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Speaker 1: Welcome to Santa University nine. My name is Jamie Loftus.

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Speaker 1: I actually did. If you're returning to Santa University for

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Speaker 1: a ninth year, please seek professional help. If this is

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Speaker 1: your first time joining us, best of luck. I think

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Speaker 1: it's pretty intuitive and should make a lot of sense.

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Speaker 1: Santi University is part of an unproduced project I've been

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Speaker 1: working on since twenty twelve, the six hundred page script,

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Speaker 1: and I kind of just yank out fifteen pages a

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Speaker 1: year or so. We take a look at at what

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Speaker 1: it is, and we've been doing it for nine years now,

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Speaker 1: so I've actually written about two hundred pages of Santi University.

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Speaker 1: Let's not talk about it. Let's get into the cast

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Speaker 1: of Santa University nine, the Cursed Pages.

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Speaker 2: Miles Gray and I'll be playing Gan Santa. I'm Jack O'Brien.

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Speaker 3: I'll be playing Dean Santa, Goth Santa, and Baby Santa.

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Speaker 4: I'm on a host name and I will be playing

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Speaker 4: Gal Santa.

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Speaker 5: I'm Sophia Lick Drumman and I'll be playing Intellect Santa.

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Speaker 6: I'm Joel and I have the honor of playing Jamie

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Speaker 6: and Professor Santa.

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Speaker 7: My name is Caitlin Derante. And I'm playing solely Whizz.

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Speaker 8: I'm Robert Evans, and in a rare case of casting

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Speaker 8: against type, I will be playing Second Amendment Santa.

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Speaker 9: Yo, low key, what's up, Squad? This is Prop I'll

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Speaker 9: be playing a head ass Santa.

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Speaker 2: This is Victor. I'll be playing the toilet Goblin.

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Speaker 10: I'm Bee and I'll be playing pregnant Santa.

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Speaker 11: I'm justin. I'll be playing cool Santa.

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Speaker 12: I'm Brian the Editor and I'm playing James Cameron.

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Speaker 13: I'm Ian Johnson reading as arms where his eyes should

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Speaker 13: be Santa.

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Speaker 14: I'm Catherine Law and I'm playing traum a nurse. I'm

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Speaker 14: Molly Conger and I'm thrilled to be joining the cast

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Speaker 14: of Santa University this year as Glory Hole Santa.

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Speaker 1: An important part, a crucial role. Ball guys, let's get

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Speaker 1: into it. Interior via asylum, massive sprawling stone asylum like

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Speaker 1: the one in Shutter Island. Remember Shutter Island. The twist

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Speaker 1: is that the DiCaprio character was a patient at the asylum.

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Speaker 1: You've had twenty years to watch it. Remember when the

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Speaker 1: old lady said sh in the trailer for Shutter Island,

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Speaker 1: please stop listening to this and co watch Shutter Island instead, anyways.

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Speaker 1: James Cameron, who did not direct Shutter Island and couldn't

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Speaker 1: see Martin Scorsese with the hubble fucking telescope, stands before

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Speaker 1: the asylum as it begins to rain in a mentally

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Speaker 1: ill fashion. He holds a large binder containing what should

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Speaker 1: be a copy of Santa University, but the production's printer

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Speaker 1: broke the morning of the shoot, and so the script

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Speaker 1: has been replaced with a stack of receipts colored in

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Speaker 1: either dried blood or ragusauce. James hamra howls at the door,

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Speaker 1: Big Doball, I knew this was good casting. Okay. The

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Speaker 1: trauma nurse answers at the massive stone door.

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Speaker 14: Yes, James Cameron. The password to the asylum is pickleball. Now,

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Speaker 14: what are your wishes?

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Speaker 1: Three? James Cameron, not understanding that trauma nurses could grant

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Speaker 1: three wishes but can never bring someone back to life.

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Speaker 15: I wish that Avatar Fire and Ash to be the

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Speaker 15: third best Avatar movie.

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Speaker 11: I think this is what he sounds like.

