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Speaker 1: My late best friend's wife cheated on him, but my

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Speaker 1: wife supports her anyway, my.

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Speaker 2: Late best friend's wife, so like your dead best friend,

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Speaker 2: I cheated on him while he was alive or dead.

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Speaker 2: I'm confused and I want more information.

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Speaker 1: Let's find out. My thirty two male marriage with my

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Speaker 1: wife Mary thirty one female feels like it's unraveling at

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Speaker 1: the seams. I just have so much anger, disgust, and

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Speaker 1: resentment inside me, to the point that regular, everyday living

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Speaker 1: feels impossible. By the way, this comes from Greedy Orchard

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Speaker 1: seventy seven to twenty three on the r slash Okay

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Speaker 1: storytime subreddits. So I want to scream all the time,

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Speaker 1: and it feels like I'll never ever be my carefree

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Speaker 1: self again.

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Speaker 2: Yes, is so Opie, you can get through this? I hope.

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Speaker 3: No, No, just kidding.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I am in therapy and I have told my

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Speaker 1: wife I really need to I really think we need

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Speaker 1: couple slash marriage counseling to she's thinking about it. This

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Speaker 1: is long, so if you can be bothered to read it,

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Speaker 1: buckle in. My best friend Ben was my ride or die.

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Speaker 1: We met when we were five and we were inseparable

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Speaker 1: since then. We're there for each other during all of

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Speaker 1: life's big moments and turns. His place turned into my

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Speaker 1: second home. When my parents went through their explosive divorce

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Speaker 1: when I was eleven, I was there for him and

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Speaker 1: mourned with him. When his younger sister passed away from

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Speaker 1: cancer when we were fifteen years old and she was

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Speaker 1: only ten. You name it, we worked through it. He

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Speaker 1: was the only one not to freak out on me

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Speaker 1: when I decided to drop out of college to pursue

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Speaker 1: a trade. There was never a moment where either of

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Speaker 1: us were worried about the other's reaction or what they'd

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Speaker 1: say or think. Ben was the type of guy people

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Speaker 1: knew could make anyone feel better regardless of the situation.

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Speaker 3: He always knew it to.

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Speaker 1: Say and what you needed, even if you didn't agree

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Speaker 1: with it at the time. He's the best person I

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Speaker 1: have ever had the privilege of meeting, and the world

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Speaker 1: was a better place with him in it. I unfortunately

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Speaker 1: know I have to put a lot of us here.

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Speaker 1: Know Ben and I were never in love with each

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Speaker 1: other like that. We were just really close friends slash brothers.

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Speaker 2: That's a beautiful relationship.

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Speaker 1: It is, no, it is, But if you ever said, hey, Ben,

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Speaker 1: you're looking good, Well you have to.

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Speaker 3: Kiss Yep, you might have to see a rule.

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Speaker 2: That's a rule.

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Speaker 1: Ben met his wife, Sally in his junior year of college,

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Speaker 1: and I knew Sally was going to be the greatest

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Speaker 1: love of his life. She was so open, warm, and

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Speaker 1: adventurous like Ben. She had a smile that lit up

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Speaker 1: the whole room and effortlessly made everyone feel like her

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Speaker 1: best friend. Everyone, including myself, looked at them as the

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Speaker 1: perfect couple. Everyone knows. They got married two years into dating.

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Speaker 1: Ben always told me how excited he was to love,

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Speaker 1: hold and protect her forever.

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Speaker 2: I just like you know when you're watching a movie

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Speaker 2: and you know that she's like the guys could come

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Speaker 2: out of the corner with the knife and stab someone.

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Speaker 1: We are in the first three minutes of uperating. I'm

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Speaker 1: first three minutes of up.

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Speaker 2: I'm ready.

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Speaker 1: We're about to hit minute number four where the You

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Speaker 1: know all the ways he wanted to make her happy.

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Speaker 1: He showed his love for her every day in his

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Speaker 1: words and actions. I was so happy for him because

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Speaker 1: I thought she did the same. I helped plan.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I thought she did the same.

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Speaker 3: Oh, lock in, keep keep that in mind for later.

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Speaker 1: I helped her plan a surprise thirtieth birthday party, where

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Speaker 1: he was reduced to tears upon seeing she spent hours

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Speaker 1: making him a Mario Kart rainbow themed cake. Oh wow,

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Speaker 1: that is kind of insanely fire. They talked about children, holidays,

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Speaker 1: rescuing animals, growing their own fruits and vegetables. Sally quickly

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Speaker 1: became a sister to me and became very close friends

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Speaker 1: with Mary. The four of us went on countless holidays,

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Speaker 1: helping each other through life's challenges and win on at

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Speaker 1: least one double day every two weeks.

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Speaker 3: Et cetera, et cetera.

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Speaker 1: About five months ago, No, about five months ago, I

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Speaker 1: woke up to five miss calls from Ben between the

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Speaker 1: hours of eleven pm and two am the night before,

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Speaker 1: and I just had a feeling that something really bad

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Speaker 1: had happened. I called out of work and I drove

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Speaker 1: straight to his place. Sally had been cheating on Ben

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Speaker 1: pretty much their entire relationship.

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Speaker 2: Oh I feel so bad for Ben. It's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: like you know, it's like when you think the love

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Speaker 2: of your life is the love of your life and

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Speaker 2: then it just all crumbles into nothing. That's that is

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Speaker 2: one of the hardest heartbreaks.

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Speaker 1: You saw that the surprise birthday party knocked you off

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Speaker 1: your feet. Will wait till you get.

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Speaker 3: A load of this surprise, Oh man. Sally, Sally, Sally.

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Speaker 1: When Sally really met harry while she was married to Ben,

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Speaker 1: So when I confronted her and asked how she could

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Speaker 1: do such a thing and why get married in the

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Speaker 1: first place if you're just gonna in cheat the entire time,

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Speaker 1: she broke down and told me it was more like

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Speaker 1: living a double life. Because you see, Sally was slash

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Speaker 1: is gay.

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Speaker 4: That makes sense because my dad goes there to buy

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Speaker 4: clippers at Sally's hairdresser. Thing what because they have a

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Speaker 4: lot of scissors.

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Speaker 1: She'd known since she was a teenager, but never felt

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Speaker 1: like she could come out because of her conservative family.

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Speaker 1: She met Ben and fell in love with him and

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Speaker 1: counted on her feelings for women just somehow going away.

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Speaker 1: She said she genuinely loved him as a person and

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Speaker 1: a life partner, but that secret part of her only

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Speaker 1: grew stronger.

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Speaker 3: And louder over the years.

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Speaker 1: She casually dated and hooked up with women, telling Ben

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Speaker 1: she was hanging out with friends from her hobbies slash

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Speaker 1: friend groups. He only found out the night she'd called

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Speaker 1: me because one of the women Sally was seeing wanted

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Speaker 1: to take their relationship further and freaked out when Sally

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Speaker 1: broke up with her instead. This woman showed up to

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Speaker 1: their house late at night and told Ben everything.

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Speaker 2: Dude, I mean, good on her.

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Speaker 3: Well that like it wasn't out of out of ye love.

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Speaker 2: Yeah I wasn't. Yeah, I wasn't. Like I'm trying to

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Speaker 2: do the right thing.

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Speaker 3: I think she's trying to hurt Ben and her.

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Speaker 1: She's just like I'm I'm gonna lash out and whoever

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Speaker 1: catches as a shrapnel.

