WEBVTT - Misbehavers (Part 2) 0:00:09.000 --> 0:00:13.680 Misspelling with Tory Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:15.400 --> 0:00:17.880 Brian and I you know how close briand and I 0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:21.440 are and I tell him everything, like I'll text him 0:00:21.440 --> 0:00:23.440 and like we're brother and sister and like best friend's 0:00:23.480 --> 0:00:26.799 so close that we can have that connection, Like what 0:00:26.880 --> 0:00:29.280 was this the reason? Maybe the you know, your relationship 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:31.000 didn't work because of this? And I'm like no, no, no no. 0:00:31.040 --> 0:00:33.559 And I'm able to talk about things that you know 0:00:34.040 --> 0:00:37.480 I wouldn't be able to with him years ago. Anyway, 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:41.680 recently we were talking about my situation and being in 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:44.400 love and being crushed and being hurt and moving on 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:48.240 and now being single and the next chapter of my life. 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:52.720 And he's been so great and such a champion, and 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:56.440 you know, at times he gives me such inspiring, you 0:00:56.480 --> 0:00:59.920 know words of you can do it professionally and personally. 0:01:00.680 --> 0:01:05.039 And we made some commentary and I was saying, like, no, 0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:08.440 I was in love. I don't know, maybe I wasn't 0:01:08.440 --> 0:01:10.679 in love. I'm not sure. No one's broken in my 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:14.240 heart since you. And there was like pause, pause, and 0:01:14.280 --> 0:01:15.920 I was like, oh my god, this is the first 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:18.600 time life said this to him in thirty years. And 0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:21.080 I just took a beat, and I said just kidding, 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:23.959 And I was like, I go, you may smile, and 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:26.400 he just put haha, and then we went right back 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:28.959 to talking about shit something else. Yeah. 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:32.080 Right, So how do you feel because you were with 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:35.080 Dean for eighteen years five kids? 0:01:35.120 --> 0:01:37.240 Correct? How? I mean? Maybe? 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:40.640 Because I feel like I'm still adjusting and going through 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:43.400 I wasn't with somebody for eighteen years. I think we 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:46.240 were married for we were together for I think fourteen 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:46.840 years total. 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:49.560 It's a lot, yeah, same, But. 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.680 How is it being single? Like? How was that adjustment 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:56.640 for you? Because I think to be with somebody for 0:01:56.720 --> 0:02:03.240 that long and you trust someone to that degree and 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:06.760 then that trust obviously be broken and choose to stay 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:11.239 and sort of fight for the relationship and then for 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:15.720 it to end up not surviving regardless, How are you 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:19.600 adjusting to getting into that single world again? And have 0:02:19.680 --> 0:02:24.440 you changed more importantly to our have you changed your 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:28.320 bullet list of what a man has to have? Or 0:02:28.360 --> 0:02:31.000 are you still running towards the friggin red flags? 0:02:34.360 --> 0:02:37.080 Because I've read more to the red flag. 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:40.480 Every one of our boyfriends probably could stand up to 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:42.200 a certain degree and have a red flag on them. 0:02:42.760 --> 0:02:43.840 Red flags, I mean. 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:46.920 Maybe, but we probably also had red flags on us. 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:52.359 Not us why that were enablers. 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:55.960 No, I do you think that by the very nature 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:59.640 of our jobs, by the very nature of the immense 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:03.640 amount of pressure that you face at an incredibly young age, 0:03:03.760 --> 0:03:06.240 the fact that you're not really having like a normal 0:03:06.880 --> 0:03:12.120 social life, a normal social dynamic with people. And then 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:15.360 you know the press, like the stories that would come 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:17.520 out in the newspaper, and yes, you know your friends, 0:03:17.600 --> 0:03:21.160 your publicists would say, you know, today's paper is tomorrow's 0:03:21.240 --> 0:03:22.760 you know, kitty litter or lighting. 