1 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:11,039 Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours, Golden Hour. 2 00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:13,360 Speaker 1: We came back. I hope you did. 3 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:16,960 Speaker 2: Hi, Kathy, how are you doing, Susan? Listen? 4 00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:19,599 Speaker 3: I don't know what to say. If people have not 5 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:25,400 Speaker 3: listened to our episode on Wednesday, they missed an amazing episode. 6 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 3: They're all amazing episodes, but you really need to check 7 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:28,480 Speaker 3: this one out. 8 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: We had surgery toge. 9 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 2: That's right. 10 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 3: We had former Bachelorette Rachel Rekia on with us, and 11 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,960 Speaker 3: it was so much fun. We learned so much about her. 12 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,840 Speaker 3: We think we've got some surgeries coming up. I mean, 13 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,520 Speaker 3: I don't know this girl. Let's talk about this, going 14 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 3: back to work, doesn't want a date, and she's gorgeous. 15 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:52,680 Speaker 3: How beautiful she is and has no interest in dating 16 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:57,480 Speaker 3: and has been really sick with a kidney infection. How 17 00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 3: can you be that beautiful when you're that. 18 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:05,240 Speaker 1: Well. She's getting better, she was in the hospital for 19 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 1: nine days. 20 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,720 Speaker 3: I'm sure, Susan, if I were getting better and been 21 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,040 Speaker 3: in the hospital for nine days, trust me, I would 22 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:11,720 Speaker 3: not look like that. 23 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:13,160 Speaker 2: I mean she is. 24 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:17,959 Speaker 3: I love her energy. She's energetic, she's smart, she knows 25 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:18,840 Speaker 3: what she wants. 26 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 1: She's going to teach us how to fly. 27 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 3: And that's right, Bachelor Nation. She is going to teach 28 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,720 Speaker 3: us how to fly, and then Susan and I are 29 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,200 Speaker 3: going to jump in tandem out of an airplane. 30 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:31,399 Speaker 2: It's going to happen. 31 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:36,399 Speaker 1: Maybe do you love adventures? All right, let's do the 32 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 1: topic of the day. 33 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 2: Well wait, aren't we going to answer some fan questions? Oh? 34 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:45,119 Speaker 3: Yes, we could do that too, because you know, if 35 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 3: people do have questions, and we hope you don't forget. 36 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 3: All you have to do if you have a question 37 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,480 Speaker 3: for Susan and May is send them in. And the 38 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:55,400 Speaker 3: way you send them in is go to Bachelor nation 39 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 3: dot com slash Golden Hour. 40 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 1: Okay, Kathy, but before we get into those questions, now, 41 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,840 Speaker 1: you're going to make me do it. Today's question day, 42 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,079 Speaker 1: All right, we can all right here. 43 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:12,440 Speaker 3: It is if you want to one day get married, 44 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:17,280 Speaker 3: should you always be dating with the intention of getting married? 45 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:20,560 Speaker 2: Oh? Can I answer that? 46 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 1: Sure? 47 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 3: Absolutely not, because you learn a lot about every person 48 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,919 Speaker 3: you meet, and you don't want to marry every person 49 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:34,040 Speaker 3: you meet. That's how you find the right one. You know, 50 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 3: you kiss a lot of frogs to find them. 51 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 1: Scary if that's your intention, Like, people freak out you 52 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,920 Speaker 1: know what I mean. Sometimes men don't even have a 53 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 1: thought about getting married, but they fall so deeply in 54 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,960 Speaker 1: love and you're the one and he proposes great. But 55 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: if you set out with that intention, I know. 56 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 2: You know, you bring up you bring up a good point, Susan. 57 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,959 Speaker 3: I think if you're dating, if one is dating, each 58 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 3: guy you meet is the one? Is this the one? 59 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 3: You may not be a complete person yourself. You may 60 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 3: need to do some work on yourself that I hadn't 61 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,360 Speaker 3: thought about that. But that's a really good point. 62 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,400 Speaker 1: I mean I would be bummed out all the time. 63 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,880 Speaker 2: Do you wait? Do you do it now? When you seriously? 64 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 3: When you did a guy, do you think, oh, it's 65 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:18,760 Speaker 3: this guy I want to marry. I don't want to 66 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,000 Speaker 3: get a start to get married, but I don't. I'm 67 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,359 Speaker 3: just looking to have fun and adventure. That's what everyone with. 68 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: Somebody i'd like to hang out with for a while, 69 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 1: that's you know. 70 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,160 Speaker 2: But if you like the guy, then do you start 71 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:31,639 Speaker 2: thinking to. 72 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,120 Speaker 1: Know I'm thinking about getting married? 73 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:36,200 Speaker 2: I mean, will Okay, I'm putting you on the spot. 74 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,240 Speaker 2: Would you get married again? 75 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 3: No? 76 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 2: Is that I don't know? Or never? 77 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:45,080 Speaker 1: I'd never say never because I changed my mind too often. 78 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 1: But I don't need to get married, but I would 79 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,839 Speaker 1: like to have a partner, my person in life. Yeah. 80 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 3: I agree with that. I just it concerns me. I've 81 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 3: actually known women who break up with guys because they'll 82 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 3: say things like he's not marriage material yeah, and I'm like. 83 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and they were having such a great time, yeah, 84 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 1: good relationship, Like what yeah? 85 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 2: Why? 86 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 3: I don't get it now, I don't get it. But 87 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 3: we're not getting married tomorrow, so I guess we don't 88 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:15,800 Speaker 3: have to worry about it. 89 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, we're getting boobs done anyhow. 90 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,240 Speaker 2: And jumping on an airplanes. 