Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nickers, here's Nikki. Hello here I am.
Speaker 1: It's a Nicki Glazer podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Wednesday. Uh,
Speaker 1: Andrew is here. We're in St. Louis. Noah is in Arizona. Um,
Speaker 1: getting a little late start today. I apologize. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for your patients. You guys. Um, you were
Speaker 1: like up in my apartment probably an hour ago and
Speaker 1: I just got here. It's your birthday, so I know
Speaker 1: you can get away with so much when it's your birthday.
Speaker 1: People really like, I think I could murder someone and
Speaker 1: while I'm doing it, say it's my birthday and they go, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: well it's my death day. Can I still get the
Speaker 1: gift or do I? Yeah? I mean, at one point,
Speaker 1: do you kill a guy and still asked for your gift?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like, can you ask for
Speaker 1: the gift from the person? Know the gift is that
Speaker 1: you get to kill them? Oh? Yeah, okay, that's a
Speaker 1: gift to the I don't have to deal with this
Speaker 1: person naymore in my life now? Is that a gift
Speaker 1: that keeps giving because they're dead? Um? Yes, yes, it's
Speaker 1: like a subscription box. Um. Yeah, it's my birthday, and
Speaker 1: I I'm going to skip my birthday next year, and
Speaker 1: then then I'm forty the following year. So I feel
Speaker 1: like it will be if I skip it next year,
Speaker 1: then it'll feel because everyone's gonna make a big deal
Speaker 1: about forty. I will have to make a big deal
Speaker 1: out of it, So I feel like it'll maybe feel
Speaker 1: a little bit more deserved because it's been Oh it's
Speaker 1: been two years since I had one. Now are you
Speaker 1: going to skip it? Just going to like, no, no,
Speaker 1: No one's allowed to give me presents. Texts are the
Speaker 1: most that can be can happen. There will be no party,
Speaker 1: There will be um, no calls, no um just no.
Speaker 1: And everyone in my life will know that. Like if
Speaker 1: you text me, I might just like thumbs up it,
Speaker 1: but there's gonna be no. It's just I know I
Speaker 1: sound like an ingrade, but writing back to I woke
Speaker 1: up at eight thirty this morning to nineteen texts, which
Speaker 1: is so nice that people took that time out of
Speaker 1: their day to do that. But I have to write
Speaker 1: back to every single one or else I'm a bit
Speaker 1: and I know that's like, oh, poor Niki. Everyone loves you,
Speaker 1: like some people get no one remembering their birthday and
Speaker 1: I'm sure, like you would kill for one of my
Speaker 1: nineteen people, but would you kill for nineteen? And then
Speaker 1: after that it's nineteen people on the half hour every
Speaker 1: half hour, as the news spreads throughout Facebook and an
Speaker 1: Instagram and you know someone heard it on the radio.
Speaker 1: This morning, I was listed in the celebrity birthdays, which
Speaker 1: is nice to be like included in those little like
Speaker 1: press releases that go out, but um, you know, it's
Speaker 1: just nice. People just want to celebrate you and just
Speaker 1: be like you're you know sometimes when you get a
Speaker 1: text and you just want to thumb it up because
Speaker 1: you know you can't answer all of them and it's
Speaker 1: like a third cousin or something, and but you gotta
Speaker 1: be like, oh, thank you so much. Diana means so much.
Speaker 1: And then they go, it's how you've been I've been good.
Speaker 1: And then they go like the shows looks, oh, I
Speaker 1: just watched the show. It's great. Wow, you're still doing comedy.
Speaker 1: And then it's like messages later and you're like, is
Speaker 1: it my birthday? This feels? I know? My aunt Sally
Speaker 1: keeps calling me over and over like a creditor, like
Speaker 1: a spam call because I don't have an answering machine
Speaker 1: right now, and she started, so she just she just
Speaker 1: calls over and over waiting for this answering machine to
Speaker 1: eventually show up, and it's not going to and I
Speaker 1: have to call, like, that's what I'm gonna do to
Speaker 1: our answering thing for phan form. My god, that would
Speaker 1: be so funny. That's a really good solution. She that's
Speaker 1: what I should do because I feel so indulgent on
Speaker 1: my birthday and I feel like all these people are
Speaker 1: just giving me energy and that I just I just
Speaker 1: don't want people to like go out of their way
Speaker 1: for me. I just feel so embarrassed of it. I
Speaker 1: just I just hate it. I just really I'm uncomfortable
Speaker 1: with it. And I know it just doesn't make sense
Speaker 1: because I have a TV show and a podcast with
Speaker 1: my name on it, and I'm someone who loves attention.
Speaker 1: That I hate birthday, I really do, and maybe I
Speaker 1: love it. Maybe I'm I hate that I love it
Speaker 1: so much you love that you hate it, like you
Speaker 1: love this feeling of being no, because I'm embarrassed to
Speaker 1: even talk about hating it, because I sound like such
Speaker 1: a bit to hate it, like that is I really
Speaker 1: hate hating my birthday. I wish I love my birthday.
Speaker 1: That is something because no one, really everyone wants me
Speaker 1: to love my birthday. Everyone's like no one is being
Speaker 1: you know, like I'm comfortable with you hating it. I
Speaker 1: don't know why. Maybe because I don't want you to
Speaker 1: be happy. No, no, no, but it's so funny, like
Speaker 1: I'm so completely comfortable with like you having a subpar birthday,
Speaker 1: and yeah, I just I just don't. This is the
Speaker 1: way that Ali Long was talking about her wedding ones
Speaker 1: and she was like, I don't need to have a wedding.
Speaker 1: Every day is my wedding. I'm a comedian. I go
Speaker 1: on stage and everyone collapse when I walk out, Like
Speaker 1: I don't divorce makes sense? Yeah, well it doesn't. I
Speaker 1: just don't need this attention. I love birthday so much
Speaker 1: as a kid that I made every day. You have
Speaker 1: a birthday every day. Yes, that's that's why this feels.
Speaker 1: It's embarrassed. There was just Nicky Glazer Day at fucking
Speaker 1: the Cardinals Stadium that was beyond humiliating to me because
Speaker 1: it was something that it looks like I asked for. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like a make a wish when like, but
Speaker 1: unfortunately you didn't get to die and I can't. But
Speaker 1: it's but what an ingrade I am to be like,
Speaker 1: I don't want this. This is embarrassing because people worked
Speaker 1: really hard to make that happen, and people work really
Speaker 1: hard on their birthday gives. People go out and they
Speaker 1: they buy a card, they get a gift, they write
Speaker 1: you a long text message, they call you, they remember
Speaker 1: to call you, and it makes them feel good. So
Speaker 1: who am I to rob them of that? Well, it's
Speaker 1: funny buy to get you a gift because I know
Speaker 1: all these things about your brain and how you feel
Speaker 1: about your birthday. So I'm like, I don't want to
Speaker 1: do anything. Start sift card always thank you, thank you,
Speaker 1: and ever and the car and I will spend it
Speaker 1: on you. Thank you. That literally is the best. It's
Speaker 1: easy to buy, Yeah, it is. It doesn't have a
Speaker 1: lot of waste attached to it. It doesn't take up
Speaker 1: a lot of space. Yes, there's not a lot of trash.
Speaker 1: I think I think it like my card. I think
Speaker 1: I nailed it with it, says Nikki side side stage Glazer.
Speaker 1: Which did you ever know that I wanted? I was
Speaker 1: thinking about yesterday about our podcast, and I was like,
Speaker 1: that would be so funny if my new nickname was
Speaker 1: side stage. I'm not even joking you. I thought that yesterday.
Speaker 1: Well there you go. How did you do that? I
Speaker 1: my brain, I'm telling you crossing King's Highway? And I
Speaker 1: literally was like, that was so funny. That what if?
Speaker 1: Because it is funny to brag that you were side
Speaker 1: stage anywhere, and it's just you know, the oiteration side stage.
Speaker 1: So please can that be my new lot of your relatives?
Speaker 1: You know? Is that a I mean, well, it's not
Speaker 1: not true. I like this guy. Okay, there's an our
Speaker 1: wall and it says happy birthday and it's almost like
Speaker 1: his So the nar walls uh tusk is a flagpole
Speaker 1: and on he's coming out of the water, and on
Speaker 1: the end of his tusk there is a little streamer
Speaker 1: that says happy birthday, almost like you know, an airplane pulling.
Speaker 1: That's a very cute card. I love walls whales um
Speaker 1: to Nikki from Mice, which is Andrew's nickname, umbus, I
Speaker 1: mean it's the best ever. Can I read us? Nikki?
Speaker 1: To quote Wilco, just climb aboard the tracks of a
Speaker 1: Train's arm makes you think that's from that's from. That
Speaker 1: side wasn't the right side to write on? Okay, so
Speaker 1: he so in this card there is a like almost
Speaker 1: like gelatinous like um substance on one side that is
Speaker 1: to look like waves, and it's really hard to write off.
Speaker 1: So he picked the wrong side. So as soon as
Speaker 1: got hard to write on, he said that side wasn't
Speaker 1: the right side to write on. The ink was showing,
Speaker 1: wasn't showing? Well, not the best start to a card
Speaker 1: when you have to shift pages. Probably should have started
Speaker 1: on this side. Had a thought to drive back to
Speaker 1: CVS to buy a new card and do better. At
Speaker 1: the second time around, I realized I haven't written with
Speaker 1: a pen in a while. Not looking You're an amazing friend.
Speaker 1: Thanks for being a person I admire and learned from
Speaker 1: Daily Love Andrew slash Mice, Well, that's so nice, and
Speaker 1: I love I love the talking through your process for
Speaker 1: most of the card. Like I see this much print
Speaker 1: and I go, oh my god, there's gonna be a
Speaker 1: lot of feelings. I can't handle this. I like that
Speaker 1: you got the feelings too, about a fourth of the page,
Speaker 1: which is all the feelings I need. I can't. This
Speaker 1: is such a perfect gift. You know. It's so funny too.