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Speaker 15: I wish to get invited to Seth MacFarlane's Christmas party

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Speaker 15: instead of all those twenty year old women I hear that,

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Speaker 15: and I wish to see your patient. The writer of

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Speaker 15: Sanna University.

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Speaker 1: The trauma nurs pinches James Cameron's little butt. He laughs

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Speaker 1: and gets a playful boner interior asylum. The next day,

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Speaker 1: James Cameron awakes in the trauma nurse's bed, still reeling

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Speaker 1: from the sexual experience of the night before. Jamie will

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Speaker 1: under stand the traumters leads him out of her chambers

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Speaker 1: and to where the patients are.

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Speaker 2: Oh huh, how bad is it?

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Speaker 14: Will she be okay, it's not looking good, mister Cameron.

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Speaker 15: Please, after last night, you can call me James.

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Speaker 14: Jamie Loftus, the writer of Santa University, has proven herself

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Speaker 14: to be so mentally ill that we had to reopen

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Speaker 14: this asylum.

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Speaker 1: Quote old school end quote. You know what we mean.

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Speaker 1: She opens another large stone door and reveals Jamie haggard

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Speaker 1: and miserable. Over thirty now. She shivers behind a set

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Speaker 1: of little bars with the little phone thing. Because I

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Speaker 1: realized halfway through that I did not set this in jail.

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Speaker 1: I set it in an asylum. I'll leave you to alone,

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Speaker 1: James Cameron yelps as the door shuts.

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Speaker 2: Wait, could I have your email so we can James.

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Speaker 1: Cameron must not be as good at sex as he thought.

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Speaker 1: I didn't think you were coming.

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Speaker 12: I did a lot, and that's why I'm confused as

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Speaker 12: to why she doesn't want my email.

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Speaker 1: I need you to get me out, James Cameron. I

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Speaker 1: don't belong here?

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Speaker 2: What happened?

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Speaker 1: Jamie frowns, page five fifty to five sixty two of

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Speaker 1: Santa University. She starts to sing a soft ballad sort

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Speaker 1: of like I dreamed a Dream. The song is called

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Speaker 1: will I Ever Be Free from Santa University?

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Speaker 6: Will ever be Free from Santa University? No, I'm gonna

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Speaker 6: die here? Dah dah dead.

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Speaker 1: Everyone's cheering. A gust of wind blows through the chambers

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Speaker 1: as the magic of Santa University pierces the world once more.

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Speaker 1: Santa University the six hundred page unproduced musical about a

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Speaker 1: university full of Santa's, where forty thousand Santa's a role

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Speaker 1: each year, but only one survives that has leaked out

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Speaker 1: installment by installment for nearly a decade. Santa University. Who

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Speaker 1: one other person on Twitter thinks of the idea for

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Speaker 1: every year, and then another person is like, oh, Jamie

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Speaker 1: Loftus does something like that it's called Santa University, and

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Speaker 1: the Twitter user inevitably replies, I don't know who that is.

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Speaker 1: The receipts that are supposed to be the pages of

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Speaker 1: the script to Santa University lift into the air and

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Speaker 1: we are thrown into Santa University. Nine The Cursed Pages

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Speaker 1: Interior Jingle Class Day. It's page five hundred and fifty

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Speaker 1: of Santa University, the first of the twelve cursed pages

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Speaker 1: of Santa University. I wonder if I will actually make

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Speaker 1: it to twelve pages. I only have sixty eight minutes

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Speaker 1: to finish this.

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Speaker 2: Quit all right, Santas, Let's jingle those bells.

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Speaker 1: It's another day in jingle class, and all the characters

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Speaker 1: we half remember from years past, and inevitably one I'm

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Speaker 1: going to forget and accidentally hurt someone's feelings. There's Dan,

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Speaker 1: Santa Gal, Santa Cool, Santa Intellect, Santa Second Amendment, Santa Hell.

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Speaker 1: There's even arms where his eyes should be Santa.

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Speaker 2: Ah, jingle, A bell won't ring.

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Speaker 1: He clutches as Santa stomach delegately.

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Speaker 2: And I don't feel so good.

