1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. 5 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:27,480 Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 6 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 2: the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in 7 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,680 Speaker 2: the world, it is so great to have you here. 8 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,920 Speaker 2: Back for another episode. As we, of course break down 9 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 2: the psychology of our twenties, we're tackling a new subject today, 10 00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:45,239 Speaker 2: one we've never really dove into, and that is the 11 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:49,400 Speaker 2: power of staying present, the power of mindfulness, of living 12 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 2: in the moment. For I guess anyone who's ever been 13 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:55,720 Speaker 2: told to just enjoy the moment, to just appreciate what 14 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:59,120 Speaker 2: you have right now, you'll kind of understand that doing 15 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:03,040 Speaker 2: so is actually a lot harder than it looks. The 16 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 2: present feels very, very elusive in so many ways, especially 17 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 2: when we're facing so many destructions and our attention is 18 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 2: being pulled in so many directions. We're being told to 19 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:18,280 Speaker 2: kind of do it all. When was the last time, 20 00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 2: within that system and within that kind of busyness culture, 21 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:25,279 Speaker 2: that we've actually slowed down and had a look around 22 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:29,560 Speaker 2: us and appreciated where we are right now. We're also 23 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,600 Speaker 2: really inclined to I think, ruminate on the past a 24 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 2: lot naturally, but also to overthink and stress about the future. 25 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 2: And what I've you know, at least come to find myself, 26 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,960 Speaker 2: is that we spend a lot more time appreciating the 27 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 2: moment only when it's pasted only in hindsight, rather than 28 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 2: when we're in it, and that can really come at 29 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 2: our detriment. As we'll come to see, letting yourself be present, 30 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 2: be deliberately conscious of all that you're experiencing, and really 31 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:03,320 Speaker 2: noticing small things about your reality brings a lot of 32 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 2: peace that we tend to neglect in our really busy lives. 33 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 2: It's also been said to be amazing for creativity, mental clarity, productivity, 34 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 2: and just all around general levels of happiness, which who 35 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 2: doesn't want more of that? But mindfulness, again doesn't always 36 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:23,840 Speaker 2: come easy, and that's why I think it's really valuable 37 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 2: to start almost training our brains in being mindful when 38 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,360 Speaker 2: we're young, or during our twenties, when it does tend 39 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,200 Speaker 2: to have the biggest and longest impact. And that is 40 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:41,240 Speaker 2: precisely what we're going to discuss today. The immense power 41 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:45,160 Speaker 2: of staying present, why we tend to struggle to do so, 42 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 2: and what we can kind of learn from the experts 43 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 2: on how to keep your feet really firmly planted in 44 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 2: the now. And I'm also going to kind of introduce 45 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:58,200 Speaker 2: you to this kind of like a thirty second introduction 46 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:02,239 Speaker 2: into this of living in the moment, into a practice 47 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,359 Speaker 2: that helps you bring you into the moment that I 48 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,919 Speaker 2: personally really love. I actually use it on a daily 49 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,280 Speaker 2: and I think this is a great place to kind 50 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 2: of introduce people to it. It's an amazing method and 51 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 2: hopefully you get something out of it. So I really 52 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 2: hope you enjoy this episode. I hope it is your 53 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:22,760 Speaker 2: calling or something to remind you to be more present 54 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:26,080 Speaker 2: in your life, to stop trying to rush to the future, 55 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 2: rush to the next chapter, or get too stuck in 56 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,079 Speaker 2: what's already come. I know it's something that I sometimes 57 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:35,520 Speaker 2: really need a reminder of, especially right now. You know, 58 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 2: in recent months, I feel like the older you get, 59 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 2: right like time just seems to speed up a little bit, 60 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,600 Speaker 2: and that's a really scary thought at times. But being 61 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:48,240 Speaker 2: really mindful of where you are now and the privilege 62 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 2: of getting to experience where you are now definitely is 63 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,680 Speaker 2: grounding and definitely brings us back, and I think we 64 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,640 Speaker 2: all need that sometimes. So I'm very excited to share 65 00:03:56,640 --> 00:04:00,000 Speaker 2: my thoughts, the psychology, the studies that we've dug up 66 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,160 Speaker 2: for this one. So without further ado, let's get into 67 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 2: the power of staying present. Staying present and enjoying the 68 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,160 Speaker 2: moment is something that I will come out and say 69 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,640 Speaker 2: I really really struggle with. I have struggled with it 70 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:19,200 Speaker 2: for many years because of how I think chaotic my 71 00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 2: thoughts always seem to be, or just the fact that 72 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:26,040 Speaker 2: there's always something going on, there's always something to overthink, 73 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:29,159 Speaker 2: which is all too common amongst any one of you, 74 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,640 Speaker 2: any one of us who struggles with anxiety or just 75 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,720 Speaker 2: has a lot of things on their mind or a 76 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 2: really busy life. What's really helped me, though, is being 77 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:43,160 Speaker 2: able to categorize the different distractions or interruptions that make 78 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:47,520 Speaker 2: me feel distanced from the present. And when I say 79 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:51,119 Speaker 2: distanced from the present, what I really mean is I'm 80 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,000 Speaker 2: spending a lot more time in my brain than in 81 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 2: my senses, a lot more time in kind of fantasy 82 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:01,840 Speaker 2: or memory or overthinking that I am in what's actually 83 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:04,520 Speaker 2: going on around me, and it kind of feels like 84 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:08,839 Speaker 2: there's this static between me and my life, or that 85 