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Speaker 2: But at least the truth came out. At least the

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Speaker 2: truth came out. Ben is no longer living in a lie.

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Speaker 2: But I don't know, do truth? Do you want to

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Speaker 2: live with that truth? It's it's the matrix, man, Like

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Speaker 2: you're you're taking you're taking the red pill.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, that world is brutal. The truth came out,

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Speaker 1: like Sally should have.

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Speaker 5: What.

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Speaker 3: Ben was absolutely shattered.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, dude.

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Speaker 1: Oh, he gave everything to Sally and loved her wholeheartedly,

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Speaker 1: and it wasn't even the real her she claimed to

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Speaker 1: love him. But I can't help but think that she

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Speaker 1: was using him. She lied to everyone, let us think

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Speaker 1: she loved and adored Ben as much as he loved her.

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Speaker 1: Also that she could have her cake and eat it too.

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Speaker 1: I was quick to tell Ben he deserved better, but

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Speaker 1: Sally apparently begged on her hands and knees, told him

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Speaker 1: that she really did love him and that she was

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Speaker 1: willing to do anything to make it better.

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Speaker 3: Ben. She's willing to do anything to make.

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Speaker 2: It Ben Ben listen, oh Ben bed Ben? Uh? You

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Speaker 2: know it's like like she I think the issue she

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Speaker 2: doesn't know who she actually is, and so she's thinking

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Speaker 2: that she can.

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Speaker 1: Just like she's had no space to explore it. She's

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Speaker 1: been yeah, kind of forced to repress it by everyone

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Speaker 1: for so long.

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Speaker 2: Hey, Like not saying that isn't hard, right? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? I feel like I do feel for her.

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Speaker 2: You know that that is hard to to to really, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, explore and understand your own identity with with

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Speaker 2: an identity that's completely accepted is hard, let alone identity

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Speaker 2: that that you feel like, uh may not be so

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Speaker 2: not at all. Trying to say that, like what what Sally?

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Speaker 2: To come to terms with that identity is like easy,

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Speaker 2: but like fuck, fuck you.

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Speaker 3: Man, like.

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Speaker 2: You you're just gonna destroy Ben. You need to be

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Speaker 2: by yourself, discover who you are and leave my boy

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Speaker 2: bed alone.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like you can't after all of this came out,

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Speaker 1: Like you can't then go and like could we just

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Speaker 1: stay together? So it's like that that's the thing you

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Speaker 1: really really can't do. That's the thing you're in a

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Speaker 1: laser off that beard ever come back?

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Speaker 3: Goodness gracious, Well.

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Speaker 2: Like I see where this is going though, I just

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Speaker 2: hate it. I hate and I see you in the

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Speaker 2: chat if you see.

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Speaker 1: Put them, I see yous in the chat. Told him

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Speaker 1: that she really did love him and that she was

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Speaker 1: willing to do anything to make it better. She would

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Speaker 1: never talk to any women ever again. They could move

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Speaker 1: somewhere new and start fresh. All that bull crap. Ben

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Speaker 1: fell into a deep depression because he realized he never

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Speaker 1: knew the real Sally, but he did really love her.

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Speaker 1: He agonized over what to do until he got hit

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Speaker 1: by a wasted driver will out late on a night

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Speaker 1: walk two months ago. If you thought our hearts could

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Speaker 1: not break any further or harder, h you thought wrong.

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Speaker 2: Ben is just getting hit with surprise after surprise.

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Speaker 1: Guys, this story is crazy we're saying things we don't

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Speaker 1: even understand, ladies and gentlemen.

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Speaker 3: Damn, that sucks, you know, it really sucks.

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Speaker 1: It is not good.

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Speaker 3: It's not good.

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Speaker 1: Well, I won't go into how it felt to lose him,

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Speaker 1: I am sure you can all imagine it was made

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Speaker 1: worse by having that bee crying at his funeral, crying

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Speaker 1: like he really was the love of his life and

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Speaker 1: she was the perfect wife. It was the first time

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Speaker 1: in my life I ever wanted to hit someone. Oh goodness, gracious,

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Speaker 1: this is oh man. I couldn't believe the audacity that

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Speaker 1: she had to show her face around Ben's loved ones,

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Speaker 1: especially the ones that knew the truth. Mary knows how

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Speaker 1: I feel about Sally, and I thought she understood that

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Speaker 1: Sally is finished to us. I know I can't dictate

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Speaker 1: who a person should, slash can be friends with, but

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Speaker 1: if I had a mutual friend with Mary that shattered

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Speaker 1: her as much as Sally did to me, I'd cut

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Speaker 1: them off with no question. I can't be friends with

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Speaker 1: someone who hurts my loved ones like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Also, I mean such a like like your character

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Speaker 2: has been shown. Why would you ever want to associate

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Speaker 2: with someone who's like that terrible.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Again, there there is the i'll call it, for lack

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Speaker 1: of a better way of describing, complicated factor of like,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 3: Her her identity and just being able to be who she.

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Speaker 1: Was was repressed what that And so I do feel

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Speaker 1: for her in that you know, specific thing. But that

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you have to stay friends with her,

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Speaker 1: you know, especially if it's like hurting you, hurting your partner,

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Speaker 1: you know who, you know, it's it's yikes, it's very ikes.

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Speaker 1: About two weeks ago, I came home from a work

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Speaker 1: trip early and Mary was consoling Sally in our living room.

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Speaker 1: I lost my crap, ask them if they were having

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Speaker 1: an affair.

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Speaker 3: Op, okay, op's.

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Speaker 2: Crash Like is like, it's not, It's totally possible. But

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Speaker 2: I feel like that's a little bit of a reaching.

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Speaker 3: That is especially right now. Yeah, that is too much

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Speaker 3: of a reach. Ope, a little bit of a reach,

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Speaker 3: very overly emotionally charged right now, and that is not

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Speaker 3: the thing we want to say right now.

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Speaker 1: Screaming to the point of crying, I asked Mary, how

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Speaker 1: could she have Sally in the living room where we

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Speaker 1: have a photo of Ben hanging on the wall. Sally

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Speaker 1: tried to apologize to me. And here's why I was

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Speaker 1: probably the a hole if yeah, I think we might

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Speaker 1: have already.

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Speaker 2: I do understand why Mary wants to console Sally. I

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Speaker 2: mean they were they were friends, you know, and even

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Speaker 2: though Sally has done something terrible.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it's hard just to like cut off. This is

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Speaker 1: a very complicated. It's such things that.

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Speaker 2: Have complicated, very complicated, and it is, like you know,

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Speaker 2: it was very unexpected. It's there hasn't been a ton

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Speaker 2: of time to process everything going on.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and we will process it. But ladies and gentlemen,

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Speaker 1: my goodness, is there more. I looked at her crying face,

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Speaker 1: and it was like a switch flipped in me. I immediately

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Speaker 1: stopped crying and yelling, and I just looked at her

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Speaker 1: and said, the biggest injustice here is that you're here

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Speaker 1: while Ben is in the ground. If the world were fair,

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Speaker 1: I'd be able to press a button to swap your places,

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Speaker 1: and I do it in a heartbeat. You might be

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Speaker 1: able to trick my wife into feelings sorry for you,

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Speaker 1: but you are gone.

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Speaker 3: To me. Wow, it just keeps going.

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Speaker 1: I see what you really are and your trash. You

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Speaker 1: tricked Ben into following love with you. So you could

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Speaker 1: pretend to be mommy and Daddy's good little straight girl

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Speaker 1: while effing whoever you.

