Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is to look for ways to practice your
Speaker 1: friendship skills. We might think such skills are innate, but
Speaker 1: they aren't. Just as we can learn to play the piano,
Speaker 1: we can learn to be more socially engaged people. In
Speaker 1: both cases, practice really does work, and it's worth building
Speaker 1: into our lives. As with several other recent episodes, I'm
Speaker 1: taking this tip from Audrey Monkey's book, Happy Campers. Monkey
Speaker 1: is a long time camp director, and her book looks
Speaker 1: at why exactly kids find summer camp so fun how
Speaker 1: can we take those lessons into our homes and working lives.
Speaker 1: She notes that summer camp is basically a friendship factory.
Speaker 1: Kids report making some of their best friends in the
Speaker 1: short time they attend camp. You can feel closer to
Speaker 1: someone you know for three weeks in summer camp, then
Speaker 1: someone you've gone to fifth grade with all year. When
Speaker 1: you're around people constantly and doing fun things in a
Speaker 1: positive environment, you wind up with all kinds of opportunities
Speaker 1: to practice your friendship skills. The good news is that
Speaker 1: some of this can be replicated elsewhere. Monkey breaks it
Speaker 1: down for us. Part of being a good friend is
Speaker 1: showing interest in another person's life, and part of this
Speaker 1: is about asking good questions so the person can share
Speaker 1: a bit of themselves with you. So, before any social situation,
Speaker 1: brainstorm questions you might like to ask the people you'll
Speaker 1: be around. Think about what your friends have going on
Speaker 1: in their lives. Did someone mention a new project last
Speaker 1: time you talked? A big event in the family. Can
Speaker 1: you connect to shared memory to something that the person
Speaker 1: is dealing with now. Maybe some people are naturally brilliant conversationalists,
Speaker 1: but a lot of us aren't. Brilliance comes through preparation.
Speaker 1: It also comes from asking good follow up questions. You
Speaker 1: can completely kill a conversation by saying, oh, that happened
Speaker 1: to me once too, and trying to top the story,
Speaker 1: even though that sort of seems to show common ground. Instead,
Speaker 1: try saying tell me more or asking about details of
Speaker 1: the other person's story. Eventually the conversation will turn to
Speaker 1: you or not, but if so, who cares. We all
Speaker 1: know our own stories and they get boring after a while.
Speaker 1: Friendships are also built around shared time together, and that
Speaker 1: requires getting together, which is certainly tougher when you're an adult.
Speaker 1: Monkey writes about teaching children to make what are called
Speaker 1: friendship bids. These are low key invitations. Do you want
Speaker 1: to play basketball during recess? Can I sit here while
Speaker 1: we're all on the rug listening to the teacher. As adults,
Speaker 1: we can look for ways to make friendship bids too.
Speaker 1: Given how busy everyone is, these are often best done
Speaker 1: through shared activities that the other person might need to
Speaker 1: do anyway. So brainstorm ideas, then challenge yourself to make
Speaker 1: at least a bit or two a week. If I'm
Speaker 1: trying to deepen a friendship, I might invite the other
Speaker 1: person to go for a run or a walk with me.
Speaker 1: If we have kids around the same age, a plate
Speaker 1: might be more doable than an adults only event. At
Speaker 1: a conference, you could invite a person go to coffee
Speaker 1: or lunch with a small group. The key thing is
Speaker 1: to think about how to incorporate people into situations, and
Speaker 1: also to recognize that if the person says no, it's
Speaker 1: not a big deal. Indeed, that is probably the biggest
Speaker 1: friendship skill to practice, staying positive and recognizing that there
Speaker 1: are lots of opportunities and lots of people. It's the
Speaker 1: best way to seem like the kind of person others
Speaker 1: might actually want to be around. Do you practice friendship skills?
Speaker 1: Have you gotten better at these skills over time? I'd
Speaker 1: love to hear about it. You can email me at
Speaker 1: Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media dot com. In
Speaker 1: the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's
Speaker 1: to making the most of our time. M Hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod.
Speaker 1: That's b E the number four, then Breakfast p o D.
Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast
Speaker 1: podcast at i heeart media dot com. That Before Breakfast
Speaker 1: is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much.
Speaker 1: Should I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts
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