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Speaker 1: This is cole Minor, John, this is coal Minor Sale And.

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Speaker 2: We have been digging for stories on the Okay Storytime

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Speaker 2: podcast as long as we can remember saying.

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Speaker 3: And we've pound some diamonds of the rough, how haven't we?

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Speaker 1: John?

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Speaker 4: That's right.

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Speaker 2: But before we do that, we have to wade through

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Speaker 2: two more minutes of incredible ads from our sponsors keeping

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Speaker 2: us finding more great stories on the show.

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Speaker 3: I ruined my sister's wedding and there's no fixing it.

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Speaker 1: Ah dang it.

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Speaker 3: So, as the title says, I ruined my sister's wedding,

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Speaker 3: it all happened yesterday, so I'm still very emotional about

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Speaker 3: it and freaking out. My big sister's wedding was yesterday.

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Speaker 3: I wore a pastel pink colored dress that we picked

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Speaker 3: out together for me to wear about eight months ago.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from unusual quantity for seven

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Speaker 3: to six cent. If you want to spit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the arsash Okay Storytime severed it.

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Speaker 5: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon, and we're here

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Speaker 5: to give.

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Speaker 3: Good advice goof Lee, But we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 3: We only know what we do, so let us know

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Speaker 3: what you would do in the comments, and op says

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Speaker 3: fourteen of us were to be staying in a cottage

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Speaker 3: the night before and get ready together the morning of,

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Speaker 3: but my sister changed her mind a couple of days

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Speaker 3: before and decided she just wanted the bridal party there,

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Speaker 3: which I wasn't a part of. If we had all

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Speaker 3: stayed as planned, then this wouldn't have happened. But it

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Speaker 3: was her choice, and I don't blame her at all.

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Speaker 3: I'm just explaining what happened.

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Speaker 4: Anyway.

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Speaker 3: The six of us who were no longer staying at

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Speaker 3: the cottage got separate hotel rooms nearby, and everyone was

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Speaker 3: just meeting up at the ceremony with everyone else. The

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Speaker 3: main part of the ceremony went fine, but my sister

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Speaker 3: gave me a couple of dirty looks during it. Then

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Speaker 3: when it came to the pictures, I went to have

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Speaker 3: one taken with my mom, but my sister started screaming

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Speaker 3: at me because apparently in a certain light, my dress

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Speaker 3: looked white, so she said it a look stupid in

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Speaker 3: her wedding pictures. The dress she picked out for Repee.

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Speaker 1: The dress you both picked out together.

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Speaker 3: I genuinely don't think it did. But I didn't say that.

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Speaker 3: I just remember her that she helped me pick it.

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Speaker 3: And then I said I had another dress at the

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Speaker 3: hotel I could change in too. She didn't calm down,

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Speaker 3: she just kept screaming in my face. Her now husband

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Speaker 3: said to go get changed and that I'll be fine.

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Speaker 3: So I apologized profusely and left. About an hour later,

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Speaker 3: after I had changed into a black dress that I

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Speaker 3: originally brought to wear for a meal plan for today,

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Speaker 3: I went to the reception party. She had already had

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Speaker 3: a couple of drinks and was dancing happily, but as

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Speaker 3: soon as she saw me walk in, she went into

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Speaker 3: a blind rage. She walked over, screaming at me, grabbed

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Speaker 3: my hair, and said that she didn't want me there,

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Speaker 3: that I had already ruined her day, so why did

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Speaker 3: I come back? And so on, So she ruined her day?

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Speaker 1: To be clear, I was like, she's having a mental

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Speaker 1: breakdown and ruining her own wedding.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so she one hundred percent ruined her own wedding.

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Speaker 3: To be clear, I apologized again and again before quickly leaving,

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Speaker 3: because I didn't ever want to ruin her big day

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Speaker 3: or make it even worse than I already had.

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Speaker 4: What did you do?

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Speaker 1: Count one, you existed.

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Speaker 3: You brought, you wore a pink dress that she picked

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Speaker 3: out with you. Count two, you came back after changing

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Speaker 3: when you shouldn't have even had to change because she

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Speaker 3: picked out the dress. I spent the rest of the

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Speaker 3: day and Nike crying. She hasn't replied, and I don't

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Speaker 3: want to keep messaging because she'll be on her honeymoon

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Speaker 3: now and I don't want to ruin that as well.

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Speaker 3: But it's weird because I've never seen her like this.

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Speaker 3: She's my best friend. She has been since I was

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Speaker 3: a small child. I was born when she was eight,

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Speaker 3: so I've always looked up to her. I feel like

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Speaker 3: I've genuinely messed up big time, and I need advice

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Speaker 3: on how to fix it when she gets home, because

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Speaker 3: I can't not have her in my life.

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Speaker 4: She's my everything. Please help.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it sounds like you have like a really twisted

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Speaker 1: up relationship with her that's somehow wrapped up in your

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Speaker 1: own self worth. I'm sure she's probably done stuff like

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Speaker 1: this to you for a long time.

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Speaker 3: She probably has blamed a lot of things you and

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Speaker 3: made you think that everything was your fault when it wasn't.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and your develo you've developed some kind of Stockholm syndrome.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean she's gaslighting you. She's saying it's your

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Speaker 3: fault you ruined my wedding by wearing a pink dress,

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Speaker 3: but not bringing up the fact that she picked out

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Speaker 3: that dress.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like an oops. Oh well that's a

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Speaker 1: small inconvenience, not like you're wearing white though, So I

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Speaker 1: guess we'll just change your outfit.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: But also you're.

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Speaker 4: Pulling and pulling her hair.

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Speaker 1: Well, I know who's not going to my wedding.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, competitive Bill says, you didn't mess up. You were

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Speaker 3: very respectful and didn't even argue with her about changing.

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Speaker 3: There's pentabanger on her side, and she took it out

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Speaker 3: on you, which was not right. She needs to apologize

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Speaker 3: to you. You already apologized initially, ruthfully. I don't think

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Speaker 3: it had anything to do with you directly. She just

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Speaker 3: saw you as the easiest target to let out at,

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Speaker 3: which is so wrong. Op says, So do you think

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Speaker 3: she'll talk to me again once she's calmed down? If

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Speaker 3: that is it, I don't feel like I need an

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Speaker 3: apology from her, though, I just want to be back

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Speaker 3: on talking terms again. You know you think it might

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Speaker 3: be pent up anger from the stress of the wedding. Opie,

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Speaker 3: you deserve an apology, a real apology.

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Speaker 1: You get it, not just like and dig wherever you

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Speaker 1: buried your self respect. Yeah on earth.

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Speaker 3: That Barri's a reel, says you don't feel like you

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Speaker 3: need an apology from her. She attacked you and humiliated

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Speaker 3: you in front of people over address she helped you choose.

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Speaker 3: The girl has issues. I wouldn't want that in my life.

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Speaker 3: Why the heck are you apologizing? Opie says, Yeah, but

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Speaker 3: she's my big sister. She wouldn't have meant to do it.

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Speaker 3: She's not normally like this. We're best friends. Elle Ma

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Speaker 3: Maru says. People treat you how you allow them to.

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Speaker 3: If you show them that you are someone they can

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Speaker 3: walk all over and be horrible to and you'll just

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Speaker 3: get over it. That is what will keep happening. You

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Speaker 3: didn't you anything. She chose the pink dress herself. She

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Speaker 3: yelled at you, humiliated you, then physically std you. If

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Speaker 3: you let that go without some sort of an apology,

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Speaker 3: the person you are really hurting is yourself. If you

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Speaker 3: don't respect yourself, others are going to think that they

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Speaker 3: don't have to respect you either.

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Speaker 4: Oh he says, yeah, after writing back to a.

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Speaker 3: Couple of comments where I'm defending her and realizing she

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Speaker 3: probably just overreacted and it wasn't actually my fault. It

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Speaker 3: was probably just the stress of the wedding and everything.

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Speaker 3: But I do respect myself. I just don't think it's

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Speaker 3: necessary for an apology offer. It was her special day.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 3: I don't care if it's you know, freaking.

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Speaker 4: Birth of Jesus.

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Speaker 1: No one has happened in a manger.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't care.

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Speaker 1: It was a relaxed affair.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, this is not okay, not okay. Uptown Lurkers says.

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Speaker 3: She may need a target for her feelings and it

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Speaker 3: may continue to be you for a while. It can

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Speaker 3: be difficult for people to admit they were being completely unreasonable,

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Speaker 3: which she was. Just know you didn't do anything wrong.

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Speaker 3: I know her anger and you feeling like you're the

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Speaker 3: cause of her day being ruined is hurting you. Her

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Speaker 3: wedding wasn't ruined either. It's fine. Where are your parents

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Speaker 3: and all this? Oh, P says, I hope you're right. Honestly,

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Speaker 3: it was supposed to be the perfect day for her.

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Speaker 3: I helped her plan and pay for so much of it,

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Speaker 3: and my mom said she doesn't want to get involved

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Speaker 3: because I should have known better than to go to

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Speaker 3: the reception after getting changed, because it's common sense to

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Speaker 3: know that she would still be angry with me, especially

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Speaker 3: after she'd had a drink, which I agree, it was

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Speaker 3: pretty stupid and selfish of me.

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Speaker 1: Girl.

