Speaker 1: Welcome to Santa University nine. My name is Jamie Loftus.
Speaker 1: I actually did. If you're returning to Santa University for
Speaker 1: a ninth year, please seek professional help. If this is
Speaker 1: your first time joining us, best of luck. I think
Speaker 1: it's pretty intuitive and should make a lot of sense.
Speaker 1: Santi University is part of an unproduced project I've been
Speaker 1: working on since twenty twelve, the six hundred page script,
Speaker 1: and I kind of just yank out fifteen pages a
Speaker 1: year or so. We take a look at at what
Speaker 1: it is, and we've been doing it for nine years now,
Speaker 1: so I've actually written about two hundred pages of Santi University.
Speaker 1: Let's not talk about it. Let's get into the cast
Speaker 1: of Santa University nine, the Cursed Pages.
Speaker 2: Miles Gray and I'll be playing Gan Santa. I'm Jack O'Brien.
Speaker 3: I'll be playing Dean Santa, Goth Santa, and Baby Santa.
Speaker 4: I'm on a host name and I will be playing
Speaker 4: Gal Santa.
Speaker 5: I'm Sophia Lick Drumman and I'll be playing Intellect Santa.
Speaker 6: I'm Joel and I have the honor of playing Jamie
Speaker 6: and Professor Santa.
Speaker 7: My name is Caitlin Derante. And I'm playing solely Whizz.
Speaker 8: I'm Robert Evans, and in a rare case of casting
Speaker 8: against type, I will be playing Second Amendment Santa.
Speaker 9: Yo, low key, what's up, Squad? This is Prop I'll
Speaker 9: be playing a head ass Santa.
Speaker 2: This is Victor. I'll be playing the toilet Goblin.
Speaker 10: I'm Bee and I'll be playing pregnant Santa.
Speaker 11: I'm justin. I'll be playing cool Santa.
Speaker 12: I'm Brian the Editor and I'm playing James Cameron.
Speaker 13: I'm Ian Johnson reading as arms where his eyes should
Speaker 13: be Santa.
Speaker 14: I'm Catherine Law and I'm playing traum a nurse. I'm
Speaker 14: Molly Conger and I'm thrilled to be joining the cast
Speaker 14: of Santa University this year as Glory Hole Santa.
Speaker 1: An important part, a crucial role. Ball guys, let's get
Speaker 1: into it. Interior via asylum, massive sprawling stone asylum like
Speaker 1: the one in Shutter Island. Remember Shutter Island. The twist
Speaker 1: is that the DiCaprio character was a patient at the asylum.
Speaker 1: You've had twenty years to watch it. Remember when the
Speaker 1: old lady said sh in the trailer for Shutter Island,
Speaker 1: please stop listening to this and co watch Shutter Island instead, anyways.
Speaker 1: James Cameron, who did not direct Shutter Island and couldn't
Speaker 1: see Martin Scorsese with the hubble fucking telescope, stands before
Speaker 1: the asylum as it begins to rain in a mentally
Speaker 1: ill fashion. He holds a large binder containing what should
Speaker 1: be a copy of Santa University, but the production's printer
Speaker 1: broke the morning of the shoot, and so the script
Speaker 1: has been replaced with a stack of receipts colored in
Speaker 1: either dried blood or ragusauce. James hamra howls at the door,
Speaker 1: Big Doball, I knew this was good casting. Okay. The
Speaker 1: trauma nurse answers at the massive stone door.
Speaker 14: Yes, James Cameron. The password to the asylum is pickleball. Now,
Speaker 14: what are your wishes?
Speaker 1: Three? James Cameron, not understanding that trauma nurses could grant
Speaker 1: three wishes but can never bring someone back to life.
Speaker 15: I wish that Avatar Fire and Ash to be the
Speaker 15: third best Avatar movie.
Speaker 11: I think this is what he sounds like.
Speaker 15: I wish to get invited to Seth MacFarlane's Christmas party
Speaker 15: instead of all those twenty year old women I hear that,
Speaker 15: and I wish to see your patient. The writer of
Speaker 15: Sanna University.
Speaker 1: The trauma nurs pinches James Cameron's little butt. He laughs
Speaker 1: and gets a playful boner interior asylum. The next day,
Speaker 1: James Cameron awakes in the trauma nurse's bed, still reeling
Speaker 1: from the sexual experience of the night before. Jamie will
Speaker 1: under stand the traumters leads him out of her chambers
Speaker 1: and to where the patients are.
