WEBVTT - Santa University: Part 9 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:08.520 Welcome to Santa University nine. My name is Jamie Loftus. 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:13.040 I actually did. If you're returning to Santa University for 0:00:13.119 --> 0:00:18.200 a ninth year, please seek professional help. If this is 0:00:18.239 --> 0:00:21.560 your first time joining us, best of luck. I think 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:24.120 it's pretty intuitive and should make a lot of sense. 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:29.120 Santi University is part of an unproduced project I've been 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:32.440 working on since twenty twelve, the six hundred page script, 0:00:32.440 --> 0:00:35.120 and I kind of just yank out fifteen pages a 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:37.519 year or so. We take a look at at what 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:39.800 it is, and we've been doing it for nine years now, 0:00:39.840 --> 0:00:43.720 so I've actually written about two hundred pages of Santi University. 0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:47.920 Let's not talk about it. Let's get into the cast 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:51.320 of Santa University nine, the Cursed Pages. 0:00:51.640 --> 0:00:54.480 Miles Gray and I'll be playing Gan Santa. I'm Jack O'Brien. 0:00:54.520 --> 0:00:58.880 I'll be playing Dean Santa, Goth Santa, and Baby Santa. 0:00:59.040 --> 0:01:00.880 I'm on a host name and I will be playing 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:01.880 Gal Santa. 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:04.720 I'm Sophia Lick Drumman and I'll be playing Intellect Santa. 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:07.160 I'm Joel and I have the honor of playing Jamie 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:08.279 and Professor Santa. 0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:11.560 My name is Caitlin Derante. And I'm playing solely Whizz. 0:01:13.400 --> 0:01:16.160 I'm Robert Evans, and in a rare case of casting 0:01:16.200 --> 0:01:19.040 against type, I will be playing Second Amendment Santa. 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:23.399 Yo, low key, what's up, Squad? This is Prop I'll 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:25.200 be playing a head ass Santa. 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:27.760 This is Victor. I'll be playing the toilet Goblin. 0:01:28.080 --> 0:01:30.800 I'm Bee and I'll be playing pregnant Santa. 0:01:31.120 --> 0:01:33.400 I'm justin. I'll be playing cool Santa. 0:01:33.760 --> 0:01:37.160 I'm Brian the Editor and I'm playing James Cameron. 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:40.160 I'm Ian Johnson reading as arms where his eyes should 0:01:40.160 --> 0:01:40.600 be Santa. 0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:44.520 I'm Catherine Law and I'm playing traum a nurse. I'm 0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:47.080 Molly Conger and I'm thrilled to be joining the cast 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:51.280 of Santa University this year as Glory Hole Santa. 0:01:50.720 --> 0:01:53.960 An important part, a crucial role. Ball guys, let's get 0:01:54.000 --> 0:02:02.800 into it. Interior via asylum, massive sprawling stone asylum like 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:08.120 the one in Shutter Island. Remember Shutter Island. The twist 0:02:08.280 --> 0:02:13.239 is that the DiCaprio character was a patient at the asylum. 0:02:13.800 --> 0:02:16.840 You've had twenty years to watch it. Remember when the 0:02:16.880 --> 0:02:21.040 old lady said sh in the trailer for Shutter Island, 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:28.080 please stop listening to this and co watch Shutter Island instead, anyways. 0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:32.200 James Cameron, who did not direct Shutter Island and couldn't 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:37.120 see Martin Scorsese with the hubble fucking telescope, stands before 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:40.799 the asylum as it begins to rain in a mentally 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:46.320 ill fashion. He holds a large binder containing what should 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:49.680 be a copy of Santa University, but the production's printer 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:52.160 broke the morning of the shoot, and so the script 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:55.240 has been replaced with a stack of receipts colored in 0:02:55.320 --> 0:03:01.519 either dried blood or ragusauce. James hamra howls at the door, 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:07.960 Big Doball, I knew this was good casting. Okay. The 0:03:08.120 --> 0:03:12.040 trauma nurse answers at the massive stone door. 0:03:12.400 --> 0:03:16.639 Yes, James Cameron. The password to the asylum is pickleball. Now, 0:03:16.680 --> 0:03:17.600 what are your wishes? 