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:25.080 Right, my daddy say, if they're talking about your baby, 0:03:25.080 --> 0:03:28.040 it's good. Let them talk bad or good and good press, 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:28.960 bad press good. 0:03:29.320 --> 0:03:33.640 Yeah, Unfortunately that's not true because that crushes your soul. 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:38.080 When it's bad press, it hurts so bad. So for 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:40.480 I think all of those reasons, we probably had some 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:42.640 red flags because we had a little bit of trauma. 0:03:43.080 --> 0:03:45.560 I had a little bit of an ego and trauma there, 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:48.800 you know. But that doesn't mean that now in our fifties, 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:52.720 that we can't change that. So have you changed it? 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:55.400 Are you looking for something different in your life than 0:03:55.440 --> 0:03:57.640 you've looked for in the past. 0:03:58.960 --> 0:04:02.160 I don't know yet, Like it's also fresh. I'm not 0:04:02.240 --> 0:04:07.520 sure what I even want. But one of my biggest fears, 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:12.040 and this perhaps did make me stay longer, is I 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:15.920 feel like in our world, it's very difficult to not 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:18.360 it's difficult to be with a man and have him 0:04:18.400 --> 0:04:22.120 not feel emasculated, and not by our doing, but by 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:25.560 who we are. You know, have been labeled in society, 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:28.000 and we're not just women that make money. We're women 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:31.680 that have power or women that have fame, and I 0:04:31.720 --> 0:04:34.920 don't know any different. Like I feel guilty, like how 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:37.960 am I ever going to be with a man and 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:42.000 he doesn't feel like less than me just because of 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:43.719 my status. 0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:45.280 Because there's men out there who don't care about that. 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:47.760 But how can Okay, there. 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:50.040 Are men that don't care, or there are men that 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:54.320 have their own status maybe in a completely different field, right, 0:04:54.400 --> 0:04:57.240 maybe a man is a you know, partner at like 0:04:57.240 --> 0:05:00.560 one of the top law firms. So everything he did 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:04.320 going to school, graduating, like everything that he did being 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:08.040 an intern working his way up the ladder, has shown 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:10.240 that he's a really hard worker with a ton of 0:05:10.279 --> 0:05:14.640 perseverance and believes in himself enough in order to get there. 0:05:14.720 --> 0:05:18.960 So you could work at Frontier and work your way up. 0:05:19.040 --> 0:05:21.360 It doesn't matter. I think it's for I think it's 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:25.159 anybody that has strong work ethic and who has achieved 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:29.039 success in whatever they choose to do is going to 0:05:29.080 --> 0:05:32.360 have their own status. Yes, it's very hard to be with, 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:35.039 you know, a woman who can get a reservation at 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:38.360 any restaurant. Yes, it's hard to be you know, with 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:40.880 a woman as a man where you walk down the 0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:44.960 street and you know people are stopping her. But I 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:48.440 also believe that there are men out there who would 0:05:48.480 --> 0:05:53.280 take such great pride in being you know, I had 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:55.599 going back to my second ex husband who said to 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:59.120 me how proud he was to be married to me, 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:06.000 and that I think helped me, and it was very recent. Go, well, 0:06:06.040 --> 0:06:09.000 that's what I want. I want a man who's proud 0:06:09.040 --> 0:06:12.000 of being with me and would do wouldn't she, wouldn't lie, 0:06:12.040 --> 0:06:13.920 wouldn't do any of these things because he's so scared 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:17.720 of losing me. But also a man that's really proud 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:21.480 of my success and what I accomplish. And that's kind 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:24.359 of what I want you to be looking for right now. 