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,919 Speaker 2: I'm walking through life and not really able to remember 86 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,920 Speaker 2: what has happened. That really, for me is a good 87 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:19,120 Speaker 2: indication that I'm feeling a little bit detached. And there 88 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 2: seems to be three ways in which that kind of happens, 89 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:25,600 Speaker 2: in which we disconnect. The first way is when we 90 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:29,279 Speaker 2: get stuck in the past, falling into the nostalgia trap 91 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 2: or the regret spiral. If you've listened to our full 92 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 2: episode on the psychology of nostalgia, you'll probably know a 93 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,279 Speaker 2: lot about this, But nostalgia is one way that we 94 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 2: definitely become unable to appreciate our present because we are 95 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:48,240 Speaker 2: very much enticed by the more rosy memories of the past. 96 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:53,039 Speaker 2: Regret is another emotion that I mentioned, feeling like you 97 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 2: can't stop reliving moments of embarrassment or cringe. And then 98 00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:01,320 Speaker 2: of course we have trauma, reliving trauma, feeling constantly pulled 99 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 2: into your memories by some really painful experience, and a 100 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,720 Speaker 2: lot of these specific kinds of I would say distractions 101 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:15,279 Speaker 2: from the present come down to unresolved emotional experiences that 102 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,320 Speaker 2: you know there isn't a place for them to rest. 103 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:23,160 Speaker 2: There isn't Your brain hasn't fully gotten through processing what 104 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 2: you've been through a situation, and so it continues to 105 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:30,880 Speaker 2: kind of remain in your active memory. The second category 106 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,880 Speaker 2: is when we get fixated on the future. Now, this 107 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,359 Speaker 2: is definitely where I spend a lot of my time. 108 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:41,960 Speaker 2: Much of what ruins the present is sheer anxiety For me. 109 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:46,279 Speaker 2: This really includes anxiety and worry about what needs to 110 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:48,359 Speaker 2: be done. Like you know, you're trying to talk to 111 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,840 Speaker 2: a friend or a coworker, You're trying to be engaged 112 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 2: in that conversation, and all you can think about is 113 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:57,040 Speaker 2: how much work you need to do, or your endless 114 00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:01,320 Speaker 2: to do list, overthinking future choices and out comes, and 115 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 2: even some of those more existential questions that can create 116 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:09,840 Speaker 2: a great deal of detachment, if not disassociation at the time. 117 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 2: Of course, I think disassociation. It's kind of in a 118 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 2: league of its own here for those of us who 119 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 2: aren't familiar with the term, it's this experience where we 120 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 2: feel completely disconnected from our thoughts, our feelings, memories, surroundings, 121 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 2: sense of self, basically everything that makes up the present, 122 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 2: and sometimes we can feel disconnected just for a few 123 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:37,240 Speaker 2: seconds or much much longer, And it's a really scary 124 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:42,239 Speaker 2: experience to have to feel like you're almost floating outside 125 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:47,440 Speaker 2: of your body or that nothing feels real. Often it's 126 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 2: the result of too much stress or extensive trauma. Our 127 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 2: brain is kind of trying to find a way to 128 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:59,000 Speaker 2: essentially protect itself, to compartmentalize, and to survive when it 129 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:03,320 Speaker 2: can't handle that much information or that much stress or trauma. 130 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,760 Speaker 2: And finally, I think, on a less extreme note, we 131 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:12,280 Speaker 2: just have general everyday distractions. Now. When I say distractions, 132 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 2: I mean both emotional and physical distractions or preoccupations is 133 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 2: maybe a better word. We can think of things like 134 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,840 Speaker 2: notifications from our phone a really busy environment as kind 135 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 2: of falling into this category. And our phones are I 136 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:30,400 Speaker 2: think a big problem point for many of us because 137 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,240 Speaker 2: they are just simply designed to be so addictive. That 138 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:37,240 Speaker 2: was an intentional choice by their creators, and they can 139 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 2: really start to feel like our whole reality at times 140 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,400 Speaker 2: because of how reliant we are in them and the 141 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 2: dependency that we have whereby we're constantly drawn to them 142 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:51,960 Speaker 2: for everything from social connection to work, shopping, entertainment information. 143 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 2: I think every single one of us has unknowingly missed 144 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 2: out on a beautiful moment because we were locked in 145 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,839 Speaker 2: by our screens. I've missed an old friend walking by us, 146 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:06,720 Speaker 2: We've missed seeing some beautiful interaction take place, or we've 147 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:10,880 Speaker 2: missed really feeling what we're feeling, because as soon as 148 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 2: it gets too much or uncomfortable, we pick up our 149 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:17,800 Speaker 2: phones and we flood our brains with information as a buffer. 150 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,920 Speaker 2: In fact, a recent report from the American Psychological Association, 151 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:27,200 Speaker 2: it actually suggests that our phones often divert our attention 152 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 2: away from the real world, which dar But the reason 153 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 2: it does that is because it kind of takes our 154 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:38,760 Speaker 2: attention from this messy reality into this nice, neatly formed 155 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:42,040 Speaker 2: and neatly designed reality where we know what to expect, 156 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,000 Speaker 2: our apps have everything in place, we are in control, 157 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:49,040 Speaker 2: and so it becomes kind of a mental sanctuary. And 158 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 2: what's the consequence of this, Well, a separate study from 159 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:56,119 Speaker 2: twenty twenty basically found that because our phones are constantly 160 00:09:56,200 --> 00:10:01,120 Speaker 2: capturing our attention, a lot of us do feel socially connected. 