WEBVTT - Who Taught Y'all to Type?!

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio

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<v Speaker 1>and the Black Effect. And just like that, we're back

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<v Speaker 1>on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode.

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<v Speaker 1>What's Your Girl? Jess? Hilarious. We're gonna jump straight in

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<v Speaker 1>just fix my mess. Listen, So we have an update.

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<v Speaker 1>Remember the black lady, the beautiful black queen that was

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<v Speaker 1>dating the white dude with the prejudice brother and all

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<v Speaker 1>that ship. We have an update from her. Okay, she says,

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<v Speaker 1>thank you so much for the advice. I really needed that,

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<v Speaker 1>especially coming from not only another black woman, but also

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<v Speaker 1>from someone on the outside. It was his cousin that

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<v Speaker 1>made that comment about my brother, not his brother, and

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<v Speaker 1>I don't trust them around my daughter if I'm not around.

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<v Speaker 1>But I can't control what my boyfriend does. If him

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<v Speaker 1>and I split, my anxiety will go through the roof

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<v Speaker 1>because now I'm not there to protect or defend my child.

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<v Speaker 1>Her dad obviously won't. H They've already made little comments

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<v Speaker 1>about my daughter's hair. She's gorgeous and has white people

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<v Speaker 1>hair long, beautiful and super curly, unlike her cousins their kids.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like they're jealous. And my boyfriend told me

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<v Speaker 1>that his brother always had a thing for black girls.

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<v Speaker 1>So I don't know. It's just confusing. It's a lot

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<v Speaker 1>to deal with, and I'm tired. I don't know how

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<v Speaker 1>to defend myself verbally. I freeze up. If I had

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<v Speaker 1>the words, they would flow, but I don't. Okay, girl,

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<v Speaker 1>you need some more mess fixing ship. Oh my god. So, no,

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<v Speaker 1>you cannot control what your boyfriend does. No, you can't.

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<v Speaker 1>You cannot control what he does, but you can control

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<v Speaker 1>how your child grows up. See this is a little

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<v Speaker 1>hard for me to kind of guide you through because

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<v Speaker 1>this is in fact his child as well. No, you

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<v Speaker 1>cannot control what he does. No, you cannot. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>even know the type of relationship that he has with

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<v Speaker 1>his daughter. Does he love her? Is he kind with her?

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<v Speaker 1>Is he gentle with her? Is she a daddy's girl?

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<v Speaker 1>Is he very very close with his daughter? You are

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<v Speaker 1>thinking the right way, because no, I wouldn't want them

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<v Speaker 1>around my child. I don't trust those people. I wouldn't

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<v Speaker 1>trust them. You said they already made comments about her hair,

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<v Speaker 1>and she has, as you quoted, white people hair. I

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<v Speaker 1>would disagree with that, because that's where the curls come from.

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<v Speaker 1>The curls actually come from you, baby, That comes from you.

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<v Speaker 1>White people have long, thin, stringy hair, sometimes it's thick,

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<v Speaker 1>but they don't really have coily curls. They don't have curls.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, that's your DNA. Don't give them all that credit.

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<v Speaker 1>I just want to be very clear with you about

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<v Speaker 1>the part where you said your boyfriend told you that

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<v Speaker 1>his brother has always had a thing for black girls. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>that could be true, but it ain't the type of

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<v Speaker 1>thing that we think it is. Ain't no way you

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<v Speaker 1>had a thing for black girls, but you are constantly

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<v Speaker 1>verbally abusing them. There's no fucking way. You're very judgmental

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<v Speaker 1>and and stereotypical. I don't know that he fits the

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<v Speaker 1>mold of a racist man in my eyes, from what

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<v Speaker 1>I gathered from your previous email and to this one. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>are you freezing up because you don't know what to say?

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<v Speaker 1>Or are you freezing up because you're scared, or you

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<v Speaker 1>really don't know what to say, or you don't want

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<v Speaker 1>to hurt their feelings, or you you're just trying to

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<v Speaker 1>keep the commotion down. What is your reason for freezing up?

