WEBVTT - Checking In w/ New Year Resolutions 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.000 Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:19.560 iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. I know y'all are like, 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:22.560 wait a minute, Michelle, you better get to talking about 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:26.680 what happened at that birthday party. We all saw the picture, 0:00:27.120 --> 0:00:32.640 We saw you, Kelly and Beyonce looking all good and fine. Aunt, 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:37.760 you better tell us, tell us what happened. Okay, I'll 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:41.559 give you a teensch of tea. Coming up next on 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:48.360 Checking Again with Michelle Williams. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, 0:00:48.520 --> 0:00:53.159 wherever you are. I am so honored and blessed to 0:00:53.280 --> 0:00:58.680 have people who listen to my podcast from many parts 0:00:58.760 --> 0:01:03.680 of the world. I better start acknowledging the various time zones. 0:01:03.960 --> 0:01:07.119 So that's why I started off with good morning, good afternoon, 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:11.639 or good evening. And again, thank you so much for 0:01:11.720 --> 0:01:17.600 subscribing and downloading my podcast, Checking In with Michelle Williams. 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:21.959 What a joy, what an honor. As we begin to 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:26.559 go into a fourth season that will be coming up soon, 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:31.800 I'm excited about going into a fourth season of my podcast. 0:01:32.920 --> 0:01:37.279 If you would, please please please let me know guests 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:39.480 that you want to hear, topics that you want me 0:01:39.560 --> 0:01:43.720 to discuss, any constructive criticism. I'm here for it because 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:49.200 I want to make the fourth season amazing. Okay, all right, 0:01:50.120 --> 0:01:53.760 I'm sure that you all you know I'll saw a 0:01:53.800 --> 0:02:00.240 picture floating around of me, Kelly Rowland and beyond say 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:05.160 Nol's Carter. I know y'all saw it. Everybody's talking about it. 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:12.280 Everybody tagged me in this picture. And it was taken 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:20.600 at my good friend Tim Weatherspoon's fiftieth birthday party. Now 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:23.960 what people don't know, well some of you know. Tim 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:26.680 even said it better than I did. He was telling someone. 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:30.320 He said, man, I knew a tt when she was born, 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:34.960 so that means he has known of me for forty 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:40.519 four years. And I would say, gosh, I don't even 0:02:40.560 --> 0:02:42.640 know if I was in the double digits when we 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:49.160 finally actually met in person. His family moved about an 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:53.520 hour outside of Rockford, and they started coming to the 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:56.280 church my home church, Saint Paul Church of God in 0:02:56.360 --> 0:03:02.960 Christ and Tim is a drummer. Slash was a drummer. 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:06.519 He doesn't play anymore, but he was the drummer, one 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:09.480 of the drummers at the church. And his mom is 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:13.640 Slash was a choir director. She lives in Phoenix, and 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:15.840 so I'm not sure if she's still directing the choir 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:20.520 at her church in Phoenix or not. But yes, that 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:23.560 is how long I have known Tim Wetherspoon. So we're 0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:28.400 just gonna say on Instagram, I said thirty five years plus. 0:03:28.919 --> 0:03:32.280 Let's go on ahead and say thirty eight years plus, okay, 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:34.960 because I'm gonna give him some Wilgar rooms since he's 0:03:35.000 --> 0:03:40.040 a little older than me. So definitely we were so young. 