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Speaker 1: I'm honest enough to be on your podcast today to

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Speaker 1: tell you that I still get stuck here sometimes. I

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Speaker 1: probably never said it this honestly, but this is the

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Speaker 1: podcast to be that real about it is that I

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Speaker 1: have just.

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Speaker 2: He's a crossover artist and we'll waste them one multi

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Speaker 2: genre multi plata really wrong. You went to jail for

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Speaker 2: an armed robbery at fifteen? Have you ever thought about

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Speaker 2: what you'd say to that person if you met them?

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Speaker 3: I guess it's the best question I've ever been asked.

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Speaker 3: I've avoided this question.

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Speaker 2: Do you truly believe that you're a horrible person? I

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Speaker 2: can't imagine you're having a horrible heart weird throw to

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Speaker 2: announce that we've reached three million subscribers. We're incredibly grateful

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Speaker 2: for each and every one of you. If you enjoyed

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Speaker 2: this episode, don't forget to hit that subscribe button so

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Speaker 2: you never miss out on any of our new releases.

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Speaker 2: We're dedicated to bringing you the content you love. Our

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Speaker 2: team carefully analyzes what resonates most with you to bring

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Speaker 2: on board the best experts and storytellers to help you

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Speaker 2: and prove your life. Some of your favorite topics are sleep, science,

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Speaker 2: weight loss, physical fitness, navigating breakups, habit building, and understanding

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Speaker 2: toxic relationships. Upcoming episodes include one of the biggest names

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Speaker 2: in health and science world, renowned relationship therapist, and your

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Speaker 2: favorite manifestation expert is back to drop new findings. Hit

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Speaker 2: Subscribe to not miss any of these episodes. If you

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Speaker 2: think of someone who would love this episode, send it

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Speaker 2: to them to make their day.

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Speaker 3: The number one health and wellness podcast.

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Speaker 2: Jay Setty, Jay Sheetty.

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Speaker 3: Je.

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Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you

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Speaker 2: come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest

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Speaker 2: is someone that I have been dying to have on

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Speaker 2: the show ever since the moment I saw him perform

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Speaker 2: live and I got to give him a big hug

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Speaker 2: the day after. This guest's story is truly unbelievable, truly inspiring,

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Speaker 2: truly spectacular. I'm speaking about the award winning, Grammy nominated

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Speaker 2: Nashville native singer songwriter Jelly Roll, who debuted top three

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Speaker 2: on the Billboard two hundred All Genre chart and number

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Speaker 2: two on the top Country album charts with his debut

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Speaker 2: country album, and it earned him the biggest country debut

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Speaker 2: album in Billboard Consumption chart. History. Jelly Roll was nominated

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Speaker 2: for Best New Artist and Best Duo Group Performance for

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Speaker 2: Save Me with Landy Wilson at the twenty twenty four

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Speaker 2: Grammy Awards, a four times winner at the twenty twenty

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Speaker 2: three People's Choice Country Awards, and the most nominated male

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Speaker 2: at the twenty twenty three CMO Awards with five total nominations,

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Speaker 2: capturing his first CMO Award for New Artists of the

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Speaker 2: Year for the twenty twenty four CMO Awards. Jelly Roll

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Speaker 2: was just nominated this morning for Entertainer of the Year,

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Speaker 2: Album of the Year, and Male Vocalist of the Year.

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Speaker 2: Jelly Roll is set to least his new album, Beautifully Broken,

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Speaker 2: on October eleventh and launch his Beautifully Broken Tour on

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Speaker 2: August twenty seventh. Welcome to on Purpose, Jelly Role.

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Speaker 1: Yes, as you kept reading off, I was getting nervous.

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Speaker 1: I was like, that's wow, this is all associated with me.

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Speaker 2: Oh, it's beautiful to see it. And you know you

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Speaker 2: just said to me outside, you said, did you ever

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Speaker 2: dream of this? And I said to you, no, I

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Speaker 2: didn't dream of it, and you were saying it was

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Speaker 2: the same back And I just want to take folks

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Speaker 2: back to how we connected because I went to Clive

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Speaker 2: Davis's pre Grammy party. That was the first time I've

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Speaker 2: ever seen you perform, and I was just like, who

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Speaker 2: is this guy? Like, that's a hard party to perform at.

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Speaker 2: I feel there's short segments, it's moving fast, there's so

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Speaker 2: much going on, and you came on stage and you

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Speaker 2: had everyone in raptures. I remember like MGK was bopping

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Speaker 2: a lit that stood on his chair on his table,

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Speaker 2: like everyone was rocking out to you, and I was thinking,

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Speaker 2: you had everyone in there, fully present, fully locked in.

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Speaker 2: It was beautiful. So I posted it. I took a video,

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Speaker 2: posted it. I thought nothing of it. I was just like,

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Speaker 2: this guy's amazing. Can't way to follow his work, listen

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Speaker 2: to more of his music? And then you DM me

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Speaker 2: back and I was just taken away because you said

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Speaker 2: you were aware of my work and you'd read think

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Speaker 2: like a monk had a really low time in your life,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, I was genuinely humbled. I was like,

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Speaker 2: no way. I was like, I didn't have a clue

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Speaker 2: that you knew who I was. And I was just

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Speaker 2: so grateful and I wanted to ask you. They're like,

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Speaker 2: how did you even get think like a monk? How

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Speaker 2: did you find on purpose? Like what was the low

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Speaker 2: time in your life that it found you out?

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Speaker 3: It's funny, man.

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Speaker 1: So in twenty nineteen, my father passed away in March

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Speaker 1: of twenty nineteen. He got sick in January of twenty nineteen,

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Speaker 1: and I had spent the last three months of his

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Speaker 1: life with him and every day because it was kind

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Speaker 1: of one of those really kind of slow ninety data

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Speaker 1: clients and I was coming out of.

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Speaker 3: That really really struggling.

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Speaker 1: And about a year later, I had gained like sixty

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Speaker 1: or seventy pounds back right, because I'd lost a lot

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Speaker 1: of weight at the time and I just felt it

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Speaker 1: weighing on me. And we were going into COVID at

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Speaker 1: that point too, and I had discovered you on YouTube

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Speaker 1: and I think this, I don't remember when did you

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Speaker 1: launch on purpose? Because I think this was yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: So I just discovered the pod and I was watching

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Speaker 1: just like the initial stuff, like I got into the

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Speaker 1: super earlier stuff where you were just like direct to

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Speaker 1: camera stuff before the pod, and then I was like,

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Speaker 1: I should read this book. So my wife knows. Side note,

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Speaker 1: I've always been obsessed with monks and like that whole.

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Speaker 1: I live a very chaotic life, and I maybe romanticize

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Speaker 1: this idea of disappearing too the mountains for a year

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Speaker 1: and refiguring my life out Unlike every other kid that

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Speaker 1: watched Dumb and Dumber, you know what I'm just saying,

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Speaker 1: it's like, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, like maybe this will work.

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Speaker 1: So when I read it, and it was a really

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Speaker 1: big transition for me, my father had just died. I

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Speaker 1: thought my purpose had been taken away from me because

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Speaker 1: to that point, music to me was a donkey to

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Speaker 1: get to people, right, and that was taken away. I

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Speaker 1: couldn't get to people the way I used to get

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Speaker 1: to people. I was used to doing two hundred bar

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Speaker 1: shows a year. So I'm trying to grieve my father

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Speaker 1: and I'm going through this and we're all going through

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Speaker 1: this national pandemic together. And of course the fear of

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Speaker 1: it initially was really strong as well. And that was

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Speaker 1: kind of that season of life that I got introduced

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Speaker 1: to mister Jay shetty Man.

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Speaker 3: It was really really cool because.

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Speaker 1: I've always believed that what we put in our body

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Speaker 1: comes out, and that's a lot deeper than just what

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Speaker 1: we eat or drink. I think it's what we consume.

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Speaker 1: You know, if I'm watching a bunch of murder mysteries,

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Speaker 1: I'll feel a certain kind of anxiety if I watch

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Speaker 1: them for a month straight. You know, if I'm listening to,

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Speaker 1: if I'm listening to On Purpose or Doctor Despenser, these

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Speaker 1: people that I look up to, Cuberman, you know, these

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Speaker 1: guys that I think are just great.

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Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Then I'm always putting out better stuff. So yeah, you

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Speaker 1: have no clue how much your art helped me, and

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Speaker 1: in exchange, I think my art's been able to help people.

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Speaker 1: It's funny how iron sharpens iron without us even knowing

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Speaker 1: each other. You know what I mean that I was

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Speaker 1: being inspired by what you were saying and what you

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Speaker 1: were doing.

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Speaker 2: Now, what you're doing is so inspiring. I mean, whenever

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Speaker 2: I'm hearing you any music you put out, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I can pray to this, I can meditate to this,

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Speaker 2: you know, I can dance to this. It's real heart

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Speaker 2: music and soul music. And for me hearing that from

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Speaker 2: you and the big hug you gave me at the Grammys,

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Speaker 2: I was feeling so much love and so thank you

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Speaker 2: because knowing that someone who was having such an incredible

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Speaker 2: impact that I had somehow been connected to your life

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Speaker 2: was really profound. But you spoke about your father then

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Speaker 2: losing your father, What was your relationship like with him

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Speaker 2: up until that point, and what was what walk us

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Speaker 2: through that moment of losing him and what that felt like?

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Speaker 1: He was He was like, really, we were really really

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Speaker 1: close when I was a really troubled juvenile. My father

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Speaker 1: was an alcoholic, My mother had her own struggles, and

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Speaker 1: we wasn't as close whenever I was a kid because

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Speaker 1: I was just so rebellious in spirit. But as I

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Speaker 1: got in my twenties and finally got out of that

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Speaker 1: revolving cycle of the judicial system, me and him started

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Speaker 1: really getting close and I started leaning on him, and

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Speaker 1: we would go to happy Hour three or four days

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Speaker 1: a week, every day, and we'd go sit at the

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Speaker 1: same spot at the same bar and the mumber and

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Speaker 1: Street in Nashville called the ten Roufe from four to six.

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Speaker 3: And he was such an impactful man.

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Speaker 1: Later in his life, he really started becoming enriched in

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Speaker 1: his community in his church, helped with the Room and

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Speaker 1: the End program for the homeless every Thursday. I mean,

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Speaker 1: he just was a but he also kind of taught

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Speaker 1: me that duality of man because he'd still throw one

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Speaker 1: back and party. He wasn't like a square, you know,

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Speaker 1: but he was like it was cool. So he kind

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Speaker 1: of encouraged me, and we were really close. And he

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Speaker 1: was one of those situations, Jay, that I didn't see

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Speaker 1: it coming and he didn't either. We all thought he

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Speaker 1: was good. I knew he was getting older. He was

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Speaker 1: probably about seventy six, but he was still sharp as attack.

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Speaker 1: And it kind of out of nowhere, he got a

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Speaker 1: really he thought he just got sick, and it turned

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Speaker 1: out that he'd had leukemia for a few years and

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Speaker 1: just never even really checked on it. But he was

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Speaker 1: one of them old tough dudes that never went to

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Speaker 1: the doctor, didn't believe in you know. He was one

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Speaker 1: of those guys that Grandpa's cough syrup in a good

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Speaker 1: sweat will get any cold out of you know, drink

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Speaker 1: a little burbon and go to sleep.

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Speaker 3: Sleep in a hot room with two blankets.

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Speaker 1: You'll be like, oh, like penitentiary dudes, it'll just try

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Speaker 1: to sweat colds out.

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Speaker 3: It's like, just sweat it out.

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Speaker 1: So those last ninety days were really cool for me, Jay,

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Speaker 1: because I got to really spend the time with him.

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Speaker 1: Like when he got sick that day, I showed up

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Speaker 1: to his house, I put him in my car and

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Speaker 1: drove him to the hospital closest to my house. And

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Speaker 1: I got to drive up there every morning and hang

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Speaker 1: out with him all day is you know, all the

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Speaker 1: way until the end. And it was really cool because

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Speaker 1: he taught me how to live, and he also taught

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Speaker 1: me how to die. And uh, because man, he did

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Speaker 1: it like a gangster. He did it just the way

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Speaker 1: I thought my father would do it, you know, not

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Speaker 1: a tear in his eye, not not not a worry

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Speaker 1: in his face, just just a man of faith that

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Speaker 1: was just kind of ready to go, you know.

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Speaker 3: But it was but it hurt, you know, it hurt hard.

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Speaker 2: Was there a lesson or something he said at that

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Speaker 2: time or was it just the way he was, just the.

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Speaker 3: Way he dealt with it.

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Speaker 1: He Uh, he was, I think not even what he said.

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Speaker 1: One thing he said, I'll never forget. That was funny,

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Speaker 1: but it stuck with me. Was the nurse came in

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Speaker 1: to give him his pain pills or whatever medicine it was,

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Speaker 1: and he chewed it. It was a whole tough just

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Speaker 1: swallowed it. I said that don't bother you, and he

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Speaker 1: was just just as quick as he could say it.

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Speaker 1: He said, sometime when the pills too hard to swallow,

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Speaker 1: you just got to chew it right.

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Speaker 3: Stuck with me good, it's like.

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Speaker 1: And I thought about that because I was like, that's

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Speaker 1: so much bigger than just this particular moment, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. But he was always full of those

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Speaker 1: little one liner wisdoms. That's kind of how it was.

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Speaker 1: He was the opposite of me. I'll talk to everybody

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Speaker 1: a lot. My dad was very kind of reserved, and

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Speaker 1: when he spoke, it really counted, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: And what about your mother, because I've heard that sheilds

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Speaker 2: she was dealing with her own mental health challenges when

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Speaker 2: you were growing up. What was that experience like of

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Speaker 2: you know, having a father that was this way? And

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Speaker 2: then what was she like? And was she complimenting who

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Speaker 2: he was? And how does she impact you?

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Speaker 1: They were polar opposite. She was she struggled with drugs

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Speaker 1: and just real mental health stuff. She started becoming really reclusive.

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Speaker 1: There was a twenty year period in my life that

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Speaker 1: I didn't see my mother outside of a nightgown, but

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Speaker 1: maybe twice ever you know, I just never seen her

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Speaker 1: come out of her room very much more or less

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Speaker 1: out of our house. And I didn't understand anything about

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Speaker 1: drugs at the time or mental health, but she really

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Speaker 1: really struggled with that. But I connected music with her

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Speaker 1: mental health right because the few times when she was

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Speaker 1: out of that bedroom and at that kitchen table, she

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Speaker 1: was thriving. I mean it was like and she would

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Speaker 1: hold court and she was so special in how she

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Speaker 1: dealt with people and she's still like this that she

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Speaker 1: would come downstairs and sit at that table and it

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Speaker 1: was almost like a light shot out at the top

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Speaker 1: of the house. The whole family would come into the table.

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Speaker 1: We wouldn't talk about it. We just like you would

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Speaker 1: just see them start to Neighbors would start to come over,

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Speaker 1: her girlfriends would start to pull up. She'd start playing music,

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Speaker 1: smoking cigarettes, telling stories, talking shit, holding court at the

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Speaker 1: kitchen table, and it'd be like a group of us

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Speaker 1: have her four girlfriends sitting around the table. We'd all

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Speaker 1: be standing around them some I mean like it was

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Speaker 1: like a crowd trying to just just take anything she'd

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Speaker 1: give us.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: But that's where my love for music came in, because

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Speaker 1: imagine you're ten years old and you don't see your

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Speaker 1: mother in a healthy space very much. But when she

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Speaker 1: seems her healthiest, there's always music playing. There's always this

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Speaker 1: record player, there's always and I always tell the story, Jada,

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Speaker 1: it was that you're old enough to remember this era

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Speaker 1: that we didn't have Google, we didn't have a bunch

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Speaker 1: of thesauruses, so.

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Speaker 3: You just had to believe people.

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Speaker 1: So they would just tell these wild stories about I

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Speaker 1: don't know if any of these stories I heard about

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Speaker 1: all these songs are true. But she would always set

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Speaker 1: up a song first for a big story and then

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Speaker 1: play it. So we were like all on the edge

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Speaker 1: of our seat and she'd hype up a song that

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Speaker 1: we'd never heard and then play it. We were all

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Speaker 1: like listening, like we were watching a movie, like the

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Speaker 1: first time she played Coward of the County or The Gambler,

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Speaker 1: Like we're like ears locked, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: or that.

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Speaker 3: Oh, oh, come my baby, you know, We're just all

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Speaker 3: like She's like, listen, listen, listen. She wait for the

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Speaker 3: good parts. We'd all get goosebumps at the end of

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Speaker 3: a song. And it really really kind of brought that

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Speaker 3: being young to me. I was like, Oh, this solves problems,

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Speaker 3: this brings people together, this makes sick people better. Like

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Speaker 3: there's something happening with this vibration that's different. And I

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Speaker 3: probably tend Jay And right then I was like, I

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Speaker 3: want to write songs.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 3: I came down like a week later with a poem,

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Speaker 3: you know what I mean. I didn't know how to

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Speaker 3: write a song, so like I wrote a poem, you

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Speaker 3: know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: Did you sing in perform it for her?

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Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah? Every time? Oh dude.

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Speaker 1: It got to the point where, like and if she

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Speaker 1: was downstairs with her girlfriend, she'd called me up there

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Speaker 1: to read whatever. The most one I wrote was. She

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Speaker 1: was very looking back now, you don't realize how much

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Speaker 1: that feeds the positive side of reinforcing a little dreaming

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Speaker 1: you as a kid. But she I don't even know

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Speaker 1: if she did it, but she hammered it home because

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Speaker 1: she made me feel like the bell of the ball.

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Speaker 1: I mean, she'd be like, Jason, come down here, little Jelly,

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Speaker 1: Come down here, little Jelly, and I'd come down. She

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Speaker 1: goes show pat that thing you wrote last week, and

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Speaker 1: I'd run back up get my little sheet of paper

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Speaker 1: and I'd come down like, check this out Pat and

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Speaker 1: Pat would act like it was the coolest thing ever.

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Speaker 3: You know, it sucked. Of course I was ken. It

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Speaker 3: was horrible, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: But they were super, super complimentary, and that was something

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Speaker 1: that really encouraged me.

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Speaker 2: Do you still have any of those original poems?

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Speaker 1: No, dude, we are such a white trash family. We

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Speaker 1: lost all our pictures, all our poems. We lost everything.

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Speaker 3: Man.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I can imagine. Just no matter how bad you

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Speaker 2: think it was, it would be fun to look back,

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Speaker 2: Oh for sure, see what you were writing about.

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Speaker 1: Just to see that. I'd love to see some of

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Speaker 1: the my home videos. I was watching the I forget

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Speaker 1: her name. I think her name is Sadie. She's with

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Speaker 1: the Duck Dynasty family, but she's a pastor now, and

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Speaker 1: they were showing a video of her standing on her

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Speaker 1: kitchen table when she was two going three, going Jesus.

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Speaker 3: Forgives everybody, He'll love.

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Speaker 1: You, and then fast forward and she's twenty eight now

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Speaker 1: and she like runs a mega church, and it was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's funny. I wonder there's any videos of me being

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Speaker 1: a little asshole. Yeah, I'm running around wrapping the people.

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Speaker 2: That's beautiful, man, that's beautiful. It's uh, how does he

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Speaker 2: go from that to then being incotrated to the thirteen Like,

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Speaker 2: I feel like, you know, that's ten years old. You say,

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Speaker 2: it seems like there's the ability to find joy. You're

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Speaker 2: looking back and smiling, but then thirteen, that incarceration journey begins.

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Speaker 3: It deep rooted insecurities. Early.

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Speaker 1: I was always a bigger kid, always struggle with an

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Speaker 1: eating disorder. I just I think I ate my emotions

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Speaker 1: whenever I was younger in feelings and what was happening

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Speaker 1: in my environment, in the household and outside. So I

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Speaker 1: had a little chip on my shoulder naturally as a

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Speaker 1: young kid, I was I've always said this and it's

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Speaker 1: but it's true. Excuse my language is, big kids become

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Speaker 1: are one of two ways. They're either very shy and

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Speaker 1: very timid, or they're very funny and can be very aggressive.

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Speaker 1: And I was the funny, aggressive, big guy, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. And I carried that in my neighborhood

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Speaker 1: was you know, I mean, it was happening. It was

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Speaker 1: a very active area, you know what I mean. It

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Speaker 1: was a very very normal, middle lower class neighborhood in

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Speaker 1: the nineties, So there was just so much crap happening.

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Speaker 1: It was so easy to get involved. When you're a kid,

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Speaker 1: you're just looking for any kind of acceptance, any you know,

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Speaker 1: any any sense of belonging, any sense of want, and

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Speaker 1: the streets will always give it to you, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. They're they're, they're they're praying on it.

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Speaker 1: They're they're they're they're praying on it and praying for

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Speaker 1: it that it happens. And I just immediately got washed

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Speaker 1: into it just and I also was one of the

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Speaker 1: people in my family that had a I've probably never

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Speaker 1: said this this way, and I hope I'll get in trouble.

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Speaker 1: I didn't have a good relationship with how I looked

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Speaker 1: at money, you know. I looked at money as the

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Speaker 1: way out of this particular situation, and I was willing

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Speaker 1: to do whatever it took to get that. And I

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Speaker 1: had no morals about it. I had no moral compass

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Speaker 1: at all.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I I looked back at those years, Jane,

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Speaker 1: I'm so embarrassed to talk about them.

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Speaker 3: I was such a I was.

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Speaker 1: I was still a bad person in my early thirties,

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Speaker 1: but I mean I was a really horrible kid all

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Speaker 1: the way into my mid twenties.

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Speaker 3: I was people always like, You're the nicest dude I've

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Speaker 3: ever met.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so glad, y'all haven't met nobody that

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Speaker 1: need me twenty years ago, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, So I just immediately started getting this shit.

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Speaker 1: And the first time I caught a real case, i'd gotten, well,

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Speaker 1: we got caught with weed and stuff and all that

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Speaker 1: little two days and juvenile stuff. But I'd gotten a

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Speaker 1: fight with a kid, and back then, they had the

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Speaker 1: chain wallets, and when we were wrestling, I grabbed a

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Speaker 1: chain wallet to try to hit them with it. And

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Speaker 1: that was a strong arm robbery case. So I ended

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Speaker 1: up in the system for like twenty something months when

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Speaker 1: I was like thirteen, for that strong arm robbery.

