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Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nickers, here's Nikki. Hello here I am.

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Speaker 1: It's a Nicki Glazer podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Wednesday. Uh,

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Speaker 1: Andrew is here. We're in St. Louis. Noah is in Arizona. Um,

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Speaker 1: getting a little late start today. I apologize. Thank you

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Speaker 1: so much for your patients. You guys. Um, you were

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Speaker 1: like up in my apartment probably an hour ago and

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Speaker 1: I just got here. It's your birthday, so I know

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Speaker 1: you can get away with so much when it's your birthday.

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Speaker 1: People really like, I think I could murder someone and

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Speaker 1: while I'm doing it, say it's my birthday and they go, oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: well it's my death day. Can I still get the

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Speaker 1: gift or do I? Yeah? I mean, at one point,

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Speaker 1: do you kill a guy and still asked for your gift?

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like, can you ask for

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Speaker 1: the gift from the person? Know the gift is that

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Speaker 1: you get to kill them? Oh? Yeah, okay, that's a

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Speaker 1: gift to the I don't have to deal with this

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Speaker 1: person naymore in my life now? Is that a gift

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Speaker 1: that keeps giving because they're dead? Um? Yes, yes, it's

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Speaker 1: like a subscription box. Um. Yeah, it's my birthday, and

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Speaker 1: I I'm going to skip my birthday next year, and

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Speaker 1: then then I'm forty the following year. So I feel

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Speaker 1: like it will be if I skip it next year,

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Speaker 1: then it'll feel because everyone's gonna make a big deal

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Speaker 1: about forty. I will have to make a big deal

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Speaker 1: out of it, So I feel like it'll maybe feel

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Speaker 1: a little bit more deserved because it's been Oh it's

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Speaker 1: been two years since I had one. Now are you

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Speaker 1: going to skip it? Just going to like, no, no,

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Speaker 1: No one's allowed to give me presents. Texts are the

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Speaker 1: most that can be can happen. There will be no party,

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Speaker 1: There will be um, no calls, no um just no.

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Speaker 1: And everyone in my life will know that. Like if

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Speaker 1: you text me, I might just like thumbs up it,

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Speaker 1: but there's gonna be no. It's just I know I

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Speaker 1: sound like an ingrade, but writing back to I woke

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Speaker 1: up at eight thirty this morning to nineteen texts, which

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Speaker 1: is so nice that people took that time out of

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Speaker 1: their day to do that. But I have to write

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Speaker 1: back to every single one or else I'm a bit

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Speaker 1: and I know that's like, oh, poor Niki. Everyone loves you,

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Speaker 1: like some people get no one remembering their birthday and

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Speaker 1: I'm sure, like you would kill for one of my

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Speaker 1: nineteen people, but would you kill for nineteen? And then

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Speaker 1: after that it's nineteen people on the half hour every

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Speaker 1: half hour, as the news spreads throughout Facebook and an

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Speaker 1: Instagram and you know someone heard it on the radio.

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Speaker 1: This morning, I was listed in the celebrity birthdays, which

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Speaker 1: is nice to be like included in those little like

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Speaker 1: press releases that go out, but um, you know, it's

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Speaker 1: just nice. People just want to celebrate you and just

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Speaker 1: be like you're you know sometimes when you get a

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Speaker 1: text and you just want to thumb it up because

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Speaker 1: you know you can't answer all of them and it's

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Speaker 1: like a third cousin or something, and but you gotta

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Speaker 1: be like, oh, thank you so much. Diana means so much.

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Speaker 1: And then they go, it's how you've been I've been good.

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Speaker 1: And then they go like the shows looks, oh, I

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Speaker 1: just watched the show. It's great. Wow, you're still doing comedy.

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Speaker 1: And then it's like messages later and you're like, is

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Speaker 1: it my birthday? This feels? I know? My aunt Sally

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Speaker 1: keeps calling me over and over like a creditor, like

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Speaker 1: a spam call because I don't have an answering machine

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Speaker 1: right now, and she started, so she just she just

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Speaker 1: calls over and over waiting for this answering machine to

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Speaker 1: eventually show up, and it's not going to and I

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Speaker 1: have to call, like, that's what I'm gonna do to

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Speaker 1: our answering thing for phan form. My god, that would

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Speaker 1: be so funny. That's a really good solution. She that's

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Speaker 1: what I should do because I feel so indulgent on

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Speaker 1: my birthday and I feel like all these people are

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Speaker 1: just giving me energy and that I just I just

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Speaker 1: don't want people to like go out of their way

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Speaker 1: for me. I just feel so embarrassed of it. I

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Speaker 1: just I just hate it. I just really I'm uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: with it. And I know it just doesn't make sense

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Speaker 1: because I have a TV show and a podcast with

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Speaker 1: my name on it, and I'm someone who loves attention.

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Speaker 1: That I hate birthday, I really do, and maybe I

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Speaker 1: love it. Maybe I'm I hate that I love it

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Speaker 1: so much you love that you hate it, like you

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Speaker 1: love this feeling of being no, because I'm embarrassed to

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Speaker 1: even talk about hating it, because I sound like such

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Speaker 1: a bit to hate it, like that is I really

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Speaker 1: hate hating my birthday. I wish I love my birthday.

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Speaker 1: That is something because no one, really everyone wants me

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Speaker 1: to love my birthday. Everyone's like no one is being

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Speaker 1: you know, like I'm comfortable with you hating it. I

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Speaker 1: don't know why. Maybe because I don't want you to

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Speaker 1: be happy. No, no, no, but it's so funny, like

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Speaker 1: I'm so completely comfortable with like you having a subpar birthday,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, I just I just don't. This is the

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Speaker 1: way that Ali Long was talking about her wedding ones

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Speaker 1: and she was like, I don't need to have a wedding.

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Speaker 1: Every day is my wedding. I'm a comedian. I go

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Speaker 1: on stage and everyone collapse when I walk out, Like

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Speaker 1: I don't divorce makes sense? Yeah, well it doesn't. I

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Speaker 1: just don't need this attention. I love birthday so much

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Speaker 1: as a kid that I made every day. You have

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Speaker 1: a birthday every day. Yes, that's that's why this feels.

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Speaker 1: It's embarrassed. There was just Nicky Glazer Day at fucking

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Speaker 1: the Cardinals Stadium that was beyond humiliating to me because

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Speaker 1: it was something that it looks like I asked for. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was like a make a wish when like, but

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Speaker 1: unfortunately you didn't get to die and I can't. But

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Speaker 1: it's but what an ingrade I am to be like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want this. This is embarrassing because people worked

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Speaker 1: really hard to make that happen, and people work really

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Speaker 1: hard on their birthday gives. People go out and they

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Speaker 1: they buy a card, they get a gift, they write

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Speaker 1: you a long text message, they call you, they remember

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Speaker 1: to call you, and it makes them feel good. So

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Speaker 1: who am I to rob them of that? Well, it's

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Speaker 1: funny buy to get you a gift because I know

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Speaker 1: all these things about your brain and how you feel

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Speaker 1: about your birthday. So I'm like, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: do anything. Start sift card always thank you, thank you,

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Speaker 1: and ever and the car and I will spend it

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Speaker 1: on you. Thank you. That literally is the best. It's

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Speaker 1: easy to buy, Yeah, it is. It doesn't have a

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Speaker 1: lot of waste attached to it. It doesn't take up

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Speaker 1: a lot of space. Yes, there's not a lot of trash.

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Speaker 1: I think I think it like my card. I think

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Speaker 1: I nailed it with it, says Nikki side side stage Glazer.

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Speaker 1: Which did you ever know that I wanted? I was

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Speaker 1: thinking about yesterday about our podcast, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: that would be so funny if my new nickname was

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Speaker 1: side stage. I'm not even joking you. I thought that yesterday.

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Speaker 1: Well there you go. How did you do that? I

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Speaker 1: my brain, I'm telling you crossing King's Highway? And I

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Speaker 1: literally was like, that was so funny. That what if?

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Speaker 1: Because it is funny to brag that you were side

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Speaker 1: stage anywhere, and it's just you know, the oiteration side stage.

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Speaker 1: So please can that be my new lot of your relatives?

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Speaker 1: You know? Is that a I mean, well, it's not

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Speaker 1: not true. I like this guy. Okay, there's an our

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Speaker 1: wall and it says happy birthday and it's almost like

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Speaker 1: his So the nar walls uh tusk is a flagpole

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Speaker 1: and on he's coming out of the water, and on

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Speaker 1: the end of his tusk there is a little streamer

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Speaker 1: that says happy birthday, almost like you know, an airplane pulling.

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Speaker 1: That's a very cute card. I love walls whales um

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Speaker 1: to Nikki from Mice, which is Andrew's nickname, umbus, I

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Speaker 1: mean it's the best ever. Can I read us? Nikki?

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Speaker 1: To quote Wilco, just climb aboard the tracks of a

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Speaker 1: Train's arm makes you think that's from that's from. That

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Speaker 1: side wasn't the right side to write on? Okay, so

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Speaker 1: he so in this card there is a like almost

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Speaker 1: like gelatinous like um substance on one side that is

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Speaker 1: to look like waves, and it's really hard to write off.

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Speaker 1: So he picked the wrong side. So as soon as

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Speaker 1: got hard to write on, he said that side wasn't

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Speaker 1: the right side to write on. The ink was showing,

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Speaker 1: wasn't showing? Well, not the best start to a card

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Speaker 1: when you have to shift pages. Probably should have started

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Speaker 1: on this side. Had a thought to drive back to

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Speaker 1: CVS to buy a new card and do better. At

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Speaker 1: the second time around, I realized I haven't written with

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Speaker 1: a pen in a while. Not looking You're an amazing friend.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for being a person I admire and learned from

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Speaker 1: Daily Love Andrew slash Mice, Well, that's so nice, and

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Speaker 1: I love I love the talking through your process for

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Speaker 1: most of the card. Like I see this much print

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Speaker 1: and I go, oh my god, there's gonna be a

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Speaker 1: lot of feelings. I can't handle this. I like that

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Speaker 1: you got the feelings too, about a fourth of the page,

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Speaker 1: which is all the feelings I need. I can't. This

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Speaker 1: is such a perfect gift. You know. It's so funny too.

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Speaker 1: You're welcome, and I have one other thing coming tomorrow,

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Speaker 1: but it's just like a whole band and like a

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Speaker 1: carnival and a parade. But it's just simple. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be the saddest old woman when all my friends die

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Speaker 1: and I have no one, and I'm going to be like,

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Speaker 1: we're back back on these days of like remember when

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Speaker 1: I complained about nineteen texts before thirty four in the morning. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's so funny. I got I got you a card

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Speaker 1: and it was like, uh, it's never too old. And

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Speaker 1: then and then you open it and it's like a

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Speaker 1: three D one the ones that pop out. It's this

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Speaker 1: old woman shaking her ass and it shakes like to

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Speaker 1: shake your ass. And I was gonna get you that,

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Speaker 1: but then I was like, no, it's not you. I

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Speaker 1: like getting like those jokey cards that are like supposed

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Speaker 1: to be funny, but ironically, because they're so dumb, they're

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Speaker 1: not funny. But yeah, you made the right choice. I

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Speaker 1: love the fact that you had to give up on

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Speaker 1: one side of the page. It was perfect. Um. I

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Speaker 1: kept trying to rewrite over it you ever like has

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Speaker 1: a pen run out, and then you realize it's not

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Speaker 1: the pen. It's not the pen, it's the wave. It's

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Speaker 1: the normwall's environment leaking over into the center of a card.

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Speaker 1: I was good, but it told me another hour and anyhow,

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Speaker 1: it's you know you're gonna have like you don't have to,

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Speaker 1: I don't have to cheer. Yeah, but I think tonight

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Speaker 1: we'll be fun. You don't karaoke, Yes, you'll get to

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Speaker 1: sing out anything. Yeah, that's true for a group of

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Speaker 1: people who over there feel crows feet. That's a good

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Speaker 1: nickname too, um so close one letter off gosh. But no,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna sing. We're gonna have fun, even if it sucks,

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Speaker 1: It'll be fun. No, it'll be so fun, just kting karaoke.

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Speaker 1: Still having a bad day today, to be honest with everyone,

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Speaker 1: I told Andrew and know about it already. But I

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Speaker 1: just like already have had just an emotional day and

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Speaker 1: I just just you know, feeling um p mss. I

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Speaker 1: already said yesterday I was like having all the body

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Speaker 1: aches and then like I I do know p MS

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Speaker 1: is not an excuse. I think a lot of women

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Speaker 1: like maybe feel bad using it. As an excuse, but

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Speaker 1: it really is a thing you go through that makes

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Speaker 1: you just emotionally irrational and weakened. And my old therapist,

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Speaker 1: my UM dr abusive, my abusive dr, my abusive therapist, UM,

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Speaker 1: she used to say that PMS just is. When I

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Speaker 1: would be like, I'm just be abessing, she'd be like, no,

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Speaker 1: I mean, these are real feelings. They're just they You

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Speaker 1: have no defenses for them. They're just coming out the walls,

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Speaker 1: the moat around the wall around your fortress is is

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Speaker 1: is penetrable right now, and so like you, the feelings

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Speaker 1: that you're having are real, and they might seem like

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Speaker 1: because for me, I just bottle up all my feelings

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Speaker 1: all the time, and then I end up crying over

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Speaker 1: the dumb like the smallest thing that seems like like insane,

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Speaker 1: And then people look at each other like, what the

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Speaker 1: funk is happening? This girl's crazy, Like I just can't

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Speaker 1: get over the feeling of like every time I cry,

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Speaker 1: I just feel so crazy, I feel so insane, and

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Speaker 1: I feel like everyone around me is just like doesn't

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Speaker 1: know what to do, wants to run for the fire

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Speaker 1: exits they have to say because I'm crying, like it

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Speaker 1: just is so embarrassing. Do you think um as a

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Speaker 1: woman that like when you have PMS, it almost gives

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Speaker 1: not I don't like the word excuse, but it like

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Speaker 1: allows you to let your guard down. Or is it

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Speaker 1: so like just wired in your brain that that's when

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Speaker 1: it happens. I usually don't know, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: like like is it no because you don't really know

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Speaker 1: you're having it until later on and then you go, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's what that was. I know that I'm having it

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Speaker 1: right now, and it's not like giving me an excuse.