Speaker 1: You're welcome, and I have one other thing coming tomorrow,
Speaker 1: but it's just like a whole band and like a
Speaker 1: carnival and a parade. But it's just simple. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be the saddest old woman when all my friends die
Speaker 1: and I have no one, and I'm going to be like,
Speaker 1: we're back back on these days of like remember when
Speaker 1: I complained about nineteen texts before thirty four in the morning. Well,
Speaker 1: it's so funny. I got I got you a card
Speaker 1: and it was like, uh, it's never too old. And
Speaker 1: then and then you open it and it's like a
Speaker 1: three D one the ones that pop out. It's this
Speaker 1: old woman shaking her ass and it shakes like to
Speaker 1: shake your ass. And I was gonna get you that,
Speaker 1: but then I was like, no, it's not you. I
Speaker 1: like getting like those jokey cards that are like supposed
Speaker 1: to be funny, but ironically, because they're so dumb, they're
Speaker 1: not funny. But yeah, you made the right choice. I
Speaker 1: love the fact that you had to give up on
Speaker 1: one side of the page. It was perfect. Um. I
Speaker 1: kept trying to rewrite over it you ever like has
Speaker 1: a pen run out, and then you realize it's not
Speaker 1: the pen. It's not the pen, it's the wave. It's
Speaker 1: the normwall's environment leaking over into the center of a card.
Speaker 1: I was good, but it told me another hour and anyhow,
Speaker 1: it's you know you're gonna have like you don't have to,
Speaker 1: I don't have to cheer. Yeah, but I think tonight
Speaker 1: we'll be fun. You don't karaoke, Yes, you'll get to
Speaker 1: sing out anything. Yeah, that's true for a group of
Speaker 1: people who over there feel crows feet. That's a good
Speaker 1: nickname too, um so close one letter off gosh. But no,
Speaker 1: you're gonna sing. We're gonna have fun, even if it sucks,
Speaker 1: It'll be fun. No, it'll be so fun, just kting karaoke.
Speaker 1: Still having a bad day today, to be honest with everyone,
Speaker 1: I told Andrew and know about it already. But I
Speaker 1: just like already have had just an emotional day and
Speaker 1: I just just you know, feeling um p mss. I
Speaker 1: already said yesterday I was like having all the body
Speaker 1: aches and then like I I do know p MS
Speaker 1: is not an excuse. I think a lot of women
Speaker 1: like maybe feel bad using it. As an excuse, but
Speaker 1: it really is a thing you go through that makes
Speaker 1: you just emotionally irrational and weakened. And my old therapist,
Speaker 1: my UM dr abusive, my abusive dr, my abusive therapist, UM,
Speaker 1: she used to say that PMS just is. When I
Speaker 1: would be like, I'm just be abessing, she'd be like, no,
Speaker 1: I mean, these are real feelings. They're just they You
Speaker 1: have no defenses for them. They're just coming out the walls,
Speaker 1: the moat around the wall around your fortress is is
Speaker 1: is penetrable right now, and so like you, the feelings
Speaker 1: that you're having are real, and they might seem like
Speaker 1: because for me, I just bottle up all my feelings
Speaker 1: all the time, and then I end up crying over
Speaker 1: the dumb like the smallest thing that seems like like insane,
Speaker 1: And then people look at each other like, what the
Speaker 1: funk is happening? This girl's crazy, Like I just can't
Speaker 1: get over the feeling of like every time I cry,
Speaker 1: I just feel so crazy, I feel so insane, and
Speaker 1: I feel like everyone around me is just like doesn't
Speaker 1: know what to do, wants to run for the fire
Speaker 1: exits they have to say because I'm crying, like it
Speaker 1: just is so embarrassing. Do you think um as a
Speaker 1: woman that like when you have PMS, it almost gives
Speaker 1: not I don't like the word excuse, but it like
Speaker 1: allows you to let your guard down. Or is it
Speaker 1: so like just wired in your brain that that's when
Speaker 1: it happens. I usually don't know, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: like like is it no because you don't really know
Speaker 1: you're having it until later on and then you go, oh,
Speaker 1: that's what that was. I know that I'm having it
Speaker 1: right now, and it's not like giving me an excuse.
Speaker 1: I mean maybe subconsciously a little bit. It's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I I know I have this thing in my back
Speaker 1: pocket and it's a it's a tampon. But the tampon
Speaker 1: is there because I might start bleeding any second. But
Speaker 1: I have this thing that you know, when I told
Speaker 1: my boyfriend I'm p M s NG, like he he
Speaker 1: was like today he was like, I never even consider
Speaker 1: that being a thing, Like I just thought that was
Speaker 1: the thing that's in like Kathy cartoons or like sitcoms.
Speaker 1: Like I just always thought that was a thing that
Speaker 1: you know, television amped up or like sitcoms made like
Speaker 1: as a thing, Like I never consider if you're acting
Speaker 1: a certain way that she might be on her period.
Speaker 1: Like he's just always thought that was a misogynist kind
Speaker 1: of approach to it. And I was like, I would
Speaker 1: have agreed with you, because I did not suffer from
Speaker 1: PMS like this in my early thirties, even and even
Speaker 1: my mid third. Like I'm thirty eight today and it's
Speaker 1: like periods are getting more and more treacherous. I think
Speaker 1: it's because it's like this is the last Like yeah,
Speaker 1: like it's just I think, and I when I went
Speaker 1: to go to UM I think I told this on
Speaker 1: the podcast. When I went to go check out Diva cups,
Speaker 1: you know, and they and I had no idea why
Speaker 1: the sizes were different, why there was a one or two,
Speaker 1: Like what's the difference between these two? And one was
Speaker 1: bigger and one the one that was bigger was for
Speaker 1: women who are over thirty and more attitude. Yeah, just
Speaker 1: to hold all of your feelings and it's some tissues
Speaker 1: if you want to keep an extra supply up in
Speaker 1: your pusk because you're gonna be crying so much. But
Speaker 1: I didn't know. I didn't know that women's periods get
Speaker 1: heavier after thirty. I didn't fucking know that? Who when?
Speaker 1: Did when? What was that? Where was that? In sect said?
Speaker 1: I didn't know that pm d D was a thing
Speaker 1: where you literally want to kill yourself, like you have
Speaker 1: suicidal thoughts and you're you're seriously got the name that?
Speaker 1: Remember that they had one? Really, I'm gonna play it
Speaker 1: because I think you noticed song. But anyways, go ahead, PMP.
Speaker 1: What did that stand for? Pre menstrual? Uh? It's not depressive.
Speaker 1: You think it's going to be depressive, but it's something else,
Speaker 1: um disastrous uh uh uh dites so it's dieph. It
Speaker 1: just feels like, yeah, it feels like it feels like
Speaker 1: the worst depression I've ever had. Every month, like where
Speaker 1: I've I met my weakest Sometimes I haven't this time.
Speaker 1: I think those are going to start in a couple
Speaker 1: of days because my period is still eight days away.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is you don't even have evidence for this. No,
Speaker 1: you can't even show your boyfriend. I can show him
Speaker 1: my flow app, which is definitely tracking this ship, and
Speaker 1: I'm starting to track every single day. I put in
Speaker 1: notes like I want I had suicidal thoughts today, like
Speaker 1: or I you know, my boobs feel heavy, or my
Speaker 1: body feels like a bag of old soup. Like that
Speaker 1: is seriously how I feel. I just feel soupy. I
Speaker 1: just feel like, you know, yeah, way, I just feel
Speaker 1: like I'm really just like it has too much air
Speaker 1: in it too. It's not like packed tight, and it's
Speaker 1: just like I feel like I was a guide too,
Speaker 1: Like when um, I feel like, you know, Brenna has
Speaker 1: really really bad periods, do I guess she's like horrible cramps?
Speaker 1: And I try to like judge it almost on a curve,
Speaker 1: like I don't. I'm like, Okay, this is who you
Speaker 1: are this week. You're going through it. It doesn't include me.
Speaker 1: That's my that's what as a as a guy, and
Speaker 1: I'm sure Chris might deal with it. Two is like
Speaker 1: when a woman is you know, you're dealing with your
Speaker 1: own ship, and sure it's gonna come over into my
Speaker 1: ship a little bit, but I gotta understand this isn't
Speaker 1: my ship, you know what I mean? And that's that
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's hard though. I think sometimes that's
Speaker 1: a guy even if you know, even when a girl
Speaker 1: tells you that they're on their periods, you guys want
Speaker 1: to fix it and you want to make it better.
Speaker 1: And and we you are the person. Like there's a
Speaker 1: new Wilco song off Cruel Country and it's called I'm
Speaker 1: I'm I'm tired of taking it out on you, And
Speaker 1: it's like he's just tired of taking it out on
Speaker 1: the person who's most proximity to him. But like, that
Speaker 1: is why we're in relationships, is to have someone there
Speaker 1: when we are at that vulnerable, not to take it
Speaker 1: out on them. But like I, like I was saying today,
Speaker 1: you know, um, when I was feeling so sad yesterday
Speaker 1: and I was like, and Chris has COVID right now,
Speaker 1: so he couldn't be around me, and I just I
Speaker 1: just had no one to comfort me. And that's what
Speaker 1: that's why we are in relationships, because when our parents
Speaker 1: get old and they die, we need to we need
Speaker 1: someone else to hold us and to comfort us, like
Speaker 1: we're little babies. When like that's why I need a relationship.
Speaker 1: Like it isn't about you, but it is. It is
Speaker 1: because you just but you have to learn how to
Speaker 1: not take it out and to actually like lean on
Speaker 1: that person for support as opposed to like make them
Speaker 1: feel like they're the cause of it. Um, let's take
Speaker 1: a quick break and dissect this even more when we
Speaker 1: get back on my birthday, Andrew heavy flow coming down
Speaker 1: like a soupy soup and it's come in like child,
Speaker 1: but get back and have some claim. Yeah, dude, there's
Speaker 1: a I don't know if you have you ever been
Speaker 1: to Oyster Welcome back Oyster. It's a bar Oyster something
Speaker 1: Broadway Oyster bar, great bar right the way? Do you
Speaker 1: want a bar for I'm drinking a little bit again,
Speaker 1: So like you go and you just what do you do? Music?
Speaker 1: Like amazing life, great New Orleans food. It's just it's
Speaker 1: a very cool field. And but there's a there's when
Speaker 1: you walk there, there's a bar. It's called Jazz Blues
Speaker 1: and Soup. I just love that, like the coolest things
Speaker 1: ever in soup, you know, blues soup. I was dying.
