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Speaker 1: The Fread show is on. It's Stay or Go night Lily.

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Speaker 1: It's here, High Lily, good morning.

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Speaker 2: Welcome, Hi, thank you, good.

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Speaker 3: Morning, literally, welcome to the program. What's going on? Stairgo

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Speaker 3: group therapy here? Tell us everything?

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Speaker 1: Sure?

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So I have been married to my husband, Jacob

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Speaker 2: for two years now, and we have the most beautiful,

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Speaker 2: precious eight year eight month old daughter. So my husband

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Speaker 2: is a police officer, so he unfortunately does have to

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Speaker 2: work on Thanksgiving, which thanks I hate that for him

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Speaker 2: and for all of us. And it's my daughter's first Thanksgiving,

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Speaker 2: so that makes it even a little bit more, you know,

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Speaker 2: not so fun that he can't be there.

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Speaker 4: But it is what it is.

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Speaker 5: I get it.

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Speaker 2: And the other day, Jacob's mom sent me a text

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Speaker 2: and asked if she could take our daughter for a

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Speaker 2: couple hours on Thanksgiving. But she didn't say anything about me,

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Speaker 2: like she didn't invite me as well.

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Speaker 3: Okay, and he wants to pick up the baby and

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Speaker 3: and she goes to do whatever, and I don't know,

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Speaker 3: you're supposed to just chill because your husband's at work,

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Speaker 3: and now the baby's gone, okay, all right exactly.

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Speaker 2: And I was just shocked by that. I feel like

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Speaker 2: I have a good relationship with her. You know, I

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Speaker 2: didn't think anything was you know, wrong, and so it

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Speaker 2: just kind of took me by surprise that that she

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Speaker 2: would ask for that. So I told my husband about it,

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Speaker 2: and he seems to think it's not a big deal,

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Speaker 2: and and he said he just like he doesn't want

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Speaker 2: to get in the middle of it.

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Speaker 5: And then he said like, well.

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Speaker 2: Maybe I can just go to my family's house thence

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Speaker 2: he's not going to be home anyways, and that he

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Speaker 2: just doesn't want to be around with, you know, getting

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Speaker 2: in between me and his mom. And I'm really hurt

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Speaker 2: by that.

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Speaker 3: Are you sure, Lily, that the mom like that they're

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Speaker 3: going and having a full on Thanksgiving meal or Thanksgiving

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Speaker 3: you know, festivities or whatever, and that you're not being

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Speaker 3: included or is this more of a I'm gonna swing

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Speaker 3: by and take the baby because I'm off and I'm

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Speaker 3: you know, I don't know, is there a nice gesture

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Speaker 3: like is it, hey, I'm gonna swing by and give

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Speaker 3: you a couple hours on your own or whatever, because

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Speaker 3: it would be one thing, I guess if you're being

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Speaker 3: excluded from an entire function and they're bringing your kid

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Speaker 3: and you don't get to go. It's another thing if

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Speaker 3: this person just has some extra time and wants to

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Speaker 3: hang out with your kid.

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Speaker 2: I do know that they usually have a big, you know,

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Speaker 2: get together on tapes.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so you're potentially not being invited then to Thanksgiving

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Speaker 3: dinner for some reason, and you're supposed to go hang

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Speaker 3: with your parents and your husband doesn't want to get involved.

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Speaker 3: I mean, couldn't I guess your husband could at least

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Speaker 3: ask the question like, Hey, I'm not around today, why

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Speaker 3: can't we do something that includes Lily and the baby?

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Speaker 3: Because trust me, ye, like I said, as an uncle,

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Speaker 3: and my mom now has grandkids, my mom would love

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Speaker 3: nothing more than to come by, take the kids and

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Speaker 3: leave my sister's ass at home like she loves my sister.

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Speaker 3: But a hold on a second, though, Any grandparents listening

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Speaker 3: right now know what I'm talking about. True, they want

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Speaker 3: the grandkids. They don't always want their kid. They've had

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Speaker 3: thirty some years of that. They're good, They're all set there.

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Speaker 3: They want bonding time with the kid. So I guess

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Speaker 3: it would be important to differentiate between is this bonding

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Speaker 3: time with mom? Or is this you're being excluded from

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Speaker 3: a family function right, I mean, wouldn't that be an

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Speaker 3: important distinction?

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Speaker 6: For sure?