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Speaker 3: What he's believing it Her husband specifically said, hey, can

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Speaker 3: you go change? If he didn't want you to come back.

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Speaker 3: If they didn't want you to come back, they wouldn't

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Speaker 3: have said go change. They would have said, don't come

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Speaker 3: back to the wedding. What are you talking about? Who

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Speaker 3: are these people?

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Speaker 1: Say?

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Speaker 4: Cow says, she.

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Speaker 3: Grabbed you by the hair and essentially dragged you out

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Speaker 3: of the reception. Her overreaction to the pink dress is

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Speaker 3: one thing, but this borders on a harmful act. You

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Speaker 3: did everything you could in the moment to fix things.

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Speaker 3: You apologized profusely. Nothing more you can do here. Her

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Speaker 3: behavior was completely out of line. Does she always treat

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Speaker 3: you this way? Like your gum? She just scraped off

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Speaker 3: her shoe. I realize it's easier said than done. But

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Speaker 3: if it was me, I wouldn't be speaking to her

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Speaker 3: again until I got an apology. But I also wouldn't

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Speaker 3: hold my breath waiting for one. She may be older,

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Speaker 3: but that doesn't give her the right to push you around.

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Speaker 3: Not Okay, you did not ruin her day. She did

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Speaker 3: that all on her own, and Opie says, no, she

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Speaker 3: never treats me this way. That's why I know it

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Speaker 3: was a bad mess up. The only times we've argued

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Speaker 3: or anything in the past is when I've just been

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Speaker 3: over sensitive about something she said, just such like a

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Speaker 3: red fight.

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Speaker 1: You're like, the only time we've argued in the past

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Speaker 1: is when she hurt my feelings and I let her

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Speaker 1: know and then she's like, you're wrong.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Oh, he's literally said, like the way the phrase she's

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Speaker 3: phrasing it. I was, Oh, I was over sensitive about

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Speaker 3: what she said.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're in the cycle of a relationship with yes.

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Speaker 3: But it's never shouting and screaming and it's definitely never

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Speaker 3: got physical ever. Pretty mentioned says, what was the last

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Speaker 3: thing you were overly sensitive about? Because this just sounds

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Speaker 3: like manipulation to me. Ohp says I don't remember the

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Speaker 3: last thing. But it's normally just sibling type insults like

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Speaker 3: making fun of my weight and things like.

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Speaker 1: That, things like that, what.

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Speaker 3: Oh pe, oh pe Huh, it's nothing serious, just mean

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Speaker 3: jokes that I take to heart instead of laughing off

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Speaker 3: like a normal person.

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Speaker 1: Oh oh pee, oh pe. If she's joking, she's not

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Speaker 1: really joking when she says that.

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Speaker 3: You're so like in it, you're so caught up in it,

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Speaker 3: you know, like you don't get that your sister is

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Speaker 3: bullying you and it's not okay, and it's not normal

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Speaker 3: sibling thing.

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Speaker 1: And again it's because it's I mean.

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Speaker 3: Just like and she keeps blaming herself, like she said

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Speaker 3: I was overly sensitive. She just said, instead of laughing

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Speaker 3: it off like a normal person, I take it to.

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Speaker 5: Heart because she looks up to her older sister and

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Speaker 5: she's like, oh yeah, that's okay.

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Speaker 3: Also eight years older man acts like an adult.

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Speaker 4: Come on.

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Speaker 3: Four days later, for anyone who was interested, I didn't

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Speaker 3: ruin her wedding, at least not in any way that

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Speaker 3: I could have stopped. We all knew that. We've been

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Speaker 3: telling you that girl. Apparently she's always hated me from

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Speaker 3: the moment I was born. I am so sorry to say,

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Speaker 3: but that was apparent and that really sucks. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: that was super apparent from this story.

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Speaker 1: And it's super apparent. Your parents fuck failed you, Yes,

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Speaker 1: failed both of you.

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Speaker 3: Yep.

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Speaker 1: How could they just like co sign on that behavior

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Speaker 1: never correct it.

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Speaker 3: The only reason she was always spending so much time

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Speaker 3: with me was because my mother was asking her to family.

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Speaker 3: So basically, my dad left before I was born. I

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Speaker 3: never asked about him because the way I always saw

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Speaker 3: it was if he loved me, he'd be here. But

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Speaker 3: my sister blamed me for him leaving. He didn't want

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Speaker 3: any more kids after my sister and my mom doesn't

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Speaker 3: believe in pregnancy terminations, so when she got pregnant, he

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Speaker 3: gave her a choice and then he left. My mom

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Speaker 3: told my sister the reason he left was because he

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Speaker 3: didn't want me.

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Speaker 1: Why are you Your parents are failures. They failed you

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Speaker 1: so hard, they failed parents. You're bad.

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Speaker 4: They really really suck.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I've spoken to my mom. She said it was

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Speaker 3: a heat of the moment comment and she didn't think

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Speaker 3: my sister would hold onto it.

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Speaker 1: Hey, stupid, go fix it, Go say you know what,

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Speaker 1: it's my fault for not understanding how contraceptives were. It's

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Speaker 1: my fault. Also crazy, just crazy all around. Yeah, your

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Speaker 1: parents are bad at it.

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Speaker 4: They're bad.

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Speaker 3: I also had some problems with my hotel room. I

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Speaker 3: booked for four days, but the night after the wedding,

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Speaker 3: a worker came to ask me when I'll be leaving

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Speaker 3: the room because there's other guests needing it. I explained

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Speaker 3: that I booked for four days. They said I rang

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Speaker 3: them and canceled the remainder of my stay, which I didn't,

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Speaker 3: so I had to get a different room. It was

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Speaker 3: my sister playing a prank Frank caused her to go

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Speaker 3: on her honeymoon alone. Her husband rang me yesterday, telling

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Speaker 3: me everything about why she shot off about the hotel

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Speaker 3: and said he's looking into getting an annulment because she's

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Speaker 3: not the person he thought she was. So yeah, that's

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Speaker 3: basically it.

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Speaker 1: I bet you nice blame you for that one too.

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Speaker 3: My husband left because of you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I hope you genuinely never have to talk to

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Speaker 1: your sister again and you find no contact, beautiful friendships

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Speaker 1: and relationships.

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Speaker 3: With anyone else. Anti programming says, I read your post.

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Speaker 3: I saw no fault in your dress or reaction. Whatsoever.

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Speaker 3: Your sister was aware of your dress, so you don't

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Speaker 3: need to take blame on that. Honestly, she'llver's for this,

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Speaker 3: But there was nothing you could have done or Now

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Speaker 3: ex husband knows what's going on and that's why he

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Speaker 3: ended things with her. So you helped him in a

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00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,680
Speaker 3: way by showing him who your sister truly is. She

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Speaker 3: dug her grave successful Bee says, well, at least she

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00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,920
Speaker 3: wasted no time showing her true colors for suit to

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Speaker 3: be ex brother in law's annulment.

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Speaker 1: That's crazy. Yeah. Was it during the honeymoon or right

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Speaker 1: after the honeymoon he was seems like immediately in the honeymoon.

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Speaker 1: That's crazy.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

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Speaker 5: on to the next one.

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Speaker 1: I refuse to fix my mother's relationship with my sister,

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Speaker 1: and now I'm the villain.

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Speaker 3: I can't do everything.

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Speaker 1: There's a trigger warning here for substance use disorder. I

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Speaker 1: am the middle of three girls and and what you'd

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Speaker 1: call the typical middle child. I'm the one always trying

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Speaker 1: to solve problems and find middle ground when my family fights,

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Speaker 1: and there have been some huge ones. By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from user Laurana Pastius, and if you want

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Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the art Size

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Speaker 1: Shoay Storytime subbred it. I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and I'm

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Speaker 1: Keon and we already give good advice goofy, but we

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00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:07,480
Speaker 1: don't have all the answers. We only know what we

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00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,280
Speaker 1: would do, So if you would do something different, let

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00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:13,080
Speaker 1: us know in the comments. As Op says, my parents

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00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:17,000
Speaker 1: are divorced and at first they co parented unhealthily, but

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Speaker 1: later on when my dad started dating, everything fell apart.

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Speaker 1: My mom, while engaged and living with her fiance, felt

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Speaker 1: it was inappropriate that my dad let his girlfriend now

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Speaker 1: wife live with him.

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Speaker 4: She thought it was.

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Speaker 1: Indecent because me and my younger sister were still in

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Speaker 1: school and lived with him. This caused my family to

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Speaker 1: go through a giant upheaval for around a decade where

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00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,640
Speaker 1: my step mom and mother were constantly fighting, dragging the

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Speaker 1: kids into the middle of it, while my dad just

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Speaker 1: kind of held up his hands saying, come on, guy,

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Speaker 1: come on, gos come and we all just get along again.

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Speaker 4: We be friends.

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Speaker 1: During this, my need to fix things was at its max,

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Speaker 1: which she inevitably resulted in me being yelled at and

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Speaker 1: berated on all sides. It took me years to figure

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00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,120
Speaker 1: out ways of managing all the stress from this. However,

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00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,960
Speaker 1: the one that had the hardest time was my sister.

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Speaker 1: She started sneaking out of the house, drinking and otherwise partying.