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:22.000 Three? James Cameron, not understanding that trauma nurses could grant 0:03:22.040 --> 0:03:25.080 three wishes but can never bring someone back to life. 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:29.920 I wish that Avatar Fire and Ash to be the 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:31.480 third best Avatar movie. 0:03:32.080 --> 0:03:33.400 I think this is what he sounds like. 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:36.320 I wish to get invited to Seth MacFarlane's Christmas party 0:03:36.720 --> 0:03:40.240 instead of all those twenty year old women I hear that, 0:03:40.840 --> 0:03:43.400 and I wish to see your patient. The writer of 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:45.240 Sanna University. 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:48.880 The trauma nurs pinches James Cameron's little butt. He laughs 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:52.960 and gets a playful boner interior asylum. The next day, 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:56.640 James Cameron awakes in the trauma nurse's bed, still reeling 0:03:56.680 --> 0:03:59.720 from the sexual experience of the night before. Jamie will 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:02.720 under stand the traumters leads him out of her chambers 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:03.800 and to where the patients are. 0:04:04.200 --> 0:04:05.840 Oh huh, how bad is it? 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:08.880 Will she be okay, it's not looking good, mister Cameron. 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:11.440 Please, after last night, you can call me James. 0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:15.560 Jamie Loftus, the writer of Santa University, has proven herself 0:04:15.560 --> 0:04:18.600 to be so mentally ill that we had to reopen 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:19.520 this asylum. 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:23.560 Quote old school end quote. You know what we mean. 0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:27.160 She opens another large stone door and reveals Jamie haggard 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:31.200 and miserable. Over thirty now. She shivers behind a set 0:04:31.240 --> 0:04:34.159 of little bars with the little phone thing. Because I 0:04:34.200 --> 0:04:37.119 realized halfway through that I did not set this in jail. 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:40.200 I set it in an asylum. I'll leave you to alone, 0:04:40.800 --> 0:04:42.920 James Cameron yelps as the door shuts. 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:47.280 Wait, could I have your email so we can James. 0:04:47.080 --> 0:04:49.679 Cameron must not be as good at sex as he thought. 0:04:51.040 --> 0:04:52.560 I didn't think you were coming. 0:04:52.880 --> 0:04:56.520 I did a lot, and that's why I'm confused as 0:04:56.520 --> 0:04:57.920 to why she doesn't want my email. 0:04:58.279 --> 0:05:01.800 I need you to get me out, James Cameron. I 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:02.599 don't belong here? 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:03.480 What happened? 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:06.800 Jamie frowns, page five fifty to five sixty two of 0:05:06.839 --> 0:05:10.960 Santa University. She starts to sing a soft ballad sort 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:14.000 of like I dreamed a Dream. The song is called 0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:17.160 will I Ever Be Free from Santa University? 0:05:18.200 --> 0:05:24.760 Will ever be Free from Santa University? No, I'm gonna 0:05:24.800 --> 0:05:30.359 die here? Dah dah dead. 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:34.120 Everyone's cheering. A gust of wind blows through the chambers 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:37.920 as the magic of Santa University pierces the world once more. 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:42.400 Santa University the six hundred page unproduced musical about a 0:05:42.480 --> 0:05:45.040 university full of Santa's, where forty thousand Santa's a role 0:05:45.080 --> 0:05:47.840 each year, but only one survives that has leaked out 0:05:47.960 --> 0:05:52.720 installment by installment for nearly a decade. Santa University. Who 0:05:52.800 --> 0:05:55.279 one other person on Twitter thinks of the idea for 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:58.680 every year, and then another person is like, oh, Jamie 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:01.719 Loftus does something like that it's called Santa University, and 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:05.039 the Twitter user inevitably replies, I don't know who that is. 