WEBVTT - Quarantine-age Dream 0:00:00.520 --> 0:00:04.160 Hell I Suck at Dating with Dean Unglert and Dared 0:00:04.240 --> 0:00:11.039 Haven and I heard radio podcast. Hey everybody, welcome to 0:00:11.080 --> 0:00:13.160 an all new episode of Help I Suck At Dating. 0:00:13.280 --> 0:00:16.959 My name is Jared, quarantined here at the in law's house, 0:00:17.000 --> 0:00:19.279 currently in my mother in law's closet. If you would 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:21.800 ask me two months ago I would ever be recording 0:00:21.840 --> 0:00:24.119 an episode of help by secondating from my mother in 0:00:24.200 --> 0:00:27.920 law's closet. That doesn't sound that crazy. Actually joining me 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:30.600 from the other side of the country, Dean Angler, Dean, 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:33.680 how you doing, Buddy good Man? Just seeing some pop 0:00:33.720 --> 0:00:37.040 tarts in Kalin's bed? What flavor pop talts? Cinnamon brown 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:40.159 sugar obviously the best? So you're more of a cinnamon 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:43.479 brown sugar guy than a strawberry guy. Yeah, I think 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:46.720 cinnamon brown sugar is buying far the best pop tart flavor. 0:00:46.760 --> 0:00:50.240 Strawberry is good, but nothing can come, nothing can compare, 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:52.320 you know, Oh God, I don't know. It's those Those 0:00:52.360 --> 0:00:54.200 two are the top two from me, and then there's 0:00:54.240 --> 0:00:57.360 a distant, distant third, which is probably like blueberry or 0:00:57.400 --> 0:01:00.200 something very bland like that. But the strawberry man have 0:01:00.280 --> 0:01:02.200 you here? So do you toast your pop tart? Or 0:01:02.200 --> 0:01:04.120 do you just eat it straight out of the bag. 0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:07.560 I prefer them toasted, but these ones are non toasted, 0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:10.759 They're just raw. Um. Depending on how much time I'm 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:13.720 willing to commit to putting together their meal, I'll toast it. 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:16.200 But you know, I wanted to rush just to get 0:01:16.240 --> 0:01:18.880 to you guys for the podcast. So you're am eating 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:21.440 a raw pop tart? So how many pop tarts? I'm 0:01:21.480 --> 0:01:23.959 I'm very interested in this conversation. How many pop tarts 0:01:23.959 --> 0:01:26.240 do you eat in one sitting? For example, when you 0:01:26.240 --> 0:01:28.840 open the bag, as we all know, there's two pop 0:01:28.840 --> 0:01:30.480 tarts in the bag, So do you eat both or 0:01:30.520 --> 0:01:33.839 do you eat one? I just say both. I grabbed 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:35.480 a bag before I came in, and Caleen wanted to 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:37.679 split it with me, and I said, absolutely not. You 0:01:37.680 --> 0:01:40.000 can go get your own bag. You know I respond 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:42.520 to popcarts. Yeah, I hear you there. Yeah she should 0:01:42.560 --> 0:01:45.920 get her own damn pop tart. So, as you guys know, 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:51.360 we are currently self isolated to our respective homes. I'm 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:54.440 calling in, Dean is calling in Easton is making this 0:01:54.520 --> 0:01:57.000 all work right now? Um, And we also have a 0:01:57.000 --> 0:01:59.080 guest that's gonna be calling in in just a few minutes. 0:01:59.120 --> 0:02:02.920 It is Emily Morse. Now Emily Morse. I guess the 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:06.800 proper way to put this is she's a sex expert. Um. 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:09.880 She has a radio show called Sex with Emily, So 0:02:09.960 --> 0:02:12.919 I'm very interested to talk about her, uh and her 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:16.359 point of view on sex and most of more specifically 0:02:16.680 --> 0:02:19.160 what she has to say about all the sex that's 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:25.560 probably gonna be happening while everybody's quarantined. M Yeah, and 0:02:25.680 --> 0:02:27.600 there we have it. That's our show. We also have 0:02:27.680 --> 0:02:29.639 some emails coming in later in the show. And then 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:33.480 I posted on the Instagram earlier today to see if 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:39.520 anybody had questions for myself Dean about our relationships dating. 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:42.280 So I have tons of those ready to go as well. 