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<v Speaker 1>Because I can help you out with the words, Babe,

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<v Speaker 1>I can help you out with the words, if that's

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<v Speaker 1>all it is. I still feel like you're kind of

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<v Speaker 1>protecting your man, protecting you know. I think you want

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<v Speaker 1>to just keep the commotion down, but they are going

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<v Speaker 1>to keep disrespecting you. I don't think that you should

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<v Speaker 1>have to live miserable because you want to give your

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<v Speaker 1>your daughter the life of a family like that family

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<v Speaker 1>life that because she'd be even more fucked up growing

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<v Speaker 1>up in that setting where one side of the family

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<v Speaker 1>secretly hates the other side of the family because of

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<v Speaker 1>skin color, because of race. And then now it's speaking

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<v Speaker 1>as her I am both of them. I'm white and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm black, So I don't know which way to go.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, she'd be more fucked up growing up that

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<v Speaker 1>way then growing up with Mommy in a happy place,

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<v Speaker 1>still seeing her family, not trying to ask him out completely.

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<v Speaker 1>But she needs to grow up in a loving environment.

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<v Speaker 1>She's a kid, she's very innocent. She didn't actually be here.

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<v Speaker 1>You guys made her against her will, so she doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>deserve this. So you have to now take charge as

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<v Speaker 1>a mom and put her first and do the best

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<v Speaker 1>thing for her, because you obviously have not been doing

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<v Speaker 1>the best thing for you. So if you're not gonna

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<v Speaker 1>do it for you, do it for your child, and

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<v Speaker 1>that will make you want to do it for you.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm telling you. That's my advice. Check back in. Let

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<v Speaker 1>me know, baby girl, and listen. I just want to

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<v Speaker 1>tell you this. I love you. I don't even know you.

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<v Speaker 1>I love you. Though you're very strong. You're stronger than

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<v Speaker 1>you think you are because you're dealing with this and

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<v Speaker 1>you don't have to. I'm not praising you for dealing

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<v Speaker 1>with this because you shouldn't want to. You don't have to.

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<v Speaker 1>You're a powerful, strong black woman, but you are strong

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<v Speaker 1>for putting on this this armored skin, acting like this ship.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't fucking bother you, acting like you can't get a

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<v Speaker 1>bout of this ship. Younion gotta be treated like this.

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<v Speaker 1>Check back in, babe. Moving on there, Jess, please help

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<v Speaker 1>me with my messy ass mess. Me and my boyfriend

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<v Speaker 1>have been together for almost two years now and have

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<v Speaker 1>gone through a lot together, mostly due to a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of my drunken black out mishaps. A bit would be

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<v Speaker 1>crazy sometimes off that damn consle. He goes, Okay, bitch,

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<v Speaker 1>I me too, But this is not about me. This

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<v Speaker 1>is about you. However, lately, we have been trying to

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<v Speaker 1>openly communicate better and not keep our feelings bottled up inside.

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<v Speaker 1>But I don't know how to approach this situation and

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<v Speaker 1>I need your help. We have been amazing lately, but

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<v Speaker 1>I had gone through his phone when we weren't doing

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<v Speaker 1>so great and we weren't even having sex at all

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<v Speaker 1>because he isn't fucking me, he gotta be fucking somebody else.

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<v Speaker 1>And I see he is on Tender and Facebook dating

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<v Speaker 1>and he is in fact talking a bitches. Oh. Furthermore,

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<v Speaker 1>he went to Vegas a couple of months ago and

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<v Speaker 1>tried to meet up with one of his old friends

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<v Speaker 1>and told her that he wasn't with his girl anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>They didn't meet up, but they faced time for about

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<v Speaker 1>two and a half hours at three in the morning.

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<v Speaker 1>We've been doing really well, but I have been keeping

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<v Speaker 1>this information bottled up for weeks and just don't feel

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<v Speaker 1>like we can move forward unless I mentioned the disrespect

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<v Speaker 1>and him still having contact with his friend. All right, ma'am,

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<v Speaker 1>So let's just start here. If you're ask what and

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<v Speaker 1>so damn drunk all the damn time, you would be

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<v Speaker 1>able to pay attention to your man, and you would

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<v Speaker 1>be able to see these things before they happen. Okay, listen,

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<v Speaker 1>Drinking is cool sometimes, you know what I mean. Social

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<v Speaker 1>drinking is cool. Occasional drinking is cool. But it becomes

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<v Speaker 1>a problem. And you know it's a problem because you

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<v Speaker 1>don't just drink to have a fun time. Baby, you

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<v Speaker 1>said you get so drunk where you black out. You

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<v Speaker 1>said drunken blackout mishaps plural. This is something that you do.

