WEBVTT - Practice friendship skills

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to look for ways to practice your

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<v Speaker 1>friendship skills. We might think such skills are innate, but

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<v Speaker 1>they aren't. Just as we can learn to play the piano,

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<v Speaker 1>we can learn to be more socially engaged people. In

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<v Speaker 1>both cases, practice really does work, and it's worth building

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<v Speaker 1>into our lives. As with several other recent episodes, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>taking this tip from Audrey Monkey's book, Happy Campers. Monkey

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<v Speaker 1>is a long time camp director, and her book looks

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<v Speaker 1>at why exactly kids find summer camp so fun how

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<v Speaker 1>can we take those lessons into our homes and working lives.

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<v Speaker 1>She notes that summer camp is basically a friendship factory.

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<v Speaker 1>Kids report making some of their best friends in the

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<v Speaker 1>short time they attend camp. You can feel closer to

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<v Speaker 1>someone you know for three weeks in summer camp, then

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<v Speaker 1>someone you've gone to fifth grade with all year. When

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<v Speaker 1>you're around people constantly and doing fun things in a

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<v Speaker 1>positive environment, you wind up with all kinds of opportunities

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<v Speaker 1>to practice your friendship skills. The good news is that

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<v Speaker 1>some of this can be replicated elsewhere. Monkey breaks it

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<v Speaker 1>down for us. Part of being a good friend is

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<v Speaker 1>showing interest in another person's life, and part of this

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<v Speaker 1>is about asking good questions so the person can share

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<v Speaker 1>a bit of themselves with you. So, before any social situation,

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<v Speaker 1>brainstorm questions you might like to ask the people you'll

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<v Speaker 1>be around. Think about what your friends have going on

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<v Speaker 1>in their lives. Did someone mention a new project last

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<v Speaker 1>time you talked? A big event in the family. Can

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<v Speaker 1>you connect to shared memory to something that the person

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<v Speaker 1>is dealing with now. Maybe some people are naturally brilliant conversationalists,

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<v Speaker 1>but a lot of us aren't. Brilliance comes through preparation.

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<v Speaker 1>It also comes from asking good follow up questions. You

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<v Speaker 1>can completely kill a conversation by saying, oh, that happened

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<v Speaker 1>to me once too, and trying to top the story,

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<v Speaker 1>even though that sort of seems to show common ground. Instead,

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<v Speaker 1>try saying tell me more or asking about details of

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<v Speaker 1>the other person's story. Eventually the conversation will turn to

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<v Speaker 1>you or not, but if so, who cares. We all

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<v Speaker 1>know our own stories and they get boring after a while.

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<v Speaker 1>Friendships are also built around shared time together, and that

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<v Speaker 1>requires getting together, which is certainly tougher when you're an adult.

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<v Speaker 1>Monkey writes about teaching children to make what are called

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<v Speaker 1>friendship bids. These are low key invitations. Do you want

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<v Speaker 1>to play basketball during recess? Can I sit here while

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<v Speaker 1>we're all on the rug listening to the teacher. As adults,

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<v Speaker 1>we can look for ways to make friendship bids too.

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<v Speaker 1>Given how busy everyone is, these are often best done

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<v Speaker 1>through shared activities that the other person might need to

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<v Speaker 1>do anyway. So brainstorm ideas, then challenge yourself to make

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<v Speaker 1>at least a bit or two a week. If I'm

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<v Speaker 1>trying to deepen a friendship, I might invite the other

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<v Speaker 1>person to go for a run or a walk with me.

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<v Speaker 1>If we have kids around the same age, a plate

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<v Speaker 1>might be more doable than an adults only event. At

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<v Speaker 1>a conference, you could invite a person go to coffee

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<v Speaker 1>or lunch with a small group. The key thing is

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<v Speaker 1>to think about how to incorporate people into situations, and

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<v Speaker 1>also to recognize that if the person says no, it's

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<v Speaker 1>not a big deal. Indeed, that is probably the biggest

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<v Speaker 1>friendship skill to practice, staying positive and recognizing that there

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<v Speaker 1>are lots of opportunities and lots of people. It's the

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<v Speaker 1>best way to seem like the kind of person others

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<v Speaker 1>might actually want to be around. Do you practice friendship skills?

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<v Speaker 1>Have you gotten better at these skills over time? I'd

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<v Speaker 1>love to hear about it. You can email me at

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media dot com. In

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<v Speaker 1>the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's

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<v Speaker 1>to making the most of our time. M Hey, everybody,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

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<v Speaker 1>your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with

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<v Speaker 1>me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod.

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<v Speaker 1>That's b E the number four, then Breakfast p o D.

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<v Speaker 1>You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>podcast at i heeart media dot com. That Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much.

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<v Speaker 1>Should I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts

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