Speaker 1: I was like, has anyone had the soup here? I
Speaker 1: was like my tomato soup, lift me, oh hello, chatter
Speaker 1: and down like something. I mean, they must have really
Speaker 1: great soup to put that on to think that it
Speaker 1: deserves a spot. They were like, we need one more thing.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make sense to call it jazz and blues.
Speaker 1: Could what else could go up there that would have
Speaker 1: been better, that will nothing better than. And then you
Speaker 1: just hear a microwave go off like peep peep, and
Speaker 1: they're like, what did you just make these? Like souper?
Speaker 1: He goes. I mean, that's not bad, it's not bad. Look,
Speaker 1: they're just putting together. At this bar. There are some
Speaker 1: woman named Massey. Did you ever hear of her? Like
Speaker 1: a big time blues singer. That was like a breath
Speaker 1: of Franklin. Where is this? I don't even know where
Speaker 1: this place is. You walked there, Yeah, it's right, it's
Speaker 1: kind of by the stadium went to. That's right, that's right,
Speaker 1: that's right. But yeah, I don't know. Someone wanted the
Speaker 1: lead singer the Cardinals game. It was like two D degrees, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a hot day. St. Louis might have the whitest
Speaker 1: people I've ever seen, right, like we it's a problem.
Speaker 1: It's not even what. It's like a whole another kind
Speaker 1: of white. It's the white that I've never seen. I'm
Speaker 1: from Florida, What does that mean? What are you saying
Speaker 1: with that? Just ugly nod? There's just like an off
Speaker 1: there all it's a it's a weird. It's definitely not
Speaker 1: the superior race when you when you look at when
Speaker 1: they're burning in the sun and you realize they got
Speaker 1: to leave by the third inning or the off skin
Speaker 1: cancer and die the same day. Like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just a different kind of white. You're talking about
Speaker 1: the color of their skin. Really, Oh, they're so, I mean,
Speaker 1: they're training. But what you're saying St. Louis is white.
Speaker 1: That's what you're talking about is literally physically white. Physically
Speaker 1: well you're not like like white, Like this feels a
Speaker 1: little racist white because that's what St. Louis feels to me.
Speaker 1: No offense to my talent that I know and love,
Speaker 1: but we have a race problem. Yeah. I mean, look,
Speaker 1: I would say ninety eight percentity audience at the game
Speaker 1: was white. I don't know if that has anything to
Speaker 1: do with racism. Mean, do you count the people selling
Speaker 1: things the audience. I'm just kidding because they're not even
Speaker 1: there anymore. What do you mean COVID? I don't know.
Speaker 1: If they don't have like sex were in they definitely
Speaker 1: they didn't have that hot dog water just drink the dog. No. Um.
Speaker 1: I think this town like it's yeah, I ideal ideal
Speaker 1: with feelings of um like anger towards this town of
Speaker 1: how I grew up in an environment where you just
Speaker 1: it's very segregated. I just and that they're with this
Speaker 1: denial of it too, of like, no, we're so multicultural
Speaker 1: and we I literally heard someone at a party say St.
Speaker 1: Louis isn't racist. I was at it. I was at
Speaker 1: dinner the other night and I lovely, uh you know
Speaker 1: table black people sat next to us. It was fine.
Speaker 1: It was fine. That's the wait, Wait, what what do
Speaker 1: you mean it was fine? Why wouldn't it be fine?
Speaker 1: Is that your story? And we we we were fine
Speaker 1: with it. Wait, I'm sorry, what is this the end
Speaker 1: of the story? That was the end of the story.
Speaker 1: And this was obviously an older person telling his story,
Speaker 1: and um, but it was you know, it was someone
Speaker 1: that I would say was of sound mind that I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have ever thought, and this person would never think
Speaker 1: they're racist because of that statement of like I see
Speaker 1: black people all the time and I don't want to
Speaker 1: burn crosses in their yard. That doesn't mean you're not real,
Speaker 1: you idiot. But that's the problem with St. Louis has
Speaker 1: a problem with admitting that they might have racist tendency.
Speaker 1: I have I have stereo. There are people I have
Speaker 1: preconceived versions about literally anyone who isn't me, whether you're white,
Speaker 1: whether you're manned, like any we all do. And they're wrong.
Speaker 1: They're not our fault, their societal they you know, but
Speaker 1: not acknowledging them is not the way to handle them.
Speaker 1: Ensive you don't have to go I you don't be
Speaker 1: guilty constantly and and feel like you like you know,
Speaker 1: there's a lot a lot of people that say, oh,
Speaker 1: I was just getting my hair downe the other day,
Speaker 1: and my hair stylis said that someone of her clients
Speaker 1: is pulling her kids out of a school district, like
Speaker 1: a fairly conservative, white, very expensive school to go to.
Speaker 1: She's pulling her kids out because they are teaching them
Speaker 1: about slavery too much and Mike, so my kids have
Speaker 1: to pay the price and be and they are there,
Speaker 1: they have to feel guilty constantly for something they didn't
Speaker 1: even do. And it's like, wait, where did I understand
Speaker 1: that there are some black people that would probably want
Speaker 1: us to feel constant guilt and that is a thing
Speaker 1: that some people, maybe even white people, expect you to
Speaker 1: do that. But I don't think learning about something is
Speaker 1: there to make you feel guilty for it, even if
Speaker 1: it was your ancestors who did it. There's you know,
Speaker 1: that might be a feeling that lingers, but no one's
Speaker 1: teaching it to you to feel guilty. The history, it's
Speaker 1: it's just you know what facts don't We don't care
Speaker 1: about facts any It's like it's, look, there's no point
Speaker 1: of school anymore. I really feel that. I just love
Speaker 1: someone taking them out of private school and be like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to homeschooling myself. I'll teach him what I want.
Speaker 1: And it's like, where are they gonna learn how to
Speaker 1: fucking drive a Volvo, you dumb bitch? No, because um,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have something. They have self driving cars, turn
Speaker 1: it on and say go to target. I mean, it's wild.
Speaker 1: What was in our history books of how they just
Speaker 1: glanced over hundreds of years of oppression didn't make us
Speaker 1: not feel But I remember learning about slavery and about
Speaker 1: the Civil rights movement. I remember it was third grade
Speaker 1: and like hearing really hard stuff and like learning like
Speaker 1: oh fucking and feeling bad, like having guilt about it
Speaker 1: and being like, oh my god, I would if I
Speaker 1: were a black person, I would be so fucking mad
Speaker 1: at us about anyone who was white. I would really
Speaker 1: like I had that, like I projected that resentment on
Speaker 1: But it was essential for me to to learn that,
Speaker 1: Like can you imagine not learning about slavery or but
Speaker 1: there's so much stuff we're missing, like we learned I
Speaker 1: don't know anything about I didn't know anything about, you know,
Speaker 1: the killing fields in Cambodia. You read about that ship
Speaker 1: and is so fucking horrifying, you know, even more recently,
Speaker 1: like I don't. There's so many test about plenty of
Speaker 1: bad I'm a Jew. I learned plenty of bad stuff
Speaker 1: Germans did. I went to Germany. I I had a
Speaker 1: little bit of a preconceived notion of like German, you
Speaker 1: you connect Nazi to German because you heard that your
Speaker 1: whole life. Not only did I hear that in my
Speaker 1: history books, I heard that in every single movie I've seen.
Speaker 1: Literally feel a tinge of guilt when I have to
Speaker 1: tell people like, oh, my family's German Irish, Like I
Speaker 1: wish I could skip the German part because of that.
Speaker 1: But as a Jew, I'm just saying, like I don't
Speaker 1: feel oh yeah, okay. So at that point you would
Speaker 1: be the oppress or you would be the white person
Speaker 1: in the in the in the slave scenario of the
Speaker 1: black but like I don't, Yeah, I don't know. I guess, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess. I guess in that standpoint, I'm I'm the
Speaker 1: the minority in that instance. But like, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I guess I was gonna put this where like I didn't.
Speaker 1: I don't see Germans though as like he's horrible, but
Speaker 1: you might have a little bit of like that. You guys,
Speaker 1: your your ancestors are pieces of ship that did this thing.
Speaker 1: Like also, okay, fine, then deal with those feelings. But
Speaker 1: the answer isn't not talking about things that happened. I
Speaker 1: just I just hate not talking about things that are
Speaker 1: that have happened. I think that's like my overwriting thing
Speaker 1: is like not being honest or being in denial of anything.
Speaker 1: It's like it really bugs me. And it just just
Speaker 1: because you want to avoid guilt or you want to
Speaker 1: avoid feelings, which is all I want to do is
Speaker 1: avoid fucking feelings. So I don't know if I want
Speaker 1: to avoid it or I don't want to. And why
Speaker 1: didn't always mean the Cardinals the Cardinals one? No, I
Speaker 1: stayed the old game I thought you said at the
Speaker 1: fourth innite. No, no, no, everyone else did. That was
Speaker 1: so we were sitting underneath report or whatever. It was great.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, no son at all, just had it.
Speaker 1: I love people watching. That's my favorite part about There
Speaker 1: were some. There was some. I barely even watched the game. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think I watched it at all.
Speaker 1: Actually it was fun. I went with Brennan and her
Speaker 1: two friends that live here, and uh, one of them,
Speaker 1: it was funny. We're making fun of the guy that
Speaker 1: keeps he still has one of those scorecards and he
Speaker 1: writes it with a pencil like like no one else
Speaker 1: is going to get like, he's find this information online immediately.
Speaker 1: So he said that his grandfather granted this is probably
Speaker 1: before who you talked to the scorecard guy? No, don't know.