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<v Speaker 1>This is something that he has to cope with. Whether

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<v Speaker 1>you see it that way or not, it's hard dealing

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<v Speaker 1>with an alcoholic. Sorry that I called you that, but honey,

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<v Speaker 1>drunken blackout mishaps. I think that you just admitted to

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<v Speaker 1>me that you were an alcoholic. So while I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>judging you because I love alcohol, I drink about five

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<v Speaker 1>six times a week that's by day, so I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>judging you at all. However, I don't abuse liquor to

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<v Speaker 1>the point where I have drunken blacked out mishaps. All right, now,

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<v Speaker 1>let's move on to him. You said you've been doing

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<v Speaker 1>very good lately, but you found out some ship that

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<v Speaker 1>you didn't bring up to him. Obviously, I think you

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<v Speaker 1>need to sit down and have a conversation with him

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<v Speaker 1>about it. I think it needs to be in a

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<v Speaker 1>very warm, calm setting, and you do not need to

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<v Speaker 1>drink before you do this. Feel free to do whatever after,

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<v Speaker 1>but do not drink for this because you need a

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<v Speaker 1>clear conscience. You need to really see what his angle is. Why,

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<v Speaker 1>what would make you make a tinder? What would make

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<v Speaker 1>you turn to Facebook dating? Do you need someone to

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<v Speaker 1>just give you this attention because you said one of

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<v Speaker 1>his old friends he went to Vegas weeks ago and

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<v Speaker 1>he didn't even see her. He just face times, or

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<v Speaker 1>he is looking for attention. I don't even think he's

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<v Speaker 1>looking to be with someone based off of what I

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<v Speaker 1>gathered here which you sent me. I don't think he's

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<v Speaker 1>looking to replace you. I don't think he's even looking

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<v Speaker 1>to physically sexually cheat on you. I think he is

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<v Speaker 1>missing that attention. You lack that in a relationship, and

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<v Speaker 1>just like us, just like women, if we're not getting

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<v Speaker 1>what we feel we need or that attention, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>just the basis of a regular relationship in our relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>and we don't want to leave, we'll look for it elsewhere.

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<v Speaker 1>We won't leave, sometimes we will, but sometimes you just

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<v Speaker 1>love the person that much where you want to stay.

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<v Speaker 1>You just still lack certain ships that you know you

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<v Speaker 1>can get somewhere else. And then you you feel like

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<v Speaker 1>you're fine, You feel like you're patching it up, but

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<v Speaker 1>you really want the person that you're in a relationship

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<v Speaker 1>to do it. So I think that, um, it starts

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<v Speaker 1>with working on yourself, and I do think that it

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<v Speaker 1>starts with communication. I don't think you should keep that

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<v Speaker 1>from him that you know this, you know. I think

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<v Speaker 1>you should go at it from a different angle and

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<v Speaker 1>see where that leads you. But he he wants attention,

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<v Speaker 1>and um, I think you should sit down and have

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<v Speaker 1>a conversation with him about that, because it sounds like

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<v Speaker 1>you have a great relationship. It sounds like that you've

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<v Speaker 1>commended it lots of times before telling me the small problem.

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<v Speaker 1>This is very very small in my eyes compared to

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<v Speaker 1>other relationships and the other hardships that people go through.

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<v Speaker 1>Keep me updated, baby girl, Stay off the COSA, thank you,

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<v Speaker 1>Hold up, hold up, I noticed ship getting good. But

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<v Speaker 1>listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial.

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<v Speaker 1>If you love me, you'll listen. Moving on, Hey, Joss,

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<v Speaker 1>So I've been in a relationship with a man for

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<v Speaker 1>twelve years. The relationship itself is okay. He treats me right,

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<v Speaker 1>buys me things, open doors, et cetera. The problem is

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<v Speaker 1>it's been three years and we both have children, and

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<v Speaker 1>I've never seen what they look like. M hm damn yep.