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:27.039 Not a man that you can dominate, not a man 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:29.760 that puts you down, not a man that has any 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:31.040 red flags. 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:32.760 At this point in my life. And this is all 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:36.479 I know right now. I disagree with you, and it's 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:40.040 only because I hear everything you are saying and I 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:45.240 agree with that. But sometimes are personal and you know, 0:06:45.920 --> 0:06:48.800 we all have our personal stuff that we've carried through life, 0:06:48.839 --> 0:06:53.200 through family, and you know, what we've learned, what we've 0:06:53.240 --> 0:06:56.719 created nature versus you know, nurture, like who knows. But 0:06:57.760 --> 0:07:00.960 I don't know if a man with you status, or 0:07:01.080 --> 0:07:03.520 has his own thing, or is proud to be with me, 0:07:04.160 --> 0:07:08.919 can still overcome the fact of a woman being I 0:07:08.960 --> 0:07:14.240 don't know. I don't know this. That is depression a woman. 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:17.960 I mean, that's depressing to think that that's not possible. 0:07:18.880 --> 0:07:19.120 Fear. 0:07:19.720 --> 0:07:21.680 Okay, can I give you an example? 0:07:21.880 --> 0:07:22.440 Yes? Please? 0:07:22.880 --> 0:07:25.640 Do you really think Keith Urban worries about Nicole Kidman? 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:29.600 Do you really think Keith Urban is masculated by Nicole Kidman? 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:30.520 Maybe? 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:31.240 I don't think so. 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:31.760 How do you know? 0:07:32.120 --> 0:07:33.680 I just don't think so. I think that they both 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:36.720 seem extremely happy and yes, okay, so I'm giving a 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:41.960 you know, superstar rare couple ks right like he's a 0:07:42.400 --> 0:07:48.760 ginormous country star and rock star. He's everything, and she's 0:07:49.000 --> 0:07:52.680 one of our most talented actresses of all time. But 0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:57.720 I went to somebody's seven eighth birthday in Tennessee and 0:07:57.880 --> 0:08:02.920 they had Keith play at the party, and he was 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:06.400 so joyous on the stage and there was just so 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:09.320 much confidence that I can't imagine that that guy is 0:08:10.000 --> 0:08:13.520 worried or feels less than because he's with Nicole Kidman. 0:08:13.960 --> 0:08:16.480 I think they compliment each other and probably support each 0:08:16.480 --> 0:08:21.400 other and feel like they're equals. So it is possible 0:08:22.240 --> 0:08:23.040 in my opinion. 0:08:23.480 --> 0:08:23.760 Hmm. 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:27.080 I'm I and I really pray that it's possible, because 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:31.480 if it's not possible, then, like I said, that's incredibly depressing, 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:38.360 so incredibly depressing. How long have you been like separated? 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:44.120 Four June, so it'll yeah, it'll be a year in June. 0:08:44.640 --> 0:08:46.440 And the divorce is the divorce final? 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:51.480 No, I just filed recently, that's right. But I don't know. 0:08:52.320 --> 0:08:53.920 And this I hate to put in terms of this 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:57.800 and men are gonna hate me up, but like caveman terms, 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:01.760 but it's like the need and a man is still there. 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:06.160 There's you know, obviously there's rarities and maybe Keith Urban, 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:09.680 you know, is the exception not the rule. But I 0:09:09.679 --> 0:09:12.080 don't know I feel like it's ingrained in their soul 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:15.440 and they sometimes can't help it because they always have 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:19.200 that inner need that you know, goes to be the protector, 0:09:19.240 --> 0:09:22.760 the provider, provider, right, So if you're not the provider, 0:09:22.960 --> 0:09:25.480 what is your worth? And I think that's something that 0:09:25.520 --> 0:09:28.840 men don't even realize because every guy I've ever been 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:32.120 in a relationship with, I always say, there's a lot 0:09:32.160 --> 0:09:34.040 of shit that goes along with me. There's you know, 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:37.120 I'm sorry, there's you know, there's the tory spelling of 0:09:37.160 --> 0:09:39.480 it all, and I would like apologize for it. And 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:41.760 I don't know if you want to get involved with this. 