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Speaker 1: Since the adults were too busy fighting and hating each other,

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Speaker 1: they didn't have time to notice her falling apart. At

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Speaker 1: the time, I was in college and no longer living

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Speaker 1: at home, so I wasn't able to see how things

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Speaker 1: were for her, and she was afraid of being scolded,

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Speaker 1: so she didn't tell me. Years later she had a

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Speaker 1: severe drinking problem. I won't go into details of how

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00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,160
Speaker 1: bad it was for her, but I'll just say her

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00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,720
Speaker 1: and her husband made the same combined income as my

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00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,880
Speaker 1: husband and I, but they were always broke. So I

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00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,000
Speaker 1: figured maybe they had some budgeting issues and offered to

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Speaker 1: help her sort through her finances. And that's when I

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00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,320
Speaker 1: found out they were spending nearly half their income on

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Speaker 1: booze ats.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, once you get I feel like, once you get

343
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,880
Speaker 3: stuck in that it's hard to get out.

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00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,760
Speaker 1: I was terrified. I reached out to both of my

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00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,200
Speaker 1: parents for help on how to talk to her about it,

346
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,800
Speaker 1: but they both downplayed it. My dad, in his typical

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00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:16,240
Speaker 1: joke about important things manner, said, well, she's not a

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00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:19,920
Speaker 1: heavy drinker. If she's not going to meetings, what what

349
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:24,520
Speaker 1: does that mean? What? While my mom outright refused the

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Speaker 1: idea that her perfect, precious baby could have any issues. Instead,

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00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,000
Speaker 1: she blamed it on my sister's husband, claiming he must

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Speaker 1: be the one spending the money, even though my sister

353
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,560
Speaker 1: flat out told me it was her cut to years later,

354
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,400
Speaker 1: my trying to help her caused her to pull away.

355
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,440
Speaker 1: She was embarrassed, knew what she was doing was wrong,

356
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Speaker 1: and didn't want me to see it. Her relationship with

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00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,640
Speaker 1: my dad started to deteriorate, which my mom was all for.

358
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Speaker 1: My mom got excited whenever I talked to her about

359
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,160
Speaker 1: things falling apart and claimed, when you finally cut your

360
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,920
Speaker 1: father off, he'll see the light and leave that woman,

361
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,440
Speaker 1: then things with him and your sister will get better.

362
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:05,680
Speaker 1: It was nonsense. Yes, my sister didn't like my step mom,

363
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,600
Speaker 1: and yes she and my dad had issues, but us

364
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:11,920
Speaker 1: kids going no contact with him wouldn't fix anything. Then

365
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:16,000
Speaker 1: it happened my sister actually went no contact with my

366
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Speaker 1: dad for about a year, I was thrown back in

367
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Speaker 1: the middle, my dad and stepmom asking me constantly why

368
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,920
Speaker 1: she cut them off, me telling them I don't want

369
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Speaker 1: to be in the middle. My mom's saying my sister's

370
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,480
Speaker 1: doing the right thing and I need to do the same.

371
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:33,080
Speaker 1: I was stressed and miserable. I started ignoring phone calls

372
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,600
Speaker 1: from my dad and recording diary like crying messages on

373
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,960
Speaker 1: my phone to myself. But then something happened. My sister

374
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,600
Speaker 1: almost passed away from her drinking. She ended up in

375
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:49,359
Speaker 1: the hospital for a week, and afterwards she quit drinking completely.

376
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:51,840
Speaker 1: It wasn't the first time she had tried, but this

377
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:56,200
Speaker 1: time it stuck. Hey good, that's good. Really tough.

378
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,440
Speaker 4: I need a little nd yeah.

379
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,080
Speaker 1: To get the juices going. Mhm hm they you know

380
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:05,240
Speaker 1: that can't happen anymore. She has now been sober for

381
00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:09,439
Speaker 1: three years, and after she got sober, she apologized to

382
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:12,919
Speaker 1: me for everything. Things took a big change. She started

383
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,240
Speaker 1: talking to my dad and stepmom again and we even

384
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:19,919
Speaker 1: had a great visit just me, her and my youngest child. However,

385
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:23,240
Speaker 1: at the same time, my mom wasn't happy. She felt

386
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,879
Speaker 1: my sister was pulling away from her which was true.

387
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,760
Speaker 1: My sister realized every time she talked to my mom

388
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:31,960
Speaker 1: she ended up more stressed, her heart rate up and

389
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:36,400
Speaker 1: her anxiety up, so she started pulling back. The more

390
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,040
Speaker 1: she pulled back, the more anxious my mom got, and

391
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:42,640
Speaker 1: she dumped those emotions onto me. Your sister needs help.

392
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:46,120
Speaker 1: She's pulling away from everyone. This isn't healthy. Hey, Mom,

393
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,359
Speaker 1: you're not actually everyone. You're one person.

394
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:50,800
Speaker 4: You're one person.

395
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,600
Speaker 3: She has a complicated relationship with you.

396
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,159
Speaker 4: What is what p he gotta do? Genuinely, what do

397
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,080
Speaker 4: you expect ope to do?

398
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,800
Speaker 1: I told her that my relationship with my sister hadn't

399
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,280
Speaker 1: been this good in years, and that my sister was

400
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:06,119
Speaker 1: sober and working on her mental health. I was proud

401
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,159
Speaker 1: of her, but things just got worse. They had a

402
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,200
Speaker 1: small fight, and once again, instead of admitting fault or

403
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,000
Speaker 1: trying to see from anyone else's perspective, my mom put

404
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,600
Speaker 1: the blame of their fight on me.

405
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,760
Speaker 3: She even worked that one out.

406
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:21,720
Speaker 4: You're not even.

407
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:25,480
Speaker 1: There, she told my sister. She only felt that way

408
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:30,679
Speaker 1: because I manipulated her, and by extension, my stepmom manipulated me.

409
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,240
Speaker 1: My sister had had enough of that and cut contact

410
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,399
Speaker 1: good over the next year, my mom tried everything to

411
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,840
Speaker 1: get me to fix a relationship with my sister. She

412
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,720
Speaker 1: didn't outwardly blame me for their falling out, but did

413
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 1: say it was my job to mend it. She even

414
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,840
Speaker 1: came to visit me the first time in two years,

415
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,560
Speaker 1: by the way, but after learning my sister wouldn't come,

416
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,680
Speaker 1: she shut down and quit engaging with me for anything meaningful.

417
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,879
Speaker 1: I realized I was just a conduit to my sister.

418
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,760
Speaker 1: I always knew I wasn't my parents it's favorite. My

419
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,760
Speaker 1: dad liked my eldest sister better and my mom loved

420
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,399
Speaker 1: my youngest, but this still hurt. After that, I pulled

421
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,560
Speaker 1: back from my mom too.

422
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:09,480
Speaker 4: I think you have to.

423
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,159
Speaker 3: She keeps blaming things on you, like you can't have

424
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:15,080
Speaker 3: a relationship with someone who like everything that goes wrong

425
00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 3: in their life is your.

426
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:20,120
Speaker 1: Fault, when it's like acutely their own fault as well.

427
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:23,160
Speaker 1: So I pulled back from my mom too. I call

428
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,000
Speaker 1: on holidays and about once a month to check in,

429
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:29,560
Speaker 1: But when how are you as met with horrible? I'm depressed,

430
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,320
Speaker 1: my kids hate me, and you don't care enough to

431
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 1: help me. I kind of had to slow that down too.

432
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 1: Then a few weeks ago, it happened my mom's birthday

433
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,600
Speaker 1: was coming up, and she suddenly messaged me at eleven

434
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:43,080
Speaker 1: at night with the sarcastic message about not sharing a

435
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,920
Speaker 1: video on Facebook. I was confused, but looked at the

436
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,639
Speaker 1: video and it was some clickbaity thing about loving moms

437
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:51,720
Speaker 1: and how they need love too. I was like, oh, yeah,

438
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,840
Speaker 1: I don't really use Facebook for stuff like that. I

439
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 1: only post pics of the kids to keep family that

440
00:20:56,119 --> 00:21:02,960
Speaker 1: lives far away updated. And she went off paragraph after paragraph,

441
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 1: yelling at me. At the end, she said she no

442
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:09,120
Speaker 1: longer had three kids, just one, and no longer had

443
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:12,680
Speaker 1: five grand kids, just two my older sisters day.

444
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,560
Speaker 3: She got a lot of people off in one go.

445
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,199
Speaker 1: I hope you're ready for the consequences of your actions, Mom.

446
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:19,960
Speaker 1: I was freaked out, but it was late on a

447
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,119
Speaker 1: school night, so I suggested we just talk about this

448
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,880
Speaker 1: the next day. However, the next day I found one

449
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,720
Speaker 1: more message, saying I chose this by not helping to

450
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,360
Speaker 1: fix things with my sister, and then she blocked me everywhere.

451
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:32,720
Speaker 1: To be fair, I did choose not to help to

452
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 1: fix things, but I didn't do that to hurt her,

453
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 1: and I've explained why I did multiple times. One, It's

454
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,520
Speaker 1: not my place. Over the years, every time I play middleman,

455
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:44,760
Speaker 1: I'm the one that end up hurt. I've never successfully

456
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:48,200
Speaker 1: fixed anything and just end up as the punching bag

457
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,160
Speaker 1: everyone uses de vent their frustrations.

