Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
Speaker 2: the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
Speaker 2: the world, it is so great to have you here.
Speaker 2: Back for another episode. As we, of course break down
Speaker 2: the psychology of our twenties, we're tackling a new subject today,
Speaker 2: one we've never really dove into, and that is the
Speaker 2: power of staying present, the power of mindfulness, of living
Speaker 2: in the moment. For I guess anyone who's ever been
Speaker 2: told to just enjoy the moment, to just appreciate what
Speaker 2: you have right now, you'll kind of understand that doing
Speaker 2: so is actually a lot harder than it looks. The
Speaker 2: present feels very, very elusive in so many ways, especially
Speaker 2: when we're facing so many destructions and our attention is
Speaker 2: being pulled in so many directions. We're being told to
Speaker 2: kind of do it all. When was the last time,
Speaker 2: within that system and within that kind of busyness culture,
Speaker 2: that we've actually slowed down and had a look around
Speaker 2: us and appreciated where we are right now. We're also
Speaker 2: really inclined to I think, ruminate on the past a
Speaker 2: lot naturally, but also to overthink and stress about the future.
Speaker 2: And what I've you know, at least come to find myself,
Speaker 2: is that we spend a lot more time appreciating the
Speaker 2: moment only when it's pasted only in hindsight, rather than
Speaker 2: when we're in it, and that can really come at
Speaker 2: our detriment. As we'll come to see, letting yourself be present,
Speaker 2: be deliberately conscious of all that you're experiencing, and really
Speaker 2: noticing small things about your reality brings a lot of
Speaker 2: peace that we tend to neglect in our really busy lives.
Speaker 2: It's also been said to be amazing for creativity, mental clarity, productivity,
Speaker 2: and just all around general levels of happiness, which who
Speaker 2: doesn't want more of that? But mindfulness, again doesn't always
Speaker 2: come easy, and that's why I think it's really valuable
Speaker 2: to start almost training our brains in being mindful when
Speaker 2: we're young, or during our twenties, when it does tend
Speaker 2: to have the biggest and longest impact. And that is
Speaker 2: precisely what we're going to discuss today. The immense power
Speaker 2: of staying present, why we tend to struggle to do so,
Speaker 2: and what we can kind of learn from the experts
Speaker 2: on how to keep your feet really firmly planted in
Speaker 2: the now. And I'm also going to kind of introduce
Speaker 2: you to this kind of like a thirty second introduction
Speaker 2: into this of living in the moment, into a practice
Speaker 2: that helps you bring you into the moment that I
Speaker 2: personally really love. I actually use it on a daily
Speaker 2: and I think this is a great place to kind
Speaker 2: of introduce people to it. It's an amazing method and
Speaker 2: hopefully you get something out of it. So I really
Speaker 2: hope you enjoy this episode. I hope it is your
Speaker 2: calling or something to remind you to be more present
Speaker 2: in your life, to stop trying to rush to the future,
Speaker 2: rush to the next chapter, or get too stuck in
Speaker 2: what's already come. I know it's something that I sometimes
Speaker 2: really need a reminder of, especially right now. You know,
Speaker 2: in recent months, I feel like the older you get,
Speaker 2: right like time just seems to speed up a little bit,
Speaker 2: and that's a really scary thought at times. But being
Speaker 2: really mindful of where you are now and the privilege
Speaker 2: of getting to experience where you are now definitely is
Speaker 2: grounding and definitely brings us back, and I think we
Speaker 2: all need that sometimes. So I'm very excited to share
Speaker 2: my thoughts, the psychology, the studies that we've dug up
Speaker 2: for this one. So without further ado, let's get into
Speaker 2: the power of staying present. Staying present and enjoying the
Speaker 2: moment is something that I will come out and say
Speaker 2: I really really struggle with. I have struggled with it
Speaker 2: for many years because of how I think chaotic my
Speaker 2: thoughts always seem to be, or just the fact that
Speaker 2: there's always something going on, there's always something to overthink,
Speaker 2: which is all too common amongst any one of you,
Speaker 2: any one of us who struggles with anxiety or just
Speaker 2: has a lot of things on their mind or a
Speaker 2: really busy life. What's really helped me, though, is being
Speaker 2: able to categorize the different distractions or interruptions that make
Speaker 2: me feel distanced from the present. And when I say
Speaker 2: distanced from the present, what I really mean is I'm
Speaker 2: spending a lot more time in my brain than in
Speaker 2: my senses, a lot more time in kind of fantasy
Speaker 2: or memory or overthinking that I am in what's actually
Speaker 2: going on around me, and it kind of feels like
Speaker 2: there's this static between me and my life, or that
Speaker 2: I'm walking through life and not really able to remember
Speaker 2: what has happened. That really, for me is a good
Speaker 2: indication that I'm feeling a little bit detached. And there
Speaker 2: seems to be three ways in which that kind of happens,
Speaker 2: in which we disconnect. The first way is when we
Speaker 2: get stuck in the past, falling into the nostalgia trap
Speaker 2: or the regret spiral. If you've listened to our full
Speaker 2: episode on the psychology of nostalgia, you'll probably know a
Speaker 2: lot about this, But nostalgia is one way that we
Speaker 2: definitely become unable to appreciate our present because we are
Speaker 2: very much enticed by the more rosy memories of the past.