91 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:21,640 Speaker 1: Okay, here's our first one. 92 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 2: You ready, Kathy, I'm ready. 93 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:26,680 Speaker 1: Hi, Susan and Kathy. My name is Preston. I'm twenty 94 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,800 Speaker 1: five years old and I've recently moved to New York 95 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:33,279 Speaker 1: City for work. I've never been in a relationship before, 96 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 1: but I'm ready to start dating. Unfortunately, dating has always 97 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:42,680 Speaker 1: been difficult for me. The people I'm interested in aren't 98 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:46,040 Speaker 1: interested in me, and the people who are interested in 99 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:50,480 Speaker 1: me i'm not interested in. I've been on dating apps 100 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:54,839 Speaker 1: before and i'm on them again now, but I'm not 101 00:04:55,160 --> 00:05:01,720 Speaker 1: conventionally attracted. Wait a minute, but I'm not conventionally attractive, 102 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,719 Speaker 1: so dating apps don't really work for me. I don't 103 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 1: get very many matches, which leads to even fewer dates. 104 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,640 Speaker 1: All this rejection really gets me down sometimes. It makes 105 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:17,400 Speaker 1: me feel terrible about myself and my appearance. I thought 106 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 1: moving to a big city like New York would give 107 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:23,679 Speaker 1: me more opportunities, but I've just been met with more 108 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:27,040 Speaker 1: of the same rejection as I've had in the past. 109 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,599 Speaker 1: How do you, ladies, deal with rejection? How do you 110 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,680 Speaker 1: not let it affect your confidence or your self worth? 111 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:38,360 Speaker 1: Any words of encouragement would also be greatly appreciated. I 112 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,080 Speaker 1: love you, ladies and the podcast. I'm about to go. 113 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:47,480 Speaker 3: Okay, wait, wait, Preston. First, let me say to you, 114 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:50,480 Speaker 3: you're probably going about this the wrong way, and by 115 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:55,479 Speaker 3: that I mean you should be doing things that you 116 00:05:55,680 --> 00:06:00,960 Speaker 3: like in life and not seeking to far the one. 117 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 3: I think you're probably being too hard on yourself date. Yeah, 118 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:08,160 Speaker 3: but here's the thing. First of all, remember Rachel when 119 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:11,360 Speaker 3: we were talking to her last episode last week, she 120 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,799 Speaker 3: was saying she doesn't go on the dating apps. I Preston, 121 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 3: maybe dating apps aren't for you. I don't care if 122 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:22,480 Speaker 3: you're conventionally handsome or not. If people don't look at 123 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:25,840 Speaker 3: your personality, and the way they're going to find your 124 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 3: personality is not on a dating app, because you're right. 125 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 3: Dating apps are traditionally, historically and will be in the 126 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 3: future based on your looks At first. 127 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 1: It's a sweet that's right. So it's about a picture, right. 128 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 1: People don't even take good pictures. 129 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,919 Speaker 3: So he's more than a picture, right, So Preston, you 130 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 3: need to get out and join some clubs and get 131 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 3: people to know what kind of person you are. I 132 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,040 Speaker 3: don't think you have a lot of self confidence. Your 133 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:59,839 Speaker 3: question was how do we deal with rejection. I do 134 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,560 Speaker 3: with rejection by saying, and in all honesty, I'm not 135 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:04,800 Speaker 3: everyone's cup of tea. 136 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:08,919 Speaker 2: I don't know why, but I'm not. And I move on. 137 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:13,120 Speaker 3: And I don't lit affect myself confidence because I don't 138 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,560 Speaker 3: judge myself by what a man thinks of me. 139 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 2: I don't what about you so nice? 140 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 1: Well, I want you to know that you would think 141 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 1: a big city would have a lot more people. I 142 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:28,280 Speaker 1: think it's even harder in a big city. There's so 143 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:31,240 Speaker 1: many people, and they're involved in their own worlds. They 144 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 1: don't you're better off in the suburbs, but they're working 145 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,440 Speaker 1: in the city. But like Kathy said, just be you. 146 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,680 Speaker 1: It's your personality. I'm sure you have a lot of 147 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 1: good in you and you'd be a great man to date, 148 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 1: but you maybe don't go on the dating sites or 149 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 1: there are some that won't use pictures. It's more about personality. True, 150 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:57,240 Speaker 1: they match you that right. You don't get to preview 151 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: because when I preview, I would I did the same 152 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 1: damn thing. We all know he was too short or he. 153 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 3: Was what if I said to you, I always say 154 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 3: to you, I'm not going back on dating apps because 155 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 3: of my age. Ments wipe me bye. Because of my 156 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:13,080 Speaker 3: age where I can outrun. I'm as fit as any 157 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 3: six year old you want to pick out. But that's 158 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 3: just that's life precedence. So get yourself out there, do 159 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:22,120 Speaker 3: some activities, and you know what, you're a great guy. 160 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,920 Speaker 3: I've never met you, but believe you're a great guy. 161 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:28,239 Speaker 3: Take it till you make it. Just don't let don't 162 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:32,560 Speaker 3: let the you know those people get you down. Believe 163 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,160 Speaker 3: in yourself. Act like you believe in yourself, and you 164 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,240 Speaker 3: know what, You're gonna wake up and say, I'm having 165 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:37,800 Speaker 3: a good day. 166 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:42,079 Speaker 1: So don't feel terrible about yourself. You're worth more than that. 167 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: You got to love yourself, yes, feel your confidence. Whether 168 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 1: it's going to the gym that makes you feel good 169 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,560 Speaker 1: or whatever it is. Just do you for a minute and. 170 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:54,280 Speaker 3: Do something that makes you feel good. Do something that 171 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,120 Speaker 3: makes you feel good and see what comes your way. 172 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 3: Get get to the gym, Join a boxing club, you know, 173 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,760 Speaker 3: join a wine tasting club, join a walking club, do 174 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,840 Speaker 3: something because you'll meet people that have similar interests. 