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Speaker 2: Hey everyone, it's Jay Chatty and I'm thrilled to announce

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Speaker 2: my podcast tour. For the first time ever. You can

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00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:39,560
Speaker 2: see my on Purpose podcast live and in person. Join

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00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:43,560
Speaker 2: me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations

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00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:48,120
Speaker 2: with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert,

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00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:52,359
Speaker 2: or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences

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00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:56,760
Speaker 2: designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections.

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00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,560
Speaker 2: I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on

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00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,600
Speaker 2: sell now. I had to Jay Shetty, don't me and

404
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:08,080
Speaker 2: get yours today? Do you truly believe that you're a

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Speaker 2: horrible person. I can't imagine you're having a horrible heart.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't.

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Speaker 1: I kind of leaned towards I don't know if I

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Speaker 1: had a bad heart as much as I leaned towards

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Speaker 1: kind of the Damascus thing where I think I was

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Speaker 1: just a really less than admirable person.

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Speaker 3: I was desperate and delusional. I say it.

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Speaker 1: I was a desperate, delusional dreamer in the desperate park

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Speaker 1: got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers.

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Speaker 1: Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer,

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Speaker 1: you know. But I definitely was consciously making really horrible decisions.

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Speaker 1: I just had such an anger. I was just so

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Speaker 1: mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault

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Speaker 1: of mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took

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Speaker 1: zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the

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Speaker 1: kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started

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Speaker 1: with everything but me, you know what I mean? And

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Speaker 1: it took years for me to break that, like years

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Speaker 1: of work, solid work to just like break that. It

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Speaker 1: also has took in years of work for me to

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Speaker 1: even forgive that kid, years of real intensive work to

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Speaker 1: just be like, you know what, because when you're sixteen

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Speaker 1: and you do something very manipulative and you look back

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Speaker 1: at it, Jay, you're like, man, that was super manipulative. Like, man,

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Speaker 1: what was I thinking back then? That's just I knew

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Speaker 1: what I was doing. I knew I was being being manipulative. Man,

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Speaker 1: I was also sixteen. I was a kid. And I

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Speaker 1: know that because I now have a sixteen year old

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Speaker 1: and Jay, Man, she's the smartest kid's cool And of

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Speaker 1: course everybody thinks they got the coolest smartest kid. I'm

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00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:38,000
Speaker 1: no exception, you know, but she's the smartest. She's so

436
00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:40,399
Speaker 1: much smarter than me. She's so much better than me.

437
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,960
Speaker 1: She's gonna be everything I wasn't in life. It's going

438
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,399
Speaker 1: to be so fun to watch. But she'll still do

439
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:48,720
Speaker 1: shit that'll make me go, oh, she's sixteen.

440
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:49,440
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.

441
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,679
Speaker 1: Like all the time, like I have moments where I

442
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:54,080
Speaker 1: look like, dude, I think you could build a rocket,

443
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,000
Speaker 1: And then I have moments when I'm like, I think

444
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,320
Speaker 1: you put your shoes on wrong.

445
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,199
Speaker 3: Today, you know what I mean, She's sixteen, you know.

446
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,919
Speaker 1: So I've been able to do the work and forgive

447
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,440
Speaker 1: myself for being that, for being what I was. But

448
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,560
Speaker 1: I definitely did a lot of work to change my

449
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,360
Speaker 1: whole outlook on people and love. That's why I'm such

450
00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:12,040
Speaker 1: a hugger man. I was not a touchy guy, dude.

451
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:15,000
Speaker 1: I was a fist bump, stay away from me, flat faced.

452
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 3: You know.

453
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,919
Speaker 1: I was kind of a jail guy. And now I'm like,

454
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,720
Speaker 1: I just I joke all the time.

455
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,160
Speaker 3: Jah. I didn't cry until I was thirty three. Now

456
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:23,840
Speaker 3: I can't quit.

457
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,080
Speaker 1: I mean, it's like if I thought I'd caught up

458
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,199
Speaker 1: by now, but I mean I still just just for

459
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:29,920
Speaker 1: no reason, I'll just sob.

460
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:34,000
Speaker 2: I love that. What does it take what's blucking us

461
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,280
Speaker 2: from forgiving ourselves?

462
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 3: Mmmugh?

463
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:44,200
Speaker 1: I think accepting our responsibility in what we did. It's

464
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 1: really hard for me. That was the hardest part of

465
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:49,440
Speaker 1: forgiving myself was just really when I quit running out

466
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,760
Speaker 1: of it was this person's fault, It was that person's fault.

467
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 1: It took a long time for me to, as my

468
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,920
Speaker 1: father would say to that peal of realizing that maybe

469
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,439
Speaker 1: it was me. You know, it's the classic quote on

470
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,440
Speaker 1: relations and chip number twenty seven. You look up and go, now,

471
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,119
Speaker 1: there's no way I picked twenty seven crazy with you

472
00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:07,880
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, like, at some point, maybe I

473
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:11,320
Speaker 1: am the problem. And that's the first thing I did

474
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,360
Speaker 1: to forgive myself was just almost like the basic principles

475
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 1: of AA. I just had to admit, like, you know

476
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 1: what this is, this is me. This is all a

477
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 1: reflection of the way I've carried myself. And yeah, things

478
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,640
Speaker 1: happened to me in life that created this, And yeah,

479
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,560
Speaker 1: there was a lot of I don't look at people

480
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:28,440
Speaker 1: and go what's wrong with them?

481
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:29,879
Speaker 3: No more. I look at people and go what happened

482
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 3: to them? But I've that is no excuse not to

483
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:34,880
Speaker 3: not to move on.

484
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,119
Speaker 1: And I was tired of forgiving everybody but me, and

485
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 1: I couldn't figure out what the problem was. I was like,

486
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,280
Speaker 1: I forgave everybody. I don't have a bitter heart about nothing,

487
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,560
Speaker 1: like you haven't forgave you, And man, I just.

488
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 3: It hit me like a ton of bricks.

489
00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 2: You went to jail for an arm rubbery at fifteen.

490
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:57,040
Speaker 2: Have you ever thought about, or maybe you have even

491
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:58,720
Speaker 2: met them, but have you ever thought about what you'd

492
00:21:58,720 --> 00:21:59,920
Speaker 2: say to that person if you met me?

493
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 3: I guess it's the.

494
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,200
Speaker 1: Best question I've ever been asked. I've avoided this question

495
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,680
Speaker 1: hoping because I don't know how to answer it. Jay,

496
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 1: I really want to have a conversation with them. I've

497
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,680
Speaker 1: thought about reaching out. This has been twenty four years

498
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,000
Speaker 1: ago now, and I just don't know how that would

499
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,120
Speaker 1: even start, you know, how it would go about it?

500
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,240
Speaker 1: Because sometimes I wonder if they might have even seen

501
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 1: me in passing and are aware of my success, and

502
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:26,160
Speaker 1: I wonder if they've even correlated. I mean, I've obviously

503
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:28,920
Speaker 1: dramatically changed. You know, I was fifteen, dude, you know

504
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 1: what I mean. I couldn't grow facial hair at all.

505
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 1: You know, I didn't I hardly hit puberty. I still

506
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 1: had my hay voice when I did that rivalry. So

507
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,920
Speaker 1: I've thought about that a ton, and they're definitely on

508
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 1: my list, my men's list.

509
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 3: I just haven't made it that far down yet.

510
00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 2: What do you think you would say?

511
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 1: I would just ask them to understand. I would ask

512
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,760
Speaker 1: them to just one forgive me, because there's no excuse

513
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 1: and that the first accountability is no matter how old

514
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:57,439
Speaker 1: I was, I had no business taking from anybody. Just

515
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 1: this entitledment that I had the world owed me enough

516
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 1: that I could come take your stuff. Just what a horrible,

517
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,919
Speaker 1: horrible way to look at life and people. It's what

518
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 1: a horrible way to interact with the earth, you know.

519
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 1: And I would apologize for that first, just flat just

520
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 1: one accountability is what I'm so big on now.

521
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,640
Speaker 3: Jays just looking at me, an I go, man uh.

522
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:19,920
Speaker 1: And then I would hope they would give me a

523
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,679
Speaker 1: little grace as I explained to them that I was

524
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:25,960
Speaker 1: fifteen and I was just trying to be. I don't

525
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,440
Speaker 1: know what I was even trying to be. When I

526
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:28,920
Speaker 1: look back now, I don't know what my thought.

527
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:29,359
Speaker 3: I don't have.

528
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 1: This is how I know I was fifteen because there

529
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 1: When I try to make logic of it, I can't.

530
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,640
Speaker 3: There was no logic to what I did. It made

531
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:36,879
Speaker 3: absolutely no sense.

532
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:39,800
Speaker 1: And I learned so much from it and the way

533
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,159
Speaker 1: that I interact with people. And I hope that they

534
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,000
Speaker 1: would see that I've made it my life's mission to

535
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:49,159
Speaker 1: change and to change people, because that's what I'm representing

536
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 1: the most.

537
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 3: In what I do.

538
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 1: With my This whole thing for me is I think

539
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,120
Speaker 1: people cheer for me Jay because they see a little

540
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,479
Speaker 1: bit of me and them, or they see their cousin

541
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,440
Speaker 1: or their I'm a family member, they relate, and I

542
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 1: speak for an unspoken group of people, you know, and

543
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 1: I hope they would know that. You know, money doesn't

544
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:10,240
Speaker 1: create character, it reveals it. Right, if I was an asshole,

545
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 1: what a great time to start, you know what I mean,

546
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,240
Speaker 1: What a great time to show the world.

547
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 3: You know.

548
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 1: I think that I'm trying to diligently prove myself that

549
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 1: I'm I've not only changed that I took the platform

550
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,040
Speaker 1: serious and it's making me change more every day, you know,

551
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 1: the responsibility that God's given me, and I would hope

552
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 1: they would forgive me.

553
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,560
Speaker 2: That's beautiful. Even sitting with you for a few moments

554
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:34,080
Speaker 2: and the few interactions we have had, it's so evident

555
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 2: to me that you've done so much work, Like it's

556
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 2: so clear, it's so clear, and I think you remind

557
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:44,160
Speaker 2: everyone of the potential we do want to see in humanity,

558
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 2: Like it's like that's what we want to see. Like

559
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 2: when we see someone struggling, we want to see them

560
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,119
Speaker 2: figure out how's that transformation? And I think what you

561
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 2: were saying that when people see you, I think they're

562
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,480
Speaker 2: reminded that, oh it's possible, Oh it's real, or it

563
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,920
Speaker 2: can be genuine like it it's so genuine to your

564
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,119
Speaker 2: care when you're talking about it to me, like I

565
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:05,919
Speaker 2: feel the vibration of just you know, the growth and

566
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:11,960
Speaker 2: transformation you chose. What I'm fascinated by is how did

567
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 2: it affect you at the time to make a mistake

568
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 2: in your early years? How long did that end up

569
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:20,119
Speaker 2: putting you in jail for that time?

570
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,359
Speaker 1: That's the time I got charged an adult, So I

571
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,200
Speaker 1: still have that felling on my record of this day

572
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:27,480
Speaker 1: for that crime that was I did a few years.

573
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 1: I mean I came home right, I've made bond right

574
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:30,960
Speaker 1: before I was seventeen, So I did two and a

575
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,639
Speaker 1: half years, and then I ended up having to go

576
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 1: back and do another few years for the actual case

577
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:35,600
Speaker 1: when it settled out.

578
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 2: What does that experience do to a young person? Walk

579
00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 2: us through that, because I feel like you're now looking

580
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 2: back at it when you're, you know, late thirties, But

581
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 2: when you're looking back at it, it's a different perspective

582
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 2: to like when you're actually fifteen in jail for two

583
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 2: and a half years, going back in and out cases.

584
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,400
Speaker 2: What does that do to the mental health of a teenager.

585
00:25:58,080 --> 00:25:59,880
Speaker 3: Well, here's the perspective. Jay.

586
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,959
Speaker 1: Imagine us as adults now to me and you go

587
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,320
Speaker 1: have a conversation. I go, hey, man, let's go spend

588
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 1: three months in the mountains together, not use our phones.

589
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:08,880
Speaker 3: Just fellowship.

590
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:11,679
Speaker 1: You look at a like, great idea, right, You're like,

591
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 1: it's just three months, it'll be fun. I mean, I

592
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 1: think this will be great. We'll bring our wives, we'll

593
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,639
Speaker 1: invite other people. Let's actually make a thing of this

594
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 1: now because us, because we know in our age that

595
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 1: three months is but the hardest we're working three months.

596
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,360
Speaker 1: But I might be need to break we need You know,

597
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,679
Speaker 1: when you're fifteen years old, three months is your life.

598
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:35,679
Speaker 1: It's an entire semester of school. You're now going to

599
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,199
Speaker 1: be a second year freshman, or you're going to have

600
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,879
Speaker 1: to make up these whole classes next summer because of

601
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 1: three months. You know. So imagine getting thrown into that

602
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 1: vortex for three years. I missed high school, I missed

603
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,760
Speaker 1: any kind of normal socializing, any kind of what would

604
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,480
Speaker 1: be growing up, what would be developing in those airs.

605
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,159
Speaker 1: And I was developing in a room and I did

606
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 1: a crime that deserve this, by the way, But I

607
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:03,200
Speaker 1: was developing in a room with stone, white walls, a conk,

608
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,600
Speaker 1: a steal commode, and a steal bunk and a six

609
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,200
Speaker 1: by eight sel six foot wide, eight inches long. By

610
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:11,680
Speaker 1: the time I was an adult, I had to sleep

611
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 1: with my legs curled, couldn't stretch all the way out.

612
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 1: You know, I'll never forget being seventeen realizing I grew

613
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,359
Speaker 1: enough that I couldn't fit in the bunk no more

614
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 1: length wise. So you go through these things as a juvenile.

615
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:28,199
Speaker 1: And do you ever see Blow? You gotta watch the

616
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 1: movie Blow. It's incredible. It's a crazy movie. It's about

617
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 1: a guy named George Young Young that was a huge

618
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 1: Johnny Depp played a huge Shiny Death fan. But he

619
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 1: was a big weed dealer and he finally got some

620
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 1: federal time for moving, you know, hundreds of thousands of

621
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 1: pounds of weed. And the joke he says in the

622
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 1: movie is I went to prison with a bachelor's degree

623
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 1: in marijuana. I left with a PhD in cocaine because

624
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 1: he came home and ended up being the biggest cocaine

625
00:27:55,600 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 1: dealer in American history. So that's the true though. That's

626
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 1: how that impacts us, Jay when we're in these situations.

627
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 1: Our judicial system is set that when you put the

628
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,400
Speaker 1: worst of the worst in a room together and give

629
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 1: them nothing to do but talk, argue and fight, you're

630
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 1: only making smarter criminals. They're only when there's no outlets.

631
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 1: Because there was very few outlets for us. Even as

632
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 1: a juvenile, we didn't have no outlets. I didn't get

633
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 1: my diploma, I didn't get my ged until I was

634
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:28,360
Speaker 1: twenty five. In adult jail, we didn't have real classes.

635
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 1: We didn't have a real wreck yard, an exercise program,

636
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 1: a mentorship program. At the juvenile we didn't have anything.

637
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 1: I mean, they treated us like lifers, you know, orange jumpsuits.

638
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 1: And these were hainous crimes we were committing. And I

639
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 1: understand that I am huge on discipline, Like I'm one

640
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 1: of the few people that even in my justice reform

641
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 1: doesn't anywhere do I believe people shouldn't be incarcerated. I

642
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 1: think that I've learned some of the greatest things in

643
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 1: my life and that it's changed my life. But what

644
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 1: changed my life the most of those facilities. Was later

645
00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 1: when I started getting resources in them, when they started

646
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 1: and education units where I could get my ged and

647
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 1: they had a Christian program that I could go to

648
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 1: call Jericho breaking the walls down, and these were the

649
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 1: things that I started learning, these fundamentals, and they had

650
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 1: AA in NA and I started being getting access to

651
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 1: different kind of books and literature and these things.

652
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 3: But all through my juvenile years, Jay, none of that.

653
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 3: You're just sitting in there.

654
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 1: You know there's kids that went to juvenile my age

655
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 1: and came home and couldn't never could read and write.

656
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, no, I appreciate that perspective. And it comes

657
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 2: back to what you keep referring to is this principle

658
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 2: of accountability. And I think accountability gets a bit of

659
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 2: a hard rap right now, Like it's a difficult reputation

660
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 2: that accountability has because talk to me about the difference

661
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:46,400
Speaker 2: between accountability and self sabotage or self blame. Right there's

662
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 2: a difference huge, and I can tell you know it

663
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,120
Speaker 2: because from the way you're using the word. But I

664
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 2: think people get scared of accountability because they think, well,

665
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 2: if I think it's all my fault, right, then maybe

666
00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 2: I shouldn't be here, or maybe I don't matter or

667
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 2: I'm not enough? How do you see the difference.

668
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 1: There was a poem called the Guy in the Glass.

669
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:07,760
Speaker 1: Have you ever read this poem? It's an incredible poem.

670
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 1: I used to have it memorized, but I read it

671
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 1: in jail and I hung it up on my jail mirror,

672
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 1: and until about two years ago, it was on the

673
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 1: mirror in my bedroom every day, my whole as long

674
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: as me and my wife have been together. It's something

675
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 1: I live by. The Guy the pretty much says that

676
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:26,040
Speaker 1: you can be king for a day and get pats

677
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 1: on the back in life as you pass, but it's

678
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: only heartache and tears if you fool the Guy in

679
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 1: the Glass. That was the moment where now, if there's

680
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 1: a triggering thing that happens in my life, I used

681
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:40,719
Speaker 1: to the old mentality was who did this? First thing

682
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 1: I do now is I go straight to the mirror

683
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 1: and go what could Jason have done differently? What could

684
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 1: I have really done differently to avoid this situation? Because

685
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:52,240
Speaker 1: once I learned that there's accountability, this old head once

686
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:54,240
Speaker 1: told me, if I'm running up a flight of steps

687
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 1: and I slip on a step and fall whose fault

688
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:59,240
Speaker 1: is it is a mine of the steps or what's

689
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 1: it's mine? He goes, what if there's a cracking of steps?

690
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,720
Speaker 1: I go, it's the steps? He goes, You think, and

691
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 1: I go, well, for sure, that's the variable. Right, there's

692
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 1: a cracking of steps, it's the steps fault.

693
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 3: He said.

694
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 1: The steps didn't have a choice to be there. You

695
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 1: had a choice to run up them. Man, those are

696
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 1: the moments where you're like, oh so, and then if

697
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 1: I can assess that I did everything right, that's how

698
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:26,520
Speaker 1: I avoid self blame. Real self assessment, honest self assessment

699
00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 1: to go because a lot of times we just don't

700
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 1: honestly assess ourselves. Something I learned through AA that I

701
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 1: love so much is going home and having these like

702
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 1: you assess your day, you write what did you do?

703
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 3: What do they call it? Like a moral inventory?

704
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 1: Right, and having these real moments, and then you get

705
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 1: freedom because sometimes you find out it ain't you and

706
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 1: then you're like, you know what, I actually did pretty

707
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:49,000
Speaker 1: good by this. Then you can start handling your business

708
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 1: and then going down the line all right, well where

709
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 1: did this fall apart?

710
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 3: You know what I mean? And then you can start

711
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 3: checking your boxes.

712
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 1: But I've learned that even and then it'll always come

713
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 1: back to you, because even if it's somebody you hired

714
00:31:58,280 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 1: to do a job and they fail to do the job,

715
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 1: still hired that person to do the job, that was

716
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 1: still my own going and that just changed everything. I

717
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 1: had to do it that way, though, Jay, because I

718
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:11,480
Speaker 1: was a chronic. I was the spider Man. Mean, you

719
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 1: know what I mean all the time, Dude, it was everybody.

720
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,120
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. I had Taim, but Tim

721
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 3: at Tim, it was never me. You know what I'm saying.

722
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 3: Turns out it was pretty much always me.

723
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 2: But I love that you can laugh at that and

724
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,600
Speaker 2: say that, right. I think that's the I think that's

725
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 2: the beauty of it when you start realizing that even

726
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 2: when you got it wrong, it wasn't this like deep

727
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:37,640
Speaker 2: dark paint. And it was just like we're young, we're stupid,

728
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 2: we think about things. We were kind of we're kind

729
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 2: of trained to believe the problem is not us, and

730
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 2: when we do make it us, we don't need to

731
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 2: hold it as like this heavy dark weight. It's like,

732
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 2: oh wait, let me just relieve myself of this stupid

733
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,800
Speaker 2: idea I have that it's not me and maybe if

734
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 2: it is me.

735
00:32:55,240 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 4: I love that poem Guy Guy in the glass. Question

736
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 4: and opinion on that, how do you think that? How

737
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 4: do you encourage people to get over that? Because that's

738
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 4: a real thing you're saying is to be like when

739
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 4: you do assess it, you there is a heavy, heavy

740
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:16,120
Speaker 4: feeling for me. I just started finding freedom in it

741
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:17,760
Speaker 4: to be like like you said, it was more. I

742
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 4: started looking at less like damn, I'm enough to more like,

743
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 4: oh I can let that go. I blew that? What

744
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 4: did I?

745
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:25,520
Speaker 3: I started taking this mentality of I don't lose.

746
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 1: I learned, you know what I mean? Like like I said, yeah,

747
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,960
Speaker 1: like we don't this team, we don't. We might screw

748
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 1: stuff up, but we don't. Just we learned something. It

749
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 1: was all valuable. Yeah, what do you think? What do

750
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 1: you think that process?

751
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 2: There's two things that come to mind. One of them

752
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 2: is in the monk tradition, our highest self is called

753
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 2: the monk mind and our lower self is called the

754
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 2: monkey mind. And so whenever you're acting in that way,

755
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 2: it's compared to a monkey. So if you see a monkey,

756
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 2: and obviously you're not going to see a monkey in

757
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 2: most places, but at least in India. When you see

758
00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 2: a monkey, monkeys are crazy. They're silly. They're jumping brands

759
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:03,280
Speaker 2: to brands, they're swinging around, they make you funny sounds.