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Speaker 3: Wanted on the side. Were not done yet.

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Speaker 1: I can't even fathom or quantify your selfishness. If I

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Speaker 1: woke up tomorrow and I was you, I'd never get

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Speaker 1: out of bed.

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Speaker 3: Again.

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Speaker 2: Wow, Opie really said, like all right, let's hit him

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Speaker 2: with the one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, ten,

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Speaker 2: eighteen like combo. Like OPI did not stop.

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Speaker 1: Well, that is good at place as any to maybe

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Speaker 1: just super quickly. So we said, this is a complicated situation.

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Speaker 1: To break it down really quickly, right, we have you

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Speaker 1: know one obviously, the cheating is not good, Like you know,

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Speaker 1: you don't want to do that.

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Speaker 3: You want to marry someone, build this life, have them

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Speaker 3: hurt here first from John. Cheating not good. Cheating not good.

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Speaker 1: You can't have a situation where it's like Ben, who

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Speaker 1: understands this whole whole thing and it's not actually true

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Speaker 1: that you know this person is in love with you,

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Speaker 1: that uh, you know you are each other's mutual partners.

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Speaker 1: That that was a very painful lie that was that

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Speaker 1: was portrayed.

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Speaker 3: Right. We also understand that it.

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Speaker 1: Does suck to for for Sally, growing up in a

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Speaker 1: extremely representive environment, literally is is not accepted by her

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Speaker 1: loved ones for who she actually is, and how that

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Speaker 1: might twist and warper mind, while not excusable, twist and

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Speaker 1: warper mind to do something as as as pain inducing.

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Speaker 2: And also, you know, for for Mary, I understand how

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Speaker 2: difficult a situation that is, like to have a friend

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Speaker 2: that you've had for years who has fed up majorly

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Speaker 2: but it's still going through a massive loss. And like,

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Speaker 2: as much as you know, uh, she has wronged Ben,

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Speaker 2: I still do think she cared for him, maybe just

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Speaker 2: not in the complete romantic attraction kind of way, but

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Speaker 2: cheap they probably probably did care for each other. And

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Speaker 2: so Mary's in this really weird position of like, you know,

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Speaker 2: wanting to console but not wanting to justify this behavior.

301
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Speaker 2: It's it's so complicated, And so I was op I

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Speaker 2: would be pissed at Sally, and I would say I

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Speaker 2: don't want this person in my life. I would probably

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Speaker 2: get on the same page with Mary and have a

305
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Speaker 2: conversation about this. I think it was if they already

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Speaker 2: had a conversation with this about this and said, oh,

307
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Speaker 2: we're not going to be friends. With Sally and Mary

308
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Speaker 2: went behind his back do that. I feel like that's whack.

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Speaker 2: But you need to I think you need to have

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Speaker 2: like a united front about how you're going to navigate this,

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Speaker 2: because I think having Sally in the room can be

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Speaker 2: like triggering for OP, like totally, and I think there

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Speaker 2: needs to be boundary set and you need to be

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Speaker 2: on the same page with your boundary.

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Speaker 1: And OPI can communicate like, hey, it is really triggering

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Speaker 1: for me to see Sally right now, but he you

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Speaker 1: cannot communicate it in the way you're doing it.

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Speaker 2: That is Sally toasty. Is the wife completely effed up

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Speaker 2: by having Sally in the house. Go somewhere else. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think here here, oh, here, here's the f up. Sorry,

321
00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:21,680
Speaker 2: Sally fed up by cheating on Ben, the whole relationship

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Speaker 2: benet weft, fed up by knowledge for both ways.

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Speaker 3: Oh Jesus.

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Speaker 2: Not really sorry, yeah no, but no, But Ben did

325
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Speaker 2: nothing wrong, Ben Ben, Ben was a saint. Mary did

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Speaker 2: something wrong by not communicating that she felt like she

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Speaker 2: needed to take care of Sally, and Op I think

328
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Speaker 2: went a little bit too far by going on this

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Speaker 2: whole tirade of how terrible Sally is right and so

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Speaker 2: I think we have a lot of things that people

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Speaker 2: did wrong here, but it's all twisted up and like

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Speaker 2: a lot of love and hurt, and so I think

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Speaker 2: that's why it's like no one's completely right, no one's

334
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Speaker 2: completely wrong. Everyone's kind of done evils on the side.

335
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Speaker 2: But I do think there is a ranking. I think

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Speaker 2: it goes like like you know, Sally up here, and

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Speaker 2: I think like Mary and Ben maybe are more on

338
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Speaker 2: Maybe it's Mary than Ben more on equal level.

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Speaker 1: I think Op's what Op did. I think is worse

340
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Speaker 1: than what Mary did right now in my mind, because

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Speaker 1: how how hard he went on her, yeah again knowing

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Speaker 1: and she said like, hey, this was at least someone

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Speaker 1: like I did share my life.

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Speaker 3: This is a life partner.

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Speaker 1: This is like this is he probably was still you know,

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Speaker 1: her best friend the way that romantic partners are. So

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Speaker 1: it's it's almost like saying to your your your best friend.

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Speaker 1: It's like, oh, no, you suck. You know this person

349
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Speaker 1: you die f you you know you should be able

350
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Speaker 1: to grieve with d D. Like I think that's why

351
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Speaker 1: I view it as worse. Yeah, but but but still

352
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,080
Speaker 1: not to say that what Mary did wasn't very bad

353
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Speaker 1: and very triggering for a while.

354
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Speaker 2: I think like Mary brought someone that would be triggering

355
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Speaker 2: for op that like that Ope views as as someone

356
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Speaker 2: that he does not want to associate and doesn't think

357
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,640
Speaker 2: like he wants to associate with at all. Yeah, brings

358
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:10,720
Speaker 2: that person into the house, and like, what is the

359
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:14,080
Speaker 2: effect is is this outburst that oh, he probably doesn't

360
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:17,840
Speaker 2: want to make, but he's like literally been exposed to

361
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,480
Speaker 2: someone in his own home that he believes would be safe,

362
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:23,040
Speaker 2: that he thinks completely wronged.

363
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Speaker 3: He's been triggered to the breaking point.

364
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 2: He's been triggered to the breaking point. And so I

365
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,400
Speaker 2: kind of see those as neck and neck, but would

366
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Speaker 2: love to keep going into the next well part of

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Speaker 2: the story.

368
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,040
Speaker 1: Mary says I was cruel, and I guess I was,

369
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,359
Speaker 1: but it was my truth. Apparently Sally hasn't left her

370
00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:42,679
Speaker 1: house since that confrontation. It's to the point she's lost

371
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Speaker 1: her job because.

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Speaker 3: Of not going into the office.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: The thing is, I don't feel bad about it. I

375
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,400
Speaker 1: think it's the least she could do, and I hope

376
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,920
Speaker 1: she continues to not exist in my world. Mary knows

377
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,480
Speaker 1: that I feel this way, but still goes to Sally's

378
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 1: place to bring her meals and help clean up to

379
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:03,720
Speaker 1: play it honestly discussed me. We've had so many explosive

380
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,439
Speaker 1: arguments about it, and for the first time in our marriage,

381
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,400
Speaker 1: I feel like we might not ever recover from us.

382
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,000
Speaker 3: Also, just super so very quick.

383
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:15,880
Speaker 1: I think there is at a bare minimum a twinge of.

384
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Speaker 3: Homophobia in in Op as well.