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Speaker 1: I mean maybe subconsciously a little bit. It's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I I know I have this thing in my back

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Speaker 1: pocket and it's a it's a tampon. But the tampon

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Speaker 1: is there because I might start bleeding any second. But

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Speaker 1: I have this thing that you know, when I told

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend I'm p M s NG, like he he

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Speaker 1: was like today he was like, I never even consider

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Speaker 1: that being a thing, Like I just thought that was

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Speaker 1: the thing that's in like Kathy cartoons or like sitcoms.

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Speaker 1: Like I just always thought that was a thing that

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Speaker 1: you know, television amped up or like sitcoms made like

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Speaker 1: as a thing, Like I never consider if you're acting

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Speaker 1: a certain way that she might be on her period.

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Speaker 1: Like he's just always thought that was a misogynist kind

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Speaker 1: of approach to it. And I was like, I would

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Speaker 1: have agreed with you, because I did not suffer from

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Speaker 1: PMS like this in my early thirties, even and even

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Speaker 1: my mid third. Like I'm thirty eight today and it's

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Speaker 1: like periods are getting more and more treacherous. I think

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Speaker 1: it's because it's like this is the last Like yeah,

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Speaker 1: like it's just I think, and I when I went

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Speaker 1: to go to UM I think I told this on

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Speaker 1: the podcast. When I went to go check out Diva cups,

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Speaker 1: you know, and they and I had no idea why

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Speaker 1: the sizes were different, why there was a one or two,

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Speaker 1: Like what's the difference between these two? And one was

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Speaker 1: bigger and one the one that was bigger was for

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Speaker 1: women who are over thirty and more attitude. Yeah, just

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Speaker 1: to hold all of your feelings and it's some tissues

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Speaker 1: if you want to keep an extra supply up in

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Speaker 1: your pusk because you're gonna be crying so much. But

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Speaker 1: I didn't know. I didn't know that women's periods get

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Speaker 1: heavier after thirty. I didn't fucking know that? Who when?

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Speaker 1: Did when? What was that? Where was that? In sect said?

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that pm d D was a thing

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Speaker 1: where you literally want to kill yourself, like you have

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Speaker 1: suicidal thoughts and you're you're seriously got the name that?

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Speaker 1: Remember that they had one? Really, I'm gonna play it

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Speaker 1: because I think you noticed song. But anyways, go ahead, PMP.

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Speaker 1: What did that stand for? Pre menstrual? Uh? It's not depressive.

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Speaker 1: You think it's going to be depressive, but it's something else,

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Speaker 1: um disastrous uh uh uh dites so it's dieph. It

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Speaker 1: just feels like, yeah, it feels like it feels like

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Speaker 1: the worst depression I've ever had. Every month, like where

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Speaker 1: I've I met my weakest Sometimes I haven't this time.

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Speaker 1: I think those are going to start in a couple

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Speaker 1: of days because my period is still eight days away.

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Speaker 1: I mean, this is you don't even have evidence for this. No,

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Speaker 1: you can't even show your boyfriend. I can show him

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Speaker 1: my flow app, which is definitely tracking this ship, and

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Speaker 1: I'm starting to track every single day. I put in

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Speaker 1: notes like I want I had suicidal thoughts today, like

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Speaker 1: or I you know, my boobs feel heavy, or my

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Speaker 1: body feels like a bag of old soup. Like that

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Speaker 1: is seriously how I feel. I just feel soupy. I

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Speaker 1: just feel like, you know, yeah, way, I just feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm really just like it has too much air

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Speaker 1: in it too. It's not like packed tight, and it's

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Speaker 1: just like I feel like I was a guide too,

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Speaker 1: Like when um, I feel like, you know, Brenna has

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Speaker 1: really really bad periods, do I guess she's like horrible cramps?

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Speaker 1: And I try to like judge it almost on a curve,

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Speaker 1: like I don't. I'm like, Okay, this is who you

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Speaker 1: are this week. You're going through it. It doesn't include me.

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Speaker 1: That's my that's what as a as a guy, and

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Speaker 1: I'm sure Chris might deal with it. Two is like

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Speaker 1: when a woman is you know, you're dealing with your

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Speaker 1: own ship, and sure it's gonna come over into my

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Speaker 1: ship a little bit, but I gotta understand this isn't

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Speaker 1: my ship, you know what I mean? And that's that

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Speaker 1: I don't know. That's hard though. I think sometimes that's

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Speaker 1: a guy even if you know, even when a girl

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Speaker 1: tells you that they're on their periods, you guys want

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Speaker 1: to fix it and you want to make it better.

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Speaker 1: And and we you are the person. Like there's a

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Speaker 1: new Wilco song off Cruel Country and it's called I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm tired of taking it out on you, And

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Speaker 1: it's like he's just tired of taking it out on

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Speaker 1: the person who's most proximity to him. But like, that

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Speaker 1: is why we're in relationships, is to have someone there

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Speaker 1: when we are at that vulnerable, not to take it

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Speaker 1: out on them. But like I, like I was saying today,

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Speaker 1: you know, um, when I was feeling so sad yesterday

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Speaker 1: and I was like, and Chris has COVID right now,

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Speaker 1: so he couldn't be around me, and I just I

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Speaker 1: just had no one to comfort me. And that's what

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Speaker 1: that's why we are in relationships, because when our parents

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Speaker 1: get old and they die, we need to we need

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Speaker 1: someone else to hold us and to comfort us, like

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Speaker 1: we're little babies. When like that's why I need a relationship.

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Speaker 1: Like it isn't about you, but it is. It is

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Speaker 1: because you just but you have to learn how to

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Speaker 1: not take it out and to actually like lean on

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Speaker 1: that person for support as opposed to like make them

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Speaker 1: feel like they're the cause of it. Um, let's take

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Speaker 1: a quick break and dissect this even more when we

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00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:51,439
Speaker 1: get back on my birthday, Andrew heavy flow coming down

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Speaker 1: like a soupy soup and it's come in like child,

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00:17:55,560 --> 00:18:06,200
Speaker 1: but get back and have some claim. Yeah, dude, there's

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Speaker 1: a I don't know if you have you ever been

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Speaker 1: to Oyster Welcome back Oyster. It's a bar Oyster something

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00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,240
Speaker 1: Broadway Oyster bar, great bar right the way? Do you

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00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:20,280
Speaker 1: want a bar for I'm drinking a little bit again,

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Speaker 1: So like you go and you just what do you do? Music?

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00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:27,360
Speaker 1: Like amazing life, great New Orleans food. It's just it's

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Speaker 1: a very cool field. And but there's a there's when

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Speaker 1: you walk there, there's a bar. It's called Jazz Blues

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Speaker 1: and Soup. I just love that, like the coolest things

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Speaker 1: ever in soup, you know, blues soup. I was dying.

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00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,199
Speaker 1: I was like, has anyone had the soup here? I

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00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:57,159
Speaker 1: was like my tomato soup, lift me, oh hello, chatter

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Speaker 1: and down like something. I mean, they must have really

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00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:08,119
Speaker 1: great soup to put that on to think that it

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Speaker 1: deserves a spot. They were like, we need one more thing.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't make sense to call it jazz and blues.

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00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:17,359
Speaker 1: Could what else could go up there that would have

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00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:19,439
Speaker 1: been better, that will nothing better than. And then you

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00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,159
Speaker 1: just hear a microwave go off like peep peep, and

357
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,640
Speaker 1: they're like, what did you just make these? Like souper?

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00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:27,280
Speaker 1: He goes. I mean, that's not bad, it's not bad. Look,

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00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,320
Speaker 1: they're just putting together. At this bar. There are some

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Speaker 1: woman named Massey. Did you ever hear of her? Like

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00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:34,440
Speaker 1: a big time blues singer. That was like a breath

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Speaker 1: of Franklin. Where is this? I don't even know where

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00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,639
Speaker 1: this place is. You walked there, Yeah, it's right, it's

364
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,080
Speaker 1: kind of by the stadium went to. That's right, that's right,

365
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:45,000
Speaker 1: that's right. But yeah, I don't know. Someone wanted the

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Speaker 1: lead singer the Cardinals game. It was like two D degrees, like, yeah,

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00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,040
Speaker 1: it's a hot day. St. Louis might have the whitest

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Speaker 1: people I've ever seen, right, like we it's a problem.

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Speaker 1: It's not even what. It's like a whole another kind

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Speaker 1: of white. It's the white that I've never seen. I'm

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Speaker 1: from Florida, What does that mean? What are you saying

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Speaker 1: with that? Just ugly nod? There's just like an off

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Speaker 1: there all it's a it's a weird. It's definitely not

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Speaker 1: the superior race when you when you look at when

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Speaker 1: they're burning in the sun and you realize they got

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00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,160
Speaker 1: to leave by the third inning or the off skin

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Speaker 1: cancer and die the same day. Like, I don't know,

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00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,480
Speaker 1: it's just a different kind of white. You're talking about

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00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,120
Speaker 1: the color of their skin. Really, Oh, they're so, I mean,

380
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,200
Speaker 1: they're training. But what you're saying St. Louis is white.

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Speaker 1: That's what you're talking about is literally physically white. Physically

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00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:42,560
Speaker 1: well you're not like like white, Like this feels a

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Speaker 1: little racist white because that's what St. Louis feels to me.

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Speaker 1: No offense to my talent that I know and love,

385
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:52,359
Speaker 1: but we have a race problem. Yeah. I mean, look,

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Speaker 1: I would say ninety eight percentity audience at the game

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Speaker 1: was white. I don't know if that has anything to

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Speaker 1: do with racism. Mean, do you count the people selling

389
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,960
Speaker 1: things the audience. I'm just kidding because they're not even

390
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:08,159
Speaker 1: there anymore. What do you mean COVID? I don't know.

391
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:15,160
Speaker 1: If they don't have like sex were in they definitely

392
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:25,800
Speaker 1: they didn't have that hot dog water just drink the dog. No. Um.

393
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:29,520
Speaker 1: I think this town like it's yeah, I ideal ideal

394
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 1: with feelings of um like anger towards this town of

395
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 1: how I grew up in an environment where you just

396
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,800
Speaker 1: it's very segregated. I just and that they're with this

397
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,679
Speaker 1: denial of it too, of like, no, we're so multicultural

398
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:49,200
Speaker 1: and we I literally heard someone at a party say St.

399
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Speaker 1: Louis isn't racist. I was at it. I was at

400
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Speaker 1: dinner the other night and I lovely, uh you know

401
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,399
Speaker 1: table black people sat next to us. It was fine.

402
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 1: It was fine. That's the wait, Wait, what what do

403
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:03,240
Speaker 1: you mean it was fine? Why wouldn't it be fine?

404
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:06,399
Speaker 1: Is that your story? And we we we were fine

405
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:09,680
Speaker 1: with it. Wait, I'm sorry, what is this the end

406
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:12,119
Speaker 1: of the story? That was the end of the story.

407
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,960
Speaker 1: And this was obviously an older person telling his story,

408
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 1: and um, but it was you know, it was someone

409
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,800
Speaker 1: that I would say was of sound mind that I

410
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:26,800
Speaker 1: wouldn't have ever thought, and this person would never think

411
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 1: they're racist because of that statement of like I see

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00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 1: black people all the time and I don't want to

413
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,640
Speaker 1: burn crosses in their yard. That doesn't mean you're not real,

414
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,239
Speaker 1: you idiot. But that's the problem with St. Louis has

415
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 1: a problem with admitting that they might have racist tendency.

416
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 1: I have I have stereo. There are people I have

417
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:51,880
Speaker 1: preconceived versions about literally anyone who isn't me, whether you're white,

418
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:55,879
Speaker 1: whether you're manned, like any we all do. And they're wrong.

419
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 1: They're not our fault, their societal they you know, but

420
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 1: not acknowledging them is not the way to handle them.

421
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:08,679
Speaker 1: Ensive you don't have to go I you don't be

422
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 1: guilty constantly and and feel like you like you know,

423
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,639
Speaker 1: there's a lot a lot of people that say, oh,

424
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:15,960
Speaker 1: I was just getting my hair downe the other day,

425
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,360
Speaker 1: and my hair stylis said that someone of her clients

426
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,760
Speaker 1: is pulling her kids out of a school district, like

427
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:25,679
Speaker 1: a fairly conservative, white, very expensive school to go to.