161 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 2: We are less able to recall certain memories, especially biographical memories, 162 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,840 Speaker 2: and we feel less in the moment. And you know, 163 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 2: what I read that study, and I was kind of like, 164 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:15,560 Speaker 2: do we even need a study to tell us that, Like, 165 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 2: who hasn't felt this way or question their relationship with 166 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:23,200 Speaker 2: our phone or social media in the last couple of years, Like, 167 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 2: I think all of us are probably getting to the 168 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 2: point where we realize that what's really keeping us separate 169 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:32,720 Speaker 2: from our experiences in a lot of circumstances is a screen. 170 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,600 Speaker 2: You can kind of see that there is a bit 171 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:38,959 Speaker 2: of a spectrum or a scale here from intense distractions, 172 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:43,520 Speaker 2: very existential distractions, to smaller ones, and then those that 173 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 2: are a bit less common and those that are very chronic. 174 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 2: Of course, our phones are a chronic distraction, I think, 175 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,760 Speaker 2: or even like overthinking about the future may also be 176 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,480 Speaker 2: a chronic distraction. But you know, there is, of course 177 00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 2: a distinction between complete dissociation and getting caught up and 178 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 2: scrolling on your phone or distracted by something in your environment. 179 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:08,720 Speaker 2: But they all have the same effect. At the end 180 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:12,080 Speaker 2: of the day, we feel less engaged in the moment, 181 00:11:12,559 --> 00:11:15,840 Speaker 2: and when that continues to happen, we feel less engaged 182 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 2: in our lives. Moments make up our lives. If you've 183 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,080 Speaker 2: ever had the experience of kind of waking up one 184 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,480 Speaker 2: day and feeling like you can't remember what you really 185 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,600 Speaker 2: did for the last two weeks or two months of 186 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 2: your life, sometimes even years. That is a consequence of 187 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,760 Speaker 2: day to day disengagement with the present for whatever reason. 188 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 2: Because remaining present really means remaining deliberately conscious of what 189 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 2: is happening around you so that you can actually feel 190 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:50,559 Speaker 2: your life, participate fully in your life. And that also 191 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:54,560 Speaker 2: means being connected to both good and bad experiences and 192 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:58,160 Speaker 2: choosing to feel both because you appreciate that they make 193 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:02,079 Speaker 2: up this reality that you have the privilege of experiencing, 194 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,439 Speaker 2: even during times when it doesn't feel like a privilege. 195 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,400 Speaker 2: Being present is not about cherry picking when you want 196 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 2: to be present and when you want to detach, because 197 00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:17,680 Speaker 2: eventually it becomes very hard to reattach when your modus 198 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:22,719 Speaker 2: operatum or your impulse is to distract and intellectualize and 199 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:27,160 Speaker 2: withdraw instead of feel. So it's showing up for all 200 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:28,720 Speaker 2: of it. And I know I said the good and 201 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:31,960 Speaker 2: the bad, but I should also include the boring within 202 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 2: that as well. There is a lot of joy to 203 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:38,319 Speaker 2: be found in the monotonous, in my opinion, but when 204 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:41,440 Speaker 2: it becomes very routine and same old, same old. The 205 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaker 2: natural urges, of course to disengage because you don't need 206 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,360 Speaker 2: to be fully there. You can be thinking about other things. 207 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:52,320 Speaker 2: But those boring, mindless tasks like brushing your teeth, like 208 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:57,480 Speaker 2: your daily commute, cleaning your house, answering emails, they make 209 00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:00,600 Speaker 2: up a lot of life. There is a lot of 210 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 2: minutes in those small activities that we can disengage from, 211 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 2: and so if we're not appreciating them, if we're not 212 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:11,000 Speaker 2: immersed in them as much as we can be, that 213 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:14,800 Speaker 2: becomes a big chunk of life that we spend inwards 214 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 2: and removed, and there's a lost opportunity in there for 215 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,720 Speaker 2: presence and for connection with our senses and with our reality. 216 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:27,080 Speaker 2: I think sometimes daydreaming and kind of indulging in old 217 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:31,280 Speaker 2: memories or make belief situations it can be protective, firstly 218 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 2: in the case of boredom, but also when our current 219 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,760 Speaker 2: day to day is just not very satisfying. It's kind 220 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 2: of a small reprieve to imagine the day's life will 221 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 2: be better, or to think about the times when it 222 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,959 Speaker 2: was before. That kind of emotional detachment from day to 223 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 2: day is instinctual, and some would say hardwayed in as 224 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:54,720 Speaker 2: a way to keep our mind distracted from what could 225 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 2: be a pretty confronting reality. And isn't that why kind 226 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 2: of all of us go through peer of detachment, because 227 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,840 Speaker 2: if we were to be truly seeing our life what 228 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 2: it was, the problems, the fears, the relationships, the insecurities, 229 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,920 Speaker 2: it would just be too much, it would be too painful. 230 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,320 Speaker 2: And so we do need a little bit of like 231 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 2: we need to step back mentally, sometimes plain and simple. 