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Speaker 1: How old were you when the alien encounters first started?

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Speaker 2: Four or five years when I was really young. I

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Speaker 2: got really scared when I had a bad encounter and

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Speaker 2: I saw it like carry my sister down the.

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Speaker 1: Hallway, And did any part of you desire to intervene,

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Speaker 1: like thinking that your sister was in danger and you

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Speaker 1: needed to do something that was.

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Speaker 2: Terrified because not all of them were friendly, some were scary. Hello, Carl, Hey, geck,

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Speaker 2: how are you.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing all right, Carl, how are you.

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Speaker 2: Doing? Awesome? Awesome?

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Speaker 1: Carl says here twenty four years old from Florida, and

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Speaker 1: that you were abducted by aliens as a child.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a little a little odd. It was

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Speaker 2: more like they came to visit my room.

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Speaker 1: Why do you think they came to visit your room?

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Man. Like when I was younger, I had like really

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Speaker 2: bad nightmares. And one of the things that would happen

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Speaker 2: is like I would see stuff floating in my rooms.

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Speaker 2: And so one time, like really late at night, and man,

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Speaker 2: I was terrified to sleep with the lights not being on,

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Speaker 2: Like if the lights were on, I'd freak out. But

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Speaker 2: I would see like this little like two and a

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Speaker 2: half foot tall dude in like sparkling black pajamas, like

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Speaker 2: dancing and moon walking with me, and like that was

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Speaker 2: the only time, like I wasn't really afraid of the encounters,

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Speaker 2: but there was a few times where it like got

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Speaker 2: super like super scary. Bro Like, there was one time

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Speaker 2: like when I was like I would say six, I

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Speaker 2: was sitting there watching TV in the dark, just sitting

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Speaker 2: there watching cartoons because you know, back in the day,

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Speaker 2: you know, TVs were a lot different, didn't have them

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Speaker 2: everywhere like now.

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Speaker 1: Well, so hold on, so hold on, hold on, back

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Speaker 1: back up, back up. First for a second, Carl, how

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Speaker 1: old were you when the Alien Encounters first started?

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Speaker 2: I would say about four or five years Oh, I

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Speaker 2: was really young.

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Speaker 1: Okay, about four or five years old. And tell me

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Speaker 1: about the very first one?

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Speaker 3: Was it?

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Speaker 1: As you said, because because you're painting sort of two

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Speaker 1: separate pictures, one where the aliens are dancing with you

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Speaker 1: and they come in peace and they're your friend, and

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Speaker 1: then one where they are hostile to you. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: in what form did they come the very first time?

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Speaker 2: Uh, it would be both at the same time because

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Speaker 2: they would have different shapes. There'd probably be about two

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Speaker 2: or three different types, you know, like like sometimes they'd

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Speaker 2: just be like fo nords, and then sometimes it'd be actual,

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Speaker 2: like they take on a human form, but they would

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Speaker 2: look like a shadow, if that makes sense, a sparkly

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Speaker 2: shadow just walking around my room.

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Speaker 1: Did they talk to you at all? Did they say anything?

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Speaker 2: No? But I would see them pick up, Like there

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Speaker 2: was one time I got really scared when I had

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Speaker 2: a bad encounter and I saw it like carried my

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Speaker 2: sister down the hallway and my sister didn't wake up.

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Speaker 2: That was the crazy part. And then hut back in

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Speaker 2: the bed.

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Speaker 1: So you saw him carry your sister down in the hallway,

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Speaker 1: and did any part of you desire to intervene, like

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Speaker 1: thinking that your sister was in danger and you needed

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Speaker 1: to do something.

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Speaker 2: That was terrifying because not all of them were friendly.

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Speaker 2: Some were scary and tell.

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Speaker 1: Me that were friendly.

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Speaker 2: So so the friendly.

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Speaker 4: Ones would, I guess when they figured out that I

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Speaker 4: was too traumatized, the friendly woman come down and just

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Speaker 4: like dance and like no one else would hear it

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Speaker 4: us about they hear like this little like do.

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Speaker 2: Do do do doo in the like music and the

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Speaker 2: thing would dance and like when walking it's crazy and

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Speaker 2: he was like a little midget thing. He wasn't like tall,

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Speaker 2: he was like maybe three feet tall. And that was it.

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Speaker 2: He just looked like sparkly shadow.

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Speaker 1: The hostile aliens, the ones that that you got bad

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Speaker 1: vibes from, were they short as well or were they

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Speaker 1: were they a different size?

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Speaker 2: Uh, they would be. They would have extremely exaggerated arms

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Speaker 2: or legs and it would almost look like Groot from

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Speaker 2: Guardians of the Galaxy. Yeah, like like like like like

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Speaker 2: like watching TV one night, I saw a group like

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Speaker 2: arm probably about six to eight feet long, reach up

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Speaker 2: from under the bed and try to grab me. And

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Speaker 2: and that that that p.

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Speaker 1: And you said, to try to grab you? Yeah, yes,

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Speaker 1: was there any Was there any other instances of the

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Speaker 1: aliens trying to touch you or or like fuck with

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Speaker 1: you in anyway?

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Speaker 2: The grabbing was probably towards the end because they knew

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Speaker 2: I wasn't the interceptive and so when they grabbed me,

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Speaker 2: I just started screaming, screaming, and my family came in

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Speaker 2: the room and that was it. I mean, my family

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Speaker 2: was not happy about me convinced that I was seeing

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Speaker 2: the stuff because you know, they didn't see it, they

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Speaker 2: didn't encounter it. And I don't know if it put

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Speaker 2: them in a trance. I don't know, if it blacked

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Speaker 2: them out, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: And so whenever no, go ahead, go ahead.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So so so whenever like it hit the point

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Speaker 2: that I freak out, man, my dad would get and

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Speaker 2: my mom would get really really upset with me and

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Speaker 2: be abusive over it to the point because they're terrified.

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Speaker 2: I mean, they were just frustrated. Like you got this

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Speaker 2: little five year old kid, six year old kid waking

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Speaker 2: us up at all hours of the night, screaming. It

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Speaker 2: was almost like an episode of culture Guys.

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Speaker 1: You said you said they would be abusive.

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Speaker 2: Well yeah, I mean like go to bed now, you know,

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Speaker 2: and they'd get mad at me because I couldn't sleep

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Speaker 2: without the lights on.

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Speaker 1: Mm hm.

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Speaker 3: Hm.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: How many times did this happen, these alien encounters.

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Speaker 2: I would say probably over the courses about three years.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so over the course of about three years. And

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Speaker 1: how many instances in those three.

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Speaker 2: Years, I would say about maybe twice a week, two

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Speaker 2: to three times a week. Yeah, they'd come down and

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Speaker 2: did that. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So this was this is this is not just

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Speaker 1: like a a couple of times things this happened a lot, right, Okay?

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Speaker 1: And did it? Did it always happen on certain days

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Speaker 1: or was it just random?

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Speaker 2: It was random? It was random. I remember being so

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Speaker 2: afraid of waking the parents out, hiding the closet or

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Speaker 2: in different parts of the house to get away from them.

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Speaker 1: So I imagine that over the course of these three years,

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Speaker 1: like if you were getting visited by aliens twice a week,

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Speaker 1: imagine that during your waking hours, you're afraid to go

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Speaker 1: to bed. Yeah, like every night.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, I was afraid of the dark completely, okay.

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Speaker 1: And you tell your parents about this and they just

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Speaker 1: get pissed off and frustrated with you, and they don't

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Speaker 1: want to have anything to do with it, right, right

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Speaker 1: do you do? You tell you sister about this?

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Speaker 5: Ye?

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Speaker 2: And I mean me, And it was one of these

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Speaker 2: situations where we talked about it, but she didn't recept

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Speaker 2: It was just sounds weird, if that make sense, And

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Speaker 2: she just didn't want to talk about it.

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Speaker 1: And you you're kind of were telling me about like

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Speaker 1: there's the friendly aliens and there's the hostile ones. And yes,

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Speaker 1: how often I mean this is happening. This must have

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Speaker 1: happened to you, Like at least one hundred times. Uh yeah,

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Speaker 1: how often were the aliens friendly versus hostile? Like if

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Speaker 1: you had to give an.

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Speaker 2: Age, nine of the time hostile?

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Speaker 1: Kay?

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Speaker 2: Or maybe a language barrier? And I just did they.

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Speaker 1: Interest? Interesting? Interesting? So you believe that there's a chance

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Speaker 1: that they weren't being hostile, that they were just communicating

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Speaker 1: to you with actually pure intentions, but because of a

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Speaker 1: language barrier, you interpreted it as hostile.

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Speaker 2: Maybe maybe about forty percent of the hostile encounters. Yeah, yeah, maybe.

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Speaker 1: So it happened for so you're twenty four years old.