385
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Speaker 1: Because I could see that I grew up They were like, oh,

386
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,760
Speaker 1: we grew up in a very like repressive environment. For that,

387
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,080
Speaker 1: it seems to me OPI probably grew up in that

388
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,040
Speaker 1: same environment, And whether he knows it or not, I

389
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:30,720
Speaker 1: think there is.

390
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:34,080
Speaker 3: A a dash.

391
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 2: Of at least a little I have I what, what

392
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:39,680
Speaker 2: are you referencing?

393
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,359
Speaker 3: Go back to that rant, Go back to that rant.

394
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:45,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it says right here, right here. Yeah, so, yeah,

395
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,840
Speaker 1: you wanted to be this little straight girl, why while

396
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:51,720
Speaker 1: effing whoever you wanted on the side, you know, like,

397
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 1: and you know, obviously it's a part of it, but

398
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:58,719
Speaker 1: just the way his anger is being triggered in the

399
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,480
Speaker 1: way specifically mentions it, I do think that there is

400
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:06,199
Speaker 1: I do think that there is at least a twins.

401
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:11,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm curious. I'm curious from y'all y'all's perspective. Do

402
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,960
Speaker 2: you think do you think that reads homophobic? I would

403
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:15,960
Speaker 2: love to know what you guys think.

404
00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:20,240
Speaker 1: And also the and again, it's not like Sally didn't

405
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:24,439
Speaker 1: majorly f up, but the complete negative, one hundred percent

406
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:28,560
Speaker 1: empathy for the side of Sally's struggle of not being

407
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,560
Speaker 1: able to you know, like he has not acknowledged that

408
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 1: a an ounce. Sure, anyways, that's what I'm thinking, but

409
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,719
Speaker 1: I would love to hear. We've had many explosive arguments

410
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,680
Speaker 1: about it, and for the first time in our marriage,

411
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,720
Speaker 1: I feel like we might not recover from this. We

412
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 1: both feel like we've seen a new side to each

413
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,959
Speaker 1: other and we don't know if we'll be able to

414
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 1: move past it. I write this here because we've kept

415
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,919
Speaker 1: the situation to ourselves. Other people in our lives know

416
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,560
Speaker 1: something is up but have been too afraid to ask.

417
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 1: I guess I want other people's opinions on thoughts and

418
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:02,600
Speaker 1: feelings on this matter. Even if everyone thinks I'm the

419
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:06,120
Speaker 1: a whole, we have some relevant comments should be quickly

420
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 1: touched on.

421
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:08,159
Speaker 3: Op's a hole.

422
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,200
Speaker 2: I think everyone's the a hole here. I think that's

423
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 2: kind of what we came too. I would let you

424
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 2: know what the other comments think.

425
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,640
Speaker 3: Though, I agree. I think everyone's the a hole here.

426
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,680
Speaker 1: Significant Orange one three nine shout out to a fellow

427
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:23,359
Speaker 1: Orange says, hm, I am sorry for your losses. That said,

428
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,639
Speaker 1: I think that if you can't accept that your wife

429
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 1: is allowed to have different feelings about this than you,

430
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,080
Speaker 1: you might as well just walk away. I don't think

431
00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 1: you're being fair to say that she never loved him

432
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 1: love like life is complex and messy sometimes, and to

433
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,720
Speaker 1: be honest, I think you're wrong to say that she

434
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,480
Speaker 1: doesn't deserve to grieve him.

435
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 3: I agree to say, I agree with that.

436
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 1: I don't think that she should have brought her into

437
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:49,440
Speaker 1: your home. That is a shared ground and she needs

438
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,000
Speaker 1: to be respectful of your feelings there.

439
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:52,880
Speaker 2: Agreed there too. I think we caught cover that a.

440
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:53,440
Speaker 3: Bit mm hmm.

441
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,720
Speaker 1: But in your anger, you were distrustful of your wife

442
00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:00,199
Speaker 1: and you showed her a level of cruelty that she

443
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,800
Speaker 1: did not know you were capable of. That is hard

444
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 1: to reconcile and what for real replies to that, saying

445
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 1: she doesn't get to grieve with his best friend's wife

446
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 1: in his house. Agreed, Yeah, agreed, Yeah, you can't. You

447
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:15,960
Speaker 1: can't do it in the in the house, agreed. This

448
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 1: that's supposed to be everyone's home is supposed to be

449
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,120
Speaker 1: our safe spot, you know, where we can come back

450
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,520
Speaker 1: and seek refuge. So one hundred percent not the a hole.

451
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 1: I understand the hurt and at the same time, uh,

452
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,359
Speaker 1: the perceived disrespect of her going to the funeral and

453
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 1: acting like a good grieving wife. With that being said,

454
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 1: she probably is grieving. Also, sorry, really quick. I also

455
00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 1: can see the I can see why she wanted to

456
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,880
Speaker 1: be at the funeral because also imagine missing the funeral

457
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 1: even if you know you ever.

458
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:47,280
Speaker 2: She would of course she would be at the field. No.

459
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 2: I think she has every right to go to the funeral, Yeah,

460
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:55,440
Speaker 2: and every right to grieve. Yeah, just not in Op's house.

461
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:56,960
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, not in the house.

462
00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 1: She is a piece of craft for cheating, of course,

463
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 1: But it doesn't mean that she can't hurt from losing someone.

464
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:03,120
Speaker 3: I know.

465
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,879
Speaker 1: I can't imagine someone cheating on me and then saying

466
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 1: that they loved me and missed me. And unfortunately you

467
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,960
Speaker 1: now are seeing your wife console and be friends with

468
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 1: someone who did just that, and it's making you second

469
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,640
Speaker 1: guess if she condones it or condemns it. And it's

470
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,400
Speaker 1: making you think that if she'll support someone who did it,

471
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:22,119
Speaker 1: will she do it?

472
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,360
Speaker 2: Oh?

473
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, miss what for real is very astute for real.

474
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 4: Because also another little thing is, oh, Sarah is gay?

475
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,399
Speaker 4: My wife is gone over there all the time.

476
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,479
Speaker 3: I forgot about that.

477
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:39,159
Speaker 2: He said, he asked, are you cheating?

478
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I thought, said to Sarah. I think he said

479
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 3: that to the two of them. Yeah.

480
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 1: Oh, I think he's saying it to Mary and Sally.

481
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 1: And again I bring up the little sprinkle.

482
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,399
Speaker 2: I don't think. I don't know if that's holophobia, but

483
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,119
Speaker 2: I do think he's I do think he's jumping the

484
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 2: gun and assuming the worst.

485
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but we go on again.

486
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:02,680
Speaker 2: It could be it could be a bit I'm a

487
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:03,320
Speaker 2: mistrating it.

488
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:07,359
Speaker 4: So no, no, well, all right, if you're scared, if

489
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:10,359
Speaker 4: you're scared of another woman still in your wife, would

490
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 4: that be homophobia or are you just scared of your

491
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 4: wife being stolen?

492
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 2: I don't think for thought. I don't think it's teleophobia.

493
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,919
Speaker 2: I you know, I don't think it's teleophobia.

494
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:24,600
Speaker 1: I think because the immediate dash to it could be.

495
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 3: But I digress. We'll keep going.

496
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:28,919
Speaker 1: And yet that's a fair question to ask. But the

497
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 1: best place to ask that is in counseling. Do I

498
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:32,879
Speaker 1: agree with you?

499
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:34,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, part of me does.