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<v Speaker 1>Three whole years together and all we do is sneak

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<v Speaker 1>around our kids. I've been to his home and he's

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<v Speaker 1>been to mind several times, but we're always hiding one

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<v Speaker 1>another from the kids. His are a bit older and

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<v Speaker 1>mine are younger. Should I continue with this relationship or

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<v Speaker 1>my waste of my time? I'm unsure if it's my

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<v Speaker 1>age or what. But he's hiding me this long for

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<v Speaker 1>a reason. I've met no other family either, but a

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<v Speaker 1>brother and a cousin. I'd love to get married one day,

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<v Speaker 1>but I feel like the path I'm on will have

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<v Speaker 1>me in one of those relationships old folks have where

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<v Speaker 1>that's just my little friend for fifteen years. Well, if

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<v Speaker 1>you are speaking this and you know that's not what

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<v Speaker 1>you want, you shouldn't end up there. Let's just start there.

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<v Speaker 1>You know where you don't want to end up. You

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<v Speaker 1>clearly just said it, but you said you feel like

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<v Speaker 1>you're going to end up there. That's actually settling and

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<v Speaker 1>letting yourself go. You're being in love lazy. You shouldn't

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<v Speaker 1>do that. You're getting tired, you're giving up on your

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<v Speaker 1>love life, and you should not ever speak that way

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<v Speaker 1>because words are very powerful. Don't put that into your universe.

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<v Speaker 1>You will not end up like that. Please. Okay, So

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<v Speaker 1>I'm confused. You've been in a relationship with this man

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<v Speaker 1>for twelve years or three years? Okay? Wait, wait, wait,

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<v Speaker 1>what's what's going on? Okay? So you said I've been

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<v Speaker 1>in relationship with a man twelve years, and then you

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<v Speaker 1>said the problem is it's been three years and we've

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<v Speaker 1>never met each other's children. Okay, So I'm just gonna

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<v Speaker 1>take this as a typo, because girl, that's man think Mathan.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't care whether you've been with them for three

0:11:29.200 --> 0:11:31.880
<v Speaker 1>years or twelve years. Either way, that's too fucking long

0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:34.679
<v Speaker 1>for you not to know someone's children. Three years? Are

0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:37.400
<v Speaker 1>you serious? And then I'm a bit confused because you

0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:40.120
<v Speaker 1>said both of you hide each other from your children,

0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:42.720
<v Speaker 1>so he hasn't met yours, you haven't met his his

0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:45.680
<v Speaker 1>or older, which I really don't understand because if they're older,

0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:48.360
<v Speaker 1>what is keeping you from introducing me to them? What

0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:51.840
<v Speaker 1>is keeping you from bringing them to see me or

0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:55.360
<v Speaker 1>having us in the same vicinity. I don't know. I

0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:57.280
<v Speaker 1>don't know why. Why can't we be in the same setting?

0:11:57.640 --> 0:12:00.480
<v Speaker 1>And if you've been my boyfriend for three years, your

0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:04.040
<v Speaker 1>kids don't ask about me? Like do your kids know

0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:06.920
<v Speaker 1>you're in a relationship you know, as their father? If

0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:09.760
<v Speaker 1>you're very close and tighten it with them, they would

0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:11.760
<v Speaker 1>know that you have a girlfriend. Am I correct? I

0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:13.600
<v Speaker 1>don't know. Does he refer to you as a girlfriend.

0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:16.560
<v Speaker 1>It's a lot of questions I have for this particular story.

0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:19.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't know a baby girl? And what about your kids?

0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:23.160
<v Speaker 1>Why haven't you introduced them to him? I know you

0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:26.960
<v Speaker 1>said they're younger, but is this because you haven't met his?

0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:28.520
<v Speaker 1>So it's like, Okay, I won't let you meet mine

0:12:28.520 --> 0:12:31.400
<v Speaker 1>because I won't meet yours. Because I don't think that's

0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:34.360
<v Speaker 1>healthy either. I think that it's a waste of your time.

0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:37.960
<v Speaker 1>Already you are being hitten for a reason, and obviously

0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:40.320
<v Speaker 1>so was he. But it seems as if you were

0:12:40.440 --> 0:12:43.840
<v Speaker 1>hitting first, so that's where your retaliation comes in at

0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:46.280
<v Speaker 1>has he ever asked you about your kids? Then? When

0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:48.800
<v Speaker 1>you guys have for conversations. Do you talk about your children?

