Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, we are back with another episode to hold up.
Speaker 2: I'm your host, Josh Johnson, right for the Daily Show
Speaker 2: and joining me as my co host, you'll say, Sloan
Speaker 2: correspondent for the Daily Show. And we're getting right into it.
Speaker 2: You know, I know that there's a lot going on
Speaker 2: in the world. I know there's big things, there's wars,
Speaker 2: there's there's market crashes. We're not gonna be talking about
Speaker 2: any of that. We're talking about stuff that probably doesn't
Speaker 2: even matter at all to anybody but us. And we're
Speaker 2: talking about today staycation versus vacation. Where do you stand?
Speaker 2: Where do you land? What do you want to go on? More?
Speaker 2: And I'm not gonna put this on you. I'm just
Speaker 2: saying that it seems to me like you are a
Speaker 2: vacation kind of gal. I'm I'm a I'm a staycation dude.
Speaker 2: I'm a homebody. Because for me, this is I'm just
Speaker 2: gonna throw this out there, and this is not pointed,
Speaker 2: but just just you're you're gonna you're gonna catch some
Speaker 2: bass in my voice, all right, You're gonna you're gonna
Speaker 2: catch some tone. Okay, I cannot stand the fact that
Speaker 2: a vacation includes a trip to the airport, a trip
Speaker 2: to a bus station, a trip like I like to
Speaker 2: already be places. I don't like to travel. People say
Speaker 2: they like traveling. You like to already be there. The
Speaker 2: airport is a nightmare.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you want to be able to teleport, that's
Speaker 1: what that sounds like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sick of attacks, like the actual social attacks
Speaker 2: at an airport that I have to go through to
Speaker 2: have a vacation. It doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1: Do you have clear and pre check?
Speaker 2: I have clear, I have pre checked. But you know what,
Speaker 2: sometimes those close. I didn't even know that was possible.
Speaker 2: Sometimes nobody close them.
Speaker 1: Not only will they be closed, they won't be open
Speaker 1: early enough. Then customs also closes as if planes don't
Speaker 1: land daily. So it's like you should at least see,
Speaker 1: like when's the earliest flight coming in from an international flight?
Speaker 1: Be open? When's the latest flight leaving? Be fucking open?
Speaker 1: Who invented this nonsense? We know who did it, but
Speaker 1: we won't have to talk about them. We know who
Speaker 1: did this, We know who did it. Have you considered
Speaker 1: taking a vacation in a car, like, well, you don't drive.
Speaker 2: No, No, I can't drive. So no, I have not
Speaker 2: considered taking a vacation in a car. That would be
Speaker 2: a car accident almost immediately.
Speaker 1: Okay, well I think you should try. Ooh, you can
Speaker 1: do like the best of both worlds. Like you remember
Speaker 1: whenever Idy was like had left the city and was
Speaker 1: like just took over the mountains of like upstate New
Speaker 1: York and all these other places like the Poconos, which
Speaker 1: full disclosure, for most of my life I thought was islands.
Speaker 2: Uh, I'm just finding out they're not islands right now.
Speaker 1: See don't they sound like islands?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're fucking mountains.
Speaker 2: It also sounds like islands. We don't fully understand.
Speaker 1: Right, So it's like, oh, we're going to the Poconos.
Speaker 1: So if you say that word to me, you're telling
Speaker 1: me it's a vacation. I'm hearing the word Poconos expecting
Speaker 1: fucking mountains in New York because it's crazy, just blandlocked,
Speaker 1: just higher altitudes. Sounds nuts. Have you considered, because then
Speaker 1: you can get like the best of both worlds. You
Speaker 1: drive up to a cabin and then you're staying in
Speaker 1: a cabin, so you're getting your staycation. But You're just
Speaker 1: not at your house.
Speaker 2: No, because at my home, I know where everything is.
Speaker 2: This cabin, this, this cabin. You know, how do we
Speaker 2: know there's not murders? How do we know there's not
Speaker 2: somebody waiting? You know what I mean? The cabin is
Speaker 2: where the stuff happens from the movie.
Speaker 1: You're right, That's why I'm like going up there. I'll say,
Speaker 1: for me, it depends. But I think because we have
Speaker 1: been in a Panorama, a Panasonic, a Pondul's, a Popeye's
Speaker 1: for the past two years. My desire because like I'm
Speaker 1: a beach per right, So like my family's from Miami.
Speaker 1: I was born there and we used to live there.
Speaker 1: So like for me, vacation means beach period. M hm.
Speaker 1: Do look at me and go like, oh, we're going
Speaker 1: to like somewhere that's not gonna be any geographical place.
Speaker 1: It's not a beach for vacation. I'm gonna look at
Speaker 1: you like the nets.
Speaker 2: You don't want to go to Montana? You don't want
Speaker 2: to I mean, cause here's the thing I look like.
Speaker 2: The other thing about vacations that I can't stand is
Speaker 2: that there's a pressure to like have fun and do
Speaker 2: activities and and and like really be out there whereas
Speaker 2: a staycation. Now, it's all up to you. Do you
Speaker 2: want Netflix? Do you want to just relax? You want sleep?
Speaker 2: That's all happening. It's happening at home.
