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Speaker 1: Contrary to popular belief, I don't celebrate when my kids

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Speaker 1: go back to school.

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Speaker 2: It's funny you say that, because my sound by today

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Speaker 2: was that back to school time is actually a depressing

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Speaker 2: time for me because I won't have my children with

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Speaker 2: me full time.

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Speaker 3: Dead ass.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout, and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

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Speaker 2: Boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

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Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therapy most days.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 3: Yes, sir, we are.

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Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 1: li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: We about to take Philots off to our whole new.

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Speaker 2: Level starts right now.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about the last day of somewher

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Speaker 1: for the kids because it was a realization for one

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Speaker 1: of our kids in particular, and that was Cairo we

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Speaker 1: had just came back from Mexico and were coming to Bahamas,

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Speaker 1: and the Bahamas they had a really good time for

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Speaker 1: about two and a half weeks. And we come back

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Speaker 1: in the house and on the kitchen table is a

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Speaker 1: pile up of school supplies.

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Speaker 2: Don't even get me started on the school supplies. We'll

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Speaker 2: talk about that later.

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Speaker 1: And there was nothing more of a buzzkill for kids

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Speaker 1: coming off of vacation and seeing composition notebooks, pencils, highlighters.

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Speaker 3: Sharpeners, paper yep.

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Speaker 1: So I'm sitting there at the table right and I'm like, yo,

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Speaker 1: I'm getting hyped. Yo, it's back to school. And I

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Speaker 1: was like yo, Cairo. I had my phone up because

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Speaker 1: I was doing a video. I think ya have probably

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Speaker 1: seen the video. I said, Cairo, man, you're not excited

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Speaker 1: about back to school. He rolled his eyes like dad

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Speaker 1: rolled his eyes. I was just like, oh, come in, Like,

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Speaker 1: what's what's the matter. He was like nothing. I was like,

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Speaker 1: you're not excited about going back to school?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 1: I was like, yo, I used to be mad I

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Speaker 1: hyped to go back to school. I used to Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was all lies. I'm trying. I'm trying to create

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Speaker 1: a different experience.

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Speaker 3: For my kids.

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Speaker 1: By for sure, you know lying about my excitement. But

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Speaker 1: I used to I said to him myself, I used

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Speaker 1: to be excited. Knew how I was excited. In the summertime,

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Speaker 1: I didn't get a chance to see my friends. But

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Speaker 1: now when I'm going back to school, I used to

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Speaker 1: be excited because I get to see my friends. You're

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Speaker 1: not excited, This little negro gonna look me right in

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Speaker 1: the face and say, that's because you didn't have Wi Fi.

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Speaker 2: Fuck a friend. I got Wi Fi.

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Speaker 1: No, he sees his friends because of Wi Fi. He

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Speaker 1: plays them, He plays them in the video game all

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Speaker 1: the time. He talks to them every day, so he's

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Speaker 1: not missing his friends.

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Speaker 2: And he has his brothers who are at built in

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Speaker 2: built best friends that they're with each other all the time.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, I was kind of tight.

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Speaker 2: You're a little salty.

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Speaker 1: I was a little salty, but then and he was equally.

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Speaker 3: He was salty.

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Speaker 1: But then I got salty too because I was like, man,

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Speaker 1: I'm losing one of my best friends with four of

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Speaker 1: my best friends because they going.

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Speaker 3: Back to school.

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Speaker 2: And I think what I did wrong was I had

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Speaker 2: us vacation up until that Saturday because that's when your

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Speaker 2: dad was trying to squeeze the trip. And so you know,

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Speaker 2: our kids are going back to school way earlier than

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Speaker 2: New Yorkers. And he's like, all right, how long can

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Speaker 2: y'all come forward? And I'm like, we can come till

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Speaker 2: that Saturday and we have Sunday to recoup and then

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Speaker 2: the school starts Monday. Yeah, don't nobody want to hear

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Speaker 2: that shit?

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Speaker 3: The kids was pissed. Well, Jackson was ready to go

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Speaker 3: back to school. He wanted to see his friends.

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Speaker 1: Kaz didn't care at all, but Cairo Carol got me

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Speaker 1: piss because he said, I ain't have Wi Fi. ABC's

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Speaker 1: simple as one two three, This easy's doory ABC one

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Speaker 1: two three Baby You and Me girl.

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Speaker 2: Well, hey get it, dude, dance. I can relate to

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Speaker 2: the baby you and Me park because it's actually been

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Speaker 2: you and me the AB season and one two three, Yes, yes,

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Speaker 2: all right, Now let's pay some bills we need to

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Speaker 2: because I spent mad money on school supplies for the

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Speaker 2: whole school, apparently having to shot for these three kids.

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Speaker 2: So we'll be back after these ads. Alrighty and we're back.

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Speaker 2: So storytime was hilarious because Cairo literally was like looking

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Speaker 2: like he was getting that much more depressed as the

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Speaker 2: days ended in Mexico because we started to kind of

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Speaker 2: bump up their bedtime. They were used to staying up

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Speaker 2: all late till two three in the morning, your dad

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Speaker 2: was coming to visit. They were watching movies till super late,

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Speaker 2: then sleeping till late. So you know how it is,

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Speaker 2: you kind of have to retrain your body to get

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Speaker 2: on that school schedule time because when you're waking up

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Speaker 2: at six o'clock in the morning to head to first grade,

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Speaker 2: it's not necessary the most pleasant thing. But it was

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Speaker 2: interesting to me to really realize that I don't like

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Speaker 2: to send my kids back to school, like I really

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Speaker 2: thoroughly enjoy having our kids at home.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I feel like the pandemic quarantine stint when we

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Speaker 1: had all of them at home and they were being

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Speaker 1: homeschooled and virtual learning.

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Speaker 3: I won't say homeschool, they were doing virtual learning.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to discredit teachers, because teachers were still teaching,

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Speaker 1: but it kind of gave me a sense of comfort

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Speaker 1: that my children were where we were baby, you know,

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Speaker 1: And you know there's a fear that happens once you

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Speaker 1: have kids. That's actually like your heart beating with arms

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Speaker 1: and legs and the head walking around on different places,

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Speaker 1: different extra heartbeats walking around in different places. I just

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Speaker 1: feel more comfortable when they're all.

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Speaker 3: In the house.

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Speaker 2: I feel the exact same way as you and I

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Speaker 2: said it. I don't know if I said it on

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Speaker 2: a podcast previously, but in the mornings when I'm getting

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Speaker 2: the boys ready for school and they're walking through the door,

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Speaker 2: I'm literally like praying every single day, like, Lord, just

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Speaker 2: please watch over them while they're not in my presence,

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Speaker 2: you know, keep them away from things that are not

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Speaker 2: meant for them, like keep them away from danger. And

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Speaker 2: you know, you hear about all these school casualties that happen,

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Speaker 2: and it's just that's every parent's fear every time your

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Speaker 2: child leaves the house, and it doesn't just have to

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Speaker 2: be school. But for the sake of the topic today,

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Speaker 2: we're talking about summer being over, the kids back in school,

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Speaker 2: getting them back out of the house every day, which

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Speaker 2: is kind of a relief in a sense because we

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Speaker 2: do get a chance to kind of decompress a bit,

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Speaker 2: chat we get to work, we get to film the

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Speaker 2: podcast for you guys. But the headache that comes back

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Speaker 2: to school shopping, homework, assignments, projects. Then there's the after

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Speaker 2: school schedules, right, all the activities, all the practices, all

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Speaker 2: the games. Then knowing that my weekends aren't my weekends

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Speaker 2: anymore because football games and then eventually basketball games, the

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Speaker 2: morning wake ups, like it should not be a thing

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Speaker 2: to have to wake up before the sun.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna talk.

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Speaker 2: About waking up and feeling depressed because yeah, it's super dark,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 3: So I have interesting take on this I want to

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Speaker 3: hear first.

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Speaker 1: I want to hear you, like, go over what it

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Speaker 1: is to plan in the morning to get these kids

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Speaker 1: ready for school, and I want you to go through

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Speaker 1: all of that, and I'm gonna give you my interesting take. Well,

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Speaker 1: I haven't even discussed this with you yet because I

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Speaker 1: wanted you to be like I wanted to be authentic

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Speaker 1: when I tell you what I believe. Okay, so you

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Speaker 1: tell me what First of all, how much did it cost?

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Speaker 3: Supplies? Close? All of that?

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: So one thing that I've realized in now having four children,

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Speaker 2: a husband, and then all the stuff we have going

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Speaker 2: on career wise as individuals and collective planning and organizing

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Speaker 2: needs to be on the forefront of everything for us, right,

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Speaker 2: So me knowing that Okay, summertime is two months, I

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Speaker 2: know by the time I blink these two months are

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Speaker 2: going to be over. So how do I A maintain

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Speaker 2: spending time with the kids, quality time, allowing them to

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Speaker 2: have some fun with their friends. Also to making sure

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Speaker 2: that you and I are clearing our schedule to be deliverer,

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Speaker 2: deliberate about having time with them. Like, there's so many

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Speaker 2: things that went into my mind foreseeing what the two

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Speaker 2: months was going to look like. I knew that we

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Speaker 2: were going to be on our vacation and then having

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Speaker 2: our family vacation. Then the extended family vacation left me

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Speaker 2: very little room to do back to school shopping, and

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Speaker 2: one thing I was trying to avoid doing was throwing

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Speaker 2: bows up in Target or Walmart, trying to fight over

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Speaker 2: the last binder because it can get very very hairy

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Speaker 2: out there. The kids each have for each class a

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Speaker 2: list of supplies that the teachers are requesting in order

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Speaker 2: to get them through the school year. So they get

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Speaker 2: everything in bulk and I'm assuming there's someplace that they

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Speaker 2: store everything. But also too what I've learned and having

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Speaker 2: my rants on my Instagram stories and TikTok and whatnot.

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Speaker 2: Is that when you're shopping for back to school and

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Speaker 2: they're requesting, for example, three boxes of twenty four count crayons,

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Speaker 2: it's not three boxes for your child. There may be

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Speaker 2: some children in the class who may not be able

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Speaker 2: to bring all those supplies in. Or teachers said that

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Speaker 2: kids don't like to color with crayons that have been used,

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Speaker 2: so after a while, when they starts to look a

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Speaker 2: little ugly, they want a new.

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Speaker 3: Crazy I got to go back there.

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Speaker 1: They asked you to buy three box of crowns just

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Speaker 1: in case another kid doesn't have crayon.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that's what When teachers were writing into me because

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Speaker 2: I made a comment about like, why does chiron Cast

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Speaker 2: need six boxes of crayons collectively three apiece for their classes,

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Speaker 2: and some teachers said that you're pretty much providing a

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Speaker 2: backstock because there may be children who don't have supplies

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Speaker 2: or can't bring supplies in, or some can bring in

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Speaker 2: one box and not three, and the teacher needs to

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Speaker 2: get through the school year. Because we already know the

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Speaker 2: struggle teachers have for supplies just getting from the government.

