WEBVTT - Getting Intimate 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:04.400 Hell, I suck good Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared 0:00:04.680 --> 0:00:09.680 and I heard radio podcast. Hey guys, thank you for 0:00:09.720 --> 0:00:12.959 tuning into another episode of Help I second dating. Dean 0:00:13.080 --> 0:00:14.920 is in studio with me. Thank you so much for 0:00:14.960 --> 0:00:17.840 tuning in. We're going to start with the intimacy expert. 0:00:18.079 --> 0:00:23.919 Her name is Elena pret Lana Banana. You know what, 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:27.880 it's so funny because we're You're Canadian, right, Alana? Yes? 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:30.920 So yeah, yeah yeah, so like usually Americans will say 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:34.560 like a Lana and I started using like that intonation 0:00:34.600 --> 0:00:37.159 whatever it's called, but my yeah, she's Canadian, so it's Alanta. 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:40.120 How are you? And I'm awesome. I remember when I 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:42.519 interviewed Alanis Morrisset and I'm like, I used to say 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:44.440 Atlanta Banana, but now I say like a land, like 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:47.760 a land. Yeah. So it's great to be with you 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:51.279 two beautiful, delicious people. Thank you for calling in, Thank 0:00:51.320 --> 0:00:53.320 you for being part of the show with us today. 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:55.640 I love it. I love it, and it's so great 0:00:55.720 --> 0:00:57.720 to talk about what talks about dating and be you know, 0:00:57.840 --> 0:01:01.880 vulnerable and transparent and and change some things for people 0:01:01.880 --> 0:01:05.040 out there. Absolutely. So you're an intimacy expert, can you 0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:08.560 define what that means. Well, back, you know, I don't 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:10.280 know if you ever saw that movie with Mike Myers, 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:13.160 you know, into me, I see, you know, it's kind 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:15.480 of made fun of. But really that's what it's about. 0:01:15.560 --> 0:01:18.880 Intimacy with self. First, it's really easy to love our 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:22.080 good parts, are shiny parts, are triumphant parts, but are 0:01:22.120 --> 0:01:25.679 lobbly parts. When we're ashamed and scared, it's really hard 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:28.319 to love those parts. And what ends up happening as 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:31.160 we try to cover up and pretend we're fine when 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:34.160 we're not, and we overcompensate, but people see rights through that. 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:39.960 And because we're emotionally unavailable to ourselves, we're resisting ourselves. 0:01:39.959 --> 0:01:42.880 We're shoving away a part of ourselves in a closet 0:01:42.920 --> 0:01:45.080 with a two by four, And there's stuff up right 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:48.040 like don't let anybody know you're scared. Um, that same 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:52.480 emotional unavailability with self gets neared, and we start to 0:01:52.520 --> 0:01:57.480 attract emotionally unavailable people, narcissists, ghosters, to all this kind 0:01:57.520 --> 0:02:02.480 of stuff. Yeah, I had that, um, that moment of realization. So, 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:04.960 I mean I spoke about this last episode. I was 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:08.120 like casually dating someone and it kind of fizzled out, 0:02:08.360 --> 0:02:11.320 and you know, my eagles like, well, why why did 0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:13.440 it fizzle out? Like it was something that I did wrong. 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:15.840 And then I started to you know, like blame him 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:17.959 and blame me, and then I went through all those 0:02:18.000 --> 0:02:22.840 different stages, and then I started realizing, maybe, deep down, 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:26.800 I'm not ready for a committed relationship, and that is 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:30.280 why I keep attracting these men that aren't ready for 0:02:30.600 --> 0:02:36.280 that intimate, committed relationship. Yeah, you're you're so wise. You know, 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:39.600 when we are more interested in not getting hurt again, 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:43.799 not being rejected, not feeling that pain, we might show 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:45.840 up and go on a date, but really, deep down 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:50.080 that inner fear is going to sabotage ourselves, right, And 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:53.359 sabotage is such a word that I sometimes use when 0:02:53.360 --> 0:02:56.200 I'm dating someone. And I realized that sometimes I could 0:02:56.200 --> 0:02:59.959 spiral and I'll start overthinking, and then I'll start doing 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:03.040 things to get a reaction. Um. And you know, I'm 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:05.400 probably not the only person that does this, but you know, 0:03:05.560 --> 0:03:08.760 I could sometimes send a text message and I'm like why, 0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:11.200 And then I stopped myself before pressing sent, and I'm like, 0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:13.160 why am I sending this message If I'm sending it 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:16.400 to get a react? Reaction from the person I'm automatically 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:18.800 going to get disappointed because I'm testing that person. They 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:21.040 don't know they're being tested, and they're gonna they're gonna fail, 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:24.440 making me, you know, get the reaction that I want 0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:30.280 to get. So I guess my question is when someone 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:32.680 goes is a relationship podcast, and you know, I keep 0:03:32.720 --> 0:03:35.160 talking about getting my heartbroken and stuff. So if someone 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:39.600 goes through um, a breakup or whatever, you know, the 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:44.560 ending of a connection. Let's put it that way. Um, 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:50.160 what are the steps to being um to be being 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:52.880 able to give back to that happy place again in 0:03:53.040 --> 0:03:56.520 order to attract the right people back into your life. 0:03:57.240 --> 0:03:59.640 It's a perfect question because a lot of people skip 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:02.560 up and they do what I call sprinkles on top 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:04.880 of the ice cream cone of and they just pretend 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:06.680 they're fine and they get out there again, but they 0:04:06.680 --> 0:04:09.160 haven't them the inner work, and as you said, it 0:04:09.240 --> 0:04:12.920 sabotages them. So the first one is to like feel 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:16.240 your feelings, and we aren't very good at that in society. 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:20.600 We're very good at Facebook, antidepressants, we're not very good 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:23.520 at feeling feelings. You don't know what to do. It's overwhelming, 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:26.320 it's intense, like how do you navigate that? So the 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:28.080 first one is to get like a coach like me, 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:30.520 or or a process where you can really shit in 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:32.800 the spire. And I have this little sort of little 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:37.000 you visualization, like imagine, little Dean is inside Dean's heart, 0:04:37.040 --> 0:04:40.200 a little Vanessa is inside Vanessa's heart, and they are 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:44.720 they are hurt, they're they're crushed, they're devastated. And isn't 0:04:44.720 --> 0:04:46.880 it true that, you know, in society, we we often 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:48.600 go and go, well, let's just have a good attitude 0:04:48.600 --> 0:04:49.960 and let's get out there again, and if you know, 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:53.679 have a positive attitude. But that's the sprinkles. And what really, 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:56.000 this little one inside wants is for us to go 0:04:56.040 --> 0:05:01.760 inside with the patience of eternity, just sit there and 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:03.640 maybe have a shot of tequila and a bag of 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:07.039 chips in the bath, and to cry and just let 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:11.640 it out. Not even because that residual what you resist 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:15.039 persists and grows, but be willing to go to the 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:16.520 core of the core of the core and feel it 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:20.520 out to the bottom. And once that's done, then I 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:22.960 like to imagine I'm so like visual but whatever, so 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:25.400 like to sit in the throne like Queen Vanessa and 0:05:25.520 --> 0:05:27.560 kudn't be And you're sit in the throne and you 0:05:27.680 --> 0:05:29.760 put in front of you a movie screen of of 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:34.120 attracting this person, as if you chose that for your 0:05:34.200 --> 0:05:37.360 growth and evolution. No victims here, no blaming here, no 0:05:37.480 --> 0:05:40.400 blaming of self for other Like I chose that mofo 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:46.279 because it's to grow my forgiveness, me speaking my truth, 0:05:46.680 --> 0:05:49.360 me being willing to say thank you but no thank you, 0:05:49.800 --> 0:05:53.479 Me knowing my worth. You know, I'm more than my looks. 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:55.960 I'm more than my Facebook like cause I'm more than this, 0:05:56.240 --> 0:05:58.880 you know. Do I really have a worth beyond my title, 0:05:59.000 --> 0:06:02.200 my identity? Maybe that's what the gift was. So so 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:05.320 first fill your feelings, then sit in your throne. And 0:06:05.360 --> 0:06:07.560 there's one other little step in there that I think 0:06:07.640 --> 0:06:11.159 is important as well. If we have anger, it's not 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:13.960 good to go murder people, not good to send like 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:18.120 threatening ter but that's an energy. I'm a I'm a nerd. 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:20.880 I interview like you know, celebrities, but I also interview 0:06:20.920 --> 0:06:22.800 like quantum physicists as well, and I really want to 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:26.200 understand what's going on inside the body when we're we're 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:29.080 poisoned with this toxic anger we gotta get rid of it. 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:32.600 So I have this very politically incorrect process called the 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:35.800 Theater of Redemption, and I dress up as this dominatrix 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:38.080 and I go with my clients and we just you know, 0:06:38.160 --> 0:06:39.760 and it's all in context. And don't worry, I'm not 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:43.440 an evil person. But we we mutilate the the identity 0:06:43.480 --> 0:06:45.599 that hurt, not the soul of the person, not the 0:06:45.640 --> 0:06:48.240 heart of the person, but just like the the identity 0:06:48.279 --> 0:06:50.960 that was a meeting, we just kneel like that person 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:53.080 and we get it out of the body so it 0:06:53.120 --> 0:06:56.880 doesn't reside inside. Because I lost my mom at when 0:06:56.960 --> 0:06:59.400 she was sixty one of cancer, and I swear it 0:06:59.560 --> 0:07:02.520 because you just didn't get rid of that toxic anger 0:07:02.640 --> 0:07:05.520 from all those years, and she taught me, I get 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:10.280 rid of it. You know it's not healthy. I agree. Um. 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:14.320 Before we jump into our next segment, I do want 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:16.520 to talk about one thing, and that's the Amazon Fire 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:20.640 TV holiday seasons are coming upon us, and obviously part 0:07:20.680 --> 0:07:23.280 of that means that you need to be getting gifts 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:25.520 for your loved ones, for your friends, for your family members, 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:28.200 whoever it is, and why not give them the gift 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:31.960 of endless entertainment? And through the Amazon fire TV you 0:07:32.000 --> 0:07:34.120 can get that for them. I personally have one and 0:07:34.160 --> 0:07:36.560 it's my favorite thing that I own, and I'm not 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:40.000 even joking because it allows me to stay home and 0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:43.480 watch Netflix endlessly. What do you like to watch? I 0:07:44.080 --> 0:07:47.720 just finished The Good Place? Um, Like I said, hours 0:07:47.720 --> 0:07:50.640 of entertainment that you can enjoy through the Amazon Fire TV, 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:54.800 whether it's through the tens of thousands of channels that 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:57.920 they offer, the apps, the Alexas skills, Amazon fire TV 0:07:58.040 --> 0:08:00.360 brings all live TV and streaming content you love to 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:02.360 the biggest screen in your home. That's another reason to 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:03.640 love it, as well as a lot of times you'll 0:08:03.640 --> 0:08:06.320 find yourself watching TV on your phone or on your tablet, 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:09.360 whatever it might be, and the screens are not the best. Obviously, 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:11.440 they're portable, but it's not like watching it on the 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:13.600 living room TV. And Amazon fire TV allows you to 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:15.680 have access to all of those things while sitting in 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:17.440 the most comfortable room in your house and watching it 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:20.120 on the biggest screen in your house. You have things 0:08:20.120 --> 0:08:23.760 like Netflix, Prime Video, Hulu YouTube, all of those things 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:25.640 and more. One of the things I love about Amazon 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:29.080 fire TV is, um I'm a big Alexa fan. I 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:31.760 have a lot of Alexa enabled devices in my home, 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:35.320 and uh, I love that I can just like ultimate 0:08:35.400 --> 0:08:38.199 laziness like I always thought, sitting on the couch and 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:40.440 channel surfings like the laziest thing possible. I don't even 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:42.880 have to lift my arms. I just sit there. I 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:46.520 talked to Alexa and I asked it to play open YouTube, 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:48.880 and it just and on the fire TV just opens 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:51.839 up YouTube, and um, all my what I like to watch. 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:54.839 I like to watch supercuts of all the Transformers transforming 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:56.520 from the movies. I don't like to watch the parts 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:58.040 in between in the movies. I just want to see 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:00.920 him transform from cars into robots. And I ask Alexa 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:03.120 to open up YouTube. It's already recommended because I watched 0:09:03.120 --> 0:09:04.959 some of those videos and I can just pull them 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:09.760 right up. Sometimes the Amazon YouTube things YouTube recommendations embarrassed 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:13.680 me because all I've watched like video game footage of 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:17.319 like StarCraft two, like Sickest Taran Macro versus the Zerg. 