175 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,240 Speaker 1: And then we'll Gathy and I are in New York. 176 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,320 Speaker 1: We'll look you up and we'll take you out on 177 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:11,680 Speaker 1: the town. You'll feel great. 178 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, he can jump out of the airplane with us. 179 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,680 Speaker 3: All right, Well, good luck yesterday, and thank you for 180 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:29,560 Speaker 3: having me. Okay, here's the next one. Hi, Kathy and Susan. 181 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 3: I've been a fan since day one. Well, thank you. 182 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 3: That's great news. I need advice regarding my best friend. 183 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:39,320 Speaker 3: We have been bff since we were eight years old 184 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,440 Speaker 3: and are now in our forties. We were very president 185 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:45,600 Speaker 3: in each other's lives until about six years ago when 186 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,839 Speaker 3: she moved out of state with her military boyfriend. We 187 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,560 Speaker 3: still talk almost every day, and we used to see 188 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:55,439 Speaker 3: each other multiple times a year until recently. These last 189 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 3: two years, I was a caretaker for a family member 190 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:02,760 Speaker 3: and couldn't travel. Her relationship with the military man has 191 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 3: always been toxic, and I've never really liked him and 192 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 3: voiced my opinion, but am supportive. Nonetheless, they constantly break 193 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,440 Speaker 3: up and he'll leave their house and go stay with 194 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:17,360 Speaker 3: friends on base or something, leaving her there alone no 195 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:22,520 Speaker 3: contact whatsoever, sometimes for weeks at a time. Every time 196 00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 3: it happens, she is devastated and heartbroken, but never fed 197 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,840 Speaker 3: up enough to leave him. This most recent breakup, however, 198 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 3: has me alarmed. She's trying to cope by drinking every 199 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:39,680 Speaker 3: night alone all day on the weekends. I've told her 200 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 3: that I'm worried and have pleaded with her to come here. 201 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,400 Speaker 3: They don't have any children and she doesn't have family 202 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,120 Speaker 3: to turn to, but my husband said she could stay 203 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:51,000 Speaker 3: with us as long as she needed or wanted. 204 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 2: She won't come. 205 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 3: She said she's fine, just heartbroken and quote wants him 206 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:01,840 Speaker 3: to come home, unquote reached out to any of her 207 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:06,079 Speaker 3: friends out there because they're all military wives, and she's 208 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 3: mentioned before that they isolate her when she's not with him. 209 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,800 Speaker 3: This has been going on for over a month now, 210 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:14,960 Speaker 3: and I'm just beside myself. I don't have any available 211 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 3: vacation time from work and cannot afford to fly out 212 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 3: for a weekend to see her, and she won't come here. 213 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:21,720 Speaker 2: What do I do? 214 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,439 Speaker 3: Sorry, this is so long, but I've heard you ask 215 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,720 Speaker 3: for more details with previous questions, so I tried to 216 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 3: give you as much as I could. Thank you for 217 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,240 Speaker 3: reading this and for any advice you may have. 218 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:37,120 Speaker 1: Wow, and thank you for being so detailed. And you 219 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 1: answered one of my questions because the first thought I 220 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 1: had was get on out there, go be with her, 221 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 1: look her into your eyes, and you're worth more than this, 222 00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 1: and now she's drinking that were me? What would you do? 223 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 1: Thank you let me go through this seriously. 224 00:11:56,880 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 3: Well, I would be at your sidon in two seconds. 225 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,640 Speaker 3: I'd take a loan out and I'd be there for you. 226 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 3: But clearly we're you know, this is a different situation 227 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,760 Speaker 3: and they can't afford it. Here's here's the thing that 228 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:16,439 Speaker 3: she's not going to want to hear in life, and 229 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,319 Speaker 3: we have to accept it. Yes, I would be there 230 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 3: for you, Susan, and I would talk to you and 231 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,520 Speaker 3: let you cry on my shoulder. And and do everything good. 232 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:27,960 Speaker 3: But ultimately, I can't legislate what you do with your life. 233 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 3: All I can do is be there and be supportive. 234 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,800 Speaker 3: And this this person who wrote this question. Really all 235 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,600 Speaker 3: you can do is be there for her. She may 236 00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 3: drink herself into oblivion for a life. 237 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,320 Speaker 1: She's going to break down one day and yes, right 238 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,079 Speaker 1: be able to pick up the pieces you. 239 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:44,839 Speaker 2: Or maybe not. 240 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:49,280 Speaker 3: But the point is you you can make suggestions, you know, 241 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,200 Speaker 3: tell her to get into a support group, tell her 242 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:55,120 Speaker 3: to There's all kinds of things she could do. But 243 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,520 Speaker 3: the point is you can't make her take a step 244 00:12:58,559 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 3: to leave him. It's un fortunate she doesn't have children. 245 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,840 Speaker 3: You know, my husband was in the military, and I 246 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:07,720 Speaker 3: have to tell you myusband was an officer in the Navy, 247 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:11,679 Speaker 3: and that officer's wise club man. It's a clicky deal, 248 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:16,520 Speaker 3: and everybody knows what you're doing, and so everyone knows 249 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:19,640 Speaker 3: what everyone else is doing. So you know, it's probably 250 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:23,400 Speaker 3: a struggle for her to confide in them because it 251 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:25,040 Speaker 3: truly will be all over the base. 252 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 1: So I think what you do, hopefully she's really down 253 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:33,319 Speaker 1: and out and she's going to see what she's doing 254 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 1: to herself by all this drinking and feeling sorry for 255 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,720 Speaker 1: herself and wake up one day and say, you know 256 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,320 Speaker 1: what you You. 257 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 3: Just said it, Susan, you just said it. She has 258 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,440 Speaker 3: to wake up and. 259 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:49,080 Speaker 1: She says she can't do it, and I would be 260 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:52,080 Speaker 1: broken hearted as well. However, you can go and put 261 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,440 Speaker 1: one of those what is that fundraiser thing you put 262 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:55,040 Speaker 1: out online? 