Speaker 1: How old were you when the alien encounters first started?
Speaker 2: Four or five years when I was really young. I
Speaker 2: got really scared when I had a bad encounter and
Speaker 2: I saw it like carry my sister down the.
Speaker 1: Hallway, And did any part of you desire to intervene,
Speaker 1: like thinking that your sister was in danger and you
Speaker 1: needed to do something that was.
Speaker 2: Terrified because not all of them were friendly, some were scary. Hello, Carl, Hey, geck,
Speaker 2: how are you.
Speaker 1: I'm doing all right, Carl, how are you.
Speaker 2: Doing? Awesome? Awesome?
Speaker 1: Carl says here twenty four years old from Florida, and
Speaker 1: that you were abducted by aliens as a child.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a little a little odd. It was
Speaker 2: more like they came to visit my room.
Speaker 1: Why do you think they came to visit your room?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Man. Like when I was younger, I had like really
Speaker 2: bad nightmares. And one of the things that would happen
Speaker 2: is like I would see stuff floating in my rooms.
Speaker 2: And so one time, like really late at night, and man,
Speaker 2: I was terrified to sleep with the lights not being on,
Speaker 2: Like if the lights were on, I'd freak out. But
Speaker 2: I would see like this little like two and a
Speaker 2: half foot tall dude in like sparkling black pajamas, like
Speaker 2: dancing and moon walking with me, and like that was
Speaker 2: the only time, like I wasn't really afraid of the encounters,
Speaker 2: but there was a few times where it like got
Speaker 2: super like super scary. Bro Like, there was one time
Speaker 2: like when I was like I would say six, I
Speaker 2: was sitting there watching TV in the dark, just sitting
Speaker 2: there watching cartoons because you know, back in the day,
Speaker 2: you know, TVs were a lot different, didn't have them
Speaker 2: everywhere like now.
Speaker 1: Well, so hold on, so hold on, hold on, back
Speaker 1: back up, back up. First for a second, Carl, how
Speaker 1: old were you when the Alien Encounters first started?
Speaker 2: I would say about four or five years Oh, I
Speaker 2: was really young.
Speaker 1: Okay, about four or five years old. And tell me
Speaker 1: about the very first one?
Speaker 3: Was it?
Speaker 1: As you said, because because you're painting sort of two
Speaker 1: separate pictures, one where the aliens are dancing with you
Speaker 1: and they come in peace and they're your friend, and
Speaker 1: then one where they are hostile to you. And yeah,
Speaker 1: in what form did they come the very first time?
Speaker 2: Uh, it would be both at the same time because
Speaker 2: they would have different shapes. There'd probably be about two
Speaker 2: or three different types, you know, like like sometimes they'd
Speaker 2: just be like fo nords, and then sometimes it'd be actual,
Speaker 2: like they take on a human form, but they would
Speaker 2: look like a shadow, if that makes sense, a sparkly
Speaker 2: shadow just walking around my room.
Speaker 1: Did they talk to you at all? Did they say anything?
Speaker 2: No? But I would see them pick up, Like there
Speaker 2: was one time I got really scared when I had
Speaker 2: a bad encounter and I saw it like carried my
Speaker 2: sister down the hallway and my sister didn't wake up.
Speaker 2: That was the crazy part. And then hut back in
Speaker 2: the bed.
Speaker 1: So you saw him carry your sister down in the hallway,
Speaker 1: and did any part of you desire to intervene, like
Speaker 1: thinking that your sister was in danger and you needed
Speaker 1: to do something.
Speaker 2: That was terrifying because not all of them were friendly.
Speaker 2: Some were scary and tell.
Speaker 1: Me that were friendly.
Speaker 2: So so the friendly.
Speaker 4: Ones would, I guess when they figured out that I
Speaker 4: was too traumatized, the friendly woman come down and just
Speaker 4: like dance and like no one else would hear it
Speaker 4: us about they hear like this little like do.
Speaker 2: Do do do doo in the like music and the
Speaker 2: thing would dance and like when walking it's crazy and
Speaker 2: he was like a little midget thing. He wasn't like tall,
Speaker 2: he was like maybe three feet tall. And that was it.
Speaker 2: He just looked like sparkly shadow.
Speaker 1: The hostile aliens, the ones that that you got bad
Speaker 1: vibes from, were they short as well or were they
Speaker 1: were they a different size?
Speaker 2: Uh, they would be. They would have extremely exaggerated arms
Speaker 2: or legs and it would almost look like Groot from
Speaker 2: Guardians of the Galaxy. Yeah, like like like like like
Speaker 2: like watching TV one night, I saw a group like
Speaker 2: arm probably about six to eight feet long, reach up
Speaker 2: from under the bed and try to grab me. And
Speaker 2: and that that that p.
Speaker 1: And you said, to try to grab you? Yeah, yes,
Speaker 1: was there any Was there any other instances of the
Speaker 1: aliens trying to touch you or or like fuck with
Speaker 1: you in anyway?
Speaker 2: The grabbing was probably towards the end because they knew
Speaker 2: I wasn't the interceptive and so when they grabbed me,
Speaker 2: I just started screaming, screaming, and my family came in
Speaker 2: the room and that was it. I mean, my family
Speaker 2: was not happy about me convinced that I was seeing
Speaker 2: the stuff because you know, they didn't see it, they
Speaker 2: didn't encounter it. And I don't know if it put
Speaker 2: them in a trance. I don't know, if it blacked
Speaker 2: them out, I don't know.
Speaker 1: And so whenever no, go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So so so whenever like it hit the point
Speaker 2: that I freak out, man, my dad would get and
Speaker 2: my mom would get really really upset with me and
Speaker 2: be abusive over it to the point because they're terrified.
Speaker 2: I mean, they were just frustrated. Like you got this
Speaker 2: little five year old kid, six year old kid waking
Speaker 2: us up at all hours of the night, screaming. It
Speaker 2: was almost like an episode of culture Guys.
Speaker 1: You said you said they would be abusive.
Speaker 2: Well yeah, I mean like go to bed now, you know,
Speaker 2: and they'd get mad at me because I couldn't sleep
Speaker 2: without the lights on.
Speaker 1: Mm hm.
Speaker 3: Hm.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: How many times did this happen, these alien encounters.
Speaker 2: I would say probably over the courses about three years.
Speaker 1: Okay, so over the course of about three years. And
Speaker 1: how many instances in those three.
Speaker 2: Years, I would say about maybe twice a week, two
Speaker 2: to three times a week. Yeah, they'd come down and
Speaker 2: did that. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So this was this is this is not just
Speaker 1: like a a couple of times things this happened a lot, right, Okay?
Speaker 1: And did it? Did it always happen on certain days
Speaker 1: or was it just random?
Speaker 2: It was random? It was random. I remember being so
Speaker 2: afraid of waking the parents out, hiding the closet or
Speaker 2: in different parts of the house to get away from them.
Speaker 1: So I imagine that over the course of these three years,
Speaker 1: like if you were getting visited by aliens twice a week,
Speaker 1: imagine that during your waking hours, you're afraid to go
Speaker 1: to bed. Yeah, like every night.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I was afraid of the dark completely, okay.
