1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,120
Speaker 1: My nephew got my daughter a terrible gift, so I

2
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:06,320
Speaker 1: kicked him out. My forty year old female daughter sixteen

3
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:07,840
Speaker 1: year old female. It has spent a lot of time

4
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,960
Speaker 1: in hospitals, has had tons of surgeries. A lot of

5
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:14,200
Speaker 1: these conditions also cause extreme pain and limit her ability

6
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,000
Speaker 1: to do a lot of the things she wanted to do.

7
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,759
Speaker 1: My nephew, eighteen year old male, is a bit of

8
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,640
Speaker 1: a prankster and has done some pretty bad things in

9
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,840
Speaker 1: the press. Oh no, I love a good prankster.

10
00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:26,479
Speaker 2: In the inn. Reason takes it too far in reason.

11
00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,280
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from you far experience for

12
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,160
Speaker 1: two eighty four on the r okay story time subreddit.

13
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,400
Speaker 1: So her birthday was yesterday and we had family come over,

14
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:39,839
Speaker 1: obviously mass vaccinated tests before coming over and after, and

15
00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:43,040
Speaker 1: we were opening gifts. My nephew had gotten her customized

16
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,760
Speaker 1: clock and had a poem on it. Okay, okay, sweet

17
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,800
Speaker 1: so far Yeah, the pictures were replacing the numbers on

18
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,040
Speaker 1: the clock and of her, Oh my god, in the

19
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:52,080
Speaker 1: hospital beds.

20
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,600
Speaker 3: What so okay? So he's got a clock and on

21
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,560
Speaker 3: all the numbers it's her in hospital beds.

22
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:04,160
Speaker 2: That is so oh wildly awful. Why like making isn't

23
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,160
Speaker 2: making fun of her? I have no idea she's like

24
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,759
Speaker 2: being cruel and keep reading.

25
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:09,880
Speaker 1: I don't know how to get a hold of them,

26
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,720
Speaker 1: as it's mainly my sister, his mom, or my husband's.

27
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,440
Speaker 2: Family that had them.

28
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,440
Speaker 1: The poem was about happy memories and how he hoped

29
00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:18,920
Speaker 1: she makes more of them in the future.

30
00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:19,720
Speaker 2: Okay, okay.

31
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,480
Speaker 1: My daughter started tearing up at it, and when I

32
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:25,160
Speaker 1: read it, I got pissed and told them to leave.

33
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,200
Speaker 1: My sister told me she wouldn't as her son was

34
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,399
Speaker 1: just joking. What was he joking about?

35
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:30,680
Speaker 2: Yeah?

36
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:31,440
Speaker 3: What was the joke?

37
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,160
Speaker 1: I said that this goes beyond jokes and I wouldn't

38
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,640
Speaker 1: allow it in my house. She said I was overreacting,

39
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:38,920
Speaker 1: and my son, eighteen year old male, had to step

40
00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:40,200
Speaker 1: in and lead them out. Now a lot of this

41
00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:42,320
Speaker 1: family is mad at me, saying I overreacted and I

42
00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:44,679
Speaker 1: am taking things too seriously. I need to lighten up

43
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,600
Speaker 1: a bit, and I'm starting to feel that they are right,

44
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:48,040
Speaker 1: am I the ahole?

45
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,040
Speaker 2: We are missing so much content.

46
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:53,640
Speaker 3: I'm a little bit confused by what the card is. Honestly,

47
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,240
Speaker 3: like what the joke?

48
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,720
Speaker 2: She said? Is it like it's cancer time?

49
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,680
Speaker 3: I don't know. Yeah, like I'm a little bit confused.

50
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,000
Speaker 3: I think I need more information.

51
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,480
Speaker 1: We need a lot of more information, Okay, OPI responding

52
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:07,040
Speaker 1: to a comment.

53
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:08,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, hopefully they provide that.

54
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,440
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm just gonna jump on this comment so this

55
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,640
Speaker 1: doesn't get buried. I'm pretty sure OPI is my aunt

56
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:16,200
Speaker 1: and I'm the guy who is an a hole.

57
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,600
Speaker 3: No, we're getting the other side.

58
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:20,639
Speaker 2: Does this ever happen?

59
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, we get it sometimes. My favorite thing, we're getting

60
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:25,000
Speaker 3: the other side.

61
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,720
Speaker 2: I've never seen this. Can you read it again? I

62
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:28,720
Speaker 2: think I think I will.

63
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:30,840
Speaker 3: You want just the description of the card?

64
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,560
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, So we're opening gifts.

65
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,480
Speaker 1: My nephew had gotten her a customized clock and had

66
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,120
Speaker 1: a poem on it. The pictures were replacing the numbers

67
00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:41,080
Speaker 1: on the clock and of her in hospital beds. I

68
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,960
Speaker 1: don't know how he got a hold of them, as

69
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,280
Speaker 1: it's mainly my sister's lash, his mom, or my husband's

70
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,840
Speaker 1: family that had them. The poem was about happy memories

71
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:49,680
Speaker 1: and how he hopes she makes more of them in

72
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:50,200
Speaker 1: the future.

73
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,600
Speaker 3: Alie says, it's like he's saying life has been crap.

74
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,839
Speaker 3: Hope it it's better, but it's off Okay, now read

75
00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:56,119
Speaker 3: his I want his side.

76
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,119
Speaker 2: I'm gonna hear his side. But why did he said

77
00:02:58,160 --> 00:02:59,959
Speaker 2: it's a joke if it was supposed to be sweet?

78
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:01,680
Speaker 3: I know, Yeah, what's the job?

79
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,320
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure OPI is my aunt and I'm the

80
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,120
Speaker 1: guy who's in a hole. But my aunt is leaving

81
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,040
Speaker 1: something out. She was leaving a lot out. Yeah, my

82
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:10,080
Speaker 1: cousin has always been sick, and yeah, she's been in

83
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,840
Speaker 1: and out of hospitals all her life.

84
00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:15,080
Speaker 3: He's like, she's I've only ever seen her in hospital beds.

85
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:16,840
Speaker 3: I never know the pictures of word.

86
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,600
Speaker 2: Maybe aunt can't really handle it.

87
00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:22,919
Speaker 1: She keeps talking about how her daughter never had a

88
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,280
Speaker 1: life and never will until she gets well.

89
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,320
Speaker 2: Though cousin won't ever be well.

90
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,880
Speaker 1: Her condition is chronic and painful, but it's not going

91
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,959
Speaker 1: to get much better than it is, and yeah that sucks.

92
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,840
Speaker 1: But it feels like her mom can't accept that and

93
00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:36,760
Speaker 1: keep focusing on her daughter getting better. Yeah, I mean,

94
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,480
Speaker 1: her daughter's sick, and as a mother, you would only

95
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:40,440
Speaker 1: want your daughter to get here.

96
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,320
Speaker 3: Yeah that's I don't know if this guy's helping himself.

97
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:44,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, then you're digging a bigger pole.

98
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,120
Speaker 1: But I think that Cousin's life can't wait for that

99
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:49,800
Speaker 1: because that'll never happen. But if anyone tries to talk

100
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,680
Speaker 1: about that to Aunt, she flips out and starts screaming

101
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,880
Speaker 1: that her daughter will be fine and be able to

102
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,200
Speaker 1: do everything. I just stopped talking about it completely around her.

103
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,360
Speaker 1: It's also not your place, like the mom is in

104
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,720
Speaker 1: her own process. Yeah, like she's dealing her something really hard,

105
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,440
Speaker 1: sick daughter. Yeah, you can't imagine that as a parent.

106
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,520
Speaker 1: It's not really your place to tell her, like, get over,

107
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,480
Speaker 1: this is how you should feel, get on, or have

108
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,760
Speaker 1: this perspective. But Cousin's been really down about it lately,

109
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,520
Speaker 1: with the pandemic and lockdown and all. She's been able

110
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,520
Speaker 1: to do even less and never see any of her

111
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,440
Speaker 1: friends or anything. And she and I have been talking

112
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:23,120
Speaker 1: about it. She said she had no life and never

113
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,000
Speaker 1: had been happy and never would because she'd never be fine.

114
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,800
Speaker 1: I tried to cheer her up and remind her that

115
00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:29,760
Speaker 1: though a lot of it did suck, there were good

116
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,200
Speaker 1: times too, and times she laughed, like when I taught

117
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,880
Speaker 1: her to do card tricks. So that time when we

118
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,200
Speaker 1: raced up and down the hospital corrider and she kept

119
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,239
Speaker 1: winning because she was in a wheelchair and a lot faster.

120
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,359
Speaker 1: We ended up laughing about a lot of stuff, and

121
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,600
Speaker 1: she shared some of the times she was happy. After that,

122
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,760
Speaker 1: she said she felt a lot better about everything. That

123
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,920
Speaker 1: gave me the idea for the gift, something to remind

124
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,560
Speaker 1: her that even when she was in hospital and everything sucked,

125
00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:52,520
Speaker 1: there were good times too, And though she'll be spending

126
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,320
Speaker 1: a lot of her life in hospital beds, there will

127
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,120
Speaker 1: always been good times and laughter along with the bad stuff.

128
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,200
Speaker 1: So I got some pictures off my mom and some

129
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,479
Speaker 1: other family t trying to get pictures of those times

130
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,320
Speaker 1: she told me about when she was happy. The clock

131
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,720
Speaker 1: wasn't me being fake. Deep cousin once told me that

132
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:10,320
Speaker 1: when the pain was really bad and the doctors wouldn't

133
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:12,360
Speaker 1: give her pain meds because it wasn't good for her

134
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,520
Speaker 1: to get them, she'd stare at the clock on the

135
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,719
Speaker 1: wall and follow it with her eyes as it ticked

136
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,599
Speaker 1: the seconds, just keeping her mind on getting through from

137
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:20,880
Speaker 1: one second to the next.

138
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,040
Speaker 2: This is heavy, This is a lot.

139
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,880
Speaker 3: I am starting to think maybe he's just got a

140
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,160
Speaker 3: different relationship with his cousin.

141
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, it seemed like a sweet Yeah, it.

142
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,880
Speaker 3: Seems No, it seems good. It seems like maybe the

143
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,240
Speaker 3: aunt just doesn't understand the relationship they.

144
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,719
Speaker 1: Have for sure, and maybe like jumped to conclusions, which

145
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:39,599
Speaker 1: which makes sense.

146
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:40,960
Speaker 3: I mean, she's protective.

147
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:45,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're allowed to be triggered quite easily, or you're

148
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,960
Speaker 1: allowed to be sensitive when you have when you're going

149
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,240
Speaker 1: through this, But it wouldn't make it easier for her,

150
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,159
Speaker 1: but that way she could get through it. So I

151
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:53,680
Speaker 1: wanted to give her something else she could look at

152
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,920
Speaker 1: and remember that even if things were really really bad

153
00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:58,159
Speaker 1: right now, there'd be times where it wasn't as bad.

154
00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,479
Speaker 1: So that seems like, yeah, like it's something genuine then

155
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,000
Speaker 1: actually something really sweet and something that he tried.

156
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,640
Speaker 2: To do nice for Okay, Okay, he's coming back, he's

157
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,040
Speaker 2: coming background, and okay.

158
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,120
Speaker 1: The poem was really cringe, but I thought it would

159
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,680
Speaker 1: make her laugh because it was so bad.

160
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,680
Speaker 2: It was fun. What's this poem something about?

161
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,400
Speaker 3: He said. It was something about time, like time and

162
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,120
Speaker 3: enjoying your life and blah blah blahah.

163
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,080
Speaker 1: Sofia Colonne, OMG, that clock thing is so real. I

164
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,960
Speaker 1: only felt it once when I got sepsist, so I

165
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,720
Speaker 1: can't imagine what his cousin goes through.

166
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:24,320
Speaker 2: So often.

167
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, to just be confined to the hospital bed for your

168
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,960
Speaker 1: whole life. Yeah, I just can't imagine how awful it is.

169
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:31,960
Speaker 1: But when she opened it, she just burst into tears,

170
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:33,920
Speaker 1: and my aunt started yelling at me, and then her

171
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,239
Speaker 1: and mom started arguing.

172
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,160
Speaker 3: So, yeah, it seems so it seems like she burst

173
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:40,920
Speaker 3: into tears because she was, you know, not necessarily negative tears,

174
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,120
Speaker 3: but it was like something.

175
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:43,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, touched.

176
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:44,880
Speaker 1: So I just sat there like an idiot because I

177
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,760
Speaker 1: felt horrible. I know I could be a jerk at

178
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,400
Speaker 1: times and thoughtless, but I honestly didn't think she'd be upset.

179
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,440
Speaker 1: I tuxted cousin later and apologized for making her cry.

180
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:55,920
Speaker 1: She wrote back apologizing for crying. So she did like it,

181
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,520
Speaker 1: but when she saw it, she just felt overwhelmed, that

182
00:06:58,560 --> 00:06:59,359
Speaker 1: makes exactly.

183
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,320
Speaker 3: And the mother rushed in. She was being overprotective and was.

184
00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:05,960
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, she's crying, coming back from coming from like

185
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,239
Speaker 1: a you know, makes sense.

186
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,120
Speaker 3: It seems like this was all misunderstanding.

187
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:09,480
Speaker 2: Yeah.

188
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,320
Speaker 1: She also asked if I had a copy of the

189
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,040
Speaker 1: poem because you wanted to hang in on her own,

190
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,360
Speaker 1: but her mom had it taken and.

191
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,680
Speaker 2: The clock and wouldn't give them the heart.

192
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:17,600
Speaker 3: Okay, that's messed up.

193
00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,840
Speaker 2: If she is touched by it and enjoys, you don't.

194
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,920
Speaker 3: Get to decide what she is. You know what she

195
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:22,640
Speaker 3: can and can't have.

196
00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:26,240
Speaker 1: And if you don't want us to decide your decision,

197
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,920
Speaker 1: join us live on YouTube every weekday through PMPST.

198
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,960
Speaker 2: Just tap our profile, just tab it. There's another relevant update.

199
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,120
Speaker 2: But let's discuss.

200
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, it seemed like the cousin was coming from a sweet,

201
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:39,120
Speaker 1: generous place. It seemed like the cut the op's daughter

202
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:43,640
Speaker 1: was touched by it, yes, and was thought but was.

203
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:44,760
Speaker 2: Overwhelmed in general.

204
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,760
Speaker 1: And then the mom was being protective and you know,

205
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,960
Speaker 1: rushed into protect her daughter, which makes sense on everyone's part.

206
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I think this is just like a hopefully

207
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,160
Speaker 3: they can all have a conversation and be like, hey,

208
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:58,120
Speaker 3: a lot of overreactions, let's gone out.

209
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm not sure I could believe her cousin

210
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,400
Speaker 1: will always make sure everyone around here is okay when

211
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,800
Speaker 1: she's the one hurting the most. Seeing all the verdicts

212
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,880
Speaker 1: here about aunt not being an a whole makes me

213
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,960
Speaker 1: think I just affed up a lot and should apologize

214
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,640
Speaker 1: to cousin. Though I just meant to remind her that

215
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,800
Speaker 1: there were good times too. He did apologize, you.

216
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,120
Speaker 3: Already apologize, and she said, there's something too far.

217
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:18,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know I can be a jerk at times

218
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,760
Speaker 1: in an a hole, and I guess I really mess

219
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,960
Speaker 1: this up, adding this is an account I made just

220
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,520
Speaker 1: for this. Everything is enough of a mess without the

221
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,600
Speaker 1: whole internet knowing who I really am.

222
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,240
Speaker 2: So I think there was this.

223
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,240
Speaker 3: I think everyone's just kind of degoing through a really

224
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:34,280
Speaker 3: hard situation with someone who is sick, very sick, and

225
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:37,040
Speaker 3: they're all kind of walking on eggshells. And I think

226
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:41,320
Speaker 3: sometimes people interact with very sick people differently. You have

227
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,680
Speaker 3: some people who are overprotective.

228
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,240
Speaker 2: And especially if you're related, yeah, with your daughter.

229
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,560
Speaker 3: Exactly, trying to be helpful, trying to be you know,

230
00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:49,679
Speaker 3: caring and stuff. And then you have some people who

231
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,400
Speaker 3: are trying to, you know, make light of the situation,

232
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:52,960
Speaker 3: not in a bad way, just like.

233
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:56,840
Speaker 1: Trying to levity levity in the situation that's ongoingly heavy.

234
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so sometimes those clash, and I think that's

235
00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:01,760
Speaker 3: what's happened. I don't know if there's necessarily I think

236
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,520
Speaker 3: the mom, Yeah, Harriet Spaghetti says, Mom's not actually listening

237
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,680
Speaker 3: to her daughter, though I think I think there's a

238
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,320
Speaker 3: lot of miscommunication going on.

239
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:12,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think she's she's triggered, yeah, and is

240
00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:13,559
Speaker 1: trying to protect her daughter.

241
00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:16,280
Speaker 2: And I don't think it's selfish. I think she's just.

242
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:21,360
Speaker 1: Like not in a state to like actually see it

243
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,360
Speaker 1: from a different lens.

244
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,920
Speaker 3: But I think she should I do. I do agree

245
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,200
Speaker 3: though that you know, sometimes when you're coming from a

246
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,280
Speaker 3: place of protectiveness, you can go too far. And it

247
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,160
Speaker 3: seems like the daughter is at a place where she's,

248
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,080
Speaker 3: you know, able to know her own mind and know

249
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,280
Speaker 3: her own wants, and I think the mom just needs

250
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,120
Speaker 3: to listen a little bit harder.

251
00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,679
Speaker 1: Sure, there's room that approached us differently, but also life

252
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:46,920
Speaker 1: is freaking messy, yeah, especially when there's like ongoing sickness

253
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,560
Speaker 1: and the hardship. It's so had no manual, and so

254
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,960
Speaker 1: I think everyone in the story is trying their best, yeah,

255
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,440
Speaker 1: and no one's going to do it perfect.

256
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,360
Speaker 3: I agree. Eleanna Bane says, I don't think the mom

257
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,840
Speaker 3: is terrible. This has to be incredibly difficult for everyone,

258
00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,920
Speaker 3: including mom. I agree with that. And then Glitter not

259
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,240
Speaker 3: his mom needs therapy or support group with other parents

260
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:05,280
Speaker 3: with children with sure, I completely agree. Yeah, but yeah,

261
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:06,560
Speaker 3: I think at the end of the day, everyone in

262
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,280
Speaker 3: the story loves that girl and they're just trying to help.

263
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,640
Speaker 3: My brother uninvited me to his wedding because I'm gay.

264
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,000
Speaker 3: The whole thing is so weird. I twenty seven mail

265
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:20,080
Speaker 3: am gay. I came out at sixteen, and my parents

266
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:21,920
Speaker 3: told me they would always love me, but to not

267
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,040
Speaker 3: mention it to my older brother, who all called Brick.

268
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,959
Speaker 3: Then nineteen Mail thirty, Now.

269
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, we love you, but just don't tell Brick.

270
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:34,720
Speaker 3: That would be kind of wild as a parent to

271
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,040
Speaker 3: be like one of my children, who I raised, is

272
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,560
Speaker 3: actively homophone.

273
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:38,520
Speaker 4: Bay.

274
00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:42,440
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Miserable Weight twenty seven

275
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,560
Speaker 3: eighty four on the Okay Storytime Separate It. So when

276
00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:47,640
Speaker 3: I was confused and asked why they said that Brick

277
00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:50,360
Speaker 3: could express some awful opinions about gay people, I.

278
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,679
Speaker 2: Limited, stop your hate, stop your beliefs.

279
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,720
Speaker 3: I limited talking to Brick until I moved out at eighteen,

280
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,400
Speaker 3: which wasn't much of a problem because we were never close.

281
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,360
Speaker 3: I went to UNI, got good job and an awesome

282
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:04,400
Speaker 3: boyfriend twenty eight male in my home city. Me and

283
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:08,080
Speaker 3: my boyfriend Angel live a peaceful life peaceful until a

284
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,240
Speaker 3: few days ago.

285
00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:12,760
Speaker 2: Jan Digital Digital says, Okay, you could be gay, but

286
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:13,920
Speaker 2: she's not around Brick.

287
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,880
Speaker 3: When I got a call from my brother, Oh, I

288
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,000
Speaker 3: was concerned that Brick was calling me, as we have

289
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,720
Speaker 3: never messaged before, just had each other's numbers for emergency purposes.

290
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:26,520
Speaker 3: I picked up because maybe there was some emergency happening.

291
00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:28,920
Speaker 3: He opened the call with an annoyed hey man, and

292
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,080
Speaker 3: I knew something was up.

293
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,400
Speaker 2: Oh no, not Brick.

294
00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:34,160
Speaker 3: He said he was getting married to his fiancee, Yen

295
00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:37,280
Speaker 3: twenty four female next year. I didn't even know he

296
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:38,119
Speaker 3: had a girlfriend.

297
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:38,520
Speaker 5: Wow.