0:12:48.920 --> 0:12:51.400
<v Speaker 1>Because I can't imagine being in a relationship or even

0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:55.520
<v Speaker 1>fucking with somebody for three years monogamously. I can't and

0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:58.400
<v Speaker 1>not know a thing about their kids. For one, I

0:12:58.440 --> 0:13:00.360
<v Speaker 1>love kids. I don't know if if he does well,

0:13:00.400 --> 0:13:03.040
<v Speaker 1>obviously because he has them, which also doesn't mean he

0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:06.000
<v Speaker 1>loves kids. But I don't know. I just can't imagine

0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:08.240
<v Speaker 1>that I want. I would like more information on that,

0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:10.320
<v Speaker 1>But I do think from what you've given me, if

0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:12.520
<v Speaker 1>I had to make a choice, I would say, yes,

0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:15.360
<v Speaker 1>please walk away from that. It doesn't seem like he

0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:17.520
<v Speaker 1>he wants to meet your children, if he hasn't already.

0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:19.840
<v Speaker 1>It doesn't seem like that. It seems like you want

0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:22.120
<v Speaker 1>to meet his. It just doesn't seem like you two

0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.320
<v Speaker 1>are on the same page at all. I think maybe

0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:26.679
<v Speaker 1>he looks at you as somebody that he's just dealing with.

0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:28.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't think he wants a serious relationship. Or maybe

0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:32.000
<v Speaker 1>he is still involved with another woman and the woman

0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:34.520
<v Speaker 1>may just be his kids mom. I don't know, does

0:13:34.600 --> 0:13:38.000
<v Speaker 1>his kids have the same other Again, this is you've

0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:39.600
<v Speaker 1>given me a lot, but you've given me a little.

0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:41.760
<v Speaker 1>You know, you can give me a lot of information

0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:44.760
<v Speaker 1>on it, but my decision is yes, move forward. Please

0:13:45.000 --> 0:13:47.080
<v Speaker 1>get the funk up out of that because I'm gonna

0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:49.960
<v Speaker 1>need you to know my kids, especially because they're young

0:13:50.360 --> 0:13:52.280
<v Speaker 1>and I've been with you for three years or twelve.

0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:55.240
<v Speaker 1>But girl, you're just the ball of Confucius. So luck

0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:59.839
<v Speaker 1>tapping talk to you next week, last, but not least,

0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:05.040
<v Speaker 1>Hey Jess, is it true that you can all? Right?

0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:07.199
<v Speaker 1>So I'm gonna struggle with this, but maybe y'all can

0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:09.160
<v Speaker 1>help me figure out what she means, because I think

0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:10.880
<v Speaker 1>I know what she means. But we're just gonna try

0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:12.839
<v Speaker 1>to get through what y'all. Y'all need to slow down

0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:14.719
<v Speaker 1>and proof reread, y'all, ship, This is a d M.

0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:17.440
<v Speaker 1>Y'all have to read it. Y'all have the option. We

0:14:17.480 --> 0:14:21.280
<v Speaker 1>all can unsend, rewrite correctly, and send again. So start

0:14:21.360 --> 0:14:25.360
<v Speaker 1>doing it, ship. Hey Jess, is it true to say

0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:28.000
<v Speaker 1>that you cannot have a man that has his ship together,

0:14:28.600 --> 0:14:31.000
<v Speaker 1>is a good person, and has good dick. You can

0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:34.040
<v Speaker 1>only pick two out of those three. My boyfriend and

0:14:34.080 --> 0:14:36.320
<v Speaker 1>I have been together for about eight years. We are

0:14:36.360 --> 0:14:38.840
<v Speaker 1>twenty seven and twenty eight. We lived together in New

0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:41.280
<v Speaker 1>York City. My boyfriend loves me more than I thought

0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:45.240
<v Speaker 1>anyone could. Overall an amazing and kind person. He is,

0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:50.240
<v Speaker 1>though an alcoholic and does not have any aspirations. God damn,

0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:54.080
<v Speaker 1>this took a turn for the worst. That escalated real

0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:56.760
<v Speaker 1>damn quick. I feel like I am the leader in

0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:59.680
<v Speaker 1>our household. But as I grow older, I realized I

0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:02.880
<v Speaker 1>want a man that inspires me to be better. He

0:15:03.040 --> 0:15:06.000
<v Speaker 1>is my best friend, but I want a husband. Child.