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:46.440 But Dean, update us. How is your quarantine going right now? How? 0:02:46.639 --> 0:02:51.040 How are you doing? How are you doing? Mentally? Uh? Man, 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:53.560 where do I even begin? No, I'm just Kidding'm probably 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:56.000 the same place as everyone else. Uh. The only thing 0:02:56.080 --> 0:03:00.320 I've been dealing with like this poison IVY And I 0:03:00.320 --> 0:03:02.160 was working on my motorcycle a couple of days ago 0:03:02.160 --> 0:03:04.200 and I spilled gasoline all over my body. So now 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:07.400 I'm like covered in irritated like contact dermatitis or something 0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:10.639 like that. So it's something the couch last night self 0:03:10.720 --> 0:03:13.720 quarantine from Caitlin's bedroom. It's been a it's been a 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:16.760 struggle hold on. So you have the poison ivy and 0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:19.160 you spilled oil on it because you're working on your 0:03:19.200 --> 0:03:23.640 motorcycle and then that caused what So okay, so this 0:03:23.680 --> 0:03:25.400 is what I think happened. I've got poison ivy on 0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:29.239 my legs. I took the carburetor off my motorcycle. And 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:31.040 if you know, if for the people that don't know, 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:34.440 carburetor is like essentially where the gas flows through the 0:03:34.480 --> 0:03:36.560 carburetor and then into the motor So there's always gonna 0:03:36.560 --> 0:03:38.560 be gas in the carburetor. So when I took it off, 0:03:39.200 --> 0:03:41.600 I was like emptying of the gas that was in it, 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:44.520 and it got all over my hands, and then I 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:48.680 itched my poison ivy with my gasoline covered hands, and 0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:52.520 then the gasoline irritated my skin, and so now I'm 0:03:52.520 --> 0:03:55.840 covered in little bumps and not just my legs are itchy, 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:59.080 but like my arms, my hands, my wrists, I'm just 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:03.160 itchy all over now. So I called my doctor. He 0:04:03.240 --> 0:04:07.400 prescribed it's a nice appointment to go pick up today 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:10.320 hopefully cover up and fix all of the itching and 0:04:10.360 --> 0:04:13.880 the scratching and the discomfort that it's caused. But I 0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:16.760 mean that's like the worst of my my my quarantine. 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:19.520 At this point, it's like, you know, I mean, my 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:22.120 leg is still recovering, so at least it's like I'm 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:26.000 not really missing out on anything by being itchy and broken. No, 0:04:26.120 --> 0:04:28.480 you're not missing on anything. You just be doing exactly 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:32.800 what you're doing right now, sitting on the couch for 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:35.480 the most part. Yeah, you know, I can't complain. I 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:38.400 know that obviously a lot of us are either spending 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:40.320 a lot of time alone or with a significant other, 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:42.920 so you know, it's not so bad having Kaylin here 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:44.600 with me. I feel bad for I think we talked 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:47.000 about it last week, you know, like Nick and uh, 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:49.440 Mike and all of them that don't have a significantly 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:51.040 like you and me do. So I think that we're 0:04:51.080 --> 0:04:53.400 fortunate in that sense. But you're pretty close quarters, I 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:55.200 guess after enough time and that what's nice for you, 0:04:55.279 --> 0:04:58.080 I feel like is you have uh some third party 0:04:58.520 --> 0:05:01.320 presidents to kind of diffus use the time between you 0:05:01.320 --> 0:05:03.040 and Ashley, right, so you can like talk to her 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:05.320 parents and hang out and it's not just you guys 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:08.080 want him one the whole time. Now. So, like you said, yeah, 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:11.159 we're at Ashley's parents house, so it's the four of us, 0:05:11.400 --> 0:05:15.400 um and Ashley's dad is a doctor at the hospital. 0:05:15.480 --> 0:05:18.479 He's an aneste geologist. So he's actually quarantined himself to 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:22.719 the basement. They have a finished basement because for precautionary reasons, 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:24.000 he just wants to make sure I think I talked 0:05:24.040 --> 0:05:25.960 about the podcast last week. Then if he catches something 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:27.440 at the hospital, he didn't want to bring it back 0:05:27.480 --> 0:05:30.760 here so he can infect Audrey myself or Ashley or 0:05:31.040 --> 0:05:35.080 conversely somehow, even though we're quarantined, we get it whatever 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:37.479 it is, or however we'd get it, and then we 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.920 give it to him and then he goes to the hospital. 0:05:40.000 --> 0:05:42.880 So it's just better as sad as it is that 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:44.800 he has to go through like the back door every 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:47.560 time and he just stays downstairs. Uh, it's just you 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:49.000 know what we kind of have to do right now. 