WEBVTT - If you can answer this... Don't do it! (Special episode 100) 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:04.120 If you answer no to any of those questions, then 0:00:04.320 --> 0:00:11.360 absolutely do not give up. Don't that is that is 0:00:11.400 --> 0:00:25.759 a huge problem in society today. All right, is finally 0:00:25.800 --> 0:00:29.760 here episode one hundred. As promised, we have multiple guests. 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:31.840 We're actually supposed to have one more. We're supposed to 0:00:31.880 --> 0:00:34.520 have Christian. He wasn't feeling good, so he bowed out. 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:40.200 So we have the favorites of the podcast. Parker always 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:43.919 a favorite. People always request you, what's happening? You're you're 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:49.400 our relationship guy. Okay. Supposedly, all right, Chad past the Chad, 0:00:49.520 --> 0:00:54.440 past the Chad, welcome back. Always a big request. You're 0:00:54.440 --> 0:00:58.080 gonna be our You're gonna be our pastoral guy. Okay, God, 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:01.600 questions will go to you. Indeed, that burns. Oh man, 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:05.640 what's gonna get thrown at me? I'm so nervous. You're 0:01:05.680 --> 0:01:11.199 the utility draw, utility draw. Everyone could everyone could play 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:14.039 multiple hats in this game. But you're gonna play our 0:01:14.120 --> 0:01:17.560 life guy. Okay, yeah, our career guy. Okay, Okay, I 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:19.200 can do it. So what we do on this podcast. 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:21.759 If for some reason you came to episode one hundred, 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:23.720 it's the first time, maybe it is your very first 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:27.720 time We're gonna answer questions as if we're sitting around 0:01:27.800 --> 0:01:31.280 I can't fire, and you're sitting around with some buddies 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:32.760 and we're there and you say he could, I could. 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:35.760 I got throw something at you, guys. Something's been bothering 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:39.000 me or something I'm excited about and I need some 0:01:39.080 --> 0:01:42.280 kind of resolution, so you ask us that, And so 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:44.720 that's that's what we're doing today. I've I've picked these 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:49.000 these three gentlemen around me. These are these are good men, 0:01:49.520 --> 0:01:55.400 good hearts, They're smart. And if I and and this 0:01:55.480 --> 0:01:57.960 does happen, if I'm going through something or I need 0:01:58.000 --> 0:02:01.600 some some somebody to reflects some wisdom back on me, 0:02:01.640 --> 0:02:04.400 I'm gonna I'm gonna go to these three guys. And 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:07.720 so I feel very blessed to have these these three 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:10.839 guys and and others in my life, and I want 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:12.320 to be able to share that with you. So that's 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:14.480 what this podcast is about. If you have one of 0:02:14.520 --> 0:02:20.240 these questions, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:22.280 want to get to some some good stuff today. I 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:24.000 have some good questions lined up, so I don't want 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:26.880 to waste too much time talking. So I'm gonna dive 0:02:26.919 --> 0:02:30.440 into the question for the record, I don't know what 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:32.720 I'm gonna pick first, and I don't know a lot 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:35.239 about these questions. Can I cut something out of the 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:38.280 way from go go ahead, Jed. So I'm not only 0:02:38.560 --> 0:02:40.000 you know, I get to be a guest here, but 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:43.160 I'm also a fan of the podcast. I listen when 0:02:43.160 --> 0:02:47.359 I'm not on here, and I'm a little like starstruck 0:02:47.440 --> 0:02:49.520 right now that I get to hang out with Bernie. 0:02:50.240 --> 0:02:55.320 If you're if you are, you listen to this podcast, 0:02:55.400 --> 0:02:57.880 and you're like, I love to hang with that guy, 0:02:58.000 --> 0:03:02.760 Like I'm living your dream right now. And so it's 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:05.440 just it's an honor to meet Bernie in Verson the 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:07.440 first time we've ever met. Yeah, it was just we 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:11.040 hugged it, we did we embraced it felt felt authentic 0:03:11.120 --> 0:03:15.360 and real. So yeah, same for me. Same here. I 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:17.079 know Bernie would say the same thing back to you. 