232 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:21,520 Speaker 2: We just have a natural tendency to withdraw and want 233 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 2: to skirt the unpleasant emotions and experiences because they make 234 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:29,720 Speaker 2: us uncomfortable, and logically, by avoiding this discomfort, we can 235 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:33,800 Speaker 2: be happier for longer. Isn't that the way that it goes? Unfortunately, 236 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 2: that's an incorrect assumption. Unfortunately it goes a different way. Actually, 237 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 2: we don't become happier by selectively experiencing our lives. We 238 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:46,600 Speaker 2: become quite numb. And that is exactly what I was 239 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,760 Speaker 2: talking about before, going weeks, feeling like you've been wrapped 240 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,160 Speaker 2: in bubble wrap, that nothing is really touched to you 241 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 2: or made you feel, not being able to remember conversations 242 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 2: with friends, not being able to enjoy the moment because 243 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:02,680 Speaker 2: we have become accustomed to this habit of either not 244 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 2: fully feeling, or feeling through our phones, only feeling through 245 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:12,000 Speaker 2: the memory of something, or you know, my least favorite, 246 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:16,520 Speaker 2: overthinking everything that could happen might happen that we can't control, 247 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:20,600 Speaker 2: until we just don't feel anything anymore. We only think 248 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 2: about the feeling. But when we switch to a more 249 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:30,520 Speaker 2: present mindset, we unlock some pretty profound psychological benefits. Being 250 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 2: present is a combination of awareness, acceptance, and attention. We 251 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 2: need to be in tune with the moments that we 252 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,000 Speaker 2: are not present. We need to accept why that may be, 253 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:44,080 Speaker 2: whether it's an internal resistance to our feelings or our distraction, 254 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:48,360 Speaker 2: and then we need to redirect our attention from inwards 255 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:52,960 Speaker 2: to outwards. That is really complemented by just the simple 256 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:59,080 Speaker 2: art of noticing, observing your surroundings, really experiencing them, the sounds, 257 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:03,080 Speaker 2: the smells, the sensations, the temperature, and also what you're 258 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 2: feeling internally. Presence to me is also about, you know, surrender, 259 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 2: surrendering to what might be uncomfortable, what you might not 260 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,960 Speaker 2: want to think about, what might be happening, and just 261 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,000 Speaker 2: being quite stoke about it, like, yeah, this is what's 262 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,640 Speaker 2: happening right now on it, and I have to be 263 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:25,040 Speaker 2: empathetic with myself, and you know it might be hard, 264 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 2: but that's reality. And I would rather be present for 265 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 2: my reality than kind of reach a point where I 266 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 2: can't remember anything at all. When we're able to do that, 267 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 2: we become more empathetic, We're more able to connect with 268 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:43,880 Speaker 2: others on a deeper level because we're actually listening, we're 269 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:47,760 Speaker 2: actually absorbing everything that they're saying and doing. We improve 270 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,760 Speaker 2: our mental clarity by slowing everything down to just what's 271 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:55,560 Speaker 2: happening right now, not yesterday, not one minute from now, 272 00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,120 Speaker 2: not a year from now, meaning that we can you know, 273 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:01,280 Speaker 2: sideline our mental clutter and down the noise for a moment. 274 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,440 Speaker 2: And there's also been a lot of really convincing arguments 275 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:11,440 Speaker 2: about increased creativity, productivity, resilience because those mental states, they 276 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,600 Speaker 2: all require a great deal of mental energy, which we 277 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:18,040 Speaker 2: often don't have the reserves for when we're bustling from 278 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,000 Speaker 2: one thing to the next. So there is a real 279 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:25,119 Speaker 2: argument to be made for rest and silence and serenity 280 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 2: in actually making us more successful and more creative and 281 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:33,399 Speaker 2: more productive and more resilient. The other significant thing about 282 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,640 Speaker 2: mindfulness is that it makes us a lot more comfortable 283 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 2: with what we can't control. The reason we tend to 284 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,960 Speaker 2: spend so much time in our memories is because we 285 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 2: already know what happened, so there is a certainty there. 286 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,760 Speaker 2: There are no surprises, which really eases our fear of 287 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,639 Speaker 2: the unknown. And it's the same reason we spend a 288 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:57,160 Speaker 2: lot of time overthinking the future, because our overthinking convinces 289 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 2: us that the more we interrogate all the pussible outcomes, 290 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,159 Speaker 2: the more prepared will be when they get there. But 291 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,600 Speaker 2: you know, we probably won't be because it's never going 292 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,840 Speaker 2: to be like we thought it was. And mindfulness really 293 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:14,919 Speaker 2: places you squarely in the now, and we begin to 294 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 2: realize that what will come will come. It's something we 295 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 2: can't control. And the moment that you're in right now, 296 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,560 Speaker 2: you were probably worried about two three months ago, but 297 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,200 Speaker 2: you're here, and when you look around, it's not as scary, 298 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,439 Speaker 2: it's not as dangerous. You have the skills that you 299 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,200 Speaker 2: need to kind of get through it. And of course, 300 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:37,240 Speaker 2: the final benefit of being mindful, the true power of 301 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,320 Speaker 2: being present, is that it just simply makes us happier. 302 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,760 Speaker 2: And the reason we know this comes from one of 303 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,879 Speaker 2: the most powerful studies of the past ten years in 304 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:50,600 Speaker 2: my mind, by this researcher called Matt Killingsworth. So his 305 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:56,400 Speaker 2: study took a huge sample of individuals fifteen thousand people 306 00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:03,159 Speaker 2: from different education levels, age, occupation, income, marital status. He 307 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,000 Speaker 2: took you know, he sampled them from across eighty different countries, 308 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,919 Speaker 2: and his premise was really simple. Throughout the day, at 309 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,800 Speaker 2: random times, participants were contacted through their phones by an 310 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:17,320 Speaker 2: app that he had designed for this specific study, and 311 00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:19,520 Speaker 2: they were kind of asked to rate their current level 312 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:23,680 Speaker 2: of happiness, what activity they were involved in, and whether 313 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,879 Speaker 2: or not their mind had been wandering from the activity. 