Speaker 2: Regret is another emotion that I mentioned, feeling like you
Speaker 2: can't stop reliving moments of embarrassment or cringe. And then
Speaker 2: of course we have trauma, reliving trauma, feeling constantly pulled
Speaker 2: into your memories by some really painful experience, and a
Speaker 2: lot of these specific kinds of I would say distractions
Speaker 2: from the present come down to unresolved emotional experiences that
Speaker 2: you know there isn't a place for them to rest.
Speaker 2: There isn't Your brain hasn't fully gotten through processing what
Speaker 2: you've been through a situation, and so it continues to
Speaker 2: kind of remain in your active memory. The second category
Speaker 2: is when we get fixated on the future. Now, this
Speaker 2: is definitely where I spend a lot of my time.
Speaker 2: Much of what ruins the present is sheer anxiety For me.
Speaker 2: This really includes anxiety and worry about what needs to
Speaker 2: be done. Like you know, you're trying to talk to
Speaker 2: a friend or a coworker, You're trying to be engaged
Speaker 2: in that conversation, and all you can think about is
Speaker 2: how much work you need to do, or your endless
Speaker 2: to do list, overthinking future choices and out comes, and
Speaker 2: even some of those more existential questions that can create
Speaker 2: a great deal of detachment, if not disassociation at the time.
Speaker 2: Of course, I think disassociation. It's kind of in a
Speaker 2: league of its own here for those of us who
Speaker 2: aren't familiar with the term, it's this experience where we
Speaker 2: feel completely disconnected from our thoughts, our feelings, memories, surroundings,
Speaker 2: sense of self, basically everything that makes up the present,
Speaker 2: and sometimes we can feel disconnected just for a few
Speaker 2: seconds or much much longer, And it's a really scary
Speaker 2: experience to have to feel like you're almost floating outside
Speaker 2: of your body or that nothing feels real. Often it's
Speaker 2: the result of too much stress or extensive trauma. Our
Speaker 2: brain is kind of trying to find a way to
Speaker 2: essentially protect itself, to compartmentalize, and to survive when it
Speaker 2: can't handle that much information or that much stress or trauma.
Speaker 2: And finally, I think, on a less extreme note, we
Speaker 2: just have general everyday distractions. Now. When I say distractions,
Speaker 2: I mean both emotional and physical distractions or preoccupations is
Speaker 2: maybe a better word. We can think of things like
Speaker 2: notifications from our phone a really busy environment as kind
Speaker 2: of falling into this category. And our phones are I
Speaker 2: think a big problem point for many of us because
Speaker 2: they are just simply designed to be so addictive. That
Speaker 2: was an intentional choice by their creators, and they can
Speaker 2: really start to feel like our whole reality at times
Speaker 2: because of how reliant we are in them and the
Speaker 2: dependency that we have whereby we're constantly drawn to them
Speaker 2: for everything from social connection to work, shopping, entertainment information.
Speaker 2: I think every single one of us has unknowingly missed
Speaker 2: out on a beautiful moment because we were locked in
Speaker 2: by our screens. I've missed an old friend walking by us,
Speaker 2: We've missed seeing some beautiful interaction take place, or we've
Speaker 2: missed really feeling what we're feeling, because as soon as
Speaker 2: it gets too much or uncomfortable, we pick up our
Speaker 2: phones and we flood our brains with information as a buffer.
Speaker 2: In fact, a recent report from the American Psychological Association,
Speaker 2: it actually suggests that our phones often divert our attention
Speaker 2: away from the real world, which dar But the reason
Speaker 2: it does that is because it kind of takes our
Speaker 2: attention from this messy reality into this nice, neatly formed
Speaker 2: and neatly designed reality where we know what to expect,
Speaker 2: our apps have everything in place, we are in control,
Speaker 2: and so it becomes kind of a mental sanctuary. And
Speaker 2: what's the consequence of this, Well, a separate study from
Speaker 2: twenty twenty basically found that because our phones are constantly
Speaker 2: capturing our attention, a lot of us do feel socially connected.