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:18.959 So because he does call me and he's like, man, 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:22.600 that episode with Chad Parker, you're in this too, dude, 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:25.440 that both these guys will say the same thing. So, yeah, 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:27.320 they just know you a lot better. This is the 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:30.360 first time they've ever met. Ye, I've just before. I agree, 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:31.880 it was a big day. It was a big day. 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:33.960 I mean, you were kind of there, you were you 0:03:34.000 --> 0:03:37.040 saw it witness. Yeah, I couldn't believe they hadn't met yet. 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:40.440 He was playing piano in the background, like I set 0:03:40.480 --> 0:03:42.600 it up. Yeah, Hey, Parker, get over there, play piano. 0:03:42.720 --> 0:03:45.640 There's a soundtrack. Yeah. I was trying to bring emotion 0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:48.680 to the moment. Very magical. The first question I want 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:50.480 to I want to ask or I want to read 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:55.680 is the septic line says question for one hundredth episode, 0:03:57.560 --> 0:04:00.640 it is failing my family. Great Andrew, thank you for 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:02.840 all you do on this podcast is to highlight of 0:04:02.920 --> 0:04:06.040 my mondays. My name is Jared. I'm in my late thirties. 0:04:06.120 --> 0:04:08.720 I live in Nashville, Tennessee. I have many blessings in 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:11.960 my life, a wonderful wife, an amazing nine year old daughter, 0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:15.280 a roof over my head, the ability to earn a wage. 0:04:15.480 --> 0:04:18.480 But I cannot escape the feeling that I'm failing at 0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:23.320 life and at worst, I'm failing my family. Brief backstory 0:04:23.400 --> 0:04:27.479 summer of twenty nineteen, diagnosed with a growth in my 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:31.080 brain and it was still throwing off several systems in 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:34.080 my body. Currently attempting to shrink it with medicine, but 0:04:34.480 --> 0:04:37.279 not reaching desired results. Spring a twenty twenty, I lose 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:41.000 my dream job due to the pandemic. January twenty twenty one, 0:04:41.040 --> 0:04:44.520 my father, mother, and younger brother all diagnosed with COVID nineteen. 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:47.320 In the same week, father, in his sixties, makes a 0:04:47.320 --> 0:04:50.160 full recovery, but my younger brother dies two weeks later. 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:54.280 March twenty twenty one, after long struggle, my mother dies 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:57.760 from COVID. My family lives about five hundred miles away, 0:04:58.600 --> 0:05:01.680 and I have done everything I can to help, but 0:05:02.200 --> 0:05:03.880 there is only so much you could do from this 0:05:03.960 --> 0:05:07.479 kind of distance. I'm blessed enough to find a temporary 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:10.400 job working in a warehouse for a fraction of the 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:14.880 pay I was making at my previous job, but it's 0:05:14.920 --> 0:05:20.240 really hard, only getting support from churches and friends. I've 0:05:20.279 --> 0:05:23.200 averaged about sixty hours per week since March of twenty 0:05:23.279 --> 0:05:25.799 twenty to get the income needed to keep us going. 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:29.480 It's definitely been a physical, mental, and emotional strain. I 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:31.200 have yet to be able to find another job in 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:33.799 my previous field due to the volatility of the financial 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:38.800 markets and the inability to generate clients in pre pandemic ways. 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:42.160 In my heart, I know God has his hand on 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:44.799 my life, and I believe he could turn all things 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:47.680 for good. But I'm struggling with feeling that I'm not 0:05:47.800 --> 0:05:50.760 living up to my potential and failing my family by 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:53.840 not finding a job that I could provide as well 0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:56.680 and still be available for them in this crazy season. 0:05:56.920 --> 0:06:05.040 All insights are greatly appreciated. Thanks Jerry ye Ye, Thanks Jared. 0:06:06.200 --> 0:06:09.000 Shout out to to Nashville. Bernie and I both lived 0:06:09.000 --> 0:06:16.039 in Nashville late thirties. Got quite a story here, that's 0:06:16.080 --> 0:06:20.440 a lot. But yet you're you're holding your head up 0:06:20.839 --> 0:06:26.039 and and talking about your blessings, which tells me that 0:06:26.120 --> 0:06:30.040 you're you're in a right place. It doesn't make it easier, doesn't. 