Speaker 1: And you tell your parents about this and they just
Speaker 1: get pissed off and frustrated with you, and they don't
Speaker 1: want to have anything to do with it, right, right
Speaker 1: do you do? You tell you sister about this?
Speaker 5: Ye?
Speaker 2: And I mean me, And it was one of these
Speaker 2: situations where we talked about it, but she didn't recept
Speaker 2: It was just sounds weird, if that make sense, And
Speaker 2: she just didn't want to talk about it.
Speaker 1: And you you're kind of were telling me about like
Speaker 1: there's the friendly aliens and there's the hostile ones. And yes,
Speaker 1: how often I mean this is happening. This must have
Speaker 1: happened to you, Like at least one hundred times. Uh yeah,
Speaker 1: how often were the aliens friendly versus hostile? Like if
Speaker 1: you had to give an.
Speaker 2: Age, nine of the time hostile?
Speaker 1: Kay?
Speaker 2: Or maybe a language barrier? And I just did they.
Speaker 1: Interest? Interesting? Interesting? So you believe that there's a chance
Speaker 1: that they weren't being hostile, that they were just communicating
Speaker 1: to you with actually pure intentions, but because of a
Speaker 1: language barrier, you interpreted it as hostile.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe about forty percent of the hostile encounters. Yeah, yeah, maybe.
Speaker 1: So it happened for so you're twenty four years old.
Speaker 1: When when did this stop happening?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I would say when I was about nine or ten.
Speaker 1: Okay, And it says here that it hasn't happened recently
Speaker 1: because you think they don't like you anymore? Is that accurate?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah. I got family that are devote Christians and
Speaker 2: they prayed against it, and when they prayed, they just last.
Speaker 1: Interesting. So you think that your family praying against it
Speaker 1: is keeping keeping them away happily?
Speaker 2: So I would say, yes, are.
Speaker 1: You are you a Christian?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 1: Do you do you pray them away?
Speaker 2: Yes? The scary ones?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: So can I ask has anything like supernatural kind of
Speaker 1: happened to you. I mean, this was it's been about
Speaker 1: like fourteen years. Has anything kind of supernatural happened to
Speaker 1: you in those past fourteen years aside from just this
Speaker 1: alien thing?
Speaker 2: No, not no, no, just it was like it was
Speaker 2: completely unplugged and stop at age nine to.
Speaker 1: And and it happened right when you started praying. Yes,
Speaker 1: do you pray have a day?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, and every day that you pray for the past
Speaker 1: fourteen years. Do you think about these creatures.
Speaker 2: When I was younger, yes, yeah, because those a traumatic thing.
Speaker 1: What do you think about when you pray nowadays?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Just life direction, man, Okay, that's the biggest thing.
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, yeah.
Speaker 1: Have you ever talked about these aliens with like an
Speaker 1: actual psychiatrist or therapist?
Speaker 2: My mom, when I was really young, cut me to
Speaker 2: some one and she told him that she was praying
Speaker 2: against when I got older, actually probably about nine, and
Speaker 2: that stopped them. And when they told her that, the
Speaker 2: psychologist basically said you shouldn't have done that and that,
Speaker 2: and that you're just feeding into the illusions.
Speaker 1: M hmm. Okay, So the psychologist told your mom that
Speaker 1: she shouldn't feed into your delusions. Pretty much Okay, so
Speaker 1: do you I said, and this was when you were nine? Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: so you're twenty four years old, you're an adult. Now
Speaker 1: have you made any effort, like, you know, independently to
Speaker 1: talk to a psychiatrist about this?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 2: Other instances, but no, not this, because honestly, I blacked
Speaker 2: a lot of it out. Yeah, I mean traumatic when
Speaker 2: I was young.
Speaker 1: Interesting, Well, I mean okay, so tell me this, tell me,
Speaker 1: tell me this, then tell me this.
Speaker 3: Then.
Speaker 1: How do you feel like in this very moment talking
Speaker 1: to me and all these other people listening about it?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, mm hmm. I I I wanted to talk
Speaker 2: in a way that it would be an open minded setting,
Speaker 2: and I feel like you're open minded.
Speaker 1: Sure, so it feels so you you don't feel like
Speaker 1: because I because I want to kind of get to
Speaker 1: why you don't feel like you can talk to a
Speaker 1: psychiatrist about this? Like is it a like is there
Speaker 1: is there like a fear against doing that?
Speaker 5: They're expensive?
Speaker 1: They are fucking expensive. That's true.
Speaker 2: That is very true, guy, That is true. You know.
Speaker 2: Yeah forty six an hour?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that is true. I just run into this
Speaker 1: thing where it's hard because I was I always tell
Speaker 1: people that you know. Obviously, I'm not even a fake therapist.
Speaker 1: I'm a I'm a guy in a geckle costume talking
Speaker 1: to people. But I always tell people they should go
Speaker 1: talk to an actual therapist if they're trying to talk
Speaker 1: to me about something that I've talked to an actual
Speaker 1: therapists about. And then I always, you know, they're like,
Speaker 1: a therapist are expensive, and I'm like, that's true, But
Speaker 1: I would I would look into real I would, I would,
Speaker 1: I would look into whatever. You know, listen, I want
Speaker 1: to keep talking about this, but just as an assad,
Speaker 1: I would look into whatever resources are available for you
Speaker 1: to talk to a real therapist. But I guess all
Speaker 1: of that aside. Is this, you know, all that aside,
Speaker 1: is this something that like contemporarily, you know, as a
Speaker 1: twenty four year old as you sort of go about
Speaker 1: your day to day life. Is this something that still
Speaker 1: like affects.
Speaker 2: You maybe out of sub this fear. Maybe I have
Speaker 2: some fear that I deal with, Okay, you know, with
Speaker 2: Gil being assertive and making decisions to do stuff, m
Speaker 2: you know, because you're afraid you're going to make the
Speaker 2: wrong decision, you know, and that and that it would
Speaker 2: make a mistake.
Speaker 1: You know, how how did how do these aliens and
Speaker 1: these encounters, how have they influenced your feelings about decision making?
Speaker 2: I think making the wrong decisions or the wrong moves,
Speaker 2: or making something angry. You know, that's that's that's the
Speaker 2: biggest thing you don't want to encounter. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't want to say rap of the heeling, you know,
Speaker 2: that's probably the wrong thing to say.
Speaker 1: I mean is that it are you like afraid that
Speaker 1: if you make the wrong decision that like they'll come back.
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's just you know, like you know,
Speaker 2: when you're five and six years old and your parents
Speaker 2: are yelling at you to go to bed, you know, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's like you know, you like you go to your
Speaker 2: mom and dad for protection and say, hey, mom, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm scared, and then all of a sudden, it's like,
Speaker 2: go to bed now. I got to be at the
Speaker 2: factory at six a m. You know, I'm sorry, talking quietly,
Speaker 2: I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, dude, I I totally I can
Speaker 1: see that, right, because you're fucking six. And whether or
Speaker 1: not at that well, look, whether or not it actually happens,
Speaker 1: you believe that fucking aliens are coming to fucking attack you.