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:19.559 And then my room and then my roommates will get 0:09:19.559 --> 0:09:21.319 on the Amazon Fire TV later on in the day 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:23.120 and they'll be like, why is there a bunch of 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:27.480 nerdy video game recommendations for this game that looks like 0:09:27.520 --> 0:09:29.000 the nerdest thing in the world, and I like, like, 0:09:29.080 --> 0:09:32.560 I just like like shutter in the corner. It wasn't mean, 0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:35.240 but they obviously know that as me. Anyways, that's what's 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:37.439 great about the Amazon fire TV is because you can 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:40.400 pull up full length YouTube videos on your television. You 0:09:40.440 --> 0:09:41.719 don't have to watch them on your computer, you don't 0:09:41.720 --> 0:09:43.400 have to watch them on your phone anymore. You can 0:09:43.400 --> 0:09:45.959 watch them right there on the biggest TV in your house. 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:48.240 And all you have to do is ask Alexa to 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:53.479 do it. Alexa, google Transformers Transforming Boom. You're watching Transformers 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:56.000 Transforming on the biggest TV in your house. You have 0:09:56.000 --> 0:09:57.640 the I Heart Radio app. Of course, you can be 0:09:57.679 --> 0:10:00.160 listening to this podcast through your Amazon fire t V. 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:02.520 If you're doing that right now, that's incredible. If you're 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:04.000 doing that right now, send us a d M and 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:07.920 tell us about it, that's great. You can watch like 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:10.480 I said before, YouTube, Netflix, Hulu. Fire tv is the 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:13.080 perfect gift for the entertainment fan in your life for 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:15.480 this holiday season. And let's be honest, who's not an 0:10:15.559 --> 0:10:18.400 entertainment fan. Everyone loves to go to the movies, watch TV, 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:23.480 watch YouTube videos, watch transformers, transform watch StarCraft videos, all 0:10:23.480 --> 0:10:25.600 that stuff. We all love it. So it's the perfect 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:29.920 gift for literally anyone that you know and they would 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:31.760 love to have it. So if you go to Amazon 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:35.880 dot com Slash I Suck podcast, you can learn how 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:39.280 to buy an Amazon Fire TV for yourself, for your family, 0:10:39.480 --> 0:10:41.920 for your friends. Maybe you have a boyfriend that you 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:45.280 want to buy to impress, maybe you have a girlfriend, 0:10:45.559 --> 0:10:47.800 Maybe you have both. Maybe you just want to buy 0:10:48.080 --> 0:10:50.160 Amazon Fire TVs and hand them out on the street 0:10:50.200 --> 0:10:53.120 to random people. Those are all great ideas. Go to 0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:56.920 Amazon dot com Slash I Suck podcast and check out 0:10:56.920 --> 0:10:59.880 the Amazon Fire TV. Promise you won't regret it. You 0:11:00.040 --> 0:11:04.520 will have, like I said before, limitless entertainment at your fingertips, 0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:06.839 at the at the tip of your tongue because all 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:09.520 you do is talk to Alexa. So Amazon dot Com 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:11.560 Slash I Suck Podcast, be sure to check it out. 0:11:11.960 --> 0:11:15.120 Be the hero of this holiday season. Surprise your friends 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:18.079 with the greatest gift of all. Check it out. I 0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:20.840 think that you know sometimes it's it's all a matter 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:24.160 of like ego and your emotions and um. Once and 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:27.480 we had these conversations with Dean, Jared and I, and 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:30.760 I say it's a lot easier, you know, to be 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:34.320 the person that well, actually, I don't know anymore. So 0:11:34.400 --> 0:11:36.840 if you're being the one that's being broken up with, 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:41.600 you have all these unsolved questions, right, and sometimes you 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:45.440 want to know why, why why? But in some cases 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:47.440 you'll never get the answer to why, and you have 0:11:47.559 --> 0:11:50.720 to give yourself your own closure, and being able to 0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:53.960 give yourself that closure is hard. Um. And you want 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:56.640 to reach out to that person, um, and you want 0:11:56.679 --> 0:12:02.080 your answers. UM. But actually I just posted on my 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:04.880 Instagram a quote and it says, any relationship you have 0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:08.360 that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, 0:12:08.400 --> 0:12:12.440 your standards and or expectations wasn't really stable enough to 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:16.960 begin with. And it's so true. You know, it's really 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:18.840 great that you're bringing this up for both of you, 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:20.760 and maybe we can do like a little exercise here 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:22.960 for a couple of minutes for each of you. One 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:25.800 of the reasons I'm such a successful coaches I don't judge, 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:29.720 I unconditionally love, I don't fix, and I'm this really 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:32.840 deep space to get people and make them feel safe, 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:37.520 seen and understood. Just rare most of us When we 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:39.920 share our feelings to somebody, they have a rebuttal or 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:42.000 a justification, or they give a reason, or they're not 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:44.360 even listening, or they you know, and and thus it 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:47.080 spins in our head. Communication is a two way process. 0:12:47.080 --> 0:12:48.559 A lot of people don't know this. They think it's 0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:51.760 just talk. No, that's only half of it. Unless it's 0:12:51.840 --> 0:12:55.840 received by another with no judgment, it stays spinning in 0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:59.280 our minds for decades and decades. It makes us crazy, 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.000 but it's who is You're received and not agreed with, 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:06.480 but just understood. It dissolved into nothing. And so I'll 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:10.600 be your ex right now. If you want to play, um, 0:13:10.640 --> 0:13:12.920 and so, just start talking to me, and I'm going 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:14.720 to receive you just so you can get it out 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:17.360 of your system. And if being you want to play too, 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:19.199 we can just get it out of your system. I'll 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:23.200 just I'll receive Vanessa doing it. What are you not 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:30.280 a giver? I'm more of a listener than I'm a talker. Um, well, 0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:31.720 what do you want to what do you want to say? 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:37.880 Just like yourself with all of us. I don't think 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:40.360 there's anything specific that I want to say. It was 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:45.559 I mean, oh okay, right, Okay, I think what I 0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:50.840 would want to say. I value respect UM a lot, 0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:54.600 and respect in the sense that UM respect for me 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:58.640 is like communicating and being honest and UM valuing a 0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:01.440 person's time. So I guess for me it would be 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:09.520 why did you know it takes a week or whatever? 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:13.400 I remember how long it was to communicate your feelings 0:14:14.240 --> 0:14:17.840 when all along, like the entire time we were casually dating, 0:14:18.280 --> 0:14:20.720 we were very upfront and honest about where we were 0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:26.280 and what we wanted, and um, the minute I guess 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:31.080 doubt crept into his head. It took him a while 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:35.200 to be able to put it into words. And instead 0:14:35.240 --> 0:14:36.960 of being like, hey, you know, I need a minute 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:39.120 to just like sit with my thoughts and figure this out, 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:41.240 it was like, let me ignore you for a couple 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:45.600 of days. And then I started to start to started 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:47.720 to think I did something wrong. And then I started 0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:50.240 to reevaluate the things that I was doing, and the 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:53.240 doubt started creeping up in my head, and I'm like, oh, 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:55.840 there's what did I do? I started I started dissecting 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:59.040 um things that I was saying and doing, and uh. 0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:01.480 But then deep down own you know that that time 0:15:01.480 --> 0:15:05.000 alone made me realize, like, yeah, I know I don't 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:08.320 want to be with this person. Hmm. Okay, so so 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:11.640 can I give you feedback? Okay, So for like about 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:14.600 like ten seconds or fishing seconds, you were actually talking 0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:17.400 right to him, but then you started talking about him 0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:19.360 in third person, and then you went up into your 0:15:19.400 --> 0:15:22.840 mind and then you started analyzing everything. This is the 0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:25.720 Achilles heel of me, everybody, this is what I've learned. 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:27.560 When we start to go up in our brain, it 0:15:27.640 --> 0:15:31.360 just keeps spinning. But if you could actually like breax 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:34.080 it to me as if I'm him in a way, 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:36.120 that makes it land. And then not only and not 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:37.720 only say the why, but let him know how it 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:41.320 makes you feel, and like fully like that the whole thing, 0:15:41.840 --> 0:15:44.880 it'll actually stop spinning. All the questions will stop spinning. 0:15:44.960 --> 0:15:49.600 The promise, so take to well this is so this 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:52.920 is I feel like the last So I don't feel 0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:55.800 like there's any form of a mode. I'm very neutral 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:58.880 about this situation right now. So there's no I woke 0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:02.480 up this morning like like, okay, I don't feel anything, 0:16:02.960 --> 0:16:05.960 and I I guess it's because it's been you know, 0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:10.280 it's been a while since this this term ended or 0:16:10.320 --> 0:16:13.880 whatever you want to say, Um, so there's nothing that 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:15.960 I personally need to get out. I don't know if 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:19.440 Dean needs to get anything. Yeah, the chapter is definitely closed. 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:20.760 And the thing is, I knew I didn't want to 0:16:21.400 --> 0:16:24.640 see I didn't see myself with him. Um long term, 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:28.280 my I knew my ego got in the way of 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:31.120 of me being like, all right, well we're both on 0:16:31.120 --> 0:16:36.160 the same page, let's move on. So so my only, 0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:39.240 my only coaching would be and maybe do this with 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:41.200 a shot of tequila and a bag of chips in 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:44.480 the bath or something like that. But but I encourage 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:48.080 you to consider there could be a little anger. They're 0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:51.000 not sadness, to be sadness, but this idea, if somebody 0:16:51.040 --> 0:16:54.800 doesn't respect you right like, there's a fury around that, 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:58.160 there's are how dare you so my coaching would be 0:16:58.200 --> 0:17:01.240 do like five or ten? How dare you just speak 0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:04.760 it out? Just speak it out, just to be sure 0:17:04.800 --> 0:17:08.160 that nothing's left in there? And then for bonus points, 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:12.280 where did you disrespect yourself in the process? Where did 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:15.639 you not respect your truth? Where did you not honor 0:17:15.680 --> 0:17:18.880 a red flag? Where did you have something like that? 0:17:18.920 --> 0:17:25.080 So begin Okay, so so what did you learn about 0:17:25.119 --> 0:17:27.960 where you didn't respect yourself because he's just a mirror 0:17:28.760 --> 0:17:30.560 one of the physics level. Nobody's even out there. It's 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:34.760 all lightly like, you know, so he's you, isn't that close? 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:39.119 But I mean he's not a not the most attract 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:44.399 now kidding, Um, I think I knew it. There is 0:17:44.440 --> 0:17:47.320 still some theory in there that little comments, right, all right, 0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:51.879 I was just kidding. He's very attractive. Um, I think, No, 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:54.359 I'm trying not to insult him. I don't think. I 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:57.520 don't think anything badly about this person. I think we 0:17:57.600 --> 0:18:00.480 both knew where we where we wanted to take things. 0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:04.720 I think for me, where I disrespected myself or actually 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:07.760 I knew there were red flags from the beginning. But 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:10.000 I tend to give people a second chance. I'm like, 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:14.560 you know what, I think the first few times you 0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:17.680 interact with someone, there I call it the audition process 0:18:17.680 --> 0:18:22.159 where they're not truly authentically themselves, and I want to 0:18:22.200 --> 0:18:24.399 be able to give them a chance to really show 0:18:25.160 --> 0:18:28.400 give them a chance to be, you know, for them 0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:31.040 to be who they are. Um. So I'm like, Okay, 0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:34.240 maybe the red flags are there because he wasn't really himself. 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:36.560 I started doing the opposite of that I've started whenever 0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:39.520 I meet someone setting the bar intentionally very very low 0:18:39.600 --> 0:18:41.960 for myself that way, later on there's only room for 0:18:41.960 --> 0:18:46.840 improvement for yourself, Like I will, I will talk more 0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:50.280 crap about myself than anything else. In that way, anything 0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:52.680 positive that I do is always like like, oh, look 0:18:52.680 --> 0:18:54.960 at that, But you do that to the person you're dating. 