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Speaker 1: It's been an extremely long, tough year for a lot

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Speaker 1: of people. Yo, I just really want to say that

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Speaker 1: I'm thankful for being here.

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Speaker 2: That's true, it's been a long year. Indeed, I'm thankful

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Speaker 2: for a lot of things. God has really showed up

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Speaker 2: and showed out this year. But what I'm most grateful

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Speaker 2: for it is listening. Let us was my favorite episode of

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Speaker 2: the season. So I want to hear what y'all have

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Speaker 2: going on, because you've been hearing what we got going on. Okay,

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Speaker 2: dead Ass.

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Speaker 1: It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight

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Speaker 1: from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become

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Speaker 1: Weiby Award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

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Speaker 2: Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It

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Speaker 2: was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.

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Speaker 3: Be wrang or, but most apportantly be us.

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Speaker 2: But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do

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Speaker 2: we and through it all, one thing has never changed.

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Speaker 3: This is ever.

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Speaker 2: After because we got a lot to talk about. All right, team,

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Speaker 2: are getting to these people, Buz.

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Speaker 3: Well, first we got to do our karaoke. You got

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Speaker 3: us in karao.

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Speaker 4: That nosy.

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Speaker 3: Going on. She forgot the whole run of the show

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Speaker 3: I did.

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Speaker 1: But this is very special to me because my twins

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Speaker 1: birthday is tomorrow. No, Kaz Hendrix Ellis, you should have

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Speaker 1: been the vow Hendrix Ellis. But your mother was a

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Speaker 1: hater because she said our family was gonna be calling

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Speaker 1: your junior junior.

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Speaker 2: If that's the case, Jackson would have been a junior

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Speaker 2: from early. Did you guys know that Kaz was actually

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Speaker 2: Kaz de val Ellis for like the first day of

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Speaker 2: his life and then it changed. He should have been Yeah,

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Speaker 2: he should have been cast. We should have stuck with

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Speaker 2: our late.

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Speaker 3: It ain't too late. We're gonna change it back.

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Speaker 2: Now, devot. I think it changed to Hendricks because he

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Speaker 2: was born Jimmy Hendrick's birthday, and Hendricks would have been

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Speaker 2: his name if he was a girl.

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Speaker 3: Yes, kind of.

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Speaker 5: His name is kaz O Kokie.

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Speaker 3: Cas Yo. We love you and this karaoke is for you.

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Speaker 6: Happy birthday, to your happy birthday, to your happy birthday,

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Speaker 6: Happy birthday, to happy birthday too, Happy Birthday.

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Speaker 3: One time.

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Speaker 7: Birthday, Happy.

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Speaker 1: About the Cloud, Happy Birthday, Tony, I'm a friend.

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Speaker 2: One more year Day, one vibe, give tak for life.

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Speaker 2: Next year we're doing it again, my Sagittarius twin, my casie.

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Speaker 2: I love that kid man. Yeah, you being exactly.

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Speaker 7: You are? Boro.

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Speaker 2: Yes, all right, let's say a quick break. We're gonna

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Speaker 2: get back into listener letters. Come on now, it's like

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Speaker 2: the never ending storytime for me. We'll be back. All right,

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Speaker 2: We're back. I was just flipper throday stories.

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Speaker 8: It's only a couple, but they are multiple pages. They

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Speaker 8: are multiple y'all. Really, well, let's just get in there. Okay,

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Speaker 8: so number one.

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Speaker 2: Continue, Okay, I see here, this is what we're doing.

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Speaker 2: All right, Hello, Hello, my favorite podcast team. Blessings upon

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Speaker 2: all of you. I promise y'all conversations get me through

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Speaker 2: my everyday life because of how down to earth y'all are,

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Speaker 2: like we all are cousins. Thank you so much for listening.

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Speaker 2: I'm writing to you today because I need advice on

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Speaker 2: if I should write off all my siblings.

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Speaker 3: Baby.

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Speaker 2: I got advice from y'all before on my now ex

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Speaker 2: wife own is that the thing?

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Speaker 5: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Sorry about that? Or maybe congrats?

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Speaker 7: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: To see how this goes. I got advice from y'all

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Speaker 2: before on my now ex wife on if I should

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Speaker 2: give her a time frame before I cut her off

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Speaker 2: my phone bill and insurance, which worked out great. Actually okay,

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Speaker 2: oh well it ends well.

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Speaker 1: She was already already already divorced. Oh she asked us

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Speaker 1: if she should cut her off or she's being petty?

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Speaker 3: Okay, God, so not the reason for the divorce.

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Speaker 1: Thank God, because I feel unless the divorce helped you,

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Speaker 1: and you feel better now than you're welcome.

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Speaker 2: Right, It depends teeter on either side. This one hits

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Speaker 2: closer to home for you all because of how much

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Speaker 2: you guys do for your parents. I live here in

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Speaker 2: Atlanta like you, and I have a dad who's seventy

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Speaker 2: five with glaucoma and diabetes, and a seventy three year

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Speaker 2: old mom who has high blood pressure in Parkinson's. Yes,

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Speaker 2: I know that's a lot. So to keep this short.

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Speaker 2: On December twenty seven, twenty twenty three, which is my

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Speaker 2: mom's birthday. Oh, my mom's birthday too, well, one of

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Speaker 2: my two older sisters evicted our parents from one of

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Speaker 2: her homes that she owns here because they missed one, wow,

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Speaker 2: one rent payment in two years because my mom got

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Speaker 2: sick and had to have surgery. What no, bro, now

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Speaker 2: to evict your mom on her birthday is soulless work, agreed.

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Speaker 2: My older sister nor my older brother saw anything wrong

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Speaker 2: with it, which I thought was mind blowing. So all

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Speaker 2: of us were living in a hotel together for about

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Speaker 2: three months. Yes, me too, because my marriage ended, so

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Speaker 2: I had nowhere to go, so I went back home

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Speaker 2: to get myself together. I got them into senior living

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Speaker 2: because the hospital social worker helped them out when they

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Speaker 2: got sick while they were in While we were in

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Speaker 2: the hotels, I lived in my car for two months

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Speaker 2: to make sure they had housing until I found housing.

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Speaker 2: Fast forward to now they're back in the hotel because

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Speaker 2: the senior housing lost fund and ended, lost funding and ended.

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Speaker 2: I found it a part that's timidus for me and

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Speaker 2: cost thirteen fifty a month. But I need a co signer.

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Speaker 2: Did you know? Did you know how? I asked my

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Speaker 2: brother for Oh, she said, did you know? I asked

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Speaker 2: my brother and he said no, because his rent was

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Speaker 2: too good to mess his credit. Sorry, his credit is

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Speaker 2: too good to mess up with fooling with them, messing

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Speaker 2: up fooling with them, that's your parents, my guy, Like,

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Speaker 2: how dare you rather let them stay in a hotel?

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Speaker 2: So you good? My two questions? Are Am I wrong

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Speaker 2: for ending all relationships with all three of my siblings?

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Speaker 2: I'm missing?

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Speaker 9: That was it?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I continue to bless us constantly with your wisdom. Oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: we appreciate you.

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Speaker 2: I thought she said two questions.

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Speaker 7: She did say two questions. That's crazy to me.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so it's one question, Yeah, gotcha? Am I wrong

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Speaker 2: for ending the relationship with all three of my siblings?

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Speaker 7: See?

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Speaker 2: Initially I was like no, But I also know that

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Speaker 2: there's several sides of stories, and I'm wondering what got

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Speaker 2: your siblings to this point as to why they feel

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Speaker 2: like they want to not assist your parents anymore. So

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Speaker 2: it's hard to answer because I'm answering just based off

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Speaker 2: of this. Of course, I'm going to be like, girl,

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Speaker 2: this is ridiculous, knowing how much, of course I love

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Speaker 2: my parents and would do anything to help. But I

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Speaker 2: don't know if there's a history here fact that has

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Speaker 2: forced your brothers and sister or sisters and brother I think,

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Speaker 2: to now feel the way they feel. Right, they may

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Speaker 2: be hands off for a reason because and I say

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Speaker 2: that because in experience dealing with families, sometimes you reach

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Speaker 2: your max with certain things and it causes you to

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Speaker 2: have to be hands off because you want people to

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Speaker 2: try to do for themselves, or you kind of don't

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Speaker 2: want to be the crutch or the band aid anymore.