Speaker 2: We are less able to recall certain memories, especially biographical memories,
Speaker 2: and we feel less in the moment. And you know,
Speaker 2: what I read that study, and I was kind of like,
Speaker 2: do we even need a study to tell us that, Like,
Speaker 2: who hasn't felt this way or question their relationship with
Speaker 2: our phone or social media in the last couple of years, Like,
Speaker 2: I think all of us are probably getting to the
Speaker 2: point where we realize that what's really keeping us separate
Speaker 2: from our experiences in a lot of circumstances is a screen.
Speaker 2: You can kind of see that there is a bit
Speaker 2: of a spectrum or a scale here from intense distractions,
Speaker 2: very existential distractions, to smaller ones, and then those that
Speaker 2: are a bit less common and those that are very chronic.
Speaker 2: Of course, our phones are a chronic distraction, I think,
Speaker 2: or even like overthinking about the future may also be
Speaker 2: a chronic distraction. But you know, there is, of course
Speaker 2: a distinction between complete dissociation and getting caught up and
Speaker 2: scrolling on your phone or distracted by something in your environment.
Speaker 2: But they all have the same effect. At the end
Speaker 2: of the day, we feel less engaged in the moment,
Speaker 2: and when that continues to happen, we feel less engaged
Speaker 2: in our lives. Moments make up our lives. If you've
Speaker 2: ever had the experience of kind of waking up one
Speaker 2: day and feeling like you can't remember what you really
Speaker 2: did for the last two weeks or two months of
Speaker 2: your life, sometimes even years. That is a consequence of
Speaker 2: day to day disengagement with the present for whatever reason.
Speaker 2: Because remaining present really means remaining deliberately conscious of what
Speaker 2: is happening around you so that you can actually feel
Speaker 2: your life, participate fully in your life. And that also
Speaker 2: means being connected to both good and bad experiences and
Speaker 2: choosing to feel both because you appreciate that they make
Speaker 2: up this reality that you have the privilege of experiencing,
Speaker 2: even during times when it doesn't feel like a privilege.
Speaker 2: Being present is not about cherry picking when you want
Speaker 2: to be present and when you want to detach, because
Speaker 2: eventually it becomes very hard to reattach when your modus
Speaker 2: operatum or your impulse is to distract and intellectualize and
Speaker 2: withdraw instead of feel. So it's showing up for all
Speaker 2: of it. And I know I said the good and
Speaker 2: the bad, but I should also include the boring within
Speaker 2: that as well. There is a lot of joy to
Speaker 2: be found in the monotonous, in my opinion, but when
Speaker 2: it becomes very routine and same old, same old. The
Speaker 2: natural urges, of course to disengage because you don't need
Speaker 2: to be fully there. You can be thinking about other things.
Speaker 2: But those boring, mindless tasks like brushing your teeth, like
Speaker 2: your daily commute, cleaning your house, answering emails, they make
Speaker 2: up a lot of life. There is a lot of
Speaker 2: minutes in those small activities that we can disengage from,
Speaker 2: and so if we're not appreciating them, if we're not
Speaker 2: immersed in them as much as we can be, that
Speaker 2: becomes a big chunk of life that we spend inwards
Speaker 2: and removed, and there's a lost opportunity in there for
Speaker 2: presence and for connection with our senses and with our reality.
Speaker 2: I think sometimes daydreaming and kind of indulging in old
Speaker 2: memories or make belief situations it can be protective, firstly
Speaker 2: in the case of boredom, but also when our current
Speaker 2: day to day is just not very satisfying. It's kind
Speaker 2: of a small reprieve to imagine the day's life will
Speaker 2: be better, or to think about the times when it
Speaker 2: was before. That kind of emotional detachment from day to
Speaker 2: day is instinctual, and some would say hardwayed in as
Speaker 2: a way to keep our mind distracted from what could
Speaker 2: be a pretty confronting reality. And isn't that why kind
Speaker 2: of all of us go through peer of detachment, because
Speaker 2: if we were to be truly seeing our life what
Speaker 2: it was, the problems, the fears, the relationships, the insecurities,
Speaker 2: it would just be too much, it would be too painful.
Speaker 2: And so we do need a little bit of like
Speaker 2: we need to step back mentally, sometimes plain and simple.