760
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:06,000
Speaker 2: They're playful. They'll show you their teeth to scare you

761
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:09,720
Speaker 2: a little bit. They'll steal your credit card and trade

762
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 2: it back for a banana. They're like, they're silly. And

763
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 2: the reason why the mind is compared to a monkey

764
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:19,920
Speaker 2: is because it often acts like that. It's silly, it's unreasonable,

765
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 2: it's awkward, it does funny things. And so when you

766
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,359
Speaker 2: look at the mind that way, you're like, oh, it's

767
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 2: just a monkey, Like it's okay, Like it doesn't have

768
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:31,319
Speaker 2: to be this serious, heavy thing. You recognize that the

769
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 2: mind's nature, the mind's propensity, is to be that way.

770
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 2: And then you go, wait a minute, I wouldn't judge

771
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:40,719
Speaker 2: a monkey if it did that. So let me not

772
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 2: judge myself. Let me free myself of that guilt and shame.

773
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:48,040
Speaker 2: And I think the bigger thing there is Guilt blocks growth.

774
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:51,319
Speaker 2: Guilt doesn't make you want to grow. It might make

775
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 2: you start to grow, but it won't help you grow

776
00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:56,680
Speaker 2: long term if you keep guilting yourself. Shame is not

777
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 2: going to help you shift. If you keep shaming yourself,

778
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,279
Speaker 2: you're so only gonna shift. It may shift you a

779
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 2: tiny degree, but it's not going to cause a transformation.

780
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 2: And so guilt, shame, and judgment don't help you grow,

781
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 2: shift and transform. And I think so many of us

782
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 2: have to realize that it's just not a useful emotion sustainably.

783
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 2: It can be useful in the interiom to like get

784
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,879
Speaker 2: you off your backside and get you going, but it's

785
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:26,719
Speaker 2: not a where I see you today. It's not like

786
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 2: love and grace and compassion, like these things are sustainable.

787
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:36,399
Speaker 2: These things are infinite, whereas shame, guilt, and judgment are

788
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:41,239
Speaker 2: finite reasons for motivation, they run out. I don't know

789
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,359
Speaker 2: if that makes sense. Yeah, So that's how I see it. Yeah,

790
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 2: that's how I see it. And that's big to touch on,

791
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,640
Speaker 2: especially with shame. That shame spiral for me has been

792
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:53,560
Speaker 2: my biggest demonally. I mean, it's the monster in front

793
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:54,360
Speaker 2: of me all the time.

794
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,040
Speaker 1: It's the monster that I battle the most with my obesity,

795
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 1: which to me is one of the things that I'm

796
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,000
Speaker 1: working on, but it's clearly where I have the most

797
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 1: work to do. My nan would always say, you can't

798
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:07,799
Speaker 1: quit everything at once. I was with my dad one time.

799
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:10,600
Speaker 1: My nan was at a nursing home and she was

800
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:13,200
Speaker 1: she was so funny, man, and uh, we came in.

801
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 1: First thing my dad tells her is Jason quit smoking cigarettes.

802
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:21,080
Speaker 1: Old baby Jason quit smoking cigarette. She said good, I said, Grandma,

803
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:21,600
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna lie.

804
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 3: Man.

805
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,600
Speaker 1: It was hard as hell. And uh, buddy goes. My

806
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 1: dad goes, hey, you could tell he didn't quit cussing.

807
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 1: She looks up and goes, wait, can't quit everything at once?

808
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:33,200
Speaker 2: Can? I like that?

809
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:37,319
Speaker 1: So my uh, I'm finding that getting out of that

810
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 1: shame as I'm focusing on emotional sobriety. So I'm really

811
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 1: focusing on that, you know what I mean. And it

812
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:45,400
Speaker 1: was just in the last few years I got I

813
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:48,000
Speaker 1: did enough work to even learn what emotions were when

814
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 1: I seen any emotion chart for the first time, because

815
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:51,440
Speaker 1: you ever heard, you know, people to ask you how

816
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 1: do you feel? And I just like it was always

817
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:55,480
Speaker 1: one of two things. It was always just angry, you

818
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,840
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. For so many years, every emotion

819
00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 1: that came to me was anger. But I didn't I

820
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:04,440
Speaker 1: didn't know that it wasn't really anger. It was uh uh.

821
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,960
Speaker 1: Sometimes I was disappointed. Sometimes I was sad, you know.

822
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 1: Sometimes I was guilt. I felt guilt. Sometimes I was

823
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 1: in a shame spiral. But I didn't know that. So

824
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:14,799
Speaker 1: to me, it was like they were like, well, well,

825
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 1: you know what, tell me how you feel right now.

826
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:18,399
Speaker 1: But it was just always angry, you know. And then

827
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 1: I worked my way through that too, learning more about

828
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:25,080
Speaker 1: the emotions and trying to anchor down and being honest

829
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 1: about how I feel. Now where I still struggle, jay Is,

830
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:31,239
Speaker 1: I still struggle when I get stuck ruminating, you know

831
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 1: what I mean.

832
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 3: I still.

833
00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 1: My time of clearing my head and getting a logical

834
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:41,000
Speaker 1: thought sometimes takes still takes a little longer than I

835
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 1: wanted to, because I can accually get stuck Miles. You see, Miles,

836
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,320
Speaker 1: my buddy from on site. He always calls it. I

837
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 1: don't know if I remember.

838
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:48,360
Speaker 3: He calls it.

839
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,840
Speaker 1: Rumination laying a rumination row. But I'll just end instead

840
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:52,600
Speaker 1: of making a decision. You know, it's freedom or grace

841
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,800
Speaker 1: here and you can ruminate here. And I'm still the

842
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 1: guy that'll just pace here for three or four days

843
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 1: just making myself madder about something.

844
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,800
Speaker 2: We let it go one of the things you're reminding

845
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:05,440
Speaker 2: me of is this idea that like one of the

846
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:09,520
Speaker 2: most addictive things in the world is actually shame. Shame

847
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:13,759
Speaker 2: is such an addiction. We get addicted to it and

848
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:17,840
Speaker 2: it just becomes our rhetoric, our habit, our go to place.

849
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:21,399
Speaker 2: It's a go to comfort and it's a go to pain,

850
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 2: and we know it's both, but we kind of hold

851
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:25,960
Speaker 2: on to it like an addiction and we get caught

852
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 2: in that spiral. I think that's real, but it sounds

853
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,040
Speaker 2: like you're taking a lot of steps in your health journey.

854
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 2: You were just saying to me drinking like two gallons

855
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:33,800
Speaker 2: of water a day.

856
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:36,120
Speaker 1: Like you know what's crazy too. I'm just having a

857
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 1: fan moment right now where you just looked at me

858
00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 1: and said the kind of shit I watch you say

859
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:41,480
Speaker 1: on this podcast.

860
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 3: That inspires me. But it was to me, you know

861
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:45,360
Speaker 3: what I'm saying, that was so cool? Thank you.

862
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 1: I was just sitting here like a little giddy kid,

863
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 1: like I see this all the time. This is cool

864
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 1: that I'm on the other side of this now.

865
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 2: Anytime.

866
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:57,799
Speaker 3: Thank you, brother. I think the wait for me right now.

867
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,160
Speaker 1: It's the mountain in front of me and I'm taking

868
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 1: I'm learning, you know, I'm being very diligent with it,

869
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 1: and I'm taking it serious. I'm drinking a bunch of water,

870
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,440
Speaker 1: I'm cold plunging, I'm eating right, I'm doing good. I

871
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,919
Speaker 1: just I just have to fight that little that little

872
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:14,720
Speaker 1: pirate on my shoulder, that's you know them late nights

873
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 1: and just I'm a food addict, man. I've always I

874
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:19,319
Speaker 1: probably never said it this honestly, but this is the

875
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:21,040
Speaker 1: podcast to be that real about it. Is that I

876
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:24,600
Speaker 1: have just had a bad relationship with food from birth.

877
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:27,640
Speaker 1: I've never had a good relationship with food. I've never

878
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:29,600
Speaker 1: had a good example around me of it, you know

879
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:33,719
Speaker 1: what I mean? And uh, I've always said that I

880
00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 1: believe obesity is directly connected to mental health. I know

881
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:38,440
Speaker 1: how easy it is for people to go just quit

882
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:40,360
Speaker 1: eating so much, just work out. It's so easy, you

883
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 1: know what I was like, I just I don't I

884
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 1: wish I looked at food that way. But I understand

885
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,440
Speaker 1: it from the perspective of an attic, because I know

886
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:48,279
Speaker 1: what addiction is.

887
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

888
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:51,839
Speaker 1: And how I struggle with food is the same way

889
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 1: I struggle with codeine. It's the same way I struggle

890
00:39:54,680 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 1: with cocaine, like couldn't you know, even getting.

891
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:00,920
Speaker 3: It away from me.

892
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 1: It took years to be able to be around people

893
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 1: doing cocaine and just not be doing it, you know,

894
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 1: just to know what's happening in my environment and be

895
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:11,919
Speaker 1: okay with that. So I'm having to take that same

896
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,760
Speaker 1: approach with food, to be honest, and I'm not ashamed

897
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 1: to say it that I'm having to make those dramatics

898
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 1: of decisions where I'm like, I don't need nothing to

899
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,239
Speaker 1: eat in my gream room, you know what I mean.

900
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 1: I need to change my entire relationship with how I

901
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 1: look at food. But a lot of that changed with

902
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:31,440
Speaker 1: me how I looked at myself, you know what I mean.

903
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:33,400
Speaker 1: A lot of that started changing with me loving me

904
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 1: and really starting to love me because I went through

905
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: this thing forever where I did all this work and

906
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:40,839
Speaker 1: started loving people and hugging people, and I still laid

907
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:43,799
Speaker 1: down and hated me, you know, And I deal with

908
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 1: days of this.

909
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:45,719
Speaker 3: I still deal days. It's real.

910
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 1: I'm honest enough to be on your podcast today to

911
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,560
Speaker 1: tell you that I still get stuck here sometimes and

912
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 1: it's scary, man, it's really scary.

913
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 3: Scared of myself.

914
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 1: But I've got a good support system around me, and

915
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 1: I will say that all that cliche stuff is real.

916
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 1: When they're like, go walk out in the sun, drink water.

917
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 1: You remember you hear it as a fat person. I'm

918
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:06,840
Speaker 1: like you, it's not that easy.

919
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:07,760
Speaker 3: It's just hard.

920
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 1: And then I started walking around in the sun and

921
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:12,160
Speaker 1: drinking water. I'm like, dude, I feel somewhat you know

922
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 1: what I mean, it's crazy.

923
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 2: I feel like it sounds like though that because you've

924
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 2: been through other addiction Jenny's there's a part of you

925
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:24,040
Speaker 2: that is inspired and knows you can do it. Yes, right,

926
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,520
Speaker 2: it feels like you've been You've been able to break

927
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 2: so many habits and so many addictions at this point

928
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:34,400
Speaker 2: that it feels like you have an inn belief that

929
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:36,360
Speaker 2: you can. Would you agree with it?

930
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:39,319
Speaker 1: I believe it in my spirit, in my soul, I

931
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:41,800
Speaker 1: believe it. And I also believe it's because God's purpose

932
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,000
Speaker 1: for me is so much bigger than even what I'm

933
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 1: doing now. And I almost feel like I heard the spirit,

934
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,200
Speaker 1: my spirit tell me that you're holding you back from

935
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:53,439
Speaker 1: what's really for you. You know, your physical is what's

936
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:55,359
Speaker 1: holding you back for what we have for you. And

937
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 1: I want to shed that skin. I want to shed

938
00:41:58,239 --> 00:41:59,799
Speaker 1: it bad, but I also want to do it to

939
00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:03,759
Speaker 1: us by our kids the same way I've inspired. I

940
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,319
Speaker 1: never thought I would be able to talk to you

941
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:08,440
Speaker 1: in real life. I never got into this thinking I

942
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 1: would be a mental health advocate or that I would

943
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:14,720
Speaker 1: be you know, this wasn't I just wrote songs about

944
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 1: how I felt and how people around me felt and

945
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:19,799
Speaker 1: the brokenness that was in my life. And man, it's

946
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 1: helped so many people. The messages you get. You know,

947
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 1: I think we could connect on that, the messages because

948
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 1: I've sent you messages of how I feel of things

949
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 1: that we actually are helping people. This is called on purpose.

950
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 1: Purpose is what changed my life. Shil Lah buff did

951
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 1: an interview one time where he said, I quit trying

952
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 1: to be happy. I started being useful. I started trying

953
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,919
Speaker 1: to be useful, and I've lived by that quote ever since.

954
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 1: It's like, once I started prioritizing my purpose, it's funny

955
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:48,879
Speaker 1: how much life's just awesome, you know what I mean.

956
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:50,960
Speaker 1: When I was trying to make life awesome, it sucked

957
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:54,239
Speaker 1: when I when I started just trying to be a

958
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,319
Speaker 1: man of purpose and just try to walk in my

959
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:58,480
Speaker 1: purpose and what I think God put me here for.

960
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:00,920
Speaker 1: It just opened up every thing for me. It's been

961
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:02,360
Speaker 1: such a dynamic shift.

962
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:04,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, you said, I want to read this from you

963
00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:10,279
Speaker 2: because it's from your own post, but this was to

964
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:14,240
Speaker 2: your wife. You said, happy anniversary. This is my best friend. Literally.

965
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 2: People ask me what was the turning point in my career,

966
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 2: and the answer is simple. I married my best friend period.

967
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 2: This woman changed my life. Four years ago. On a

968
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 2: drunken night in Las Vegas. My wife and I made

969
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 2: a decision that night during a deaftone show. I walked

970
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:32,040
Speaker 2: on stage during Yellowolf's performance, Thank you for this brother.

971
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:34,560
Speaker 2: I'll always be grateful for that moment. We rushed the

972
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:37,239
Speaker 2: courthouse and got married at some random chapel. I was

973
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 2: a lost cause. I was in the middle of custody battle.

974
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 2: I was broke, living out of a van, doing two

975
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:45,760
Speaker 2: hundred shows a year for two hundred dollars a show.

976
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 2: I was addicted, bruised, used, and barely breathing. She came

977
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 2: in and changed everything. She made me whole, She gave

978
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,160
Speaker 2: me purpose. It was truly the turning point in my

979
00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 2: career in life. I mean when I read that, I

980
00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:02,800
Speaker 2: was like, you know, you can't read that not feel

981
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:08,279
Speaker 2: moved by that? How was how would the people we

982
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:11,799
Speaker 2: choose to spend our life with A, Y are they

983
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 2: so important?

984
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:12,920
Speaker 3: And B?

985
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 2: How did she help you find your purpose? Like that would? Especially?

986
00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 1: First of all, it felt like somebody actually believed in me,

987
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 1: and I hadn't felt that in a while. My father

988
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,399
Speaker 1: believed me, my mother, you know, but like outside of

989
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 1: my little crew, she just prophesied over me from I'll

990
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:32,920
Speaker 1: never forget the first time we hung out, she whispered

991
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 1: in my ear. She said, I don't know what it is,

992
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 1: but your special. She's like your special. And I felt

993
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 1: the same way about her. We just celebrated our eighth

994
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 1: anniversary last week. Thank you, man, I'm talking to you

995
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:48,640
Speaker 1: about I've done so many interviews.

996
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:49,520
Speaker 3: I never talked about this.

997
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:53,440
Speaker 1: I was so insecure in my body for so many

998
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:56,520
Speaker 1: years that I found validation through women, and I thought

999
00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 1: that if I could pull pretty women.

1000
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 3: That it would then I wasn't that, you know what

1001
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 3: I mean, And it was just something else, you know.

1002
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 1: And because of that, I had a really really bad

1003
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:09,880
Speaker 1: relationship with women, multiple women all the time, many partners

1004
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 1: as I could get, living double, triple, quadruple lies, relationships

1005
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 1: with all these people. The first thing that happened was

1006
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:18,840
Speaker 1: when I got with Bunny. It was something that just

1007
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:20,839
Speaker 1: happened where I was immediately, I didn't want to talk

1008
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:21,400
Speaker 1: to nobody.

1009
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:22,799
Speaker 3: I just wanted to be with her.

1010
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 1: And somebody used to always tell me that anybody who's

1011
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:29,840
Speaker 1: ever built an empire, it was a modern era. It

1012
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 1: was always a one woman man. You know what I mean,

1013
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 1: because when you focus on one woman, and one woman

1014
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:39,240
Speaker 1: focuses on you, and y'all focus on building together.

1015
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 3: I've seen it with you and your wife. It's amazing

1016
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:44,800
Speaker 3: what happens.

1017
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:47,440
Speaker 1: So it's crazy, Jay, just what happened the day. I

1018
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,840
Speaker 1: just was like, this is all that matters, is just

1019
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 1: me and you and building this thing together.

1020
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 3: And she came straight in.

1021
00:45:54,239 --> 00:45:56,560
Speaker 1: And now keep in mind, I'm fixing to get custody

1022
00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:57,879
Speaker 1: of a kid that I don't even have a place

1023
00:45:57,880 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 1: for them to live. I don't know what I'm doing

1024
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:02,040
Speaker 1: with my life. If Bunny comes right in and goes, look,

1025
00:46:02,040 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 1: I don't know if we're gonna work or not, but

1026
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:05,440
Speaker 1: I'll help you get custody of your daughter. Let's go

1027
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:07,799
Speaker 1: get an apartment for you. I go stand in court

1028
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 1: beside you as a you know, as a person of

1029
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:13,239
Speaker 1: this like she put together this thing for me to

1030
00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:15,320
Speaker 1: get cussed. And we call her our daughter now because

1031
00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 1: she raises her as her own, and she calls Bunny mama.

1032
00:46:17,719 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 1: We've had that little girl for eight years now, and

1033
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:23,240
Speaker 1: she gave me purpose because I felt like our story

1034
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 1: was one that could help so many people. The two

1035
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 1: broken people that were able to kind of heal and

1036
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:33,239
Speaker 1: then come together, not as healed as we probably should

1037
00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:35,000
Speaker 1: have been, even but then we were able to heal

1038
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 1: together and grow together and learn together. And just knowing

1039
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:42,680
Speaker 1: I have somebody that really supports me, really encourages me,

1040
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:44,319
Speaker 1: and holds me accountable too.

1041
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 3: Bunny, will you know, I'm sure.

1042
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 1: Your wife's the same way. When them doors closed, man,

1043
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,120
Speaker 1: Bunny will get in my ass. Bunny will tell me

1044
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:52,160
Speaker 1: what's really going on. She will check me if I

1045
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:54,759
Speaker 1: start egoing out a little bitter getting a little son.

1046
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:56,319
Speaker 1: Bunny will be the first person go, man, I don't

1047
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 1: know what's up with you. Man, You know what I'm saying.

1048
00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:01,279
Speaker 1: She was the first woman. And I know people are

1049
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:02,640
Speaker 1: going to say this ain't right, but she was the

1050
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:04,440
Speaker 1: first woman. I had a healthy amount of fear of

1051
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 1: I've never been afraid of losing something before ever.

1052
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:09,440
Speaker 3: Never.

1053
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:11,880
Speaker 1: I was always lived by the motto of heat. If

1054
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 1: you can get rid of you can't get rid of

1055
00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:14,600
Speaker 1: it in thirty seconds. That don't need to be in

1056
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:16,759
Speaker 1: your life, you know. And she was the first one

1057
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 1: where I was like, I don't want to lose this.

1058
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:20,360
Speaker 1: I don't want to blow this. I'm willing to do

1059
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:22,960
Speaker 1: the work for this. I'm willing to get in there

1060
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:26,480
Speaker 1: talking about doing work. This will be a cool podcast.

1061
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 1: Share this story me and my wife. I was learning

1062
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 1: about how trauma affects us as our children, our children

1063
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 1: years and about my wife was in a place where

1064
00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 1: when she was growing up, she had a very abusive

1065
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,840
Speaker 1: stepmother and her father that was detached and she was

1066
00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:42,879
Speaker 1: grounded to her room a lot, so her room became

1067
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:46,400
Speaker 1: her safe place. When I was growing up, I had

1068
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:49,400
Speaker 1: a mother that never left her room. So for me,

1069
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:50,880
Speaker 1: the room is a dark place.

1070
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:53,880
Speaker 3: Right. It reminds me of a story about you and

1071
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:56,719
Speaker 3: your wife. The dishes. Yeah, for the dishes story, you

1072
00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:59,120
Speaker 3: sit down, you do them after y'all watch TV.

1073
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 1: She does them before, yes, yes, yeah, So it's like

1074
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 1: this is a similar thing, but you know, so imagine

1075
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,319
Speaker 1: when she would shell up and life would be hard

1076
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 1: on her, she would back into the bedroom.

1077
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:14,080
Speaker 3: What is that trigger for me? Jay, it's my mother.

1078
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 3: I got to go entertain my mom. What's wrong? Go

1079
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:19,719
Speaker 3: to the room. Try. I'm trying trying to hoist her out,

1080
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:21,920
Speaker 3: but she's I think she needs to come out here

1081
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:23,759
Speaker 3: to be better. But this is better for her.

1082
00:48:24,320 --> 00:48:27,319
Speaker 1: And you could imagine this is rubbing rocks together. We're

1083
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:30,000
Speaker 1: starting fires all the time. And then as soon as

1084
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 1: we really did the work and I found out that

1085
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,800
Speaker 1: about her, Man, we do we argue, but we have

1086
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 1: a typical relationship argument once a year and it's almost.

1087
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 3: Always over the kid. You know what I'm saying.

1088
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:44,400
Speaker 1: But it's like, once I learned that, now it's like

1089
00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:46,879
Speaker 1: when she goes to a room, I'll walk in, Hey baby,

1090
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:47,400
Speaker 1: are you okay?

1091
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:50,480
Speaker 3: Cool? Do you want to talk about something? I want

1092
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 3: to talk cool? I love you. I'm downstairs. Call me

1093
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 3: if you need me, Because I know that's how she processes.

1094
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:55,440
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

1095
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 1: I don't take it personal no more, you know, But

1096
00:48:58,080 --> 00:49:00,719
Speaker 1: those are the things and I learned. So she's taught

1097
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:03,800
Speaker 1: me so many things like that. Her patience with me,

1098
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:07,160
Speaker 1: Jay Man I don't deserve that. I didn't earn that patience.

1099
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:09,239
Speaker 1: That's just grace. She just gave that to me because

1100
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:11,880
Speaker 1: she loves me, very very dial and she lets me

1101
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:14,399
Speaker 1: be the wild horse. I still am as something else.