Speaker 2: Oh huh, how bad is it?
Speaker 14: Will she be okay, it's not looking good, mister Cameron.
Speaker 15: Please, after last night, you can call me James.
Speaker 14: Jamie Loftus, the writer of Santa University, has proven herself
Speaker 14: to be so mentally ill that we had to reopen
Speaker 14: this asylum.
Speaker 1: Quote old school end quote. You know what we mean.
Speaker 1: She opens another large stone door and reveals Jamie haggard
Speaker 1: and miserable. Over thirty now. She shivers behind a set
Speaker 1: of little bars with the little phone thing. Because I
Speaker 1: realized halfway through that I did not set this in jail.
Speaker 1: I set it in an asylum. I'll leave you to alone,
Speaker 1: James Cameron yelps as the door shuts.
Speaker 2: Wait, could I have your email so we can James.
Speaker 1: Cameron must not be as good at sex as he thought.
Speaker 1: I didn't think you were coming.
Speaker 12: I did a lot, and that's why I'm confused as
Speaker 12: to why she doesn't want my email.
Speaker 1: I need you to get me out, James Cameron. I
Speaker 1: don't belong here?
Speaker 2: What happened?
Speaker 1: Jamie frowns, page five fifty to five sixty two of
Speaker 1: Santa University. She starts to sing a soft ballad sort
Speaker 1: of like I dreamed a Dream. The song is called
Speaker 1: will I Ever Be Free from Santa University?
Speaker 6: Will ever be Free from Santa University? No, I'm gonna
Speaker 6: die here? Dah dah dead.
Speaker 1: Everyone's cheering. A gust of wind blows through the chambers
Speaker 1: as the magic of Santa University pierces the world once more.
Speaker 1: Santa University the six hundred page unproduced musical about a
Speaker 1: university full of Santa's, where forty thousand Santa's a role
Speaker 1: each year, but only one survives that has leaked out
Speaker 1: installment by installment for nearly a decade. Santa University. Who
Speaker 1: one other person on Twitter thinks of the idea for
Speaker 1: every year, and then another person is like, oh, Jamie
Speaker 1: Loftus does something like that it's called Santa University, and
Speaker 1: the Twitter user inevitably replies, I don't know who that is.
Speaker 1: The receipts that are supposed to be the pages of
Speaker 1: the script to Santa University lift into the air and
Speaker 1: we are thrown into Santa University. Nine The Cursed Pages
Speaker 1: Interior Jingle Class Day. It's page five hundred and fifty
Speaker 1: of Santa University, the first of the twelve cursed pages
Speaker 1: of Santa University. I wonder if I will actually make
Speaker 1: it to twelve pages. I only have sixty eight minutes
Speaker 1: to finish this.
Speaker 2: Quit all right, Santas, Let's jingle those bells.
Speaker 1: It's another day in jingle class, and all the characters
Speaker 1: we half remember from years past, and inevitably one I'm
Speaker 1: going to forget and accidentally hurt someone's feelings. There's Dan,
Speaker 1: Santa Gal, Santa Cool, Santa Intellect, Santa Second Amendment, Santa Hell.
Speaker 1: There's even arms where his eyes should be Santa.
Speaker 2: Ah, jingle, A bell won't ring.
Speaker 1: He clutches as Santa stomach delegately.
Speaker 2: And I don't feel so good.
Speaker 1: Arms were his eyes should be Santa uses the arm
Speaker 1: where most people's right I would be to shoot him
Speaker 1: with a harpoon.
Speaker 13: Shut the hell up, Dan Santa, you would have died
Speaker 13: four hundred pages ago if you weren't the protagonist of
Speaker 13: Santa University.
Speaker 7: Plus you look like shot.
Speaker 1: All the other Santa's in the room, especially the teacher,
Speaker 1: really make a meal of bringing it home and really
Speaker 1: good guys. Dan Santa turns to where he thinks Goth Santa,
Speaker 1: his roommate at Santa University, who will survive until close
Speaker 1: to the end of the movie.
Speaker 3: Not quite is ah Jingle God Santa be shot?
Speaker 1: He frowns, Where is God Santa?
Speaker 2: Where's God Santa?
Speaker 1: A few students think about shooting Dan Santa with another harpoon,
Speaker 1: but harpoons are expensive, so they ignore him. Instead. Into
Speaker 1: Alexanta jingles her bell effortlessly.
