WEBVTT - Does the Process Know We’re Trusting It? (3 Things That’ll Help You Keep Going) 0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:04.680 Good break it down. 0:00:05.320 --> 0:00:08.680 If you ever have feelings that you just wons maybe 0:00:08.840 --> 0:00:13.000 a cat gotcha Cob and locking m brother Lady's folks, 0:00:13.560 --> 0:00:15.560 do you just follow an the spirit where it tell 0:00:15.640 --> 0:00:19.239 us the phn real stuff to the chill stuff and 0:00:19.400 --> 0:00:23.000 the m but swaying. Sometimes the best thing you can 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:28.640 do it just stop you feel things. This is feeling things. 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:29.360 With Amy and Kat. 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:32.080 Happy Tuesday. Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy and. 0:00:32.040 --> 0:00:34.560 I'm Cat and I'm starting with the feeling of the 0:00:34.600 --> 0:00:38.560 day because I'm feeling so relieve right now. 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:39.520 Tell us more. 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:42.479 And this has a lot to do with you. Has 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:46.839 everything to do with you, really, because a weight has 0:00:46.840 --> 0:00:49.640 been lifted off of my chest and I think this 0:00:49.920 --> 0:00:52.559 there's probably something deeper going on that I probably should 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:55.800 work through with my own therapist. But yesterday you sent 0:00:55.840 --> 0:01:01.200 me a text that said something to discuss with you 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:05.679 tomorrow when you come over or maybe a dinner conversation. 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:10.960 Oh okay, okay, yes, now I know what you're talking 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:14.000 about it and you don't like messages like. 0:01:13.959 --> 0:01:15.960 That, so you sent me that, and I think I 0:01:16.400 --> 0:01:18.319 was trying to be cool because you've done this before. 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:20.880 I don't know if you've noticed this, but like you've 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:22.319 done this before where you said, like I. 0:01:22.280 --> 0:01:24.960 Want to talk about X, and I'm like, oh, oh, 0:01:25.120 --> 0:01:26.520 let's talk about it. But it's in your head. 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:28.679 It's probably not that big of a deal, but like, 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:30.680 I don't know what you're going to say about it, 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:31.480 so I need to know. 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:36.480 So I was trying to practice like coolness and calmness 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:39.760 and trust and all the things. So I just was 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:40.440 like okay. 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:45.080 And then later I think I said, so, what do 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:46.720 you need to oh, because then later you sent me 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:48.000 something else and I said, oh, is. 0:01:47.920 --> 0:01:50.280 That what you needed to discuss? And you were like no, no, 0:01:50.400 --> 0:01:52.320 And I was like, okay, well you're giving me anxiety? 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:55.520 What is it? And you didn't answer me. You left 0:01:55.560 --> 0:01:56.840 me like you re let me hanging. 0:01:56.840 --> 0:01:59.040 And I was like, shoot, oh, I had a busy 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:02.440 phone call dayesterday, which I'm sorry about that, but now 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:06.080 I know why you're feeling. Is your feeling of the 0:02:06.160 --> 0:02:09.200 day is you're probably feeling relief, right, it's relieved. 0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:10.440 Do I not even say what my feeling? 0:02:10.480 --> 0:02:12.000 I don't know if you did. I only know because 0:02:12.000 --> 0:02:13.600 I read relieved, but I didn't know what you were 0:02:13.639 --> 0:02:17.120 relieved about. Okay, you said it. Now I was getting 0:02:17.200 --> 0:02:19.360 nervous that like what I had done to you because 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:21.360 I was like, wait a second, what did I do? 0:02:22.000 --> 0:02:25.400 But now I know you're relieved because I finally told 0:02:25.440 --> 0:02:27.160 you what it was and you realize it's not that 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:27.799 big of bod deal. 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:29.760 Yes, but listen to the text that I sent you, 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:32.600 and this is just like to me, it reminds me 0:02:32.639 --> 0:02:35.080 of my mom will send a text and be like 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:38.480 call me, and I'm like, who in our family has died? 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:42.000 Or who had a heart attack? Because why wouldn't you 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:44.480 just text me something? Or why can't you call me? 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:49.600 You know, it's like I can't sit there and then 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:51.280 like go have a session with a client, like I 0:02:51.280 --> 0:02:51.760 need to know. 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:54.040 So like share with this worst case scenario what you 0:02:54.080 --> 0:02:55.400 thought I needed to talk to you about. 