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:33.200 You could be in a right place and and still 0:06:33.200 --> 0:06:36.359 be struggling with what to do tomorrow. So did I 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:39.159 hear right that he lost his mom and his brother 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:44.599 this year? Yep. He's got a nine year old daughter, 0:06:45.920 --> 0:06:51.560 he's in his late thirties, and and a growth on 0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:56.880 his brain that looks like it's stable, but they're not 0:06:56.960 --> 0:07:00.880 getting the total results. So he's got a lot going on. Yeah, 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:04.480 you could plug in, Jared. You could plug it in 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:06.080 with a lot of people right now. In the world, 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:10.000 A lot of Americans, at a lot of people worldwide. 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:13.360 You could plug in anybody's name for Jared said, they've 0:07:13.360 --> 0:07:17.920 had several losses recently back to back, including their job, 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:21.480 and they're dealing with their own physical health and they're 0:07:21.480 --> 0:07:24.480 feeling guilty that they might not be living up to 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:30.880 what their family expects from them. Who's got something on this? 0:07:34.120 --> 0:07:39.200 So this sounds like a pastor question to chat on this. Yeah, 0:07:39.240 --> 0:07:44.120 So what I hear in what he's kind of described 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:51.080 there there is this belief in understanding that God is 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:53.920 present through this. He says, I know that God has 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:56.920 his hand on me. I know He's got a plan. However, 0:07:57.040 --> 0:08:01.280 I still wrestle with this feeling that I'm failing, that 0:08:01.320 --> 0:08:05.920 I'm insufficient, and so there's a tension there right, there's yeah, yeah, 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:08.720 I know God has this, but I still have to 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:11.880 do my part in this, right And so I think 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:16.520 that's what that's what my heart feels immediate format And 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:20.280 he's again not alone in having all kinds of crazy 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:23.600 things happen, but also not alone that we as men 0:08:24.760 --> 0:08:28.120 will tend to find our identity in what we can produce. 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:32.760 I mean that goes back to Genesis three, right when 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:36.640 the curse comes down from God to Adam and Eve. 0:08:36.720 --> 0:08:40.160 For Adam, it's particular in that you will labor hard 0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:45.120 and have difficulty producing from the ground, like this will 0:08:45.160 --> 0:08:46.959 be a hard thing for you. And so from that 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:51.920 point forward, men in particular will always struggle to find 0:08:51.960 --> 0:08:54.840 their value and their meaning in what they can produce. 0:08:55.559 --> 0:08:58.880 And it's I think particularly sensitive when it comes to 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:01.880 producing four wife and kids. Is that a good or 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:05.560 bad thing? I think it is. It's a dangerous thing 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:08.160 because as much as we can say no, I trust 0:09:08.200 --> 0:09:11.480 God for my identity, my value, my purpose, and I'm 0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:15.800 in Christ, we still go. But ye, when I compare 0:09:15.840 --> 0:09:19.800 myself to my friends or the culture around me, I'm 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:23.040 only valuable to the extent I can produce in my 0:09:23.120 --> 0:09:25.920 mind what I think I need to produce. And so 0:09:26.480 --> 0:09:29.920 he has a unique opportunity that as the world watches 0:09:30.000 --> 0:09:33.520 him right all his neighbor's friend's family watch him go 0:09:33.640 --> 0:09:37.840 through some horrific seasons of life. They get to watch 0:09:37.840 --> 0:09:41.160 how he responds in a way that trusts the Lord. 0:09:42.080 --> 0:09:47.520 Doesn't find fault with the Lord and is okay with 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:50.680 it because his identity is not in his own ability 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:53.160 to produce and so that may be something that the 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:56.840 Lord is trying to walk him through and teach him through. 