Speaker 1: I have been on vacation with people and it's been
Speaker 1: chill as shit, and we're doing whatever, we're doing whatever
Speaker 1: we do it. And then there's other people that want
Speaker 1: to give you like a full itinerary and itemize and
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is not relaxing because I don't like
Speaker 1: to do this in my life. So it's like also
Speaker 1: like you'll go on vacation with people and they don't
Speaker 1: want to spend money on food.
Speaker 2: Wait what It's like.
Speaker 1: I've gone on vacations with people and it's like, well
Speaker 1: I don't want to spend a bunch of money on food,
Speaker 1: you know, Like, bitch, what are you talking about? Like
Speaker 1: I want to make it. It's like, well, we can
Speaker 1: just get maded that I am not eating anywhere where
Speaker 1: I can eat where I live.
Speaker 2: Do you want to know what that is? Though? That
Speaker 2: is a staycation person going on a vacation.
Speaker 1: Now, there's a broke person going on vacation. There's a
Speaker 1: broke person going on vacation, you should have stayed home.
Speaker 1: You should stay home. It's like I like I now
Speaker 1: like when I go on vacation, I want like a
Speaker 1: hotel room that has like even I it's a kitchenette
Speaker 1: or something, right, because like you want to be able
Speaker 1: to have like little snackies, and so you have a
Speaker 1: place that has like a little kitchen area so you
Speaker 1: can keep cold cuts cold. Okay, keeps cold cuts cold.
Speaker 1: Nobody's eating hot cold cuts. That's ay. You gets sick,
Speaker 1: you get some nice fruits, you bring you some watermelon,
Speaker 1: nice little trees, get you some cold drinks, and then
Speaker 1: you have a nice day on the beach. You are
Speaker 1: not about this.
Speaker 2: No, because you know what you're describing. It's home. No,
Speaker 2: that's that's that's that's home to me. I already got
Speaker 2: the cold cuts, already got them cold, not warm. I
Speaker 2: already got the fruits and the veggies. I'm doing all
Speaker 2: of my my my things at home. And this is
Speaker 2: the other thing about vacations is that people always end
Speaker 2: up doing my stuff out there.
Speaker 1: So then you can go That's the way I mean,
Speaker 1: a person.
Speaker 2: Columbia to watch Netflix, to watch Columbia Netflix. I got
Speaker 2: my American.
Speaker 1: Netflix listen once. It's like because like when I went
Speaker 1: to Turks and Caicos, like a lot of those resort places,
Speaker 1: people have been at the beach all day long. They're
Speaker 1: probably going to be exhausted. So like some places don't
Speaker 1: like So it didn't like a lot of like a
Speaker 1: lot of night in life because like a family place,
Speaker 1: like I had to meet people that lived there. Remember
Speaker 1: I told you one on the date that would just
Speaker 1: ended up being a family outing. Yeah right, just wow,
Speaker 1: just for the listeners. I went on a boat tour,
Speaker 1: was hanging out with like twenty middle aged white people
Speaker 1: from New Jersey because they were also on the boat.
Speaker 1: We had a great time. Uh. But one of the
Speaker 1: guys I was working on the boat, I think it
Speaker 1: was like this, he wasn't the captain. Captain was married,
Speaker 1: because I would have gone for the captains, but because
Speaker 1: you know, gott to go for the nick in charge.
Speaker 1: Why would I go for the assistant. That sounds crazy,
Speaker 1: So but he was a nice man. We hung out.
Speaker 1: He's like, Okay, I want to take you out and
Speaker 1: I was like sure. He's like, yeah, there's this bar
Speaker 1: we all go to. I said, okay, cool, because I
Speaker 1: didn't want to do some stuff where, which is just
Speaker 1: like being on the resort all day. So he comes
Speaker 1: and picks me up, and when you see him, he's
Speaker 1: there's a like older woman in the front seat drinking
Speaker 1: a corona. And I was like, I'm not gonna get
Speaker 1: a kidnap this. But I had met some girls from Atlanta,
Speaker 1: and you know, we don't play that game. So they
Speaker 1: took pictures of him when he wasn't looking, and then
Speaker 1: they took pictures of the car, and the girl, one
Speaker 1: of the girls, was like, she's like, you're coming back,
Speaker 1: and I was like, thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Look, once again, these are vacation things. I don't have
Speaker 2: to take pictures of anything anybody.
Speaker 1: But I used to do this in college, like when
Speaker 1: like the younger girls would have a guy like come
Speaker 1: and pick them up. Look where'd you meet him?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: We met something like this is like early two thousands.
Speaker 1: They might have met like something like black played at
Speaker 1: a college club some stupid like that. So if none
Speaker 1: of our friends knew who he was, we took a
Speaker 1: picture of him, took a picture of the license plate,
Speaker 1: and he's like, wow, why would y'all do thisthing? Cause
Speaker 1: she's coming back. That's why had no casualties in here,
Speaker 1: and some of them would get so spooked. One dude
Speaker 1: just left the girl. He was like, I don't want
Speaker 1: to deal with this, and I was like, see, you
Speaker 1: would have ended up on the news. You're welcome, But.
Speaker 2: I mean, I mean maybe, yeah, yeah, that.