500
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: Your wife seems to care more about the cheaters emotions

501
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 1: than your own facts true, true, and seems to be

502
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,200
Speaker 1: there for her more than she is for you. Good point,

503
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 1: and that I fully understand. That would make my blood boil.

504
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 1: But if you aren't going to talk to her about

505
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 1: it and go to counseling about it, just call it.

506
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:53,680
Speaker 1: It's over. If you can't talk, just get a divorce.

507
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 1: We have an update. We are not even halfway through.

508
00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, helly, really quick, Sam, What do we think

509
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,640
Speaker 1: about that last line? If basically, if you're having like

510
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 1: there's this complete stalemate, you're both like, if.

511
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 2: You're not going to talk, yeah, it's going to leave

512
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 2: a divorce. Like, if you can't have an open line

513
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 2: of communication, you're you're screwed in that relationship. Well, your

514
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,159
Speaker 2: relationship is all about open communication. As soon as you

515
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 2: shut that off, you will present each other. So I

516
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 2: think that comments is one hundred percent right, one hundred

517
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,680
Speaker 2: percent right at least at that last part. Last the

518
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 2: last part, I do think oh P did wrong there.

519
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 2: I think op's the a hole. I think Sally's the

520
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 2: a hole. I think Mary's the a hole. They all

521
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,479
Speaker 2: did things are wrong. Op's the a hole for a

522
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:38,719
Speaker 2: over the top outburst. I feel like that was across

523
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 2: the line. Mary's the a hole for inviting someone that

524
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 2: would trigger OP into a safe space that there was owned,

525
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:48,880
Speaker 2: And Sally's a hole for cheating on Ben for all

526
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 2: those years and not respecting I think like the sanctity

527
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:54,200
Speaker 2: of Op's home. So yes, everyone's a hole.

528
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 1: There we go, Well, we have an update, let's hit it.

529
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:00,920
Speaker 1: Thank you to everyone who calm on my first post

530
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 1: about a week ago. It's been such a mess up

531
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,159
Speaker 1: situations that my feelings have been all over the place,

532
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 1: so it really lifted a weight off my shoulders to

533
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:09,679
Speaker 1: see people who could.

534
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,920
Speaker 3: Understand why I felt and acted the way I did.

535
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 1: A further thank you to people who reached out to

536
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:17,159
Speaker 1: me and shared their experience losing a best friend.

537
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:19,400
Speaker 3: I'm sorry you guys lost your best friends too.

538
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 1: It's like a sledgehammer to the chest that won't dislodge itself. Now,

539
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,200
Speaker 1: onto the update. It's only been a week, but it's

540
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:30,120
Speaker 1: felt like forever. Mary couldn't handle the fights and disagreements

541
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 1: anymore and packed her bags a day after my post.

542
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 1: I knew this was probably for the best and didn't

543
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,359
Speaker 1: have it in me to argue or fight for her

544
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 1: to stay. I just asked, are you going to Sally,

545
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 1: to which she sighed and shook her head at me

546
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 1: before leaving, shook her head yes or no. I'm guessing no,

547
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:52,680
Speaker 1: sure ooh. I interpreted it like like, not as a yes,

548
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:53,600
Speaker 1: shook as a no.

549
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,159
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think she's saying she's not. Oh, I just

550
00:27:57,280 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 3: saying that.

551
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:01,840
Speaker 2: I think, uh, op is like jumping the gun here

552
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 2: and like yeah, Mary's like like that's not even the point.

553
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, right right.

554
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:11,119
Speaker 1: Her eyes had nothing but exhaustion and distain inside, and

555
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 1: to be fair, I'm sure mine were the same. The

556
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:16,640
Speaker 1: town I live in isn't that big, so I've had

557
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,479
Speaker 1: a few friends reach out to me to say that

558
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:23,439
Speaker 1: they saw Mary at Sally's place. No way, or that

559
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:26,199
Speaker 1: the two were seen grocery shopping together.

560
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:27,440
Speaker 3: No way.

561
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,840
Speaker 4: I just called grocery shop together. What are you guys getting?

562
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:35,720
Speaker 4: I don't know what are we getting at this grocery shop?

563
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 3: Uh, wedding ring, extra large cucumbers?

564
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 4: You can get that at Walmart?

565
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, with.

566
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 3: The GMOs to pump them up.

567
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 2: Well.

568
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 1: I wake up every day to an empty house, knowing

569
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: Mary is at Sally's looking after her, asking if she's okay,

570
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 1: cooking her meals, cleaning her house. She hasn't called or

571
00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 1: texted me at all, other than to answer my last

572
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 1: night with I'm not going to talk to you until

573
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 1: you apologize to Sally and hanging up when I try

574
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: to explain myself. Now, I know I'd be lying if

575
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 1: I say if I said I felt bad for what

576
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 1: I said to Sally at all. There's no point in

577
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,080
Speaker 1: hollow apologies, and I especially don't think there's a point

578
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 1: if there's nothing like left to fix in my marriage.

579
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 1: Mary has made it clear where her loyalties and priorities lie.

580
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 1: I just don't understand how she can go from holding

581
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 1: me while I cried in her arms to choosing Sally.

582
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 3: Over me and ignoring me.

583
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 2: Cowbot as God says, next thing, you know, they'll be

584
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 2: you hauling.

585
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:36,480
Speaker 3: Oh man.

586
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:40,480
Speaker 2: I was pretty One of my lady lover friends was

587
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 2: telling me about a theme in lesbian relationships where it's

588
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 2: like I was talking to a gay friend too, and

589
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,720
Speaker 2: he was like, yeah, like guys will like the problem

590
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 2: with gay guys is they just will never commit to

591
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 2: each other or like that's like the most common thing

592
00:29:56,720 --> 00:30:01,880
Speaker 2: that happens. And then with gay girls they'll just like

593
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 2: settle down so quickly it's like instant commitment. And there's

594
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 2: this there's this joke you know, they'll they'll date for

595
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 2: a few weeks and then get a U haul and

596
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 2: move in together.

597
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 3: They take it well.

598
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 2: This is covered from from one of my my lady

599
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 2: lady lover friends.

600
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 3: They got God will love Sam's lady. She's doing.

601
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 2: She's great.

602
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 3: Shout out of the chat.

603
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 1: My therapist is advising me to let myself just feel

604
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 1: my feelings and process before making any big life choices.

605
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 3: And she's probably right.

606
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:35,440
Speaker 1: But I've lost all respect for Mary. I never would

607
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 1: have thought she'd betray me in this way. I led

608
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: awake last night when I suddenly had the thought, what

609
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 1: if Mary came back on her hands and knees, begging

610
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 1: and apologizing. What if she gave the best apology she

611
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 1: possibly could for me, for the situation? What would it change?

612
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 1: And it breaks my heart? But deep down I feel

613
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 1: like it wouldn't change anything. There's some things that can't

614
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 1: be forgiven. There are a few comments and DMS asking

615
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 1: if Mary and Sally could be having an affair, which

616
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 1: I'm wondering gulp. Or if Mary knew about Sally before

617
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 1: everything exploded.

618
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 3: Ooh, that's another good question, which would be bad too, Yeah,

619
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 3: because she hit it.

620
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 1: You know, these questions did keep me up when all

621
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 1: of us started going down, but now I can't bring

622
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 1: myself to care. My life doesn't make anymore, so another

623
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: cluster f detail wouldn't really change much in the grand

624
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 1: scheme of things. I drafted a text that could be

625
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:33,800
Speaker 1: the last I send to Mary, and it goes as follows, Mary,

626
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 1: Oh boy, you know it's bad when it's just name Mary.