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Speaker 2: So I don't know how to accurately answer this. Anybody

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Speaker 2: else have any feel the same.

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Speaker 5: Way or you had what I was thinking about? Maybe

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Speaker 5: does other information other siblings have about the parents that

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Speaker 5: she may not be pertinent to, So I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I agree, to be perfectly honest, I think if your

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Speaker 1: parents are paying rent for two years and they miss

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Speaker 1: one rent payment, for you to e victim of one

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Speaker 1: rent payment in two years of pain.

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Speaker 3: It's crazy. It is crazy, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: But also we don't know if that's the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: because that also seems extremely extreme. Right, So when someone

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Speaker 1: says that they was paying rent for two years in

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Speaker 1: the miss one payment, they got evicted, if I'm being honest,

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Speaker 1: mine that that don't sound like the whole story.

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Speaker 3: So I can't even give advice on that.

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Speaker 1: Your brother not wanting to co sign because his credit

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Speaker 1: is good, I can't be upset in him.

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Speaker 5: That sounds like.

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Speaker 1: Also, yeah, it seemed like there was things happening, and

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Speaker 1: then she put in quotes, he said, my credit is

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Speaker 1: too good to be fucking with you but fucking with them,

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Speaker 1: which means that there's history. Right, So it's gonna sound crazy.

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Speaker 1: But until we get more context what's going on the family,

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Speaker 1: it's hard to even give advice about who's wrong here,

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Speaker 1: Like what do you think?

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Speaker 3: Because I don't even.

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Speaker 1: Want to tell her she's wrong. She may't be right

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Speaker 1: even if she gave all the context. She's like divided,

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Speaker 1: that's all the context.

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Speaker 5: Then I got the answer, Yeah, she need a family

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Speaker 5: caucused to talk about it.

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Speaker 4: They need right.

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Speaker 2: But we also know how it can get sometimes, like

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Speaker 2: when you're dealing with family and getting them to not

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Speaker 2: just siblings but just family in general, with people who

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Speaker 2: have opposing you know, viewpoints or just can't see, you know,

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Speaker 2: the detriment that they may be in the family, that

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Speaker 2: it's hard to you know, reason with people that don't

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Speaker 2: want to be reasoned with.

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Speaker 1: I will say this though, I've learned this is that

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Speaker 1: everybody's ambitions in life are not the same, and your

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Speaker 1: goals and what you want out of life may not

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Speaker 1: be in alignment with your sister or your brother, well,

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Speaker 1: your siblings in general. It's not up to you to

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Speaker 1: shame them for their goals and ambitions. But it's also

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Speaker 1: not your job to take care of them if you're

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Speaker 1: doing things on your own pace. So that's why I

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Speaker 1: fall with it, like I no longer shame people who

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Speaker 1: don't want to live like me, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: But I'm mostly not going to always make myself readily

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Speaker 1: available for people when they need me.

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Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: It goes both ways if I you know, if you

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Speaker 1: don't want to take my advice and help, but you're

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Speaker 1: only coming for help, I can't always be there, so

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Speaker 1: sometimes the answer is just going to be Now that's

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Speaker 1: what I got.

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Speaker 2: Okay, sounds good to me, all right.

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Speaker 3: Listen to letter number two.

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Speaker 1: Hello family, my name is Jamika from Olive Branch and

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Speaker 1: miss some Mississippi. Yes, I was writing in to give

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Speaker 1: out a few to give you a few flowers and

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Speaker 1: share some love.

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Speaker 3: We appreciate you.

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Speaker 1: I love each and every one of y'all. My husband

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Speaker 1: and I have been together since eleventh grade, together twenty

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Speaker 1: nine years, married twenty eight years, and a twenty seven

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Speaker 1: year old daughter. Y'all got right to it.

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Speaker 3: I love that for y'all.

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Speaker 1: We can relate to a lot of the similar things

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Speaker 1: to you all. I've been following y'all for some time now. Kadeen,

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Speaker 1: you are so full of joy and such a good spirit.

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Speaker 1: I'm super proud of you and all that you've accomplished.

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Speaker 1: That's right, baby, Deval, you are so humbling and kind hearted.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate you. I feel like you all are like

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Speaker 1: my cousins and are just out of town. But I'm

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Speaker 1: waiting on the day that I meet up with y'all.

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Speaker 3: Lol.

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Speaker 1: My husband and I were at the live show in Atlanta,

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Speaker 1: which was awesome, but we're unable to get the VIP tickets.

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Speaker 1: But hopefully one day we will get a chance to

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Speaker 1: meet you guys Trouble. You are super funny, silly, and

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Speaker 1: always have some good research information for us. That's damn

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Speaker 1: right true. Matt and Josh, y'all are both great at

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Speaker 1: what you do. Matt, maybe one day I can get

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Speaker 1: a chance to book you for a fabulous photo shoot. Josh,

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Speaker 1: I might need some headshots one day as well. The

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Speaker 1: whole team is just awesome. The Valan Kadeen, your advice

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Speaker 1: and knowledge has helped me out a lot. Keep reaching

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Speaker 1: for the sky and beyond love y'all. So this person

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Speaker 1: just wanted to give love to all of us, which

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Speaker 1: I appreciate you.

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Speaker 7: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: It is a team, man, it ain't just me and

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Speaker 1: Kadeen Man. This team really makes us rock Man, Matt

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Speaker 1: Josh Trouble.

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Speaker 3: We love y'all. I'm glad that the fans finally get

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Speaker 3: a chance to hear y'all. Bro. This actually makes once

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Speaker 3: my heart like we like everybody cousins. I love it, y'all.

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Speaker 2: It does have you, guys, noticed an influx of people

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Speaker 2: like in public maybe like even like recognizing you or

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Speaker 2: your voice or any things since you've been more active

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Speaker 2: on the podcast.

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Speaker 5: I was at a work conference last week and somebody

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Speaker 5: walked by me and they stopped and they hit like reverse.

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Speaker 5: It was like, what's your name? But I know, like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: I know you've in the podcast. I just appreciate them

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Speaker 5: taking the moment to stop and say something though.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, it was good. Yeah.

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Speaker 8: Somebody came up to me at this party, uh it

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Speaker 8: was actually a queer party back in July, and they

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Speaker 8: were like, did you produce a podcast?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 7: It was cute.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 8: She was gorgeous. Okay, No, no, No.

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Speaker 7: I don't think I was.

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Speaker 3: You wasn't in that frame of mine. No, I wasn't

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Speaker 3: in that. I do want to say, though, like you.

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Speaker 2: Still haven't found trouble life yet, but you know yet.

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Speaker 1: It's been almost a full year of podcasts in this way,

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Speaker 1: and I do want to say I appreciate y'all, Like

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Speaker 1: it's not easy. I hope y'all realize now, like when

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Speaker 1: you go on the podcasts and you give your personal experience,

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Speaker 1: now people feel like they know you. So you may

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Speaker 1: be in the world and someone may come, hey, I

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Speaker 1: remember you know what I'm saying. That's not easy to

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Speaker 1: open up yourself like that to people in the world.

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Speaker 1: So we appreciate y'all because I honestly didn't even give

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Speaker 1: y'all no choice.

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Speaker 3: I hope you'll know that I just had a vision

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Speaker 3: of where you said that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm really happy to I don't remember the choice.

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Speaker 4: It was like, this is your seat, that was your choice,

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Speaker 4: sit here or here?

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Speaker 3: I said.

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Speaker 1: But I think I think the podcast, well I know

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Speaker 1: now that the podcast needed I knew then, but I

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Speaker 1: got confirmation that it needed an evolution.