298
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:42,640
Speaker 3: I was like, that's great, Brick, and asked some boring

299
00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:45,520
Speaker 3: wedding things that he begrudgingly answered. He then told me

300
00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:48,080
Speaker 3: invites were being sent out in a couple of weeks

301
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,240
Speaker 3: and then I could bring a plus one. Here's where

302
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:53,960
Speaker 3: I made the mistake that started this mess. Without thinking

303
00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,400
Speaker 3: like an idiot, I said, cool, I'll bring my boyfriend

304
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,040
Speaker 3: major mess up.

305
00:11:58,160 --> 00:11:59,360
Speaker 2: How is that i'll mess up?

306
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,120
Speaker 3: You were just so we don't want to be We

307
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,320
Speaker 3: don't want to know people who are homophobic. So if

308
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:05,880
Speaker 3: he's not gonna allow you to come, then we don't

309
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,520
Speaker 3: want to talk to him. Brick immediately started yelling insults

310
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,560
Speaker 3: down the line, screaming that he wouldn't have an f

311
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:11,520
Speaker 3: slur at his way.

312
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:15,800
Speaker 2: He's not even passively hateful, he's actively hateful.

313
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:19,080
Speaker 3: Actively. I didn't say anything and just hung up. I

314
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,960
Speaker 3: was rattled by hearing those words from my own brother's mouth,

315
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:25,520
Speaker 3: even though I knew his feelings about people like me. Literally,

316
00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:27,800
Speaker 3: as a parent, if my child came to me and

317
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,839
Speaker 3: was spewing this hatred, I would be like, don't ever

318
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:32,000
Speaker 3: say that in front of me.

319
00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:33,400
Speaker 2: Like I would be like.

320
00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:36,079
Speaker 3: Don't, Like I want to know if these parents ever

321
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,280
Speaker 3: said like, hey, don't do this.

322
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean you gotta stop that early.

323
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, if left just and that's not I don't think

324
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,559
Speaker 1: that's shaming because I just pushed it in the shadow

325
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,760
Speaker 1: and it's gonna grow. But like addressing it, not letting

326
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,200
Speaker 1: that grow into adulthood when he can get dangerous.

327
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:53,400
Speaker 3: I told Angel, and he comforted me, ordering in my

328
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,280
Speaker 3: favorite restaurant and watching movies with me, which was awesome.

329
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,040
Speaker 3: We went to bed later and I felt all right.

330
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,200
Speaker 3: The next day, I sent my parents a message that

331
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,120
Speaker 3: Brick invited me and uninvited me from his wedding party

332
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,920
Speaker 3: pretty much in the same breath, and went on my

333
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,000
Speaker 3: way to work, not a clue of the crap storm

334
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,320
Speaker 3: waiting for me when I got off. When I turned

335
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,120
Speaker 3: my phone on again after my shift, it was blowing

336
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,880
Speaker 3: up messages and calls from my parents and relatives galore,

337
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,800
Speaker 3: asking me what the f happened. I phoned my parents

338
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,040
Speaker 3: back when I got home and gave them the rundown

339
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,400
Speaker 3: of what happened and said I honestly didn't care because

340
00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,640
Speaker 3: it's not like Brick would be coming to my wedding anyways.

341
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:31,160
Speaker 3: My parents immediately chastised me for my obvious disinterest and

342
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,800
Speaker 3: disregard of my brother's life. Your parents sucked too, and

343
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,320
Speaker 3: told me I should be apologizing to him for bringing

344
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,000
Speaker 3: my personal life into his wedding. And now we understand

345
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,680
Speaker 3: why Brick is this way because his parents never said anything.

346
00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:43,640
Speaker 3: His parents allowed him to speak this thing.

347
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:46,120
Speaker 2: It seems like the parents are a little homophobig of

348
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:46,360
Speaker 2: the life.

349
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:50,040
Speaker 4: Absolutely, Oh, you're bringing your bringing your personal life into

350
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:50,960
Speaker 4: your brother's wedding.

351
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:51,920
Speaker 2: I think that's just like.

352
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,760
Speaker 3: This is very much like, Oh, you can have your

353
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,800
Speaker 3: own beliefs, but don't impose them on us.

354
00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:01,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't be gay around up. Yeah you guys. Wow

355
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:06,000
Speaker 2: what Elena says? Where that uf did this guy dude

356
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,800
Speaker 2: pick it up from? If not at home? Yeah?

357
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:08,359
Speaker 3: Absolutely?

358
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,200
Speaker 2: First, I don't think we could jump to that, but

359
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:11,000
Speaker 2: that just shows that.

360
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,200
Speaker 3: No, it shows I mean he was nineteen at the time.

361
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,720
Speaker 3: Obviously you can get it from outside sources. But if

362
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,880
Speaker 3: the parents had heard that, like new enough that he

363
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,440
Speaker 3: was saying that to tell.

364
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,119
Speaker 2: A p hold the kid to hide their sexuality.

365
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:26,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, the brother you should like you should be I

366
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,520
Speaker 3: don't know, going off on brick not you're telling your

367
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:31,040
Speaker 3: other son to hide his sexuality and.

368
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,840
Speaker 2: Then getting mad at them for just for their significant

369
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:35,520
Speaker 2: other friend.

370
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,120
Speaker 3: I basically told my parents to screw off, and I

371
00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:43,160
Speaker 3: have been getting bombarded with messages from relatives to apologize

372
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:46,359
Speaker 3: to my brother and get my invite reinstated and apologize

373
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,880
Speaker 3: to my parents for disrespecting them. But I really don't

374
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,480
Speaker 3: want to. Don't angels reassuring me that I did nothing wrong.

375
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:54,160
Speaker 3: You haven't, you have not, but it's still nagging me.

376
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,000
Speaker 3: Am I the a hole? There is an update? No, No,

377
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:01,080
Speaker 3: you are literally living your life. You are loving someone

378
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,680
Speaker 3: and you said, oh yeah, bring my boyfriend that is

379
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,360
Speaker 3: the only thing that you've done and you were uninvited,

380
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,720
Speaker 3: and you were you know, you had a bunch of

381
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:11,080
Speaker 3: homopho people attack you. You don't need them in your life,

382
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,720
Speaker 3: which is so sad because these are your family and

383
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:17,040
Speaker 3: obviously you want a relationship with them, but if they're

384
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,840
Speaker 3: gonna mistreat you, then they don't deserve to have your

385
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:20,640
Speaker 3: relationship with you.

386
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:25,600
Speaker 1: The equivalent of this in like a heterosexual relationship is

387
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,280
Speaker 1: like your brother invites you to their wedding and you go, great,

388
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,280
Speaker 1: I'll bring my If it's a man, I'll bring my girlfriend.

389
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,400
Speaker 1: And then parents like, how dare you bring your personal lives? Yeah,

390
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,960
Speaker 1: it's like what with that? It would be like, what

391
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:37,920
Speaker 1: are you talking about?

392
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,000
Speaker 3: So weird you told me I have a plus one?

393
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,120
Speaker 2: Yeah.

394
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,080
Speaker 3: Jane Digital says is Brick having a Hawaiian themed summer wedding?

395
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:44,760
Speaker 2: That's hilarious.

396
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:49,440
Speaker 3: Elena says, black hole into the black hole, into the void. Update.

397
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:52,000
Speaker 3: Y'all have really opened my eyes on a lot of

398
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:55,040
Speaker 3: issues in my family. I apologize for only replying to

399
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,760
Speaker 3: a few comments. There's just so many of you. Big

400
00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,400
Speaker 3: shout out to all the people who gave comps to

401
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,840
Speaker 3: angel I showed him the post last night, and he

402
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,320
Speaker 3: thanks you all. I've been showing him lots of love

403
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,320
Speaker 3: because he really is an angel. And to the people

404
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:10,480
Speaker 3: calling this fake AI, cliche and whatnot, I hate to

405
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,600
Speaker 3: break it to you all, but this is just my life.

406
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,160
Speaker 3: It sounds cliche because this is the sort of all

407
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,000
Speaker 3: too real thing that happens to many people in the community.

408
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:21,000
Speaker 3: Just move along if you want to say the stuff,

409
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:23,640
Speaker 3: because you're honestly just wasting your time. One of two

410
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,800
Speaker 3: things I would also like to address is people questioning

411
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,600
Speaker 3: me about thinking I could possibly be the a hole

412
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,920
Speaker 3: in this situation. And all I can say is that

413
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,200
Speaker 3: when you have a massive people telling you you're wrong

414
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,480
Speaker 3: for what you've did, it's hard to not believe them

415
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,320
Speaker 3: just a little bit, no matter how absurd it is.

416
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,720
Speaker 3: Second thing for people wondering how no one in the

417
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,680
Speaker 3: family knew I was gay. I really was never slash

418
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,920
Speaker 3: am not close with my extended family, as they all

419
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:51,840
Speaker 3: live in different provinces and my immediate family never traveled.

420
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,600
Speaker 3: We really just send each other holiday and birthday messages

421
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:57,840
Speaker 3: and have brief conversations whenever they're sent. And I just

422
00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,760
Speaker 3: never had the urge to come out to them, and also,

423
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,240
Speaker 3: you don't owe anyone coming out. That is your own

424
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,240
Speaker 3: personal decision and no one should ever be making you

425
00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:08,359
Speaker 3: feel bad for not coming out to them someone. Anyways,

426
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,080
Speaker 3: on to the update. I decided I didn't want to

427
00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:13,240
Speaker 3: let this sit for any longer. I took a day

428
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,840
Speaker 3: off work and I added my parents, Brick, and all

429
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,760
Speaker 3: the family that messaged called me into one big group

430
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:23,240
Speaker 3: chat per one advice I saw. I laid out everything

431
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:24,920
Speaker 3: that went down to them in case they were told

432
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,280
Speaker 3: a different story by my parents and brother. I told

433
00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,439
Speaker 3: them that I was going no contact with my parents

434
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,560
Speaker 3: and Brick no matter what. If they didn't apologize and

435
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,320
Speaker 3: realized what they did wrong, I would cut them off

436
00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:36,119
Speaker 3: to I turned my phone off and continued on without

437
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:38,000
Speaker 3: it for the rest of the day. Once I turned

438
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:41,040
Speaker 3: my phone on again, I had lots of messages from them.

439
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,719
Speaker 3: My parents were outraged, and Brick said nothing. Some of

440
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,439
Speaker 3: my extended family apologized and told me that my parents

441
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,679
Speaker 3: just told them I was mean to Brick about some

442
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:54,200
Speaker 3: of his wedding plan choices which got me uninvited. Yeah,

443
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,160
Speaker 3: they freaking lied.

444
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,960
Speaker 1: His wedding plans were just like, this is a homophobic

445
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:01,320
Speaker 1: wedding yeah, and they're and Opie's and fringing on that, like.

446
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:05,320
Speaker 3: I dare you still trying to wrap my head around

447
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:11,040
Speaker 3: how stupid that is? Seriously think my parents might be Neanderthals. Anyways,

448
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,080
Speaker 3: the real story made others even more angry and more

449
00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:17,320
Speaker 3: insistent that I apologize, and they were probably blocked. This

450
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:20,000
Speaker 3: is a good litmus test for the block. Yeah, I

451
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,720
Speaker 3: didn't answer any of my parents texts, slash calls and blocked.

452
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,280
Speaker 3: By the way, you shouldn't block us. You should join

453
00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:29,080
Speaker 3: us live every weekday three pmpst on YouTube. Just tap

454
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,560
Speaker 3: her profile and there is a little bit left. But yeah,

455
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,920
Speaker 3: I think that if people are going to be horrible

456
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,919
Speaker 3: to you in homophobic, they don't deserve to be in

457
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:36,320
Speaker 3: your life.

458
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:40,000
Speaker 1: I'm glad that OPI said the record straight. Yes me tall,

459
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,199
Speaker 1: I was just like, no, it was just because he

460
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:42,879
Speaker 1: was homophobic.

461
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,679
Speaker 3: Said it's straight and then move on. I feel like

462
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,360
Speaker 3: I have a weight off my shoulders. I'm not concerned

463
00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,560
Speaker 3: about my parents showing up at our apartment as they

464
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,359
Speaker 3: moved away from my city last year. Me and Angel

465
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,959
Speaker 3: are planning a lovely trip per advice of a lot

466
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,919
Speaker 3: of people that we thought were great to France to

467
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,560
Speaker 3: visit his family during when the wedding will be taking place.

468
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:04,280
Speaker 3: That's right, Angels. The partners which I'm very excited for.

469
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,439
Speaker 3: I've heard nothing but good things about them. This will

470
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,880
Speaker 3: most likely be my only update on this post, and

471
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,600
Speaker 3: I thank you all for your support. And that is

472
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:18,000
Speaker 3: the end of that story. I mean, like, yeah, sad,

473
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 3: very sad, but at least there's something positive and some

474
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:27,320
Speaker 3: you know, you know, you have support from your side.

475
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, shout out, Angel, I'm glad support and I'm glad

476
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,119
Speaker 1: they're you know, putting out a strong boundary as as

477
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:39,439
Speaker 1: you show. It was just blatantly homophobic, blatantly awful. Groom

478
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 1: told the bride he's not sure if he wants to

479
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:42,760
Speaker 1: be married.

480
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:43,760
Speaker 2: Right after the wedding.

481
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:44,720
Speaker 3: That's bad timing.

482
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,280
Speaker 2: You do that before the wedding, that's bad timing.

483
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,880
Speaker 1: Was just made of honor in a wedding that ended

484
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,640
Speaker 1: in an absolute crap show. And have to tell someone

485
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:54,600
Speaker 1: about it because I don't even know what to do

486
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,479
Speaker 1: or if I should do anything about it.

487
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:57,639
Speaker 2: I'm at a total loss.

488
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 1: This was a first from by the way, this comes

489
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,919
Speaker 1: from you Pink Bubbles forty five on the r Okay

490
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,640
Speaker 1: Storytime subreddit. So my childhood friend was getting married today

491
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 1: to her high school sweetheart.

492
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,840
Speaker 2: The wedding was a long time coming.

493
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,600
Speaker 1: They've been together for six point five years and share

494
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,439
Speaker 1: a two year old son together. He'd been engaged for

495
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,040
Speaker 1: three years now because they delayed planning the wedding after

496
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,920
Speaker 1: she unexpectedly got pregnant with their son. Yeah, so now

497
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,800
Speaker 1: the wedding was finally here. Earlier this year, she said

498
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,600
Speaker 1: a date and started planning. I was engaged myself this

499
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,240
Speaker 1: year and got married in July. Originally was just supposed

500
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:30,920
Speaker 1: to be a regular bridesmaid. The bride's sister was supposed

501
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,560
Speaker 1: to be the maid of honor, but they had a

502
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:33,160
Speaker 1: falling out.

503
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 2: Ooh, that's like right before the wedding.

504
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:39,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, unfortunate. Lot of drama going into this wedding.

505
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,800
Speaker 1: Basically, the bride would always call her sister, ranting about

506
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 1: her fiance every time they would fight, which caused the

507
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,119
Speaker 1: sister to form a pretty negative opinion of him. Sister

508
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,679
Speaker 1: lives across several states away and doesn't see everything that

509
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,959
Speaker 1: goes on. Her Her mind jumped right to abuse, and

510
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,240
Speaker 1: she told the bride if she marries him, she's not

511
00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:58,200
Speaker 1: coming to the wedding.

512
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:01,120
Speaker 3: Wait, sorry, just to who's saying? Who's not coming?

513
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:04,280
Speaker 2: The sister the bride.

514
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 1: Okay, sister lives across several states away and doesn't see

515
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,479
Speaker 1: everything that goes on here. Her mind jumped right to abuse,

516
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,920
Speaker 1: and she told the bride if she marries him, she's

517
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 1: not coming to the wedding. She told her own sister.

518
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 1: Now here's the thing. Their relationship isn't perfect.

519
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,200
Speaker 2: They are young.

520
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,280
Speaker 1: They went through a lot, very quickly and very young.

521
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:24,640
Speaker 1: Getting engaged, unexpected pregnancy, moving in together. All happens very

522
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 1: fat thought a lot. I had my concerns at first,

523
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,919
Speaker 1: but after spending a lot more time with them, I

524
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,640
Speaker 1: saw how much they genuinely loved each other, parented their

525
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,439
Speaker 1: son together well, and were working towards the future together.

526
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 1: Bride and I have been close friends for so much

527
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,800
Speaker 1: of our lives. She's like family to me. I care

528
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,159
Speaker 1: for her deeply. When she asked me to step in

529
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,400
Speaker 1: as maid of honor, I said yes for those reasons.

530
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 1: Cut to today, the wedding day, everything was going well.

531
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,640
Speaker 1: Groom was getting emotional when they did their private vows

532
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 1: before walking down the aisle. He was still wiping tears.

533
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 1: It warmed my heart. Looking back now, I wonder what

534
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 1: the heck was going through his head. Not sure they

535
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:05,880
Speaker 1: were tears of joy, mmmm were shadowing. As the night

536
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 1: went on, the bride mingled and danced with her family.

537
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 1: She had so much family that traveled from many states

538
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,440
Speaker 1: way to be here, and she wanted to be a

539
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,159
Speaker 1: good hostess to them. The groom was usually off talking

540
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 1: with his own family when she was doing this, but

541
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 1: for the most part they stayed together. They sat together,

542
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,240
Speaker 1: ate together, danced to a few songs, played the shoe game,

543
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 1: which the shoe game. Then they were mingling separately with

544
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:27,919
Speaker 1: their families. Didn't think that was a big deal, as

545
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,399
Speaker 1: this is often how receptions go with so many people

546
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,479
Speaker 1: there pulling you in opposite directions. At one point they

547
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,119
Speaker 1: both went inside the venue. Reception was outside for a while,

548
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 1: and then she came out alone. She continued to chat

549
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,399
Speaker 1: with family, and then after a little bit, realized he

550
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,120
Speaker 1: was nowhere to be found.

551
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 3: But they've already gotten married. They got married, and they

552
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 3: had their reception. Yeah, and this is during the end,

553
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 3: like towards the end of the reception.

554
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:51,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was nowhere to be found.

555
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,200
Speaker 1: And after a while searching, we found him wandering around

556
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:56,879
Speaker 1: outside going for a what.

557
00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,400
Speaker 3: He's like, he's running and she's like, where you guys walk.

558
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 1: Bride was pretty distraught at this point. I will add

559
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 1: that the groom did have a good amount.

560
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:06,439
Speaker 2: To drink during the party.

561
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 1: Apparently when they went inside the venue, he was angry

562
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,120
Speaker 1: at her for not spending enough time with him during

563
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,400
Speaker 1: the party and said they were hardly together the whole night.

564
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,640
Speaker 1: Once he got back from his little walk, they were

565
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 1: just arguing inside their room.

566
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 2: I guess this is not off to a good start.

567
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 3: M M.

568
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,040
Speaker 1: At this point, a lot of guests were leaving and

569
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,720
Speaker 1: the ones left me, my husband, the rest of the

570
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,879
Speaker 1: wedding party and their immediate families didn't really know what

571
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,720
Speaker 1: to do it. It was just awkwards, just like arguing

572
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 1: at the.

573
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,080
Speaker 2: Reception O gag.

574
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 3: All right, this is fun, guys, sweet.

575
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 2: Party over.

576
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:40,160
Speaker 1: We were supposed to do a big send off for them,

577
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:41,920
Speaker 1: so we were just kind of waiting for that.

578
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,639
Speaker 3: That's so embarrassing. It's like, okay, they were like, we

579
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 3: have bubbles, they're holding the sparklers. Okay, I'll just take this, guys.

580
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,640
Speaker 1: We were supposed to do a big send off for them,

581
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 1: so we were just kind of waiting for that. We

582
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,840
Speaker 1: packed up all the stuff, broke down all the tables

583
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 1: and chairs, loaded it in cars, and just waited. Me

584
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 1: and the other maids pulled her aside to talk to her,

585
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 1: but she was pretty deflated at this point.

586
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:05,160
Speaker 2: Is so sad.

587
00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:06,440
Speaker 3: That's devastating.

588
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 1: Apparently the groom had taken his ring off and told

589
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 1: her he wasn't sure he wanted to be married to

590
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 1: her at the wedding. Ouch, it's not it's not like

591
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 1: I'm having doubts, like can we talk about this now?

592
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 3: This is taking the ring off at the wedding.

593
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 1: And also be like getting upset, like in the moment

594
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:27,880
Speaker 1: of like you didn't talk to me enough.

595
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 2: I don't know if I want to be married, Like.

596
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:31,920
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, this is a conversation that you have either

597
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,400
Speaker 3: before the day of the wedding or you like take

598
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:34,919
Speaker 3: a minute.

599
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

600
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not like we were like, actually, you know,

601
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:40,640
Speaker 1: screw this, I'm out.

602
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,080
Speaker 3: It was terrible. This wedding wasn't fun.

603
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:47,280
Speaker 1: Mind you, they've been living together for three years. They

604
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:49,120
Speaker 1: share a Yeah, this isn't like.