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Speaker 1: When when did this stop happening?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: I would say when I was about nine or ten.

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Speaker 1: Okay, And it says here that it hasn't happened recently

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Speaker 1: because you think they don't like you anymore? Is that accurate?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah. I got family that are devote Christians and

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Speaker 2: they prayed against it, and when they prayed, they just last.

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Speaker 1: Interesting. So you think that your family praying against it

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Speaker 1: is keeping keeping them away happily?

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Speaker 2: So I would say, yes, are.

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Speaker 1: You are you a Christian?

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Speaker 5: Yes?

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Speaker 1: Do you do you pray them away?

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Speaker 2: Yes? The scary ones?

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Speaker 3: Yes?

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Speaker 1: So can I ask has anything like supernatural kind of

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Speaker 1: happened to you. I mean, this was it's been about

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Speaker 1: like fourteen years. Has anything kind of supernatural happened to

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Speaker 1: you in those past fourteen years aside from just this

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Speaker 1: alien thing?

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Speaker 2: No, not no, no, just it was like it was

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Speaker 2: completely unplugged and stop at age nine to.

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Speaker 1: And and it happened right when you started praying. Yes,

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Speaker 1: do you pray have a day?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and every day that you pray for the past

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Speaker 1: fourteen years. Do you think about these creatures.

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Speaker 2: When I was younger, yes, yeah, because those a traumatic thing.

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Speaker 1: What do you think about when you pray nowadays?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Just life direction, man, Okay, that's the biggest thing.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you know, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever talked about these aliens with like an

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Speaker 1: actual psychiatrist or therapist?

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Speaker 2: My mom, when I was really young, cut me to

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Speaker 2: some one and she told him that she was praying

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Speaker 2: against when I got older, actually probably about nine, and

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Speaker 2: that stopped them. And when they told her that, the

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Speaker 2: psychologist basically said you shouldn't have done that and that,

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Speaker 2: and that you're just feeding into the illusions.

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Speaker 1: M hmm. Okay, So the psychologist told your mom that

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Speaker 1: she shouldn't feed into your delusions. Pretty much Okay, so

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Speaker 1: do you I said, and this was when you were nine? Yes, okay,

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Speaker 1: so you're twenty four years old, you're an adult. Now

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Speaker 1: have you made any effort, like, you know, independently to

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Speaker 1: talk to a psychiatrist about this?

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Speaker 3: Uh?

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Speaker 2: Other instances, but no, not this, because honestly, I blacked

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Speaker 2: a lot of it out. Yeah, I mean traumatic when

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Speaker 2: I was young.

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Speaker 1: Interesting, Well, I mean okay, so tell me this, tell me,

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Speaker 1: tell me this, then tell me this.

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Speaker 3: Then.

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Speaker 1: How do you feel like in this very moment talking

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Speaker 1: to me and all these other people listening about it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, mm hmm. I I I wanted to talk

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Speaker 2: in a way that it would be an open minded setting,

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Speaker 2: and I feel like you're open minded.

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Speaker 1: Sure, so it feels so you you don't feel like

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Speaker 1: because I because I want to kind of get to

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Speaker 1: why you don't feel like you can talk to a

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Speaker 1: psychiatrist about this? Like is it a like is there

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Speaker 1: is there like a fear against doing that?

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Speaker 5: They're expensive?

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Speaker 1: They are fucking expensive. That's true.

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Speaker 2: That is very true, guy, That is true. You know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah forty six an hour?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that is true. I just run into this

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Speaker 1: thing where it's hard because I was I always tell

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Speaker 1: people that you know. Obviously, I'm not even a fake therapist.

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Speaker 1: I'm a I'm a guy in a geckle costume talking

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Speaker 1: to people. But I always tell people they should go

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Speaker 1: talk to an actual therapist if they're trying to talk

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Speaker 1: to me about something that I've talked to an actual

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Speaker 1: therapists about. And then I always, you know, they're like,

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Speaker 1: a therapist are expensive, and I'm like, that's true, But

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Speaker 1: I would I would look into real I would, I would,

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Speaker 1: I would look into whatever. You know, listen, I want

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Speaker 1: to keep talking about this, but just as an assad,

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Speaker 1: I would look into whatever resources are available for you

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Speaker 1: to talk to a real therapist. But I guess all

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Speaker 1: of that aside. Is this, you know, all that aside,

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Speaker 1: is this something that like contemporarily, you know, as a

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Speaker 1: twenty four year old as you sort of go about

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Speaker 1: your day to day life. Is this something that still

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Speaker 1: like affects.

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Speaker 2: You maybe out of sub this fear. Maybe I have

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Speaker 2: some fear that I deal with, Okay, you know, with

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Speaker 2: Gil being assertive and making decisions to do stuff, m

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Speaker 2: you know, because you're afraid you're going to make the

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Speaker 2: wrong decision, you know, and that and that it would

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Speaker 2: make a mistake.

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Speaker 1: You know, how how did how do these aliens and

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Speaker 1: these encounters, how have they influenced your feelings about decision making?

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Speaker 2: I think making the wrong decisions or the wrong moves,

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Speaker 2: or making something angry. You know, that's that's that's the

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Speaker 2: biggest thing you don't want to encounter. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to say rap of the heeling, you know,

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Speaker 2: that's probably the wrong thing to say.

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Speaker 1: I mean is that it are you like afraid that

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Speaker 1: if you make the wrong decision that like they'll come back.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, it's just you know, like you know,

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Speaker 2: when you're five and six years old and your parents

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Speaker 2: are yelling at you to go to bed, you know, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's like you know, you like you go to your

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Speaker 2: mom and dad for protection and say, hey, mom, you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm scared, and then all of a sudden, it's like,

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Speaker 2: go to bed now. I got to be at the

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Speaker 2: factory at six a m. You know, I'm sorry, talking quietly,

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, dude, I I totally I can

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Speaker 1: see that, right, because you're fucking six. And whether or

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Speaker 1: not at that well, look, whether or not it actually happens,

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Speaker 1: you believe that fucking aliens are coming to fucking attack you.

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Speaker 1: You're six or you don't have any you know, and

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Speaker 1: you really kind of don't have any tools when you're

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Speaker 1: six years old to deal with anything except for your parents,

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Speaker 1: and so you go to your parents and they fucking

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Speaker 1: become like an extra source of hostility toward you. And like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that fucking sucks. I can see why that uh uh

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Speaker 1: what would have an effect on someone, for sure? And

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry that that happened to you. I feel like

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Speaker 1: you deserve better. You seem like a sweet guy. You

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Speaker 1: don't seem like you deserve anything like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, what made me want to ask was I

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Speaker 2: I was a friend of my family sent me a

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Speaker 2: link about Fran being abducted, and I was kind of

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Speaker 2: like hoping that this would open up dialogue into that

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Speaker 2: and give me some like answers that you know, I'm

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Speaker 2: not alone. There's other people that have dealt with this,

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Speaker 2: you know, Fran, there's a change, Yeah, like Fran Dresser.

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Speaker 1: Ah, well, okay, all right, all right, Well, well Fran

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Speaker 1: was abducted by like assailants, not I don't think she

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Speaker 1: was abducted by aliens.

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Speaker 2: It's on the today show.

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Speaker 1: Really did she talk about being abducted by a I

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Speaker 1: have you know more about her than I do?

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Speaker 2: Probably, yeah, Google it's true.

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Speaker 1: Well, look, I can put a word in I'll see

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Speaker 1: if if I I know she was abducted, but I'm

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Speaker 1: pretty sure it wasn't by aliens. Sure it was by like,

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Speaker 1: you know, assailants.

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Speaker 4: Her hand, her hand, huh, being like, well, well look look,

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Speaker 4: I'll tell you I'll tell you this much.

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you this much. You're definitely not alone. And

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Speaker 1: you know people reporting uh ah encounters with with aliens

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Speaker 1: and whatnot. I and I'm not gonna throw my you know,

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Speaker 1: hat in the ring as to you know, my opinions

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Speaker 1: on whether or not any of that stuff is real,

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Speaker 1: because I you know, who the fuck am I to

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Speaker 1: determine reality. But man, look, at the end of the day,

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Speaker 1: I will say, you know, I do hope that uh

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Speaker 1: you you find the I I I again, I know

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Speaker 1: it's I know it's tough for people out there to

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Speaker 1: find like actual help, but I I do hope that

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Speaker 1: you can find, uh, you know, a licensed person to

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Speaker 1: kind of talk through this ship with that can help

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Speaker 1: you make better sense of it. You totally didn't deserve

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Speaker 1: for your parents to like fucking yelling you when you

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Speaker 1: were in that position. Yeah, And man, I appreciate you

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Speaker 1: sharing this stuff. This is interesting. I feel like there's

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Speaker 1: got to be somebody listening who's had a a similar

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Speaker 1: experience as you with these aliens that maybe we'll reach out.