0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:59.960 But it doesn't make it easy. It's super hard when 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:03.440 and we can't produce in the way that we want to. 0:10:03.480 --> 0:10:06.280 And so I think there's something there with identity and 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:10.439 not necessarily saying that he's giving lip service to his faith, 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:13.200 but that there is a real tension with saying I 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:16.720 believe God for this, However, I still need to do 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:20.560 my part. I need to produce. And so finding that 0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:24.280 balance of seeing the opportunities you have and what you know, 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:26.560 what God has given you, and the clients you do 0:10:26.640 --> 0:10:29.000 have and the work you can do, but just trusting 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:33.000 that this is a season, this isn't forever, This too 0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:35.199 shall pass, as they say, right, and that this is 0:10:35.240 --> 0:10:40.000 an opportunity yet to demonstrate your loyalty, your commitment, your 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:45.080 worship to God in the midst of trial. Yeah, so good, Yeah, 0:10:45.120 --> 0:10:49.040 you're right on. And that there is a positive note 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:52.320 that he's taking responsibility for taking care of his family 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:55.800 and that is a good thing very much, And that 0:10:56.120 --> 0:10:58.559 is say that is a gift from God, that not 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:02.680 only that he was given that, but he's accepting that responsibility. 0:11:02.720 --> 0:11:05.880 He's feeling the weight of that. So Garret Mahart goes 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:08.240 to you, man, you feel the weight of this. But 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:12.280 Chad's right on and saying that this is a season 0:11:12.720 --> 0:11:17.520 and it's so hard to see past a season like this, 0:11:18.440 --> 0:11:21.520 but they always change, just like the leaves and the 0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:25.600 trees and the seasons, they change. That's how life is. 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:28.840 And that's such a big reason I think. I don't 0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:32.600 know exactly what I think. That's why Jesus just really 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:35.680 wanted to teach don't worry about tomorrow. He made it 0:11:35.720 --> 0:11:38.120 a big part of the sermon on the Mount, but 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:41.319 everything he could have said, he wanted us to say, No, 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:45.679 you need to worry about today, and brother, you are. 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:48.720 You're crushing today. You went out. You got a job. 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:50.719 A lot of people email this podcast. They don't even 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:54.120 have that temporary job. They're wanting to get back to 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:57.040 what they think they deserve. You went out, you put 0:11:57.080 --> 0:12:01.520 pride aside. You got this temporary job, and you had 0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:03.800 every reason to just climb in a little cave and 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:06.640 disappear with everything that's going on with you. But you 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:09.400 fought back. You're a fighter. You fought back. You're working 0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:12.480 sixty hours a week. You're getting support from your friends, 0:12:13.200 --> 0:12:16.360 wise counsel that we love that you're getting wise counsel. 0:12:17.200 --> 0:12:21.280 And the only thing I think that's missing in this 0:12:21.360 --> 0:12:25.719 whole email is full trust God. You got this. You 0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:28.760 got People love to quote Romans eight twenty eight, but 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:32.160 they always for they just quote the all things for 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:38.600 good part. They forget the love God according to his purpose. 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:42.360 They forget those parts. So He's got a purpose for you. 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:48.040 Trust him, believe him, love him, And in the meantime, 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:51.880 you're crushing it. Yeah, Jared, I'll hit you with some 0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:55.400 just practical I think they hit on this on a 0:12:55.520 --> 0:13:01.839 very spiritual kind of, you know, higher level. But having 0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:06.960 had a friend that's had a brain tumor removed and 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:12.079 had to go on medication to address it, it sounds 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:14.520 like you're on medication. And I know how that can 0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:16.560 mess with mood, It can mess with hormones, it can 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:22.640 mess with your ability to process emotion. So I would 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:26.440 