Speaker 1: I talked to the other guy that we were sorry. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Brenna's friend there, the guy in a couple his grandfather
Speaker 1: would do that and he would market how he saw
Speaker 1: the game and then how he would tell the game
Speaker 1: as he'd go, yeah, there wasn't that wasn't a hit,
Speaker 1: that was an error, and everyone's like, no, you know,
Speaker 1: the people upstairs said it was a hit, and he's like,
Speaker 1: not by my scorecard, you know, like like that. Do
Speaker 1: you carry on anythings that like even though it's already
Speaker 1: digitized and there's no need for you to do it,
Speaker 1: do you like do it? I can't think of anything
Speaker 1: like that. I can't even I mean, I think, guess
Speaker 1: with birthday cards. Sometimes I will just like or ran
Speaker 1: in a while it felt better than sending you a
Speaker 1: dead or like writing a list or writing in a
Speaker 1: journal long form instead of writing in your notes or um,
Speaker 1: I don't know, writing a set list. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: think of like things or I mean you used to
Speaker 1: go to stores instead of buying on Amazon? Well yeah,
Speaker 1: you like you were the biggest holdout for on and
Speaker 1: shopping that I but anyone, I know, I wish I
Speaker 1: kept holding out. I probably would have saved ten dollars
Speaker 1: at least. Yeah, it's obscene how much money I spend
Speaker 1: on I had no idea how easy Amazon was. I
Speaker 1: also lived in a building that I was worried the
Speaker 1: ship was gonna get stolen. I didn't have a doorman,
Speaker 1: so that changed everything once I got a doorman. But uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I sometimes I'll hold a newspaper. I
Speaker 1: like holding paper, and I forget that feel. I like
Speaker 1: chewing paper. You can't chew your phone. So many things
Speaker 1: that weren't chewable. You know a lot of comics, though,
Speaker 1: here's a thing. I learned a lot of comics. Right
Speaker 1: lefty throw righty. That's the thing I've way more than
Speaker 1: in real world. Like a lot lefties are like more creative,
Speaker 1: I think, and then righty is more, um this kind
Speaker 1: of brain. So I think that combination creative and straight brain. Yeah,
Speaker 1: are you right handed? No? Yeah, I'm right handed me too. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The other thing with comics they chew on pen caps
Speaker 1: or have chewing granted maybe allot of them. Don't get me.
Speaker 1: They also all, you know, our alcoholics too. It's like
Speaker 1: these are all things you do to cope with anxiety too. Besides,
Speaker 1: but like chewing pencaps are like ripping labels off of beer,
Speaker 1: and like you always go, oh, you're sexually anxious, but
Speaker 1: it's like, no, you're just anxious, dude. I ripped I
Speaker 1: never had a fucking beer. Every single beer I ever
Speaker 1: drank was empty. I'm still doing that. I mean, I
Speaker 1: guess you're having drinks now. I had white cloud for
Speaker 1: the first time. Oh yeah, well, let's talk about that,
Speaker 1: um a little bit later because we have to get
Speaker 1: to the news. But I'm dying to hear your white closet.
Speaker 1: You said it would have killed you. Let's get the news.
Speaker 1: It's Wednesday, folks, you know what that means. It is Wednesday.
Speaker 1: It's also Nikki Glazer's birthday. If you haven't yet, Center attacks, No,
Speaker 1: don't stay away. I just got two more tax Only
Speaker 1: loves them. I hope you're having all the swells out
Speaker 1: there and uh yeah, oh if you want to come
Speaker 1: come to Westpard Social just well that's this won't be
Speaker 1: out but then no, but I'm just promoting for yesterday,
Speaker 1: I mean for earlier tonight. Whenever this comes out. I
Speaker 1: just want to say that I tried to condense your
Speaker 1: birthday text by texting you in our group chat with
Speaker 1: the girls. You did a great job of that. I
Speaker 1: haven't even gotten to that whole Did I write even
Speaker 1: back to it? I don't have yet, sorry, babe, because
Speaker 1: you didn't a group text. For some reason, group text
Speaker 1: gives me less pressure because I'm like other people are
Speaker 1: taking care of what's going on in there, and so
Speaker 1: I don't even I looked at it as more like
Speaker 1: less of a birthday text. I just looked at as
Speaker 1: like a block of text that I can get to
Speaker 1: later because other people in the group text will take
Speaker 1: care of it. I didn't really even know it was
Speaker 1: a birthday text, so I appreciate that. Yes, so you
Speaker 1: could just write thanks once and not have to respond
Speaker 1: to be no no, and Anya also wrote me, was like,
Speaker 1: you don't have to reply to this, but you mean
Speaker 1: so much to like all my friends are giving me
Speaker 1: the caveat of like, don't even do anything back to this.
Speaker 1: It's very nice. Okay. So I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: seen this trending, but hashtag sweden gate uh is trending
Speaker 1: after posts to ask credit answering the question what's the
Speaker 1: weirdest thing you had to do at someone else's house
Speaker 1: because of their culture slash religion go viral because they
Speaker 1: say that Swedish families did not invite their children's guests
Speaker 1: to eat family meals as a custom. Swedest families did
Speaker 1: not invite their children's friends to eat family meals as
Speaker 1: a custom, so you would never eat a dinner or
Speaker 1: a meal over at your friend's house. Okay, Okay. So
Speaker 1: here's like one of the quick anecdotes. Um, so while
Speaker 1: we were so, I remember going to my friend's house
Speaker 1: and while we were playing in his room, his mom
Speaker 1: yelled at dinner was ready and check this. He told
Speaker 1: me to wait in his room while they ate. That's
Speaker 1: it was fucking wild. So apparently that custom is outdated,
Speaker 1: but it was true and the thought behind it was, Um,
Speaker 1: the other children or other family may have plans with
Speaker 1: another might have another kind of dinner in the plans,
Speaker 1: and you wouldn't want to ruin the routine or preparations.
Speaker 1: So it's about other people. So it's about that my
Speaker 1: son's friends family. I don't want to pose on what
Speaker 1: they might have planned by giving their son My family's
Speaker 1: feeling right, But Twitter and you know, the Internet like exploded.
Speaker 1: How Like it's just rude. They don't want to feed
Speaker 1: the children, there, this and that, but they are good people.
Speaker 1: They're Okay, you're going to be in Sweden. Oh I am.
Speaker 1: I'm going to Am I going to Stockholm. I don't
Speaker 1: remember it, but you're going to be. I'm going to
Speaker 1: Stockholm in October the real life. No, I've never been.
Speaker 1: I've only in Europe. I've only been to Madrid, Paris,
Speaker 1: a little bit of oh god, don't say like that,
Speaker 1: Valencia and the south of France, and those are the
Speaker 1: only places I've been. So I'm very excited to go
Speaker 1: to Berlin, Munich, uh oslo Oslow, that's right. Where else
Speaker 1: are we go? There's so many places we're going. I
Speaker 1: had a little song memorized to memorize all of them
Speaker 1: in the order that they were going, but I can't
Speaker 1: remember it now. But um, yeah, I'm so freaking said Amsterdam,
Speaker 1: that's where I'm ending the tour, and that's where I'm
Speaker 1: going to stay for a few days, I think, and
Speaker 1: go um to the Anne Frank House and stuff like that,
Speaker 1: and like the Red District and oh yeah, did you
Speaker 1: hear someone um kicked the Mona Lisa? Yeah, that was
Speaker 1: funny because I looked into it and go, wait, what
Speaker 1: the funk is this real? And there's a big They
Speaker 1: didn't really get it. There's something about why is it
Speaker 1: that I wanted them to get it because I'm kind
Speaker 1: of like over worshiping this little fucking painting. It's so
Speaker 1: small and she deserves a cake in the face. That's me. Smoke.
Speaker 1: You ever heard that Lonely Island song about Mona Lisa.
Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, Mona Lisa, you're an overrated piece of
Speaker 1: ship with that terrible smile and those dead shark eyes
Speaker 1: and a smirk like you're hiding a dick. Mona Lisa,
Speaker 1: the original basic Bitch traveled thousands of miles to see
Speaker 1: your stupid smile. Other like talk about a baden switch.
Speaker 1: You're ugly, and it's just like, I mean, I don't know, Well,
Speaker 1: what's really interesting about it? When I did sorry, when
Speaker 1: I broke it. When I was looking the other day
Speaker 1: about the cake incident, it's very interesting because there was
Speaker 1: this diagram of all the expressions on micro expressions on
Speaker 1: her face. So there's there's contempt, there's happiness, there's anger.
Speaker 1: Like the nuances of her face, which is why that
Speaker 1: painting pisses me off so much, is because you can't
Speaker 1: tell how she feels, and that is interesting. Also follows
Speaker 1: you around the room with her eyes. You know that,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, they're on one side. Oh yeah, but
Speaker 1: so many do you know that? That is any if
Speaker 1: you look down the barrel of a lens, any photograph
Speaker 1: where the person is looking into the lens, it will
Speaker 1: follow you around the room. That's what. That's the only
Speaker 1: thing that requires that kind of trick happening. Um, no,
Speaker 1: what were you going to say about it? So I
Speaker 1: just looked up why is the Mona Lisa so famous?
Speaker 1: And it's basically, um, the style of of realism by
Speaker 1: Leonardo da Vinci influenced a bunch of other painters and stuff.
Speaker 1: So I think it's it's just like created that that
Speaker 1: was the bottom of realism. Yes, that's that's a good.
Speaker 1: If that's good, I guess I could do better than
Speaker 1: that fucking ugly little bit. Okay, but hold on, I
Speaker 1: just have to say one one more lyric about if
Speaker 1: you've never heard the Mona Lisa song, it's my favorite
Speaker 1: low Mi and song. They go Mona Lisa, Okay, then
Speaker 1: they go they just talk about all these world phenomenon
Speaker 1: that are like really hyped up. And then you get
Speaker 1: there and it's ship. So he's like, I'm headed to
Speaker 1: Paris and accorded to noon, so excited to see her.
Speaker 1: I went straight to the Louver, which is the museum.
Speaker 1: I heard she's exquisite, so I bought a ticket, pushed
Speaker 1: my way to the front of the crowd, and I
Speaker 1: couldn't believe, but I saw Mona Lisa, You're renover rated
Speaker 1: piece of ship, and it goes, um. Can someone explain
Speaker 1: while the whole wide world is obsessed with a garbage
Speaker 1: pale kid looks like a garbage pail kid, and Da
Speaker 1: Vinci must have sucked an art historians dick to get
Speaker 1: this girl who looks like uncooked bread at the top
Speaker 1: of the all time list of paintings, and it says
Speaker 1: Mona Lisa. Um. Then the bridge where I was like,
Speaker 1: Mona Lisa, I got to know where the funk are
Speaker 1: your eyebrows? I really want to know where you could
Speaker 1: land a helicopter on that big potato forehead. Get the
Speaker 1: chicks Rogaine, You're a bloated corpse girl like He's if
Speaker 1: you guys never seen pop Star the Lonely Island movie.