1102
00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:17,560
Speaker 1: Every other woman still tried to tame this old wild mustang.

1103
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:19,959
Speaker 3: I got to run, you know. Know what I'm saying.

1104
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 3: I'm programmed to go Jay two or three hundred days

1105
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:24,160
Speaker 3: a year, I'm out of the house.

1106
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 1: It's just how I offer rate, you know. And she's

1107
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 1: the opposite. She's a homebody, prefers to be home. But uh,

1108
00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 1: she cheers for me.

1109
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:30,719
Speaker 4: Man.

1110
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:32,520
Speaker 3: So that's my best friend. Dude.

1111
00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:35,040
Speaker 2: I love that, and it reminds me. It definitely reminds

1112
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:36,919
Speaker 2: me of me and my wife in so many ways

1113
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:39,480
Speaker 2: as well. Like I talk about that example in my

1114
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 2: in my second book gave Rules of Love. I talked

1115
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:45,480
Speaker 2: about how just like there's love languages, there's fight styles.

1116
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:48,239
Speaker 2: And so my fight style is venting. I want to

1117
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:50,399
Speaker 2: talk about it. I want to fix it. I want

1118
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:52,719
Speaker 2: to get to a solution by talking about.

1119
00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:52,839
Speaker 3: It, right.

1120
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:54,920
Speaker 2: And my wife's fight style is hiding. She wants to

1121
00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:57,239
Speaker 2: go into a room right, like she don't want to

1122
00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:59,400
Speaker 2: talk about it. Yeah, And in the beginning of our marriage,

1123
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,000
Speaker 2: I used to think she doesn't care about it as

1124
00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:03,200
Speaker 2: much as I do because I want to talk about it.

1125
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:06,440
Speaker 2: That's because I care. But what I didn't realize is

1126
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:09,600
Speaker 2: her having that space that was her caring so that

1127
00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:12,080
Speaker 2: she could come back with a solution, so that she

1128
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:15,360
Speaker 2: could come back with the energy and the capacity for

1129
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:19,520
Speaker 2: going to some resolution. Whereas to me it was like, Oh,

1130
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:21,840
Speaker 2: you don't care as much as I do. I'm standing

1131
00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 2: right here ready to fix this and solve this, and

1132
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:26,759
Speaker 2: you just want to run away. What does it take

1133
00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:30,839
Speaker 2: to have the humility to have your partner help you heal?

1134
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:36,239
Speaker 2: Because I think it requires humility on both parts to

1135
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:39,920
Speaker 2: a allow someone to heal you and be healed someone

1136
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:43,880
Speaker 2: else without judging them and like you said, giving grace

1137
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:46,960
Speaker 2: and space, Like, how do you strike that balance, especially

1138
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 2: as a man, of putting your ego aside and allowing

1139
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:51,880
Speaker 2: someone to come in with the medicine.

1140
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:55,399
Speaker 1: I had to quit looking at the word help as

1141
00:50:56,239 --> 00:51:01,719
Speaker 1: an ego death and start looking at it as I

1142
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:05,799
Speaker 1: had to start looking at it as an empowerment.

1143
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:06,360
Speaker 3: Almost.

1144
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 1: That's so good, you know, to just be like, hey,

1145
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:11,040
Speaker 1: can I get some help? There's a book that I

1146
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:13,480
Speaker 1: read when I was an on site doing some therapy work.

1147
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:15,680
Speaker 1: I'll always butcher the name, and they should have changed

1148
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:17,120
Speaker 1: the name because of this, by the way. But it's

1149
00:51:17,239 --> 00:51:19,680
Speaker 1: like you probably read. It's a children's book, but it's

1150
00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:23,080
Speaker 1: all drawn. It's like the horse, the mule, the donkey,

1151
00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 1: and the fox, right, and it's this version of winning

1152
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:28,879
Speaker 1: the pood. They could have done way better. They picked

1153
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,080
Speaker 1: weird animals. That person should call me. I'll help them

1154
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:33,400
Speaker 1: with the next book. But they had some really good

1155
00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 1: stuff in it. But it goes to the horse and

1156
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 1: it goes what's the hardest thing you've ever had to do?

1157
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:39,319
Speaker 1: When the horse goes ask for help?

1158
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:43,759
Speaker 3: I cried. I've seen that illustration the first time, sitting

1159
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 3: in that cabin.

1160
00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:47,680
Speaker 1: Of course, I was in a highly emotional place doing

1161
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:51,080
Speaker 1: some intensive therapy, but I just bawled because I was like, man,

1162
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 1: that's a core thing with me and my wife. We

1163
00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:55,799
Speaker 1: got to look at the word help is we're trying

1164
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:57,960
Speaker 1: to make the word help sexy. Now you know what

1165
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:00,399
Speaker 1: I mean, like instead of like this, oh help, because

1166
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 1: that's how we're growing up, like you don't ask for help.

1167
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 1: I'm trying to look at it like all that sexy.

1168
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 1: She asked me to help her with something, you know what,

1169
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:07,640
Speaker 1: like he yo, can can I run something by you?

1170
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 3: That's like, man, I get goosebumps and she can so

1171
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:11,840
Speaker 3: she hit if I hit her with that or she

1172
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 3: hits me. It's like, oh, this is this is the good.

1173
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:16,640
Speaker 3: This is we're growing. This is where we grow, baby,

1174
00:52:16,719 --> 00:52:18,320
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. We call it the foxhole.

1175
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:21,439
Speaker 1: That's the biggest thing is that we started making it fun,

1176
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:23,680
Speaker 1: like let's getting a foxhole. Lets huddle up, let's talk

1177
00:52:23,719 --> 00:52:26,480
Speaker 1: about this, you know, like making real decisions. It's kind

1178
00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:28,359
Speaker 1: of where we started thriving. So it went from being

1179
00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:30,880
Speaker 1: afraid to ask for help to like now it's like

1180
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:33,600
Speaker 1: our thriving point, like when we can really get in

1181
00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:36,560
Speaker 1: that foxhole and start trying to sharpen each other's skills.

1182
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:37,319
Speaker 3: It's really cool.

1183
00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:40,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, that that putting your ego side's huge. I wrote

1184
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:45,320
Speaker 2: another chapter those called your partner is your Guru, and

1185
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:48,360
Speaker 2: it was that idea that your partner is your teacher,

1186
00:52:48,880 --> 00:52:51,480
Speaker 2: but your partner never makes you feel like they're your teacher,

1187
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 2: and you never feel like you're the student. Right, Like,

1188
00:52:55,239 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 2: there's learning, there's growth without the other person kind of

1189
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:01,000
Speaker 2: pointing a finger at you, making you like pointing out

1190
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 2: your mistakes in a negative way, Like my wife will

1191
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:05,320
Speaker 2: call me up and call me out like you're saying.

1192
00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:08,040
Speaker 2: But I know it's full of love, full of love,

1193
00:53:08,200 --> 00:53:10,239
Speaker 2: like I know it's to make me better. I know

1194
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:13,840
Speaker 2: it's because she actually cares about me, not the perception

1195
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:17,279
Speaker 2: of me, and she doesn't want me to get carried away.

1196
00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 2: But you have to trust that, because as a man,

1197
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:23,040
Speaker 2: it's so easy to have your ego rise above that

1198
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:24,960
Speaker 2: and go, who are you to tell me? Or you

1199
00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:28,200
Speaker 2: know where's that coming from? Or you don't even see it,

1200
00:53:28,280 --> 00:53:30,640
Speaker 2: you don't know it. And so I love hearing how

1201
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:34,600
Speaker 2: much you've been able to put that ego aside and

1202
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 2: truly allow it in. I think that's really inspiring.

1203
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:40,080
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, well, the first step for me was just

1204
00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:42,480
Speaker 3: admitting I had an ego. Now hard that was.

1205
00:53:42,560 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: It was like I used to I was like I

1206
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 1: thought I was the only dude on earth that didn't

1207
00:53:46,520 --> 00:53:48,960
Speaker 1: have an ego. I'm telling you, I'm the most egoist

1208
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:51,239
Speaker 1: dude ever. And I had such an ego, you know,

1209
00:53:51,280 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 1: And I still have to have to fight that guy

1210
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:57,040
Speaker 1: a lot. I always joke with my management, but it's true,

1211
00:53:57,120 --> 00:53:58,880
Speaker 1: is that I need an hour when I wake up

1212
00:53:58,960 --> 00:53:59,919
Speaker 1: before I deal with people.

1213
00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:00,840
Speaker 3: I need to.

1214
00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:03,200
Speaker 1: I got to kill the bad half of me. Me

1215
00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:04,759
Speaker 1: and that guy go to war as soon as I

1216
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:06,600
Speaker 1: wake up, because he's there, he's waiting for me. He's

1217
00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:08,719
Speaker 1: by the night's then you know what I mean, Be mad,

1218
00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:10,560
Speaker 1: Be mad because I used to just wake up angry.

1219
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:13,719
Speaker 1: Just woke up mad, and uh, I fight that guy

1220
00:54:13,800 --> 00:54:15,920
Speaker 1: for an hour every morning we wrestle. You know, I

1221
00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:18,279
Speaker 1: feel like Jacob. I break a hip every day wrestling. God,

1222
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:20,759
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But it makes me and

1223
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:23,600
Speaker 1: you'll notice it because I'm a lesser, better version of me.

1224
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 1: If I don't get that album, I come out and

1225
00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:28,320
Speaker 1: you can kind of steal sens it on me. But

1226
00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:31,320
Speaker 1: that's all about that ego death man. But I started

1227
00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:34,120
Speaker 1: I just replaced ego with love and compassionate, started going

1228
00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:37,400
Speaker 1: what would love say? Because it's so funny how fast

1229
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:39,839
Speaker 1: you separate what's love and what's not when you really

1230
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:42,800
Speaker 1: think about it, when you go, if you really just

1231
00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:45,080
Speaker 1: bring everything back to like did I say that really

1232
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:46,759
Speaker 1: out of love or was it a loving way?

1233
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:48,719
Speaker 3: I said it? Most of the time and say I

1234
00:54:48,840 --> 00:54:50,560
Speaker 3: bleew that one. You know what I mean, I couldn't

1235
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:51,600
Speaker 3: reframe that for sure.

1236
00:54:52,760 --> 00:54:55,200
Speaker 2: It's uh, hearing about your purpose through your wife as

1237
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:57,600
Speaker 2: well as I mean, I'm just gonna read a few

1238
00:54:57,640 --> 00:55:00,879
Speaker 2: things that are happening right now, because there's SOUTI Save

1239
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:03,760
Speaker 2: Me is one of the most played songs at recovery centers.

1240
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:05,920
Speaker 2: I mean, how does that feel me? Before I go on?

1241
00:55:06,160 --> 00:55:06,879
Speaker 2: How does that feel?

1242
00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:08,680
Speaker 3: Unbelievable? Man, It's.

1243
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:12,759
Speaker 1: One of the coolest experiences of my life is being

1244
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:15,680
Speaker 1: able to especially catch people in that.

1245
00:55:15,719 --> 00:55:18,080
Speaker 3: First thirty days, of those first ten or fifteen days.

1246
00:55:18,080 --> 00:55:20,000
Speaker 1: Anytime we get to go back to a detox center

1247
00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:22,359
Speaker 1: and love on people and play songs for them.

1248
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 3: We go to prisons all the time and play, and

1249
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:25,760
Speaker 3: we go to homeless shelters.

1250
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:29,640
Speaker 1: But you catch somebody on them first ten days, man,

1251
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:31,880
Speaker 1: because I know what them ten days are, you know,

1252
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 1: And to know that that's the song getting people through

1253
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,560
Speaker 1: that particular stretch, I couldn't.

1254
00:55:37,640 --> 00:55:37,800
Speaker 2: You know.

1255
00:55:38,719 --> 00:55:41,480
Speaker 1: It's like when they told me that save Me's becoming

1256
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:43,600
Speaker 1: the new free bird in the South for funeral homes,

1257
00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:46,200
Speaker 1: cause you know, free bird roll Leonard Skinnert's song has

1258
00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:48,000
Speaker 1: been like the famous funeral home in the South, and

1259
00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:49,879
Speaker 1: they said they get more requests for save Me Now.

1260
00:55:50,440 --> 00:55:52,040
Speaker 1: And that used to really bum me out and make

1261
00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:53,560
Speaker 1: me sad because I used to carry that. But then

1262
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:55,720
Speaker 1: I started thinking about how much that's helping people grieve,

1263
00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:58,680
Speaker 1: because how many songs have really helped me grieve? You

1264
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:02,440
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Toby Keys, I'm gonna miss that smile.

1265
00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:04,680
Speaker 1: I'm gonna miss you, my friend. I mean, it got

1266
00:56:04,719 --> 00:56:06,080
Speaker 1: me through the death of my father. I listen to

1267
00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:08,440
Speaker 1: that song every day, so I know how music can

1268
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:10,520
Speaker 1: do that. Even though I'm leaving by Luke Combs, you know.

1269
00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:12,600
Speaker 2: I think it's beautiful to hear that, to feel that

1270
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 2: your music's there. And then this one too, when you

1271
00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:20,239
Speaker 2: performed for the Oregon prison mates, the inmates, it's the

1272
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:24,280
Speaker 2: first time the prison has allowed live music in twenty years.

1273
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:26,240
Speaker 2: I mean, how does that feels?

1274
00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:26,879
Speaker 3: Cool?

1275
00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:30,400
Speaker 1: Stevie ray Vaughan, So even cooler shoes to follow for

1276
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:32,480
Speaker 1: them to trust us enough to bring our message to

1277
00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:37,520
Speaker 1: a yard. That prison has the most lifers in Oregon, Orgon.

1278
00:56:37,560 --> 00:56:39,720
Speaker 1: There's twelve prisons in Orgon. It has the most lifers.

1279
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:41,800
Speaker 1: I probably met thirty or forty men that day that

1280
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:45,319
Speaker 1: were doing life. It was such a different perspective, Jay,

1281
00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:47,439
Speaker 1: because you're not normally when you go into a jail,

1282
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:50,160
Speaker 1: you're kind of trying to show the change is possible

1283
00:56:50,239 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 1: and that you know recidivism is you know, you can

1284
00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:55,680
Speaker 1: bring down recidivism and go home and actually do something

1285
00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:57,839
Speaker 1: productive with your life. It's a whole different thing when

1286
00:56:57,840 --> 00:57:00,480
Speaker 1: you're looking at guys that aren't going home, you know,

1287
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:03,000
Speaker 1: which made it even more special because then you're just

1288
00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:03,920
Speaker 1: spreading one thing.

1289
00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:07,239
Speaker 3: Hope, just a little smile, baby, a little love. I

1290
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:07,719
Speaker 3: just want to be.

1291
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:10,080
Speaker 1: All I'm looking for today is a smile because I

1292
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:12,120
Speaker 1: know this is a place that a lot of not

1293
00:57:12,200 --> 00:57:13,640
Speaker 1: a lot of that happens, you know. I just want

1294
00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 1: these guys rocking. And it was chicken soup for the soult. Jay,

1295
00:57:17,040 --> 00:57:18,200
Speaker 1: you should come with me one day.

1296
00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:18,920
Speaker 3: I would, you know.

1297
00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:22,240
Speaker 2: I was just speaking to the gentleman outside for his

1298
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:24,960
Speaker 2: name Miles, Yes, and I was telling him when I

1299
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:28,840
Speaker 2: was reading about researching the work you're doing, I would

1300
00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:32,160
Speaker 2: love to be alongside you in any way I can.

1301
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:35,160
Speaker 1: I think we'll reach out. We're setting up something big

1302
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:37,920
Speaker 1: with a big prison. We'll talk about loft camera, but

1303
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:39,640
Speaker 1: we can use all this, but I'll tell you the

1304
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:42,000
Speaker 1: exact when you'll be like, oh, but we do it.

1305
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:42,520
Speaker 3: I'd love to have you.

1306
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:44,840
Speaker 2: I'd love to suppoint anyway. I think the work you're

1307
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,120
Speaker 2: doing is spectacular. When I was researching for this interview

1308
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:48,600
Speaker 2: and reading about all the stuff you do, I was like,

1309
00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:50,920
Speaker 2: I couldn't believe it. I was like, this is this

1310
00:57:51,120 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 2: is exactly it. I mean, this is what's needed. This

1311
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:56,120
Speaker 2: is the most important work you could do right now.

1312
00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:57,960
Speaker 2: So any way I can be helpful, Thank you.

1313
00:57:58,280 --> 00:57:59,560
Speaker 3: I'm on in and you just let me know. I

1314
00:57:59,600 --> 00:57:59,920
Speaker 3: will call.

1315
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:03,120
Speaker 1: Oh, it's I'm putting putting feet on faith, baby, That's

1316
00:58:03,160 --> 00:58:05,040
Speaker 1: what we say. Yeah, you know, is you gotta It's

1317
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:06,680
Speaker 1: It's one thing to sit in these interviews and talk

1318
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:08,000
Speaker 1: all that shit, but it's another one. You got to

1319
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,480
Speaker 1: get them go do it, you know. And I got

1320
00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:11,360
Speaker 1: and I'm as a musician, I make it a point

1321
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:14,360
Speaker 1: to to go do it. It's also so much easier

1322
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 1: what we do than what most people do, because you know,

1323
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:20,919
Speaker 1: it's music, right, it just works anywhere all the time,

1324
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:23,200
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's just super It's like

1325
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:25,640
Speaker 1: I love sometimes we'll go to these places we won't

1326
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 1: talk at all.

1327
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:28,280
Speaker 3: We'll just go in and sing three or four songs,

1328
00:58:28,360 --> 00:58:29,880
Speaker 3: just like a regular show. You know, we don't.

1329
00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:34,200
Speaker 1: It's just being present, man, It just seeing inspiration and

1330
00:58:34,240 --> 00:58:38,960
Speaker 1: spiring these guys. It's such a dark place. Those places

1331
00:58:39,040 --> 00:58:44,040
Speaker 1: are people are getting sexually assaulted every day in there,

1332
00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:47,280
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's people do not truly

1333
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:48,920
Speaker 1: understand how dark prison is.

1334
00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:50,480
Speaker 3: It is a point.

1335
00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:52,800
Speaker 1: It is the scariest thing I've ever lived through any

1336
00:58:52,880 --> 00:58:55,480
Speaker 1: kind of any kind of incarceration. So you see them

1337
00:58:55,560 --> 00:58:57,440
Speaker 1: dudes out there smiling and nodding their head for a

1338
00:58:57,520 --> 00:58:59,360
Speaker 1: day and dancing. Dude, man, I'll make you cry like

1339
00:58:59,400 --> 00:58:59,680
Speaker 1: a baby.

1340
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:03,400
Speaker 2: Oh man, Are there any memorable intractions you've had any

1341
00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:05,520
Speaker 2: with any inmates that kind of stick out to you,

1342
00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:08,640
Speaker 2: or any conversations that you have had that tons.

1343
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:11,600
Speaker 1: But I'll start with the Oregon State Penitentiary, Jay Man.

1344
00:59:12,120 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 1: So there was some guys that were work in the prison.

1345
00:59:15,640 --> 00:59:18,400
Speaker 1: So they're the ones who set up the equipment that day. Uh,

1346
00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:21,280
Speaker 1: you know, they're they're they're the trustees, is what they are.

1347
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:23,080
Speaker 1: They're the people that they trust in this prison. So

1348
00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:27,800
Speaker 1: I first moment talking about ego death, I'm singing and

1349
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:29,280
Speaker 1: I come off stage, I go, hey, I'd love to

1350
00:59:29,320 --> 00:59:31,040
Speaker 1: meet as many of y'all as I can before I leave.

1351
00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:35,160
Speaker 1: So I go kind of stand over here, and everybody

1352
00:59:35,240 --> 00:59:37,960
Speaker 1: on that yard formed a line to get an autograph

1353
00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:40,240
Speaker 1: from me. And I was like, what an ego death

1354
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:42,320
Speaker 1: for these guys, Like these are tough dudes, these are

1355
00:59:42,520 --> 00:59:44,160
Speaker 1: you know, these are murderers, you know what I'm saying,

1356
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:46,240
Speaker 1: that are standing in line to get one for their

1357
00:59:46,360 --> 00:59:49,440
Speaker 1: daughter or their wife. So you see the humanity in them,

1358
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:50,920
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And the and the and

1359
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:54,480
Speaker 1: the gratefulness because they've been incarcerated so long that getting

1360
00:59:54,520 --> 00:59:57,040
Speaker 1: an extra snack at dinner is.

1361
00:59:57,000 --> 00:59:58,920
Speaker 3: A big deal. Where to thank you, thank you, thank you.

1362
00:59:59,600 --> 00:59:59,920
Speaker 3: So it was.

1363
01:00:00,680 --> 01:00:02,800
Speaker 1: But then after I meet, I meet three hundred in mate,

1364
01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:07,800
Speaker 1: sign autographs, hug everybody that touched, everybody, just it was emotionally.

1365
01:00:08,880 --> 01:00:11,640
Speaker 1: I come back and there's these twenty trustees Jay and

1366
01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:13,440
Speaker 1: they go, can we grab some pics? I was like,

1367
01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:15,520
Speaker 1: of course, I'm taking pics with all of them. And

1368
01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:18,320
Speaker 1: the guy taking the picture has been in there for

1369
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:21,840
Speaker 1: thirty nine years. He spent thirty something years on death

1370
01:00:21,920 --> 01:00:24,000
Speaker 1: row before they got rid of the death penalty in Oregon.

1371
01:00:24,640 --> 01:00:26,840
Speaker 1: Completely in solitaire and now he's the camera guy for

1372
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:30,040
Speaker 1: the prison. He's still incarcerated, but we're all taking these

1373
01:00:30,080 --> 01:00:31,640
Speaker 1: pictures and at the end of it, they go, hey,

1374
01:00:31,680 --> 01:00:34,360
Speaker 1: can we take one with just the lifers And I'm like, yeah, Now,

1375
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:36,520
Speaker 1: these are the trustees. These are the best inmates in

1376
01:00:36,560 --> 01:00:39,080
Speaker 1: this prison. And when they said the lifers, I thought

1377
01:00:39,120 --> 01:00:40,400
Speaker 1: maybe it was two or three of them. I've been

1378
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:42,680
Speaker 1: talking to these guys. Every one of them were the smartest,

1379
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:47,000
Speaker 1: most talented, they were just awesome guys. Twelve of the

1380
01:00:47,080 --> 01:00:52,080
Speaker 1: twenty were doing life Jay and I was so emotional

1381
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:54,520
Speaker 1: in that moment dog because they were so full of life,

1382
01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:58,919
Speaker 1: they were so grateful. I was there and these dudes

1383
01:00:58,920 --> 01:01:02,600
Speaker 1: will never see the streets again, and uh, we're taking

1384
01:01:02,640 --> 01:01:04,160
Speaker 1: a picture and I'm starting to cry, like I am

1385
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:05,240
Speaker 1: now and I'm like, God, it's.