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:52.640 But it's been nice, you know being at the house. Um, 0:05:52.640 --> 0:05:55.480 you know, there's more room, you know, obviously there's more 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:57.440 room in the house and there's a backyard and a 0:05:57.440 --> 0:05:59.800 neighborhood to walk around and and so we have our 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:02.880 Lois and then Ashley's parents have their dog Ethel, so 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:06.159 they've been playing. So it's been really good, especially the key. 0:06:06.240 --> 0:06:09.000 The key is and anybody who owns a dog knows this. 0:06:09.480 --> 0:06:11.359 They have a fenced in backyard, so all we have 0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:14.000 to do is let them into the backyard and they 0:06:14.000 --> 0:06:15.960 can just run around and we don't have to walk 0:06:16.000 --> 0:06:19.320 Lois five times a day like we are used to doing. 0:06:19.320 --> 0:06:22.840 So that's been a very added bonus. Other than that, man, 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:26.080 we're doing well. I mean, as everybody's feeling out there, 0:06:26.080 --> 0:06:29.720 probably a little uh you know, they're getting a little 0:06:29.720 --> 0:06:33.200 wound up mentally right now, but it's all for the best. 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:37.400 They just extended this this quarantine till ap um, so 0:06:37.560 --> 0:06:41.200 everybody's gonna be doing this for at least another month, 0:06:41.760 --> 0:06:45.200 most likely more another month. I just because I saw 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:47.560 that same thing this morning on CNN, and I was like, 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:50.640 holy because everyone kind of expected it to be through April, 0:06:50.680 --> 0:06:52.840 through the end of April anyways, but then you see 0:06:52.839 --> 0:06:55.560 it and then I started, like, I started thinking about 0:06:55.800 --> 0:06:57.360 we've only really been doing this for like a week 0:06:57.560 --> 0:06:59.600 or two weeks, week and a half whatever, there's a 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:02.560 whole four plus weeks doing what we've been doing. Like 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:05.080 we're not even a third of the way through this yet. No, 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:07.440 I know that's the crazy party. Like you said, once 0:07:07.480 --> 0:07:09.640 you put a number on it, it's like, yeah, it's 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:11.480 gonna last a couple more months and then we'll get 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:13.440 through it. But then when you see like no, this 0:07:13.640 --> 0:07:17.000 at least we'll go to April thirty or three, Like wow, yeah, 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:19.480 that's another like thirty two days away and we've been 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:23.040 quarantined for about fourteen. This might be a long time. 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:26.040 But honestly, the way I'm like this was like a 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:29.360 grieving process for me. Like at first, I wouldn't say 0:07:29.400 --> 0:07:31.560 I was in denial. I took it seriously, but I 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:35.040 never thought in my wildest dreams that the country would 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:37.600 be shut down, And so I think at first it 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:40.800 was like fear set in, and then I was sad, 0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:43.400 and now I've just accepted it and doing everything I 0:07:43.400 --> 0:07:46.640 possibly can to avoid getting the coronavirus and then secondly 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:51.400 keeping my uh mental health as positive as possible. So like, hey, 0:07:51.480 --> 0:07:53.960 you know what, in a couple of months, when we 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:55.920 all have to kind of go back to whatever we 0:07:55.920 --> 0:07:59.480 were doing, our nine to five or working constantly or 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:01.800 always is having no time to just sit down and 0:08:01.800 --> 0:08:04.160 watch movies and just enjoy the time you have now, 0:08:04.440 --> 0:08:07.360 Like I feel like there's projects we all want to 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:09.560 do at home. I'm sure we can figure out things 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:12.880 to do. We get to just be, you know, couch 0:08:12.920 --> 0:08:15.880 potatoes for the next month and not feel bad about it. 0:08:16.160 --> 0:08:18.120 There could be worse things. There could be worse things 0:08:18.120 --> 0:08:22.720 than just staying at home, right, Yeah, I don't know. 0:08:23.040 --> 0:08:25.160 I mean, that's the year that can be opposite because 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:27.200 you're someone who needs to go out and I'm someone 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:30.160 who you know, does need to go out, and and 0:08:30.280 --> 0:08:31.640 I like going to the gym, and I like kind 