428
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 1: She's pulling her kids out because they are teaching them

429
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 1: about slavery too much and Mike, so my kids have

430
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:34,679
Speaker 1: to pay the price and be and they are there,

431
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 1: they have to feel guilty constantly for something they didn't

432
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 1: even do. And it's like, wait, where did I understand

433
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,439
Speaker 1: that there are some black people that would probably want

434
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,440
Speaker 1: us to feel constant guilt and that is a thing

435
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 1: that some people, maybe even white people, expect you to

436
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,679
Speaker 1: do that. But I don't think learning about something is

437
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 1: there to make you feel guilty for it, even if

438
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,119
Speaker 1: it was your ancestors who did it. There's you know,

439
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,359
Speaker 1: that might be a feeling that lingers, but no one's

440
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 1: teaching it to you to feel guilty. The history, it's

441
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 1: it's just you know what facts don't We don't care

442
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,600
Speaker 1: about facts any It's like it's, look, there's no point

443
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,719
Speaker 1: of school anymore. I really feel that. I just love

444
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:14,399
Speaker 1: someone taking them out of private school and be like,

445
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,160
Speaker 1: I'm going to homeschooling myself. I'll teach him what I want.

446
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 1: And it's like, where are they gonna learn how to

447
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:24,440
Speaker 1: fucking drive a Volvo, you dumb bitch? No, because um,

448
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:29,880
Speaker 1: we're gonna have something. They have self driving cars, turn

449
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 1: it on and say go to target. I mean, it's wild.

450
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,719
Speaker 1: What was in our history books of how they just

451
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 1: glanced over hundreds of years of oppression didn't make us

452
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 1: not feel But I remember learning about slavery and about

453
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,959
Speaker 1: the Civil rights movement. I remember it was third grade

454
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 1: and like hearing really hard stuff and like learning like

455
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 1: oh fucking and feeling bad, like having guilt about it

456
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 1: and being like, oh my god, I would if I

457
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 1: were a black person, I would be so fucking mad

458
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 1: at us about anyone who was white. I would really

459
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 1: like I had that, like I projected that resentment on

460
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 1: But it was essential for me to to learn that,

461
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 1: Like can you imagine not learning about slavery or but

462
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 1: there's so much stuff we're missing, like we learned I

463
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: don't know anything about I didn't know anything about, you know,

464
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 1: the killing fields in Cambodia. You read about that ship

465
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 1: and is so fucking horrifying, you know, even more recently,

466
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 1: like I don't. There's so many test about plenty of

467
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 1: bad I'm a Jew. I learned plenty of bad stuff

468
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,440
Speaker 1: Germans did. I went to Germany. I I had a

469
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 1: little bit of a preconceived notion of like German, you

470
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 1: you connect Nazi to German because you heard that your

471
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 1: whole life. Not only did I hear that in my

472
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:49,960
Speaker 1: history books, I heard that in every single movie I've seen.

473
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: Literally feel a tinge of guilt when I have to

474
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 1: tell people like, oh, my family's German Irish, Like I

475
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 1: wish I could skip the German part because of that.

476
00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:59,200
Speaker 1: But as a Jew, I'm just saying, like I don't

477
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:02,160
Speaker 1: feel oh yeah, okay. So at that point you would

478
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 1: be the oppress or you would be the white person

479
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 1: in the in the in the slave scenario of the

480
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:11,080
Speaker 1: black but like I don't, Yeah, I don't know. I guess, Yeah,

481
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 1: I guess. I guess in that standpoint, I'm I'm the

482
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 1: the minority in that instance. But like, yeah, I don't know.

483
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 1: I guess I was gonna put this where like I didn't.

484
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 1: I don't see Germans though as like he's horrible, but

485
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,200
Speaker 1: you might have a little bit of like that. You guys,

486
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,200
Speaker 1: your your ancestors are pieces of ship that did this thing.

487
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,719
Speaker 1: Like also, okay, fine, then deal with those feelings. But

488
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,920
Speaker 1: the answer isn't not talking about things that happened. I

489
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,639
Speaker 1: just I just hate not talking about things that are

490
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 1: that have happened. I think that's like my overwriting thing

491
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 1: is like not being honest or being in denial of anything.

492
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:53,119
Speaker 1: It's like it really bugs me. And it just just

493
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:54,879
Speaker 1: because you want to avoid guilt or you want to

494
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:56,800
Speaker 1: avoid feelings, which is all I want to do is

495
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 1: avoid fucking feelings. So I don't know if I want

496
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 1: to avoid it or I don't want to. And why

497
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 1: didn't always mean the Cardinals the Cardinals one? No, I

498
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 1: stayed the old game I thought you said at the

499
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,680
Speaker 1: fourth innite. No, no, no, everyone else did. That was

500
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 1: so we were sitting underneath report or whatever. It was great.

501
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 1: I was like, no, no son at all, just had it.

502
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:27,000
Speaker 1: I love people watching. That's my favorite part about There

503
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,560
Speaker 1: were some. There was some. I barely even watched the game. Yeah,

504
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:32,120
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think I watched it at all.

505
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,679
Speaker 1: Actually it was fun. I went with Brennan and her

506
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 1: two friends that live here, and uh, one of them,

507
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 1: it was funny. We're making fun of the guy that

508
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:45,359
Speaker 1: keeps he still has one of those scorecards and he

509
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 1: writes it with a pencil like like no one else

510
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 1: is going to get like, he's find this information online immediately.

511
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:55,520
Speaker 1: So he said that his grandfather granted this is probably

512
00:27:55,520 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: before who you talked to the scorecard guy? No, don't know.

513
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 1: I talked to the other guy that we were sorry. Yeah,

514
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:07,840
Speaker 1: Brenna's friend there, the guy in a couple his grandfather

515
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 1: would do that and he would market how he saw

516
00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 1: the game and then how he would tell the game

517
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,719
Speaker 1: as he'd go, yeah, there wasn't that wasn't a hit,

518
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,199
Speaker 1: that was an error, and everyone's like, no, you know,

519
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,840
Speaker 1: the people upstairs said it was a hit, and he's like,

520
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:25,720
Speaker 1: not by my scorecard, you know, like like that. Do

521
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 1: you carry on anythings that like even though it's already

522
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,199
Speaker 1: digitized and there's no need for you to do it,

523
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 1: do you like do it? I can't think of anything

524
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 1: like that. I can't even I mean, I think, guess

525
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 1: with birthday cards. Sometimes I will just like or ran

526
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 1: in a while it felt better than sending you a

527
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 1: dead or like writing a list or writing in a

528
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 1: journal long form instead of writing in your notes or um,

529
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 1: I don't know, writing a set list. I'm trying to

530
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 1: think of like things or I mean you used to

531
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 1: go to stores instead of buying on Amazon? Well yeah,

532
00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,040
Speaker 1: you like you were the biggest holdout for on and

533
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 1: shopping that I but anyone, I know, I wish I

534
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 1: kept holding out. I probably would have saved ten dollars

535
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:10,080
Speaker 1: at least. Yeah, it's obscene how much money I spend

536
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 1: on I had no idea how easy Amazon was. I

537
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 1: also lived in a building that I was worried the

538
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 1: ship was gonna get stolen. I didn't have a doorman,

539
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 1: so that changed everything once I got a doorman. But uh, yeah,

540
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:24,840
Speaker 1: I don't know. I sometimes I'll hold a newspaper. I

541
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 1: like holding paper, and I forget that feel. I like

542
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:34,720
Speaker 1: chewing paper. You can't chew your phone. So many things

543
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 1: that weren't chewable. You know a lot of comics, though,

544
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 1: here's a thing. I learned a lot of comics. Right

545
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 1: lefty throw righty. That's the thing I've way more than

546
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: in real world. Like a lot lefties are like more creative,

547
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 1: I think, and then righty is more, um this kind

548
00:29:53,680 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 1: of brain. So I think that combination creative and straight brain. Yeah,

549
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 1: are you right handed? No? Yeah, I'm right handed me too. Yeah.

550
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,440
Speaker 1: The other thing with comics they chew on pen caps

551
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 1: or have chewing granted maybe allot of them. Don't get me.

552
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 1: They also all, you know, our alcoholics too. It's like

553
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 1: these are all things you do to cope with anxiety too. Besides,

554
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,880
Speaker 1: but like chewing pencaps are like ripping labels off of beer,

555
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 1: and like you always go, oh, you're sexually anxious, but

556
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,959
Speaker 1: it's like, no, you're just anxious, dude. I ripped I

557
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 1: never had a fucking beer. Every single beer I ever

558
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,560
Speaker 1: drank was empty. I'm still doing that. I mean, I

559
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 1: guess you're having drinks now. I had white cloud for

560
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:36,480
Speaker 1: the first time. Oh yeah, well, let's talk about that,

561
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 1: um a little bit later because we have to get

562
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 1: to the news. But I'm dying to hear your white closet.

563
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,360
Speaker 1: You said it would have killed you. Let's get the news.

564
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: It's Wednesday, folks, you know what that means. It is Wednesday.

565
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 1: It's also Nikki Glazer's birthday. If you haven't yet, Center attacks, No,

566
00:30:55,960 --> 00:31:00,200
Speaker 1: don't stay away. I just got two more tax Only

567
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 1: loves them. I hope you're having all the swells out

568
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 1: there and uh yeah, oh if you want to come

569
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 1: come to Westpard Social just well that's this won't be

570
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:14,440
Speaker 1: out but then no, but I'm just promoting for yesterday,

571
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 1: I mean for earlier tonight. Whenever this comes out. I

572
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 1: just want to say that I tried to condense your

573
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 1: birthday text by texting you in our group chat with

574
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,360
Speaker 1: the girls. You did a great job of that. I

575
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 1: haven't even gotten to that whole Did I write even

576
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 1: back to it? I don't have yet, sorry, babe, because

577
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 1: you didn't a group text. For some reason, group text

578
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 1: gives me less pressure because I'm like other people are

579
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 1: taking care of what's going on in there, and so

580
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: I don't even I looked at it as more like

581
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:45,719
Speaker 1: less of a birthday text. I just looked at as

582
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 1: like a block of text that I can get to

583
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 1: later because other people in the group text will take

584
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:50,880
Speaker 1: care of it. I didn't really even know it was

585
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:54,080
Speaker 1: a birthday text, so I appreciate that. Yes, so you

586
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 1: could just write thanks once and not have to respond

587
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 1: to be no no, and Anya also wrote me, was like,

588
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 1: you don't have to reply to this, but you mean

589
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 1: so much to like all my friends are giving me

590
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 1: the caveat of like, don't even do anything back to this.

591
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 1: It's very nice. Okay. So I don't know if you've

592
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 1: seen this trending, but hashtag sweden gate uh is trending

593
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:20,960
Speaker 1: after posts to ask credit answering the question what's the

594
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 1: weirdest thing you had to do at someone else's house

595
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 1: because of their culture slash religion go viral because they

596
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 1: say that Swedish families did not invite their children's guests

597
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 1: to eat family meals as a custom. Swedest families did

598
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 1: not invite their children's friends to eat family meals as

599
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 1: a custom, so you would never eat a dinner or

600
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 1: a meal over at your friend's house. Okay, Okay. So

601
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:50,600
Speaker 1: here's like one of the quick anecdotes. Um, so while

602
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 1: we were so, I remember going to my friend's house

603
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 1: and while we were playing in his room, his mom

604
00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:57,960
Speaker 1: yelled at dinner was ready and check this. He told

605
00:32:57,960 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 1: me to wait in his room while they ate. That's

606
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:06,000
Speaker 1: it was fucking wild. So apparently that custom is outdated,

607
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:09,800
Speaker 1: but it was true and the thought behind it was, Um,

608
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 1: the other children or other family may have plans with

609
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,959
Speaker 1: another might have another kind of dinner in the plans,

610
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 1: and you wouldn't want to ruin the routine or preparations.

611
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 1: So it's about other people. So it's about that my

612
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 1: son's friends family. I don't want to pose on what

613
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,640
Speaker 1: they might have planned by giving their son My family's

614
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 1: feeling right, But Twitter and you know, the Internet like exploded.

615
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:34,760
Speaker 1: How Like it's just rude. They don't want to feed

616
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 1: the children, there, this and that, but they are good people.

617
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: They're Okay, you're going to be in Sweden. Oh I am.

618
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 1: I'm going to Am I going to Stockholm. I don't

619
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 1: remember it, but you're going to be. I'm going to

620
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 1: Stockholm in October the real life. No, I've never been.