Speaker 5: If the writer at any sense, she'd make a woman
Speaker 5: the protagonist of Santa University, good one in Alexanta. And
Speaker 5: that's the Bechdel test. Let's move on.
Speaker 1: Are we missing a student goal Santa's eyes widened?
Speaker 4: Wait did the Bechdel test just get passed from a
Speaker 4: third character?
Speaker 1: My name is Professor Santa. By the way, it.
Speaker 5: Took until page five hundred and fifty one of the
Speaker 5: screenplay at Sandy University, but this might actually be it.
Speaker 4: Oh yes, we're Sully.
Speaker 1: Why Sully bursts into the classroom and everyone cheers into
Speaker 1: like Sanda grumble.
Speaker 5: Me so much for.
Speaker 9: That, Sully, you got to be the second coolest Santa
Speaker 9: at Santa University.
Speaker 2: I don't even go here.
Speaker 7: I'm just a regular die from Dorchester.
Speaker 1: Everyone starts hooting and hollering.
Speaker 11: Wow out here shooting a yeah.
Speaker 2: Shoot the now Sully shoot.
Speaker 1: The noticing that Sully has recently gotten a BBL second amendment. Santa,
Speaker 1: who oh yeah, is here as well, smiles in disbelief.
Speaker 11: It's like looking at the sun. It's over, well man.
Speaker 1: Sully sits beside Dan Santa, where Gosen usually sits.
Speaker 2: Have you seen go Santa, Sully. I haven't heard from
Speaker 2: him since page three eighty six of Santa University.
Speaker 1: Sully looks around, then leans into Dan Santa and speaks
Speaker 1: in a totally normal accent for one line only. It's
Speaker 1: actually kind of British.
Speaker 7: I'm sorry, Dan Santa, I'm afraid I don't. It's possible
Speaker 7: the roted just fugult about him.
Speaker 1: This never happens again. It's clear, though, that the BBL
Speaker 1: is recent Sully is uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: This all, this doesn't feel right.
Speaker 1: He clutches his stomach again.
Speaker 2: I feel strange.
Speaker 1: Gal Santa straighten's in her seat, feeling a song coming on.
Speaker 4: No, please God, Dan Santa, don't sing.
Speaker 13: I have six more harpoons, so.
Speaker 1: Help us, Dan Santa, if you start too late, Dan
Speaker 1: Santa's already singing a classic Disney I want song, but
Speaker 1: it's not about anything he wants. He just feels strange.
Speaker 16: I feel so strange. Nothing feels right. What is happening
Speaker 16: to my wound? The blood won't stop gushy.
Speaker 11: And I just don't feel right anymore.
Speaker 1: The song is grating and features a number of key changes,
Speaker 1: one of which is just out of Dan Santa's vocal
Speaker 1: range on the high end, the other just out of
Speaker 1: his range on the low end. It's fucking embarrassing. By
Speaker 1: the end of the song, sixteen minutes later, everyone looks
Speaker 1: pale and ill, and Dan Santa clutches his stomach again.
Speaker 11: Dan Santa, why don't you he throws.
Speaker 1: Up, He's so bad, Professor Santa Pat's pool. Santa on
Speaker 1: the back then tries a little bit of the vomit
Speaker 1: and frowns as if to say that wasn't so bad.
Speaker 1: Dan Santa hit the locker room. You shit, he'll see
Speaker 1: you ugly runs from the room, mortified.
Speaker 16: It's only the fourth perst spade of Santa University and
Speaker 16: things have already become too confusing to write out of.
Speaker 2: In the next forty.
Speaker 1: Minutes, Interior Santa Bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, the other bathrooms
Speaker 1: were closed and Dan Santa was banned from using the
Speaker 1: other one due to something explained in pages two fourteen
Speaker 1: to two eighty nine of Santa University. Dan Santa enters
Speaker 1: a bathroom almost doubled over in pain. He stands before
Speaker 1: a stall that says beware toilet goblin within.
Speaker 2: What's up, Dan Santa? Please enter?
Speaker 1: That's what he thinks the sign says. Dan Santa closes
Speaker 1: the stall door behind him and sits on a Santa toilet,
Speaker 1: a normal dirty toilet with a little hat on it.
Speaker 1: A familiar voice can be heard stage whispering from the
Speaker 1: stall next door.
Speaker 17: Shh yo, low key. You just wait a few minutes
Speaker 17: and he'll leave you fee me. Oh, come on, I
Speaker 17: cannot get into another conversation with.