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Speaker 1: Is there anything else that you want to say about

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Speaker 1: the whole thing or about anything in general before we go.

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Speaker 2: The group hands When I was younger, scared me like

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Speaker 2: that was probably the most traumatic because like, you know,

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Speaker 2: you're sitting there watching TV and you see like a

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Speaker 2: nine foot arm come out and try to grab you

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Speaker 2: out of the bed. You know, that was probably the scariest.

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Speaker 2: But see, like time they're scary, but there was that

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Speaker 2: ten percent of the time where like I guess they

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Speaker 2: would try to make me laugh.

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Speaker 1: They're playing good, they're playing good alien bad alien on you.

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Speaker 2: Maybe maybe like like like that looked a weird one,

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Speaker 2: Like when you see like a two and a half

336
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Speaker 2: foot tall dark shadow sparkly and at first you're scared

337
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Speaker 2: and realize the dude's dancing and you're hearing like music.

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Speaker 1: You know, I wonder if there's like I wonder if

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Speaker 1: there's like and This will probably be the last thing

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Speaker 1: I have to say about this. It's totally totally uninformed,

341
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Speaker 1: But I wonder if there's like, you know, how people

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Speaker 1: have like lucid dreams, where like they can kind of, yeah,

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Speaker 1: like awaken themselves to determine the reality of, you know whatever,

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Speaker 1: the dream reality of what's going on, Like, is there

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Speaker 1: a version of that when you're in these encounters where

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Speaker 1: you can sort of take control of the situation and

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Speaker 1: perceive the aliens to be helpful, you know, like you

348
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Speaker 1: can kind of take control over whether or not they're

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Speaker 1: helpful or hostile.

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Speaker 2: Maybe they were more like ghosts, because there's one point

351
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Speaker 2: where I got bold enough to just run through them,

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Speaker 2: if that makes sense. So so, but that was one

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Speaker 2: hundred percent aware, like like like I wasn't I wasn't

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Speaker 2: asleep or coming out of a dream to state if

355
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Speaker 2: that make sense.

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Speaker 1: Carl, is there anything else that you would like to

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Speaker 1: say before we go?

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Speaker 2: No, sir, thank you for your time.

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Speaker 1: Hey, thank you for thank you for calling. Carl. Appreciate you, yeap,

360
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Speaker 1: appreciate you.

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Speaker 2: Bye.

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Speaker 1: Oh man. You know what's interesting is I f everybody

363
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:49,440
Speaker 1: listening to that like had their own like, uh imagination

364
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Speaker 1: in their head of what Carl's aliens looked like, and

365
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:59,879
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about, what, ever, what everyone's different imagination of

366
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Speaker 1: the aliens looked like mine? They looked like little, uh

367
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 1: outlines of creatures that have like stars in them or

368
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Speaker 1: some shit, and they're kind of dancing around. Man, I

369
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Speaker 1: fucking feel for Carl because I want him to I

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Speaker 1: want him to be able to talk about all that

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Speaker 1: shit with like an actual psychiatrist. And this happens, so

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00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,920
Speaker 1: this happens so often on this podcast where someone well

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Speaker 1: will come to something and of course I'll be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you know, you should probably talk about that with a

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Speaker 1: real therapist. And then I'm like, man, I wish I

376
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:35,239
Speaker 1: could sit in the room while he's talking about that

377
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Speaker 1: with an actual psychiatrist and like actually like get their

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Speaker 1: take on what's going on, because I have obviously no idea,

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00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:46,960
Speaker 1: but I do. I do wonder what they would have

380
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 1: to say about what's going on with Carl. You know,

381
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:56,119
Speaker 1: if it is some form of a delusion, if it

382
00:23:56,200 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 1: is some sort of masking of uh traumatic event that

383
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 1: that's not even you know, being brought up, or if

384
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Speaker 1: it's fucking aliens. What if he goes to see a

385
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:14,119
Speaker 1: therapist and they're like, yeah, that's aliens. Aliens exist, and

386
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 1: they did try to abduct you, and that means that

387
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:24,440
Speaker 1: you're the chosen person and that I have to give

388
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:28,639
Speaker 1: you a million dollars that could be what happens. I

389
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:32,320
Speaker 1: have no idea, I have no semblance of the thing,

390
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,959
Speaker 1: but that's spooky. I felt bad for him too when

391
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 1: he was talking about how his parents were just being

392
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,959
Speaker 1: jerks about it, because really, when you're six, you have nothing,

393
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,159
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, he's twenty four now, and you

394
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,360
Speaker 1: can kind of if you're twenty four and you get

395
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 1: abducted by aliens, you can kind of be like, oh, well,

396
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 1: that was weird that I thought about that. When you're six,

397
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 1: you have every When you're sex, you accept everything that

398
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 1: happens to you at face value. So if you if

399
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 1: you are fucking getting abducted by aliens and you're six,

400
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,400
Speaker 1: you're not You're not much of a skeptic. When you're six,

401
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 1: you're still believing in Santa Claus and the tooth Fairy

402
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,280
Speaker 1: and shit, and so you have every right to take

403
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 1: everything that happens to you a face value. And so

404
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,720
Speaker 1: the fear that you feel when that happens to you.

405
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: It's real. It's like, oh, I'm fucking getting abducted by aliens,

406
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,120
Speaker 1: Like you're really feeling that. And you go to your parents,

407
00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 1: who are supposed to be the only people in your

408
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:32,880
Speaker 1: life who can really you can count on for anything,

409
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 1: and then they give you They respond to you with

410
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 1: more fear. But it's not your fucking fault. Because you're six,

411
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 1: You're just You're six, You're nothing. You none of your

412
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 1: actions are propelled by anything except for whatever emotion you're

413
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 1: feeling at that time, And you're whatever emotion you're feeling

414
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 1: at the time, you're not even control of because you

415
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 1: because you're six. Fucking Carl. I I feel for him.

416
00:25:56,800 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 1: I hope, I hope he gets whatever help he needs. Carl, Carl, Carl, Hello, Hello, Hi?

417
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,680
Speaker 1: Is this Jessica?

418
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 3: It is this is.

419
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 1: The this is the Gecko. What's your life like, Jessica?

420
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 3: Oh, you know, just crashing down around me? But I'm surviving.

421
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 1: Is that true? Is it really crashing down around you? Well?

422
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:34,760
Speaker 3: I guess it could always be worse, but well, what

423
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:35,920
Speaker 3: is then?

424
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 1: What is it that made you, like gut say that

425
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,199
Speaker 1: it's crashing down around you?

426
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 3: Well? I don't know, just the way that my life

427
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:51,760
Speaker 3: has been past like a month or so, I was

428
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,680
Speaker 3: living with my grandparents and then my grandparents kicked me

429
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 3: out of my house and I have a dog, so

430
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 3: I had to find another my dog, and then I

431
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 3: had to move in with my dad. I quit my

432
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:10,400
Speaker 3: job and everything. So I know, I love like thirty

433
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 3: it's not that big of a deal, but it's like

434
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 3: thirty minutes away from my boyfriend, and I just had

435
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 3: to like uproot my life and everything. And that happened

436
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 3: to the last like a month or so. So I'm

437
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 3: just trying to figure out my life right now.

438
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 1: Why did your grandparents kick you out?

439
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:33,679
Speaker 3: They it's kind of complicated, but my grandparents are just

440
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 3: they're not the nicest people and they were very mentally

441
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:44,399
Speaker 3: abusive towards me. So it was better for my mental

442
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 3: health because I've lived with my grandparents since I was

443
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 3: like sixteen, like on and off and everything like that,

444
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 3: so I've just kind of been like I've moved around

445
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:54,120
Speaker 3: a lot as a kid.

446
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 1: But so are you feeling I never had a good

447
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,119
Speaker 1: are you? Are you feeling better now that you've moved out?

448
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:09,959
Speaker 3: Oh? I knew it was the right move, but yeah,

449
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 3: It just sucks because I had to get I had

450
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 3: to find a new home for my dog because my

451
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 3: dad was allergic and he couldn't live in his apartment.

452
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:25,679
Speaker 3: So oh well, it's not like I didn't have to

453
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,879
Speaker 3: give him up completely, Like he's just temporarily staying at

454
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 3: this lady's house until I can find another place to live.

455
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 2: Pretty much.

456
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 1: Well, it says here Jessica that a couple months ago

457
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 1: you were diagnosed with herpes, and you would like to

458
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 1: talk about that.

459
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, that happened like in like August or so, and

460
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 3: like previously, I was like in a relationship with someone

461
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 3: for like two years, and we like broke up like

462
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 3: a couple of months before August, and then I was

463
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:08,680
Speaker 3: just kind of like wanted to get out there again

464
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 3: and everything. So I did what everyone does and downloaded.