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:44.840 And they all say they can handle it, but you 0:09:44.960 --> 0:09:48.040 know what it's like with ones that can't, and it 0:09:48.120 --> 0:09:51.720 becomes too much like people don't and especially like you're saying, 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:54.560 like a lawyer or something that's way not in this world, 0:09:55.120 --> 0:09:58.760 imagine like paparazzi and like jumping out at you and 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:02.040 like you know, stories written every day, makeup shit and 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:05.640 people saying stuff I mean not saying, imagine you live 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:09.120 this life, Like we know, how can a man be 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:11.520 like whoa? I mean, I guess they could be like whoa. 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:14.720 I didn't expect this, but I'm rolling with it. 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:18.600 It's hard, yeah, I mean, listen, I don't think it's 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:21.880 not not hard, right I do. I think it's very hard. 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:24.760 But guess what, maybe it's really hard for me to 0:10:24.800 --> 0:10:26.800 be with somebody who has a nine to five job 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:29.800 because I want to you know, I don't have nine 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:31.320 to five. I want to do stuff in the middle 0:10:31.360 --> 0:10:34.920 of the afternoon. Maybe I feel limited by their career 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:37.280 or whatever. But if I care enough about them, I'm 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:41.480 going to adjust. I'm going to make it work. You know. Again, 0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:44.440 Let's take the attorney and I'm using the word attorney 0:10:44.480 --> 0:10:47.760 because I still to this day cannot say lawyer without 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:53.880 my Southern accent coming up. So I'm just keep on 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:59.160 using that professions as my example. He could make me 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:03.520 feel inferior because he knows so much more about the 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:07.880 law and everything that you know there are. It's both 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:11.160 sides the things that can trigger the other one. So 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:14.880 I and I get what you're saying, right, because I've 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:16.640 I've had a couple of people try to set me 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:20.480 up on dates recently, not even that, just over the 0:11:20.559 --> 0:11:23.440 last six months or so, and I said no at 0:11:23.480 --> 0:11:27.320 first because I felt not ready. And then I said no, 0:11:27.400 --> 0:11:29.199 because one was a blind date and I was. 0:11:29.160 --> 0:11:31.080 Like, no, that's not fair. 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:34.199 You can't set somebody up with me and them not No, 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:36.720 see like that. That is not fas. 0:11:36.760 --> 0:11:38.240 It's one of those circumstances. 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:40.960 But my thing is not about who I am. My 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:45.840 thing is about cancer. You can't set me up on 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:50.760 a date without letting that person know because somebody has 0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:54.280 just to decide if they want to spend time with 0:11:54.320 --> 0:12:06.440 somebody who has a time clock. So I understand what 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:08.480 you're saying because I can kind of look at it 0:12:08.480 --> 0:12:13.480 from that standpoint. But I've never felt like I've never 0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:17.280 felt like someone couldn't take prior to cancer, couldn't be 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:19.960 couldn't handle being in my life. But the way they 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:22.280 can't get and if they can't handle who I am, 0:12:22.679 --> 0:12:25.439 get the fuck out because in that case. 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:27.440 Once you're attached, I know you've better than that. 0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:32.440 Not true, yeah, but that's why those relationships end. Because 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:37.200 don't punish me for what I've accomplished. Don't make me 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:43.079 try to be smaller because I've had success because I'm 0:12:43.200 --> 0:12:45.599 as you know, I'm the first person to try to 0:12:45.600 --> 0:12:48.400 build anyone up. I'm the first person to be like 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:50.880 I want to share my success with you. I want 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:54.040 to make you as successful as me. More so, I 0:12:54.080 --> 0:12:56.360 want to get you to avoid all the mistakes that 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:59.400 I made. So I do that with my friends, and 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:02.840 I do that with the men in my life. So 0:13:02.920 --> 0:13:06.040 then if they still can't handle it, then then you're like, Okay, 0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:08.160 it ended, and it's a good thing that it ended, 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:11.080 because that's what's making them feel emasculated. Then they're just 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:12.040 not seeing the benefit. 