1386
01:01:05,160 --> 01:01:19,040
Speaker 3: Just because they were just I was hopeful that I

1387
01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:20,520
Speaker 3: was hopeful that some of these guys are going on

1388
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:26,320
Speaker 3: because they're telling me their dreams, their wives, their kids,

1389
01:01:26,600 --> 01:01:29,520
Speaker 3: you know, showing me pictures and I'm excited. I'm thinking,

1390
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:31,000
Speaker 3: all these are the trustees. At least some of these

1391
01:01:31,040 --> 01:01:34,520
Speaker 3: guys got a chance, and it was just sad man.

1392
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:39,400
Speaker 1: But the good thing about humor is while we're taking

1393
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:40,920
Speaker 1: the pictures, I go, damn, it's twelve of y'all. He

1394
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:42,439
Speaker 1: said yeah. I said, well, hell, it would have been easier.

1395
01:01:42,520 --> 01:01:44,120
Speaker 1: Just tell the eighth wn't doing life. Get out of

1396
01:01:44,120 --> 01:01:44,480
Speaker 1: the picture.

1397
01:01:44,680 --> 01:01:45,520
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.

1398
01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:49,000
Speaker 1: And one good thing about prison is every one of

1399
01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:53,160
Speaker 1: them cried. Every one of them cried laughing. I said, uh,

1400
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:55,280
Speaker 1: and I was right before I turned around left, I said,

1401
01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:56,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna come back and do this again next year,

1402
01:01:56,840 --> 01:01:59,240
Speaker 1: and they said, we're not going anywhere. I was like,

1403
01:02:00,160 --> 01:02:03,160
Speaker 1: thank you all for making me laugh. But it was

1404
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:05,600
Speaker 1: just such a moment because I had never even fully

1405
01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:07,720
Speaker 1: experienced that yet. I've been to a lot of prisons

1406
01:02:07,760 --> 01:02:09,960
Speaker 1: and a lot of jails, but I had never got

1407
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:12,320
Speaker 1: to do the yard or do three four hundred inmates,

1408
01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:14,160
Speaker 1: and I'd never got to really go into death row

1409
01:02:14,640 --> 01:02:16,480
Speaker 1: or going to see this many people doing. It's such

1410
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:18,920
Speaker 1: a different perspective. You go to jail, I'm spreading hope, like, hey,

1411
01:02:18,920 --> 01:02:21,400
Speaker 1: you're coming home, you could change. There's dudes that are

1412
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:25,600
Speaker 1: never coming home, you know, never coming home, And uh, man,

1413
01:02:25,640 --> 01:02:27,480
Speaker 1: that just really really really for me a little bit,

1414
01:02:28,520 --> 01:02:29,320
Speaker 1: absolutely sorry.

1415
01:02:29,320 --> 01:02:32,440
Speaker 2: I got no man. I think you you invited us

1416
01:02:32,640 --> 01:02:36,840
Speaker 2: into a world that we wouldn't have a understanding of,

1417
01:02:37,200 --> 01:02:40,600
Speaker 2: right Like, that isn't a daily experience. We're not We're

1418
01:02:40,640 --> 01:02:43,880
Speaker 2: not getting to interact with what that feels like. And

1419
01:02:45,440 --> 01:02:49,120
Speaker 2: we can have all of views and assumptions or whatever

1420
01:02:49,160 --> 01:02:51,440
Speaker 2: it may be. But I think through you, we're getting

1421
01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:53,560
Speaker 2: to have a human experience of what that looks like.

1422
01:02:54,560 --> 01:02:56,640
Speaker 2: I wanted everyone to know this. If you haven't heard

1423
01:02:56,920 --> 01:03:01,840
Speaker 2: Jelly Row's congressional speech, I highly commend it to everyone.

1424
01:03:02,520 --> 01:03:06,320
Speaker 2: I thought that was one of the most powerful things

1425
01:03:06,320 --> 01:03:09,840
Speaker 2: that I've seen you do. Every every line was just

1426
01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:14,680
Speaker 2: so that's the way word I'm looking for. It was

1427
01:03:14,760 --> 01:03:17,040
Speaker 2: just so clear, it was so powerful, it was so

1428
01:03:17,320 --> 01:03:20,400
Speaker 2: it just grabbed my attention immediately. You said there was

1429
01:03:20,440 --> 01:03:21,840
Speaker 2: one thing that just stood out to me. I had

1430
01:03:21,880 --> 01:03:28,000
Speaker 2: to write it down. You said that there's one hundred

1431
01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:31,440
Speaker 2: and ninety people every day that die in the USA,

1432
01:03:32,360 --> 01:03:35,000
Speaker 2: and you said that that was based on well, I'll

1433
01:03:35,080 --> 01:03:36,920
Speaker 2: let you explain it. Actually you explained the point because

1434
01:03:37,120 --> 01:03:38,680
Speaker 2: you went on to compare it to a seven three

1435
01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:41,240
Speaker 2: seven plane. And when I heard that, I was like,

1436
01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:44,280
Speaker 2: I'm going to let you explain because it's so powerful.

1437
01:03:44,280 --> 01:03:45,640
Speaker 2: But I want everyone to go listen to that speech.

1438
01:03:45,720 --> 01:03:46,040
Speaker 3: Please.

1439
01:03:46,360 --> 01:03:49,320
Speaker 1: The idea that I said was, could you imagine if

1440
01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:52,280
Speaker 1: there was a plane crashing every single day in the

1441
01:03:52,440 --> 01:03:55,880
Speaker 1: United States of America with two hundred passengers on it?

1442
01:03:56,680 --> 01:04:00,760
Speaker 1: How many days would that happen before as Americans we

1443
01:04:00,920 --> 01:04:05,960
Speaker 1: completely lost it, canceled every flight, looked under every engine

1444
01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:09,720
Speaker 1: of every plane again, whatever I mean, we would you know.

1445
01:04:09,880 --> 01:04:12,480
Speaker 1: I also use the comparison sometimes that if there was

1446
01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:17,360
Speaker 1: eleven squirrels a day dying in Central Park unexplained, I

1447
01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:19,880
Speaker 1: bet that don't go four days before the EPA comes

1448
01:04:19,920 --> 01:04:22,800
Speaker 1: out there, shut Central Park down and it's a national crisis.

1449
01:04:23,240 --> 01:04:26,280
Speaker 1: I bet fifty squirrels die before it is like, hold on,

1450
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:29,160
Speaker 1: we've got to figure this out. But one hundred and

1451
01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:34,320
Speaker 1: ninety humans jay every single day or dying because of drugs,

1452
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:38,040
Speaker 1: drug addiction and fentanyl, and the way we have looked

1453
01:04:38,080 --> 01:04:41,479
Speaker 1: at them previously as society is well, that's their fault,

1454
01:04:41,520 --> 01:04:44,440
Speaker 1: that's their choice. They chose to be drug addicts. They

1455
01:04:44,440 --> 01:04:45,840
Speaker 1: should make their bed and lay in it.

1456
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:47,560
Speaker 2: One.

1457
01:04:47,640 --> 01:04:50,600
Speaker 3: That's just such a not compassionate way to look at

1458
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:53,680
Speaker 3: life and humans. It's just such a way to dehumanize people.

1459
01:04:54,280 --> 01:04:56,760
Speaker 3: And I think part of us dehumanizing people is why

1460
01:04:56,880 --> 01:04:59,560
Speaker 3: America's got put into all these separate boxes and so

1461
01:04:59,680 --> 01:05:02,360
Speaker 3: again each other. I say this and I mean it.

1462
01:05:02,640 --> 01:05:05,040
Speaker 1: I went and spoke to Congress because I had a

1463
01:05:05,120 --> 01:05:07,800
Speaker 1: moment where I was like, maybe I should bring these

1464
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:12,360
Speaker 1: statistics here, because there's no way our federal government could

1465
01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:15,000
Speaker 1: know this is happening and not be doing nothing about it. Right,

1466
01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:17,280
Speaker 1: I would like to believe in the betterment of the

1467
01:05:17,320 --> 01:05:19,880
Speaker 1: world that they just don't know. Let me be the

1468
01:05:19,960 --> 01:05:21,640
Speaker 1: guy that goes and tells them, like, hey, maybe y'all

1469
01:05:21,680 --> 01:05:23,880
Speaker 1: are missing what's really happening out here. Y'all are so

1470
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:26,360
Speaker 1: busy arguing with each other about stuff that people have

1471
01:05:26,440 --> 01:05:27,360
Speaker 1: been disagreeing about for.

1472
01:05:27,360 --> 01:05:28,000
Speaker 3: One hundred years.

1473
01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:30,480
Speaker 1: Anyways, what I know is, and I said this in

1474
01:05:30,520 --> 01:05:32,520
Speaker 1: a speech, and I really really do hope y'all go

1475
01:05:32,640 --> 01:05:35,600
Speaker 1: check it out. This is somebody's cousin.

1476
01:05:36,040 --> 01:05:36,160
Speaker 3: Jay.

1477
01:05:36,200 --> 01:05:38,720
Speaker 1: Have you ever known somebody that's been addicted to drugs,

1478
01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:41,200
Speaker 1: like real, like a heroin addiction, like a full blown

1479
01:05:41,280 --> 01:05:42,840
Speaker 1: like somebody close to you by chance.

1480
01:05:42,720 --> 01:05:43,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, close to a friend, dewn.

1481
01:05:44,280 --> 01:05:46,840
Speaker 1: If you've never experienced that. For the people watching, it

1482
01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:50,560
Speaker 1: might not have. It's like seeing somebody you've known your

1483
01:05:50,640 --> 01:05:55,240
Speaker 1: whole life become a zombie. It's like watching somebody you've

1484
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:59,080
Speaker 1: known your whole life become a completely different human. They

1485
01:05:59,240 --> 01:06:02,880
Speaker 1: talk different, act different. It's irrational. It makes no sense

1486
01:06:02,960 --> 01:06:07,520
Speaker 1: at all. You have no clue what drugs do to

1487
01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:10,000
Speaker 1: people if you've never really experienced that, And those are

1488
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:11,920
Speaker 1: mostly the people who are quick to go, oh, they

1489
01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:14,040
Speaker 1: should just shouldn't do them in the first place. It's like, man,

1490
01:06:14,080 --> 01:06:16,080
Speaker 1: you don't know what it was like when that young

1491
01:06:16,160 --> 01:06:18,640
Speaker 1: lady broke her back in that car accident and they

1492
01:06:18,720 --> 01:06:22,680
Speaker 1: started feeding her these extremely addictive pain pills to help

1493
01:06:22,720 --> 01:06:25,360
Speaker 1: with the pain that she couldn't shake herself out of.

1494
01:06:25,520 --> 01:06:28,760
Speaker 1: And then eventually you're doing thirty twenty Lord tabs a day.

1495
01:06:28,800 --> 01:06:31,440
Speaker 1: It's cheaper to go get a gramar heroin. You know

1496
01:06:32,040 --> 01:06:33,960
Speaker 1: this issue. These are humans. It's kind of like I

1497
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:36,680
Speaker 1: try to talk about the inmates, man, kids. They've done

1498
01:06:36,720 --> 01:06:40,360
Speaker 1: horrible things, but they're humans, and I want to humanize.

1499
01:06:40,640 --> 01:06:42,160
Speaker 1: What I wanted to do in that speech, cha was

1500
01:06:42,200 --> 01:06:44,760
Speaker 1: I wanted to humanize drug acts. I wanted people to

1501
01:06:44,840 --> 01:06:46,600
Speaker 1: remember that, and that's why I said to that panel,

1502
01:06:46,680 --> 01:06:49,880
Speaker 1: I said it's some of y'all right now sitting up

1503
01:06:49,920 --> 01:06:52,800
Speaker 1: here in this Senate that have family members that you're

1504
01:06:52,880 --> 01:06:55,320
Speaker 1: thinking of right this moment that are addicted to drugs.

1505
01:06:55,800 --> 01:06:58,960
Speaker 1: And you know what I'm telling the truth. Does that

1506
01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:01,040
Speaker 1: person have to die before you walk up here and

1507
01:07:01,080 --> 01:07:06,440
Speaker 1: make a difference. That's all I want, man, And just

1508
01:07:06,640 --> 01:07:10,600
Speaker 1: back to practice and what we preach. It's sad that

1509
01:07:10,720 --> 01:07:13,200
Speaker 1: we didn't learn nothing from They said, history is bound

1510
01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:15,040
Speaker 1: to repeat itself if we don't learn nothing from it.

1511
01:07:15,680 --> 01:07:17,600
Speaker 1: And I don't think anything could be more true if

1512
01:07:17,600 --> 01:07:21,480
Speaker 1: you watch what was the cocaine epidemic, into the crack epidemic,

1513
01:07:22,080 --> 01:07:25,440
Speaker 1: into the pill mill epidemic, into what was the heroin

1514
01:07:25,520 --> 01:07:28,760
Speaker 1: epidemic that's now into the fen and al epidemic, and

1515
01:07:29,280 --> 01:07:32,040
Speaker 1: it has done nothing. But it's a snowball that's just

1516
01:07:32,080 --> 01:07:35,240
Speaker 1: getting bigger and bigger and less addressed. We got to

1517
01:07:35,320 --> 01:07:36,080
Speaker 1: do something about it.

1518
01:07:36,160 --> 01:07:36,320
Speaker 3: Man.

1519
01:07:36,640 --> 01:07:39,120
Speaker 2: How did they receive it? What was the What did

1520
01:07:39,160 --> 01:07:41,720
Speaker 2: you feel was their response?

1521
01:07:42,160 --> 01:07:45,320
Speaker 1: I felt genuine love in that room. I felt like

1522
01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:50,600
Speaker 1: they were very receptive. I think the bill, the bill

1523
01:07:50,680 --> 01:07:52,600
Speaker 1: got passed into law, which was a big which was

1524
01:07:52,640 --> 01:07:55,320
Speaker 1: a huge, huge deal because that bill had got put

1525
01:07:55,400 --> 01:07:57,320
Speaker 1: up three or four times before it never got passed,

1526
01:07:57,360 --> 01:08:01,400
Speaker 1: so it's huge. But what it did the most was

1527
01:08:01,960 --> 01:08:04,720
Speaker 1: I'm walking the Grammy red carpet and I will never

1528
01:08:04,880 --> 01:08:08,000
Speaker 1: say the names, but when I tell you a list celebrities,

1529
01:08:08,080 --> 01:08:10,960
Speaker 1: we'll talk about loft camera friends of ours, friends of mine,

1530
01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:13,520
Speaker 1: now I've probably been friends of yours are dragging me

1531
01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:15,360
Speaker 1: to the side, going hey, I just want to tell you,

1532
01:08:16,240 --> 01:08:18,799
Speaker 1: I've never heard a song of yours. But I watched

1533
01:08:18,880 --> 01:08:21,240
Speaker 1: the five minutes and thirty seven seconds that you gave

1534
01:08:21,320 --> 01:08:24,240
Speaker 1: that speech to Congress, and I cried because my son

1535
01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:29,640
Speaker 1: is seven years sober. And right then I was like,

1536
01:08:29,720 --> 01:08:32,320
Speaker 1: this is what God's purpose was for me, was for

1537
01:08:32,560 --> 01:08:35,080
Speaker 1: these kind of conversations to not be taboo, no more

1538
01:08:35,760 --> 01:08:39,439
Speaker 1: to be These aren't conversations that are being had on

1539
01:08:39,520 --> 01:08:42,719
Speaker 1: Grammy red carpets, these aren't conversations being had at Clive

1540
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:46,640
Speaker 1: Davis's party. And I'm creating this kind of vulnerability with

1541
01:08:46,760 --> 01:08:49,800
Speaker 1: people that they that they'll walk up to me, and

1542
01:08:49,840 --> 01:08:53,479
Speaker 1: it won't even just celebrities, people that work there security.

1543
01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:54,519
Speaker 3: Guys, Hey man, what you did? Ist sen it man?

1544
01:08:54,600 --> 01:08:56,519
Speaker 3: Thank you. I got a nephew, I got a niece.

1545
01:08:57,200 --> 01:08:59,880
Speaker 1: It showed me how it started putting faces to the

1546
01:09:00,160 --> 01:09:02,800
Speaker 1: hundred and ninety people a day, And once we started

1547
01:09:02,800 --> 01:09:04,880
Speaker 1: putting faces to them, I think things will change. It's

1548
01:09:04,960 --> 01:09:05,840
Speaker 1: my hope at least, you know.

1549
01:09:05,960 --> 01:09:07,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I think that's what Whether it's you're telling

1550
01:09:08,080 --> 01:09:11,719
Speaker 2: us the stories of the inmates or the congressional speech,

1551
01:09:11,760 --> 01:09:13,439
Speaker 2: I love that you said it in your own words,

1552
01:09:13,520 --> 01:09:17,680
Speaker 2: that it's really humanizing these stories and these experiences of

1553
01:09:17,760 --> 01:09:21,720
Speaker 2: people that are happening all around us, and we either

1554
01:09:21,800 --> 01:09:24,320
Speaker 2: choose not to believe they exist, or we live in

1555
01:09:24,400 --> 01:09:27,840
Speaker 2: a blissful ignorance, or you know, hide away from it

1556
01:09:27,920 --> 01:09:30,160
Speaker 2: all or put it away into this area of society.

1557
01:09:30,240 --> 01:09:34,160
Speaker 2: And I think it it's it's harsh, but it's like

1558
01:09:34,280 --> 01:09:35,920
Speaker 2: until we have to deal with it face to face,

1559
01:09:36,000 --> 01:09:39,479
Speaker 2: we don't really deal with it. And so being aware

1560
01:09:39,560 --> 01:09:41,959
Speaker 2: of it, hearing about it in all of these spaces,

1561
01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:44,479
Speaker 2: opening up conversations. You're right, I mean, I hear it,

1562
01:09:44,600 --> 01:09:46,880
Speaker 2: I hear about I'm sure from this interview I'm going

1563
01:09:46,920 --> 01:09:48,800
Speaker 2: to get so many calls and messages saying, oh my god,

1564
01:09:48,880 --> 01:09:50,680
Speaker 2: I saw the clip of you and Jelly Roll and

1565
01:09:50,720 --> 01:09:52,840
Speaker 2: jelly Roll speaking about that made you know that's going

1566
01:09:52,880 --> 01:09:55,800
Speaker 2: to happen, right, And I think that's the beginning of

1567
01:09:56,320 --> 01:09:58,880
Speaker 2: the opposite snowball effect, the one you're talking about.

1568
01:09:59,320 --> 01:10:03,160
Speaker 1: People haven't really conversations about it, and maybe that'll start helping.

1569
01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:06,240
Speaker 1: I mean, dude, getting into a rehabilitation center in America

1570
01:10:06,360 --> 01:10:09,160
Speaker 1: is so hard getting into a real rehab The ones

1571
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:12,040
Speaker 1: that are state funded or federally funded are backed up

1572
01:10:12,080 --> 01:10:15,080
Speaker 1: for years. You can't afford the other ones, you know.

1573
01:10:15,160 --> 01:10:17,800
Speaker 1: I mean, it's a it's a big problem to fix,

1574
01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:19,280
Speaker 1: but it's one that it's one of the ones I'm

1575
01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:21,400
Speaker 1: gonna advocate for. I'm definitely gonna spend my time in

1576
01:10:21,479 --> 01:10:24,120
Speaker 1: life pushing towards that because I know what drug addiction

1577
01:10:24,240 --> 01:10:27,000
Speaker 1: did to my family. Do you all I hear all

1578
01:10:27,040 --> 01:10:28,639
Speaker 1: this in the speech. You know my daughter's a victim

1579
01:10:28,680 --> 01:10:31,920
Speaker 1: of drug addiction. I used to think drugs was a

1580
01:10:34,680 --> 01:10:37,040
Speaker 1: selfless crime, right. I used to think they were that.

1581
01:10:37,360 --> 01:10:39,720
Speaker 1: It was like nobody got harmed kind of crime. It

1582
01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:43,320
Speaker 1: was like, this was a fair exchange. You need drugs,

1583
01:10:43,400 --> 01:10:44,640
Speaker 1: I have drugs.

1584
01:10:44,320 --> 01:10:46,679
Speaker 3: You have money. Here's the drugs for your money. It's

1585
01:10:46,800 --> 01:10:47,720
Speaker 3: just like it was.

1586
01:10:47,880 --> 01:10:49,640
Speaker 1: I used to justify it, like it's no different than

1587
01:10:49,680 --> 01:10:51,639
Speaker 1: KFC selling that chicken. It's killing people.

1588
01:10:52,200 --> 01:10:53,280
Speaker 3: You know it was that was.

1589
01:10:53,840 --> 01:10:55,479
Speaker 1: Now you get insight into how I used to think.

1590
01:10:55,479 --> 01:10:57,920
Speaker 1: We were talking about it earlier. And then when I

1591
01:10:58,040 --> 01:11:00,920
Speaker 1: came home from jail, my daughter was born and her

1592
01:11:00,960 --> 01:11:03,240
Speaker 1: mother was addicted to heroin and was completely out of

1593
01:11:03,280 --> 01:11:06,360
Speaker 1: her life. Now I every day look in the eyes

1594
01:11:06,400 --> 01:11:09,080
Speaker 1: of a victim of what drug dealing is and what

1595
01:11:09,240 --> 01:11:11,759
Speaker 1: drugs are. And I was a guy that sold drugs.

1596
01:11:11,760 --> 01:11:14,080
Speaker 1: I went to jail for selling drugs. I got caught

1597
01:11:14,160 --> 01:11:17,759
Speaker 1: with the same pain pills that lead to people doing heroin.