621
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:58,239
Speaker 1: I've only in Europe. I've only been to Madrid, Paris,

622
00:33:58,280 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 1: a little bit of oh god, don't say like that,

623
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 1: Valencia and the south of France, and those are the

624
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: only places I've been. So I'm very excited to go

625
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 1: to Berlin, Munich, uh oslo Oslow, that's right. Where else

626
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: are we go? There's so many places we're going. I

627
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 1: had a little song memorized to memorize all of them

628
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 1: in the order that they were going, but I can't

629
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 1: remember it now. But um, yeah, I'm so freaking said Amsterdam,

630
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 1: that's where I'm ending the tour, and that's where I'm

631
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 1: going to stay for a few days, I think, and

632
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,879
Speaker 1: go um to the Anne Frank House and stuff like that,

633
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 1: and like the Red District and oh yeah, did you

634
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: hear someone um kicked the Mona Lisa? Yeah, that was

635
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 1: funny because I looked into it and go, wait, what

636
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:44,400
Speaker 1: the funk is this real? And there's a big They

637
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:47,239
Speaker 1: didn't really get it. There's something about why is it

638
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:50,319
Speaker 1: that I wanted them to get it because I'm kind

639
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:54,600
Speaker 1: of like over worshiping this little fucking painting. It's so

640
00:34:54,680 --> 00:35:00,320
Speaker 1: small and she deserves a cake in the face. That's me. Smoke.

641
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:06,160
Speaker 1: You ever heard that Lonely Island song about Mona Lisa.

642
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:11,759
Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, Mona Lisa, you're an overrated piece of

643
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 1: ship with that terrible smile and those dead shark eyes

644
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:20,320
Speaker 1: and a smirk like you're hiding a dick. Mona Lisa,

645
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:25,759
Speaker 1: the original basic Bitch traveled thousands of miles to see

646
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:29,320
Speaker 1: your stupid smile. Other like talk about a baden switch.

647
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 1: You're ugly, and it's just like, I mean, I don't know, Well,

648
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 1: what's really interesting about it? When I did sorry, when

649
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:40,680
Speaker 1: I broke it. When I was looking the other day

650
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 1: about the cake incident, it's very interesting because there was

651
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:46,759
Speaker 1: this diagram of all the expressions on micro expressions on

652
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 1: her face. So there's there's contempt, there's happiness, there's anger.

653
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:55,480
Speaker 1: Like the nuances of her face, which is why that

654
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 1: painting pisses me off so much, is because you can't

655
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 1: tell how she feels, and that is interesting. Also follows

656
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:03,759
Speaker 1: you around the room with her eyes. You know that,

657
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 1: Oh my god, they're on one side. Oh yeah, but

658
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 1: so many do you know that? That is any if

659
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 1: you look down the barrel of a lens, any photograph

660
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 1: where the person is looking into the lens, it will

661
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:16,839
Speaker 1: follow you around the room. That's what. That's the only

662
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 1: thing that requires that kind of trick happening. Um, no,

663
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 1: what were you going to say about it? So I

664
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,000
Speaker 1: just looked up why is the Mona Lisa so famous?

665
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 1: And it's basically, um, the style of of realism by

666
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:36,760
Speaker 1: Leonardo da Vinci influenced a bunch of other painters and stuff.

667
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 1: So I think it's it's just like created that that

668
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:45,879
Speaker 1: was the bottom of realism. Yes, that's that's a good.

669
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 1: If that's good, I guess I could do better than

670
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:51,840
Speaker 1: that fucking ugly little bit. Okay, but hold on, I

671
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:55,640
Speaker 1: just have to say one one more lyric about if

672
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 1: you've never heard the Mona Lisa song, it's my favorite

673
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 1: low Mi and song. They go Mona Lisa, Okay, then

674
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 1: they go they just talk about all these world phenomenon

675
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 1: that are like really hyped up. And then you get

676
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:07,360
Speaker 1: there and it's ship. So he's like, I'm headed to

677
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 1: Paris and accorded to noon, so excited to see her.

678
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 1: I went straight to the Louver, which is the museum.

679
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 1: I heard she's exquisite, so I bought a ticket, pushed

680
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:17,840
Speaker 1: my way to the front of the crowd, and I

681
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:22,680
Speaker 1: couldn't believe, but I saw Mona Lisa, You're renover rated

682
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 1: piece of ship, and it goes, um. Can someone explain

683
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 1: while the whole wide world is obsessed with a garbage

684
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:33,839
Speaker 1: pale kid looks like a garbage pail kid, and Da

685
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:37,879
Speaker 1: Vinci must have sucked an art historians dick to get

686
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 1: this girl who looks like uncooked bread at the top

687
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 1: of the all time list of paintings, and it says

688
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:49,840
Speaker 1: Mona Lisa. Um. Then the bridge where I was like,

689
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:53,520
Speaker 1: Mona Lisa, I got to know where the funk are

690
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:56,359
Speaker 1: your eyebrows? I really want to know where you could

691
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 1: land a helicopter on that big potato forehead. Get the

692
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 1: chicks Rogaine, You're a bloated corpse girl like He's if

693
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 1: you guys never seen pop Star the Lonely Island movie.

694
00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 1: It is the funniest Gudya movie. And that song is

695
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:12,319
Speaker 1: in the movie but they only do one one verse

696
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,239
Speaker 1: of it and the whole album is so funny. But

697
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 1: Mona Lisa is my favorite song of theirs. And just

698
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:20,359
Speaker 1: saying um. At the very end, it says her hair

699
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:24,360
Speaker 1: part is wider than a country road. It's like, um,

700
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 1: he goes I am an American man. This is my

701
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 1: native land where no one lies about paintings. But that's

702
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 1: not the case in France, where the naked ladies dance

703
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 1: and they look like Dennis France. If you know what

704
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:43,439
Speaker 1: Danni's France looks like, it looks exactly like he goes.

705
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 1: You're so mangy. Mona hair part wider than a country

706
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:51,880
Speaker 1: Rhoda unless you count cats. She's gonna die, Alna the

707
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:56,680
Speaker 1: mona Lisa sucks da da da dada. I have already

708
00:38:56,719 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 1: been care you know for sure, studied abroad or they

709
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 1: went up and they all had that moment of like

710
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:10,279
Speaker 1: this thing is so overrated than this. Yeah, it's the

711
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:12,720
Speaker 1: Willie Nelson next to your head. And when the person

712
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 1: threw cake at it, I woent and read about all

713
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 1: the vandalism. Someone stole it in like the like early on,

714
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 1: it was stolen for a while and they found it.

715
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 1: Then in nineteen a woman threw a cup at it

716
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 1: because she was Um I think she was Romanian and

717
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 1: she wasn't getting French um citizenship, so she was pissed,

718
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 1: so she brought a cup that she hid in her

719
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:33,600
Speaker 1: fucking bag and she threw a cup at it. But

720
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:35,719
Speaker 1: it broke against the screen that was protecting it. And

721
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:38,920
Speaker 1: then this time this guy posted an old woman like

722
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 1: in a wheelchair because you get to get closer to

723
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 1: it if you're in a wheelchair, and then throw a cake.

724
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 1: But wouldn't you also research if you knew that you

725
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: can get close enough that you could be in a

726
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 1: wheelchair and get close enough to throw a cake. Wouldn't

727
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 1: you also really research if it has a plastic thing

728
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:55,840
Speaker 1: in front of it? Yeah? I mean I think he

729
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,640
Speaker 1: just he got I don't know if he I guess

730
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 1: he wanted to ruin it. But instead of a pie,

731
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:07,359
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, or a creeper or something, yeah, craper ring.

732
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,319
Speaker 1: I remember I went to Perry for two weeks. I

733
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 1: lived there. I love Paris. What did I even do?

734
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 1: I got a good I just remember getting a hair

735
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,360
Speaker 1: cut and they massage my head for an hour. I

736
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:20,719
Speaker 1: thought you were going to talk about something else. I

737
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:25,280
Speaker 1: got a good hair, No, not good head? Um? Okay,

738
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:27,839
Speaker 1: do we have time for another news story that will

739
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:34,600
Speaker 1: inspire me to thing? Um? A raspberry flavored uterus shaped

740
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 1: cereal called period Crunch aims to encourage conversations about periods

741
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:43,360
Speaker 1: at the breakfast table. No this is just trying to

742
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 1: make headlines, right, You're right, this is just an attention

743
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:51,839
Speaker 1: is it like another cereal that's throwing it? Like? This

744
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:54,840
Speaker 1: is just this is this pr It's a PR stock

745
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:59,879
Speaker 1: by a Swedish company called into into Mina and throw.

746
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 1: We really don't want your kids having preakfice at our house. Yeah,

747
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:07,960
Speaker 1: we don't serve anything. Don't don't invite your child over

748
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:12,640
Speaker 1: for our family. But um, okay. The company surveying more

749
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:15,800
Speaker 1: than two thousand people and found that forty of girls

750
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 1: and women are too embarrassed to talk about their periods.

751
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,080
Speaker 1: It is a problem women do not. We have such

752
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:24,759
Speaker 1: shame about our periods because we start bleeding at this

753
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:27,359
Speaker 1: very young age. A lot of us more young every

754
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:30,880
Speaker 1: day because of the hormones and different foods, and girls

755
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,240
Speaker 1: are getting their period at like eight seven and eight

756
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 1: now and um, and it's embarrassing and moms don't know

757
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 1: how to talk to their kids about it because it's

758
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:41,799
Speaker 1: just like you don't want it's sexualizing your child in

759
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 1: a way. And and men don't even fucking know how

760
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 1: much blood comes out of you. I didn't even know

761
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,239
Speaker 1: I talked about this. I had no idea how much

762
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,600
Speaker 1: blood came out of me because I'm always putting tampons

763
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:52,960
Speaker 1: up there that collect it all, and then I pull

764
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 1: it out and it just looks like, oh, a little

765
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 1: tampon worth of blood. I didn't know that. It's buckets

766
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 1: and boockets every month. It's so much, and we have

767
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:04,400
Speaker 1: to keep it secret, you know, like we are the

768
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:08,040
Speaker 1: ones that are like, it's not just men or misogyny.

769
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 1: It's like the women also are and it is based

770
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 1: on like the shame that we feel, but we just don't.

771
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 1: We don't talk about the stuff at all because it is.

772
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 1: It is gross. Blood is gross. People have an aversion

773
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 1: to it. Yeah, it's not lady like, like your whole

774
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:27,319
Speaker 1: so many people are like your cortillion, like that whole thing, Like, well,

775
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:29,879
Speaker 1: you're gonna fucking put the right side of a fork

776
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 1: on the right side of the plane and then go Also,

777
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,920
Speaker 1: my pussies bleeding, Like it's just not lady like to

778
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:37,479
Speaker 1: talk about. For some reason, they're taught at a young age.

779
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 1: We still like if you go to the bathroom with

780
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 1: the tampon, you like sneak it up your sleeve and

781
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 1: I walk conscishly there was I went to Yeah, I

782
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:50,040
Speaker 1: went to the airport. We were at the airport on

783
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:53,600
Speaker 1: a layover somewhere, and I remember I learned a way

784
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 1: to get through a crowded airport and have the work.

785
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 1: Just The sea part for you is too, because I

786
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 1: got it back from tampons and I didn't want to

787
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:02,799
Speaker 1: get a bag because I hate plastic bags. So I'm

788
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 1: carrying the box of tampons, and I didn't realize I

789
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:06,400
Speaker 1: was carrying it right in front of my phone and

790
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 1: like with my phone, so it almost looked like I

791
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,840
Speaker 1: was holding my phone like the tampons top. It was

792
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:15,240
Speaker 1: like I was sucking Moses parting, like there were people

793
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 1: they just wanted to get away from me because this

794
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:21,359
Speaker 1: weird girl's holding up this box of shameful tampons. So

795
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 1: I always walk confidently with tampons and and make sure

796
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:26,400
Speaker 1: to have them spilling out of my bag. I don't

797
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:31,320
Speaker 1: care because even when they're you know, the airport cards

798
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 1: that make that annoyance sound, they could just through tampons

799
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:39,640
Speaker 1: on the front. That's so true. I've always been run

800
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:41,919
Speaker 1: over by the Yeah, those things go way too They're

801
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:44,440
Speaker 1: way too big and way too fast. I'm sucking. I'm

802
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:47,000
Speaker 1: sick of those things. And people that ride them don't

803
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:48,799
Speaker 1: need to be on them. Know a lot of people do,

804
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:53,480
Speaker 1: but some people are lazy. There's a lot of fake

805
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 1: limps going around. When I went to Thailand. If people

806
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 1: want to fake limp and that is that that they

807
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:01,400
Speaker 1: need to do that to get through life, let him happen.

808
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 1: That is so fucking sad that that's what they mean

809
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 1: to get attention or whatever. Just have a birthday, Okay,

810
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 1: get famous and have a birthday, um no U. When

811
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,719
Speaker 1: I went to Thailand, I asked the front desk for tampons.

812
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 1: This isn't two thousand when I turned twenty nine. It

813
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:20,240
Speaker 1: was nine years ago exactly on this day in Thailand.

814
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:22,480
Speaker 1: Went to this amazing resort and I go up to

815
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,040
Speaker 1: the front desk and I was like, do you have tampons?

816
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:26,239
Speaker 1: And the girl spoke good English and was like, I

817
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 1: don't even know what that is, very confused, and I

818
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:31,280
Speaker 1: literally went like this. I was like, I did the finger,

819
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:33,319
Speaker 1: I did a hole and I did a finger going

820
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 1: up and I was like, I'm on my period. The

821
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,279
Speaker 1: thing you put up and and she was just like no.

822
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:41,239
Speaker 1: And I was just like I felt really embarrassed that

823
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:43,279
Speaker 1: I had asked and I was like, okay, and I

824
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:45,680
Speaker 1: had never used pads before. I was never a pad girl.

825
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: I went right to tampon's right away. Thailand hates pads.