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:07.960 The receipts that are supposed to be the pages of 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:10.640 the script to Santa University lift into the air and 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:15.000 we are thrown into Santa University. Nine The Cursed Pages 0:06:17.000 --> 0:06:21.080 Interior Jingle Class Day. It's page five hundred and fifty 0:06:21.080 --> 0:06:23.760 of Santa University, the first of the twelve cursed pages 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:26.480 of Santa University. I wonder if I will actually make 0:06:26.520 --> 0:06:29.320 it to twelve pages. I only have sixty eight minutes 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:29.920 to finish this. 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:33.479 Quit all right, Santas, Let's jingle those bells. 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:36.000 It's another day in jingle class, and all the characters 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:38.840 we half remember from years past, and inevitably one I'm 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:42.200 going to forget and accidentally hurt someone's feelings. There's Dan, 0:06:42.279 --> 0:06:46.520 Santa Gal, Santa Cool, Santa Intellect, Santa Second Amendment, Santa Hell. 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:50.000 There's even arms where his eyes should be Santa. 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:52.080 Ah, jingle, A bell won't ring. 0:06:52.480 --> 0:06:55.040 He clutches as Santa stomach delegately. 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:56.960 And I don't feel so good. 0:06:57.480 --> 0:06:59.240 Arms were his eyes should be Santa uses the arm 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:01.360 where most people's right I would be to shoot him 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:02.120 with a harpoon. 0:07:03.600 --> 0:07:05.800 Shut the hell up, Dan Santa, you would have died 0:07:05.800 --> 0:07:07.960 four hundred pages ago if you weren't the protagonist of 0:07:07.960 --> 0:07:08.880 Santa University. 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:10.160 Plus you look like shot. 0:07:10.960 --> 0:07:13.200 All the other Santa's in the room, especially the teacher, 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:18.920 really make a meal of bringing it home and really 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:22.440 good guys. Dan Santa turns to where he thinks Goth Santa, 0:07:22.520 --> 0:07:25.080 his roommate at Santa University, who will survive until close 0:07:25.120 --> 0:07:26.000 to the end of the movie. 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:31.200 Not quite is ah Jingle God Santa be shot? 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:33.560 He frowns, Where is God Santa? 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:35.360 Where's God Santa? 0:07:35.480 --> 0:07:38.320 A few students think about shooting Dan Santa with another harpoon, 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:41.760 but harpoons are expensive, so they ignore him. Instead. Into 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:43.680 Alexanta jingles her bell effortlessly. 0:07:44.200 --> 0:07:46.400 If the writer at any sense, she'd make a woman 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:50.880 the protagonist of Santa University, good one in Alexanta. And 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:53.400 that's the Bechdel test. Let's move on. 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:58.320 Are we missing a student goal Santa's eyes widened? 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:01.200 Wait did the Bechdel test just get passed from a 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:02.040 third character? 0:08:02.560 --> 0:08:06.520 My name is Professor Santa. By the way, it. 0:08:06.440 --> 0:08:08.680 Took until page five hundred and fifty one of the 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:11.840 screenplay at Sandy University, but this might actually be it. 0:08:12.280 --> 0:08:13.320 Oh yes, we're Sully. 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:20.280 Why Sully bursts into the classroom and everyone cheers into 0:08:20.320 --> 0:08:21.600 like Sanda grumble. 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:25.640 Me so much for. 0:08:25.520 --> 0:08:28.520 That, Sully, you got to be the second coolest Santa 0:08:28.560 --> 0:08:29.680 at Santa University. 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:31.520 I don't even go here. 0:08:32.240 --> 0:08:34.959 I'm just a regular die from Dorchester. 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:39.679 Everyone starts hooting and hollering. 0:08:40.880 --> 0:08:43.880 Wow out here shooting a yeah. 0:08:45.280 --> 0:08:47.599 Shoot the now Sully shoot. 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:53.760 The noticing that Sully has recently gotten a BBL second amendment. Santa, 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:57.319 who oh yeah, is here as well, smiles in disbelief. 0:08:57.720 --> 0:09:00.520 It's like looking at the sun. It's over, well man. 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:03.520 Sully sits beside Dan Santa, where Gosen usually sits. 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:07.079 Have you seen go Santa, Sully. I haven't heard from 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:10.520 him since page three eighty six of Santa University. 