Speaker 2: We just have a natural tendency to withdraw and want
Speaker 2: to skirt the unpleasant emotions and experiences because they make
Speaker 2: us uncomfortable, and logically, by avoiding this discomfort, we can
Speaker 2: be happier for longer. Isn't that the way that it goes? Unfortunately,
Speaker 2: that's an incorrect assumption. Unfortunately it goes a different way. Actually,
Speaker 2: we don't become happier by selectively experiencing our lives. We
Speaker 2: become quite numb. And that is exactly what I was
Speaker 2: talking about before, going weeks, feeling like you've been wrapped
Speaker 2: in bubble wrap, that nothing is really touched to you
Speaker 2: or made you feel, not being able to remember conversations
Speaker 2: with friends, not being able to enjoy the moment because
Speaker 2: we have become accustomed to this habit of either not
Speaker 2: fully feeling, or feeling through our phones, only feeling through
Speaker 2: the memory of something, or you know, my least favorite,
Speaker 2: overthinking everything that could happen might happen that we can't control,
Speaker 2: until we just don't feel anything anymore. We only think
Speaker 2: about the feeling. But when we switch to a more
Speaker 2: present mindset, we unlock some pretty profound psychological benefits. Being
Speaker 2: present is a combination of awareness, acceptance, and attention. We
Speaker 2: need to be in tune with the moments that we
Speaker 2: are not present. We need to accept why that may be,
Speaker 2: whether it's an internal resistance to our feelings or our distraction,
Speaker 2: and then we need to redirect our attention from inwards
Speaker 2: to outwards. That is really complemented by just the simple
Speaker 2: art of noticing, observing your surroundings, really experiencing them, the sounds,
Speaker 2: the smells, the sensations, the temperature, and also what you're
Speaker 2: feeling internally. Presence to me is also about, you know, surrender,
Speaker 2: surrendering to what might be uncomfortable, what you might not
Speaker 2: want to think about, what might be happening, and just
Speaker 2: being quite stoke about it, like, yeah, this is what's
Speaker 2: happening right now on it, and I have to be
Speaker 2: empathetic with myself, and you know it might be hard,
Speaker 2: but that's reality. And I would rather be present for
Speaker 2: my reality than kind of reach a point where I
Speaker 2: can't remember anything at all. When we're able to do that,
Speaker 2: we become more empathetic, We're more able to connect with
Speaker 2: others on a deeper level because we're actually listening, we're
Speaker 2: actually absorbing everything that they're saying and doing. We improve
Speaker 2: our mental clarity by slowing everything down to just what's
Speaker 2: happening right now, not yesterday, not one minute from now,
Speaker 2: not a year from now, meaning that we can you know,
Speaker 2: sideline our mental clutter and down the noise for a moment.
Speaker 2: And there's also been a lot of really convincing arguments
Speaker 2: about increased creativity, productivity, resilience because those mental states, they
Speaker 2: all require a great deal of mental energy, which we
Speaker 2: often don't have the reserves for when we're bustling from
Speaker 2: one thing to the next. So there is a real
Speaker 2: argument to be made for rest and silence and serenity
Speaker 2: in actually making us more successful and more creative and
Speaker 2: more productive and more resilient. The other significant thing about
Speaker 2: mindfulness is that it makes us a lot more comfortable
Speaker 2: with what we can't control. The reason we tend to
Speaker 2: spend so much time in our memories is because we
Speaker 2: already know what happened, so there is a certainty there.
Speaker 2: There are no surprises, which really eases our fear of
Speaker 2: the unknown. And it's the same reason we spend a
Speaker 2: lot of time overthinking the future, because our overthinking convinces
Speaker 2: us that the more we interrogate all the pussible outcomes,
Speaker 2: the more prepared will be when they get there. But
Speaker 2: you know, we probably won't be because it's never going
Speaker 2: to be like we thought it was. And mindfulness really
Speaker 2: places you squarely in the now, and we begin to
Speaker 2: realize that what will come will come. It's something we
Speaker 2: can't control. And the moment that you're in right now,
Speaker 2: you were probably worried about two three months ago, but
Speaker 2: you're here, and when you look around, it's not as scary,
Speaker 2: it's not as dangerous. You have the skills that you
Speaker 2: need to kind of get through it. And of course,
Speaker 2: the final benefit of being mindful, the true power of
Speaker 2: being present, is that it just simply makes us happier.
Speaker 2: And the reason we know this comes from one of
Speaker 2: the most powerful studies of the past ten years in
Speaker 2: my mind, by this researcher called Matt Killingsworth. So his
Speaker 2: study took a huge sample of individuals fifteen thousand people
Speaker 2: from different education levels, age, occupation, income, marital status. He
Speaker 2: took you know, he sampled them from across eighty different countries,
Speaker 2: and his premise was really simple. Throughout the day, at
Speaker 2: random times, participants were contacted through their phones by an
Speaker 2: app that he had designed for this specific study, and
Speaker 2: they were kind of asked to rate their current level
Speaker 2: of happiness, what activity they were involved in, and whether
Speaker 2: or not their mind had been wandering from the activity.