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:46.680 And Tim and my brother, my cousin Dry, they're all 0:03:46.880 --> 0:03:52.200 like best of friends. He was a groomsman in Dary's wedding. 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:55.520 So we go way, way, way, way, way way back. 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:59.000 And Tim was one of the first that I told 0:03:59.120 --> 0:04:02.840 about the opportunity to sing background from Monica. He was 0:04:02.880 --> 0:04:06.000 also one of the first of my good friends that 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:10.000 I told about the opportunity to join Destiny's Child. And 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:14.320 he has always been a supporter, always been a great friend, 0:04:14.520 --> 0:04:19.400 a listening ear. And so Tim and my close friend 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:21.800 by Coo, whom I went to college with. Tim and 0:04:21.839 --> 0:04:25.200 by Coo, they would come on the road with us 0:04:25.200 --> 0:04:30.480 sometimes and we would all have so much fun. They 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:33.800 were the guys who would come on the road with us. 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:37.480 And it was when I tell y'all pure fun, and 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:40.680 I mean pure in every sense of the word. They 0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:42.960 weren't trying to talk to us, they weren't trying to 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:47.279 sleep with us. They that's what made them so safe. 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:51.080 And they were also the friend. Tim is also the 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:55.400 friend where like if he was watching the show and 0:04:55.600 --> 0:05:00.240 somebody flubbed a word or a step, he was the 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:03.120 type of person that would be like, hey, I heard 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:05.800 you mess up that lyric, Like he wasn't afraid to 0:05:05.920 --> 0:05:08.120 like call it out, you know what I mean. So 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:13.520 just an amazing friend, not the friendliest. He can be 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:18.760 a butthole slash asshole. Okay, okay, okay, I said it, 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:22.200 but these this is something I've said to him. But 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:28.000 he somehow has the most friends in the world. How 0:05:28.080 --> 0:05:32.160 are some of the most unfriendly people have the most friends. 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:36.920 I'm trying to y'all help me with that nature, Michelle 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:42.880 don't understand. So anyo? Any who? Fast forward into like 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:49.279 years later, he finally admits his crush on Kelly Roland 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:53.640 that Kelly Rowland is his living like he just was like, 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:56.160 she's like, she's so gorgeous, She's like a Barbie doll. 0:05:56.279 --> 0:06:01.320 She's amazing and so they begin to talk on their 0:06:01.360 --> 0:06:08.520 own terms, and and here we are, y'all, years later 0:06:09.080 --> 0:06:15.520 of their blossoming marriage. And I'm so glad that, uh 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.839 that that he's my friend. He's still my friend, you 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:21.440 know what I mean. And I'm so glad that, Kelly, 0:06:21.760 --> 0:06:25.400 because let me tell you something I could imagine. I'm 0:06:25.400 --> 0:06:29.239 not sure, I don't know, but I do have male 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:32.880 friends who are married, and you would have to respect, 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:36.880 you know, the dynamics of a married person's relationship. And 0:06:36.960 --> 0:06:40.840 so I am so so so glad that that I've 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:44.640 got a friend in Tim, and I've still, of course 0:06:44.880 --> 0:06:51.200 have my friend in Collindria Trenee Roland. So she asked 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:55.760 Beyonce and I would we sing Happy Birthday to Tim? 