0:02:55.520 --> 0:02:57.680 Well, I'm trying to find Oh you said I have 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:01.080 something to run by you. Oh how a dinner combo 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:04.280 tomorrow or tomorrow I will see you or tomorrow when 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:07.720 I see you when we record. I don't know what 0:03:07.760 --> 0:03:09.560 it was, but I was thinking like it either could 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:13.320 be like something really exciting or it's like we need 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:15.360 to talk about something. But then when you said dinner, 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:18.600 I was like, Okay, well, like, it can't be anything 0:03:19.200 --> 0:03:21.280 too personal or bad. 0:03:21.200 --> 0:03:25.560 Like I was thinking, you know, is a scenario, Oh 0:03:25.760 --> 0:03:27.480 is something not going well with the podcast? 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:29.960 Yes, that was part my initial but then I was like, no, Catherine, like, 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:32.040 it can't be that because that's not dinner Kravo. 0:03:32.200 --> 0:03:33.960 She would like have a conversation with you about that. 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:40.680 You talk to yourself full name when you talk to yourself, Yes, Catherine, Catherine, 0:03:40.680 --> 0:03:43.080 Elizabeth Brittany. 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:46.280 Yes, Yath and Mary Francis, Sally Brittany, Defauda dan Buren. 0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:51.480 So then I said, what are you wanting to discuss? 0:03:51.560 --> 0:03:55.960 This is giving me anxiety? And you just go on 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:57.760 talking about whatever else? 0:03:57.880 --> 0:03:59.160 You didn't. You just didn't. 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:01.120 I think you didn't probably see that because we were 0:04:01.120 --> 0:04:03.400 talking about something else at the same time, and I 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:06.680 think you were on the phone and then and then 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:10.480 you and then you're talking to me about something else 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:12.960 and I go, okay, is this what you we have 0:04:13.040 --> 0:04:13.960 to talk about? 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:17.359 And you just go no, lol, yeah, because I'm like, 0:04:18.200 --> 0:04:19.760 why would I make a big deal to talk about that, 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:21.880 which I wasn't trying to make a big deal. First 0:04:21.920 --> 0:04:22.880 of all, Well. 0:04:22.760 --> 0:04:24.560 You didn't, I did, okay, thank you? 0:04:25.360 --> 0:04:27.760 I was, I do this a lot where I try 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:30.320 to just make little notes so I don't forget. So 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:32.080 I feel like if I tell you, we won't forget. 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:33.679 But now I know if I tell you, I'm sending 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:36.240 you into panic mode and you're going worst case scenario 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:37.680 and you're like, I need to know, don't do this 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:39.960 to me. So I'll work on that. But I'll even 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:43.840 text myself or email myself little notes of like, you know, 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:46.880 just so I don't forget. So that that was my 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:49.800 way of saying, hey, I want to talk to you 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:52.080 about something, but not right now, okay. 0:04:52.160 --> 0:04:54.760 But if your boyfriend sent you a text and was like, 0:04:54.800 --> 0:04:57.080 I know we're not dating, but like if your boyfriends 0:04:57.080 --> 0:04:58.640 sitting in a text was like I have something I 0:04:58.680 --> 0:04:59.960 need to talk to you about tomorrow. 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:05.080 What do you My boyfriend's studis to you? What and 0:05:05.160 --> 0:05:06.359 my boyfriend's studis to you? 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:09.560 Just like that's like the typical, like, hey, we need 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:12.760 to talk, so maybe we need another thing for this, 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:15.440 like hey, I need to talk to you about something NBD, 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:18.920 no big deal, oh MBD, because in your head again, 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:20.640 it wasn't a big deal. So when I keep asking 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:22.520 you about it, you didn't respond. 0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:23.960 To be fair, what I ended up sharing with you 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:27.039 was sort of a big deal, but not in like 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:28.520 a big deal like you need to know about it, 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:32.360 but it was ehind okay, everything was okay. It was special. 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:34.599 I wanted to share with you a revelation I had 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:37.240 in therapy and you, being a therapist. I thought you 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:41.320 would appreciate it because my therapist helped me work through 0:05:41.360 --> 0:05:45.000 something and I'm like, I felt so much better after 0:05:45.040 --> 0:05:48.320 my session that I wouldn't let you know that. After 0:05:48.440 --> 0:05:50.920 clients have sessions with you, there's probably so many times 0:05:50.960 --> 0:05:52.800 where they're walking out of your office and they're like, 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:56.240 I feel so much better. And I wanted to share 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:59.359 with you what a joy it is to have a 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:02.800 job like bad where you're like really helping people. 0:06:02.960 --> 0:06:04.640 Yeah, which was actually so sweet. 