Speaker 2: Now most people know the study is the one that
Speaker 2: basically determined that money is correlated to happiness. So if
Speaker 2: this sounds familiar to you, that's the primary, I think
Speaker 2: finding that people liked to highlight in the media. But
Speaker 2: the finding that I find much more powerful and the
Speaker 2: one that came from the study was that actually, when
Speaker 2: it came to our attention and awareness was what really
Speaker 2: made people happy had far less to do with what
Speaker 2: they were doing, and significantly more to do with whether
Speaker 2: there were ten was fully present in the moment. People
Speaker 2: who focused on their present moment experience, whatever was happening,
Speaker 2: even if it wasn't that great, were significantly happier than
Speaker 2: people who were allowing their mind to wander, who were
Speaker 2: trying to do a million things at once. Something else
Speaker 2: he concluded was that our mind is wandering between thirty
Speaker 2: two to forty seven percent of the day on average.
Speaker 2: But when the mind wanders, we don't feel as happy
Speaker 2: as we do in those moments of flow, attention, awareness, feeling,
Speaker 2: because this distracted state leaves us quite vulnerable to rumination,
Speaker 2: to stress, to depression. Basically, like I said before, we
Speaker 2: spend a great deal of time contemplating what we're feeling
Speaker 2: rather than just feeling it, or we just avoid it altogether,
Speaker 2: which ends up giving us a lot less mastery over
Speaker 2: our so called negative emotions. It also means that again
Speaker 2: we miss out on all the positive experiences because I
Speaker 2: said this before, right, If your kind of impulse, your
Speaker 2: status quo, is just to constantly be detached, it's hard
Speaker 2: to reattach your awareness and your attention during those good moments.
Speaker 2: So all those positive experiences that would outweigh or overwhelm
Speaker 2: the frustrating, sad, lonely ones there are also ones that
Speaker 2: we aren't fully there for, but savoring the moment on
Speaker 2: the other hand, and there was this brilliant study, a
Speaker 2: different study from twenty seventeen. It really talks about how
Speaker 2: when you savor the moment, the way you savor a meal,
Speaker 2: the way savor like a time with a friend, the
Speaker 2: way you savor you know, sleeping in in the morning,
Speaker 2: that is going to make you a lot more happier
Speaker 2: and it's going to increase your level of daily positive emotions,
Speaker 2: which is basically a psychological scale for measuring how often
Speaker 2: we feel joyful, happy, satisfied, purposeful, grateful throughout each day.
Speaker 2: And in this study they measured people across nine weeks,
Speaker 2: and those who had more disposition or mindfulness, which meant
Speaker 2: that they were in the present more throughout their day,
Speaker 2: they did report feeling a lot more content, more able
Speaker 2: to work through their anxious thoughts, and yes, more happy.
Speaker 2: One thing about that that I just want to mention
Speaker 2: was this term dispositional mindfulness, because it's something that we
Speaker 2: really do need to highlight. Basically, for some of us,
Speaker 2: it's just so much easier to exist in the present moment.
Speaker 2: Our minds are naturally Stiller, they're more serene, they're quieter
Speaker 2: in a way that's just part of our makeup. For others,
Speaker 2: it's the opposite. And I've said this already, but I've
Speaker 2: spent a great deal of my life very anxious about
Speaker 2: something or another. And it literally used to make me
Speaker 2: feel anxious to not be anxious about something, because I
Speaker 2: was like, what am I missing some big, bad fear
Speaker 2: that I haven't noticed yet. So that's how complex it is.
Speaker 2: And if you're someone like that, mindfulness is just kind
Speaker 2: of like, it just feels out of your reach. But
Speaker 2: it is very much something that we can learn. You
Speaker 2: can rewire your brain and how it operates to perceive
Speaker 2: your reality in a way that is firmly planted in
Speaker 2: the moment. And that's really what I want to discuss next.