465
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,480
Speaker 3: I think it was Tinder or hinge, you know, one

466
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 3: of those dating the things that people do. But yeah,

467
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 3: so I was talking with this guy and we hung

468
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 3: out a couple of times, and he acted like he

469
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 3: was totally into me and everything, and like probably the

470
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 3: fourth time until like hanging out with him, I was like,

471
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:46,400
Speaker 3: notice that, you know, something was off down there. And

472
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 3: then I went to before I could even confront this

473
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 3: guy like out of blue. He was just like, you know,

474
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 3: like I'm just like I just can't have sex before.

475
00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 3: But I just thought that was the weirdest thing. It

476
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:02,480
Speaker 3: was even before I told him that, like something was

477
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:07,000
Speaker 3: going on, because it was before I got like tested officially,

478
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 3: so I don't know, but yeah, and I at first

479
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:19,760
Speaker 3: I was just absolutely mortified with myself. When I went

480
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 3: to like Planned Parenthood and they tested be and everything,

481
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 3: I was just like, oh, great, Like this is just

482
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 3: the cherry on top of my life. Because I also have,

483
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 3: like I have a kind of a rare condition called

484
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 3: Eller's Damlo syndrome, So that kind of affects like your

485
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:47,959
Speaker 3: connective tissues. So the logistics is like the symptoms is

486
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 3: like you feel like it's a chronic pain twenty four

487
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,560
Speaker 3: to seven and it's kind of similar to like rumin

488
00:30:54,560 --> 00:31:00,240
Speaker 3: toward ourthritis. So on top of dealing with that every day,

489
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:04,520
Speaker 3: now I have herpes And I was like, oh, fantastic,

490
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 3: this is great.

491
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 1: So what's the deal with Yeah it is? Is it forever?

492
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 1: Or is it like chlamydia where you just take a

493
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 1: few pills and you're done.

494
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 3: Sadly, sadly, it's with you for your entire life.

495
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 1: Really, every type of herpes it's with you your entire life.

496
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, so there's two different types of herpes. There's

497
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 3: HSV one, which is what like most people have, Like

498
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 3: I think I've read like one statistic ver's like eighty percent.

499
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,280
Speaker 3: It's like the population has or a herpees and that's

500
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 3: just like if you get like a cold store, like

501
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 3: sure a lot of people had, And.

502
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: Is that one is that one the temporary one?

503
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 3: Well, it kind of it's kind of difficult to explain,

504
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 3: but basically with herpes, it can you can have like

505
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 3: an outbreak and it can like come and go like

506
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 3: for me personally, like my first outbreak that I had

507
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 3: used for like two and a half weeks and then

508
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 3: like afterwards like each yeah, so like each time that

509
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 3: you get an outbreak, it like gets lesser like each time.

510
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 3: So like my first outbreak, it.

511
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 1: Was which one which one of you have?

512
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 3: I have HC too, so I have it generally.

513
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, And how often does that one break out?

514
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 3: Well it was about once a month now, I would say,

515
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 3: And I usually get it around like you know, my

516
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 3: also weekly visit. So I think just like the hormones

517
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 3: and stuff like that. Everything kind of like kind of

518
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:51,000
Speaker 3: starts it, you know, because it can often be triggered

519
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:53,480
Speaker 3: by like stress, you can get an outbreak from stress

520
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 3: or like other like physical activities. Sometimes you can get

521
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 3: it like a trigger to that for now breaks.

522
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 1: So now everyone that you have sex with is it?

523
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 1: Is it sort of permanently transmissible?

524
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 3: It depends, so it there's like all these different types

525
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 3: of like statistics on like how much is transferable and

526
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 3: like if you use protection and then if you don't

527
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 3: use protection. But I've only had uh, like I'm in

528
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 3: a relationship right now, and that's the first person that

529
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:37,840
Speaker 3: I have been with since I was diagnosed and we've

530
00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 3: been dating since like mid December, and he doesn't have

531
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 3: any symptoms at all really, so it's very interesting and

532
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 3: like there's been I know, it's so it can be.

533
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 1: I can I ask you. I want to ask you

534
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:56,640
Speaker 1: request before you. I want to ask you real question.

535
00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:00,760
Speaker 1: So when you okay? So, So it was for December

536
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 1: that you were diagnosed with herpes and then you met

537
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 1: this guy who is your boyfriend and you've been dating

538
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:10,360
Speaker 1: for about five months, and what was that conversation like

539
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 1: before you guys had sex where you had to be like, hey,

540
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 1: so listen, I gotta tell you about this thing. Yeah.

541
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 3: So that's probably the hardest part because like I hung

542
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 3: out with him about three times and just because like

543
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 3: I wanted to feel it out first before, like because

544
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:37,279
Speaker 3: it was my first time of ever telling like a

545
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 3: male that I was like interested with and that I like, hey,

546
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 3: by the way, I have rupies, you know, right, So

547
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 3: I wanted to like make sure, like I don't know

548
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 3: that he was like a good person, I guess, but yeah,

549
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:56,840
Speaker 3: so I basically they call like disclosing in the Harpies world,

550
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 3: but I just closed him.

551
00:34:59,200 --> 00:34:59,279
Speaker 1: Like.

552
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:06,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the actual thing. But yeah, I just texted

553
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 3: him like the third day of us like hanging out

554
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:12,520
Speaker 3: or whatever, and I was just like, you know, like

555
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 3: I enjoy like spending time with you, blah blah blah.

556
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:22,000
Speaker 3: I think this would be like something that you know,

557
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 3: what you say to it if you like someone stuff

558
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 3: like that. And then I was like, you know, like

559
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 3: a couple of months ago, I was diagnosed with herpees,

560
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 3: and I told him what my frequency was and how

561
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 3: my out like when I get outbreaks, and I told

562
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 3: him like the percentage of like what's like transfer transferable?

563
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 3: And I sent him like this whole chart on.

564
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 1: You you included visual aids, yeah.

565
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 3: Because like I don't know, yeah, because like before I

566
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 3: had herpes, I like I never knew anyone that had herpes.

567
00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:59,360
Speaker 3: And I like, well.

568
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:02,440
Speaker 1: So so you wrote all this stuff out for him,

569
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:04,520
Speaker 1: you send it to him, and how does he respond?

570
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 3: He had the most amazing response ever. He was basically

571
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:19,480
Speaker 3: he said I was worth it and that he appreciates

572
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 3: me coming out and kind of saying like what was

573
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 3: going on? And he basically said he wants to like

574
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 3: you know, wants to have a future with me or

575
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 3: see how it goes, and it doesn't really matter to him.

576
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:38,680
Speaker 3: And like he obviously was like you know, like he said,

577
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 3: like keep me in check on like how everything's going,

578
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 3: like let me know if you're having an outbreak and

579
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 3: when it's done, and like he was just trying to

580
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,680
Speaker 3: be like super supportive and everything like that.

581
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 1: Really, so it was like you can kind of find

582
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 1: like so so basically you guys have like sort of

583
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 1: windows where it's not breaking out where you can safely

584
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 1: have sex and he won't get it.

585
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:11,800
Speaker 3: Well, it's still transferable. I think it's like something in

586
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:14,759
Speaker 3: to like this a wide range, but it was like

587
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 3: ten to thirty percent chance of transfer transferring if you

588
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:20,799
Speaker 3: don't have an outbreak, and then I think it's like

589
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 3: seventy five percent if you're like during an outbreak.

590
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 1: But and how how many times had you hung out

591
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:30,280
Speaker 1: with this guy before you told them.

592
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 3: I hung out with him three times?

593
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:38,759
Speaker 1: Three times? This is interesting. This is like a you know,

594
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 1: in a weird way, this functions as like a litmus

595
00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:45,959
Speaker 1: test for you. You know, I mean, if you're the type

596
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 1: of person who you're really seeking a long term, committed thing,

597
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,719
Speaker 1: this is a good litmus test for you because it's like,

598
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 1: you know, three meetings in you hit him with that,

599
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 1: and you're like, all right, let's see if he's in

600
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:05,840
Speaker 1: down for the count, you know, and you kind of

601
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:08,040
Speaker 1: get your answer that Yeah. So in a weird way, it,

602
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:12,440
Speaker 1: like like I said, works as this litmus test to

603
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 1: kind of prove who's in and who's out. And you

604
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 1: clearly have found somebody who is in.

605
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:23,160
Speaker 3: Yeah.

606
00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 1: So so moving forward, you know, as to kind of

607
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 1: wrap this up, things seem to be going and you've

608
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 1: been with this guy for five months. You had a

609
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 1: little bit of issues with your living situation, you know,

610
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:42,800
Speaker 1: before we go, Jessica, what's kind of like the next

611
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:47,359
Speaker 1: step for you? Do you think where can we see

612
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:50,960
Speaker 1: your adventures taking you, you know, in the coming.