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:34.439 of having my routine. But I think now in my head, 0:08:35.080 --> 0:08:37.559 I'm just putting everything a perspective, and I think I've 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:39.320 been doing it for quite a while now where I'm 0:08:39.320 --> 0:08:43.160 thinking things could be so much worse than being quarantined 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:49.800 to a place that has electricity, TV, internet, Um, you know, 0:08:50.600 --> 0:08:53.960 a roof over my head. Uh so that's kind of 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:57.120 where my head is now. The biggest break with the 0:08:57.200 --> 0:09:00.040 quarantine for me specifically is it just breeds bad of 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:02.560 its for me, It's like I'm sleeping in later. Obviously 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:05.360 I'm playing more video games. I you know, I had 0:09:05.400 --> 0:09:07.680 like five glasses of whiskey either night when I normally 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:09.920 don't drink. So it's just like it's it's not it's 0:09:09.920 --> 0:09:12.280 like bringing out the worst parts of me. Oh dude, 0:09:12.280 --> 0:09:13.959 you know what I mean? Oh? Absolutely, it's bringing out 0:09:13.960 --> 0:09:15.160 the worst of me too. I don't get out of 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:17.640 bed before ten just because in my head, I'm like, 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:19.920 what am I gonna do? Walk down and sit on 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:23.880 the couch. And especially working out, I've been trying. I've 0:09:23.880 --> 0:09:26.360 been doing pretty well. I work out like every other day, 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:28.959 but it's not an intense workout. You know, I'm doing 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:31.559 push ups or burpies or squats, and you know, I 0:09:31.559 --> 0:09:34.800 don't have weights, so I don't feel like I'm really 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:37.000 gaining any strength. So I think that's going to be 0:09:37.040 --> 0:09:40.240 a testament to try not to just feel like a 0:09:40.320 --> 0:09:44.480 complete slouch when this thing is over with. But but anyway, 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:46.600 we do have our guest, Emily Morris, who is on 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:49.360 the phone right now waiting for us, um so we 0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:51.280 would love to talk to her. But before we do, 0:09:51.440 --> 0:10:02.760 let's take a quick break. Welcome back to help I 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:06.280 suck at dating, and our guest Emily Morris is on 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:08.120 the phone with us right now. You can listen to 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:12.080 her daily radio show Sex with Emily, which airs every 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:16.520 evening on Sirius XM Stars Channel one O nine. Emily Morrise, Emily, 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:20.400 thank you so much for joining us. How are you hi? Hello? 0:10:20.440 --> 0:10:22.360 Good to be here. I also have the podcast Text 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:26.240 with Emily. That's that's pre dated, serious extent. Hi, guys, 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:32.800 are you doing so good? I'm actually really good. I 0:10:32.840 --> 0:10:40.240 got stuck in Maui, so it's so bad here? Yeah? 0:10:40.559 --> 0:10:43.880 You what? That's awesome? Okay. So, Emily, so I have 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:47.520 a question for you because I'm looking at your background here. Um, 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:52.640 can you tell me what a doctor of sexuality it means? Yes, 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:55.400 I'm a doctor of human sexuality on the sex therapist 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:58.120 and so essentially what I do is I've been doing 0:10:58.120 --> 0:11:01.400 this for fifteen years and I helped people feel more 0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:05.920 common I have people understand their desire sexually, what they 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:08.120 want sexually, what they want in relationships, and then also 0:11:08.200 --> 0:11:09.920 how to communicate and how to ask what they want. 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:13.160 So I help, I mean literally I could any sex 0:11:13.320 --> 0:11:17.320 dating relationship tips. Um. That's what I do, basically help 0:11:17.320 --> 0:11:21.120 people feel better and safer talking about sex, so I 0:11:21.200 --> 0:11:24.000 study human sexuality. They're like, how can more sexual beings? 