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Speaker 3: We had we were in the call for it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the relaunch call for but we were in the

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Speaker 1: relationship space for about five years and we had grown

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Speaker 1: out of just talking about relationship issues between kids and

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Speaker 1: politics and so finance. Yeah, yeah, it just felt good

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Speaker 1: to have different perspectives. So I appreciate y'all for accepting

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Speaker 1: the Forced Hiring podcast. I love y'all because it's also

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Speaker 1: not it's not easy to put your personal thoughts and

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Speaker 1: business out there into the world. So from everybody else,

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Speaker 1: but also from me and K, we love y'all.

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Speaker 3: Yo, we appreciate y'all.

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Speaker 5: Thank you guys for giving us the platform for more

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Speaker 5: people to know us and what we do.

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Speaker 8: Absolutely, and the response has been pretty good for the

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Speaker 8: most part. Like people will hit me up and be like,

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Speaker 8: you know, I love to hear your perspective on this podcast.

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Speaker 8: I love how vulnerable you were on this episode and

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Speaker 8: not be embarrassed. I want to block them immediately.

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Speaker 7: But but I work through it. I do.

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Speaker 2: Thank you as she smiles too. I love that, so

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Speaker 2: thank you. I love how you always sneak in up

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Speaker 2: give them their flowers little story whenever we have listener letters,

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Speaker 2: So thank you for that, trible and thank you for

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Speaker 2: writing in All right, let's roll on into number three.

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Speaker 2: I want to start off by saying how much I

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Speaker 2: appreciate and love you guys so much. I just started

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Speaker 2: listening to the podcast in twenty twenty five, but I'm

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Speaker 2: catching up fast, dope, very good. I wonder what season

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Speaker 2: you're on, because we're here at seven fifteen. Yeah, all right, seventeen.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, you guys have already changed my perspective

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Speaker 2: and husband's perspective on so many things. Please keep doing y'all,

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Speaker 2: thing we need y'all. I have no real problem, I

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Speaker 2: guess I'm just I'm twenty six. I have two kids

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Speaker 2: under two with my husband, who I'm so deeply in

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Speaker 2: love with. He is also twenty six and we've been

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Speaker 2: married for four years. On stuff, anyway, I know I'm

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Speaker 2: young as hell, and I try to remind myself of

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Speaker 2: that every day, that I have so much to accomplish

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Speaker 2: and got hell of time. However, it's like I have

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Speaker 2: a hard time believing that. To be honest, I feel

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Speaker 2: so lost some times that I get down in the

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Speaker 2: dumb so deeply. I'm a highly ambitious person who wants

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Speaker 2: to pretty much do all the things, but I have

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Speaker 2: two little ones depending on me. And I want to

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Speaker 2: make the right moves, but all the moves I want

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Speaker 2: to make just don't seem practical. Question mark. I desperately

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Speaker 2: want to be an author, and I have published. I

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Speaker 2: have a published work book on gratitude called Growth, Growth,

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Speaker 2: Goals and Gratitude, but it didn't make as much noise

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Speaker 2: as I would have liked to. Anyway, I'm still desperately

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Speaker 2: wanting to be a writer, but I know writing doesn't

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Speaker 2: bring much money unless you're like Nora Roberts or something.

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Speaker 2: I want to be able to take care of my family,

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Speaker 2: and being a struggling artist is not the route for me.

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Speaker 2: I come currently getting a certification online to become an

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Speaker 2: electronic medical assistance sorry medical specialist right. My heart isn't

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Speaker 2: in the medical field, but I need income to support

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Speaker 2: my family. However, lately, I've been thinking of becoming a

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Speaker 2: licensed therapist because I feel like I would be a

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Speaker 2: good therapist. While doing that, I want to work on

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Speaker 2: my books, not giving up on my dream, also while

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Speaker 2: also working to start a podcast. You have a lot

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Speaker 2: of a lot of things you want to do my

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Speaker 2: other dream. I know you guys got together very young.

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Speaker 2: How did you guys keep your eye on the prize

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Speaker 2: and not sacrifice your dream for stability. A part of

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Speaker 2: me feels like I lack courage since I have kids.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I want to do everything as safe

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Speaker 2: as possible. How do you stay focused on chasing your

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Speaker 2: dreams regardless of how I'm sure it is, especially when

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Speaker 2: you have kids. I desperately want my babies to have

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Speaker 2: a stable household with a stable sorry stable household with

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Speaker 2: stable income. I don't want a struggle life for them

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Speaker 2: like I had. Please help us us out, Love you both.

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Speaker 8: I just want to say something because she referenced an

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Speaker 8: author named Nora Roberts, and Nora Roberts has written two

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Speaker 8: hundred and twenty five novels and she did not become

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Speaker 8: a best selling author until she wrote her nineteenth novel,

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Speaker 8: look at That. And so people come to me all

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Speaker 8: the time when they want to start their podcast. I

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Speaker 8: do a podcast coaching for new podcasters or people who

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Speaker 8: have had a podcast, but are you know, want to

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Speaker 8: like start seeing some results. And people will come to

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Speaker 8: me with like three or four episodes published and be like, well,

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Speaker 8: how am I supposed to monetize?

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Speaker 7: Well, keep making your podcasts.

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Speaker 8: You might see podcasts out here that are successful, and

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Speaker 8: you think that it just happened overnight because you just

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Speaker 8: discovered them, and then you go look in their catalog

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Speaker 8: and they're on episode two twenty five. It takes work,

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Speaker 8: It takes consistency, It takes a level of commitments, because nothing,

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Speaker 8: nothing becomes great overnight. Nothing becomes great overnight. No one

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Speaker 8: is an overnight success, and overnight success usually takes what

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Speaker 8: ten years.

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Speaker 7: Yep, and it could happen faster.

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Speaker 8: I feel like social media makes people think that you

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Speaker 8: can just put post something on the internet, go viral,

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Speaker 8: and now you're selling a million of your products or whatever.

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Speaker 8: But it really, really, really takes so much more than that.

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Speaker 8: The second thing I would say is there's a book

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Speaker 8: called The Defining Decade.

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Speaker 7: I always recommend this book.

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Speaker 8: It's called The Defining Decade Why thirty is Not the

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Speaker 8: New twenty by doctor Meg j And she talks about

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Speaker 8: something called identity capital, where you may want to do

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Speaker 8: you know, a whole bunch of different things, but there

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Speaker 8: are certain skills that each one of those things takes.

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Speaker 8: And if you focus in on honing in specific skills

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Speaker 8: that you can then use to like transfer into other careers,

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Speaker 8: that's what's going to help you the most? So the

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Speaker 8: Defining Decade by Doctor Meg j If you need more.

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Speaker 1: Guidance, I agree with Trouble Denzel said it. Without commitment,

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Speaker 1: you won't start. Without consistency, you won't finish. It's that simple.

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Speaker 1: You twenty six, Ma, like you are an infant in

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Speaker 1: this life thing. Like you know at twenty six, we were.

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Speaker 2: Just like you had to do all the things in

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Speaker 2: order to juggle right. We said, we didn't want to

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Speaker 2: be struggling artists either. You were working at the gym,

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Speaker 2: you know, built out that business. I was working as

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Speaker 2: a makeup artist at the time because we knew we

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Speaker 2: had to provide Jackson.

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Speaker 1: We had Jackson Jackson. I was doing commercials. I was

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Speaker 1: a substitute teacher. I was a gym teacher. I was

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Speaker 1: a color commentary at MSG Varsity.

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Speaker 3: You were a sideline reporter. Yeah, you were doing makeup

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Speaker 3: at the time.

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Speaker 1: The whole point is is that you have to be

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Speaker 1: a fully functioning adult, which means the thing I applauded

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Speaker 1: the most that you went online and got an electrician certification.

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Speaker 1: Over the next ten years, the jobs that are going

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Speaker 1: to make the most money and make the most millionaires

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Speaker 1: are going to be electricians.

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Speaker 2: Oh, it's an electronic medical specialist.