613
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 3: Weeks, in the coming weeks. Well, right now, I'm unemployed,

614
00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 3: so I'm currently looking for a job, and I've been

615
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:03,840
Speaker 3: looking for the job since like I don't know, like

616
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,319
Speaker 3: mid March, and I just got a job interview on

617
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 3: Wednesday for this as being like an administrative assistant at

618
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:16,680
Speaker 3: this doctor's office that does like therapy for kids that

619
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 3: have autism. So hopefully that job interview and I'll be

620
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 3: around positive people constantly.

621
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:29,120
Speaker 1: So, uh well, Jessica, thank you for sharing that with us.

622
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 1: Is there anything else that you want to say to

623
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:32,120
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go?

624
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:38,360
Speaker 2: It gets better.

625
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 1: Sometimes, hopefully.

626
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the.

627
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 3: Thank you for calling, all right, Thanks guys.

628
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 1: Mhmm, interesting, interesting, interesting. Yeah, that's a heavy thing to

629
00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:03,839
Speaker 1: like have to you know, I'm glad for her that, Like,

630
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:09,080
Speaker 1: so it sounded like she wasn't on a super super

631
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:15,400
Speaker 1: long search before she found somebody who was cool with

632
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 1: the herpes. I'm happy for her about that because I

633
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:20,920
Speaker 1: almost you know, I don't know what I would do

634
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 1: if I were in that situation, because she chooses, and

635
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:26,200
Speaker 1: you know, look, I respect, I respect the strategy that

636
00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: she went with. She's like, Okay, let me get three

637
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 1: dates in and then I'll bring it up. And I

638
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:35,160
Speaker 1: don't I don't know if I would do that. I

639
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:37,799
Speaker 1: don't know if I would do that versus like, I

640
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 1: mean maybe not look, maybe not the very first thing

641
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 1: that comes out of my mouth, but you know, opting

642
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 1: to as soon as possible let it be known, because look,

643
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 1: for some people that can be a big thing. But

644
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:54,080
Speaker 1: she opts to kind of do the slow burn. And

645
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 1: I'm glad it worked for her because that would have

646
00:40:56,360 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: been kind of a crushing thing if she were to

647
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 1: have invested all of that time, dropped the bomb and

648
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,359
Speaker 1: then he was out, you know. And I mean, look,

649
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:11,440
Speaker 1: you know, no shame to anyone for you know, any

650
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 1: choices that make to do anything, But you know, I'm

651
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 1: glad it worked out for her, especially considering all the

652
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:21,920
Speaker 1: other shit that's was going on in her life between

653
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 1: the dog and the grandparents and everything. So at least

654
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:29,319
Speaker 1: she found someone. It's cool with the herpes. I feel

655
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:30,719
Speaker 1: like that's I don't know, I don't know, I've never

656
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:35,319
Speaker 1: dated with herpes. But I assume that I feel like

657
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:39,320
Speaker 1: that's gotta be rare to find someone like that quickly

658
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:41,360
Speaker 1: who's cool with it. I feel like you would have

659
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 1: to go through a lot of people before you found

660
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: the one. So so props to good luck for her.

661
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 1: That's good luck. I would say, that's a that's some

662
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 1: that's a four leaf. I'm trying to got out away

663
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:02,120
Speaker 1: in the sense it's a luck thing, miracle from God.

664
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 1: That's what I'll end this with. Thank you for sharing. Jessica. Hello, hello, Cole.

665
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 5: What's going on man?

666
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:13,799
Speaker 1: How's life?

667
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 2: Cole?

668
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:21,880
Speaker 5: Uh? It's a whirlwind man, It's just you know, good days,

669
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 5: bad days.

670
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:27,799
Speaker 1: Tell me, tell me. Let's let's get into that. Tell me.

671
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,319
Speaker 1: Let's start with the good days. What are the good days? Like?

672
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:37,400
Speaker 5: Uh? I like to stay busy. I really like sitting

673
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 5: around a whole lot, like to be on to go.

674
00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: What are you busy with? What do you typically busy doing?

675
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:50,560
Speaker 5: All right now, I'm just picking up extra shifts, making money,

676
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:52,480
Speaker 5: trying to distract myself.

677
00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:56,799
Speaker 1: Okay, So on a good day, you're keeping busy and

678
00:42:56,840 --> 00:43:02,880
Speaker 1: you're distracting yourself. Yes, okay, that sounds like a lot.

679
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:06,919
Speaker 1: That sounds like my good days as well. Is distracting

680
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:11,520
Speaker 1: myself with things and stuff until you sort of have

681
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:15,200
Speaker 1: to sit alone with your own whatever. Tell us what's

682
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:16,280
Speaker 1: going on on the bad days.

683
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:26,480
Speaker 5: I'm kind of finding myself in the middle of a

684
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 5: pretty screwed up love triangle, and we're going on a

685
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:32,960
Speaker 5: little ever seven months now, and things that's kind of

686
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:36,280
Speaker 5: gotten out of hand a love triangle.

687
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 1: You say, should I Should I say what's what the

688
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:40,200
Speaker 1: screener said? Or do you want to tell us in

689
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:42,600
Speaker 1: your own words about this love triangle?

690
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:47,000
Speaker 5: You can say what the screener said. I'll get into

691
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:47,839
Speaker 5: it all.

692
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,439
Speaker 1: Right, well, Cole. It says here twenty five years old

693
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:54,840
Speaker 1: from Pennsylvania. It says that you're dating a married woman.

694
00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:56,320
Speaker 1: That is that accurate?

695
00:43:58,360 --> 00:43:59,320
Speaker 5: Yep, that's correct.

696
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:02,800
Speaker 1: It says you started dating her even though you knew

697
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,480
Speaker 1: she was married. Says you don't have any guilt over

698
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:11,520
Speaker 1: the situation. And it says that your husband know. It

699
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:14,799
Speaker 1: says that the husband knows about you. I have so

700
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:17,240
Speaker 1: many questions about every aspect of this, So let's let's

701
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:21,040
Speaker 1: kind of go one by one. How did you meet

702
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 1: this person?

703
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 5: Met her own good old dating app Tinder? I wasn't

704
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 5: really looking for anything in particular at the time. It

705
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:34,279
Speaker 5: is just kind of doing me and things just kind

706
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:39,280
Speaker 5: of happened. And the whole situation was she was actually

707
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:44,240
Speaker 5: looking for a friend with benefits now strings attached, which

708
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 5: I went along with. And things were fine for a

709
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 5: period of time, and then we both kind of developed

710
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 5: emotions and things evolved pretty fast.

711
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:04,759
Speaker 1: And at what stage in your sort of courtship did

712
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 1: she tell you that she was she was married?

713
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 5: Actually, before we even met, I knew she was married.

714
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 1: How did you know that? Was it like on her

715
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:19,720
Speaker 1: profile or something?

716
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:21,920
Speaker 3: Uh?

717
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:26,440
Speaker 5: No, Actually, in I believe our first conversation, because we

718
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 5: talked for quite a while, she actually messaged me first,

719
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:34,400
Speaker 5: and I got back to her not too long after,

720
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:38,279
Speaker 5: and we had a pretty long conversation our first talk,

721
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:43,920
Speaker 5: and she told me that she was married, had two children.

722
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:46,279
Speaker 5: And at this point in time, she gave me the

723
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 5: impression that everything was fine and she was happy. But

724
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:52,719
Speaker 5: as I got to know her a little bit more

725
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:56,640
Speaker 5: she got to know me, things started to slowly unfold,

726
00:45:56,680 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 5: and she eventually revealed how on how she was and

727
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 5: told me some things that any normal person, in my mind,

728
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 5: if we're done to them. They probably would have left,

729
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,280
Speaker 5: but she stayed.

730
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:20,040
Speaker 1: So so she was giving you this portrait of her

731
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 1: marriage as pretty unhappy, and of her husband it sounds

732
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:27,800
Speaker 1: treating her poorly.

733
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 5: Pretty much. I mean, he's there, he's there for the kids,

734
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:39,560
Speaker 5: but he doesn't really do much. And I do think

735
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:42,520
Speaker 5: the guy's a narcissist at this point. I've kind of

736
00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 5: gathered enough information. I don't obviously he hasn't been like

737
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 5: formally diagnosed, but just off of stuff that she's told me,

738
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:54,400
Speaker 5: there's no doubt in my mind he's a narcissist. I

739
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:56,440
Speaker 5: think he's totally apathetic.

740
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:00,919
Speaker 1: And Okay, So to kind of dive to the second point,

741
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:04,120
Speaker 1: it says that you don't have any guilt over the situation,

742
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 1: is a lot of that lack of guilt because of

743
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:11,399
Speaker 1: all the things you know about this guy that she's

744
00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:16,520
Speaker 1: married to, and how they point to him being a narcissist.

