 113 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 1: a show and it's never a day and it's never 114 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,000 Speaker 1: a weekend, it's like a couple, you know, it's like 115 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,440 Speaker 1: six weeks and you're like, I think we might have 116 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,840 Speaker 1: a show. That's what it's like with dating. If you're 117 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:02,920 Speaker 1: like I said, intentional and you know what's going on. 118 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,320 Speaker 1: It's also a time you don't want to be crazy, 119 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,839 Speaker 1: but where you want to somewhat define. Three months is 120 00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 1: a real definition. Six weeks is a somewhat definition. It's like, 121 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 1: are we even going to get up to the starting line? 122 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like, that's what I think, 123 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 1: And here's another thing I'm gonna tell you guys that 124 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 1: you gotta listen to. If you are dating someone and 125 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 1: you're trying to train them now, they may not need 126 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 1: training or polish. They may seem like they need training 127 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,120 Speaker 1: or polish because they too are scared and insecure and 128 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 1: they're sizing you up. Also, you are in the kingdom 129 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 1: in the jungle, either one and both of you are 130 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 1: animals sizing each other up. And we're always in our 131 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 1: own heads thinking we're the only one sizing the other 132 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,480 Speaker 1: person up and we're the only one insecure. I have 133 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 1: learned it as equal. So both people are in their 134 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:54,440 Speaker 1: own heads, maybe talking to their friends, different reasons, sizing 135 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: the other person up. Okay, here's a key that you 136 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:03,680 Speaker 1: must remember. You need to know if this person can 137 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,040 Speaker 1: be trained and can be what you want them to be, 138 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:07,680 Speaker 1: because the last thing you want to do is be 139 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,800 Speaker 1: on this road for nine months, fall for someone, and 140 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,720 Speaker 1: then you find out. So you have to find the 141 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,160 Speaker 1: delicate balance between letting someone know what you want and 142 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,200 Speaker 1: need without seeming like a psychopath. It's like I want 143 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: to be married like a crazy person. Okay, you have 144 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 1: to find the delicate balance. And here's what I say 145 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,240 Speaker 1: if something is not making you feel good, now you 146 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,000 Speaker 1: don't just walk. I've said before, like get out of it. 147 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:31,480 Speaker 1: Something may not be making you feel good because someone 148 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 1: else is also insecure. They have their own reasons or 149 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,280 Speaker 1: patterns that you are not a mind reader. People do 150 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: not come with batteries included. You can't just take the 151 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 1: remote out and make them a robot. They've lived their 152 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 1: own grown ass life, been raised by their own grown 153 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 1: ass parents, had their own grown ass dysfunctional childhood. So 154 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:50,560 Speaker 1: you can't expect them to be what your brain is 155 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,840 Speaker 1: telling you. They're supposed to pay, they're supposed to open 156 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 1: the door, they're supposed to do this, they're supposed to 157 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,120 Speaker 1: ask me this. This is a script you wrote that 158 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,680 Speaker 1: they didn't sign. They don't know that, they didn't read. 159 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 1: They don't know anything about it, just like you don't 160 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,280 Speaker 1: know what they want. I've been told things by people, 161 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:02,880 Speaker 1: have data to been like, wait, what you cared about that? 162 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 1: I didn't fucking know. Okay, So if someone's doing something 163 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:12,280 Speaker 1: that you don't like, not by text, you find a 164 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,760 Speaker 1: way to communicate that without being too aggressive. But here's 165 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:19,200 Speaker 1: the kicker, here's the most important thing. You have to 166 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 1: balance letting someone else know how interested in them you 167 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:28,800 Speaker 1: are without being desperate. It's a confidence. It's like a 168 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,640 Speaker 1: confidence to say, Hi, I