Speaker 1: It is the funniest Gudya movie. And that song is
Speaker 1: in the movie but they only do one one verse
Speaker 1: of it and the whole album is so funny. But
Speaker 1: Mona Lisa is my favorite song of theirs. And just
Speaker 1: saying um. At the very end, it says her hair
Speaker 1: part is wider than a country road. It's like, um,
Speaker 1: he goes I am an American man. This is my
Speaker 1: native land where no one lies about paintings. But that's
Speaker 1: not the case in France, where the naked ladies dance
Speaker 1: and they look like Dennis France. If you know what
Speaker 1: Danni's France looks like, it looks exactly like he goes.
Speaker 1: You're so mangy. Mona hair part wider than a country
Speaker 1: Rhoda unless you count cats. She's gonna die, Alna the
Speaker 1: mona Lisa sucks da da da dada. I have already
Speaker 1: been care you know for sure, studied abroad or they
Speaker 1: went up and they all had that moment of like
Speaker 1: this thing is so overrated than this. Yeah, it's the
Speaker 1: Willie Nelson next to your head. And when the person
Speaker 1: threw cake at it, I woent and read about all
Speaker 1: the vandalism. Someone stole it in like the like early on,
Speaker 1: it was stolen for a while and they found it.
Speaker 1: Then in nineteen a woman threw a cup at it
Speaker 1: because she was Um I think she was Romanian and
Speaker 1: she wasn't getting French um citizenship, so she was pissed,
Speaker 1: so she brought a cup that she hid in her
Speaker 1: fucking bag and she threw a cup at it. But
Speaker 1: it broke against the screen that was protecting it. And
Speaker 1: then this time this guy posted an old woman like
Speaker 1: in a wheelchair because you get to get closer to
Speaker 1: it if you're in a wheelchair, and then throw a cake.
Speaker 1: But wouldn't you also research if you knew that you
Speaker 1: can get close enough that you could be in a
Speaker 1: wheelchair and get close enough to throw a cake. Wouldn't
Speaker 1: you also really research if it has a plastic thing
Speaker 1: in front of it? Yeah? I mean I think he
Speaker 1: just he got I don't know if he I guess
Speaker 1: he wanted to ruin it. But instead of a pie,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, or a creeper or something, yeah, craper ring.
Speaker 1: I remember I went to Perry for two weeks. I
Speaker 1: lived there. I love Paris. What did I even do?
Speaker 1: I got a good I just remember getting a hair
Speaker 1: cut and they massage my head for an hour. I
Speaker 1: thought you were going to talk about something else. I
Speaker 1: got a good hair, No, not good head? Um? Okay,
Speaker 1: do we have time for another news story that will
Speaker 1: inspire me to thing? Um? A raspberry flavored uterus shaped
Speaker 1: cereal called period Crunch aims to encourage conversations about periods
Speaker 1: at the breakfast table. No this is just trying to
Speaker 1: make headlines, right, You're right, this is just an attention
Speaker 1: is it like another cereal that's throwing it? Like? This
Speaker 1: is just this is this pr It's a PR stock
Speaker 1: by a Swedish company called into into Mina and throw.
Speaker 1: We really don't want your kids having preakfice at our house. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we don't serve anything. Don't don't invite your child over
Speaker 1: for our family. But um, okay. The company surveying more
Speaker 1: than two thousand people and found that forty of girls
Speaker 1: and women are too embarrassed to talk about their periods.
Speaker 1: It is a problem women do not. We have such
Speaker 1: shame about our periods because we start bleeding at this
Speaker 1: very young age. A lot of us more young every
Speaker 1: day because of the hormones and different foods, and girls
Speaker 1: are getting their period at like eight seven and eight
Speaker 1: now and um, and it's embarrassing and moms don't know
Speaker 1: how to talk to their kids about it because it's
Speaker 1: just like you don't want it's sexualizing your child in
Speaker 1: a way. And and men don't even fucking know how
Speaker 1: much blood comes out of you. I didn't even know
Speaker 1: I talked about this. I had no idea how much
Speaker 1: blood came out of me because I'm always putting tampons
Speaker 1: up there that collect it all, and then I pull
Speaker 1: it out and it just looks like, oh, a little
Speaker 1: tampon worth of blood. I didn't know that. It's buckets
Speaker 1: and boockets every month. It's so much, and we have
Speaker 1: to keep it secret, you know, like we are the
Speaker 1: ones that are like, it's not just men or misogyny.
Speaker 1: It's like the women also are and it is based
Speaker 1: on like the shame that we feel, but we just don't.
Speaker 1: We don't talk about the stuff at all because it is.
Speaker 1: It is gross. Blood is gross. People have an aversion
Speaker 1: to it. Yeah, it's not lady like, like your whole
Speaker 1: so many people are like your cortillion, like that whole thing, Like, well,
Speaker 1: you're gonna fucking put the right side of a fork
Speaker 1: on the right side of the plane and then go Also,
Speaker 1: my pussies bleeding, Like it's just not lady like to
Speaker 1: talk about. For some reason, they're taught at a young age.
Speaker 1: We still like if you go to the bathroom with
Speaker 1: the tampon, you like sneak it up your sleeve and
Speaker 1: I walk conscishly there was I went to Yeah, I
Speaker 1: went to the airport. We were at the airport on
Speaker 1: a layover somewhere, and I remember I learned a way
Speaker 1: to get through a crowded airport and have the work.
Speaker 1: Just The sea part for you is too, because I
Speaker 1: got it back from tampons and I didn't want to
Speaker 1: get a bag because I hate plastic bags. So I'm
Speaker 1: carrying the box of tampons, and I didn't realize I
Speaker 1: was carrying it right in front of my phone and
Speaker 1: like with my phone, so it almost looked like I
Speaker 1: was holding my phone like the tampons top. It was
Speaker 1: like I was sucking Moses parting, like there were people
Speaker 1: they just wanted to get away from me because this
Speaker 1: weird girl's holding up this box of shameful tampons. So
Speaker 1: I always walk confidently with tampons and and make sure
Speaker 1: to have them spilling out of my bag. I don't
Speaker 1: care because even when they're you know, the airport cards
Speaker 1: that make that annoyance sound, they could just through tampons
Speaker 1: on the front. That's so true. I've always been run
Speaker 1: over by the Yeah, those things go way too They're
Speaker 1: way too big and way too fast. I'm sucking. I'm
Speaker 1: sick of those things. And people that ride them don't
Speaker 1: need to be on them. Know a lot of people do,
Speaker 1: but some people are lazy. There's a lot of fake
Speaker 1: limps going around. When I went to Thailand. If people
Speaker 1: want to fake limp and that is that that they
Speaker 1: need to do that to get through life, let him happen.
Speaker 1: That is so fucking sad that that's what they mean
Speaker 1: to get attention or whatever. Just have a birthday, Okay,
Speaker 1: get famous and have a birthday, um no U. When
Speaker 1: I went to Thailand, I asked the front desk for tampons.
Speaker 1: This isn't two thousand when I turned twenty nine. It
Speaker 1: was nine years ago exactly on this day in Thailand.
Speaker 1: Went to this amazing resort and I go up to
Speaker 1: the front desk and I was like, do you have tampons?
Speaker 1: And the girl spoke good English and was like, I
Speaker 1: don't even know what that is, very confused, and I
Speaker 1: literally went like this. I was like, I did the finger,
Speaker 1: I did a hole and I did a finger going
Speaker 1: up and I was like, I'm on my period. The
Speaker 1: thing you put up and and she was just like no.
Speaker 1: And I was just like I felt really embarrassed that
Speaker 1: I had asked and I was like, okay, and I
Speaker 1: had never used pads before. I was never a pad girl.
Speaker 1: I went right to tampon's right away. Thailand hates pads.
Speaker 1: They don't or they hate tampons. They don't believe. And
Speaker 1: I think this is many cultures. Let's talk about, you know,
Speaker 1: traditions and and and things. They don't. They don't think
Speaker 1: it's okay to hold it inside. It's something that you
Speaker 1: need to get rid of, and that if you're holding
Speaker 1: it inside you, you're keeping this like it's almost like
Speaker 1: you're constipated with the thing that you need to shed
Speaker 1: and that it needs to be shed. And I remember
Speaker 1: being like that so backwards, and there's so much shame
Speaker 1: around having it inside you. But there's something really beautiful
Speaker 1: about being like I'm bleeding and it's just coming on out.
Speaker 1: And there are times where I go through a whole period.
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry about period talk for the men who
Speaker 1: listen to the show and just don't need this, or
Speaker 1: girls that are just like I don't need this, nicky,
Speaker 1: But there's times where let it go one month, just
Speaker 1: use pads, just see what happens. And even pads really
Speaker 1: hide a lot of the blood, like it'll make it
Speaker 1: into this weird gel substances, like I only did a thimble.
Speaker 1: But it's good too. It's good to bleed, it's good
Speaker 1: to feel. It's good to like see it and realize
Speaker 1: that you're like a being that is going through this
Speaker 1: weird process that is very brutal, and that women are
Speaker 1: really strong to have to go through it and to
Speaker 1: like see it and to not hide, to not keep
Speaker 1: it inside and pull it out like a dead mouse
Speaker 1: and then you know, throw it in the little bin
Speaker 1: and then the blood gets on like the little bin door,
Speaker 1: and then wipe that door off. I know it's a
Speaker 1: public restroom and someone's gonna do it for you, but
Speaker 1: you wipe that door off. No one wants to see
Speaker 1: your little over the bathroom, but yeah, yeah, for sure,
Speaker 1: smack your tab pad up on the wall. I want
Speaker 1: to I want to look at it. Um. I used
Speaker 1: to have one of the most disgusting jokes I ever had,
Speaker 1: was I remember telling it at the Funny Bone, saying like, oh,
Speaker 1: I just went to the bathroom and they ran out
Speaker 1: of toilet paper, so oh I had to um get
Speaker 1: a pad out of the little trash bit. I just remember, like,
Speaker 1: why would I it's not even funny, it's gross. I
Speaker 1: had so many jokes that used to just make people go,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not I wish you could have seen
Speaker 1: me back in the day I was. I was like
Speaker 1: a shot comic. Every single joke I told was trying,
Speaker 1: and I would stack my set not based on like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll close with the funniest one. I couldn't your said
Speaker 1: as this sometimes do where you can't recover after how
Speaker 1: visceral a certain joke is and you've learned like, okay,
Speaker 1: I either have to close on that because they don't
Speaker 1: like me after that, or it's just because they won't
Speaker 1: like or like they just get they can't come back.