Speaker 1: May seems why he's so upset, why he's so bothered
Speaker 1: by this, right, So going I go and hang so
Speaker 1: like it's it's it's his aunty in the car and
Speaker 1: then his cousin's in the back seat. And then come
Speaker 1: to find out later the reason all of the aunty
Speaker 1: and the cousin were in the car because it was
Speaker 1: the auntie's car. Right, So these are But I still
Speaker 1: had a fun time. I had an experience. He tried
Speaker 1: to con me into starting a jet skiing business. I
Speaker 1: was like, absolutely not. I don't know your last name.
Speaker 1: But it was a nice man, glad I didn't give
Speaker 1: him the cookies because he was poor. But what I'm
Speaker 1: saying is you go on vacations to have adventures, right,
Speaker 1: But the other girls I was hanging out with, they
Speaker 1: stayed at the resort the entire time because it's an
Speaker 1: all inclusive resort, and one of the girls was like,
Speaker 1: She's like, I get my money's worth. I'm drinking everything,
Speaker 1: I'm eating all of the food. I am not leaving
Speaker 1: this resort because I pay the money.
Speaker 2: Me.
Speaker 1: On the other hand, I was just like, I've been
Speaker 1: on this resort for three day. I had because I
Speaker 1: got I was there from Wednesday to a Sunday.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, by like now, now, maybe I just haven't
Speaker 2: been to as many places as you, so then maybe
Speaker 2: that's part of what's happening. But I'll tell you right now,
Speaker 2: there are adventures at home. There are adventures that you
Speaker 2: could have that you would have never One time I
Speaker 2: lost my remote and I genuinely I couldn't find it.
Speaker 2: I couldn't find it anywhere, and I looked up and down,
Speaker 2: I was tossing cushions, I was everything right, And eventually
Speaker 2: I just started walking up to the TV every time
Speaker 2: that had changed a channel. Right. And then one day
Speaker 2: in my staycation, three day staycation, then on the third day,
Speaker 2: I opened one of the drawers in my kitchen boom
Speaker 2: remotes right there all right now. I don't know how
Speaker 2: it got there. Now I got an adventure and a mystery,
Speaker 2: and I don't even have to leave home.
Speaker 1: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Also, you must
Speaker 1: have had cable, because you can't change the stream of
Speaker 1: service without it control.
Speaker 2: I don't know why my thing is sad and your
Speaker 2: thing is normal, all right, I don't. I don't know
Speaker 2: why that happened at all.
Speaker 1: Listen. I went on an adventure with strangers. Okay. I
Speaker 1: found out that about the little dogs they have on
Speaker 1: the island. I saw all the all the islands. I
Speaker 1: was parasailing. Okay. I found out that I could not
Speaker 1: ride a horse on the beach because there's weight limit
Speaker 1: on these horses. And now I have a joke about
Speaker 1: it because I was like, where did you get these
Speaker 1: weak ass horses from? You? See what I'm saying, Like
Speaker 1: horses used to be able to put armor on people,
Speaker 1: and then armor on horses, and then we go to war.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, where did you get these horses from?
Speaker 2: Look, I'll tell you right now. I also have had
Speaker 2: some riveting staycasions. One time I had a dream about
Speaker 2: a turtle and it was wild. Woke up sweating everything.
Speaker 1: How do I hang up? How do I hang up?
Speaker 1: How do I what?
Speaker 2: Why would you hang out, Why would you Why would
Speaker 2: you hang up? I'm making good points.
Speaker 1: I would to hang up. You can I tell me
Speaker 1: about a dream about a turtle and compare that to
Speaker 1: me and another girl swag surfing in the sky. It
Speaker 1: doesn't work that way.
Speaker 2: No, it worked that way for me. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: I was absolutely not Listen, this money you can't take
Speaker 1: it with you. Okay, first and foremost, you can't take
Speaker 1: this money with you. You work hard, you might as well
Speaker 1: spend it. This is the thing about vacations, though, It's
Speaker 1: like sometimes it's like like vacations come to an end.
Speaker 1: So it's say, even likecations come to an end because
Speaker 1: you have to take your ass back to work, right,
Speaker 1: So that's the hardest part of either being on a
Speaker 1: vacation or a staycation. You know you have to now
Speaker 1: go back. Well, I guess you're a staycation ends you
Speaker 1: just wake up.
Speaker 2: I guess boom, thank you. That's what I was going
Speaker 2: to say. I was going to wow, exactly what I
Speaker 2: was going to say.
Speaker 1: Could you just go to work?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: That's it?
Speaker 2: Every weekend stressing, stressing and flights you know, Oh, how
Speaker 2: do I get back? I get back on the train, sir,
Speaker 2: excuse me, why I blow my nose. I did not
Speaker 2: expect this to happen.
Speaker 1: While we were recording, I think about all the places
Speaker 1: that I wanted to go as like a kid. Like recently,
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, didn't you go to Hawaii with
Speaker 1: your mom?