Speaker 1: You're six or you don't have any you know, and
Speaker 1: you really kind of don't have any tools when you're
Speaker 1: six years old to deal with anything except for your parents,
Speaker 1: and so you go to your parents and they fucking
Speaker 1: become like an extra source of hostility toward you. And like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that fucking sucks. I can see why that uh uh
Speaker 1: what would have an effect on someone, for sure? And
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that that happened to you. I feel like
Speaker 1: you deserve better. You seem like a sweet guy. You
Speaker 1: don't seem like you deserve anything like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, what made me want to ask was I
Speaker 2: I was a friend of my family sent me a
Speaker 2: link about Fran being abducted, and I was kind of
Speaker 2: like hoping that this would open up dialogue into that
Speaker 2: and give me some like answers that you know, I'm
Speaker 2: not alone. There's other people that have dealt with this,
Speaker 2: you know, Fran, there's a change, Yeah, like Fran Dresser.
Speaker 1: Ah, well, okay, all right, all right, Well, well Fran
Speaker 1: was abducted by like assailants, not I don't think she
Speaker 1: was abducted by aliens.
Speaker 2: It's on the today show.
Speaker 1: Really did she talk about being abducted by a I
Speaker 1: have you know more about her than I do?
Speaker 2: Probably, yeah, Google it's true.
Speaker 1: Well, look, I can put a word in I'll see
Speaker 1: if if I I know she was abducted, but I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure it wasn't by aliens. Sure it was by like,
Speaker 1: you know, assailants.
Speaker 4: Her hand, her hand, huh, being like, well, well look look,
Speaker 4: I'll tell you I'll tell you this much.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you this much. You're definitely not alone. And
Speaker 1: you know people reporting uh ah encounters with with aliens
Speaker 1: and whatnot. I and I'm not gonna throw my you know,
Speaker 1: hat in the ring as to you know, my opinions
Speaker 1: on whether or not any of that stuff is real,
Speaker 1: because I you know, who the fuck am I to
Speaker 1: determine reality. But man, look, at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: I will say, you know, I do hope that uh
Speaker 1: you you find the I I I again, I know
Speaker 1: it's I know it's tough for people out there to
Speaker 1: find like actual help, but I I do hope that
Speaker 1: you can find, uh, you know, a licensed person to
Speaker 1: kind of talk through this ship with that can help
Speaker 1: you make better sense of it. You totally didn't deserve
Speaker 1: for your parents to like fucking yelling you when you
Speaker 1: were in that position. Yeah, And man, I appreciate you
Speaker 1: sharing this stuff. This is interesting. I feel like there's
Speaker 1: got to be somebody listening who's had a a similar
Speaker 1: experience as you with these aliens that maybe we'll reach out.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else that you want to say about
Speaker 1: the whole thing or about anything in general before we go.
Speaker 2: The group hands When I was younger, scared me like
Speaker 2: that was probably the most traumatic because like, you know,
Speaker 2: you're sitting there watching TV and you see like a
Speaker 2: nine foot arm come out and try to grab you
Speaker 2: out of the bed. You know, that was probably the scariest.
Speaker 2: But see, like time they're scary, but there was that
Speaker 2: ten percent of the time where like I guess they
Speaker 2: would try to make me laugh.
Speaker 1: They're playing good, they're playing good alien bad alien on you.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe like like like that looked a weird one,
Speaker 2: Like when you see like a two and a half
Speaker 2: foot tall dark shadow sparkly and at first you're scared
Speaker 2: and realize the dude's dancing and you're hearing like music.
Speaker 1: You know, I wonder if there's like I wonder if
Speaker 1: there's like and This will probably be the last thing
Speaker 1: I have to say about this. It's totally totally uninformed,
Speaker 1: But I wonder if there's like, you know, how people
Speaker 1: have like lucid dreams, where like they can kind of, yeah,
Speaker 1: like awaken themselves to determine the reality of, you know whatever,
Speaker 1: the dream reality of what's going on, Like, is there
Speaker 1: a version of that when you're in these encounters where
Speaker 1: you can sort of take control of the situation and
Speaker 1: perceive the aliens to be helpful, you know, like you
Speaker 1: can kind of take control over whether or not they're
Speaker 1: helpful or hostile.
Speaker 2: Maybe they were more like ghosts, because there's one point
Speaker 2: where I got bold enough to just run through them,
Speaker 2: if that makes sense. So so, but that was one
Speaker 2: hundred percent aware, like like like I wasn't I wasn't
Speaker 2: asleep or coming out of a dream to state if
Speaker 2: that make sense.
Speaker 1: Carl, is there anything else that you would like to
Speaker 1: say before we go?
Speaker 2: No, sir, thank you for your time.
Speaker 1: Hey, thank you for thank you for calling. Carl. Appreciate you, yeap,
Speaker 1: appreciate you.
Speaker 2: Bye.
Speaker 1: Oh man. You know what's interesting is I f everybody
Speaker 1: listening to that like had their own like, uh imagination
Speaker 1: in their head of what Carl's aliens looked like, and
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about, what, ever, what everyone's different imagination of
Speaker 1: the aliens looked like mine? They looked like little, uh
Speaker 1: outlines of creatures that have like stars in them or
Speaker 1: some shit, and they're kind of dancing around. Man, I
Speaker 1: fucking feel for Carl because I want him to I
Speaker 1: want him to be able to talk about all that
Speaker 1: shit with like an actual psychiatrist. And this happens, so
Speaker 1: this happens so often on this podcast where someone well
Speaker 1: will come to something and of course I'll be like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, you should probably talk about that with a
Speaker 1: real therapist. And then I'm like, man, I wish I
Speaker 1: could sit in the room while he's talking about that
Speaker 1: with an actual psychiatrist and like actually like get their
Speaker 1: take on what's going on, because I have obviously no idea,
Speaker 1: but I do. I do wonder what they would have
Speaker 1: to say about what's going on with Carl. You know,
Speaker 1: if it is some form of a delusion, if it
Speaker 1: is some sort of masking of uh traumatic event that
Speaker 1: that's not even you know, being brought up, or if
Speaker 1: it's fucking aliens. What if he goes to see a
Speaker 1: therapist and they're like, yeah, that's aliens. Aliens exist, and
Speaker 1: they did try to abduct you, and that means that
Speaker 1: you're the chosen person and that I have to give
Speaker 1: you a million dollars that could be what happens. I
Speaker 1: have no idea, I have no semblance of the thing,
Speaker 1: but that's spooky. I felt bad for him too when
Speaker 1: he was talking about how his parents were just being
Speaker 1: jerks about it, because really, when you're six, you have nothing,
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, he's twenty four now, and you
Speaker 1: can kind of if you're twenty four and you get
Speaker 1: abducted by aliens, you can kind of be like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: that was weird that I thought about that. When you're six,
Speaker 1: you have every When you're sex, you accept everything that
Speaker 1: happens to you at face value. So if you if
Speaker 1: you are fucking getting abducted by aliens and you're six,
Speaker 1: you're not You're not much of a skeptic. When you're six,
Speaker 1: you're still believing in Santa Claus and the tooth Fairy
Speaker 1: and shit, and so you have every right to take
Speaker 1: everything that happens to you a face value. And so
Speaker 1: the fear that you feel when that happens to you.