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Speaker 1: I understand that, I just don't understand we pay high

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Speaker 1: property taxes here, chat, high property taxes to send our

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Speaker 1: kids to the best public schools here in this area.

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Speaker 1: On top of the high property taxes, you want me

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Speaker 1: to buy crayons for other people's kids? We got four kids?

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Speaker 1: What about the people like us who have four kids?

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Speaker 1: This stuff ain't cheap now, you know me, I don't

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Speaker 1: mind helping people as much as I can.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's why, Oh, these hot taxes.

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Speaker 3: The school can't provide uh, crayons.

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Speaker 2: I guess you know. Teachers get what they get. But

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Speaker 2: I've seen a lot of teachers the teachers.

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Speaker 3: To provide it, we pay high property taxes. Them school

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Speaker 3: need to be providing credit.

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Speaker 2: They might need to be up in some of some

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Speaker 2: board meetings and whatnot. See where the hell the money's going.

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Speaker 1: Teachers shouldn't have to provide neither. Teachers don't even get

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Speaker 1: paid enough. So to ask a teacher to provide the crowns.

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Speaker 2: And any teachers who I know, they tell me how

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Speaker 2: much out of pocket they end up spending just because

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Speaker 2: they want their children to have that experience. So, being

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Speaker 2: a parent who's totally in solidarity with my children's teachers,

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Speaker 2: whatever y'all need to make the experiment, experience that much

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Speaker 2: better for the children and to make your job that

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Speaker 2: much easier. I'm willing to do it. But I've even

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Speaker 2: seen teachers posting their wish lists for back to school

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Speaker 2: on Amazon because they can't get everything they need through

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Speaker 2: the schools.

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Speaker 1: You just wantch money the government puts into defense, Like

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Speaker 1: we spend trillions of dollars a year on defense and

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Speaker 1: we start wars, but we don't put no money into

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Speaker 1: early childhood education.

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Speaker 3: That's crazy.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to America, that's crazy. Loco to America. So all

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Speaker 2: that cy the preparation process, I knew, let me go

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Speaker 2: shopping before you know, everyone is out there, So it

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Speaker 2: was easy for me to do school shopping this time around.

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Speaker 2: I did it in peace. The stores weren't crowded, everything

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Speaker 2: was in stock. I got everything that I needed. Now

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Speaker 2: approaching back to school, your original question was what does

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Speaker 2: it look like in the morning for me getting the

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Speaker 2: boys out the door. I'm very big on what the

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Speaker 2: day looks like for them, like setting the tone for

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Speaker 2: the day, because I feel like we'd had moments in

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Speaker 2: the past with Jackson. I know you told the story

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Speaker 2: before about you know, us having an argument in that morning,

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Speaker 2: and it kind of spilling over into Jackson's day and

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Speaker 2: him walking out of school feeling like, damn, daddy was

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Speaker 2: mad at me all day when it had nothing to

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Speaker 2: do with him and everything to do with our situation.

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Speaker 2: So from that day forward, I am deliberate too about

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Speaker 2: making sure that I'm waking them up in a good mood.

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Speaker 2: I'm singing a song as annoying as it probably sounds

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Speaker 2: to them in that moment, because They're like, here she

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Speaker 2: comes in singing, but I'm waking them up, you know, give.

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Speaker 3: To get up in the morning. That was my mother.

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Speaker 2: Every day she had a song time to get up.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what it is that's in the morning.

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Speaker 2: So they'll wake up. And then this is the time

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Speaker 2: too when I'll give them an option, like, hey, what

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Speaker 2: do you want for breakfast? Because it's like, all right,

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Speaker 2: typically we'll just make one breakfast and everybody eats it.

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Speaker 2: But I know when it's like having to get up

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Speaker 2: at six o'clock in the morning. Shit, I don't want

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Speaker 2: to be up much less do you want to be up?

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Speaker 2: So I'll give them the option, Okay, what do you

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Speaker 2: want Mommy to make for breakfast? So usually they never

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Speaker 2: want the same thing one one cereale.

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Speaker 3: Remember this.

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Speaker 2: So they get their their breakfast in the morning, and

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Speaker 2: then after they're doing breakfast, I'm typically packing lunch. And

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Speaker 2: then once the lunch is packed, I send them upstairs

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Speaker 2: because their clothes is already out, and I try to

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Speaker 2: get them into the habit of taking out their clothes

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Speaker 2: the night before so we're not scrambling in the morning

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Speaker 2: because to me, it's like, you take ten minutes to

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Speaker 2: pull take your clothes out iron, your clothes have it

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Speaker 2: laid out. That's ten more minutes you can sleep. That's

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Speaker 2: the logic. So they go upstairs, they change, come back down,

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Speaker 2: and then it's hugs and kisses, lunch boxes, backpacks out

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Speaker 2: the door, copy, and then I go back to bed

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Speaker 2: when I can, jes so get me a couple more minutes.

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Speaker 1: It's this is what I've noticed about my Jamaican invintention

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Speaker 1: wife and my Jamaican mother in law. You guys love

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Speaker 1: to do a lot of stuff for these kids that

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Speaker 1: they can do for themselves, like number one, breakfast in

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Speaker 1: the morning, Number two getting closed out at night.

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Speaker 3: This is just my take on it.

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Speaker 1: I grew up in a home my grandparents and my

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Speaker 1: parents where my grandparents, they had three young men they

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Speaker 1: had to take care of. It was me and my

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Speaker 1: cousin DeVaughn and my brother Brian before Tory came to

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Speaker 1: When Tory came then it really became a bigger thing

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Speaker 1: because Tory was ten years nine years younger than me,

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Speaker 1: and Nana had to do her hair. Nana didn't believe

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Speaker 1: in perms and stuff, so she did Toy's hair every morning.

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Speaker 1: So you know whose responsibility it was to get ourselves ready? Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I'm talking about early. I learned how to cook

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Speaker 1: full breakfasts, bacon, eggs, cheese, pancakes, French toast waffles as

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Speaker 1: early as six years old. At eight years old, I

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Speaker 1: was getting myself ready for school and my brother ready

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Speaker 1: for school and then walking him to school when I

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Speaker 1: was walking to school. But what it did was it

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Speaker 1: taught me a level of independence very very early. Because

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Speaker 1: my parents both worked on to five, so they had

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Speaker 1: to be up early and get ready to get up

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Speaker 1: and get out the house. They didn't have time to

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Speaker 1: do all of that stuff that you do for the kids,

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Speaker 1: your mom does for the kids. But what it did

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Speaker 1: was it taught us a level of independence. When it

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Speaker 1: came time for breakfast in the morning, I would get up,

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Speaker 1: grab me a cereal. If I wanted grits, I knew

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Speaker 1: how to make my grits. If I wanted eggs, I

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Speaker 1: would make a quick eggs. But most of the time

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Speaker 1: I would grab something quick, a bagel, throw it in

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Speaker 1: a toaster with some waffles or something.

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Speaker 3: And then for lunch, I would make my own sandwich.

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Speaker 1: Make my own sandwich, throw a piece of fruit in there,

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Speaker 1: get a box juice. And this was back in the day.

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Speaker 1: We didn't have like super cool lunch boxes. I would

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Speaker 1: just have a plastic wall bombs bag. I would throw

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Speaker 1: it in a plastic wall box bag. I would throw

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Speaker 1: it in my book bag and I would just walk

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Speaker 1: to school. And I was at eight. So when I

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Speaker 1: look at our boys, it would help you a lot

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Speaker 1: and your mom early in the morning, Jackson is twelve.

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Speaker 1: At twelve, I was taking a bus to school. My

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Speaker 1: brother was taking the bus to school. Jackson can get

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Speaker 1: up on his own, iron his own clothes, get his breakfast,

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Speaker 1: and be out the house without anybody having to be up.

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Speaker 1: I know you like to be up so you can

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Speaker 1: see him off. And I like to be up to

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Speaker 1: see him off, because even when on days when I

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Speaker 1: can sleep in, I'll typically get up and just watch

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Speaker 1: him walk. Like yesterday, you was laughing at me because

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Speaker 1: I watched him walk all the way out of my

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Speaker 1: sight and he kept looking back like what, and I

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Speaker 1: was just watching him, you know. But I do feel

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Speaker 1: like as parents, there has to be a level of

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Speaker 1: independence we give to our children, especially early. And the

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Speaker 1: reason why I say this is because of this. If

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Speaker 1: Jackson is late to school, the consequence of him to

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Speaker 1: be in late to school in sixth grade seventh grade

351
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Speaker 1: is not that big deal.

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Speaker 3: But when you late to work, you get fired.

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Speaker 1: When you spend your whole life someone being there to

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Speaker 1: make sure you get up, make sure you get to

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Speaker 1: class on time, make sure you do this, it creates

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Speaker 1: a crutch that you can't carry that crutch when you

357
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Speaker 1: become a young adult, when you get to high school,

358
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Speaker 1: when you get to college. You know, if you late

359
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Speaker 1: to team meetings in college, you lose your scholarship. In

360
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Speaker 1: high school, you late to practice, you get kicked off

361
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Speaker 1: the team. Teaching them at the end of elementary school,

362
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Speaker 1: beginning of middle school to have responsibility for themselves and

363
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Speaker 1: then you look at their report card and be like, yo,

364
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Speaker 1: you are late to school six times.

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Speaker 3: Why would you late to school?

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Speaker 1: There's no consequences, but at least they learn what they

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Speaker 1: have to do to be on time.

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Speaker 2: I completely understand you, and you're absolutely right, and don't

369
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Speaker 2: get it twisted. I'm not doing every single thing for them.

370
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Speaker 2: When I say taking clothes out, it's me more so

371
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Speaker 2: getting them into the rhythm of doing it, not that

372
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Speaker 2: I'm doing it for them. But you know, Cairo's not

373
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Speaker 2: going let nobody take his clothes out for him. You

374
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Speaker 2: want to address his self, so he will get his

375
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Speaker 2: clothes out. But I want to show them and teach

376
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Speaker 2: them now in elementary school, Hey, you want to wear

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Speaker 2: this tomorrow? That sure's crushed. You need to get it ironed,

378
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,440
Speaker 2: do it the night before. So for me, it's more

379
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Speaker 2: about teaching a routine so that they will be able

380
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Speaker 2: to do it now that at Jackson's age, he can

381
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Speaker 2: do it.