826
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 1: They don't or they hate tampons. They don't believe. And

827
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 1: I think this is many cultures. Let's talk about, you know,

828
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:03,239
Speaker 1: traditions and and and things. They don't. They don't think

829
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:05,840
Speaker 1: it's okay to hold it inside. It's something that you

830
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:07,959
Speaker 1: need to get rid of, and that if you're holding

831
00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 1: it inside you, you're keeping this like it's almost like

832
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:12,920
Speaker 1: you're constipated with the thing that you need to shed

833
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:15,800
Speaker 1: and that it needs to be shed. And I remember

834
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:18,279
Speaker 1: being like that so backwards, and there's so much shame

835
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:21,400
Speaker 1: around having it inside you. But there's something really beautiful

836
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 1: about being like I'm bleeding and it's just coming on out.

837
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:26,920
Speaker 1: And there are times where I go through a whole period.

838
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry about period talk for the men who

839
00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:30,200
Speaker 1: listen to the show and just don't need this, or

840
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 1: girls that are just like I don't need this, nicky,

841
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:35,359
Speaker 1: But there's times where let it go one month, just

842
00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:38,319
Speaker 1: use pads, just see what happens. And even pads really

843
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 1: hide a lot of the blood, like it'll make it

844
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 1: into this weird gel substances, like I only did a thimble.

845
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:47,359
Speaker 1: But it's good too. It's good to bleed, it's good

846
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:50,360
Speaker 1: to feel. It's good to like see it and realize

847
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 1: that you're like a being that is going through this

848
00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 1: weird process that is very brutal, and that women are

849
00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:58,520
Speaker 1: really strong to have to go through it and to

850
00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:00,560
Speaker 1: like see it and to not hide, to not keep

851
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:02,319
Speaker 1: it inside and pull it out like a dead mouse

852
00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:04,080
Speaker 1: and then you know, throw it in the little bin

853
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:07,080
Speaker 1: and then the blood gets on like the little bin door,

854
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 1: and then wipe that door off. I know it's a

855
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:11,719
Speaker 1: public restroom and someone's gonna do it for you, but

856
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:13,200
Speaker 1: you wipe that door off. No one wants to see

857
00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:16,680
Speaker 1: your little over the bathroom, but yeah, yeah, for sure,

858
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:19,359
Speaker 1: smack your tab pad up on the wall. I want

859
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:21,839
Speaker 1: to I want to look at it. Um. I used

860
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 1: to have one of the most disgusting jokes I ever had,

861
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 1: was I remember telling it at the Funny Bone, saying like, oh,

862
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:29,960
Speaker 1: I just went to the bathroom and they ran out

863
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:33,719
Speaker 1: of toilet paper, so oh I had to um get

864
00:46:33,719 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: a pad out of the little trash bit. I just remember, like,

865
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 1: why would I it's not even funny, it's gross. I

866
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:44,520
Speaker 1: had so many jokes that used to just make people go,

867
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,080
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not I wish you could have seen

868
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:50,640
Speaker 1: me back in the day I was. I was like

869
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 1: a shot comic. Every single joke I told was trying,

870
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 1: and I would stack my set not based on like, oh,

871
00:46:57,120 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 1: I'll close with the funniest one. I couldn't your said

872
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:03,480
Speaker 1: as this sometimes do where you can't recover after how

873
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 1: visceral a certain joke is and you've learned like, okay,

874
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:09,480
Speaker 1: I either have to close on that because they don't

875
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:13,680
Speaker 1: like me after that, or it's just because they won't

876
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 1: like or like they just get they can't come back.

877
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:19,040
Speaker 1: You can't top. It's just it's hard to tell the

878
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:21,839
Speaker 1: difference between something gross and something funny, and a lot

879
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 1: of times they're the same because gross is shocking and

880
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:27,879
Speaker 1: funny is shocking. So I used to just be man.

881
00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:30,200
Speaker 1: I used to have someone I should go through my

882
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 1: old jokes. We should go through our old jokes sometimes

883
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 1: and just and and talk about them in like almost

884
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:40,160
Speaker 1: like a history lesson of like this is what my

885
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:43,360
Speaker 1: ancestors did, like an older version of myself, and please

886
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:45,600
Speaker 1: forgive me that I used to say these things, but

887
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:48,120
Speaker 1: I used to have some of the most offensive material

888
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 1: that I can't even believe. I can't believe how dark

889
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:52,720
Speaker 1: I was, and I would just think of the worst

890
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:55,080
Speaker 1: thing and say it. I mean, I almost did a

891
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 1: joke this weekend that I'm so glad I didn't do

892
00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:00,880
Speaker 1: because I was just feeling a lot after the school

893
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 1: shooting obviously last week, and I didn't know what to

894
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 1: do with it. And then I go to the WOCO

895
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:08,719
Speaker 1: concert on Friday night and I cried during one of

896
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:10,840
Speaker 1: the songs just because I was It wasn't even about

897
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:12,759
Speaker 1: the shooting. It was just cried because of such a

898
00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:14,880
Speaker 1: beautiful song story to tell, just to give it a

899
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:17,839
Speaker 1: promo promo. And I the next day, I wanted to

900
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:19,680
Speaker 1: talk about the Wilco show I saw the night before

901
00:48:19,719 --> 00:48:21,279
Speaker 1: in my set because it was all the people that

902
00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:23,319
Speaker 1: were there, and I was gonna say I even told

903
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 1: Anya and Matt and Josh Gandham and I was like,

904
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 1: I know this isn't funny, but I just want to

905
00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 1: acknowledge the shooting. I don't want to act like I

906
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:31,319
Speaker 1: don't want to make jokes about it, but I want

907
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 1: to acknowledge it's a fucking thing. So I was just

908
00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:36,960
Speaker 1: gonna say, um, how good was the show last night?

909
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 1: You guys like it was. I it's just so nice,

910
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:44,120
Speaker 1: Like I cried during story to tell this most beautiful song,

911
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:46,040
Speaker 1: It's just so nice to cry about something other than

912
00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 1: child murder. I was just gonna make a it's kind

913
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:53,239
Speaker 1: of a joke because it's it's a joke in the

914
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:56,160
Speaker 1: sense that it would be hard for people to laugh,

915
00:48:57,080 --> 00:49:00,360
Speaker 1: but you know what it's but it's funny because of it.

916
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:02,799
Speaker 1: But it's but to me, people are like, it's not

917
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:04,480
Speaker 1: really funny, and I'm like, well, I get that it's

918
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:06,279
Speaker 1: not funny, but to me, it is funny because you

919
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna say it's nice to cry about something

920
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,560
Speaker 1: other than I was gonna say child murder and the

921
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 1: fact that I lost this earring last week make it

922
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:17,080
Speaker 1: something small too. But it was like that's the first

923
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,759
Speaker 1: thought I had, was this dark thought of like I

924
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:21,480
Speaker 1: need I need to make things dark. I need to

925
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 1: acknowledge the darkness because we can't act like it didn't happen.

926
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:27,239
Speaker 1: And people sometimes mistake that for like you're using it

927
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:30,520
Speaker 1: as fodder and you're making fun of the victims. As

928
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:33,360
Speaker 1: opposed to like, no, I'm just I just need to

929
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:38,879
Speaker 1: say it happened. Yeah, and I don't want to. Don't

930
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:42,240
Speaker 1: you think that's what that's That would be my argument

931
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:44,800
Speaker 1: why I got shushed about it. It was really awkward.

932
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:47,839
Speaker 1: I'll tell it on another show, but it was I'm

933
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:50,520
Speaker 1: still processing it. I got kind of like, don't talk

934
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 1: about that. Uh, And I'll tell you about it at

935
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:55,080
Speaker 1: another type. But we gotta go to break. It will

936
00:49:55,160 --> 00:50:01,120
Speaker 1: be back with works so out. We'll be back with

937
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:07,320
Speaker 1: a fun esther Pearrel game. All right, we're back. It's wild, wild,

938
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:10,399
Speaker 1: wacky Wednesday, and today we are going to play um

939
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:12,400
Speaker 1: the Esther Pearrel game, which, by the way, Noah, have

940
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 1: you seen the new show Couples Therapy on Showtime? No?

941
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:18,520
Speaker 1: I I don't have a showtime. Okay I didn't either.

942
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:22,480
Speaker 1: Do you have Hulu? I don't have Hulu? Well if

943
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:25,000
Speaker 1: if our listeners do, no one knows about the show,

944
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:27,240
Speaker 1: and I can't believe they don't. But it's called Couples

945
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 1: Therapy and it's so fucking good and it's watching these

946
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:35,040
Speaker 1: different couples going yeah, real life, and it just is

947
00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:38,439
Speaker 1: Anna and I are obsessed with it. Anyone I've talked

948
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:40,040
Speaker 1: to about it. I put it on my story. I

949
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 1: didn't know about the show, and I just feel like

950
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:44,279
Speaker 1: it's a failure on Showtime's part to not reach me

951
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:47,160
Speaker 1: somehow because I'm into self help, I'm into therapy. I

952
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:50,080
Speaker 1: love real reality shows, Like the show is right up

953
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 1: my alley. How did they not target me and get

954
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:53,640
Speaker 1: in front of me? But I found out about it,

955
00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 1: I forget. I think there was a thing about it

956
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:58,960
Speaker 1: in the New York or something. But anyway, but I

957
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:01,319
Speaker 1: want to promote it because I think if you you

958
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:03,360
Speaker 1: like my show, you would like the show Couple Therapy

959
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:06,520
Speaker 1: and the extension on Hulu for um, for show Time

960
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:08,640
Speaker 1: to add it's like three month, which is I know

961
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:10,319
Speaker 1: it adds up, but it's not as bad as I

962
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,759
Speaker 1: thought it was gonna be. So anyway, Um, It's just

963
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:15,360
Speaker 1: like Esther Peerrel's Where Should We Begin? It's a podcast

964
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:17,160
Speaker 1: she does, and she also has this game called where

965
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:19,359
Speaker 1: Should We Begin, which is what we're gonna play right

966
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:22,840
Speaker 1: now that Noah owns, and one card is a prompt

967
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:25,719
Speaker 1: for what the story. It's a storytelling game, so it

968
00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 1: prompts stories, so one card is kind of gives you

969
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,720
Speaker 1: the subject matter of what your story should be about,

970
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 1: a circumstance a prompt, and then the other one is

971
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:37,640
Speaker 1: a feeling, and your story has to do in a

972
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:40,279
Speaker 1: theme a theme of feeling. So you'll see how this goes.

973
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:43,399
Speaker 1: So UM, today we selected two separate cards and it's

974
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:46,920
Speaker 1: going to give us a little um prompt for stories.

975
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:50,120
Speaker 1: So Noah, well, this one we kind of made up

976
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:53,239
Speaker 1: in our text message in the style star Perrel game,

977
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:57,920
Speaker 1: so we could talk about your favorite topic. Birthdays. Yes,

978
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:03,040
Speaker 1: birthdays is the subject. Yeah, so a birthday I remember,

979
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:08,480
Speaker 1: and we'll make the theme um out of character? Yeah,

980
00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:11,759
Speaker 1: a birthday I remember, and then it has to fit

981
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:14,840
Speaker 1: a theme of something that's out of character, something happened

982
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:18,000
Speaker 1: during the birthday, someone else's birthday. I mean, a birthday

983
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 1: I remember can be your birthday, anyone's birthday. But that's

984
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:24,040
Speaker 1: how the sentence should start, or the story should start.

985
00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:32,400
Speaker 1: So I'll start a birthday that I remember was um

986
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:34,240
Speaker 1: And I feel like this is out of character because

987
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 1: this I used to love birthdays and it's not the

988
00:52:37,239 --> 00:52:41,000
Speaker 1: way I feel about them anymore. But I was UM

989
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:44,960
Speaker 1: in kindergarten and my mom made a little mermaid theme

990
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:48,840
Speaker 1: birthday party. And I was so excited and obsessed and

991
00:52:48,880 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 1: we played um, pin the tail on the um what

992
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 1: I think? So maybe we did pin the claw on

993
00:52:57,040 --> 00:52:59,400
Speaker 1: the Sebastian because he was the character I was obsessed

994
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:03,440
Speaker 1: with the little murmur um and we did uh uh.

995
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 1: She made a pinata of flounder, so we got to

996
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 1: beat this fish senselessly. Um and then candy spilled out

997
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:12,719
Speaker 1: of his guts and we had or maybe we did

998
00:53:12,719 --> 00:53:14,239
Speaker 1: pin the tail on like the Mermaid. Maybe it was

999
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 1: just her tail um. And I had all my friends there,

1000
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,319
Speaker 1: And it's so funny because you look back at birthdays

1001
00:53:20,440 --> 00:53:23,840
Speaker 1: and like when you were a kids. It was in

1002
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:28,920
Speaker 1: Cincinnati on the river, and we had like all these

1003
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:31,000
Speaker 1: friends there, and I look at the pictures from like

1004
00:53:31,120 --> 00:53:33,680
Speaker 1: that day and it's all my little friends on the porch.