0:06:05.000 --> 0:06:07.920 That's but no, we're like, oh, I'm relieved. You were 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:14.080 just wanting to sort of compliment me, and I do 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:16.360 see how though I caused some That's why I thought 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:18.320 it would be okay to talk about at dinner, because 0:06:18.680 --> 0:06:20.680 I would like it would have been if we were 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:22.880 with you know, my boyfriend and your husband and we're 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:26.280 out to eat and I were to say, like, you know, Kat, 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:27.960 just thinking about your line of work and what you 0:06:27.960 --> 0:06:29.279 get to do every day. I just wanted you to 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:32.240 know you're making an impact because I'm sure my therapist 0:06:32.279 --> 0:06:36.360 probably just hung up from our video call and was like, Okay, yeah, 0:06:36.960 --> 0:06:39.200 did my job today, but like no, really, she like 0:06:39.279 --> 0:06:42.800 did her job. She showed up and to her it 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:45.360 was just she's doing what she's trained to do. But 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:47.840 for me, it was big. So I wanted you to 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:51.000 know that. So you are feeling relieved that we're not 0:06:51.400 --> 0:06:53.800 ending the podcast. 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:55.159 Yeah, or like anything bad. 0:06:55.680 --> 0:06:59.760 So instead of NBD, why don't we say ETO, Everything's okay. 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:02.960 Okay, I'm gonna send them all, gonna be the ETO 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:07.160 MVD all good. Everything is fine, But I like talk 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:09.520 about this later but not like a big deal. Later 0:07:09.560 --> 0:07:12.240 is just sort of which is something that I want 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:13.480 to talk to you about but I don't want to forget. 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:14.800 But a hunt IP talk about right now. 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:18.080 I think that this is probably more something I need 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:21.320 to work on. It's like I'm jumping to like conclusions. 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:24.880 Why am I still on edge? Yeah, Like I that 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:27.400 there could have been so many scenarios my brain made up, 0:07:27.400 --> 0:07:29.680 but I made up this like worst case scenarios. 0:07:29.960 --> 0:07:32.160 I saw so many memes that were very fitting to 0:07:32.200 --> 0:07:36.520 my therapy appointment yesterday. I guess once one popped up 0:07:36.520 --> 0:07:41.000 in my algorithm like other videos were popping up of Like, 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:43.760 you know, trust the process is a common saying. I 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:46.800 feel like I been saying it a lot lately myself. 0:07:47.200 --> 0:07:51.160 Trust the process, Trust the process. And have you seen 0:07:51.200 --> 0:07:53.600 the memes where it's like does the process? No, we 0:07:53.720 --> 0:07:57.560 are trusting it, And to me it's so funny and yeah, 0:07:57.600 --> 0:08:01.240 it's like, hello, I am trusting you process. 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:03.040 Why aren't you being so crazy? 0:08:03.080 --> 0:08:03.720 Are you aware? 0:08:03.920 --> 0:08:04.080 Yeah? 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:07.360 Because you're acting like you don't know that we're over 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:09.480 here trying to trust you. 0:08:09.520 --> 0:08:11.520 Did you talk about that in your therapy session the 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:13.240 meme and talk about the meme? 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:13.600 No? 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:17.560 But when I left therapy, though, I felt like the 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:21.120 process like heard me a little bit and I was like, okay, 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:23.440 so you in the process are working. Process showed up, 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:26.720 showed up with a little bit, and then I showed 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:29.120 some trust. Something that my therapist did say to me, 0:08:29.240 --> 0:08:33.360 like point blank is like Amy, a lot of times 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:37.400 you're talking to me and you you start off one 0:08:37.400 --> 0:08:39.920 way and sound very fearful, like I have a lot 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:42.480 of fear, but then I work my way through it. 0:08:42.520 --> 0:08:46.480 And I eventually get to the proper part that has 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:52.400 more wisdom than fear, and like there's a little clarity 0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:55.200 there and it shows like I'm capable. And she's like, 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:57.920 do you realize you do that and you get there 0:08:58.720 --> 0:09:00.560 and I'm like, so, she's like, if you would just 0:09:00.559 --> 0:09:03.800 pause and take a beet, you probably could get there. 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:07.280 You know, they call yeah, they call that, and maybe 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:09.520 this is not exactly what you're talking about, but you've 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:11.200 heard the phrase play the tape through. 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:13.720 No I have not, Oh so tell me. 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:17.320 So that's a lot of times, specifically in recovery, but 0:09:17.400 --> 0:09:20.400 like any type of process in therapy, we can use this. 