got this, Like Hi, I'm 169 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 1: into you. But there's a butt. But make no mistake, 170 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 1: I'm not saying you're saying this. You may say this 171 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,680 Speaker 1: at some point you're at you are being this. Make 172 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:44,400 Speaker 1: no mistake. If I'm not getting what I need out 173 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:48,079 Speaker 1: of this relationship, I will walk. So it is a 174 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 1: little bit like a business like meaning you're in something 175 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 1: with someone and you are so into them, and you 176 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,360 Speaker 1: want them to know how into them you are, so 177 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,600 Speaker 1: you can diffuse some of their insecurity. You want them 178 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,800 Speaker 1: to feel safe, but you also want them to feel 179 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 1: equally unsafe if they're not treating you properly, meaning I 180 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:07,200 Speaker 1: am so into you that like it hurts, but I 181 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:11,240 Speaker 1: will also walk if I'm not treated like the prize 182 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,080 Speaker 1: that I am, and like the prize that I'll treat 183 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 1: you like. So it's a fine line and there's a 184 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 1: confidence to it, and you know it because you hear 185 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 1: it in my voice. And that's something I've always been 186 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,280 Speaker 1: good at. That's how I've gotten what I've wanted in 187 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:23,960 Speaker 1: relationships or saved. So much time by being like, look, 188 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,560 Speaker 1: remember I think I told you a long time ago 189 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,040 Speaker 1: the story about the guy that like just kept saying like, well, 190 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:29,800 Speaker 1: I don't want to commitment. I'm like, no problem, And 191 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:33,200 Speaker 1: he wasn't evolving. The relationship wasn't moving forward. I don't 192 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,720 Speaker 1: do two steps forward three steps back, Like, I don't 193 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 1: do that. I'll do two steps forward to a quarter, 194 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,000 Speaker 1: you know, one in three quarter steps back like maybe 195 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,320 Speaker 1: we make some mistakes kind of, but I need to 196 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,480 Speaker 1: be moving forward and evolving, and I'll tell someone that. 197 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 1: It's like if I don't do like no, and people 198 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 1: are attracted to confidence in relationship, like they're attracted to 199 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:54,920 Speaker 1: knowing what you want without seeming like a psychopath. That's 200 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,000 Speaker 1: a crying that you want to be engaged by spring. 201 00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 1: It's not that it's the right balance so you are 202 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 1: confident and secure, and it's people will be completely into it. 203 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,640 Speaker 1: Here's another thing. Someone could be a piece of coal 204 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,680 Speaker 1: and become a diamond as long as the intention is there, 205 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:18,280 Speaker 1: as long as you've said like if someone, if someone's 206 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:21,680 Speaker 1: communicated to you that they're opened for business, you can 207 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:26,360 Speaker 1: constructively criticize them, constructively give them notes. I like to 208 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,880 Speaker 1: say notes if you find that they don't make the 209 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 1: same mistake twice if they take the note. It really 210 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,520 Speaker 1: doesn't matter if there are ten thousand mistakes, because you'll 211 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 1: work on them. If it's the same type of mistake 212 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,640 Speaker 1: in another form, that's not good. But like, you don't 213 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,200 Speaker 1: need to be bored. You don't need a fucking Rubik's cube. 214 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,400 Speaker 1: It as all the sides lined up when you meet them. 215 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 1: It's okay to be a work in progress. If the 216 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 1: intention is there, and your intention is there too, you're 217 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 1: gonna do the work too. That's kind of a great 218 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 1: relationship because that's a good business relationship too. It would 219 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 1: never be perfect. It's not a robot, So I think 220 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,160 Speaker 1: that's great. Like, we want somebody to be perfect in 221 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 1: the beginning, but that's just too much to ask. And 222 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,440 Speaker 1: haven't you been in a relationship where someone seemed perfect 223 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,320 Speaker 1: in the beginning because you had rose colored