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm for them? That wasn't for me. Wow, that's
Speaker 2: I'm trying to give my mom and my aunt a
Speaker 2: better life? Are you so that that's just something that
Speaker 2: I thought that they would enjoy. I On the other hand,
Speaker 2: I could have stayed home. I could have watched all
Speaker 2: the net I was binging at the time, so that
Speaker 2: I had to quit binging and then and then get
Speaker 2: on a plane and watch it on a plane on
Speaker 2: a tiny screen. Then I had to get to Hawaii,
Speaker 2: which is beautiful. Don't get me wrong. It's beautiful. There's beaches,
Speaker 2: there's like, you know, scan clad people, and there's their
Speaker 2: son and all the stuff.
Speaker 1: As somebody who doesn't like the beach, like you make
Speaker 1: me think you're someone who doesn't like the beach.
Speaker 2: It's just itchy dirt. It's it's just when you have.
Speaker 1: You heard Jay Jorden's joke where he says, uh, sand
Speaker 1: is just gay dirt.
Speaker 2: Wow, wow say, he said, it is so funny fell out.
Speaker 1: He's so funny that I have to look at my
Speaker 1: But it's like I went to Hawaii back in March
Speaker 1: because like we had some we had some off time
Speaker 1: from the show, and I wanted to go, but I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know anybody in Hawaii. I want
Speaker 1: to go. I want to go just because it's like
Speaker 1: I grew up in the nineties. They sent everybody on
Speaker 1: every TV show to Hawaii, so it's been like propped
Speaker 1: up to us for generations. And I was like, I
Speaker 1: want to go, but I want to by myself, because
Speaker 1: I definitely went to Turks and KOs by myself. But
Speaker 1: I was like, there's black people here, I'll be fine,
Speaker 1: But Hawaii, I don't know the cats and as wall
Speaker 1: on the other side of the planet, it's literally right
Speaker 1: in the middle of the specific Pacific Ocean. You have
Speaker 1: no backup. So it's like I don't know nobody, know
Speaker 1: nobody out here. And then my big brother Tom Bell
Speaker 1: an amazing comic uh and stays on the TV show.
Speaker 1: He was doing shows out there, so I was like,
Speaker 1: brother going, I'm gonna go with him. I go out there,
Speaker 1: we have fun. I meet a young man. I come back,
Speaker 1: you know, uh in April, and it hung out with him.
Speaker 1: But then I got to go like to more of
Speaker 1: the beaches, and you know, he took me all around
Speaker 1: and see the island because you were on it was
Speaker 1: Oahu when you went, where were you? Oahu? Are Maui?
Speaker 2: I was in Maui. And I'll say this even you
Speaker 2: know you mentioned you know, the the what, what's the
Speaker 2: best way to put it? The brief and citing romance
Speaker 2: on a vacation. You know, there's something about meaning a
Speaker 2: person on vacation, and you know it's it's it's like
Speaker 2: new and it's fresh. And then it's like, ooh, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna have to leave soon. So how far is it's
Speaker 2: gonna go. I'm into the whole romance novel aspect of
Speaker 2: romance vacations. But you know what a staycation? Hey, you
Speaker 2: can come back anytime, all right, You can come back
Speaker 2: whenever you want, I hear you.
Speaker 1: But for that to work, you already have to have
Speaker 1: somebody on the hook before your's vacation starts. And also
Speaker 1: I thought this was gonna be a brief romance. And
Speaker 1: then this man was trying to marry me, which I
Speaker 1: did not see coming, and I was like, hey, I
Speaker 1: just wanted this to be like a fun, casual.
Speaker 2: Thing, trying to make it a staycation. He was trying
Speaker 2: to make it a steak cake because then if you
Speaker 2: if he had married you and you had moved, my
Speaker 2: man is doing the same things that I'm talking about doing.
Speaker 2: You know, It's like you meet someone on vacation and
Speaker 2: you make it a staycation because you fall for I
Speaker 2: was not.
Speaker 1: Finn moved to Hawaii. I have so much work to do.
Speaker 1: Like you said, I'm trying to get my mom a
Speaker 1: better life. I can't do that in Hawaii. I can't.
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm with job I was supposed
Speaker 1: to have that was going to keep Maryann Hill from working,
Speaker 1: but it did not exist on that particular island. But
Speaker 1: like the I because like I was just in Okay.
Speaker 1: Here's the best example of the staycation. I was just
Speaker 1: in London for the past month shooting a TV show.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: So it was a work trip, but I wasn't working
Speaker 1: all the time. And then for me sometimes that I'm
Speaker 1: in a new place, because like I waited to do
Speaker 1: all the real touristy touristy stuff till my mom came.
Speaker 1: The first week we were with Wait, you.
Speaker 2: Were there, I was there. I was waiting for you
Speaker 2: to remember that I was also there.
Speaker 1: But I was waiting for you to mention that you
Speaker 1: were also there.
Speaker 2: Hey. I didn't want to interrupt, you know, I know
Speaker 2: that we argue all this show, but I want to
Speaker 2: be rude.
Speaker 1: Okay, I hear it.
Speaker 2: I get you, yep.
Speaker 1: But like we were there for I was there for
Speaker 1: a month. You were there for a week, and so
Speaker 1: there were days we weren't working. But there were days
Speaker 1: we weren't working. But like I didn't feel like running
Speaker 1: around London, and I'm sure there was some days where
Speaker 1: you didn't feel like running around London.