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Speaker 1: Arms were his eyes should be Santa uses the arm

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Speaker 1: where most people's right I would be to shoot him

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Speaker 1: with a harpoon.

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Speaker 13: Shut the hell up, Dan Santa, you would have died

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Speaker 13: four hundred pages ago if you weren't the protagonist of

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Speaker 13: Santa University.

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Speaker 7: Plus you look like shot.

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Speaker 1: All the other Santa's in the room, especially the teacher,

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Speaker 1: really make a meal of bringing it home and really

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Speaker 1: good guys. Dan Santa turns to where he thinks Goth Santa,

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Speaker 1: his roommate at Santa University, who will survive until close

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Speaker 1: to the end of the movie.

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Speaker 3: Not quite is ah Jingle God Santa be shot?

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Speaker 1: He frowns, Where is God Santa?

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Speaker 2: Where's God Santa?

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Speaker 1: A few students think about shooting Dan Santa with another harpoon,

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Speaker 1: but harpoons are expensive, so they ignore him. Instead. Into

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Speaker 1: Alexanta jingles her bell effortlessly.

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Speaker 5: If the writer at any sense, she'd make a woman

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Speaker 5: the protagonist of Santa University, good one in Alexanta. And

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Speaker 5: that's the Bechdel test. Let's move on.

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Speaker 1: Are we missing a student goal Santa's eyes widened?

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Speaker 4: Wait did the Bechdel test just get passed from a

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Speaker 4: third character?

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Speaker 1: My name is Professor Santa. By the way, it.

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Speaker 5: Took until page five hundred and fifty one of the

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Speaker 5: screenplay at Sandy University, but this might actually be it.

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Speaker 4: Oh yes, we're Sully.

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Speaker 1: Why Sully bursts into the classroom and everyone cheers into

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Speaker 1: like Sanda grumble.

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Speaker 5: Me so much for.

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Speaker 9: That, Sully, you got to be the second coolest Santa

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Speaker 9: at Santa University.

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Speaker 2: I don't even go here.

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Speaker 7: I'm just a regular die from Dorchester.

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Speaker 1: Everyone starts hooting and hollering.

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Speaker 11: Wow out here shooting a yeah.

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Speaker 2: Shoot the now Sully shoot.

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Speaker 1: The noticing that Sully has recently gotten a BBL second amendment. Santa,

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Speaker 1: who oh yeah, is here as well, smiles in disbelief.

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Speaker 11: It's like looking at the sun. It's over, well man.

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Speaker 1: Sully sits beside Dan Santa, where Gosen usually sits.

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Speaker 2: Have you seen go Santa, Sully. I haven't heard from

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Speaker 2: him since page three eighty six of Santa University.

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Speaker 1: Sully looks around, then leans into Dan Santa and speaks

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Speaker 1: in a totally normal accent for one line only. It's

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Speaker 1: actually kind of British.

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Speaker 7: I'm sorry, Dan Santa, I'm afraid I don't. It's possible

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Speaker 7: the roted just fugult about him.

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Speaker 1: This never happens again. It's clear, though, that the BBL

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Speaker 1: is recent Sully is uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: This all, this doesn't feel right.

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Speaker 1: He clutches his stomach again.

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Speaker 2: I feel strange.

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Speaker 1: Gal Santa straighten's in her seat, feeling a song coming on.

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Speaker 4: No, please God, Dan Santa, don't sing.

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Speaker 13: I have six more harpoons, so.

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Speaker 1: Help us, Dan Santa, if you start too late, Dan

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Speaker 1: Santa's already singing a classic Disney I want song, but

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Speaker 1: it's not about anything he wants. He just feels strange.

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Speaker 16: I feel so strange. Nothing feels right. What is happening

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Speaker 16: to my wound? The blood won't stop gushy.

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Speaker 11: And I just don't feel right anymore.

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Speaker 1: The song is grating and features a number of key changes,

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Speaker 1: one of which is just out of Dan Santa's vocal

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Speaker 1: range on the high end, the other just out of

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Speaker 1: his range on the low end. It's fucking embarrassing. By

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Speaker 1: the end of the song, sixteen minutes later, everyone looks

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Speaker 1: pale and ill, and Dan Santa clutches his stomach again.