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:59.760 And we were like, yes, of course, of course, of course, 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:05.520 and we had a blast creating it. The birthday song 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:11.040 consisted of only harmonies that, oh my gosh, it took 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:13.360 us back. It took us back to the days of 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:17.560 learning songs and just harmonizing at anything that will come 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:21.800 on the radio. And I had this amazing idea. I 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:24.640 was like, y'all, I just let's let's let's do this 0:07:24.800 --> 0:07:28.720 birthday song like the group emotions, like the emotions like 0:07:28.840 --> 0:07:31.920 the soul and the and the nigh notes and the 0:07:32.120 --> 0:07:36.920 certain the soulful harmonies and yeah, So I don't know 0:07:36.960 --> 0:07:39.080 if video's ever gonna come out of that. I don't 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:41.960 know if audio's ever gonna come. I have the video. 0:07:43.400 --> 0:07:46.000 I have the video of a singing happy Birthday to 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:49.720 our good friend and Kelly's good baby daddy husband, Tim Weatherspoon. 0:07:50.000 --> 0:07:53.600 I got it, But of course, like any other video 0:07:53.880 --> 0:07:56.720 or picture that I have, it's not coming from me. 0:07:57.640 --> 0:08:01.800 So if it comes out, it's because Tim or Kellie 0:08:02.640 --> 0:08:05.760 posted it, But it ain't coming from me. I know 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:08.960 a friend of mine text me and say, YO, send 0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:14.400 me that, and like bruh, I can't. As close as 0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:16.800 we are and as much as I trust you, I'm 0:08:16.840 --> 0:08:22.040 not sending it to newbody, all right. So his birthday 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:27.280 party was just just so it makes you appreciate life, 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:32.280 and it makes you. It made me also consider my circle, 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:35.800 you know who's in my life. And he did not 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:39.160 want to party, but he realized that it was something 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:45.400 that he needed of knowing how much he's loved and adored, respected, 0:08:45.520 --> 0:08:50.840 And Tim really has great insight and perspective on music, 0:08:51.200 --> 0:08:56.160 the arts, life, just really good people and so his 0:08:56.320 --> 0:09:00.480 party reflected that, and I was so glad to be 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:07.640 there to witness the love that everybody has for Tim. Okay, 0:09:07.800 --> 0:09:13.840 So yeah, everybody was in all black. It was awesome. 0:09:14.120 --> 0:09:19.120 Everybody dressed to their best and you know, some people 0:09:19.160 --> 0:09:23.000 were a little more casual, but still fly. I was 0:09:23.120 --> 0:09:28.319 just like, Wow, everybody in here is fly. I love it. 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:32.360 So I just asked that you, those that are listening, 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:36.440 reflect on your circle and may this year be the 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:39.880 year that you stop letting people play in your face. 0:09:40.720 --> 0:09:43.800 May this year be the year that you tell people 0:09:44.040 --> 0:09:47.480 how they make you feel, whether they make you feel 0:09:47.520 --> 0:09:51.360 inspired or say, man, you hurt my feelings when you 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:53.920 said this, or when you talked to me like this. 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:59.600 You hurt my feelings when you dismissed a vulnerable moment 0:09:59.640 --> 0:10:02.600 that I sh shared. Y'all, let this be the year, 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:05.760 because I really think when we don't share how we 0:10:05.800 --> 0:10:09.600 really feel. I know, for me personally, it's taking a 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:12.760 toll on my mental health with I don't share what 0:10:12.920 --> 0:10:16.840 I really need to say. And we too grown, we 0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:19.000 too old to let people play in our face and 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:22.680 treat us or make people feel like they can talk 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:25.840 to you any kind of way or like, we're not 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:28.760 doing that, not this year, not in twenty twenty four. 0:10:28.920 --> 0:10:30.800 So I know a lot of people. A friend of 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:35.920 mine said, yo, I'll tell it. It was Jonathan mcmcreynolds. 