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:26.679 How do we feel the most sexual? What do we 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:29.240 you know, what do we desire? I think we don't 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:32.160 often really explore it. We just think sex is something 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:34.760 that you're supposed to feel good. Magically we have chemistry 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:38.319 at someone, but you know that changes over time, the 0:11:38.360 --> 0:11:40.760 honeymoon phase end for everybody. Have you ever heard of 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:45.840 the five love languages? I'm sure you have, yes, absolutely, 0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:48.880 So you know how like everybody has a certain need. Yes, 0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:52.080 everybody has a certain way they express or need to 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:58.760 have love reciprocated to them. Is that similar to sex? Yes? Well, 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:01.080 I wish there was a actually been thinking about like 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:03.880 having like a sex love language, because like, if we 0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:07.040 could figure out what we need sexually and you can 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:09.160 just divide it into like a love language, that would 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:11.679 be awesome. But what I think the love languages, though, 0:12:11.679 --> 0:12:15.240 are great for, is that I think I think if 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:17.600 you could figure out because a lot of times, if 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:20.040 we're not getting our love needs met, like our partners 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:22.959 not speaking our love language, we're definitely not gonna want 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:24.760 to have sex with them, Like if you haven't been 0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:26.959 getting me gifts. If that was my love language, or 0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:29.520 you haven't been telling me that I'm hot, I'm not 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:31.079 gonna want to have sex with you because I don't 0:12:31.120 --> 0:12:33.880 feel loved and I don't feel safe. So I think 0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:38.400 understanding love languages first really helps. But sex is like 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:42.440 a whole different language. I think that the problem with sex, 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:46.520 the reason why we have problems I think sexually is because, 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:49.720 especially for women like and have our sexual relationships, the 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:52.199 way we've learned about sex is that it's all about 0:12:52.200 --> 0:12:55.800 penetration and that men okay, like you walk in let's say, 0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:58.079 and you see your girlfriend and your partner just beyonce it, 0:12:58.200 --> 0:13:01.080 and you're like, I'm so turned on right now, I 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:03.559 can't wait to like you've seeing them turn you on. 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:06.800 But for women, we might need to had a conversation. 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:09.440 I might have wanted you to ask about my day. 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:11.959 I might have needed in thirty minutes to warm up. 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:14.520 And so what happens with a rousal and desires that 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:16.959 just gets messed up because women don't. But what we 0:13:17.080 --> 0:13:19.839 see in like movies and porn is that like women 0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:22.000 should be ready to go when men are, and typically 0:13:22.040 --> 0:13:25.000 we're not. And I try to help people understand how 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:27.079 they get attracted to each other and how to keep 0:13:27.120 --> 0:13:31.200 the spark going, and how people dating figure out what 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:33.120 they wanted a partner and all the things. I mean, 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:36.319 I'll be honest, as a kid growing up in the 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:39.440 years that I did, porn was a very it was 0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:43.160 you know, very easily accessible, and so honestly, that's kind 0:13:43.160 --> 0:13:47.800 of how I first started learning about sex. And um, 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:50.960 I wanted to get your take on porn in general 0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:56.440 being a sex um experts such a good question. I mean, yeah, 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:58.560 I am a tech expert, say yeah, I know. Listen, 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:01.400 porn is not how you should legitimately at porn. It's 0:14:01.400 --> 0:14:04.199 like it's like learning how to drive by watching Fast 0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:08.000 and the Furious, Like, like, porn is not actually how 0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:11.040 sex happens. But the problem is people that you grew 0:14:11.080 --> 0:14:13.920 up with support that we think that it's it's actually 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:17.720 real life, but it's sort of it's created from And 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:19.480 I'm not anti porn, don't get me wrong, Like I 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:22.760 love watching porn myself with a partner. However, to say 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:24.600 that this is technically how sex is going to go 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:27.880 down is not accurate. Like it's a fictional account of 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:31.840 sex from a male day what they think would be hot, right, 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:34.120 But for women. It just doesn't work that way. So 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:36.960 it's very confusing, and it's made sex really confusing I 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:40.040 think for many people. Yeah, I mean especially porn is teaching. 