Speaker 11: This fool over here, with this piece of shit. Have
Speaker 11: you seen him?
Speaker 7: I've never seen Dan Santa.
Speaker 11: It's hard to see from the gloriole. Lo KEI come on,
Speaker 11: he's gonna want to talk to.
Speaker 1: Us in the gloryhole.
Speaker 7: I mostly taste.
Speaker 2: Is that you head ass Santa? That's you?
Speaker 11: God damn it taste come.
Speaker 4: Head?
Speaker 1: As Santa tries to pitch his voice up to disguise
Speaker 1: who he actually.
Speaker 11: Is, who's head ass Santa?
Speaker 9: This is uh locate too many DVD's, Santa.
Speaker 2: Look, I don't mean to bother you while you're in
Speaker 2: the bathroom.
Speaker 11: Okay, it's all good. He's in the gloriole, he can multitask.
Speaker 2: Are you guys feeling strange too?
Speaker 9: I've been feeling sick all morning, bro, Seriously, did you
Speaker 9: look in the mirror?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 2: No, no, No, that's too much.
Speaker 9: Look, there have been people coming in and feeling sick
Speaker 9: all day. There's some low key like dead ass, some
Speaker 9: mysterious plot illness going on.
Speaker 1: Dan Santa Sai's the toilet fully clothed, mostly because he
Speaker 1: is a fool, but also because the studio made me
Speaker 1: swear on my life I would never show Dan Santa
Speaker 1: without his clothes off.
Speaker 9: Is that why you you gonna visit the toilet goblin.
Speaker 11: Who's the toilet goblin?
Speaker 2: Didn't you read this? Oh?
Speaker 11: I see what happened here too late?
Speaker 1: The toilet Goblin emerges from the toilet. Dan Santa sitting
Speaker 1: on pregnant.
Speaker 2: Who are you keep up, Dan Santa? The toilet goblin
Speaker 2: just told you you pregnant?
Speaker 1: What Dan Santa feels a pain in his stomach again,
Speaker 1: his eyes widen.
Speaker 16: Oh my freaking gosh, I'm pregnant.
Speaker 1: I hope you weren't getting too attached to the toilet goblin,
Speaker 1: because that's the last time you'll see them. Interior Gal
Speaker 1: Santa's dorm. Later, Intellect Santa and Gal Santa look at
Speaker 1: Dan Santa with disgust. Intellect pulls a thermometer from beneath
Speaker 1: his armpit.
Speaker 2: I had to come to tell you right away, Gal, Greg.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Greg.
Speaker 4: That takes me back. Okay, sorry, what do I care?
Speaker 4: I've never touched you and have no plans to.
Speaker 1: Dan Santo does what he thinks is a flirtatious blink,
Speaker 1: but it looks like he's being attacked by parrots.
Speaker 4: How is this possible? Intellect, No one in their right
Speaker 4: mind would ever get Dan Santa prank.
Speaker 1: Gent Intellect Santa pages threw some notes.
Speaker 5: It would appear that sometime between pages four hundred and
Speaker 5: five hundred of Santa University being written, America has sunken
Speaker 5: deeper and deeper into fascism and rolled back reproductive rights,
Speaker 5: which has led to an unusual amount of media fear
Speaker 5: around pregnancy and horny pregnancy content in general.
Speaker 4: Meaning that the writer of Santa University might just know
Speaker 4: it's too stupid.
Speaker 5: I'm afraid so the writer to Sandy University might panic
Speaker 5: and write a twelve page sequence in which the protagonist
Speaker 5: at Sandy University gets pregnant along with half of the
Speaker 5: school in mysterious and unexplainable circumstances.
Speaker 11: She in the immaculate Sant eception.
Speaker 1: He high fives himself.
Speaker 4: Huh sounds boring.
Speaker 2: May I have a kiss now?
Speaker 1: Oh, pregnant Santa? Remember her from last year? I genuinely didn't,
Speaker 1: but I'm relieved she's here pregnant. Santa enters pregnantly with
Speaker 1: a very flustered second amendment, Santa.
Speaker 8: Gail, Santa, we wanted to tell you first we're pregnant.
Speaker 4: Why is everyone telling me you.
Speaker 5: Two had an immaculate Santa conception as well?
Speaker 10: What Oh no, we fucked.
Speaker 11: I'm not safely.
Speaker 10: It's honestly shocking. We didn't get pregnant. Sooner.