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:13.360 Sully looks around, then leans into Dan Santa and speaks 0:09:13.360 --> 0:09:16.160 in a totally normal accent for one line only. It's 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:18.360 actually kind of British. 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:22.320 I'm sorry, Dan Santa, I'm afraid I don't. It's possible 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:24.240 the roted just fugult about him. 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:27.760 This never happens again. It's clear, though, that the BBL 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:29.880 is recent Sully is uncomfortable. 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:33.040 This all, this doesn't feel right. 0:09:33.400 --> 0:09:34.679 He clutches his stomach again. 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:36.559 I feel strange. 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:39.480 Gal Santa straighten's in her seat, feeling a song coming on. 0:09:40.040 --> 0:09:42.959 No, please God, Dan Santa, don't sing. 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:45.800 I have six more harpoons, so. 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:49.240 Help us, Dan Santa, if you start too late, Dan 0:09:49.320 --> 0:09:52.640 Santa's already singing a classic Disney I want song, but 0:09:52.679 --> 0:09:55.800 it's not about anything he wants. He just feels strange. 0:09:56.360 --> 0:10:04.840 I feel so strange. Nothing feels right. What is happening 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:09.400 to my wound? The blood won't stop gushy. 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:14.680 And I just don't feel right anymore. 0:10:15.120 --> 0:10:19.280 The song is grating and features a number of key changes, 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:21.880 one of which is just out of Dan Santa's vocal 0:10:21.920 --> 0:10:24.280 range on the high end, the other just out of 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:30.199 his range on the low end. It's fucking embarrassing. By 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:33.959 the end of the song, sixteen minutes later, everyone looks 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:37.200 pale and ill, and Dan Santa clutches his stomach again. 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:40.760 Dan Santa, why don't you he throws. 0:10:40.480 --> 0:10:45.040 Up, He's so bad, Professor Santa Pat's pool. Santa on 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:47.200 the back then tries a little bit of the vomit 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:49.880 and frowns as if to say that wasn't so bad. 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:54.040 Dan Santa hit the locker room. You shit, he'll see 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:57.400 you ugly runs from the room, mortified. 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:01.160 It's only the fourth perst spade of Santa University and 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:04.360 things have already become too confusing to write out of. 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:06.319 In the next forty. 0:11:06.080 --> 0:11:10.640 Minutes, Interior Santa Bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, the other bathrooms 0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:13.240 were closed and Dan Santa was banned from using the 0:11:13.280 --> 0:11:15.959 other one due to something explained in pages two fourteen 0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:19.120 to two eighty nine of Santa University. Dan Santa enters 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:22.360 a bathroom almost doubled over in pain. He stands before 0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:25.240 a stall that says beware toilet goblin within. 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:28.520 What's up, Dan Santa? Please enter? 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:32.120 That's what he thinks the sign says. Dan Santa closes 0:11:32.200 --> 0:11:36.480 the stall door behind him and sits on a Santa toilet, 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:39.160 a normal dirty toilet with a little hat on it. 0:11:39.360 --> 0:11:41.920 A familiar voice can be heard stage whispering from the 0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:42.920 stall next door. 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:48.240 Shh yo, low key. You just wait a few minutes 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:52.120 and he'll leave you fee me. Oh, come on, I 0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:55.120 cannot get into another conversation with. 0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:57.920 This fool over here, with this piece of shit. Have 0:11:58.080 --> 0:11:59.000 you seen him? 0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:00.840 I've never seen Dan Santa. 