Speaker 2: We can list all the benefits until the sun goes down,
Speaker 2: but it's semi useless if you don't know how to
Speaker 2: get there. You don't know how to embrace the power
Speaker 2: of staying present, you don't have the techniques. So we
Speaker 2: are going to talk about all of that, and of
Speaker 2: course so much more after this shortbreak. The cognitive shift
Speaker 2: required to go from someone who is constantly distracted or
Speaker 2: very self contained, very in their own head, to someone
Speaker 2: who is in every moment fully feeling and present is
Speaker 2: a skill for sure, especially if your factory setting, or
Speaker 2: the factory setting for your brain is one of nostalgia
Speaker 2: or anticipation or split focus. But there are a number
Speaker 2: of small things you can implement that are so minimal
Speaker 2: and yet become some of those long term investments that
Speaker 2: we make in our life satisfaction and well being that
Speaker 2: we wish we started earlier, and the kind of investments
Speaker 2: that people who are really happy and really successful and
Speaker 2: really at peace tend to do. And I've got to say,
Speaker 2: I don't know if you need any more convincing, but truly,
Speaker 2: before I introduce these kind of methods to you, I
Speaker 2: do have to say, like, what do you have to
Speaker 2: lose in trying these switches? Often when we hear about
Speaker 2: mindfulness techniques or we hear about, you know, techniques for
Speaker 2: staying present that require a time investment, we kind of
Speaker 2: pause and we're like, it's it really worth? Do I
Speaker 2: really want to do this? My life is so busy,
Speaker 2: you know, how I'm going right now is kind of fine.
Speaker 2: So I'm just gonna switch off and yeah, I don't
Speaker 2: have time for a thirty second mindfulness exercise. That sounds silly,
Speaker 2: but I do think it's worth trialing. We talk about
Speaker 2: bounded and unbounded risks on the show a lot. This
Speaker 2: is a bounded risk. It takes very little to practice
Speaker 2: some of these methods for even ten seconds, five minutes
Speaker 2: a day, but it could be life changing. The person
Speaker 2: who really convinced me of this actually, and why I'm
Speaker 2: so passionate about it, is this man named Darren Larson
Speaker 2: who's been practicing mindfulness for over twenty two years and
Speaker 2: he is actually a mindfulness coach. A few years back,
Speaker 2: he did this talk and he offered this analogy. Mindfulness
Speaker 2: is like taking the stairs every day. Sometimes it's kind
Speaker 2: of annoying. It burns, your heart rate goes up. Your
Speaker 2: body is put under momentary stress, you know the stress
Speaker 2: of confronting reality, fronting uncomfortable feelings, of boredom, of loneliness,
Speaker 2: of whatever it is you're going through. But that stress
Speaker 2: trains you for future moments of tension, and it makes
Speaker 2: you stronger in comparison to you know, taking the elevator
Speaker 2: every day, which yeah, for sure bypasses the discomfort, but
Speaker 2: that makes you less prepared for the day the elevator
Speaker 2: is broken and you're forced to take the stairs. You're
Speaker 2: forced to confront something in the moment, but you don't
Speaker 2: have the skills because you never practiced. Basically, becoming more
Speaker 2: present is about building endurance and our attentional muscles. And
Speaker 2: I love this idea of an attentional muscle because it's
Speaker 2: so visual to me. Like I like the idea of
Speaker 2: like I can train something and make it stronger, Like
Speaker 2: how long can I hold my senses on one thing
Speaker 2: without letting it slip? It's kind of like how long
Speaker 2: can I hold a squat? How much can I be
Speaker 2: aware of my environment before it slips away? Much like
Speaker 2: lifting weights? How much beauty can I hold? How many
Speaker 2: seconds can I go just thinking about nothing but what's
Speaker 2: in front of me? And when I started this practice,
Speaker 2: I could not go that long. It was probably like
Speaker 2: as long as I could hold my breath. And now
Speaker 2: I feel like the same way that I go to
Speaker 2: the gym to train my muscles and my body, I
Speaker 2: really go to mindfulness to train my attention and to
Speaker 2: kind of train the part of me that experiences joy
Speaker 2: and peace. So firstly, we are going to start small,
Speaker 2: and this is a once a day, a daily practice
Speaker 2: in which you are going to deliberately, consciously bring yourself
Speaker 2: back into the present moment for just a brief moment.
Speaker 2: I want you to set a random alarm on your
Speaker 2: phone for I don't know, two thirty three pm every day,
Speaker 2: and at that time, take thirty seconds to pause and
Speaker 2: place all of your attention into the current moment. And
Speaker 2: if you don't know how to do that, there is
Speaker 2: this really simple way of doing this that was created
Speaker 2: by psychotherapist in the early twoth and he worked in
Speaker 2: Silicon Valley with all these tech CEOs and highly successful people,
Speaker 2: and he created this thing for very busy people called
Speaker 2: the three by three by three method. This combines mindfulness
Speaker 2: and simplified breathing. So what I want you to do
Speaker 2: is name a physical object that you can see, like
Speaker 2: a lamp, like a dresser, like a plant, and just
Speaker 2: take a deep breath in for four, hold for three,
Speaker 2: and then out for five. Then name another object in
Speaker 2: your surroundings do the same thing. In for four, hold
Speaker 2: for three, out for five, and then one more. You
Speaker 2: can do this not just with things that you can see,
Speaker 2: but things that you can hear things that you can feel,
Speaker 2: like different surfaces on your body. But for that whole
Speaker 2: time that you are breathing in, holding your breath, breathing out,
Speaker 2: just focus on that one thing in your vision, in
Speaker 2: your I don't know, in your hearing, in your like anyway.