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Speaker 2: I mean, and also it is her first Thanksgiving? So

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Speaker 2: why would I not want to be with my daughter

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Speaker 2: thank you on a first Thanksgiving?

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Speaker 3: But your husband won't even ask the question. It's almost

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Speaker 3: like he knows. It's almost like he knows she doesn't

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Speaker 3: like you or something. Have you guys ever had issues before?

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Speaker 3: I mean, have you ever been led to believe that

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Speaker 3: his mom wasn't a fan or his family wasn't a fan.

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Speaker 2: I definitely we've had situations where he's taken her side.

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Speaker 2: He has been, you know, a little bit of a

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Speaker 2: mama's boy. Importunately, I hate to say that, but yeah,

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Speaker 2: we have had some situations where you know, he wants

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Speaker 2: me to be the bigger person, but it means you know,

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Speaker 2: she's kind of getting her way.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so he knows something.

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Speaker 3: Then he knows something, and he doesn't want to get

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Speaker 3: involved because he knows it to fight because if it

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Speaker 3: were just something as simple as let me treating this out,

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Speaker 3: let me she I don't know that you shouldn't have

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Speaker 3: to be alone on Thanksgiving out and she's trying to

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Speaker 3: take the kid to lunch, and well, you should go.

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Speaker 1: To or whatever.

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Speaker 5: But why does it have to be a fight? Like

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Speaker 5: you know what I mean?

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Speaker 7: Like, you're married to that woman, that is your wife,

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Speaker 7: your family, the mother of your child.

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Speaker 5: Why not say something to your mom?

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Speaker 7: Not saying you got to box it out with your mom,

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Speaker 7: but you can say something of is Lily invited you

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Speaker 7: for your you know, why isn't she coming to Like

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Speaker 7: they're they're a package deal, mom and baby go together.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm saying we're saying the same thing. He should.

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Speaker 3: He should be asking that question. I think the reason

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Speaker 3: he's not is because he knows they don't like it,

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Speaker 3: they don't like her.

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Speaker 5: He's got to figure that out.

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Speaker 3: I agree, But it sounds like there's a much bigger

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Speaker 3: issue here because if it was just a communication thing,

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Speaker 3: that's one thing. But the fact he doesn't want to

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Speaker 3: get involved means that it's going to be some form

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Speaker 3: of battle between he and his mom that he doesn't want.

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Speaker 1: That shouldn't be. But he's got to say something.

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Speaker 5: Right, No, I mean, I agree, he absolutely does. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 7: I'm tired of these mama's boys who want to like,

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Speaker 7: not get involved. I don't want to ruffle feathers like no, like,

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Speaker 7: you're married, that's your family.

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Speaker 3: Dude, Like, stop, hey, Lily, just do what Paulina does

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Speaker 3: and text her yourself and rad his ass out.

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Speaker 5: I'll help you. Girl, be like, hey, well she did.

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Speaker 1: She takes it.

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Speaker 3: Hey, your punkcast son won't defend me. So here I am.

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Speaker 3: I got questions. Why can't I know, I don't don't

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Speaker 3: be combative, But have you have you considered asking a

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Speaker 3: question like hey, can I come to I mean, I

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Speaker 3: know that's like you don't want to have to do that,

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Speaker 3: you want to be invited, But have you And maybe

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Speaker 3: it's that simple. Maybe she'd be like, oh, yeah, I

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Speaker 3: thought maybe you you wanted a break or something, because

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Speaker 3: having a newborn or at least a toddler at this

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Speaker 3: stage is a lot of work.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I have thought about it. I I

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Speaker 2: do just hate the fact that this is on me now.

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Speaker 2: I don't feel like this should be something I have

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Speaker 2: to do that I feel alone in. And I think

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Speaker 2: you're right, this is maybe a bigger issue.

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Speaker 8: With my husband.

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Speaker 5: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I kind of want to give the mother in law

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Speaker 4: the benefit of the doubt. What like, I think you

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Speaker 4: should just send the text Lily, like, hey, I would

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Speaker 4: love to come to or what's going on over there,

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Speaker 4: because honestly, maybe the mother in law is assuming that

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Speaker 4: because her her son has to work, that Lily is

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Speaker 4: already going to be with her family, and instead of

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Speaker 4: her being like, well, I want to rip you and

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Speaker 4: the baby away from your family to come spend time

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Speaker 4: with us, even though my son is not going to

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Speaker 4: be there, maybe I'll just be polite and say, hey,

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Speaker 4: do you mind if we see the baby? Because I

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Speaker 4: know you're going to say family then say that she

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Speaker 4: did not like but that's not the same thing. But

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Speaker 4: I'm saying she can maybe just giving her the benefit

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Speaker 4: of the doubt. Maybe she's you've had no history of

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Speaker 4: problems with her in the past. Why would she just

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Speaker 4: choose violence on Thanksgiving?