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:04.160 It's hard to see from the gloriole. Lo KEI come on, 0:12:04.400 --> 0:12:05.680 he's gonna want to talk to. 0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:07.040 Us in the gloryhole. 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:08.720 I mostly taste. 0:12:09.080 --> 0:12:11.680 Is that you head ass Santa? That's you? 0:12:11.760 --> 0:12:14.520 God damn it taste come. 0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:16.000 Head? 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:18.800 As Santa tries to pitch his voice up to disguise 0:12:18.880 --> 0:12:20.120 who he actually. 0:12:19.760 --> 0:12:22.480 Is, who's head ass Santa? 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:28.840 This is uh locate too many DVD's, Santa. 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:31.480 Look, I don't mean to bother you while you're in 0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:32.280 the bathroom. 0:12:32.520 --> 0:12:37.240 Okay, it's all good. He's in the gloriole, he can multitask. 0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:40.600 Are you guys feeling strange too? 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:45.679 I've been feeling sick all morning, bro, Seriously, did you 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:46.520 look in the mirror? 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:47.160 No? 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:48.200 No, no, No, that's too much. 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:52.080 Look, there have been people coming in and feeling sick 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:56.439 all day. There's some low key like dead ass, some 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:58.760 mysterious plot illness going on. 0:12:59.120 --> 0:13:02.080 Dan Santa Sai's the toilet fully clothed, mostly because he 0:13:02.160 --> 0:13:04.080 is a fool, but also because the studio made me 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:06.439 swear on my life I would never show Dan Santa 0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:07.440 without his clothes off. 0:13:07.760 --> 0:13:10.840 Is that why you you gonna visit the toilet goblin. 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:13.080 Who's the toilet goblin? 0:13:13.720 --> 0:13:15.240 Didn't you read this? Oh? 0:13:15.840 --> 0:13:18.320 I see what happened here too late? 0:13:18.559 --> 0:13:22.080 The toilet Goblin emerges from the toilet. Dan Santa sitting 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.480 on pregnant. 0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:31.959 Who are you keep up, Dan Santa? The toilet goblin 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:33.679 just told you you pregnant? 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:36.880 What Dan Santa feels a pain in his stomach again, 0:13:36.920 --> 0:13:37.800 his eyes widen. 0:13:38.720 --> 0:13:44.640 Oh my freaking gosh, I'm pregnant. 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:47.800 I hope you weren't getting too attached to the toilet goblin, 0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:51.680 because that's the last time you'll see them. Interior Gal 0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:55.320 Santa's dorm. Later, Intellect Santa and Gal Santa look at 0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:58.760 Dan Santa with disgust. Intellect pulls a thermometer from beneath 0:13:58.760 --> 0:13:59.199 his armpit. 0:13:59.840 --> 0:14:04.079 I had to come to tell you right away, Gal, Greg. 0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:14.000 I'm sorry, Greg. 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:22.240 That takes me back. Okay, sorry, what do I care? 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:24.560 I've never touched you and have no plans to. 0:14:24.880 --> 0:14:27.800 Dan Santo does what he thinks is a flirtatious blink, 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:30.200 but it looks like he's being attacked by parrots. 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:34.200 How is this possible? Intellect, No one in their right 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:36.640 mind would ever get Dan Santa prank. 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:40.200 Gent Intellect Santa pages threw some notes. 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:43.200 It would appear that sometime between pages four hundred and 0:14:43.280 --> 0:14:46.680 five hundred of Santa University being written, America has sunken 0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:50.080 deeper and deeper into fascism and rolled back reproductive rights, 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:53.000 which has led to an unusual amount of media fear 0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:56.240 around pregnancy and horny pregnancy content in general. 0:14:56.040 --> 0:14:59.360 Meaning that the writer of Santa University might just know 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:00.840 it's too stupid. 