458
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 4: End Two.

459
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 1: I understand my sister's perspective. My mom has a very

460
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 1: unhealthy codependent relationship with my sister. She wants to be

461
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 1: involved in every decision my sister makes, and she can

462
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 1: be very intense. I understand that my sister is working

463
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,680
Speaker 1: on her mental health and can't handle my mom. I'm

464
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 1: trying to write this as fair as I can, but

465
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:14,680
Speaker 1: don't think I'm perfect in this, especially in my younger years. Yes,

466
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,280
Speaker 1: I was a child in high school, but still I

467
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 1: was highly emotional and trying yell to get my point across.

468
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,959
Speaker 1: You were a teenager in high school.

469
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:28,680
Speaker 3: Again, your mom is not a good mom, and she's

470
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 3: putting a lot of this like mental burden on her

471
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 3: daughter's to distract from her failings as a parent.

472
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 1: Exactly now, after realizing how easy it was for my

473
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 1: mom to cut me and my kids out of her life,

474
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:49,360
Speaker 1: it just really hurts. It feels like I never really mattered,

475
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,199
Speaker 1: like my kids never really mattered. In the end, this

476
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 1: is probably just another manipulation. She's thinking I'll get so

477
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:59,159
Speaker 1: upset that I'll do what she wants. But I won't.

478
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:02,439
Speaker 1: My my sister won't fall for it either. We do

479
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 1: have a little bit more story left. I think we

480
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,639
Speaker 1: all know how we feel. Let's finish this story.

481
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:07,640
Speaker 4: Yeah.

482
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:12,359
Speaker 1: In fact, when I showed her my mom's messages, my

483
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:16,239
Speaker 1: sister only reaffirmed her choice and became extremely angry that

484
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 1: Mom would do this. In the end, I don't want

485
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 1: to see my sister fall apart again. My mom might

486
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,120
Speaker 1: like it when my sister is a mess because she's

487
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:26,200
Speaker 1: more obedient to her, but I don't. I don't want

488
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,919
Speaker 1: to get that phone call from the hospital again. And

489
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 1: I'm proud of her for her sobriety. Thanks okop fam

490
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 1: for listening. So this is more for me to vent

491
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 1: than seeking advice. But since I listen to Okay Storytime

492
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 1: every day and love the community here, I thought i'd

493
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:45,159
Speaker 1: scream into the collective and hear your opinions. It's a

494
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,159
Speaker 1: bit long, so I apologize in advance. Don't you worry.

495
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 1: That is the end of that story. Yeah, congrats on

496
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 1: your sister's sobriety agreed, and her mom's trash for not

497
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:58,159
Speaker 1: like immediately I don't know, being more concerned about her

498
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 1: well being versus like against your dad.

499
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 3: Well, I feel like, you know, you don't want to

500
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:07,159
Speaker 3: put your sister sobriety at risk, and I feel like

501
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 3: your mom does that by inciting arguments.

502
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 4: And all of that jazz.

503
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,600
Speaker 3: So I feel like just creating that boundary with your mom,

504
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:19,680
Speaker 3: maybe no contact is the best way to go, or

505
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,639
Speaker 3: at least maybe I don't know if you said you

506
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 3: were going no contact, but at very least much lower contact.

507
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

508
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 5: on to the next one.

509
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,479
Speaker 3: My mother's boyfriend wants to control my life, so I

510
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 3: called my brothers.

511
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,919
Speaker 1: Call up the broskis.

512
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 3: Trigger warning for verbal ab so I sixteen mail lost

513
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 3: my dad at Christmas time in twenty twenty four last year,

514
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,159
Speaker 3: and in the last few months, my mom has been

515
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 3: seeing this man I really don't like. He refuses to

516
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,479
Speaker 3: speak when my mom is at home. He won't let

517
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,159
Speaker 3: me eat in the same room as him. I have

518
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 3: to use my bedroom's bathroom and not the one upstairs

519
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 3: or the one downstairs. Just my bathroom only. He also

520
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 3: refuses to let me do my laundry and dry my

521
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,640
Speaker 3: clothes at the same time as him. By the way,

522
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 3: this comes from Swim Fast double zero And if you

523
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,680
Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay,

524
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 3: story time suppered it.

525
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon.

526
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 2: What's up?

527
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:16,640
Speaker 4: We're here to give.

528
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 3: Good advice goofly, but we don't have all the answers.

529
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 3: We only know what we'd do, So let us know

530
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,000
Speaker 3: what you would do in the comments. What's up?

531
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:22,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, what's ups?

532
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,399
Speaker 4: And oh, he says.

533
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 3: Anyways, today I got home from the pool after swimming

534
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,200
Speaker 3: a few laps, and when I got through the door,

535
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 3: he was waiting for me.

536
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:34,360
Speaker 4: Scary.

537
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:38,440
Speaker 3: He basically in a nutshell, said, you spend too much

538
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 3: time away from home. You aren't supposed to be this

539
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,679
Speaker 3: independent at sixteen. I'm gonna have to put new locks

540
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,680
Speaker 3: on these doors to stop you from going out. But

541
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,439
Speaker 3: the thing is, I only really leave the house early

542
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,960
Speaker 3: in the morning and late in the afternoon, usually around

543
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 3: six to eight pm or seven to nine am, because

544
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,680
Speaker 3: I'm a swimmer and that's when I practice and train.

545
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 3: I am always very careful to not make too much

546
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 3: noise when I'm leaving, and I make sure to shower

547
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,680
Speaker 3: at the pool. Since he doesn't like the sound of

548
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 3: running water in the morning, What Annie doesn't like the

549
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:09,200
Speaker 3: smell of chlorine?

550
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:10,960
Speaker 1: What who is?

551
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,240
Speaker 3: So no one's allowed to take showers in the morning.

552
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 3: I that's when I take showers.

553
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,359
Speaker 4: I hate the sound of running water in the morning.

554
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 3: So he hates rain? Does he yell at the sky

555
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 3: when it starts raining, like I hate the sound of

556
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:23,919
Speaker 3: running water?

557
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: No water before eight am, or it's over for you.

558
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 3: So I replied to him, saying, basically, both these things

559
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,360
Speaker 3: I've written about in the past aren't exactly word for word.

560
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 4: It all happened really quickly. I don't care what you think.

561
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 3: Dad used to take me wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted,

562
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,199
Speaker 3: no matter what he thought I was doing. And you

563
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 3: can't even be bothered to cook me dinner. You don't

564
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 3: care about me or mom. He got really mad and

565
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:51,320
Speaker 3: started screaming at me for being disrespectful and rude. I'm

566
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,840
Speaker 3: really upset about it because I've got bad anxiety and

567
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,439
Speaker 3: this shouting and yelling has scared me quite a bit.

568
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 3: My mom just got home, and I would have gone

569
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:00,880
Speaker 3: down to talk to her, but I can still hear

570
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 3: him talking, so I don't want to disturb their conversation.

571
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 3: I feel really bad about what I said, But at

572
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 3: the same time, my mom works two jobs. I work

573
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 3: one part time job, and he also works a part

574
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,479
Speaker 3: time job. But the thing is I help mom with

575
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 3: whatever money I get.

576
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,400
Speaker 1: Wait, this guy's not even working full time.

577
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 3: He's not even working full time. When you're working and

578
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:26,480
Speaker 3: doing all this other stuff and going to school and

579
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 3: then have to deal with his you know, verbal attacks.

580
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 3: I buy groceries and try to help keep food in

581
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 3: the house. If something breaks, I pay for the replacement

582
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 3: or else someone to come to fix it. I take

583
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 3: care of buying toy the trees as well.

584
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 4: This is not okay. It's sixteen sixteen. I do want

585
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 4: to say.

586
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 3: I know that there are situations where, like you know,

587
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 3: miners or like teenagers will have to help out financially.

588
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:55,199
Speaker 3: However that shouldn't if you can prevent that or avoid it,

589
00:27:55,600 --> 00:28:00,119
Speaker 3: you should not be making your minor child help pay

590
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:04,399
Speaker 3: for groceries or paying for you know, replacements in the house.

591
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 4: You shouldn't be doing that.

592
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 3: He should, like the stepdad should have a full time job. Yeah,

593
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,159
Speaker 3: if they can't afford to live in this house without

594
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 3: making their minor child pay for things.

595
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,840
Speaker 1: This guy's talking about changing the locks on the door, Well,

596
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:19,400
Speaker 1: am I gonna have to buy those two?

597
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:20,400
Speaker 4: Yeah?

598
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,920
Speaker 3: Well he is a fully grown man. He will make

599
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 3: me pay for the family takeout when we order a

600
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 3: Chinese or a Chippyet, despite me paying, I've never even

601
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,880
Speaker 3: gotten to eat my food at the table with.

602
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:32,480
Speaker 4: My mum and him.

603
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:33,920
Speaker 1: This is insane.

604
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 4: He's crazy. This is crazy.

605
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:36,440
Speaker 1: This is crazy.