Speaker 2: So I didn't feel like running around London because my
Speaker 2: chest popped off.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, what happened with that? Could you have to
Speaker 1: get their Russian ivy profit?
Speaker 2: This is this is why staycations are better. I'll tell
Speaker 2: you right now. So I'm in London and I'm just
Speaker 2: doing a regular bench press. I'm not I'm not doing
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to be a hero. I'm not trying
Speaker 2: to save any lives. I'm not trying to lift a
Speaker 2: car off a baby or anything. I'm doing a regular
Speaker 2: bitch press that I normally do, and I just hear
Speaker 2: a pop and I feel I feel a tear and
Speaker 2: I rewrack the bar and my arm is not cooperating,
Speaker 2: and I'm sitting there swelling like you like you saw me.
Speaker 2: I can't believe I went to the museum. You saw
Speaker 2: me like two hours after it happened. And so I
Speaker 2: don't know what to do because I just got this
Speaker 2: like boulder on the left side of my chest. And
Speaker 2: if I had been home doing a staycation doing a
Speaker 2: bench press, I would have known what doctor to go to.
Speaker 2: I don't even know if they'll see me because I'm
Speaker 2: not from here. And apparently the health care is free,
Speaker 2: but is it free for everybody? Do they just have
Speaker 2: like health care spilling out the back of trucks or
Speaker 2: do I need to go fill out a form? So right?
Speaker 2: You know, staycation is even better for getting hurt.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean one, that's your fault for working out
Speaker 1: why you was on vacation. That's on you.
Speaker 2: I mean, wow, Okay.
Speaker 1: You wasn't gonna get out of shape in a week.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like the.
Speaker 1: Shape wasn't gonna change you. We wasn't gonna stop being
Speaker 1: a trappings a week one all of a sudden gonna
Speaker 1: be like a.
Speaker 2: Huge I want to be one of those big you
Speaker 2: know what, I'll go on vacation when I'm torn and ripped.
Speaker 2: Like Michael B.
Speaker 1: Jordan, I want this for you. You've been talking about
Speaker 1: it for years.
Speaker 2: Well you have to remind me how long I've been trying.
Speaker 1: I mean, listen, we know that I've been trying to
Speaker 1: do various things with my body and they have not
Speaker 1: been coming to fruition. But it's just like I hear
Speaker 1: you want to stay because I was really trying to
Speaker 1: figure out because it's like because for my birthday, I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'm going to go to LA for
Speaker 1: a couple of days. But then literally this morning, I
Speaker 1: was just like, what if I.
Speaker 2: Didn't mm hmmm, Well if you had a staycation with
Speaker 2: all the people you already know in New York to
Speaker 2: come through because.
Speaker 1: But but I did that the last two years for
Speaker 1: my birthday with everybody in New York, and I haven't
Speaker 1: been able to see my LA friends. So for me,
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, getting your acquainted with people, and
Speaker 1: also's like I've been to la a few times. It's
Speaker 1: like it's always been for work. So then you can't
Speaker 1: be around anybody because you got to make sure you
Speaker 1: don't catch ORNI so I've done a staycation before, and
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do that. I'm gonna do myart crafting, and then I
Speaker 1: just really give myself permission to just lay.
Speaker 2: Dawn, which is the best. I don't know. I don't
Speaker 2: know why people are trying to have ambitious staycations. Okay,
Speaker 2: it was made for you to lay where you lay,
Speaker 2: for you to eat where you eat.
Speaker 1: It.
Speaker 2: It's absolutely perfect, all right. The people that are out
Speaker 2: here trying to go to other countries and like see
Speaker 2: other cultures and stuff, it's like what you're trying to prove,
Speaker 2: all right, So you don't want to travel worldly?
Speaker 1: So wait, so you don't want to travel at all,
Speaker 1: You don't want to go to another place.
Speaker 2: All I'll say is this, I go places. I do
Speaker 2: things like I went to London, go to Canada, I
Speaker 2: go places for shows. I'm I'm I'm a person that
Speaker 2: goes out. I'm just saying I would rather stay at home,
Speaker 2: all right, with a good book, because that's the other
Speaker 2: thing I do on vacation. Vacations, I end up buying books,
Speaker 2: But then I just wish I was home reading because
Speaker 2: then you buy a book on vacation and then everybody's like, no,
Speaker 2: I come to the beach with us, everything like that,
Speaker 2: and then then after all.
Speaker 1: Whad books on the beach all the time?
Speaker 2: I don't want to stand in my pages. I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't want the binding of my book to be
Speaker 2: dirtied with the soiled sweat of the earth.
Speaker 1: Wow. Okay, so you can sit by the pool, because
Speaker 1: most hotels have pools. You can sit by the pool
Speaker 1: and read a.
Speaker 2: Book and get splashed with chlorine on my pristine new book.
Speaker 1: Listen. I don't. I can't want this for you. I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to figure out. I guess I understand, like
Speaker 1: there's times that I really want to be home, right,
Speaker 1: and then there's times from just like I think. The
Speaker 1: other thing for me is like I'm single. Mm hmm,
Speaker 1: so being in my house by myself for an extended
Speaker 1: period of time just makes me sad mm hmm. Like
Speaker 1: if there was another human being in my house, maybe
Speaker 1: even a cat, there was another living creature in my house. Well,
Speaker 1: another mammal. There's another mammal in my house.