0:14:40.640 --> 0:14:44.280 You know, the demographic that was watching most porn is 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:47.960 younger men, probably boys, you know, and they're antienage years 0:14:48.000 --> 0:14:52.240 and so, um, you know, not to get t m 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:54.560 I here, but like I can speak from personal opinion, 0:14:54.840 --> 0:14:59.240 Uh yeah, that like, yeah, it's just it teaches you. 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:04.320 It's like it's weird, right because we're all human and 0:15:04.440 --> 0:15:06.520 I think at our core we kind of have these 0:15:06.560 --> 0:15:11.200 animal instincts, and it's just like I feel like porn 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:16.040 has escalated sex to the point of no return, you know, 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:21.040 like it just it's like you watch certain videos and 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:24.600 I think, guy, I think both guys and girls have 0:15:24.760 --> 0:15:28.040 been kind of thrown into this culture of where, you know, 0:15:28.120 --> 0:15:30.400 we watched certain porn and we grow up with it 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:32.520 and we think that that's like the sexiest thing that 0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:35.680 someone can possibly do, and if we don't meet those standards, 0:15:35.680 --> 0:15:39.160 then um, we're we're not as good as the other 0:15:39.200 --> 0:15:41.640 person in bed. Sex is a weird thing to talk 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:47.920 about because it's everybody is so insecure about it and right, 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:49.800 like I get insecure about it all the time. I 0:15:49.800 --> 0:15:51.840 remember as like I remember as a kid, you know, 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:54.480 not like in my early twenties, I I didn't have 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:56.600 that many partners at this point in my life, you know, 0:15:56.880 --> 0:16:00.400 less than a handful and um, and it was always 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:03.000 just I I never knew if if I was doing 0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:06.280 things right, and I never knew if, um, what was 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:09.920 expected of me. And then especially you know, it was sex. 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:12.840 It's just like each partner wants so many it's you know, 0:16:12.960 --> 0:16:17.480 different things. Like it's just there's there's I don't know. 0:16:17.560 --> 0:16:19.360 So I wanted to I wanted you it to address, 0:16:19.480 --> 0:16:23.160 like how how early do you bring up these conversations 0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:26.440 because like I've had, I have friends that are girls 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:30.160 that you know, a guy when they first you know, 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:31.560 have to go on a couple of days, will first 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:34.760 start getting intimate with each other, and then like the 0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:37.360 guy is not aggressive enough and the girl finds that 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:40.200 to be a turn off. But I feel like in 0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:45.360 in this age that we're living in, that's probably better 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:49.440 than you know, what the alternative is, which is being 0:16:49.520 --> 0:16:52.400 too aggressive. I don't know, So, like, can you describe 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:57.080 the balance of like, you know, sex in today's society 0:16:57.080 --> 0:17:01.840 and how we should be able to talk about it. Yeah, 0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:05.080 that's so great and so exciteful. You're absolutely right. So 0:17:05.240 --> 0:17:07.480 first let's oh my god, there's a lot there and impact, 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:11.040 and I think it could be so great for your listeners. No, 0:17:11.200 --> 0:17:13.119 it's amazing because here's the thing. And I love that 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:15.320 you're asking this because it's like, okay, so to talk 0:17:15.320 --> 0:17:18.560 about porn for a minute. So generations before that, right, 0:17:18.600 --> 0:17:23.199 like we had like our parents, Erica had a Playboy, right, 0:17:23.240 --> 0:17:24.560 you taught us with it, like there was like a 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:27.240 Playboy and then there was like some weird VHS tape 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:29.320 is porn, But otherwise you would just have sex and 0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:30.800 you have to kind of have to figure it out. 