606
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:39,160
Speaker 3: I've got two older brothers, but they both live far

607
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 3: away now. I'm the youngest, and they only really come

608
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 3: home for birthdays. They also came home in July for

609
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,320
Speaker 3: a big swim meet. I add my mom's boyfriend is

610
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 3: usually a lot nicer in front of them. The first

611
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 3: and only time he's ever been to my swim meet

612
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 3: was when my brothers went, and after they left, he

613
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 3: told me he'd never go again. I really missed my

614
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:01,320
Speaker 3: brothers because they really help me out in a tough time.

615
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 3: But I don't like calling or texting them because I

616
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,480
Speaker 3: don't want them to be stressed or worried about me.

617
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 3: What do I do call? Her text your brothers. If

618
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 3: your mom is doing nothing and your stepdad's being a jerk.

619
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 1: I'm getting an impression that your your mom doesn't know.

620
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, tell you how First of all, tell your

621
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 3: mom if she does nothing, Tell your brothers, does this

622
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,120
Speaker 3: is unacceptable behavior?

623
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 1: Like, well, there's some kind of evidence for it too,

624
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 1: because it really feels like if she would be with

625
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 1: this guy in the first place, she feels like the

626
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 1: kind of person who might just like not listen about

627
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 1: whatever's wrong with him if there's no concrete proof. So like,

628
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 1: I don't know, try to next time he's like shouting

629
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:48,240
Speaker 1: at you or telling you she I mean, she's got

630
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 1: to know you're not You don't even you can't even

631
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 1: eat at the table with them. That's insane that she

632
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,720
Speaker 1: don't think she has to sign off on that.

633
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,720
Speaker 3: She has to know that he's paying for all of

634
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 3: this stuff. I feel like the mom is not going

635
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 3: to be, you know, someone that can really on here.

636
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 1: Get some stuff recorded, and then yeah, call your brothers.

637
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 3: Saw your brothers And there is an update. So, as

638
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 3: you all know from my last post, I am really

639
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 3: upset about the whole situation. After I posted that, I

640
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 3: texted my two older brothers who are both in their twenties,

641
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 3: and they're going to surprise visit tonight.

642
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 4: They're going to be staying over for a few days.

643
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 3: In the meantime, I'm going to take the advice I

644
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 3: was given by some people. Thank you so much for

645
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 3: all the help. I'm going to start voice recording every

646
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 3: time he starts to get all mean and nasty and

647
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 3: rude with me. It's been very tense and hostile all morning.

648
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 3: Once again, it is just me and him, and my

649
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:39,880
Speaker 3: mom is away at work as usual. I woke up

650
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 3: at six to go do some swim training, and when

651
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 3: I got back around eight fifteen or so, he was

652
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 3: coming down the stairs out of bed. He gave me

653
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 3: a very nasty look and told me to get out

654
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 3: of his sight. And I have a shower because I

655
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 3: apparently stunk of pool water and chlorine. I shower literally

656
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 3: after every swim I do with body wash and shampoo. Anyways,

657
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 3: I had my shower, and after my shower, I was

658
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 3: laying in my room. He knocked on the door, which

659
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 3: was really unusual. He doesn't really ever come into my

660
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 3: room unless I've done something to really annoy him. In fact,

661
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 3: he straight up avoids my room at all costs most

662
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 3: of the time. He sat down on the edge of

663
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 3: my bed and he started talking about how when he

664
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,840
Speaker 3: was a young man like me, you wouldn't be wasting

665
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 3: time laying in bed all day sulking over some man,

666
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 3: referring to my dad, some man he passed away last Christmas.

667
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:30,480
Speaker 4: Wow.

668
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 5: I would literally am like, you know what, I'm gonna

669
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 5: go tell my mom.

670
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 1: I'm telling my mom.

671
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 4: Wow.

672
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 3: I just sat there and took it because I was

673
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,440
Speaker 3: too scared to stand up for myself. Anyways, I'm quite

674
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 3: annoyed now because I didn't get a voice recording of it.

675
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 3: Also because he has no right to talk about my

676
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 3: dad like that. I can't wait for my brothers to

677
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 3: come home. But at the same time, I'm worried about

678
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 3: what could happen. And there is a second update.

679
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,840
Speaker 1: I hope they toss him into the nearest body of water.

680
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, you need a but you need to tell your

681
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,920
Speaker 3: brothers now, now get out of there.

682
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 4: If you can.

683
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,960
Speaker 3: Hopefully your brothers take you out of there. Update two.

684
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:11,560
Speaker 3: So basically, my brothers got here and told me to

685
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 3: pack my bags while they spoke to mom. Yes, yes,

686
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 3: brothers for the wind get out of it. When I

687
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 3: was packing my bags, I could hear lots of shouting

688
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 3: because the boyfriend came home from the cafe. I don't

689
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 3: know what went down exactly because I was very anxious

690
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 3: and didn't want to go downstairs out of my room. Anyways,

691
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 3: my bags were finished being packed, and all together I

692
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 3: had two suitcases and three backpacks. I know it's a lot,

693
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 3: but I didn't know where I was going or how

694
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 3: long i'd be staying. No, I don't think that's a lot.

695
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 3: Take all of your stuff get out of there.

696
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 1: Just be fully moved out, because if your mom's like

697
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 1: signing off on this, oh.

698
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:53,440
Speaker 3: You're probably gonna throw all your stuff out.

699
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 1: Unacceptable.

700
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 4: One of my.

701
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 3: Brothers came up to my room and told me to

702
00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:00,040
Speaker 3: start bringing my stuff out to the car. So so,

703
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 3: of course, I brought all my stuff out and put

704
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 3: it into my brother's boot. It took about three trips

705
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 3: up and down the stairs. When I was walking through

706
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 3: the hallway past the living room door, all I saw

707
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 3: was my older brother holding my mom's hand and her

708
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 3: boyfriend sitting on the sofa shouting.

709
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 4: I didn't do that. He's a faulty little liar.

710
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 3: And a few other words which I won't be saying here.

711
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 3: It was really sad seeing my family so crazy and fighting.

712
00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 3: When I was putting my stuff in the car, all

713
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,560
Speaker 3: I heard was more shouting and my mom crying, but

714
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 3: it was pretty muffled. I don't know what went down

715
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 3: because my brother that was helping me out to the

716
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,720
Speaker 3: car with my stuff kept talking to me, telling me

717
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:40,760
Speaker 3: not to listen and to just be calm and that.

718
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 4: I'd be all right. Good brothers, ten to ten brothers.

719
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 3: As I was getting into the car, my brother came

720
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 3: out with my mom and she was crying, and the

721
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 3: boyfriend wasn't anywhere nearby, so I got out and hugged her.

722
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 3: She started crying even more and she just said she

723
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,520
Speaker 3: was so sorry. One of my brothers said that sorry,

724
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:03,400
Speaker 3: wouldn't it, and so with that, I was really shaken up.

725
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 3: I don't like to think that my mom has taken

726
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,279
Speaker 3: her boyfriend's side or that she said something about me,

727
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 3: but to be honest, I'm really upset and really shocked

728
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 3: at the whole thing. I didn't expect to literally move

729
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 3: out of my own house I've lived in my whole

730
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,239
Speaker 3: life in the matter of an hour when we were

731
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 3: leaving in the car. My mom's boyfriend kept messaging me,

732
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:24,839
Speaker 3: and my mom kept calling me, but I was told

733
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:28,840
Speaker 3: not to answer or look at my messages. Before my

734
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 3: brother took my phone off me.

735
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:31,520
Speaker 4: All I read was.

736
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 3: You little effort, you're bad, and I offering despise you

737
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 3: little crap.

738
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 4: And then you send that to your mom. Yeah, and

739
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 4: you say, yeah, mom, is this is? You're fine with this?

740
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 4: You're fine with this.

741
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:45,799
Speaker 3: That really scares me because I didn't think it would

742
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 3: all come down to this.

743
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 1: These kind of situations can cause long lasting and sometimes

744
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:55,839
Speaker 1: irreparable damage between you and your children. Yeah, when you

745
00:34:56,200 --> 00:35:00,919
Speaker 1: decide to be with a partner who is out right

746
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 1: up to them, yeah, and do nothing to temper it

747
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 1: other than just kind of like, oh, shaking your head,

748
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:11,920
Speaker 1: you're doing nothing.

749
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 4: You're doing nothing. You're not helping your.

750
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,040
Speaker 1: Kid by staying with that person. You are just like

751
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 1: tacitly admitting I care more about this person's feelings and

752
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 1: perceptions towards me than I care about the well being

753
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 1: of my own child. And that is not a wound

754
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:27,320
Speaker 1: that heals very easily.

755
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 3: No, Yeah, you're probably Mom's not gonna have the same

756
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 3: relationship ever again. With her son, and she's probably she's

757
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 3: seemingly lost all of the relationships with her sons because

758
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:41,960
Speaker 3: of this stepdad. It's been a few days now, but

759
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,240
Speaker 3: I'm staying with my brothers at one of their places,

760
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 3: and I even have a dog.

761
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 4: Now. I really miss my mom and.

762
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 3: I want to talk to her and see her, but

763
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,480
Speaker 3: I know is probably the best thing for my brothers

764
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 3: to do to take me out of the situation. I'm

765
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,799
Speaker 3: sure it will all work out soon. Also, thanks for

766
00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:59,319
Speaker 3: everyone's help and advice. I feel like it would have

767
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 3: only gotten work if I had stayed with my mom

768
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 3: and her boyfriend. But my brothers are dealing with the

769
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:07,280
Speaker 3: situation and hopefully it all gets resolved and the boyfriend

770
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,240
Speaker 3: leaves and that is the end of that story.