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Speaker 3: Because I remember people are texting, like hey, five hours

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Speaker 3: or several hours of silence seems kind of amazing, And

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Speaker 3: that's what that's what this woman's getting given.

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Speaker 5: Say, a holiday, right, holiday right?

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Speaker 3: Not not a national holidays. Because I'm assuming Lily, you

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Speaker 3: were going to split time between both families anyway your family.

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Speaker 1: Husband was not working.

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Speaker 5: Probably no, because.

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Speaker 1: That's how that's I mean, that's the normal dynamic. If

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Speaker 1: there's families that both families are in town. You go

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Speaker 1: to two Thanksgivings, even if.

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Speaker 5: You're at work. She's gonna she has to go to

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Speaker 5: your family's things. That's what I'm gonna do.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, right, because because she wants the baby to see everybody,

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Speaker 3: both sides of the family.

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Speaker 5: She didn't insinuate that. She didn't plan that.

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Speaker 4: So maybe the mother in law is like, well, you

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Speaker 4: never said you were coming to our things giving, so

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Speaker 4: let me take it in my hands and asks to see.

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Speaker 1: My ga the mom. The mom has to be the

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Speaker 1: one to invite Lily and the daughter.

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Speaker 5: Oh lord, in laws just they just get a man.

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Speaker 5: They can't do nothing, right.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I definitely think that you should be able to have

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Speaker 3: the dialogue with your mother in law. Yeah, above all,

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Speaker 3: I think your son should be able to answer these

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Speaker 3: questions for you or get the answers for you. It

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Speaker 3: just sounds like there's more to this, and and he

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Speaker 3: doesn't want to get involved in because if it were simple,

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Speaker 3: he's either lazy or he's conflict avoidant. And it doesn't

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Speaker 3: sound like he's lazy, so he's conflict avoidant. Why is

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Speaker 3: there conflict? Well that I don't know, but it sounds

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Speaker 3: like he doesn't want to call her because he knows

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Speaker 3: she's going to say, I don't you know, I don't

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Speaker 3: want to be with her, I don't like her, you

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Speaker 3: know why, or whatever. So I don't know. There's there's

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Speaker 3: a lot more going on here. But it's also a holiday,

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Speaker 3: so I feel like you bury that if you want

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Speaker 3: to see your grandkid, you make the relationship with the

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Speaker 3: kid's mom, right or dad or whomever is on the

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Speaker 3: other side, because otherwise you could very easily say no,

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Speaker 3: I'm keeping my kid on thanks Maybe you should do that.

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Speaker 3: Maybe you should be like, you know what, it's her

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Speaker 3: first Thanksgiving, I'm alone. I'd like to keep my daughter.

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Speaker 3: And then she could say, oh my god, no, no, no,

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Speaker 3: why don't you come too, or if she says if

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Speaker 3: she's like, okay, well then I guess.

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Speaker 1: You're I mean, then you know where you stand.

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Speaker 5: Come on.

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Speaker 3: I agree, Hey, Lily, I'm going to take some phone

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Speaker 3: calls on this and have the radio on. Let's see

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Speaker 3: what people have to say. But I wish you the

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Speaker 3: best of luck with this. You thank you having the

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Speaker 3: day eight five, five, five, nine one oh three five,

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Speaker 3: Hey Jake, how you doing.

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Speaker 8: Hey, Fred, Caleb Rofeo, Jason Brown, Alena k Me and

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Speaker 8: how you doing?

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Speaker 1: What do you think? Man? What's going on?

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Speaker 8: Well, first of all, I'll be really quick to the

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Speaker 8: point one hundred percent. She needs to stay absolutely no,

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Speaker 8: do not go by any means this. This sounds like

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Speaker 8: a good relationship. However, I do agree with you, Fred,

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Speaker 8: one thousand percent, A conversation definitely needs to be had.