Speaker 2: Just focus on what it feels to experience that fully
Speaker 2: for three three and three. Something that the creator of
Speaker 2: this practice, Phil Bozzia, says is that when he first
Speaker 2: tells people about this, they look at him like, you know,
Speaker 2: are you spout, like you're just spouting nonsense, And then
Speaker 2: they try it. And I was one of those skeptical
Speaker 2: people because how in the world could thirty seconds shift
Speaker 2: my mindset so quickly? But the best evidence I've found
Speaker 2: is the one that is the evidence that you can
Speaker 2: provide for yourself. So I do want you to try it.
Speaker 2: And if it doesn't work, that's thirty seconds you would
Speaker 2: have spent listening to this episode anyway, so you don't
Speaker 2: really have much to lose. But if it does, if
Speaker 2: you feel even the slightest change, the slightest transformation, try
Speaker 2: implementing it for just a week and see if your
Speaker 2: consciousness improves for the rest of the day. Even when
Speaker 2: you're not doing the exercise. The other huge piece of
Speaker 2: advice I have for people who want to be more
Speaker 2: present is to actually start the day the way you
Speaker 2: want to experience the day, which is alive, awake, alert, feeling.
Speaker 2: The easiest way to not achieve that is, of course,
Speaker 2: going to your phone the first thing in the moment,
Speaker 2: you know, as soon as you wake up, and just
Speaker 2: immediately flooding your brain with just like all this like
Speaker 2: crazy information, And I get the impulse. I get also
Speaker 2: that this might be super simple advice, but sometimes the
Speaker 2: smallest change, in the smallest reminder to make the smallest
Speaker 2: change is what is most effective. Those microhabits have the
Speaker 2: largest impact, and this is certainly a very easy microhabit.
Speaker 2: Start the day practicing presence by focusing on your breathing
Speaker 2: for the first few minutes after you wake up, drinking
Speaker 2: a cold glass of water and feeling the passage of
Speaker 2: the water through your body, experiencing sunlight or even a breeze.
Speaker 2: These are sensory grounding exercises, and the reason that they
Speaker 2: work is that they very intentionally connect you and what
Speaker 2: you're thinking with what you're feeling. The way I explain
Speaker 2: it is like when you sync up audio and video,
Speaker 2: you sync up your perception with what is what is
Speaker 2: actually currently happening, and they're aligned. Basically, what we are
Speaker 2: doing is seeking ways that we can take ourselves from
Speaker 2: being detached doing things habitually to doing it deliberately, switching
Speaker 2: from unremarkable and automatic to remarkable and joyful. In a
Speaker 2: similar vein, my friend actually introduced me to this method
Speaker 2: that she calls the romance moment. Basically, the romance moment
Speaker 2: is where you choose one activity in your day to
Speaker 2: fully romanticize and be engaged in. Take you know, brushing
Speaker 2: your teeth or doing the dishes. Really drag it out.
Speaker 2: Feel every moment, every movement, Watch what your hands are doing,
Speaker 2: how your muscles are moving, every second, fully be in it.
Speaker 2: A really good way actually, like a great way to
Speaker 2: try this is it a meal, Like when you're sitting
Speaker 2: down for dinner or breakfast. Really savor each bite, each
Speaker 2: new taste, pause for three seconds between each bite, you know,
Speaker 2: like that research paper said before, you've got to savor
Speaker 2: the moment. You've got to really be in the moment
Speaker 2: for all that it's worth. And I think also avoiding
Speaker 2: that multitasking is also really really valuable. I think it's
Speaker 2: very hard to do that. We're very busy people, but
Speaker 2: just try and focus on one thing at once. The
Speaker 2: biggest difficulty I do here is with being present, especially
Speaker 2: in this day and age, is how many distractions there are.
Speaker 2: And I think we've all had that experience of like
Speaker 2: we're talking to a friend or our friend is talking
Speaker 2: to us, and like a phone is buzzing, and there's
Speaker 2: someone walking past who's like wearing an outfit that you like,
Speaker 2: and the music is too loud, and it's just like
Speaker 2: there's just a lot going on, and my to do
Speaker 2: list is getting longer and longer by the second. You've
Speaker 2: got a million things to do, you're anxious about the future,
Speaker 2: you're thinking about that weird exchange from yesterday, and there
Speaker 2: is that societal push to be busy and stretched thin.