771
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:11,280
Speaker 4: Folks.

772
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:13,800
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories.

773
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 1: But here's three bits of ads from our sponsors that

774
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 1: keep the show alive. My family accused me of ruining

775
00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 1: my engagement party, but I never wanted one. How dare

776
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 1: you so? I know most brides have been dreaming about

777
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:30,840
Speaker 1: their wedding day for years, but not me. I've always

778
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:34,319
Speaker 1: wanted to elope and save the stress and money of

779
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:37,600
Speaker 1: a wedding. So in my fiance twenty four male of

780
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:42,000
Speaker 1: six years, proposed to me twenty three female in February,

781
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 1: we already were on the same page of what to

782
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,280
Speaker 1: start planning and elopement.

783
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,759
Speaker 6: Ooh, we're going to Vegas get married.

784
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:54,840
Speaker 1: To drive through. We both have split families, and my

785
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:57,759
Speaker 1: mom and dad have been distant and not very nice

786
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,480
Speaker 1: to each other since I was born. By the way,

787
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:04,880
Speaker 1: this comes from user for Rick this job. And I'm Dakota.

788
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:07,319
Speaker 4: And I'm Angie and I'm Keon with allergies.

789
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:11,000
Speaker 1: Ooh, and we're here to give good advice googly, but

790
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:13,040
Speaker 1: we don't have all the answers, so if you would

791
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 1: do something different than we would do, let us know

792
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:20,839
Speaker 1: the comments. Oo oo ooh, as Op says. However, I

793
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 1: am my dad's only daughter and his parents only granddaughter.

794
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,920
Speaker 1: They're pretty traditional and have been looking forward to me

795
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:32,399
Speaker 1: quote walking down the aisle since I was born. They've

796
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 1: been persistent in talking me into things that I was

797
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:40,719
Speaker 1: originally not planning on doing. So long story short, what

798
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:44,239
Speaker 1: was supposed to be a cute mountain side elopement has

799
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:47,400
Speaker 1: now turned into an engagement party and a full blown

800
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:52,800
Speaker 1: venue style wedding. We were thinking a fifteen person ceremony

801
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,799
Speaker 1: with an open house reception for people to come and go,

802
00:37:56,360 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 1: about one hundred and fifty people tops. My engagement party

803
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:03,360
Speaker 1: was an idea my step grandma wanted to do for me.

804
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 1: She teamed up with my bio grandma, my step mom,

805
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 1: and my mom to throw this party. Originally they wanted

806
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 1: a bridal shower, but being the center of attention really

807
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: isn't my thing, so we compromised on an engagement party

808
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:21,719
Speaker 1: so my fiance could attend. That was about a month

809
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:25,320
Speaker 1: and a half out from the engagement party, and I

810
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 1: really wasn't hearing anything from any of them for progress

811
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:34,560
Speaker 1: updates regarding what was going on. Yes, usually that's fine. However,

812
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,440
Speaker 1: most of my family is from out of state, so

813
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,480
Speaker 1: if we wanted to invite them, we would need to

814
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:43,320
Speaker 1: provide ample time for them to book flights. Step Grandma

815
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:47,800
Speaker 1: was being very absent. Remind you this was her idea

816
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,799
Speaker 1: in the first place. Bio Grandma was out of the

817
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 1: country for an extended period and Mom is from out

818
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 1: of state. So I took it upon myself with everyone

819
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 1: involved's permission, to get invites printed and mailed, which I

820
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:08,400
Speaker 1: paid for. Important to remember for later. Eventually things started

821
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 1: to fall into place. My mom got the games ready,

822
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 1: Bio Grandma got catering taken care of, and my stepmom

823
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 1: ordered all the tables and chairs. Step Grandma still has

824
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 1: done nothing and as at this point, hands free from

825
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:26,920
Speaker 1: the whole thing whatever. We all agreed we would account

826
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,359
Speaker 1: for about one hundred people due to us both having

827
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:33,680
Speaker 1: large families, we had about seventy five people RSVP. It's

828
00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 1: a lot of people, but both of our families are

829
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 1: divorced and remarried, and most of our family is Mormon

830
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:42,919
Speaker 1: with a ton of kids. Overall, things were looking great

831
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 1: and my fiance and I were so excited. Here's where

832
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 1: everything took a turn for the worst.

833
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,400
Speaker 4: What now it's taking a turn.

834
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 1: Out of nowhere. Bio Grandma walked into my room yesterday

835
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,440
Speaker 1: and started telling me that I took this whole party

836
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:05,719
Speaker 1: thing out of control. She accused me of being ungrateful,

837
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 1: too much of a perfectionist to let anyone plan for me,

838
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:13,439
Speaker 1: and rude by spending other people's money. She also said

839
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,040
Speaker 1: that because I was spending so much money, I would

840
00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,080
Speaker 1: have to cut back on my wedding plans to make

841
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 1: up for costs I tried defending myself, explaining that this

842
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:27,000
Speaker 1: party wasn't my idea, nor did I request any of

843
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:31,760
Speaker 1: the details that were supposedly costing too much. She still

844
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 1: managed to throw it back at me, saying that I

845
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,880
Speaker 1: invited too many people and that I was making it

846
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 1: too big of a deal. She's like, yeah, that you

847
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:44,080
Speaker 1: know what, You're right, Let's just make it in a opement.

848
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:45,919
Speaker 1: Everything is canceled. Now.

849
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 4: Good idea, great idea, Grandma.

850
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:49,840
Speaker 6: It's the kind of thing where it's like, if you

851
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 6: want someone to go along with the idea, they have

852
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:53,120
Speaker 6: to think that it's theirs.

853
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's this, Grandma.

854
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:59,239
Speaker 1: I think I feel like I should restate that they

855
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:02,279
Speaker 1: are throwing this party for me. I didn't really want

856
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,759
Speaker 1: this party, and I was just trying to appease the

857
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 1: people who did. Aside from the invites and some party

858
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:10,360
Speaker 1: favors which I paid for myself, I have been pretty

859
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:14,279
Speaker 1: much absent from any planning or requests. Never once. If

860
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:17,719
Speaker 1: I ever spent other people's money, I would understand if

861
00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 1: I were making special requests or inviting too many people

862
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 1: above the agreed upon one hundred, or being extra in

863
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:29,120
Speaker 1: any way, but that is simply not the case. I

864
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 1: was so taken aback that I even offered to pay

865
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:35,760
Speaker 1: everyone back for everything that had been paid for, because

866
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:38,319
Speaker 1: I thought that might be the point of contention. But

867
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:42,240
Speaker 1: she told me no. She said I shouldn't be paying

868
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: for any of it.

869
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:45,359
Speaker 4: Then what do you want?

870
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,040
Speaker 6: You don't want me paying for it. You don't want

871
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,840
Speaker 6: me to be taking everyone else's money. What are we

872
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 6: supposed to do?

873
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:56,880
Speaker 1: Grandma just wants problem, I guess, so I'm kind of

874
00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 1: wondering if maybe there is secret beef between my mom

875
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 1: and my paternal side, and I'm just getting the butt

876
00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:06,839
Speaker 1: of it. I do not get it. I don't even

877
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:09,320
Speaker 1: know how to fix this. I don't think this party

878
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:11,759
Speaker 1: is going to be fun or easy at all with

879
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 1: this tension that has been randomly created. Now since I

880
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:18,800
Speaker 1: never wanted this in the first place, and now everyone

881
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:21,360
Speaker 1: is for some reason mad at me, should I just

882
00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 1: cancel it altogether? I told my future husband what happened,

883
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 1: and he also agrees that this is pretty messed up

884
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 1: to blame me for things I had nothing to do with.

885
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:32,759
Speaker 1: He also thinks we should call off the party. For

886
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:34,799
Speaker 1: the family that was coming out of town. I was

887
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:36,880
Speaker 1: thinking I could take them out to a nice dinner,

888
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 1: all paid for by me and my fiance so that

889
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 1: their trips wouldn't be completely wasted. I know where the

890
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 1: catering is, so I can call and cover any cancelation fees,

891
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 1: same as with the table rentals. Do I also cancel

892
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 1: the wedding. My fiance and I are still fine with eloping.

893
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 1: We were always planning to. I can pay the cancelation

894
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 1: fee for the venue as well, or even cover the

895
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:03,120
Speaker 1: entire call if I can't cancel. I'm not sure why

896
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 1: we weren't offered the chance to pay for anything if

897
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:07,680
Speaker 1: money was going to be an issue. We have money

898
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:10,279
Speaker 1: to spend on these kinds of things. This is the

899
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 1: exact reason I didn't want any of these types of

900
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:16,399
Speaker 1: events in the first place. I'm the oldest of all

901
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:19,120
Speaker 1: my siblings and cousins, so I don't really have any

902
00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 1: experience with these things. I feel like I got set

903
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 1: up and backstabbed. I've been a sobbing mass for the

904
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 1: last twelve hours because I feel like my relationship with

905
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 1: my grandma is ruined. Would I be a bridezilla slash

906
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 1: a hole if I canceled the events, or at least

907
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:40,000
Speaker 1: a justified one? And there are some comments. Uh, I

908
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 1: don't think you've be an a hole. I think if

909
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 1: you canceled and you're like, well, I'm just gonna do

910
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 1: exactly what I plan to do, and you can chalk

911
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:48,800
Speaker 1: it up to a lesson learned.