745
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:21,440
Speaker 5: Absolutely, and just knowing how he's treated her over the years.

746
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:23,399
Speaker 5: I mean, because there's a lot of stuff I could

747
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 5: get into here.

748
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:24,279
Speaker 1: Man.

749
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:29,319
Speaker 5: Basically, the whole reason she was even seeking anybody is

750
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:34,719
Speaker 5: because they established an open marriage due to him being unfaithful.

751
00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:38,759
Speaker 5: Unfaithful pretty early on in their marriage, actually while she

752
00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:42,320
Speaker 5: was pregnant with their first child, so they kind of

753
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 5: had a battle going on for a few years. We're

754
00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:48,919
Speaker 5: cheating on each other, and I guess eventually one day

755
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 5: sat down and said, you know, what are we doing here,

756
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 5: and they just I guess came to the conclusion they

757
00:47:56,160 --> 00:48:01,320
Speaker 5: should stick it out while having intimate relationships with other people.

758
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:05,120
Speaker 1: Okay, so back, so back up real quick. So this

759
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 1: is exact important information. They're they're in an open marriage. Yes, okay,

760
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:15,240
Speaker 1: this because I mean then then that I wouldn't consider

761
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:22,080
Speaker 1: that cheating if they have formally, you know, communicated with

762
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:24,840
Speaker 1: one another that they're going to establish, you know, open

763
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:27,600
Speaker 1: up their marriage and have intimate relationships with other people.

764
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,799
Speaker 1: You know, if that's you know, the bounds of their

765
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,879
Speaker 1: relationship discussed between the two of them, and then that's

766
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 1: that's not cheating.

767
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 3: Yeah.

768
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, I wouldn't say she's I don't know, it's debatable

769
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:43,640
Speaker 5: because I guess their whole agreement was mainly sexual, you know,

770
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:48,080
Speaker 5: strictly no strings attached, no feelings, which she had done

771
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:51,640
Speaker 5: for a few years successfully. She was good at not

772
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 5: really having feelings, but she definitely that's that's which was

773
00:48:56,239 --> 00:48:58,920
Speaker 5: flipped with me and the feelings mutual.

774
00:48:59,040 --> 00:48:59,959
Speaker 3: So now.

775
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 5: It's a full blown love triangle, like it's not just

776
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:06,400
Speaker 5: sexual between Kurt and I at this point.

777
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 1: So listen, I want to get into this. I want

778
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 1: to get into this last part. I want to get

779
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:18,000
Speaker 1: into this last part. And this is sort of my

780
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:20,160
Speaker 1: my questions about this have changed now that idn't know

781
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:23,680
Speaker 1: that it's an open relationship. Her husband knows about you?

782
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:26,280
Speaker 5: Yeah?

783
00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:28,879
Speaker 1: Absolutely, have you guys talked at all?

784
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:36,280
Speaker 5: Uh? I believe two or three times over the phone.

785
00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:41,520
Speaker 5: I have seen him face to face one time, not directly,

786
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:44,480
Speaker 5: but like I was there. I was actually driving away

787
00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:50,000
Speaker 5: in my car with my quote unquote married girlfriend in

788
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 5: the car with me, and he wasn't very happy about it.

789
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 5: He was chasing me down the street.

790
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:58,000
Speaker 1: He chased you down the street.

791
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, he was trying to throw hands right out

792
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:02,840
Speaker 5: in front of his house.

793
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:05,040
Speaker 2: Hm.

794
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:09,759
Speaker 1: Hm, why is But but so, if they have an

795
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:14,280
Speaker 1: open marriage, they've agreed that they can see other people,

796
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:17,920
Speaker 1: why is he then upset with you?

797
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:22,799
Speaker 5: I guess because he feels like I'm taking away his

798
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:25,960
Speaker 5: personal servant. That's my best guess.

799
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 3: Mmm.

800
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 1: So how do you feel about about this, this person

801
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:37,080
Speaker 1: that you're that you're dating.

802
00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:43,759
Speaker 5: Uh, I have really strong, deep feelings for her man.

803
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:46,520
Speaker 5: I mean, I seriously love her.

804
00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:46,799
Speaker 3: I do.

805
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:50,400
Speaker 5: It's you know, there's been many times now I've really

806
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:54,200
Speaker 5: considered leaving just for the sake of my own mental health.

807
00:50:55,719 --> 00:50:58,360
Speaker 5: But it's just something about her Man. We're just drawn

808
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:03,080
Speaker 5: to each other. So I just can't find that energy,

809
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:06,759
Speaker 5: that motivation to just walk away. As much as I

810
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:09,080
Speaker 5: want to, as much as the logical side of my

811
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 5: brain wants me to do that, the emotional side just

812
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 5: won't let me.

813
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:19,000
Speaker 1: So you said just now that you want to walk

814
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:21,839
Speaker 1: away for the sake of your own mental health. So

815
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 1: I mean, are you saying that this relationship has been

816
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:31,479
Speaker 1: detrimental to your mental health? Because I can I can

817
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,120
Speaker 1: definitely ascertain as to why that might be.

818
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean a lot of it just comes down

819
00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:46,160
Speaker 5: to jealousy, infusion, uncertainty, you know, just not knowing what's

820
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:49,480
Speaker 5: going to happen. I mean there have been some developments,

821
00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:52,560
Speaker 5: you know, throughout this seven month ordeal. Neither of them

822
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:56,360
Speaker 5: are wearing their wedding ring anymore. They don't really sleep

823
00:51:56,440 --> 00:52:00,600
Speaker 5: next to each other like they were, so she might

824
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:02,719
Speaker 5: be on her way out the door but I mean

825
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 5: she's been with them, they've been married for twelve years.

826
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:09,560
Speaker 5: They have two children, ten and five, you know, so

827
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 5: they have a lot of history together, so I know

828
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:15,400
Speaker 5: it's hard on her. I know she's like probably holding

829
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:17,640
Speaker 5: one of the memories and doesn't want to walk away.

830
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:19,920
Speaker 5: And I understand that, you know. I mean I just

831
00:52:19,920 --> 00:52:22,120
Speaker 5: got out of a two year relationship not long ago

832
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:25,319
Speaker 5: and that was hard, so I can imagine twelve years

833
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:28,400
Speaker 5: would be tough. But it's just like this guy's broken

834
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:34,560
Speaker 5: every cardinal relationship rule and she's stayed, you know. So

835
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:37,319
Speaker 5: that's probably what's the toughest on my mental health is

836
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:43,480
Speaker 5: like jealousy, uncertainty, confusion.

837
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:47,160
Speaker 1: And now the kids. Have you met them before?

838
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, I've met them like three times.

839
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:57,120
Speaker 1: See, that's that is sort of an interesting aspect of

840
00:52:57,160 --> 00:53:01,719
Speaker 1: this because you know, especially when you're like, I feel

841
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:03,759
Speaker 1: like it's probably different for the ten year old than

842
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:07,880
Speaker 1: maybe the five year old, because like, I don't I

843
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:10,840
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know anything about fucking child psychology.

844
00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:12,960
Speaker 1: I don't know what a ten year old would make

845
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:16,399
Speaker 1: of this whole situation, But a five year old, it's

846
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:19,839
Speaker 1: like hard for them to know how to see you.

847
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:22,200
Speaker 5: Right exactly.

848
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:25,600
Speaker 1: Do you kind of feel that from them?

849
00:53:25,880 --> 00:53:29,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, Her five year old daughter is she's at that age.

850
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:33,400
Speaker 5: You know, she's like self aware and she remembers stuff,

851
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 5: but she's definitely that age where I don't think she'll

852
00:53:37,239 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 5: really entirely know what's going on. Her ten year old

853
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:44,600
Speaker 5: son's actually very smart, really sweet kid, really polite, like

854
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:48,239
Speaker 5: she's in still great values in these kids already, and

855
00:53:48,239 --> 00:53:52,800
Speaker 5: they're really young, but like with him being so smart,

856
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 5: I think he definitely has an idea of what's going on.

857
00:53:57,840 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 5: So I mean, yeah, perspective, sure. I mean, I guess

858
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:05,840
Speaker 5: part of me feels bad. I mean me personally. My

859
00:54:05,880 --> 00:54:08,280
Speaker 5: parents split when I was three. They got a divorce

860
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:12,080
Speaker 5: when I was really young, so it hits kind of

861
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:14,279
Speaker 5: close to him. But I wasn't as old as they

862
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:18,040
Speaker 5: are either, so I can't really tell you how that

863
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:19,759
Speaker 5: would affect them. You know, it was just kind of

864
00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:21,520
Speaker 5: the norm for me because it happened so.