Speaker 2: Going against that and focusing on one thing at a
Speaker 2: time is actually very bold and actually very very effective,
Speaker 2: especially when we've been conditioned to go through life kind
Speaker 2: of like we're operating the landing strip at a busy airport,
Speaker 2: like anything that's around us, anything that's happening, like you'll
Speaker 2: welcome in, come in, distract me, sew it down. Embrace
Speaker 2: single tasking by limiting how many tabs you have open
Speaker 2: on your desktop, limiting notifications, setting time blocks twenty minutes
Speaker 2: for each thing where you're fully concentrated, and then you
Speaker 2: can shift do the hardest and most mentally draining tasks
Speaker 2: first thing, and then move on to the smaller, bite
Speaker 2: sized things that you can take off later in the
Speaker 2: day as your attentional resource is kind of deplete. There
Speaker 2: so many strategies for this. I know. The inclination is
Speaker 2: to be doing it all and you can just not
Speaker 2: all at once. And we're seeing this research time and
Speaker 2: time again that if what you're worried about is productivity,
Speaker 2: is getting everything done, hitting milestones, achieving goals, actually being intentional,
Speaker 2: being really attentive on one thing at once with your
Speaker 2: time is a much more successful strategy. Staying in the
Speaker 2: present really allows you to tap into that secret pool,
Speaker 2: that secret like mental pool, mental lake, like everything that
Speaker 2: makes you a successful person, you know, purpose, creativity, kindness,
Speaker 2: attention awareness, self awareness. That all comes from living in
Speaker 2: the moment rather than feeling like everything is just this
Speaker 2: tangled web of before after during what's on my to
Speaker 2: do list? What could possibly go wrong? Over thinking, try
Speaker 2: and just detangle that web. And I want to recommend
Speaker 2: this one final thing for you, which is actually a book,
Speaker 2: and it's called The Power of Now. My friend Kate,
Speaker 2: one of my best friends, Kate, who I talk about
Speaker 2: on the podcast a lot. She's fabulous, she's amazing. I
Speaker 2: love her. She actually brought me this book for my
Speaker 2: birthday a few years back, and it's very New Age
Speaker 2: and spiritual, which I never truly gravitate towards because I'm
Speaker 2: much more I think scientific personally, but I packed it
Speaker 2: on a holiday and it was incredible. It deeply changed
Speaker 2: my personal philosophy. It made me think about my life differently.
Speaker 2: I think it's probably the inspiration for this episode. And
Speaker 2: although it's about thirty years old now, there is this
Speaker 2: saying that the author has that has always really stuck
Speaker 2: with me, and it's that only the present moment is real,
Speaker 2: and only the present moment is what matters. The past
Speaker 2: is the past. The future you don't know what it's
Speaker 2: going to be, so the only thing that you can
Speaker 2: truly experience is what you're going through right now. And
Speaker 2: that just always kind of wakes me up a little bit.
Speaker 2: It always gives me something to think about. So if
Speaker 2: you want to expand your mindset when it comes to mindfulness,
Speaker 2: when it comes to the power of now, the power
Speaker 2: of the present, that book I would really really recommend.
Speaker 2: So thank you so much for listening to this episode.
Speaker 2: If you haven't made it this far, it's great to
Speaker 2: have you here at the very end as we're summarizing.
Speaker 2: I just hope that you know, I think I said
Speaker 2: this at the end of every episode, but I hope
Speaker 2: that you just go away thinking about something, learning something,
Speaker 2: even if it was small. This is like a topic
Speaker 2: that I'm a subject. I guess that I'm really really
Speaker 2: feeling the importance of in my own life at the moment.
Speaker 2: If you couldn't telp by how much I referenced my
Speaker 2: own anxiety and my own I think tendency to be rushing,
Speaker 2: to be filling my life with so many distractions that
Speaker 2: I never really have to feel the power of staying
Speaker 2: present is an important reminder for me. So yeah, I
Speaker 2: hope it's the same for you. And then, if you
Speaker 2: enjoyed this episode, make sure that you are following along
Speaker 2: on Spotify, Apple Podcasts. Leave a five star review only
Speaker 2: if you feel cool to do so. Otherwise, don't don't
Speaker 2: even have to worry about it. And if there's someone
Speaker 2: that you think would also benefit from this episode, please
Speaker 2: feel free to share a link with them. You can
Speaker 2: also DM me on Instagram at that Psychology podcast and
Speaker 2: give us a follow if you want to see what
Speaker 2: we've got coming out soon, if you want to contribute
Speaker 2: to the discussion, if you have thoughts, feelings, questions, I
Speaker 2: would love to hear from you. And until Friday, stay safe,
Speaker 2: stay kind, be gentle with yourself, and we will talk
Speaker 2: very very soon.