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Speaker 1: Another reason cause Kyro and Kaz are too young to

383
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Speaker 1: get up in the morning and do stuff on their own. Yeah,

384
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Speaker 1: they're five and six, but when Cairo is eight going

385
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Speaker 1: into third grade, Yeah, Kiro needs to be doing all

386
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Speaker 1: of this stuff by himself.

387
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Speaker 2: Agreed and it can progression, right, it.

388
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Speaker 1: Can help cas, you know, because they do it. They

389
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Speaker 1: do it together. That's how me and Brian did. We

390
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Speaker 1: were eight and six doing it together.

391
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Speaker 2: So even think about from last year to this year.

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Speaker 2: So now close this set out. The night before last year,

393
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Speaker 2: Mom and I were upstairs dressing kaz getting you know,

394
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Speaker 2: doing all of that for them. Now it's you've had

395
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Speaker 2: your breakfast awesome. While I finish up making lunch, they

396
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,439
Speaker 2: go upstairs, they brush their teeth, wash their faces, and

397
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Speaker 2: then they come down already dressed. So then it's just

398
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,240
Speaker 2: put your shoes on, grab your backpack, and you leave.

399
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Speaker 2: But I also like that morning experience with them Jackson,

400
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 2: particularly because Jackson pretty much does everything on his own.

401
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,400
Speaker 2: All I want waffles to breakfast or come down, throw

402
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,400
Speaker 2: your waffles in rab them and go. But I don't

403
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,439
Speaker 2: get much time with them when the school year happens.

404
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,920
Speaker 2: When it starts. You know, if you don't see Mom

405
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,640
Speaker 2: in the morning and then you go to school all day.

406
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,320
Speaker 2: You get home at school from school at four thirty

407
00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:09,720
Speaker 2: four to forty five. Jackson gets out late and then

408
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,119
Speaker 2: he has an hour before he's in practice for two hours.

409
00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:14,159
Speaker 2: He gets home for practice at nine pm. That's the

410
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,800
Speaker 2: whole day. I don't see my child, so I want

411
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Speaker 2: to be up in the morning. And your parents had

412
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,479
Speaker 2: to do that with you and your brother because they

413
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,719
Speaker 2: had no choice. They had to go to work, right

414
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,640
Speaker 2: I'm sure if they had the choice and had the option,

415
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,720
Speaker 2: they probably would have been up with you guys, not

416
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Speaker 2: necessarily doing everything for you.

417
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Speaker 3: My father would not have been up. School was going,

418
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,560
Speaker 3: my mom would have got my father was not getting up.

419
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Speaker 1: But my whole point is is as daunting as a

420
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Speaker 1: school year can be for parents, especially parents with multiple kids,

421
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,920
Speaker 1: my point is is that if you teach your kids

422
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Speaker 1: to be independent early, it doesn't have to be daunting.

423
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Speaker 1: It is as simple as my mom. By the time

424
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Speaker 1: I got to fifth grade, here was school shopping. We

425
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:54,159
Speaker 1: did all of the school shopping. I had already figured

426
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Speaker 1: what I wanted to wear. I would lay myself out

427
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 1: the night before, and once the school year started, my

428
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,960
Speaker 1: parents only saw me on the weekends or when we

429
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,800
Speaker 1: went to open school night. And my parents went to

430
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,960
Speaker 1: every open school night no matter how good my grades were,

431
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,399
Speaker 1: because they wanted to show that they were involved in

432
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,159
Speaker 1: supportive of course, but the routines in the morning to

433
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:15,439
Speaker 1: get us ready and stuff that doesn't have to be

434
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:19,160
Speaker 1: an issue for parents, And I feel like for us

435
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 1: the last couple of years, that's been part of the

436
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:27,119
Speaker 1: most daunting part of the mornings because they're young, you

437
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,680
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like, if we had four kids

438
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,680
Speaker 1: Jackson's age, we probably would just be like, see y'all

439
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,199
Speaker 1: on the weekend, see y'all when y'all get home. But

440
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,919
Speaker 1: I honestly feel like when Cairo and Kaz get to

441
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,760
Speaker 1: second and third grade, they'll be able to move on

442
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:44,160
Speaker 1: their own.

443
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:45,439
Speaker 3: I do feel like that.

444
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:49,040
Speaker 1: I feel like you'll wake up, you'll see them off,

445
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,840
Speaker 1: but you won't have to spend two hours getting up

446
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,840
Speaker 1: doing all this, you know, because typically you're all six

447
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,160
Speaker 1: and then by the time Jackson lee just eight fifteen,

448
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,200
Speaker 1: that's two hours. I feel like by the time they

449
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,760
Speaker 1: get to that grade, you'll just be up, Oh yeah,

450
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,640
Speaker 1: mommy loves you, boom boom boom, go back to sleep, yeah,

451
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:09,280
Speaker 1: and we'll just have to take the coda to daycare. No.

452
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,880
Speaker 2: Absolutely, it's gonna be that for sure. Like in the morning,

453
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,080
Speaker 2: it's like you'll be asleep. I like, you know, for

454
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,680
Speaker 2: the past two weeks, I've been getting the boys ready.

455
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,119
Speaker 2: When it comes to Jackson, he sets his alarm, he

456
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,680
Speaker 2: comes downstairs. What's up, Mom, Hey, what's up? What's you

457
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:21,640
Speaker 2: one for? Breakfast? Wiffles?

458
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:21,840
Speaker 1: Cool?

459
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:24,119
Speaker 2: Throw him in the toaster. I lay on the couch

460
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,200
Speaker 2: and literally just wait to see him out the door,

461
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,760
Speaker 2: you know, because he's doing everything for himself at this point.

462
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 1: So and I just I really just want to point

463
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:35,159
Speaker 1: it out because the biggest challenge parents have had is

464
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 1: waking kids up for school and getting them ready, and

465
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:42,200
Speaker 1: then checking homework at night, and for me to work, yes,

466
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,200
Speaker 1: because you have to go to work, but then you're

467
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,120
Speaker 1: also in school when your children in school. One thing

468
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,639
Speaker 1: I will say is by creating this independent culture with

469
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,800
Speaker 1: our children, I never felt like I was in school

470
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 1: with Jackson. Like we we allowed Jackson to you know,

471
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 1: we got him tutors. You know, he does all this

472
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,040
Speaker 1: practice on his own, but we got him yeah. Yeah,

473
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:03,560
Speaker 1: we got him a phone when he turned ten, so

474
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,240
Speaker 1: that he can send his alarm, so that he can

475
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,439
Speaker 1: make his schedule with his tutors and his coaches. And

476
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 1: now it's to the point two years into having this phone.

477
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:14,480
Speaker 1: People so many parents get nervous about giving their kids

478
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,119
Speaker 1: phone because they're worried about what they can do on

479
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 1: social media. But Jackson is so organized and he's like, Dad,

480
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:22,960
Speaker 1: I have my calendar. Yeah, I know, I have all

481
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 1: my contacts. And I tell him, are you gonna be

482
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,800
Speaker 1: late for practice for whatever reason? Yeah, let me call

483
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 1: my coach. It's like we've created small adults. And this

484
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:34,320
Speaker 1: is just my message for parents, just my take on it.

485
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 1: I know you want to be involved, but if you

486
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 1: can create a culture of independence with your children their

487
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,560
Speaker 1: school year, don't have to become another list on your

488
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:46,080
Speaker 1: task of things. Now you can go out and do

489
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 1: what you need to do to provide them with the

490
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,400
Speaker 1: ability to do that, as opposed to I spend three

491
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 1: hours in the morning with these kids, then I spend

492
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 1: two hours at home with them doing homework at night,

493
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,680
Speaker 1: and I'm upset and I'm tired, and I don't have

494
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:03,040
Speaker 1: time for myself. Typically it's because parents don't create independence,

495
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,359
Speaker 1: and they feel like they have to do everything right.

496
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 2: They have to do it because my mom as she's

497
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,160
Speaker 2: super helpful in the morning, especially those two years where

498
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,679
Speaker 2: I was pregnant and then recovering after having Coda and

499
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,119
Speaker 2: I was with him most of the time and up

500
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,160
Speaker 2: late at night. She's been up in the morning getting

501
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,200
Speaker 2: them ready for school, but she sometimes I can hear

502
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,720
Speaker 2: her getting frustrated and Jackson, aren't you gonna be late?

503
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,639
Speaker 2: One morning I had to say to her mom, if

504
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,119
Speaker 2: he misses the bus, he misses the bus, and then

505
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:25,919
Speaker 2: he's gonna have to figure out how he's getting to school,

506
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,880
Speaker 2: and then he's gonna be late. And then whose fault

507
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:31,080
Speaker 2: is that his likes don't be down his back about it?

508
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:31,880
Speaker 2: Let him rock.

509
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 1: See that's I'm glad you said that a lot of

510
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:38,560
Speaker 1: parents won't understand that allowing children to face consequences when

511
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:42,679
Speaker 1: the stakes aren't high is how they learn responsibility. Let

512
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 1: him be late to middle school and have to figure

513
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,200
Speaker 1: out and then come in here and wake his dad

514
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:49,000
Speaker 1: up because he missed the bus, and then now he.

515
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,040
Speaker 3: Has to deal with a frustration.

516
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,400
Speaker 1: Let him feel what that feels like, so that he'd

517
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,440
Speaker 1: be like, you know what, I'm gonna just make sure

518
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 1: I get up fifteen minutes earlier.

519
00:22:55,920 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 2: You know her exact example. Jackson just got contacts new

520
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 2: to contacts literally a couple days before school started, not

521
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 2: even or the first week of school, because he needed

522
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:09,119
Speaker 2: the contacts to wear for football. His goggles for basketball

523
00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:11,719
Speaker 2: can't fit under his helmet. So I say to Jackson,

524
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 2: these contacts are still new. There's a learning curve with them.

525
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,640
Speaker 2: You may feel a little discomfort, one might fall out.

526
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 2: You just never know. And you and I are not

527
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:21,480
Speaker 2: contact or glasses wearers, so we're trying to educate ourselves

528
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 2: on it about it. So they recommend it at the

529
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,280
Speaker 2: eye doctor that he put the contacts in the morning,

530
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,400
Speaker 2: but take your glasses as back up just in case

531
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,720
Speaker 2: something goes wrong throughout the day. You're not stuck Jackson.

532
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 2: Since they mentioned that, do you have your backup glasses

533
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 2: in your backpack? Yeah? Mama have me. Yeah, well, you

534
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:41,920
Speaker 2: have about two or three pairs of glasses you've been wearing.

535
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 2: How about you just keep one in your locker at

536
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 2: school as like your school glasses, they never come home.

537
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:48,640
Speaker 2: And then you have your home glasses that you can

538
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 2: wear when you don't have your contacts in. Yeah, I know,

539
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,159
Speaker 2: my I got them. I already did that.