Speaker 1: It's real. It's like, oh, I'm fucking getting abducted by aliens,
Speaker 1: Like you're really feeling that. And you go to your parents,
Speaker 1: who are supposed to be the only people in your
Speaker 1: life who can really you can count on for anything,
Speaker 1: and then they give you They respond to you with
Speaker 1: more fear. But it's not your fucking fault. Because you're six,
Speaker 1: You're just You're six, You're nothing. You none of your
Speaker 1: actions are propelled by anything except for whatever emotion you're
Speaker 1: feeling at that time, And you're whatever emotion you're feeling
Speaker 1: at the time, you're not even control of because you
Speaker 1: because you're six. Fucking Carl. I I feel for him.
Speaker 1: I hope, I hope he gets whatever help he needs. Carl, Carl, Carl, Hello, Hello, Hi?
Speaker 1: Is this Jessica?
Speaker 3: It is this is.
Speaker 1: The this is the Gecko. What's your life like, Jessica?
Speaker 3: Oh, you know, just crashing down around me? But I'm surviving.
Speaker 1: Is that true? Is it really crashing down around you? Well?
Speaker 3: I guess it could always be worse, but well, what
Speaker 3: is then?
Speaker 1: What is it that made you, like gut say that
Speaker 1: it's crashing down around you?
Speaker 3: Well? I don't know, just the way that my life
Speaker 3: has been past like a month or so, I was
Speaker 3: living with my grandparents and then my grandparents kicked me
Speaker 3: out of my house and I have a dog, so
Speaker 3: I had to find another my dog, and then I
Speaker 3: had to move in with my dad. I quit my
Speaker 3: job and everything. So I know, I love like thirty
Speaker 3: it's not that big of a deal, but it's like
Speaker 3: thirty minutes away from my boyfriend, and I just had
Speaker 3: to like uproot my life and everything. And that happened
Speaker 3: to the last like a month or so. So I'm
Speaker 3: just trying to figure out my life right now.
Speaker 1: Why did your grandparents kick you out?
Speaker 3: They it's kind of complicated, but my grandparents are just
Speaker 3: they're not the nicest people and they were very mentally
Speaker 3: abusive towards me. So it was better for my mental
Speaker 3: health because I've lived with my grandparents since I was
Speaker 3: like sixteen, like on and off and everything like that,
Speaker 3: so I've just kind of been like I've moved around
Speaker 3: a lot as a kid.
Speaker 1: But so are you feeling I never had a good
Speaker 1: are you? Are you feeling better now that you've moved out?
Speaker 3: Oh? I knew it was the right move, but yeah,
Speaker 3: It just sucks because I had to get I had
Speaker 3: to find a new home for my dog because my
Speaker 3: dad was allergic and he couldn't live in his apartment.
Speaker 3: So oh well, it's not like I didn't have to
Speaker 3: give him up completely, Like he's just temporarily staying at
Speaker 3: this lady's house until I can find another place to live.
Speaker 2: Pretty much.
Speaker 1: Well, it says here Jessica that a couple months ago
Speaker 1: you were diagnosed with herpes, and you would like to
Speaker 1: talk about that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that happened like in like August or so, and
Speaker 3: like previously, I was like in a relationship with someone
Speaker 3: for like two years, and we like broke up like
Speaker 3: a couple of months before August, and then I was
Speaker 3: just kind of like wanted to get out there again
Speaker 3: and everything. So I did what everyone does and downloaded.
Speaker 3: I think it was Tinder or hinge, you know, one
Speaker 3: of those dating the things that people do. But yeah,
Speaker 3: so I was talking with this guy and we hung
Speaker 3: out a couple of times, and he acted like he
Speaker 3: was totally into me and everything, and like probably the
Speaker 3: fourth time until like hanging out with him, I was like,
Speaker 3: notice that, you know, something was off down there. And
Speaker 3: then I went to before I could even confront this
Speaker 3: guy like out of blue. He was just like, you know,
Speaker 3: like I'm just like I just can't have sex before.
Speaker 3: But I just thought that was the weirdest thing. It
Speaker 3: was even before I told him that, like something was
Speaker 3: going on, because it was before I got like tested officially,
Speaker 3: so I don't know, but yeah, and I at first
Speaker 3: I was just absolutely mortified with myself. When I went
Speaker 3: to like Planned Parenthood and they tested be and everything,
Speaker 3: I was just like, oh, great, Like this is just
Speaker 3: the cherry on top of my life. Because I also have,
Speaker 3: like I have a kind of a rare condition called
Speaker 3: Eller's Damlo syndrome, So that kind of affects like your
Speaker 3: connective tissues. So the logistics is like the symptoms is
Speaker 3: like you feel like it's a chronic pain twenty four
Speaker 3: to seven and it's kind of similar to like rumin
Speaker 3: toward ourthritis. So on top of dealing with that every day,
Speaker 3: now I have herpes And I was like, oh, fantastic,
Speaker 3: this is great.
Speaker 1: So what's the deal with Yeah it is? Is it forever?
Speaker 1: Or is it like chlamydia where you just take a
Speaker 1: few pills and you're done.
Speaker 3: Sadly, sadly, it's with you for your entire life.
Speaker 1: Really, every type of herpes it's with you your entire life.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, so there's two different types of herpes. There's
Speaker 3: HSV one, which is what like most people have, Like
Speaker 3: I think I've read like one statistic ver's like eighty percent.
Speaker 3: It's like the population has or a herpees and that's
Speaker 3: just like if you get like a cold store, like
Speaker 3: sure a lot of people had, And.
Speaker 1: Is that one is that one the temporary one?
Speaker 3: Well, it kind of it's kind of difficult to explain,
Speaker 3: but basically with herpes, it can you can have like
Speaker 3: an outbreak and it can like come and go like
Speaker 3: for me personally, like my first outbreak that I had
Speaker 3: used for like two and a half weeks and then
Speaker 3: like afterwards like each yeah, so like each time that
Speaker 3: you get an outbreak, it like gets lesser like each time.
Speaker 3: So like my first outbreak, it.
Speaker 1: Was which one which one of you have?
Speaker 3: I have HC too, so I have it generally.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And how often does that one break out?
Speaker 3: Well it was about once a month now, I would say,
Speaker 3: And I usually get it around like you know, my
Speaker 3: also weekly visit. So I think just like the hormones
Speaker 3: and stuff like that. Everything kind of like kind of
Speaker 3: starts it, you know, because it can often be triggered
Speaker 3: by like stress, you can get an outbreak from stress
Speaker 3: or like other like physical activities. Sometimes you can get
Speaker 3: it like a trigger to that for now breaks.
Speaker 1: So now everyone that you have sex with is it?
Speaker 1: Is it sort of permanently transmissible?
Speaker 3: It depends, so it there's like all these different types
Speaker 3: of like statistics on like how much is transferable and
Speaker 3: like if you use protection and then if you don't
Speaker 3: use protection. But I've only had uh, like I'm in
Speaker 3: a relationship right now, and that's the first person that
Speaker 3: I have been with since I was diagnosed and we've
Speaker 3: been dating since like mid December, and he doesn't have
Speaker 3: any symptoms at all really, so it's very interesting and
Speaker 3: like there's been I know, it's so it can be.