0:13:12.840 --> 0:13:16.079 I wonder if it wasn't maybe it was me the 0:13:16.120 --> 0:13:21.400 whole time. No, no, me, of course it was me, though. 0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:22.120 It's not just you. 0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:27.839 But because I've always been worried about that, you put 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:33.000 it out there, I'm proactive, and I preemptively make myself 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:35.680 small and plummet myself and sabotage myself. 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:38.120 You also put the plan in their brain that it's 0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:40.520 going to be a problem, Like why are you giving 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:44.000 them Like you're literally planting the seed in their brain 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:47.000 and then you're fertilizing it and putting water on it 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:48.439 as opposed to. 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:49.760 I miss being fertile. 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:54.360 If it's not an issue for you, then don't make 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:55.480 it an issue for them. 0:13:55.679 --> 0:13:58.319 Okay, I won't, but I'm still and don't ever. 0:13:58.200 --> 0:14:00.880 Make yourself small for anyone. That's like I've been telling 0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:02.439 you that for thirty freakin years. 0:14:02.800 --> 0:14:06.000 You really have? Yeah, I didn't listen, No, maybe this 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:08.640 tie let's hope. Yeah, yeah, we just have to go 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:12.760 over like you need a new list. List a list. 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:16.200 You need a new list, a list of do's and 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:19.600 don'ts of If they do any of this, you're not 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:20.760 even entertaining them. 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:21.680 I can't do this. 0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:24.560 You have to otherwise you're just going to make say 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:27.200 the same mistakes, just like me. I have a list. 0:14:27.240 --> 0:14:27.440 Now. 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:31.240 My first glass is if you ever cheated, I'm probably 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:33.320 never going to date you. That's that's like kind of 0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:34.600 my you. 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:36.840 They never cheated, How do you know for a fact 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:40.080 if they've ever cheated on someone, that's the relationship. 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:42.120 That's true. They also tell you they're not married, so 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:47.840 you know, it's a very, very very dating is tricky. Listen, 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:53.800 I'm I am so happy now. I climb into bed 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:57.520 and the other side is taken, and it's warm, and 0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:00.560 it's perfect, and it's miss Bowie my talk. 0:15:01.480 --> 0:15:04.320 It's always better that way with animals in the bed. 0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:08.040 She doesn't kick me, she doesn't hog the bed, she 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:12.080 doesn't take the covers. She lays there. The most she 0:15:12.160 --> 0:15:13.880 does is like get up and make a circle and 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:16.400 then like lay right back down. She loves sleeping in late. 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:20.800 I hate being in bed with someone and having them 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:23.440 wrapped around you and have to sleep. But I was 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:28.760 so conditioned that that meant he likes me. I'm worthy. 