Speaker 2: Another more more specific. Every time I don't uh so.
Speaker 1: Something I can hug an ear, then I might be
Speaker 1: more inclined to be home more. But like I remember,
Speaker 1: I was like out like a couple of months ago,
Speaker 1: and one of my friends were like, oh, it's like
Speaker 1: one in the morning, are you going home? And I
Speaker 1: was like, why, there's nobody at my house and he
Speaker 1: just started laughing. I was like, what he's thinking, It
Speaker 1: is very good. I've no want to go home to
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get in the house. When I left, it
Speaker 1: was just me. When I got home, it was just me.
Speaker 1: These dishes only get washed when I feel like doing them,
Speaker 1: and I never felt like doing them. So I think
Speaker 1: for me, like going on trips and stuff, it's like
Speaker 1: it's really just trying to get to the beach. But
Speaker 1: I think that's like the beach is like a relaxing
Speaker 1: place for me.
Speaker 2: Okay, so how about this. I'll pitch you this. I'll
Speaker 2: ask you this. If you live somewhere with a beach,
Speaker 2: would you go on vacations if the beach was already there,
Speaker 2: It's already outside the window. You can see it. You
Speaker 2: can just peek out your blinds and see the beach.
Speaker 2: You know, you can just stare at it out your
Speaker 2: window like a pervert. Right, You're still going on vacations now,
Speaker 2: I don't know, because that's my thing is that if
Speaker 2: you got the right environment, a staycation is better than
Speaker 2: a vacation because you already know you want to be
Speaker 2: at the place that you are.
Speaker 1: Well, I guess like that's why I started buying better
Speaker 1: seats on planes because the hardest part was just like
Speaker 1: just being hemmed up, just shrapped in this tube in
Speaker 1: the sky, trying not to pee because I'm in a
Speaker 1: window seat and I had to climb over to two
Speaker 1: other adults. What all I'm just trying to do was just,
Speaker 1: you know, look for the latrine. So just that, so
Speaker 1: like just traveling in a different way, And like I
Speaker 1: remember there was one time I was in lax and
Speaker 1: I don't know if some flights had got canceled or
Speaker 1: what happened, but there were people fucking everywhere. I was like,
Speaker 1: is this a bus station? What the hell happening here?
Speaker 1: Because I was like I was excuse, you know, because
Speaker 1: like Costa was telling me, He's like, oh, you should
Speaker 1: get a membership in the Delta Lounge in the American Lines,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't think I need that. And there
Speaker 1: was a thousand humans, truly thousands of people, and it
Speaker 1: was stressing me out. So I was like, let me
Speaker 1: go in the Delta sky Club. And I walked in there,
Speaker 1: and I was like, is the air different in here?
Speaker 1: Like it was just a different vibe because it wasn't
Speaker 1: a million people stressed out about getting on a plane.
Speaker 2: Very interesting, very interesting. So you went to an airport
Speaker 2: and you were getting overwhelmed by the amount of people
Speaker 2: around you and and their franticness, their chaos was was
Speaker 2: it was coming at you funny. So you wanted to
Speaker 2: get away from that, so you went to a sky lounge,
Speaker 2: which is only replicating a staycation.
Speaker 1: A sky lounge is not representing a stacation. And you know,
Speaker 1: good and damn well, it's not. It's a whole barn
Speaker 1: here it's free because you're still try it's a lounge, Josh,
Speaker 1: it's not. I'm currently in the green room of the show.
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm in a living room. I know
Speaker 1: I'm in a room that is designated for people to
Speaker 1: wait in.
Speaker 2: It's not a lounge that moves. It's a lounge that
Speaker 2: stays right where it is.
Speaker 1: You know, the whole airport doesn't move. I still have
Speaker 1: to leave this lounge to go to my flight. No, this.
Speaker 2: Is a point for me.
Speaker 1: I am not making a point for you, because how
Speaker 1: about this. They could make the whole airport. That's the
Speaker 1: thing that to make it exclusive, because like you're in
Speaker 1: a first class seat, you automatically get it right when
Speaker 1: you are paying to have a different type of experience
Speaker 1: than there is going to be food and drinks because
Speaker 1: I paid you more to not be in the franticness
Speaker 1: of the people who are getting on a Spirit Airline
Speaker 1: flight or whatever, or group nine. Like, that's why it's
Speaker 1: gonna sound very lead. Some people are gonna be upset.
Speaker 1: That's not my problem, and I not knowing.
Speaker 2: You really came for group nine.
Speaker 1: That's listen. You think I wasn't in group nine.
Speaker 2: You think when I started trying.
Speaker 1: We've all been in group nine. When you start going
Speaker 1: on the road, you are a group eight, Group nine,
Speaker 1: group six. And then when you start whacking up these
Speaker 1: frequent flyer miles because you work the more freaking flyer miles,
Speaker 1: you get the earlier you can get on a So
Speaker 1: I'm always gonna be Sky priority no matter where I
Speaker 1: sit on this plane because I have four hundred thousand
Speaker 1: miles with Delta.