0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:40.080 We were at a birthday party for someone else recently 0:10:40.120 --> 0:10:42.840 as well, and he said, y'all, you got so much 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:46.520 joy and peace, and I'm gonna have even more joy 0:10:46.559 --> 0:10:51.440 and peace in twenty twenty four. I'm telling you you, 0:10:51.920 --> 0:10:55.400 I will be forty five this year, and I am 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:59.720 making it my goal year after year to have those 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:04.720 roots of taking care of my mental health, which is joy, 0:11:05.400 --> 0:11:10.960 peace boundaries. Also a part I think that I'm learning 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:16.520 this year as well is really tackling the hard things sooner, 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:20.960 not procrastinating when it comes to heart decisions or difficult 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:24.600 conversations that need to be had. If you say you're grown, 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:28.240 a part of being grown is being able to have 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:33.679 difficult conversations. And I think the reason of why we 0:11:33.760 --> 0:11:38.880 aren't able to have difficult conversations is fear. We're fearful 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:42.800 of the other person's response, We're fearful of what's gonna 0:11:42.800 --> 0:11:47.000 happen too or in the relationship. If we have to 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:51.640 have a difficult conversation and nine times out of ten. 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:53.959 I didn't say ten out of ten, but because this 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:57.200 is always going to be that one, but nine times 0:11:57.240 --> 0:12:01.040 out of ten, the person on the receiving and will 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:05.040 be able to appreciate you coming to them with something 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:08.840 that you probably deemed difficult. And you can even probably 0:12:08.880 --> 0:12:12.720 start off the conversation by saying, hey, this is difficult 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:16.719 for me because I hate having to have hard conversations, 0:12:17.080 --> 0:12:18.920 but because I love you and because I believe you 0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:22.360 love me, or you can say like, because we've got 0:12:22.360 --> 0:12:25.720 to work together and we want to do our best 0:12:25.720 --> 0:12:29.559 and reach our goal. Ooh, this is a hard conversation. 0:12:29.920 --> 0:12:32.480 I'm just being vulnerable. I'm being open to you right 0:12:32.480 --> 0:12:35.160 now and tell you this is difficult, and then you 0:12:35.200 --> 0:12:38.000 can go in to what it is that you need 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:41.760 to say, can you practice that? Can you do it? 0:12:42.360 --> 0:12:46.000 I know you can. That's what checking in is going 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:50.120 to be all about in twenty twenty four, continuing and 0:12:50.200 --> 0:12:55.080 tackling the hard things. So I'm excited for this new 0:12:55.160 --> 0:12:58.520 year for you. If I haven't said it, happy new Year, 0:12:59.240 --> 0:13:06.559 Let's go. Oh. We had a prior discussion with doctor 0:13:06.640 --> 0:13:11.880 Rob Singleton, who is absolutely amazing and making sure that 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:15.200 we always say disclaimers. When I have doctors on that, 0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:20.480 you know, it's not intended to diagnose, it's not intended 0:13:20.559 --> 0:13:25.200 to treat, But it is their own personal opinion, just 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:27.440 like you know, if I'm gonna share things with you, 0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:32.240 it's my personal personal opinion as well. Also it's also 0:13:32.400 --> 0:13:36.320 my personal journey or testimony. Even when I'm talking about 0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:41.880 right now having difficult conversations, I'm walking through that literally 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:48.080 as we speak, having difficult conversations, knowing that I am empowered. 