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Speaker 3: No, yeah, no, no, I know what she said.

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Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is that she found found something

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Speaker 1: that can help bring revenue in.

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Speaker 3: And what I'm saying is is that the arts may

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Speaker 3: be what you love. You may want to.

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Speaker 1: Write books and stuff like that, but right now you

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Speaker 1: have to do what you have to do for your family.

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Speaker 1: I always wanted to act, and in two thousand and

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Speaker 1: nine I had no acting gigs, so I became a trainer,

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Speaker 1: got my degrees in certifications and exercise physiology and kinesiology.

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Speaker 1: But even then I started making ten dollars an hour,

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Speaker 1: and then I had to build for four years till

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Speaker 1: I started making legitimate money to cover my family. I'm

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Speaker 1: saying that to say is that the journey is just starting.

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Speaker 1: You're not gonna be able to fix all of that tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Like you're gonna listen to this, and hopefully when you

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Speaker 1: listen to this, I don't want you to take this

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Speaker 1: and say, oh, it's a long, hard journey. Nah, you

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Speaker 1: got your husband, you got your kids. Enjoy it while

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Speaker 1: you're on the journey. Because while we were building everything,

440
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,119
Speaker 1: me and Kadi was still having a good time, chilling

441
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,200
Speaker 1: with our friends, enjoying life with our family.

442
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:54,200
Speaker 3: So understand the balance that goes with the journey, right.

443
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 2: I mean it did require a sacrificial period though, Like

444
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,280
Speaker 2: we had five years where we were like, we're not

445
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,400
Speaker 2: going to be doing you know, the ex taking the trips,

446
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:05,960
Speaker 2: buying the material things. We were just like, let's hunker down,

447
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:10,160
Speaker 2: keep our eye on the prize and work. And now

448
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:12,680
Speaker 2: what we're dealing with is, now that we've seen a

449
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 2: lot of those dreams come to fruition, it's having to

450
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,440
Speaker 2: slow down a bit here in our forties to say,

451
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:20,120
Speaker 2: let's enjoy the fruits of our labor, let's take the downtime,

452
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,360
Speaker 2: let's enjoy being at home. So it'll shift for you.

453
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 2: But I love that you have a list of things

454
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:26,680
Speaker 2: that you want to do. I believe you'll be able

455
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:27,320
Speaker 2: to do them all.

456
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 1: I will add this to sometimes it's cyclical because me

457
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,439
Speaker 1: and Kadeen also had to go into a sacrificial period

458
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,120
Speaker 1: this year again as we branch into a new business

459
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,360
Speaker 1: and capital is still flowing, but it's like I need

460
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:41,439
Speaker 1: some of that capital to invest in another business. So

461
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:45,080
Speaker 1: Kadeen and I were like yo. You know, vacations for

462
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 1: the last four months. You know, we haven't bought anything

463
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 1: for each other. Like these sacrificial periods happen in life.

464
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,639
Speaker 1: That don't mean that you're stuck. That doesn't mean that

465
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,640
Speaker 1: you're stagnant. That just means that you.

466
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,880
Speaker 3: Have to pivot a little bit. For me or struggling

467
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 3: or struggle the struggle life doesn't mean that you're struggling.

468
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 3: It's just a growth period. And growth only comes when

469
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 3: you're uncomfortable.

470
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 1: So just get used to being uncomfortable so that you

471
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,040
Speaker 1: can grow and continue growing to be the person you

472
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:11,399
Speaker 1: want to be.

473
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,399
Speaker 2: It's stuff. Good luck to you, says the right truck.

474
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 7: Yeah.

475
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:20,320
Speaker 2: Absolutely, just to figure out what.

476
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 3: I want to be. Proud of yourself, you know what

477
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 3: I'm saying.

478
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:27,440
Speaker 2: You accomplishing things absolutely, absolutely. All right, let's take a break.

479
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:28,840
Speaker 2: I know this next one I looked at here is

480
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 2: a long one, so.

481
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 3: It's too easy.

482
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:38,520
Speaker 2: I'll be giving you the shot.

483
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 7: All right.

484
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,720
Speaker 2: So let's take a break and we're going to pay

485
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:42,159
Speaker 2: some bills and come back with the rest of our

486
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 2: listening letters.

487
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:58,119
Speaker 10: Stick around, all right, let's get money.

488
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:01,639
Speaker 3: We are back. This is the long one that was

489
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,600
Speaker 3: talking to Number four number four.

490
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 1: Hey a Detroit girly, what up though? Looking for some help?

491
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:09,880
Speaker 1: I love y'all so much. We love you to sign

492
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,840
Speaker 1: one Valenkadeen clock in and come to Detroit to show

493
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:13,400
Speaker 1: us some love.

494
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 3: We do have to get. I know Chicago was great

495
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:18,920
Speaker 3: to us. I love Chicago, A good show.

496
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:24,200
Speaker 2: Excuse me, Detroit. I remember that snow snows. We literally

497
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 2: got to Detroit on the day. As we were driving

498
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 2: in the snow was coming down. And having lived in

499
00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:32,120
Speaker 2: the Detroit area we lived in Canton for a little bit,

500
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,159
Speaker 2: we were like, oh, no, people are not going to

501
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,480
Speaker 2: come out, and then we remember quickly like this is

502
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,920
Speaker 2: what everyone's accustomed to in Michigan. Like y'all know snow,

503
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 2: y'all moving snow and it was a packed how it

504
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:45,400
Speaker 2: was packed lake effects.

505
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 3: No, okay, let's get money here.

506
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,639
Speaker 1: Y'all have been in inspiration to us singles in our twenties,

507
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 1: trying to figure things out as y'all got started so

508
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,760
Speaker 1: young and unexpectedly and have made a beautiful life. In

509
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 1: my case, I have known this guy literally since birth.

510
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 1: We are both twenty three. My moms have been best

511
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 1: friends forever. My mom and her bestie that way my

512
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 1: mom and her bestie had us both two days apart.

513
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,160
Speaker 1: While that's crazy, we've grown up together, and of course

514
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,399
Speaker 1: everyone's fairy tale was us ending up together. Of course

515
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,159
Speaker 1: it was my mom's birthday and his mom's birthday is

516
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 1: a day apart two? And what are the yards? Two

517
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 1: people they don't even like each other. All of this

518
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 1: came together and they like we like each other. I

519
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,200
Speaker 1: do it is watch my mom's birthday and his mom's

520
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 1: a day apart two and what are the yards? Two

521
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,439
Speaker 1: people with the day apart in birthdays have babies that

522
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:29,320
Speaker 1: are born within four d eight hours of each other

523
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 1: at the same hospital, in the same here.

524
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,639
Speaker 3: Jesus is a movie. This is a movie.

525
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 1: Tyler Prairie wrote, he can be a sweetheart and has

526
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 1: goals and business plans that can be sustainable with the

527
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,880
Speaker 1: right amount of work and discipline. He has great qualities,

528
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,439
Speaker 1: but there are some things that can be hard to

529
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 1: look past. I know he is inexperienced with having relationships,

530
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 1: as most of his relationships were women using him for

531
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: money or just to have someone to hang on to

532
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,359
Speaker 1: while pursuing other things. Because he is a man of

533
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,159
Speaker 1: God that will support you, pray for you and motivate you,

534
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:02,400
Speaker 1: essentially being used. My thing is he has a horrible

535
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,720
Speaker 1: temper at times. I know he's been through a lot

536
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 1: with his upbringing, but who the hell fault is that?

537
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:08,000
Speaker 3: I know?

538
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,280
Speaker 1: I shouldn't be receiving an anger and backlash for things

539
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 1: he hasn't dealt with or healed from. That is facts,

540
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,439
Speaker 1: and he's admitted to taking the anger out on me before.

541
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,240
Speaker 1: But Negro, we both from the city. Don't raise your

542
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 1: voice in me because I'm gonna come back on ten

543
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:25,399
Speaker 1: as well. And we're now we're getting nowhere and just yelling. Also,

544
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 1: he's had an issue with me liking women and has

545
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 1: signs of homophobia all around.