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Speaker 11: Dan Santa, why don't you he throws.

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Speaker 1: Up, He's so bad, Professor Santa Pat's pool. Santa on

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Speaker 1: the back then tries a little bit of the vomit

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Speaker 1: and frowns as if to say that wasn't so bad.

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Speaker 1: Dan Santa hit the locker room. You shit, he'll see

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Speaker 1: you ugly runs from the room, mortified.

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Speaker 16: It's only the fourth perst spade of Santa University and

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Speaker 16: things have already become too confusing to write out of.

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Speaker 2: In the next forty.

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Speaker 1: Minutes, Interior Santa Bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, the other bathrooms

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Speaker 1: were closed and Dan Santa was banned from using the

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Speaker 1: other one due to something explained in pages two fourteen

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Speaker 1: to two eighty nine of Santa University. Dan Santa enters

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Speaker 1: a bathroom almost doubled over in pain. He stands before

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Speaker 1: a stall that says beware toilet goblin within.

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Speaker 2: What's up, Dan Santa? Please enter?

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Speaker 1: That's what he thinks the sign says. Dan Santa closes

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Speaker 1: the stall door behind him and sits on a Santa toilet,

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Speaker 1: a normal dirty toilet with a little hat on it.

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Speaker 1: A familiar voice can be heard stage whispering from the

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Speaker 1: stall next door.

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Speaker 17: Shh yo, low key. You just wait a few minutes

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Speaker 17: and he'll leave you fee me. Oh, come on, I

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Speaker 17: cannot get into another conversation with.

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Speaker 11: This fool over here, with this piece of shit. Have

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Speaker 11: you seen him?

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Speaker 7: I've never seen Dan Santa.

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Speaker 11: It's hard to see from the gloriole. Lo KEI come on,

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Speaker 11: he's gonna want to talk to.

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Speaker 1: Us in the gloryhole.

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Speaker 7: I mostly taste.

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Speaker 2: Is that you head ass Santa? That's you?

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Speaker 11: God damn it taste come.

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Speaker 4: Head?

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Speaker 1: As Santa tries to pitch his voice up to disguise

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Speaker 1: who he actually.

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Speaker 11: Is, who's head ass Santa?

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Speaker 9: This is uh locate too many DVD's, Santa.

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Speaker 2: Look, I don't mean to bother you while you're in

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Speaker 2: the bathroom.

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Speaker 11: Okay, it's all good. He's in the gloriole, he can multitask.

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Speaker 2: Are you guys feeling strange too?

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Speaker 9: I've been feeling sick all morning, bro, Seriously, did you

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Speaker 9: look in the mirror?

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Speaker 6: No?

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Speaker 2: No, no, No, that's too much.

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Speaker 9: Look, there have been people coming in and feeling sick

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Speaker 9: all day. There's some low key like dead ass, some

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Speaker 9: mysterious plot illness going on.

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Speaker 1: Dan Santa Sai's the toilet fully clothed, mostly because he

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Speaker 1: is a fool, but also because the studio made me

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Speaker 1: swear on my life I would never show Dan Santa

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Speaker 1: without his clothes off.

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Speaker 9: Is that why you you gonna visit the toilet goblin.

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Speaker 11: Who's the toilet goblin?

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Speaker 2: Didn't you read this? Oh?

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Speaker 11: I see what happened here too late?

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Speaker 1: The toilet Goblin emerges from the toilet. Dan Santa sitting

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Speaker 1: on pregnant.

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Speaker 2: Who are you keep up, Dan Santa? The toilet goblin

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Speaker 2: just told you you pregnant?

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Speaker 1: What Dan Santa feels a pain in his stomach again,

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Speaker 1: his eyes widen.

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Speaker 16: Oh my freaking gosh, I'm pregnant.

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Speaker 1: I hope you weren't getting too attached to the toilet goblin,

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Speaker 1: because that's the last time you'll see them. Interior Gal

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Speaker 1: Santa's dorm. Later, Intellect Santa and Gal Santa look at

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Speaker 1: Dan Santa with disgust. Intellect pulls a thermometer from beneath

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Speaker 1: his armpit.