Speaker 1: Sully passes with his BBL, looking very uncomfortable. He peers
Speaker 1: into the room.
Speaker 7: Why is that everyone? I got some news.
Speaker 1: Everyone looks at It's huge, but it's grown a lot.
Speaker 1: It's silly.
Speaker 4: Are you pregnant?
Speaker 2: Go bruid?
Speaker 1: Pregnant Santa, Second Amendment Santa, Sully, Gal Santa, Cool Santa,
Speaker 1: and intellect Santa smile and congratulate each other.
Speaker 2: This is so exciting.
Speaker 1: They all looked at Dan Santa in disgusted.
Speaker 11: Don't you dare have that baby? Dance, Santa? It will
Speaker 11: unleash hell upon the world.
Speaker 7: Oh aren't you noved?
Speaker 2: I lost the accent.
Speaker 7: No one's ever no one's ever lived at Santa University
Speaker 7: long enough to have a Santa baby.
Speaker 11: Will our baby be a gun?
Speaker 7: Well, that's not really what I was saying.
Speaker 1: Too late. A song has already begun. It's a duet
Speaker 1: between Pregnant Santa and Second Amendment Santa, the third punishing
Speaker 1: ballad of the Cursed Pages. Sully has a verse in
Speaker 1: the middle about his fear of giving butt birth song
Speaker 1: Will my baby be a gun.
Speaker 8: Well, we got pregnant. There's joking here about safeties and
Speaker 8: condoms because I'm Second Amendment saying, uh, that's that's what
Speaker 8: I got. That's that's the intro to the song.
Speaker 7: And then am I gonna give birth out of my ass?
Speaker 6: You know?
Speaker 8: And will the baby be a gun?
Speaker 1: YadA YadA, great job, okay. Interior Interior The Asylum. James
Speaker 1: Camer's mouth is covered in vomit as Jamie looks away
Speaker 1: in shame. More beautiful than ever, And I should be mentioned.
Speaker 12: Is that it I can't bear anymore. I'm afraid not James, Please, No,
Speaker 12: just to say those.
Speaker 1: They say The Inevitable in Unison, a.
Speaker 6: Scene where multiple characters from Sandy University give birth in Unison.
Speaker 1: Yes, but there's another song, Chris, and it's just awful.
Speaker 1: Interior The Santa Ward. Months later, there's only ten minutes
Speaker 1: left to write Santa University, Dan, Santa's in a hospital bed, howling.
Speaker 1: However you think a person looks about to give birth,
Speaker 1: I've ever seen it, and I didn't get sex out
Speaker 1: at school. I sort of saw my friend give birth
Speaker 1: over FaceTime this year, but I had other tabs open,
Speaker 1: So it's impossible to.
Speaker 12: Like.
Speaker 2: Oh my freaking god, I'm in labor.
Speaker 1: Shut the hell up, Dan Santa ours whereas I should be.
Speaker 1: Santa restrains Dan Santa while preparing for the birth, which
Speaker 1: is maybe the first logical use of as many arms
Speaker 1: I've come up with in nine years. Second Amendment. Santa
Speaker 1: and pregnant Santa run into the room.
Speaker 11: Pregnant Santa's in labor too.
Speaker 1: Pregnant Santa sits on one of the beds, pretty relaxed.
Speaker 10: It's not a big deal for me. Bring pregnant is
Speaker 10: all my character is written to do.
Speaker 7: Sully's back was up.
Speaker 1: Sully and his fit to burst cheeks enter the first
Speaker 1: word concerned gallon intellect, doctor, Please, Sully's baby is.
Speaker 7: Coming fast, Go Celtic.
Speaker 1: How dare you?
Speaker 5: Jamie?
Speaker 1: Ye okay, you guys, I don't.
Speaker 2: Care belief for one second. I'm pregnant and what the
Speaker 2: freaking hell.
Speaker 1: Sully falls to his hands and knees as his left
Speaker 1: buttche bursts open.
Speaker 2: God, Santa, we.
Speaker 4: Thought the writer had just forgotten you.
Speaker 1: It's true. God Santa has burst out of Sully's butt
Speaker 1: cheeks and embraces his father from Boston. Sully is emotional.
Speaker 11: What's up son?
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 1: God Santa, still covered in birth, kisses Sally on the
Speaker 1: lips and run and runs to Dan Santa's side.
Speaker 7: Dan Santa, you're pregnant.
Speaker 2: I'm immaculately santaception.