263 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:55,719 Speaker 2: Go fund me? 264 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,160 Speaker 1: Go fund me? How much is the flight? I could 265 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,720 Speaker 1: give it to you. I'm serious there, It's talk some 266 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,360 Speaker 1: sense in the dis girl. Yeah, but I feel you though. 267 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 1: I have a lot of empathy, and that makes me 268 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,960 Speaker 1: sad because you're watching your best friend destroy herself right now. 269 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 3: I think that she says she just wants to come home. 270 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,920 Speaker 3: She's probably lacking in self esteem. 271 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:16,520 Speaker 2: Here we go. 272 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 3: You know that is an issue, Susan. People need to 273 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:26,160 Speaker 3: think more of themselves. I think that's an overriding theme 274 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,200 Speaker 3: in many of the questions. 275 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:30,720 Speaker 1: Don't you Definitely is definitely took me a long time 276 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,480 Speaker 1: to believe in myself, so. 277 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,640 Speaker 2: I know I do think it's part of its age. 278 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 1: We wish you all the very best and stay there. 279 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 1: Be there for when you say, don't. 280 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,680 Speaker 3: Let that friendship go, be there for her, Be there 281 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:46,480 Speaker 3: for her. She needs you, Okay, and thank you for 282 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 3: listening to the podcast. Yes, hi, Kathy and Susan. I'm 283 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:51,320 Speaker 3: a mom of two. 284 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,360 Speaker 1: My oldest is my daughter, who is four years old, 285 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 1: and my son is two years old. I grew up 286 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:02,200 Speaker 1: with an older brother who was essentially my parent's favorite. 287 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:06,320 Speaker 1: This put a huge stream on my relationship with my parents, 288 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:10,840 Speaker 1: especially my mother. Their favoritism was so obvious. Both my 289 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:14,440 Speaker 1: brother and my grandma on my dad's side took notice. 290 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:18,320 Speaker 1: My mom loved being a boy mom and always showed 291 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 1: much more interest in my brother's activities, etc. Than she 292 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:26,120 Speaker 1: did mine. Now that I'm a mother, though I've worked 293 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,960 Speaker 1: through a lot of this in therapy, especially when my 294 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 1: husband and I began talking about the potential of having kids, 295 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,040 Speaker 1: I'm still nervous about doing the same thing to my kids. 296 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,960 Speaker 1: Do you have any tips on how to monitor my 297 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:42,400 Speaker 1: behavior or ways in which I can make my kids 298 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:47,240 Speaker 1: feel equally as love. My husband and I have built 299 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 1: a great line of communication in general, and when it 300 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 1: comes to keeping an eye out on things like how 301 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:57,400 Speaker 1: we parent. He doesn't have a great relationship with his 302 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:00,720 Speaker 1: parents either, But I want to also be able to 303 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:04,480 Speaker 1: be a mindful parent you know what, My very first 304 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:08,320 Speaker 1: thought is, you're on a win win because you're aware 305 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:12,120 Speaker 1: everything that you just shared with us tells me you're 306 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:16,240 Speaker 1: not going to make that mistake. You love them both equally. 307 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,880 Speaker 1: I had days where I like this one better than 308 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 1: that one because this one was being a pain in 309 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 1: the butt. But yeah, but I agree. 310 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 3: I think you're right on the money. Uh, the fact 311 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,960 Speaker 3: that she's aware of it. In fact, I struggle with people, Susan. 312 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:35,080 Speaker 3: My parents were divorced, and when I heard people say, 313 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,400 Speaker 3: you know, I just don't know how to be a 314 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:39,480 Speaker 3: good parent because I didn't have a good role model, 315 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,720 Speaker 3: I just want to jump down their throats. I came 316 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 3: from a very abusive family a mother I was like 317 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:49,000 Speaker 3: out of mommy dearest, I mean really an abusive mother. 318 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 3: And I really tried to be a good mom and 319 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:55,640 Speaker 3: I wasn't perfect, so I know, but I was aware. 320 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,960 Speaker 3: But I was aware of the horrible up bringing in 321 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:03,120 Speaker 3: the mistakes that my mom my mother made, so you know, 322 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:04,680 Speaker 3: I didn't do those with my kids. So I think 323 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 3: you're right. I think the fact that she is aware 324 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 3: of it is when. 325 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:13,080 Speaker 1: Her and her husband communicate real well, like you won't 326 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:17,600 Speaker 1: do it and I pray that you feel more confident 327 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,760 Speaker 1: in yourself. You're going to have days that one's better 328 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,760 Speaker 1: than the other because they get under your skin. 329 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:25,280 Speaker 2: I will say something I did with your children. 330 00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:26,919 Speaker 3: Yeah, I love them, but one of the things I 331 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,680 Speaker 3: did to make my she says, how do I uh? 332 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:31,760 Speaker 3: Do I have any tips on how to monitor my 333 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 3: behavior or ways in which I can make my field 334 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,560 Speaker 3: kids equally loved, equally as loved. 335 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,200 Speaker 2: You know what I used to do with my kids. 336 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:43,159 Speaker 3: I would take them on special trips, just one, just 337 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,240 Speaker 3: one of the three, and take them like my would 338 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,960 Speaker 3: take my daughter to see the Nutcracker or a Christmas 339 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,200 Speaker 3: or and then out for lunch or whatever. I would 340 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,439 Speaker 3: do things, take my son to sporting events, you know, 341 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 3: and my grandchildren. 