1005
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:36,239
Speaker 1: I don't know any of them, none of them, not

1006
00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:41,839
Speaker 1: a single one. And it's just weird too. Yes, yes,

1007
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:44,200
Speaker 1: And I have something I really liked about birthdays that

1008
00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:46,400
Speaker 1: used to happen in my childhood that I still continue

1009
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:49,840
Speaker 1: on is that whenever my sister had a birthday, my

1010
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:53,319
Speaker 1: aunt Nancy would buy me a gift too, just a

1011
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:57,080
Speaker 1: little something, because it's hard for little kids to watch

1012
00:53:57,160 --> 00:54:00,719
Speaker 1: this like Christmas, you know, speaking from a family that

1013
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:04,160
Speaker 1: celebrated Christmas, Like on Christmas, everyone gets presents, and then

1014
00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:05,680
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, there's this thing where it's like

1015
00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:08,280
Speaker 1: only this one person does and it's like it doesn't

1016
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 1: make sense. And I know it's probably an ing great thing,

1017
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,799
Speaker 1: but I always really appreciated that my Aunt Nancy would

1018
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:14,280
Speaker 1: go out of our way to get me a little

1019
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:16,359
Speaker 1: something that was on the side that I could open,

1020
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:18,399
Speaker 1: that my sister would even see me open. She would

1021
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:20,319
Speaker 1: do the same for my sister. So I always get

1022
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:23,520
Speaker 1: Arlo and Poppy like little gifts to be like you

1023
00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:25,719
Speaker 1: get a gift because you're such a good brother for

1024
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:28,359
Speaker 1: like you've been such a good brother the two years

1025
00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 1: she's been alive, and um, I just always appreciate that.

1026
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:35,600
Speaker 1: And I was thinking of, um, how I could give

1027
00:54:35,640 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 1: a gift to like my friends on my birthday. And

1028
00:54:38,520 --> 00:54:42,440
Speaker 1: I'm trying to maybe construe tonight as like how can

1029
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 1: I make this so fun for other people and like

1030
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:48,200
Speaker 1: not make it about me, And like maybe that's maybe

1031
00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:50,520
Speaker 1: I can That's what I can do with birthdays in

1032
00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:53,000
Speaker 1: the future, is like make sure it's a day where

1033
00:54:53,040 --> 00:54:55,400
Speaker 1: I give back in some way that I feel okay

1034
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:58,200
Speaker 1: about accepting all the love because I think that that's

1035
00:54:58,239 --> 00:55:00,200
Speaker 1: what I struggle with when I have depression, is at

1036
00:55:01,120 --> 00:55:03,280
Speaker 1: it's me, me, me, and I'm like, I'm so sad,

1037
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:05,720
Speaker 1: and it's like I always advise when people are depressed

1038
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:07,200
Speaker 1: and they go NICKI Emily depress, what should I do?

1039
00:55:07,280 --> 00:55:10,520
Speaker 1: I always tell them call someone who needs needs of friends,

1040
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:13,399
Speaker 1: go pick up some litter, like, do something that has

1041
00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:16,160
Speaker 1: nothing to do with you, and see how you feel afterwards.

1042
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:17,600
Speaker 1: And so I need to follow my own advice. And

1043
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:20,560
Speaker 1: maybe I'll call my aunt Sally today and that will

1044
00:55:20,600 --> 00:55:23,040
Speaker 1: be my because I know she really needs someone to

1045
00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 1: talk to and uh, and then I'll call her and

1046
00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:28,800
Speaker 1: give her that that voicemail to live that. I go, Sally,

1047
00:55:28,880 --> 00:55:30,440
Speaker 1: I'm just calling to give you this other number where

1048
00:55:30,480 --> 00:55:31,839
Speaker 1: I don't have to talk to you, and Noah will

1049
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:35,160
Speaker 1: listen to it and she will edit it for our podcast,

1050
00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:37,240
Speaker 1: which I will give that number to her in addition

1051
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:39,560
Speaker 1: to giving her a nice long call today. So that's

1052
00:55:39,600 --> 00:55:43,239
Speaker 1: my birthday story. Not great, But what about you? Um,

1053
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:47,960
Speaker 1: I guess birthday. I'm sorry a birthday. I remember birthday.

1054
00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:53,840
Speaker 1: I remember my my thirtieth birthday, So like you, like I,

1055
00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:57,240
Speaker 1: I never I would never set up like a party.

1056
00:55:57,719 --> 00:56:00,840
Speaker 1: I would never do anything like maybe I like have

1057
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:03,759
Speaker 1: two friends maybe for dinner. But I never would do

1058
00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:06,640
Speaker 1: anything to like get attention for my birthday. I really

1059
00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:09,640
Speaker 1: don't remember doing like I really don't are like telling

1060
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:11,439
Speaker 1: people that it's coming on with your mom and dad

1061
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:13,000
Speaker 1: celebrate your birthday in a big way. When you were

1062
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 1: a little this is the thing, like I've talked about

1063
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:17,360
Speaker 1: it on here before, like any big thing now that

1064
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:20,479
Speaker 1: I remember my parents, if they both had to be there,

1065
00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:22,799
Speaker 1: or if you had to be at one place for

1066
00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:25,040
Speaker 1: one day, it became a thing you have to split

1067
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:26,680
Speaker 1: your time or they would both be there and it

1068
00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:28,439
Speaker 1: would be you being like I hope mom and dad

1069
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:30,600
Speaker 1: don't fight and are like they don't want to be here,

1070
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:32,319
Speaker 1: I feel guilty and talk to each other for twenty

1071
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:34,359
Speaker 1: years in front of us. So anyway, I never really

1072
00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:38,640
Speaker 1: celebrated my birthday that much. And then when I was thirty, Uh,

1073
00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:40,760
Speaker 1: I was living at my older brothers. I was working

1074
00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:44,160
Speaker 1: for his company, and I was like leaving like four

1075
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 1: out of the seven days to go work in the

1076
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:49,759
Speaker 1: middle of like this place called Taunton, Massachusetts, which is

1077
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 1: like and just far enough away from Boston where you

1078
00:56:52,680 --> 00:56:54,719
Speaker 1: can't go into Boston for the night to have a

1079
00:56:54,719 --> 00:56:56,480
Speaker 1: good time. So I was living in the middle of nowhere,

1080
00:56:56,520 --> 00:56:59,200
Speaker 1: living working in a factory, like, oh yeah, this was

1081
00:56:59,239 --> 00:57:01,440
Speaker 1: your factory. And I was just doing a job that

1082
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:04,440
Speaker 1: like was not like what I wanted to do. But

1083
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:06,680
Speaker 1: I also was in a circumstance where I was grateful

1084
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:08,960
Speaker 1: for my brother to help me, but I was also like,

1085
00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:12,759
Speaker 1: what am I doing? Like whatever, So I was a

1086
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:16,720
Speaker 1: little depressed. And then I just remember, uh, I got

1087
00:57:16,720 --> 00:57:19,360
Speaker 1: a massage. My brother got me a massage for my birthday.

1088
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:22,080
Speaker 1: And came back to the house and everything was quiet,

1089
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:24,560
Speaker 1: and and my friends. I knew they were in town

1090
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:26,520
Speaker 1: and I saw them earlier in day, and I still

1091
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:30,280
Speaker 1: didn't put it together that a surprise party. He just

1092
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:49,479
Speaker 1: ruined it. That's so funny. I really a surprise party story. Wait,

1093
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:51,960
Speaker 1: just a kid, I that's my biggest fear as a

1094
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:56,600
Speaker 1: surprise party. Wait, did you there's the thing I was.

1095
00:57:57,600 --> 00:57:59,720
Speaker 1: I think I took his d X the day and

1096
00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:02,000
Speaker 1: I had massage. I was so out of it, but

1097
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:05,200
Speaker 1: I got there and there was a king outfit waiting

1098
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:08,360
Speaker 1: for me. Everyone was dressed. We were going to medieval times,

1099
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:12,160
Speaker 1: and everyone was decked out in night gear. One person

1100
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:16,000
Speaker 1: dressed his Bobby Night which was so funny. Another person

1101
00:58:16,120 --> 00:58:20,400
Speaker 1: dressed a Chewbacca out of nowhere. Another person dressed as

1102
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 1: Sugar Knight that's so funny. Got flown in well somewhere

1103
00:58:26,120 --> 00:58:30,280
Speaker 1: mostly New York, just Kelly and Danny. Well, Kelly and

1104
00:58:30,360 --> 00:58:32,240
Speaker 1: Danny flew in, but everyone else just lived in New

1105
00:58:32,280 --> 00:58:35,960
Speaker 1: York City. So we all go to medieval times. I'm

1106
00:58:36,040 --> 00:58:38,680
Speaker 1: dressed like the king. At one point they addressed the

1107
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:42,240
Speaker 1: king and I'm I take the King's thunder. I'm and

1108
00:58:42,280 --> 00:58:45,000
Speaker 1: everyone's like because I'm like full on, like this is

1109
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:47,440
Speaker 1: like a three thousand, like a really, And I was

1110
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:50,080
Speaker 1: like hello, Hello, and then I put my face in

1111
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:53,280
Speaker 1: the cake and then I remember the king. The medieval

1112
00:58:53,360 --> 00:58:57,960
Speaker 1: king hated me because I was like, oh, I'll get

1113
00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:01,080
Speaker 1: the night. So then he was taking his like this

1114
00:59:01,160 --> 00:59:08,840
Speaker 1: is ward. So so we're having the time of our life.

1115
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:11,919
Speaker 1: We take the bus back, we go down lower Lower

1116
00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:15,120
Speaker 1: East Side. We're drinking and one of the guys had

1117
00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:19,560
Speaker 1: a lightsaber, which, you know, funny hot lightsaber in medieval times.

1118
00:59:19,840 --> 00:59:23,000
Speaker 1: It doesn't really add up. Some random guy grabbed his

1119
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:25,160
Speaker 1: lightsaber and threw it. Next thing you know, we get

1120
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:32,560
Speaker 1: in a full on brawl. We're all dressed like night

1121
00:59:32,720 --> 00:59:37,320
Speaker 1: and was there is our one black friend and he

1122
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:40,920
Speaker 1: we're all fighting, fist fighting. And then my buddy who's

1123
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:45,440
Speaker 1: dressed as the King. Remember the Burger King commercial. He

1124
00:59:45,640 --> 00:59:50,840
Speaker 1: was on on every drug but mostly cocaine and um

1125
00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:53,960
Speaker 1: what's the other one? That ecstasy the other? And he

1126
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:57,240
Speaker 1: thought people were chasing him and he was running around

1127
00:59:57,640 --> 01:00:01,200
Speaker 1: the Lower east Side see King people were so he

1128
01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 1: looked like the King from the commercial, but he thought

1129
01:00:04,240 --> 01:00:07,000
Speaker 1: in his mind people were chasing to fight him, and

1130
01:00:07,040 --> 01:00:12,200
Speaker 1: so he just kept seeing him run past. Anyways, it

1131
01:00:12,320 --> 01:00:14,880
Speaker 1: was unbelievable. And the best part though, is my other

1132
01:00:14,920 --> 01:00:17,600
Speaker 1: buddy dresses the King and he rode the mechanical bull

1133
01:00:18,360 --> 01:00:20,600
Speaker 1: and we're in the bathroom and he fell off and

1134
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:24,040
Speaker 1: he wasn't his underwear ripped and I was just in

1135
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:26,160
Speaker 1: the bathroom random and some random dude came out he

1136
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:32,960
Speaker 1: was like, yo, did you see that King's ball? Alright,

1137
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:36,000
Speaker 1: final thought, it was a great birthday and it was

1138
01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:39,880
Speaker 1: nice to feel like like, you know, I don't know

1139
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:44,200
Speaker 1: like that I like mattered. Yeah, that's really sweet. Yeah,

1140
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:47,160
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm, I'm um warming up to the idea

1141
01:00:47,240 --> 01:00:49,560
Speaker 1: of of birthdays and I am excited about tonight and

1142
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:51,600
Speaker 1: I hope that some busties show up and I get

1143
01:00:51,640 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 1: to hug them and and they get to hear me

1144
01:00:53,760 --> 01:00:57,880
Speaker 1: saying Cheryl crow Um or Lonely Island. Know what what

1145
01:00:57,960 --> 01:01:02,800
Speaker 1: about you? For birthdays? You got one? I am trying

1146
01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:05,680
Speaker 1: to like rack my brain to think of my own birthday,

1147
01:01:05,840 --> 01:01:09,520
Speaker 1: but most of my birthday celebrating going out and doing

1148
01:01:09,720 --> 01:01:13,400
Speaker 1: crazy things or whatever. Uh, We're spent really drunken high,

1149
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:15,960
Speaker 1: so I don't remember any of them. I don't remember

1150
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:19,320
Speaker 1: any details, but I guess, um, I'm gonna give myself

1151
01:01:19,440 --> 01:01:24,680
Speaker 1: kudos because AV you know, his love languages, quality time.

1152
01:01:25,160 --> 01:01:27,360
Speaker 1: So like all those crazy things that I've planned for

1153
01:01:27,440 --> 01:01:29,920
Speaker 1: us to do on his as like a birthday activity

1154
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:33,280
Speaker 1: for him, like ice climbing and mountain climbing and all

1155
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:35,560
Speaker 1: that crap that I would never do on my own,

1156
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:41,320
Speaker 1: um actually turned out to be really good bonding experiences.