540
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 1: I got that.

541
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:56,159
Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, Jackson, do you have your backpack glasses? And

542
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 2: only for the first couple of days, I reminded him,

543
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 2: because again the contact thing is now right, But he

544
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 2: gets very annoyed when I ask him because he feels

545
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 2: like I'm just being mom. Jackson goes to school first period, Mom,

546
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:14,000
Speaker 2: I right, eye contact doesn't feel good. Okay, so what

547
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 2: are you gonna do? I'm gonna take them out because

548
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 2: he's texting me this. I said, yeah, take him out

549
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 2: if you feel uncomfortable, and just take them out. Put

550
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,440
Speaker 2: your glasses on. I see the little bubbles pop up,

551
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 2: then the bubbles go away. The bubbles pop up, and

552
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,920
Speaker 2: then the bubbles go away. And I said to myself,

553
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:34,440
Speaker 2: this negro. Don't got his glasses. So said, so done.

554
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:36,919
Speaker 2: The text message comes through, Mom, I know I have

555
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:41,400
Speaker 2: to be more responsible, but I left my glasses at home.

556
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 2: I've been saying every morning. So now now you're gonna

557
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:48,680
Speaker 2: have to get through the day with no glasses, right,

558
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:51,639
Speaker 2: So now you're gonna have to feel what that feels like.

559
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 2: And he already knew like at that point, I didn't

560
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 2: have to lecture, I didn't have to scream, I didn't

561
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 2: have to go back and forth when he came home

562
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 2: from school. I didn't even make it a thing, because

563
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 2: then you had to feel what it was like for a

564
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,679
Speaker 2: mom to be right and be what it was like

565
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 2: to not have your glasses for the day. That's how

566
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 2: things work out. Now, Luckily Papa Scoop was in town

567
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 2: and Papa Scoop took his glasses back to him because

568
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 2: that's what grandparents do.

569
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:18,439
Speaker 1: No, that's because you text Pa Scoop can you bring

570
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,119
Speaker 1: him back to ask Papa school?

571
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 2: And if Papa Scoop said no, hey, it was gonna

572
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 2: be no.

573
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 1: You know what Daddy would have said if he had

574
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:30,199
Speaker 1: text Dad tough luck, kid, I'm not even giving you

575
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:33,199
Speaker 1: gotta figure out that's and that's just my point is

576
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 1: like moms tend to try to solve the problem for them,

577
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:40,199
Speaker 1: especially your sons, because your mom solves all of your

578
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,920
Speaker 1: brother's problems, but will let you and your sister drown.

579
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 1: And I guess that's just moms and their sons. And

580
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 1: just like me, like, if it was my daughter, I'd

581
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:51,159
Speaker 1: probably run to the school and take her to my

582
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,919
Speaker 1: daughter in a heartbeat. But because it's my son, he

583
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 1: has to learn. You know what I'm saying, And I'll

584
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 1: be I'll be honest with that. If I had a daughter,

585
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 1: i'd probably be a sap. I'm not even gonna lie

586
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:03,199
Speaker 1: be like I would probably do you probably hate me

587
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:04,720
Speaker 1: because I probably do more for her than I do

588
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:06,159
Speaker 1: for you, because I'm a sap when it comes to

589
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 1: you and you're not my daughter.

590
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 3: My wife.

591
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,760
Speaker 2: Period. That's how we don't have no daughters because give

592
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 2: it all to me.

593
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:17,360
Speaker 1: But my thing is those moments of consequences is what

594
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:21,360
Speaker 1: they remember when when mom saves them or dad saves them.

595
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,159
Speaker 1: They now feel like, no matter what I go through,

596
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 1: my mom and dad will save me. And the sad

597
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: truth is mom and dad can't always save you. So

598
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 1: I'd rather you develop a skill of learning how to

599
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 1: save yourself.

600
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 3: Probably that's isn't that the biggest thing? Being solution oriented?

601
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:40,640
Speaker 2: That's the big thing in this house here.

602
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 3: I tell Jax all the time, what are you going

603
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:43,440
Speaker 3: to do?

604
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 2: What's going wrong? We now fix it?

605
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,679
Speaker 1: And that's what we try to tell That's what we're

606
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,679
Speaker 1: trying to tell parents now is be solution oriented with

607
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 1: your children when they're going through issues at school. Don't

608
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,080
Speaker 1: always be the one that got to go save them.

609
00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:59,000
Speaker 1: Ask them what the problem is and say, well, what's

610
00:26:59,040 --> 00:26:59,400
Speaker 1: your plan.

611
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 3: I don't know.

612
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,199
Speaker 1: We'll come up with a plan. I don't know how

613
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:04,959
Speaker 1: to come up with a plan. Well, let's discuss some

614
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:06,679
Speaker 1: steps to come up with a plan. But I'm not

615
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:08,560
Speaker 1: going to come up to the plan with you because

616
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,199
Speaker 1: what if I wasn't here, What would if I was

617
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 1: off somewhere filming, What if your mom was hosting something and.

618
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:15,879
Speaker 3: You had to figure it out?

619
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 2: You had to figure it out, And a lot of times, yeah,

620
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 2: it becomes that because even on the run of show today,

621
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 2: Triple asked, like, what are some resources that we take

622
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 2: advantage of to help fill in the gaps and things

623
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,119
Speaker 2: that we may still need, Like the gaps are when

624
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 2: Daval and I are both traveling for work and you know,

625
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,679
Speaker 2: we may have to rely on, you know, our village,

626
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 2: which is extended from Mimi and Papa who lived with

627
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,120
Speaker 2: us full time. That's if Dad's father comes into town,

628
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 2: or you know, we've made really good friends and got

629
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:45,160
Speaker 2: closely connected with some of Jackson's teammates, friends, parents, families,

630
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 2: so we can lean on them for the support that

631
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,600
Speaker 2: we need every now and again. So sometimes relying on

632
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 2: the village is very important. Yeah, because I know you

633
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 2: two feel like, you know, even though your mom and

634
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,760
Speaker 2: dad did the best that they could with trying to

635
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,439
Speaker 2: make sure that you guys had everything, you needed to

636
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 2: be set up for success when it got to school.

637
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:01,840
Speaker 2: You at eight years old, was having to walk your

638
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,399
Speaker 2: brother in the school and got lost. You remember that

639
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 2: time you said you got lost first day of school

640
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,679
Speaker 2: walking to school, and you know at that age you

641
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 2: had to do what you had to do right.

642
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 3: I had to be solution oriented.

643
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:14,879
Speaker 1: I had to look at these street signs and had

644
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:16,680
Speaker 1: to I remember this is the first time we moved

645
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 1: to Canarsie.

646
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 3: We moved there in January.

647
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,359
Speaker 1: They didn't let us walk around often, but I remember

648
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,400
Speaker 1: driving home and my father pointing out stuff.

649
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 3: You notice that it's numbers and it's letters to our house.

650
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:30,600
Speaker 1: The numbers go up this way till you get to

651
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 1: one oh eight, and they go down all the way

652
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 1: till you get to ninety eighth Street, and then it's rockaway.

653
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 1: The letters go from Avenue J. It's Flatlands Avenue J

654
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: all the way to Avenue and and then receive you.

655
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 1: My father went over those things with me when driving,

656
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 1: so that when I got lost, I remember getting the

657
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 1: flat lands. I remember saying, so if I walked this direction,

658
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:52,160
Speaker 1: I got to see J. So we walked up the

659
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:54,719
Speaker 1: wrong direction to flat lands first, and I was just

660
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 1: like Glenn Wood.

661
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. I was like, no, it's

662
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 3: the wrong way.

663
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,600
Speaker 2: Oh this is a big street street, this is it.

664
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:02,760
Speaker 1: So then I went right back to Flatlands and then

665
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 1: I walked the other direction. I said, okay, Avenue J.

666
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 1: So I'm walking in the right direction because I'm like

667
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 1: j k L. Then when I got to Jay, I

668
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:15,440
Speaker 1: was like, all right, I'm not going to give them

669
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 1: the other whole address. But I started looking and I'm like, oh,

670
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 1: so this is where the numbers are. But it was

671
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: my father being solution oriented and be like, you know,

672
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 1: it's going to be an opportunity where you may not

673
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 1: be here, and I'm going to be like, okay, okay,

674
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 1: But then when it happens, When it happens, I knew

675
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 1: what to recall and I knew what to say, Oh,

676
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 1: this is what my father said. And I just want

677
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 1: to implore parents to do the same thing with their children.

678
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 1: Here's a big thing. Do it through the summertime. Don't

679
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 1: expect it to start. One thing I say about Kadeen.

680
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,479
Speaker 1: Kadeen has been on these kids about reading, doing their

681
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 1: ABC mouse doing. They have tutors year round. Roger does

682
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 1: their math tutoring, year round. This way, they're always in

683
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,120
Speaker 1: a position of learning, so that when it's time they

684
00:29:57,160 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: go back to school, they're not they don't have fatigue

685
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 1: from city in the classroom because they've had an hour

686
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 1: or an hour and a half every day in the

687
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: summertime where you had to sit still and focus on

688
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 1: whatever it is we need you to focus on in

689
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 1: this time.

690
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 2: It's called the summer slide. There's a name for it,

691
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 2: where children pretty much in the summer slide and they

692
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:19,760
Speaker 2: lose the concept of structure, they lose some things academically,

693
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 2: and it's having to kind of re learn and reteach

694
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 2: and go over. It's like having to watch the episode

695
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,719
Speaker 2: or something because the season come back. Yeah, watch the recap.

696
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 3: Wasn't that an American thing?

697
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 1: Because it was a comparison as compared to other cultures

698
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 1: that go to school year round, and they were saying

699
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 1: that America is one of the few countries that take

700
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 1: a full two month break or two and a half

701
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 1: month break. It's ten week break. I think, right, O,

702
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 1: is it? I think so there was. You said it's

703
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 1: called the summer slide, but I remember that.

704
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 2: I don't know if it was specific to America. I'm

705
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 2: not sure about that.

706
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 1: I remember there was a study and they were talking

707
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 1: about shortening the actual school week and not doing five

708
00:30:57,720 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 1: and doing a four day school week, but then sending

709
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 1: to kids, sending kids to school year around this way,

710
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 1: they didn't deal with the summer slides. But now they

711
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 1: have three days off, gotcha every every week and then sometimes.

712
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 2: Years only or the school week is only like a

713
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:13,720
Speaker 2: Monday to Thursday, right, it would.

714
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 3: Be around Yeah, be Monday to Thursday year round.

715
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 2: But would they still have like breaks.

716
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, they would still have summer break breaks.

717
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, they would have They would.

718
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 1: Have some break, they would have winter break, they would

719
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 1: have a Christmas holiday.