342 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:57,840 Speaker 2: Yes, and now we do it with them. 343 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,320 Speaker 3: My kids would say I know, oh I'm your favorite, 344 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,879 Speaker 3: and I would smile and I would say how do 345 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:04,560 Speaker 3: you know that? 346 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:06,639 Speaker 2: And every one of them would say that I know. 347 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,480 Speaker 3: And you know what, That made me feel successful because 348 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,639 Speaker 3: I each one of them first. So yes, yeah, to 349 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,800 Speaker 3: take each one, make each one. You don't have to 350 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,880 Speaker 3: do everything as a family. That's my advice. To take 351 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:20,080 Speaker 3: each one and do something special with that child your 352 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 3: special time exactly. Thank you, thanks for sharing. 353 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,639 Speaker 1: That with us. But I feel like you have this 354 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:26,399 Speaker 1: I really. 355 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I agree. All right, here's our next question. 356 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:35,879 Speaker 3: Hello ladies, I love your podcast and listen faithfully to 357 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:40,720 Speaker 3: each one. You are so wise and also charming. I 358 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,320 Speaker 3: think that was directed of me, Susan, I are both 359 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,520 Speaker 3: so wo oh, that's what it says. Sorry, you are 360 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:49,400 Speaker 3: both so wise and also charming. I am thirty eight 361 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 3: and have a brother and two sisters, all of whom 362 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:55,840 Speaker 3: are married with families of their own. In the last 363 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,399 Speaker 3: three years, my youngest sister and her husband have become 364 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,720 Speaker 3: very possessive of my parents' time and possessions. They have 365 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,359 Speaker 3: a young child who spends several days a week at 366 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,679 Speaker 3: my parents home while my sister and her husband are working. 367 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,919 Speaker 3: They have even gone so far as to have my 368 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 3: mom sign a contract for this. It has made it 369 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,639 Speaker 3: difficult to ask for help when I or one of 370 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:20,679 Speaker 3: my other siblings have needed it. They also push my 371 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:24,560 Speaker 3: parents regularly to put their land and belongings into a 372 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,520 Speaker 3: trust and mention that they could be on the trust 373 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:31,240 Speaker 3: with them. This has caused a large gap to form 374 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 3: and our once very close family now rarely speaks. We 375 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,719 Speaker 3: all used to get together every Sunday for dinner, and 376 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:41,200 Speaker 3: now two of my sisters rarely come around. I worry 377 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,600 Speaker 3: about my parents and the stress this is all causing them, 378 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,719 Speaker 3: and I miss the family dynamic we once had. I 379 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,440 Speaker 3: want us all to be close again, but is that 380 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 3: possible when the gap has already formed. Thank you for reading. 381 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:55,960 Speaker 3: I wish you both all the best. 382 00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:00,280 Speaker 1: Oh boy, wow, I know. 383 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,240 Speaker 2: I mean I'm going through it right now, so I. 384 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:07,440 Speaker 1: Know people that share with me what they're going through. Unfortunately, 385 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:10,600 Speaker 1: I don't have good news because they don't talk. Their 386 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:14,280 Speaker 1: sisters don't talk, and the parents did pass and the 387 00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:18,320 Speaker 1: youngest got everything. They went to court over it for 388 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:19,399 Speaker 1: several years. 389 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,119 Speaker 2: Money breaks up families. 390 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:22,160 Speaker 1: Painful. 391 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:23,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, but here's the thing. 392 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 1: Have a conversation with your parents or that's going to 393 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:27,639 Speaker 1: put more stress. 394 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,000 Speaker 2: See here's the thing. 395 00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:34,359 Speaker 3: The youngest sister, they, it appears, are the only ones 396 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:35,280 Speaker 3: who have a child. 397 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:36,359 Speaker 2: She doesn't. 398 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 3: This person doesn't say it, but I think they're obsessing 399 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:44,760 Speaker 3: over the grandchild in a good way, because we all 400 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:49,320 Speaker 3: love our grandchildren. The fact that they've asked their parents 401 00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:52,359 Speaker 3: to sign a contract to take care of the child 402 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,879 Speaker 3: that's a little over the top. 403 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,800 Speaker 1: So that is over the top, and that's very controlling 404 00:20:58,840 --> 00:20:59,840 Speaker 1: on that younger sisters. 405 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:04,400 Speaker 4: That's a conversation with your sister's I mean, you could 406 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,679 Speaker 4: try it, and that's what's going to be my advice. 407 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:10,360 Speaker 4: Talk to your parents if they're signing contracts. I don't 408 00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:11,040 Speaker 4: know how old. 409 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:14,240 Speaker 3: You guys, Well you're thirty eight, So it says it's 410 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:18,240 Speaker 3: interesting this person says it's made it difficult to ask 411 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,760 Speaker 3: for help when I or one of my other siblings 412 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,880 Speaker 3: I have needed it. I'm going to turn the tables here. 413 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,840 Speaker 3: I'd be more concerned about your parents, who seem to 414 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,159 Speaker 3: be being strangulated, if you will. 415 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,800 Speaker 1: By I don't know how old they are, if they're 416 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,840 Speaker 1: not thinking clearly or something. But if that's the case, 417 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,080 Speaker 1: then your younger sisters taken advantage of this situation. 