just suggest to either, I don't and again, you're not 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:28.280 at the campfire with us, so I can't ask you 0:13:28.320 --> 0:13:32.400 these questions like but I would I would suggest to 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:36.800 like keep that in mind, and maybe your wife knows 0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:40.000 that and like you have some accountability to like, hey, 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:44.240 this medicine is not this kind is not working, Like, man, 0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:47.800 I'm feeling this way. So I think from a medication standpoint, 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:50.240 just make sure that you're being monitored, like and people 0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:52.520 that know you really well or seeing how you're responding 0:13:52.520 --> 0:13:56.040 to that because those things that they I've seen them 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:59.240 firsthand play have major effects on people. And the other 0:13:59.280 --> 0:14:03.960 thing is everybody at this table probably has either experienced 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:09.920 or know somebody that's experienced the death and the family 0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:12.480 that you're kind of working with. My dad passed away 0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:18.480 last December. Man, push into some counseling of some kind 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:22.400 to really process your grief. And that's a lot all 0:14:22.440 --> 0:14:26.360 at once too, especially on top of just the low 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:28.680 lying trauma that everybody's kind of dealing with in this 0:14:28.800 --> 0:14:33.120 season of COVID and everything. So I think just practical, 0:14:33.600 --> 0:14:36.880 you know, make somebody, make sure somebody is kind of 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:40.200 like aware of your medication, and then counseling for your 0:14:40.240 --> 0:14:44.000 grief just to process through some of those emotions and everything. 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:48.240 That's a pretty good, a pretty good paint that you know, 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:51.760 we did a broad stroke on this and uh, yeah, 0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:54.360 that's that's awesome. Having having both of you guys in here. 0:14:56.440 --> 0:14:59.360 Here's one that this has to be lighter. But it's 0:14:59.360 --> 0:15:04.720 called friendship breakup, and it says, how do you know 0:15:04.760 --> 0:15:07.280 it's time when it's time to end a friendship? Long 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:09.640 story short, We've been best friends for a few new 0:15:09.720 --> 0:15:13.080 years now, and our families were super close, did everything together. 0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:17.360 She was invited to a bachelorette party and declined for 0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:22.560 budget and aligning priorities quotations. Less than twelve hours later, 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:25.600 they were at Windstar. The following weekend was a weekend 0:15:25.600 --> 0:15:28.560 getaway to a really expensive hotel and another trip to Windstar, 0:15:28.920 --> 0:15:31.960 and this coming weekend a weekend trip to New Orleans, 0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:35.720 all with friends that she that they excuse me, have 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:38.240 made in the past two or three months. I feel 0:15:38.280 --> 0:15:40.560 like I'm being told our friendship is not a priority 0:15:40.680 --> 0:15:43.600 to her, and I've been extremely hurt by this. Am 0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:49.040 I overreacting? Or is it time to step back? Parker? 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:53.000 That's Parker all over it. This comes from Amanda Barker. 0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:59.560 Hasn't he lose his friends? All he knows about that? Hey, 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:03.520 my friend go to casinos without me. I guess the 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:05.960 question here is should I be friends with someone who 0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:10.520 seems to be not respectful of my time or wanting 0:16:10.600 --> 0:16:14.360 to hang out with me, or am I being am 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:17.640 I being? Am I overthinking this? Am I bringing drama 0:16:17.640 --> 0:16:21.720 into this unnecessarily? Yeah? That a fair assessment. Yeah. Absolutely. 0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:24.920 If Christian was here, I know that he would say 0:16:24.960 --> 0:16:29.840 something about what kind of expectations are you setting for 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:36.600 this friendship that that is not reciprocated. You're you're you're 0:16:36.640 --> 0:16:41.240 setting this high expectation of we're besties. We do everything together, 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:43.960 we tell each other everything. If someone new comes into 0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:47.880 our lives, we introduce them, and that's an expectation that 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:51.040 that the other person is not giving back to Amanda. 