0:15:01.280 --> 0:15:04.560 I'm afraid so the writer to Sandy University might panic 0:15:04.680 --> 0:15:07.640 and write a twelve page sequence in which the protagonist 0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:10.440 at Sandy University gets pregnant along with half of the 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:13.880 school in mysterious and unexplainable circumstances. 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:16.960 She in the immaculate Sant eception. 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:18.920 He high fives himself. 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:22.360 Huh sounds boring. 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:24.960 May I have a kiss now? 0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:32.400 Oh, pregnant Santa? Remember her from last year? I genuinely didn't, 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:36.680 but I'm relieved she's here pregnant. Santa enters pregnantly with 0:15:36.800 --> 0:15:39.640 a very flustered second amendment, Santa. 0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:43.160 Gail, Santa, we wanted to tell you first we're pregnant. 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:45.480 Why is everyone telling me you. 0:15:45.440 --> 0:15:47.960 Two had an immaculate Santa conception as well? 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:50.640 What Oh no, we fucked. 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:53.000 I'm not safely. 0:15:54.160 --> 0:15:57.040 It's honestly shocking. We didn't get pregnant. Sooner. 0:15:57.840 --> 0:16:04.520 Sully passes with his BBL, looking very uncomfortable. He peers 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:05.080 into the room. 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:08.280 Why is that everyone? I got some news. 0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:11.360 Everyone looks at It's huge, but it's grown a lot. 0:16:11.680 --> 0:16:13.120 It's silly. 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:14.280 Are you pregnant? 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:15.680 Go bruid? 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:21.800 Pregnant Santa, Second Amendment Santa, Sully, Gal Santa, Cool Santa, 0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:24.600 and intellect Santa smile and congratulate each other. 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:25.840 This is so exciting. 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:33.440 They all looked at Dan Santa in disgusted. 0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:36.680 Don't you dare have that baby? Dance, Santa? It will 0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:38.120 unleash hell upon the world. 0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:40.680 Oh aren't you noved? 0:16:42.000 --> 0:16:43.000 I lost the accent. 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:56.320 No one's ever no one's ever lived at Santa University 0:16:56.400 --> 0:16:58.760 long enough to have a Santa baby. 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:00.680 Will our baby be a gun? 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:04.280 Well, that's not really what I was saying. 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:08.439 Too late. A song has already begun. It's a duet 0:17:08.520 --> 0:17:12.240 between Pregnant Santa and Second Amendment Santa, the third punishing 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:16.159 ballad of the Cursed Pages. Sully has a verse in 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:20.040 the middle about his fear of giving butt birth song 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:21.240 Will my baby be a gun. 0:17:21.520 --> 0:17:26.399 Well, we got pregnant. There's joking here about safeties and 0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:30.679 condoms because I'm Second Amendment saying, uh, that's that's what 0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:33.200 I got. That's that's the intro to the song. 0:17:33.680 --> 0:17:38.240 And then am I gonna give birth out of my ass? 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:39.040 You know? 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:44.359 And will the baby be a gun? 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:52.160 YadA YadA, great job, okay. Interior Interior The Asylum. James 0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:54.480 Camer's mouth is covered in vomit as Jamie looks away 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:57.560 in shame. More beautiful than ever, And I should be mentioned. 0:17:57.600 --> 0:18:02.399 Is that it I can't bear anymore. I'm afraid not James, Please, No, 0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:03.920 just to say those. 0:18:04.119 --> 0:18:06.360 They say The Inevitable in Unison, a. 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:10.000 Scene where multiple characters from Sandy University give birth in Unison. 0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:13.800 Yes, but there's another song, Chris, and it's just awful. 