Speaker 1: I can I ask you. I want to ask you
Speaker 1: request before you. I want to ask you real question.
Speaker 1: So when you okay? So, So it was for December
Speaker 1: that you were diagnosed with herpes and then you met
Speaker 1: this guy who is your boyfriend and you've been dating
Speaker 1: for about five months, and what was that conversation like
Speaker 1: before you guys had sex where you had to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: so listen, I gotta tell you about this thing. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So that's probably the hardest part because like I hung
Speaker 3: out with him about three times and just because like
Speaker 3: I wanted to feel it out first before, like because
Speaker 3: it was my first time of ever telling like a
Speaker 3: male that I was like interested with and that I like, hey,
Speaker 3: by the way, I have rupies, you know, right, So
Speaker 3: I wanted to like make sure, like I don't know
Speaker 3: that he was like a good person, I guess, but yeah,
Speaker 3: so I basically they call like disclosing in the Harpies world,
Speaker 3: but I just closed him.
Speaker 1: Like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the actual thing. But yeah, I just texted
Speaker 3: him like the third day of us like hanging out
Speaker 3: or whatever, and I was just like, you know, like
Speaker 3: I enjoy like spending time with you, blah blah blah.
Speaker 3: I think this would be like something that you know,
Speaker 3: what you say to it if you like someone stuff
Speaker 3: like that. And then I was like, you know, like
Speaker 3: a couple of months ago, I was diagnosed with herpees,
Speaker 3: and I told him what my frequency was and how
Speaker 3: my out like when I get outbreaks, and I told
Speaker 3: him like the percentage of like what's like transfer transferable?
Speaker 3: And I sent him like this whole chart on.
Speaker 1: You you included visual aids, yeah.
Speaker 3: Because like I don't know, yeah, because like before I
Speaker 3: had herpes, I like I never knew anyone that had herpes.
Speaker 3: And I like, well.
Speaker 1: So so you wrote all this stuff out for him,
Speaker 1: you send it to him, and how does he respond?
Speaker 3: He had the most amazing response ever. He was basically
Speaker 3: he said I was worth it and that he appreciates
Speaker 3: me coming out and kind of saying like what was
Speaker 3: going on? And he basically said he wants to like
Speaker 3: you know, wants to have a future with me or
Speaker 3: see how it goes, and it doesn't really matter to him.
Speaker 3: And like he obviously was like you know, like he said,
Speaker 3: like keep me in check on like how everything's going,
Speaker 3: like let me know if you're having an outbreak and
Speaker 3: when it's done, and like he was just trying to
Speaker 3: be like super supportive and everything like that.
Speaker 1: Really, so it was like you can kind of find
Speaker 1: like so so basically you guys have like sort of
Speaker 1: windows where it's not breaking out where you can safely
Speaker 1: have sex and he won't get it.
Speaker 3: Well, it's still transferable. I think it's like something in
Speaker 3: to like this a wide range, but it was like
Speaker 3: ten to thirty percent chance of transfer transferring if you
Speaker 3: don't have an outbreak, and then I think it's like
Speaker 3: seventy five percent if you're like during an outbreak.
Speaker 1: But and how how many times had you hung out
Speaker 1: with this guy before you told them.
Speaker 3: I hung out with him three times?
Speaker 1: Three times? This is interesting. This is like a you know,
Speaker 1: in a weird way, this functions as like a litmus
Speaker 1: test for you. You know, I mean, if you're the type
Speaker 1: of person who you're really seeking a long term, committed thing,
Speaker 1: this is a good litmus test for you because it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, three meetings in you hit him with that,
Speaker 1: and you're like, all right, let's see if he's in
Speaker 1: down for the count, you know, and you kind of
Speaker 1: get your answer that Yeah. So in a weird way, it,
Speaker 1: like like I said, works as this litmus test to
Speaker 1: kind of prove who's in and who's out. And you
Speaker 1: clearly have found somebody who is in.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So so moving forward, you know, as to kind of
Speaker 1: wrap this up, things seem to be going and you've
Speaker 1: been with this guy for five months. You had a
Speaker 1: little bit of issues with your living situation, you know,
Speaker 1: before we go, Jessica, what's kind of like the next
Speaker 1: step for you? Do you think where can we see
Speaker 1: your adventures taking you, you know, in the coming.
Speaker 3: Weeks, in the coming weeks. Well, right now, I'm unemployed,
Speaker 3: so I'm currently looking for a job, and I've been
Speaker 3: looking for the job since like I don't know, like
Speaker 3: mid March, and I just got a job interview on
Speaker 3: Wednesday for this as being like an administrative assistant at
Speaker 3: this doctor's office that does like therapy for kids that
Speaker 3: have autism. So hopefully that job interview and I'll be
Speaker 3: around positive people constantly.
Speaker 1: So, uh well, Jessica, thank you for sharing that with us.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else that you want to say to
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 2: It gets better.
Speaker 1: Sometimes, hopefully.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the.
Speaker 3: Thank you for calling, all right, Thanks guys.
Speaker 1: Mhmm, interesting, interesting, interesting. Yeah, that's a heavy thing to
Speaker 1: like have to you know, I'm glad for her that, Like,
Speaker 1: so it sounded like she wasn't on a super super
Speaker 1: long search before she found somebody who was cool with
Speaker 1: the herpes. I'm happy for her about that because I
Speaker 1: almost you know, I don't know what I would do
Speaker 1: if I were in that situation, because she chooses, and
Speaker 1: you know, look, I respect, I respect the strategy that
Speaker 1: she went with. She's like, Okay, let me get three
Speaker 1: dates in and then I'll bring it up. And I
Speaker 1: don't I don't know if I would do that. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I would do that versus like, I
Speaker 1: mean maybe not look, maybe not the very first thing
Speaker 1: that comes out of my mouth, but you know, opting
Speaker 1: to as soon as possible let it be known, because look,
Speaker 1: for some people that can be a big thing. But
Speaker 1: she opts to kind of do the slow burn. And
Speaker 1: I'm glad it worked for her because that would have
Speaker 1: been kind of a crushing thing if she were to
Speaker 1: have invested all of that time, dropped the bomb and
Speaker 1: then he was out, you know. And I mean, look,
Speaker 1: you know, no shame to anyone for you know, any
Speaker 1: choices that make to do anything, But you know, I'm
Speaker 1: glad it worked out for her, especially considering all the
Speaker 1: other shit that's was going on in her life between
Speaker 1: the dog and the grandparents and everything. So at least
Speaker 1: she found someone. It's cool with the herpes. I feel
Speaker 1: like that's I don't know, I don't know, I've never
Speaker 1: dated with herpes. But I assume that I feel like
Speaker 1: that's gotta be rare to find someone like that quickly
Speaker 1: who's cool with it. I feel like you would have
Speaker 1: to go through a lot of people before you found
Speaker 1: the one. So so props to good luck for her.
Speaker 1: That's good luck. I would say, that's a that's some
Speaker 1: that's a four leaf. I'm trying to got out away
Speaker 1: in the sense it's a luck thing, miracle from God.
Speaker 1: That's what I'll end this with. Thank you for sharing. Jessica. Hello, hello, Cole.