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:24.360 But if somebody is worried about something, or if somebody 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:27.960 is wanting to do something that they don't know is 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:30.120 like it might be a little risky, We'll say play 0:09:30.120 --> 0:09:31.920 the tape all the way through. And so if you 0:09:31.960 --> 0:09:34.560 play the for example, if it's somebody's working through recovery 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:36.199 and they're like, I really want to go to this party, 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:37.960 but I know there will be a lot of alcohol, 0:09:38.720 --> 0:09:41.320 they're so like, I don't know, like should I go, 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:43.920 But like also like I really want to go because 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:45.080 my friends are going to be there, and I don't 0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:46.560 want to miss out on something. We'll say like, well, 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:48.800 let's play the tape through. What would what are the 0:09:48.800 --> 0:09:50.760 steps that are going to happen? So we'll play the 0:09:50.760 --> 0:09:52.840 tape through and probably get to the point where like, 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:55.240 I'm not that I'm still really early in recovery. I 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:57.679 haven't been tempted a lot. I'm gonna go to this party. 0:09:57.679 --> 0:09:59.760 People don't know that I'm in recovery, so they're gonna 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:02.520 be off offering me alcohol. I'm gonna want to feel cool. Dad, 0:10:03.280 --> 0:10:06.199 I'm gonna drink. I'm gonna have to start on day 0:10:06.200 --> 0:10:08.040 one again kind of thing. Or who knows what's gonna happen, 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:11.480 or for you, it's like, okay, you start here with 0:10:11.520 --> 0:10:13.800 all this fear. Once you play the tape all the 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:17.160 way through, you're like, oh, I got this, Okay, how 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:19.880 do I And that allows you to pause and then 0:10:19.960 --> 0:10:22.760 how do I play the tape through and then make 0:10:22.840 --> 0:10:23.640 a decision. 0:10:23.600 --> 0:10:24.520 With all the information? 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:28.480 Let me ask you this, okay, Catherine, Yes, next time 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:32.160 you get a text message from somebody that's like, hey, 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:35.440 I need to talk to you about something, maybe you 0:10:35.440 --> 0:10:36.439 could play the tape through. 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:39.920 Are you sitting there just thinking and waiting to see me. 0:10:40.360 --> 0:10:43.160 I'm like, hm, cat should play the tape through. 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:44.839 I should play the tape here? 0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:46.760 Should you see? 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:49.480 That is why therapist needs to go to therapy, because like, 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:51.400 we have our own stuff and it's easy to dish 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:52.959 it out, but sometimes we need to be able to 0:10:53.040 --> 0:10:53.640 sit and hear it. 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:57.200 Yeah. Well, I also kept wanting to go like big 0:10:57.240 --> 0:10:59.520 picture though too. I understand like playing the tape through 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:01.920 just for the moment, but like I want to play 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:04.199 the tape through and it be accurate, like I want 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:06.680 to know what's happening. And then she brought me back 0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:10.640 to like, let's stop focusing on what the next six 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:13.560 months look like and let's focus on what the next 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:17.880 day looks like. Like break it down into bite sized pieces. 0:11:17.880 --> 0:11:23.000 So that's a little nugget for if you're feeling like 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:26.760 you're trying to trust the process, but you're like does 0:11:26.800 --> 0:11:31.640 the process know? Then start to take it down to 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:35.720 bite size, which makes me think of the proverb or question. 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:38.000 I think it's a proverb. Is it a proverb? 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:39.080 I don't know if you've wrout that. 0:11:39.120 --> 0:11:42.160 How do you mean an elephant one by a time? 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:45.400 That's right, because an elephant as a whole is very overwhelming, 0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:47.040 but if you break it down and eat it one 0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:48.559 bit at a time, you'll get there. 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:50.760 Eventually that's the next right thing. 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:52.839 The next right thing. So like, what's the next right 0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:57.319 thing I can do today or this minute? Like depending 0:11:57.360 --> 0:12:02.280 on how micro you need to go right, yeah, because 0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:04.439 it might be you could look at it it's a 0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:07.240 week if you want, because maybe you've got overwhelmed by 0:12:07.240 --> 0:12:08.840 the month of the year. So for you, maybe you 0:12:08.880 --> 0:12:10.280 go down to the week, but some people might need 0:12:10.320 --> 0:12:11.880 to go down to like the minute. 0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:14.600 Yeah, I was gonna say hour, but minute also works. 0:12:14.320 --> 0:12:19.079 And that's okay. Some tips that she walked me through 0:12:19.160 --> 0:12:23.120 and like getting there were like sometimes even just giving 0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:25.360 yourself little task to do to show you that you 0:12:25.400 --> 0:12:27.760 can do it, Like what's something you've been putting off? 