546
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:31,680
Speaker 3: Remember that could.

547
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 1: Be something from you toog What are you doing? Remember

548
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 1: we've known each other forever, so why is this an issue?

549
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:40,120
Speaker 3: Now? You've known this, So why's your interest if that's

550
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:41,200
Speaker 3: something you disagree with.

551
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:52,360
Speaker 1: Also, he's not the sharpest tourist. It seems like they

552
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 1: wanted her to like him, so they were paying forced him.

553
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,600
Speaker 1: And that's what it seems like this time, where I

554
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 1: feel as if I'm talking to a child. And I

555
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,119
Speaker 1: hate to say that, but it's how watch you I

556
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 1: feel I have to explain everything, even things that seem

557
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 1: to be common sense. I try to be patient, knowing

558
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:08,360
Speaker 1: his background, but it can be difficult to hold conversations.

559
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,680
Speaker 1: I know I keep going, but I know I keep going.

560
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 1: But yeah, we're also not sexually compatible, like at all? Yeah,

561
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,679
Speaker 1: because you like women. I've talked to him about it,

562
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:21,919
Speaker 1: but again, I know he's inexperience in some areas and

563
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 1: the size he's working with doesn't help.

564
00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:25,240
Speaker 3: She don't like.

565
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 2: Him, don't like him.

566
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 1: Lastly, and it is a lastly, Remember what I said.

567
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 1: Our parents are besties, and every time we get into it,

568
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 1: he tells his mom and other related relatives every detail

569
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:48,159
Speaker 1: and text constantly, and it is sometimes texts that are

570
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 1: completely inappropriate of just my personal business and has some

571
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 1: of his family looking at me crazy, super embarrassed. I've

572
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:56,480
Speaker 1: told him how that this is such an invasion of

573
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,240
Speaker 1: privacy and honestly extremely childish. He said he was going

574
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,200
Speaker 1: to stop, but honest but hasn't. My question is how

575
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 1: do I deal with the person? You don't deal with

576
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 1: a person feel is not mature enough for a relationship

577
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,679
Speaker 1: yet saying he's all in but it's making no changes.

578
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 1: How do I communicate things these things that are bothering

579
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,160
Speaker 1: me without causing a screaming match and make him feel

580
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,160
Speaker 1: less than a man. Lastly, how to make sure things

581
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 1: stay okay between both parents? That to me seems like

582
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 1: the whole focus.

583
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,439
Speaker 3: Deal with this because of the moms.

584
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 2: Yes, or go find you, go find your king, because

585
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 2: he ain't it.

586
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 1: She said, I would hate for things to get toxic

587
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 1: between parents due to all the gossip our my business

588
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 1: he keeps spreading and this is not their battle and

589
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 1: never should have reached their ears in the first place.

590
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 2: Agreed, thank you.

591
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 3: And appreciate y'all. There's a lot of can we just

592
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 3: save her though, like.

593
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 4: Just go go somewhere, man, That's.

594
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 3: The first thing I agree gat Josh.

595
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 9: I think they're just not compatible. He's dealing with things

596
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 9: that he needs therapy on, like he needs to deal

597
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 9: with his anger separately. He might have a Napoleon complex

598
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 9: because whatever she means.

599
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 3: That I mean.

600
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 9: But when you think about all the things that she

601
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:18,120
Speaker 9: all the pillars of incompallity that she mentioned, I think

602
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 9: it's easy to make that choice to say to step away.

603
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,880
Speaker 9: The difficult part is that my mom and your mom

604
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,200
Speaker 9: are best friends and we're sort of interweaved in our relationship.

605
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 9: They've probably been hearing their whole life. By yo, you're

606
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:30,920
Speaker 9: gonna marry this girl, like your whole life.

607
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 3: But that's more.

608
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:35,159
Speaker 9: That's more her god brother than her her husband. You

609
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 9: know what I'm saying, Like that's more like her cousin

610
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 9: than somebody who she's gonna get married.

611
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you what it is. She's gay. No,

612
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 1: she didn't listen.

613
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,960
Speaker 3: She's gay. She likes women. She said that she's.

614
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 1: Conditioned to want to like him because both families have

615
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 1: been saying this could be, y'all could be.

616
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 3: So she's conditioned and trying to set us.

617
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,280
Speaker 1: But she don't like all the things that she's pointed

618
00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 1: out she doesn't like. If she was never condition to

619
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 1: feel like she had to like him, she Joe probably

620
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 1: would have just been No, she would have.

621
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 3: She probably would have been with a woman. That's what

622
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 3: I think.

623
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 1: I think that she's not getting a chance to live

624
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:11,080
Speaker 1: in her truth because she doesn't want the people around

625
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 1: her to not feel bad. That's what Because even she

626
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 1: talked about the homophobia, you see all the things she

627
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 1: wrote in here is kind of letting us know how.

628
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 3: She really feels. She doesn't get the chance to live.

629
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,239
Speaker 1: For truth, it has nothing to do with him and

630
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:27,200
Speaker 1: his abilities to not be what she needs from him.

631
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 3: He's not what she wants period. She also don't get

632
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 3: a chance to live who she wants to be.

633
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 7: Nice too.

634
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 8: What Josh said like about her making the choice to leave,

635
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 8: I feel like that's the key word is choice. Like

636
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:40,840
Speaker 8: she's only twenty three. As young women, we are not

637
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 8: conditioned to choose who we want to be with. We're

638
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:47,239
Speaker 8: conditioned to be chosen and every all of us are

639
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 8: conditioned to think that love is some magical thing that

640
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 8: just happens to you, not that something you know that

641
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,040
Speaker 8: you get to make with somebody else. So one, I

642
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 8: feel like she feels like, oh, because we have all

643
00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 8: of this magic between us, we were born two days apart,

644
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 8: our moms, a best friends, there must be some type

645
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 8: of like magic, yeah, magical love connection between us, so

646
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 8: that I have to give it a chance. But then

647
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 8: also that's taking away her choice, that's taking away the

648
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 8: fact that she gets to choose who she wants to

649
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 8: be with. So I feel like she gotta choose. She

650
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,479
Speaker 8: has to be in the mindset of choosing. Is this

651
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 8: the kind of person that you want to be with

652
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 8: and the clear answer is hell, yeah, the no, you

653
00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 8: get to make the choice. The choice has not been

654
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 8: made for you.

655
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 2: I think that tough conversation needs to be had between

656
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:35,080
Speaker 2: the moms you know, and them, since he's already dragging

657
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 2: the mothers into it. At this point. It's just like, hey,

658
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 2: I know what you guys may have thought this was

659
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 2: going to pan out to be, because you guys are

660
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 2: essentially conditioning us our entire lives to be husband and wife.

661
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 2: But it's just not there. The connection isn't there, And

662
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 2: I think the parents would have to understand, like, if

663
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:51,960
Speaker 2: neither of one of the it doesn't seem like he's

664
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 2: happy either, neither one of them want to be happy,

665
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 2: then what's the point.

666
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 1: They're twenty three, right, Yeah, that's really yeah. I don't

667
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,280
Speaker 1: know why it has to be like, it's not like

668
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 1: they forty three, But even if he was forty three

669
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 1: in that moment.

670
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 2: Absolutely, this is the arranged marriage that we don't want work.

671
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 8: It don't mean that he can never improve or get

672
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 8: better or become the kind of person that she may

673
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 8: be compatible with. It just means that he's not there

674
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:21,080
Speaker 8: right now and she don't have to be there while

675
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 8: he grows out.

676
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, but he grows into it.

677
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 7: Yeah, she put the joint of like this.

678
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 3: There was an emoji for that.

679
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, people have been using it as like the

680
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 2: clockt emoji. But we knew what she meant when she

681
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 2: did this.

682
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, here's my thing too though. Right she said

683
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 3: that he has anger issues.

684
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 1: I'm really interested in understanding, Like, well, I want to

685
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 1: know what their dynamic is because they didn't mention any fathers.