0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:31.000 And this isn't just my marriage, this is my whole 0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:34.200 past right that you know, as a woman, I'm conditioned, 0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:36.720 Like you know, we're in bed, I'm supposed to act 0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:39.840 a certain way and supposed to hit like a checklist 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:42.640 in my mind of what a sexy female should do 0:15:43.160 --> 0:15:45.720 forgetting about like what about you're really smart, you're really funny. 0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:47.480 That stands for something too, that should be at the 0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:50.000 top of your fucking list, Like but that comes now. 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:53.280 But I'm like, god, yeah, And then afterwards, you know, 0:15:53.320 --> 0:15:55.080 they're like curled up around you and I would just 0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:58.000 be laying there for hours and I'd be like suffocating, suffocating, 0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:00.960 and I hate it and I hate sleeping with somebody. 0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:03.320 But I always like let that define me that. I 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:06.840 was like, oh, you're supposed to so I yeah, welcome 0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:11.360 partners that like don't like like being like I cannot 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:14.560 stand cuddling First of all, I get so cutlet at 0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:17.480 night that I have the AC and sixty one, I 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:19.360 have a fan blowing directly on my face. 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:22.720 Was this always or I've always run very hot at 0:16:22.840 --> 0:16:28.440 night and always needed AC and fans. But my god, 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:32.360 somebody wrapped around me like an octopus. It freaks me 0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:36.280 out and I feel claust tophobic. I think that there's 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:40.040 a certain amount of time for cuddling and then you 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:42.240 go to your side of the bed. I'll go to mine, 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:43.720 or better yet, go to the guest bedroom. 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:47.400 I know another room. Yeah, way better my next partner. 0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:50.520 I'll never adhere to that. I'm telling you this is 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:51.360 what makes. 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:53.000 Them make them listen to this episode. 0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:56.920 Oh my god, that's the new things wore. You date me? 0:16:57.400 --> 0:16:59.760 You have to listen to my entire podcast so that 0:16:59.800 --> 0:17:01.360 you can learn all about me. 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:04.040 Great, I'm gonna be single forever now. 0:17:05.000 --> 0:17:07.800 There's nothing wrong with being single, though, I mean, do 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:10.359 you really feel like you feel lonely? 0:17:10.960 --> 0:17:11.040 No? 0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:12.160 And people keep. 0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:14.640 Saying like, oh, it's because you don't want to be alone. 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:17.760 It's not. I mean, I have five kids at home. Shyeh, 0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:21.920 You're never alone. I'm never alone, and I actually it's 0:17:22.000 --> 0:17:26.320 not that part. I just feel somewhere ingrained in me. 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:29.600 They have that need that I'm supposed to. I'm not 0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:32.359 good enough if I'm not adored by a man or 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:36.359 don't have a man's attention. I hate that. Yeah, I 0:17:36.359 --> 0:17:37.960 don't want that to define me. 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:40.760 I think being adored by your friends is way more 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:44.280 important because your friends are, you know, at least the 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:47.399 friends that you should have in your life. Yeah, I'm 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:51.320 probably the ones that you have now, like currently today. 0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:53.640 Those are the ones that should be one hundred percent 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:57.040 honest with you. So if your friends adore you, then 0:17:57.280 --> 0:18:00.400 that's so much more important than a partner adore you 0:18:00.440 --> 0:18:04.879 because there's no sort of messiness there, and your friends 0:18:04.880 --> 0:18:07.520 are seeing the real you at all times, and if 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:11.160 they can accept the real you, with your faults, your pluses, 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:15.080 your all of it, then that's so much more important. 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:21.120 I hear you. 