1157
01:01:41,360 --> 01:01:44,280
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, I can plan fun things

1158
01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:49,920
Speaker 1: for birthday. It's nice that you you. Yeah, you are you.

1159
01:01:50,040 --> 01:01:52,200
Speaker 1: I mean, you are great. At birthdays. You've always made

1160
01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:54,520
Speaker 1: me feel so special and you you're just a great friend.

1161
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:59,160
Speaker 1: You just you both are you are like so I

1162
01:01:59,200 --> 01:02:02,360
Speaker 1: couldn't asked for two better people to have spent this

1163
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:06,520
Speaker 1: like hour and a half or whatever with because I

1164
01:02:06,600 --> 01:02:09,360
Speaker 1: came in just feeling so sad and like kind of

1165
01:02:09,400 --> 01:02:13,000
Speaker 1: misunderstood and not even understanding myself to be honest with you,

1166
01:02:13,120 --> 01:02:16,720
Speaker 1: and like, just you guys are always so um like

1167
01:02:17,240 --> 01:02:19,360
Speaker 1: nice to me when I'm going through those stages of

1168
01:02:19,400 --> 01:02:22,160
Speaker 1: like like just being a baby or being like kind

1169
01:02:22,160 --> 01:02:25,680
Speaker 1: of brady, like just Andrew says the perfect like funny

1170
01:02:25,720 --> 01:02:28,560
Speaker 1: thing to make it like just to let me know

1171
01:02:28,680 --> 01:02:32,000
Speaker 1: that he's like not on my same level. He's not

1172
01:02:32,040 --> 01:02:34,240
Speaker 1: like gonna because I think a lot of times when

1173
01:02:34,280 --> 01:02:36,920
Speaker 1: you get really upset, people try to like match your

1174
01:02:37,040 --> 01:02:40,280
Speaker 1: energy or try to like fix it or try to

1175
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:42,960
Speaker 1: get as angry as you or like adopt some of

1176
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:44,960
Speaker 1: your anger. And I like that Andrew, you always go

1177
01:02:45,800 --> 01:02:48,600
Speaker 1: You always like acknowledge what I'm going through. Like I

1178
01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:51,320
Speaker 1: came in and I'm like da da listing all these things,

1179
01:02:51,320 --> 01:02:53,960
Speaker 1: and anderstanding there with his card like uh and like

1180
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:55,680
Speaker 1: it's my birthday, is trying to be nice, but you

1181
01:02:55,720 --> 01:02:57,360
Speaker 1: made some kind of joke as soon as I walked

1182
01:02:57,400 --> 01:02:58,840
Speaker 1: in and you were like oh. I was like, oh,

1183
01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:00,320
Speaker 1: I just want to like die today, and you're like,

1184
01:03:00,320 --> 01:03:03,120
Speaker 1: it's you know, birthday is probably a cool day to

1185
01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:05,200
Speaker 1: go or something like that. You made a funny joke

1186
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:07,840
Speaker 1: that let me know that, like you're acknowledging what I said.

1187
01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:09,760
Speaker 1: You're not giving it too much. You know that I'm

1188
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:12,800
Speaker 1: not actually suicidal. I'm just saying dumb things. You made

1189
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:16,440
Speaker 1: a joke, and you just let me have my feelings.

1190
01:03:16,680 --> 01:03:19,240
Speaker 1: You don't make me feel stupid about it. You laugh

1191
01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:21,600
Speaker 1: when I do say stupid things that I'm I am

1192
01:03:21,720 --> 01:03:24,240
Speaker 1: just sometimes saying. I learned today when I was in

1193
01:03:24,280 --> 01:03:28,240
Speaker 1: therapy crying to my therapist with my boyfriend also there

1194
01:03:28,720 --> 01:03:33,680
Speaker 1: that I say outrageous and like sometimes mean or crazy things,

1195
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:37,560
Speaker 1: either mean to myself mean to others, because I think

1196
01:03:37,600 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 1: that when I was met as a child, when I

1197
01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:41,880
Speaker 1: would cry, I was met with a lot of like,

1198
01:03:42,240 --> 01:03:44,400
Speaker 1: what are you crying about? This is ridiculous. You're crying

1199
01:03:44,400 --> 01:03:46,600
Speaker 1: because your Barbie's hair isn't straight or whatever it is

1200
01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:50,120
Speaker 1: like that, or your hair isn't straight or something stupid.

1201
01:03:50,320 --> 01:03:53,720
Speaker 1: And I felt like because that was then I'm just

1202
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:56,040
Speaker 1: gonna go and I would get looks of like them

1203
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:58,480
Speaker 1: being like, you're fucking insane, Like they would say that,

1204
01:03:58,520 --> 01:04:00,880
Speaker 1: but just like this is culous. They would say that

1205
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:05,920
Speaker 1: in their own you know, the way you talk to kids. Way, yes,

1206
01:04:06,080 --> 01:04:09,000
Speaker 1: but just because they just not because they're bad people.

1207
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:10,840
Speaker 1: Like I want to make it clear my mom and

1208
01:04:10,920 --> 01:04:13,600
Speaker 1: dad are amazing parents. Clearly I have the best parents ever.

1209
01:04:13,640 --> 01:04:15,200
Speaker 1: I put them on a reality show. I love them

1210
01:04:15,240 --> 01:04:17,480
Speaker 1: so much. But they just didn't know what to do

1211
01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:21,400
Speaker 1: with a daughter who had so much anxiety and seemed

1212
01:04:21,400 --> 01:04:24,600
Speaker 1: to be like would lose it at little things, but

1213
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:26,280
Speaker 1: it was because it wasn't about that little thing, and

1214
01:04:26,320 --> 01:04:28,000
Speaker 1: you know that requires a lot of therapy and like

1215
01:04:28,080 --> 01:04:30,000
Speaker 1: to understand the root of the stuff. So they would

1216
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:31,920
Speaker 1: just look at each other like what the fuck? And

1217
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:36,320
Speaker 1: then I discovered that then flailing around and making it

1218
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:40,120
Speaker 1: even crazier was where I would go. Instead of going

1219
01:04:40,160 --> 01:04:43,000
Speaker 1: like I'm just gonna act like it's something else, I'd go,

1220
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:45,400
Speaker 1: you think it's crazy that I'm crying about my Barbie

1221
01:04:45,440 --> 01:04:48,760
Speaker 1: having bent hair on her bangs. Then I am going

1222
01:04:48,840 --> 01:04:51,800
Speaker 1: to hurl myself against the wall, throw myself on the

1223
01:04:51,800 --> 01:04:55,480
Speaker 1: ground try to hurt myself so that, honestly, I think

1224
01:04:55,480 --> 01:04:58,000
Speaker 1: it was like so that you take me to a

1225
01:04:58,080 --> 01:05:02,480
Speaker 1: hospital and some a nurse has to actually actually like

1226
01:05:02,960 --> 01:05:06,960
Speaker 1: someone will give a ship, someone will step in and

1227
01:05:07,040 --> 01:05:09,400
Speaker 1: have to do it, like take me to a hospital,

1228
01:05:09,560 --> 01:05:11,080
Speaker 1: put me in a state because they used to go,

1229
01:05:11,120 --> 01:05:13,840
Speaker 1: we're gonna you need to be admitted somewhere, like they

1230
01:05:13,920 --> 01:05:16,280
Speaker 1: used to like say that almost jokingly, and I'd be like, great,

1231
01:05:16,600 --> 01:05:19,560
Speaker 1: I would love for a doctor to actually try to

1232
01:05:19,600 --> 01:05:21,360
Speaker 1: figure out what's wrong with me because I don't know

1233
01:05:21,400 --> 01:05:23,880
Speaker 1: what it is. This has to be someone else's problem

1234
01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:25,600
Speaker 1: besides mine because I can't handle it. So I would

1235
01:05:25,680 --> 01:05:29,720
Speaker 1: go So today on the on my therapy, I was

1236
01:05:29,720 --> 01:05:31,919
Speaker 1: feeling embarrassed about my feelings because I was crying about

1237
01:05:31,920 --> 01:05:34,320
Speaker 1: something that kind of made no sense about Like I'm

1238
01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:36,720
Speaker 1: having a birthday party and I'm feeling stressed out about it.

1239
01:05:36,840 --> 01:05:39,800
Speaker 1: I felt stupid. I'm crying, it's about my birthday. I'm

1240
01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:42,120
Speaker 1: crying because I'm like, I'm already famous. I get it

1241
01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:44,800
Speaker 1: off attention, so now I'm crying about being famous, Like

1242
01:05:44,840 --> 01:05:48,760
Speaker 1: what is going on? I felt stupid, So then I'm like, Okay,

1243
01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:52,160
Speaker 1: I gotta get crazier because this is just borderline. I

1244
01:05:52,240 --> 01:05:54,560
Speaker 1: need to go full crazy so that these other crazy

1245
01:05:54,640 --> 01:05:58,160
Speaker 1: things are then just so much less than the other

1246
01:05:58,200 --> 01:06:00,880
Speaker 1: stuff I'm saying. Which when you say really crazy stuff,

1247
01:06:00,880 --> 01:06:02,720
Speaker 1: people can go, oh, she's just crazy. But when you

1248
01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:06,720
Speaker 1: say things that are just sounding like you're like you

1249
01:06:06,760 --> 01:06:09,680
Speaker 1: think you're cool, or you're just you're crying about being famous,

1250
01:06:09,720 --> 01:06:13,160
Speaker 1: people can go, she's a bit your spoiled. Yes, But

1251
01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:17,840
Speaker 1: if I cry about so where I can't even tell

1252
01:06:17,880 --> 01:06:21,440
Speaker 1: you where did you Did you have that epiphany in

1253
01:06:21,440 --> 01:06:25,160
Speaker 1: that connection today in therapy I had. That's a huge

1254
01:06:25,240 --> 01:06:28,280
Speaker 1: birthday gift, by the way of like self realization A

1255
01:06:28,360 --> 01:06:30,840
Speaker 1: couple fucking This is why therapy is great, you guys,

1256
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:32,240
Speaker 1: And I know I do ads for it on here,

1257
01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:35,080
Speaker 1: but you don't know how you feel until you are

1258
01:06:35,120 --> 01:06:38,640
Speaker 1: able to like talk things out to maybe to fucking

1259
01:06:38,680 --> 01:06:41,240
Speaker 1: wall like you don't even need, like it's not It's

1260
01:06:41,280 --> 01:06:44,360
Speaker 1: sometimes about listening to yourself. Because as I was talking,

1261
01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:46,280
Speaker 1: because we were talking about Chris has COVID and he

1262
01:06:46,320 --> 01:06:48,920
Speaker 1: can't come tonight, and if he does come tonight, he's

1263
01:06:48,960 --> 01:06:51,720
Speaker 1: on the sixth day of it, but he's tested positive yesterday.

1264
01:06:51,760 --> 01:06:53,280
Speaker 1: And I was like, just come in a mask, and

1265
01:06:53,280 --> 01:06:55,160
Speaker 1: he's like, maybe I'll do that, but I just I

1266
01:06:55,160 --> 01:06:57,480
Speaker 1: don't want to get close. And then as we were talking,

1267
01:06:57,600 --> 01:06:59,320
Speaker 1: my therapist at one point was like, Nicky, what's your

1268
01:06:59,320 --> 01:07:01,720
Speaker 1: love language? And I was like touch, like immediately touch,

1269
01:07:02,120 --> 01:07:04,640
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, I know. I

1270
01:07:04,720 --> 01:07:07,800
Speaker 1: was like I and Chris is kind of hurt because

1271
01:07:07,800 --> 01:07:09,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'd rather you not come than come and

1272
01:07:09,640 --> 01:07:12,960
Speaker 1: wear a mask like I just and be like like

1273
01:07:13,160 --> 01:07:15,400
Speaker 1: there was something about him coming and being scared to

1274
01:07:15,400 --> 01:07:17,280
Speaker 1: give me and anyone else COVID that made me go,

1275
01:07:17,360 --> 01:07:19,320
Speaker 1: I don't want to make him feel bad about coming

1276
01:07:19,400 --> 01:07:23,080
Speaker 1: and like being nervous, And then I realized it's because

1277
01:07:23,240 --> 01:07:26,040
Speaker 1: I'd rather not come because I want to touch you.

