1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,720 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:13,720 Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,120 Speaker 1: Today's tip is to look for ways to practice your 4 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:20,959 Speaker 1: friendship skills. We might think such skills are innate, but 5 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:23,840 Speaker 1: they aren't. Just as we can learn to play the piano, 6 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,240 Speaker 1: we can learn to be more socially engaged people. In 7 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:30,960 Speaker 1: both cases, practice really does work, and it's worth building 8 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:35,000 Speaker 1: into our lives. As with several other recent episodes, I'm 9 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,920 Speaker 1: taking this tip from Audrey Monkey's book, Happy Campers. Monkey 10 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,560 Speaker 1: is a long time camp director, and her book looks 11 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:45,919 Speaker 1: at why exactly kids find summer camp so fun how 12 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:49,000 Speaker 1: can we take those lessons into our homes and working lives. 13 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 1: She notes that summer camp is basically a friendship factory. 14 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 1: Kids report making some of their best friends in the 15 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,360 Speaker 1: short time they attend camp. You can feel closer to 16 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,640 Speaker 1: someone you know for three weeks in summer camp, then 17 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,759 Speaker 1: someone you've gone to fifth grade with all year. When 18 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,920 Speaker 1: you're around people constantly and doing fun things in a 19 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 1: positive environment, you wind up with all kinds of opportunities 20 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 1: to practice your friendship skills. The good news is that 21 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,920 Speaker 1: some of this can be replicated elsewhere. Monkey breaks it 22 00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:21,920 Speaker 1: down for us. Part of being a good friend is 23 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 1: showing interest in another person's life, and part of this 24 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 1: is about asking good questions so the person can share 25 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 1: a bit of themselves with you. So, before any social situation, 26 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,040 Speaker 1: brainstorm questions you might like to ask the people you'll 27 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,959 Speaker 1: be around. Think about what your friends have going on 28 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:42,280 Speaker 1: in their lives. Did someone mention a new project last 29 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 1: time you talked? A big event in the family. Can 30 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 1: you connect to shared memory to something that the person 31 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: is dealing with now. Maybe some people are naturally brilliant conversationalists, 32 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:57,160 Speaker 1: but a lot of us aren't. Brilliance comes through preparation. 33 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 1: It also comes from asking good follow up questions. You 34 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: can completely kill a conversation by saying, oh, that happened 35 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 1: to me once too, and trying to top the story, 36 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 1: even though that sort of seems to show common ground. Instead, 37 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:15,800 Speaker 1: try saying tell me more or asking about details of 38 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,960 Speaker 1: the other person's story. Eventually the conversation will turn to 39 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:24,359 Speaker 1: you or not, but if so, who cares. We all 40 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,840 Speaker 1: know our own stories and they get boring after a while. 41 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:31,080 Speaker 1: Friendships are also built around shared time together, and that 42 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:35,000 Speaker 1: requires getting together, which is certainly tougher when you're an adult. 43 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:38,240 Speaker 1: Monkey writes about teaching children to make what are called 44 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: friendship bids. These are low key invitations. Do you want 45 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,400 Speaker 1: to play basketball during recess? Can I sit here while 46 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:48,799 Speaker 1: we're all on the rug listening to the teacher. As adults, 47 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: we can look for ways to make friendship bids too. 48 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:54,360 Speaker 1: Given how busy everyone is, these are often best done 49 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,960 Speaker 1: through shared activities that the other person might need to 50 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:01,640 Speaker 1: do anyway. So brainstorm ideas, then challenge yourself to make 51 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:03,919 Speaker 1: at least a bit or two a week. If I'm 52 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,399 Speaker 1: trying to deepen a friendship, I might invite the other 53 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,200 Speaker 1: person to go for a run or a walk with me. 54 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,679 Speaker 1: If we have kids around the same age, a plate 55 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: might be more doable than an adults only event. At 56 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,799 Speaker 1: a conference, you could invite a person go to coffee 57 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,600 Speaker 1: or lunch with a small group. The key thing is 58 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:24,120 Speaker 1: to think about how to incorporate people into situations, and 59 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 1: also to recognize that if the person says no, it's 60 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,640 Speaker 1: not a big deal. Indeed, that is probably the biggest 61 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 1: friendship skill to practice, staying positive and recognizing that there 62 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,880 Speaker 1: are lots of opportunities and lots of people. It's the 63 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: best way to seem like the kind of person others 64 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 1: might actually want to be around. Do you practice friendship skills? 65 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaker 1: Have you gotten better at these skills over time? I'd 66 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 1: love to hear about it. You can email me at 67 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:53,560 Speaker 1: Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media dot com. In 68 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 1: the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's 69 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 1: to making the most of our time. M Hey, everybody, 70 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me 71 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with 72 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:16,680 Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. 73 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:21,719 Speaker 1: That's b E the number four, then Breakfast p o D. 74 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast 75 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,880 Speaker 1: podcast at i heeart media dot com. That Before Breakfast 76 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,560 Speaker 1: is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much. 77 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 1: Should I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast 78 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts 79 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,799 Speaker 1: from my Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, 80 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:49,280 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.