Speaker 1: You can't top. It's just it's hard to tell the
Speaker 1: difference between something gross and something funny, and a lot
Speaker 1: of times they're the same because gross is shocking and
Speaker 1: funny is shocking. So I used to just be man.
Speaker 1: I used to have someone I should go through my
Speaker 1: old jokes. We should go through our old jokes sometimes
Speaker 1: and just and and talk about them in like almost
Speaker 1: like a history lesson of like this is what my
Speaker 1: ancestors did, like an older version of myself, and please
Speaker 1: forgive me that I used to say these things, but
Speaker 1: I used to have some of the most offensive material
Speaker 1: that I can't even believe. I can't believe how dark
Speaker 1: I was, and I would just think of the worst
Speaker 1: thing and say it. I mean, I almost did a
Speaker 1: joke this weekend that I'm so glad I didn't do
Speaker 1: because I was just feeling a lot after the school
Speaker 1: shooting obviously last week, and I didn't know what to
Speaker 1: do with it. And then I go to the WOCO
Speaker 1: concert on Friday night and I cried during one of
Speaker 1: the songs just because I was It wasn't even about
Speaker 1: the shooting. It was just cried because of such a
Speaker 1: beautiful song story to tell, just to give it a
Speaker 1: promo promo. And I the next day, I wanted to
Speaker 1: talk about the Wilco show I saw the night before
Speaker 1: in my set because it was all the people that
Speaker 1: were there, and I was gonna say I even told
Speaker 1: Anya and Matt and Josh Gandham and I was like,
Speaker 1: I know this isn't funny, but I just want to
Speaker 1: acknowledge the shooting. I don't want to act like I
Speaker 1: don't want to make jokes about it, but I want
Speaker 1: to acknowledge it's a fucking thing. So I was just
Speaker 1: gonna say, um, how good was the show last night?
Speaker 1: You guys like it was. I it's just so nice,
Speaker 1: Like I cried during story to tell this most beautiful song,
Speaker 1: It's just so nice to cry about something other than
Speaker 1: child murder. I was just gonna make a it's kind
Speaker 1: of a joke because it's it's a joke in the
Speaker 1: sense that it would be hard for people to laugh,
Speaker 1: but you know what it's but it's funny because of it.
Speaker 1: But it's but to me, people are like, it's not
Speaker 1: really funny, and I'm like, well, I get that it's
Speaker 1: not funny, but to me, it is funny because you
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna say it's nice to cry about something
Speaker 1: other than I was gonna say child murder and the
Speaker 1: fact that I lost this earring last week make it
Speaker 1: something small too. But it was like that's the first
Speaker 1: thought I had, was this dark thought of like I
Speaker 1: need I need to make things dark. I need to
Speaker 1: acknowledge the darkness because we can't act like it didn't happen.
Speaker 1: And people sometimes mistake that for like you're using it
Speaker 1: as fodder and you're making fun of the victims. As
Speaker 1: opposed to like, no, I'm just I just need to
Speaker 1: say it happened. Yeah, and I don't want to. Don't
Speaker 1: you think that's what that's That would be my argument
Speaker 1: why I got shushed about it. It was really awkward.
Speaker 1: I'll tell it on another show, but it was I'm
Speaker 1: still processing it. I got kind of like, don't talk
Speaker 1: about that. Uh, And I'll tell you about it at
Speaker 1: another type. But we gotta go to break. It will
Speaker 1: be back with works so out. We'll be back with
Speaker 1: a fun esther Pearrel game. All right, we're back. It's wild, wild,
Speaker 1: wacky Wednesday, and today we are going to play um
Speaker 1: the Esther Pearrel game, which, by the way, Noah, have
Speaker 1: you seen the new show Couples Therapy on Showtime? No?
Speaker 1: I I don't have a showtime. Okay I didn't either.
Speaker 1: Do you have Hulu? I don't have Hulu? Well if
Speaker 1: if our listeners do, no one knows about the show,
Speaker 1: and I can't believe they don't. But it's called Couples
Speaker 1: Therapy and it's so fucking good and it's watching these
Speaker 1: different couples going yeah, real life, and it just is
Speaker 1: Anna and I are obsessed with it. Anyone I've talked
Speaker 1: to about it. I put it on my story. I
Speaker 1: didn't know about the show, and I just feel like
Speaker 1: it's a failure on Showtime's part to not reach me
Speaker 1: somehow because I'm into self help, I'm into therapy. I
Speaker 1: love real reality shows, Like the show is right up
Speaker 1: my alley. How did they not target me and get
Speaker 1: in front of me? But I found out about it,
Speaker 1: I forget. I think there was a thing about it
Speaker 1: in the New York or something. But anyway, but I
Speaker 1: want to promote it because I think if you you
Speaker 1: like my show, you would like the show Couple Therapy
Speaker 1: and the extension on Hulu for um, for show Time
Speaker 1: to add it's like three month, which is I know
Speaker 1: it adds up, but it's not as bad as I
Speaker 1: thought it was gonna be. So anyway, Um, It's just
Speaker 1: like Esther Peerrel's Where Should We Begin? It's a podcast
Speaker 1: she does, and she also has this game called where
Speaker 1: Should We Begin, which is what we're gonna play right
Speaker 1: now that Noah owns, and one card is a prompt
Speaker 1: for what the story. It's a storytelling game, so it
Speaker 1: prompts stories, so one card is kind of gives you
Speaker 1: the subject matter of what your story should be about,
Speaker 1: a circumstance a prompt, and then the other one is
Speaker 1: a feeling, and your story has to do in a
Speaker 1: theme a theme of feeling. So you'll see how this goes.
Speaker 1: So UM, today we selected two separate cards and it's
Speaker 1: going to give us a little um prompt for stories.
Speaker 1: So Noah, well, this one we kind of made up
Speaker 1: in our text message in the style star Perrel game,
Speaker 1: so we could talk about your favorite topic. Birthdays. Yes,
Speaker 1: birthdays is the subject. Yeah, so a birthday I remember,
Speaker 1: and we'll make the theme um out of character? Yeah,
Speaker 1: a birthday I remember, and then it has to fit
Speaker 1: a theme of something that's out of character, something happened
Speaker 1: during the birthday, someone else's birthday. I mean, a birthday
Speaker 1: I remember can be your birthday, anyone's birthday. But that's
Speaker 1: how the sentence should start, or the story should start.
Speaker 1: So I'll start a birthday that I remember was um
Speaker 1: And I feel like this is out of character because
Speaker 1: this I used to love birthdays and it's not the
Speaker 1: way I feel about them anymore. But I was UM
Speaker 1: in kindergarten and my mom made a little mermaid theme
Speaker 1: birthday party. And I was so excited and obsessed and
Speaker 1: we played um, pin the tail on the um what
Speaker 1: I think? So maybe we did pin the claw on
Speaker 1: the Sebastian because he was the character I was obsessed
Speaker 1: with the little murmur um and we did uh uh.
Speaker 1: She made a pinata of flounder, so we got to
Speaker 1: beat this fish senselessly. Um and then candy spilled out
Speaker 1: of his guts and we had or maybe we did
Speaker 1: pin the tail on like the Mermaid. Maybe it was
Speaker 1: just her tail um. And I had all my friends there,
Speaker 1: And it's so funny because you look back at birthdays
Speaker 1: and like when you were a kids. It was in
Speaker 1: Cincinnati on the river, and we had like all these
Speaker 1: friends there, and I look at the pictures from like
Speaker 1: that day and it's all my little friends on the porch.
Speaker 1: I don't know any of them, none of them, not
Speaker 1: a single one. And it's just weird too. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: And I have something I really liked about birthdays that
Speaker 1: used to happen in my childhood that I still continue
Speaker 1: on is that whenever my sister had a birthday, my
Speaker 1: aunt Nancy would buy me a gift too, just a
Speaker 1: little something, because it's hard for little kids to watch
Speaker 1: this like Christmas, you know, speaking from a family that
Speaker 1: celebrated Christmas, Like on Christmas, everyone gets presents, and then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, there's this thing where it's like
Speaker 1: only this one person does and it's like it doesn't
Speaker 1: make sense. And I know it's probably an ing great thing,
Speaker 1: but I always really appreciated that my Aunt Nancy would
Speaker 1: go out of our way to get me a little
Speaker 1: something that was on the side that I could open,
Speaker 1: that my sister would even see me open. She would
Speaker 1: do the same for my sister. So I always get
Speaker 1: Arlo and Poppy like little gifts to be like you
Speaker 1: get a gift because you're such a good brother for
Speaker 1: like you've been such a good brother the two years
Speaker 1: she's been alive, and um, I just always appreciate that.
Speaker 1: And I was thinking of, um, how I could give
Speaker 1: a gift to like my friends on my birthday. And
Speaker 1: I'm trying to maybe construe tonight as like how can
Speaker 1: I make this so fun for other people and like
Speaker 1: not make it about me, And like maybe that's maybe
Speaker 1: I can That's what I can do with birthdays in
Speaker 1: the future, is like make sure it's a day where
Speaker 1: I give back in some way that I feel okay
Speaker 1: about accepting all the love because I think that that's
Speaker 1: what I struggle with when I have depression, is at
Speaker 1: it's me, me, me, and I'm like, I'm so sad,
Speaker 1: and it's like I always advise when people are depressed
Speaker 1: and they go NICKI Emily depress, what should I do?
Speaker 1: I always tell them call someone who needs needs of friends,
Speaker 1: go pick up some litter, like, do something that has
Speaker 1: nothing to do with you, and see how you feel afterwards.
Speaker 1: And so I need to follow my own advice. And
Speaker 1: maybe I'll call my aunt Sally today and that will
Speaker 1: be my because I know she really needs someone to
Speaker 1: talk to and uh, and then I'll call her and
Speaker 1: give her that that voicemail to live that. I go, Sally,
Speaker 1: I'm just calling to give you this other number where
Speaker 1: I don't have to talk to you, and Noah will
Speaker 1: listen to it and she will edit it for our podcast,
Speaker 1: which I will give that number to her in addition
Speaker 1: to giving her a nice long call today. So that's
Speaker 1: my birthday story. Not great, But what about you? Um,
Speaker 1: I guess birthday. I'm sorry a birthday. I remember birthday.