1278
01:07:26,160 --> 01:07:28,000
Speaker 1: I want to be touched about you like that. I

1279
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:29,880
Speaker 1: don't want you around if I can't touch you like

1280
01:07:30,160 --> 01:07:31,760
Speaker 1: And I felt bad saying that because I don't want

1281
01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:33,400
Speaker 1: him to think that that's all I use him for,

1282
01:07:33,480 --> 01:07:36,000
Speaker 1: because obviously not. He's so much more to me than that,

1283
01:07:36,360 --> 01:07:39,040
Speaker 1: but I do when we were trying to be like

1284
01:07:39,080 --> 01:07:41,840
Speaker 1: just friends, I remember saying to him like, I don't

1285
01:07:41,880 --> 01:07:43,400
Speaker 1: even want to be friends with you because I'm when

1286
01:07:43,440 --> 01:07:45,040
Speaker 1: I'm around you. I want to hold your hand, I

1287
01:07:45,080 --> 01:07:46,640
Speaker 1: want to like rub your back. I want you to

1288
01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:49,680
Speaker 1: touch me, and like I can't. And you know, I'm

1289
01:07:49,720 --> 01:07:52,560
Speaker 1: not saying down the line like if we were I

1290
01:07:52,720 --> 01:07:54,160
Speaker 1: think I could be friends with him now if we

1291
01:07:54,720 --> 01:07:56,920
Speaker 1: decided we couldn't be together something like I have more

1292
01:07:56,920 --> 01:07:59,760
Speaker 1: of a connection with him, but I really require touch

1293
01:07:59,800 --> 01:08:01,440
Speaker 1: a and I said that today. I was like, I

1294
01:08:01,520 --> 01:08:04,440
Speaker 1: just realized, Like she asked me about touch I was

1295
01:08:04,440 --> 01:08:06,640
Speaker 1: talking about Chris coming with a mask on, and I

1296
01:08:06,640 --> 01:08:08,280
Speaker 1: was like, I don't want you to kiss me on

1297
01:08:08,280 --> 01:08:10,560
Speaker 1: my cheek with like a mask kiss, Like I'd rather

1298
01:08:10,640 --> 01:08:13,160
Speaker 1: you just not even show up because to me it smells.

1299
01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:15,919
Speaker 1: It would be the same as smelling or like being

1300
01:08:15,920 --> 01:08:19,719
Speaker 1: really hungry and smelling of food and just like smelling

1301
01:08:19,760 --> 01:08:22,800
Speaker 1: it and like and she goes really interesting that at

1302
01:08:22,840 --> 01:08:27,200
Speaker 1: anorexic describes like us as a food analogy, and I

1303
01:08:27,240 --> 01:08:28,599
Speaker 1: was like, well, that's what I used to do with food.

1304
01:08:28,640 --> 01:08:31,080
Speaker 1: I used to when I would starve and I couldn't

1305
01:08:31,080 --> 01:08:33,000
Speaker 1: have it, but I would watch the Food Network, which

1306
01:08:33,000 --> 01:08:35,680
Speaker 1: is a very common thing for people who have anorexia

1307
01:08:36,280 --> 01:08:39,959
Speaker 1: to watch food TV incessantly. I would read food magazines,

1308
01:08:40,000 --> 01:08:42,400
Speaker 1: I would watch food TV. I would watch I would

1309
01:08:42,439 --> 01:08:44,840
Speaker 1: watch people eat you. All I wanted to do is

1310
01:08:44,840 --> 01:08:47,040
Speaker 1: be around food, play with it, but I didn't want

1311
01:08:47,040 --> 01:08:48,840
Speaker 1: to have it. And I feel like that's the same

1312
01:08:48,840 --> 01:08:53,920
Speaker 1: way I am with um with affection and like intimacy

1313
01:08:54,120 --> 01:08:55,960
Speaker 1: is like I want to get just to the close enough,

1314
01:08:56,000 --> 01:08:58,519
Speaker 1: but I don't deserve it. But I do it right now,

1315
01:08:58,640 --> 01:09:01,280
Speaker 1: feel like I deserve loves. I don't want to torture

1316
01:09:01,320 --> 01:09:03,920
Speaker 1: myself by being like close to Chris but not being

1317
01:09:03,960 --> 01:09:07,559
Speaker 1: able to actually like have have him. Like but she

1318
01:09:07,760 --> 01:09:10,320
Speaker 1: was like, well tonight he can come and like you

1319
01:09:10,320 --> 01:09:12,360
Speaker 1: can hold your hand, like you could wash your hands

1320
01:09:12,439 --> 01:09:15,280
Speaker 1: right after, like you know, you know, to lick his hand,

1321
01:09:15,439 --> 01:09:17,880
Speaker 1: like there's things around it. So there are a lot

1322
01:09:17,880 --> 01:09:22,080
Speaker 1: of good epiphanies today. There's always dog. I'm going to

1323
01:09:22,120 --> 01:09:24,920
Speaker 1: talk about getting shushed through the rap. Okay, Donna start,

1324
01:09:24,960 --> 01:09:26,240
Speaker 1: and then I can kind of think about what I'm

1325
01:09:26,280 --> 01:09:29,920
Speaker 1: gonna do for my start. Start. You go, shorty, it's

1326
01:09:29,960 --> 01:09:33,800
Speaker 1: your birthday, it's your birthday. I can ficture of him

1327
01:09:33,800 --> 01:09:37,479
Speaker 1: is bending down like a bat on the Super Bowl

1328
01:09:38,120 --> 01:09:39,760
Speaker 1: went down, and I was worried about the bar he

1329
01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:41,120
Speaker 1: was hanging on. I thought it was like one of

1330
01:09:41,160 --> 01:09:42,679
Speaker 1: those bars you put in the middle of your door,

1331
01:09:43,080 --> 01:09:46,000
Speaker 1: and I was like, it's gonna it's gonna fall. Go shorty,

1332
01:09:46,160 --> 01:09:48,920
Speaker 1: it's your birthday. We're going a party like GE's your

1333
01:09:48,960 --> 01:09:51,719
Speaker 1: birthday you. We're gonna sing kari yoke like we're sharing

1334
01:09:51,760 --> 01:09:57,679
Speaker 1: crow cocaine. Cocaine on a Thursday. Everybody got up, get down,

1335
01:09:58,000 --> 01:10:00,599
Speaker 1: put the mask on, take it off, and bang me

1336
01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:03,519
Speaker 1: and eat my butt. But don't don't ever come back.

1337
01:10:03,560 --> 01:10:06,360
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like we get such a we

1338
01:10:06,439 --> 01:10:09,120
Speaker 1: get inside the psychology of each other when we really

1339
01:10:09,160 --> 01:10:11,519
Speaker 1: freestyle and when you do those little ones. Coming out

1340
01:10:11,520 --> 01:10:14,320
Speaker 1: of the first break, we learned a lot. Okay, so

1341
01:10:14,400 --> 01:10:17,519
Speaker 1: I'm about to tell you about what happened. Wait, don't

1342
01:10:17,520 --> 01:10:23,160
Speaker 1: do that. No, don't, don't. Andrew was a really good

1343
01:10:23,200 --> 01:10:28,160
Speaker 1: skill of doing this and repeating. But I'm gonna still

1344
01:10:28,200 --> 01:10:31,080
Speaker 1: do my rest. Okay. This weekend, I was in a van.

1345
01:10:31,320 --> 01:10:33,639
Speaker 1: I was driving to the airport with a man. There

1346
01:10:33,680 --> 01:10:36,160
Speaker 1: was also another woman in the car. She had her

1347
01:10:36,240 --> 01:10:38,720
Speaker 1: kid with her. We didn't go too far. We drove

1348
01:10:38,760 --> 01:10:41,120
Speaker 1: about an hour. Her kid was about eight. I was

1349
01:10:41,160 --> 01:10:43,559
Speaker 1: trying to be cool and trying to relate. We were

1350
01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:46,040
Speaker 1: talking about the weekend. We were talking about fun, we

1351
01:10:46,080 --> 01:10:48,400
Speaker 1: were talking about things, but we weren't talking about guns.

1352
01:10:48,800 --> 01:10:51,360
Speaker 1: At one point, I referenced that the Wilco album helped me.

1353
01:10:51,400 --> 01:10:53,559
Speaker 1: It got me through the week. It was really something

1354
01:10:54,720 --> 01:10:58,840
Speaker 1: swell to me. So then healthy, it's really something healthy,

1355
01:10:58,880 --> 01:11:01,400
Speaker 1: thank you. So I'm talking about the album and I

1356
01:11:02,320 --> 01:11:05,360
Speaker 1: casually referenced that this week was hard. So I said

1357
01:11:05,400 --> 01:11:07,960
Speaker 1: it was hard and this album really helped me because

1358
01:11:08,040 --> 01:11:09,920
Speaker 1: last week was so brutal and I was feeling so

1359
01:11:09,920 --> 01:11:11,880
Speaker 1: many feelings. And then she looked back at me and

1360
01:11:11,960 --> 01:11:14,760
Speaker 1: was like, girl, cut it. Don't say that around my kid.

1361
01:11:14,840 --> 01:11:16,719
Speaker 1: I haven't told him yet. And I was like, oh shit,

1362
01:11:16,800 --> 01:11:18,960
Speaker 1: am I a bad person? Did I almost talk about

1363
01:11:19,040 --> 01:11:21,120
Speaker 1: something terrible in front of this kid? It sounded like

1364
01:11:21,160 --> 01:11:22,720
Speaker 1: I was about to talk about a gangbang and she

1365
01:11:22,760 --> 01:11:24,600
Speaker 1: was like, he doesn't know about gang bang yet. But

1366
01:11:24,680 --> 01:11:26,479
Speaker 1: I'm not even making this a rap anymore because I

1367
01:11:26,479 --> 01:11:28,200
Speaker 1: just want to give my point across. I felt like

1368
01:11:28,240 --> 01:11:30,160
Speaker 1: a bad mom. I felt like a bad woman that

1369
01:11:30,240 --> 01:11:32,280
Speaker 1: I almost talked about a mass shooting in front of

1370
01:11:32,320 --> 01:11:34,479
Speaker 1: this kid. And then I was thinking, do kids even

1371
01:11:34,479 --> 01:11:36,200
Speaker 1: know about this? The fact is they don't, and why

1372
01:11:36,200 --> 01:11:38,080
Speaker 1: shouldn't you tell them? Nothing you really say is going

1373
01:11:38,120 --> 01:11:40,040
Speaker 1: to prepare them. Sam Aarra's compared it to telling your

1374
01:11:40,080 --> 01:11:41,960
Speaker 1: kid about a plane crash. It's not gonna help your

1375
01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:43,479
Speaker 1: kid to know about a plane crash because most of

1376
01:11:43,479 --> 01:11:44,840
Speaker 1: the time you're not gonna be in a plane crash,

1377
01:11:44,880 --> 01:11:46,200
Speaker 1: and even if you are, just really not gonna be

1378
01:11:46,200 --> 01:11:47,720
Speaker 1: anything you could do about it. So don't talk to

1379
01:11:47,760 --> 01:11:50,160
Speaker 1: your kids about the shooting. But I casually mentioned that

1380
01:11:50,240 --> 01:11:52,559
Speaker 1: last week was quote unquote hard, and she shot me

1381
01:11:52,600 --> 01:11:55,080
Speaker 1: a look like, do not mention why it was hard,

1382
01:11:55,200 --> 01:11:57,559
Speaker 1: and she pointed at her kid, and I felt shamed,

1383
01:11:57,680 --> 01:11:59,680
Speaker 1: and I felt like I'm a bad person. But then

1384
01:11:59,680 --> 01:12:01,400
Speaker 1: I just realist she was just being a good mom.

1385
01:12:01,479 --> 01:12:03,160
Speaker 1: She's protecting her son. She didn't want him to hear

1386
01:12:03,160 --> 01:12:04,680
Speaker 1: about it, and she doesn't know what this bitch in

1387
01:12:04,680 --> 01:12:07,080
Speaker 1: the backseat is gonna say. I'm a raunchy comedian, what's

1388
01:12:07,080 --> 01:12:10,360
Speaker 1: she gonna do? So, um, it was really interesting. I

1389
01:12:10,360 --> 01:12:11,720
Speaker 1: don't know if you have kids out there, but I

1390
01:12:11,800 --> 01:12:14,639
Speaker 1: am wondering how you handle this whole situation, because it's

1391
01:12:14,680 --> 01:12:16,479
Speaker 1: really fucking weird. And I know that if I were

1392
01:12:16,479 --> 01:12:18,439
Speaker 1: in fourth grade and someone told me that a bunch

1393
01:12:18,479 --> 01:12:20,639
Speaker 1: of fourth graders got murdered in the classroom last week.

1394
01:12:20,720 --> 01:12:22,439
Speaker 1: I would be fucking scared of ship. So I would

1395
01:12:22,439 --> 01:12:24,320
Speaker 1: recommend to parents do not tell your kids about it,

1396
01:12:24,320 --> 01:12:26,040
Speaker 1: because it's just gonna give them anxiety. At that's the

1397
01:12:26,120 --> 01:12:29,960
Speaker 1: end of my happy birthday, NICKI. Al Right, guys, thank

1398
01:12:30,000 --> 01:12:33,920
Speaker 1: you so much for listening today, and um, I love

1399
01:12:33,960 --> 01:12:35,760
Speaker 1: all of you. Thank you for the birthday wishes. If

1400
01:12:35,800 --> 01:12:37,040
Speaker 1: I don't get back to you, you know, it's not

1401
01:12:37,040 --> 01:12:38,680
Speaker 1: because I didn't see it or because I didn't love it,

1402
01:12:38,680 --> 01:12:40,320
Speaker 1: but it's because I'm overwhelmed. And I love you so

1403
01:12:40,439 --> 01:12:42,439
Speaker 1: much for all of it. And thank you for being

1404
01:12:42,439 --> 01:12:48,880
Speaker 1: my friends and my fans and Delbeka ni every birthday.

1405
01:12:50,600 --> 01:12:53,160
Speaker 1: You're so good at that. I'm pretty good. It made

1406
01:12:53,200 --> 01:12:54,600
Speaker 1: me feel like we said at the same time. But

1407
01:12:54,640 --> 01:12:56,559
Speaker 1: you know, just yeah, god damn it.