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Speaker 2: I had to come to tell you right away, Gal, Greg.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Greg.

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Speaker 4: That takes me back. Okay, sorry, what do I care?

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Speaker 4: I've never touched you and have no plans to.

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Speaker 1: Dan Santo does what he thinks is a flirtatious blink,

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Speaker 1: but it looks like he's being attacked by parrots.

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Speaker 4: How is this possible? Intellect, No one in their right

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Speaker 4: mind would ever get Dan Santa prank.

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Speaker 1: Gent Intellect Santa pages threw some notes.

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Speaker 5: It would appear that sometime between pages four hundred and

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Speaker 5: five hundred of Santa University being written, America has sunken

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Speaker 5: deeper and deeper into fascism and rolled back reproductive rights,

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Speaker 5: which has led to an unusual amount of media fear

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Speaker 5: around pregnancy and horny pregnancy content in general.

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Speaker 4: Meaning that the writer of Santa University might just know

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Speaker 4: it's too stupid.

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Speaker 5: I'm afraid so the writer to Sandy University might panic

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Speaker 5: and write a twelve page sequence in which the protagonist

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Speaker 5: at Sandy University gets pregnant along with half of the

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Speaker 5: school in mysterious and unexplainable circumstances.

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Speaker 11: She in the immaculate Sant eception.

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Speaker 1: He high fives himself.

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Speaker 4: Huh sounds boring.

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Speaker 2: May I have a kiss now?

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Speaker 1: Oh, pregnant Santa? Remember her from last year? I genuinely didn't,

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Speaker 1: but I'm relieved she's here pregnant. Santa enters pregnantly with

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Speaker 1: a very flustered second amendment, Santa.

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Speaker 8: Gail, Santa, we wanted to tell you first we're pregnant.

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Speaker 4: Why is everyone telling me you.

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Speaker 5: Two had an immaculate Santa conception as well?

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Speaker 10: What Oh no, we fucked.

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Speaker 11: I'm not safely.

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Speaker 10: It's honestly shocking. We didn't get pregnant. Sooner.

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Speaker 1: Sully passes with his BBL, looking very uncomfortable. He peers

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Speaker 1: into the room.

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Speaker 7: Why is that everyone? I got some news.

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Speaker 1: Everyone looks at It's huge, but it's grown a lot.

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Speaker 1: It's silly.

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Speaker 4: Are you pregnant?

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Speaker 2: Go bruid?

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Speaker 1: Pregnant Santa, Second Amendment Santa, Sully, Gal Santa, Cool Santa,

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00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,600
Speaker 1: and intellect Santa smile and congratulate each other.

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Speaker 2: This is so exciting.

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Speaker 1: They all looked at Dan Santa in disgusted.

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Speaker 11: Don't you dare have that baby? Dance, Santa? It will

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Speaker 11: unleash hell upon the world.

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Speaker 7: Oh aren't you noved?

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Speaker 2: I lost the accent.

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Speaker 7: No one's ever no one's ever lived at Santa University

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Speaker 7: long enough to have a Santa baby.

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Speaker 11: Will our baby be a gun?

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Speaker 7: Well, that's not really what I was saying.

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Speaker 1: Too late. A song has already begun. It's a duet

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Speaker 1: between Pregnant Santa and Second Amendment Santa, the third punishing

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Speaker 1: ballad of the Cursed Pages. Sully has a verse in

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Speaker 1: the middle about his fear of giving butt birth song

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Speaker 1: Will my baby be a gun.

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Speaker 8: Well, we got pregnant. There's joking here about safeties and

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Speaker 8: condoms because I'm Second Amendment saying, uh, that's that's what

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Speaker 8: I got. That's that's the intro to the song.

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Speaker 7: And then am I gonna give birth out of my ass?

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Speaker 6: You know?

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Speaker 8: And will the baby be a gun?

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Speaker 1: YadA YadA, great job, okay. Interior Interior The Asylum. James

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Speaker 1: Camer's mouth is covered in vomit as Jamie looks away

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Speaker 1: in shame. More beautiful than ever, And I should be mentioned.