605
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, no, this wasn't Yeah, it wasn't like this

606
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,040
Speaker 3: was a quick relationship. That went to marriage. This was

607
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 3: a long relationship, A.

608
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:59,679
Speaker 1: Long relationship and engage lived together because they were engaged

609
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:03,159
Speaker 1: four years three years. Yeah, pure a child. They've been

610
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,720
Speaker 1: dating since twenty eighteen. Nothing about this was rushed, other

611
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:09,080
Speaker 1: than maybe their ages. They are quite young, but I

612
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 1: never thought of them as immature until the stunt people

613
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:11,840
Speaker 1: at their wedding.

614
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:12,359
Speaker 3: Yeah.

615
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean like at the point of a child,

616
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,359
Speaker 1: Like come on, it's kind of like you can't be

617
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 1: just passed.

618
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 3: Thinkings, you know, being impulsive like this.

619
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, over not spending enough time together at the reception.

620
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:24,719
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't know if that's the decrease.

621
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 3: I don't think that's the reason.

622
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 2: Story like that would be pretty wild.

623
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe that's like your view of like that was

624
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 1: one thing that was mentioned, but I would be shocked

625
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 1: to see that was like the reason, Like, sorry, why

626
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 1: not just leave her side?

627
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:39,360
Speaker 2: Then?

628
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,000
Speaker 1: I just don't understand at all. We finally decided to

629
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,719
Speaker 1: just load their stuff in their car and tell them

630
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 1: it's all loaded and they should probably go ahead and

631
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 1: go to get some sleep before their flight tomorrow. At

632
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:50,440
Speaker 1: the car, we hug goodbye, and I left to come home.

633
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 1: This girl is one of my absolute best friends. I

634
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,360
Speaker 1: hate that her beautiful wedding was ruined by her husband

635
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,040
Speaker 1: being petty and stubborn. She was in tears and distraught

636
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 1: on her own wedding day. It's just I don't really

637
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 1: know where to go from here. If this is at

638
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,760
Speaker 1: all normal and something they will get past, or if

639
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,199
Speaker 1: this is more serious. I genuinely am rooting for them,

640
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,359
Speaker 1: but this whole situation just has been just has me

641
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,639
Speaker 1: sitting in my car feeling confused and worried for my friend.

642
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 1: They're leaving for their honeymoon tomorrow. Don't feel like it's

643
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 1: an appropriate time to reach out and try to talk

644
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 1: about this with her. She's like getting on the plane

645
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:21,680
Speaker 1: for a honeymoon.

646
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:25,639
Speaker 2: You're like you good, eh, okay, okay bad? Any of

647
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 2: us here is appreciated.

648
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 1: I guess I'm thinking I check in via text a

649
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:32,199
Speaker 1: few times while they're traveling on the honeymoon and make

650
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:35,040
Speaker 1: sure it's going okay, make plans to see her when

651
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,479
Speaker 1: she gets back, and we could debrief everything then if

652
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 1: she wants to get into it. Starting to think the

653
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,760
Speaker 1: sisters might have been onto some Maybe.

654
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,480
Speaker 3: I honestly think as the friends, I don't think you

655
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 3: can necessarily give, you know, tell her what to do.

656
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 3: But I think that you can be there for her.

657
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 3: I think you can, you know, say like hey, so

658
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,679
Speaker 3: sorry that happens. I just want to let you know

659
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 3: that I'm here for you and I love you, and

660
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,520
Speaker 3: you know there are a lot of people who love

661
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 3: you and support you.

662
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's nothing you can't fix it. There's

663
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,360
Speaker 1: just letting them know that they're not.

664
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:03,679
Speaker 2: Alone, that they have support.

665
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,239
Speaker 1: But update, it's been a week now and a lot

666
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,399
Speaker 1: of people asked for an update. Some people on my

667
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 1: original post very adamant this relationship was abusive. It's reddit,

668
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,760
Speaker 1: that's what they will say, citing red flags, research.

669
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 2: Evidence, where do you get in this research?

670
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 1: And personal anecdotes that the story reminded you of people

671
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:23,639
Speaker 1: have too much time. There's also several comments saying I

672
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,400
Speaker 1: was overreacting, the groom was just wasted. Then they will

673
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 1: probably be fine. That's honestly where my mind goes.

674
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:35,359
Speaker 3: I don't think it was an overreaction, per section.

675
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 2: To just like this is going to smooth itself out.

676
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:41,040
Speaker 3: Sure, I think it's a big, big thing. Though. It's

677
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 3: pretty bad someone someone who you thought was about you

678
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 3: were about to spend the rest of your life with

679
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 3: said I don't want to get married to you.

680
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,639
Speaker 1: At the wedding, wedding embarrassed in front of everyone. They

681
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 1: were distraw what should have been like one of the

682
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 1: happiest days.

683
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, and hasn't come back and said like, hey.

684
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 1: Sorry, well we don't know what happened yet. At least

685
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:02,679
Speaker 1: I wanted to clarify some things from my original post.

686
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 1: While my friend the bride does have her sister, she

687
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 1: was the only child growing up in her house. In

688
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:09,639
Speaker 1: many ways, she truly is an only child. She is

689
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,879
Speaker 1: at least the only child of her mother. She already

690
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 1: had a small circle her family lives all over the

691
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 1: country and is not involved very much in her life.

692
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 2: That was not the groom's doing. He did not isolate her.

693
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,240
Speaker 1: Secondly, I would like to clarify their ages because I

694
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:23,640
Speaker 1: didn't mention them in my last post. They started dating

695
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 1: at fifteen, wow, for her, in sixteen for him.

696
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 2: I got married at twenty one and twenty.

697
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:33,119
Speaker 3: Two, So yeah, this is pretty young.

698
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 2: I mean, it's young, but it's not unheard of.

699
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 3: No, no, no, But like I think that sometimes especially when

700
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 3: you get when you're in a relationship, when you're fifteen

701
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:43,800
Speaker 3: sixteen and you continue that and then you get married.

702
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 3: There is a lot I think a lot of people

703
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 3: feel like, oh I missed out.

704
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 2: On something for sure. Yeah.

705
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 1: I mean my first relationship, I was thirteen fourteen and

706
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,480
Speaker 1: it was we dated for six years until twenty one.

707
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 5: Wow.

708
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 1: And so when I was like in it, I was like,

709
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 1: is this gonna or we gonna marry? Like, is this

710
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 1: gonna you know, be ongoing? Yeah, it was for sure,

711
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 1: like doubts of like, oh, like I've never been with

712
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 1: anyone else. Yeah, you know, is this Am I happy here?

713
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 1: Or is like am I just happy because I haven't

714
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 1: experienced anything else? And so yeah, I think that people,

715
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: you know, marrying their first love, there's you know, it's

716
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 1: kind of hard not to have doubts there.

717
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 3: I think absolutely.

718
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 4: So.

719
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 1: Part of the reason I omitted it originally is because

720
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 1: I didn't want people jumping to conclusions about their relationship

721
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 1: because of their ages. There's a lot of stigma around

722
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,280
Speaker 1: getting married young, especially on Reddit, and I get it,

723
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 1: odds are stacked against you. That's why I decided to

724
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 1: put their ages in now, because I realize it's important

725
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 1: to understand they really do have so much growing and

726
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 1: learning to still do. Now onto the update. It's pretty short.

727
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 2: See snapchat to me later that night they really.

728
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:41,680
Speaker 3: Are yeah until us in dap chat.

729
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: After they got to their hotel, and said, as he

730
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 1: began to sober up, he was realizing all that he'd

731
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 1: ruined and was very apologetic. Imagine sobering up to that mess.

732
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 3: You'd be like, oh, it's like the end of the hangover, though,

733
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 3: but he did. All that stuff happened at the wedding.

734
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 1: In this he realized that they didn't get to do

735
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 1: their last dance to send off their bouquet and guard

736
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 1: a toss. She said he was crying. They talked it

737
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 1: all out, and she said, it sucks that their wedding

738
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 1: ended that way, but it was amazing up to that point,

739
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:14,960
Speaker 1: and the important thing is that they're married and going

740
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 1: to spend the rest of their lives together. She said

741
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 1: they're going to work past it, And I asked how.

742
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:21,880
Speaker 3: She's like, you're gonna We're gonna work past it. We're

743
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 3: gonna get through this. Sure, Do we have a sty

744
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 3: step plan?

745
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:31,440
Speaker 2: You're like a business plan. Do you have a plan?

746
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 2: Just wanted to be sure.

747
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 1: She said they will work on their communication skills, and

748
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 1: I once again recommended therapy.

749
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 2: That's like the cop out of like.

750
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 1: We're going to communicate more, We're going to communicate matter. Yeah,

751
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 1: she said, they talk about it and consider it. Then

752
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 1: they were off on their honeymoon and seemed to me

753
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 1: having a great time. I checked in a bit when

754
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 1: she has snapchatted me some picks and.

755
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 2: They're doing well.

756
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 3: Snapchat.

757
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 1: Man, she knows she can always come to me, and

758
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 1: she knows I'll support her no matter what. Right now,

759
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do everything I can to help uplift them

760
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 1: as a couple and help them form some better communication habits.

761
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,520
Speaker 1: It's also seems like Op's taking on a little too

762
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 1: much responsibility is not for the your relationship. I understand

763
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 1: it's you know, it's your good friend, but they're working

764
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 1: on their own development as individuals and couple, and their

765
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,480
Speaker 1: communication skills has nothing to do with you.

766
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:20,719
Speaker 3: That's why I think it's like a certain point you

767
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 3: have to kind of gauge how much input you can

768
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 3: give into a friend's relationship. Because I had this recently

769
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 3: where I was talking to a friend about the relationship

770
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 3: and they were telling me things and I was like, Okay, well,

771
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 3: I can't tell them to like not that they should,

772
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 3: but like I was, like, I can't tell them to

773
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 3: break up, but also I can't say like nothing, And

774
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,720
Speaker 3: so it's finding that middle ground of advice.

775
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, my place is always consent.

776
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm very firm on like consensual advice, and it

777
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,760
Speaker 1: just like feels just kind of liberating. I'm like, never

778
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 1: have to wonder if I could give advice or not.

779
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 1: I give advice advice.

780
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:52,719
Speaker 2: I did this.

781
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 3: I did realize that do you want advice on this?

782
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 2: Yeah?

783
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:57,360
Speaker 1: I did all the time. And it's like, do you

784
00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 1: want a different person? I'm thinking something completely different?

785
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 2: Can I that?

786
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 1: And then people aren't gonna be upset at you if

787
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 1: you ask consent. It's actually super kind. But you just

788
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 1: assume of like, oh, you know, I'm gonna actually go

789
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 1: to therapy on my end so that I could give

790
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,480
Speaker 1: them communications skills. Yeah, now that she said that, I'm joking.

791
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 1: But it's just like it's not really your your responsibility. Okay,

792
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,920
Speaker 1: her sister didn't support her choice to stay with him,

793
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 1: and that's why sister is not in her life anymore.

794
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:23,120
Speaker 2: I feel so confused by that.

795
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's a thing where people think that they

796
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 3: have more say in a person's relationship than they.

797
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 2: Just feels honestly, it just feels quite righteous. Yeah, I

798
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 2: don't want that. I will support her choice period. And

799
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:37,240
Speaker 2: by the way, if you.

800
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 1: Support us, period, you could join us live on YouTube

801
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 1: every weekday at three PMPST. Just tap our profile. There's

802
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 1: another relevant update, but let's discuss. No, we're gonna go

803
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: into the update a few takeaways. Be careful drinking on

804
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 1: your wedding day. Yeah, that's the moral of this.

805
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 2: Honestly, you're gonna get hammered on your mordding day. It's

806
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 2: just not a good decision. So you don't need that much.

807
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,240
Speaker 2: The last thing. Oh so you just want to remember

808
00:32:58,320 --> 00:32:59,720
Speaker 2: your wedding day drunk.

809
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 3: I don't know. This doesn't drink.

810
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 1: That's awesome coming from that context, but I get it.

811
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 1: You know, there's a lot of people people get overwhelmed.

812
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,520
Speaker 1: You might want some alcohol loose in you. You don't

813
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 1: need that much. The last thing you want to do

814
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,160
Speaker 1: is get wasted on your wedding day and say slash

815
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 1: do something stupid as a result that you can't take back.

816
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,360
Speaker 1: One commentary put it really well, you may be able

817
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 1: to overlook your partner's ugly parts now, but are you

818
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 1: willing to let this be your life if they never change?

819
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:27,720
Speaker 1: I know there's a lot of people on the subreddit

820
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 1: that are getting married, so I hope someone can learn

821
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: something from this story.

822
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 2: So are you and Sophia dating? We are not dated.

823
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 2: Literally just said I'm not dating any man on the show.

824
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 3: You guys are bullying me on purpose.

825
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:39,880
Speaker 1: Now.

826
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 4: I hate my partner for having long COVID. He neglects me.

827
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 5: He needed it short, not long.

828
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 2: I feel like I.

829
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 4: Am stuck in a rut with my partner of seven

830
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 4: plus years. We got married in December twenty three and

831
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:56,640
Speaker 4: the first year has been a really long.

832
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 2: Back breaking test.

833
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from user Kookie Trust seventy

834
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 4: four sixty three on the r slash Okay story times

835
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 4: I read it. We met in our mid twenties via

836
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 4: friends and started dating after three months of knowing each other.

837
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 4: It was cute and flirty and stars and sparks were

838
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 4: flying everywhere, as it is in any new relationship.

839
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,760
Speaker 2: The spicy sleep and the vibe were great nice.

840
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 4: Exactly a year later, we moved in together and I

841
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 4: had become the mother in the relationship. Oof that's moving

842
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:28,040
Speaker 4: in with your partners always. That's a fit and big test.

843
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:31,560
Speaker 4: That's the test that stands on time. I did most

844
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:34,719
Speaker 4: of the cooking, cleaning, and organizing. I also had a

845
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 4: six day week job while he worked from home. Even

846
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 4: before the pandemic, I grew resentful. Additionally, he stopped being

847
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 4: affectionate towards me. The spicy sleep was not existent. Another

848
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 4: like catch twenty two of like moving in with your partner,

849
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 4: everyone always goes like, oh, yeah, this spice is gonna

850
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:54,240
Speaker 4: go crazy.

851
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 5: It goes crazy, goes to the office, it goes crazy

852
00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 5: for like the first well after you once you guys

853
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 5: settle in. After that, probably like a week to two weeks,

854
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:03,480
Speaker 5: and yeah, no, I'm tired.

855
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 2: And why is that? Who? I don't know.

856
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 4: Let us know in the comments why that is? We

857
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:11,239
Speaker 4: had a spicy sleep maybe once per quarter. Mind you,

858
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 4: we are still twenty five, twenty six and had more

859
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 4: energy than we have now in our thirties. I also

860
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 4: realized he would text his ex and a girl he

861
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:22,239
Speaker 4: met online and dated before me.

862
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:23,920
Speaker 2: They only met once.

863
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:27,479
Speaker 4: The texts were sort of suggestive, but I thought, we're

864
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 4: still young men text me in a similar fashion, and

865
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,840
Speaker 4: I play along if I do find it worthwhile to

866
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 4: maintain that contact.

867
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:38,040
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean there is I get what she just said.

868
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,200
Speaker 4: I can understand there is, Like you don't want to

869
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 4: necessarily cut off every single person who like sends a

870
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 4: flirty text to you. But at the same time, if

871
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:49,560
Speaker 4: the husband's the one initializing.

872
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 5: It, I mean I would if I'm ogive, what if

873
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,319
Speaker 5: it's like a coworker and it's like, now, if I

874
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 5: cut this person off, it's gonna completely destabilize my work

875
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 5: life because now it's gonna be dramatic.

876
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 2: And whereas you could just you not engage in the

877
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 2: flirtation or.

878
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,440
Speaker 5: You're in a relationship just like hey, I love you

879
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,239
Speaker 5: or I like you, but as a friend, let's not

880
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,759
Speaker 5: let's not be I'm not saying ignore it. Oh no,

881
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 5: I would just be like, let's let's like lean back

882
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:16,799
Speaker 5: here on being that as flirty as we were or like,

883
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:21,279
Speaker 5: you know, it's just like you're kind of that's a

884
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:23,359
Speaker 5: very like thin ice kind of thing, like you're on

885
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 5: the type rope.

886
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 4: But like, is this I think him initiating the texting

887
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,359
Speaker 4: is that's not a good thing, especially with the rate,

888
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 4: especially with the culprits that he's doing with. You can't

889
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:38,279
Speaker 4: call out every man because, let's be honest, they're all

890
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:38,720
Speaker 4: the same.

891
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 2: Aha.

892
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,839
Speaker 4: I also spoke to my ex, nothing like he did,

893
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,319
Speaker 4: I realize now, but I did because we had a

894
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:48,319
Speaker 4: history and I missed him when things got bad with

895
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:49,000
Speaker 4: my current man.

896
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 2: So it turns out all this is so sad as

897
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 2: every man?

898
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:53,439
Speaker 1: Then?

899
00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 2: Is that what I'm hearing?

900
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:55,400
Speaker 4: It?

901
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,000
Speaker 5: Just don't do that. I don't. I don't. I don't

902
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 5: like any of that. That paragraph was all all not good.

903
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 2: Let's not let's not do that.

904
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,880
Speaker 4: Fights about the distribution of work were a weekly occurrence,

905
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 4: but I stuck around. Dating is hard, Finding a decent

906
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:14,439
Speaker 4: man is harder. Everyone has issues and we all need

907
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:17,360
Speaker 4: to work them out. Can't always bolt, That's what I thought.

908
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:20,240
Speaker 4: The next year, he met that girl he was seeing

909
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 4: online before me. We lived in a different city and

910
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,759
Speaker 4: she lived in our hometown. We both belonged to the

911
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:30,040
Speaker 4: same town. They spent the evening together. I checked his phone.

912
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 4: That's how I found out.

913
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:34,240
Speaker 2: Wow. I didn't say anything.

914
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 4: The texts only said quote, thanks for having me over,

915
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 4: good fun. I prayed it was only a casual meeting.

916
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 4: They had met and developed the connection online before he

917
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 4: met me, then she cheated and they decided to part ways.

918
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 4: There was unfinished business there. I was hoping they only

919
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 4: met to hang out and come to peace with what

920
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 4: could have been.

921
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:59,439
Speaker 2: I pray nothing happened. This is a mess, all right.

922
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:02,000
Speaker 4: This is a huge This is not this is you

923
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 4: didn't confront him. Well, this is all in the past too.

924
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 4: This isn't even the main story. This is like pretext.

925
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:08,880
Speaker 4: This is this is context.

926
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 5: It's just break up. This just break up. I'm you're

927
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:17,880
Speaker 5: one year into your relationship. You're basically mamaing him and

928
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 5: you don't have a good relationship with them unless you

929
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 5: want to fix that right now. But he looks like

930
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:23,400
Speaker 5: he's cheating.

931
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 4: To this day, I don't know if anything happened. I

932
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,799
Speaker 4: confronted him years later, and he said that they only

933
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,439
Speaker 4: hung out for a little bit and then he came home.

934
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:37,040
Speaker 4: He deleted their chat, so I'll never know. Well, that

935
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 4: tells you everything you need to know right there. Honestly,

936
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 4: if you delete the chat, that's you indict yourself.

937
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:45,200
Speaker 2: He's like, I don't know what you're talking about.

938
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, even though you know exactly what he's talking about.

939
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,840
Speaker 4: Over the years, I felt uncomfortable in my relationships, I

940
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,200
Speaker 4: always let it go because I feel like my parents

941
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 4: had a terrible relationship and I'm just hoping not to

942
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 4: be them. Doubtful and bickering all the time. I thought

943
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,400
Speaker 4: cooking and cleaning was an issue with me that and

944
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,319
Speaker 4: that if I provided a solution instead of bickering, that

945
00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:09,400
Speaker 4: would help us move forward. About the woman I thought

946
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 4: so much, he spoke to women who he was more

947
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 4: than friends with.

948
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:13,479
Speaker 2: Am I that.

949
00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:17,120
Speaker 4: Insecure, I should mature because there will be many who

950
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:20,840
Speaker 4: will make me uncomfortable. After the pandemic, we got closer

951
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 4: to our thirties and had matured.

952
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,440
Speaker 2: I still had doubts, but we had more happy days.

953
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 4: Intimacy was always an issue, and he even said that

954
00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:31,959
Speaker 4: intimacy was not a big deal for him. It broke

955
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 4: my heart and I felt like I was in the pits.

956
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 4: But many friends tell me they were in similar boats

957
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:41,400
Speaker 4: and that your intimacy levels stopped matching after the honeymoon period.

958
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:42,520
Speaker 2: I carried on.

959
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 5: It just seems like now you're just settling. It's like

960
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:48,879
Speaker 5: you guys are like barely in a relationship anymore. Yeah,

961
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:50,720
Speaker 5: and you guys are already in like a dead marriage.

962
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 5: It's been like a couple of years. That's from the

963
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:55,359
Speaker 5: sound of it. It's like, I don't know.