627
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 1: Your priorities and loyalties in this situation have been made

628
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,200
Speaker 1: very clear to me. I don't know if you want

629
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 1: to try and save our marriage and the life we've

630
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:50,360
Speaker 1: built together, but at this point, I don't think there's

631
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:53,600
Speaker 1: anything left of it to save. You abandoned me during

632
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,600
Speaker 1: what I can only hope is the worst time of

633
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 1: my life. You invalidated my grief and anger for what

634
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 1: the woman who has been lying to and betraying us

635
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 1: for years, the woman who's used and strung been along

636
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 1: for all these years. I don't recognize you right now.

637
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 1: It's like I went to bed in a world that

638
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,640
Speaker 1: made sense one night and woke up in a nightmare.

639
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:15,239
Speaker 1: I think the only way forward here is for us

640
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 1: to get lawyers and communicate through lawyers. I will not

641
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 1: be leaving my house. If you want to collect your things,

642
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:24,520
Speaker 1: please let relative know so I can arrange that with him.

643
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,200
Speaker 1: I can't believe this is happening. I never thought this

644
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 1: would be what we've become, but choices have been made

645
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:36,520
Speaker 1: quick gut thoughts on that.

646
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 2: I mean, it seems like what it's what Op wants,

647
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 2: you know, what he's feeling, and it's like, yeah, it's

648
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 2: uh yeah, I mean I feel like it's what Op

649
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 2: wants and he's barreling towards it.

650
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 3: Yeah.

651
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:53,440
Speaker 1: And I think at least now he's seeming to communicate

652
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 1: his feelings in a not like explosively attacking manner. So

653
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,360
Speaker 1: I think this is the best week ND I hope

654
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: for this kind of communication to her at this point.

655
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:05,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

656
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 3: Well, oh boy.

657
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 1: I've been reading redrafting his message over and over again

658
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 1: for hours. Sometimes it's like it's break it breaks my heart.

659
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 1: Other times it's like I'm an outsider watching myself.

660
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 3: In a bad movie.

661
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:18,840
Speaker 1: The worst thing is I don't even know if Mary

662
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 1: will care about it. I guess I'll let you guys

663
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 1: know if I send it. I know I can't keep

664
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:28,360
Speaker 1: this up forever. And there is an edit slash mini update.

665
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:32,320
Speaker 1: Thank you to everyone who for their input. I've deleted

666
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 1: the text and I'm looking at lawyers in my area.

667
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 1: I'm gathering all of my important documents and screenshotting all

668
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 1: of my attempts at communication. I've had a few people

669
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 1: ask in comments and dms about what I said to

670
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 1: Mary in our arguments to make her leave. I didn't

671
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 1: put that here originally because we were honestly just going

672
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:56,440
Speaker 1: in circles again and again. It was nothing short of exhausting.

673
00:33:56,680 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 1: Mary kept on insisting that Sally is still wonderful, clothes

674
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 1: his friends, and that she's not going to abandon her

675
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 1: because she made a quote unquote mistake, to which I'd

676
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,720
Speaker 1: remind her that her mistake was to make the choice

677
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 1: again and again to lie to Ben and everyone around her,

678
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 1: robbing Ben have a chance to find someone who would

679
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:20,560
Speaker 1: truly love him in the way he deserved while sleeping

680
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:24,239
Speaker 1: with and dating women while they were married. I can't

681
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 1: imagine how scary it must be having to hide such

682
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,759
Speaker 1: a big part of yourself. But not everything can or

683
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:33,239
Speaker 1: should be forgiven. Okay, this is this is the first

684
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,000
Speaker 1: time OPI is acknowledged.

685
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 2: Like that, which is good to acknowledge. And I think

686
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 2: because like we kind of said it in the same way,

687
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 2: what do I think is the best way to say it? Obviously?

688
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:45,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think with I think with time and therapy,

689
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 1: he is coming around and being more thoughtful about.

690
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 3: This whole thing, which is good.

691
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 1: By the way, guys, if you want to join us

692
00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:57,360
Speaker 1: and cry together.

693
00:34:57,560 --> 00:35:00,280
Speaker 6: Uh, then tap her profile probably live right now wow

694
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 6: on Facebook and YouTube, come on in and join the misery.

695
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 6: But speaking of that, we still got a decent little

696
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,279
Speaker 6: little chunk of this story left here.

697
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:12,000
Speaker 3: But all right, I'd be remiss if I.

698
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:15,920
Speaker 2: Lalla says Mary and Sally are one hundred percent together.

699
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 7: Ooh, I do since we've gotten when the When it

700
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 7: was very first laid down as a thought, I was like, Okay,

701
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,320
Speaker 7: that seems that seems like we're jumping the gun now.

702
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:33,920
Speaker 1: Now it definitely doesn't look better, it doesn't look great,

703
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:36,839
Speaker 1: But I'm not like one hundred percent convinced that that's

704
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,400
Speaker 1: the case, but I definitely would say it's possible.

705
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's definitely a possibility, definitely on the table.

706
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:45,360
Speaker 2: Also, to all our lady lovers out there, we apologize

707
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 2: for the scissor jokes. We know that that is basically

708
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 2: a myth in that community. La La, I appreciate you

709
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 2: calling us out on that.

710
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 3: There we go, big, la La. We appreciate you.

711
00:35:55,480 --> 00:36:02,000
Speaker 5: Oh man, oh yeah, I apologize too, veggas Riley, but yeah,

712
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:05,840
Speaker 5: I mean, the one thing I will say is it

713
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 5: seems like, you know, at this point, it doesn't.

714
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 1: Seem to be a move for Opie and Mary to

715
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:15,360
Speaker 1: stay together, and they're naturally, you know, kind of reaching

716
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 1: that stage. O Op, he's getting better. Yeah, with more time,

717
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:21,240
Speaker 1: and yeah, I feel.

718
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:24,719
Speaker 2: The rage and grief are dispersing, so op he can

719
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,839
Speaker 2: be a little bit more level headed. But it still

720
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:31,279
Speaker 2: feels like we're trending towards divorce. I would really like

721
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,759
Speaker 2: to I want to see what happens next, Like if

722
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 2: it actually goes all the way to.

723
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:39,799
Speaker 1: Divorce, Well, good sir, I have the end for you.

724
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 1: So she could have been honest early on, and she

725
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,360
Speaker 1: would have had a group of friends who'd have her back.

726
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:49,280
Speaker 1: And support her however they could, but instead she chose

727
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,240
Speaker 1: to string Ben along. If Ben had passed away thinking

728
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:54,959
Speaker 1: he has a perfect marriage, he thought he had things

729
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:58,800
Speaker 1: would be different, but he didn't. He passed away lost

730
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 1: and in pain as a direct result of Sally the

731
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:04,799
Speaker 1: feeling of loss and in pain. I know his death

732
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:07,320
Speaker 1: was an accident, but nobody could have seen it coming.

733
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 1: Mary thinks and claims that I am a callous f

734
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:12,319
Speaker 1: and I.

735
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 3: Think that she should have higher moral standards for her friends.

736
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:19,800
Speaker 1: And we do have some relevant comments here. So two bio.

737
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 1: Nick Knees says, don't do the text, talk to a lawyer,

738
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 1: get the ball rolling.

739
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 3: Get everything done first.