0:13:48.240 --> 0:13:51.240 I have everything on the inside of me to do 0:13:51.360 --> 0:13:55.280 what it takes to have a difficult conversation that's gonna 0:13:55.320 --> 0:14:02.040 have an amazing outcome. Understanding and clarity for the most part, 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:08.199 is really the outcomes that I desire, clarity and understanding, 0:14:09.280 --> 0:14:11.160 because sometimes I'd be a little slow. I'd be like, 0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:13.960 I didn't maybe that went over my head. Maybe I 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:15.640 need to check in with this person, But like, what 0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:19.160 did you mean when you oh, oh, okay, see okay, okay, okay, 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:23.360 got you. I'm glad I checked in. Okay, all right, 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:28.320 Thank y'all so much for going with me there. But y'all, 0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:35.760 I just saw the funniest article. It's an interesting article 0:14:36.600 --> 0:14:41.000 from the Guardian, a science editor by the name of 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:50.520 Ian sample he wrote and says that teenagers with more 0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:57.680 siblings have worse mental health. Study suggests study of children 0:14:57.720 --> 0:15:01.320 in US and China found larger impact when brothers and 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:07.120 sisters were closely spaced in age. So, y'all, there's four 0:15:07.160 --> 0:15:10.640 of us total, but the first three we're all two 0:15:10.800 --> 0:15:16.480 years apart, and I'm just wondering, what is there some 0:15:16.680 --> 0:15:21.920 truth to this? The researchers asked nine one hundred eighth 0:15:21.920 --> 0:15:25.640 graders in the US and nine four hundred in China 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:29.120 with an average age of fourteen, a range of questions 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:33.920 about their mental health, from canaan Abel and the Brothers 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:38.400 Kismasov to Cinderella. The warmth and support provided by siblings 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:42.920 has hardly been taken for granted. Now. Reachers have found 0:15:43.320 --> 0:15:46.840 that children who moan about their brothers and sisters may 0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:50.880 have good reason to complain. The more siblings teenagers have, 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:55.040 the more it hits their happiness, they claim. It says 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:58.000 that the study of the secondary school children in the 0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:00.720 US and China found that those from larger families had 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:04.680 slightly poorer mental health than those from smaller families. The 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:07.640 greatest impact was seen in families with multiple children born 0:16:07.720 --> 0:16:12.040 less than a year apart. Oh, I was gonna say, 0:16:12.080 --> 0:16:18.680 because me and my siblings, Yeah, we had normal quarrels, quarrels, 0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:29.680 quarrels growing up. Oh my gosh. Wow. So it's saying 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:33.640 that if they were closer in age, maybe this can 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:38.600 answer some of y'all's questions. So it says that in China, 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:42.640 the teenagers with no siblings fared best for mental health, 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:47.560 and then children who had no siblings or only one 0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:50.880 were found to have similar mental health. So what they're 0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:53.040 saying is, in China and the US, if you had 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:56.520 no siblings or only one, you had better mental health 0:16:57.000 --> 0:17:01.160 than those who had more siblings. Oh my gosh, and 0:17:01.200 --> 0:17:05.080 with greater impact. See for teenagers with older siblings and 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:10.080 when brothers and sisters were closely spaced in age. Wow, 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:18.000 I can see that I have a cousin she has well, 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:20.960 I'll take for my own family. So there's three siblings 0:17:21.520 --> 0:17:27.600 and then my baby sister, Danielle, born in nineteen ninety one. 