912
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:51,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, I totally agree.

913
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 6: If you can, you could just be like, hey, I'm

914
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 6: getting married this way, I'm doing this kind of party

915
00:43:57,040 --> 00:44:00,160
Speaker 6: if you want that, by all means.

916
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:00,719
Speaker 4: Set it up.

917
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:05,640
Speaker 6: But I don't want to, so you that's in your hands, grandma.

918
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:08,800
Speaker 1: Yeah you can. You can just throw a party with everybody. Sure,

919
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be my bridal party or wedding oh,

920
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 1: any of that if.

921
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 4: You want an excuse to get the family together by

922
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:16,200
Speaker 4: all means.

923
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:19,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, Well we got some comments here. Comment

924
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 1: one is not the a hole. Tell your grandmother that

925
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:24,160
Speaker 1: you heard her and that you don't want to add

926
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:27,880
Speaker 1: any expense, so you've canceled the party, And this is

927
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 1: just reaffirmed that the smart thing for the wedding is

928
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:33,320
Speaker 1: an elopement. Apologize for the fuss, and use your best

929
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:38,200
Speaker 1: bless your heart kindness back at her. Then Elope, don't

930
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:41,920
Speaker 1: back down, because you will be in this exact same place. Oh,

931
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 1: Pe replies, I love this response. Totally gonna use it

932
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:48,640
Speaker 1: if I can grow the balls to do it. Thank you,

933
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:52,480
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. Another comment replies, you can certainly

934
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:55,719
Speaker 1: cancel the engagement party that you didn't even want in

935
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,239
Speaker 1: the first place, but it might be worth having a

936
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:00,959
Speaker 1: sit down with all of those who pushed you into

937
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 1: having this party and ask if they can please explain

938
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:07,239
Speaker 1: how you agreeing to their wishes for a party and

939
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:11,319
Speaker 1: wedding resulted in your BIOGRAMDMA going off on you and

940
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 1: saying you took it out of control and are ungrateful

941
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:18,320
Speaker 1: and inviting too many people and spending other people's money.

942
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 1: If you are not satisfied with what comes of that,

943
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:25,520
Speaker 1: cancel everything and go elope with your fiance and do

944
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 1: things exactly as you wanted to before you got railroaded

945
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:31,319
Speaker 1: into having a party you didn't want. And then we're

946
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:37,720
Speaker 1: verbally attacked for having And there's an update. We're eloping. Yes,

947
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 1: Billy Go wed is it's time for the Billy Go

948
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:42,800
Speaker 1: what else season to begin?

949
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 4: Let's go.

950
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,400
Speaker 1: So I had a couple people ask me for an update,

951
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 1: and I couldn't leave you hanging. First of all, thank

952
00:45:50,719 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 1: you for all the people who just told me to

953
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 1: grow some and do what I want. You have no

954
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:58,279
Speaker 1: idea how much I needed the support. I feel so

955
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 1: grateful for the homies and the subred that showed up

956
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:03,839
Speaker 1: for me, even when my crazy grandma tried to make

957
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 1: me feel like everyone hated me.

958
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:06,680
Speaker 4: Lol.

959
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 1: It was definitely an experience I grew from and couldn't

960
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,720
Speaker 1: have done it without you guys. We had the stupid

961
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 1: engagement party. I hated it, but my guests enjoyed it,

962
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 1: so I guess that was worth it. It was so

963
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 1: many dang people, I felt like I had already had

964
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,600
Speaker 1: the wedding. I never actually sat down and talked to

965
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:28,080
Speaker 1: her and never received an apology. Well, I just decided

966
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:31,120
Speaker 1: to drop it. My dad thought this whole thing was

967
00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 1: just her having a senior moment as some of you mentioned,

968
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 1: and said that she has done stuff like this to

969
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:39,640
Speaker 1: him in the past as well. She's been divorced six times,

970
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:42,480
Speaker 1: so I suspect she may have some sort of underlying

971
00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 1: behavioral issue as well. With all the feedback, I decided

972
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:49,680
Speaker 1: I needed to stop being a pushover. We hired a

973
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:53,760
Speaker 1: company in Las Vegas who specializes in elopements and micro weddings.

974
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:56,440
Speaker 1: I did not include anyone but my soon to be

975
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 1: husband in any of the planning. We will be wed

976
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 1: next time month with twenty two close family members joining us.

977
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 1: All right, that is the end of that story.

978
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:07,080
Speaker 4: Well that's nice.

979
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:10,280
Speaker 6: Twenty two is a solid number for a small yeah developement,

980
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 6: that's like that. You'll get all your all your close

981
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:14,799
Speaker 6: ones in there for sure.

982
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:19,399
Speaker 1: Twenty two definitely enough to get e loped. Yeah, got

983
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:23,360
Speaker 1: they you really need is two to get loped? Well,

984
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:26,520
Speaker 1: just you and your partner and a couple of billy goes.

985
00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:29,279
Speaker 6: And a couple of billy goes to sign as witnesses

986
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:31,359
Speaker 6: and to officiate of course.

987
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:32,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, you just got to make sure that the billy

988
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 1: goats have been officiated.

989
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,000
Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story. And we're going

990
00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:37,799
Speaker 5: on to the next one.

991
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:40,319
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

992
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:42,360
Speaker 2: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

993
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:43,239
Speaker 2: that keep the show going.

994
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:47,680
Speaker 6: My family is forcing me to support my sister's self discovery,

995
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 6: but it's ruining my own.

996
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:52,360
Speaker 1: I don't know if force is the best way to

997
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 1: do that.

998
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 6: I just feel my mother is being unfair, playing favorites

999
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:58,839
Speaker 6: as she always does, and making me the bad guy.

1000
00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 6: I'm twenty two and moved out with my boyfriend over

1001
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:05,560
Speaker 6: a year ago because of my gender diverse sister. By

1002
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:10,520
Speaker 6: the way, this comes from novel Football eighteen sixteen, and

1003
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:12,640
Speaker 6: I'm Angie, I'm.

1004
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:14,879
Speaker 1: Dakota, and I'm allergies with Keon.

1005
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:17,200
Speaker 4: And Opie says.

1006
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:20,319
Speaker 6: Growing up, I had to keep to myself because I

1007
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:22,319
Speaker 6: had a fascination with the weird.

1008
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:24,359
Speaker 4: Uncanny, and the strange.

1009
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:27,120
Speaker 6: My mom was always hardest on me due to my interests,

1010
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:31,560
Speaker 6: never showing approval, often chastising me or taking away access

1011
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:35,799
Speaker 6: to things that I found interesting interests like magic, uphology,

1012
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 6: underground films, even loving video games too much. But my

1013
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:44,280
Speaker 6: younger brother, I'll call him Jimmy, was the teacher's pet type.

1014
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:47,719
Speaker 6: He always tattled on me for everything no matter what.

1015
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:51,920
Speaker 6: He was always Mom's favorite and she always sided with

1016
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:55,520
Speaker 6: him when I was involved. Since I knew my mom

1017
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:57,919
Speaker 6: didn't agree with my interests, I never shared my life

1018
00:48:57,960 --> 00:49:01,240
Speaker 6: openly with the family, only with my my other younger brother,

1019
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:04,360
Speaker 6: who thought I was weird but cool and he.

1020
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:05,240
Speaker 4: Was my gaming buddy.

1021
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:08,399
Speaker 6: By the time I was eighteen, Jimmy came out as

1022
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:13,520
Speaker 6: gender diverse and named herself Jamie, while my dad wasn't thrilled.

1023
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:15,640
Speaker 4: My mom fully supported Jamie's new self.

1024
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:18,040
Speaker 6: I won't lie it hurt because I knew if I

1025
00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:21,759
Speaker 6: came out with anything unconventional, my mom would have dragged me.

1026
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:25,759
Speaker 6: I was cordial and fully respected Jamie's new life, but.

1027
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 4: She grew imposing very quickly.

1028
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:32,000
Speaker 6: She started asking to hang out when died a girls

1029
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:34,880
Speaker 6: stay out with shopping, makeup and nail salons, all the

1030
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 6: things that I hate. I said no and offered to

1031
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:40,760
Speaker 6: go to a movie, hit the arcade or something similar,

1032
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 6: which she turned down. Every time, she wanted to talk

1033
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:47,399
Speaker 6: about Hollywood crushes and my feminine hygiene routines to learn

1034
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 6: about herself, which I shut down. I told her that

1035
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:54,120
Speaker 6: we could talk about movies, cooking, money matters, or books,

1036
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 6: but nothing personal or topics that the whole.

1037
00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 4: Family knows I hate.

1038
00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:01,320
Speaker 6: She got angry, saying that I'm not being a support

1039
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:04,279
Speaker 6: of big sister. My mom braided me that I need

1040
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:06,920
Speaker 6: to show up and help Jamie on her self discovery.