686
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 1: So the mom's the best friend said, She said, he knows,

687
00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 1: she knows how he grew up.

688
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 2: Right, and he didn't deal with certain stuff.

689
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 3: And he calls and text homophobia.

690
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 2: Is he gay? Is you somethime? They say, men who

691
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 2: are like undercover or download or whatever, they.

692
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 3: Could be a man.

693
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:11,240
Speaker 7: And security.

694
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 1: If there's no if there's no man in the house,

695
00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:15,959
Speaker 1: it's like the insecurity that he has to be more manly.

696
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 1: And then now this is the girl that I'm supposed

697
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 1: to be with and she likes girls.

698
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 8: And I'm not enough, and he don't know how to

699
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 8: be a man. That's probably why he's blowing.

700
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 2: Out, blowing up.

701
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 3: That's why I'm saying, there's a lot to unpack.

702
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 9: You run into your moms to tell her every little

703
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 9: thing that happens in your relationship that's a problem.

704
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 1: See, that's and to me, that's why I said, there's

705
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 1: a whole lot to unpack them if there's no fathers

706
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:37,640
Speaker 1: around for him to learn how to be a man

707
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 1: or how to deal with his own issues. Because that's

708
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 1: my biggest thing with Jackson and them. It's like, listen,

709
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 1: if you have some issues, the first thing you have

710
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,440
Speaker 1: to do first is figure out how you can deal

711
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 1: with it on your own. Don't run to me and

712
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 1: your mom. I get that you fourteen, but try to

713
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 1: figure it out first. And if you can't figure it out,

714
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 1: then come to us and we'll try to assist you.

715
00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 1: But for him to constantly run to not only the mom,

716
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 1: but the whole family to tell them what's going on

717
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 1: with them too crazy that you can tell he has

718
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:06,960
Speaker 1: some issues going on and he's angry all the time.

719
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 2: And she said, lastly, how do I make sure things

720
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 2: stay okay between both parents?

721
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 3: You see what her focus? Your focus is everybody else

722
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 3: right now?

723
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:16,400
Speaker 1: Sir?

724
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 7: Yeah, what do you want?

725
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 8: That's the main question, and it clearly is not this

726
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 8: nigga she sucks. Oh, my god, you see him every time,

727
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 8: that's all you think about, Like, oh, nigga, you're so dumb, yo,

728
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 8: dick little you. Oh my god, you're always yelling. You

729
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 8: got an attitude, broble like a bitch.

730
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 2: You know, got common sense, Like there's a lot of

731
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:37,400
Speaker 2: things here.

732
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:39,880
Speaker 4: That that's crazy. It's crazy. She got to explain every

733
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:41,200
Speaker 4: single thing to him that.

734
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 3: Is crazy, like mama's boiling.

735
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 7: Yeah, and that's what it's your cousin. Yeah, yeah, right,

736
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 7: But imagine.

737
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 2: Are they in a relationship, in a full relationship? Are

738
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:55,160
Speaker 2: they just kind of like she.

739
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,479
Speaker 8: Didn't really say, but it sounds I'm looking for That's

740
00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 8: what I'm looking I'm like, it don't seem like or.

741
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 2: Is it just something like they know each other so

742
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 2: they moved kind of like there's.

743
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:04,960
Speaker 3: No title between them.

744
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 7: It don't seem to be.

745
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:09,400
Speaker 8: She didn't explicitly say that, say that they yeah, but

746
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 8: it seems like they've been dealing with each other for

747
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:11,760
Speaker 8: a little minute.

748
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:14,320
Speaker 5: It said that she she said that she likes women.

749
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, problem he's upset about her past.

750
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 1: She said, I'm about to because I'm trying to see

751
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,719
Speaker 1: if I'm missing something because it just it also doesn't

752
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:27,560
Speaker 1: seem like there was an established.

753
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:28,480
Speaker 3: Like, hey, we're boyfriend and girlfriend.

754
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 1: It seems like they were just all the families was like,

755
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:34,240
Speaker 1: y'all would be good together, and they grew up together.

756
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:37,560
Speaker 1: So everybody just automatically assumed that they were going to

757
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 1: go from holding hands at two and being friends to

758
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 1: just being together.

759
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 3: But no real conversations was had between them two. You

760
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, It's.

761
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:46,440
Speaker 5: No wrong with trying to see if it works, but

762
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 5: it don't work.

763
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 1: So she said he has some great qualities and then

764
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:53,520
Speaker 1: just completely destroyed him.

765
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:59,600
Speaker 7: She didn't, not a single one.

766
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 2: But she said can be a sweetheart. He has goals

767
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 2: and business plans that can be sustainable with the right

768
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 2: working discipline. So I mean, I guess because they're still

769
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:10,960
Speaker 2: in their twenties, they're still building.

770
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:12,680
Speaker 1: I think this is also something because we don't know

771
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 1: if his father is there or not there. But I

772
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 1: do think that it's very important for men to understand

773
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,719
Speaker 1: between the ages of fifteen and like twenty five.

774
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 3: It is very important for us as we developed into men.

775
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:28,359
Speaker 1: Right when you don't have a purpose and you don't

776
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,720
Speaker 1: have guidance, you get lost and it's fearful. I remember

777
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,360
Speaker 1: asking Jackson, remember when we had the five minute conversation,

778
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:36,279
Speaker 1: And this doesn't have much to do with her, but

779
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,319
Speaker 1: it just made me think about it, and I said, Jacks, man,

780
00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 1: what's going on with life? He said, You're scary and

781
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 1: I kind of paused for a minute. I was like, well,

782
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:47,280
Speaker 1: what's scary about it? He was just like, man, everybody

783
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:48,840
Speaker 1: tells you is a man. You gotta do this, you

784
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 1: gotta do this, you gotta do this.

785
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 3: I don't know what that means.

786
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,719
Speaker 1: And I'm saying to myself, Dad, Jacks, you have a

787
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 1: father here who is trying to guide you and help

788
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,759
Speaker 1: you when it's still scary. Imagine being a young boy

789
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:01,719
Speaker 1: who don't have a far to kind of guide.

790
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 3: Him to help them.

791
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,680
Speaker 1: Imagine how scary that is and how that causes anger,

792
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:08,359
Speaker 1: because now you have to like, you know, you're trying

793
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 1: to protect the fear, but you can't show fear because

794
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:12,879
Speaker 1: one thing they will tell you is man up.

795
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,479
Speaker 3: What does that even mean? You know what I'm saying.

796
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 1: And it sounds like this young brother is surrounded with women,

797
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,960
Speaker 1: he said, both moms then her. It's like man up,

798
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 1: man up being a man if there's no one there

799
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,240
Speaker 1: to tell him he's going to have these temperate issues.

800
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 8: And that's so interesting because I feel like young boys

801
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 8: and young girls they start thinking about what it's like

802
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:33,879
Speaker 8: to be a man when they're going through puberty. Yeah,

803
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:35,960
Speaker 8: and that's when all your hormones are spiking, and that's

804
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:38,279
Speaker 8: when your mood swings are happening. And then you get

805
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:41,600
Speaker 8: stuck one way or another, depending on what language you've

806
00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:44,120
Speaker 8: learned works. If you're living in a house with a woman,

807
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 8: you might be able to yell at her and get

808
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,400
Speaker 8: an attitude and get away with something. It might be

809
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 8: bigger than her, now you know, So now that's how

810
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 8: you're communicating with everybody.

811
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:56,759
Speaker 1: That was my prototype kids like Verbatim Trouble once they

812
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 1: got through puberty and they was taller than their moms

813
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:00,000
Speaker 1: and they got a little mother.

814
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 3: So I've seen how they changed.