418 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,120 Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying. I'd be worried more about your 419 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,360 Speaker 3: parents and not the help you need a thirty eight 420 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,600 Speaker 3: year old. I'm more concerned about your parents. So I 421 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,480 Speaker 3: think you can talk to your sister. I think you 422 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,560 Speaker 3: should talk to your sister. I think you can bring 423 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,720 Speaker 3: it up to your parents. But you know, I'm going 424 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,200 Speaker 3: through it right now I come from I told you 425 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,760 Speaker 3: says in a large family, there or seven of us. 426 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:04,080 Speaker 3: My stepsister passed away, so there's six of us and 427 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:08,160 Speaker 3: I and my brother are responsible for the estate because 428 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,680 Speaker 3: my mom also passed away last year. 429 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,880 Speaker 2: And let me tell you. 430 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:19,520 Speaker 3: It is money is it's horrible. It's just there's hateful 431 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,720 Speaker 3: things have been said. And I think you got to 432 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,800 Speaker 3: try to be Switzerland. You know, you got to try 433 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:29,800 Speaker 3: to find the soft spots. Yeah, if you want to 434 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 3: regain a relationship. But again, I think this is more 435 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,919 Speaker 3: dealing with your siblings. Maybe you could have, you know, 436 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:41,879 Speaker 3: a summit with your not your parents, but the kids, 437 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:45,359 Speaker 3: the siblings and say, you know, I want to talk 438 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,600 Speaker 3: to you and again. 439 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,240 Speaker 1: Get all the siblings together. 440 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, but you know, how how often do I say 441 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:56,800 Speaker 3: you cannot change anyone else's behavior, only yourself. 442 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:02,160 Speaker 1: So it may be water can't make them drink, that's right, 443 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 1: So I think you can you a lot of luck. 444 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:05,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hard. 445 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:09,040 Speaker 3: Families are tough, and and you know, you don't know 446 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,080 Speaker 3: why the parents are taking care of the grandkids all 447 00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:15,920 Speaker 3: the time. But hopefully, hopefully you guys can rebuild a relationship. 448 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,919 Speaker 1: It is tough once you get too out of it. 449 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,800 Speaker 1: Like the longer it goes, like you said, your other 450 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,360 Speaker 1: sisters don't even come now, the more space you put 451 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,080 Speaker 1: between you, the worse it's going to be. 452 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:40,760 Speaker 3: You're right, Just try, You're right, Susan. We got to 453 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:44,560 Speaker 3: move on because it is now time for my favorite 454 00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:49,640 Speaker 3: Now in our podcast for all of you listening, Susan 455 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:53,400 Speaker 3: is learning the rules of the game called moral quandary 456 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 3: and I don't like it. And here's the problem. We're 457 00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:01,680 Speaker 3: in school and the teacher asks Susan to say what 458 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:05,080 Speaker 3: the other person would think, but Susan wants to say 459 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:06,960 Speaker 3: what Susan thinks. So we're going to give it a 460 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,639 Speaker 3: shot today and see how going to try. 461 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:14,800 Speaker 1: Your friend is unemployed and really wants a job at 462 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:19,040 Speaker 1: your company, but you know they're not qualified. Do you 463 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:24,679 Speaker 1: recommend them anyway or tell them the truth about their chances? 464 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:26,520 Speaker 2: What do you think I would do? 465 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,119 Speaker 1: Tell them the truth about their chances? 466 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:34,000 Speaker 3: You're right, but I would do it very kindly. This 467 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,720 Speaker 3: actually has happened to me. It's actually happened to me, 468 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,240 Speaker 3: and I've had to say, you know you light it. 469 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,720 Speaker 3: You don't say, are you kidding me? You want to 470 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,440 Speaker 3: commiss an accountant and you can't add two plus two. 471 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,280 Speaker 3: I mean, I don't do that, but I will just 472 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:51,359 Speaker 3: I will. I will soften it by saying, you know 473 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,080 Speaker 3: that it's a tough market out there. I think you 474 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,560 Speaker 3: need to put your application in several places. I can't 475 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 3: promise anything. 476 00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,399 Speaker 1: That's what I would say, and I think that's with you. 477 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,919 Speaker 1: I don't think that you're as qualified as you should be, 478 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:05,160 Speaker 1: but i'll you. 479 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:08,080 Speaker 2: Know, so you would put the person up, huh? 480 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,520 Speaker 1: I would tell them that I don't think their chances 481 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:14,640 Speaker 1: are very good, but I'll share and maybe tell the boss. 482 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 3: You would recommend they could be taught. Oh no, no, 483 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:25,240 Speaker 3: I wouldn't you know? You need to protect your own job. 484 00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:28,399 Speaker 3: And if you recommend someone for a job who doesn't 485 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,560 Speaker 3: have the skill set, what your boss going to think 486 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:30,920 Speaker 3: of you? 487 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,560 Speaker 1: Yeah? No, and that's a tough one. Wait. I was 488 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,720 Speaker 1: about to tell the person it's not a person. This 489 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:37,399 Speaker 1: is the gate. 490 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:43,359 Speaker 3: I'm telling you, folks, Susan really struggles with moral and 491 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 3: by the way, you did again what you would do? 492 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,280 Speaker 3: You didn't let me say, just saying you did. 493 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,360 Speaker 1: I said what you were going to say. 494 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,320 Speaker 2: And then when I tried to say what you would 495 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:53,560 Speaker 2: in turn? 496 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:55,000 Speaker 1: All right, I got it half right again? 497 00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 3: Move on, there we go. Your rich friend is yeah, hello, Susan. 498 00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 3: Your rich friend that is a really bad tipper. That's 499 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,840 Speaker 3: not you, okay, hold on. Your rich friend that is 500 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:15,000 Speaker 3: a really bad tipper, puts their card down for a 501 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:19,000 Speaker 3: group dinner that you'll all venmo them for. While they're 502 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:22,960 Speaker 3: in the bathroom, the waitress returns with the card and receipts. 503 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,199 Speaker 3: Do you sign for them and leave an appropriate tip? 504 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:28,200 Speaker 3: Or do you wait for them. 505 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:31,439 Speaker 2: To come back and say something? What do you do? 506 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:38,600 Speaker 1: Wait a minute? They all put their cards in and 507 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,720 Speaker 1: they put the tip on it already that you have 508 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:42,480 Speaker 1: to put the tip on it when you sign it, 509 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,680 Speaker 1: right the person? 