Speaker 5: What's going on man?
Speaker 1: How's life?
Speaker 2: Cole?
Speaker 5: Uh? It's a whirlwind man, It's just you know, good days,
Speaker 5: bad days.
Speaker 1: Tell me, tell me. Let's let's get into that. Tell me.
Speaker 1: Let's start with the good days. What are the good days? Like?
Speaker 5: Uh? I like to stay busy. I really like sitting
Speaker 5: around a whole lot, like to be on to go.
Speaker 1: What are you busy with? What do you typically busy doing?
Speaker 5: All right now, I'm just picking up extra shifts, making money,
Speaker 5: trying to distract myself.
Speaker 1: Okay, So on a good day, you're keeping busy and
Speaker 1: you're distracting yourself. Yes, okay, that sounds like a lot.
Speaker 1: That sounds like my good days as well. Is distracting
Speaker 1: myself with things and stuff until you sort of have
Speaker 1: to sit alone with your own whatever. Tell us what's
Speaker 1: going on on the bad days.
Speaker 5: I'm kind of finding myself in the middle of a
Speaker 5: pretty screwed up love triangle, and we're going on a
Speaker 5: little ever seven months now, and things that's kind of
Speaker 5: gotten out of hand a love triangle.
Speaker 1: You say, should I Should I say what's what the
Speaker 1: screener said? Or do you want to tell us in
Speaker 1: your own words about this love triangle?
Speaker 5: You can say what the screener said. I'll get into
Speaker 5: it all.
Speaker 1: Right, well, Cole. It says here twenty five years old
Speaker 1: from Pennsylvania. It says that you're dating a married woman.
Speaker 1: That is that accurate?
Speaker 5: Yep, that's correct.
Speaker 1: It says you started dating her even though you knew
Speaker 1: she was married. Says you don't have any guilt over
Speaker 1: the situation. And it says that your husband know. It
Speaker 1: says that the husband knows about you. I have so
Speaker 1: many questions about every aspect of this, So let's let's
Speaker 1: kind of go one by one. How did you meet
Speaker 1: this person?
Speaker 5: Met her own good old dating app Tinder? I wasn't
Speaker 5: really looking for anything in particular at the time. It
Speaker 5: is just kind of doing me and things just kind
Speaker 5: of happened. And the whole situation was she was actually
Speaker 5: looking for a friend with benefits now strings attached, which
Speaker 5: I went along with. And things were fine for a
Speaker 5: period of time, and then we both kind of developed
Speaker 5: emotions and things evolved pretty fast.
Speaker 1: And at what stage in your sort of courtship did
Speaker 1: she tell you that she was she was married?
Speaker 5: Actually, before we even met, I knew she was married.
Speaker 1: How did you know that? Was it like on her
Speaker 1: profile or something?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 5: No, Actually, in I believe our first conversation, because we
Speaker 5: talked for quite a while, she actually messaged me first,
Speaker 5: and I got back to her not too long after,
Speaker 5: and we had a pretty long conversation our first talk,
Speaker 5: and she told me that she was married, had two children.
Speaker 5: And at this point in time, she gave me the
Speaker 5: impression that everything was fine and she was happy. But
Speaker 5: as I got to know her a little bit more
Speaker 5: she got to know me, things started to slowly unfold,
Speaker 5: and she eventually revealed how on how she was and
Speaker 5: told me some things that any normal person, in my mind,
Speaker 5: if we're done to them. They probably would have left,
Speaker 5: but she stayed.
Speaker 1: So so she was giving you this portrait of her
Speaker 1: marriage as pretty unhappy, and of her husband it sounds
Speaker 1: treating her poorly.
Speaker 5: Pretty much. I mean, he's there, he's there for the kids,
Speaker 5: but he doesn't really do much. And I do think
Speaker 5: the guy's a narcissist at this point. I've kind of
Speaker 5: gathered enough information. I don't obviously he hasn't been like
Speaker 5: formally diagnosed, but just off of stuff that she's told me,
Speaker 5: there's no doubt in my mind he's a narcissist. I
Speaker 5: think he's totally apathetic.
Speaker 1: And Okay, So to kind of dive to the second point,
Speaker 1: it says that you don't have any guilt over the situation,
Speaker 1: is a lot of that lack of guilt because of
Speaker 1: all the things you know about this guy that she's
Speaker 1: married to, and how they point to him being a narcissist.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, and just knowing how he's treated her over the years.
Speaker 5: I mean, because there's a lot of stuff I could
Speaker 5: get into here.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 5: Basically, the whole reason she was even seeking anybody is
Speaker 5: because they established an open marriage due to him being unfaithful.
Speaker 5: Unfaithful pretty early on in their marriage, actually while she
Speaker 5: was pregnant with their first child, so they kind of
Speaker 5: had a battle going on for a few years. We're
Speaker 5: cheating on each other, and I guess eventually one day
Speaker 5: sat down and said, you know, what are we doing here,
Speaker 5: and they just I guess came to the conclusion they
Speaker 5: should stick it out while having intimate relationships with other people.
Speaker 1: Okay, so back, so back up real quick. So this
Speaker 1: is exact important information. They're they're in an open marriage. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: this because I mean then then that I wouldn't consider
Speaker 1: that cheating if they have formally, you know, communicated with
Speaker 1: one another that they're going to establish, you know, open
Speaker 1: up their marriage and have intimate relationships with other people.
Speaker 1: You know, if that's you know, the bounds of their
Speaker 1: relationship discussed between the two of them, and then that's
Speaker 1: that's not cheating.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I wouldn't say she's I don't know, it's debatable
Speaker 5: because I guess their whole agreement was mainly sexual, you know,
Speaker 5: strictly no strings attached, no feelings, which she had done
Speaker 5: for a few years successfully. She was good at not
Speaker 5: really having feelings, but she definitely that's that's which was
Speaker 5: flipped with me and the feelings mutual.
Speaker 3: So now.
Speaker 5: It's a full blown love triangle, like it's not just
Speaker 5: sexual between Kurt and I at this point.
Speaker 1: So listen, I want to get into this. I want
Speaker 1: to get into this last part. I want to get
Speaker 1: into this last part. And this is sort of my
Speaker 1: my questions about this have changed now that idn't know
Speaker 1: that it's an open relationship. Her husband knows about you?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Absolutely, have you guys talked at all?
Speaker 5: Uh? I believe two or three times over the phone.
Speaker 5: I have seen him face to face one time, not directly,
Speaker 5: but like I was there. I was actually driving away
Speaker 5: in my car with my quote unquote married girlfriend in
Speaker 5: the car with me, and he wasn't very happy about it.
Speaker 5: He was chasing me down the street.
Speaker 1: He chased you down the street.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, he was trying to throw hands right out
Speaker 5: in front of his house.
Speaker 2: Hm.
Speaker 1: Hm, why is But but so, if they have an
Speaker 1: open marriage, they've agreed that they can see other people,
Speaker 1: why is he then upset with you?
Speaker 5: I guess because he feels like I'm taking away his
Speaker 5: personal servant. That's my best guess.
Speaker 3: Mmm.
Speaker 1: So how do you feel about about this, this person
Speaker 1: that you're that you're dating.