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:31.600 And I feel like, you know, by the time I 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:35.560 went away to college and then just began working professionally 0:17:35.560 --> 0:17:38.919 in music, I believe I did miss out on a 0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:42.000 lot of her milestones and a lot of those great moments, 0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:47.320 So we would have to ask her and my cousin. 0:17:47.720 --> 0:17:52.120 They live here in Atlanta. She has three boys, two 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:56.080 are grown college ones graduated from college, and then she's 0:17:56.119 --> 0:17:59.720 got a little boy who's like seven years old. And 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:03.920 this does say that they've seen one's mental health being 0:18:03.960 --> 0:18:09.000 impacted when they have well it as teenagers with older siblings. 0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:11.040 And he's not a teenager yet, but I'm wondering what 0:18:11.080 --> 0:18:15.440 it's gonna be like for him because his brothers are 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:19.200 more older. It says children with more siblings got along 0:18:19.280 --> 0:18:23.000 better with others at a nursery and were less likely 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:26.440 to divorce in later life, perhaps because they already had 0:18:26.440 --> 0:18:34.719 some experience at navigating close relationships. Oh what do y'all think? 0:18:35.160 --> 0:18:37.840 All I know is that I just find this article 0:18:38.000 --> 0:18:41.240 very interesting as I try to continue to stay up 0:18:41.359 --> 0:18:45.920 on mental health research and what's being talked about. It's 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:49.360 just cool to learn about stuff that I probably normally 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:55.280 wouldn't care about or maybe would have overlooked all because 0:18:55.320 --> 0:19:00.120 of lack of research. So let me know the relationship 0:19:00.160 --> 0:19:03.080 with you and your siblings. Of course, with me and 0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:06.880 my siblings, we are older we're all living our own lives, 0:19:06.920 --> 0:19:10.119 and you know, there has been some difficulties along the 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:13.040 way because I'm always thinking I know the better route 0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:16.600 to life, okay, and I want to be everybody's life coach. 0:19:17.320 --> 0:19:25.400 Firstus just accepting that people have their own lives brothers, sisters, cousins, anties, uncles. 0:19:25.840 --> 0:19:28.119 Even if you might feel like, man, if they would 0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:31.000 just make this adjustment, their life would just be on 0:19:31.040 --> 0:19:35.320 a better trajectory. So I have to learn, you know, 0:19:35.720 --> 0:19:42.879 to let people live their lives the way they see 0:19:42.880 --> 0:19:47.400 fit to live their lives and not get offended, because 0:19:47.440 --> 0:19:49.760 then that's when pride comes in and ego comes in, 0:19:50.320 --> 0:19:52.879 you know, when you feel like you and that's I 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:55.520 think that could be also an issue of control as well, 0:19:55.560 --> 0:19:59.560 and so I never want to control anybody, especially another 0:19:59.600 --> 0:20:02.879 grown man or woman. So I just thought that that 0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:10.560 was kind of interesting. And next stuff that has been 0:20:10.600 --> 0:20:14.760 on my heart to talk about, and that is resolutions 0:20:15.480 --> 0:20:20.120 and mental health. And again I've just been kind of 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:25.280 browsing through articles and all that good stuff and how 0:20:25.359 --> 0:20:30.880 many people made New Year's resolutions and you've already jacked up, 0:20:31.359 --> 0:20:36.320 you didn't. It's what about sixteen days into the new 0:20:36.400 --> 0:20:41.719 year and you've kind of already drunk bla bamb and 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:46.080 just know that that is okay. And so, according to 0:20:46.760 --> 0:20:50.600 Centerstone dot org, was an article