0:18:14.080 --> 0:18:18.439 Interior The Santa Ward. Months later, there's only ten minutes 0:18:18.520 --> 0:18:22.680 left to write Santa University, Dan, Santa's in a hospital bed, howling. 0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:25.399 However you think a person looks about to give birth, 0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:27.600 I've ever seen it, and I didn't get sex out 0:18:27.640 --> 0:18:30.160 at school. I sort of saw my friend give birth 0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:32.920 over FaceTime this year, but I had other tabs open, 0:18:33.119 --> 0:18:34.400 So it's impossible to. 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:36.679 Like. 0:18:37.240 --> 0:18:40.280 Oh my freaking god, I'm in labor. 0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:43.800 Shut the hell up, Dan Santa ours whereas I should be. 0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:46.800 Santa restrains Dan Santa while preparing for the birth, which 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:49.040 is maybe the first logical use of as many arms 0:18:49.080 --> 0:18:51.840 I've come up with in nine years. Second Amendment. Santa 0:18:51.840 --> 0:18:53.320 and pregnant Santa run into the room. 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:55.520 Pregnant Santa's in labor too. 0:18:55.760 --> 0:18:58.080 Pregnant Santa sits on one of the beds, pretty relaxed. 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:00.159 It's not a big deal for me. Bring pregnant is 0:19:00.200 --> 0:19:01.480 all my character is written to do. 0:19:01.960 --> 0:19:04.879 Sully's back was up. 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:07.359 Sully and his fit to burst cheeks enter the first 0:19:07.359 --> 0:19:16.400 word concerned gallon intellect, doctor, Please, Sully's baby is. 0:19:16.359 --> 0:19:18.520 Coming fast, Go Celtic. 0:19:19.280 --> 0:19:19.879 How dare you? 0:19:20.000 --> 0:19:21.800 Jamie? 0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:27.920 Ye okay, you guys, I don't. 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:32.480 Care belief for one second. I'm pregnant and what the 0:19:32.840 --> 0:19:34.359 freaking hell. 0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:38.000 Sully falls to his hands and knees as his left 0:19:38.040 --> 0:19:39.359 buttche bursts open. 0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:42.000 God, Santa, we. 0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:43.760 Thought the writer had just forgotten you. 0:19:44.160 --> 0:19:47.880 It's true. God Santa has burst out of Sully's butt 0:19:47.960 --> 0:19:52.840 cheeks and embraces his father from Boston. Sully is emotional. 0:19:54.400 --> 0:19:56.399 What's up son? 0:19:57.760 --> 0:19:58.040 Wow. 0:19:58.160 --> 0:20:00.960 God Santa, still covered in birth, kisses Sally on the 0:20:01.000 --> 0:20:04.560 lips and run and runs to Dan Santa's side. 0:20:04.880 --> 0:20:06.760 Dan Santa, you're pregnant. 0:20:08.119 --> 0:20:11.520 I'm immaculately santaception. 0:20:12.119 --> 0:20:14.000 God Santa thinks about it than nods. 0:20:14.400 --> 0:20:17.720 I wasn't gonna say anything, but that makes more sense. 0:20:18.600 --> 0:20:19.959 Ah. 0:20:20.000 --> 0:20:24.600 He collapses in sam Adam's pain again as intellect Santa rushes. 0:20:24.240 --> 0:20:24.959 To his side. 0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:27.800 There's a second baby. 0:20:32.280 --> 0:20:35.600 Dean Santa, my father, and the dean of Santa University. 0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:39.679 Gal Santa, my daughter and the love interest of Santa University. 0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:41.760 Arms are as I should be. Santa shakes his head, 0:20:41.880 --> 0:20:42.879 enjoyed disbelief. 0:20:43.440 --> 0:20:46.080 She did it, That son of a bitch. Jamie Loftus 0:20:46.080 --> 0:20:48.919 did it writing in both Jack O'Brien characters with just 0:20:49.000 --> 0:20:53.600 minutes ago, Come here, Gal. 0:20:54.160 --> 0:20:54.840 Absolutely not. 0:20:55.600 --> 0:20:58.399 It's coming second of him. In Santa rush is to 0:20:58.440 --> 0:20:59.640 pregnant Santa side. 0:20:59.720 --> 0:21:01.879 It's want to be a gun? I know it to 0:21:01.920 --> 0:21:03.119 please just say it's a gun. 0:21:03.320 --> 0:21:04.440 It's it's. 0:21:04.840 --> 0:21:07.960 Dan Santa grabs God Santa's arm as he experiences labor pain. 0:21:08.040 --> 0:21:10.560 Whatever that looks like again, I had other tabs open. 0:21:11.119 --> 0:21:14.840 Dan Santa enters birth psychosis as he and pregnant Santa 0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:18.520 give birth in unison. There should be a song here, 0:21:19.920 --> 0:21:22.880 but there's no time. If something speaks to you, feel free. 0:21:23.080 --> 0:21:26.800 Second Amendment. Santa holds this baby in confusion. 0:21:27.200 --> 0:21:27.919 Was it a gun? 0:21:28.680 --> 0:21:30.840 No, it's a book. 0:21:31.200 --> 0:21:34.040 He shows pregnant Santa the book, which is the opposite 0:21:34.080 --> 0:21:39.720 of a gun if you're gender essentialist. Dan Santa gives 0:21:39.760 --> 0:21:43.480 birth and God Santa cuts the umbilical cord with his teeth. 0:21:43.880 --> 0:21:47.440