0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:57.880 So if I'm going on dates, I'm just like, unabashedly 0:18:57.960 --> 0:19:01.080 honest about all my shortcomings. Really, yes see, I feel 0:19:01.080 --> 0:19:03.160 like if a female does that, a guy's like, oh, 0:19:03.400 --> 0:19:04.720 like I don't want to deal with all these issues 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:11.120 or she's too insecure. Well, in all transparency, I had 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:12.760 it took a long time for me to get all 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:15.520 of this straight. Like I've had two divorces, a crazy 0:19:15.560 --> 0:19:20.280 custody battle. So I'm not saying like I'm some perfect guru. 0:19:20.640 --> 0:19:23.200 But what I do know is that when we give 0:19:23.240 --> 0:19:26.159 people a second chance from our minds like it's the 0:19:26.240 --> 0:19:28.920 right thing to do, we often don't listen to our 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:32.479 intuition and instincts. And the more we can balance the 0:19:32.520 --> 0:19:36.439 wisdom of our body of that uh huh and not 0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:40.399 over rely on our mind, which is often connected to 0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:46.639 fear hesitancy doing it right. Looking good, we make better decisions. Um, 0:19:46.760 --> 0:19:50.439 So how does that resonate? I do have one. I 0:19:50.440 --> 0:19:52.280 have one counter argument that you made earlier. I think 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:55.040 you're saying something along the lines of love yourself first, 0:19:55.119 --> 0:19:57.040 love yourself or your flaws and stop trying to hide 0:19:57.040 --> 0:20:01.080 them over compensate. I to count you that. I actually 0:20:01.119 --> 0:20:02.680 I wrote something up about this the other day because 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:06.600 I believe so passionately about it. I think, I think 0:20:06.600 --> 0:20:09.320 that's self loathing is the vehicle that drives us to 0:20:09.359 --> 0:20:11.199 self improvement. Right, And so if you sit back and 0:20:11.200 --> 0:20:13.399 you're like, I accept all of these flaws that I 0:20:13.400 --> 0:20:15.560 have in there, I'm perfect because of them, that doesn't 0:20:15.560 --> 0:20:18.680 necessarily make you strive to better those flaws, you know 0:20:18.720 --> 0:20:21.199 what I mean. And so if you're if you're constantly 0:20:21.200 --> 0:20:23.280 down on yourself for these specific things, like I'm going 0:20:23.320 --> 0:20:25.760 to set out to improve these things about myself. But 0:20:25.920 --> 0:20:29.439 some things like let's say, I don't know, there's some 0:20:29.480 --> 0:20:34.520 things that like I wish I had, you know, like 0:20:34.560 --> 0:20:36.640 a bigger but let's say, so go to the gym, 0:20:36.680 --> 0:20:38.400 and you know, but there's like my buck can only 0:20:38.440 --> 0:20:40.879 grow as big as it gets, So I'm gonna have 0:20:40.920 --> 0:20:43.639 to appreciate my butt for what it is. Like. Okay, 0:20:43.680 --> 0:20:45.280 well this is the butt that I was blessed with. 0:20:46.760 --> 0:20:49.479 One thing you want to understand about science and energy 0:20:49.600 --> 0:20:53.280 is what you resist. Christis anything you push against you 0:20:53.359 --> 0:20:58.120 put energy into. So by by loathing a part of you, 0:20:58.119 --> 0:21:01.680 you can motivate yourself from fear. But it's a whole 0:21:01.680 --> 0:21:05.000 different thing to be inspired by your creativity and your love. 0:21:05.440 --> 0:21:07.840 And yeah, a lot of people can get results by 0:21:07.840 --> 0:21:10.680 hating the ship out of themselves, But at the end 0:21:10.680 --> 0:21:14.920 of the day, that is still keeping all of that 0:21:15.359 --> 0:21:17.840 self hatred alive, and it's going to bite you in 0:21:17.840 --> 0:21:20.119 the ask and you're going to attract somebody that's going 0:21:20.160 --> 0:21:22.880 to judge you as harshly as you're judging yourself. I'm 0:21:22.880 --> 0:21:25.000 not saying sit in your ass and do nothing. I'm 0:21:25.040 --> 0:21:28.320 asking you to check into the motivation. What if you're 0:21:28.320 --> 0:21:33.320 just present, not loathing yourself, not saying your flaws are fine. 0:21:33.720 --> 0:21:35.679 Making friends with your flaws doesn't mean you don't need 0:21:35.680 --> 0:21:37.560 to do anything about it, but it means you're stopping 0:21:37.560 --> 0:21:41.800 the resistance and you're actually being centered, grounded, present, aware, 0:21:41.920 --> 0:21:45.720 discerning mother from badass. That's who I am. That's what 0:21:45.840 --> 0:21:49.000 I'm creating, and that's where I'm going totally different than 0:21:49.160 --> 0:21:53.760 cruelty and and loathing and unkindness, because if you do 0:21:53.840 --> 0:21:56.639 that on the inside, I guarantee you you're going to 0:21:56.720 --> 0:21:58.879 attract a partner that's going to do it to you eventually. 0:21:58.920 --> 0:22:02.600 And I don't know your relationships being but if women 0:22:02.640 --> 0:22:05.639 have not honored you, respected you, been the wind in 0:22:05.800 --> 0:22:09.119 your wings up and and for you, it's only because 0:22:09.119 --> 0:22:11.879 that's inside what's going on within you, because that resonate 0:22:11.960 --> 0:22:14.440 at all a little bit. I think, well, I think 0:22:14.480 --> 0:22:16.720 just inherently I'm an crearily sarcastic person, and I can 0:22:17.040 --> 0:22:19.480 tend to attract the people that are equally a sarcastic 0:22:19.560 --> 0:22:22.760 back to me. And I think with that you get 0:22:22.760 --> 0:22:25.600 like a lot of like joking jabs, which you know, 0:22:25.640 --> 0:22:27.760 sometimes it's a little bit truth. And I guess, yeah, 0:22:28.000 --> 0:22:31.280 I don't know. I feel like, um uh, you know, 0:22:31.320 --> 0:22:34.840 when your room. For me, if my room as a disaster, 0:22:35.000 --> 0:22:38.040 that's how my my brain is feeling. It's a reflection. 0:22:38.240 --> 0:22:41.600 It's a reflection of how I'm feeling internally. And sometimes 0:22:41.600 --> 0:22:44.880 I try to ask myself, Okay, well, if I'm attracted 0:22:44.920 --> 0:22:47.000 to this person or if I'm saying yes to go 0:22:47.000 --> 0:22:49.679 on a date with this specific person. Why am I 0:22:49.800 --> 0:22:51.719 doing it? I want to know the wise behind it? 0:22:52.280 --> 0:22:56.480 Am I doing it for validation? Am I doing it? Yeah? 0:22:56.560 --> 0:23:00.720 So I'm at that that that point right now where um, 0:23:00.760 --> 0:23:05.720 I'm actually very happy being alone and I want to 0:23:05.720 --> 0:23:09.439 be able to focus and re refocus my energy on 0:23:09.480 --> 0:23:12.040 the things that matter the most to me and then 0:23:12.280 --> 0:23:16.199 the rest will fall into place. I I compared to um, 0:23:16.240 --> 0:23:19.960 when you're looking for specific purple dress with yellow polka 0:23:20.000 --> 0:23:21.960 dots and you go shopping, You're not going to find 0:23:22.000 --> 0:23:25.240 it because you're you're constantly like, that's all you're looking for, 0:23:25.280 --> 0:23:27.720 and you're ignoring everything else that's in the store. And 0:23:27.760 --> 0:23:29.480 then that one day you're going to go shopping, you're like, 0:23:29.480 --> 0:23:31.080 oh my god, it was like right on that rack. 0:23:31.119 --> 0:23:34.560 How did I not see it? So I'm I'm I'm 0:23:34.560 --> 0:23:37.160 applying that to my dating life right now, where I'm 0:23:37.200 --> 0:23:41.320 gonna just go with the flow and the right person 0:23:41.359 --> 0:23:46.119 will come along when the timing is right. I like 0:23:46.240 --> 0:23:48.720 that when I at interesting that you are so young. 0:23:49.920 --> 0:23:53.879 Of course, she said that the most important things she 0:23:53.920 --> 0:23:56.280 wants to teach women, but I think it applies for 0:23:56.320 --> 0:23:58.040 men as well is to fall madel in love with 0:23:58.119 --> 0:24:01.960 being alone. And that means you're not going out there 0:24:01.960 --> 0:24:04.919 to get attention or get approval or fill some void 0:24:05.000 --> 0:24:07.360 within you with the relationship. And so like before I said, 0:24:07.359 --> 0:24:10.560 you're present, you can choose you're in your best state, 0:24:10.640 --> 0:24:14.080 aligned with your creativity, your intuition, the divine, however you 0:24:14.119 --> 0:24:16.040 like to believe that, and that to me is your 0:24:16.040 --> 0:24:20.720 most sexy attractive self is when you don't need anything. 0:24:21.359 --> 0:24:25.520 Um So I completely love that, and um I do. 0:24:25.720 --> 0:24:29.639 I do appreciate the wisdom, the width, and the brilliance 0:24:29.720 --> 0:24:32.080 of people that are sarcastic. I think they tend to 0:24:32.080 --> 0:24:35.040 have higher intelligence than most people to make those kinds 0:24:35.040 --> 0:24:38.560 of witty jokes and stuff. But I think they undervalue 0:24:38.960 --> 0:24:44.600 the the their vulnerability, like their true um true vulnerability, 0:24:44.720 --> 0:24:47.720 true transparency, and they make they kind of fluff it 0:24:47.720 --> 0:24:49.679 off with some jokes because at the core of the 0:24:49.680 --> 0:24:51.639 core of the core, I I don't think there is 0:24:51.680 --> 0:24:57.080 balanced with emotional intelligence as intellectual intelligence, and and sarcasm 0:24:57.280 --> 0:25:01.159 ultimately has this little digging edge and my experience, at 0:25:01.240 --> 0:25:04.320 least with my clients, they can still be funny, they 0:25:04.320 --> 0:25:06.600 can still be brilliant, and witty. But when that little 0:25:06.720 --> 0:25:10.960 edge goes away and something inside balances into this equilibrium, 0:25:11.080 --> 0:25:15.439 the relationship that they attract next is extraordinary and healthy 0:25:15.520 --> 0:25:18.960 and rich and intimate. And before then it was always 0:25:19.000 --> 0:25:20.800 just a little bit of a of a block of 0:25:20.880 --> 0:25:24.560 a to that person, a little bit of an edge. Um, 0:25:24.560 --> 0:25:28.200 which is, if you're interested in all of that really deep, 0:25:28.240 --> 0:25:32.160 incredible lovemaking and divine intimate communion of being with your 0:25:32.200 --> 0:25:34.840 best friend, we want to put down every last one 0:25:34.840 --> 0:25:37.160 of our walls and let them in all the way. 0:25:37.640 --> 0:25:39.880 It's not possible if we're not in all the way 0:25:40.480 --> 0:25:44.320 to ourselves. So I have a question. You said you 0:25:44.359 --> 0:25:48.800 went through a divorce. You were divorced twice. Yeah, okay, 0:25:48.800 --> 0:25:52.439 And are you married now? No, I'm in a wonderful relationship. 0:25:52.560 --> 0:25:55.000 No I'm not married. You're in a wonderful relationship. So 0:25:55.280 --> 0:25:58.000 people keep telling me it's nice to stop worrying when 0:25:58.040 --> 0:26:03.240 you know you know? Hm, that apply, because I'm like, well, 0:26:03.320 --> 0:26:05.320 how come I've never known? Like? Is it because none 0:26:05.320 --> 0:26:07.480 of these guys I've ever dated were the right ones 0:26:07.600 --> 0:26:11.240 for me? Well, you guys are in your late twenties. 0:26:11.280 --> 0:26:14.320 I'm in my late I love you in my early thirties, 0:26:14.400 --> 0:26:22.960 and now I married my first husband. He was a tall, 0:26:23.040 --> 0:26:26.600 dark and hands the multimillionaire and I was an insecure 0:26:26.640 --> 0:26:29.760 little girl looking for daddy's love. That's really what it was. 0:26:30.359 --> 0:26:32.840 And I was a model in Japan and and he 0:26:32.920 --> 0:26:34.959 was this you know, well street broker and he I 0:26:35.000 --> 0:26:38.120 was all googly eyed, right, um, but I really wanted 0:26:38.200 --> 0:26:39.840 him to save me. And what I needed to do 0:26:39.880 --> 0:26:43.520 was save myself and love myself. So that ended. And 0:26:43.560 --> 0:26:45.760 the second one was when my mom, as I mentioned, 0:26:45.880 --> 0:26:48.520 was dying and I just didn't have the courage to 0:26:48.600 --> 0:26:51.800 face the pain of losing her. So I just wanted 0:26:51.920 --> 0:26:53.880 another relationship and let's have a baby so I don't 0:26:53.880 --> 0:26:55.480 have to feel this being. Let's just move on. So 0:26:55.520 --> 0:26:58.320 it was kind of very masculine and controlling, and obviously 0:26:58.359 --> 0:27:00.320 that one didn't work, and it went into a near 0:27:00.840 --> 0:27:05.600 custody battle where I lost everything that my ego appreciated. 0:27:05.640 --> 0:27:08.120 I lost my house, I lost my savings. I went 0:27:08.119 --> 0:27:10.920 into all this debt and I even lost some custody um. 0:27:10.960 --> 0:27:13.440 And it was humiliating, um, but it was the best 0:27:13.440 --> 0:27:15.920 thing for me because my ego was still running the show. 0:27:15.960 --> 0:27:17.680 I was still trying to look good do it right. 0:27:18.359 --> 0:27:21.439 When I was still driving, I wasn't at peace in 0:27:21.480 --> 0:27:23.919 the moment. I wasn't at peace in my body. I 0:27:24.000 --> 0:27:26.640 wasn't at peace with the divine. I wasn't at peace anywhere. 0:27:27.119 --> 0:27:29.359 And so with this inner work, and I call it 0:27:29.400 --> 0:27:32.880 like coming home to yourself, I I have this relationship 0:27:33.000 --> 0:27:34.760 where I hope you guys like me. It would be 0:27:34.760 --> 0:27:36.199 cool if you did, But at the end of the day, 0:27:36.200 --> 0:27:38.679 I don't give it. And I used to really really 0:27:38.720 --> 0:27:44.400 care so bad. Um in that inner I'm enough. I'm 0:27:44.400 --> 0:27:49.480 not perfect at all, but I'm enough that attracted this 0:27:49.760 --> 0:27:54.200 depth of relationship with this man where I can open 0:27:54.280 --> 0:27:56.760 my heart all the way. Like my best friend died 0:27:56.760 --> 0:27:58.560 when I was sixteen and I shot my heart and 0:27:58.560 --> 0:28:00.280 I thought, you know, I'm never gonna be shocked like 0:28:00.320 --> 0:28:03.000 that again. When I looked in his eyes, I could 0:28:03.080 --> 0:28:04.639 open all the way. I'm like, it's okay if you 0:28:04.720 --> 0:28:07.359 die first, Okay if I die first. I'm not going 0:28:07.440 --> 0:28:10.240 to close my heart again. And I know it's because 0:28:10.240 --> 0:28:12.679 of the inner work that I've done with this intimacy 0:28:12.720 --> 0:28:15.879 that I'm talking about, where even if I'm rejected, like 0:28:15.960 --> 0:28:19.400 he dies, even if he leaves me, I know I'm okay, 0:28:19.760 --> 0:28:24.880 and it seems to attract really rich ideals. I don't 0:28:24.920 --> 0:28:27.439 believe in like one solely. I think there's like probably 0:28:27.680 --> 0:28:29.680 quite a few people that would be an ideal match. 0:28:30.359 --> 0:28:33.840 You'll be able to attract someone that's for you. And 0:28:33.840 --> 0:28:35.400 this is another thing I want you guys to get, 0:28:35.400 --> 0:28:36.879 and you probably get this, but if you don't or 0:28:36.920 --> 0:28:39.200 the listeners don't. I used to think we only want 0:28:39.200 --> 0:28:42.200 a partner that's all good and for us, and everything's 0:28:42.200 --> 0:28:44.640 a contribution, and we you know, if it's if there's 0:28:44.640 --> 0:28:46.600 something about them that doesn't oracle, then they must not 0:28:46.680 --> 0:28:49.440 be the one. Here's the deal. We all have a purpose. 0:28:49.600 --> 0:28:52.560 We all have a mission vision purpose, right, our partner 0:28:52.640 --> 0:28:57.920 will equally challenge and support us for our mission envision. 0:28:57.960 --> 0:29:00.560 That's how you know it's an ideal person for you. 0:29:01.040 --> 0:29:03.200 No one is perfect. No one is going to not 0:29:03.320 --> 0:29:05.680 challenge you. But do they challenge you in a way 0:29:05.720 --> 0:29:08.240 that brings out the best in you or the worst 0:29:08.280 --> 0:29:10.560 in you? Do you want somebody that challenges you to 0:29:10.640 --> 0:29:14.200 be more of who you are, not undermined you and 0:29:14.240 --> 0:29:16.560 pulls you down? Did that make sense? Well, so you 0:29:16.640 --> 0:29:19.800 say that every person has multiple people out there for them. 0:29:19.840 --> 0:29:23.720 What are your thoughts on polyamory then, because this is 0:29:23.800 --> 0:29:26.600 something that I've talked to Vanessa and Jared about maybe 0:29:27.040 --> 0:29:29.840 in brief before. I'm just curious, like, what are the 0:29:29.840 --> 0:29:32.720 thoughts because it's like pretty widely accepted as taboo in 0:29:32.720 --> 0:29:35.959 a sense. Well, if you, if you, if we get 0:29:36.000 --> 0:29:37.880 to know each other over time and you read anything 0:29:38.240 --> 0:29:40.000 that I do, I have like no judgment. I have 0:29:40.080 --> 0:29:43.440 clients that are all sorts of different you know, desires 0:29:43.440 --> 0:29:47.440 for sexuality or same sex partners, etcetera. I'm all about 0:29:47.520 --> 0:29:50.920 getting somebody to their truth, and not everybody's wired the same. 0:29:51.440 --> 0:29:54.239 Some people are wired more for monogamy, some people are 0:29:54.280 --> 0:29:58.360 wired polyamory, some people are wired more for same sex. 0:29:58.880 --> 0:30:01.240 Everybody's wired for something different. It's not about what's the 0:30:01.320 --> 0:30:03.720 right or wrong, good or bad. It's like to answer 0:30:03.760 --> 0:30:06.320 you and are you willing to be brave enough to 0:30:06.360 --> 0:30:09.600 live it? That's more what I would say. So if 0:30:09.680 --> 0:30:12.600 you are interested in many partners, then be authentic, tell 0:30:12.640 --> 0:30:15.040 the truth, don't lead people on um, but be who 0:30:15.080 --> 0:30:18.560 you are. Oh yes, I want to highlight that, be 0:30:18.680 --> 0:30:21.320 authentic and be honest about it. So I want to 0:30:21.320 --> 0:30:27.760 ask Dean this um, were you into monogamy before moving 0:30:27.760 --> 0:30:29.880 out to Los Angeles. What are you saying I'm not 0:30:29.880 --> 0:30:32.280 into monogamy now? Well, no, what we have this is 0:30:32.400 --> 0:30:34.520 I posted something last time and you're like, oh not, 0:30:34.560 --> 0:30:37.760 We're not supposed to be monogamous beings. And I was like, yeah, 0:30:37.840 --> 0:30:41.760 well so was it something that are you now aware 0:30:41.760 --> 0:30:45.280 of that? Of how you feel because of being in 0:30:45.320 --> 0:30:48.160 Los Angeles? Because I tried dating out here and and 0:30:48.400 --> 0:30:51.360 a lot of people that I was interested in did 0:30:51.400 --> 0:30:56.880 not believe in monogamy. I don't think it's the proximity 0:30:56.880 --> 0:30:59.720 of being in Los Angeles that has made me question things. 