314 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,919 Speaker 2: Now most people know the study is the one that 315 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,720 Speaker 2: basically determined that money is correlated to happiness. So if 316 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,080 Speaker 2: this sounds familiar to you, that's the primary, I think 317 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,800 Speaker 2: finding that people liked to highlight in the media. But 318 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:46,119 Speaker 2: the finding that I find much more powerful and the 319 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:49,440 Speaker 2: one that came from the study was that actually, when 320 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:53,359 Speaker 2: it came to our attention and awareness was what really 321 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 2: made people happy had far less to do with what 322 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,480 Speaker 2: they were doing, and significantly more to do with whether 323 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:03,640 Speaker 2: there were ten was fully present in the moment. People 324 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:08,640 Speaker 2: who focused on their present moment experience, whatever was happening, 325 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:14,400 Speaker 2: even if it wasn't that great, were significantly happier than 326 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,399 Speaker 2: people who were allowing their mind to wander, who were 327 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,760 Speaker 2: trying to do a million things at once. Something else 328 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:24,160 Speaker 2: he concluded was that our mind is wandering between thirty 329 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 2: two to forty seven percent of the day on average. 330 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:31,280 Speaker 2: But when the mind wanders, we don't feel as happy 331 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:36,600 Speaker 2: as we do in those moments of flow, attention, awareness, feeling, 332 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:41,440 Speaker 2: because this distracted state leaves us quite vulnerable to rumination, 333 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 2: to stress, to depression. Basically, like I said before, we 334 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:49,400 Speaker 2: spend a great deal of time contemplating what we're feeling 335 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,800 Speaker 2: rather than just feeling it, or we just avoid it altogether, 336 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:58,960 Speaker 2: which ends up giving us a lot less mastery over 337 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 2: our so called negative emotions. It also means that again 338 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,560 Speaker 2: we miss out on all the positive experiences because I 339 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,520 Speaker 2: said this before, right, If your kind of impulse, your 340 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 2: status quo, is just to constantly be detached, it's hard 341 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 2: to reattach your awareness and your attention during those good moments. 342 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 2: So all those positive experiences that would outweigh or overwhelm 343 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:26,280 Speaker 2: the frustrating, sad, lonely ones there are also ones that 344 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:29,840 Speaker 2: we aren't fully there for, but savoring the moment on 345 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,040 Speaker 2: the other hand, and there was this brilliant study, a 346 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,800 Speaker 2: different study from twenty seventeen. It really talks about how 347 00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:38,840 Speaker 2: when you savor the moment, the way you savor a meal, 348 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,840 Speaker 2: the way savor like a time with a friend, the 349 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,439 Speaker 2: way you savor you know, sleeping in in the morning, 350 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 2: that is going to make you a lot more happier 351 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:54,280 Speaker 2: and it's going to increase your level of daily positive emotions, 352 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,640 Speaker 2: which is basically a psychological scale for measuring how often 353 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 2: we feel joyful, happy, satisfied, purposeful, grateful throughout each day. 354 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,159 Speaker 2: And in this study they measured people across nine weeks, 355 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:10,840 Speaker 2: and those who had more disposition or mindfulness, which meant 356 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,280 Speaker 2: that they were in the present more throughout their day, 357 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:17,320 Speaker 2: they did report feeling a lot more content, more able 358 00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:21,399 Speaker 2: to work through their anxious thoughts, and yes, more happy. 359 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,200 Speaker 2: One thing about that that I just want to mention 360 00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:29,080 Speaker 2: was this term dispositional mindfulness, because it's something that we 361 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:32,960 Speaker 2: really do need to highlight. Basically, for some of us, 362 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:36,639 Speaker 2: it's just so much easier to exist in the present moment. 363 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:42,360 Speaker 2: Our minds are naturally Stiller, they're more serene, they're quieter 364 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:46,120 Speaker 2: in a way that's just part of our makeup. For others, 365 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,560 Speaker 2: it's the opposite. And I've said this already, but I've 366 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:53,760 Speaker 2: spent a great deal of my life very anxious about 367 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 2: something or another. And it literally used to make me 368 00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,399 Speaker 2: feel anxious to not be anxious about something, because I 369 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,359 Speaker 2: was like, what am I missing some big, bad fear 370 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,240 Speaker 2: that I haven't noticed yet. So that's how complex it is. 371 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,360 Speaker 2: And if you're someone like that, mindfulness is just kind 372 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,639 Speaker 2: of like, it just feels out of your reach. But 373 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,360 Speaker 2: it is very much something that we can learn. You 374 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:18,080 Speaker 2: can rewire your brain and how it operates to perceive 375 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,159 Speaker 2: your reality in a way that is firmly planted in 376 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,320 Speaker 2: the moment. And that's really what I want to discuss next. 377 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:28,439 Speaker 2: We can list all the benefits until the sun goes down, 378 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:32,040 Speaker 2: but it's semi useless if you don't know how to 379 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:35,480 Speaker 2: get there. You don't know how to embrace the power 380 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,919 Speaker 2: of staying present, you don't have the techniques. So we 381 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:41,679 Speaker 2: are going to talk about all of that, and of 382 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:50,720 Speaker 2: course so much more after this shortbreak. The cognitive shift 383 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:55,199 Speaker 2: required to go from someone who is constantly distracted or 384 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:59,400 Speaker 2: very self contained, very in their own head, to someone 385 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:04,719 Speaker 2: who is in every moment fully feeling and present is 386 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:09,359 Speaker 2: a skill for sure, especially if your factory setting, or 387 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 2: the factory setting for your brain is one of nostalgia 388 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:16,440 Speaker 2: or anticipation or split focus. But there are a number 389 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 2: of small things you can implement that are so minimal 390 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:24,199 Speaker 2: and yet become some of those long term investments that 391 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,679 Speaker 2: we make in our life satisfaction and well being that 392 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,320 Speaker 2: we wish we started earlier, and the kind of investments 393 00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:36,040 Speaker 2: that people who are really