964
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,880
Speaker 4: If anyone said to me, it's like, yeah, the physical

965
00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:02,480
Speaker 4: intimacy in a relationship that literally doesn't me, I'd be like, mm, okay,

966
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 4: it matters to me. He might not see eye to

967
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,880
Speaker 4: eye on that. In December of twenty twenty, he was

968
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,399
Speaker 4: let go from his job. He decided to move back

969
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 4: to his parents' house. It was an abrupt decision. He

970
00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 4: didn't discuss it with me. He just told me. I

971
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 4: was gutted to lose him, but I was okay to

972
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,759
Speaker 4: live alone and maintain some distance from him too. I

973
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:23,359
Speaker 4: was always in a relationship in my twenties, and this

974
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:26,680
Speaker 4: break without a breakup was a good option. I was

975
00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:28,880
Speaker 4: mature and the distance would help me not be so

976
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,960
Speaker 4: dependent on him. I was depressed when he left, but

977
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 4: I was also looking at the bright side.

978
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 2: I exercised more. I had more time to do girly.

979
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 4: Things instead of just couple things, which was mostly what

980
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:45,720
Speaker 4: the boys wanted. Watch live sports, smoke up, and discuss politics,

981
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 4: et cetera.

982
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:50,320
Speaker 2: Those are not days. Yeah, wait, you're like, it's I

983
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,160
Speaker 2: could do girly things instead of couple.

984
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:56,239
Speaker 4: Things like watching sports and discussing the Roman Empire.

985
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:58,400
Speaker 2: Those are boy activities.

986
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:01,239
Speaker 5: Yeah wait wait, we were a couple, things like hanging

987
00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:01,800
Speaker 5: with the boys.

988
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, that's not what couples do.

989
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 4: It sounds like this guy sounds like that had a

990
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:08,839
Speaker 4: real bad relationship with this guy.

991
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:10,120
Speaker 5: Does that sounds like a relationship at all?

992
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 2: There's no give and take here.

993
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,840
Speaker 4: We met every two to three months either here I

994
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,480
Speaker 4: would visit. At the very first visit, I saw him

995
00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 4: chat with his college friend that he had a massive

996
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:22,799
Speaker 4: crush on. They had almost gotten in a relationship, but

997
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 4: life had other plans for them. They had been friends

998
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,759
Speaker 4: for over a decade, and so I swallowed that bitter

999
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 4: pill and didn't let it bother me. It was just

1000
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 4: a friend. They had been friends for a decade, and

1001
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 4: despite the crush from both sides, they had only kissed

1002
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:42,239
Speaker 4: once after getting a little intoxicated. He bragged about it

1003
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 4: before we started dating. I thought, so what friends talk?

1004
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:47,760
Speaker 4: You need to stop sink thinking.

1005
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 2: So what about everything?

1006
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're like, that's fine, You're rushing it under the

1007
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:52,880
Speaker 5: rug or the carpet.

1008
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:56,680
Speaker 4: I mean, okay, I guess the context is that it

1009
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 4: was before they were dating.

1010
00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 5: For sure, But he's doing this is you were like, yeah,

1011
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 5: I made out of that, OPI these are blatant red

1012
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:07,920
Speaker 5: flags in front of you that he's consistently talking and

1013
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:11,120
Speaker 5: he looks so it sounds like he looks like a

1014
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:14,479
Speaker 5: little like enthralled to be talking to these women rather

1015
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:15,399
Speaker 5: than talk to you.

1016
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 4: He seems to not be staying true to his like oh,

1017
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,120
Speaker 4: I don't really care. It's like, well, then, why do

1018
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:23,360
Speaker 4: you seem to have crushes on all these girls?

1019
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,960
Speaker 5: Why do you get so giddy when you why are

1020
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 5: you talking to other girls like this? I mean, I

1021
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 5: like how Op, he's like very like laid back and

1022
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:32,960
Speaker 5: trying to be mature about it, like, oh, he can

1023
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:35,399
Speaker 5: talk to other girls. But there's a there's a there's

1024
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,359
Speaker 5: a line of like he's had a crush on her,

1025
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:40,759
Speaker 5: oh he has a past with her, or like he

1026
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:43,759
Speaker 5: deleted the text. There is some context where like you

1027
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:46,680
Speaker 5: can be chill and like be very understanding and not

1028
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 5: you know, overbearing, but this is bad.

1029
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 4: A few months later, he went on a trip with

1030
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,959
Speaker 4: two of his friends the Mountains. I had never met

1031
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 4: these friends. They were from his college. It was a

1032
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:58,400
Speaker 4: week long trip and in the middle of it the

1033
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,160
Speaker 4: girls joined them. My partner said it was a surprise

1034
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:04,360
Speaker 4: to them too. I too was alerted when this happened.

1035
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 4: He sensed it in my voice. I think he told

1036
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 4: me she was He told me she was sleeping in

1037
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:13,480
Speaker 4: a different room and that she was being pricey, demanding

1038
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 4: some special food and drinks that they didn't have. I

1039
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:19,400
Speaker 4: was gutted and we had a fight. He assured me

1040
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,720
Speaker 4: that I was crazy for thinking such a wild thought.

1041
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,440
Speaker 4: So I calmed myself down, and I thought he was

1042
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:27,400
Speaker 4: telling me all this, so why would he have a

1043
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:30,759
Speaker 4: fair and tell me about their trip. He then told

1044
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:32,920
Speaker 4: me that they met a couple of times, and that

1045
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:37,840
Speaker 4: was that. Mmm. It just keeps it just keeps getting worse.

1046
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:41,920
Speaker 4: Three months after his trip, he visited me. I slyly

1047
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:45,040
Speaker 4: checked his phone and realized they slept in the same

1048
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 4: room with another friend present. The texts were about the

1049
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:53,879
Speaker 4: third friend's snoring habits. I was livid. I confronted him.

1050
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 4: He told me that he was sorry for lying, but

1051
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:57,800
Speaker 4: he only did it because he heard how upset and

1052
00:43:57,880 --> 00:43:59,919
Speaker 4: quiet I sounded when he told me she was coming.

1053
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 4: So we've got lying, we've got maybe cheating, We've got

1054
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 4: no intimacy.

1055
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 2: That's already. That's three big strikes for me.

1056
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 5: He seems like he just doesn't care about you at all. Appe, yeah,

1057
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:18,440
Speaker 5: and I think it. The listens again a little bit

1058
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:21,400
Speaker 5: longer here with what we know.

1059
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 4: He told me to check his phone and see if

1060
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:26,719
Speaker 4: there was anything to point to any wrongdoing.

1061
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 2: He said that he lied, but there was nothing going on.

1062
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:33,520
Speaker 4: I checked his phone and realized that they chatted every

1063
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:37,439
Speaker 4: day late into the night. They met two to three

1064
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 4: times per week. They played badminton together. They sent each

1065
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 4: other selfies. I am feeling sick while typing this. But

1066
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:50,800
Speaker 4: the biggest revelation was his substance use. We smoked only

1067
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:54,839
Speaker 4: as a couple, only the Devil's let us. He had

1068
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:57,759
Speaker 4: told me that he had tried some adventure previously, but

1069
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 4: nothing ongoing. It was only at one point party in college.

1070
00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:03,359
Speaker 4: He liked it, but that was not our scene. In

1071
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:06,160
Speaker 4: the text, I realize they are discussing and more serious

1072
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 4: substances that he did at a New Year's party. After

1073
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 4: the trip, he said that he felt sick and will

1074
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 4: stay away from it, which is my advice to everyone

1075
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:18,640
Speaker 4: out there. Stay away from illegal substances.

1076
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:20,160
Speaker 5: It's illegal for a reason.

1077
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 4: In the text, I also got the sense that he

1078
00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:26,440
Speaker 4: flirted with her and that she only reciprocated. There was

1079
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 4: also never a mention of me break up, You break up?

1080
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:32,120
Speaker 4: W how do you stay with this guy? You break up?

1081
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 4: This isn't even about him having long COVID. You hate

1082
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 4: him because of all this.

1083
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:39,120
Speaker 5: This man was doing more couplely things with this woman

1084
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 5: than he did with you.

1085
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:43,759
Speaker 2: Oh, he's blaming badminton and sending selfiest.

1086
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:47,120
Speaker 5: He didn't even do that once with op. It seems like, yeah,

1087
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 5: but that that so what I'm saying. He's getting giddy

1088
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:50,840
Speaker 5: about these other women.

1089
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 4: Maybe she thought he was single. How could I blame her?

1090
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 4: I was shattered. After so many years of dating, turning

1091
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 4: a blind eye to all the red flags, I was

1092
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 4: finally opening my eyes to a reality I didn't even

1093
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 4: think was possible.

1094
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 2: Who the f M. I'm not even gonna say that one.

1095
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:15,359
Speaker 4: Uh, it's like I didn't even know him anymore. I

1096
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,919
Speaker 4: cried my heart out, I felt sick, and I don't

1097
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 4: think I will ever be able to process it anyway.

1098
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:23,799
Speaker 4: Over the next few weeks, he tried to assure me

1099
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 4: that nothing of that sort had happened, that he would

1100
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 4: stop talking to her, and if I wanted, he would

1101
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:31,799
Speaker 4: even text her saying that my girlfriend is uncomfortable with

1102
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:34,360
Speaker 4: us in our dynamic. It calmed me down and I

1103
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 4: didn't ask him to do it, but I felt better.

1104
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 4: He wanted to save the relationship. He said that he

1105
00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:42,319
Speaker 4: would give me full access to his phone and that

1106
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 4: I could also demand him for a urine test anytime

1107
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:48,759
Speaker 4: I wanted. He was sorry for the suggestive text and

1108
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:52,399
Speaker 4: for the substance use. He said nothing bad happened with her,

1109
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:55,319
Speaker 4: and that he said nothing bad happened with her, and

1110
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 4: that it was flirting from eons ago that had suddenly continued.

1111
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 4: The substances, he said, was an odd peer pressure where

1112
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:04,759
Speaker 4: his friends from college that he loved hanging out with

1113
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 4: UH started doing it, and he thought why not. I

1114
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:12,400
Speaker 4: was slowly convinced, dude. He then went back and I

1115
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:14,879
Speaker 4: was going to see him in forty five days. He

1116
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:18,120
Speaker 4: maintained all the promises. When he met his friends, he

1117
00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:20,600
Speaker 4: got a yearine test and I could see he was clean.

1118
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 4: He only texted her once, only in response to her

1119
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:27,960
Speaker 4: incessant meme sending she didn't meet him. I saw a

1120
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:31,360
Speaker 4: therapist who spoke in Barnum statements, but asked me to

1121
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:34,799
Speaker 4: find my self worth and eventually what is important to me.

1122
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 2: The relationship was important. I had given it seven years.

1123
00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:41,880
Speaker 4: Now, Younger people live in the moment, and my single

1124
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:46,480
Speaker 4: friends were miserable and desperate. I needed the relationship. It

1125
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:49,760
Speaker 4: did make me feel secure. He's a nice man. He's smart,

1126
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 4: knowledgeable and kind to all people, yeah, especially his ex girlfriends.

1127
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:57,880
Speaker 4: I found myself a job back home and moved to

1128
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:00,440
Speaker 4: our hometown. I told my parents about it and that

1129
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:03,759
Speaker 4: we wanted to get married. My folks were tentative, but

1130
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,560
Speaker 4: when they met him, they liked him and were thrilled.

1131
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 4: Despite being old school and opposed to the idea of

1132
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:13,520
Speaker 4: different religions marrying, they were very accepted. I took that

1133
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:16,840
Speaker 4: as a sign of a better future and I stopped therapy.

1134
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:21,840
Speaker 4: Oh God, So when we fought, I brought up this incident.

1135
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 4: I could sense he felt guilty, and I think that

1136
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:27,799
Speaker 4: is a better way forwards. We got married end of

1137
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:32,319
Speaker 4: last year and it was fun for a few days.

1138
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:34,480
Speaker 4: Intimacy was still a big issue.

1139
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:34,879
Speaker 1: Earl.

1140
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:36,799
Speaker 2: I wish I knew you, because I would have told

1141
00:48:36,880 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 2: you not to marry this guy. Get out.

1142
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:43,279
Speaker 4: That was such a not good idea after everything that

1143
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:44,400
Speaker 4: we've just read.

1144
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:47,200
Speaker 2: Here, especially it seems like you've brought these up and.

1145
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:50,439
Speaker 5: He just doesn't care well and.

1146
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 4: It's you know, the things for me is outside of

1147
00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:58,120
Speaker 4: you know, just with Op's thing marrying somebody because it's

1148
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:02,080
Speaker 4: just like it feels secure. That's not why you do that.

1149
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 4: But after his trip to the mountains, he got COVID

1150
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:09,840
Speaker 4: and developed some nerve issues. He started having panic attacks

1151
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:15,320
Speaker 4: and developing involuntary muscle catches with any repeated motion. Many

1152
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 4: tests later, doctors are unable to figure out what it is.

1153
00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:21,919
Speaker 2: But it means that spice sleep.

1154
00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 4: Which is nothing but repeated motion, is now out the

1155
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:28,080
Speaker 4: window completely. Am I the a hole for hating him

1156
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 4: for this long COVID?

1157
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:32,600
Speaker 5: It's definitely not the COVID. So if you I'm in

1158
00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:35,160
Speaker 5: the context we got this has nothing to do with that.

1159
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 4: If you actually just hate him because of the long COVID, yeah,

1160
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:43,080
Speaker 4: you are an a hole. But like Kean said, it's

1161
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 4: everything before the long COVID you had should inform your

1162
00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 4: opinion about this guy.

1163
00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:51,399
Speaker 5: Don't blame the long You're like, you're like, oh, that's

1164
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:53,880
Speaker 5: that was the straw that poked the Campbell's back.

1165
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:56,360
Speaker 4: If I found out that I was dating a girl

1166
00:49:56,400 --> 00:50:00,360
Speaker 4: who was like, I don't know, having secret bad mitten

1167
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:04,880
Speaker 4: sections with secret bad minten sessions with her ex boyfriend

1168
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 4: and sending selfies and texts every.

1169
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:12,040
Speaker 5: Into the night day like they're still dating and he's

1170
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:15,840
Speaker 5: not doing that with you his actual partner.

1171
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, immediately leaving. Life is still the same.

1172
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:21,080
Speaker 4: I do most of the work and we haven't had

1173
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:24,479
Speaker 4: spicy sleep in four months now. He also takes heavy

1174
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,719
Speaker 4: medicines to keep the long COVID in check, which makes

1175
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:29,360
Speaker 4: him drowsy all day. We can't go for a walk

1176
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:32,360
Speaker 4: or play any physical games because of this illness. We

1177
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:34,440
Speaker 4: also don't sleep on a regular bed, but on a

1178
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:38,120
Speaker 4: hard surface with no mattress, which makes even cuddling a

1179
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 4: big challenge. Are you sleeping on the floor? What are

1180
00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:43,880
Speaker 4: we doing? Is that for the long COVID? I'm so confused.

1181
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:47,839
Speaker 4: Even stirring a spoon causes an issue, so I do

1182
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 4: all the cooking and cleaning. The worst part is I've

1183
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:53,760
Speaker 4: never spoken to anyone about this. No friend, no family,

1184
00:50:54,160 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 4: The therapists professionalism didn't help me connect, and past their thirties,

1185
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:01,000
Speaker 4: it is hard to even meet a friend and let alone,

1186
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:03,959
Speaker 4: tell them this childish nonsense from half a decade ago.

1187
00:51:04,160 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 4: And by the way, you can join us for a

1188
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 4: half decade, a whole decade for the entire foreseeable future,

1189
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:16,600
Speaker 4: every weekday at three PMPST when we go live on YouTube, Facebook, Twitch,

1190
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:19,120
Speaker 4: and TikTok, just tap on our profile and you're in.

1191
00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:22,160
Speaker 5: There's so many blatant red flags that Op was just like,

1192
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 5: that's fine, right, and then it all I think it

1193
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:28,800
Speaker 5: all just piled up covid, and now I can't be

1194
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:30,520
Speaker 5: with him and I have to do all this for him.

1195
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:32,800
Speaker 2: You were all you were already doing all of that.

1196
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:33,680
Speaker 2: So let it be known.

1197
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:37,840
Speaker 4: If you see red flags in a relationship, it's best

1198
00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:39,200
Speaker 4: to not ignore them.

1199
00:51:39,480 --> 00:51:41,840
Speaker 2: It's best to address them as soon as possible.

1200
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:43,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're like, oh, I want to be the cool

1201
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:45,399
Speaker 5: I want to be the cool girlfriend or the cool

1202
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:47,080
Speaker 5: the cool partner. I'm like, you can talk to those

1203
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:49,279
Speaker 5: girls like it's not right, but like, I don't want

1204
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:52,040
Speaker 5: to be like jealous. I don't seem jealous or like

1205
00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:54,719
Speaker 5: seem like I'm crazy. But yeah, there are times where

1206
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:56,879
Speaker 5: we're like, no, that's not right. O, well let's finish

1207
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,760
Speaker 5: this OFFT year, I feel like I lost my youth

1208
00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:02,239
Speaker 5: for someone who cares zilch about me.

1209
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:05,759
Speaker 4: I am not a high libido woman. I just want

1210
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:08,360
Speaker 4: to be desired once a month at least. Am I

1211
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 4: crazy to expect this? We've only been married for a

1212
00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:13,839
Speaker 4: year now. How am I assuming the role of a

1213
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 4: caretaker already? He is not evil. He constantly apologizes for

1214
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:22,160
Speaker 4: his illness. But I feel like I am in a rut.

1215
00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 4: Can someone tell me what to do?

1216
00:52:24,719 --> 00:52:27,240
Speaker 2: Just tell me? I can't do this anymore.

1217
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:32,480
Speaker 4: I constantly take I constantly think about taking some of

1218
00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:37,120
Speaker 4: his sleeping pills to calm myself down. Did the substances

1219
00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:40,719
Speaker 4: cause his illness? Is it really long COVID or self inflicted?

1220
00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:45,239
Speaker 4: Please help me. You can't hate this guy for having

1221
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:49,319
Speaker 4: an illness. You can hate the amount you know that

1222
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:53,240
Speaker 4: it wears on you like that he can't help. But really,

1223
00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 4: the problem here is that you married this guy when

1224
00:52:56,560 --> 00:53:01,000
Speaker 4: you knew in your heart that it was probably not

1225
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 4: a great thing to do. You know, you looked past

1226
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:06,480
Speaker 4: all of the red flights to marry this guy, and

1227
00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 4: now you find yourself in a situation where you're very unhappy.

1228
00:53:10,360 --> 00:53:13,200
Speaker 2: Like I said, take away the illness. He's still the

1229
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:13,959
Speaker 2: same guy.

1230
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:17,120
Speaker 5: I mean, yes, the motory and like sensory stuff, but

1231
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,800
Speaker 5: he was not doing that prior and he was still

1232
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:22,439
Speaker 5: a little baby boy and you were taking care of him.

1233
00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:24,560
Speaker 5: Like again at the very beginning, you're like, oh, we

1234
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:28,400
Speaker 5: moved in together and I'm mama ing him, Like, yeah,

1235
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 5: that's not a good hasn't changed, It's been stagnant and

1236
00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:35,319
Speaker 5: you have I feel like you haven't conversed uh, that

1237
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:37,880
Speaker 5: problem and that issue with him. It's at least what

1238
00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:40,040
Speaker 5: you're read that you didn't call him out like, hey,

1239
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 5: you know this is happening, this is not gonna work.

1240
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:45,879
Speaker 5: You just like, Okay, he's not gonna do it. I'll

1241
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:46,480
Speaker 5: just keep doing it.

1242
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:49,800
Speaker 4: The issue needs to be pushed, and at this point,

1243
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:53,120
Speaker 4: I think it's time to divorce. I think you're in

1244
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:56,000
Speaker 4: an unhappy marriage. I don't think that your partner's going

1245
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:59,680
Speaker 4: to be able to meet you halfway. No, so you

1246
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:02,759
Speaker 4: need to dude, not you know, you don't need to

1247
00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:05,960
Speaker 4: blow up about it, but I think you need to

1248
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:08,799
Speaker 4: approach your partner and be like, I think we would

1249
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:09,799
Speaker 4: both be better off.

1250
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:13,920
Speaker 5: Oh now, Mary, Yeah that's fine and that's okay. And

1251
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:15,920
Speaker 5: I know you like you're scared we'll get better for you.

1252
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:18,319
Speaker 5: I know you said, Oh, I'm scared, thirties, I can't

1253
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:20,480
Speaker 5: make friends. I can't meet people. Well, you can totally

1254
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:24,040
Speaker 5: meet people. You can totally make friends. You could don't

1255
00:54:24,080 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 5: sell yourself short.

1256
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:30,840
Speaker 4: Go play some badminton. Yeah, my wife suggested polyamory. So

1257
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:34,719
Speaker 4: now I'm preparing for the worst possible outcome.