0:31:00.440 --> 0:31:02.840 It's just I think it is my therapist that told 0:31:02.840 --> 0:31:06.240 me this is. You know, I've been in many unsuccessful 0:31:06.280 --> 0:31:08.480 monogamous relationships, and you guys, well, why don't you try 0:31:08.520 --> 0:31:12.120 other types of relationships, suggesting like polyamory is one of them. 0:31:12.400 --> 0:31:13.800 I'm like, well, that's weird to me. But the only 0:31:13.840 --> 0:31:15.960 reason I think it's weird is because society is we 0:31:16.000 --> 0:31:18.480 think it's weird. But it's like, you're a move the 0:31:18.560 --> 0:31:21.680 marriage and religious and practical aspect of being in a relationship, 0:31:21.680 --> 0:31:22.800 and it's like, well, what do you have? You have 0:31:22.840 --> 0:31:25.920 a lot of polyamorous people or you know, you look back, 0:31:25.960 --> 0:31:29.480 I we I we watched that Netflix show UM explained 0:31:29.480 --> 0:31:31.840 to whatever it is on on monogamy, and it's like 0:31:31.880 --> 0:31:35.440 you look at bonobo's or or chimpanzees, which are like 0:31:35.440 --> 0:31:38.720 the closest relatives of humans, and how they are all polyamorous, 0:31:39.080 --> 0:31:41.280 UM and how it just is very natural for them, 0:31:41.320 --> 0:31:44.120 and it's just like, well, now, the only reason that 0:31:44.160 --> 0:31:47.080 we are monogamous is because marriage tells us to be 0:31:47.120 --> 0:31:49.200 that way, religion tells us to be that way, or 0:31:49.600 --> 0:31:52.880 just a society even if you're neither religious or I 0:31:52.920 --> 0:31:54.960 don't know, Yeah, I think it's a combination of both. 0:31:55.080 --> 0:31:59.000 And um Alanta, you mentioned this too. If you're wired 0:31:59.640 --> 0:32:04.000 to want to be monogamous, then everything else doesn't make sense. 0:32:04.000 --> 0:32:06.920 Like for me, I believe in monogamy. Strong they believe 0:32:06.960 --> 0:32:09.120 in monogamy. I don't know if it's my upbringing or 0:32:09.160 --> 0:32:13.520 if it's my traditional family, um, or it's just the 0:32:13.520 --> 0:32:16.280 way that I am wired. But I yeah, yeah, I've 0:32:16.280 --> 0:32:19.240 I've thought about him, like even the idea of a 0:32:19.320 --> 0:32:22.760 threesome for me, I can do. Oh, I'm not surprised 0:32:22.800 --> 0:32:25.680 you've never had a threesome. I'm way too, like sexually repressed. 0:32:25.720 --> 0:32:28.640 I'm very prude when it comes to Okay, this is 0:32:28.640 --> 0:32:30.720 that's your homework. And so I talked to you again. 0:32:34.280 --> 0:32:38.000 Sounds pretty exciting. Wait me, you and who should reinviting? 0:32:38.440 --> 0:32:41.240 We'll mark and Eastern I will spoken for Sorry, I'm 0:32:41.320 --> 0:32:46.760 very busy. I'm busy that we can really bad for me. Well, 0:32:46.800 --> 0:32:50.920 there's something about what we repressed, what we resist, it grows. 0:32:51.360 --> 0:32:54.320 And so even if just in your mind's eye and 0:32:54.400 --> 0:32:56.520 you don't actually do it physically, I still challenge you 0:32:56.560 --> 0:32:58.520 to do it. Um. I also challenge you to read 0:32:58.600 --> 0:33:01.040 Text at Dawn if you have and already, because it 0:33:01.080 --> 0:33:04.600 explores more about this idea of polyamory or monogamy. Um. 0:33:04.680 --> 0:33:07.480 Whatever you resist will persist. So I say go there 0:33:07.520 --> 0:33:09.840 in your fantasy so that you can get rid of 0:33:09.880 --> 0:33:13.040 any taboos of yourself. You can't get closer to what's 0:33:13.080 --> 0:33:15.520 true for you. And remember there's always going to be 0:33:15.560 --> 0:33:20.240 equal support and challenge with any relationship, monogamous or polyannorous. Casey, 0:33:20.360 --> 0:33:23.320 there's no green card, there's no hall path here. You're 0:33:23.320 --> 0:33:25.720 not going to get out of life without challenge or pain. 0:33:26.040 --> 0:33:28.600 So like, lean in and and face it and choose 0:33:28.640 --> 0:33:31.600 something that really works for you, and and one of 0:33:31.640 --> 0:33:33.440 those things I would give any of the listeners that 0:33:33.440 --> 0:33:35.440 are in a relationship. I always say to my boyfriend 0:33:35.440 --> 0:33:38.680 like I will never cheat, I never change you, and 0:33:38.720 --> 0:33:40.520 I will always be the woman that you would leave 0:33:40.600 --> 0:33:43.640 me for, and I challenge you to be the man 0:33:43.680 --> 0:33:46.680 I would leave you for. So I'm choosing on round 0:33:46.680 --> 0:33:49.200 three here not to get married again because I don't 0:33:49.240 --> 0:33:53.080 think the institution is terribly supportive. But I love being 0:33:53.120 --> 0:33:56.240 in a monogamous relationship where we challenge each other to 0:33:56.400 --> 0:33:58.680 one be the person that we would leave each other for, 0:33:59.360 --> 0:34:01.880 and to valunge them to be their best self and 0:34:01.960 --> 0:34:05.240 not have any control. And they're not a possession. Whatever 0:34:05.240 --> 0:34:07.520 we try to possess, we push away faster than anything. 0:34:07.720 --> 0:34:10.040 So I don't possess him and I'm not his possession. 0:34:10.080 --> 0:34:13.360 We choose to be together, and it's hot um in 0:34:13.400 --> 0:34:15.480 the minute we start to think each other is the 0:34:15.520 --> 0:34:20.960 source of our worthiness or our our happiness. I do 0:34:21.040 --> 0:34:22.800 want to talk to you guys about a couple of things, 0:34:23.239 --> 0:34:25.360 and one of those things is story Worth, which is 0:34:25.360 --> 0:34:27.680 a company that I just learned about. Eastan just learned 0:34:27.680 --> 0:34:29.759 about it as well, Vanessa. I don't know if you've 0:34:29.760 --> 0:34:33.760 heard about it or not. But what story worth is 0:34:33.760 --> 0:34:37.200 is a fun and easy way for you and your 0:34:37.200 --> 0:34:39.800 loved ones to share their stories with weekly emailed story 0:34:39.800 --> 0:34:42.640 prompts and questions you've never really thought to ask. And 0:34:42.680 --> 0:34:44.759 so the reason I love story works so much is 0:34:44.760 --> 0:34:47.320 because my family is really weird and we've done a 0:34:47.400 --> 0:34:50.240 lot of weird things separately in our lives, and whenever 0:34:50.280 --> 0:34:52.560 we come together, which isn't very often, we'll share those 0:34:52.600 --> 0:34:56.279 weird stories, those weird, ridiculous stories. But what story worth 0:34:56.320 --> 0:34:58.920 allows is you don't have to always be together in 0:34:59.000 --> 0:35:01.399 order to fully understand and what's happening in your siblings life. 0:35:01.400 --> 0:35:03.560 Of course, you know you're having phone calls and texting 0:35:03.600 --> 0:35:06.200 them throughout the weeks, the months, whatever it is, but 0:35:06.239 --> 0:35:08.440 there are so there's like some distinct stories that I 0:35:08.440 --> 0:35:11.480 just think are worth like sharing with with your siblings 0:35:11.480 --> 0:35:13.680 and having a keepsake and having it around forever. Like 0:35:13.719 --> 0:35:17.920 my brother, for instance, my second oldest brother, who I 0:35:18.040 --> 0:35:20.040 talked to maybe like once every six months. I love 0:35:20.080 --> 0:35:21.439 him to death. He's just like an off the grid 0:35:21.520 --> 0:35:24.520 kind of guy. Um, that's just how he prefers it. 0:35:24.920 --> 0:35:26.640 And whenever we get together he'll like tell me a 0:35:26.640 --> 0:35:29.200 story of how over the past six months he was 0:35:29.280 --> 0:35:33.080 like camping in the in the um mountains of Yellowstone, 0:35:33.120 --> 0:35:35.960 and he was like encountered a family of grizzly bears 0:35:36.160 --> 0:35:37.759 and how he had to like outrun them, and they 0:35:37.760 --> 0:35:40.000 were chasing him, and he like up a tree, and 0:35:40.000 --> 0:35:42.040 then they obviously can climb trees, so they climb the tree. 0:35:42.080 --> 0:35:43.400 I swear this is a real story. He said he 0:35:43.440 --> 0:35:45.319 was running and then the bears like ran to his 0:35:45.400 --> 0:35:47.040 camp to try and eat some of his food, and 0:35:47.080 --> 0:35:48.800 like like slapped a bear on the butt. And I 0:35:48.800 --> 0:35:50.120 don't know if I believe that he slapped the bear 0:35:50.160 --> 0:35:52.040 on the butt, but the fact is it's a it's 0:35:52.040 --> 0:35:56.279 a hilarious story that now, thanks to story Worth, we 0:35:56.320 --> 0:35:59.360 can have that memorialized forever, along with a lot of 0:35:59.360 --> 0:36:01.360 the other ones too. Like obviously, a lot of the 0:36:01.360 --> 0:36:02.960 stories that I share are kind of ridiculous, and I 0:36:03.000 --> 0:36:05.399 don't necessarily see the point in keeping them. But what's 0:36:05.400 --> 0:36:07.560 great is my siblings will be able to refer back 0:36:07.600 --> 0:36:11.560 to them long after I'm dead, which is probably gonna 0:36:11.600 --> 0:36:16.319 happen sooner rather than later. Um, And that's what you 0:36:16.320 --> 0:36:18.160 can do too, So so what story Worth does is 0:36:18.600 --> 0:36:19.800 or what you can do a story worth is you 0:36:19.840 --> 0:36:22.600 purchase a subscription for someone you love and each week 0:36:22.800 --> 0:36:24.839 they'll send them an email with questions about their life. 0:36:24.840 --> 0:36:27.120 It's it's simple. You basically reply to the email. You 0:36:27.120 --> 0:36:28.759 can record it over the phone by calling the story 0:36:28.760 --> 0:36:30.959 Worth number. All the stories are private and only shared 0:36:30.960 --> 0:36:33.319 with the family that you choose, and after a year, 0:36:33.440 --> 0:36:36.160 those stories will be bound into a beautiful keepsake book. 0:36:36.400 --> 0:36:38.000 And so it's cool. Every year you can just kind 0:36:38.000 --> 0:36:41.759 of have a new book about the past stories of 0:36:41.760 --> 0:36:43.879 the year, right, And so it's like you can look 0:36:43.920 --> 0:36:46.000 back in ten twenty years when you have a family 0:36:46.320 --> 0:36:48.440 and when you have these family reunions, whether it's Thanksgiving, 0:36:48.440 --> 0:36:50.719 whether it's Christmas, whatever it is, you can look back 0:36:50.719 --> 0:36:53.320 and look, oh, in two eighteen ross, remember you slap 0:36:53.360 --> 0:36:54.799 that bear on the button and yellow still And they'll 0:36:54.840 --> 0:36:57.239 be like, yeah, I mean, I don't know how long 0:36:57.320 --> 0:36:59.200 I would have been sounding like in twenty years from now. 0:36:59.200 --> 0:37:00.920 But that what's so cool about it. So I you've 0:37:00.920 --> 0:37:04.080 got a story worth dot com slash help our listeners 0:37:04.120 --> 0:37:07.200 will get twenty dollars off their subscription, and that's great 0:37:07.719 --> 0:37:11.640 because these memories are yours and your family members, your friends, 0:37:11.840 --> 0:37:14.959 and they will last forever thanks the story Worth. Even 0:37:15.000 --> 0:37:19.200 if you like have the foresight to write down all 0:37:19.239 --> 0:37:22.600 these great stories, and I know you have an insane amount, 0:37:23.520 --> 0:37:26.080 Like it's so much cooler to be able to hand 0:37:26.160 --> 0:37:28.520 someone like a real like a book that you can 0:37:28.520 --> 0:37:31.240 hold in your hands, that like tactile energy as opposed 0:37:31.280 --> 0:37:34.160 to like emailing someone a word document or something like. 0:37:34.280 --> 0:37:36.560 That's what I really like about this is like if 0:37:36.640 --> 0:37:40.879 I have some crazy story that I am prompted to write, 0:37:40.920 --> 0:37:43.640 but from from story Worth, like for example, they send 0:37:43.680 --> 0:37:47.000 out these questions like, um uh, what are your favorite movies? 0:37:47.440 --> 0:37:51.000 What do people get wrong about you? Uh? What's your secret? 0:37:51.800 --> 0:37:54.919 That's that's a that's a story in itself. Um. Then 0:37:55.120 --> 0:37:57.640 I can just hand someone a book and be like, hey, 0:37:57.840 --> 0:37:59.879 check this out. You'll learn everything about What's great about 0:37:59.880 --> 0:38:01.799 it too, is I don't know. I'm sure you have 0:38:01.840 --> 0:38:04.080 a direct experience with this as as most people do. 0:38:04.200 --> 0:38:07.759 Is as stories get told throughout the years. Every time 0:38:07.760 --> 0:38:10.239 that story gets told, like a minor detail changes and 0:38:10.239 --> 0:38:12.680 then at the time that story has changed, it goes 0:38:12.760 --> 0:38:16.200 from a family of two small black bears to a 0:38:16.360 --> 0:38:19.879 pack of stumbling grizzly bearries or floaming at the mouth 0:38:20.000 --> 0:38:21.600 like that kind of thing. And so it's great about 0:38:21.600 --> 0:38:24.080 story where it is it kind of maintains accuracy of 0:38:24.120 --> 0:38:27.880 the story. It keeps you honest. And I'm guilty of that. 0:38:27.960 --> 0:38:31.279 I tend to embellish stories for the sake of dramatics, 0:38:31.280 --> 0:38:33.359 et cetera. I have friends who are even worse at 0:38:33.400 --> 0:38:35.279 it than I am. And so what's great with story 0:38:35.320 --> 0:38:36.839 worth is is, like I said, it's all written down. 0:38:36.880 --> 0:38:38.560 You can hand them the book, you can you can 0:38:38.640 --> 0:38:41.719 keep those books on the shelf, um keep obviously the 0:38:41.920 --> 0:38:45.440 online you are l as well. So basically you'll have 0:38:45.520 --> 0:38:47.360 access to stories at any time. And it's just a 0:38:47.400 --> 0:38:49.880 beautiful thing because it's like, obviously we all get this 0:38:49.920 --> 0:38:52.200 sentimental feeling whenever we share the stories that we share 0:38:52.239 --> 0:38:54.799 sitting around a campfire or or just around a dinner table, 0:38:54.840 --> 0:38:56.320 whatever it is, and this is a great way to 0:38:56.400 --> 0:38:58.600 kind of keep them around forever and ever. So again, 0:38:58.680 --> 0:39:01.000 go to story worth dot com slash help and you'll 0:39:01.000 --> 0:39:04.239 get twenty dollars off when you subscribe, and like I said, 0:39:04.280 --> 0:39:06.560 they're gonna email you guys weekly. You can obviously, like 0:39:06.560 --> 0:39:08.040 a sign who you want to get emails all that 0:39:08.080 --> 0:39:10.160 kind of stuff. Um, And it's just a great way 0:39:10.160 --> 0:39:11.640 to keep in touch. It's a great way to like 0:39:11.800 --> 0:39:14.480 open different avenues of conversations that you never really would 0:39:14.520 --> 0:39:17.399 have before with siblings, with family members, whoever. It is, um, 0:39:17.400 --> 0:39:18.759 So check it out. I'll give you the the the 0:39:18.800 --> 0:39:20.600 you r a one more time at story worth dot com. 0:39:20.640 --> 0:39:23.720 Slash help that's h E l P for twenty dollars 0:39:23.719 --> 0:39:27.399 off your subscription. Check it out. And like I said, 0:39:27.400 --> 0:39:29.080 I wanted to talk about two things while I'm just 0:39:29.160 --> 0:39:30.920 rambling on over here. Sometimes I get sick of just 0:39:30.960 --> 0:39:34.000 hearing myself talk. You have a lovely voice, though it's 0:39:34.000 --> 0:39:36.879 a lot of fun. I'm a little congested today, that's okay, 0:39:36.880 --> 0:39:38.960 and that's wrong with that? Yeah, okay, well, thank you. 0:39:40.880 --> 0:39:43.280 Something that I think that Ashley I Connetie would maybe 0:39:43.280 --> 0:39:45.960 be better at discussing is this is Hers. Have you 0:39:45.960 --> 0:39:50.640 heard of Hers? So? Hers is a woman's wellness brand 0:39:50.719 --> 0:39:53.719 delivering prescriptions straight to your door. And what's great about 0:39:53.760 --> 0:39:56.120 that is like, look, obviously it's a woman's prescription or 0:39:56.160 --> 0:39:57.719 it's a woman's wellness brand, so I'm not going to 0:39:57.800 --> 0:40:00.320 be using it directly, But what I love about it 0:40:00.080 --> 0:40:02.320 is obviously we're living in in a day and age 0:40:02.360 --> 0:40:05.160 of basically having things onto man delivered straight to our door. 0:40:05.600 --> 0:40:06.960 But one of those things it's hard to get delivered 0:40:06.960 --> 0:40:09.880 your doors prescription medication. And one thing that's so important 0:40:09.920 --> 0:40:14.080 about skincare especially is that prescription medic prescriptions can care 0:40:14.120 --> 0:40:15.600 so much better than marketing or just like off the 0:40:15.640 --> 0:40:17.640 shelves can care. Otherwise, you're paying for the people that 0:40:17.680 --> 0:40:20.719 spend the most money on our marketing versus paying for 0:40:20.760 --> 0:40:22.839 the thing that your skin actually needs. And so it's 0:40:22.840 --> 0:40:24.399 great about Hers and what I what I love about 0:40:24.440 --> 0:40:26.439 Her is even though again I'm not I'm not using 0:40:26.440 --> 0:40:29.439 it because it's a woman's wellness brands, what's great about 0:40:29.480 --> 0:40:35.800 it is they are a prescription skincare brand that delivers 0:40:35.800 --> 0:40:37.879 straight to your door. So it's not about you needing 0:40:37.920 --> 0:40:40.880 to change something about your face. It's about finally receiving 0:40:40.920 --> 0:40:44.320 products that address your needs like acne, sunspots, uneven skin texture, 0:40:44.640 --> 0:40:47.040 and large pores scars. These are all concerns that can 0:40:47.040 --> 0:40:50.040 be addressed with science, and Hers addresses that science products 0:40:50.040 --> 0:40:53.480 with active ingredients found at a dermatologists office. My wife 0:40:53.520 --> 0:40:55.960 is super into skincare. UM. It's one of her great 0:40:55.960 --> 0:40:59.279 passions and uh, I know nothing about it, um, And 0:40:59.440 --> 0:41:03.160 uh she always says like if you're if you're not 0:41:03.320 --> 0:41:07.200 using like science based prescription skiing care products, and like 0:41:07.280 --> 0:41:10.200 it's it's almost like not worth doing. She taught me 0:41:10.239 --> 0:41:13.200 the difference between chemical and physical sunscreen. That's a very 0:41:13.239 --> 0:41:15.759 important important thing to worry about, especially here in southern 0:41:15.800 --> 0:41:18.640 California where we have no ozone layer and skin cancer 0:41:18.719 --> 0:41:21.520 is rampant. Uh So the thing I like about Hers 0:41:21.520 --> 0:41:23.040 is it takes all the guesswork out of it. It 0:41:23.080 --> 0:41:25.520 really helps you. Um. First of all, comes right to 0:41:25.520 --> 0:41:28.120 your door, like you said, which is super convenient, but 0:41:28.200 --> 0:41:30.399 it also helps you pick out what's right for you. 0:41:31.000 --> 0:41:33.719 That's beautiful. It's wonderful helping people around the world. And 0:41:33.760 --> 0:41:36.960 so right now our listeners Eastern and Vanessa can get 0:41:37.000 --> 0:41:39.480 a trial month of the customized acne kit from Hers 0:41:39.560 --> 0:41:43.280 for off right now while supplies last. See the website 0:41:43.320 --> 0:41:46.320 for full details. But this would cost hundreds if you 0:41:46.360 --> 0:41:49.000 went to a doctor's office or a pharmacy. And obviously 0:41:49.000 --> 0:41:52.040 it's it's it's the day and age where convenience and 0:41:52.120 --> 0:41:54.160 price are very important to people and Hers has kind 0:41:54.160 --> 0:41:56.600 of tackled both of the issues. For Hers dot com 0:41:56.680 --> 0:42:02.600 slash Dean twenty and you'll get off you're very first 0:42:02.800 --> 0:42:06.719 customized acne kit from Hers. Check it out, let us 0:42:06.719 --> 0:42:09.480 know what you think. Again, prescription based skin care products 0:42:09.480 --> 0:42:12.160 significantly better than off the shelf You're if you're struggling 0:42:12.160 --> 0:42:14.200 with acne anything like that. I wish Hers was around 0:42:14.200 --> 0:42:18.759 when I was sixteen, because I, as most teenagers do, 0:42:18.800 --> 0:42:21.640 struggle with acne so bad. Um That's part of why 0:42:21.719 --> 0:42:24.920 I just like I've kind of adopted a whole holistic approach. 