720
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 3: Winter break is February.

721
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, then you have the So they were talking about

722
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 1: two year breaks within the spring break, two year breaks

723
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 1: about the year.

724
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 3: But they go to school year round.

725
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 1: Oh okay, our kids realistically go to school year around

726
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:37,720
Speaker 1: the fact that they have tutoring and ABC mouse and me,

727
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: me surry.

728
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 2: How structure Jackson is. Even while we were in the Bahamas,

729
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 2: he was like, I still got Roger homework to do.

730
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 3: We were in a different country.

731
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,760
Speaker 2: I was like, tell Roger that you you got the

732
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 2: week off because you're on vacation. And he was just like,

733
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 2: I got to make up my sessions and you can

734
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:56,600
Speaker 2: take the week off from Roger. And he was just like,

735
00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 2: I gotta make up, Like no, I have stuff to do.

736
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 2: So in Mexico they were playing with their cousins and everything.

737
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 2: But best believe, when they woke up in the morning

738
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 2: before we went to breakfast, Cairo did his little twenty

739
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 2: minutes homework. And I love them for that because again,

740
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 2: it just shows that outside of us controlling what that

741
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 2: looks like for them, they are taking it upon themselves

742
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 2: to have the relationship with their coaches and their mentors

743
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 2: and their teachers, and they're holding each other accountable. And

744
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 2: Jackson is setting things up for Cairo so Cairo can

745
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 2: do that and the same thing will happen as in Dakota.

746
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 1: And that's one thing too. I will say we have

747
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 1: developed our own style of learning with the kids. We

748
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 1: didn't We don't pay for private schooling. What we do

749
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: is we supplement their education with tutors and with for example,

750
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 1: like I ready or when you got the coding classes

751
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:48,680
Speaker 1: for Jackson. We supplement their education with our own forms

752
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 1: of education that go year round.

753
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 2: I also work very closely with their teachers.

754
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 3: Yes.

755
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 2: So Cairo's teacher last year, for example, recommended that he

756
00:32:56,880 --> 00:33:00,120
Speaker 2: tests for the TAG program. Same thing with Jackson, on

757
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:01,800
Speaker 2: top of them about what the school year is going

758
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 2: to look like moving forward. So Cairo, for example, we

759
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 2: knew that was far ahead in kindergarten, but because if

760
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 2: his age had to get registered into kindergarten, so his

761
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 2: teacher said, I'm going to recommend that when he goes

762
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 2: into the first grade, he may be doing second or

763
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 2: third grade level work and they work with them independently

764
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,560
Speaker 2: so that where they're not bored. Because I think a

765
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 2: part of that for Cairo was just knowing like I

766
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 2: know all this stuff already, like I know it, And

767
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:26,440
Speaker 2: the minute kids get to a space where they're bored,

768
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 2: then they disruptively disruptive. And you never want your child

769
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 2: to be labeled as that. You always want to keep

770
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 2: them challenged and engaged, and the best way to do

771
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 2: that is to make sure you have a close relationship

772
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 2: with the parent and teacher, so that way we know

773
00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 2: that we're working in partnership with each other to make

774
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 2: sure that the kid has the best experience.

775
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: And it sounds it sounds like a lot, but it's

776
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,320
Speaker 1: not a lot. It's as simple as we get emails

777
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:52,560
Speaker 1: from teachers every day. Everything is very electronic now and virtual,

778
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 1: so we get emails. We respond to the emails, you know,

779
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: when we get an email on a Monday of what's

780
00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:59,959
Speaker 1: going on. When Kadeen checks all of the progress on

781
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 1: she checks every week and she responds with what's needed.

782
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 1: She asks questions and we go over it with you.

783
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 1: You volunteer the classes and because you can. You know,

784
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:17,399
Speaker 1: we don't have traditional jobs, so everybody can't get there.

785
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 1: But one thing you can do is keep track of

786
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 1: everything electronically.

787
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:22,839
Speaker 2: Oh for sure. And this email the last time I.

788
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 1: Know we have to pay bills. Don't be afraid. Just

789
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 1: listen to what I'm saying. Don't be afraid while the

790
00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 1: steaks are low. To let your child struggle at something

791
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 1: and let them figure out how to become better at it.

792
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 1: We as parents tend to do this. Child has a project.

793
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,760
Speaker 1: The child's project then becomes who the project our project.

794
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,240
Speaker 1: Then we end up sending back one hundred and fifty

795
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:51,320
Speaker 1: page dissertation on snowmen because now we're doing our children's

796
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:52,160
Speaker 1: Christmas project.

797
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:53,920
Speaker 2: Melancholy?

798
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:55,239
Speaker 1: What show is that?

799
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:57,479
Speaker 3: From the Cosby Show? The Cosby Show.

800
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 1: But seriously, if your kid or your child is struggling

801
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:06,319
Speaker 1: at something, be in constant communication with the teacher. Ask

802
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 1: the teacher how they can help. But let the child

803
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 1: go through these things when the stakes are low. Okay,

804
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:15,280
Speaker 1: you got an eighty five in math in third grade,

805
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 1: it's not the end of the world. But now you

806
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 1: know you have to work on what they're working in

807
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,640
Speaker 1: third grade. You will have to work on fractions. The

808
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 1: only way they know that is if you let them

809
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:25,319
Speaker 1: fail a little bit. You got an eighty five, you

810
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 1: could have got one hundred, but you messed up on

811
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 1: the fractions. If you correct all their stuff, and now

812
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,359
Speaker 1: they're getting hundreds all the time because mom and dad

813
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 1: is doing the work, they'll feel like they got it.

814
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:35,400
Speaker 1: And then when they get to a place where you

815
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,279
Speaker 1: can't help them, which is that common core math, Because

816
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:39,880
Speaker 1: if you was born in the eighties like me, that

817
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 1: common core math gonna fuck your ass up.

818
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:45,320
Speaker 2: Try and comming about it, try and do that coming

819
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:47,879
Speaker 2: about it. You want to say common sense, everybody don't

820
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:50,360
Speaker 2: have that, Well, it's common core. Everybody don't have that

821
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 2: gene and I don't.

822
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,920
Speaker 1: Ain't nothing worse than looking at your child test scores

823
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 1: be terrible, knowing that you did their homework.

824
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:57,759
Speaker 3: But ain't nothing.

825
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:00,240
Speaker 2: Worse than looking at that and be like, so you imagine.

826
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,440
Speaker 3: So what we got a sixty? Because what we we

827
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:05,359
Speaker 3: got a six? With the collective let me call your teacher.

828
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:08,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I did that with Jackson this past year

829
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:09,759
Speaker 2: in sixth grade. I knew there was going to be

830
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 2: a transition into middle school. I was trying to take

831
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 2: the approach of saying, Okay, Deval had all of the

832
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:17,360
Speaker 2: sports stuff, you know, under control, and I did the

833
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 2: academics with Jackson. Jackson is like a naturally smart kid,

834
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 2: so he will just listen in class and be able

835
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:24,840
Speaker 2: to kind of regurgitate that on a test without with

836
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:28,880
Speaker 2: minimal studying. Me trying to show him different study tactics

837
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 2: and ways to kind of organize his books, his thoughts,

838
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 2: making notes, Like everybody studies differently, everyone learns differently, so

839
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 2: I was trying to give him different methods to help

840
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,759
Speaker 2: him study. I realized through the course of the year

841
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 2: that Jackson was doing really well getting nineties and whatnot

842
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 2: with doing maybe little to no studying. At the end

843
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:46,759
Speaker 2: of the school year, when he looked at all of

844
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 2: his grades, still ninety plus average. He saw that there

845
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,360
Speaker 2: was so much room for improvement. Instead of getting a

846
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,880
Speaker 2: ninety two average, I could have gotten a ninety seven

847
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:57,840
Speaker 2: or ninety eight if I had just taken a couple

848
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,919
Speaker 2: a couple, you know, minutes at night to go over

849
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:04,720
Speaker 2: something the night before. I let him do that, because again,

850
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:07,239
Speaker 2: the stakes are low. He's still trying to learn and

851
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:09,759
Speaker 2: adjust the middle school and figure things out. So then

852
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:12,239
Speaker 2: now in seventh grade, he came to me and said, Yo, Mom,

853
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:14,200
Speaker 2: I'm really trying to be valedictorian in my class. What

854
00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 2: I gotta do? I said, all right, if you down,

855
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 2: I'm down. So I'm going to show you how you

856
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:20,799
Speaker 2: know studying can take place and what you can do

857
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:22,879
Speaker 2: to make that happen. But it's again putting the ball

858
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 2: in their court when the stakes are low, and just

859
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:28,319
Speaker 2: being there to support them through the school process. All right,

860
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 2: let's recoup some of that money that we spent on

861
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:30,920
Speaker 2: school supplies.

862
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:37,040
Speaker 1: You spill school supplies that's come from your part, because

863
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:39,320
Speaker 1: it ain't no way I'm buying six blocks of crayons

864
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 1: that have to paint all these things, and then trying to.

865
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:43,600
Speaker 3: Speak to administrator, and then trying to.

866
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 2: Figure out if you should have seen me. It was

867
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 2: like one list here, one listen, there's three different lists.

868
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:49,400
Speaker 2: I'm trying to shop in one car divide and you

869
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 2: know it was amazing.

870
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 1: But I lo key love that.

871
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:55,399
Speaker 2: That was kind of like excited. All right, we'll be back, y'all.

872
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:05,560
Speaker 2: All right, we're back.

873
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 3: Let's get money.

874
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:11,279
Speaker 2: Kadeen and Devel letter times. All right, you got it.

875
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 2: Hey there, Kadeen in de Val. I love you guys

876
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:16,360
Speaker 2: so much. Been following you since Jackson was on the

877
00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:19,280
Speaker 2: Cheerios commercial. Oh my goodness. We were just talking about

878
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:23,160
Speaker 2: that and when Kadeen had that fresh pixie cut, Yes, me, handy,

879
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:25,960
Speaker 2: it was giving Henny. Okay, I'm thinking I might go

880
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,719
Speaker 2: back to that in like my sixties. We'll see where

881
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 2: I am at that point. I might be going ball

882
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:31,400
Speaker 2: by then. You know, I'm not gonna claim that. I

883
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:33,320
Speaker 2: am not going to manifest that because it runs in

884
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:33,880
Speaker 2: my family.

885
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 3: You will look good, though, Okay, I don't.

886
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 2: So back to the question, Kadeen, your body goals, Thank you.

887
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:41,480
Speaker 2: I just feel like I'm just in the space of

888
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,479
Speaker 2: trying to get myself back together. My edges are coming

889
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:46,280
Speaker 2: back in. I've been drinking my water, minding my business

890
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,400
Speaker 2: and working out. So I appreciate you. Thank you for

891
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:52,960
Speaker 2: acknowledging that like you, like you are inspiring me to

892
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 2: unbig my back moment this summer. Yeah, that's been like

893
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 2: the thing this summer, like trying to unbig your back.

