WEBVTT - My Mom Would Be Disappointed

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<v Speaker 1>My mother would be disappointed in me. It's one more thing.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm strong and getty one more.

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<v Speaker 2>That's a heavy, one more thing living knowing your mom

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<v Speaker 2>would be disappointed in you again.

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<v Speaker 1>That's right.

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<v Speaker 2>Again.

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<v Speaker 1>So ah, I was I'm going to not be at

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<v Speaker 1>work Maniana tomorrow. We were speaking these words on Wednesday,

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<v Speaker 1>the thirteenth of May. I will be off tomorrow. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>playing in a golf tournament. And normally I'd be worried

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<v Speaker 1>about how I'm gonna play, a concerned, a little nervous

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<v Speaker 1>how you are before a sports thingy. But all I

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<v Speaker 1>worry about this time is not being injured, not aggravating

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<v Speaker 1>an injury I've got, which is I had a tear

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<v Speaker 1>in some of the the muscles like the adductor that

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<v Speaker 1>Al Gore used to like to get rubbed. It gets

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<v Speaker 1>near you crack, you know if you if you're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>squeeze a basketball between your knees, that's your adductor's.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, And then you're why would I want to do that.

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<v Speaker 2>So it doesn't fall to the ground obviously, yeah, And

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<v Speaker 2>the hands are full of something else.

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<v Speaker 1>Well clearly yeah. And then you got your ham strings,

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<v Speaker 1>which is like the muscles of the back of your leg.

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<v Speaker 1>And there's a couple in the one that's close to

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<v Speaker 1>the adductor. So I strained the crap out of that one.

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<v Speaker 1>A couple of muscles that's your interior hamstring or something

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<v Speaker 1>or I don't remember. Anyway, Boy getting old teaches you

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<v Speaker 1>about anatomy.

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<v Speaker 2>Did you forget to activate your glutes?

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<v Speaker 1>I did, Michael. I have a lot of trouble activating

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<v Speaker 1>my glutes, just like Tiger. All right, So here's how

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<v Speaker 1>I heard it them it that area. I take this

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<v Speaker 1>golf lesson. It's great.

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<v Speaker 3>Keep your head down, keep your left arm straight.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh you took the same lesson. Huh and uh and

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<v Speaker 1>and I realized, Okay, that's great and it's really helping me.

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<v Speaker 1>But I'm still not flexible enough to pull it off

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<v Speaker 1>regularly because of all my arthritis and hip replacements stuff

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<v Speaker 1>like that. And so I vow I'm going to swing

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<v Speaker 1>a golf club twenty times a day, every single day.

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<v Speaker 1>That's the best way to stretch it out. Make it

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<v Speaker 1>an everyday thing. Just go out in my driveway, swing it,

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<v Speaker 1>and go back and do whatever I'm doing. So, like

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<v Speaker 1>day two of this, I go out into my super

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<v Speaker 1>busy day. We had a busy day at work and

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<v Speaker 1>then I had an appointment. I've got five minutes to

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<v Speaker 1>do my golf swings and it's day two. So I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>if you don't do it today, you just yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you ended your resolution on January third. Just sad. And

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<v Speaker 1>so I go out into my driveway and I take

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<v Speaker 1>a swing. Then I think, you know, you need to

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<v Speaker 1>stretch a little bit. So I'm stretching out. I'm like

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<v Speaker 1>doing toe touches more or less. And I hear a

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<v Speaker 1>door slam, car door, pick up truck door. Guy ambles

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<v Speaker 1>up my driveway. Do a little stretching. Huh, he says,

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<v Speaker 1>years old beard. I'm like, yeah, yeah, trying to get looseen.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god. And he says, yeah, yeah, I got

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<v Speaker 1>compressed my account. What's the compress my vertebrae number three

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<v Speaker 1>and number four? Yeah. I said, oh, you're too young

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<v Speaker 1>for that. He goes, yeah, yeah, it really hurts sometimes.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm like okay, yeah, and he says something else,

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<v Speaker 1>and uh, he's in your driveway. He's walking on my driveway.

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<v Speaker 1>I've got like a short driveway and then a big

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<v Speaker 1>ish area where you can park and uh, and he's

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<v Speaker 1>walking toward me. Yeah, this, Then I tell you what

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, finally I slip you with something. Finally

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<v Speaker 1>I said to him, I said, look, are we just

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<v Speaker 1>two guys talking about stretching on my driveway or is

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<v Speaker 1>there something I can.

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<v Speaker 3>Do for you? What you said?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes? Yes, And so so he hits me. He says,

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<v Speaker 1>oh yeah, yeah, I'm a yeah, funny you bring it up. Yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm whatever. What Brandon? Is that? What the Chinese food?