Speaker 5: Uh, I have really strong, deep feelings for her man.
Speaker 5: I mean, I seriously love her.
Speaker 3: I do.
Speaker 5: It's you know, there's been many times now I've really
Speaker 5: considered leaving just for the sake of my own mental health.
Speaker 5: But it's just something about her Man. We're just drawn
Speaker 5: to each other. So I just can't find that energy,
Speaker 5: that motivation to just walk away. As much as I
Speaker 5: want to, as much as the logical side of my
Speaker 5: brain wants me to do that, the emotional side just
Speaker 5: won't let me.
Speaker 1: So you said just now that you want to walk
Speaker 1: away for the sake of your own mental health. So
Speaker 1: I mean, are you saying that this relationship has been
Speaker 1: detrimental to your mental health? Because I can I can
Speaker 1: definitely ascertain as to why that might be.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean a lot of it just comes down
Speaker 5: to jealousy, infusion, uncertainty, you know, just not knowing what's
Speaker 5: going to happen. I mean there have been some developments,
Speaker 5: you know, throughout this seven month ordeal. Neither of them
Speaker 5: are wearing their wedding ring anymore. They don't really sleep
Speaker 5: next to each other like they were, so she might
Speaker 5: be on her way out the door but I mean
Speaker 5: she's been with them, they've been married for twelve years.
Speaker 5: They have two children, ten and five, you know, so
Speaker 5: they have a lot of history together, so I know
Speaker 5: it's hard on her. I know she's like probably holding
Speaker 5: one of the memories and doesn't want to walk away.
Speaker 5: And I understand that, you know. I mean I just
Speaker 5: got out of a two year relationship not long ago
Speaker 5: and that was hard, so I can imagine twelve years
Speaker 5: would be tough. But it's just like this guy's broken
Speaker 5: every cardinal relationship rule and she's stayed, you know. So
Speaker 5: that's probably what's the toughest on my mental health is
Speaker 5: like jealousy, uncertainty, confusion.
Speaker 1: And now the kids. Have you met them before?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I've met them like three times.
Speaker 1: See, that's that is sort of an interesting aspect of
Speaker 1: this because you know, especially when you're like, I feel
Speaker 1: like it's probably different for the ten year old than
Speaker 1: maybe the five year old, because like, I don't I
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know anything about fucking child psychology.
Speaker 1: I don't know what a ten year old would make
Speaker 1: of this whole situation, But a five year old, it's
Speaker 1: like hard for them to know how to see you.
Speaker 5: Right exactly.
Speaker 1: Do you kind of feel that from them?
Speaker 5: Yeah, Her five year old daughter is she's at that age.
Speaker 5: You know, she's like self aware and she remembers stuff,
Speaker 5: but she's definitely that age where I don't think she'll
Speaker 5: really entirely know what's going on. Her ten year old
Speaker 5: son's actually very smart, really sweet kid, really polite, like
Speaker 5: she's in still great values in these kids already, and
Speaker 5: they're really young, but like with him being so smart,
Speaker 5: I think he definitely has an idea of what's going on.
Speaker 5: So I mean, yeah, perspective, sure. I mean, I guess
Speaker 5: part of me feels bad. I mean me personally. My
Speaker 5: parents split when I was three. They got a divorce
Speaker 5: when I was really young, so it hits kind of
Speaker 5: close to him. But I wasn't as old as they
Speaker 5: are either, so I can't really tell you how that
Speaker 5: would affect them. You know, it was just kind of
Speaker 5: the norm for me because it happened so.
Speaker 3: Early on.
Speaker 1: M And you know, in your I assume because because
Speaker 1: you're telling me that you know you love this woman
Speaker 1: a lot, and that I assume you you see some
Speaker 1: form of a of a future with her, and therefore
Speaker 1: some form of future where you're like in the lives
Speaker 1: of her children. Absolutely, okay from what you've heard. And
Speaker 1: by the way, this kind of this call, it's not
Speaker 1: gonna involve me in any way, shape or form advising
Speaker 1: you on what to do in this situation, because you know,
Speaker 1: I don't really think that, and I don't even get
Speaker 1: the sense that you're wanting that from me. But I
Speaker 1: don't know if I can give that. But anyway, what
Speaker 1: do you sense of the relationship between these children and
Speaker 1: their father?
Speaker 5: From what I've gathered, I mean, he doesn't do anything
Speaker 5: like them, like, he's just there. And she's also said
Speaker 5: that many times he's like a mindless zombie that just
Speaker 5: gets to work and comes home and does nothing like
Speaker 5: she cooks, she cleaned, she takes the kids out like
Speaker 5: she keeps them active. He doesn't really do anything. He's
Speaker 5: not too involved with anyone like her or their kids,
Speaker 5: which is another thing that bothers me. It's like I
Speaker 5: feel like he doesn't parent. He just expects her to
Speaker 5: do everything.
Speaker 1: You know, all right, I know I totally just said
Speaker 1: that I wouldn't give my input on the situation, but
Speaker 1: here are my thoughts. I can really see that you
Speaker 1: have like genuine, pure intentions for all these people, you know,
Speaker 1: for this woman and for her kids, and that you
Speaker 1: truly like care because you're clearly invested. You know, I
Speaker 1: kind of hear it in your voice. You clearly invested
Speaker 1: in the well being of this woman and her kids,
Speaker 1: and you clearly are super empathetic for all the you
Speaker 1: haven't told us about it, and it's I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's yours to tell versus hers to tell, but
Speaker 1: you know all the sort of shit that you've heard
Speaker 1: her husband do to her, and it's great that you
Speaker 1: have that empathy, and it's an important thing to have,
Speaker 1: you know, when you're developing a relationship with a person.
Speaker 1: But the problem, man, is that at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, at the end of the day, when the
Speaker 1: push comes to the shove, uh, there is nothing that
Speaker 1: you can do to influence this woman's relationship with her husband,
Speaker 1: like at like she has to be the one to say, Okay,
Speaker 1: I've had enough of this, I'm leaving. And I don't
Speaker 1: know how dude, I don't know how good it is
Speaker 1: for you to be like biting your nails, watching over
Speaker 1: continuing to get more invested in her life until she
Speaker 1: makes that decision because you can't. You can't make that
Speaker 1: decision for her. She she has to make that decision
Speaker 1: on her own, and you can't just like sit there
Speaker 1: continuing to get more and more and more invested waiting
Speaker 1: for her to leave, even if you're doing all of
Speaker 1: this with like the purest, sweetest intentions. She has to
Speaker 1: pull that trigger, dude, and there's nothing you can really do.
Speaker 1: I mean, you can, like, you know, tell her like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's wrong for you for these reasons and these reasons,
Speaker 1: and you can do all the best you can to
Speaker 1: let her know why you think this guy is a
Speaker 1: narcissist and why he's bad for her, and you can
Speaker 1: do it again from the purest place in your heart.
Speaker 1: But she has to come to all those realizations on
Speaker 1: her own at the end of the day, because you
Speaker 1: can't break them up for her. She has to do
Speaker 1: it on her own. And I hate hearing that you're
Speaker 1: standing by so heavily invested in this situation that you
Speaker 1: just have no fucking control over because she has to
Speaker 1: be the one to break up with him at the
Speaker 1: end of the day. I mean, what do you think
Speaker 1: about that?