740
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:30,320
Speaker 1: Get every account, checks, amounts listed, itemize the list of

741
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 1: everything in the house, valuation on the house, check every stock, check,

742
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:36,760
Speaker 1: every bank account, Start chaining the passwords and info on everything,

743
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:40,879
Speaker 1: personal accounts, credit cards, and check stuff. As we've said

744
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:43,839
Speaker 1: in the past, if you want a divorce, just get

745
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:45,520
Speaker 1: all your affairs in order and.

746
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,560
Speaker 3: Have documentation in advance.

747
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 1: Make sure you have all of your documentation and move

748
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,279
Speaker 1: them somewhere and secure them so she can't come over

749
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 1: to get her stuff and take anything important. Ask your

750
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:57,719
Speaker 1: lawyer for a list of every single thing you do,

751
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,359
Speaker 1: so you are ready and there are zero surprise is

752
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:01,640
Speaker 1: than half her served?

753
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 3: Don't tell her you think you're going to divorce and

754
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:05,120
Speaker 3: not be ready?

755
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 2: Why why is that? Because I feel like if I

756
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 2: was going to get a divorce to my partner, I

757
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:14,440
Speaker 2: would like, I mean, I guess I would be thinking

758
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:17,560
Speaker 2: that it would be uh like an amical, amicable, but

759
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 2: like I would feel really, I would feel like I

760
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:23,840
Speaker 2: would feel bad to like just surprise someone with a divorce,

761
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 2: Like I feel like, you know, in the same way,

762
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 2: like like proposing to someone shouldn't be surprised, you know,

763
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:30,319
Speaker 2: like it should be a surprised when it comes, but

764
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:32,880
Speaker 2: it shouldn't be a surprised that it's going to happen

765
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 2: at all. Like it feels like a divorce shouldn't be

766
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 2: a surprise.

767
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:40,640
Speaker 4: I think sometimes in some situations, if you don't surprise

768
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:42,440
Speaker 4: someone with it and they know it's coming, they can

769
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 4: maybe manipulate it with money and like you know, get

770
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:47,560
Speaker 4: ahead of stuff and like take more than their half

771
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:51,800
Speaker 4: or whatever, because you guys have joint accounts that financial abuse,

772
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 4: so other things like that.

773
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:55,920
Speaker 2: But I don't know, like I don't see I don't

774
00:38:55,920 --> 00:39:01,080
Speaker 2: know if I see indicators of like that this voice relationship,

775
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 2: Like it's not like it's not like there's like like

776
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:06,720
Speaker 2: there's a history of financial abuse or like a history

777
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:13,360
Speaker 2: of like outright manipulation. I'm curious to hear from chat

778
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 2: because like something about that just doesn't say it right

779
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,319
Speaker 2: to me. I feel like I wouldn't just surprise a

780
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 2: partner with divorce if I was if I was thinking

781
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 2: about that. Yeah, my cat's name is Karen says, you

782
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 2: can really f with your soon to be X with lawyers.

783
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:29,800
Speaker 2: Every lawyer you meet with us now is off limits

784
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 2: to her X.

785
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:31,680
Speaker 3: Yeah.

786
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:36,840
Speaker 2: No, I they can also per pee you asserts into

787
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:40,160
Speaker 2: family member's name to hide it. Crazy Casses. I don't

788
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:41,840
Speaker 2: think Mary will be surprised to be hit with divorce

789
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,080
Speaker 2: papers since she was basically said she doesn't want to

790
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:44,960
Speaker 2: be in her life.

791
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:50,359
Speaker 1: My understanding of that advice is it's a more generalized

792
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,960
Speaker 1: thing of like, hey, just to be triple sure that

793
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:58,400
Speaker 1: she doesn't try to mess up any of the evidence, documentation,

794
00:39:58,560 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 1: bank accounts, et cetera.

795
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:00,959
Speaker 3: Just kind of like.

796
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 1: Get all of that tidied up first before you bring

797
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 1: it over. I agree too that I think it's like,

798
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:10,799
Speaker 1: I mean again, just imagining myself in it, I feel

799
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,839
Speaker 1: like it would be I would go into it with

800
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 1: a very amicable and like wanting to give mindset versus

801
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:21,200
Speaker 1: like okay, let me hoard and you know, protect.

802
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:23,759
Speaker 3: But I guess I could also see too.

803
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 1: And you know, we've read many scenarios where it's like, oh,

804
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:30,080
Speaker 1: if the person did know, they might try to obstruct

805
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:31,800
Speaker 1: the justice, so to speak.

806
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:37,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's assuming, like divorcing is assuming you are dealing

807
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:41,000
Speaker 2: with a rational person on the other end, like divorcing

808
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:42,360
Speaker 2: with notice.

809
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:47,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I get the impulse to just as blanket

810
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 1: advice say hey, just get all your ducks in a row.

811
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 2: First, man.

812
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 3: That makes sense to me. That would same disease.

813
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:58,840
Speaker 1: Also, talk with your lawyer about the situation. Are you

814
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 1: in a state where you can find asle four an

815
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 1: at fault divorce? Do you think you might end off

816
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 1: better with a divorce due to her cheating, et cetera.

817
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:08,799
Speaker 1: If so, get a PI and have her investigated. This

818
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 1: commenter is not playing absolutely any mother flipping games. I

819
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,759
Speaker 1: am not sure she's having an affair with Sally. She

820
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 1: might be, but she might be having an affair, and

821
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:20,759
Speaker 1: so doesn't see what Sally did is wrong, and is

822
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: able to have her affair while living with Sally. It's

823
00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 1: also possible Sally and Mary have been covering up each

824
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:31,799
Speaker 1: other's affairs for years. Again, a private investigator can help

825
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:33,880
Speaker 1: their old phone records, digging into weird.

826
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:37,839
Speaker 3: Numbers, she used a lot, etc. Dot dot dot. You're

827
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:39,439
Speaker 3: making the right choice to get out now.

828
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 1: This is a moment of revealing loyalty, morals, and values

829
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,759
Speaker 1: that your wife has shown she has no loyalty to

830
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:49,400
Speaker 1: you or the marriage and is questionable morals and values.

831
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 1: By choosing her friend, there's no trust anymore in your wife.

832
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 1: You've got a good reason. I saw this happen growing

833
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 1: up to a family that my family was close to

834
00:41:58,160 --> 00:41:58,760
Speaker 1: at our school.

835
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:00,880
Speaker 3: The mom was helping her friend through.

836
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 1: A divorce, ended up cheating during a night out and

837
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 1: getting divorced herself. You know what to do, Get a lawyer,

838
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 1: get the process started.

839
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:12,919
Speaker 3: Is that where that ends?

840
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:13,319
Speaker 2: Yep?

841
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 3: That's it?

842
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:17,719
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I think commentary windle pretty hard in the

843
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:22,280
Speaker 1: paint there not that that's not necessarily the most self

844
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 1: protecting method to choose.

845
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 2: So I would, just as anyone watched marriage story, am

846
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 2: I the only one that's watching enough. I watched it. Okay,

847
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:35,120
Speaker 2: the whole idea of that that movie is basically like

848
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:40,600
Speaker 2: to debunk exactly what this commenter is saying. What happens

849
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:42,919
Speaker 2: is these two people are getting divorced. They love each other,

850
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:45,920
Speaker 2: the marriage isn't working. They want a divorce right amicably.