1258
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:38,520
Speaker 5: Three people, maybe four people, maybe five people.

1259
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:41,160
Speaker 2: Who knows that's the worst, I guess.

1260
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:41,680
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1261
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 2: We'll find out.

1262
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 4: I thirty male, and my wife, thirty female. I have

1263
00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:48,040
Speaker 4: been in a wonderful relationship for the past eleven years.

1264
00:54:48,400 --> 00:54:51,240
Speaker 4: We are college sweethearts and have been through so much together,

1265
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:54,160
Speaker 4: from living in multiple cities to eloping and dealing with

1266
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 4: our pissed off friends and families together, to seeing each

1267
00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:59,920
Speaker 4: other through the passing of loved ones, to getting our

1268
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:04,120
Speaker 4: first and second cats together. We lived our second childhoods together,

1269
00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:05,680
Speaker 4: as we like to call it, and have had the

1270
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:09,040
Speaker 4: most loving relationship I could ever ask for. By the way,

1271
00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:12,080
Speaker 4: this comes from user aggravating bid eighty nine forty four

1272
00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:15,440
Speaker 4: on the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. Well earlier this

1273
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:19,279
Speaker 4: year that all came crashing down for me. This year,

1274
00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:22,239
Speaker 4: my wife came out to me as polyamorous and told

1275
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:24,160
Speaker 4: me that it was just something that she was learning

1276
00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:26,960
Speaker 4: about herself. I felt taken aback by it and felt

1277
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:28,360
Speaker 4: all sorts of insecurities.

1278
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 2: Am I not enough?

1279
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:32,040
Speaker 4: Is this relationship a joke to you? Why do you

1280
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:34,920
Speaker 4: need to f other people? Of course I didn't say

1281
00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:37,000
Speaker 4: any of these things to her, but instead I tried

1282
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:40,080
Speaker 4: to remain calm and discuss the topic with her. She

1283
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:42,440
Speaker 4: told me that it wasn't something she necessarily had the

1284
00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:44,839
Speaker 4: energy to pursue, but it was a side of her

1285
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:45,279
Speaker 4: she was.

1286
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:46,680
Speaker 2: Interested in exploring.

1287
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:50,200
Speaker 4: Eventually, that gave me some relief, because at least I

1288
00:55:50,239 --> 00:55:53,040
Speaker 4: felt like I had time to process everything with her

1289
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:56,560
Speaker 4: and learn more about polyamory and maybe challenge myself to

1290
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:59,400
Speaker 4: see if I just learned more that I would be

1291
00:55:59,440 --> 00:55:59,920
Speaker 4: okay with it.

1292
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:02,120
Speaker 5: I don't think any of your relationship is a joke.

1293
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:05,080
Speaker 5: You guys have been together for eleven years and done

1294
00:56:05,080 --> 00:56:07,000
Speaker 5: a lot of things. I don't think she's like, oh,

1295
00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:08,319
Speaker 5: I had that in the back of my mind, and

1296
00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 5: I'll throw up at him like it's random.

1297
00:56:10,640 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 4: It's like, oh, maybe I can understand that from the

1298
00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:16,120
Speaker 4: perspective of someone who's just like really been in traditional

1299
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:18,279
Speaker 4: relationships and has only ever been exposed to.

1300
00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:19,960
Speaker 2: That somebody that you're dated.

1301
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:22,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then like all of a sudden, eleven years later,

1302
00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:25,239
Speaker 4: it's like polyamory, Yeah, I want to do that. It'd

1303
00:56:25,239 --> 00:56:28,880
Speaker 4: be like, whoa, what's wrong with me? Like that's very natural,

1304
00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:30,000
Speaker 4: like right off the bat.

1305
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:32,120
Speaker 5: But like he was like, yeah, if you put in

1306
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:35,200
Speaker 5: the retrospect eleven years in all the things you guys

1307
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:37,080
Speaker 5: been through, I don't think it's a joke.

1308
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:39,400
Speaker 2: It's no, Joe, it's a serious thing. He thinks it's

1309
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:39,879
Speaker 2: a joke either.

1310
00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:43,160
Speaker 4: No, after she told me, we were talking about polyamory

1311
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,719
Speaker 4: and what that might look like for us every now

1312
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:48,640
Speaker 4: and then on date nights. I was always uncomfortable talking

1313
00:56:48,640 --> 00:56:51,440
Speaker 4: about it because in truth, I just want her. I

1314
00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:53,680
Speaker 4: don't want to think about other partners. Every time I

1315
00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:57,399
Speaker 4: think about her, I want her and only her. Why

1316
00:56:57,440 --> 00:57:01,719
Speaker 4: can't I be enough? If she is truly polyamorous and

1317
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:04,680
Speaker 4: wants to be with other people, doesn't that imply that

1318
00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:09,160
Speaker 4: I was never enough? Anyways? I entertained the idea because

1319
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:12,520
Speaker 4: she's always been by and there was always a part

1320
00:57:12,520 --> 00:57:15,520
Speaker 4: of me that felt guilty for trapping her quote unquote

1321
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:19,280
Speaker 4: in a hetero relationship. See, I was her first and

1322
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:21,920
Speaker 4: only and sometimes I wonder if part of her feels

1323
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:25,400
Speaker 4: like her queerness never really got to be expressed because

1324
00:57:25,440 --> 00:57:25,680
Speaker 4: of that.

1325
00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:27,800
Speaker 2: So maybe this could work.

1326
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:31,120
Speaker 4: And hey, it's not like it's realistic to expect that

1327
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:34,680
Speaker 4: either of us would never feel attraction of any kind

1328
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:38,520
Speaker 4: to someone else. It's just about whether it's acted upon

1329
00:57:38,640 --> 00:57:42,120
Speaker 4: or not. The months pass and we both learn more

1330
00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:45,080
Speaker 4: about polyamory and what that could look like. We like

1331
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:51,320
Speaker 4: the idea of a monoslash polyhierarchical relationship, and I stupidly think, Yeah,

1332
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:54,280
Speaker 4: our love is so strong, I'll definitely learn to want this.

1333
00:57:54,880 --> 00:57:57,360
Speaker 4: I'll be the primary partner, and I'll always come first.

1334
00:57:57,720 --> 00:57:59,880
Speaker 4: I believe her when she says that, because she's only

1335
00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:02,400
Speaker 4: ever been one hundred percent there for me, through thick

1336
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:06,520
Speaker 4: and thin. But inside, I'm worried because if she finds another,

1337
00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:09,240
Speaker 4: won't she stop being there for me one hundred percent?

1338
00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:12,040
Speaker 4: I tell her my fears, and she comforts me, telling

1339
00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:14,680
Speaker 4: me that I'm the love of her life and that she's.

1340
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:15,480
Speaker 2: Not going anywhere.

1341
00:58:15,800 --> 00:58:18,440
Speaker 4: But then again, if she wants to see other people,

1342
00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 4: isn't she going somewhere?

1343
00:58:20,320 --> 00:58:23,560
Speaker 2: This guy's it's like washed a ship of theseus, are you?

1344
00:58:23,640 --> 00:58:26,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's so wishy washy here. You're like, ah, I'm

1345
00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:30,080
Speaker 5: I'm like, if if statement A is gonna be statement B,

1346
00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:34,920
Speaker 5: then statement A will be statement B. It's like, m don't, don't,

1347
00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:37,240
Speaker 5: don't try and like read it into it that much. Man,

1348
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:38,200
Speaker 5: it has even started.

1349
00:58:38,560 --> 00:58:41,360
Speaker 4: I love her so much and I want to believe her,

1350
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:45,440
Speaker 4: but I find myself dying inside whenever consensual non monogamy

1351
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 4: or polyamory is brought up. I started reading all of

1352
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:52,320
Speaker 4: the propaganda out there by people in polyamorous relationships. Uh

1353
00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:56,080
Speaker 4: so ethical monogamous don't even know how to communicate. Most

1354
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:59,400
Speaker 4: one on one marriages fail because we're not evolved for that.

1355
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 4: We have I'm so much love to give. I start

1356
00:59:02,800 --> 00:59:05,800
Speaker 4: telling myself all those sweet nothings and denying myself the

1357
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:08,880
Speaker 4: right to want monogamy. And the thing is, I believe

1358
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:11,680
Speaker 4: my wife when she tells me that she would prioritize me.

1359
00:59:12,200 --> 00:59:15,120
Speaker 4: The effing problem is that I don't want that. I

1360
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 4: don't want someone to just come by and take her

1361
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:19,960
Speaker 4: away from me. Ever, I don't want somebody to call

1362
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:23,640
Speaker 4: themselves her partner because I want to be the only one.

1363
00:59:24,120 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 4: I've given her all of myself and she's always given

1364
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:29,400
Speaker 4: all of herself to me, and I'm here making myself

1365
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:32,360
Speaker 4: feel selfish for not wanting to share f me.

1366
00:59:33,200 --> 00:59:35,640
Speaker 2: You need to tell her this, yeah stop.

1367
00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:35,960
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1368
00:59:36,080 --> 00:59:37,600
Speaker 2: The fact that you're like, I support it, and then

1369
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:40,320
Speaker 2: you're like, I don't like any of this, you need

1370
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 2: to I made a mistake just like this.

1371
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:46,280
Speaker 4: If you ever get in the situation where you're trying

1372
00:59:46,360 --> 00:59:50,080
Speaker 4: to do Polly or something and y'all aren't on the

1373
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:53,760
Speaker 4: same page, y'all need to address it immediately.

1374
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:56,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, because if this is what's eat again you right

1375
00:59:56,320 --> 00:59:59,960
Speaker 5: now and again, it hasn't even started. Imagine where she's like,

1376
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:02,520
Speaker 5: I'm gonna go on a date and I'm gonna go

1377
01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:07,800
Speaker 5: do this. Your brain is going to turn to like a.

1378
01:00:07,640 --> 01:00:09,959
Speaker 2: You're going to be You're going to be the most

1379
01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:11,560
Speaker 2: miserable person on earth.

1380
01:00:12,120 --> 01:00:14,240
Speaker 4: This all came to a head one day when she

1381
01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:16,919
Speaker 4: finally came to me with what I didn't want to hear.

1382
01:00:17,520 --> 01:00:21,400
Speaker 4: She developed feelings for someone else and wanted to tell

1383
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:24,880
Speaker 4: me about it for transparency. She's always been honest and

1384
01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:27,520
Speaker 4: transparent with me, but man, did this one hit me

1385
01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:30,640
Speaker 4: like an effing truck. She assured me that she hasn't

1386
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:33,600
Speaker 4: acted on it. The person doesn't know and she doesn't

1387
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:36,000
Speaker 4: have to take it any further than I am comfortable.

1388
01:00:36,280 --> 01:00:38,480
Speaker 4: But I get a panic attack and start having visions

1389
01:00:38,520 --> 01:00:41,280
Speaker 4: of her leaving me. We talk a lot and she

1390
01:00:41,320 --> 01:00:43,680
Speaker 4: spends it a lot of time comforting me, and we

1391
01:00:43,720 --> 01:00:46,720
Speaker 4: agree to see a poly friendly therapist who can guide

1392
01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:49,480
Speaker 4: us through what we're going through. Bro, you just you

1393
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:51,720
Speaker 4: just don't sound poly compatible.

1394
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:54,840
Speaker 5: No, you sound like it's the idea of Polly is

1395
01:00:54,880 --> 01:00:56,880
Speaker 5: just not your vocabulary and on the picture.

1396
01:00:56,920 --> 01:01:00,960
Speaker 2: And that's okay, literally fine, but you need to let.

1397
01:01:00,800 --> 01:01:03,520
Speaker 5: Your partner know that. And you got to see what

1398
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 5: you guys can compromise or at least work on before

1399
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:10,440
Speaker 5: it again gets too worse than what it is.

1400
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:14,880
Speaker 4: And there are potential solutions around this that don't involve

1401
01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:19,200
Speaker 4: Polly anyway, Let's continue. We go to see the therapist

1402
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:22,000
Speaker 4: and she points out that we have a wonderful relationship,

1403
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:25,240
Speaker 4: but our communication had broken down.

1404
01:01:25,760 --> 01:01:27,640
Speaker 2: Just like we said, Wow, it's like we know what

1405
01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:28,320
Speaker 2: we're talking about.

1406
01:01:28,400 --> 01:01:30,640
Speaker 4: My wife had agreed that we wouldn't do anything with

1407
01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:34,240
Speaker 4: polyamory this year, and while she hasn't acted on anything

1408
01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:37,400
Speaker 4: telling me was basically asking me to move things forward.

1409
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:40,880
Speaker 4: I eventually break down and confess that I don't want

1410
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:43,920
Speaker 4: any of this, and that I hadn't been allowing myself

1411
01:01:44,160 --> 01:01:47,320
Speaker 4: to be okay with wanting the beautiful relationship we already have.

1412
01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:50,959
Speaker 4: It's a tough conversation that the therapist guides us through,

1413
01:01:51,200 --> 01:01:54,160
Speaker 4: and eventually we decide to put a formal pause to

1414
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:57,920
Speaker 4: polyamory talks. My life had been suffering because of a

1415
01:01:58,040 --> 01:02:01,720
Speaker 4: lot of losses. Simultaneously, my best friend decided to stop

1416
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:04,240
Speaker 4: being friends with me because she was jealous of my wife.

1417
01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:07,400
Speaker 4: My workplace laid off my best friends and left only

1418
01:02:07,400 --> 01:02:11,080
Speaker 4: me behind, and my grandmother passed away. I have been

1419
01:02:11,080 --> 01:02:14,160
Speaker 4: sleeping well, and I've been gaining weight. I just need

1420
01:02:14,160 --> 01:02:16,760
Speaker 4: my life to be stable for a bit. We all

1421
01:02:16,760 --> 01:02:19,640
Speaker 4: eventually agree that it's best that we just take a

1422
01:02:19,680 --> 01:02:22,600
Speaker 4: few months to work on our communication and to help

1423
01:02:22,680 --> 01:02:24,720
Speaker 4: me move on from a lot of the loss I

1424
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:27,760
Speaker 4: have been experiencing. She promises that we can go as

1425
01:02:27,840 --> 01:02:29,800
Speaker 4: slow as we need to and that I can have

1426
01:02:29,880 --> 01:02:32,960
Speaker 4: more time if I want. She won't act on any

1427
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:36,480
Speaker 4: feelings and promises to treat the topic as delicately and

1428
01:02:36,680 --> 01:02:40,320
Speaker 4: sparsely as she can, but she also admits that being

1429
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:43,480
Speaker 4: Polly is something she needs and she has so much

1430
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:46,440
Speaker 4: love to give. Will be monogamous for a few more

1431
01:02:46,480 --> 01:02:49,920
Speaker 4: months while I get my crap together. I guess the

1432
01:02:50,000 --> 01:02:53,160
Speaker 4: thing is, she's always been wonderful to me, and we

1433
01:02:53,280 --> 01:02:57,000
Speaker 4: have such a beautiful life together. I don't want anyone

1434
01:02:57,080 --> 01:03:00,440
Speaker 4: else but her, and I want her all the myself.

1435
01:03:01,040 --> 01:03:02,760
Speaker 4: I can have her for a few more months, and

1436
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:05,400
Speaker 4: I'm afraid that when those months pass and it's time

1437
01:03:05,440 --> 01:03:09,240
Speaker 4: to revisit this conversation, I'll be changed and learned to

1438
01:03:09,280 --> 01:03:12,160
Speaker 4: be okay with this. I'll be okay and watch the

1439
01:03:12,160 --> 01:03:15,880
Speaker 4: world we built together slowly fade, watch her walk away

1440
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:17,640
Speaker 4: from me as I stop being the only one in

1441
01:03:17,680 --> 01:03:20,760
Speaker 4: her life. The thing is, I already stopped being that

1442
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:23,000
Speaker 4: to her the moment she figured out she was Polly.

1443
01:03:23,440 --> 01:03:26,240
Speaker 4: My relationship with her, as I know it has already ended,

1444
01:03:26,520 --> 01:03:29,920
Speaker 4: and I'm staring down our final months as a monogamous couple.

1445
01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:32,400
Speaker 4: I'm trying to hold myself together and be a better

1446
01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:35,080
Speaker 4: husband and partner. Anyway, if I'm going to be let

1447
01:03:35,160 --> 01:03:37,040
Speaker 4: down in the end, I might as well have the

1448
01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:39,560
Speaker 4: best effing last months with her as I know it.

1449
01:03:40,160 --> 01:03:43,920
Speaker 4: This could all work out or it couldn't. Either way,

1450
01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:47,280
Speaker 4: my marriage as I know it is essentially over. There's

1451
01:03:47,280 --> 01:03:50,280
Speaker 4: something else there now in its place. I never wanted this,

1452
01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:52,640
Speaker 4: but it's what I get. Part of me praise that

1453
01:03:52,680 --> 01:03:55,040
Speaker 4: if I ever entertained this poly crap a few months

1454
01:03:55,040 --> 01:03:58,360
Speaker 4: from now that she starts dating and realizes that dating

1455
01:03:58,400 --> 01:04:01,840
Speaker 4: efing sucks and never mind, I'm not Polly. I was

1456
01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:05,240
Speaker 4: just being silly, But that's just a fantasy. I got

1457
01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:07,520
Speaker 4: a few months left with her, Then us as we

1458
01:04:07,560 --> 01:04:09,920
Speaker 4: know it is done will be something else. Maybe it

1459
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:12,160
Speaker 4: can be better. But I get this nagging feeling that

1460
01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:14,440
Speaker 4: I'll have to learn to let her go. Already, she

1461
01:04:14,520 --> 01:04:16,280
Speaker 4: has so much love to give, and one day I

1462
01:04:16,360 --> 01:04:18,480
Speaker 4: won't be the only one and maybe it'll be over.

1463
01:04:18,760 --> 01:04:19,640
Speaker 2: You know this is reading?

1464
01:04:20,160 --> 01:04:22,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, this guy's very Oh.

1465
01:04:21,960 --> 01:04:24,640
Speaker 2: This is reading like you're doing a self fulfilling prophecy.

1466
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:25,400
Speaker 2: That's what this is.

1467
01:04:25,600 --> 01:04:26,600
Speaker 5: I don't like any of it.

1468
01:04:26,920 --> 01:04:29,400
Speaker 4: And by the way, if you decide already in your

1469
01:04:29,440 --> 01:04:32,640
Speaker 4: head that three months from now your relationship is going

1470
01:04:32,680 --> 01:04:35,440
Speaker 4: to be over and like it'll never be anything like.

1471
01:04:35,400 --> 01:04:36,200
Speaker 2: How it was before.

1472
01:04:36,720 --> 01:04:39,160
Speaker 4: If you tell yourself that the entire time leading up.

1473
01:04:39,240 --> 01:04:41,800
Speaker 4: Tell that's exactly what's going to happen, and it's going

1474
01:04:41,840 --> 01:04:46,920
Speaker 4: to be mostly your fault because you've completely rooted yourself

1475
01:04:47,160 --> 01:04:50,640
Speaker 4: into one possibility that you made in your head and

1476
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:54,480
Speaker 4: you are no longer open to any other possibilities in

1477
01:04:54,520 --> 01:04:55,600
Speaker 4: the context of this relationship.

1478
01:04:55,720 --> 01:04:58,120
Speaker 5: Very close minded. And I know it's like it's like

1479
01:04:58,200 --> 01:05:01,600
Speaker 5: you saw no like positives at this or like no

1480
01:05:01,720 --> 01:05:06,120
Speaker 5: support to your partner, to your wife was the way

1481
01:05:06,160 --> 01:05:09,520
Speaker 5: you're talking about it is so negative.

1482
01:05:09,560 --> 01:05:12,120
Speaker 2: Well, when you think about it, it.