that says how New 0:20:50.680 --> 0:20:55.520 Year's resolutions impact mental health and it says that the 0:20:55.640 --> 0:20:57.880 issues with these types of goals is that they can 0:20:57.960 --> 0:21:01.800 lead to some degree of selfs albata before you realize it. 0:21:01.880 --> 0:21:03.959 The idea is that we shoot for the stars, but 0:21:04.000 --> 0:21:07.040 life doesn't always work that way. If you don't ease 0:21:07.119 --> 0:21:10.359 your way into your goals, you might find yourself failing more. 0:21:11.080 --> 0:21:13.639 When we fail, it might impact our mental health and 0:21:13.720 --> 0:21:17.040 negative ways and can perpetuate a cycle of slipping back 0:21:17.040 --> 0:21:21.400 into old habits. I know, for me, I don't set 0:21:21.480 --> 0:21:25.359 New Year's resolutions. As you know, I still got stuff 0:21:25.400 --> 0:21:27.840 that I'm still trying to reach in goals that I'm 0:21:27.840 --> 0:21:30.040 trying to do, and so I make sure that day 0:21:30.080 --> 0:21:34.040 by day I'm taking steps towards that goal. Now, nothing 0:21:34.080 --> 0:21:38.680 is wrong with a timeline, a reasonable timeline. If you know, hey, 0:21:38.800 --> 0:21:45.040 within three months, I can accomplish this, within six months, 0:21:45.400 --> 0:21:50.359 within six weeks, within one week, I would have worked 0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:53.520 out three times a day, three times a week, for 0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:58.040 thirty minutes a day. Those can be reasonable. And it's 0:21:58.040 --> 0:22:02.160 so good because it says, be reasons by expecting yourself 0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:05.560 to fail at times and know that results might be 0:22:05.600 --> 0:22:09.480 slow moving. Understand that life happens and things can get 0:22:09.520 --> 0:22:11.760 in the way of your goals. So try to ensure 0:22:11.920 --> 0:22:15.720 your goals are healthy and can be achieved without harming 0:22:16.280 --> 0:22:20.879 your physical or mental health. I already talked about the timeline, 0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:26.400 and see I didn't need this article. I see, Lord Jesus, 0:22:26.440 --> 0:22:31.119 sometimes I gotta trust me. This thing says create a timeline. 0:22:31.240 --> 0:22:33.960 It says try to avoid being rigid in your timeline 0:22:33.960 --> 0:22:36.840 and understand that your timeline should not be compared to 0:22:37.040 --> 0:22:42.479 anyone else's. Okay, that's another thing, just comparing your life 0:22:42.640 --> 0:22:46.199 period to anyone else. It will be more proactive and 0:22:46.280 --> 0:22:52.920 productive to make small, incremental goals instead of extreme expectations. Okay, y'all, 0:22:52.960 --> 0:22:55.919 So this ain't a resolution, but I knew that I 0:22:56.000 --> 0:23:02.480 needed to get my walking closet buck to looking normal 0:23:03.560 --> 0:23:06.840 because I've been traveling a lot in these like taking 0:23:06.840 --> 0:23:09.000 a two day trip here, three day trip here, and 0:23:09.400 --> 0:23:12.600 you know, coming back and just and what I and 0:23:13.000 --> 0:23:15.680 before you know, all the clothes that I've stacked even 0:23:15.720 --> 0:23:18.600 though they're folded. No, they need to be hung up 0:23:18.640 --> 0:23:22.359 and put back in their rightful place. That's kind of 0:23:22.400 --> 0:23:26.320 why you got this whole closet and organization system. And 0:23:26.400 --> 0:23:30.000 so I said, I am going to dedicate fifteen to 0:23:30.080 --> 0:23:33.200 thirty minutes a day, and that's what I did. Because 0:23:33.280 --> 0:23:38.240 it seems so overwhelming. My good girlfriend Shanie Jones, and 0:23:38.359 --> 0:23:42.480 she's gonna come in from LA and help, not help, 0:23:42.600 --> 0:23:48.280 but just we're gonna do some more purging. Although I 0:23:48.359 --> 0:23:51.880 kind of started myself, so that's just creating. I created 0:23:51.880 --> 0:23:55.760 a nice timeline or just reasonable saying, hey, I'm only gonna, 0:23:56.560 --> 0:23:59.920 you know, concentrate on this for thirty minutes a day, 0:24:00.200 --> 0:24:02.200 and before you know it, it might go from thirty 0:24:02.200 --> 0:24:05.120 minutes to an hour because you'll find yourself enjoying what 0:24:05.160 --> 0:24:07.120 you're doing, or you're like, you know what, I can 0:24:07.160 --> 0:24:11.000 get two sections done today versus just one. I would 0:24:11.040 --> 0:24:16.359 say go for it, especially those who are experiencing depression. 