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Speaker 1: Two hopeless one dating app then dares you guys swipe right.

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Speaker 2: The question is whose love life is more tragic.

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Speaker 3: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates.

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Speaker 1: It is the dating game show with more red flags

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Speaker 1: than a six flags parking lot.

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Speaker 3: It's Battle of the Tender Dates, where.

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Speaker 1: Two of our listeners go head to head to figure

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Speaker 1: out whose dating life is the most tragic. We'll go

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Speaker 1: over the rules in just a second, but first let's

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Speaker 1: meet today's contestants. In this corner, his perfect date starts

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Speaker 1: by putting on matching green track suits, then playing a

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Speaker 1: sexy game of red light green lad till one of

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Speaker 1: you gets cut down. Meet squid Games James. He always

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Speaker 1: comes out on top, though, and in the other corner.

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Speaker 1: He's a gentleman. That's why he offers to wash a

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Speaker 1: woman's hair before, during, and after every hookup. So the

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Speaker 1: ladies call him shampoo Andrew.

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Speaker 3: What's not gonna lie. The shampoo part is the best

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Speaker 3: part of any haircut. This feels good to have someone

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Speaker 3: massage wet hair is sexy hair. Yeah, So let's go

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Speaker 3: over the rules.

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Speaker 1: One contestant is going to start by telling one of

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Speaker 1: their worst date stories. The other will try and counter

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Speaker 1: with the nightmare story of their own. We're going back

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Speaker 1: and forth for three rounds until we declare a winner.

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Speaker 1: Let's kick it off with squid games, James.

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Speaker 4: Let's do it all right.

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Speaker 2: So we sat down for dinner. Before we start eating,

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Speaker 2: She's like.

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Speaker 4: I need to pray. I'm not religious, okay, but I

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Speaker 4: went along with it, right, Yeah, yeah, you.

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Speaker 3: Don't want to be rude.

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Speaker 5: That's the right thing to do. I guess if somebody

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Speaker 5: else is doing that.

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Speaker 4: Except she started the prayer by saying, dear Ryan Godlin.

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Speaker 1: Everybody has a different God, and what's the problem with that?

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Speaker 3: Exactly how Jeff starts his nightly Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, so my reaction was the same as your guys.

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Speaker 4: All I can do is laugh. I kind of thought

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Speaker 4: she was kidding, right, and I got the death stare.

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Speaker 3: Oh it wasn't a joke.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, She one hundred percent worships Ryan Goslin.

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Speaker 3: The Church of Ryan didn't work out for Barbie very well.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Bojo dojo cosa nor?

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Speaker 3: I thought her what that means?

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Speaker 1: But let's keep going shampoo Andrew, can you count her?

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Speaker 5: Okay? So we went to a bar trivia night for

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Speaker 5: a date. That's always y yeah, totally. But we lost.

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Speaker 5: And after it was done, she like pulled out her

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Speaker 5: phone and told me that she was hiring an Etsy

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Speaker 5: witch to curse the bar girl.

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Speaker 3: The whole bar.

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Speaker 5: So she's a good loser, doesn't take it personally or anything.

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Speaker 3: Did it take well?

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Speaker 5: I mean I thought she was kidding, but then she

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Speaker 5: showed me her purchase history and she paid for six

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Speaker 5: people to be cursed that day. Yeah, yeah, and that

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Speaker 5: date correctly, You're going to be the next one. I know, totally.

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Speaker 1: So far, I haven't seen anything wrong with either of

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Speaker 1: these dates. As we go on to round two, we

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Speaker 1: need you to step both of your games up, let's

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Speaker 1: hear James.

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Speaker 4: All right.

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Speaker 2: So we when got drinks. On the way out, she

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Speaker 2: asked me to hold her purse while she goes to

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Speaker 2: the bathroom. Okay, okay, So I'm standing there holding it

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Speaker 2: and it's really heavy. Really, I mean, who knows what

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Speaker 2: she has in their water bottles, curling irons, makeup bag.

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Speaker 3: It's amazing what you could fit inside of hers. Sure

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Speaker 3: it is well, And so.