1483
01:05:11,320 --> 01:05:14,480
Speaker 4: Does make sense that he feels negatively. It's been eleven years,

1484
01:05:14,520 --> 01:05:16,800
Speaker 4: is not and he feels like it he's staring down

1485
01:05:17,400 --> 01:05:21,200
Speaker 4: the end. But at the same time, if that's how

1486
01:05:21,240 --> 01:05:23,960
Speaker 4: you really feel already, then you might as well just

1487
01:05:24,080 --> 01:05:27,000
Speaker 4: leave because you're gonna end up leaving in three months

1488
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:30,960
Speaker 4: and you're just tormenting yourself. Or if you want to,

1489
01:05:31,080 --> 01:05:33,920
Speaker 4: you know, put your boots on and do the hard work,

1490
01:05:34,560 --> 01:05:37,720
Speaker 4: be open to the possibility of this working and the

1491
01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:41,720
Speaker 4: possibility that it also might really hurt when it doesn't. Yeah,

1492
01:05:41,720 --> 01:05:44,680
Speaker 4: but you're kind of trying to already build up this

1493
01:05:44,760 --> 01:05:47,600
Speaker 4: thing where it's like it's guaranteed to fail. Probably to

1494
01:05:47,680 --> 01:05:53,200
Speaker 4: protect yourself, but you're only doing your relationship of eleven

1495
01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:56,640
Speaker 4: years of disservice. I'm broken, but I know this isn't

1496
01:05:56,680 --> 01:05:59,160
Speaker 4: necessarily the end. Oh, and we have an update. Let's

1497
01:05:59,160 --> 01:06:01,920
Speaker 4: get into it right now. Thank you for all the comments, advice,

1498
01:06:01,960 --> 01:06:04,280
Speaker 4: and kind words. After reading a lot of what you

1499
01:06:04,320 --> 01:06:06,480
Speaker 4: all had to say, I decided that at the very least,

1500
01:06:06,640 --> 01:06:09,160
Speaker 4: I should be honest with myself by being honest with

1501
01:06:09,240 --> 01:06:11,960
Speaker 4: her about what I want. I talked to her and

1502
01:06:12,040 --> 01:06:14,480
Speaker 4: reiterated that I only want to be with her and

1503
01:06:14,560 --> 01:06:17,160
Speaker 4: I don't want to see her with anyone else, and

1504
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:20,240
Speaker 4: that any changes to our relationship dynamic has to be

1505
01:06:20,280 --> 01:06:25,560
Speaker 4: discussed and enthusiastically consented to and reaffirmed regularly. I asked

1506
01:06:25,600 --> 01:06:28,200
Speaker 4: her to confirm with me that we are monogamous right now,

1507
01:06:28,360 --> 01:06:30,840
Speaker 4: and she said yes, And she said that I am

1508
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:33,080
Speaker 4: her life partner and the one she wants to be with.

1509
01:06:33,720 --> 01:06:36,480
Speaker 4: I apologize to her for not being clear earlier about

1510
01:06:36,480 --> 01:06:39,160
Speaker 4: my discomfort, and we decided to hit the reset button

1511
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:42,160
Speaker 4: on all of this. During the pause, I asked her

1512
01:06:42,160 --> 01:06:44,760
Speaker 4: to cut off ties with that person she has feelings for,

1513
01:06:45,120 --> 01:06:47,800
Speaker 4: and while she was saddened by this, she asked me

1514
01:06:47,880 --> 01:06:50,360
Speaker 4: to trust that she would do it and not bring

1515
01:06:50,360 --> 01:06:51,200
Speaker 4: that person up again.

1516
01:06:51,440 --> 01:06:54,920
Speaker 5: See, she's respecting your wishes. There you go, she's respecting

1517
01:06:54,960 --> 01:06:57,720
Speaker 5: your boundaries and she's concerned about you.

1518
01:06:58,400 --> 01:07:01,200
Speaker 4: Look at what can happen when people well I have conversation.

1519
01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:04,600
Speaker 5: She's reassuring that she wants you. She just wants to

1520
01:07:04,640 --> 01:07:08,200
Speaker 5: try something out that she again just hasn't realized because

1521
01:07:08,200 --> 01:07:08,880
Speaker 5: she hasn't done it.

1522
01:07:08,880 --> 01:07:11,280
Speaker 4: She seems like she's just as confused as you are. Yeah,

1523
01:07:11,320 --> 01:07:13,280
Speaker 4: it's got to be a confusing thing to realize you're Polly.

1524
01:07:13,360 --> 01:07:14,720
Speaker 4: Eleven years into a relationship.

1525
01:07:14,840 --> 01:07:18,400
Speaker 5: The partner is so computed. Ah, so good, So I

1526
01:07:18,400 --> 01:07:19,560
Speaker 5: love the reaffirmation.

1527
01:07:20,120 --> 01:07:22,520
Speaker 4: She told me that she wants to choose me even

1528
01:07:22,560 --> 01:07:25,200
Speaker 4: if it's painful right now, and she can't promise that

1529
01:07:25,240 --> 01:07:28,240
Speaker 4: she won't resent me over this, but would let me

1530
01:07:28,360 --> 01:07:29,800
Speaker 4: know if that happens.

1531
01:07:30,440 --> 01:07:31,760
Speaker 2: You are all right.

1532
01:07:32,440 --> 01:07:35,280
Speaker 4: Our relationship isn't Polly in any form unless we're both

1533
01:07:35,320 --> 01:07:38,640
Speaker 4: in it one hundred percent, because Polly relationships require honest

1534
01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:43,360
Speaker 4: communication and consent, not unlike mono relationships. The point being

1535
01:07:43,480 --> 01:07:47,120
Speaker 4: your relationship is what you both enthusiastically consent to, and

1536
01:07:47,240 --> 01:07:50,680
Speaker 4: anything less than complete and utter consent is unethical and harmful.

1537
01:07:51,000 --> 01:07:52,920
Speaker 4: We both had a hand in this and are working

1538
01:07:52,920 --> 01:07:55,280
Speaker 4: to be better to ourselves and to each other.

1539
01:07:55,760 --> 01:07:58,880
Speaker 2: To be clear, I left out in my original post.

1540
01:07:58,600 --> 01:08:00,560
Speaker 4: That she told me that she would be okay with

1541
01:08:00,680 --> 01:08:03,440
Speaker 4: me seeing other people and would be happy for me.

1542
01:08:03,880 --> 01:08:06,160
Speaker 4: But I had told her repeatedly over the last few

1543
01:08:06,160 --> 01:08:08,480
Speaker 4: months that I don't like the idea of seeing anyone

1544
01:08:08,480 --> 01:08:10,920
Speaker 4: else because I have everything I could ever want and

1545
01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:13,840
Speaker 4: more with her, So why would I look.

1546
01:08:14,520 --> 01:08:16,200
Speaker 2: I love her and I love our relationship.

1547
01:08:16,360 --> 01:08:19,040
Speaker 4: I want all the good and the bad, and growing

1548
01:08:19,080 --> 01:08:21,880
Speaker 4: together is what gives me the most satisfaction. And I

1549
01:08:21,920 --> 01:08:26,839
Speaker 4: don't care for new relationship energy. I want old relationship energy.

1550
01:08:27,080 --> 01:08:29,280
Speaker 4: I want to love her more every day. I want

1551
01:08:29,320 --> 01:08:31,600
Speaker 4: to deal with her crap because it's her and not

1552
01:08:31,680 --> 01:08:35,400
Speaker 4: anyone else. I want to make joyous memories together. It

1553
01:08:35,439 --> 01:08:39,200
Speaker 4: pained me every time that she implied or stated that

1554
01:08:39,320 --> 01:08:42,520
Speaker 4: dating other people is okay, and I had to specifically

1555
01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:44,920
Speaker 4: tell her to stop saying that I'm allowed to date

1556
01:08:45,000 --> 01:08:48,160
Speaker 4: others outside of our therapy sessions because I felt like

1557
01:08:49,080 --> 01:08:52,840
Speaker 4: because it felt like coercion, and she apologized and agreed

1558
01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:56,559
Speaker 4: that she was overly excited and being inconsiderate. I told

1559
01:08:56,600 --> 01:08:59,160
Speaker 4: her multiple times, and I hope she sticks to her word.

1560
01:08:59,560 --> 01:09:02,240
Speaker 4: She also so admitted to me that sometimes she mourns

1561
01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:05,800
Speaker 4: all she could have had, quote unquote. I asked her

1562
01:09:05,840 --> 01:09:08,040
Speaker 4: if that meant she would have wanted to swap the

1563
01:09:08,080 --> 01:09:10,920
Speaker 4: life we had for something else. She said no, and

1564
01:09:11,040 --> 01:09:15,120
Speaker 4: meant that she sometimes warns a different life, like a curiosity.

1565
01:09:15,840 --> 01:09:17,080
Speaker 2: But I didn't quite buy that.

1566
01:09:17,760 --> 01:09:19,800
Speaker 4: She said that she loves the life we had together

1567
01:09:19,840 --> 01:09:23,599
Speaker 4: while simultaneously mourning what could have been, and that mourning

1568
01:09:23,640 --> 01:09:24,720
Speaker 4: is only sometimes.

1569
01:09:24,920 --> 01:09:26,120
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, you're gonna.

1570
01:09:26,040 --> 01:09:29,080
Speaker 4: Inevitably at some point in an eleven year relationship, you're

1571
01:09:29,120 --> 01:09:32,680
Speaker 4: gonna have its thoughts of other things, or maybe you

1572
01:09:32,720 --> 01:09:34,320
Speaker 4: could call it doubt, whatever you want to do.

1573
01:09:34,400 --> 01:09:36,800
Speaker 2: It's the what if what if I did this? What

1574
01:09:36,800 --> 01:09:38,760
Speaker 2: if I did that? What if we did this? What

1575
01:09:38,800 --> 01:09:39,439
Speaker 2: if I did that?

1576
01:09:39,520 --> 01:09:41,479
Speaker 4: It's just the forks in the road. It's a natural thing.

1577
01:09:42,760 --> 01:09:47,040
Speaker 4: If Yeah, I will commend. I will commend ope though,

1578
01:09:47,200 --> 01:09:51,120
Speaker 4: that he does genuinely love her and just wants her.

1579
01:09:51,200 --> 01:09:54,040
Speaker 4: It's yeah, it's beautiful. I will respect that. It's just again,

1580
01:09:54,640 --> 01:09:56,080
Speaker 4: she does the same for you. She just wants to

1581
01:09:56,080 --> 01:09:57,120
Speaker 4: try something different.

1582
01:09:57,240 --> 01:09:59,599
Speaker 2: I'm so glad that you have been that you talked

1583
01:09:59,600 --> 01:09:59,920
Speaker 2: about this.

1584
01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:02,519
Speaker 4: Yeah, I told her, I never more in the past

1585
01:10:02,600 --> 01:10:05,840
Speaker 4: because it's what makes me today, with all the good

1586
01:10:05,920 --> 01:10:08,120
Speaker 4: and the bad. I told her, the life we've lived

1587
01:10:08,160 --> 01:10:10,720
Speaker 4: and continued to live together is the brightest light and

1588
01:10:10,800 --> 01:10:13,960
Speaker 4: strongest pillar in my life, and wishing for anything else

1589
01:10:14,000 --> 01:10:17,559
Speaker 4: feels dishonest and untrue to me. She agreed it was

1590
01:10:17,600 --> 01:10:20,920
Speaker 4: similar for her, but she still wonders anyway. And by

1591
01:10:20,960 --> 01:10:26,439
Speaker 4: the way, I want y'all to wander, not wonder, over

1592
01:10:26,600 --> 01:10:29,240
Speaker 4: to our stream when we go live every weekday at

1593
01:10:29,240 --> 01:10:34,320
Speaker 4: three pm PST on Facebook, YouTube, TikTok, and Twitch. All

1594
01:10:34,360 --> 01:10:36,519
Speaker 4: you gotta do is tap our profile and you are

1595
01:10:36,640 --> 01:10:39,400
Speaker 4: in one thing I really don't like here. Towards the

1596
01:10:39,479 --> 01:10:42,080
Speaker 4: end of that was the way that she described her

1597
01:10:42,160 --> 01:10:47,280
Speaker 4: mourning or her sort of her thoughts of what could

1598
01:10:47,280 --> 01:10:50,479
Speaker 4: have been or the past or whatever, and Op just

1599
01:10:50,520 --> 01:10:52,880
Speaker 4: being like, well, I feel like there's no never a

1600
01:10:52,920 --> 01:10:56,200
Speaker 4: reason or an acceptable reason to do that in a relationship,

1601
01:10:56,240 --> 01:11:00,000
Speaker 4: and it's like, well, now that doesn't feel right.

1602
01:11:00,479 --> 01:11:05,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know. It just seems like OP is

1603
01:11:05,880 --> 01:11:10,360
Speaker 5: stuck to one one lane and the partner we never

1604
01:11:10,360 --> 01:11:13,360
Speaker 5: got all the name, but his partner just wants.

1605
01:11:13,080 --> 01:11:15,240
Speaker 2: To like, I don't know.

1606
01:11:15,280 --> 01:11:18,160
Speaker 5: It's the fact that she is again by and she's

1607
01:11:18,200 --> 01:11:21,759
Speaker 5: never gotten really to explore that side. I can see

1608
01:11:22,080 --> 01:11:25,160
Speaker 5: where they're both coming from. Yeah, she's never she's like an.

1609
01:11:25,240 --> 01:11:26,000
Speaker 2: Even Op said it.

1610
01:11:26,040 --> 01:11:29,200
Speaker 5: Even Op said it himself. He's like, ah, I trapped

1611
01:11:29,200 --> 01:11:31,559
Speaker 5: her into a mono relationship and she never got to

1612
01:11:31,600 --> 01:11:34,000
Speaker 5: explore that. I kind of feel bad. Maybe she resents me.

1613
01:11:34,320 --> 01:11:36,040
Speaker 5: I don't think she resents you because she loves you

1614
01:11:36,080 --> 01:11:38,719
Speaker 5: so much. It's just like if if I were that kid.

1615
01:11:38,680 --> 01:11:39,240
Speaker 2: Think about it.

1616
01:11:39,320 --> 01:11:41,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're gonna think about it like, oh, what if

1617
01:11:41,280 --> 01:11:43,680
Speaker 5: I did explore this side a little bit more, or

1618
01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:45,479
Speaker 5: like get a chance to explore this I don't know,

1619
01:11:45,760 --> 01:11:48,639
Speaker 5: And I think that's what this, this Polly is she's

1620
01:11:48,680 --> 01:11:51,960
Speaker 5: looking for, like just like I want to experience something

1621
01:11:52,160 --> 01:11:54,759
Speaker 5: that's different, or what of what if.

1622
01:11:55,600 --> 01:11:58,280
Speaker 4: I know that while this isn't a time limit, it

1623
01:11:58,400 --> 01:12:01,559
Speaker 4: still feels like one. I don't know if or when

1624
01:12:01,760 --> 01:12:04,599
Speaker 4: she will come to resent me or our relationship because

1625
01:12:04,640 --> 01:12:06,559
Speaker 4: of a need to see what's out there, or I

1626
01:12:06,600 --> 01:12:11,240
Speaker 4: guess more kindly explore love in others. And irony is

1627
01:12:11,240 --> 01:12:14,000
Speaker 4: that her sister was dumped by her ex because he

1628
01:12:14,120 --> 01:12:17,120
Speaker 4: quote wanted to see what's out there, and we laughed

1629
01:12:17,200 --> 01:12:20,120
Speaker 4: at this stupidity years ago, and I feel like that

1630
01:12:20,280 --> 01:12:24,000
Speaker 4: is happening in slow motion for me. That being said,

1631
01:12:24,120 --> 01:12:26,000
Speaker 4: I feel at a minimum that I got to put

1632
01:12:26,000 --> 01:12:28,920
Speaker 4: my foot down, both for her and for myself. I'm

1633
01:12:28,920 --> 01:12:31,479
Speaker 4: preparing for the worst to come while hoping for the best.

1634
01:12:31,920 --> 01:12:34,280
Speaker 4: I still want us to work out, because what we

1635
01:12:34,360 --> 01:12:37,360
Speaker 4: have is too precious to just toss away. Call me

1636
01:12:37,400 --> 01:12:39,800
Speaker 4: an idiot, but I'm willing to try. And if her

1637
01:12:39,960 --> 01:12:42,559
Speaker 4: need to love others whopersedes her need for me, so

1638
01:12:42,720 --> 01:12:45,360
Speaker 4: be it. I'll be ready either way. The threat of

1639
01:12:45,400 --> 01:12:48,160
Speaker 4: the end doesn't have to mean daily despair. It can

1640
01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:50,800
Speaker 4: mean a reason to take every day with grace and gratitude.

1641
01:12:51,120 --> 01:12:53,479
Speaker 4: And that's how I'll choose to move forward. Thank you,

1642
01:12:53,560 --> 01:12:56,599
Speaker 4: truly everyone. I feel the love and support from all

1643
01:12:56,600 --> 01:12:58,519
Speaker 4: of you. Maybe in a few months I'll let you

1644
01:12:58,600 --> 01:13:01,120
Speaker 4: know how it goes. At the end of that story,

1645
01:13:01,320 --> 01:13:03,160
Speaker 4: I get it Op is so conflicted.

1646
01:13:03,680 --> 01:13:06,000
Speaker 5: He's like, He's like, I want what I want, what's

1647
01:13:06,040 --> 01:13:08,280
Speaker 5: best for her, I want what's best for me, and ah,

1648
01:13:08,560 --> 01:13:10,880
Speaker 5: It's just one of those things where you won't know

1649
01:13:11,400 --> 01:13:12,880
Speaker 5: until you let it happen.

1650
01:13:13,320 --> 01:13:15,880
Speaker 4: I think something that could be good for OP would

1651
01:13:15,920 --> 01:13:18,800
Speaker 4: be individual therapy. I know you guys were doing like

1652
01:13:19,040 --> 01:13:25,000
Speaker 4: polycouple therapy. I think OP could do well with sort

1653
01:13:25,000 --> 01:13:29,360
Speaker 4: of figuring out where a lot of this fear. I

1654
01:13:29,400 --> 01:13:32,639
Speaker 4: feel like the main driver in your relationship right now

1655
01:13:32,760 --> 01:13:35,880
Speaker 4: is this fear, fear and security that you're gonna lose her. Yeah,

1656
01:13:36,520 --> 01:13:38,559
Speaker 4: therapy is a great way to get to the root

1657
01:13:38,880 --> 01:13:41,880
Speaker 4: of some of these just like you know, some of

1658
01:13:41,920 --> 01:13:47,559
Speaker 4: these like core like ways that we operate as people

1659
01:13:47,600 --> 01:13:50,120
Speaker 4: that we we don't even really see because it's so

1660
01:13:50,439 --> 01:13:51,599
Speaker 4: like ingrained in us.

1661
01:13:51,640 --> 01:13:52,960
Speaker 2: It just becomes the way that we do it.

1662
01:13:52,960 --> 01:13:55,599
Speaker 4: It's it's hard for us to see from our own

1663
01:13:55,640 --> 01:13:59,680
Speaker 4: perspective how what influences the way that we move through

1664
01:13:59,680 --> 01:14:03,920
Speaker 4: our life life. And yeah, it feels like, get to

1665
01:14:03,920 --> 01:14:06,040
Speaker 4: know yourself a little bit more and maybe you'll be

1666
01:14:06,040 --> 01:14:10,120
Speaker 4: more comfortable expressing yourself to your wife.

1667
01:14:10,160 --> 01:14:12,880
Speaker 5: And just the key, the biggest key thing here, which

1668
01:14:12,960 --> 01:14:15,520
Speaker 5: looks like you guys are doing, is communicating. Just communicating

1669
01:14:15,560 --> 01:14:19,040
Speaker 5: how you feel, community, communicating what it makes you feel

1670
01:14:19,120 --> 01:14:22,000
Speaker 5: like all that, which is the first thing. And you

1671
01:14:22,080 --> 01:14:24,760
Speaker 5: just keep doing that and get to professional like boom

1672
01:14:24,760 --> 01:14:26,320
Speaker 5: boom boom boo boom. We know what we want, we

1673
01:14:26,360 --> 01:14:30,000
Speaker 5: know what we don't want absolutely and that is the

1674
01:14:30,080 --> 01:14:30,799
Speaker 5: end of that story.

1675
01:14:31,720 --> 01:14:35,400
Speaker 4: My wife found out she was alban by cheating on

1676
01:14:35,560 --> 01:14:37,959
Speaker 4: me after ten years of marriage.

1677
01:14:38,360 --> 01:14:39,759
Speaker 5: Who is this ross from friends?

1678
01:14:40,000 --> 01:14:42,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's two am here on a Saturday when I'm

1679
01:14:42,680 --> 01:14:44,840
Speaker 4: writing this after coming back home in the middle of

1680
01:14:44,880 --> 01:14:47,360
Speaker 4: a work shift because I couldn't handle it anymore.

1681
01:14:47,720 --> 01:14:48,760
Speaker 2: We've been married.

1682
01:14:48,479 --> 01:14:50,600
Speaker 4: Close to eleven years and have known each other for

1683
01:14:50,680 --> 01:14:53,439
Speaker 4: close to twelve plus years. We have a beautiful daughter

1684
01:14:53,680 --> 01:14:57,360
Speaker 4: and a handsome pair of twins unidentical boys. By the way,

1685
01:14:57,360 --> 01:14:59,880
Speaker 4: This comes from user x arm x on the arse

1686
01:15:00,320 --> 01:15:04,040
Speaker 4: Okay storytime subreddit. So we started off bad, with us

1687
01:15:04,080 --> 01:15:07,400
Speaker 4: not fully compatible with each other, but love each other Nevertheless.

1688
01:15:07,880 --> 01:15:09,639
Speaker 2: I was younger than her by two years.