815
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 1: And then that's when I said, I watched the moms

816
00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:07,000
Speaker 1: get more defensive and aggressive because they're like, you're not

817
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 1: going to be in my house acting, And then the

818
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,879
Speaker 1: boys get more defensive and aggressive. Now that young man

819
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:13,560
Speaker 1: grows up and now all he knows how to do

820
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 1: is be defensive and aggressive. And now you're being defensive

821
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:19,880
Speaker 1: and aggressive to someone else's daughter, and that's what she said,

822
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: like negro, like, don't bring that towards me. But it

823
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 1: sounds literally what you said. It sounds like what he's

824
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:26,839
Speaker 1: going through. I hope he's able to find some help

825
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,359
Speaker 1: because maybe if he did find that help, he would

826
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,759
Speaker 1: be a better partner. But in those other ways he

827
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:33,879
Speaker 1: still can't. Not sure you know what I'm saying.

828
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe she needs to convince him to have the

829
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 2: conversation with a therapist or something he hasn't dealt with

830
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 2: or healed from and admitted to taking his anger out

831
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:46,439
Speaker 2: so he knows he has a problem. Maybe he needs

832
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 2: to deal with that first. And girl, you might be

833
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 2: able to help him to find his wife. You know

834
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:52,839
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. You're helping him through this process as

835
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,399
Speaker 2: a friend because your mom's are friends. You guys are

836
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:59,400
Speaker 2: like family. Essentially, it gives when mother's the best friends.

837
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:01,880
Speaker 2: You may to help him through this face.

838
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:03,560
Speaker 3: That's what what you just said.

839
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:06,799
Speaker 1: I think is an answer if she helps him get

840
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,800
Speaker 1: through the phase right, but also helps him find his wife.

841
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 3: The toxicity between the.

842
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 1: Moms because now you now you and your sister. Ultimately

843
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 1: she was she would be like the best man at

844
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,919
Speaker 1: his wedding. You know what I'm saying, You've seen things

845
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:21,959
Speaker 1: like that was like this my homegirl, she's my best friend.

846
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,040
Speaker 1: She might like I could see the moms still being

847
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 1: able to be best friends and stuff if they have

848
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:29,880
Speaker 1: that partnership, Like the partnership doesn't have to.

849
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 2: Be and to be romantic romantic, you know what I'm saying.

850
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 3: Yea, hopefully help you know, hopefully that.

851
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,480
Speaker 2: Helps you can move on and find your husband or.

852
00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:42,439
Speaker 7: Wife and don't always have to be toxic either.

853
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 8: To try to break up amicably, give each other some

854
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:50,080
Speaker 8: space and time to get over the love. And you

855
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,279
Speaker 8: don't got to go telling his mom, well, he ain't sure,

856
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:53,160
Speaker 8: he's an idiot.

857
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:55,279
Speaker 7: You know, his mom don't need to hear.

858
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 2: It's not the sharpest tool in the toolbox.

859
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 7: But just even your mom don't need to hear everything either.

860
00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:03,879
Speaker 1: And I'll be honest, if we break up, it's gonna

861
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:05,279
Speaker 1: be toxic as a motherfucker.

862
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 3: I'm calling me me and I'm telling me everything you

863
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 3: see me me me. If we break up, I'm telling

864
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 3: you everything you do.

865
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 2: Who's going anywhere?

866
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 3: Like the whole time, I'm like pop, you know me?

867
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:22,919
Speaker 7: Pop?

868
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:26,879
Speaker 2: It was patting her home on the whole time.

869
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:29,120
Speaker 3: Y'all think y'all could be amorable with your wives if

870
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:29,719
Speaker 3: y'all broke up?

871
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:31,279
Speaker 4: Can I?

872
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 3: Yeah?

873
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:32,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, I can?

874
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 3: You can be amicable with yes?

875
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:36,280
Speaker 2: Are you said? Why did you trust?

876
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:36,600
Speaker 4: The eye?

877
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:40,880
Speaker 2: Said the eye? And the pair? It was not.

878
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:42,959
Speaker 4: I don't even want to get to that point.

879
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 8: Yeah.

880
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 5: I don't want to entertain the thought because I know

881
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 5: I'm a petty person when I get rid of Yeah,

882
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:48,960
Speaker 5: and it's gonna get real bad.

883
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:51,960
Speaker 3: Triple Are you an amicable person when you break up?

884
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 3: Before I rip.

885
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 2: You were like, I ain't even gonna lie to So

886
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 2: you're not in communication with any of your exes.

887
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 3: At this point?

888
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:07,919
Speaker 4: No?

889
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,960
Speaker 7: I think, well maybe a little bit, but I wouldn't

890
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 7: say we're friends. I did.

891
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:13,959
Speaker 8: Just one of my exes asked me if I wanted

892
00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 8: to be friends, and I said no recently.

893
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 3: I love Triple.

894
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 8: Reason, Yeah I did. If we're supposed to be friends,

895
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,719
Speaker 8: we would be friends. I'm I'm so much better with

896
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:28,839
Speaker 8: breakups now, Like you don't want to be breaking up,

897
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 8: I'm gonna leave you alone.

898
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:31,839
Speaker 7: I'm not about to argue with you. I'm not about

899
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 7: to do nothing but that just around the breakup.

900
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,719
Speaker 8: If we're still communicating, I would advise you to cut

901
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 8: me off because it's gonna get ugly.

902
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:42,720
Speaker 7: It's gonna be real ugly.

903
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:44,399
Speaker 3: That's fair. That's fair.

904
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:49,320
Speaker 7: Absolutely.

905
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:53,320
Speaker 8: I can try my hardest to be nice and and friendly,

906
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 8: but I'm going to be a bitch.

907
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 7: It's gonna happen.

908
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 5: If we get to that point. I'm not gonna be

909
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 5: nice because I tried everything, so.

910
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 1: Yeah to me, we break up, you see the biggest

911
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 1: bitch come out on God, I'll be.

912
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:11,439
Speaker 2: Like, finally, I always knew there was a bitch in there.

913
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,279
Speaker 1: You made me this way, I gave you everything, that

914
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 1: gave you the best year is about life.

915
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 3: But hopefully that helps. Seriously, hopefully don't be petty with

916
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 3: your man, bro. He got other things you gotta worry about.

917
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,439
Speaker 2: All right, Like that wraps us up for today's listen

918
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 2: to other episode. I hope that was helpful. I always

919
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,440
Speaker 2: envision when people listen to the listener letter episodes if

920
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,239
Speaker 2: y'all like chime in on the conversation and like, yeah,

921
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 2: I wonder what advice other people would give once they

922
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:48,279
Speaker 2: hear the story. That would be pretty interesting. That would

923
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 2: be pretty interesting. And getting follow ups. I like the

924
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 2: follow up, like we had one person say that gave

925
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 2: them good advice before, So if you have any follow

926
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,319
Speaker 2: up stories, we'll take those two like did it work out?

927
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 2: Did not work out? Did you take our advice? Did

928
00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 2: it not work like? I'd be interested to know, like

929
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:05,440
Speaker 2: how how things pan out for you guys after you

930
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:07,759
Speaker 2: write in for listen letters. So continue to write in,

931
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,720
Speaker 2: continue to ask questions, continue to give us the whole story,

932
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:14,239
Speaker 2: and we'll continue to listen and give you, guys our

933
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:16,320
Speaker 2: two cents. If you want to be featured as a

934
00:42:16,360 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 2: listener letter on Elis ever after, be sure to email

935
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 2: us at the Ellis Advice at gmail dot com.

936
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:25,239
Speaker 1: That's t H E E L L I S A

937
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:28,640
Speaker 1: d V I C E at gmail dot com.

938
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:31,279
Speaker 2: All Right, moment of truth time. I guess it could

939
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,839
Speaker 2: be something in general you want to say. It can

940
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:35,320
Speaker 2: be about something we spoke about in one of the

941
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 2: listener letters. Anybody have a moment of truth they want

942
00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 2: to share?

943
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:41,480
Speaker 1: Mineus is simple, like these are all conversations. That's exactly

944
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 1: what you know. Like, the the older I get, the

945
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:48,359
Speaker 1: more we do this podcast, there is no listener letter,

946
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 1: there's no situation, there's no moment in time.