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:20.560 Oh am I ever going to be touched again? What 0:18:20.560 --> 0:18:22.399 are you talking about? But I see the way like 0:18:22.480 --> 0:18:25.239 you Chris, her best friend touch each other, and I'm like, 0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:29.800 that's amazing. You guys have that relationship because you're still 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:31.360 able to like have that if you want to. 0:18:31.320 --> 0:18:34.280 Like, yeah, I mean he holds my hand and he 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:37.080 puts his arm around me, so sure I have it 0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:43.280 feels physical perfection, physical, but I also I also don't 0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:46.080 care about like sex is just no longer the most 0:18:46.080 --> 0:18:49.640 important thing. And maybe it's because of you know, how 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:54.800 my marriage ended. Maybe it's because of cancer, maybe it's age. 0:18:54.840 --> 0:18:58.679 Maybe it's just me saying, well that just really, in 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:02.000 the grand scheme of things, doesn't mean that much. Like 0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:05.840 having a best friend in your life, whether you're intimate 0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:09.119 with them or not, is so much more important to 0:19:09.160 --> 0:19:11.639 me that And yes, there are moments where I'm like, 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:13.520 I wish I had a boyfriend, and then I get 0:19:13.560 --> 0:19:15.920 over it very quickly, and I'm like, you know what, 0:19:16.040 --> 0:19:18.919 I'm really glad that I don't have a boyfriend and 0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:23.359 that I have a lot of affection from, you know, 0:19:23.440 --> 0:19:26.080 a couple of my exes also, like I can call 0:19:26.160 --> 0:19:30.080 them at any point the day or night and have 0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:32.960 conversations and it always ends with like, hey, I love you. 0:19:33.800 --> 0:19:37.679 I love that, And that's really I guess I'm getting 0:19:37.720 --> 0:19:41.159 whatever I need from the most important people in my 0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:45.080 life now, so I don't need it from an outside source. 0:19:45.600 --> 0:19:47.920 And I'm thinking that that's probably when I'll have. 0:19:47.880 --> 0:19:51.840 My healthiest relationship once that you've let that completely go, 0:19:51.920 --> 0:19:55.640 which sounds like you have. Yeah. Yeah, I mean you're ready. 0:19:55.720 --> 0:19:57.720 I just have to learn a trust again. 0:19:58.200 --> 0:19:59.000 That's a tough one. 0:19:59.200 --> 0:20:00.000 Yeah, that's right. 0:20:00.640 --> 0:20:03.680 Once that's broken, it's hard. Yeah. I mean. Also, we 0:20:04.440 --> 0:20:06.760 grew up in a time like I don't know, I 0:20:06.800 --> 0:20:09.359 mean nine oh two to zero, Like everything a boy 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:14.120 did on set defined you, like the tension, right, And 0:20:14.320 --> 0:20:16.480 I know I'm fifty now, I was eighteen then, but 0:20:16.560 --> 0:20:18.560 it still sticks in me. Yeah. 0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:20.639 Well, we also grew up in a time where the 0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:24.240 men were always right. The men could basically do no wrong. 0:20:24.640 --> 0:20:28.440 The men were the quarterbacks. The men were paid the most, 0:20:28.640 --> 0:20:31.800 you know, when when they had an issue with a 0:20:31.840 --> 0:20:36.200 line or something on the job, they weren't called difficult 0:20:36.440 --> 0:20:38.880 or a bitch, right, They were, you know, a hard 0:20:38.920 --> 0:20:41.320 worker who cared about you know, the show. 0:20:41.600 --> 0:20:42.000 Yes. 0:20:42.040 --> 0:20:45.640 But meanwhile, we had an issue with something we were 0:20:45.680 --> 0:20:49.000 either bullied into, like you with your wardrobe, like nobody 0:20:49.040 --> 0:20:50.719 would listen to you and I would have to champion 0:20:50.760 --> 0:20:52.000 for you and be like yeah, no, no, no, she 0:20:52.040 --> 0:20:54.960 shouldn't be wearing that, or me just being called a 0:20:55.320 --> 0:20:58.879 bitch because like this line is really stupid, or this 0:20:59.000 --> 0:21:01.680 episode is stupid and like this is Brenda would never 0:21:01.760 --> 0:21:04.919 do this, Like why are you making Brenda this? You know, 0:21:06.000 --> 0:21:10.199 very dramatic, angsty girl, Like nobody's going to end up 0:21:10.200 --> 0:21:14.200 liking her. He's that I hate Brenda newsletter that also 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:17.600 hated Shanna Doherty. You know, like that's the era that 0:21:17.680 --> 0:21:22.480 we grew up in, so I of course it trickled 0:21:22.560 --> 0:21:25.400 into our personal lives and how we think we're supposed 0:21:25.440 --> 0:21:35.600 to be as women. Like you, no wonder why you 0:21:35.640 --> 0:21:38.280 feel like you have to have this checklist of here's 0:21:38.280 --> 0:21:39.920 how I'm supposed to be in bed, Here's how I'm 0:21:39.920 --> 0:21:43.600 supposed to cook food, Here's how I'm supposed to you know, 0:21:43.680 --> 0:21:45.640 this is how I'm supposed to mother, so that that 0:21:45.760 --> 0:21:47.919