glasses, and 224 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 1: then the wheels start coming off because you idealized who 225 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,000 Speaker 1: they were and you expect them to live up to 226 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 1: that original perfection. I'd rather you know someone's polished and 227 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,280 Speaker 1: flawed but has intention and is willing and wants to 228 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 1: do the work in the relationship. That's to me, the 229 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:27,920 Speaker 1: best combination that I really like because it means someone 230 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: It's like someone working on a business. It means they 231 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:48,360 Speaker 1: want it. Another thing I talked to my therapist about 232 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,880 Speaker 1: is reframing things. When you're younger, you have these ideals 233 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,840 Speaker 1: about what it has to be. Let's just say you 234 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 1: meet someone, you're dating them, and like you've decided what 235 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,559 Speaker 1: the relationship has to be. Doesn't have to be with 236 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 1: who you're dating now, it could be with an X. 237 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:05,000 Speaker 1: You've hated your ex. You guys aren't speaking. That's what 238 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 1: That's what you've determined. What if it evolves. What if 239 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,080 Speaker 1: it becomes a situation where you don't hate your ex, 240 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:13,480 Speaker 1: where like it's only positive, you don't think negative thoughts. 241 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:15,680 Speaker 1: It's a person that you could call around the holidays, 242 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:19,199 Speaker 1: and you're reframing it because it just opens things up 243 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,960 Speaker 1: to be different. You could reframe how you think about 244 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:26,319 Speaker 1: a parent that abused you, like it could be for yourself. 245 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,280 Speaker 1: You could just hate them and have such a toxic 246 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:31,720 Speaker 1: relationship to it. Or you could reframe it where you're 247 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:33,560 Speaker 1: going to put it, put it in a different drawer, 248 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:37,080 Speaker 1: reorganize it, talk to someone about it to let it breathe, 249 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,480 Speaker 1: and it opens yourself up to so much more possibility 250 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 1: in different situations. I've had people that I've dated that 251 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:47,480 Speaker 1: people around me want to know what it is because, 252 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:53,600 Speaker 1: as my therapist said, certainty prevents anxiety, but it's kind 253 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:58,080 Speaker 1: of a myth meaning it's like fool's gold. We want 254 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,440 Speaker 1: to know what this is. I've spent this time with 255 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,480 Speaker 1: this guy, I've seen met his family. I'm doing this. 256 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,320 Speaker 1: We went a vacation, we did that, We did that. 257 00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:07,079 Speaker 1: Everybody around me is asking when don't we get engaged? 258 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,360 Speaker 1: When is this happening? You want a definition, not only 259 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:13,480 Speaker 1: for yourself but for other people, and it's trapping and 260 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 1: that definition will eliminate certain anxiety because it's giving you 261 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 1: an answer, but it could create other anxiety because you're 262 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:27,559 Speaker 1: forcing an outcome before an outcome is possible. Like what 263 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:30,360 Speaker 1: if you meet someone, you love them, you're attracted to them, 264 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 1: it's going great, but what if something comes up that 265 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 1: that might not work for you? You don't want to 266 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,160 Speaker 1: just jam it, to jam certainty to try to alleviate anxiety. 267 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:43,760 Speaker 1: Same thing even with a job, an opportunity, a friendship, 268 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,960 Speaker 1: a sport, whatever it is, like you have to let 269 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:50,440 Speaker 1: things breathe and reframe them and keep reframing them so 270 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:54,200 Speaker 1: you open yourself up to possibility. It's really hard. When 271 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,360 Speaker 1: I was younger, I never understood, just like dating, what 272 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 1: it would mean to like or just being with someone 273 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 1: in not knowing the outcome, and then we give ourselves 274 00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:04,319 Speaker 1: different things. Oh but I'm thirty seven. I can't be 275 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,719 Speaker 1: dating someone right now unless I know I'm having a kid, 276 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,440 Speaker 1: and then you're trapping yourself. I can't do this unless 277 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,880 