0:24:17.119 --> 0:24:22.640 And sometimes depression might make things pile up a little more. 0:24:22.680 --> 0:24:25.399 You don't have the strength, but it's like doing little 0:24:25.480 --> 0:24:29.000 things bit by bit. I love seeing some of these 0:24:29.119 --> 0:24:34.879 cleaning videos on Instagram and Facebook and TikTok, you know 0:24:34.920 --> 0:24:38.680 where people who are in real time who maybe they've 0:24:38.760 --> 0:24:41.320 let their bedroom just get all out of sorts, and 0:24:41.400 --> 0:24:45.480 so they're doing things bit by bit. I know, for me, 0:24:45.520 --> 0:24:52.240 as someone who has fought depression since twenty nineteen, every 0:24:52.280 --> 0:24:55.880 single day, except maybe there are a few times last 0:24:55.960 --> 0:25:00.560 year I did not make my bed, But for the 0:25:00.680 --> 0:25:04.000 most part, every single day I get up and I 0:25:04.200 --> 0:25:08.880 just make my bed and put my pillows on, because 0:25:09.760 --> 0:25:13.080 I don't care if I've got a folded sweatsuit on 0:25:13.200 --> 0:25:16.000 the bench in front of my bed, I don't care. 0:25:16.560 --> 0:25:20.040 The bed looks great, and so that always helps. So 0:25:20.200 --> 0:25:23.480 just start doing little things here and there and monitor 0:25:23.560 --> 0:25:27.199 the progress. It says understand that nothing changes overnight. So 0:25:27.280 --> 0:25:31.199 it might be helpful to find an accountability partner to 0:25:31.280 --> 0:25:33.880 help you monitor progress and keep a journal to acknowledge 0:25:33.920 --> 0:25:37.160 your feelings regarding your progress and document your feelings about 0:25:37.200 --> 0:25:40.600 your goals and what obstacles you face. Has anyone decided 0:25:40.800 --> 0:25:44.480 that they're going to start maybe journaling this year, I 0:25:44.520 --> 0:25:46.879 think that might be a good thing, and an accountability 0:25:46.920 --> 0:25:50.080 partner it might be someone who's going to FaceTime you 0:25:50.200 --> 0:25:53.520 at seven o'clock to be like, girl, open up your 0:25:53.560 --> 0:25:56.160 closet door, let me see, did you at least put 0:25:56.160 --> 0:25:58.640 the socks up? Did you match the socks? How many 0:25:58.680 --> 0:26:01.680 of y'all got just socks everywhere? They just at least 0:26:01.720 --> 0:26:04.080 match them up and put put them in a little 0:26:04.080 --> 0:26:08.119 bind and label them socks. Or maybe just you know, 0:26:08.400 --> 0:26:11.960 organize pop up. Some of us need to organize our 0:26:12.200 --> 0:26:16.840 underwear drawer or the place where you have where you 0:26:16.960 --> 0:26:20.280 keep your pajamas or your sleep shirts or your jeans. 0:26:21.000 --> 0:26:24.359 Just start there, like one drawer at a time, one 0:26:25.000 --> 0:26:28.800 pull out closet, whatever it is that you have. Just start. 0:26:29.240 --> 0:26:33.080 Or you might need to save a little coin and 0:26:33.160 --> 0:26:35.440 maybe go to some of your favorite stories and buy 0:26:35.480 --> 0:26:40.040 some closet organizers or some organizers for your drawers. 0:26:40.280 --> 0:26:40.920 You know what I mean. 0:26:41.200 --> 0:26:44.000 Okay, I'm just just don't judge me. I'm just trying 0:26:44.000 --> 0:26:45.359 to help you out. I'm just trying to help you 0:26:45.400 --> 0:26:51.159 have an organize, beautiful clutter free twenty twenty four. Then 0:26:51.200 --> 0:26:56.199 it's just allowed flexibility, Offer yourself flexibility and give yourself grace. 0:26:56.440 --> 0:26:59.520 If you don't do well this month, try again next month. 0:27:00.040 --> 0:27:02.280 Instead of trying to set goals that might not benefit 0:27:02.320 --> 0:27:05.919 your mental health, find activities that make you happy instead. 0:27:06.600 --> 0:27:08.359 The new year does not have to be a brand 0:27:08.440 --> 0:27:11.159 new you take the time to do something fun and 0:27:11.320 --> 0:27:16.760 adventurous and prioritize your health over punishing yourself. If you 0:27:16.960 --> 0:27:21.000 find yourself struggling and giving yourself grace and putting pressure 0:27:21.040 --> 0:27:23.280 on yourself, and maybe time to reach out to a 0:27:23.320 --> 0:27:26.480 mental health professional where they can provide more tools on 0:27:26.560 --> 0:27:29.679 ways to set goals and how to create healthy boundaries 0:27:29.720 --> 0:27:34.600 with yourself because some of us, we are perfectionists, a 0:27:34.600 --> 0:27:37.360 lot of us going to performance mode because maybe as 0:27:37.359 --> 0:27:41.520 a child, maybe you weren't rewarded until you did something, 0:27:42.119 --> 0:27:46.000 you know, and so be graceful with yourself because listen, 0:27:46.320 --> 0:27:50.000 there are gonna be times you're not gonna be feeling well. Whatever. 0:27:50.080 --> 0:27:54.280 This bronchial upper respiratory situation that's going on, y'all, it 0:27:54.400 --> 0:27:59.199 had me. Oh I had to get in and hailer, 0:27:59.760 --> 0:28:03.200 you know, and I feel much better. But oh my gosh, 0:28:03.320 --> 0:28:06.159