0:42:24.960 --> 0:42:27.520 But Hers has been proven to work. I know Ashley 0:42:27.560 --> 0:42:29.600 loves her. She talks about it all the time, even 0:42:29.640 --> 0:42:31.640 like Gared will come in and talk about Ashley using 0:42:31.640 --> 0:42:33.600 her Hers and how she's got her prescription deliver to 0:42:33.640 --> 0:42:34.960 the house and all that kind of stuff. And I 0:42:35.000 --> 0:42:37.239 know actually struggles even to this day with with her 0:42:37.880 --> 0:42:39.480 acne and stuff, and so when she has a breakout, 0:42:39.520 --> 0:42:42.360 it's nice for her to be able to um have 0:42:42.480 --> 0:42:44.839 the Hers prescription deliver straight to the house. So check 0:42:44.880 --> 0:42:47.839 it out for Hers dot com, slash dean off your 0:42:47.880 --> 0:42:51.960 very first subscription and have clean skin for the holidays. 0:42:53.520 --> 0:42:56.400 I feel like it's a pretty strong statement to be 0:42:56.480 --> 0:43:02.000 the person we'd leave each other for. Mh. Doesn't that 0:43:02.080 --> 0:43:05.319 just row you up? Yeah? But that means you would 0:43:05.360 --> 0:43:07.680 be your best self all the time. You wouldn't take 0:43:07.719 --> 0:43:11.800 them for granted, you wouldn't um arrest on your laurel. 0:43:11.920 --> 0:43:15.320 You would be your most authentic self. And thus the 0:43:15.360 --> 0:43:17.919 other person is so inspired by you being your most 0:43:18.000 --> 0:43:20.640 authentic self. And if your most authentic self is not 0:43:21.160 --> 0:43:24.640 a match, release them, let them go be with their 0:43:24.640 --> 0:43:27.920 most ideal Matt, You're you're You're worth your safety or security. 0:43:27.960 --> 0:43:32.680 Your approval is not based on their on them, that's unhealthy. 0:43:32.960 --> 0:43:35.239 It needs to be based on the inside. That's when 0:43:35.239 --> 0:43:37.440 you're centered. And we've discussed that quite a bit in 0:43:37.480 --> 0:43:39.480 the past because we'll have like listeners email in and 0:43:39.600 --> 0:43:42.600 have questions about their relationship, and quite often we'll see 0:43:42.640 --> 0:43:45.480 this codependence that is like very unhealthy and it sounds 0:43:45.480 --> 0:43:46.840 like that's kind of what your anti You know, you 0:43:46.840 --> 0:43:48.239 don't want to have. You want to maybe to a 0:43:48.239 --> 0:43:49.960 certain degree, you want to have the codependence, but you 0:43:50.360 --> 0:43:52.800 want to be able to exist outside of that partner 0:43:52.800 --> 0:43:55.200 of yours. Yeah, you want to be healthy in all 0:43:55.280 --> 0:43:56.600 eight areas of your life. And you know what, I 0:43:56.640 --> 0:43:59.680 just realized it's eleven fifty one and I have my 0:43:59.719 --> 0:44:04.239 client it from the Netherlands, like right now, so I 0:44:04.360 --> 0:44:06.520 need to go. Well, thank you for calling. And we 0:44:06.520 --> 0:44:08.600 appreciate all of the words of wisdom that you had 0:44:08.640 --> 0:44:12.560 to impart on us. Thank you. Thank you so much more. 0:44:12.600 --> 0:44:15.280 And I'd like to hear how your challenges go. We'll 0:44:15.520 --> 0:44:18.120 go back with you later on. All right, much love 0:44:18.160 --> 0:44:22.000 to you both. Thank you. She didn't really have much 0:44:22.040 --> 0:44:24.600 to say in the terms of sex, which I was 0:44:24.640 --> 0:44:29.640 expecting intimacy could be more right, exactly intimacy she she 0:44:29.840 --> 0:44:34.279 meant more like connecting and being vulnerable and and and 0:44:34.480 --> 0:44:36.960 I thought it was going to be more sexy. Wi. 0:44:37.160 --> 0:44:39.320 I feel like she's like on a path to enlightenment almost. 0:44:39.640 --> 0:44:44.080 You see things like, uh, release attachment, intimacy with self, 0:44:44.200 --> 0:44:46.040 tell the truth. I feel like those are all necessary 0:44:46.080 --> 0:44:54.799 steps like on your path to enlightenment in my eyes. So, Dean, 0:44:54.960 --> 0:44:57.319 we keep talking about like people I'm dating, the people 0:44:57.320 --> 0:44:59.160 that I'm not dating, the people that screw me over 0:44:59.239 --> 0:45:02.439 and all that. What's going on in your love life? Yeah, 0:45:02.480 --> 0:45:04.880 I have no idea. I kind of like that you 0:45:04.880 --> 0:45:08.719 don't have an idea, but this is a podcast on relationships. Yes, 0:45:08.760 --> 0:45:12.000 I think it's it's been known that I'm dating, I'm 0:45:12.040 --> 0:45:16.279 going on dates with people. Okay, it's going okay. So 0:45:16.440 --> 0:45:20.680 are you going on dates with people? Um, because you're 0:45:20.920 --> 0:45:22.759 you want to be in a relationship or you're going 0:45:22.760 --> 0:45:24.759 on dates with people because you're like I want to 0:45:24.800 --> 0:45:27.680 flirt and I want to be intimate. Not intimate in 0:45:27.760 --> 0:45:30.880 terms of sexy times, like intimate in terms of connecting 0:45:30.920 --> 0:45:33.719 with someone. Um, I think that you can achieve a 0:45:33.800 --> 0:45:37.959 level of closeness with someone only by going on dates 0:45:37.960 --> 0:45:39.440 with them, Like you can't achieve a certain level of 0:45:39.440 --> 0:45:41.719 closes with like close guy friends, you know, because like 0:45:41.719 --> 0:45:45.120 there's just like certain limits barriers set to two places 0:45:45.120 --> 0:45:47.359 you can get with them. I guess. So, um, yeah, 0:45:47.360 --> 0:45:50.719 I've been going on dates. I October is always a 0:45:50.719 --> 0:45:52.080 tough month for me. It's funny, this is something I 0:45:52.120 --> 0:45:56.279 experienced last weekend. Um, so October is the anniversary of 0:45:56.280 --> 0:45:59.600 my mother passing, and I always get like closed off 0:45:59.600 --> 0:46:03.600 and all sal and like dismissive of people. Yeah, and 0:46:03.760 --> 0:46:06.600 so like this year, I've like I've been going on 0:46:06.640 --> 0:46:09.239 a few dates with this one girl consistently, like once 0:46:09.239 --> 0:46:11.319 a week or whatever it is, um, And I made 0:46:11.320 --> 0:46:12.880 her very aware of this. I'm like, look like this 0:46:12.920 --> 0:46:15.000 is a tough time for me, um, just so you 0:46:15.000 --> 0:46:16.520 know what, I'm gonna be closed off, I'm gonna be 0:46:16.560 --> 0:46:18.400 like probably hard to talk to, blah blah blah. And 0:46:18.440 --> 0:46:21.400 she's been like super supportive, like even like surprised me 0:46:21.400 --> 0:46:23.319 with like a few gifts that would like remind me 0:46:23.320 --> 0:46:24.680 of my mother and like all that kind of stuff, 0:46:25.520 --> 0:46:27.440 very thoughtful, very kind of very and then like the 0:46:27.480 --> 0:46:29.960 other like, Okay, a couple of days ago, I was 0:46:30.000 --> 0:46:33.839 like being short and hard to talk to, and then 0:46:33.880 --> 0:46:36.000 she got really upset with me because of that, and 0:46:36.000 --> 0:46:38.960 I was like, well, you can't get upset with me, because, 0:46:39.000 --> 0:46:41.359 like I told you, like this is something that you 0:46:41.520 --> 0:46:44.239 should be expecting, Like this is a difficult time for me. 0:46:44.640 --> 0:46:47.720 I'm being like who I am every like the truest, 0:46:48.040 --> 0:46:51.239 truest self that I can be, and like I'm sorry 0:46:51.239 --> 0:46:52.960 if you don't like it. If you don't like it, 0:46:53.000 --> 0:46:55.120 like you can leave. I don't want you to leave, 0:46:55.160 --> 0:46:56.919 but like I also don't feel like you should be 0:46:57.239 --> 0:46:59.520 attacking me because not attacking me, but like getting upset 0:46:59.520 --> 0:47:01.759 with me because but I also feel like women are 0:47:01.800 --> 0:47:05.040 extremely patient to begin with, and then we're nurturing beings 0:47:05.120 --> 0:47:06.839 and we want to be there for the people that 0:47:07.120 --> 0:47:09.839 we love and that we care for. Um, do you 0:47:09.840 --> 0:47:15.720 think maybe like I dated someone who did absolutely nothing 0:47:15.760 --> 0:47:17.960 for my birthday and sent me like the most generic 0:47:18.160 --> 0:47:21.920 text message, and other exs of mine were like sending 0:47:21.920 --> 0:47:24.719 me flowers and saying, hey, let's grab dinner, like you're 0:47:24.760 --> 0:47:27.239 never in town, I want to see you. And and 0:47:27.320 --> 0:47:31.480 so I told this person, I feel like you're romantically 0:47:31.560 --> 0:47:34.960 lazy and you're used and he's like, well, I'm just 0:47:34.960 --> 0:47:36.560 not good at this stuff. And I'm like, well, you're 0:47:36.640 --> 0:47:38.960 using that as an excuse. You're saying I'm not good 0:47:39.000 --> 0:47:42.000 at that. But instead of saying, instead of acknowledging that 0:47:42.400 --> 0:47:44.200 you're not great at it and that you want to 0:47:44.239 --> 0:47:47.080 be better at it, I don't want to have to 0:47:47.120 --> 0:47:48.719 deal with like, oh, well, you know what, I'm not 0:47:48.719 --> 0:47:52.600 going to expect anything, or I'm right. It's he's setting 0:47:52.600 --> 0:47:54.759 the barlow, like Being was talking about earlier when what 0:47:54.800 --> 0:47:56.919 I was going to interrupt Atlanta when she was talking 0:47:56.920 --> 0:47:58.400 to but I decided not to. Is one of the 0:47:58.440 --> 0:48:01.120 best things about not dating anyone is the fact that 0:48:01.160 --> 0:48:04.279 you're never going to disappoint anyone. And I feel like 0:48:04.320 --> 0:48:06.400 that's one of the things that I'm dealing with, is like, 0:48:06.400 --> 0:48:08.520 if I'm not dating anyone, then I'm not gonna no 0:48:08.520 --> 0:48:11.799 one's gonna be disappointed in me, because I typically tend 0:48:11.800 --> 0:48:14.480 to disappoint people that I didn't start dating at some 0:48:14.560 --> 0:48:17.439 point to some degree, you know, And if I don't 0:48:17.440 --> 0:48:21.040 have a significant other, do you think it's because, um, 0:48:21.280 --> 0:48:25.560 were you always as open in communicating. You're getting better 0:48:25.560 --> 0:48:28.040 at it, right, right, So maybe that's why the disappointment 0:48:28.040 --> 0:48:29.560 was there, because you weren't aware of how you were 0:48:29.560 --> 0:48:32.400 feeling and then not being able to communicate. Because girls 0:48:32.560 --> 0:48:36.000 like I romanticize relationships and you know, if you're giving 0:48:36.040 --> 0:48:38.120 me the signs that are like, oh, I really like her, 0:48:38.160 --> 0:48:40.439 and then you do something that proves to me that 0:48:40.680 --> 0:48:43.400 you don't like me, it's it gets me so confused. 0:48:44.120 --> 0:48:47.640 So does that make sense? Yeah, it kind of does. 0:48:47.880 --> 0:48:49.439 I mean, I guess I'll let you I'll give you, guys, 0:48:49.480 --> 0:48:52.200 some more insight into this dating relationship that I've been 0:48:52.239 --> 0:48:54.800 in for the past couple of weeks or so months whatever. 0:48:54.840 --> 0:48:58.480 It is, again very casual dating, but we've assigned a word, 0:48:58.880 --> 0:49:01.560 a safe word of sorts where I am a person 0:49:01.640 --> 0:49:04.680 that very much depends on my alone time, like I 0:49:04.719 --> 0:49:06.880 like to be alone as not as often as I 0:49:06.880 --> 0:49:08.440 can be, but I have a very limited amount of 0:49:08.440 --> 0:49:13.040 social energy. And we assigned this word. The word is spatula. 0:49:13.760 --> 0:49:15.600 And if something comes up and she's like, hey, like 0:49:15.640 --> 0:49:16.799 I want to hang out with you, and I I don't, 0:49:16.800 --> 0:49:19.440 like say spatula and ship and that's the word saying like, 0:49:19.960 --> 0:49:21.440 it's not that I don't want to hang out with you, 0:49:21.480 --> 0:49:23.520 it's just I need to be by myself and be 0:49:23.600 --> 0:49:25.480 alone right now. And that's something that I never would 0:49:25.480 --> 0:49:27.640 have communicated before. Before I would be like, yeah, like 0:49:27.719 --> 0:49:29.880 let's hang out, and then I would be like absent 0:49:30.000 --> 0:49:32.800 from the conversation or absent from hanging out, you know 0:49:32.800 --> 0:49:35.120 what I mean. Um, And so that's that's something that 0:49:35.160 --> 0:49:37.120 I've been working on as well. But then that like 0:49:37.239 --> 0:49:39.560 leads to again more disappoint where it's like, hey, like 0:49:39.680 --> 0:49:41.239 let's hang out, and I was like, it's batchel, Like 0:49:41.239 --> 0:49:42.560 I don't really feel like hanging out. Is there a 0:49:42.600 --> 0:49:46.040 quota where you can say spatchelor like maybe five times 0:49:46.040 --> 0:49:49.759 in the week. Initially, we set limitations like, Okay, we'll 0:49:49.800 --> 0:49:52.279 only see each other once a week maximum, Like we 0:49:52.280 --> 0:49:53.799 want see each other more than once a week. Now 0:49:53.800 --> 0:49:55.279 it's like we'll see each other twice a week every 0:49:55.320 --> 0:49:57.680 once in a while, and it's like obviously, like expectations 0:49:57.680 --> 0:50:00.319 begin to grow and higher expectations get the or there 0:50:00.360 --> 0:50:03.280 is room for being like a lot of patients required 0:50:03.560 --> 0:50:06.480 dating a Danunglert. Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine. 0:50:06.600 --> 0:50:08.000 If I had a daughter, I would tell her to say, 0:50:08.080 --> 0:50:11.160 I appreciate that you're honest about that. I appreciate that 0:50:11.200 --> 0:50:13.040 you're aware of it right, but honestly, you can only 0:50:13.040 --> 0:50:15.960 get you so far to the point where you're I'm 0:50:16.000 --> 0:50:18.680 still going to disappoint someone at some point. I always 0:50:18.719 --> 0:50:21.200 say this, be careful who you hang out with, because 0:50:21.200 --> 0:50:23.440 you might just end up with them. So you might 0:50:23.480 --> 0:50:26.319 just casually be hanging out like I was casually hanging 0:50:26.320 --> 0:50:28.960 out with someone, and then obviously I started growing feelings 0:50:28.960 --> 0:50:33.040 for the person because you start being more intimate, and um, 0:50:33.080 --> 0:50:35.600 you start opening up and you start connecting on different levels. 0:50:35.640 --> 0:50:37.239 But deep down I'm like, no, this is I know 0:50:37.360 --> 0:50:39.839 this is not my person. And then you start developing 0:50:39.960 --> 0:50:43.279 these ideas of the future and all that. So I 0:50:43.320 --> 0:50:46.799 always say, I be open to dating, but also be 0:50:46.840 --> 0:50:50.040 careful with the people that you let in because you 0:50:50.120 --> 0:50:51.719 might just end up with them. Back to the guy 0:50:51.760 --> 0:50:54.520 you were dating who did the bad birthday message, did 0:50:54.560 --> 0:50:59.120 at least make the balloons show up? Nothing? Nothing right, 0:50:59.239 --> 0:51:01.279 I'm like, just said me a lollipop that says, hey, 0:51:01.280 --> 0:51:03.920 suck on this, like that's the thing, and him saying 0:51:04.040 --> 0:51:08.160 I'm not good at that stuff. It's all about effort, right, 0:51:08.400 --> 0:51:11.080 Like if he had done something and you hated it, 0:51:11.640 --> 0:51:13.400 that's when you can say, well, I'm not good about that, 0:51:13.520 --> 0:51:16.279 but you would have appreciated because effort into it. What 0:51:16.360 --> 0:51:18.520 he was saying is I don't want to do that 0:51:18.600 --> 0:51:21.360 stuff for you. Challenging from his perspective, though, say he 0:51:21.360 --> 0:51:22.920 does go out of his way to do something, I'm 0:51:22.920 --> 0:51:25.879 gonna start thinking, oh, there's something more right. I thought 0:51:25.880 --> 0:51:27.759 about that too, I'm like, all right, cool, But then 0:51:27.800 --> 0:51:29.560 like kept calling me all day, and I was with 0:51:29.680 --> 0:51:33.440 my like calling me FaceTime and calling and FaceTime, and 0:51:33.520 --> 0:51:36.360 I'm like, hey, I'm with my family right now, where 0:51:36.480 --> 0:51:38.920 my sister and my brother all born in September, so 0:51:39.280 --> 0:51:42.239 we're all celebrating together. And then I get home, all right. 0:51:42.280 --> 0:51:43.920 I get home and there's a package waiting from in 0:51:43.960 --> 0:51:46.759 front of my door, and I'm like, yeah, and it's 0:51:46.800 --> 0:51:50.400 my best friend that sent me, that sent me efforts. 0:51:50.920 --> 0:51:53.360 So he was trying to FaceTime you. He was facetiming 0:51:53.400 --> 0:51:56.920 and that was his big birthday, right, maybe he had 0:51:56.960 --> 0:51:59.000 a surprise waiting for you on his end of the Nope, 0:51:59.160 --> 0:52:03.280 I answered FaceTime, and then I was like, Nope, nothing there. Indeed, 0:52:03.360 --> 0:52:05.840 I worry that this is all a self fulfilling prophecy 0:52:05.920 --> 0:52:07.359 for you. Like I feel like if you went into 0:52:07.360 --> 0:52:10.279 a relationship without that in your head that I'm going 0:52:10.320 --> 0:52:12.879 to disappoint this person. I know it's easier said than done, 0:52:13.680 --> 0:52:15.719 then you wouldn't disappoint this person. Like I feel like 0:52:15.719 --> 0:52:18.319 you're disappointed because you tell yourself you're going to But 0:52:18.360 --> 0:52:20.600 it's also you might just be dating the wrong people. 