Speaker 1: i know that he's gonna convert because I'm Jewish. Like, 278 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 1: what if you're having an experience, being present, being in 279 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:18,360 Speaker 1: the moment, being very Buddhist about it, and instead you're 280 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 1: trying to trap it, and then you eliminate the fun 281 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,640 Speaker 1: you could have with this person for a chapter, maybe 282 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,600 Speaker 1: you meet someone else through this person, you know. Being 283 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,520 Speaker 1: my age, Oh, I'm this age and I can't I've 284 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 1: said this to myself sixty times, like in my life 285 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 1: at different stages. Oh well, at this age, I can't 286 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:35,640 Speaker 1: waste time. It's times it's okay, like it's not to 287 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 1: be wasted where you're sitting on your couch smoking pot. 288 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 1: But if you're having an experience and you're happy and 289 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 1: you're being positive, and you're evolving as a person. Don't 290 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 1: try to crowd and trap what everything needs to be, 291 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 1: whether it's work or dating or anything. Don't give yourself 292 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:55,200 Speaker 1: that kind of pressure. Reframe it. It could be even parenting. 293 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,640 Speaker 1: You could be a perfect parent at a certain times, 294 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 1: so involved doing everything, sowing every costume go. Then you 295 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,760 Speaker 1: could be a selfish parent. Your kid is fine, they're safe, 296 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 1: they're thriving at school, they're thriving. You're there for them 297 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:07,440 Speaker 1: when they need you, But you want to fucking do 298 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:11,280 Speaker 1: some shit for yourself. It's all okay. It's a reframing 299 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 1: and a rebalancing, and it will be very liberating. I 300 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:17,600 Speaker 1: am literally happier than I've ever been in my life. 301 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 1: I would say I don't know why. I do know why. 302 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,560 Speaker 1: I'm just living truthfully. I'm being present, I'm in the 303 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:26,040 Speaker 1: moment and it's working. So I always want to pass 304 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:33,040 Speaker 1: it on to you. Let's talk about how men grieve 305 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,120 Speaker 1: a relationship versus how women grieve. I've seen this time 306 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:40,600 Speaker 1: and time again. Okay, break up, serious relationship, gutting, devastating 307 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:45,160 Speaker 1: decision has been made. Off to the races. You'll have relapses. 308 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 1: Both parties might have relapses. It's very hard to exit. 309 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:51,240 Speaker 1: It's like exiting, you know. It's the worst possible thing. 310 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 1: It's like a divorce, it's a death. Great. Here's what happens. 311 00:15:55,320 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 1: Men desensitize, compartmentalize. They think they've got it. They've got big, 312 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 1: swinging dicks. They've been with the same person, presumably they 313 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,840 Speaker 1: haven't been cheating for a while. They've been eating the 314 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 1: same fricking flavor every night. And they have guys around 315 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,280 Speaker 1: them who are either married and living by carry so 316 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 1: they fucking dude, go get laid. Or guys who are 317 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,640 Speaker 1: actually getting laid and need to justify it and want 318 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,440 Speaker 1: to party and maybe the old guy at the club 319 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,560 Speaker 1: or just out doing what they want, living the selfish lifestyle, okay, 320 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,680 Speaker 1: Or they're married and they're cheaters and they need a 321 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 1: person to come be with them. Men go out. They 322 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,600 Speaker 1: take that bait. They want to prove to themselves, to 323 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:34,160 Speaker 1: their other guy friends and to their ex that they 324 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 1: can get laid. Any man can get laid anytime, anywhere. 