Speaker 2: I think that, you know, we should also point out
Speaker 2: that group nine if you're not aware, if you're a
Speaker 2: listener and you're not actually someone who's had the misfortune
Speaker 2: of being in group nine, you're basically outside the plane.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're holding on the way the wing. Yeah you're
Speaker 1: that monster on that episode of Twilight Zone who is
Speaker 1: terrorizing a very young William Chatner like you're holding onto
Speaker 1: the plane for dear life. Also, by the time they
Speaker 1: get to group nine, if you don't have a backpack,
Speaker 1: that rolling your rolling backs, not getting on the plane
Speaker 1: group nine, it's just not no.
Speaker 2: They tell you ahead of time, they tell you they
Speaker 2: don't even try.
Speaker 1: Don't even try. You are in group nine. Go ahead,
Speaker 1: gate check this. Stop playing with people, so you start traveling.
Speaker 1: It's you, So you work your way up.
Speaker 2: So can throw this out there to you. You know
Speaker 2: what type of place does not have this sort of
Speaker 2: hierarchy where you have to work your way up through
Speaker 2: money and time and expenses. Is a home. You know,
Speaker 2: I don't know that. That's that's true my basement. I
Speaker 2: want to sit in my basement for you know, thirty
Speaker 2: extra minutes because I'm in group nine.
Speaker 1: First of all, you don't have a basement.
Speaker 2: You don't know my life like that.
Speaker 1: I do know your life like that.
Speaker 2: I know you don't have no business out there.
Speaker 1: Baby, I don't have a basement.
Speaker 2: You never heard of. No, maybe maybe there's a basement.
Speaker 2: Look base im, you don't.
Speaker 1: Have a basement. The building you're in might have a basement,
Speaker 1: but where you say, ain't got no basement. So that's
Speaker 1: I play this game. We are only dealing with true
Speaker 1: facts and experiences, and in your experience, your black as
Speaker 1: ain't got no basement. So I don't want to play
Speaker 1: this game. Okay. And the thing is because of time
Speaker 1: and experience spent, don't you live in a better apartment
Speaker 1: now than you did when you first moved in New York?
Speaker 2: M See, I want to give it to you. But
Speaker 2: those are leases.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no no no, it's not about a lease. You're
Speaker 1: talking about a staycation. So where you stay is going
Speaker 1: to determine how your cation goes. Right, So when you
Speaker 1: and over your very first apartment in New York with
Speaker 1: whoever you were staying with, would you want cause so
Speaker 1: when you're doing staycation, you're like a solid week at
Speaker 1: home doing nothing. So your first apartment when you first
Speaker 1: moved to New York, would you have wanted to do
Speaker 1: a staycation in that apartment?
Speaker 2: I don't even know if I want to talk about it,
Speaker 2: you know, no, no, no, no, no no no.
Speaker 1: No no no no no no no.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean my first apartment in New York was
Speaker 2: a hallway. So that's that's uh to your point. I
Speaker 2: see what you mean that that you work your way
Speaker 2: up eventually. I guess I just feel like since I've
Speaker 2: lived in the same apartment for years now, I don't But.
Speaker 1: But you had to work, and that's time to get
Speaker 1: to the plant where you could afford to live in
Speaker 1: an apartment that you would stay in for a week.
Speaker 1: Because your other apartment was a tornado drill. Sure, yeah,
Speaker 1: see that's not a place you wanted to stay caation. No,
Speaker 1: where you stay now with someplace you want to stay caation.
Speaker 1: So if you're living in a situation like that, you
Speaker 1: would not want to stay there. You would put your
Speaker 1: coins together, peel them apart, if you got to you
Speaker 1: would collect your coins together and get on that jet
Speaker 1: food flight because you can get an eighty dollars ticket
Speaker 1: to the Caribbean on Jet Blue and be in a
Speaker 1: nice seat and take luggage with you.
Speaker 2: I didn't know those things.
Speaker 1: They got a great Listen, It's not that expensive to
Speaker 1: get to the Bahamas. It's really not. That's why people
Speaker 1: always go. Bama's expensive to go to. That's why I
Speaker 1: was like, listen, if I can't deal with a man
Speaker 1: who can at least give me to the Bahamas, bro we,
Speaker 1: why am I let you see my tips? It's stupid.
Speaker 2: Look peak staycation versus peak vacation. I'm trying to stay
Speaker 2: cation every time. I want to get enough money to
Speaker 2: have a nice enough house to where I never want
Speaker 2: to leave, and that's the ultimate staycation experience.
Speaker 1: But do you not want to leave because your house
Speaker 1: is so expensive?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I probably can't afford to leave now, Like.
Speaker 1: Well that was a crazy thing, Like this is what
Speaker 1: kind of happened, like because of the RONI where it
Speaker 1: was like that's why we ran into furniture, because everybody
Speaker 1: was in their apartments being like, oh wait a minute,
Speaker 1: I got to be in here all day, every day
Speaker 1: for months. Oh, we need to change it. Shut up,
Speaker 1: I'm losing my mind in here, because that was the
Speaker 1: thinking I think I got, like a lot of That's
Speaker 1: why so many people like left New York because it's
Speaker 1: like you for work at like eight in the morning,
Speaker 1: you might not come and if you go, you might
Speaker 1: not come back until eight to ten o'clock at night
Speaker 1: or even later, and then you just go to sleep.