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Speaker 8: Just sounds like there's some like avoidance or some like

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Speaker 8: conflict issues. I myself know I'm avoiding myself, but there's

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Speaker 8: there's no like red flags. Nothing jumps out immediately. This

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Speaker 8: is just, you know, a mature, deep conversation. And I

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Speaker 8: can see it from mom's point as well, if she

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Speaker 8: wants to truly like spend time with her granddaughter and

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Speaker 8: just wants to, you know, give the mom some sense

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Speaker 8: of relief some time alone. However, if she you know,

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Speaker 8: unintentionally like left her out of the family gathering, then

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Speaker 8: I think that's a bigger issue.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, Thank you, Jake, have a good day.

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Speaker 8: Hey, come on with the Tangent.

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Speaker 1: I love it. What we have. Thanks, we did?

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Speaker 3: We did is a new episode up of The Tangent

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Speaker 3: off Air and Censer podcast I heeart at Hey Kelsey,

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Speaker 3: good morning, good morning, Hi, you.

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Speaker 1: Heard the whole story.

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Speaker 3: Basically, this woman has a a one year old and

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Speaker 3: her mother in law wants to take her on Thanksgiving

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Speaker 3: and didn't really seem to want to include her because

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Speaker 3: husband's at work. He's a first responder, So what do

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Speaker 3: you do? And the husband won't stand up for her,

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Speaker 3: by the way, either, which is more of this story.

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Speaker 2: I was gonna say, no question about it. It's Thanksgiving.

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Speaker 5: Everybody knows it's a holiday. So why would you.

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Speaker 9: Even consider asking for the granddaughter and not invite them off?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I mean again, there's there's some being left out here.

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Speaker 3: There's there's a disconnected already exists because I don't know

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Speaker 3: that she should. I don't know why she's surprised this

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Speaker 3: is happening, you know what I mean? And the sun

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Speaker 3: won't get involved. I don't, It doesn't. It doesn't make

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Speaker 3: sense to me that, oh.

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Speaker 9: She should just go with her family to the baby, that's.

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Speaker 8: With her baby.

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Speaker 3: It's packaged deal. It's it's a holiday. I'm going where

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Speaker 3: the kid's going. So am I coming? Or am I not?

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Speaker 3: I feel like that.

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Speaker 9: I mean, that's it, And it's not like they're divorce, right,

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Speaker 9: Like if she wants to go to her family and

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Speaker 9: then go to his family's, right, why would she be

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Speaker 9: separated from her baby on a holiday?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 1: Hit me up on a random Tuesday?

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Speaker 3: But like, hey, I want to see my granddaughter, come

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Speaker 3: get her on a Tuesday?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 1: How about you?

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Speaker 3: The next day is a holiday too? How about you

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Speaker 3: doing that? I got Why don't I have to be

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Speaker 3: separated from my kid?

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Speaker 8: Ye?

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Speaker 1: Have a good day?

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Speaker 7: Yeah, And everybody keeps saying so that, like the baby

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Speaker 7: won't remember, who cares? Like it's not about the baby remembering, Like.

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Speaker 3: It's about the mother, Like about this when we just

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Speaker 3: Lily and when we just talk to Lily's going to

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Speaker 3: remember as moms were going to remember our first holiday

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Speaker 3: with her babies.

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Speaker 1: I agree, Hey, Vivian, Hi guys, can I.

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Speaker 6: Just I'm a huge fan of all of you guys,

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Speaker 6: Like I listen to you guys every morning, like you're

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Speaker 6: the reason why we got by seventy a.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, thank you.

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Speaker 3: So you don't wake up at seven because you got

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Speaker 3: to like, you know, go to your job or gayful employee.

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Speaker 5: Please look for you guys.

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Speaker 2: I'm thirteen.

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Speaker 3: That's a great point, Roofie just made the show starts

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Speaker 3: at five actually, so I don't know who you.

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Speaker 2: Know.

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Speaker 3: That's sweet and everything, but that's here, you know, leaving

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Speaker 3: something on the table.

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Speaker 1: But I's seven am.

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Speaker 6: I'm listening at seven am, I'm for sure.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Well, then you can go back and listen to

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Speaker 3: the other two albums later. But what you want to say, Vivian, So.

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Speaker 6: I'm kind of in the same situation, but except my

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Speaker 6: partner my kids that is also a police officer, so

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Speaker 6: he can't spend Thanksgiving with us sometimes.