0:15:06.560 --> 0:15:10.400
<v Speaker 1>I know what you mean, baby, I definitely understand and

0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:13.960
<v Speaker 1>listen a lot of y'all answer your own questions in

0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:16.360
<v Speaker 1>writing me and I love this. I love it. I

0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:18.280
<v Speaker 1>love it because now I'm just gonna repeat back to

0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:22.680
<v Speaker 1>you in a more translated way what you just said

0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:26.960
<v Speaker 1>to me. You have grown tremendously since y'all got together.

0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:31.600
<v Speaker 1>Y'all been together for eight years. Still young, but y'all

0:15:31.600 --> 0:15:35.040
<v Speaker 1>are growing. You're grown people. He has good dick. Yes,

0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:39.320
<v Speaker 1>he's an amazing person. Yes, looks good. Yes you didn't

0:15:39.360 --> 0:15:41.600
<v Speaker 1>say that, but I'm just gonna say, you know, but

0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:45.320
<v Speaker 1>he don't have a ship together all right. Still after

0:15:45.360 --> 0:15:51.880
<v Speaker 1>eight years, and you've grown tremendously mentally, emotionally, you have grown.

0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:55.040
<v Speaker 1>Because you're telling me you want a husband, but he's

0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:57.880
<v Speaker 1>your best friend. Sometimes you don't have to marry your

0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:02.280
<v Speaker 1>best friend. Sometimes people are meant to just be friends

0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:04.800
<v Speaker 1>and best friends. Yeah, he's your best friend. He's not

0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:07.720
<v Speaker 1>your soul mate, and you don't necessarily have to marry

0:16:07.760 --> 0:16:10.640
<v Speaker 1>your soul mate. But it doesn't seem like y'all are

0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:15.880
<v Speaker 1>really really tied together anyway. When you outgrow somebody who

0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:19.880
<v Speaker 1>just don't get it, who struggle with growing with themselves,

0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:22.720
<v Speaker 1>sometimes you have to separate yourself from them because it's

0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:25.000
<v Speaker 1>an equation, right, there's two people, so it's it's like

0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:27.360
<v Speaker 1>a whole math problem. When you take away one number,

0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:29.520
<v Speaker 1>you have the one number that stands alone. You have

0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:31.960
<v Speaker 1>to leave him to figure that out for herself because

0:16:32.000 --> 0:16:35.400
<v Speaker 1>you can't pull him up with you. If he's not climbing,

0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:38.320
<v Speaker 1>you understand what I'm saying, because then he's deadweight, so

0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:41.680
<v Speaker 1>he has no aspirations. That's not your problem, and you

0:16:41.720 --> 0:16:44.200
<v Speaker 1>shouldn't make it your problem. Listening, you have no children,

0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:47.160
<v Speaker 1>you have no biological ties to him, you have no

0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:50.240
<v Speaker 1>obligation to him. You're not his wife, And before you

0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:53.200
<v Speaker 1>decide to go ahead and settle and get there, you

0:16:53.240 --> 0:16:56.160
<v Speaker 1>need to break it off let him find himself and

0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:59.320
<v Speaker 1>come back to you if you feel that he is

0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:01.120
<v Speaker 1>in fact the and that you would love to make

0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:04.119
<v Speaker 1>your husband, or that is going to make you his wife.

0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:06.880
<v Speaker 1>He's your best friend, is good. That's good. There's nothing

0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:08.520
<v Speaker 1>wrong with him being your best friend. He does not

0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:10.440
<v Speaker 1>have to beat your husband, though, he can just be

0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:13.879
<v Speaker 1>your best friend. He's very comfortable where he is. You know,

0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:16.240
<v Speaker 1>there are good things about him. But a person with

0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:19.400
<v Speaker 1>no aspirations, that's not going to be a healthy marriage,

0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:21.680
<v Speaker 1>especially with a go getter like you. If you were

0:17:21.720 --> 0:17:24.840
<v Speaker 1>just like him, yes that would be more compatible, but

0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:30.160
<v Speaker 1>you're not. You need a man, a motherfucking man slash husband. Okay,

0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:33.560
<v Speaker 1>so yes, it's communication. I think you shouldn't tell him

0:17:33.640 --> 0:17:36.119
<v Speaker 1>that you're leaving. So no, no, no, I don't just

0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:38.840
<v Speaker 1>skip to that. But honestly, you you don't sound happy, baby,

0:17:38.840 --> 0:17:41.680
<v Speaker 1>you really don't. So I think eight years is enough