Speaker 1: So you weren't even in your apartment that long. So
Speaker 1: you're like, I can handle this. You know. Yes, the door,
Speaker 1: the bathroom door hits the toilet when I open the door,
Speaker 1: but I'm not here that off anyway, it don't matter.
Speaker 1: And then now you're in there because Uther Roney, and
Speaker 1: it's like, oh shit, this is I gotta get the
Speaker 1: hell about it here. You know that feeling that you
Speaker 1: get when you're on vacation, like you don't have any
Speaker 1: respond like you don't like you don't like that feeling.
Speaker 2: I have that feeling at home, and here's there's no.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh yeah, there's no way.
Speaker 2: I get that feeling hard at home.
Speaker 1: Wow you're home.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't. I don't care about anything. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: you know, you know it's about to get read this book,
Speaker 2: you know about to get watched this show. Oh, I'm
Speaker 2: in it. I seemless to my apartment because I know
Speaker 2: what's near me. I don't I don't even think. I
Speaker 2: don't even think you'd be ready for the level of
Speaker 2: staycation experience that I experienced. I think I think your
Speaker 2: mind would be blown.
Speaker 1: Is that just reading a book and ordering foods you
Speaker 1: eat all the time?
Speaker 2: What can I say? I got a good life.
Speaker 1: I can't stand you.
Speaker 2: I will say, though, the thing that you mentioned about
Speaker 2: vacations and how it, especially in the pandemic, people wanted
Speaker 2: to get out there and have new experiences. I understand that,
Speaker 2: Like I I get that. I'm it's not even new experiences.
Speaker 1: It's just like leaving. You weren't in your house shaking
Speaker 1: in fear for a year and a half. It was like,
Speaker 1: I'm finally not mortified to step outside my house. What
Speaker 1: if we got on a plane?
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm.
Speaker 1: I think that's the campaign. It's like that makes sense,
Speaker 1: and I do understand the feeling. I'm just like being
Speaker 1: in your house and not having to do anything. But
Speaker 1: I think a staycation is just a weekend.
Speaker 2: Ooh, ooh. That that's that's where I have to slow
Speaker 2: you down. That's where I have to back you up.
Speaker 2: That's where I have to stop you.
Speaker 1: Okay, you have never talked to me like this before.
Speaker 2: A staycation is as long as the imagination lets it go.
Speaker 1: Now, staycation as far as long as you are on vacation.
Speaker 1: Then the next thing you wake up and go to work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you you can be on staycation until the
Speaker 2: minute you leave that apartment, that house, that condo, that trailer,
Speaker 2: that car. It's about the mind. You know, You're You're
Speaker 2: the one that that's like hooked on the parameters of
Speaker 2: an itinerary. You have to be on that flight by
Speaker 2: a certain time or else you're not coming back.
Speaker 1: Planes fly daily. You can always get a plane back.
Speaker 1: You can always get baby. No.
Speaker 2: Fair Yeah, fair enough, that that makes sense. I see
Speaker 2: what you mean now of how vacations can be great
Speaker 2: and why people want to go on them. I'm I'm
Speaker 2: with you.
Speaker 1: See, And and I also can understand because like every
Speaker 1: since like this thing started to open back up, I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I don't this feels too open, Like
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, some people are nasty. Some people you. You're like, oh,
Speaker 2: you should still be in lockdown.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you should still be in lockdown. You should be
Speaker 1: in handcuffed. So yeah, it's like I understand. But what
Speaker 1: I do also like, this is what I like what
Speaker 1: I'm on vacation. I don't like running around and doing
Speaker 1: a bunch of shit because, like, guess why, I like
Speaker 1: getting like a hotel, like a balcony or like an
Speaker 1: airbeit like a balcony, like I'm gonna be able to
Speaker 1: just sit outside and enjoy the air of another place.
Speaker 1: I don't like running around having a full ituner race.
Speaker 1: So it's like, I guess sometimes I'll do a staycation
Speaker 1: while I'm on a vacation. That makes sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, I'm with you. I want to get
Speaker 2: not only just your thoughts, but the thoughts of the listeners.
Speaker 2: Let us know what you think. You know, are you
Speaker 2: a vacation person staycation person? Do you think one of
Speaker 2: us is absolutely crazy? It's probably me. I understand that
Speaker 2: I have very unpopular opinions about things.
Speaker 1: Oh, people probably agree with you. They're like, no, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to stay in the house, you know, because sometimes.
Speaker 2: I feel like a rich person agrees with me. I
Speaker 2: feel like, ah, I feel like anybody with money is
Speaker 2: probably going to agree with me. I'm just glad that
Speaker 2: we could find some common ground, you know. I want
Speaker 2: to thank you will Say for being a co host
Speaker 2: with me. I want to thank you the listener for
Speaker 2: listening to the episode. And we're going to be back
Speaker 2: next week with an all new hold Up. Listen to
Speaker 2: hold Up on the iHeartRadio app podcast or wherever you
Speaker 2: get your podcasts.
Speaker 3: Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
Speaker 3: searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
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Speaker 1: This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Wow.