0:52:20.840 --> 0:52:23.399 But also, let's think about it this way, guys. Let's 0:52:23.440 --> 0:52:28.040 say I go into a prospective relationship all odds against it, right, 0:52:28.160 --> 0:52:30.600 and somehow it still manages to break through all these 0:52:30.600 --> 0:52:33.600 filters and turns out to be something that I can say, 0:52:33.640 --> 0:52:36.200 against all odds, this relationship worked out, which means it 0:52:36.280 --> 0:52:39.879 must be something that's good, you know, against all these 0:52:39.920 --> 0:52:42.080 negatives against no matter how low I set the bar, 0:52:42.160 --> 0:52:44.759 no matter how honest I am about all of my shortcomings, 0:52:44.800 --> 0:52:47.000 whatever it is, here we are. We're still in We're 0:52:47.000 --> 0:52:49.840 in a relationship. And because of all of the like, 0:52:49.840 --> 0:52:51.480 you've seen me at my worst and so now we 0:52:51.560 --> 0:52:55.359 get to grow together. I get that. I don't know. 0:52:55.800 --> 0:52:58.279 I'm not saying it's right, but I just want to say, 0:52:58.320 --> 0:53:00.239 I'm so proud of you for being self aware, being 0:53:00.280 --> 0:53:03.040 open about you know, doing therapy and being open about 0:53:03.040 --> 0:53:06.600 the being open about how you feel and and all 0:53:06.600 --> 0:53:08.879 those things with a person that you're dating. Every girl 0:53:08.920 --> 0:53:13.080 wants that. It's very refreshing. And it's kind of weird too, because, uh, 0:53:13.160 --> 0:53:16.839 it's only happened maybe recently over the past, like how 0:53:16.840 --> 0:53:19.759 long I've been single for six months where I'm like, look, 0:53:19.800 --> 0:53:22.680 this is who I am. I don't necessarily care if 0:53:22.680 --> 0:53:24.200 you want to keep dating me or not. This is 0:53:24.239 --> 0:53:25.880 just like who I am, and this is what you 0:53:25.880 --> 0:53:27.480 would be dealing with on a regular basis, Like if 0:53:27.480 --> 0:53:29.520 we were to continue hanging out when before like three 0:53:29.600 --> 0:53:31.160 or four years ago, I would like, like you said, 0:53:31.160 --> 0:53:33.120 it's like an audition process. We're like, oh, here I am. 0:53:33.239 --> 0:53:35.560 I am this person and drive this car and I 0:53:35.600 --> 0:53:37.600 make this much money. And I'm like, no, I'm unemployed. 0:53:38.080 --> 0:53:39.480 I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. 0:53:39.920 --> 0:53:42.680 Like this is me just just you know, take me 0:53:42.760 --> 0:53:45.359 or leave me kind of thing. And more often than not, 0:53:45.520 --> 0:53:47.359 as I've experienced, it's been like it works out better. 0:53:47.440 --> 0:53:50.040 It's like welcome, welcomed with open arms. Well, that's like, yeah, 0:53:50.920 --> 0:53:52.960 it's part of it that you've are you a guy? 0:53:53.000 --> 0:53:55.839 That's you strike me as a guy who has not 0:53:56.440 --> 0:53:58.880 had trouble finding women who want to date him? Is 0:53:58.920 --> 0:54:02.680 that accurate? Come on, Dean, we all want to date you. 0:54:03.840 --> 0:54:06.000 I don't know. I don't know how to answer that question. No, 0:54:06.200 --> 0:54:09.440 he's being humble. Yes, women flocked to him, That's what 0:54:09.440 --> 0:54:11.120 I'm saying. And I'm wondering if part of it is that, 0:54:11.320 --> 0:54:19.319 Like I wonder if you would be more um less attractive. No, No, 0:54:19.360 --> 0:54:21.840 I wonder that if if in a relationship, you would 0:54:21.840 --> 0:54:26.080 be more all in if it was less of a commodity, 0:54:26.280 --> 0:54:28.320 it was less, it was less, if it was a 0:54:28.360 --> 0:54:34.440 less common situation. I'm like, oh, because he knows there's 0:54:34.440 --> 0:54:37.120 other options. Yeah, because always going to be other options 0:54:37.120 --> 0:54:38.960 where a guy like me and I'm going to include 0:54:38.960 --> 0:54:41.719 East and this as well. When we back when we 0:54:41.719 --> 0:54:43.839 were single and a woman was interested spending time with us, 0:54:43.880 --> 0:54:46.680 Like holy, that's the greatest thing ever. I'm going to 0:54:46.800 --> 0:54:48.960 move heaven and earth to make sure she's always happy 0:54:49.160 --> 0:54:51.880 and never wants to go anywhere else. There's something to 0:54:51.920 --> 0:54:54.360 be said about I'm not gonna say you guys are 0:54:54.400 --> 0:54:58.520 obviously years old, but before right, it's very different. Thing 0:54:58.600 --> 0:55:00.839 has changed in the last seven five that's true, very 0:55:00.920 --> 0:55:03.400 less connected, right, So only people you really knew was 0:55:03.440 --> 0:55:05.839 like the small area that you were growing up in, 0:55:05.880 --> 0:55:07.920 the eight people that were close within your proximity. But 0:55:07.960 --> 0:55:09.800 now it's like you're connected to everyone in the world. 0:55:10.920 --> 0:55:12.640 I'm not going to say that's the reason behind anything. 0:55:12.680 --> 0:55:14.360 I'm just saying there is also it's like a paradox 0:55:14.400 --> 0:55:15.879 in a sense. It's like the more people you know, 0:55:16.320 --> 0:55:18.759 the more challenging those things become. I don't think that's 0:55:18.800 --> 0:55:20.840 necessarily what afflicts me. It might to a degree that 0:55:20.840 --> 0:55:24.680 I don't necessarily understand, but like I don't know, I 0:55:24.680 --> 0:55:26.719 I'm just waiting for that relationship to come along where 0:55:26.719 --> 0:55:29.600 it's like I don't care about anything else. Okay, so 0:55:29.640 --> 0:55:31.440 now you got me thinking Mark, I should go for 0:55:31.480 --> 0:55:35.440 a guy no social media that basically is like, this 0:55:35.480 --> 0:55:38.919 is the only girl that ever gave me attention. Well, 0:55:39.120 --> 0:55:41.200 he will treat you really well. I'll tell you that 0:55:41.320 --> 0:55:43.520 I did that, and I know that woman has to 0:55:43.520 --> 0:55:48.080 find a judge in an attorney to leave me. I 0:55:48.120 --> 0:55:51.120 mean slide into my dams. Guys, I'm open. What's that 0:55:51.160 --> 0:55:53.160 mean where it's like the first guy who thought of 0:55:53.200 --> 0:55:55.040 marriage was a weirdo. He's like, I love you so much. 0:55:55.080 --> 0:56:00.080 I want to get the government involved. I don't know. 0:56:00.200 --> 0:56:02.360 I mean maybe maybe not, but that's it seems to 0:56:02.360 --> 0:56:05.200 me that there's that Dean is. Look, Dean is a 0:56:05.200 --> 0:56:07.800 great looking guy. I don't mind telling you that. And 0:56:07.840 --> 0:56:09.560 I'm a guy that I missed that a lot of times, 0:56:09.840 --> 0:56:11.440 Like people will say to me that guy so hot 0:56:11.360 --> 0:56:13.440 of like really that guy like didn't even occur to me. 0:56:13.760 --> 0:56:16.720 Dean the first thing we have, like, look at that guy, 0:56:17.160 --> 0:56:21.359 and I will say a lot better looking in person? Yeah, yeah, yeah, 0:56:21.719 --> 0:56:23.359 you do. You have a presence and it's like it's 0:56:23.360 --> 0:56:27.000 striking if I keep going, I know how uncomfortable you Again, 0:56:27.000 --> 0:56:29.200 when people give you compliments. I just can't imagine what 0:56:29.280 --> 0:56:31.080 that's like. And so I wonder if it changes you 0:56:31.160 --> 0:56:33.000 out like on the whole world and and by the way, 0:56:33.080 --> 0:56:35.279 same with beautiful women, same kind of thing. The thing is, 0:56:35.320 --> 0:56:37.919 do you realize that you're like, do you realize because 0:56:37.960 --> 0:56:39.920 you say, like I mentioned all my shortcomings and I 0:56:39.960 --> 0:56:42.000 talk about how this and that. Do you realize all 0:56:42.000 --> 0:56:44.200 the qualities that you do have? And do you own that? 0:56:46.040 --> 0:56:49.560 I think those negative qualities are also my positive qualities. 0:56:50.480 --> 0:56:52.279 You know. It's like when you're in job interview, they're like, 0:56:52.280 --> 0:56:54.200 tell me your strengths. You're like, oh, I work too hard, 0:56:54.239 --> 0:56:57.160 I care too much. It's like, your shortcomings are also 0:56:57.200 --> 0:57:00.480 your strengths. Okay, so let's do this. If my willingness 0:57:00.480 --> 0:57:04.719 and openness to like identify my faults also, I think 0:57:05.000 --> 0:57:07.880 is good because without identifying them, you're not able to 0:57:07.880 --> 0:57:09.480 work on. That's good. It's good to be aware of 0:57:09.520 --> 0:57:11.200 those things. But also I don't think you're aware of 0:57:11.200 --> 0:57:13.560 your positive quality as much as you should. I want 0:57:13.600 --> 0:57:15.759 to talk about two more things before we jump into 0:57:15.800 --> 0:57:19.080 the final spot. The final segment of the this week's episode, 0:57:19.680 --> 0:57:21.080 and thank you so much for it for tuning in 0:57:21.120 --> 0:57:24.600 and listening up till now. We've talked about it before, 0:57:24.880 --> 0:57:29.160 I want to talk about it again. And they're fantastic. 0:57:29.400 --> 0:57:32.000 Like like we said before, they're a DNA kit that 0:57:32.040 --> 0:57:34.480 gets sent to your house, You spit in a tube, 0:57:35.160 --> 0:57:37.840 you send it back, and they analyze all types of 0:57:38.080 --> 0:57:41.560 of your DNA and basically tell you where you're from, 0:57:41.600 --> 0:57:45.360 what you might be susceptible to in terms of potential illnesses, 0:57:45.960 --> 0:57:48.439 things about your your sleeping patterns, your ear lobes, everything 0:57:48.480 --> 0:57:51.600 you can possibly imagine. Twenty three and me is able 0:57:51.680 --> 0:57:54.960 to diagnose what's the word I'm looking for, is able 0:57:55.000 --> 0:57:57.560 to kind of unearthed a lot of things about ourselves 0:57:57.600 --> 0:57:59.600 that we didn't know before. And so I've used twenty 0:57:59.600 --> 0:58:01.600 three and me actually used it years and years, like 0:58:01.600 --> 0:58:04.280 two or three years ago, and they delivered the kit 0:58:04.880 --> 0:58:06.400 I got, like the health kit, so I wanted to 0:58:06.440 --> 0:58:08.920 know more about my ancestry, like where I was specifically 0:58:08.960 --> 0:58:10.520 where I was from. But then you can also upgrade 0:58:10.520 --> 0:58:12.280 and like understand maybe like some health risks that you 0:58:12.320 --> 0:58:14.120 might have. So I got that one as well, and 0:58:14.120 --> 0:58:16.680 I remember I um, I spit into the tube and 0:58:16.720 --> 0:58:18.520 I just I didn't read the directions properly. I was 0:58:18.520 --> 0:58:20.120 so excited to open my twenty three and met quit 0:58:20.240 --> 0:58:21.880 and get it sent back and get my results that 0:58:21.920 --> 0:58:24.160 I didn't read the directions and I closed the tube 0:58:24.320 --> 0:58:26.040 and I like peeled the box apart and like totally 0:58:26.120 --> 0:58:27.640 ripped it in a half. And they're like, yeah, reuse 0:58:27.680 --> 0:58:28.840 this box and send it back to us, and I 0:58:28.880 --> 0:58:31.600 was like, no, crap, UM, but I I messed the 0:58:31.640 --> 0:58:33.640 tube part up where once you put your saliva in 0:58:33.680 --> 0:58:37.240 the tube, you have to um seal it and you 0:58:37.280 --> 0:58:40.200 can't reopen it. And I contacted them and literally with 0:58:40.320 --> 0:58:42.120 the very next day, they sent me a whole new box, 0:58:42.240 --> 0:58:45.000 whole new tube everything. I was devastated. I was like, 0:58:45.000 --> 0:58:46.920 I don't want to wait any longer to get these results. 0:58:46.920 --> 0:58:49.040 But literally the best customer service that they got me 0:58:49.080 --> 0:58:52.680 a box literally that very next day. UM, Like I said, 0:58:52.680 --> 0:58:54.240 it's easy to do. You You just spit into the 0:58:54.240 --> 0:58:56.440 tube that they send you and your twenty three and 0:58:56.480 --> 0:58:58.720 me kit, register your sample to your personal three and 0:58:58.760 --> 0:59:00.720 me account, and then if you weeks, you receive your 0:59:00.720 --> 0:59:03.400 personalized online reports. I remember I was actually traveling through 0:59:04.160 --> 0:59:06.120 UM somewhere in Europe when I got him back, and 0:59:06.160 --> 0:59:08.840 I was like just sat down. So it was fun 0:59:09.040 --> 0:59:10.560 because I was like, I'm from a lot of European 0:59:10.600 --> 0:59:12.000 countries and so I was like, oh, that's I've been there, 0:59:12.000 --> 0:59:13.920 I've been there, blah blah blah um. And it was 0:59:13.960 --> 0:59:15.280 just fun to like sit in and like kind of 0:59:15.320 --> 0:59:17.080 deep dive into everything that they're able to tell you 0:59:17.120 --> 0:59:21.240 about yourself. So, um, you have a friend who is 0:59:21.280 --> 0:59:23.680 adopted and she I gave her twenty three and me 0:59:23.800 --> 0:59:25.280 kit as a gift because she's like, oh, I don't 0:59:25.320 --> 0:59:27.919 know my my background everything. Not only did it tell 0:59:27.960 --> 0:59:30.960 her what her genetic makeup was, it told her who 0:59:31.000 --> 0:59:34.520 her birth family is. Really yes, she and she was 0:59:34.560 --> 0:59:37.240 able to get in touch with them and they met 0:59:37.320 --> 0:59:40.920 up and she has this this loving new part of 0:59:40.920 --> 0:59:43.840 her family now, these people she's never known but she's 0:59:43.880 --> 0:59:47.440 related to. And uh, it was really a like huge 0:59:47.560 --> 0:59:49.480 deal and a huge part of her life to to 0:59:49.520 --> 0:59:51.280 do this something she really thought was just gonna be like, oh, 0:59:51.320 --> 0:59:54.560 I'm twenty eight percent Cherokee and things like that. And 0:59:54.640 --> 0:59:56.280 I thought that it was pretty amazing that I can 0:59:56.320 --> 0:59:58.520 do that kind of a humble brag for yourself, because 0:59:58.520 --> 1:00:01.400 that's you basically to her that right, did I did. 1:00:01.440 --> 1:00:04.720 She thanks me for changing her entire life that gift. 1:00:04.800 --> 1:00:06.160 And so for the listeners out there, if you want 1:00:06.160 --> 1:00:08.720 to potentially change one of your friends life, feel free 1:00:08.760 --> 1:00:13.440 to jump one and me dot com slash Dean and 1:00:13.480 --> 1:00:16.040 you get off of your twenty three kit. This is 1:00:16.040 --> 1:00:19.440 through Christmas, so this is a huge holiday gift idea. 1:00:19.560 --> 1:00:24.400 Fantastic gift idea through December twenty five off. Imagine someone 1:00:24.480 --> 1:00:27.240 opening their gift to the morning of Christmas, toy three 1:00:27.280 --> 1:00:30.120 and me kit and their life being changed forever, just 1:00:30.160 --> 1:00:33.640 like Easton changed his friend's life. Incredible, What an incredible gift. 1:00:34.000 --> 1:00:36.800 Some traits that they can also identify, like cilantro, taste, diversion, 1:00:37.160 --> 1:00:41.840 ability to match musical pitch, miss aphonia, which is oh yeah, 1:00:41.880 --> 1:00:44.440 that's interesting. It's like what noises people like and what 1:00:44.760 --> 1:00:47.680 like because some people some people hate the sound of 1:00:47.680 --> 1:00:49.880 fingernails on a chalkboard, like hate it. I find it 1:00:49.960 --> 1:00:54.120 quite soothing. I enjoy that sound. Uh, just like I 1:00:54.200 --> 1:00:57.760 enjoy cilantro. These are all things that your genetics makeup 1:00:57.880 --> 1:01:00.920 and determine about you. Interesting. One of my friends, I 1:01:00.960 --> 1:01:02.360 think I talked about this before. He works at the 1:01:02.520 --> 1:01:04.600 next company. He goes, yeah, twenty three and me. They're legit. 1:01:04.960 --> 1:01:07.680 They provide a lot of interesting information. It's it's like 1:01:07.680 --> 1:01:10.960 fun stuff too, which is like maybe even better than 1:01:11.000 --> 1:01:14.520 the like super great informational stuff. It's fun to learn 1:01:14.560 --> 1:01:17.400 about these weird things like your mosquito bite frequency or 1:01:17.280 --> 1:01:19.480 or like Eastern was talking about the misophonia that that 1:01:20.120 --> 1:01:22.840 you experience that you're unaware of, because it's like if 1:01:22.880 --> 1:01:25.360 you don't go around identifying these things, you're kind of 1:01:25.400 --> 1:01:26.800 just like, oh, this is how it is, this is 1:01:26.840 --> 1:01:28.480 what it is. But then if someone's telling you or 1:01:28.480 --> 1:01:30.120 something is telling you, like, no, this is the thing 1:01:30.360 --> 1:01:33.200 that your genetics make up the way that you feel 1:01:33.200 --> 1:01:35.440 about this, which is a really interesting thing. So check 1:01:35.480 --> 1:01:37.840 it out twenty three and me dot com slash Dean 1:01:38.160 --> 1:01:40.040 and you get thirty percent off of your your kit 1:01:40.200 --> 1:01:42.600 order for the holidays. They also have a great podcast 1:01:42.680 --> 1:01:47.160 on iHeart Radio. It's called Spit. They talked to a 1:01:47.200 --> 1:01:49.400 lot of great people. They kind of like deep dive 1:01:49.440 --> 1:01:51.920 into a lot of very historic figures and kind of 1:01:51.920 --> 1:01:54.240 their genetic history and all that kind of stuff. So 1:01:54.320 --> 1:01:56.280 check out Spit as well on the I Heart Radio 1:01:56.320 --> 1:01:59.600 app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Okay, So one 1:01:59.600 --> 1:02:01.400 thing that I want to talk about before we we 1:02:01.600 --> 1:02:03.720 jump into our final segment as well. It's something that's 1:02:03.760 --> 1:02:06.400 near and dear to my heart, and that's Third Love. 1:02:07.200 --> 1:02:08.600 And they're near and near to my heart, not just 1:02:08.640 --> 1:02:12.680 because they're helping sponsor this podcast, which without them obviously 1:02:12.680 --> 1:02:15.600 it's we can't have the podcast, but because they're helping 1:02:15.680 --> 1:02:19.560 women everywhere. Did you know that over ten million women 1:02:19.560 --> 1:02:22.320 have taken this quiz to date? Eastern? I did not 1:02:22.440 --> 1:02:24.120 know that. And what quiz would that be? Dean? Did 1:02:24.160 --> 1:02:26.240 you know that fifty of women fall in between standard 1:02:26.240 --> 1:02:28.800 cup sizes? Eastern? Oh, I did not know that. It's 1:02:28.880 --> 1:02:31.160 actually fun to take this test too. So what you 1:02:31.200 --> 1:02:33.880 do is you can jump online. You can answer it 1:02:33.960 --> 1:02:36.120 just a few simple questions to find your perfect fit. 1:02:36.440 --> 1:02:40.320 They have everything cups A through H and bands all 1:02:40.320 --> 1:02:44.240 the way up to forty eight, So any any size 1:02:44.680 --> 1:02:47.000 human will be able to fit into these Third Love bras. 1:02:47.040 --> 1:02:49.520 And like I said, of all women fall in between 1:02:49.600 --> 1:02:52.800 standard cup sizes, and so Third Love decided to invent 1:02:52.920 --> 1:02:54.960 this half cup sizing, and I think that can make 1:02:55.000 --> 1:02:57.360 a big difference. Obviously, I'm not gonna be wearing them 1:02:57.400 --> 1:02:59.840 regularly but I've I've heard Vanessa rave about it. Um 1:02:59.840 --> 1:03:01.919 and Vanessa, please stay quiet while I finished this spot. 1:03:01.920 --> 1:03:03.600 I know you want to chirp in and and and 1:03:03.600 --> 1:03:05.200 and talk about your Third Love bra, but I just 1:03:05.280 --> 1:03:07.200 want to talk about it because again I'm feeling passionate 1:03:07.240 --> 1:03:10.000 about it today. I know you you've been raving NonStop 1:03:10.040 --> 1:03:12.560 about this Third Love bra. You love that there's a 1:03:12.880 --> 1:03:16.040 percent fit guarantee. You love that Third Love's team of 1:03:16.040 --> 1:03:19.200 expert fit stylists are dedicated at dedicated to helping you 1:03:19.280 --> 1:03:21.920 find your perfect fit and if you don't love their product, 1:03:22.880 --> 1:03:26.280 which you will, returns and exchange are free and easy. 1:03:26.680 --> 1:03:29.360 So what you should do as the listener if you're 1:03:29.440 --> 1:03:33.000 if you're interested in pursuing UH and acquiring a bra 1:03:33.200 --> 1:03:36.000 that's gonna be comfortable and fits you properly as it should, 1:03:36.440 --> 1:03:39.360 go to third love dot com slash Vanessa and Vanessa 1:03:39.360 --> 1:03:41.240 please stay quiet. I know you're trying to chirm in 1:03:41.440 --> 1:03:44.360 chirp in some more, but Third love dot com slash 1:03:44.440 --> 1:03:47.400 Vanessa now to find your perfect fitting bra and get 1:03:47.400 --> 1:03:50.520 fifteen percent off your very first purchase. That's third Love 1:03:50.680 --> 1:03:53.760 dot Com slash v A N E. S S A 1:03:54.240 --> 1:03:56.600 or fifteen percent off, and I'm gonna spell third Love 1:03:56.600 --> 1:03:59.440 because it's not three r D, it's t h I 1:03:59.800 --> 1:04:03.400 r D l o v E dot com slash Vanessa. 