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Speaker 4: But even though him.

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Speaker 6: And I aren't together, his mom is always texting be like, hey,

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Speaker 6: you don't have any plans, like, feel free to like

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Speaker 6: just stop. But even though her and her son, I

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Speaker 6: mean her son and I aren't together, like, she's always

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Speaker 6: including me because she knows I'm the mother of her grandchild.

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Speaker 4: And I just feel like if whether.

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Speaker 6: They're like, since they are together, the mother in law

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Speaker 6: should be like, hey, if you don't have any plans,

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Speaker 6: stop on by. If not, But like everybody else said,

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Speaker 6: you can you can pick up maybe.

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Speaker 3: Any other day, right, I mean, Vivian, like it or not,

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Speaker 3: Like you're the gatekeeper of this child. So if your

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Speaker 3: ex's mom wants to ever see this kid and she

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Speaker 3: needs to be nice to you, because you could very

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Speaker 3: easily make it very difficult.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, she's always super nice. I feel like if this

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Speaker 6: mother in law like loves her daughter, unless she'd be like, hey,

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Speaker 6: if you don't have many times that your family stop

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Speaker 6: on by, if you want to spend your first day

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Speaker 6: saving with your child, that's fine, just come on the

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Speaker 6: next day. I'm pretty sure when you's got like the

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Speaker 6: next day though.

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Speaker 3: Yes, that's the right thing to do. She's got the

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Speaker 3: right attitude, Thank you, Vivian.

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Speaker 5: I just feel so bad.

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Speaker 1: What but please because consider it?

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Speaker 5: What if her intentions are good?

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Speaker 1: Though?

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Speaker 4: What if what if she really was like, I know

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Speaker 4: my son is working. I don't want to be rude

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Speaker 4: and ask my daughter in law to leave her family

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Speaker 4: on Thanksgiving to come over here with us. Maybe you know,

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Speaker 4: maybe she doesn't feel comfortable without him, So let me

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Speaker 4: just say, hey, is it okay if I see the

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Speaker 4: baby for a couple hours.

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Speaker 1: Here's why I.

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Speaker 3: Don't take Here's why I don't think it's that because

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Speaker 3: she'd say all that right, like it has like you

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Speaker 3: could set this up in a way that's not hurtful.

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Speaker 3: You could say, if she really cared about this girl

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Speaker 3: in any way, or is she even wanted the optics

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Speaker 3: that she cared, it's the optics that matter. You sell it,

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Speaker 3: you know, Well, let's say you let's say she strategically

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Speaker 3: doesn't want her daughter in law there. Then you call

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Speaker 3: and you sell it like that, you go over the top,

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Speaker 3: you go, hey, you know what, I'd love to pick

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Speaker 3: the kid up. I'm going to take her to lunch

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Speaker 3: and we're gonna do this stuff and you you should

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Speaker 3: just take a nap and relax and have a day

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Speaker 3: and I'll bring her back a little bit later on

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Speaker 3: with a plate of food. It's gonna be great. That's

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Speaker 3: but she didn't even do that. She just said, Hey, lady,

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Speaker 3: I'm swinging by, I'm taking a kid. I don't know

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Speaker 3: what the hell, I don't care. What you're going to

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Speaker 3: do is imply God, I'm serious.

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Speaker 4: You feel like we're making a lot of assumptions and

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Speaker 4: sometimes you could look on the like look at the

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Speaker 4: glass half full. Maybe this lady just really was trying

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Speaker 4: to because I feel like if she really had beef

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Speaker 4: with the daughter in law, I wouldn't even text my

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Speaker 4: daughter in law.

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Speaker 5: I would have text my.

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Speaker 4: Son, I'm coming to get my grandbaby on Thanksgiving.

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Speaker 5: And set it up with your wife.

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Speaker 9: But you don't not invite someone because you feel bad

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Speaker 9: taking them away from their family. You say, hey, if

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Speaker 9: you have plans with your family, all good, but you

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Speaker 9: are welcome at our place.

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Speaker 4: It's that you could have said that, but she did it,

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Speaker 4: and that's automatically mean. That's my get the ring back

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Speaker 4: yet to make assumptions, of course.

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Speaker 1: Not got can someone got cancer?

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Speaker 3: Phone?

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Speaker 1: Tell about you everything you hear me. The entertainment report

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Speaker 1: is next to friendship.