Speaker 1: I remember my my thirtieth birthday, So like you, like I,
Speaker 1: I never I would never set up like a party.
Speaker 1: I would never do anything like maybe I like have
Speaker 1: two friends maybe for dinner. But I never would do
Speaker 1: anything to like get attention for my birthday. I really
Speaker 1: don't remember doing like I really don't are like telling
Speaker 1: people that it's coming on with your mom and dad
Speaker 1: celebrate your birthday in a big way. When you were
Speaker 1: a little this is the thing, like I've talked about
Speaker 1: it on here before, like any big thing now that
Speaker 1: I remember my parents, if they both had to be there,
Speaker 1: or if you had to be at one place for
Speaker 1: one day, it became a thing you have to split
Speaker 1: your time or they would both be there and it
Speaker 1: would be you being like I hope mom and dad
Speaker 1: don't fight and are like they don't want to be here,
Speaker 1: I feel guilty and talk to each other for twenty
Speaker 1: years in front of us. So anyway, I never really
Speaker 1: celebrated my birthday that much. And then when I was thirty, Uh,
Speaker 1: I was living at my older brothers. I was working
Speaker 1: for his company, and I was like leaving like four
Speaker 1: out of the seven days to go work in the
Speaker 1: middle of like this place called Taunton, Massachusetts, which is
Speaker 1: like and just far enough away from Boston where you
Speaker 1: can't go into Boston for the night to have a
Speaker 1: good time. So I was living in the middle of nowhere,
Speaker 1: living working in a factory, like, oh yeah, this was
Speaker 1: your factory. And I was just doing a job that
Speaker 1: like was not like what I wanted to do. But
Speaker 1: I also was in a circumstance where I was grateful
Speaker 1: for my brother to help me, but I was also like,
Speaker 1: what am I doing? Like whatever, So I was a
Speaker 1: little depressed. And then I just remember, uh, I got
Speaker 1: a massage. My brother got me a massage for my birthday.
Speaker 1: And came back to the house and everything was quiet,
Speaker 1: and and my friends. I knew they were in town
Speaker 1: and I saw them earlier in day, and I still
Speaker 1: didn't put it together that a surprise party. He just
Speaker 1: ruined it. That's so funny. I really a surprise party story. Wait,
Speaker 1: just a kid, I that's my biggest fear as a
Speaker 1: surprise party. Wait, did you there's the thing I was.
Speaker 1: I think I took his d X the day and
Speaker 1: I had massage. I was so out of it, but
Speaker 1: I got there and there was a king outfit waiting
Speaker 1: for me. Everyone was dressed. We were going to medieval times,
Speaker 1: and everyone was decked out in night gear. One person
Speaker 1: dressed his Bobby Night which was so funny. Another person
Speaker 1: dressed a Chewbacca out of nowhere. Another person dressed as
Speaker 1: Sugar Knight that's so funny. Got flown in well somewhere
Speaker 1: mostly New York, just Kelly and Danny. Well, Kelly and
Speaker 1: Danny flew in, but everyone else just lived in New
Speaker 1: York City. So we all go to medieval times. I'm
Speaker 1: dressed like the king. At one point they addressed the
Speaker 1: king and I'm I take the King's thunder. I'm and
Speaker 1: everyone's like because I'm like full on, like this is
Speaker 1: like a three thousand, like a really, And I was
Speaker 1: like hello, Hello, and then I put my face in
Speaker 1: the cake and then I remember the king. The medieval
Speaker 1: king hated me because I was like, oh, I'll get
Speaker 1: the night. So then he was taking his like this
Speaker 1: is ward. So so we're having the time of our life.
Speaker 1: We take the bus back, we go down lower Lower
Speaker 1: East Side. We're drinking and one of the guys had
Speaker 1: a lightsaber, which, you know, funny hot lightsaber in medieval times.
Speaker 1: It doesn't really add up. Some random guy grabbed his
Speaker 1: lightsaber and threw it. Next thing you know, we get
Speaker 1: in a full on brawl. We're all dressed like night
Speaker 1: and was there is our one black friend and he
Speaker 1: we're all fighting, fist fighting. And then my buddy who's
Speaker 1: dressed as the King. Remember the Burger King commercial. He
Speaker 1: was on on every drug but mostly cocaine and um
Speaker 1: what's the other one? That ecstasy the other? And he
Speaker 1: thought people were chasing him and he was running around
Speaker 1: the Lower east Side see King people were so he
Speaker 1: looked like the King from the commercial, but he thought
Speaker 1: in his mind people were chasing to fight him, and
Speaker 1: so he just kept seeing him run past. Anyways, it
Speaker 1: was unbelievable. And the best part though, is my other
Speaker 1: buddy dresses the King and he rode the mechanical bull
Speaker 1: and we're in the bathroom and he fell off and
Speaker 1: he wasn't his underwear ripped and I was just in
Speaker 1: the bathroom random and some random dude came out he
Speaker 1: was like, yo, did you see that King's ball? Alright,
Speaker 1: final thought, it was a great birthday and it was
Speaker 1: nice to feel like like, you know, I don't know
Speaker 1: like that I like mattered. Yeah, that's really sweet. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm, I'm um warming up to the idea
Speaker 1: of of birthdays and I am excited about tonight and
Speaker 1: I hope that some busties show up and I get
Speaker 1: to hug them and and they get to hear me
Speaker 1: saying Cheryl crow Um or Lonely Island. Know what what
Speaker 1: about you? For birthdays? You got one? I am trying
Speaker 1: to like rack my brain to think of my own birthday,
Speaker 1: but most of my birthday celebrating going out and doing
Speaker 1: crazy things or whatever. Uh, We're spent really drunken high,
Speaker 1: so I don't remember any of them. I don't remember
Speaker 1: any details, but I guess, um, I'm gonna give myself
Speaker 1: kudos because AV you know, his love languages, quality time.
Speaker 1: So like all those crazy things that I've planned for
Speaker 1: us to do on his as like a birthday activity
Speaker 1: for him, like ice climbing and mountain climbing and all
Speaker 1: that crap that I would never do on my own,
Speaker 1: um actually turned out to be really good bonding experiences.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, I can plan fun things
Speaker 1: for birthday. It's nice that you you. Yeah, you are you.
Speaker 1: I mean, you are great. At birthdays. You've always made
Speaker 1: me feel so special and you you're just a great friend.
Speaker 1: You just you both are you are like so I
Speaker 1: couldn't asked for two better people to have spent this
Speaker 1: like hour and a half or whatever with because I
Speaker 1: came in just feeling so sad and like kind of
Speaker 1: misunderstood and not even understanding myself to be honest with you,
Speaker 1: and like, just you guys are always so um like
Speaker 1: nice to me when I'm going through those stages of
Speaker 1: like like just being a baby or being like kind
Speaker 1: of brady, like just Andrew says the perfect like funny
Speaker 1: thing to make it like just to let me know
Speaker 1: that he's like not on my same level. He's not
Speaker 1: like gonna because I think a lot of times when
Speaker 1: you get really upset, people try to like match your
Speaker 1: energy or try to like fix it or try to
Speaker 1: get as angry as you or like adopt some of
Speaker 1: your anger. And I like that Andrew, you always go
Speaker 1: You always like acknowledge what I'm going through. Like I
Speaker 1: came in and I'm like da da listing all these things,
Speaker 1: and anderstanding there with his card like uh and like
Speaker 1: it's my birthday, is trying to be nice, but you
Speaker 1: made some kind of joke as soon as I walked
Speaker 1: in and you were like oh. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I just want to like die today, and you're like,
Speaker 1: it's you know, birthday is probably a cool day to
Speaker 1: go or something like that. You made a funny joke
Speaker 1: that let me know that, like you're acknowledging what I said.
Speaker 1: You're not giving it too much. You know that I'm
Speaker 1: not actually suicidal. I'm just saying dumb things. You made
Speaker 1: a joke, and you just let me have my feelings.
Speaker 1: You don't make me feel stupid about it. You laugh
Speaker 1: when I do say stupid things that I'm I am
Speaker 1: just sometimes saying. I learned today when I was in
Speaker 1: therapy crying to my therapist with my boyfriend also there
Speaker 1: that I say outrageous and like sometimes mean or crazy things,
Speaker 1: either mean to myself mean to others, because I think
Speaker 1: that when I was met as a child, when I
Speaker 1: would cry, I was met with a lot of like,
Speaker 1: what are you crying about? This is ridiculous. You're crying
Speaker 1: because your Barbie's hair isn't straight or whatever it is
Speaker 1: like that, or your hair isn't straight or something stupid.
Speaker 1: And I felt like because that was then I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna go and I would get looks of like them
Speaker 1: being like, you're fucking insane, Like they would say that,
Speaker 1: but just like this is culous. They would say that
Speaker 1: in their own you know, the way you talk to kids. Way, yes,
Speaker 1: but just because they just not because they're bad people.
Speaker 1: Like I want to make it clear my mom and
Speaker 1: dad are amazing parents. Clearly I have the best parents ever.
Speaker 1: I put them on a reality show. I love them
Speaker 1: so much. But they just didn't know what to do
Speaker 1: with a daughter who had so much anxiety and seemed
Speaker 1: to be like would lose it at little things, but
Speaker 1: it was because it wasn't about that little thing, and
Speaker 1: you know that requires a lot of therapy and like
Speaker 1: to understand the root of the stuff. So they would
Speaker 1: just look at each other like what the fuck? And
Speaker 1: then I discovered that then flailing around and making it
Speaker 1: even crazier was where I would go. Instead of going
Speaker 1: like I'm just gonna act like it's something else, I'd go,
Speaker 1: you think it's crazy that I'm crying about my Barbie
Speaker 1: having bent hair on her bangs. Then I am going
Speaker 1: to hurl myself against the wall, throw myself on the
Speaker 1: ground try to hurt myself so that, honestly, I think
Speaker 1: it was like so that you take me to a
Speaker 1: hospital and some a nurse has to actually actually like
Speaker 1: someone will give a ship, someone will step in and
Speaker 1: have to do it, like take me to a hospital,
Speaker 1: put me in a state because they used to go,
Speaker 1: we're gonna you need to be admitted somewhere, like they
Speaker 1: used to like say that almost jokingly, and I'd be like, great,
Speaker 1: I would love for a doctor to actually try to
Speaker 1: figure out what's wrong with me because I don't know
Speaker 1: what it is. This has to be someone else's problem
Speaker 1: besides mine because I can't handle it. So I would
Speaker 1: go So today on the on my therapy, I was
Speaker 1: feeling embarrassed about my feelings because I was crying about
Speaker 1: something that kind of made no sense about Like I'm
Speaker 1: having a birthday party and I'm feeling stressed out about it.