510 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:48,960 Speaker 3: The person puts their card down, and then so you 511 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,040 Speaker 3: would put your card down, and we're with eight other 512 00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:54,200 Speaker 3: bacheloretps and then you you got to put the tip 513 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:58,160 Speaker 3: down on the deal, right, So then you would say 514 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:02,440 Speaker 3: you all owe me this much? Question is do you 515 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:06,040 Speaker 3: sign for them because the person's in the bathroom and 516 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,200 Speaker 3: leave the appropriate tip there? 517 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,400 Speaker 1: She goes, I s I caught myself. 518 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,960 Speaker 3: Good dear, you're learning. Do you sign for them and 519 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,040 Speaker 3: leave an appropriate tip? Or do you wait for them 520 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,320 Speaker 3: to come back and say something. I'm telling you you 521 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,760 Speaker 3: would never sign for them. You I know what you 522 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:23,840 Speaker 3: would do. You'd reach in your purse, you'd get out 523 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:28,080 Speaker 3: extra money and you see how folks, I know, I think. 524 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,800 Speaker 1: You would too. Or you would look and say. 525 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:32,719 Speaker 2: Susan, I've done it. 526 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,119 Speaker 3: You know what I do again, I don't try to 527 00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:37,840 Speaker 3: make people feel badly. You know what I've done. I'll 528 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,720 Speaker 3: look at what the bill is and then whenever it 529 00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:44,200 Speaker 3: gets up. I know, when everyone gets up and leaves, 530 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,520 Speaker 3: I'll say, oh, I forgot something, and I'll go back 531 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 3: and hand the guy twenty or thirty bucks and say 532 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,680 Speaker 3: you did a great job. There's no point in embarrassing 533 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,879 Speaker 3: anybody else. You're not going to change those people. But 534 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,720 Speaker 3: who are cheap tippers? But I'm going to make sure 535 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,240 Speaker 3: my servers well taken care of. But you missed the 536 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,879 Speaker 3: little part of me. Because I have a friend that 537 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:07,040 Speaker 3: does this, and I call her on it. I do 538 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,840 Speaker 3: say no, no, no, no, I won't say her name. 539 00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:13,720 Speaker 3: That's not enough. You need to tip her properly. We're 540 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:17,120 Speaker 3: all so you do call them out, Yes, I do, so. 541 00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,560 Speaker 3: I think I think we've solved the dilemma of the 542 00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:24,240 Speaker 3: bad tipper. Susan will tell the person they're a bad tipper. 543 00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:26,800 Speaker 3: Kathy will secretly go back in and hand the guy 544 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,960 Speaker 3: twenty bucks. All right, here's the key. 545 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:30,560 Speaker 2: Here we go. 546 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:34,680 Speaker 1: Go, During a fit of really bad anxiety, you snoop 547 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:37,960 Speaker 1: through your partner's phone. As you start to calm down, 548 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,080 Speaker 1: you realize this is wrong and a huge breach of 549 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,600 Speaker 1: their privacy, and you put their phone down. Do you 550 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,320 Speaker 1: tell them what you did or keep it to yourself? 551 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:48,200 Speaker 2: What would I do? 552 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 1: Keep it to yourself? Absolutely? Yeah, you would keep it 553 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,640 Speaker 1: yourself too. I'm not going to bury myself. That's a 554 00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:57,120 Speaker 1: no brainer. 555 00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,200 Speaker 2: Move on, yeah, move on, we're not even going to 556 00:28:59,240 --> 00:28:59,880 Speaker 2: all right, here you go. 557 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:05,240 Speaker 3: You're at a close friend's wedding and see a guest 558 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:11,280 Speaker 3: wearing a completely white gown. Your close friend is the bride, 559 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:15,200 Speaker 3: and you can see she's visibly upset. Her bridal party 560 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:18,800 Speaker 3: and mother are busy comforted in her. Do you confront 561 00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:22,800 Speaker 3: the guests, ruin the guest dress or leave it alone? 562 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,440 Speaker 3: How do you ruin the guest dress? 563 00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:26,800 Speaker 1: Spill your red wine on it? Oh? 564 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,360 Speaker 2: Gotcha? What would you do? I'm going to tell you 565 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:32,120 Speaker 2: what you at? 566 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,800 Speaker 3: I don't think you would say anything, And I'll tell 567 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:39,640 Speaker 3: you why you wouldn't, because what can she do about it. 568 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:41,720 Speaker 3: She can't go and change one of us, do That's 569 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:45,480 Speaker 3: what I'm saying. You can't change unless she's got another dress. However, 570 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:52,120 Speaker 3: I will tell you. Do you remember at Teresa's was 571 00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,800 Speaker 3: it her final rose? Do you remember I bought this? 572 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:56,280 Speaker 1: It was dress. 573 00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:01,320 Speaker 2: I don't know we I didn't know she had it. 574 00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:05,680 Speaker 3: I know I had a white dress, and sort of 575 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:08,040 Speaker 3: at the last thing, I thought, you know, I probably 576 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:12,280 Speaker 3: shouldn't do this because theoretically Teresa's going to get engaged, 577 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:14,320 Speaker 3: you know, at the end of the show, I shouldn't 578 00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:16,160 Speaker 3: wear a white dress, and so I didn't wear it. 579 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,640 Speaker 3: And I was sitting next to you, Susan when she 580 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,440 Speaker 3: came out. Do you remember me killing it? 581 00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:21,040 Speaker 1: Oh? 582 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,400 Speaker 2: My god, how embarrassing with that event. 583 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:25,840 Speaker 3: So no, folks, if you're out there listening, there's a 584 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:27,200 Speaker 3: lot of colors in the rainbow. 585 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:30,320 Speaker 2: Pick one. Don't wear white, whit wedding. Don't wear white 586 00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:30,880 Speaker 2: to a wedding. 