happy and really successful and 394 00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:39,440 Speaker 2: really at peace tend to do. And I've got to say, 395 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:42,639 Speaker 2: I don't know if you need any more convincing, but truly, 396 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,960 Speaker 2: before I introduce these kind of methods to you, I 397 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,439 Speaker 2: do have to say, like, what do you have to 398 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,560 Speaker 2: lose in trying these switches? Often when we hear about 399 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,800 Speaker 2: mindfulness techniques or we hear about, you know, techniques for 400 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:57,840 Speaker 2: staying present that require a time investment, we kind of 401 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,879 Speaker 2: pause and we're like, it's it really worth? Do I 402 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 2: really want to do this? My life is so busy, 403 00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:05,360 Speaker 2: you know, how I'm going right now is kind of fine. 404 00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:07,560 Speaker 2: So I'm just gonna switch off and yeah, I don't 405 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:11,480 Speaker 2: have time for a thirty second mindfulness exercise. That sounds silly, 406 00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:15,760 Speaker 2: but I do think it's worth trialing. We talk about 407 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:19,520 Speaker 2: bounded and unbounded risks on the show a lot. This 408 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,400 Speaker 2: is a bounded risk. It takes very little to practice 409 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,800 Speaker 2: some of these methods for even ten seconds, five minutes 410 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:29,040 Speaker 2: a day, but it could be life changing. The person 411 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,200 Speaker 2: who really convinced me of this actually, and why I'm 412 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,560 Speaker 2: so passionate about it, is this man named Darren Larson 413 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,520 Speaker 2: who's been practicing mindfulness for over twenty two years and 414 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:43,400 Speaker 2: he is actually a mindfulness coach. A few years back, 415 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:47,560 Speaker 2: he did this talk and he offered this analogy. Mindfulness 416 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:51,240 Speaker 2: is like taking the stairs every day. Sometimes it's kind 417 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,479 Speaker 2: of annoying. It burns, your heart rate goes up. Your 418 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,440 Speaker 2: body is put under momentary stress, you know the stress 419 00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:04,119 Speaker 2: of confronting reality, fronting uncomfortable feelings, of boredom, of loneliness, 420 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,920 Speaker 2: of whatever it is you're going through. But that stress 421 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:10,359 Speaker 2: trains you for future moments of tension, and it makes 422 00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:13,760 Speaker 2: you stronger in comparison to you know, taking the elevator 423 00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 2: every day, which yeah, for sure bypasses the discomfort, but 424 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 2: that makes you less prepared for the day the elevator 425 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,720 Speaker 2: is broken and you're forced to take the stairs. You're 426 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,320 Speaker 2: forced to confront something in the moment, but you don't 427 00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:30,280 Speaker 2: have the skills because you never practiced. Basically, becoming more 428 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:35,119 Speaker 2: present is about building endurance and our attentional muscles. And 429 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:40,240 Speaker 2: I love this idea of an attentional muscle because it's 430 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,879 Speaker 2: so visual to me. Like I like the idea of 431 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,040 Speaker 2: like I can train something and make it stronger, Like 432 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,679 Speaker 2: how long can I hold my senses on one thing 433 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,760 Speaker 2: without letting it slip? It's kind of like how long 434 00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:52,040 Speaker 2: can I hold a squat? How much can I be 435 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:55,320 Speaker 2: aware of my environment before it slips away? Much like 436 00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,360 Speaker 2: lifting weights? How much beauty can I hold? How many 437 00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:00,840 Speaker 2: seconds can I go just thinking about nothing but what's 438 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,720 Speaker 2: in front of me? And when I started this practice, 439 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:05,600 Speaker 2: I could not go that long. It was probably like 440 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 2: as long as I could hold my breath. And now 441 00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 2: I feel like the same way that I go to 442 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,439 Speaker 2: the gym to train my muscles and my body, I 443 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:18,159 Speaker 2: really go to mindfulness to train my attention and to 444 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:21,399 Speaker 2: kind of train the part of me that experiences joy 445 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:26,119 Speaker 2: and peace. So firstly, we are going to start small, 446 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,600 Speaker 2: and this is a once a day, a daily practice 447 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:34,480 Speaker 2: in which you are going to deliberately, consciously bring yourself 448 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,200 Speaker 2: back into the present moment for just a brief moment. 449 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,560 Speaker 2: I want you to set a random alarm on your 450 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,720 Speaker 2: phone for I don't know, two thirty three pm every day, 451 00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:49,119 Speaker 2: and at that time, take thirty seconds to pause and 452 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:53,280 Speaker 2: place all of your attention into the current moment. And 453 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,240 Speaker 2: if you don't know how to do that, there is 454 00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,640 Speaker 2: this really simple way of doing this that was created 455 00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:01,240 Speaker 2: by psychotherapist in the early twoth and he worked in 456 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:06,520 Speaker 2: Silicon Valley with all these tech CEOs and highly successful people, 457 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,680 Speaker 2: and he created this thing for very busy people called 458 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:13,919 Speaker 2: the three by three by three method. This combines mindfulness 459 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,960 Speaker 2: and simplified breathing. So what I want you to do 460 00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:20,639 Speaker 2: is name a physical object that you can see, like 461 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:25,520 Speaker 2: a lamp, like a dresser, like a plant, and just 462 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:29,120 Speaker 2: take a deep breath in for four, hold for three, 463 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:34,359 Speaker 2: and then out for five. Then name another object in 464 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:38,800 Speaker 2: your surroundings do the same thing. In for four, hold 465 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,719 Speaker 2: for three, out for five, and then one more. You 466 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:43,800 Speaker 2: can do this not just with things that you can see, 467 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,840 Speaker 2: but things that you can hear things that you can feel, 468 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:51,080 Speaker 2: like different surfaces on your body. But for that whole 469 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 2: time that you are breathing in, holding your breath, breathing out, 470 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:58,600 Speaker 2: just focus on that one thing in your vision, in 471 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:01,880 Speaker 2: your I don't know, in your hearing, in your like anyway. 