1:04:05.280 --> 1:04:07.640 Third Love knows there's a perfect bra for everyone, So 1:04:07.760 --> 1:04:10.800 right now they're offering all of you guys off your 1:04:10.840 --> 1:04:13.320 very first order and back to before. It's great to 1:04:13.360 --> 1:04:16.000 get presents for other people for holidays, for Christmas, for 1:04:16.000 --> 1:04:18.840 for Thanksgiving, but get something for yourself, get yourself a 1:04:18.880 --> 1:04:22.520 properly fitting bra. I mean I've definitely written some down, 1:04:22.920 --> 1:04:25.760 Like I have like three that I wrote down. I 1:04:25.800 --> 1:04:27.600 was like, oh, I love how open minded I am. 1:04:27.760 --> 1:04:30.200 I love how accepting I am. Like that, what would 1:04:30.280 --> 1:04:33.280 make you a great partner? And then I'll do the same. 1:04:33.320 --> 1:04:37.000 I'll do this exercise exercise do you want me to start? 1:04:37.040 --> 1:04:39.200 To do with physical do you want me to start? 1:04:39.760 --> 1:04:41.720 I'm sure. I'm like, I got a list of things 1:04:41.760 --> 1:04:43.280 that I know would make me a great part I 1:04:43.280 --> 1:04:46.280 don't know, I just turned sudden there, but okay, I'm 1:04:46.360 --> 1:04:51.080 extremely loyal, um extremely like to the point where if 1:04:51.240 --> 1:04:53.919 a guy will like talk to me at a bar 1:04:54.600 --> 1:04:56.600 and I will not even give them the time of day, 1:04:56.600 --> 1:04:58.400 I'm like, Nope, got a man like I'm not even 1:04:58.440 --> 1:05:01.800 going to give my my energy another human another man 1:05:01.960 --> 1:05:06.600 right now. Very loyal, um, very affectionate, and that's one 1:05:06.600 --> 1:05:08.560 of my biggest love languages, Like I love to just 1:05:08.600 --> 1:05:11.880 like physical touch for me is very big. Um. I'm 1:05:11.960 --> 1:05:15.200 very thoughtful. If I'm at the grocery store somewhere and 1:05:15.280 --> 1:05:18.120 I see something like a banana or whatever. You know, 1:05:18.160 --> 1:05:20.960 if I know my man loves chocolate chip cookies, I'll 1:05:20.960 --> 1:05:22.680 go to the chocolate chip cookies aisle and I'll buy 1:05:22.760 --> 1:05:24.240 him a box with like and I'll leave a little 1:05:24.280 --> 1:05:31.560 note there. Um Um I am. I respect people's space. 1:05:31.640 --> 1:05:35.920 I'm not like, let's hang out five hundred hours in 1:05:35.960 --> 1:05:38.920 a day. I like to do my own thing, and 1:05:39.000 --> 1:05:41.240 I like coming together when we both have the time 1:05:41.320 --> 1:05:45.440 to dedicate to the relationship and actually be present. Um. 1:05:45.560 --> 1:05:50.800 Very encouraging. So whatever my significant other is doing in 1:05:50.880 --> 1:05:53.360 terms of his workers career, I will be there to 1:05:53.480 --> 1:05:57.080 cheerly him one support him on. If he's like, um, 1:05:57.160 --> 1:05:59.720 you know, an aspiring writer and right now he doesn't have, 1:05:59.800 --> 1:06:02.200 like his book is not anything. I will be like 1:06:02.280 --> 1:06:04.520 if that's what makes you happy, and that's what makes 1:06:04.520 --> 1:06:07.320 you smile. Um in the morning, when you wake up, 1:06:07.360 --> 1:06:11.520 then I will encourage you to do that. Um, I cook, 1:06:11.800 --> 1:06:15.320 I clean, I'm great in bed. I mean, let's just 1:06:15.400 --> 1:06:20.560 keeps going on and on. Let's expand upon the I'm great. 1:06:21.120 --> 1:06:23.840 I'm not. And I'm really shocked that you said that 1:06:23.880 --> 1:06:27.800 you're prude in bed. We're going to get back to that. Yeah, 1:06:27.840 --> 1:06:31.600 I'm not. And the thing is like, I don't listen, 1:06:31.720 --> 1:06:35.520 I don't sleep around. Um and and people who could 1:06:35.520 --> 1:06:38.760 have those casual relationships, that's great if you're able to 1:06:38.800 --> 1:06:41.600 do that. And like Alana was, Alana was saying, Uh, 1:06:41.960 --> 1:06:45.000 some people are wired to be monogamous. I'm wired to 1:06:45.040 --> 1:06:47.600 be monogamous, and I will only be intimate with people 1:06:47.640 --> 1:06:51.440 that i'm in um a relationship with or that it's 1:06:51.520 --> 1:06:55.000 leading to being in a relationship with some very selective 1:06:55.240 --> 1:06:57.760 with the people that I get intimate with. So what 1:06:57.920 --> 1:07:01.440 makes a person great in bed? Yeah? What makes a 1:07:01.520 --> 1:07:05.439 person I think, Um, no, you don't need to be hot. 1:07:05.520 --> 1:07:10.080 I think it's confidence, confidence in knowing what your body needs, 1:07:10.560 --> 1:07:12.600 as opposed to like, oh let me try doing this 1:07:12.640 --> 1:07:14.400 because I think it's going to please that guy. Like 1:07:15.240 --> 1:07:18.720 everybody's made differently, and I think it comes down to 1:07:19.480 --> 1:07:23.360 being comfortable with knowing what it is that you want 1:07:24.400 --> 1:07:28.160 uh in bed and you know, um, not self conscious, 1:07:28.160 --> 1:07:31.360 I know that, not self conscious? Yeah yeah, Like of 1:07:31.400 --> 1:07:33.120 course there's certain things about my body. I'm like, oh, 1:07:33.160 --> 1:07:35.320 I wish I had I wish I had that like 1:07:35.480 --> 1:07:37.040 sully light on my ass. But I'm like, you know what, 1:07:37.120 --> 1:07:39.120 I got a bubble butt and I'm gonna have some 1:07:39.160 --> 1:07:41.600 sullly light on my ass. And that comes with the territory. 1:07:41.600 --> 1:07:44.080 But that's who you are, and if they're they're they're 1:07:44.160 --> 1:07:46.440 enjoying you for who you are, so you shouldn't be 1:07:46.880 --> 1:07:48.760 there's too much of that. There's too much self consciousness. 1:07:48.800 --> 1:07:50.880 In my opinion. We are who we are. But what good? 1:07:51.000 --> 1:07:53.680 What means? What makes you a dynamo in the sex? 1:07:53.800 --> 1:07:56.040 But I forget what the word is positions? No, I 1:07:56.040 --> 1:07:59.760 wouldn't even say. I think it's I think it's what's 1:07:59.760 --> 1:08:05.360 that word like ex adventurous, adventurous? Um, But like I'm 1:08:05.400 --> 1:08:11.320 I'm I forget there's like a specific word like, yes, 1:08:11.760 --> 1:08:13.640 you're also a freak in the streets to you know 1:08:13.680 --> 1:08:18.080 that right now? I'm not, so what is it the 1:08:18.120 --> 1:08:20.559 same list? Because it might be what makes a guy 1:08:20.640 --> 1:08:23.640 grade in bad, great question, mark, Um, well for me, 1:08:23.800 --> 1:08:26.320 so it might be different for other women. Um, feeling 1:08:26.360 --> 1:08:29.800 a form of connection, so not like being robotic like 1:08:29.880 --> 1:08:35.240 my you know, like now I can please myself. So 1:08:35.760 --> 1:08:38.799 what's the connection? Is that eye contact? Not even eye contact? 1:08:38.840 --> 1:08:41.679 I think it's like for me, it's like physical touched 1:08:41.720 --> 1:08:48.000 and like not going straight from yeating. Oh yeah, Fess's 1:08:48.080 --> 1:08:52.120 left shoulder. Oh it's actually there's like a not there, um, 1:08:52.120 --> 1:08:56.760 not going from like if it's if it goes from 1:08:56.960 --> 1:09:00.920 making out to like straight you know, town to be 1:09:00.960 --> 1:09:06.400 a steady build, right, I mean, okay, well let's let's 1:09:06.520 --> 1:09:08.840 put the pressure off of me. Okay, so you're you're 1:09:09.520 --> 1:09:12.200 you're a fan of four Players. What you're saying, that's 1:09:12.240 --> 1:09:15.280 what that's what you're saying in less words. I feel like, perhaps, okay, 1:09:15.439 --> 1:09:18.160 there you have it, the key to Vanessa's art. No, 1:09:18.240 --> 1:09:21.000 it's food actually food and four player. Yeah, definitely bring 1:09:21.000 --> 1:09:25.280 me food before time. Oh god, yes, that's I felt 1:09:25.280 --> 1:09:28.200 episode where he eats and then every time he gets 1:09:28.200 --> 1:09:31.080 all hot and heavy. That's pretty funny. Is any of 1:09:31.160 --> 1:09:35.760 us even going to get on? Uh? D yes, you 1:09:35.880 --> 1:09:38.120 say you're a prude when it comes to that stuff. 1:09:38.160 --> 1:09:41.160 You said threesome. No way. I mean, don't get me wrong. 1:09:41.200 --> 1:09:44.240 I went to college. Okay, wait, so you did have 1:09:44.280 --> 1:09:47.160 a three song. I've had one threesome in my life? 1:09:47.320 --> 1:09:54.519 How did that go? With the major side? I it was? 1:09:54.560 --> 1:09:56.720 I mean I've only had one, so it didn't go 1:09:56.760 --> 1:09:59.640 well enough to have a was it was someone that 1:09:59.680 --> 1:10:02.240 you were dating seriously? Or is it two women or men? 1:10:02.320 --> 1:10:04.320 Want I kind of got pressured into it. It was 1:10:04.360 --> 1:10:07.280 a situation where they're like, hey, you need to do this, 1:10:07.360 --> 1:10:09.439 and I was like, all right, well, let's throw some 1:10:09.520 --> 1:10:12.240 back and do this. I guess I don't really want 1:10:12.240 --> 1:10:14.160 to get into the semantics of how it happened, but 1:10:14.400 --> 1:10:16.200 more of the stories, I've had one and only one, 1:10:16.920 --> 1:10:19.960 and college college was a thing. That would not do 1:10:20.040 --> 1:10:22.240 that again. I have not done it. No, it's not 1:10:22.280 --> 1:10:24.719 the question you're saying, you would not do that again. 1:10:24.840 --> 1:10:27.880 I've been propositioned multiple times. This is what I'm saying. 1:10:27.920 --> 1:10:31.920 The life of Dean is so unrelatable to man. He's 1:10:31.960 --> 1:10:38.040 turning down threesomes left and right down and I was like, oh, hey, 1:10:38.080 --> 1:10:40.840 let's have it through something. Sorry not into it. It's 1:10:40.880 --> 1:10:44.840 just it's I can barely if even satisfy one person 1:10:44.880 --> 1:10:46.920 at a time, and so now you throw a second 1:10:46.920 --> 1:10:52.360 person in there. Come on, Dean, stop at least? Yeah No, okay, 1:10:52.360 --> 1:10:54.880 well let's go back to what would make you a 1:10:54.880 --> 1:10:58.320 great partner? Uh yeah, so we got a lift from 1:10:58.400 --> 1:11:00.800 Vanessa when I mean, let's in my list and I 1:11:00.840 --> 1:11:05.440 could keep going. Um, I think I'm fun and adventurous. 1:11:05.760 --> 1:11:07.840 Fun was a good one for me too. You're not fun. 1:11:07.880 --> 1:11:13.439 You can't steal my Um. I think I'm open minded. 1:11:13.720 --> 1:11:17.000 I think that I similar to you. I'm very supportive 1:11:17.320 --> 1:11:20.320 and encouraging of people's passions and dreams. And I think 1:11:20.360 --> 1:11:25.040 that I will always lift someone up and always be 1:11:25.080 --> 1:11:27.920 that person to do that for them. Um. What else? 1:11:28.040 --> 1:11:31.800 I think that I'm a great cuddler. I think that 1:11:32.080 --> 1:11:35.880 is So what are what's your top love language? Well, actually, 1:11:35.880 --> 1:11:38.120 Tonya funny enough that she's back there made it clear 1:11:38.160 --> 1:11:40.320 to me that it used to be physical touch, but 1:11:40.400 --> 1:11:42.360 now I think that it's acts of service. I love 1:11:42.360 --> 1:11:44.120 it when, um, like I get my back scratched or 1:11:44.160 --> 1:11:46.760 my neck scratched or something like that. Well, I guess 1:11:46.760 --> 1:11:48.840 a little bit of both, right, But I always chalked 1:11:48.840 --> 1:11:50.479 it up as being physical touch. But I think She 1:11:50.520 --> 1:11:54.240 made it clear that's it's more of like an active service. UM, 1:11:54.280 --> 1:11:56.000 and I'm a simple guy, you know, that's all I 1:11:56.040 --> 1:12:02.080 really need and some alone time. I don't know, that's 1:12:02.080 --> 1:12:04.120 the thing. Like I said, obviously, I'm figuring out exactly 1:12:04.160 --> 1:12:06.320 what makes me a great partner. But I think those qualities, 1:12:06.520 --> 1:12:09.439 like at least at the forefront, are enticing. Well, I 1:12:09.439 --> 1:12:13.440 would add to that, I think you're very kind person. Sure, 1:12:13.479 --> 1:12:15.680 I think you're funny, and I think a lot of 1:12:15.720 --> 1:12:17.360 people put a lot of value in sense of humor, 1:12:17.400 --> 1:12:18.880 and I think you're very funny, and I think you 1:12:18.920 --> 1:12:20.920 have a good heart and that probably goes along with kindness. 1:12:21.000 --> 1:12:23.360 But just knowing you for an hour a week for 1:12:23.400 --> 1:12:25.439 a year now, you just seem to me like a 1:12:25.479 --> 1:12:27.439 person with a good heart. And I think in some 1:12:27.479 --> 1:12:31.920 ways that's kind of all that matters. Yeah, you know, 1:12:32.000 --> 1:12:33.840 you just need to be somebody who's got a good heart, 1:12:34.439 --> 1:12:36.839 and then the rest kind of falls into place. I suppose. 1:12:37.840 --> 1:12:39.320 I guess I could just see where you're coming from. 1:12:39.479 --> 1:12:41.559 I don't know. I remember UM went before like Leslie 1:12:41.560 --> 1:12:43.920 and I started being boyfriend girlfriends. She made a comment 1:12:43.960 --> 1:12:47.559 that was like everyone that I've ever met that has 1:12:47.600 --> 1:12:49.559 met you, like adores you and like because of that, 1:12:49.640 --> 1:12:51.320 Like I find that so attractive and so it's like 1:12:51.360 --> 1:12:52.800 it's the fact that you can have like a maybe 1:12:52.800 --> 1:12:57.040 like a big circle of people like enjoy being around you. Attractive, Yeah, 1:12:57.040 --> 1:13:00.439 you have great energy. So those are the good reasons. 1:13:00.479 --> 1:13:04.479 Now let me get into the batter kidding. I think 1:13:04.479 --> 1:13:06.439 those good reasons out weigh the bad reasons. I do. 1:13:06.520 --> 1:13:08.120 And I know that you think you're a lot, and 1:13:08.160 --> 1:13:10.840 maybe you're You're very you're very extra, and maybe you are. 1:13:11.439 --> 1:13:13.559 But I think that all those good reasons cancel out 1:13:13.600 --> 1:13:15.679 the other reason absolutely, because I think that's what people 1:13:15.680 --> 1:13:18.439 are looking for, fun adventures, and I think kind you 1:13:18.479 --> 1:13:21.840 need to focus on the good, those great qualities because 1:13:21.840 --> 1:13:25.160 that's what you bring into a relationship. Yeah yeah, yeah, 1:13:25.240 --> 1:13:27.640 but to offset those next right, but we all do. 1:13:27.680 --> 1:13:30.120 I mean, trust me, did you see how proud I 1:13:30.200 --> 1:13:32.000 wasn't my list of the good things? I got it 1:13:32.080 --> 1:13:34.040 like probably two pages of things that like that's the 1:13:34.080 --> 1:13:37.160 thing is, you were singing from the mountaintop beings like, well, 1:13:37.200 --> 1:13:40.320 I guess I'm fun and I guess I'm adventurous. I 1:13:40.320 --> 1:13:42.720 don't normally compliment myself, so it's a difficult thing for 1:13:42.760 --> 1:13:46.080 me to do, you know. Yeah, And I like that 1:13:46.120 --> 1:13:49.280 about me. I like that I'm hard on myself, you know, 1:13:49.439 --> 1:13:52.120 I think I think it just leads to more growth 1:13:52.120 --> 1:13:54.400 moving forward. But as you said, like the self deprecating 1:13:54.439 --> 1:13:56.280 stick is kind of getting old, Like get it, I've 1:13:56.320 --> 1:14:02.000 been living seven years. Oh yeah, I mean I have 1:14:02.080 --> 1:14:04.760 some friends that do the same thing as well. Um, 1:14:04.800 --> 1:14:09.680 but maybe to less avail, you know, I don't know. Um, 1:14:09.720 --> 1:14:16.000 how is your sex with Nick? Let's let's talk about 1:14:16.040 --> 1:14:20.280 that for a second. Actually, are we talking about this yesterday? 1:14:20.320 --> 1:14:21.400 We were. But I would love for you to share 1:14:21.400 --> 1:14:24.679 with the listeners. Not sharing, not sharing it, I'll share 1:14:24.720 --> 1:14:27.439 for you. I would appreciate if he listen. I've heard 1:14:28.080 --> 1:14:32.439 I've heard sex with you guys from both sides. That's 1:14:33.640 --> 1:14:37.240 one of my great friends. We talked about that stuff. Appreciate. 1:14:38.960 --> 1:14:43.120 What did he say. I'm not gonna tell you're voices cracking. 1:14:43.680 --> 1:14:47.600 Did he have nice Nick? Yes? Of course. Did he 1:14:47.640 --> 1:14:50.880 have any complaints about that about that specific hour was here? 1:14:50.920 --> 1:14:53.400 I don't know what you're talking about it, but I 1:14:53.439 --> 1:14:55.720 can't he had some complaints. It sounds like, oh he 1:14:55.760 --> 1:14:59.000 didn't he did it, He didn't I would love for 1:14:59.040 --> 1:15:02.280 you to share your EXPERI obviously I know I would 1:15:02.320 --> 1:15:04.320 never I would never kiss until you would never answer 1:15:04.400 --> 1:15:07.320 the question do you have any complaints? No, you're not 1:15:07.320 --> 1:15:12.000 gonna answer that. What's your favorite position? My goodness, this 1:15:12.040 --> 1:15:19.080 is a sex episode. Intimacy connecting dean, not connecting to 1:15:19.240 --> 1:15:23.040 private parts together. Well, maybe we should make it? Is 1:15:23.120 --> 1:15:28.880 it the shorts is seven vibe? Today? Vanessa's rocking some 1:15:29.160 --> 1:15:35.240 three inch um, Betsy? What are they called? Betty? Daisy? 1:15:35.280 --> 1:15:39.000 To hide my butt in the back? Um? I didn't 1:15:39.000 --> 1:15:44.240 say anything appropriate? Have I this episode? Not one appropriate thing? Appropriate? 1:15:46.120 --> 1:15:49.639 I have an email? Should we get to that, Tanya? 