587 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,600 Speaker 1: Okay, do we have time for one more at all? 588 00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:33,760 Speaker 3: Oh? 589 00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:34,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, go sure, we do. 590 00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:39,240 Speaker 1: Okay. After working really hard to repair her relationship with men. 591 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:43,160 Speaker 1: Your best friend goes back to the worst ex she's 592 00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:47,800 Speaker 1: ever dated. You've tried tiresly to remind her how badly 593 00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:52,360 Speaker 1: he treated her, but she's convinced he's changed. Do you 594 00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:55,800 Speaker 1: distance yourself, let it go and wait for the next 595 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:57,960 Speaker 1: blow up, or keep trying to get her to see 596 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:02,200 Speaker 1: the problem with the situation? What wid Kathy? 597 00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,400 Speaker 2: Do you go? Girlfriend? 598 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:10,240 Speaker 1: Kathy would never give up. Ever, she would continue writing me. 599 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:16,000 Speaker 2: If it was you, you're right, if you're you're you're right. 600 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:17,120 Speaker 1: I best friend. 601 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,160 Speaker 3: I mean that's yeah, best friend. I don't want to 602 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:22,440 Speaker 3: see you suffer, Susan. I don't want to see my 603 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:27,400 Speaker 3: friend suffer. I would. I gotta be honest with you. 604 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:29,680 Speaker 3: I have a friend right now, and then we'll get 605 00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:34,040 Speaker 3: to you. Literally, she is dating I won't say her 606 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,360 Speaker 3: name because she listens, but you've met her and I 607 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:41,080 Speaker 3: love her to pieces. She is dating a narcissist. They 608 00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:44,160 Speaker 3: broke up. I think this is the sixth one, six 609 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:47,880 Speaker 3: sixth time. I think she's going to get clean now. 610 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,200 Speaker 3: I said to her, it's like you're like an addict 611 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 3: the drug. He's a drug too, and she kind of 612 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:56,400 Speaker 3: knows it. But I will tell you I care about her, 613 00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,720 Speaker 3: and so I still talk to her. I still try 614 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:02,400 Speaker 3: to get her to see the the what would you do? 615 00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,720 Speaker 1: I would do exactly the same thing. Yeah, you have to, 616 00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:08,560 Speaker 1: although when you get to the point where you're telling me, 617 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,400 Speaker 1: please stop, Susan I'm in love with him, then I 618 00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:13,840 Speaker 1: have to. I'm your best friend. I don't have to 619 00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:17,440 Speaker 1: agree with you to accept absolutely, and I'm learning that 620 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:21,240 Speaker 1: with you. When you say, Kathy, I hear you, but 621 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,240 Speaker 1: I want a B or C even I don't like 622 00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:25,920 Speaker 1: a B and C, even if I have to do 623 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,360 Speaker 1: it the hard way and learn my lesson. Yeah, just 624 00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:28,880 Speaker 1: be there. 625 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:32,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, okay. Absolutely. Support is big. Is a big thing. 626 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:34,600 Speaker 1: It is, and that's best friends, which. 627 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:37,440 Speaker 3: We are, Kat. I know, but you know what the 628 00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:41,600 Speaker 3: thought of us having a breakup. We got to meet 629 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:42,840 Speaker 3: the guy first. 630 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,479 Speaker 1: What do you mean a breakup? I'm going back to this, 631 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:48,680 Speaker 1: back to the thing I thought you meant us breaking up. 632 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:50,880 Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no, no going anywhere. 633 00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:54,960 Speaker 3: I'll just holler no. I'm saying, like you and I 634 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:58,880 Speaker 3: going back. I mean, we have this conversation before you 635 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,760 Speaker 3: said that you would never go back to an next. 636 00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:03,400 Speaker 3: Remember we asked Rachel about that too. 637 00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:06,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, have you changed. 638 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,480 Speaker 2: Would you go give a second chance? Really? 639 00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:14,440 Speaker 1: Because I get over people like my heart heels and 640 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:18,160 Speaker 1: always care and it might be their friend. I'm always 641 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,480 Speaker 1: their friend, but yeah, I wouldn't want to relive the 642 00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:22,040 Speaker 1: same thing. 643 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,360 Speaker 3: I'm going to check with you about a month and 644 00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:26,600 Speaker 3: we ask you that question again. 645 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:31,040 Speaker 1: Okay, that does it for this episode of beslor Happy Hour, 646 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:36,880 Speaker 1: this Golden Hour. We really enjoyed this. I hope you guys. 647 00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:39,000 Speaker 2: Did as well. Yeah, thanks for joining us. 648 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:42,160 Speaker 3: Please be sure to submit your questions to us at 649 00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:48,280 Speaker 3: bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour. We really truly enjoy 650 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,600 Speaker 3: connecting with all of you. We love listening to your 651 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:56,320 Speaker 3: comments and your questions. We clearly love giving advice, and 652 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,760 Speaker 3: I hope, we hope that you love hearing little tidbits 653 00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:03,120 Speaker 3: about our life because you know what, many of these questions, right, Susan, 654 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:08,000 Speaker 3: We've lived these that's you know, we have lived these situations, 655 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,680 Speaker 3: and so it's sort of like we live in our 656 00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:15,279 Speaker 3: own lives when we read the questions and exactly so 657 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,520 Speaker 3: you know, we're hoping that we give you some comfort, 658 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:20,320 Speaker 3: some humor, So keep those questions coming. 659 00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:23,719 Speaker 1: Definitely laugh with us, because that's what life's about us 660 00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:26,280 Speaker 1: and mile is worth a million million. 661 00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,160 Speaker 3: You know, people ask us that all the time we 662 00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,279 Speaker 3: wake up, even if we wake up on the wrong 663 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:34,000 Speaker 3: side of the bed, we wake up grateful and just 664 00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:36,120 Speaker 3: force ourselves to turn around and get up on the 665 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:36,680 Speaker 3: right side. 666 00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:40,520 Speaker 1: So just don't stop listening to Bats half hours Golden Hour. 667 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:44,759 Speaker 1: You can listen on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you 668 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:48,160 Speaker 1: listen to your podcast. Thanks again for joining us, See 669 00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:49,400 Speaker 1: you next time.