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:32.720 We still had a lot of we still didn't have 0:17:32.760 --> 0:17:36.080 the savements, we didn't have information, we didn't teach in schools. 0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:38.399 We still had to figure stuff about like orgasm and 0:17:38.400 --> 0:17:41.760 pleasure and desire. But now with porn, which is literally 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:44.720 not an active But since you won't get any other information, 0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:46.840 let's just say that all you get is porn. Of course, 0:17:46.920 --> 0:17:48.800 men and women, boys and girls are going to decide 0:17:48.800 --> 0:17:51.480 if that's how sex should happen. I should like women 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:54.119 are thinking, well, when I'm on top, I'm gonna go 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:56.200 up and down and I'm not going to move side 0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:57.800 to because that's what I'm seeing im porn. When the 0:17:57.800 --> 0:18:00.679 truth is there's certain positions that are picked it imporn 0:18:00.760 --> 0:18:02.639 that actually don't feel good to women, Like as a 0:18:02.680 --> 0:18:05.800 sex educator and a sex factor, I'm looking at porn going, 0:18:06.200 --> 0:18:08.639 there's no way she's having an orgasts and like that 0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:10.800 doesn't even feel good to her, right because I know 0:18:11.000 --> 0:18:13.240 I'm like watching it's like you guys, know, like you 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:16.480 cheat towards camera when you're shooting something for television, try 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:18.639 the same thing in porn, like there's no ways that 0:18:18.800 --> 0:18:21.080 is after it. And then so women are they're coming 0:18:21.119 --> 0:18:23.679 into it going, well, I never saw anything else before, 0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:25.600 so this is what I'm gonna do. And then the 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:28.440 guys are also expecting like, well, I got to excalate 0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:30.879 it because porn doesn't still show really important things like 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:34.640 for play and arousal and like kissing and missing out 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:37.479 and all those things that goes right into penetration, and 0:18:37.520 --> 0:18:41.040 so that for the majority of women isn't what feels good. 0:18:41.080 --> 0:18:43.080 So the problem with porn is that the majority of 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:45.919 it isn't what feels good to women. So so that 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:49.119 is why it's still misleading. And I and I and 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:51.200 and that we also the problem is if I took 0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:53.359 away all porn right now, which I wish in some ways, 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:56.360 I wish we could start over. I would teach men 0:18:56.400 --> 0:18:59.199 and women first off, how to understand their own bodies 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:02.280 and what feels it, like what actually does turn you on? 0:19:02.720 --> 0:19:05.080 Because what you to go back to what you said 0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:07.600 initially was about like it keeps escalating. I think that 0:19:07.680 --> 0:19:09.639 was the word you use, like porn escalates it. And 0:19:09.640 --> 0:19:12.280 so what we're seeing now is it's funny because right 0:19:12.280 --> 0:19:15.119 now everyone's locked in their bedrooms right like, I'm getting 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:18.240 so many, so many d m s and so many emails. 0:19:18.240 --> 0:19:20.119 And if people have questions and listening to this, you 0:19:20.119 --> 0:19:23.199 can I'm sex and Emily, I knew everywhere feedback at 0:19:23.200 --> 0:19:25.879 Texas Emily dot com. We answer all the questions. But 0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:27.880 it's like so many guys are locked in their room 0:19:27.920 --> 0:19:30.439 and they're like, I'm just watching porn right now? Is 0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:32.760 there a problem? And not? I've escalated to watching it 0:19:32.840 --> 0:19:36.840 like eight hours a day or masturbating five times a day. 0:19:37.000 --> 0:19:39.240 And we escalated because let's say we watch a scene 0:19:39.280 --> 0:19:43.120 that's particularly graphics well, once we get through that our threshold, 0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:45.719 we're like, well that was pretty crazy, but now I'm 0:19:45.720 --> 0:19:47.960 going to watch a gang bang and something out whatever 0:19:48.040 --> 0:19:51.119 however you define escalation, And then it gets more and 0:19:51.119 --> 0:19:54.040 more extreme, right, And then eventually for guys, is what 0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:56.200 I'm hearing, Well, then you can no longer get turned 0:19:56.200 --> 0:19:59.200 on unless it's really extreme. Right, So then what happened 0:19:59.200 --> 0:20:01.240 Now we're out locked at bedrooms though, right, some people 0:20:01.280 --> 0:20:04.359