Speaker 1: God Santa thinks about it than nods.
Speaker 3: I wasn't gonna say anything, but that makes more sense.
Speaker 6: Ah.
Speaker 1: He collapses in sam Adam's pain again as intellect Santa rushes.
Speaker 4: To his side.
Speaker 5: There's a second baby.
Speaker 4: Dean Santa, my father, and the dean of Santa University.
Speaker 3: Gal Santa, my daughter and the love interest of Santa University.
Speaker 1: Arms are as I should be. Santa shakes his head,
Speaker 1: enjoyed disbelief.
Speaker 13: She did it, That son of a bitch. Jamie Loftus
Speaker 13: did it writing in both Jack O'Brien characters with just
Speaker 13: minutes ago, Come here, Gal.
Speaker 4: Absolutely not.
Speaker 1: It's coming second of him. In Santa rush is to
Speaker 1: pregnant Santa side.
Speaker 8: It's want to be a gun? I know it to
Speaker 8: please just say it's a gun.
Speaker 10: It's it's.
Speaker 1: Dan Santa grabs God Santa's arm as he experiences labor pain.
Speaker 1: Whatever that looks like again, I had other tabs open.
Speaker 1: Dan Santa enters birth psychosis as he and pregnant Santa
Speaker 1: give birth in unison. There should be a song here,
Speaker 1: but there's no time. If something speaks to you, feel free.
Speaker 1: Second Amendment. Santa holds this baby in confusion.
Speaker 10: Was it a gun?
Speaker 11: No, it's a book.
Speaker 1: He shows pregnant Santa the book, which is the opposite
Speaker 1: of a gun if you're gender essentialist. Dan Santa gives
Speaker 1: birth and God Santa cuts the umbilical cord with his teeth.
Speaker 2: Oh, I can't look it. It looks like shit. Huh
Speaker 2: does it look like shit?
Speaker 1: Everyone in the room is completely stunned, not even close.
Speaker 1: This is the most beautiful baby anyone has ever seen.
Speaker 4: Good God, she's beautiful.
Speaker 1: The baby squirms out of Gothsanta's arms and reaches for
Speaker 1: the book.
Speaker 2: Baby, it couldn't be.
Speaker 1: That sexy little baby.
Speaker 11: She's gonna do it.
Speaker 1: Dan Santa's baby goes to the book and starts to read.
Speaker 3: And Gibraltar as a girl, where I was a flower
Speaker 3: of the mountain. Yes, when I put the rose in
Speaker 3: my hair like the Andalusian girls used, or shall I
Speaker 3: wear a red yes? And how we kissed me under
Speaker 3: the Moorish wall, And I thought well as well him
Speaker 3: as another. And then I asked him with my eyes
Speaker 3: to ask again yes. And then he asked me, would
Speaker 3: I yes, to say yes, my mountain flower. And first
Speaker 3: I put my arms around him yes, and drew him
Speaker 3: down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume. Yes,
Speaker 3: and his heart was going like mad, and yes, I
Speaker 3: said yes, I will, yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 13: Yo be me.
Speaker 1: I have to say. I googled beautiful poetry and I
Speaker 1: did not realize how sexual that bomb. God Dan Santa
Speaker 1: is in tears, reaching for the baby. God Santa brings
Speaker 1: it to him and Dan smiles. The baby is born.
Speaker 1: The baby will heal all. Alternatively, the baby sees Dan
Speaker 1: Santa and throws up the interior at the asylum. Jamie
Speaker 1: puts down the last of the cursed pages of Santa University,
Speaker 1: reflecting on how nine years in the premises are still
Speaker 1: getting worse. At least last year she was willing to
Speaker 1: put in the effort to rip off lost, but the
Speaker 1: fuck was this. She's too ashamed to meet James Cameron's eyes.
Speaker 1: That's it, That's why I'm here. A long pause, no answer.
Speaker 1: She looks up to see that James Cameron has taken
Speaker 1: a cyanide pill.
Speaker 6: I guess it's just another years.
Speaker 11: Amazing.
Speaker 1: We did it.
Speaker 12: All right, Brian the editor here, and if you made
Speaker 12: it this far, we'd like to extend our sincerest apologies
Speaker 12: and we'll see if we can do better next year,
Speaker 12: although I wouldn't count on it. Happy holidays, and we'll
Speaker 12: be back tomorrow with a brand new special holiday episode,
Speaker 12: and we'll see you in the new year.