947
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:52,800
Speaker 3: Or life where you can't find a resolution.

948
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:55,480
Speaker 1: If you openly be honest with the people that you

949
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,799
Speaker 1: love and don't be defensive about the things they're going

950
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:00,879
Speaker 1: to tell you, that can help you because they love

951
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:01,479
Speaker 1: you as well.

952
00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:04,640
Speaker 3: Conversations can heal everything. As long as you have an

953
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:05,760
Speaker 3: open mind and an open.

954
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 2: Heart, that's good. I'm gonna piggyback on that to say,

955
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 2: in addition to having an open mind and heart, it's

956
00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:15,719
Speaker 2: also equally important to have accountability, which is a lot

957
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:17,799
Speaker 2: of things people have problems with. That's something I had

958
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 2: to work through because I was always in pursuit of

959
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 2: being this perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect daughter, perfect friend.

960
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:26,359
Speaker 2: And as soon as I kind of let that go

961
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:30,720
Speaker 2: and was willing to accept when people saw either something

962
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:32,719
Speaker 2: in me or had an interaction with me, or something

963
00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:34,920
Speaker 2: I may have said or done that didn't land the

964
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:36,879
Speaker 2: way I may have intended it. You know, we were talking

965
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:41,640
Speaker 2: about impact versus intent. I was able to then look

966
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 2: at myself with a different lens and say, wow, I

967
00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:47,200
Speaker 2: didn't know this is how I may have come across

968
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:51,239
Speaker 2: or I could have handled that better. And taking accountability

969
00:43:51,239 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 2: is really important because I think it's one of the

970
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:57,880
Speaker 2: first steps to acknowledging how somebody else feels and saying

971
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,080
Speaker 2: I didn't intend for you to feel this way, but

972
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 2: I acknowledge how you feel. I understand how you feel,

973
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:05,160
Speaker 2: and here's how I'm going to try to move forward.

974
00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 2: So that's something that's helped me in conversations and interactions

975
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 2: more recently with people.

976
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 8: That's what's up mine would be get comfortable choosing, especially

977
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:15,799
Speaker 8: in love and relationships.

978
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 7: You get to choose who you have in your life

979
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 7: and how you have them in your life.

980
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:23,480
Speaker 8: Don't always feel like you know there's some magical a

981
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 8: situation that's just going to arise, or that you have

982
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:29,719
Speaker 8: to give something a chance. You don't you get to.

983
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:33,520
Speaker 2: Choose that's dope, or don't wait to be chosen, right exactly.

984
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:34,280
Speaker 7: Don't wait to be chosen.

985
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:36,799
Speaker 1: Then that spoke to me a little bit, especial when

986
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 1: we're talking about family stuff, because sometimes it's not about

987
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 1: choosing who's your family, but choosing how you show up

988
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:43,799
Speaker 1: for your family. You do have a choice, yes, and

989
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:45,919
Speaker 1: that goes back to the first listening letter, right, It's

990
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 1: like you get to choose how you show up for

991
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:50,240
Speaker 1: your family, and you get to choose to protect your peace.

992
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,919
Speaker 3: So that choosing is a good point. I didn't even think.

993
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:55,160
Speaker 1: About that in terms of that, but when you said that,

994
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:56,280
Speaker 1: it made me think about the family.

995
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:03,080
Speaker 5: Everyone sounds to a profound it same moral. Have these conversations.

996
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:07,359
Speaker 5: Mm hmmm, he's gonna say the same thing you see

997
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 5: here looking on his face, he got nothing.

998
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:11,200
Speaker 2: I like your hat about to say, Josh over there

999
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:12,600
Speaker 2: looking swagged out today?

1000
00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:15,880
Speaker 3: Yo, I got it?

1001
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:18,319
Speaker 4: What's up?

1002
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:21,839
Speaker 1: You see the effort you put into the outfit. I

1003
00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 1: need to see that every episode.

1004
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 3: Now you got but I don't. Don't it look don't

1005
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:30,440
Speaker 3: right now looks a little bit.

1006
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:31,520
Speaker 2: It looks curated.

1007
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 3: It looks curated like I don't even.

1008
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 7: Think this is a serious thing right now?

1009
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:38,280
Speaker 4: Are you serious?

1010
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 3: Yes?

1011
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:41,240
Speaker 9: I got pictures of social media. We're wearing the same glasses.

1012
00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:43,480
Speaker 9: I like the glasses to Chris got the same parid

1013
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:44,920
Speaker 9: but you know the glasses they had you look like

1014
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:48,160
Speaker 9: a B boy from the eighties. You do is a

1015
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 9: look as a vibe though, as long as be doing

1016
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:50,560
Speaker 9: stand up.

1017
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:56,400
Speaker 3: Paddle back.

1018
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 9: In his forty talking about pause, Oh my god, I

1019
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:06,240
Speaker 9: don't have a moment of truth.

1020
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 8: Man.

1021
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:12,360
Speaker 9: It's the holiday season, okay, and you got airings on

1022
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:18,160
Speaker 9: sales that party, y'all know his inventory right now to

1023
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:20,880
Speaker 9: bring you some amazing stuff, so you definitely get the

1024
00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 9: stuff that's gonna sell right now.

1025
00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 2: That's dope. Yeah, you know, I'm there a one lion

1026
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:29,760
Speaker 2: all air NB all day, all right, and we love y'all.

1027
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you for for always continuing to rock

1028
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:35,359
Speaker 2: with us through growth, through the changes. Here we are

1029
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 2: seventeen seasons in and so many of you have been

1030
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:40,640
Speaker 2: on this journey with us, and we always laugh about

1031
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:43,799
Speaker 2: how we may have sounded, you know, season one and two,

1032
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:48,440
Speaker 2: but if anything, we hope that it's a testament for

1033
00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 2: you guys to see that it's it's possible through diligent

1034
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 2: conversations and being intentional and loving each other and having

1035
00:46:56,239 --> 00:46:59,680
Speaker 2: fun through the process. That the years will fly by

1036
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:02,400
Speaker 2: and when you look back there'll be great memories made

1037
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:07,480
Speaker 2: and that much more love. So we love y'all, Thank you,

1038
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:10,479
Speaker 2: and be sure to find us on Patreon. Patreon. Gang,

1039
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 2: we give you an extra special thank you because you

1040
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 2: guys are really the core of our support and we

1041
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 2: don't take that lightly or for granted, So thank y'all

1042
00:47:19,680 --> 00:47:22,440
Speaker 2: so much. On Patreon, you see the after show as

1043
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 2: well as more exclusive Ellis family content and you can

1044
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:28,799
Speaker 2: find us on social media at el sever After. We're

1045
00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:32,680
Speaker 2: on Instagram and TikTok and then I'm at Kadine I am.

1046
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 1: I am Devan on all platforms, I'm underscore Mack dot

1047
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:39,799
Speaker 1: Ellis and i am Airing Underscore MB.

1048
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:44,359
Speaker 7: I'm the Cool t R I B b Z then

1049
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:45,560
Speaker 7: cool on everything.

1050
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:50,240
Speaker 1: And if you listen to post, sure to rate, review,

1051
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:56,520
Speaker 1: subscribe and you see josh give them a huge orange glasses.

1052
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:58,919
Speaker 2: At dead ass y'all.

1053
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:03,759
Speaker 1: We love you yo, and happy Turkey Day. Make sure

1054
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,280
Speaker 1: you give thanks and love on your family.

1055
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:07,640
Speaker 7: Gobble Thanksgiving, you.

1056
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:09,799
Speaker 3: Said, Gobble, Gobble. That's what I'm gonna be.

1057
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:11,760
Speaker 2: Thankful, and I'm gonna be wobbling wabbling.

1058
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:14,360
Speaker 3: You're wobble and gobble god.

1059
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 8: Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted by

1060
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 8: Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video, Production

1061
00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 8: by Joshua Dwyane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by Leshan

1062
00:48:29,719 --> 00:49:55,719
Speaker 8: Roe

1063
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 6: Tuk Tuks