0:17:41.960 --> 0:17:46.320
<v Speaker 1>time for you to um give to someone who's not

0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:48.560
<v Speaker 1>helping you, girl, who's not building with you. You need

0:17:48.720 --> 0:17:51.439
<v Speaker 1>a strong foundation, for one. It seems like you're the

0:17:51.480 --> 0:17:54.679
<v Speaker 1>only foundation. You're the table. He didn't bring anything but

0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:57.440
<v Speaker 1>just good dick. Good dick is everywhere. It's not a

0:17:57.480 --> 0:18:00.600
<v Speaker 1>bad dick too, but it's good dick everywhere. Don't go

0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:04.879
<v Speaker 1>any further than eight years with this check in let

0:18:04.920 --> 0:18:08.240
<v Speaker 1>me know. And the last one, Hey, Jess, I really

0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:10.280
<v Speaker 1>need slash want you to fix my mask, but my

0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:13.600
<v Speaker 1>mess is too much to type. And I know it's anonymous,

0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:19.200
<v Speaker 1>but it's still personal. Seven seven six three. Hold up, bitch, Wait, ma'am,

0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:23.320
<v Speaker 1>I cannot call you. I'm not gonna call you. What

0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:26.640
<v Speaker 1>what are you talking about? It's dealing with my relationship

0:18:27.080 --> 0:18:31.240
<v Speaker 1>and happiness versus fear of losing out as bad as

0:18:31.240 --> 0:18:33.480
<v Speaker 1>I want to help you, which I ain't gonna call you.

0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:36.880
<v Speaker 1>You know that, so you better get the typing ship

0:18:38.280 --> 0:18:40.199
<v Speaker 1>these people. Funny is that we're gonna end it just

0:18:40.320 --> 0:18:43.439
<v Speaker 1>like that girl. Now. I really want to hear what

0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:46.520
<v Speaker 1>she gots. I might get prints the caller. All right, listen,

0:18:48.200 --> 0:18:50.919
<v Speaker 1>everybody has a story and everybody needs help. If you

0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:53.040
<v Speaker 1>don't know where to go, you don't know how to

0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:56.800
<v Speaker 1>assess your situation properly, please send me a dam to

0:18:56.880 --> 0:19:01.720
<v Speaker 1>the Carefully Reckless page the d M I repeat carefully

0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:07.000
<v Speaker 1>Reckless podcast Instagram. Send all of your stories, your inquiries,

0:19:07.080 --> 0:19:10.560
<v Speaker 1>all all the advice leaders y'all send messages to the

0:19:10.680 --> 0:19:13.159
<v Speaker 1>d M on the Carefully Reckless page. I will not

0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:15.680
<v Speaker 1>see them if y'all send it to my jest hilarious

0:19:15.760 --> 0:19:18.320
<v Speaker 1>official page is so many I stopped checking those d M.

0:19:18.680 --> 0:19:21.600
<v Speaker 1>You can also send your stories to the Reckless Discussions

0:19:21.640 --> 0:19:24.760
<v Speaker 1>official page as well. I checked both of those. I

0:19:24.840 --> 0:19:28.040
<v Speaker 1>love helping y'all. I really really do make sure y'all

0:19:28.040 --> 0:19:30.320
<v Speaker 1>fucking proofreading, though, because it'd be a lot of ship

0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:32.600
<v Speaker 1>that I'd be having a piece together. But I shouldn't

0:19:32.600 --> 0:19:35.160
<v Speaker 1>have to put your story together to fix your ship,

0:19:35.800 --> 0:19:38.600
<v Speaker 1>all right, put it together right? And just like that,

0:19:38.600 --> 0:19:40.280
<v Speaker 1>we're gonna end this episode. I love you'all. Make sure

0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:43.160
<v Speaker 1>you'll tune into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday, seven am.

0:19:43.160 --> 0:19:46.760
<v Speaker 1>Tune into Reckless Discussions every Wednesday seven pm only on

0:19:46.760 --> 0:20:45.200
<v Speaker 1>YouTube and in my deepest pam Boys piece clad love.

0:21:00.480 --> 0:21:03.439
<v Speaker 1>Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and

0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:06.480
<v Speaker 1>The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio,

0:21:06.680 --> 0:21:10.080
<v Speaker 1>visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever

0:21:10.200 --> 0:21:11.520
<v Speaker 1>you listen to your favorite shows.