894
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:03,960
Speaker 2: So I get it. I'm in support. I'm in support

895
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 2: of you. So I wanted to know how you guys

896
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:08,359
Speaker 2: handle your friendships. I know you've probably had the same

897
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 2: group of people around for years, but now that life

898
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:14,000
Speaker 2: has changed with more success, what does loyalty look like

899
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 2: to you? Is it's still easy to trust people. I'm

900
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,080
Speaker 2: currently dealing with a friendship breakup and it's so hurtful.

901
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:21,400
Speaker 2: I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore, and that

902
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 2: loyalty is just a myth nowadays. And it's one of

903
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 2: your advice on how to deal with friendship breakups and

904
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 2: how you've overcome them. I hope to hear back from

905
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:32,799
Speaker 2: y'all soon. Love you, Oh man, We've all dealt with

906
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 2: some sort of friend that seems to outgrow you. I

907
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 2: think some friends are as cliche as it sounds. Some

908
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:41,239
Speaker 2: there for reasons and for seasons. And yes, I have

909
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:44,759
Speaker 2: had my close group of friends for a very long time.

910
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 2: And then there are some people who I've met later

911
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 2: on in life who have shown themselves to be very

912
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 2: authentic good people. And my friends laugh, My solid group

913
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,759
Speaker 2: of friends who I've had for like, you know, one

914
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,040
Speaker 2: or two decades, will laugh and be like, hey, I

915
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 2: didn't go with a new friend, like just now, I

916
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:05,400
Speaker 2: think Tiffany and Christina were laughing, like who's cold? Is Godmother?

917
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:07,720
Speaker 2: Who is she? Again? Like what y'all got a new friend?

918
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:09,520
Speaker 2: And they'll joke on me about it. It is because I

919
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,879
Speaker 2: tend to you know, we're social people. We do make friends.

920
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 2: But I think that God also gave me discernment to

921
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,359
Speaker 2: kind of see people for who they are, and I

922
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:20,640
Speaker 2: always pray for that, especially as things in our life

923
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 2: begin to change even more. But I do have a

924
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:27,839
Speaker 2: friend that kind of things went awry, And I say

925
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 2: awry because maybe a rie isn't the right word. But

926
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:32,960
Speaker 2: I was very confused as to why she was starting

927
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,080
Speaker 2: to pull away from me as a friend. And this

928
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 2: was when Cairo was a new born, and I kind

929
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:41,680
Speaker 2: of took it upon myself to just well a I

930
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:44,880
Speaker 2: thought it was something that I had done, so I

931
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:47,600
Speaker 2: reached out when I noticed that the conversation was becoming

932
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:51,520
Speaker 2: that much more or less frequent. There were excuses that

933
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:53,360
Speaker 2: were coming up when time came to hang out. And

934
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:54,839
Speaker 2: I mean, this is somebody who I hung out with

935
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:58,880
Speaker 2: all the time, like Thursday, Friday, Saturday. So we had

936
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:03,359
Speaker 2: a rotation every week, particularly through college years and after.

937
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,960
Speaker 2: So when Skyro came along, I was kind of like, man,

938
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 2: I don't see her as much anymore, but I know

939
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:11,879
Speaker 2: that she was on a journey religiously, and I said, Hey,

940
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 2: if it means that we can't hang out in the

941
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:17,720
Speaker 2: places that we used to hang out before, or partake

942
00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 2: in the things that we used to partake, and you

943
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 2: can't drink anymore, I'm in full support of your spiritual journey.

944
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,360
Speaker 2: I just want to know what it is so I

945
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,239
Speaker 2: can alter that. So if we can't go to the

946
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 2: club or the lounge, you can come to my house

947
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:32,239
Speaker 2: and we can order take out and we can sit

948
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 2: and we can drink water. Like it didn't matter to

949
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,839
Speaker 2: me because the friendship mattered more. And then I realized

950
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 2: that she was still kind of not opening up to

951
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 2: what the problem was, and instead of me internalizing it,

952
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:46,360
Speaker 2: I kind of reached out to some of her immediate

953
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:48,719
Speaker 2: closer family and friends and to kind of see like, hey,

954
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 2: have you noticed the change in her? And they all

955
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,239
Speaker 2: kind of notice the change, and they said, hey, it's

956
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:57,920
Speaker 2: not you. She's just on a journey by herself and

957
00:41:57,960 --> 00:41:59,680
Speaker 2: the most we can do is love her from afar

958
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:02,440
Speaker 2: and if she comes around, she comes around. But it

959
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 2: did give me some relief. I did mourn that friendship

960
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:07,960
Speaker 2: to an extent because she was somebody who I loved darely.

961
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:10,319
Speaker 2: She was a very good friend of mine, you know,

962
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 2: in my wedding, Like there were so many things that

963
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 2: we shared together, so many moments since we were kids,

964
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 2: and it just kind of ended abruptly with no explanation,

965
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 2: and part of me felt like, did she even really

966
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 2: owe me an explanation? Or should I have just taken

967
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:28,920
Speaker 2: the signs and just moved on. So it took me

968
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,120
Speaker 2: a while to kind of get around that, but it

969
00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:34,120
Speaker 2: gave me some relief and solace to know that it

970
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:37,360
Speaker 2: wasn't just me. So that was like my little friendship breakup.

971
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 2: So I say that to say that with time things

972
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 2: can get better, and if someone rids themselves from your life,

973
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,360
Speaker 2: sometimes I don't even question it. And maybe for the better.

974
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:53,080
Speaker 1: As I got older, I started to realize that no

975
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:56,200
Speaker 1: one owes you anything. And when people say self like,

976
00:42:56,200 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 1: who can I trust, that's on you to decide. And

977
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 1: I think it's our ego and our self centeredness to

978
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:08,920
Speaker 1: feel like everybody around us has to earn our trust.

979
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:10,280
Speaker 3: No, they don't.

980
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 1: The people around you just got to live their life

981
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:15,960
Speaker 1: and you decide if you want to trust that person.

982
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:18,879
Speaker 1: For example, I have friends that I put in categories.

983
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 1: There are some friends that I know. These are the

984
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:23,279
Speaker 1: people I hang out with just because I know that

985
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:25,080
Speaker 1: we got good vibes. I don't got to worry about

986
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:27,320
Speaker 1: no bullshit. This is what we do. We hang out.

987
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:30,200
Speaker 1: I have friends that all we do is discuss business. Right,

988
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:32,560
Speaker 1: if I need to borrow money, I know who I

989
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 1: can I can get it from because I'll give it

990
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,640
Speaker 1: back to them. If they need to borrow money, I'm

991
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:38,239
Speaker 1: open to be like, of course, because I know they

992
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:38,960
Speaker 1: get it back to me.

993
00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:41,839
Speaker 3: I have some friends who are just my confidence. We talk.

994
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 1: All we do is talk on the phone. You know

995
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:46,960
Speaker 1: what happens with people is they feel like, if you're

996
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 1: my friend, you have to fit in all the categories

997
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,279
Speaker 1: that I have For all of these people, and if

998
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 1: those people aren't good in every single category, then you

999
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:55,719
Speaker 1: shun them and be like, oh, I can't trust you

1000
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 1: because we hung out, but then I ask you to

1001
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 1: borrow money and you wouldn't let me the money. That

1002
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 1: person is not the money person or the money person,

1003
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:06,120
Speaker 1: and that person is going to hang out with other

1004
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,240
Speaker 1: people and they didn't invite you, or we're not really friends.

1005
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:10,480
Speaker 1: We don't have that type of friendship where we hang

1006
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 1: out together. The truth of the matter is is that

1007
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:17,600
Speaker 1: your life. Your life is your life. Everybody around you

1008
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:22,239
Speaker 1: does not revolve around you. You make a choice as

1009
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: a person if you're going to trust this person in

1010
00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:27,360
Speaker 1: what capacity you're gonna trust that person, and then you

1011
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 1: let that person work out of that trust if they

1012
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 1: do something. But this whole idea of loyalty means nothing

1013
00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:38,360
Speaker 1: anymore to people. Is a reality check for people, because

1014
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 1: loyalty is really People are as loyal as their options, right,

1015
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 1: and they're also as loyal as what you can offer them, right.

1016
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 3: Because let's be honest about friendships.

1017
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 1: Friendships are only friendships because you offer me something and

1018
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:55,760
Speaker 1: I offer you something. If I no longer offer you anything,

1019
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:57,400
Speaker 1: I'm no longer useful to you. Are we going to

1020
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:57,840
Speaker 1: be friends?

1021
00:44:57,920 --> 00:44:58,799
Speaker 3: Really? Probably not.

1022
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:01,360
Speaker 1: If you don't offer for me anything in the friendship,

1023
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:05,960
Speaker 1: whether it's companionship, money, advice, sex, whatever it is. If

1024
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 1: you don't offer me what it is that I'm looking

1025
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:11,560
Speaker 1: for in the friendship, the friendship dissolves. It's as clear

1026
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:13,719
Speaker 1: as that. People want to make it more than what

1027
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:17,360
Speaker 1: it is, but it's not. There are no obligations to friendships.

1028
00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:18,640
Speaker 1: We're not blood relatives.

1029
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:20,040
Speaker 2: I can see that you know what I'm saying, and

1030
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 2: that's why sometimes some friendships mean that much more than family,

1031
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:27,160
Speaker 2: familiar relationship. Made a choice choice to be that friendship

1032
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:28,400
Speaker 2: and to be in that relationship.

1033
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:30,759
Speaker 1: What you can't do is you can't create guidelines to

1034
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:33,840
Speaker 1: all of your friendships and all the guidelines be exactly

1035
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:36,960
Speaker 1: the same. That's true because friends have different purposes.

1036
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 2: And as you grow in life, like you have groups

1037
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:42,800
Speaker 2: of friends, and I have friends who in that season

1038
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 2: it worked because we were doing the same things. And

1039
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,719
Speaker 2: then as you begin to change mindsets and go this

1040
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:49,799
Speaker 2: way and they stayed here or they decided to go

1041
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 2: elsewhere elsewhere, you no longer have things in common. So

1042
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 2: those commonalities that you want share, you don't right, and

1043
00:45:56,719 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 2: you may have to, like I said, more in the

1044
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 2: idea of like, I don't really want to hang out

1045
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:04,160
Speaker 2: with this person anymore because we don't have similar interests anymore.

1046
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 2: And then you send to gravitate towards people who do.