325 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,760 Speaker 1: Any person can get laid, and they want a flex, 326 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:41,960 Speaker 1: and they often will want to go with someone younger, 327 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,960 Speaker 1: someone younger, someone hot, or someone more stupid, someone that's 328 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 1: gonna listen to your bullshit, someone that seems so much 329 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,120 Speaker 1: more interesting. And then they eat the same flavor. They 330 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,880 Speaker 1: eat different versions of ice cream. One days it's vanilla sprinkles, 331 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,440 Speaker 1: the next day it's chocolate, the next day it's the 332 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 1: next one. They go out and they're having fun. They're 333 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,200 Speaker 1: fucking lit up. Maybe they're not used to drinking this much. 334 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,200 Speaker 1: They get Sunday scaries, they get a little depressed, they 335 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,280 Speaker 1: get the wings. They get back to work. They focus 336 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,600 Speaker 1: on work. They're thriving, they're working out. Their abs are cut, 337 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:12,879 Speaker 1: their biceps are bicepping. They're thrilled. Then they get sick 338 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:16,560 Speaker 1: of the buffet. The buffet becomes tiring. They've seen it. 339 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,119 Speaker 1: It looked so good when you walked up. You ever 340 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:19,600 Speaker 1: go up to the buffet, looks so good when you 341 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,080 Speaker 1: walk up. Twenty minutes later, you've got like the dressing 342 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,400 Speaker 1: on top of fruit. They're on enough plates. You don't 343 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,120 Speaker 1: know where to dispose of it. You want to start over. 344 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,080 Speaker 1: You fucked up your whole plate. Doesn't matter whether you're 345 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:32,160 Speaker 1: at Sizzler or the Mandarin Oriental two hundred dollars caviare 346 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:36,560 Speaker 1: and sushi infested buffet. It's the same thing. You get 347 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,199 Speaker 1: sick of it. You're like, get me out of here. 348 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:39,960 Speaker 1: I don't want this fucking buffet. I'm disgusted. I just 349 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 1: want like simple scrambled eggs and a piece of rye toast. Okay. 350 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,560 Speaker 1: That's when they start looking back at the X or 351 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,639 Speaker 1: they just start feeling defeated. They don't know what to do. 352 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:54,000 Speaker 1: They start fantasizing about their their past relationship. They've now 353 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,480 Speaker 1: become a little depressed. It's sort of like the way 354 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,960 Speaker 1: the guys got in wedding crashers, where like they did 355 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,159 Speaker 1: it. It was so exciting. They were banging chicks. Then they 356 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,520 Speaker 1: got sick of the weddings. It looked depressing. They were 357 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,960 Speaker 1: moving towards funerals. It was really not a good look. 358 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,400 Speaker 1: That's how men grieve. Then they want to go back. 359 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,239 Speaker 1: They missed the X that they want the normal They 360 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:14,919 Speaker 1: want the normalcy. That's when the husbands that were married 361 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,680 Speaker 1: to the same boring wife that's doing pick up and 362 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:21,000 Speaker 1: drop off in soccer and fricking gatorade and class snacks 363 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,800 Speaker 1: and pta. They then want this person back because it's 364 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:27,639 Speaker 1: a semblance of order. Men don't know how to do 365 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,480 Speaker 1: anything for themselves. It's somebody who cares. It's somebody who's 366 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,600 Speaker 1: there when you're sick, when you're snotting, when you're disgusting. 367 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,600 Speaker 1: Who's giving you sympathy, when you're hungover, who's making you 368 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,440 Speaker 1: the food, Who's taking care of it? Then men hit 369 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:43,800 Speaker 1: their low. Women are the opposite. Women come out. They 370 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,000 Speaker 1: hit their low right away. They smashed directly into a 371 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,560 Speaker 1: brick wall. It's the ice cream, it's first. It's the 372 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,960 Speaker 1: weight loss. It's the crying. It's the not eating. It's 373 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,040 Speaker 1: the telling anyone who will listen. It's the drinking during 374 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,280 Speaker 1: the day. It's the drama. It's the personality. You're break 375 00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:00,560 Speaker 1: up being your entire personality. It's hard to function. You're crying, 376 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,800 Speaker 1: your eyes are swollen, it's hard to work. Everyone knows 377 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,720 Speaker 1: about it. You have a circle of friends. You just 378 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,399 Speaker 1: go in the round, rob and talk to anyone who 379 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 1: will listen. Maybe you do some therapy. You are going 380 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,520 Speaker 1: in circles, okay, and then you slowly, like a bird 381 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: pecking out of the shell, just like slowly start pecking 382 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:17,800 Speaker 1: your beak from the inside, like, Hi, are you there? God? 383 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 