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Speaker 12: Is that it I can't bear anymore. I'm afraid not James, Please, No,

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Speaker 12: just to say those.

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Speaker 1: They say The Inevitable in Unison, a.

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Speaker 6: Scene where multiple characters from Sandy University give birth in Unison.

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Speaker 1: Yes, but there's another song, Chris, and it's just awful.

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Speaker 1: Interior The Santa Ward. Months later, there's only ten minutes

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Speaker 1: left to write Santa University, Dan, Santa's in a hospital bed, howling.

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Speaker 1: However you think a person looks about to give birth,

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Speaker 1: I've ever seen it, and I didn't get sex out

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Speaker 1: at school. I sort of saw my friend give birth

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Speaker 1: over FaceTime this year, but I had other tabs open,

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Speaker 1: So it's impossible to.

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Speaker 12: Like.

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Speaker 2: Oh my freaking god, I'm in labor.

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Speaker 1: Shut the hell up, Dan Santa ours whereas I should be.

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Speaker 1: Santa restrains Dan Santa while preparing for the birth, which

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Speaker 1: is maybe the first logical use of as many arms

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Speaker 1: I've come up with in nine years. Second Amendment. Santa

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Speaker 1: and pregnant Santa run into the room.

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Speaker 11: Pregnant Santa's in labor too.

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Speaker 1: Pregnant Santa sits on one of the beds, pretty relaxed.

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Speaker 10: It's not a big deal for me. Bring pregnant is

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Speaker 10: all my character is written to do.

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Speaker 7: Sully's back was up.

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Speaker 1: Sully and his fit to burst cheeks enter the first

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Speaker 1: word concerned gallon intellect, doctor, Please, Sully's baby is.

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Speaker 7: Coming fast, Go Celtic.

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Speaker 1: How dare you?

355
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Speaker 5: Jamie?

356
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Speaker 1: Ye okay, you guys, I don't.

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Speaker 2: Care belief for one second. I'm pregnant and what the

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Speaker 2: freaking hell.

359
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,000
Speaker 1: Sully falls to his hands and knees as his left

360
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Speaker 1: buttche bursts open.

361
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Speaker 2: God, Santa, we.

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Speaker 4: Thought the writer had just forgotten you.

363
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Speaker 1: It's true. God Santa has burst out of Sully's butt

364
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Speaker 1: cheeks and embraces his father from Boston. Sully is emotional.

365
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Speaker 11: What's up son?

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Speaker 4: Wow.

367
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Speaker 1: God Santa, still covered in birth, kisses Sally on the

368
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Speaker 1: lips and run and runs to Dan Santa's side.

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Speaker 7: Dan Santa, you're pregnant.

370
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Speaker 2: I'm immaculately santaception.

371
00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:14,000
Speaker 1: God Santa thinks about it than nods.

372
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Speaker 3: I wasn't gonna say anything, but that makes more sense.

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Speaker 6: Ah.

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Speaker 1: He collapses in sam Adam's pain again as intellect Santa rushes.

375
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Speaker 4: To his side.

376
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Speaker 5: There's a second baby.

377
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Speaker 4: Dean Santa, my father, and the dean of Santa University.

378
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Speaker 3: Gal Santa, my daughter and the love interest of Santa University.

379
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,760
Speaker 1: Arms are as I should be. Santa shakes his head,

380
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Speaker 1: enjoyed disbelief.

381
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Speaker 13: She did it, That son of a bitch. Jamie Loftus

382
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,919
Speaker 13: did it writing in both Jack O'Brien characters with just

383
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Speaker 13: minutes ago, Come here, Gal.

384
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Speaker 4: Absolutely not.

385
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Speaker 1: It's coming second of him. In Santa rush is to

386
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Speaker 1: pregnant Santa side.

387
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,879
Speaker 8: It's want to be a gun? I know it to

388
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:03,119
Speaker 8: please just say it's a gun.

389
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,440
Speaker 10: It's it's.

390
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,960
Speaker 1: Dan Santa grabs God Santa's arm as he experiences labor pain.