1047
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:10,319
Speaker 2: And that's okay too, that's okay too. I think the

1048
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:12,200
Speaker 2: beauty in it is when you do have someone who

1049
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:15,239
Speaker 2: can grow with you through phases of life. Absolutely, you know,

1050
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:16,719
Speaker 2: I have a couple of friends now who are my

1051
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:18,880
Speaker 2: closest friends. And I can pick up the phone and

1052
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 2: talk to you today and not talk to you for

1053
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:22,480
Speaker 2: six months. You can text me today and I not

1054
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:25,000
Speaker 2: text you back till four weeks later, and there's no

1055
00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:26,760
Speaker 2: love loss.

1056
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:28,920
Speaker 3: What is loyalty to you in a friendship?

1057
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 1: Though?

1058
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:33,279
Speaker 2: I think loyalty to me in a friendship looks like

1059
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:36,280
Speaker 2: in the moments that I maybe need you the most,

1060
00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 2: you're accessible or you'll try to make yourself accessible.

1061
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 1: So the reason why I ask that is because you

1062
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:46,360
Speaker 1: see how self centered that definition can be for people,

1063
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 1: because you said, in the moments you need me the most.

1064
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:51,759
Speaker 1: What if I'm going through something then I can't be there,

1065
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:54,799
Speaker 1: you can't be there. A lot of people show that

1066
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:57,279
Speaker 1: as a see that as a sign of disloyalty when

1067
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,719
Speaker 1: it's like, damn, I have to be there for you,

1068
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,839
Speaker 1: saying you in particular. But how we view friendship right,

1069
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 1: the only way we can be friends is if I'm

1070
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 1: near for you when you need me the most. You're

1071
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 1: not even thinking about what I need.

1072
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:11,720
Speaker 2: I don't think I don't think about people.

1073
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:13,319
Speaker 3: I'm talking about you.

1074
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 1: About people's definition loyalty and friendship, it always based on

1075
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:19,920
Speaker 1: what they need.

1076
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 3: Think about how you just described it.

1077
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 1: At no point in the description did you say that's

1078
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:26,719
Speaker 1: some person that I'm willing to be for.

1079
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:30,200
Speaker 3: No matter what. Immediately your definition went to what you need.

1080
00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:32,880
Speaker 2: Well, I think it's for me at least it's understood

1081
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 2: that it's reciprocated, because, like I said, but that's not me.

1082
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 2: It's understood its reciprocated.

1083
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 1: But that's my point is that when we decide what

1084
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,719
Speaker 1: we want to make friendship look like, it's supposed to

1085
00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:46,640
Speaker 1: be understood that it's reciprocated.

1086
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:48,840
Speaker 3: But I'm going to tell you that you got to

1087
00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:50,000
Speaker 3: be there for what I need.

1088
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:53,400
Speaker 1: That's very self centered and we all as humans have

1089
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:57,120
Speaker 1: that same definition for sure what friendship is, Like I

1090
00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:58,920
Speaker 1: just asked you so that we can put it out

1091
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 1: there so we can see it. But we all say

1092
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:02,600
Speaker 1: that that's my friend because when I need them the

1093
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:05,879
Speaker 1: most day, there no one ever says that's my friend

1094
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 1: because if he ever need anything, I got him.

1095
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:12,319
Speaker 2: I said. For me, it's understood, you.

1096
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 1: Know, But for some people it's not because when you

1097
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 1: say that and then that person can't be there for

1098
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:21,800
Speaker 1: you in that moment, maybe because they're going through something.

1099
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:23,200
Speaker 3: The first that we do.

1100
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:26,320
Speaker 1: Is like, man, you ain't internalize that you're not loyal.

1101
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,480
Speaker 1: And that's when she asked about what loyalty is in friendships.

1102
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 1: I think we all these people need to start thinking.

1103
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:34,719
Speaker 1: Am I a loyal friend to demand loyalty from somebody?

1104
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:36,720
Speaker 3: Because I know firsthand.

1105
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:38,880
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you right now, the people I'm loyal

1106
00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:41,760
Speaker 1: to first is my wife, then my kids.

1107
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 3: That's that's first.

1108
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,719
Speaker 1: If my brother may need something and I can't be

1109
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:50,200
Speaker 1: there because I'm doing something for my wife and my kids,

1110
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 1: I have to choose them. If my brother takes that

1111
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:54,080
Speaker 1: same reposal, my brother couldn't be there for me he

1112
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:56,080
Speaker 1: not loyal, then we wouldn't.

1113
00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:56,520
Speaker 3: Be close no more.

1114
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 1: But my brother, like you, is very big on reciprocation.

1115
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:01,880
Speaker 1: He'll tell me, like, yo, if you got something for

1116
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:03,880
Speaker 1: the kids, right, because he's like and he wants to

1117
00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:06,120
Speaker 1: be there for me. But I think more people just

1118
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 1: need to think about how we can be there for

1119
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 1: our friends as opposed to our friends being there for

1120
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:13,520
Speaker 1: us to show their loyalty. That's just something I get.

1121
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:15,239
Speaker 2: It totally makes a whole lot of sense. I hope

1122
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:19,040
Speaker 2: that helped your syst In a very very very roundabout way,

1123
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:21,000
Speaker 2: we got to answer the question. But that's just what

1124
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 2: we've dealt with personally in these friendships. So much love

1125
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:26,319
Speaker 2: to you.

1126
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:29,480
Speaker 1: Hey, guys, I would love to stay anonymous, no problem.

1127
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:32,480
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed this podcast, definitely one of my favorites.

1128
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:34,719
Speaker 1: You guys are a blessing. You are a blessing too.

1129
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:37,480
Speaker 1: I've currently been dating my boyfriend for over a year.

1130
00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:40,800
Speaker 1: Our relationship started while a devastating death in the family

1131
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:44,120
Speaker 1: had occurred. Although it was a highly stressful and depressive time,

1132
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:47,440
Speaker 1: he made me feel seen, cared for, and appreciated. He

1133
00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:49,520
Speaker 1: was among great friends and family that helped me out

1134
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 1: of darkness. He is an immigrant and born outside of

1135
00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:55,520
Speaker 1: the US. We do share similarities and lives, but there

1136
00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:58,840
Speaker 1: are some things that we clash Culturally. He has put

1137
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,839
Speaker 1: effort into seeing and spending time, but over time I've

1138
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:04,520
Speaker 1: realized he doesn't enjoy going out as much as I do.

1139
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:07,799
Speaker 1: I always initiate going out on dates, couple activities, and

1140
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:11,440
Speaker 1: family functions. It's like pulling teeth while asking him to attend.

1141
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:13,920
Speaker 1: He does work a lot and is supporting his family

1142
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:16,080
Speaker 1: back home. He doesn't hang out a lot with his

1143
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:19,160
Speaker 1: family with his friends either. I feel stuck because I

1144
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:21,560
Speaker 1: want to enjoy more things with him outside of the

1145
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,120
Speaker 1: house and have more time. In general, I'm a person

1146
00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:26,840
Speaker 1: who thinks about how this relationship may unfold in the future,

1147
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:29,759
Speaker 1: and I'm wondering if things will change. I value my

1148
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: significant other being around my friends and family more and

1149
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:35,040
Speaker 1: putting in the effort to get to know them. He

1150
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:37,960
Speaker 1: is also pretty quiet around them. I've also never met

1151
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,600
Speaker 1: his family, which I can't because they aren't in the US.

1152
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 1: I've expressed these concerns and he says he's tired and

1153
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:47,399
Speaker 1: has so much financial responsibilities, which I truly understand. When

1154
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:49,720
Speaker 1: we do hang out one to two times a week

1155
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:52,040
Speaker 1: is a good time and I feel like I'm with

1156
00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:54,560
Speaker 1: my best friend. He's kind attentive and has a sense

1157
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:57,080
Speaker 1: of humor. Best of all, he cooks. He has a

1158
00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:59,640
Speaker 1: lot of good qualities. I'm worried if this is just

1159
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:02,279
Speaker 1: who he is or his ideology is based upon his

1160
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:05,759
Speaker 1: current job schedule which he wants to transition out of.

1161
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 1: I don't want to sabotage this relationship. Oh, I don't

1162
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:11,880
Speaker 1: want to self sabotage this relationship. But I'm not in

1163
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:14,760
Speaker 1: my early twenties anymore. The question is should I continue

1164
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:16,399
Speaker 1: investing into this relationship.

1165
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 2: I mean, he seems like a really good guy, if

1166
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:23,120
Speaker 2: he's so caring as to be, you know, taking. I

1167
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,799
Speaker 2: think he has the classic story that most immigrant families do.

1168
00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:29,600
Speaker 2: And I know because both of my parents are, and

1169
00:51:29,880 --> 00:51:32,640
Speaker 2: being two of the older siblings and the family, my

1170
00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 2: mom the oldest, my dad like the second or third oldest.

1171
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:38,520
Speaker 2: I've seen what it's like to have to come across,

1172
00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:40,200
Speaker 2: so I've heard, at least because I wasn't born yet.

1173
00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:42,680
Speaker 2: But you come to America and then you work, and

1174
00:51:42,719 --> 00:51:45,719
Speaker 2: then you send back home, and it's for nothing more

1175
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:48,319
Speaker 2: than just the responsibility and the care that you have

1176
00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 2: for your family, and that level of I guess loyalty.

1177
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:52,719
Speaker 2: As we've been talking about it that you have to

1178
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:54,960
Speaker 2: the family. So I think that speaks to the kind

1179
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:56,880
Speaker 2: of person he is and the heart that he has.

1180
00:51:57,239 --> 00:52:00,879
Speaker 2: But I can see where the con is for you

1181
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:03,880
Speaker 2: as you're trying to build a relationship with him. I mean,

1182
00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 2: what do you think, babe.

1183
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:08,480
Speaker 1: I honestly feel like this reminds me of my mom

1184
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 1: and my dad because my pops is a big He

1185
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:13,239
Speaker 1: likes to be inside. He likes to watch films and

1186
00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:15,600
Speaker 1: chill with his family and friends. He likes to have

1187
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 1: all his family around him, whereas my mom likes to

1188
00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:18,879
Speaker 1: be out.

1189
00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:22,080
Speaker 3: My mom likes to go on cruises, she likes to

1190
00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:23,040
Speaker 3: go to shows and stuff.

1191
00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:25,520
Speaker 1: I feel like it's just a different of a difference

1192
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:28,480
Speaker 1: of love languages, right, and not so much love languages

1193
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:30,680
Speaker 1: for each other, but love for life.

1194
00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:31,040
Speaker 2: Right.

1195
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,839
Speaker 1: You know your mom and your dad. Your dad likes

1196
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:35,439
Speaker 1: to be at home with all his family and chill.