851
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:51,440
Speaker 2: And it starts amicably, and then the lawyers are like, well, like,

852
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,719
Speaker 2: you know, we could do this, and so one of

853
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,359
Speaker 2: them like starts protecting all their stuff and then his

854
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:58,359
Speaker 2: lawyer's like, you know, she could do this. And then

855
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 2: what happens is because they're both being on the offensive

856
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:05,840
Speaker 2: and the defensive so aggressively, it keeps going higher and

857
00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:08,680
Speaker 2: higher and piling higher, and like it, just like it,

858
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 2: it just spirals out of control. And I think when

859
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:16,840
Speaker 2: you have defensive action that is in the shadows to

860
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 2: actually end up creating the situation that you were trying

861
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 2: to avoid by having this defensive action. And yes, I

862
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:30,799
Speaker 2: do realize that it is a risk to assume that

863
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 2: the person on the other end of that table is

864
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 2: a rational actor. But I'm hoping that you got into

865
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 2: this relationship with someone who is somewhat rational and you

866
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 2: can like and you can come together if you both

867
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:49,319
Speaker 2: both treat each other with respect. Yeah, and I just

868
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 2: I just worry this like blanket advice that read it

869
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 2: often gives about, you know, move the shadows, get a divorce,

870
00:43:56,640 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 2: surprise him with it. I think it can lead to

871
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 2: the exact kind of behavior you're trying to avoid. Kimberly

872
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:07,040
Speaker 2: Fine disagrees a little bit. I would love to know

873
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:09,440
Speaker 2: what you guys think, but I imagine i'd get some

874
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 2: pushback from this. John nailed it. It's self projection, This

875
00:44:13,239 --> 00:44:16,719
Speaker 2: hardmored moral soap box is the result of trauma. They're

876
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 2: raging because someone made someone else feel how they've meant

877
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:22,600
Speaker 2: to feel. They protect themselves even though there's no actual

878
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:26,279
Speaker 2: threat because they couldn't protect themselves the first time or

879
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:28,879
Speaker 2: the fiftieth time, and they won't make that mistake again.

880
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:30,720
Speaker 2: Or maybe you are agreeing with me. I'm not sure

881
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 2: that second one that sounds like you are agreeing with me.

882
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 2: They protect themselves even when there's no actual threat, which

883
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:39,680
Speaker 2: is like maybe referencing like the lawyers kind of being

884
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:43,520
Speaker 2: overprotective because they couldn't protect themselves the first time or

885
00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:44,319
Speaker 2: the fiftieth time.

886
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,759
Speaker 1: I honestly do agree with you because I don't know.

887
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 1: Just being in a long term relationship, my mindset first

888
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 1: would be what can I do to make the other

889
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 1: person's life as it's already gonna be hard, right, already

890
00:44:59,320 --> 00:44:59,560
Speaker 1: be hard?

891
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:00,720
Speaker 3: What can I do.

892
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 1: To make their life as easy as possible? Because in

893
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 1: most marriages, this isn't like, oh, we did it for

894
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:08,839
Speaker 1: three If we were in a relationship for three months,

895
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 1: we relationship for twelve months.

896
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 3: Marriage is usually multi years long.

897
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:16,359
Speaker 1: Oh, Kimberly fine, says I am agreeing with you will

898
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:18,560
Speaker 1: and also John So I think Kimberly finds kind.

899
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:20,279
Speaker 2: Of saying seeing the truth and.

900
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:22,919
Speaker 1: Both choosing both, Yeah, which I think is Kimberly find

901
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 1: says Nuance.

902
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:27,760
Speaker 2: Man Kim ok can I call you Kim.

903
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:30,280
Speaker 3: On that level?

904
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:32,360
Speaker 2: Yes, shout out for Nuance.

905
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:36,799
Speaker 1: I feel like that is exactly what this whole conversation like.

906
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a great point.

907
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 2: Also to be a callan wants us to be heard.

908
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 2: Don't make life decisions when grieving. I do think that's

909
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:47,040
Speaker 2: also an important point. Although I feel like we have

910
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:50,920
Speaker 2: enough information that OP should still be going this direction.

911
00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:53,960
Speaker 2: But I do agree like when grieving, you could make

912
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,920
Speaker 2: decisions that don't necessarily benefit yourself on.

913
00:45:57,239 --> 00:46:00,480
Speaker 4: You guys are doing it from the Alex perspective earlier

914
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:02,840
Speaker 4: in the stream where he divorced in a great way.

915
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:04,879
Speaker 4: But sadly, not everyone.

916
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:04,960
Speaker 3: Is like that.

917
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:06,759
Speaker 2: Not everyone's like that this is true.

918
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:07,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know.

919
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 1: I'm just like, if you essentially lead with the how

920
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 1: can I give you everything I can to just set

921
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:21,400
Speaker 1: you up for success and as a thank you for

922
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 1: the years we had together. I feel like that fosters

923
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:32,480
Speaker 1: and sets the tone for an interaction that is benevolent

924
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 1: rather than one that is operating out of fear.

925
00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know, easier said than done, easier.

926
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:41,359
Speaker 3: Said than the easier said then and listen.

927
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 1: We have seen some crazy divorce stories on the show.

928
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 1: My goodness, I'm a little bit proud of us that

929
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 1: even even out of all of those hundreds of stories

930
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,799
Speaker 1: that we have seen, that we do still have this,

931
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 1: we are still holding strong in the in the faith

932
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:57,320
Speaker 1: of humanity.

933
00:46:57,400 --> 00:46:59,760
Speaker 2: Well, because I feel like, you know, reading all these stories,

934
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:03,120
Speaker 2: you realize what the main pitfalls of all these relationships are.

935
00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:07,359
Speaker 2: It's usually just like trust communication. It's like something that

936
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 2: I've a quote that I love is all the old

937
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:14,279
Speaker 2: questions have old answers you know, and it's like, how

938
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:18,279
Speaker 2: do I be happier? Those answers are in a book

939
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:20,279
Speaker 2: that's written a thousand years ago? How can I have

940
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 2: better relationships? Those answers and a book written like hundreds

941
00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:25,759
Speaker 2: of years ago. You know, like all of this kind

942
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:29,280
Speaker 2: of stuff is very it's very trite or not trite.

943
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:33,239
Speaker 2: It's very obvious. It's just harder to do than.

944
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:35,839
Speaker 3: Say same wheel, different Mike.

945
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:39,880
Speaker 2: My cat's name is Karen, says my ex started an

946
00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:44,480
Speaker 2: affair with a woman whose husband had died two months

947
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 2: prior from colon cancer thirty five, and he got her pregnant.

948
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:51,440
Speaker 2: He's married to her.

949
00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:54,720
Speaker 3: Now, wow, dang, that's crazy.

950
00:47:54,800 --> 00:48:01,320
Speaker 2: Jeez, Louise, I am sorry. Oh my god, my cat's

951
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:05,080
Speaker 2: name is Karen. Also, just give my cat's name is Karen.

952
00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 2: Is just a wonderful reminder that this stuff does happen.

953
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:13,400
Speaker 2: These often are real people, yes, and these are situations

954
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:15,759
Speaker 2: that I like people have to navigate. Oh yeah, and

955
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:21,120
Speaker 2: so hopefully you know, we're setting you up with the trial,

956
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:25,920
Speaker 2: you know, the practice level. So if this ever happens

957
00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:28,800
Speaker 2: to you, which I hope to god it does not,

958
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,759
Speaker 2: but if it does, you will be ready and be

959
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:33,040
Speaker 2: able to make the right decisions.

960
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:34,839
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.

961
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:36,040
Speaker 4: Let's get into that next one.

962
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 3: Boys, Let's get into that next one, Boys and girl