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:29.920 Because there is one thing that I discussed in therapy 0:12:29.960 --> 0:12:31.640 that I have been putting off and she was challenging 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:34.000 like why, And then she was like, could you practice 0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:37.320 doing little things that you're putting off, like that could 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:40.920 build up to that that you're exercising that muscle, because 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:43.560 like every time you read, you're giving your brain a 0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:46.120 little gift. Well, every time you do a little thing 0:12:46.120 --> 0:12:47.640 that you've been putting off. You're giving your brain a 0:12:47.640 --> 0:12:48.920 gift that makes the bigger thing. 0:12:50.000 --> 0:12:53.439 Well, it also teaches you that you can do things. 0:12:53.760 --> 0:12:55.640 Yeah, so like, is there an email you've been putting 0:12:55.640 --> 0:12:57.640 off and it's really not that big of a deal, Like, 0:12:57.800 --> 0:12:59.760 but you know you need to send the email. Sit 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:02.840 down and get out your computer and make yourself send 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:05.200 that email. And then you're like, all right, I sent 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:09.600 an eave sent an email, yeah or whatever that next, right, 0:13:09.640 --> 0:13:11.720 story you can do. So she was showing me and 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:13.839 then she also brought up a little bit of stuff 0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:17.240 you've talked about before about the data and the story, 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:20.080 like we've got the facts and we've got the stories. 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:22.160 And she's like, also, what I want you to notice 0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:24.319 when you're doing my When I was playing the tape 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:28.240 back and I was getting there, She's like, you're showing 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:32.400 you're capable. And then also, look at your life. You 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:36.240 have this fear about something. Sure it's coming up from 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:41.040 childhood or this and that, but you look at you 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:44.920 look at your life where you are, you pay bills like, 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:48.200 you have a drop, like you have children, you have 0:13:48.240 --> 0:13:52.640 a home, you have a car, Like you're capable. I 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:55.240 am capable. Yeah, like these things that like just freak 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:58.880 me out. And she's like, so even when I got 0:13:58.880 --> 0:14:00.960 home from work today we were going to record, I 0:14:01.000 --> 0:14:02.599 was doing the Bobby Bone show at studio and I 0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:04.240 got home for today and I was pulling it through 0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:05.920 my house and I was like, this is my house, 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:09.400 Like I bought this, and I was like, granted, it 0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:11.080 took a real litter and he knew what she was 0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:12.120 doing and you know. 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:13.720 Yeah, but you and you decorated it. 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:15.880 And the lone people that knew She's like, but you 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:18.520 need And then that showed me like, thank you Lord 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:20.760 for the experts along the way that helped guide me, 0:14:20.880 --> 0:14:23.320 like I didn't have to do it alone, but yeah, 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:27.120 also I did it. Yeah, And I need to remember 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:31.560 that because I guess my big story that pops up 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:35.960 a lot no matter what area is that I'm not capable. 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:39.560 So and I feel like there's times where I've overcome 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:42.120 it and then it will rear it's ugly little hey. 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:45.120 Well, I think also that what's coming up for me 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:48.000 is when it comes to being capable, we can get 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:50.400 lost in the all or nothing of that. Because how 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:52.400 you were saying, like this is my house, I bought 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:54.080 this house and they're like, well I needed a realtor. 0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:56.480 Well yeah, but doesn't mean you weren't capable. 0:14:56.520 --> 0:14:59.480 And I think I do this too, where I'm like, 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:02.560 I it can be really hard on myself for not 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:04.960 knowing how to do something and then therefore putting it 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:08.040 off because it's overwhelming or needing extra help with something. 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:10.960 And you know, I love to do things on my own, like, 0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:13.520 no matter what it is, whether it's a home project 0:15:13.640 --> 0:15:14.000 or whatever. 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:16.120 I'm like, I can do that. My nails. 