865
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:22,120
Speaker 3: Early on.

866
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:30,760
Speaker 1: M And you know, in your I assume because because

867
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:33,040
Speaker 1: you're telling me that you know you love this woman

868
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:36,600
Speaker 1: a lot, and that I assume you you see some

869
00:54:36,800 --> 00:54:39,840
Speaker 1: form of a of a future with her, and therefore

870
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:43,040
Speaker 1: some form of future where you're like in the lives

871
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:53,839
Speaker 1: of her children. Absolutely, okay from what you've heard. And

872
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:56,239
Speaker 1: by the way, this kind of this call, it's not

873
00:54:57,000 --> 00:55:01,920
Speaker 1: gonna involve me in any way, shape or form advising

874
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:05,480
Speaker 1: you on what to do in this situation, because you know,

875
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:07,719
Speaker 1: I don't really think that, and I don't even get

876
00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:12,320
Speaker 1: the sense that you're wanting that from me. But I

877
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:17,320
Speaker 1: don't know if I can give that. But anyway, what

878
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:19,800
Speaker 1: do you sense of the relationship between these children and

879
00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 1: their father?

880
00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:28,840
Speaker 5: From what I've gathered, I mean, he doesn't do anything

881
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:32,399
Speaker 5: like them, like, he's just there. And she's also said

882
00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:34,880
Speaker 5: that many times he's like a mindless zombie that just

883
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:38,200
Speaker 5: gets to work and comes home and does nothing like

884
00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:41,920
Speaker 5: she cooks, she cleaned, she takes the kids out like

885
00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 5: she keeps them active. He doesn't really do anything. He's

886
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:50,960
Speaker 5: not too involved with anyone like her or their kids,

887
00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:54,000
Speaker 5: which is another thing that bothers me. It's like I

888
00:55:54,040 --> 00:55:57,000
Speaker 5: feel like he doesn't parent. He just expects her to

889
00:55:57,040 --> 00:55:57,640
Speaker 5: do everything.

890
00:55:57,760 --> 00:56:01,759
Speaker 1: You know, all right, I know I totally just said

891
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:03,719
Speaker 1: that I wouldn't give my input on the situation, but

892
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:09,719
Speaker 1: here are my thoughts. I can really see that you

893
00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:18,040
Speaker 1: have like genuine, pure intentions for all these people, you know,

894
00:56:18,200 --> 00:56:20,560
Speaker 1: for this woman and for her kids, and that you

895
00:56:20,640 --> 00:56:24,520
Speaker 1: truly like care because you're clearly invested. You know, I

896
00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:26,839
Speaker 1: kind of hear it in your voice. You clearly invested

897
00:56:27,320 --> 00:56:29,279
Speaker 1: in the well being of this woman and her kids,

898
00:56:29,280 --> 00:56:34,360
Speaker 1: and you clearly are super empathetic for all the you

899
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:36,640
Speaker 1: haven't told us about it, and it's I don't know

900
00:56:36,680 --> 00:56:38,680
Speaker 1: if it's yours to tell versus hers to tell, but

901
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:41,479
Speaker 1: you know all the sort of shit that you've heard

902
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:47,440
Speaker 1: her husband do to her, and it's great that you

903
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 1: have that empathy, and it's an important thing to have,

904
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:53,360
Speaker 1: you know, when you're developing a relationship with a person.

905
00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:58,239
Speaker 1: But the problem, man, is that at the end of

906
00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:00,520
Speaker 1: the day, at the end of the day, when the

907
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:05,759
Speaker 1: push comes to the shove, uh, there is nothing that

908
00:57:05,800 --> 00:57:13,600
Speaker 1: you can do to influence this woman's relationship with her husband,

909
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 1: like at like she has to be the one to say, Okay,

910
00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:24,479
Speaker 1: I've had enough of this, I'm leaving. And I don't

911
00:57:24,520 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 1: know how dude, I don't know how good it is

912
00:57:28,520 --> 00:57:33,200
Speaker 1: for you to be like biting your nails, watching over

913
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:37,360
Speaker 1: continuing to get more invested in her life until she

914
00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:40,880
Speaker 1: makes that decision because you can't. You can't make that

915
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:42,920
Speaker 1: decision for her. She she has to make that decision

916
00:57:43,200 --> 00:57:45,959
Speaker 1: on her own, and you can't just like sit there

917
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:50,080
Speaker 1: continuing to get more and more and more invested waiting

918
00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:53,600
Speaker 1: for her to leave, even if you're doing all of

919
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:58,560
Speaker 1: this with like the purest, sweetest intentions. She has to

920
00:57:58,560 --> 00:58:02,280
Speaker 1: pull that trigger, dude, and there's nothing you can really do.

921
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:05,200
Speaker 1: I mean, you can, like, you know, tell her like, oh,

922
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:07,960
Speaker 1: he's wrong for you for these reasons and these reasons,

923
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:10,440
Speaker 1: and you can do all the best you can to

924
00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:13,960
Speaker 1: let her know why you think this guy is a

925
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:16,720
Speaker 1: narcissist and why he's bad for her, and you can

926
00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:19,680
Speaker 1: do it again from the purest place in your heart.

927
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:23,240
Speaker 1: But she has to come to all those realizations on

928
00:58:23,280 --> 00:58:25,080
Speaker 1: her own at the end of the day, because you

929
00:58:25,120 --> 00:58:27,960
Speaker 1: can't break them up for her. She has to do

930
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:32,040
Speaker 1: it on her own. And I hate hearing that you're

931
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:39,800
Speaker 1: standing by so heavily invested in this situation that you

932
00:58:39,880 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 1: just have no fucking control over because she has to

933
00:58:42,960 --> 00:58:44,160
Speaker 1: be the one to break up with him at the

934
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:45,960
Speaker 1: end of the day. I mean, what do you think

935
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:46,360
Speaker 1: about that?

936
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:50,200
Speaker 5: Exactly? No, you're absolutely right, and that's a lot of

937
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:54,680
Speaker 5: the problem too. I mean, I do have control issues

938
00:58:54,720 --> 00:58:56,600
Speaker 5: to a point, and that's also hard on me, because

939
00:58:56,600 --> 00:59:00,000
Speaker 5: you're right, I absolutely have like no control in this situation.

940
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:06,000
Speaker 5: There's no control of this say, And what really sucks

941
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:09,600
Speaker 5: is like, she doesn't want me to leave, you know,

942
00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:12,960
Speaker 5: she wants me to basically be sitting here id to

943
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:15,440
Speaker 5: leave by because anytime I try and leave, like she

944
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:18,600
Speaker 5: freaks the fuck out. Like, dude, I don't want me

945
00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:21,600
Speaker 5: to What do you want? You know, you just make

946
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:24,120
Speaker 5: your mind, make a decision. And to see that now

947
00:59:24,480 --> 00:59:27,240
Speaker 5: she know, she keeps telling she doesn't want to do

948
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:29,720
Speaker 5: it for me. She doesn't want me to be the reason.

949
00:59:29,920 --> 00:59:37,240
Speaker 1: You know, Dude, again, I really, you know, I really,

950
00:59:37,280 --> 00:59:40,920
Speaker 1: I feel like you're coming at this with nice intentions

951
00:59:40,920 --> 00:59:43,000
Speaker 1: and you really care about this person as a fellow

952
00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:47,680
Speaker 1: human being, and so I can tell why you're reacting

953
00:59:47,800 --> 00:59:51,680
Speaker 1: very strongly to her, like, as you say, freaking out

954
00:59:52,280 --> 00:59:57,200
Speaker 1: when you're talking about leaving. But like, dude, this woman

955
00:59:57,800 --> 01:00:00,560
Speaker 1: I don't know her. You know anything about her relationship

956
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:05,800
Speaker 1: on anything at all, about her relationship with you, her

957
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:08,400
Speaker 1: relationship with her kids, her relationship with her husband. But

958
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:12,840
Speaker 1: we do know that the only the only person that

959
01:00:12,920 --> 01:00:15,760
Speaker 1: can make that decision of leaving her husband is her.

960
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:20,720
Speaker 1: So like she's either she's either gotta man, she's either

961
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:23,280
Speaker 1: got to leave her or stick it out. But like

962
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:28,480
Speaker 1: to to be you know, holding you on the side,

963
01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:34,240
Speaker 1: keeping in. That's not fair to you, man, So you

964
01:00:34,280 --> 01:00:39,880
Speaker 1: know that's not fair to you. You know, yep, And

965
01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 1: maybe maybe maybe I'll be the person to let you

966
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:44,920
Speaker 1: know that's not fair to you. And kind of because

967
01:00:44,960 --> 01:00:47,040
Speaker 1: you because you just said just now you're telling that

968
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:52,480
Speaker 1: to her, So you not you're aware that it's not

969
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:53,080
Speaker 1: fair to you.