1598
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:20,160
Speaker 1: I got caught with cocaine, I got caught with crack,

1599
01:11:20,760 --> 01:11:23,760
Speaker 1: I got caught with these these I was selling these

1600
01:11:23,800 --> 01:11:26,599
Speaker 1: same drugs. That's why I'm so passionate about it, Jay,

1601
01:11:27,160 --> 01:11:28,880
Speaker 1: That's why I tear up when we talk about drug

1602
01:11:28,920 --> 01:11:32,719
Speaker 1: addicts or prisoner inmates, because I remember genuinely being.

1603
01:11:33,560 --> 01:11:35,639
Speaker 3: The other side of that problem, the same guy.

1604
01:11:35,880 --> 01:11:38,000
Speaker 1: So this has been so good for me, the same

1605
01:11:38,080 --> 01:11:40,120
Speaker 1: guy we talked about it forty minutes ago, where I was,

1606
01:11:40,160 --> 01:11:42,680
Speaker 1: like I do, did not think logical at all, you know,

1607
01:11:42,920 --> 01:11:46,400
Speaker 1: thought it was I was better than KFC. I had

1608
01:11:46,439 --> 01:11:49,120
Speaker 1: more integrity than KFC. They're killing people and not talking

1609
01:11:49,160 --> 01:11:52,160
Speaker 1: about it. That was how lack of accountability I had

1610
01:11:52,240 --> 01:11:56,400
Speaker 1: in life, even when I'm selling heroin, and I justified

1611
01:11:56,400 --> 01:11:57,519
Speaker 1: it by well, so it was KFC.

1612
01:11:57,800 --> 01:11:59,800
Speaker 3: You know, it's like, come on now, big fella.

1613
01:12:02,200 --> 01:12:04,040
Speaker 2: Well I hope there's a kind of believe that too.

1614
01:12:06,080 --> 01:12:08,160
Speaker 2: And I'm like, yeah, I think I think that does

1615
01:12:08,280 --> 01:12:11,759
Speaker 2: need to change. Yeah, sure, there's there's stuff that happened.

1616
01:12:12,160 --> 01:12:14,679
Speaker 2: There was this picture that I saw you spoke about

1617
01:12:14,760 --> 01:12:16,960
Speaker 2: you do it just for a second, this picture that

1618
01:12:17,080 --> 01:12:19,639
Speaker 2: I loved. It brought so much joy to my heart.

1619
01:12:20,840 --> 01:12:24,080
Speaker 3: This one, Oh yeah, that's my muchkin.

1620
01:12:24,200 --> 01:12:26,240
Speaker 2: Dude. You brought so much joy to my heart when

1621
01:12:26,280 --> 01:12:29,400
Speaker 2: I saw that. What's it been like to perform together? Man?

1622
01:12:29,439 --> 01:12:31,000
Speaker 3: Because it's been so cool.

1623
01:12:32,320 --> 01:12:34,360
Speaker 1: Just to share anything in life together, but then to

1624
01:12:34,439 --> 01:12:37,679
Speaker 1: share what we both love. And I was the first

1625
01:12:38,160 --> 01:12:39,640
Speaker 1: and I don't I don't know. I think if I

1626
01:12:39,720 --> 01:12:41,840
Speaker 1: remember right, you were the first person in your family

1627
01:12:41,920 --> 01:12:43,639
Speaker 1: to kind of go into the space you're in. Yes,

1628
01:12:44,560 --> 01:12:47,120
Speaker 1: nobody we know. I don't come from a family of musicians.

1629
01:12:47,120 --> 01:12:49,000
Speaker 1: I come from a family of the opposite. I don't

1630
01:12:49,080 --> 01:12:51,080
Speaker 1: nobody in my family can carry a tune of the bucket.

1631
01:12:51,160 --> 01:12:54,040
Speaker 1: We all nobody has music there. We sound like drunk

1632
01:12:54,040 --> 01:12:54,960
Speaker 1: alley cats together.

1633
01:12:55,400 --> 01:12:56,599
Speaker 3: It is nothing.

1634
01:12:57,200 --> 01:12:59,439
Speaker 1: So when my daughter started getting interested in the guitar

1635
01:12:59,479 --> 01:13:02,000
Speaker 1: and the piano, it was like I didn't I tried

1636
01:13:02,120 --> 01:13:05,080
Speaker 1: not to show her, but everything in me was just glowing.

1637
01:13:05,560 --> 01:13:05,920
Speaker 3: Same way.

1638
01:13:05,920 --> 01:13:07,760
Speaker 1: I have a niece that plays the guitar and I

1639
01:13:07,960 --> 01:13:09,920
Speaker 1: just was so excited when she picked it up. I

1640
01:13:10,040 --> 01:13:12,799
Speaker 1: was like, I think I might have been the inspiration

1641
01:13:12,880 --> 01:13:15,360
Speaker 1: that'll change his family and that in three generations will

1642
01:13:15,360 --> 01:13:16,200
Speaker 1: be a music family.

1643
01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:16,559
Speaker 2: Yea.

1644
01:13:16,800 --> 01:13:19,080
Speaker 1: Three generations from now, those kids will be born probably

1645
01:13:19,160 --> 01:13:21,840
Speaker 1: wanting to play instruments because everybody in the family did something,

1646
01:13:21,920 --> 01:13:23,840
Speaker 1: you know, and they'll link back one day and go,

1647
01:13:23,960 --> 01:13:26,120
Speaker 1: we always been a music family, and that somebody gets

1648
01:13:26,160 --> 01:13:29,600
Speaker 1: to go, No, actually, you had a great great grandfather

1649
01:13:29,680 --> 01:13:31,000
Speaker 1: that wrote a bunch of country songs.

1650
01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:31,639
Speaker 3: It was famous.

1651
01:13:33,080 --> 01:13:37,360
Speaker 2: That's beautiful. That's beautiful, man. It's like you're getting to

1652
01:13:37,479 --> 01:13:39,200
Speaker 2: rewrite your family's history.

1653
01:13:39,320 --> 01:13:42,200
Speaker 3: Yes, sir, breaking generational curses. Bunny and I were.

1654
01:13:42,760 --> 01:13:45,400
Speaker 1: That was our mission too, man, taking an next drug dealer,

1655
01:13:45,520 --> 01:13:48,880
Speaker 1: convict and an ex prostitute and showing people that you

1656
01:13:48,920 --> 01:13:53,479
Speaker 1: can really come from the sketchiest of past and completely

1657
01:13:54,200 --> 01:13:56,960
Speaker 1: change everything about it. Change everything about the way you

1658
01:13:57,080 --> 01:13:59,920
Speaker 1: look at life, how you interact with people. It's never

1659
01:14:00,120 --> 01:14:02,160
Speaker 1: too late to forgive, it's never too late to love.

1660
01:14:02,560 --> 01:14:05,200
Speaker 1: It's never too late in life. Anyways, Jay, I'm probably forty.

1661
01:14:05,720 --> 01:14:07,560
Speaker 1: I didn't this shit didn't start working for you. I

1662
01:14:07,640 --> 01:14:09,280
Speaker 1: was thirty seven, you know what I mean. You know

1663
01:14:09,320 --> 01:14:11,200
Speaker 1: how long I was throwing darts in the dark. It's

1664
01:14:11,720 --> 01:14:13,519
Speaker 1: there had to have been groups of people around me

1665
01:14:13,600 --> 01:14:16,000
Speaker 1: that loved me that just now. I'm glad they didn't.

1666
01:14:16,000 --> 01:14:18,599
Speaker 1: They were just scared to come go. Hey, Bubba, maybe

1667
01:14:18,720 --> 01:14:19,639
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying.

1668
01:14:19,760 --> 01:14:25,439
Speaker 3: I don't know. December fourth, Yeah, I'll be forty December

1669
01:14:25,439 --> 01:14:26,560
Speaker 3: of the fourth, Ba. I love that.

1670
01:14:26,760 --> 01:14:29,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, that speech you gave it the CMA's last year.

1671
01:14:29,760 --> 01:14:32,880
Speaker 2: I mean that, just like you you like took us

1672
01:14:32,920 --> 01:14:35,479
Speaker 2: to chest. That's what it felt like. When I saw that.

1673
01:14:35,600 --> 01:14:36,960
Speaker 2: I was like, I felt like I was at check.

1674
01:14:37,040 --> 01:14:38,519
Speaker 1: Hey you, it's like a jelly roll show. I got

1675
01:14:38,600 --> 01:14:41,200
Speaker 1: to get you out to one there. I used to

1676
01:14:42,280 --> 01:14:43,880
Speaker 1: I have a natural Uh. I grew up in a

1677
01:14:43,920 --> 01:14:46,320
Speaker 1: Southern Baptist church, so I have a natural thing that

1678
01:14:46,439 --> 01:14:49,760
Speaker 1: happens whenever I speak. But one day I came off

1679
01:14:49,840 --> 01:14:52,200
Speaker 1: stage and somebody said that was church tonight, that was church.

1680
01:14:52,240 --> 01:14:55,080
Speaker 1: This was a two hundred person bar and my wife goes,

1681
01:14:55,360 --> 01:14:56,960
Speaker 1: that was church. And I looked at her, and I

1682
01:14:57,080 --> 01:15:00,080
Speaker 1: was such a Southern Baptist. Still, I was like, I

1683
01:15:00,160 --> 01:15:03,360
Speaker 1: hadn't really forged my own true relationship with my higher

1684
01:15:03,360 --> 01:15:04,840
Speaker 1: power like I have at this time.

1685
01:15:05,400 --> 01:15:08,040
Speaker 3: And I was like, hey, that's where I'm from. That's sacrilegious.

1686
01:15:08,040 --> 01:15:09,400
Speaker 3: I don't want to call this church.

1687
01:15:09,760 --> 01:15:11,040
Speaker 1: I know some people no no, no, no, no no no,

1688
01:15:11,320 --> 01:15:13,800
Speaker 1: but what you're in a lover this goes and she goes,

1689
01:15:14,520 --> 01:15:16,360
Speaker 1: this is the only church some of those people ever

1690
01:15:16,439 --> 01:15:16,920
Speaker 1: walk into.

1691
01:15:17,840 --> 01:15:22,000
Speaker 3: Jay, I changed it. Now it's church. I make it church.

1692
01:15:22,120 --> 01:15:24,559
Speaker 1: So you saying that that's what I want people to feel,

1693
01:15:25,040 --> 01:15:27,320
Speaker 1: because I have a room full of people every night

1694
01:15:27,560 --> 01:15:30,760
Speaker 1: that might be disconnected from any kind of spirituality, but

1695
01:15:30,840 --> 01:15:32,120
Speaker 1: they're all hurting and.

1696
01:15:32,200 --> 01:15:34,439
Speaker 3: This music has helped them in some way, and we

1697
01:15:34,520 --> 01:15:36,720
Speaker 3: can this can be church for them. You know what

1698
01:15:36,760 --> 01:15:37,200
Speaker 3: I'm saying.

1699
01:15:37,240 --> 01:15:39,640
Speaker 1: It's like I want you to laugh, I want you

1700
01:15:39,760 --> 01:15:41,519
Speaker 1: to dance, I want you to cry, and I want

1701
01:15:41,560 --> 01:15:44,320
Speaker 1: you to leave inspired and filling ten pounds lighter. You

1702
01:15:44,360 --> 01:15:45,920
Speaker 1: know I don't want not you know, well, some crises

1703
01:15:45,920 --> 01:15:47,479
Speaker 1: will put you to sleep, and some cries make you

1704
01:15:47,560 --> 01:15:48,000
Speaker 1: feel better.

1705
01:15:48,200 --> 01:15:50,080
Speaker 3: I want to make you feel better. Cry, not to

1706
01:15:50,120 --> 01:15:53,240
Speaker 3: put you to sleep. Cry, you know. And that is it,

1707
01:15:53,320 --> 01:15:55,120
Speaker 3: and ever since then we we lean into it. We

1708
01:15:55,160 --> 01:15:57,240
Speaker 3: call it. It's the church, man, it's this is church.

1709
01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:59,559
Speaker 3: We say it on stage every night. Brother, this is church.

1710
01:16:00,200 --> 01:16:05,640
Speaker 3: And once again, my wife, my purpose, reframed that.

1711
01:16:05,720 --> 01:16:08,280
Speaker 1: For me in a way that I needed it, because

1712
01:16:08,520 --> 01:16:10,080
Speaker 1: she was like, why would you go away from what

1713
01:16:10,200 --> 01:16:13,840
Speaker 1: you naturally do? God naturally gave you a gift of

1714
01:16:13,880 --> 01:16:18,840
Speaker 1: evangelism of the way that you speak, like, this is church.

1715
01:16:19,360 --> 01:16:21,000
Speaker 3: Right. Then I was like, you're right, this is church.

1716
01:16:21,439 --> 01:16:23,680
Speaker 3: And ever since then it's been church. Baby, Yeah, No,

1717
01:16:23,800 --> 01:16:24,240
Speaker 3: I love that.

1718
01:16:24,360 --> 01:16:26,320
Speaker 2: It's for me too.

1719
01:16:26,439 --> 01:16:27,040
Speaker 3: It's been like.

1720
01:16:28,640 --> 01:16:31,719
Speaker 2: In our tradition, it's almost like you carry a temple

1721
01:16:31,800 --> 01:16:34,519
Speaker 2: in your heart, right, like you carry God within your heart.

1722
01:16:35,280 --> 01:16:37,599
Speaker 2: And so a lot of people to me would also

1723
01:16:37,680 --> 01:16:39,000
Speaker 2: be like why are you going to this event? And

1724
01:16:39,040 --> 01:16:41,040
Speaker 2: why are you in this? Like why are you going

1725
01:16:41,040 --> 01:16:44,080
Speaker 2: to this event? And that? And I'm like if usually

1726
01:16:44,120 --> 01:16:45,880
Speaker 2: when I go to these events, someone will come up

1727
01:16:45,920 --> 01:16:51,160
Speaker 2: to me and start a spiritual, God centered healing conversation.

1728
01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:54,240
Speaker 2: I'm like, but if I don't show up in these places,

1729
01:16:54,280 --> 01:16:57,960
Speaker 2: we're not going to have that conversation. So that conversation

1730
01:16:58,080 --> 01:17:01,120
Speaker 2: heals me, that conversation hopefully helps support someone else. It's

1731
01:17:01,160 --> 01:17:04,840
Speaker 2: like I get to go as an ambassador for spirituality

1732
01:17:05,560 --> 01:17:07,680
Speaker 2: and get to just put in a little sprinkle of

1733
01:17:07,720 --> 01:17:12,320
Speaker 2: a reminder, and that to me feels like a hopeful,

1734
01:17:12,400 --> 01:17:15,120
Speaker 2: beautiful thing to do because you never know who's going

1735
01:17:15,200 --> 01:17:19,040
Speaker 2: to need that conversation, that interaction, that connection. It's not

1736
01:17:19,080 --> 01:17:21,200
Speaker 2: that I'm doing it. I don't have any of that power.

1737
01:17:21,680 --> 01:17:23,839
Speaker 2: But when we're being a vessel and we're being an instrument,

1738
01:17:24,320 --> 01:17:26,240
Speaker 2: and we're happy to play that, play our role and

1739
01:17:26,320 --> 01:17:30,280
Speaker 2: play our part and just be there as a as

1740
01:17:30,320 --> 01:17:34,640
Speaker 2: a connector of worlds and be a portal. You know,

1741
01:17:34,760 --> 01:17:36,840
Speaker 2: I don't have any power or any any of that,

1742
01:17:37,040 --> 01:17:41,400
Speaker 2: but the ability to just represent whatever that may be

1743
01:17:41,600 --> 01:17:44,280
Speaker 2: to the individual. I think, to me, that's that's how

1744
01:17:44,360 --> 01:17:47,320
Speaker 2: I see my role in these places, and it's to me,

1745
01:17:47,520 --> 01:17:49,360
Speaker 2: I feel like that's what I needed.

1746
01:17:49,680 --> 01:17:52,559
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, sometimes the messenger has to become the message.

1747
01:17:52,840 --> 01:17:58,200
Speaker 1: Yeah right, and you your presence, Jay, sometimes you got

1748
01:17:58,320 --> 01:18:01,000
Speaker 1: to go places like I think about us. I don't

1749
01:18:01,040 --> 01:18:03,240
Speaker 1: know how long it would have took for the universe

1750
01:18:03,280 --> 01:18:04,720
Speaker 1: to put us together had it not happened at a

1751
01:18:04,760 --> 01:18:05,639
Speaker 1: Cloud Davis party.

1752
01:18:06,200 --> 01:18:07,439
Speaker 3: I know I've been wanting it to happen.

1753
01:18:07,720 --> 01:18:10,360
Speaker 1: And also equally, the last person I thought I was

1754
01:18:10,400 --> 01:18:11,959
Speaker 1: gonna meet at the Cloud Davis party.

1755
01:18:11,800 --> 01:18:13,519
Speaker 3: Was Jay Shetty, you know what I'm just saying.

1756
01:18:13,640 --> 01:18:15,960
Speaker 1: So it was really cool for me to be like,

1757
01:18:16,320 --> 01:18:18,679
Speaker 1: because I'm an example of that of you being somewhere

1758
01:18:18,720 --> 01:18:20,600
Speaker 1: where somebody might be like, what're you doing out at

1759
01:18:20,680 --> 01:18:23,000
Speaker 1: this party at one o'clock in the morning, But it's

1760
01:18:23,080 --> 01:18:24,639
Speaker 1: like you've helped me a ton, and getting to see

1761
01:18:24,680 --> 01:18:28,120
Speaker 1: you lifted Just seeing you and hugging you lifted my spirit.

1762
01:18:28,320 --> 01:18:32,000
Speaker 1: It's like I always call them them little arrows that

1763
01:18:32,040 --> 01:18:33,600
Speaker 1: are showing you you're going the right way, and we

1764
01:18:33,680 --> 01:18:36,080
Speaker 1: ignore them so much in life. We miss them. And

1765
01:18:36,240 --> 01:18:37,960
Speaker 1: to me, you were an arrow. You were an arrow

1766
01:18:38,040 --> 01:18:40,800
Speaker 1: that night, you know what I mean. Tyler Childers was

1767
01:18:40,800 --> 01:18:42,479
Speaker 1: at my table. It's a country music artist I love.

1768
01:18:42,520 --> 01:18:44,439
Speaker 1: I'd never met him and he's a big fan. Him

1769
01:18:44,560 --> 01:18:46,400
Speaker 1: just saying that to me, it was like, that's an arrow.

1770
01:18:46,760 --> 01:18:49,040
Speaker 1: I'm point going the right direction around here, you know

1771
01:18:49,080 --> 01:18:49,599
Speaker 1: what I'm saying.

1772
01:18:49,640 --> 01:18:51,519
Speaker 3: This is all right. I wasn't as loss as I

1773
01:18:51,520 --> 01:18:52,920
Speaker 3: thought I'd be at a big LA party.

1774
01:18:52,960 --> 01:18:55,040
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, dude, Yeah, that's what I mean,

1775
01:18:55,160 --> 01:18:57,080
Speaker 2: like that idea, it's a big LA party and saying

1776
01:18:57,120 --> 01:18:59,040
Speaker 2: for me, I was like, I'm watching this guy sing

1777
01:18:59,080 --> 01:19:01,920
Speaker 2: about gut instead. Yes, this is insane, you know it is.

1778
01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:05,880
Speaker 2: It was so special and I think watching you just grow.

1779
01:19:05,920 --> 01:19:08,200
Speaker 2: I mean this new album I've picked out on my

1780
01:19:08,280 --> 01:19:11,200
Speaker 2: favorite lyrics from some of my favorite tracks from yours.

1781
01:19:11,280 --> 01:19:14,920
Speaker 2: There's this, uh well, this one of stone. Yes, there's

1782
01:19:14,960 --> 01:19:17,360
Speaker 2: one lyric that says, I've had enough of my demons,

1783
01:19:17,760 --> 01:19:20,400
Speaker 2: but angels only meet you where you are and I'm

1784
01:19:20,439 --> 01:19:20,920
Speaker 2: in the duck.

1785
01:19:22,080 --> 01:19:23,759
Speaker 3: This is my favorite song on the album.

1786
01:19:23,880 --> 01:19:24,560
Speaker 2: I know that.

1787
01:19:25,240 --> 01:19:28,360
Speaker 3: That's what's so cool, and it's my favorite song because

1788
01:19:28,360 --> 01:19:28,920
Speaker 3: of the lyrics.

1789
01:19:29,920 --> 01:19:32,000
Speaker 1: I think these lyrics say the most and this whole

1790
01:19:32,040 --> 01:19:34,880
Speaker 1: album if they were like lyrically, who do you stand

1791
01:19:34,960 --> 01:19:36,080
Speaker 1: for and what do you stand by?

1792
01:19:36,160 --> 01:19:36,639
Speaker 3: On this album?

1793
01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:39,160
Speaker 1: Every song's great winning streak means a lot to it,

1794
01:19:39,320 --> 01:19:43,920
Speaker 1: but this record, man, that line that angels only meet

1795
01:19:43,960 --> 01:19:46,360
Speaker 1: you where you are and I'm in the dark, and

1796
01:19:46,479 --> 01:19:48,400
Speaker 1: it goes at least for now Lord, I an't losing

1797
01:19:48,479 --> 01:19:50,840
Speaker 1: hope that somehow you could make a heart of gold

1798
01:19:50,960 --> 01:19:56,120
Speaker 1: from a heart of stone. And I love songs. When

1799
01:19:56,160 --> 01:19:59,360
Speaker 1: you can read a song and it's impactful. That is

1800
01:19:59,479 --> 01:20:03,599
Speaker 1: as a song writer, Jay, that's it. That's the tail tale,

1801
01:20:03,600 --> 01:20:06,439
Speaker 1: because most of the time our messages in the melody,

1802
01:20:06,720 --> 01:20:08,479
Speaker 1: and if you don't have the melody there, they'll kind

1803
01:20:08,479 --> 01:20:09,760
Speaker 1: of be like, oh, it didn't sound as cool as

1804
01:20:09,760 --> 01:20:11,320
Speaker 1: I thought it did when I just read it flat.

1805
01:20:11,840 --> 01:20:13,920
Speaker 1: But when I read heart of Stone, it goes, uh,

1806
01:20:14,439 --> 01:20:15,519
Speaker 1: Dear Lord, can you hear me?

1807
01:20:18,000 --> 01:20:21,160
Speaker 3: But dear Lord, can you hear me? I falling out

1808
01:20:21,200 --> 01:20:23,720
Speaker 3: of grace. It's running like.