Speaker 5: Exactly? No, you're absolutely right, and that's a lot of
Speaker 5: the problem too. I mean, I do have control issues
Speaker 5: to a point, and that's also hard on me, because
Speaker 5: you're right, I absolutely have like no control in this situation.
Speaker 5: There's no control of this say, And what really sucks
Speaker 5: is like, she doesn't want me to leave, you know,
Speaker 5: she wants me to basically be sitting here id to
Speaker 5: leave by because anytime I try and leave, like she
Speaker 5: freaks the fuck out. Like, dude, I don't want me
Speaker 5: to What do you want? You know, you just make
Speaker 5: your mind, make a decision. And to see that now
Speaker 5: she know, she keeps telling she doesn't want to do
Speaker 5: it for me. She doesn't want me to be the reason.
Speaker 1: You know, Dude, again, I really, you know, I really,
Speaker 1: I feel like you're coming at this with nice intentions
Speaker 1: and you really care about this person as a fellow
Speaker 1: human being, and so I can tell why you're reacting
Speaker 1: very strongly to her, like, as you say, freaking out
Speaker 1: when you're talking about leaving. But like, dude, this woman
Speaker 1: I don't know her. You know anything about her relationship
Speaker 1: on anything at all, about her relationship with you, her
Speaker 1: relationship with her kids, her relationship with her husband. But
Speaker 1: we do know that the only the only person that
Speaker 1: can make that decision of leaving her husband is her.
Speaker 1: So like she's either she's either gotta man, she's either
Speaker 1: got to leave her or stick it out. But like
Speaker 1: to to be you know, holding you on the side,
Speaker 1: keeping in. That's not fair to you, man, So you
Speaker 1: know that's not fair to you. You know, yep, And
Speaker 1: maybe maybe maybe I'll be the person to let you
Speaker 1: know that's not fair to you. And kind of because
Speaker 1: you because you just said just now you're telling that
Speaker 1: to her, So you not you're aware that it's not
Speaker 1: fair to you.
Speaker 5: Yeah? Absolutely, so.
Speaker 1: I mean, dude, it's not fair to you. I don't
Speaker 1: think that you know good as as I'll keep saying clearly,
Speaker 1: it sounds to me like you have good intentions, you
Speaker 1: have empathy, you care about people. Fucking Yeah, to go
Speaker 1: use that somewhere where it can be better appreciated.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I hear the Yeah, it's the whole logic versus emotion, man,
Speaker 5: because like I said, my logic absolutely tells me. It's
Speaker 5: the line that I walk every day, you know, and
Speaker 5: a lot of time the emotions prevail. I wish the
Speaker 5: logic would prevail more because if it did, I mean yeah,
Speaker 5: I would have removed myself from a situation probably like
Speaker 5: five months ago, because I mean, the longer we drag.
Speaker 1: This out, it's just it's gonna keep getting everything, just
Speaker 1: keep getting fucking worse. Man, It's just gonna keep getting worse.
Speaker 5: And it has. You know, her and I fight way
Speaker 5: too often over the same thing. We just rehash and
Speaker 5: it's like it's because nothing's changing.
Speaker 1: You know, dude, what's your name? Cole? Cole? Listen. I
Speaker 1: know a gecko man on the internet should never listen
Speaker 1: to anything that a guy in the gecko costume on
Speaker 1: the internet tells you to do, but should really really
Speaker 1: really consider all the aspects of the situation and whether
Speaker 1: or not it makes sense for you to continue to
Speaker 1: be invested in this stuff. I don't even have to
Speaker 1: tell you this stuff. You already know this stuff. You
Speaker 1: already you already know everything about the idiot.
Speaker 5: Sure, absolutely, I just figure you'd tell me I need
Speaker 5: to leave because any sensible, normal person. I've considered going
Speaker 5: to counseling and like laying it all on the table
Speaker 5: for them, but you know, I already figure they're just
Speaker 5: gonna tell me. You know, it's not good for your
Speaker 5: mental health. You should probably leave.
Speaker 1: That's the easy so you so you know it's not
Speaker 1: good for your mental health, you've asked me. Yeah, you're
Speaker 1: like putting You're like having fantasies in your head of
Speaker 1: telling people the situation and them confirming it for you
Speaker 1: to leave. Yeah. You again. I'm trying not to tell
Speaker 1: you what to do, but you have all the evidence
Speaker 1: that it sounds like you need to make your informed decision.
Speaker 5: I would say, I could just be denial emotions, you know,
Speaker 5: sang it's a concert the factor during it like maybe
Speaker 5: she'll leave, but I don't know.
Speaker 1: You know, is there anything else you would like to
Speaker 1: say to the people the computer before we.
Speaker 5: Go, uh, never date a married woman.
Speaker 1: I'd say that that's uh, say that's good advice. Listen,
Speaker 1: if I can hammer in one final point, If I
Speaker 1: can just hammer in a final point before we conclude
Speaker 1: this conversation, it is that again, I've said this three times.
Speaker 1: We'll say the fourth. You're clearly a dude who has
Speaker 1: capacity for empathy for other people, which is great to have.
Speaker 1: That's a nice thing. Go fucking use that in a
Speaker 1: situation that is more welcoming to it than the one
Speaker 1: that you're currently in. That's that's that's the last thing I'll.
Speaker 5: Tell you, all right, that's sair.
Speaker 1: Cole, thank you for talking to a gecko on the phone.
Speaker 5: Yep, no problem. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: Take care baby. Thanks cold, cold, cold, cold cool. I
Speaker 1: was gonna I was thinking about what I was going
Speaker 1: to say in my post call monologue. But I don't
Speaker 1: have anything to say that I didn't say during the call.
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about the situation with the the
Speaker 1: here's the thing. Here's by the way, here's another thing.
Speaker 1: Is everything I told Cole, I probably would have told
Speaker 1: him like like, okay, the the factor of whether or
Speaker 1: not the wife's husband is a jerk to her. That's
Speaker 1: that almost doesn't even that doesn't even like matter in
Speaker 1: Cole's decision making, Like it shouldn't even be a factor,
Speaker 1: like like it's it's not what it's not at least
Speaker 1: in my opinion one of the key elements of the situation,
Speaker 1: Because the situation is Cole is invested in a person
Speaker 1: who he is waiting on to uh make a decision
Speaker 1: as to whether or not she wants to be with him,
Speaker 1: and he shouldn't wait on her that whether or not
Speaker 1: the husband is is a good guy to the wife
Speaker 1: that that doesn't even it is not even a factor.
Speaker 1: It's that coal shouldn't be, you know, waiting on someone
Speaker 1: to pull a trigger or not as to whether or
Speaker 1: not he's gonna be with them, if he if he's
Speaker 1: getting that invested in them. So I hope Cole does
Speaker 1: whatever he feels best is to do for him. And
Speaker 1: uh and I am I am very much a got
Speaker 1: go on the computer. The beak goes on the line,
Speaker 1: taking your phone calls every night. The Beak goes do
Speaker 1: what his ride. He's teaching you to loved in the
Speaker 1: mind of your life, but he's not really an expert.