1689
01:15:09,800 --> 01:15:12,200
Speaker 4: She had already managed to do and try a lot

1690
01:15:12,200 --> 01:15:14,800
Speaker 4: of things in life when I had just finished my

1691
01:15:14,880 --> 01:15:19,360
Speaker 4: studies and started working. We got married early due to circumstances,

1692
01:15:19,400 --> 01:15:22,320
Speaker 4: and throughout the first six to seven years I did

1693
01:15:22,400 --> 01:15:25,920
Speaker 4: make a lot of mistakes, mainly during her pregnancy with

1694
01:15:25,960 --> 01:15:30,160
Speaker 4: our firstborn and with our second born being lost within

1695
01:15:30,200 --> 01:15:33,639
Speaker 4: my hobby of mobile gaming and PC building, and that

1696
01:15:33,800 --> 01:15:38,640
Speaker 4: cost us to the point of our emergency money. Oh oh,

1697
01:15:38,680 --> 01:15:40,879
Speaker 4: he was spending the emergency money on his hobbies.

1698
01:15:41,400 --> 01:15:44,360
Speaker 5: That's okay on not just the fernes first, but the second.

1699
01:15:44,600 --> 01:15:47,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's not good. You can't be spending the emergency money.

1700
01:15:47,960 --> 01:15:50,040
Speaker 2: Isn't the isn't the first the daughter and then the

1701
01:15:50,080 --> 01:15:50,880
Speaker 2: second the twins?

1702
01:15:51,000 --> 01:15:54,240
Speaker 4: He said, I have an emergency the RTX thirty seven,

1703
01:15:54,320 --> 01:15:57,679
Speaker 4: he just dropped. I hate the gigabytes, buying things behind

1704
01:15:57,720 --> 01:16:00,439
Speaker 4: her back, coming back late from work so that I

1705
01:16:00,479 --> 01:16:04,559
Speaker 4: can get extra cash with overtime, not really celebrating our

1706
01:16:04,640 --> 01:16:08,559
Speaker 4: special days. But never ever had I ever had another

1707
01:16:08,600 --> 01:16:12,559
Speaker 4: relationship with another woman apart from her. For the last

1708
01:16:12,560 --> 01:16:15,120
Speaker 4: few years, I've been trying to mend all of those

1709
01:16:15,160 --> 01:16:18,320
Speaker 4: things that I've done wrong. I made up with better salary,

1710
01:16:18,400 --> 01:16:21,920
Speaker 4: I supported her and started started celebrating our special dates,

1711
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:25,639
Speaker 4: taking care of the house better, like cleaning, washing, attending

1712
01:16:25,640 --> 01:16:28,920
Speaker 4: to the kids. Because she's constantly in pain due to

1713
01:16:28,960 --> 01:16:33,880
Speaker 4: her back and knees suspected arthritis, I gave her my car.

1714
01:16:34,000 --> 01:16:35,760
Speaker 4: I gave her my car to drive so that she

1715
01:16:35,800 --> 01:16:38,559
Speaker 4: can travel with comfort. And for the last year after

1716
01:16:38,640 --> 01:16:41,639
Speaker 4: I got another job with better pay. I gave her

1717
01:16:41,880 --> 01:16:44,800
Speaker 4: a big amount of pocket money for her to use

1718
01:16:44,960 --> 01:16:47,840
Speaker 4: in any way she sees fit. Whenever she wanted to

1719
01:16:47,840 --> 01:16:50,960
Speaker 4: go for some me time traveling overseas with friends. I

1720
01:16:51,040 --> 01:16:53,439
Speaker 4: gave her the car, some extra cash if I had it,

1721
01:16:53,840 --> 01:16:55,840
Speaker 4: and left the kids with me so that she can

1722
01:16:55,880 --> 01:17:01,240
Speaker 4: go enjoy herself. No curfew. I trusted her completely. Okay,

1723
01:17:01,600 --> 01:17:05,360
Speaker 4: she's already stopped trying for us and for me ever

1724
01:17:05,439 --> 01:17:06,719
Speaker 4: since our twins were born.

1725
01:17:07,320 --> 01:17:08,920
Speaker 2: To her, she already gave up.

1726
01:17:09,040 --> 01:17:12,439
Speaker 4: And while she appreciates my effort as a family effort,

1727
01:17:12,840 --> 01:17:16,479
Speaker 4: none of it matters to her anymore. I'm okay with that.

1728
01:17:17,040 --> 01:17:19,400
Speaker 4: I know it was my own mistake. For those few

1729
01:17:19,479 --> 01:17:22,720
Speaker 4: years early on, I still treated her to all of

1730
01:17:22,720 --> 01:17:24,600
Speaker 4: the things that I would love to be treated with

1731
01:17:24,720 --> 01:17:28,000
Speaker 4: by her, but no longer get it back from her.

1732
01:17:29,200 --> 01:17:32,519
Speaker 4: To her, I exist only as a father and a

1733
01:17:32,600 --> 01:17:35,960
Speaker 4: member of her family. Eho uh yeah, I mean well,

1734
01:17:36,080 --> 01:17:38,960
Speaker 4: OPI did kind of lay out for six or seven years.

1735
01:17:39,000 --> 01:17:41,800
Speaker 4: He was making a lot of mistakes. So let this

1736
01:17:41,920 --> 01:17:44,800
Speaker 4: be a warning. If you make mistakes time and time

1737
01:17:44,840 --> 01:17:47,559
Speaker 4: and time again for more than a half decade, it

1738
01:17:47,600 --> 01:17:51,000
Speaker 4: can lead to irreconcilable differences in your marriage.

1739
01:17:51,080 --> 01:17:53,200
Speaker 5: The resentments already there.

1740
01:17:53,400 --> 01:17:56,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, she's been taking some courses for elderly care, and

1741
01:17:56,800 --> 01:17:58,960
Speaker 4: she's doing one that requires her to be away a

1742
01:17:59,000 --> 01:18:02,200
Speaker 4: lot from the house, like for assignments, group projects, and

1743
01:18:02,200 --> 01:18:05,599
Speaker 4: for presentations. The kids were left with her sister, and

1744
01:18:05,680 --> 01:18:09,519
Speaker 4: today she called telling me about some news she wanted

1745
01:18:09,560 --> 01:18:12,320
Speaker 4: to tell me in person. I've been away on remote

1746
01:18:12,400 --> 01:18:14,920
Speaker 4: jobs for almost a year, coming back only on weekends.

1747
01:18:15,160 --> 01:18:17,080
Speaker 4: I told her I couldn't make it this week and

1748
01:18:17,120 --> 01:18:20,040
Speaker 4: could only come back by the next two weeks after

1749
01:18:20,080 --> 01:18:21,799
Speaker 4: my work is done or close to done.

1750
01:18:21,920 --> 01:18:25,200
Speaker 2: So I insisted for her to tell me over the phone.

1751
01:18:25,280 --> 01:18:29,280
Speaker 2: She told me for the last few days, since last Wednesday,

1752
01:18:29,800 --> 01:18:32,839
Speaker 2: she's been having a relationship with a lady.

1753
01:18:33,320 --> 01:18:34,320
Speaker 5: That's a quick pivot.

1754
01:18:34,520 --> 01:18:38,599
Speaker 4: Yeah, pivoted like a couch and an episode of Friends Bettitt.

1755
01:18:38,760 --> 01:18:41,400
Speaker 4: But no, this is like the worst pivot you can do. Wow, Yeah,

1756
01:18:41,400 --> 01:18:42,720
Speaker 4: it makes sense. She wanted to tell you that in

1757
01:18:42,760 --> 01:18:45,840
Speaker 4: person instead of over the phone. A tomboy perhaps our

1758
01:18:45,880 --> 01:18:49,960
Speaker 4: people call them penked here Malaysia Malaysia, and the lady

1759
01:18:50,040 --> 01:18:52,880
Speaker 4: is forty years old, while I'm thirty four and wife

1760
01:18:52,920 --> 01:18:55,000
Speaker 4: is thirty six, Not that it matters a lot, but

1761
01:18:55,160 --> 01:18:57,280
Speaker 4: how effing dumb can you be to have a relationship

1762
01:18:57,280 --> 01:18:59,880
Speaker 4: with someone's wife and not expect me to feel or

1763
01:18:59,880 --> 01:19:03,599
Speaker 4: do anything bad about it? I asked my wife to

1764
01:19:03,600 --> 01:19:06,280
Speaker 4: what extent? Was it just a physical fling or something

1765
01:19:06,320 --> 01:19:10,360
Speaker 4: minimal or harmless? Nope, she was serious about the lady,

1766
01:19:10,920 --> 01:19:12,080
Speaker 4: and the same applies to the.

1767
01:19:12,160 --> 01:19:13,559
Speaker 2: Lady about my wife.

1768
01:19:13,640 --> 01:19:14,280
Speaker 5: What a pivot?

1769
01:19:14,400 --> 01:19:15,840
Speaker 2: I asked, what have they done?

1770
01:19:16,000 --> 01:19:20,040
Speaker 4: And she admitted that they have been having spice asleep unprotected,

1771
01:19:20,160 --> 01:19:23,599
Speaker 4: regardless in what way, for some time. The thing is,

1772
01:19:23,640 --> 01:19:26,559
Speaker 4: she admitted that she loves her, that she has always

1773
01:19:26,680 --> 01:19:30,720
Speaker 4: wanted to try loving another girl, and she doesn't regret it.

1774
01:19:31,479 --> 01:19:35,559
Speaker 4: For goodness sake, I'm here. I've been trying to gain

1775
01:19:35,600 --> 01:19:39,400
Speaker 4: her love, her attention, and her affection back for years

1776
01:19:40,040 --> 01:19:42,519
Speaker 4: so that our family can be together for as long

1777
01:19:42,560 --> 01:19:45,160
Speaker 4: as the kids are at least still staying with us.

1778
01:19:45,200 --> 01:19:50,200
Speaker 4: But this with feelings and being serious about it pivot.

1779
01:19:50,280 --> 01:19:53,080
Speaker 4: I was upset beyond what I thought I might be

1780
01:19:53,280 --> 01:19:57,439
Speaker 4: with this news. She was sorry, but nevertheless accepts whatever

1781
01:19:57,439 --> 01:20:01,839
Speaker 4: the results will be, be it divorce or not. I asked,

1782
01:20:01,880 --> 01:20:04,000
Speaker 4: will she at least try to make things better? With

1783
01:20:04,040 --> 01:20:09,000
Speaker 4: me after her betrayal like this. Nope, no, she'd be

1784
01:20:09,160 --> 01:20:12,760
Speaker 4: more distant from me regardless of the outcome. I've been

1785
01:20:12,800 --> 01:20:15,200
Speaker 4: away from the family, trying to make more money for her,

1786
01:20:15,520 --> 01:20:19,200
Speaker 4: for the family, supporting her interests and plans to the

1787
01:20:19,240 --> 01:20:22,280
Speaker 4: best of my ability, and she chose another lady to

1788
01:20:22,439 --> 01:20:23,280
Speaker 4: cheat on me with.

1789
01:20:24,360 --> 01:20:27,040
Speaker 2: What about the kids? She told me that she still

1790
01:20:27,080 --> 01:20:30,080
Speaker 2: put the family as a priority over her lady, and

1791
01:20:30,160 --> 01:20:33,679
Speaker 2: yet I'm family as well as the kids. She said

1792
01:20:33,760 --> 01:20:36,280
Speaker 2: she did still care for me as a family member,

1793
01:20:36,360 --> 01:20:39,519
Speaker 2: yet in the same breath telling me to my ears, no,

1794
01:20:39,960 --> 01:20:42,559
Speaker 2: she doesn't love me as a person and doesn't want

1795
01:20:42,560 --> 01:20:45,839
Speaker 2: me as a person, only as a father for our children.

1796
01:20:46,560 --> 01:20:48,080
Speaker 2: Is this how it is with ladies?

1797
01:20:48,560 --> 01:20:50,880
Speaker 4: Once you don't go in their good books anymore, you

1798
01:20:50,920 --> 01:20:53,880
Speaker 4: get banned for life. Not that she didn't ever hurt

1799
01:20:53,920 --> 01:20:57,479
Speaker 4: me before, but I always accepted being wronged as her

1800
01:20:57,560 --> 01:21:00,960
Speaker 4: not being capable to attend to me trying to understand

1801
01:21:00,960 --> 01:21:05,360
Speaker 4: her situation. Always so really quickly, I'm gonna say, I

1802
01:21:05,520 --> 01:21:08,719
Speaker 4: don't feel comfortable putting any money on the bet y'all

1803
01:21:08,720 --> 01:21:12,400
Speaker 4: were having clear and consistent communication for those six to

1804
01:21:12,439 --> 01:21:14,160
Speaker 4: seven years while you were making your mistakes.

1805
01:21:14,280 --> 01:21:16,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think another big mistake that you.

1806
01:21:16,160 --> 01:21:20,519
Speaker 4: Made was that you completely lost all your communication channels

1807
01:21:20,520 --> 01:21:21,160
Speaker 4: with your wife.

1808
01:21:21,240 --> 01:21:24,640
Speaker 5: And guess what she was like, I'm over this. This

1809
01:21:24,760 --> 01:21:27,439
Speaker 5: guy's the father of my kids, and that's that she.

1810
01:21:27,520 --> 01:21:28,559
Speaker 2: Had been moving on.

1811
01:21:28,840 --> 01:21:31,160
Speaker 4: It's unfortunate, and you know what, And although we are

1812
01:21:31,160 --> 01:21:32,920
Speaker 4: making a little bit light to this, like I do

1813
01:21:32,960 --> 01:21:35,920
Speaker 4: feel for you, op, like it's got to hurt lesson

1814
01:21:36,000 --> 01:21:39,240
Speaker 4: learned right. You got to if you really feel like

1815
01:21:39,240 --> 01:21:42,040
Speaker 4: you were making mistakes consistently for six to seven years,

1816
01:21:42,360 --> 01:21:45,439
Speaker 4: you gotta be real proactive about making it right.

1817
01:21:46,200 --> 01:21:48,439
Speaker 2: And if you don't feel like if you're.

1818
01:21:48,280 --> 01:21:50,679
Speaker 5: Trying to make it right by just buying them things

1819
01:21:50,920 --> 01:21:53,439
Speaker 5: and paying for their things and letting them have space,

1820
01:21:53,920 --> 01:21:55,280
Speaker 5: that's not the right way to do it.

1821
01:21:55,360 --> 01:21:55,960
Speaker 2: Exactly.

1822
01:21:56,000 --> 01:21:59,080
Speaker 4: There's way more to it than just I'm paying for

1823
01:21:59,120 --> 01:22:01,400
Speaker 4: your vacation trip and I let you drive my car.

1824
01:22:01,479 --> 01:22:02,439
Speaker 2: How could you do this to me?

1825
01:22:02,600 --> 01:22:06,519
Speaker 4: Yeah, in the healthiest way I can describe money in relationship,

1826
01:22:06,520 --> 01:22:08,439
Speaker 4: And this is a bit of a tangent, but it's

1827
01:22:08,479 --> 01:22:11,960
Speaker 4: like when you know that your partner or that y'all

1828
01:22:11,960 --> 01:22:15,439
Speaker 4: both do have money in a relationship, what it does

1829
01:22:15,520 --> 01:22:19,320
Speaker 4: is it provides you security, and that security allows the

1830
01:22:19,360 --> 01:22:24,439
Speaker 4: relationship to grow in ways that when you don't have

1831
01:22:24,520 --> 01:22:27,559
Speaker 4: financial stability, or you don't have financial security, it's a

1832
01:22:27,600 --> 01:22:31,280
Speaker 4: lot harder for something to blossom because you're just too

1833
01:22:31,280 --> 01:22:34,599
Speaker 4: busy being concerned about stressed out things. You're too stressed out.

1834
01:22:34,640 --> 01:22:35,599
Speaker 4: That's like your main bills.

1835
01:22:35,760 --> 01:22:37,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, your main focus is literally like how am I

1836
01:22:37,760 --> 01:22:38,240
Speaker 2: going to live?

1837
01:22:38,400 --> 01:22:39,280
Speaker 5: How am I going to survive?

1838
01:22:39,479 --> 01:22:44,040
Speaker 4: So it's very appealing, but it's also can be quite

1839
01:22:44,080 --> 01:22:47,920
Speaker 4: the trap. Yet with this, I worry about my kids.

1840
01:22:48,120 --> 01:22:50,599
Speaker 4: I don't trust her anymore with our kids, but they

1841
01:22:50,600 --> 01:22:54,679
Speaker 4: are very close to her, especially are younger of the twins.

1842
01:22:55,520 --> 01:22:58,200
Speaker 4: Should I just accept whatever crap she's done and stay

1843
01:22:58,240 --> 01:23:01,439
Speaker 4: for the kids or move away while exposing our kids

1844
01:23:01,439 --> 01:23:04,680
Speaker 4: to the harm that comes with a divorced merit. I

1845
01:23:04,680 --> 01:23:07,200
Speaker 4: couldn't even sleep right now, despite having to work at

1846
01:23:07,280 --> 01:23:08,799
Speaker 4: nine am until midnight.

1847
01:23:10,000 --> 01:23:12,000
Speaker 2: Update number one.

1848
01:23:12,320 --> 01:23:15,240
Speaker 4: We both meet up at her parents' house and she

1849
01:23:15,360 --> 01:23:21,000
Speaker 4: came clean and outed as a libiit true and true,

1850
01:23:21,160 --> 01:23:24,439
Speaker 4: but because of that, her personality has now changed. She

1851
01:23:24,560 --> 01:23:27,880
Speaker 4: no longer holds grudges. She can actually say that she

1852
01:23:27,960 --> 01:23:31,400
Speaker 4: loves me, despite not a full on love, since she

1853
01:23:31,439 --> 01:23:34,599
Speaker 4: has now been and anything goes aside from you know,

1854
01:23:34,880 --> 01:23:37,160
Speaker 4: spicy sleep. I'm hoping for a change, but I don't know.

1855
01:23:37,560 --> 01:23:40,360
Speaker 4: She's calmer and happier and more confident and somehow has

1856
01:23:40,400 --> 01:23:43,559
Speaker 4: become a lots and lots more healthier than she was

1857
01:23:43,640 --> 01:23:45,680
Speaker 4: the last time I met her, before I went for

1858
01:23:45,720 --> 01:23:50,120
Speaker 4: another long distance relationship while working. I honestly truly love her,

1859
01:23:50,520 --> 01:23:52,680
Speaker 4: but knowing that she now has another person that she

1860
01:23:52,720 --> 01:23:57,080
Speaker 4: loves truly despite regardless of her being a woman, I'm

1861
01:23:57,120 --> 01:24:00,479
Speaker 4: still torn a bit inside. Already talked to the other

1862
01:24:00,520 --> 01:24:03,200
Speaker 4: girl that she's dating, and they both seem serious with

1863
01:24:03,240 --> 01:24:06,639
Speaker 4: each other, and the girl seems very accommodating. My wife

1864
01:24:06,760 --> 01:24:09,320
Speaker 4: kept saying that she's sorry and she wanted the best

1865
01:24:09,360 --> 01:24:11,640
Speaker 4: for me and doesn't want to stream me along for

1866
01:24:11,680 --> 01:24:15,240
Speaker 4: the ride because it's unfair to meet, which is true.

1867
01:24:15,560 --> 01:24:18,000
Speaker 5: But you did it in the worst way possible. You

1868
01:24:18,080 --> 01:24:20,080
Speaker 5: were like consistently cheated on.

1869
01:24:20,600 --> 01:24:24,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, you did cheat on your husband with a woman.

1870
01:24:24,479 --> 01:24:30,080
Speaker 4: And although your husband did you know, provide the she

1871
01:24:30,200 --> 01:24:34,080
Speaker 4: was variables that created a sort of dead marriage. From

1872
01:24:34,439 --> 01:24:38,840
Speaker 4: the wife's perspective, it is still not a very cool

1873
01:24:38,880 --> 01:24:43,760
Speaker 4: guy move to cheat on your partner, regardless of the context.

1874
01:24:43,880 --> 01:24:46,400
Speaker 2: I think I've only ever read one story where I was.

1875
01:24:46,360 --> 01:24:49,680
Speaker 4: Like, Okay, I can maybe accept that, but cheating is

1876
01:24:50,120 --> 01:24:51,120
Speaker 4: it's not close to this, and.

1877
01:24:51,080 --> 01:24:52,360
Speaker 5: Cheating is wrong is wrong.

1878
01:24:52,439 --> 01:24:53,320
Speaker 2: Cheating is wrong.

1879
01:24:53,760 --> 01:24:55,640
Speaker 4: And if there is still love there, and if you

1880
01:24:55,720 --> 01:24:59,280
Speaker 4: guys do still care about the family, which obviously I

1881
01:24:59,280 --> 01:25:01,400
Speaker 4: think you both do, who then I don't think there

1882
01:25:01,439 --> 01:25:04,519
Speaker 4: needs to be any real big fears about divorce and

1883
01:25:04,560 --> 01:25:06,280
Speaker 4: exposing the kids to it, because it sounds like you

1884
01:25:06,360 --> 01:25:08,720
Speaker 4: all are gonna do it very amicably. It sounds like

1885
01:25:08,760 --> 01:25:12,080
Speaker 4: you guys can maybe co parent effectively, like I think

1886
01:25:12,120 --> 01:25:13,680
Speaker 4: would be the solution. I don't think you should just

1887
01:25:13,680 --> 01:25:14,840
Speaker 4: be strung along like like.