0:15:16.840 --> 0:15:19.360 I can't do that, though, but like, I love being 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:20.480 able to do something on my own. 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:23.840 And something that I will always remember is when. 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:29.880 I started having my father in law do my taxes 0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:33.840 because he's a tax accountant, which was a risk because 0:15:33.880 --> 0:15:35.240 we weren't married. And I was like, I'll let this 0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:38.560 guy see my finances. I got really embarrassed because he 0:15:38.600 --> 0:15:41.120 was asking me questions and I was like, I don't 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:45.000 know what you're asking me. And I used to keep 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:48.880 track of all my finances for work on a like 0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:50.080 a word doc. 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:52.440 Well that's okay, I think you're gonna say a. 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:56.200 Napkin no on like a word doc. So I would 0:15:56.200 --> 0:15:58.240 just like always write everything out and so like I 0:15:58.320 --> 0:15:59.920 sent that to him and he was like, I can 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:00.640 can't use this. 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:04.920 Don't you have Excel? And I was like, I don't 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:06.160 really know how to use that. 0:16:06.840 --> 0:16:09.920 So Patrick helped me put it all in Excel because 0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:14.560 word docs you can't like do control all the things 0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:15.920 and whatever it has. So I sent it to a 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:17.960 Excel and I was like, I'm sorry, like I don't 0:16:17.960 --> 0:16:20.960 know anything about taxes, and he goes, that's okay, I 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:23.960 don't know anything about being a therapist. That's why you're 0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:26.880 a therapist. And I'm a tax accountant. And I was like, 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:31.480 thank you, Like that doesn't mean I'm not capable. It's 0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:35.000 that to do my taxes, I am capable, but I 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.640 need an expert to help me with that, right, I 0:16:37.680 --> 0:16:39.600 don't have to do everything. 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:41.520 On my own. I don't have you all knowing. 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:44.760 Yeah, I love that. That's what I mean too about 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:48.640 the the realtor part is like I thank you for 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:51.560 people that came in, and also that I could trust 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:56.400 some people that work with realtors or lenders that screw 0:16:56.440 --> 0:17:00.080 them over. So I was able to do it and 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:03.600 I was able to find people to trust. And something 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:06.240 else that fits in the vein of like, okay, one 0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:08.159 minute at a time, one hour at a time, one 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:10.439 day at a time. Is sometimes you may need to 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:15.280 borrow hope from someone else, and like simply knowing that 0:17:15.320 --> 0:17:17.359 your friends believe in you, because like I know, if 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:20.080 I were to call you or a cryocat or whoever 0:17:20.240 --> 0:17:23.040 like and have a conversation, you would encourage me and 0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:24.760 motivate me. And so I might if I don't have 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:26.400 that hope for myself in the moment, I can maybe 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:29.160 borrow it from you or hear one of your stories 0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:32.120 and then be inspired by that story. And so sometimes 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:35.080 we might need to borrow the hope to get us 0:17:35.119 --> 0:17:36.840 to the next day. 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:39.359 You want to know something that's kind of depressing, but 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:42.040 like a similar vein, it was very helpful to me, 0:17:42.119 --> 0:17:55.800 So it's not bad depressing. When I went through a 0:17:55.840 --> 0:17:58.440 really bad breakup, and if you've been through a really 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:02.280 bad breakup, it feels like you physically feel sick, Like 0:18:02.320 --> 0:18:05.520 the pain is not just emotional, it is like physical. 0:18:06.160 --> 0:18:08.000 And in my head, it was the first one I 0:18:08.040 --> 0:18:10.119 had ever gone through, so in my head, I was like, 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:12.000 how am I ever going to not feel this again? 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:13.160 Like I don't know how to. 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:16.199 Get out of this, And what I did is I 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:19.320 looked for people who like had gone through breakups and 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:21.879 then I was like, where are they now? And like 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:24.879 there was one specific there was like a song I 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:26.840 think it was a Johnny Swim song or something like that, 0:18:26.880 --> 0:18:29.600 and it was like so sad and so depressing. Then 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:31.919