Speaker 1: I felt stupid. I'm crying, it's about my birthday. I'm
Speaker 1: crying because I'm like, I'm already famous. I get it
Speaker 1: off attention, so now I'm crying about being famous, Like
Speaker 1: what is going on? I felt stupid, So then I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I gotta get crazier because this is just borderline. I
Speaker 1: need to go full crazy so that these other crazy
Speaker 1: things are then just so much less than the other
Speaker 1: stuff I'm saying. Which when you say really crazy stuff,
Speaker 1: people can go, oh, she's just crazy. But when you
Speaker 1: say things that are just sounding like you're like you
Speaker 1: think you're cool, or you're just you're crying about being famous,
Speaker 1: people can go, she's a bit your spoiled. Yes, But
Speaker 1: if I cry about so where I can't even tell
Speaker 1: you where did you Did you have that epiphany in
Speaker 1: that connection today in therapy I had. That's a huge
Speaker 1: birthday gift, by the way of like self realization A
Speaker 1: couple fucking This is why therapy is great, you guys,
Speaker 1: And I know I do ads for it on here,
Speaker 1: but you don't know how you feel until you are
Speaker 1: able to like talk things out to maybe to fucking
Speaker 1: wall like you don't even need, like it's not It's
Speaker 1: sometimes about listening to yourself. Because as I was talking,
Speaker 1: because we were talking about Chris has COVID and he
Speaker 1: can't come tonight, and if he does come tonight, he's
Speaker 1: on the sixth day of it, but he's tested positive yesterday.
Speaker 1: And I was like, just come in a mask, and
Speaker 1: he's like, maybe I'll do that, but I just I
Speaker 1: don't want to get close. And then as we were talking,
Speaker 1: my therapist at one point was like, Nicky, what's your
Speaker 1: love language? And I was like touch, like immediately touch,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, I know. I
Speaker 1: was like I and Chris is kind of hurt because
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'd rather you not come than come and
Speaker 1: wear a mask like I just and be like like
Speaker 1: there was something about him coming and being scared to
Speaker 1: give me and anyone else COVID that made me go,
Speaker 1: I don't want to make him feel bad about coming
Speaker 1: and like being nervous, And then I realized it's because
Speaker 1: I'd rather not come because I want to touch you.
Speaker 1: I want to be touched about you like that. I
Speaker 1: don't want you around if I can't touch you like
Speaker 1: And I felt bad saying that because I don't want
Speaker 1: him to think that that's all I use him for,
Speaker 1: because obviously not. He's so much more to me than that,
Speaker 1: but I do when we were trying to be like
Speaker 1: just friends, I remember saying to him like, I don't
Speaker 1: even want to be friends with you because I'm when
Speaker 1: I'm around you. I want to hold your hand, I
Speaker 1: want to like rub your back. I want you to
Speaker 1: touch me, and like I can't. And you know, I'm
Speaker 1: not saying down the line like if we were I
Speaker 1: think I could be friends with him now if we
Speaker 1: decided we couldn't be together something like I have more
Speaker 1: of a connection with him, but I really require touch
Speaker 1: a and I said that today. I was like, I
Speaker 1: just realized, Like she asked me about touch I was
Speaker 1: talking about Chris coming with a mask on, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't want you to kiss me on
Speaker 1: my cheek with like a mask kiss, Like I'd rather
Speaker 1: you just not even show up because to me it smells.
Speaker 1: It would be the same as smelling or like being
Speaker 1: really hungry and smelling of food and just like smelling
Speaker 1: it and like and she goes really interesting that at
Speaker 1: anorexic describes like us as a food analogy, and I
Speaker 1: was like, well, that's what I used to do with food.
Speaker 1: I used to when I would starve and I couldn't
Speaker 1: have it, but I would watch the Food Network, which
Speaker 1: is a very common thing for people who have anorexia
Speaker 1: to watch food TV incessantly. I would read food magazines,
Speaker 1: I would watch food TV. I would watch I would
Speaker 1: watch people eat you. All I wanted to do is
Speaker 1: be around food, play with it, but I didn't want
Speaker 1: to have it. And I feel like that's the same
Speaker 1: way I am with um with affection and like intimacy
Speaker 1: is like I want to get just to the close enough,
Speaker 1: but I don't deserve it. But I do it right now,
Speaker 1: feel like I deserve loves. I don't want to torture
Speaker 1: myself by being like close to Chris but not being
Speaker 1: able to actually like have have him. Like but she
Speaker 1: was like, well tonight he can come and like you
Speaker 1: can hold your hand, like you could wash your hands
Speaker 1: right after, like you know, you know, to lick his hand,
Speaker 1: like there's things around it. So there are a lot
Speaker 1: of good epiphanies today. There's always dog. I'm going to
Speaker 1: talk about getting shushed through the rap. Okay, Donna start,
Speaker 1: and then I can kind of think about what I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do for my start. Start. You go, shorty, it's
Speaker 1: your birthday, it's your birthday. I can ficture of him
Speaker 1: is bending down like a bat on the Super Bowl
Speaker 1: went down, and I was worried about the bar he
Speaker 1: was hanging on. I thought it was like one of
Speaker 1: those bars you put in the middle of your door,
Speaker 1: and I was like, it's gonna it's gonna fall. Go shorty,
Speaker 1: it's your birthday. We're going a party like GE's your
Speaker 1: birthday you. We're gonna sing kari yoke like we're sharing
Speaker 1: crow cocaine. Cocaine on a Thursday. Everybody got up, get down,
Speaker 1: put the mask on, take it off, and bang me
Speaker 1: and eat my butt. But don't don't ever come back.
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like we get such a we
Speaker 1: get inside the psychology of each other when we really
Speaker 1: freestyle and when you do those little ones. Coming out
Speaker 1: of the first break, we learned a lot. Okay, so
Speaker 1: I'm about to tell you about what happened. Wait, don't
Speaker 1: do that. No, don't, don't. Andrew was a really good
Speaker 1: skill of doing this and repeating. But I'm gonna still
Speaker 1: do my rest. Okay. This weekend, I was in a van.
Speaker 1: I was driving to the airport with a man. There
Speaker 1: was also another woman in the car. She had her
Speaker 1: kid with her. We didn't go too far. We drove
Speaker 1: about an hour. Her kid was about eight. I was
Speaker 1: trying to be cool and trying to relate. We were
Speaker 1: talking about the weekend. We were talking about fun, we
Speaker 1: were talking about things, but we weren't talking about guns.
Speaker 1: At one point, I referenced that the Wilco album helped me.
Speaker 1: It got me through the week. It was really something
Speaker 1: swell to me. So then healthy, it's really something healthy,
Speaker 1: thank you. So I'm talking about the album and I
Speaker 1: casually referenced that this week was hard. So I said
Speaker 1: it was hard and this album really helped me because
Speaker 1: last week was so brutal and I was feeling so
Speaker 1: many feelings. And then she looked back at me and
Speaker 1: was like, girl, cut it. Don't say that around my kid.
Speaker 1: I haven't told him yet. And I was like, oh shit,
Speaker 1: am I a bad person? Did I almost talk about
Speaker 1: something terrible in front of this kid? It sounded like
Speaker 1: I was about to talk about a gangbang and she
Speaker 1: was like, he doesn't know about gang bang yet. But
Speaker 1: I'm not even making this a rap anymore because I
Speaker 1: just want to give my point across. I felt like
Speaker 1: a bad mom. I felt like a bad woman that
Speaker 1: I almost talked about a mass shooting in front of
Speaker 1: this kid. And then I was thinking, do kids even
Speaker 1: know about this? The fact is they don't, and why
Speaker 1: shouldn't you tell them? Nothing you really say is going
Speaker 1: to prepare them. Sam Aarra's compared it to telling your
Speaker 1: kid about a plane crash. It's not gonna help your
Speaker 1: kid to know about a plane crash because most of
Speaker 1: the time you're not gonna be in a plane crash,
Speaker 1: and even if you are, just really not gonna be
Speaker 1: anything you could do about it. So don't talk to
Speaker 1: your kids about the shooting. But I casually mentioned that
Speaker 1: last week was quote unquote hard, and she shot me
Speaker 1: a look like, do not mention why it was hard,
Speaker 1: and she pointed at her kid, and I felt shamed,
Speaker 1: and I felt like I'm a bad person. But then
Speaker 1: I just realist she was just being a good mom.
Speaker 1: She's protecting her son. She didn't want him to hear
Speaker 1: about it, and she doesn't know what this bitch in
Speaker 1: the backseat is gonna say. I'm a raunchy comedian, what's
Speaker 1: she gonna do? So, um, it was really interesting. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you have kids out there, but I
Speaker 1: am wondering how you handle this whole situation, because it's
Speaker 1: really fucking weird. And I know that if I were
Speaker 1: in fourth grade and someone told me that a bunch
Speaker 1: of fourth graders got murdered in the classroom last week.
Speaker 1: I would be fucking scared of ship. So I would
Speaker 1: recommend to parents do not tell your kids about it,
Speaker 1: because it's just gonna give them anxiety. At that's the
Speaker 1: end of my happy birthday, NICKI. Al Right, guys, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening today, and um, I love
Speaker 1: all of you. Thank you for the birthday wishes. If
Speaker 1: I don't get back to you, you know, it's not
Speaker 1: because I didn't see it or because I didn't love it,
Speaker 1: but it's because I'm overwhelmed. And I love you so
Speaker 1: much for all of it. And thank you for being
Speaker 1: my friends and my fans and Delbeka ni every birthday.
Speaker 1: You're so good at that. I'm pretty good. It made
Speaker 1: me feel like we said at the same time. But
Speaker 1: you know, just yeah, god damn it.