391
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,560
Speaker 1: Whatever that looks like again, I had other tabs open.

392
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 1: Dan Santa enters birth psychosis as he and pregnant Santa

393
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:18,520
Speaker 1: give birth in unison. There should be a song here,

394
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,880
Speaker 1: but there's no time. If something speaks to you, feel free.

395
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:26,800
Speaker 1: Second Amendment. Santa holds this baby in confusion.

396
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:27,919
Speaker 10: Was it a gun?

397
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 11: No, it's a book.

398
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 1: He shows pregnant Santa the book, which is the opposite

399
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 1: of a gun if you're gender essentialist. Dan Santa gives

400
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:43,480
Speaker 1: birth and God Santa cuts the umbilical cord with his teeth.

401
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:47,440
Speaker 2: Oh, I can't look it. It looks like shit. Huh

402
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:48,280
Speaker 2: does it look like shit?

403
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 1: Everyone in the room is completely stunned, not even close.

404
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:58,800
Speaker 1: This is the most beautiful baby anyone has ever seen.

405
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 4: Good God, she's beautiful.

406
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 1: The baby squirms out of Gothsanta's arms and reaches for

407
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:04,440
Speaker 1: the book.

408
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,160
Speaker 2: Baby, it couldn't be.

409
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 1: That sexy little baby.

410
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:10,440
Speaker 11: She's gonna do it.

411
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:14,160
Speaker 1: Dan Santa's baby goes to the book and starts to read.

412
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:18,160
Speaker 3: And Gibraltar as a girl, where I was a flower

413
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 3: of the mountain. Yes, when I put the rose in

414
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:25,399
Speaker 3: my hair like the Andalusian girls used, or shall I

415
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,359
Speaker 3: wear a red yes? And how we kissed me under

416
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,920
Speaker 3: the Moorish wall, And I thought well as well him

417
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 3: as another. And then I asked him with my eyes

418
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,560
Speaker 3: to ask again yes. And then he asked me, would

419
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:40,880
Speaker 3: I yes, to say yes, my mountain flower. And first

420
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,760
Speaker 3: I put my arms around him yes, and drew him

421
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 3: down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume. Yes,

422
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:52,439
Speaker 3: and his heart was going like mad, and yes, I

423
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:57,160
Speaker 3: said yes, I will, yes, yes, yeah.

424
00:22:59,000 --> 00:22:59,800
Speaker 13: Yo be me.

425
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,320
Speaker 1: I have to say. I googled beautiful poetry and I

426
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:09,640
Speaker 1: did not realize how sexual that bomb. God Dan Santa

427
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:13,680
Speaker 1: is in tears, reaching for the baby. God Santa brings

428
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 1: it to him and Dan smiles. The baby is born.

429
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,880
Speaker 1: The baby will heal all. Alternatively, the baby sees Dan

430
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 1: Santa and throws up the interior at the asylum. Jamie

431
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,600
Speaker 1: puts down the last of the cursed pages of Santa University,

432
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: reflecting on how nine years in the premises are still

433
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,480
Speaker 1: getting worse. At least last year she was willing to

434
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 1: put in the effort to rip off lost, but the

435
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 1: fuck was this. She's too ashamed to meet James Cameron's eyes.

436
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,959
Speaker 1: That's it, That's why I'm here. A long pause, no answer.

437
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 1: She looks up to see that James Cameron has taken

438
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:47,440
Speaker 1: a cyanide pill.

439
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,960
Speaker 6: I guess it's just another years.

440
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:14,360
Speaker 11: Amazing.

441
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:16,120
Speaker 1: We did it.

442
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,360
Speaker 12: All right, Brian the editor here, and if you made

443
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:26,160
Speaker 12: it this far, we'd like to extend our sincerest apologies

444
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,520
Speaker 12: and we'll see if we can do better next year,

445
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:33,400
Speaker 12: although I wouldn't count on it. Happy holidays, and we'll

446
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:37,520
Speaker 12: be back tomorrow with a brand new special holiday episode,

447
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:39,400
Speaker 12: and we'll see you in the new year.