1: It's me Margaret wanting some daylight. You start moving towards 384 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,639 Speaker 1: feeling a little better. You're going out. You're crying, but 385 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,879 Speaker 1: you're out at dinner with other people. You're talking about it. 386 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,200 Speaker 1: You're meeting someone one night, you might meet a handsome guy. 387 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,520 Speaker 1: You might make the mistake of telling the handsome guy 388 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,280 Speaker 1: about your ex because you're still a rookie. But you're 389 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,119 Speaker 1: you're in the game. You start it. You decide it's 390 00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 1: a good idea to start working out for rebellion for yourself. Now, 391 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:40,840 Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you're a person that works out, 392 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 1: and your ex never saw you work out, just like 393 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,879 Speaker 1: the guy that you were in the relationship but that 394 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,280 Speaker 1: also broke up with you, that's now working out all 395 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,919 Speaker 1: of a sudden, his corvette and his biceps, of his personality. 396 00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 1: But now you start working out. You also decide you 397 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,960 Speaker 1: want a different style. You might want a different hairstyle. 398 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,919 Speaker 1: You're kind of a different person. You're more social, you 399 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,080 Speaker 1: do things you wouldn't. You're the fun girl friend. You're fun, 400 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:07,200 Speaker 1: and then you fucking become a peacock. You are done. 401 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,560 Speaker 1: You are having the glow up of your whole fucking life. 402 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,159 Speaker 1: So at the same time that this woman who is 403 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,040 Speaker 1: eating the ice cream, begging, And it's actually better to 404 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,359 Speaker 1: be the woman because the woman is like sort of 405 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,680 Speaker 1: still a little desperate. In the beginning, you're still sort 406 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,120 Speaker 1: of maybe even begging. You may want to get back together, 407 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,919 Speaker 1: even though you know it's wrong. You're still fantasizing your relationship. 408 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:27,600 Speaker 1: You're eating the ice cream. You're just kind of a 409 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 1: little bit of a loser. You know you're a loser. 410 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,600 Speaker 1: You pray that one day you won't look at your phone, 411 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 1: you won't look at the text, you won't pray for it, 412 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,280 Speaker 1: you won't wonder you know what's wrong with your phone, 413 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 1: you won't beg for him to call, you won't want 414 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,720 Speaker 1: the revenge, all of it. And then one day the 415 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,840 Speaker 1: skies open up and you won't and you are the 416 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:46,240 Speaker 1: fucking full fledged peacock. And it's better because in the beginning, 417 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,560 Speaker 1: when it's all like new and everybody's sort of a 418 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,000 Speaker 1: little miserable, that's when you go into your main misery, 419 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,800 Speaker 1: so you kind of get it out of the way. 420 00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:57,040 Speaker 1: It's not really on a delay, but the man. So 421 00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:01,320 Speaker 1: when that peacock really fucking put it's all its feathers 422 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 1: out in full bloom, that's when the man hits rock 423 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:07,240 Speaker 1: bottom and the combination is lethal. That's when the man 424 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 1: comes in seeing the peacock, wanting the peacock back, and girl, 425 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 1: you are so fucking far away, you are showing your colors, 426 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,640 Speaker 1: and that guy will take a lot longer. He will 427 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,280 Speaker 1: now go hard. And if you ever want to see 428 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,720 Speaker 1: this in true example, go look at I think it 429 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:25,159 Speaker 1: was David Mammott play About last Night, the movie with 430 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,080 Speaker 1: Rob Low and de Me Moore. It is the quintessential 431 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,080 Speaker 1: breakup movie, way better than The Breakup. The Breakup did 432 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 1: that a little with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston, but 433 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,880 Speaker 1: Rob Low and to Me Moore and About last Night 434 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:42,359 Speaker 1: crystallizes the whole entire thing. Crystallizes. She finally fucking got 435 00:21:42,359 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 1: her power back and it's over. He told me that 436 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:04,920 Speaker 1: to do the bus