1888
01:25:14,840 --> 01:25:18,559
Speaker 5: She said, I just seem like the relationship was just failed.

1889
01:25:19,320 --> 01:25:21,120
Speaker 5: That's okay, it happens.

1890
01:25:21,360 --> 01:25:22,960
Speaker 2: I am a Muslim.

1891
01:25:22,960 --> 01:25:25,240
Speaker 4: So she offered that if I were to take another

1892
01:25:25,280 --> 01:25:28,240
Speaker 4: wife that she'd gladly accept it. But the truth is,

1893
01:25:28,360 --> 01:25:31,000
Speaker 4: I'm hurt. I don't feel like I can trust another

1894
01:25:31,040 --> 01:25:34,200
Speaker 4: person in this world with my heart, my soul and

1895
01:25:34,240 --> 01:25:40,599
Speaker 4: being after being betrayed like this. But I like her personality. Now, sorry,

1896
01:25:40,640 --> 01:25:43,240
Speaker 4: it's just funny. Be like, I know she betrayed me

1897
01:25:43,280 --> 01:25:45,840
Speaker 4: and cheated on me, but like her vibe change has

1898
01:25:45,880 --> 01:25:47,240
Speaker 4: been noticeable.

1899
01:25:46,720 --> 01:25:50,519
Speaker 5: Because guess what, she's not strong to you, she's not

1900
01:25:50,800 --> 01:25:54,360
Speaker 5: tied to you. She's got lifted this weight of stress

1901
01:25:54,600 --> 01:25:57,920
Speaker 5: and like lying and like all these emotions and it's

1902
01:25:57,920 --> 01:25:58,960
Speaker 5: all She's guilt free.

1903
01:25:58,960 --> 01:25:59,120
Speaker 4: Now.

1904
01:25:59,240 --> 01:26:01,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wonder how long she's felt and known that

1905
01:26:01,840 --> 01:26:02,280
Speaker 2: she was.

1906
01:26:02,479 --> 01:26:04,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, I would like to know too. Maybe hopefully it's

1907
01:26:04,760 --> 01:26:07,160
Speaker 5: in the story, but yeah, let's find out.

1908
01:26:07,240 --> 01:26:10,200
Speaker 4: But I like her personality now, I really do, and

1909
01:26:10,240 --> 01:26:13,559
Speaker 4: I love her still. It has been an ongoing thing

1910
01:26:13,960 --> 01:26:16,160
Speaker 4: that I told her that I'm helplessly in love with

1911
01:26:16,200 --> 01:26:19,800
Speaker 4: her regardless of how she looks, feels, what her condition is,

1912
01:26:20,040 --> 01:26:21,200
Speaker 4: whatever it might be.

1913
01:26:21,560 --> 01:26:22,240
Speaker 2: I'm an idiot.

1914
01:26:22,680 --> 01:26:26,120
Speaker 4: I know I believe time heals all wounds, but honestly,

1915
01:26:26,520 --> 01:26:29,839
Speaker 4: I don't know. At this point, I decided to accept

1916
01:26:29,880 --> 01:26:33,120
Speaker 4: her as who she is for now. I haven't met

1917
01:26:33,160 --> 01:26:35,439
Speaker 4: her other partner yet, and I'm going back to long

1918
01:26:35,479 --> 01:26:39,960
Speaker 4: distance relationship for work. Hopefully God gives me strength to

1919
01:26:40,080 --> 01:26:42,360
Speaker 4: keep the marriage together for the kids, because they are

1920
01:26:42,400 --> 01:26:44,880
Speaker 4: all very close to the both of us and they

1921
01:26:44,920 --> 01:26:49,519
Speaker 4: need us both. Update number two. I run back from

1922
01:26:49,560 --> 01:26:53,439
Speaker 4: my long distance work from to home last night, but

1923
01:26:53,640 --> 01:26:57,160
Speaker 4: straight into meeting one of my old schoolmates. Funny thing,

1924
01:26:57,320 --> 01:27:00,559
Speaker 4: she was in a similar predicament as a who I am.

1925
01:27:01,200 --> 01:27:03,840
Speaker 4: She had it worse even I saw her update in

1926
01:27:03,880 --> 01:27:06,400
Speaker 4: the news. I told her how sorry I was to

1927
01:27:06,400 --> 01:27:08,479
Speaker 4: hear about her predicament, and I wished her well in

1928
01:27:08,520 --> 01:27:12,080
Speaker 4: the future. Fast forward a few weeks later, I told

1929
01:27:12,080 --> 01:27:15,080
Speaker 4: her I'm in the same predicament as she is, and

1930
01:27:15,120 --> 01:27:18,040
Speaker 4: how funny it is how the world works. We talked

1931
01:27:18,080 --> 01:27:20,280
Speaker 4: to each other last night in a shop, telling each

1932
01:27:20,320 --> 01:27:23,640
Speaker 4: other's story, sharing thoughts and prayers for each other in

1933
01:27:23,680 --> 01:27:28,000
Speaker 4: our small quote cheated anonymous meetings. She made me realize

1934
01:27:28,040 --> 01:27:31,440
Speaker 4: how in denial I've been all these years, while my wife,

1935
01:27:31,479 --> 01:27:35,120
Speaker 4: like someone else have commented here, has long been checked

1936
01:27:35,120 --> 01:27:37,639
Speaker 4: out from the marriage and not coming back.

1937
01:27:38,240 --> 01:27:40,479
Speaker 2: My marriage has been on life support for years.

1938
01:27:40,560 --> 01:27:43,799
Speaker 4: It was just me in denial, and I'd probably still

1939
01:27:44,120 --> 01:27:48,160
Speaker 4: be in denial and let it be, regardless of how painful.

1940
01:27:48,200 --> 01:27:51,200
Speaker 4: Trying to exist and appeasing someone that doesn't love me

1941
01:27:51,280 --> 01:27:54,720
Speaker 4: anymore is all for the sake of the family, for

1942
01:27:54,800 --> 01:27:56,679
Speaker 4: the sake of my one true wife.

1943
01:27:56,720 --> 01:27:59,560
Speaker 2: But after this cheating.

1944
01:27:59,200 --> 01:28:01,280
Speaker 4: Behind my back, I'm making it a point that she

1945
01:28:01,479 --> 01:28:04,400
Speaker 4: is serious with her new partner. She no longer wants

1946
01:28:04,560 --> 01:28:08,080
Speaker 4: to even try for us, way before she met her,

1947
01:28:08,520 --> 01:28:11,479
Speaker 4: and the only reason she's still considering everything is because

1948
01:28:11,479 --> 01:28:14,519
Speaker 4: I'm family. I'm the father to our kids, and our

1949
01:28:14,600 --> 01:28:16,720
Speaker 4: kids actually love me. They like to be around me

1950
01:28:16,760 --> 01:28:20,400
Speaker 4: and want me there. I'm done, though I'm still figuring

1951
01:28:20,400 --> 01:28:23,519
Speaker 4: out the details, but yes, I am done at this point.

1952
01:28:24,040 --> 01:28:26,559
Speaker 4: My health has been deteriorating so much the last couple

1953
01:28:26,560 --> 01:28:29,360
Speaker 4: of years due to all of this, all of this.

1954
01:28:29,560 --> 01:28:33,639
Speaker 4: I'm thirty four while she's thirty six, and I have hypertension, gout,

1955
01:28:33,880 --> 01:28:38,080
Speaker 4: a history of anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. Nope, no more,

1956
01:28:38,520 --> 01:28:42,240
Speaker 4: just no more. My bosses ask me to go home

1957
01:28:42,320 --> 01:28:45,080
Speaker 4: and settle my family issues before coming back to work

1958
01:28:45,400 --> 01:28:48,840
Speaker 4: because I'm doing high risk work. Oh, low voltage switch

1959
01:28:48,880 --> 01:28:53,400
Speaker 4: gear testing. Ah, he does electrical work, Okay, so he

1960
01:28:53,479 --> 01:28:56,760
Speaker 4: might get my God, how I just wanted to touch that

1961
01:28:56,960 --> 01:28:58,360
Speaker 4: energised bus bar yesterday.

1962
01:28:58,400 --> 01:29:00,000
Speaker 2: Oh no, don't say that.

1963
01:29:00,240 --> 01:29:03,200
Speaker 4: I thank everyone for the input, the views and advice. Yes,

1964
01:29:03,400 --> 01:29:05,400
Speaker 4: I guess my dream of being buried next to my

1965
01:29:05,560 --> 01:29:07,439
Speaker 4: one and only wife isn't happening.

1966
01:29:07,920 --> 01:29:08,879
Speaker 2: You know what is happening?

1967
01:29:09,040 --> 01:29:13,040
Speaker 4: What's happening every single weekday? At three pm PSD, what what.

1968
01:29:13,000 --> 01:29:14,160
Speaker 2: Our live streams?

1969
01:29:14,320 --> 01:29:18,840
Speaker 4: Oh that you to join on YouTube, Facebook, Twitch and TikTok.

1970
01:29:18,920 --> 01:29:22,200
Speaker 4: All you gotta do is tap our profile and you're

1971
01:29:22,320 --> 01:29:25,280
Speaker 4: in before we finish the story, because we do have

1972
01:29:25,320 --> 01:29:29,960
Speaker 4: a third update, where do we think op sits on

1973
01:29:30,120 --> 01:29:30,880
Speaker 4: the like.

1974
01:29:32,920 --> 01:29:36,800
Speaker 2: Blame scale on like himself to his wife or like

1975
01:29:37,000 --> 01:29:39,719
Speaker 2: cause it's like I feel like right now.

1976
01:29:40,040 --> 01:29:42,679
Speaker 4: The story began with him saying how he made mistakes

1977
01:29:42,720 --> 01:29:45,679
Speaker 4: consistently for six to seven years, and I had put

1978
01:29:45,720 --> 01:29:48,680
Speaker 4: a lot of weight of that. Now the weight is

1979
01:29:48,760 --> 01:29:52,760
Speaker 4: mostly on OpEd, right. The relationship is deteriorating because he

1980
01:29:52,840 --> 01:29:59,400
Speaker 4: is completely absent. But how much of the blame could

1981
01:29:59,439 --> 01:30:02,920
Speaker 4: you attribut to the wife checking herself out of the

1982
01:30:02,960 --> 01:30:06,240
Speaker 4: relationship and not pressing it in a way where it's like, hey,

1983
01:30:06,600 --> 01:30:10,400
Speaker 4: you are completely ghosting me. We have two now three

1984
01:30:10,520 --> 01:30:14,760
Speaker 4: children now four. We have kids, We have responsibilities. You

1985
01:30:14,800 --> 01:30:17,200
Speaker 4: need to stop building these PCs and you need to

1986
01:30:17,200 --> 01:30:20,320
Speaker 4: start paying attention to me, your wife and your family.

1987
01:30:21,080 --> 01:30:25,120
Speaker 5: You know what me to be that guy, it's fifty

1988
01:30:25,120 --> 01:30:25,519
Speaker 5: to fifty.

1989
01:30:26,520 --> 01:30:28,639
Speaker 2: I was I was going to say that, So I'm

1990
01:30:28,640 --> 01:30:29,920
Speaker 2: glad we're on the same page.

1991
01:30:30,040 --> 01:30:31,920
Speaker 5: It takes two to tango and both of you are

1992
01:30:31,960 --> 01:30:34,720
Speaker 5: at fault here because of the relationship failing. I'm not

1993
01:30:34,760 --> 01:30:37,160
Speaker 5: saying you failed as parents. Now both care for your

1994
01:30:37,240 --> 01:30:40,200
Speaker 5: kids clearly ultimately, and you want what's best for them,

1995
01:30:40,600 --> 01:30:43,240
Speaker 5: But as your relationship as a whole, you failed as

1996
01:30:43,320 --> 01:30:46,400
Speaker 5: a partner to her, and she failed as a partner

1997
01:30:46,439 --> 01:30:46,760
Speaker 5: to you.

1998
01:30:47,240 --> 01:30:48,400
Speaker 2: All right, let's finish this off.

1999
01:30:48,640 --> 01:30:51,639
Speaker 4: I've decided to take the kids away from her, as

2000
01:30:51,680 --> 01:30:54,839
Speaker 4: I now deem her untrustworthy and in no way capable

2001
01:30:54,880 --> 01:30:58,479
Speaker 4: of raising and teaching our kids properly, not with having

2002
01:30:58,520 --> 01:31:01,679
Speaker 4: her ongoing lovey moment with a new partner.

2003
01:31:01,920 --> 01:31:05,519
Speaker 2: Well that's not very cool of you. Ope, you were man,

2004
01:31:05,680 --> 01:31:07,000
Speaker 2: cool man. You were cool there.

2005
01:31:07,320 --> 01:31:08,040
Speaker 5: You were cool man.

2006
01:31:08,160 --> 01:31:09,480
Speaker 2: We were not cool anymore.

2007
01:31:09,479 --> 01:31:13,080
Speaker 4: At the finish line of co parenting successfully, you were

2008
01:31:13,120 --> 01:31:14,960
Speaker 4: so cool man, and you were like, I get this,

2009
01:31:15,320 --> 01:31:16,240
Speaker 4: what just happened?

2010
01:31:16,360 --> 01:31:17,600
Speaker 5: But now you flip switched it.

2011
01:31:17,920 --> 01:31:21,080
Speaker 4: She even said that she's not coming back at least

2012
01:31:21,160 --> 01:31:23,599
Speaker 4: one night per week in order to stay with her

2013
01:31:23,680 --> 01:31:27,000
Speaker 4: partner have some lovey dovey time while I'm far away

2014
01:31:27,000 --> 01:31:30,600
Speaker 4: from home with work three hundred plus kilometers. Then what

2015
01:31:30,680 --> 01:31:35,080
Speaker 4: about our kids, parentless at home fending for themselves. My

2016
01:31:35,200 --> 01:31:38,559
Speaker 4: sister in law is there, but she's just like a babysitter. Yeah,

2017
01:31:38,560 --> 01:31:40,720
Speaker 4: what are you talking about? Your kids aren't alone, they're

2018
01:31:40,720 --> 01:31:42,720
Speaker 4: with the sister in law's.

2019
01:31:42,760 --> 01:31:45,600
Speaker 5: I don't understand where this has moving. Dude, what is

2020
01:31:45,640 --> 01:31:47,160
Speaker 5: this that? What is a switch?

2021
01:31:47,360 --> 01:31:49,920
Speaker 2: I feel like you just got really bitter. He I mean,

2022
01:31:49,960 --> 01:31:52,480
Speaker 2: I guess well you just pivoted into full bitterness.

2023
01:31:53,160 --> 01:31:55,960
Speaker 5: I'm not saying he's allowed to, but if you got

2024
01:31:56,200 --> 01:31:58,639
Speaker 5: like ten years of marriage and you just got cheated

2025
01:31:58,680 --> 01:32:01,599
Speaker 5: on and you're like, not like this is I'm supposed

2026
01:32:01,600 --> 01:32:03,240
Speaker 5: to be okay, Like this is okay, like I'm supposed

2027
01:32:03,240 --> 01:32:05,400
Speaker 5: to be I'm a upset, but this this is okay.

2028
01:32:05,120 --> 01:32:07,120
Speaker 2: For the children, for the children, for the children. And

2029
01:32:07,160 --> 01:32:10,040
Speaker 2: he's like, screw all of this, this is stupid. I'm

2030
01:32:10,080 --> 01:32:10,880
Speaker 2: taking the kids.

2031
01:32:10,960 --> 01:32:13,000
Speaker 4: What are you gonna take them to work while you're

2032
01:32:13,080 --> 01:32:15,040
Speaker 4: doing low voltage switch flipping?

2033
01:32:15,280 --> 01:32:15,360
Speaker 1: Like?

2034
01:32:16,240 --> 01:32:18,920
Speaker 4: What are you talking about? Like you're just gonna have

2035
01:32:18,920 --> 01:32:20,840
Speaker 4: to get a babysitter if you take the kids too.

2036
01:32:21,000 --> 01:32:22,599
Speaker 5: The breaking point has broke.

2037
01:32:22,720 --> 01:32:26,040
Speaker 4: Ope, she doesn't teach them anything, my sister in law,

2038
01:32:26,320 --> 01:32:29,280
Speaker 4: she only watches over them. I got the job away

2039
01:32:29,439 --> 01:32:32,240
Speaker 4: because the pay was good, the future prospects were good

2040
01:32:32,240 --> 01:32:35,200
Speaker 4: and there were plans in motion to bringing them all over,

2041
01:32:35,720 --> 01:32:39,360
Speaker 4: but nope, she chose her love life instead. All right,

2042
01:32:39,400 --> 01:32:42,200
Speaker 4: then fine, I'll let you have your happiness, but the

2043
01:32:42,280 --> 01:32:44,400
Speaker 4: kids are staying with my parents for the time being

2044
01:32:44,479 --> 01:32:47,120
Speaker 4: until I bring them over with me. No divorce yet,

2045
01:32:47,160 --> 01:32:50,400
Speaker 4: but I'm seriously considering since she might pull some vanishing

2046
01:32:50,400 --> 01:32:53,360
Speaker 4: stunts with the kids later. Oh and no more money,

2047
01:32:53,640 --> 01:32:57,040
Speaker 4: no more car, house, whatever convenience and benefit of the

2048
01:32:57,080 --> 01:33:00,000
Speaker 4: marriage that I've given her and taking it all back,

2049
01:33:00,120 --> 01:33:04,120
Speaker 4: which that I guess makes more sense, because.

2050
01:33:03,720 --> 01:33:07,360
Speaker 5: That's totally fine. She did cheat on you, and she Yeah,

2051
01:33:07,400 --> 01:33:11,160
Speaker 5: in your relationship with her is over, but your relationship

2052
01:33:11,200 --> 01:33:13,960
Speaker 5: as a family as a whole, you you had it.

2053
01:33:14,080 --> 01:33:16,759
Speaker 5: It seemed like you were like so cordial and like, yeah,

2054
01:33:16,800 --> 01:33:18,439
Speaker 5: what's best for the kids, and like you can do

2055
01:33:18,479 --> 01:33:20,840
Speaker 5: your own thing. You're happy, I'll move on.

2056
01:33:21,080 --> 01:33:21,720
Speaker 2: But I get it.

2057
01:33:21,800 --> 01:33:24,439
Speaker 5: Yeah, he also is like, no, she doesn't deserve any

2058
01:33:24,520 --> 01:33:26,040
Speaker 5: He's like at first, he's like, oh, I want her

2059
01:33:26,000 --> 01:33:27,360
Speaker 5: to be happy because I love her, But then he

2060
01:33:27,439 --> 01:33:30,679
Speaker 5: like realized, like, I don't like you. You actually just

2061
01:33:30,880 --> 01:33:33,120
Speaker 5: made me feel really upset, and you did all this

2062
01:33:33,120 --> 01:33:35,719
Speaker 5: stuff and you took all my money. I can see.

2063
01:33:35,880 --> 01:33:37,040
Speaker 2: That is the end of that story.

2064
01:33:37,680 --> 01:33:39,240
Speaker 5: It's the end of that relationship too.

2065
01:33:39,080 --> 01:33:41,640
Speaker 4: And the end of that relationship. Let us know in

2066
01:33:41,680 --> 01:33:45,040
Speaker 4: the comments what you think. Why did he flip so hard? Like,

2067
01:33:45,080 --> 01:33:47,280
Speaker 4: what made this guy flip? It was right there at

2068
01:33:47,280 --> 01:33:47,880
Speaker 4: the finish line.

2069
01:33:47,880 --> 01:33:49,320
Speaker 5: It took it took it. It took a little bit

2070
01:33:49,360 --> 01:33:51,840
Speaker 5: for him to process. He's like, because he had update

2071
01:33:52,080 --> 01:33:54,599
Speaker 5: and he was happy just saying he wrote that first

2072
01:33:54,680 --> 01:33:57,519
Speaker 5: update or that maybe that that first part. I was like,

2073
01:33:57,560 --> 01:33:58,240
Speaker 5: I just got home.

2074
01:33:58,520 --> 01:34:00,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, the two am I can't hand with us right now.

2075
01:34:00,680 --> 01:34:03,040
Speaker 5: I'm going crazy. And then he slept on it and

2076
01:34:03,080 --> 01:34:03,479
Speaker 5: he was like.

2077
01:34:04,040 --> 01:34:07,080
Speaker 2: No, no, no.

2078
01:34:06,200 --> 01:34:09,600
Speaker 5: No, that's what happened. But again, that is the end

2079
01:34:09,600 --> 01:34:11,640
Speaker 5: of that story and the end of that episode.

2080
01:34:11,680 --> 01:34:15,280
Speaker 2: So if you love us, make sure you subscribe. We

2081
01:34:15,320 --> 01:34:17,560
Speaker 2: love you and see you tomorrow.