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Speaker 2: I got a little bit curious because I'm like, why

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Speaker 2: is this thing so heavy?

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Speaker 4: And it was open.

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Speaker 2: I didn't actually open it. It was just open, and

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Speaker 2: I looked down and guess what's peeking out at.

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Speaker 4: Me from inside of her purse? What? She had a

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Speaker 4: hamster in her purse.

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Speaker 3: Don't lick your lips. Don't lick your lips at that.

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Speaker 3: That's not nice.

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Speaker 1: Okay, emotional support hamster. I'm kind of cues, all right, shampoo? Andrew,

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Speaker 1: you're up.

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Speaker 5: So I had a date invite me to her place

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Speaker 5: for a movie night, and I was like, awesome, sounds

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Speaker 5: great until I got there and she turned on a

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Speaker 5: slideshow of photos of her ex boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: To say, you're so much better than them, hopefully. Way

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Speaker 3: is it plural ex boyfriends or just one?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 5: Yeah? Multiple? Is it two hours? Like three bottles of wine?

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Speaker 5: A later point you're explaining like what went wrong with

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Speaker 5: each one?

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Speaker 3: That might be a PowerPoint present serve for a girls night. Yeah?

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Speaker 3: How did you feel about it? Andrew?

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Speaker 5: It was kind of fun. I mean it was a

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Speaker 5: little ridiculous, but the end I gave her my.

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Speaker 4: Therapist's number.

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Speaker 3: Future ex boyfriend most likely there.

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Speaker 1: Okay, we're on to the third and final round, which

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Speaker 1: means we need your best stories here, gentlemen.

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Speaker 3: So, James, what have you got?

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Speaker 2: So?

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Speaker 4: I went on a day with a woman.

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Speaker 2: She told me she was just getting back into.

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Speaker 4: Dating after about eight years.

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Speaker 2: We decided to go for drinks and we went bowling.

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Speaker 3: Okay, it's fun.

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Speaker 2: Entire night.

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Speaker 4: She just kept saying, ah, reminds me of prison.

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Speaker 3: Prison. Huh is there bullying in prison?

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Speaker 2: She in fact, would not tell me anything else about what.

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Speaker 4: This reminds me of prison? And that's it.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but that might be the greatest troll if

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Speaker 1: you don't like to day.

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Speaker 3: Yeah right over again.

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Speaker 1: Yeah all right, I'm going to save that one for

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Speaker 1: the future, Andrew, this is your last.

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Speaker 5: Shot, all right. So we went to an arcade bar

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Speaker 5: and she really wanted to do the claw machine, and

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Speaker 5: after like thirty minutes of losing, she still didn't give up.

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Speaker 5: She like got more serious, took off her shirt did

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Speaker 5: she started like playing like pump up jock jams on

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Speaker 5: her phone, and like a crowd was gathering. After an hour,

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Speaker 5: she'd spent one hundred dollars and completely forgot about me.

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Speaker 4: So I left.

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Speaker 1: Who did she ever get a thing out of the

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Speaker 1: claw machine?

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Speaker 5: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Some say she's still at the machine to this day,

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Speaker 1: trying to win something. Girl all right, we heard the

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Speaker 1: final bell there. That means we need to score this

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Speaker 1: and sending it over to the judges. Alexis, who are

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Speaker 1: you giving it to?

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Speaker 3: I'm going Andrew for the girl at the Boyfriend's slide show.

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Speaker 4: I'm sure you made.

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Speaker 3: It out of one for Andrew Brook. See, I'm going

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Speaker 3: for the bullying in prison, James. That's my vote. Brook

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Speaker 3: likes prison. So Jose comes down to you. Give me

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Speaker 3: a fat purse, Hamster.

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Speaker 1: I mean, congratulations, squid Games, James, you are our lonely

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Speaker 1: boy of the week.

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Speaker 3: How does that feel?

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Speaker 4: Ah so great? Couldn't have wished for anything better.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels like you're back in prison all over James.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, congratulations man.

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Speaker 1: Text in seventy eight five nine two if you want

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Speaker 1: up here on the next edition of Battle of the

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Speaker 1: Tender dates

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Speaker 4: Brook and Jeffrey in the morning