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<v Speaker 1>What you name your son Brandon? So he goes, oh, yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Brandon. I'm the project manager. We're doing your the

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<v Speaker 1>Smith's house, tudors down the roof. Just wanted to tell

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<v Speaker 1>you about our roofing inspection plan and you are absolutely

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<v Speaker 1>not supposed to solicit like that in my hood. But

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, all right, a roof is in fine shape.

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<v Speaker 1>Give me your card, I'll let you know if we

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<v Speaker 1>need anything. All right, give to me happy stretching. And

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh, for f's sake, And so at

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<v Speaker 1>this point.

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<v Speaker 2>You're you're better than me that I'm like, don't sell

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<v Speaker 2>me stuff. I know my driveway. It's a nice day.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't want some son stuff. I know.

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<v Speaker 1>I know, it's it's partly that that doesn't happen in

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<v Speaker 1>my hood. And so I thought, oh, this is like

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<v Speaker 1>my neighbor's son or or he's the new guy in

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<v Speaker 1>the hood. Yeah, that's good because that's the vibe. And

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<v Speaker 1>so at this point, this guy is chewed up three

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<v Speaker 1>and a half of my five minutes, and I am

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<v Speaker 1>pissed off. And so do you know what an orange

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<v Speaker 1>whip is? Not the cocktail popularized in orange Whip, Orange Whip,

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<v Speaker 1>orange whip, three orange whips exactly. That was Blues Brothers. Yeah, John,

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<v Speaker 1>It's a golf training tool. It's like a whippy thing

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<v Speaker 1>with an orange ball at the end that you use

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<v Speaker 1>to stretch your back and get your timing blow bother.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a tool. And so I'm pissed off. So I'm like, you, asshole,

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<v Speaker 1>I got it a tone, And so I take my

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<v Speaker 1>orange whip and I take like fifteen violent fast swings,

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<v Speaker 1>prixturing his head. Yeah, well more or less. I wake up.

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<v Speaker 1>Was it the next day or the day after that?

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<v Speaker 1>I can't remember, and I can't walk. I cannot walk.

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<v Speaker 1>Everything's in spasm. I can barely move. I'm like crying

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<v Speaker 1>out in pain. I gotta take muscle relaxance and pain killers.

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<v Speaker 1>It didn't happen at the time when you were doing that. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't feel it at the time. You're way overstretched

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<v Speaker 1>it and tore it, and so.

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<v Speaker 3>Wow, I would have thought it would have hurt right then.

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<v Speaker 1>So freaking stupid. Well, you know, adrenaline is the most

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<v Speaker 1>incredible painkiller in the world. I've experienced that playing sports,

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<v Speaker 1>where you get done and you realize you're socking, your

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<v Speaker 1>shoe are full of blood. You're like, what the hell happened?

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<v Speaker 3>Like when I wrecked my motorcycle. Oh, I was fine.

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<v Speaker 2>I was halfway home in that uber, bleeding all over

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<v Speaker 2>his back seat everything. All of a sudden, Oh my god,

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<v Speaker 2>this hurts, right, I haven't.

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<v Speaker 1>Felt anything so anyway. Yeah, And so I've been rehabbing

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<v Speaker 1>like a mother scratcher, and I haven't played golf in

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<v Speaker 1>two weeks, just trying to heal this thing I've done.

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<v Speaker 1>I've swung a few times in all, and so I've

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<v Speaker 1>just got to see if it work. But my mom

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<v Speaker 1>always said, because my sister and I were a year

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<v Speaker 1>apart and we'd fight sometimes. We're best friends now, thank god,

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<v Speaker 1>but she'd always say don't say they made you mad.

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<v Speaker 1>That's a decision you make. You're in control of your

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<v Speaker 1>emotions and your reactions rise above it. And he made

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<v Speaker 1>me mad, and I'm paying the star stupid tax.

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<v Speaker 3>That's a good one. That's a good one. In pain,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm Joe getting um that's a good one.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, how'd you hurt your leg? Well, this bearded guy

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<v Speaker 1>was trying to sell me.

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<v Speaker 2>Roof, I got mad at a salesperson is not a

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<v Speaker 2>good good answer, never mind makes you got pissed and forgot?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm old and was That doesn't sound good.

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<v Speaker 2>That The reason I'm hurt for weeks or months or

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<v Speaker 2>maybe forever is because I got so mad.

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<v Speaker 1>At a salesperson, totally lost my head and abused my

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<v Speaker 1>own body. I punched myself in the face repeatedly to

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<v Speaker 1>show him how mad I was.

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<v Speaker 3>You remember that?

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<v Speaker 1>Might as well have Jeez, what a jackass? The stupid tax?

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<v Speaker 2>There it is?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I guess that's it.