1809
01:20:23,760 --> 01:20:27,040
Speaker 1: The river filled with all of my mistakes. My blood

1810
01:20:27,120 --> 01:20:30,679
Speaker 1: is getting heavy, there's metal in my veins. The second

1811
01:20:30,800 --> 01:20:33,200
Speaker 1: verse goes, their, Lord, can you hear me? I'm sackling

1812
01:20:33,320 --> 01:20:36,920
Speaker 1: these chains. I'm haunted by the lies of every time

1813
01:20:37,280 --> 01:20:41,720
Speaker 1: I said I change. It's slipping through the shadows and

1814
01:20:41,840 --> 01:20:44,680
Speaker 1: that's weighing on my soul. The lights are shining on me,

1815
01:20:44,760 --> 01:20:48,760
Speaker 1: but there ain't nobody home. I get goosebumps reading that,

1816
01:20:48,840 --> 01:20:51,840
Speaker 1: and I you know what I mean. It's like, that's

1817
01:20:52,840 --> 01:20:54,840
Speaker 1: to me, that was the ultimate cry for help.

1818
01:20:54,880 --> 01:20:55,439
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

1819
01:20:55,520 --> 01:20:59,040
Speaker 1: And like my whole music is about honesty. I love

1820
01:20:59,120 --> 01:21:03,120
Speaker 1: the idea of being like God, I know I need you,

1821
01:21:04,000 --> 01:21:05,840
Speaker 1: you know what i mean. But you got to come

1822
01:21:05,920 --> 01:21:08,040
Speaker 1: over here, and I'm in a really dark place if

1823
01:21:08,040 --> 01:21:09,280
Speaker 1: you're gonna get me out of this one, you know.

1824
01:21:10,280 --> 01:21:12,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, Man, that song is just the goose. I just

1825
01:21:13,120 --> 01:21:16,080
Speaker 3: every lyric on that record. Man, just that song was

1826
01:21:16,120 --> 01:21:19,640
Speaker 3: the one. I would not let that song go. We

1827
01:21:20,120 --> 01:21:24,120
Speaker 3: we wrote that song three different times. Oh wow, true

1828
01:21:24,160 --> 01:21:26,519
Speaker 3: story just where I'd go home and just be like,

1829
01:21:26,600 --> 01:21:31,240
Speaker 3: it's just not I wanted every every single line. You

1830
01:21:31,320 --> 01:21:34,439
Speaker 3: wrote books, so you know every single word can't be

1831
01:21:34,560 --> 01:21:37,200
Speaker 3: a killer, you know what I mean. But this song,

1832
01:21:37,280 --> 01:21:39,560
Speaker 3: I just was like, I want every line of this

1833
01:21:39,760 --> 01:21:40,800
Speaker 3: song to be thought out.

1834
01:21:40,880 --> 01:21:42,880
Speaker 1: I want to be a killer, you know what I'm saying.

1835
01:21:45,720 --> 01:21:47,479
Speaker 1: But sometimes you got to get people to that. You

1836
01:21:47,560 --> 01:21:49,400
Speaker 1: got to set them up for the kill and so

1837
01:21:49,479 --> 01:21:51,120
Speaker 1: they really get it, you know what I mean. But

1838
01:21:51,240 --> 01:21:52,600
Speaker 1: this was one of those where it's like I just

1839
01:21:52,680 --> 01:21:54,200
Speaker 1: wanted Man, every lyric on that.

1840
01:21:54,360 --> 01:21:56,200
Speaker 3: Was it for me. So powerful.

1841
01:21:56,360 --> 01:21:58,240
Speaker 2: There's another one that I love. I mean, there's so many,

1842
01:21:58,320 --> 01:22:00,639
Speaker 2: but I'm picking a couple that I love and we've

1843
01:22:00,680 --> 01:22:03,320
Speaker 2: talked about this. This is on un pretty. Uh. I

1844
01:22:03,400 --> 01:22:05,280
Speaker 2: hate the man I used to be, but he would

1845
01:22:05,280 --> 01:22:07,400
Speaker 2: always be a part of me, the man who I

1846
01:22:07,640 --> 01:22:10,400
Speaker 2: was wrong, but he's the one who built me. I

1847
01:22:10,439 --> 01:22:14,400
Speaker 2: feel like that's been our conversation today of just being

1848
01:22:14,439 --> 01:22:17,360
Speaker 2: able to accept that he'll always be a part of you,

1849
01:22:17,479 --> 01:22:21,240
Speaker 2: but that doesn't make you any lesson it's.

1850
01:22:22,439 --> 01:22:25,120
Speaker 1: Do you ever watch Stutz? Yeah, it's the shadow, right?

1851
01:22:25,439 --> 01:22:27,400
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, It's that, it's that idea

1852
01:22:27,439 --> 01:22:31,120
Speaker 1: of the shadow that's there. It's yeah, that's that's exactly

1853
01:22:31,280 --> 01:22:33,840
Speaker 1: that there was. I'm so glad you got to get

1854
01:22:33,880 --> 01:22:35,840
Speaker 1: into these lyrics and you're picking the ones that were

1855
01:22:36,080 --> 01:22:38,160
Speaker 1: Me and Miles were talking about the other day, is

1856
01:22:38,200 --> 01:22:40,720
Speaker 1: that you can tell on this album that I was

1857
01:22:40,800 --> 01:22:43,400
Speaker 1: doing some work because it came out on the album,

1858
01:22:43,560 --> 01:22:45,680
Speaker 1: like the way that I'm the stuff, the way I'm

1859
01:22:45,720 --> 01:22:48,519
Speaker 1: writing is clearly like oh, you're like, oh yeah, this

1860
01:22:48,640 --> 01:22:50,600
Speaker 1: kid's really doing some therapy.

1861
01:22:50,439 --> 01:22:54,479
Speaker 2: For sure, and and and so so clearly, I mean,

1862
01:22:54,560 --> 01:22:57,720
Speaker 2: this is higher than heaven. I get higher than heaven

1863
01:22:57,800 --> 01:23:01,759
Speaker 2: to hide from myself, you know. Uh, just even that idea,

1864
01:23:02,920 --> 01:23:05,680
Speaker 2: like is there a place higher than heaven? Right?

1865
01:23:05,760 --> 01:23:09,599
Speaker 1: Right exactly. Yeah, and then think about this, you want

1866
01:23:09,640 --> 01:23:10,880
Speaker 1: to get to heaven to hide from you.

1867
01:23:11,240 --> 01:23:11,439
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1868
01:23:12,160 --> 01:23:13,800
Speaker 3: The thought of that was so good, and you hearing

1869
01:23:13,840 --> 01:23:16,120
Speaker 3: that lyric right was awesome. I've had to send back

1870
01:23:16,240 --> 01:23:16,599
Speaker 3: my label.

1871
01:23:16,600 --> 01:23:18,800
Speaker 1: They sent me the list because they try to transcribe

1872
01:23:18,800 --> 01:23:20,679
Speaker 1: my lyrics and I'm so country. They thought I said

1873
01:23:21,000 --> 01:23:23,880
Speaker 1: too high for myself, and I was like, no, no, no,

1874
01:23:24,080 --> 01:23:27,880
Speaker 1: too much from myself, and they were like okay, But

1875
01:23:28,000 --> 01:23:29,800
Speaker 1: I was like that was cool too, but not as

1876
01:23:29,880 --> 01:23:31,320
Speaker 1: cool as for myself.

1877
01:23:31,880 --> 01:23:35,080
Speaker 2: I love that. That's so funny, that's hilarious. No, but

1878
01:23:35,120 --> 01:23:36,800
Speaker 2: I'm so excited for people to hear it. I was

1879
01:23:36,880 --> 01:23:39,639
Speaker 2: lucky enough to, you know, get it earlier. I'm so excited.

1880
01:23:39,680 --> 01:23:41,200
Speaker 3: Thanks for taking the time to listen to a couple

1881
01:23:41,240 --> 01:23:41,559
Speaker 3: of MS.

1882
01:23:41,840 --> 01:23:44,360
Speaker 2: Of course, No, I think it's I mean, it's not

1883
01:23:44,479 --> 01:23:47,080
Speaker 2: even I listened to a lot of it, but those

1884
01:23:47,120 --> 01:23:48,640
Speaker 2: were just I mean, I've got so many more. But

1885
01:23:48,760 --> 01:23:51,240
Speaker 2: we could go on for every track. But I just

1886
01:23:51,320 --> 01:23:57,960
Speaker 2: feel like it's healing music. And it's like I said earlier,

1887
01:23:58,000 --> 01:23:59,479
Speaker 2: I could pray to it, I can meditate to it.

1888
01:23:59,520 --> 01:24:01,360
Speaker 2: I couldn't to it, I can hang to it. I

1889
01:24:01,439 --> 01:24:03,400
Speaker 2: get you know, and I think it's rare that I

1890
01:24:03,479 --> 01:24:06,080
Speaker 2: feel that way, where a lot of music, when it

1891
01:24:06,200 --> 01:24:09,439
Speaker 2: tries to be healing, it's cheesy, it's like kind of

1892
01:24:09,560 --> 01:24:11,920
Speaker 2: like a bit corny, it doesn't you know. And I

1893
01:24:12,000 --> 01:24:14,559
Speaker 2: feel that's when it's your real journey. That's that comes

1894
01:24:14,600 --> 01:24:17,559
Speaker 2: across exactly because you're not trying to preach, you actually

1895
01:24:18,120 --> 01:24:19,479
Speaker 2: going through it exactly.

1896
01:24:19,560 --> 01:24:21,479
Speaker 1: You're going through it with the me and the listener

1897
01:24:21,479 --> 01:24:24,040
Speaker 1: are going through this together, and we're sharing this experience

1898
01:24:24,120 --> 01:24:27,120
Speaker 1: and feeling together. And it's also you're right because you

1899
01:24:27,160 --> 01:24:28,920
Speaker 1: know what when they try to write songs, they try

1900
01:24:29,000 --> 01:24:32,400
Speaker 1: to write these you songs, and nobody wants to be youwed,

1901
01:24:32,800 --> 01:24:34,840
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like you know, uh,

1902
01:24:35,720 --> 01:24:37,719
Speaker 1: I know, I know you, I know you're feeling down.

1903
01:24:37,880 --> 01:24:39,519
Speaker 1: It's like I don't you know, you don't know I'm

1904
01:24:39,560 --> 01:24:41,439
Speaker 1: feeling down, you know what I mean? So, yeah, they

1905
01:24:41,560 --> 01:24:43,840
Speaker 1: just write it on such a weird yeah, they it's

1906
01:24:43,920 --> 01:24:46,280
Speaker 1: so hard to write cathartic music without it coming off

1907
01:24:46,320 --> 01:24:47,960
Speaker 1: super corny or preachy or.

1908
01:24:48,640 --> 01:24:51,040
Speaker 3: Also that's why I don't feel a need to resolve

1909
01:24:51,120 --> 01:24:51,599
Speaker 3: every song.

1910
01:24:52,439 --> 01:24:54,479
Speaker 1: And this is where we talk about how my sausage

1911
01:24:54,520 --> 01:24:57,600
Speaker 1: is made a little bit but I think artists and

1912
01:24:57,680 --> 01:25:01,040
Speaker 1: songwriters feel the need to resolve songs. It's like like

1913
01:25:01,160 --> 01:25:03,439
Speaker 1: a song is a authority. Yeah yeah, and it's like

1914
01:25:03,520 --> 01:25:06,000
Speaker 1: it's not. This is just a part of the movie.

1915
01:25:06,280 --> 01:25:09,200
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to resolve, Like there doesn't have to

1916
01:25:09,240 --> 01:25:11,080
Speaker 1: be Hope can happen at the end of the album.

1917
01:25:11,360 --> 01:25:13,519
Speaker 1: Hope can happen on the first song of the album, right,

1918
01:25:13,680 --> 01:25:16,479
Speaker 1: but you can take them through a genuine journey. Everything

1919
01:25:16,560 --> 01:25:18,679
Speaker 1: doesn't have to cap you know what I mean, It doesn't.

1920
01:25:19,040 --> 01:25:24,040
Speaker 1: Sometimes leaving a song unresolved. Fire and Rain by James Taylor,

1921
01:25:24,439 --> 01:25:27,280
Speaker 1: I feel like that song never fully resolved itself, right,

1922
01:25:28,000 --> 01:25:30,680
Speaker 1: And because of that, it's made it open for my interpretation.

1923
01:25:31,280 --> 01:25:34,240
Speaker 1: And It's Against the Win by Bob Seeker, never really

1924
01:25:34,320 --> 01:25:36,880
Speaker 1: resolved itself. These songs are the songs I always come

1925
01:25:36,960 --> 01:25:39,400
Speaker 1: back to because you can identify with them every part

1926
01:25:39,439 --> 01:25:42,040
Speaker 1: of your life. You know, when you resolve a song,

1927
01:25:42,160 --> 01:25:44,040
Speaker 1: sometimes you take that away, and you take away the

1928
01:25:44,120 --> 01:25:47,639
Speaker 1: power from allowing the person who's healing healing the song,

1929
01:25:47,760 --> 01:25:50,479
Speaker 1: hearing the song to heal from what they're getting from it.

1930
01:25:50,720 --> 01:25:53,400
Speaker 1: I hate when people go, what was this song about?

1931
01:25:53,520 --> 01:25:55,320
Speaker 1: I love it when people like you go what's up

1932
01:25:55,360 --> 01:25:55,920
Speaker 1: with this lyric?

1933
01:25:56,000 --> 01:25:56,519
Speaker 3: This is deep.

1934
01:25:56,800 --> 01:25:58,920
Speaker 1: When they're like, so, what's this song about, I'm like, yo,

1935
01:25:59,680 --> 01:26:01,559
Speaker 1: I want this person to get some from this song.

1936
01:26:01,560 --> 01:26:02,880
Speaker 1: I don't know if they might think about it. I've

1937
01:26:02,880 --> 01:26:04,840
Speaker 1: tell him what I thought it was about. They might

1938
01:26:04,920 --> 01:26:06,439
Speaker 1: not ever hear it the way they need to hear.

1939
01:26:06,600 --> 01:26:07,360
Speaker 3: Yes, you know what I mean?

1940
01:26:07,520 --> 01:26:09,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because then it's not their story. They're not

1941
01:26:09,640 --> 01:26:11,760
Speaker 2: a part of this story. Yeah. You want someone to

1942
01:26:11,800 --> 01:26:14,280
Speaker 2: fill in the blanks. You want someone to be the

1943
01:26:14,320 --> 01:26:15,040
Speaker 2: guy in the glass.

1944
01:26:15,280 --> 01:26:15,839
Speaker 3: Art exactly.

1945
01:26:16,040 --> 01:26:18,800
Speaker 1: Artists open for interpretation, and I want you to find

1946
01:26:18,840 --> 01:26:20,559
Speaker 1: yourself in it, which is also why I write from

1947
01:26:20,560 --> 01:26:23,000
Speaker 1: first person a lot. It's not a big eye thing

1948
01:26:23,000 --> 01:26:25,719
Speaker 1: because I'm not a big eye guy, but first person

1949
01:26:25,800 --> 01:26:27,800
Speaker 1: writing for me is a It's a cry for help

1950
01:26:27,840 --> 01:26:28,719
Speaker 1: that we can all feel.

1951
01:26:29,040 --> 01:26:29,240
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1952
01:26:29,520 --> 01:26:31,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's only two more things I want to talk

1953
01:26:31,800 --> 01:26:33,240
Speaker 2: to you about, because I know you've got to get

1954
01:26:33,240 --> 01:26:37,560
Speaker 2: out here to perform today, so kind to us. This

1955
01:26:37,760 --> 01:26:45,080
Speaker 2: blew my mind. Jim Todd, Yes, this is crazy. When

1956
01:26:45,080 --> 01:26:48,519
Speaker 2: I heard about this, I was like, what so, Jim Todd,

1957
01:26:48,720 --> 01:26:52,719
Speaker 2: who's the young attorney who prosecuted you. You're now working

1958
01:26:52,800 --> 01:26:53,120
Speaker 2: with him?

1959
01:26:53,200 --> 01:26:55,280
Speaker 3: That's true. This is a fact. It's the first time

1960
01:26:55,360 --> 01:26:56,200
Speaker 3: we told this story too.

1961
01:26:56,280 --> 01:26:57,839
Speaker 2: This is really cool, this is amazing.

1962
01:26:57,960 --> 01:27:01,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's starting the Dinkins Center for Juveniles to teach

1963
01:27:01,840 --> 01:27:04,479
Speaker 1: traits for juvenile at risk kids. And you want to

1964
01:27:04,520 --> 01:27:08,760
Speaker 1: talk about somebody just being awesome, Jay, imagine being the

1965
01:27:08,840 --> 01:27:10,400
Speaker 1: guy who he charged.

1966
01:27:10,120 --> 01:27:11,360
Speaker 3: Me as an adult bound me over.

1967
01:27:11,439 --> 01:27:13,240
Speaker 1: I mean, the hardest thing that's ever happened in my life,

1968
01:27:13,240 --> 01:27:15,600
Speaker 1: a felony I'm still trying to get rid of, is

1969
01:27:15,760 --> 01:27:18,960
Speaker 1: now working to help juveniles. And then me, the same

1970
01:27:19,040 --> 01:27:21,439
Speaker 1: kid he bound over, who is as wrong as I

1971
01:27:21,479 --> 01:27:24,679
Speaker 1: should have been. You know, are now work.

1972
01:27:24,800 --> 01:27:27,000
Speaker 3: It's just to me one.

1973
01:27:27,120 --> 01:27:31,200
Speaker 1: It's such a change. It's such a signature of like,

1974
01:27:32,080 --> 01:27:34,400
Speaker 1: I keep having these really cool moments Jay, where I'm like,

1975
01:27:34,680 --> 01:27:36,000
Speaker 1: what a full circle moment?

1976
01:27:36,120 --> 01:27:36,320
Speaker 2: God?

1977
01:27:36,479 --> 01:27:36,759
Speaker 3: Really?

1978
01:27:37,400 --> 01:27:39,920
Speaker 1: You know, there's an old saying that when you do right,

1979
01:27:40,000 --> 01:27:44,759
Speaker 1: they'll restore everything that went wrong. I'm watching it all restore.

1980
01:27:45,800 --> 01:27:49,040
Speaker 1: It's happening, Jay, right in front of me. Dog like

1981
01:27:49,160 --> 01:27:53,160
Speaker 1: my old prosecuting attorneys, my partner now to help juveniles.

1982
01:27:53,200 --> 01:27:56,880
Speaker 1: You know that old juvenile I was in. Now let

1983
01:27:56,920 --> 01:27:59,080
Speaker 1: me build studios in it and paint the walls for

1984
01:27:59,160 --> 01:28:02,559
Speaker 1: the kids. You just like, I look at all these

1985
01:28:02,640 --> 01:28:06,280
Speaker 1: moments and I'm like, man, God is like He's healing

1986
01:28:06,360 --> 01:28:07,840
Speaker 1: my inner child in front of the world.

1987
01:28:09,360 --> 01:28:10,000
Speaker 3: It's dude.

1988
01:28:10,040 --> 01:28:12,800
Speaker 1: When I got slimmed at Nickelodeon, I was like. I

1989
01:28:12,840 --> 01:28:14,280
Speaker 1: went back that night and I was like, and I

1990
01:28:14,320 --> 01:28:16,040
Speaker 1: got to do some with summer Slam. I got to

1991
01:28:16,120 --> 01:28:18,760
Speaker 1: choke Slamspiday Summer Slam. I was like, God is really

1992
01:28:18,840 --> 01:28:20,559
Speaker 1: healing my inner child in front of the world.

1993
01:28:20,720 --> 01:28:21,240
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

1994
01:28:21,320 --> 01:28:25,439
Speaker 1: I suffered in silence by myself for so long that

1995
01:28:25,760 --> 01:28:29,960
Speaker 1: I'm now getting to redeem myself on a national platform.

1996
01:28:30,200 --> 01:28:34,400
Speaker 1: The sheriff to Davidson County's jail, his name is Darren Hall.

1997
01:28:34,760 --> 01:28:37,439
Speaker 1: Twenty two years he's been a sheriff. He was the

1998
01:28:37,479 --> 01:28:39,360
Speaker 1: sheriff whenever I was in that county jail. The last

1999
01:28:39,400 --> 01:28:41,200
Speaker 1: time I got locked up, the day my daughter was born.

2000
01:28:42,280 --> 01:28:43,880
Speaker 1: He gave me a key to the jail I was

2001
01:28:43,960 --> 01:28:46,000
Speaker 1: locked up in. It's the first inmate he's ever gave

2002
01:28:46,040 --> 01:28:48,559
Speaker 1: a key to the jail too. And I got a necklace, mate.

2003
01:28:48,560 --> 01:28:50,560
Speaker 1: I made a diamond crusted got a necklace with a

2004
01:28:50,600 --> 01:28:52,400
Speaker 1: pair of handcuffs for every time I got arrested for

2005
01:28:52,479 --> 01:28:55,600
Speaker 1: it and I call it my redemption chain. And to

2006
01:28:55,760 --> 01:28:58,799
Speaker 1: have the relationship with Sheriff Darren Hall that we're close.

2007
01:28:59,040 --> 01:29:01,320
Speaker 3: My mayor loves me. Me and Jim Todd. I mean

2008
01:29:01,400 --> 01:29:04,760
Speaker 3: that guy put me in jail. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, Yeah.

2009
01:29:04,840 --> 01:29:06,599
Speaker 3: What's funny is they reached out to us. Now.

2010
01:29:06,640 --> 01:29:09,720
Speaker 1: I've always been friends with him because when he became

2011
01:29:09,760 --> 01:29:11,800
Speaker 1: an attorney, we used to talk and he represented a

2012
01:29:11,840 --> 01:29:12,800
Speaker 1: couple of cases of mine.

2013
01:29:12,840 --> 01:29:15,679
Speaker 3: That wasn't that case because he conflict of interest.

2014
01:29:16,000 --> 01:29:17,960
Speaker 1: The cool part of this story is not even just

2015
01:29:18,400 --> 01:29:22,880
Speaker 1: what I'm doing with it, but him think about the

2016
01:29:23,040 --> 01:29:26,320
Speaker 1: heart change. He had to be hands on and watch

2017
01:29:26,439 --> 01:29:29,680
Speaker 1: the system fail these kids for so many years that

2018
01:29:29,840 --> 01:29:32,040
Speaker 1: it bothered him enough that later in life he was like,

2019
01:29:32,120 --> 01:29:33,040
Speaker 1: I gotta circle back.