1197
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:37,840
Speaker 1: Your dad wants to go see your mom wants to

1198
00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:42,320
Speaker 1: go see things and explore. I feel like you shouldn't

1199
00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:45,840
Speaker 1: have to sacrifice the things you love because of the

1200
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:48,360
Speaker 1: person you love. I do feel like they have to

1201
00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:51,480
Speaker 1: have a conversation and talk about it, and hopefully she

1202
00:52:51,520 --> 00:52:53,319
Speaker 1: can help him be more comfortable going out. Do you

1203
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:55,360
Speaker 1: have to think about this. He's an immigrant who's in

1204
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:58,080
Speaker 1: a foreign country. A lot of times, when you're from

1205
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:03,160
Speaker 1: a foreign country, the safest place you feel home, it's home. Yeah,

1206
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:05,879
Speaker 1: you know. And it's not like America is the most

1207
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:08,759
Speaker 1: open place for immigrants, you know what I'm saying. So

1208
00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:11,239
Speaker 1: he may feel comfortable home because he's not dealing with

1209
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:14,440
Speaker 1: any of those issues or social issues that happen outside

1210
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:16,239
Speaker 1: of his home. So maybe if she can find a

1211
00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:19,040
Speaker 1: way to make him feel more comfortable going out, oh,

1212
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:20,240
Speaker 1: then he'll be more.

1213
00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:20,640
Speaker 3: Open to it.

1214
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:25,359
Speaker 1: But also, and since she's the one writing in, just

1215
00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:27,719
Speaker 1: because he doesn't want to do those things doesn't mean

1216
00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:30,400
Speaker 1: you stop. My mom will still go to shows without

1217
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:32,600
Speaker 1: my pops. She'll grab her group of friends and she'll

1218
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:34,600
Speaker 1: go out. She'll go and do things.

1219
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:36,200
Speaker 2: That's true. I was about to say, don't let that

1220
00:53:36,239 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 2: limit you and stop you from doing the things that

1221
00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:39,799
Speaker 2: you want to do. But I do get that she

1222
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:41,759
Speaker 2: may want to experience these things with him, or maybe

1223
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:45,640
Speaker 2: she's excited to show him the possibilities outside of home.

1224
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:47,239
Speaker 1: But how about she do it the way you did

1225
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:51,120
Speaker 1: it with Beyonce? Like, no point intended, But I could

1226
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 1: have cared less about going to see Beyonce, but you

1227
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:56,160
Speaker 1: curated the experience in a way I could enjoy it

1228
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:58,360
Speaker 1: so that we could enjoy it. Toggether, you see what

1229
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:00,040
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So maybe if she wants him to do

1230
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:03,400
Speaker 1: do some things, curating experience so that he gets some

1231
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:06,160
Speaker 1: things that he loves while doing what you like.

1232
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:07,319
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.

1233
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:08,880
Speaker 1: I mean, it's the same thing with your pops and

1234
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:11,279
Speaker 1: your mom. Your mom does not like to entertain a

1235
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:13,520
Speaker 1: lot of people. Your father likes to go out in

1236
00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:15,919
Speaker 1: the street and entertain people and then have people over.

1237
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 1: You know, So what do you do? You curat an

1238
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:20,799
Speaker 1: experience to where your dad is like, you know what,

1239
00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:23,120
Speaker 1: I like to be around people. Let's have people come

1240
00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:26,600
Speaker 1: over in our basement, so Searon, you could be upstairs

1241
00:54:26,680 --> 00:54:28,880
Speaker 1: chilling doing what you do. But I have my friends,

1242
00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:31,600
Speaker 1: so now you get both the best of both worlds.

1243
00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:32,279
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.

1244
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:34,319
Speaker 2: No, totally, I completely get that. I think that would

1245
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:36,840
Speaker 2: be a great little starting point, at least, of course,

1246
00:54:37,160 --> 00:54:40,960
Speaker 2: wrapped in conversation, because we're all about the communication of things,

1247
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:45,160
Speaker 2: and keep communicating with us, y'all, Because we'd love to

1248
00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:48,359
Speaker 2: feature you as a listener letter, So email us if

1249
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:50,600
Speaker 2: you have something that you want us to give our

1250
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 2: little two cents on at dead ass Advice at gmail

1251
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:54,960
Speaker 2: dot com.

1252
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:57,160
Speaker 1: That's D E A D A S S A D

1253
00:54:57,360 --> 00:55:00,280
Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1254
00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:03,279
Speaker 2: All right, moment of truth, we're talking back to school.

1255
00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:07,520
Speaker 2: I think my moment of truth for back to school is,

1256
00:55:08,880 --> 00:55:12,759
Speaker 2: though I struggle with the idea of my children being

1257
00:55:12,840 --> 00:55:17,400
Speaker 2: outside of the home, how I've contemplated ways to homeschool them,

1258
00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 2: you know, not maybe not me, but having people do it,

1259
00:55:20,239 --> 00:55:23,720
Speaker 2: because I just want them in my care, in my bosom,

1260
00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:26,239
Speaker 2: in my line of sight the entire time, because that's

1261
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:30,400
Speaker 2: just what moms do. They spend enough time there retired,

1262
00:55:30,480 --> 00:55:33,359
Speaker 2: it's all yours not don't worry. Yes, But as much

1263
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:35,319
Speaker 2: as I want to do that, I know that I

1264
00:55:35,360 --> 00:55:39,359
Speaker 2: won't be able to raise independent young men who are

1265
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 2: proactive and problem solvers and just ready to do and

1266
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:46,960
Speaker 2: equip to do things on their own if I'm always

1267
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 2: the one to be there to do it for them.

1268
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:54,160
Speaker 2: So back to school school year starts. It's all about

1269
00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:58,000
Speaker 2: supporting them through and teaching them the routines and allowing

1270
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:00,640
Speaker 2: them and allowing them and giving them the space to

1271
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:04,360
Speaker 2: grow to be independent while knowing that Mom is here

1272
00:56:04,880 --> 00:56:07,319
Speaker 2: to support you through all the things.

1273
00:56:07,719 --> 00:56:11,520
Speaker 3: That's what's up. That's what's up. I feel the same thing.

1274
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:13,560
Speaker 1: My moment of truth is this, create a culture of

1275
00:56:13,600 --> 00:56:16,920
Speaker 1: independence amongst your children early and often, so that as

1276
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:19,279
Speaker 1: they grow through out life they can be in a

1277
00:56:19,360 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 1: place to solve problems and be solution oriented. On top

1278
00:56:23,560 --> 00:56:25,799
Speaker 1: of that, I will be remiss if I don't mention this.

1279
00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:30,120
Speaker 1: Bullying is a very serious thing that's happening amongst children

1280
00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:33,759
Speaker 1: in this day and age, especially virtually, because they have

1281
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:35,719
Speaker 1: access to things that we didn't have as parents, that

1282
00:56:35,760 --> 00:56:39,000
Speaker 1: we don't understand. If you have children in between the

1283
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:44,440
Speaker 1: ages of seven and eighteen, right, do phone checks? Do

1284
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:47,040
Speaker 1: phone checks and make it And I don't care about

1285
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:49,920
Speaker 1: your privacy. You don't pay the bill, okaya, I don't

1286
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:50,480
Speaker 1: want to hear about it.

1287
00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:50,839
Speaker 3: Mom.

1288
00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:53,359
Speaker 1: I'm entitled and you ain't entitled to shit. Right, You're

1289
00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:55,680
Speaker 1: entitled to give me that goddamn phone. That's fact because

1290
00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:57,760
Speaker 1: a lot of the things that happen with bullying doesn't

1291
00:56:57,760 --> 00:57:01,760
Speaker 1: even happen physically or in public anymore. It's happening behind

1292
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:04,520
Speaker 1: closed doors and people are losing their lives over it. Yes,

1293
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:07,080
Speaker 1: so let's do all each other a favor as parents

1294
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:13,320
Speaker 1: in a community of educators. Let's work on being parents

1295
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:16,040
Speaker 1: in the home by checking our kids' phones, making sure

1296
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:18,760
Speaker 1: they're being treated properly, and make sure they're treating other

1297
00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 1: other people properly as well.

1298
00:57:20,480 --> 00:57:22,760
Speaker 2: And they make sure that the kids know that everybody's

1299
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:24,320
Speaker 2: not going to be the same. So people are going

1300
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:27,160
Speaker 2: to be different, and while they are different, they need

1301
00:57:27,200 --> 00:57:29,880
Speaker 2: to be respected and you need to leave people alone,

1302
00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 2: treat them how you want to be treated, all right, y'all?

1303
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:36,920
Speaker 2: Be sure to follow us on social media. We had

1304
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:38,920
Speaker 2: all the socials, y'all. There's so many ways that you

1305
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:41,000
Speaker 2: can keep in touch with us. Okay. Find us on

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00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:44,840
Speaker 2: Patreon for exclusive dead Ass cast content as well as

1307
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,840
Speaker 2: more Ella's family content there because it's keeping it fun

1308
00:57:47,960 --> 00:57:51,280
Speaker 2: in the Patreon world, but also on social media, follow

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00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:55,080
Speaker 2: the podcast page dead Ass the podcast and I'm Kadeen.

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00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:57,760
Speaker 1: I am and I'm Devaoh i am devou And if

1311
00:57:57,800 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to raise, review

1312
00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:03,560
Speaker 1: and subscribe, and if you get up, get to the

1313
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:07,480
Speaker 1: Patreon page. Make sure that you is a subscribe subscribe

1314
00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:07,880
Speaker 1: to Patreon.

1315
00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:09,440
Speaker 2: Subscribe to Patreon.

1316
00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:13,280
Speaker 1: You subscribe and join Patreon and get that exclusive content.

1317
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:15,720
Speaker 1: Dead Ass is about to be lit for the next

1318
00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:19,040
Speaker 1: couple of years, store for y'all.

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00:58:18,880 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 2: Next couple of months at least, that's the foreseeable future

1320
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:21,760
Speaker 2: for us.

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00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:25,040
Speaker 1: But leading up to that, putting it out there two years, man, years,

1322
00:58:25,040 --> 00:58:25,880
Speaker 1: we putting it out there.

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00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:28,800
Speaker 2: Man, we got It's up to y'all. It's up to y'all.

1324
00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 2: If y'all keep listening, keep watching, keep spreading the word,

1325
00:58:31,840 --> 00:58:34,640
Speaker 2: telling a friend, we might be here for years, or

1326
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:36,000
Speaker 2: we might be here for a good time and not

1327
00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:37,760
Speaker 2: a long time. It just depends.

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Speaker 3: Dead Ass.

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Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and

1330
00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:47,280
Speaker 1: it's produced by Donor Opinion and Triple Follow the podcast

1331
00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:49,920
Speaker 1: on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never

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00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:50,640
Speaker 1: miss a Thing.