472 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:05,400 Speaker 2: Just focus on what it feels to experience that fully 473 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:10,320 Speaker 2: for three three and three. Something that the creator of 474 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,360 Speaker 2: this practice, Phil Bozzia, says is that when he first 475 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,560 Speaker 2: tells people about this, they look at him like, you know, 476 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,400 Speaker 2: are you spout, like you're just spouting nonsense, And then 477 00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:20,840 Speaker 2: they try it. And I was one of those skeptical 478 00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:24,240 Speaker 2: people because how in the world could thirty seconds shift 479 00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:28,200 Speaker 2: my mindset so quickly? But the best evidence I've found 480 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,320 Speaker 2: is the one that is the evidence that you can 481 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:33,120 Speaker 2: provide for yourself. So I do want you to try it. 482 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,200 Speaker 2: And if it doesn't work, that's thirty seconds you would 483 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:38,160 Speaker 2: have spent listening to this episode anyway, so you don't 484 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:41,000 Speaker 2: really have much to lose. But if it does, if 485 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:45,200 Speaker 2: you feel even the slightest change, the slightest transformation, try 486 00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:47,520 Speaker 2: implementing it for just a week and see if your 487 00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,600 Speaker 2: consciousness improves for the rest of the day. Even when 488 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:53,600 Speaker 2: you're not doing the exercise. The other huge piece of 489 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:55,240 Speaker 2: advice I have for people who want to be more 490 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,760 Speaker 2: present is to actually start the day the way you 491 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:01,440 Speaker 2: want to experience the day, which is alive, awake, alert, feeling. 492 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:06,520 Speaker 2: The easiest way to not achieve that is, of course, 493 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,480 Speaker 2: going to your phone the first thing in the moment, 494 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:11,320 Speaker 2: you know, as soon as you wake up, and just 495 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:13,680 Speaker 2: immediately flooding your brain with just like all this like 496 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,720 Speaker 2: crazy information, And I get the impulse. I get also 497 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,280 Speaker 2: that this might be super simple advice, but sometimes the 498 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 2: smallest change, in the smallest reminder to make the smallest 499 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:28,480 Speaker 2: change is what is most effective. Those microhabits have the 500 00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:32,680 Speaker 2: largest impact, and this is certainly a very easy microhabit. 501 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:38,240 Speaker 2: Start the day practicing presence by focusing on your breathing 502 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:41,560 Speaker 2: for the first few minutes after you wake up, drinking 503 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,800 Speaker 2: a cold glass of water and feeling the passage of 504 00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:50,840 Speaker 2: the water through your body, experiencing sunlight or even a breeze. 505 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:56,200 Speaker 2: These are sensory grounding exercises, and the reason that they 506 00:30:56,240 --> 00:31:00,719 Speaker 2: work is that they very intentionally connect you and what 507 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,640 Speaker 2: you're thinking with what you're feeling. The way I explain 508 00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:06,240 Speaker 2: it is like when you sync up audio and video, 509 00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:09,280 Speaker 2: you sync up your perception with what is what is 510 00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:13,320 Speaker 2: actually currently happening, and they're aligned. Basically, what we are 511 00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:16,000 Speaker 2: doing is seeking ways that we can take ourselves from 512 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:21,520 Speaker 2: being detached doing things habitually to doing it deliberately, switching 513 00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:26,360 Speaker 2: from unremarkable and automatic to remarkable and joyful. In a 514 00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:30,120 Speaker 2: similar vein, my friend actually introduced me to this method 515 00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:34,720 Speaker 2: that she calls the romance moment. Basically, the romance moment 516 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,840 Speaker 2: is where you choose one activity in your day to 517 00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:44,080 Speaker 2: fully romanticize and be engaged in. Take you know, brushing 518 00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:48,240 Speaker 2: your teeth or doing the dishes. Really drag it out. 519 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:52,960 Speaker 2: Feel every moment, every movement, Watch what your hands are doing, 520 00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:57,080 Speaker 2: how your muscles are moving, every second, fully be in it. 521 00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:00,360 Speaker 2: A really good way actually, like a great way to 522 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,640 Speaker 2: try this is it a meal, Like when you're sitting 523 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:08,040 Speaker 2: down for dinner or breakfast. Really savor each bite, each 524 00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 2: new taste, pause for three seconds between each bite, you know, 525 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:16,280 Speaker 2: like that research paper said before, you've got to savor 526 00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:18,720 Speaker 2: the moment. You've got to really be in the moment 527 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:22,280 Speaker 2: for all that it's worth. And I think also avoiding 528 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:26,040 Speaker 2: that multitasking is also really really valuable. I think it's 529 00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:29,120 Speaker 2: very hard to do that. We're very busy people, but 530 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,720 Speaker 2: just try and focus on one thing at once. The 531 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:36,160 Speaker 2: biggest difficulty I do here is with being present, especially 532 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,760 Speaker 2: in this day and age, is how many distractions there are. 533 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:40,640 Speaker 2: And I think we've all had that experience of like 534 00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,200 Speaker 2: we're talking to a friend or our friend is talking 535 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:45,640 Speaker 2: to us, and like a phone is buzzing, and there's 536 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:49,000 Speaker 2: someone walking past who's like wearing an outfit that you like, 537 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,320 Speaker 2: and the music is too loud, and it's just like 538 00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:52,960 Speaker 2: there's just a lot going on, and my to do 539 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,800 Speaker 2: list is getting longer and longer by the second. You've 540 00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:58,680 Speaker 2: got a million things to do, you're anxious about the future, 541 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:02,560 Speaker 2: you're thinking about that weird exchange from yesterday, and there 542 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,840 Speaker 2: is that societal push to be busy and stretched thin. 543 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:10,320 Speaker 2: Going against that and focusing on one thing at a 544 00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:16,320 Speaker 2: time is actually very bold and actually very very effective, 545 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:20,680 Speaker 2: especially when we've been conditioned to go through life kind 546 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:23,960 