0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:57.920 I am frustrated. I'm frustrated with this question. And it's 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:01.200 partly why I put it on this this group, and 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:03.800 sometimes I put questions in here because I think a 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:06.200 lot of people need to hear it, because a lot 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:10.439 of people probably feel it. But this is this is 0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:14.160 a This is such a waste of spirit and effort 0:17:14.359 --> 0:17:20.960 and heart. I cannot imagine how you're stressing over this. 0:17:21.520 --> 0:17:25.560 And imagine Jared not not comparing here, but imagine what 0:17:25.680 --> 0:17:31.600 Jared's going through and and Amanda, you're dealing with a 0:17:31.600 --> 0:17:34.560 friend that's going to Windstar, and I want I just 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:36.000 kind of I don't want to compare, but I do 0:17:36.040 --> 0:17:38.200 want to kind of just put a perspective in here 0:17:38.800 --> 0:17:46.280 that are you overreacting? Yes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're you're 0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:53.399 you are? What does that make you feel? Yeah? My 0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:58.399 Immediately I look to expectations and what she expects of 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:06.080 the friend and like, are you are you unwilling to 0:18:06.119 --> 0:18:09.760 sit down and have a conversation or kind of deal 0:18:09.840 --> 0:18:15.760 with some resolution here, Like, let's there's unresolved frustration, so 0:18:16.800 --> 0:18:20.920 just grab coffee, go grab lunch something, but just say, hey, 0:18:21.240 --> 0:18:23.200 here's what's going on. We've been friends for a long 0:18:23.240 --> 0:18:25.880 time and I just need to share some things. And 0:18:26.280 --> 0:18:29.080 because I want this friendship to continue. Obviously you wouldn't 0:18:29.080 --> 0:18:31.080 be hurt if you didn't want it to continue. So 0:18:31.640 --> 0:18:35.400 it's worth fighting for. And that's what friends do through 0:18:35.480 --> 0:18:37.879 thick and thin ups and downs, but they deal with 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:41.719 unresolved conflict so that once resolved, you're better for it. 0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:44.560 You're better friends for it. If you find that through 0:18:44.600 --> 0:18:48.199 that confrontation, this friend is like, I'm sorry, this is 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:51.280 too much for me. Maybe that's an indicator too that 0:18:51.359 --> 0:18:54.320 it's not the kind of friendship that's healthy and that 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:58.240 you need to engage with. But I would be willing 0:18:58.280 --> 0:19:01.560 to resolve the conflict and in front it, and in 0:19:01.640 --> 0:19:04.120 doing that, you're being the kind of friend that you'd 0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:08.560 probably want to have. Yeah, So so let me ask 0:19:08.560 --> 0:19:11.359 you a question, because I think that's great advice. But 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:18.119 let's say Amanda. Let's say Amanda reaches out to Julie says, hey, 0:19:18.720 --> 0:19:23.280 can we grab coffee? Do this? And julis like, now, 0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:25.920 I'm just busier, I can't do it. I'm not sure 0:19:25.920 --> 0:19:29.639 when I can do it. Or let's let's say that 0:19:29.680 --> 0:19:32.120 they do get together and have coffee. Let's go this way. 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:35.800 They have coffee and Julie is just like, yeah, she's 0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:39.800 intentionally been doing this, and there there is like a break, 0:19:41.480 --> 0:19:45.680 and Julie doesn't necessarily want to continue the same level 0:19:45.720 --> 0:19:48.000 of friendship. Let's just say that's a possibility. How does 0:19:48.040 --> 0:19:52.880 Amanda then respond to that, not not just respond to Julie, 0:19:53.400 --> 0:19:58.879 but how does she go about living and accepting that 0:19:59.359 --> 0:20:01.240 this man is this was a friendship. I'm hurt that 0:20:01.280 --> 0:20:04.879 it kind of went this way, But how do I 0:20:05.000 --> 0:20:08.680 kind of like now navigate going forward without that friendship 0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:13.080 the same as it was before? I think when that happens, 0:20:14.240 --> 0:20:17.240 that is it's it's the loss of a friend, right, 0:20:17.280 --> 0:20:21.040 It's it's like a death, and there's a grief process 0:20:21.080 --> 0:20:24.359 associated with that of and I can't remember off the 0:20:24.400 --> 0:20:26.280 top of my head what that grief process is, but 0:20:26.400 --> 0:20:29.960 there are steps that we emotionally go through to kind 0:20:30.000 --> 0:20:34.560 of reconcile in our lives that that person isn't going 0:20:34.640 --> 0:20:37.679 to be that person in the same way or maybe 0:20:37.680 --> 