1:15:50.439 --> 1:15:55.519 What makes a man great in bed? Um? Someone that listens? Wow? 1:15:56.320 --> 1:16:00.280 Straight out of Lacey Green. It's true, though, because I 1:16:00.320 --> 1:16:04.280 think everybody has different things that they enjoy, and when 1:16:04.280 --> 1:16:07.640 a guy listens, they're going to do that. So I 1:16:07.680 --> 1:16:13.280 think that's number one. So someone who's kind of attentively listen, 1:16:13.360 --> 1:16:18.360 not just to your words necessarily, but to your reactions. Okay, 1:16:18.600 --> 1:16:24.320 all right, answer, very good answer. Yes, thanks thanks for 1:16:24.320 --> 1:16:27.560 having me on. Here's the thing with that, too, is 1:16:27.640 --> 1:16:30.760 I feel like for a girl, a girl can experience 1:16:30.840 --> 1:16:32.920 so many different kinds of sex, but a guy not 1:16:33.080 --> 1:16:36.200 so much. Because penises are vastly different from one of 1:16:36.240 --> 1:16:43.759 the next. Vaginas are only mildly different from in relative 1:16:43.800 --> 1:16:48.160 to each other. There's a very broad spectrum of penis shapes, sizes, 1:16:48.479 --> 1:16:56.000 whatever vagina is. More or less, women can experience different 1:16:56.040 --> 1:17:03.880 types of pleasures no pleasure, okay men, if I correct me, 1:17:03.880 --> 1:17:07.679 if I'm wrong, Is it the same feeling every time? 1:17:08.520 --> 1:17:10.680 That's what I'm saying more or less yes, because right, 1:17:10.720 --> 1:17:13.160 So for women we can experience it's a it's a 1:17:13.240 --> 1:17:17.400 variation of like, well, that's literally exactly what I just said, 1:17:18.040 --> 1:17:21.759 but I didn't say. You were just talking about different 1:17:22.000 --> 1:17:29.679 size of I'm just a man. A male's response and equipment, Well, 1:17:29.680 --> 1:17:31.479 his response is always the same, even though his equipment 1:17:31.479 --> 1:17:33.160 is different. And then a woman's equipment is more so 1:17:33.280 --> 1:17:35.559 the same while the response is different. So it's like 1:17:36.360 --> 1:17:40.519 duality of right, the physics, and therefore there's a different 1:17:40.520 --> 1:17:44.559 definition of great, right right, A guy's definition of great 1:17:44.560 --> 1:17:46.240 because it's going to feel the same every time, so 1:17:46.280 --> 1:17:49.040 they have other outside factors that make it great in 1:17:49.080 --> 1:17:52.479 their minds, where with women, the physical response can be 1:17:52.520 --> 1:17:56.280 anywhere from zero to a hundred exactly. That's interesting. A 1:17:56.280 --> 1:17:58.400 guy could close his eyes and get the same result 1:17:58.400 --> 1:18:01.320 every single time. Wow, that's so sad. That's that's very true. 1:18:01.479 --> 1:18:03.719 That's very true, And I think that's a major reason 1:18:03.760 --> 1:18:08.759 for some of the gender disconnect. Yes, because it feels 1:18:09.400 --> 1:18:12.240 very similar, no matter every time for the guy. And 1:18:12.280 --> 1:18:14.439 that's why I think sex gets better for women over 1:18:14.479 --> 1:18:16.839 time and for men. So do you think that's improve 1:18:16.960 --> 1:18:19.680 men don't feel as guilty when they cheat or if 1:18:19.680 --> 1:18:22.200 they cheat. Well, here's another difference between the two. And 1:18:22.280 --> 1:18:24.280 when you get to the cheating thing. Yeah, the difference 1:18:24.280 --> 1:18:28.639 is I don't want for guys. And also there's also 1:18:28.760 --> 1:18:30.800 more of I feel like, and I could be wrong, 1:18:30.960 --> 1:18:32.680 I just know it from the guy's perspective, there's more 1:18:32.720 --> 1:18:35.759 of a compulsory need for it to happen every so often, 1:18:35.880 --> 1:18:38.280 whether it's with someone or not with someone, or with 1:18:38.320 --> 1:18:41.280 someone else, as far as that goes. So that's probably 1:18:41.439 --> 1:18:44.000 a big element to it where women aren't as faithful 1:18:44.040 --> 1:18:46.320 because I feel like they can go a longer time 1:18:46.360 --> 1:18:48.519 without it. Yeah, and it's like, oh, there's a connection, 1:18:48.520 --> 1:18:51.880 there's a deeper right, and that's what they're really looking for, 1:18:51.880 --> 1:18:55.439 where guys sometimes just need to do it. Yeah it's 1:18:55.479 --> 1:18:59.599 messed up. Yeah, yeah, it's completely different. We're so different. 1:19:01.520 --> 1:19:03.200 I don't I don't know how to say. I think 1:19:03.200 --> 1:19:06.639 it's messed up. It's pretty unfair that we're put here 1:19:06.960 --> 1:19:10.720 with these different needs regularly, and then we're expected to 1:19:10.800 --> 1:19:13.200 have the same needs together. It's like, I don't know, 1:19:13.640 --> 1:19:15.720 it's a lot more. It's a lot more challenging than 1:19:15.760 --> 1:19:18.600 some people make it seem. You two, for instance, have 1:19:18.720 --> 1:19:21.040 been in very healthy, monogous relationships for a nextent period 1:19:21.080 --> 1:19:25.640 of twenty one years. For me, you're bragging that I 1:19:25.680 --> 1:19:29.960 would I admire that. Yeah, thank you. And yet here 1:19:29.960 --> 1:19:31.759 you are in studio with two of the most single, 1:19:32.080 --> 1:19:34.559 discussing and horrible people, and that's fun for me. I 1:19:34.600 --> 1:19:37.560 really am fascinated by that whole world, and especially you 1:19:37.600 --> 1:19:39.880 were talking about earlier how much has changed over the years. 1:19:39.960 --> 1:19:42.200 That's all very fascinating too, But we don't know what obviously, 1:19:42.200 --> 1:19:43.800 like we have an experience a change like this is 1:19:43.840 --> 1:19:45.680 all we're right. No, so for me, so when I 1:19:45.840 --> 1:19:48.519 when I first started somebody I've been asked before, like 1:19:48.560 --> 1:19:51.240 when you first met Amy, did you google her? And 1:19:51.280 --> 1:19:53.280 I have to say it would have been an ALTI 1:19:53.360 --> 1:19:58.400 Vista search because there was no Google. Uh so now 1:19:58.400 --> 1:20:01.200 I did not. But that's how much the world has changed, 1:20:01.360 --> 1:20:03.640 just not even dating apps. Okay, yeah, but as far 1:20:03.680 --> 1:20:05.800 as the whole research you can do on people. Now 1:20:05.840 --> 1:20:07.840 you can figure everything out about them before you even 1:20:07.880 --> 1:20:10.719 meet them and therefore write them off for no particular reason. 1:20:11.240 --> 1:20:12.719 But I'm at Elise and I went through her Twitter 1:20:12.760 --> 1:20:18.880 account and there were three tweets to go through. And 1:20:18.920 --> 1:20:21.000 that's the thing too. It's all changed so quickly and 1:20:21.040 --> 1:20:23.160 we are just still learning how to adapt and process 1:20:23.160 --> 1:20:24.840 all of it. Well, before we get to the email, 1:20:24.840 --> 1:20:26.519 remember last episode, I was like, I want to go 1:20:26.640 --> 1:20:29.559 to pursue me, And so I had gone out for 1:20:29.600 --> 1:20:32.880 dinner this week in l A. And um, someone actually 1:20:32.880 --> 1:20:35.040 did pursue me and they messaged me. They got my 1:20:35.160 --> 1:20:37.519 you know, they got my my contact info from a 1:20:37.560 --> 1:20:40.960 friend or whatever. And so I'm looking at this person's 1:20:41.000 --> 1:20:43.639 Instagram account and I was like, wow, the last time 1:20:43.680 --> 1:20:48.040 they post it was seen. That's amazing, Like it's so 1:20:48.120 --> 1:20:56.680 rare to find that nowadays. Refreshing. Yeah, Okay, I don't 1:20:56.720 --> 1:20:58.439 think that's what's I think it's just it's not a 1:20:58.479 --> 1:21:00.519 priority for him. But I think that's Paul, but it 1:21:00.600 --> 1:21:03.360 is kind of nice, like the window into someone's life 1:21:03.360 --> 1:21:05.839 through social media. It's like, Okay, I have a good understand, 1:21:05.960 --> 1:21:08.400 decent understanding this person before I get that. Now, what 1:21:08.400 --> 1:21:10.679 do you think everything you see online is real? They're 1:21:10.680 --> 1:21:13.120 gonna put up the best parts of it, maybe the 1:21:13.160 --> 1:21:16.840 best photos of themselves, right or like you know, I'm 1:21:16.880 --> 1:21:18.559 not going to put up the pictures of me crying. 1:21:20.320 --> 1:21:26.360 Actually I would sure. I want to hear an email, Yes, 1:21:26.680 --> 1:21:30.639 Sophia would like some help. My boyfriend is twenty seven. 1:21:30.640 --> 1:21:32.840 I'm twenty three. We started dating in May. We both 1:21:32.840 --> 1:21:34.880 see a future together, as this has been both of 1:21:34.920 --> 1:21:38.679 our first relationships in years doing a bad breakups. However, 1:21:38.760 --> 1:21:40.800 he's been offered a new job within his company that's 1:21:40.800 --> 1:21:43.559 twelve hours a day, five days a week, no weekends off, 1:21:43.600 --> 1:21:47.120 no holidays off. It's also more dangerous than what he 1:21:47.160 --> 1:21:49.920 currently does, and he wouldn't even get a raise. The 1:21:50.000 --> 1:21:53.920 motive to take it is because it's an accomplishment. I'm 1:21:53.920 --> 1:21:56.240 really struggling knowing I'm continuing my future with someone who 1:21:56.280 --> 1:21:59.000 won't physically be around. I come from my household with 1:21:59.040 --> 1:22:01.639 an absentee parent, and I raised my youngest siblings because 1:22:01.640 --> 1:22:03.679 I'm eight years older than they are. I would never 1:22:03.760 --> 1:22:05.519 want that for my kids, and I don't want a 1:22:05.520 --> 1:22:07.400 partner that is never around. I'm not sure if this 1:22:07.439 --> 1:22:09.519 is a red flag or if it's just life. Should 1:22:09.560 --> 1:22:11.400 I stay in this relationship? Is it wrong for me 1:22:11.439 --> 1:22:13.760 to vocalize how upset I am to him? Is this 1:22:13.880 --> 1:22:17.479 foreshadowing he would choose his job over his family? This 1:22:17.520 --> 1:22:20.400 is Sophia, that's tough. So from experience, I was in 1:22:20.400 --> 1:22:22.840 a relationship back in Colorado where I left for work 1:22:22.880 --> 1:22:24.800 every morning at six third am, got home at five 1:22:24.800 --> 1:22:29.559 pm Monday through Friday. My girlfriend worked from like ten 1:22:29.640 --> 1:22:33.560 am until nine pm, and it was like Thursday through Tuesday. 1:22:34.320 --> 1:22:36.320 And so it's a very similar thing where we never 1:22:36.400 --> 1:22:39.080 spent time to with each other and we were we 1:22:39.080 --> 1:22:41.160 were together before we both got those jobs, and so 1:22:41.240 --> 1:22:43.120 we were like used to like seeing each other often, 1:22:43.320 --> 1:22:46.639 no need for right and so like the only time 1:22:46.800 --> 1:22:48.560 like I would we would say each other's houses, like 1:22:48.640 --> 1:22:50.000 four or five nights a week. But at that time, 1:22:50.000 --> 1:22:52.040 like you get home at nine pm, you're basically going 1:22:52.040 --> 1:22:55.120 straight to bed um And I think that was ultimately 1:22:55.120 --> 1:22:57.120 what led to the downfall of that relationship, so I 1:22:57.120 --> 1:23:00.559 can definitely empathize with her. And I mean, I don't know, 1:23:00.600 --> 1:23:02.960 like if he's taking the job just for an achievement sake, 1:23:03.760 --> 1:23:05.880 I don't really know what that means. I think he's 1:23:05.880 --> 1:23:08.760 probably climbing some sort of a ladder within his organization. 1:23:09.120 --> 1:23:11.200 So it's good for him within the company to be 1:23:11.240 --> 1:23:13.800 in that spot, I guess. So. My My only bit 1:23:13.800 --> 1:23:15.559 of information or advice that I have is that I've 1:23:15.560 --> 1:23:18.880 experienced it. It did not go well. I would say, 1:23:18.880 --> 1:23:20.800 try to avoid it. If you're thinking red flag, Essa, 1:23:21.400 --> 1:23:24.679 I wouldn't say it's a red flag. Um. I don't 1:23:24.680 --> 1:23:27.000 think he's doing anything wrong. I think he's twenty seven 1:23:27.080 --> 1:23:30.280 years old, he wants to build a career. He's hustling. 1:23:30.400 --> 1:23:34.439 That's something admirable. I think there's someone for everyone, and 1:23:34.479 --> 1:23:38.200 I think every person that's put into our life makes 1:23:38.240 --> 1:23:39.640 us realize the things that we do want and the 1:23:39.680 --> 1:23:41.880 things that we don't want. And maybe she's starting to 1:23:41.920 --> 1:23:44.000 realize that she needs a guy who does have a 1:23:44.120 --> 1:23:46.280 nine to five and does come home after work and 1:23:46.479 --> 1:23:50.360 where they can spend quality time together. Um. I wouldn't 1:23:50.360 --> 1:23:52.200 say it's oh, he's not going to make time for 1:23:52.240 --> 1:23:55.240 his family. He's young, he's twenty seven years old. He's 1:23:55.240 --> 1:23:57.600 probably not even thinking of how is he going to 1:23:57.680 --> 1:24:01.519 split time between if family right now? Maybe that's not 1:24:01.520 --> 1:24:05.160 not even on his mind. Um, so yeah, I would. 1:24:05.200 --> 1:24:09.719 I would encourage him to do what is best for him, 1:24:09.800 --> 1:24:12.320 because you don't want to be the person that's like, well, 1:24:12.400 --> 1:24:14.600 I'm gonna encourage him to not take the job, and 1:24:14.640 --> 1:24:17.519 then we're you're gonna end up together and then if ever, 1:24:17.600 --> 1:24:20.240 you guys do break up. And he never ended up 1:24:20.280 --> 1:24:22.160 with that position that he wanted. You don't want any 1:24:22.160 --> 1:24:24.439 form of resentment. I did that. I was in a 1:24:24.479 --> 1:24:28.400 relationship where my X at the time was like, I 1:24:28.439 --> 1:24:31.040 don't want you taking on I was teaching so much. 1:24:31.040 --> 1:24:33.000 I was really trying to get um higher on the 1:24:33.080 --> 1:24:36.000 position on the signority list, and I was teaching during 1:24:36.040 --> 1:24:38.280 the day. Then I was teaching at night, and he's like, 1:24:38.280 --> 1:24:40.080 I don't want you teaching at night anymore because I 1:24:40.080 --> 1:24:42.559 want to spend time with you and I and I 1:24:42.600 --> 1:24:44.880 did that. I listened to him, and after we broke up, 1:24:44.880 --> 1:24:48.320 I was like, why, why why did I sacrifice all, 1:24:48.400 --> 1:24:51.680 you know, the years of going to university and I 1:24:51.720 --> 1:24:54.040 loved my job so much and at that point in 1:24:54.160 --> 1:24:56.639 that stage, that's what I wanted to do. I wanted 1:24:56.680 --> 1:24:59.320 to focus on my career. And so if that's what 1:24:59.400 --> 1:25:01.680 he needs to do, then you need to allow him 1:25:01.680 --> 1:25:05.200 and let him be him. That's actually really good advice. 1:25:05.360 --> 1:25:07.400 But I think that one of the keys here is 1:25:07.439 --> 1:25:10.840 my boyfriend and I started dating in May, five six 1:25:10.840 --> 1:25:15.400 months into this thing. Next, like, I think of what 1:25:15.479 --> 1:25:16.960 I was doing when I was five months into my 1:25:16.960 --> 1:25:18.800 current relationship and I was working. I was on the 1:25:18.880 --> 1:25:21.040 radio doing seven to midnight, which is not a very 1:25:21.120 --> 1:25:22.960 conducive shift. And if someone says, oh, I can't get 1:25:22.960 --> 1:25:25.280 a guy who works seven to midnight, No, seven pm. 1:25:25.560 --> 1:25:26.920 It was just a short hour shift, but it's in 1:25:26.920 --> 1:25:29.080 a prime time for socializing and that sort of thing. 1:25:29.240 --> 1:25:31.840 So if someone wrote me off because of that, meanwhile, 1:25:32.200 --> 1:25:34.640 I haven't done that shift in twenty something years. You know, 1:25:34.800 --> 1:25:36.559 like your life now is not going to be your 1:25:36.600 --> 1:25:39.920 life five years. He's got to pay his dues, that's 1:25:39.920 --> 1:25:40.920 what he's got to do. And by the way, you 1:25:40.920 --> 1:25:42.639 did say twelve hours and a five days a week. 1:25:42.920 --> 1:25:45.000 That's sixty hours. That's a lot, but there are two 1:25:45.080 --> 1:25:47.040 days offen there. So I think you can figure out 1:25:47.080 --> 1:25:49.559 time to spend together. I think you can make this work. 1:25:50.400 --> 1:25:52.320 If I don't even think it'sbout making it work. It's 1:25:52.360 --> 1:25:54.120 just like try it out. And like you said, you've 1:25:54.120 --> 1:25:56.840 been for five months. It's not. If it's hell, then 1:25:56.880 --> 1:25:59.479 it's hell. It's not like you're married, kids together. You 1:25:59.560 --> 1:26:01.519 give this shot and see how. But at twenty three, 1:26:01.520 --> 1:26:03.280 I wanted to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend. 1:26:03.320 --> 1:26:05.280 Now that I'm thirty one, I'm like, okay, let me 1:26:05.479 --> 1:26:07.120 do your thing. I'll see you when we both have 1:26:07.200 --> 1:26:09.519 time to see each other. So it's different. So I 1:26:09.560 --> 1:26:11.800 get it. It's you grow. It's different, and then you'll 1:26:11.840 --> 1:26:14.559 and hopefully Sophia, you'll grow together and this will end 1:26:14.640 --> 1:26:16.639 up being a great thing. Now you're getting some cold 1:26:16.640 --> 1:26:19.400 feet kind of early on. You're looking for excuses. That 1:26:19.439 --> 1:26:21.400 could be a bad sign there, But I think the 1:26:21.479 --> 1:26:25.360 job is okay. Let's see how it goes. Agreed. So 1:26:25.400 --> 1:26:27.439 that'll do it for this week's episode of Help I 1:26:27.560 --> 1:26:30.559 Suck at Dating. As always, thank you the listeners so 1:26:30.680 --> 1:26:33.639 much for tuning in, But I want to give one 1:26:33.640 --> 1:26:37.880 more second to thank our sponsors of the podcast, so big, 1:26:37.880 --> 1:26:39.800 big thank you. Story Worth be sure to go to 1:26:39.800 --> 1:26:42.360 story Worth dot com slash help to get twenty dollars 1:26:42.360 --> 1:26:47.160 off when you subscribe Easton, Oh. Go to Amazon dot 1:26:47.200 --> 1:26:50.400 com slash I Suck Podcast to check out Amazon Fire Tv. 1:26:50.520 --> 1:26:52.160 You can get a Fire TV of your very own 1:26:52.160 --> 1:26:56.120 at Amazon dot com slash I Suck Podcast. Big big 1:26:56.120 --> 1:27:00.080 thank you to Hers. If you need prescription skincare and 1:27:00.120 --> 1:27:03.000 you're struggling with acne, you're not gonna get going there, 1:27:03.040 --> 1:27:06.519 so go to four Hers dot com slash Dean twenty 1:27:06.920 --> 1:27:11.040 off your customized acne kit. Big things to twenty three 1:27:11.040 --> 1:27:13.439 and me We love these guys. Twenty three and me 1:27:13.560 --> 1:27:15.880 d n a kit and now through December twenty five 1:27:15.880 --> 1:27:18.280 you can get off any twenty three and me kit. 1:27:18.640 --> 1:27:21.400 Just go to twenty three and me dot com slash Dean. 1:27:21.520 --> 1:27:24.839 That's two three and me dot com slash Dean. And lastly, 1:27:24.920 --> 1:27:27.840 I would love to thank third Love for creating the 1:27:28.120 --> 1:27:32.800 comfiest half sized bras in the entire world. So again, 1:27:32.880 --> 1:27:36.519 go to third Love dot com slash Vanessa for off 1:27:36.560 --> 1:27:39.759 your entire order. Anyways, I'll do it for this episode 1:27:39.760 --> 1:27:41.920 of Help I Suck at Dating. Here it is. I'm 1:27:41.960 --> 1:27:44.719 Dean Anglert. It's been so great having Vanessa in studio 1:27:44.720 --> 1:27:48.599 for these past three episodes, and tune in next week 1:27:48.640 --> 1:27:50.479 as well, because maybe next week will suck a little 1:27:50.479 --> 1:27:53.240 bit less. Follow help buy Suck at Dating with Dean, 1:27:53.360 --> 1:27:56.280 Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you 1:27:56.320 --> 1:27:57.160 listen to podcast