Speaker 2: of like we're operating the landing strip at a busy airport, 547 00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:27,280 Speaker 2: like anything that's around us, anything that's happening, like you'll 548 00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:31,680 Speaker 2: welcome in, come in, distract me, sew it down. Embrace 549 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:36,120 Speaker 2: single tasking by limiting how many tabs you have open 550 00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:42,560 Speaker 2: on your desktop, limiting notifications, setting time blocks twenty minutes 551 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,920 Speaker 2: for each thing where you're fully concentrated, and then you 552 00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:50,080 Speaker 2: can shift do the hardest and most mentally draining tasks 553 00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:53,480 Speaker 2: first thing, and then move on to the smaller, bite 554 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:55,720 Speaker 2: sized things that you can take off later in the 555 00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:59,800 Speaker 2: day as your attentional resource is kind of deplete. There 556 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:04,160 Speaker 2: so many strategies for this. I know. The inclination is 557 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:08,120 Speaker 2: to be doing it all and you can just not 558 00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,239 Speaker 2: all at once. And we're seeing this research time and 559 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:15,080 Speaker 2: time again that if what you're worried about is productivity, 560 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:22,279 Speaker 2: is getting everything done, hitting milestones, achieving goals, actually being intentional, 561 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:26,399 Speaker 2: being really attentive on one thing at once with your 562 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:31,359 Speaker 2: time is a much more successful strategy. Staying in the 563 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:36,640 Speaker 2: present really allows you to tap into that secret pool, 564 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:43,040 Speaker 2: that secret like mental pool, mental lake, like everything that 565 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:49,239 Speaker 2: makes you a successful person, you know, purpose, creativity, kindness, 566 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:54,200 Speaker 2: attention awareness, self awareness. That all comes from living in 567 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:57,520 Speaker 2: the moment rather than feeling like everything is just this 568 00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:02,600 Speaker 2: tangled web of before after during what's on my to 569 00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:06,640 Speaker 2: do list? What could possibly go wrong? Over thinking, try 570 00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:10,320 Speaker 2: and just detangle that web. And I want to recommend 571 00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,560 Speaker 2: this one final thing for you, which is actually a book, 572 00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:16,080 Speaker 2: and it's called The Power of Now. My friend Kate, 573 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:17,680 Speaker 2: one of my best friends, Kate, who I talk about 574 00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:20,200 Speaker 2: on the podcast a lot. She's fabulous, she's amazing. I 575 00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:23,040 Speaker 2: love her. She actually brought me this book for my 576 00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:26,000 Speaker 2: birthday a few years back, and it's very New Age 577 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,960 Speaker 2: and spiritual, which I never truly gravitate towards because I'm 578 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 2: much more I think scientific personally, but I packed it 579 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:38,320 Speaker 2: on a holiday and it was incredible. It deeply changed 580 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:42,680 Speaker 2: my personal philosophy. It made me think about my life differently. 581 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:47,000 Speaker 2: I think it's probably the inspiration for this episode. And 582 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,880 Speaker 2: although it's about thirty years old now, there is this 583 00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:52,480 Speaker 2: saying that the author has that has always really stuck 584 00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,440 Speaker 2: with me, and it's that only the present moment is real, 585 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,960 Speaker 2: and only the present moment is what matters. The past 586 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:00,440 Speaker 2: is the past. The future you don't know what it's 587 00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:03,200 Speaker 2: going to be, so the only thing that you can 588 00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:07,680 Speaker 2: truly experience is what you're going through right now. And 589 00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:09,960 Speaker 2: that just always kind of wakes me up a little bit. 590 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,960 Speaker 2: It always gives me something to think about. So if 591 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:16,560 Speaker 2: you want to expand your mindset when it comes to mindfulness, 592 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:19,080 Speaker 2: when it comes to the power of now, the power 593 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:23,600 Speaker 2: of the present, that book I would really really recommend. 594 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,720 Speaker 2: So thank you so much for listening to this episode. 595 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:29,080 Speaker 2: If you haven't made it this far, it's great to 596 00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:32,000 Speaker 2: have you here at the very end as we're summarizing. 597 00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:34,680 Speaker 2: I just hope that you know, I think I said 598 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,000 Speaker 2: this at the end of every episode, but I hope 599 00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:40,680 Speaker 2: that you just go away thinking about something, learning something, 600 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,880 Speaker 2: even if it was small. This is like a topic 601 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:49,640 Speaker 2: that I'm a subject. I guess that I'm really really 602 00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:52,480 Speaker 2: feeling the importance of in my own life at the moment. 603 00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:55,239 Speaker 2: If you couldn't telp by how much I referenced my 604 00:36:55,280 --> 00:37:00,080 Speaker 2: own anxiety and my own I think tendency to be rushing, 605 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:03,279 Speaker 2: to be filling my life with so many distractions that 606 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:07,120 Speaker 2: I never really have to feel the power of staying 607 00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:10,640 Speaker 2: present is an important reminder for me. So yeah, I 608 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:12,960 Speaker 2: hope it's the same for you. And then, if you 609 00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:16,160 Speaker 2: enjoyed this episode, make sure that you are following along 610 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:20,479 Speaker 2: on Spotify, Apple Podcasts. Leave a five star review only 611 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,759 Speaker 2: if you feel cool to do so. Otherwise, don't don't 612 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,120 Speaker 2: even have to worry about it. And if there's someone 613 00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:29,040 Speaker 2: that you think would also benefit from this episode, please 614 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:30,879 Speaker 2: feel free to share a link with them. You can 615 00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:34,920 Speaker 2: also DM me on Instagram at that Psychology podcast and 616 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,040 Speaker 2: give us a follow if you want to see what 617 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:39,520 Speaker 2: we've got coming out soon, if you want to contribute 618 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:43,200 Speaker 2: to the discussion, if you have thoughts, feelings, questions, I 619 00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:46,920 Speaker 2: would love to hear from you. And until Friday, stay safe, 620 00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:50,919 Speaker 2: stay kind, be gentle with yourself, and we will talk 621 00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:51,919 Speaker 2: very very soon.