2020
01:29:32,960 --> 01:29:33,400
Speaker 3: And fix that.

2021
01:29:33,520 --> 01:29:34,439
Speaker 2: That's beautiful, isn't it?

2022
01:29:34,560 --> 01:29:35,160
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?

2023
01:29:35,320 --> 01:29:38,120
Speaker 1: Like Jim Todd's the real hero of that story to me,

2024
01:29:38,320 --> 01:29:40,240
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because I've been changed my life.

2025
01:29:40,360 --> 01:29:42,639
Speaker 3: It's glad you came around, you know what I'm saying.

2026
01:29:43,760 --> 01:29:46,920
Speaker 2: That's what It just shows that if everyone's intentionally reflecting

2027
01:29:47,040 --> 01:29:48,799
Speaker 2: looking at that life, what's possible.

2028
01:29:49,520 --> 01:29:51,680
Speaker 1: Just a little bit of Jim Todd had some guy

2029
01:29:51,720 --> 01:29:53,680
Speaker 1: in of glass. Mama, didn't he At some point in

2030
01:29:53,720 --> 01:29:55,360
Speaker 1: time he went and looked at guy in glass and said,

2031
01:29:55,360 --> 01:29:56,719
Speaker 1: you know what, I was a part of the problem

2032
01:29:56,760 --> 01:30:00,519
Speaker 1: at one point too, and I want to be the solution.

2033
01:30:00,600 --> 01:30:00,680
Speaker 2: Now.

2034
01:30:00,760 --> 01:30:02,639
Speaker 1: Let's help these kids. Let's give these kids the resources

2035
01:30:02,680 --> 01:30:05,040
Speaker 1: they didn't have whenever I was a district attorney. And

2036
01:30:05,400 --> 01:30:07,760
Speaker 1: they said that he had that heart back then. But

2037
01:30:07,840 --> 01:30:10,000
Speaker 1: you want to talk about humanizing stuff, Jay and I go.

2038
01:30:10,160 --> 01:30:12,360
Speaker 1: I do a songwriter program with a company called The

2039
01:30:12,400 --> 01:30:14,519
Speaker 1: Beat of Life at the Juvenile I was incarcerated in

2040
01:30:15,360 --> 01:30:20,080
Speaker 1: and we go in there one day and Judge Callaway,

2041
01:30:20,160 --> 01:30:23,880
Speaker 1: who's a judge in juvenile is there and she came

2042
01:30:23,920 --> 01:30:27,240
Speaker 1: in to write songs. Jay and I'm in there watching

2043
01:30:28,439 --> 01:30:30,160
Speaker 1: for the first time. I'm listening to her in her

2044
01:30:30,240 --> 01:30:34,639
Speaker 1: group and they're giggling, they're laughing, they're writing lyrics, they're

2045
01:30:34,680 --> 01:30:38,200
Speaker 1: having a ball. And I thought to myself, back to

2046
01:30:38,280 --> 01:30:40,000
Speaker 1: the human thing. I love that we've had themes of

2047
01:30:40,040 --> 01:30:43,439
Speaker 1: this whole conversation. She's seen those kids as kids for

2048
01:30:43,520 --> 01:30:46,559
Speaker 1: the first time. She got not an inmate case number

2049
01:30:46,680 --> 01:30:49,400
Speaker 1: that killed somebody or shot somebody or did something wrong.

2050
01:30:50,000 --> 01:30:52,360
Speaker 1: She seen them as little, giddy fifteen year olds playing

2051
01:30:52,400 --> 01:30:54,599
Speaker 1: cards and trying to write a song they never wrote before,

2052
01:30:55,439 --> 01:30:57,439
Speaker 1: and they got to see her as a concerned mother,

2053
01:30:58,840 --> 01:30:59,360
Speaker 1: and man.

2054
01:30:59,240 --> 01:31:00,360
Speaker 3: It just it was cried.

2055
01:31:00,640 --> 01:31:03,200
Speaker 1: I mean, it was just so special to watch and

2056
01:31:03,320 --> 01:31:04,680
Speaker 1: it was it was such a good thing. They were

2057
01:31:04,760 --> 01:31:06,840
Speaker 1: so in the moment they didn't realize how special it was.

2058
01:31:07,400 --> 01:31:08,960
Speaker 1: It's when she left. I was like, I want you

2059
01:31:09,040 --> 01:31:11,880
Speaker 1: to know that that is the coolest thing that I've

2060
01:31:12,000 --> 01:31:15,439
Speaker 1: ever seen a judge do. That you came, took off

2061
01:31:15,479 --> 01:31:18,840
Speaker 1: the road, showed up a regular clothes and sat down

2062
01:31:18,880 --> 01:31:21,439
Speaker 1: and wrote songs with these kids, Like that'll go maus

2063
01:31:21,479 --> 01:31:23,280
Speaker 1: with everybody, you know what I mean. I understand you

2064
01:31:23,320 --> 01:31:25,280
Speaker 1: still have a job to do and guidelines, you got

2065
01:31:25,320 --> 01:31:28,519
Speaker 1: a bad bite, But I think this humanized everybody. I

2066
01:31:28,560 --> 01:31:30,360
Speaker 1: think we all looked at each other a little different

2067
01:31:30,400 --> 01:31:31,960
Speaker 1: that day in that jail cell, you know what I mean.

2068
01:31:32,680 --> 01:31:34,479
Speaker 1: And uh, it was cool because you could tell that

2069
01:31:34,560 --> 01:31:36,560
Speaker 1: she loved songs and singing in church, so to be

2070
01:31:36,640 --> 01:31:38,120
Speaker 1: a part of that, it brought out a little child

2071
01:31:38,200 --> 01:31:40,719
Speaker 1: and her right. And then these kids they never wrote

2072
01:31:40,720 --> 01:31:44,040
Speaker 1: a song, so they're just they're they're they're really tough kids.

2073
01:31:44,080 --> 01:31:45,760
Speaker 1: That are holding it back, and they just you start

2074
01:31:45,800 --> 01:31:48,240
Speaker 1: seeing them get excited, and I was like, this is special, man,

2075
01:31:48,880 --> 01:31:51,320
Speaker 1: this is a this is redemption spectacular.

2076
01:31:51,640 --> 01:31:54,320
Speaker 2: It's incredible. I want to and the the one thing,

2077
01:31:54,439 --> 01:31:58,400
Speaker 2: Jelly Roll, that we reached out to your brother, who

2078
01:31:58,560 --> 01:32:04,200
Speaker 2: sent through this beautiful love letter for you, Scott. Yes,

2079
01:32:04,960 --> 01:32:06,200
Speaker 2: and so I'm going to read it to if you

2080
01:32:06,240 --> 01:32:08,960
Speaker 2: don't mind, because you've given us such a gift today

2081
01:32:09,000 --> 01:32:11,479
Speaker 2: and I wanted to find a way to thank you,

2082
01:32:11,560 --> 01:32:13,479
Speaker 2: and I thought who better than the person who's known

2083
01:32:13,560 --> 01:32:16,800
Speaker 2: you for so long? So he says, Dear Bubba Love,

2084
01:32:18,120 --> 01:32:21,160
Speaker 2: Where to begin? First off? I just want to tell

2085
01:32:21,200 --> 01:32:24,760
Speaker 2: you how unbelievably proud I am of you for what

2086
01:32:24,880 --> 01:32:28,360
Speaker 2: you've achieved, and even more so the man you have

2087
01:32:28,479 --> 01:32:32,439
Speaker 2: become personally. One of my proudest memories was being in

2088
01:32:32,520 --> 01:32:36,160
Speaker 2: the courthouse with you, Bunny, Dad, and Pook the day

2089
01:32:36,200 --> 01:32:39,240
Speaker 2: you got full custody of Bailey. Makes me tear up

2090
01:32:39,240 --> 01:32:42,120
Speaker 2: a little just remembering how proud we all were of

2091
01:32:42,240 --> 01:32:45,519
Speaker 2: the man you grew to be. Even back then. One

2092
01:32:45,560 --> 01:32:47,880
Speaker 2: of those moments I remember looking at Dad with a

2093
01:32:48,000 --> 01:32:51,920
Speaker 2: smile and not even having to say a word. Growing up,

2094
01:32:51,960 --> 01:32:54,280
Speaker 2: I always saw the talent that the world is getting

2095
01:32:54,320 --> 01:32:57,600
Speaker 2: to see now. Thinking back to your first day of

2096
01:32:57,680 --> 01:33:00,599
Speaker 2: middle school and you had missed the bus, my mama said,

2097
01:33:00,680 --> 01:33:03,519
Speaker 2: take your brother to school. We pull up across from

2098
01:33:03,600 --> 01:33:07,000
Speaker 2: JC Napier Housing Projects and before you could open the

2099
01:33:07,080 --> 01:33:09,439
Speaker 2: car door, me telling you that it would probably be

2100
01:33:09,520 --> 01:33:12,560
Speaker 2: a good idea to start rapping, or to not be

2101
01:33:12,680 --> 01:33:16,040
Speaker 2: the guy who doesn't throw the first punch. Long you

2102
01:33:16,240 --> 01:33:19,880
Speaker 2: figured it out, brother. You were freestyling every ride after that.

2103
01:33:21,080 --> 01:33:22,920
Speaker 2: I know, growing up I was not always the best

2104
01:33:23,040 --> 01:33:25,479
Speaker 2: role model, and the older I got has given me

2105
01:33:25,560 --> 01:33:31,080
Speaker 2: many sleepless nights of regret. You always always always came

2106
01:33:31,160 --> 01:33:33,960
Speaker 2: to visit me when I was locked up, and yeah

2107
01:33:34,000 --> 01:33:36,360
Speaker 2: I came to juvenile a few times, but when you

2108
01:33:36,439 --> 01:33:39,600
Speaker 2: got bound over I was not there. Just know that

2109
01:33:39,720 --> 01:33:43,240
Speaker 2: I had to leave TM, Bubba. I know it had

2110
01:33:43,320 --> 01:33:45,880
Speaker 2: to hurt you that your brother wasn't there, and I'm

2111
01:33:45,920 --> 01:33:49,280
Speaker 2: so sorry. Being young and where we came from is

2112
01:33:49,360 --> 01:33:52,800
Speaker 2: my only excuse, Bubba, although not a good one. But

2113
01:33:52,920 --> 01:33:55,599
Speaker 2: the amazing part of it all is what you're doing

2114
01:33:55,760 --> 01:33:59,040
Speaker 2: as a human now, being so young and getting out

2115
01:33:59,080 --> 01:34:02,439
Speaker 2: of being incarcerated over and over. Then hearing you had

2116
01:34:02,439 --> 01:34:05,599
Speaker 2: a little girl born. While being there, you grew strength

2117
01:34:05,720 --> 01:34:09,880
Speaker 2: and changed everything, started helping others with your songs. Those

2118
01:34:09,920 --> 01:34:12,760
Speaker 2: who went and still are going through similar pasts and

2119
01:34:12,840 --> 01:34:16,240
Speaker 2: struggles as we did. Being at your shows and seeing

2120
01:34:16,280 --> 01:34:19,040
Speaker 2: people cry and be so touched by the words you

2121
01:34:19,200 --> 01:34:23,000
Speaker 2: sing and person you are as amazing. You portray love

2122
01:34:23,080 --> 01:34:25,760
Speaker 2: and hope. Jaja, you got out of lock up and

2123
01:34:25,840 --> 01:34:29,519
Speaker 2: totally changed your direction, taking all the negatives and turning

2124
01:34:29,560 --> 01:34:32,800
Speaker 2: them positive. For helping others to overcome what they've gone

2125
01:34:32,840 --> 01:34:36,479
Speaker 2: through is amazing. Reaching out to me in Idaho Falls

2126
01:34:36,560 --> 01:34:39,439
Speaker 2: several months ago and taking me out the dark place

2127
01:34:39,520 --> 01:34:42,400
Speaker 2: I was in for years and years. I'm forever grateful

2128
01:34:42,479 --> 01:34:45,160
Speaker 2: for you, brother. You've always been there for me and

2129
01:34:45,200 --> 01:34:47,680
Speaker 2: our family. I love you more than you will ever know.

2130
01:34:48,280 --> 01:34:50,960
Speaker 2: I know Dad is in heaven looking down, smiling ear

2131
01:34:51,040 --> 01:34:53,920
Speaker 2: to ear with Nan and Beebee. He called it thirty

2132
01:34:54,000 --> 01:34:57,840
Speaker 2: plus years ago at the Italian Street Fair in Brentwood, Tien,

2133
01:34:58,439 --> 01:35:01,200
Speaker 2: where you were on stage doing carry to George Straight.

2134
01:35:01,960 --> 01:35:04,880
Speaker 2: He looked at me and said, Jason has never met

2135
01:35:04,920 --> 01:35:08,920
Speaker 2: a stranger. One day he will be an entertainer. Well,

2136
01:35:08,960 --> 01:35:11,479
Speaker 2: look at you now, Bubba, I just want you to

2137
01:35:11,560 --> 01:35:13,880
Speaker 2: know how proud your family is of you, and thank

2138
01:35:13,920 --> 01:35:16,240
Speaker 2: you for doing what only you can do every day,

2139
01:35:17,000 --> 01:35:19,680
Speaker 2: helping the world to be better and letting people know

2140
01:35:19,800 --> 01:35:22,920
Speaker 2: it's never too late. You're a true inspiration to so many,

2141
01:35:23,360 --> 01:35:28,759
Speaker 2: including your big brother. I love you, Bubba, Scott, Scooby Defort, Scooby.

2142
01:35:28,840 --> 01:35:33,080
Speaker 3: Baby God, Man, that is so awesome, dude. Oh thank you,

2143
01:35:33,200 --> 01:35:36,240
Speaker 3: brother God. I love him. Man. He didn't even tell me,

2144
01:35:36,680 --> 01:35:39,559
Speaker 3: he just left. I was just with him three days ago.

2145
01:35:40,320 --> 01:35:45,320
Speaker 2: Oh man, I want to thank you for just being

2146
01:35:45,400 --> 01:35:49,920
Speaker 2: an amazing inspiration in my life brother, being introduced to you.

2147
01:35:50,040 --> 01:35:52,400
Speaker 2: From the moment we met, I was like, this is

2148
01:35:52,439 --> 01:35:54,760
Speaker 2: the guy I need to talk to. I'm here to

2149
01:35:54,800 --> 01:35:57,000
Speaker 2: support you, serve alongside you in any way I can

2150
01:35:57,160 --> 01:36:00,240
Speaker 2: thank you, Jack, and I can't wait to go want

2151
01:36:00,280 --> 01:36:01,600
Speaker 2: to see what you do. I know this is just

2152
01:36:01,680 --> 01:36:04,639
Speaker 2: the beginning, and I'm so so inspired by you. Your

2153
01:36:04,680 --> 01:36:08,240
Speaker 2: true true light in this world and a true testament

2154
01:36:08,360 --> 01:36:12,280
Speaker 2: to every transformation we believe in. You're you're living in

2155
01:36:12,479 --> 01:36:15,920
Speaker 2: right now. So deeply humbled and uh. We end every

2156
01:36:15,960 --> 01:36:18,040
Speaker 2: episode with a fast five. Every question has to be

2157
01:36:18,080 --> 01:36:19,759
Speaker 2: answered in one word to one sentence.

2158
01:36:19,880 --> 01:36:21,760
Speaker 3: All right, And the first of.

2159
01:36:21,720 --> 01:36:24,000
Speaker 1: All, though, Jay I need to give your flowers though, brother,

2160
01:36:24,080 --> 01:36:26,600
Speaker 1: you thank you again for your impact. You don't know

2161
01:36:26,640 --> 01:36:31,040
Speaker 1: how many people you help. I always have this phrase

2162
01:36:31,080 --> 01:36:33,200
Speaker 1: I use that. Uh, it's not a ticket stub, it's

2163
01:36:33,240 --> 01:36:36,559
Speaker 1: a story. Those YouTube views are sold, baby, and you're

2164
01:36:36,600 --> 01:36:37,040
Speaker 1: touching them.

2165
01:36:39,360 --> 01:36:39,640
Speaker 3: Thank you.

2166
01:36:40,240 --> 01:36:43,960
Speaker 2: Appreciate that deeply, deeply, man, I feel that and I

2167
01:36:44,080 --> 01:36:49,880
Speaker 2: receive it all right, last last few minutes. Fair. Question one,

2168
01:36:50,000 --> 01:36:52,599
Speaker 2: what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

2169
01:36:53,720 --> 01:36:58,320
Speaker 1: Oh, best advice I ever heard or received, as cliche

2170
01:36:58,360 --> 01:37:01,040
Speaker 1: as it is, just don't give up. It just my

2171
01:37:01,160 --> 01:37:03,160
Speaker 1: father was real big about don't give up. He was

2172
01:37:03,280 --> 01:37:06,080
Speaker 1: just super super. He believed in the law of hours

2173
01:37:06,120 --> 01:37:07,800
Speaker 1: that if you put enough time into something that it

2174
01:37:07,840 --> 01:37:08,280
Speaker 1: would work.

2175
01:37:09,080 --> 01:37:11,479
Speaker 2: Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever

2176
01:37:11,520 --> 01:37:12,240
Speaker 2: heard or received?

2177
01:37:12,479 --> 01:37:12,880
Speaker 3: Give up?

2178
01:37:14,520 --> 01:37:17,080
Speaker 1: The worst advice I ever received with somebody telling me,

2179
01:37:17,360 --> 01:37:19,839
Speaker 1: you know it's not going to work, cut your losses.

2180
01:37:21,000 --> 01:37:24,559
Speaker 2: Question number three. If you could define your current purpose,

2181
01:37:24,640 --> 01:37:28,880
Speaker 2: what would it be. My current purpose is to help

2182
01:37:29,720 --> 01:37:32,639
Speaker 2: and heal. I think my current purpose is to help

2183
01:37:32,680 --> 01:37:33,719
Speaker 2: people heal through music.

2184
01:37:34,520 --> 01:37:34,960
Speaker 3: Beautiful.

2185
01:37:35,800 --> 01:37:38,880
Speaker 2: Question number four, a message you'd like to share to

2186
01:37:38,960 --> 01:37:42,400
Speaker 2: anyone who's listening right now, like just what you need

2187
01:37:42,479 --> 01:37:44,040
Speaker 2: them to hear, what you feel they need to hear

2188
01:37:44,160 --> 01:37:44,439
Speaker 2: right now.

2189
01:37:45,520 --> 01:37:47,040
Speaker 3: I said it in my speech, but I live by

2190
01:37:47,120 --> 01:37:47,599
Speaker 3: this quote.

2191
01:37:47,600 --> 01:37:49,640
Speaker 1: It's a quote I live by that the windshield is

2192
01:37:49,640 --> 01:37:51,640
Speaker 1: bigger than the rearview for a measing baby, You've got

2193
01:37:51,760 --> 01:37:52,639
Speaker 1: to move forward talk.

2194
01:37:53,000 --> 01:37:53,360
Speaker 3: I love it.

2195
01:37:53,680 --> 01:37:56,240
Speaker 2: And fifth and final question we asked this every guest

2196
01:37:56,280 --> 01:37:58,519
Speaker 2: has ever been on the show. If you could create

2197
01:37:58,560 --> 01:38:00,880
Speaker 2: a law that everyone in the world world had to follow,

2198
01:38:01,200 --> 01:38:01,720
Speaker 2: what would it be?

2199
01:38:04,360 --> 01:38:08,720
Speaker 1: Love truly, love truly, act out of love. If you

2200
01:38:08,880 --> 01:38:10,880
Speaker 1: just thought to yourself, is that what love would say?

2201
01:38:11,560 --> 01:38:13,400
Speaker 1: Every time you were fixing to say? Something that would

2202
01:38:13,479 --> 01:38:14,920
Speaker 1: change the way we all talk to each other.

2203
01:38:15,560 --> 01:38:18,800
Speaker 3: Jelly Row, thank you so much, Thank you brother, thank you.

2204
01:38:19,080 --> 01:38:20,879
Speaker 2: The album is out right now while we're speaking.

2205
01:38:21,120 --> 01:38:23,519
Speaker 3: And beautifully Broken, Babe, you got the biggest podcast in

2206
01:38:23,560 --> 01:38:23,840
Speaker 3: the world.

2207
01:38:23,880 --> 01:38:25,960
Speaker 1: Shameless plug. My name is Jason Jelly rol D four.

2208
01:38:26,080 --> 01:38:28,719
Speaker 1: My album is available. It's called beautifully Broken.

2209
01:38:28,800 --> 01:38:30,360
Speaker 3: Check it out. I'm trying to have my first number

2210
01:38:30,360 --> 01:38:30,760
Speaker 3: one album.

2211
01:38:30,760 --> 01:38:35,320
Speaker 2: We're gonna make out, We're gonna make your mouth, We're

2212
01:38:35,320 --> 01:38:36,439
Speaker 2: gonna put everything behind it.

2213
01:38:36,880 --> 01:38:40,320
Speaker 3: Beautif So grateful. Thank you for such a good conversation.

2214
01:38:42,680 --> 01:38:45,320
Speaker 2: If this is the year that you're trying to get creative,

2215
01:38:45,439 --> 01:38:47,960
Speaker 2: You're trying to build more. I need you to listen

2216
01:38:48,040 --> 01:38:50,920
Speaker 2: to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break

2217
01:38:51,000 --> 01:38:55,160
Speaker 2: into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods

2218
01:38:55,240 --> 01:38:59,040
Speaker 2: that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving

2219
01:38:59,080 --> 01:39:01,559
Speaker 2: what you do. If you're trying to find your passion

2220
01:39:01,680 --> 01:39:05,080
Speaker 2: and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you.

2221
01:39:05,600 --> 01:39:07,799
Speaker 3: Just because I like it, that doesn't give it any value,

2222
01:39:08,160 --> 01:39:10,519
Speaker 3: like as an artist, if you like it, that's all

2223
01:39:10,640 --> 01:39:14,200
Speaker 3: of the value. That's the success comes when you say

2224
01:39:14,600 --> 01:39:16,680
Speaker 3: I like this enough for other people to see it.