970
01:00:57,000 --> 01:00:59,720
Speaker 5: Yeah? Absolutely, so.

971
01:00:59,840 --> 01:01:01,480
Speaker 1: I mean, dude, it's not fair to you. I don't

972
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:08,080
Speaker 1: think that you know good as as I'll keep saying clearly,

973
01:01:08,120 --> 01:01:11,240
Speaker 1: it sounds to me like you have good intentions, you

974
01:01:11,280 --> 01:01:16,080
Speaker 1: have empathy, you care about people. Fucking Yeah, to go

975
01:01:16,280 --> 01:01:20,520
Speaker 1: use that somewhere where it can be better appreciated.

976
01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:27,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, I hear the Yeah, it's the whole logic versus emotion, man,

977
01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:30,520
Speaker 5: because like I said, my logic absolutely tells me. It's

978
01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:33,200
Speaker 5: the line that I walk every day, you know, and

979
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:35,680
Speaker 5: a lot of time the emotions prevail. I wish the

980
01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:38,120
Speaker 5: logic would prevail more because if it did, I mean yeah,

981
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:42,680
Speaker 5: I would have removed myself from a situation probably like

982
01:01:42,760 --> 01:01:46,280
Speaker 5: five months ago, because I mean, the longer we drag.

983
01:01:46,120 --> 01:01:49,960
Speaker 1: This out, it's just it's gonna keep getting everything, just

984
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:52,560
Speaker 1: keep getting fucking worse. Man, It's just gonna keep getting worse.

985
01:01:53,840 --> 01:01:56,400
Speaker 5: And it has. You know, her and I fight way

986
01:01:56,440 --> 01:02:01,960
Speaker 5: too often over the same thing. We just rehash and

987
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:03,760
Speaker 5: it's like it's because nothing's changing.

988
01:02:04,040 --> 01:02:10,640
Speaker 1: You know, dude, what's your name? Cole? Cole? Listen. I

989
01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:12,840
Speaker 1: know a gecko man on the internet should never listen

990
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:15,480
Speaker 1: to anything that a guy in the gecko costume on

991
01:02:15,560 --> 01:02:21,280
Speaker 1: the internet tells you to do, but should really really

992
01:02:21,360 --> 01:02:26,880
Speaker 1: really consider all the aspects of the situation and whether

993
01:02:26,960 --> 01:02:29,000
Speaker 1: or not it makes sense for you to continue to

994
01:02:29,040 --> 01:02:31,200
Speaker 1: be invested in this stuff. I don't even have to

995
01:02:31,200 --> 01:02:33,400
Speaker 1: tell you this stuff. You already know this stuff. You

996
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 1: already you already know everything about the idiot.

997
01:02:36,640 --> 01:02:39,200
Speaker 5: Sure, absolutely, I just figure you'd tell me I need

998
01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:42,919
Speaker 5: to leave because any sensible, normal person. I've considered going

999
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:45,760
Speaker 5: to counseling and like laying it all on the table

1000
01:02:45,800 --> 01:02:48,480
Speaker 5: for them, but you know, I already figure they're just

1001
01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:51,160
Speaker 5: gonna tell me. You know, it's not good for your

1002
01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:52,720
Speaker 5: mental health. You should probably leave.

1003
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:55,000
Speaker 1: That's the easy so you so you know it's not

1004
01:02:55,040 --> 01:02:58,760
Speaker 1: good for your mental health, you've asked me. Yeah, you're

1005
01:02:58,800 --> 01:03:01,760
Speaker 1: like putting You're like having fantasies in your head of

1006
01:03:01,840 --> 01:03:05,680
Speaker 1: telling people the situation and them confirming it for you

1007
01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:10,280
Speaker 1: to leave. Yeah. You again. I'm trying not to tell

1008
01:03:10,280 --> 01:03:12,240
Speaker 1: you what to do, but you have all the evidence

1009
01:03:12,480 --> 01:03:16,720
Speaker 1: that it sounds like you need to make your informed decision.

1010
01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:23,680
Speaker 5: I would say, I could just be denial emotions, you know,

1011
01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:29,919
Speaker 5: sang it's a concert the factor during it like maybe

1012
01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:31,840
Speaker 5: she'll leave, but I don't know.

1013
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:36,920
Speaker 1: You know, is there anything else you would like to

1014
01:03:36,960 --> 01:03:38,560
Speaker 1: say to the people the computer before we.

1015
01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:44,840
Speaker 5: Go, uh, never date a married woman.

1016
01:03:47,400 --> 01:03:52,920
Speaker 1: I'd say that that's uh, say that's good advice. Listen,

1017
01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:55,920
Speaker 1: if I can hammer in one final point, If I

1018
01:03:55,920 --> 01:03:59,440
Speaker 1: can just hammer in a final point before we conclude

1019
01:03:59,440 --> 01:04:02,640
Speaker 1: this conversation, it is that again, I've said this three times.

1020
01:04:02,640 --> 01:04:05,880
Speaker 1: We'll say the fourth. You're clearly a dude who has

1021
01:04:05,920 --> 01:04:08,920
Speaker 1: capacity for empathy for other people, which is great to have.

1022
01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:13,840
Speaker 1: That's a nice thing. Go fucking use that in a

1023
01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:18,320
Speaker 1: situation that is more welcoming to it than the one

1024
01:04:18,360 --> 01:04:21,720
Speaker 1: that you're currently in. That's that's that's the last thing I'll.

1025
01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:26,000
Speaker 5: Tell you, all right, that's sair.

1026
01:04:27,760 --> 01:04:30,720
Speaker 1: Cole, thank you for talking to a gecko on the phone.

1027
01:04:31,880 --> 01:04:33,560
Speaker 5: Yep, no problem. Thanks for having me.

1028
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:47,360
Speaker 1: Take care baby. Thanks cold, cold, cold, cold cool. I

1029
01:04:47,440 --> 01:04:49,000
Speaker 1: was gonna I was thinking about what I was going

1030
01:04:49,040 --> 01:04:51,240
Speaker 1: to say in my post call monologue. But I don't

1031
01:04:51,280 --> 01:04:54,120
Speaker 1: have anything to say that I didn't say during the call.

1032
01:04:56,720 --> 01:05:02,000
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about the situation with the the

1033
01:05:02,080 --> 01:05:04,520
Speaker 1: here's the thing. Here's by the way, here's another thing.

1034
01:05:05,600 --> 01:05:10,240
Speaker 1: Is everything I told Cole, I probably would have told

1035
01:05:10,320 --> 01:05:15,040
Speaker 1: him like like, okay, the the factor of whether or

1036
01:05:15,120 --> 01:05:19,240
Speaker 1: not the wife's husband is a jerk to her. That's

1037
01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:23,360
Speaker 1: that almost doesn't even that doesn't even like matter in

1038
01:05:23,480 --> 01:05:26,560
Speaker 1: Cole's decision making, Like it shouldn't even be a factor,

1039
01:05:27,240 --> 01:05:29,760
Speaker 1: like like it's it's not what it's not at least

1040
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:34,240
Speaker 1: in my opinion one of the key elements of the situation,

1041
01:05:35,080 --> 01:05:39,480
Speaker 1: Because the situation is Cole is invested in a person

1042
01:05:40,520 --> 01:05:44,640
Speaker 1: who he is waiting on to uh make a decision

1043
01:05:44,680 --> 01:05:46,280
Speaker 1: as to whether or not she wants to be with him,

1044
01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:51,000
Speaker 1: and he shouldn't wait on her that whether or not

1045
01:05:51,040 --> 01:05:54,520
Speaker 1: the husband is is a good guy to the wife

1046
01:05:54,560 --> 01:05:56,440
Speaker 1: that that doesn't even it is not even a factor.

1047
01:05:57,880 --> 01:06:01,520
Speaker 1: It's that coal shouldn't be, you know, waiting on someone

1048
01:06:01,560 --> 01:06:03,160
Speaker 1: to pull a trigger or not as to whether or

1049
01:06:03,200 --> 01:06:04,720
Speaker 1: not he's gonna be with them, if he if he's

1050
01:06:04,760 --> 01:06:08,480
Speaker 1: getting that invested in them. So I hope Cole does

1051
01:06:08,520 --> 01:06:14,640
Speaker 1: whatever he feels best is to do for him. And

1052
01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:19,400
Speaker 1: uh and I am I am very much a got

1053
01:06:19,440 --> 01:06:24,800
Speaker 1: go on the computer. The beak goes on the line,

1054
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:28,480
Speaker 1: taking your phone calls every night. The Beak goes do

1055
01:06:28,600 --> 01:06:30,600
Speaker 1: what his ride. He's teaching you to loved in the

1056
01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:33,960
Speaker 1: mind of your life, but he's not really an expert.