0:20:40.080 ever again. And so I think there is a grief 0:20:40.119 --> 0:20:43.040 process that you have to go through and just lament 0:20:44.160 --> 0:20:46.159 the loss of a friend. If that's the case, if 0:20:46.359 --> 0:20:48.359 the if the friendship can never be what it was, 0:20:49.119 --> 0:20:51.200 you have to, you know, figure out am I okay 0:20:51.240 --> 0:20:53.920 with what it can be? And if it can't, If 0:20:53.920 --> 0:20:56.119 I'm not okay with that, then maybe you have to 0:20:56.160 --> 0:21:00.359 part with that. But it's there's no easy fix. Somebody 0:21:00.560 --> 0:21:05.399 doesn't want to be your friend. I mean, I I 0:21:05.520 --> 0:21:08.600 have to wrestle with this with my eleven year old 0:21:08.680 --> 0:21:12.560 daughter as she navigates every year there's a different group 0:21:12.560 --> 0:21:16.040 of girls in her grade and navigate through so and 0:21:16.080 --> 0:21:17.960 so who was a good friend is no longer a 0:21:17.960 --> 0:21:22.280 good friend and just help her see that because that 0:21:22.359 --> 0:21:25.240 one friend isn't there In the same way, it opens 0:21:25.320 --> 0:21:28.440 up opportunities in time for you to explore new friendships. 0:21:28.560 --> 0:21:31.280 And so I think maybe there's something to that too. No, 0:21:31.440 --> 0:21:34.720 that's great, great answer. I think that what you said 0:21:34.760 --> 0:21:37.120 about communication is by far the key, Like you got 0:21:37.160 --> 0:21:40.120 to talk to your friends period. I'm convinced that all 0:21:40.320 --> 0:21:44.159 questions can be answered by like I haven't figured out yet, 0:21:44.160 --> 0:21:48.080 but it's like six or seven answers and communication is one. 0:21:48.080 --> 0:21:51.560 And that's so this one falls under communication talk talk 0:21:51.600 --> 0:21:55.680 to her, yep, a man to talk to her. And 0:21:56.440 --> 0:21:59.919 the last one would fall under trust. Trust, just trust, 0:22:00.040 --> 0:22:03.919 trust the process, trust God, trust your spouse. You know, 0:22:04.400 --> 0:22:08.240 there's always a trust issue. And we'll maybe we'll continue 0:22:08.240 --> 0:22:10.440 to find these themes. If we do, we have to 0:22:10.480 --> 0:22:14.280 write a book about that. Yeah, every answer has one 0:22:14.280 --> 0:22:18.879 of six yes. Every question six answers. I think we 0:22:19.080 --> 0:22:21.040 let's let's talk about one more and took a break. 0:22:23.400 --> 0:22:24.920 Let me throw a couple at you guys and see 0:22:24.920 --> 0:22:28.440 if anything steps out. Mechanical bull at a wedding, trying 0:22:28.480 --> 0:22:32.960 not to be a Karen, legalistic Christians, what to do 0:22:33.119 --> 0:22:42.640 help ghosted? Any of those pop out? All right, Hey, 0:22:42.640 --> 0:22:45.200 Grangeer needs some advice from our wedding reception. My fiance 0:22:45.320 --> 0:22:47.520 and I are deciding on what entertainment to have for 0:22:47.600 --> 0:22:49.800 the guests at the beginning of the reception while we're 0:22:49.800 --> 0:22:52.520 all getting our pictures done right now, we have planned 0:22:52.720 --> 0:22:56.720 to do the typical appetizers, yard games, background music during 0:22:56.760 --> 0:22:59.720 this time, estimated about one and a half hours of 0:22:59.760 --> 0:23:02.880 down time between the ceremony and us entering the reception. 0:23:03.880 --> 0:23:06.520 He would like to have a mechanical bull with the reception. 0:23:07.119 --> 0:23:09.920 The mechanical bull is about nine hundred dollars to rent 0:23:10.040 --> 0:23:12.720 and seems too much to spend when that money could 0:23:12.720 --> 0:23:16.359 be used in other places. Now, we didn't meet at 0:23:16.359 --> 0:23:19.160 a rodeo and he doesn't ride bulls, so I don't 0:23:19.160 --> 0:23:22.040 see the reasoning behind it. Don't get me wrong, I 0:23:22.040 --> 0:23:25.439 think it would be super fun, but for us, I 0:23:25.520 --> 0:23:27.000 just think it would be a little weird. What do 0:23:27.040 --> 0:23:30.080 you guys think? What if you enjoyed at weddings that 0:23:30.119 --> 0:23:37.000 you've attended. Thanks for reading my email, Mary, Mary, you're 0:23:37.040 --> 0:23:42.800 asking the wrong group. Mary, I'll say, just the fact 0:23:42.840 --> 0:23:48.200 that you're willing to consider and entertain the idea. That's awesome. Yeah, 0:23:48.320 --> 0:23:52.920 that's so cool. You got to do it. I've never 0:23:52.960 --> 0:23:56.120 heard of anybody doing that, and I would never forget 0:23:56.160 --> 0:23:58.639 that of any wedding I went to they had a 0:23:58.640 --> 0:24:01.520 mechanical bull, or we could stand around and like have 0:24:01.600 --> 0:24:06.240 drinks and you know, appetizers, boring do the mechanical bull? 0:24:06.400 --> 0:24:09.560 Graduate will even pay for it? Just kidding. I don't 0:24:09.560 --> 0:24:12.320 want to volunteer for that, but I will say, besides 0:24:12.359 --> 0:24:15.480 the mechanical bull, besides any of that. This is an 0:24:15.480 --> 0:24:20.560 interesting indication of during this engagement time, of what is 0:24:20.600 --> 0:24:23.240 to come in your marriage. You think a mechanical bull 0:24:23.320 --> 0:24:25.159 is a big decision. Just wait till you have kids, 0:24:25.560 --> 0:24:28.880 Wait till you have to buy a house and you're 0:24:28.920 --> 0:24:31.359 you're you have to get a new car payment, and 0:24:32.040 --> 0:24:34.000 you're you're wanting that you needed to move for a 0:24:34.119 --> 0:24:38.159 job across the country because he got a new job offer. 0:24:39.600 --> 0:24:42.800