1041
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 6: I politely suggested that Jamie find friends that would share

1042
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 6: her new interests, even seek groups for that kind of support,

1043
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 6: but that I simply was not going to share my

1044
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:17,960
Speaker 6: private routines, or engage in things that make me miserable

1045
00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 6: just to satisfy what Jamie wants. My mom completely sided

1046
00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:24,879
Speaker 6: with her, saying that me standing my ground equaled being

1047
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 6: a horrible sister to Jamie. What blew things up at

1048
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:31,760
Speaker 6: home was when I met my boyfriend Alex. Jamie's actions

1049
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:36,680
Speaker 6: where he was concerned were the last straw and led

1050
00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:39,960
Speaker 6: to me moving out. My mom has since painted me

1051
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:43,880
Speaker 6: as cruel and uncompassionate towards Jamie and says that I

1052
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:44,799
Speaker 6: abandoned her.

1053
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:47,520
Speaker 1: Okay, it really seems like this a lot of this

1054
00:50:47,600 --> 00:50:51,359
Speaker 1: is coming from mom more so, it's like you kind

1055
00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 1: of just want to like you're fine with Jamie being

1056
00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:57,359
Speaker 1: whoever Jamie wants to be, Yeah, but then just being

1057
00:50:57,400 --> 00:51:00,120
Speaker 1: like I mean, it sounds like Jamie's like, oh, I

1058
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:01,840
Speaker 1: want to go like do all this stuff that you

1059
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:04,719
Speaker 1: just don't like to do, and You're just like, I

1060
00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:08,239
Speaker 1: just don't even do that stuff in the first place, right,

1061
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:12,839
Speaker 1: So why would I now do them to like support you.

1062
00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:15,600
Speaker 1: That's just not what I don't do that.

1063
00:51:16,080 --> 00:51:18,040
Speaker 4: It's just not interesting to me.

1064
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:22,759
Speaker 6: Like even like feminine hygiene routines and stuff. It's like,

1065
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:26,000
Speaker 6: even though OP might be doing that stuff. It's like, well,

1066
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,400
Speaker 6: that sounds private and we're not that close.

1067
00:51:28,760 --> 00:51:30,600
Speaker 1: And it could be yeah, And it's also like a

1068
00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:32,719
Speaker 1: sibling thing where it could just be like I mean,

1069
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 1: I don't have siblings, but I've definitely heard like the

1070
00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:37,719
Speaker 1: where it's like, if one of your siblings is like,

1071
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:39,920
Speaker 1: I want to know how you do the thing, You're like, no,

1072
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:41,960
Speaker 1: that's how I do the thing. You can figure out

1073
00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 1: your own thing to do my thing.

1074
00:51:44,239 --> 00:51:46,360
Speaker 6: Since then, I've been on my own with Alex and

1075
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:49,120
Speaker 6: it's the happiest I've ever been. It's the first time

1076
00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:51,360
Speaker 6: I'm living in a home where I'm totally free to

1077
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:52,040
Speaker 6: be myself.

1078
00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:54,560
Speaker 4: To be very clear, I don't hate Jamie. I love her.

1079
00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:57,520
Speaker 6: I don't mind her being gender diverse, but I cannot

1080
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:00,840
Speaker 6: be what she wants me to be, going to engage

1081
00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:03,719
Speaker 6: in anything that I don't want to or am uncomfortable with.

1082
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:06,480
Speaker 6: Was I wrong to leave home to evade what I

1083
00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 6: felt was wrongful pressure and favoritism?

1084
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:11,960
Speaker 4: There is an update? But what's our answer to that, Dakota?

1085
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:14,839
Speaker 1: Well, I don't I don't think so, but I want

1086
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:18,840
Speaker 1: to know what you said. Something happened with your boyfriend?

1087
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:21,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was confessed, but like the grammar was all.

1088
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:23,359
Speaker 1: Of the final the last straw, and I don't think

1089
00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 1: we really got into that, but yeah, I don't know.

1090
00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:29,360
Speaker 1: I think regardless if you're in a you know, it

1091
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 1: just sounds like you're in a situation where like the

1092
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 1: treatment's really uneven, where it's like everything that you liked

1093
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:37,680
Speaker 1: and did was highly scrutinized, whereas that's not the case

1094
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:42,000
Speaker 1: for your siblings. So that already just sounds regardless of

1095
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:43,800
Speaker 1: the context, like an environment where it's like, yeah, of

1096
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:45,880
Speaker 1: course I would want to move out. Why would I

1097
00:52:45,960 --> 00:52:48,520
Speaker 1: want to live with the person who's super critical of

1098
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:50,640
Speaker 1: everything I do and like updates.

1099
00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 6: When I moved in with my boyfriend, I still maintained

1100
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:55,880
Speaker 6: a relationship at home. I didn't go no contact, just

1101
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:58,920
Speaker 6: moved out to avoid issues regarding Jamie. I'd still come

1102
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:01,920
Speaker 6: around for birthdays only, events and holidays. The majority of

1103
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:04,200
Speaker 6: communication I have at home is through my dad, who

1104
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:07,320
Speaker 6: seemed more understanding of my position, and I still maintained

1105
00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:10,760
Speaker 6: a good relationship with my younger brother and two little sisters.

1106
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 6: Jamie and I have kept our distance, though we're civil

1107
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:19,359
Speaker 6: and cordial, but avoid interaction unless necessary. My boyfriend never

1108
00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:22,040
Speaker 6: speaks to her and she knows not to engage them

1109
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:25,440
Speaker 6: with him at all. My relationship with my mom has

1110
00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:28,960
Speaker 6: definitely deteriorated. We have become more withdrawn from each other,

1111
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:32,120
Speaker 6: and despite how she's always played favorites, it hurts because

1112
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:33,800
Speaker 6: I wish that we could go back to being normal.

1113
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:36,280
Speaker 6: Last night, while speaking to my dad on the phone,

1114
00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:39,439
Speaker 6: my mom asked to speak with me. She spent ten

1115
00:53:39,560 --> 00:53:43,280
Speaker 6: minutes talking about Jamie, her struggles, triumphs, and emotional needs,

1116
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 6: going on about how hard it's been to be Jamie's

1117
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:49,399
Speaker 6: support and filling in a space that should have been mine.

1118
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:52,920
Speaker 6: She went on about how me abandoning her has caused

1119
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 6: so much deep rooted damage, then asked about my current

1120
00:53:57,040 --> 00:54:01,080
Speaker 6: position on it. I remained firm my stance. I made

1121
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:03,680
Speaker 6: it clear that I never abandoned her, that I offered

1122
00:54:03,719 --> 00:54:06,160
Speaker 6: to hang out and do things based on common ground,

1123
00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:08,799
Speaker 6: and that I was not going to be bullied into

1124
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:12,760
Speaker 6: private and personal discussions. I reiterated that it was Jamie's

1125
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 6: behavior around my boyfriend that caused all the problems that

1126
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:17,919
Speaker 6: led to me leaving, which, by the way, we didn't

1127
00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:19,239
Speaker 6: get much insight on you.

1128
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:21,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, we still don't have. I mean, I assume it's

1129
00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:25,000
Speaker 1: gonna be something like being like flirty or something.

1130
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:26,439
Speaker 4: That's what it comes to mind.

1131
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:31,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, my mom tore into me, saying that she hoped,

1132
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:33,239
Speaker 6: after a year of being away, that I should have

1133
00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:36,880
Speaker 6: matured and realized some sympathy for how me leaving has

1134
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:39,719
Speaker 6: hurt Jamie. It led to an argument that made my

1135
00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:43,200
Speaker 6: mom tell me that I'm not welcomed for Halloween, Thanksgiving,

1136
00:54:43,239 --> 00:54:46,319
Speaker 6: Christmas or anything else. So she said that I'm not

1137
00:54:46,400 --> 00:54:48,960
Speaker 6: welcomed at the house until I own up for the

1138
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:52,799
Speaker 6: things that I've done. I just started crying and screamed

1139
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:56,560
Speaker 6: at how unfair and biased it all was. My boyfriend

1140
00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:58,799
Speaker 6: heard it, took my phone and hung up, and then

1141
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 6: tried to comfort me. I'm devastated and honestly just feel

1142
00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:05,319
Speaker 6: like I don't matter. I feel more and more like

1143
00:55:05,360 --> 00:55:07,760
Speaker 6: my mom just wants to punish me for not being

1144
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:11,080
Speaker 6: a doormat. And we do have an edits that gives

1145
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:12,800
Speaker 6: us insight on the boyfriend to incidents.

1146
00:55:12,880 --> 00:55:14,360
Speaker 1: Let's get into the boyfriend incident.

1147
00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:18,920
Speaker 6: Mean yep, a comment wanted clarification on the issue with

1148
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:22,160
Speaker 6: my boyfriend. Thank you comment, which was my last straw.

1149
00:55:22,440 --> 00:55:26,040
Speaker 6: Alex is a Russian native adopted by an American family.

1150
00:55:26,239 --> 00:55:29,280
Speaker 6: He left home and went no contact after turning eighteen

1151
00:55:29,440 --> 00:55:33,400
Speaker 6: due to a troublesome upbringing. Because of this, he is quiet,

1152
00:55:33,600 --> 00:55:36,879
Speaker 6: closed and reserved. He is tall, with long black hair,

1153
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:40,359
Speaker 6: deep bright blue eyes, and has a heavy accent. He's

1154
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:44,239
Speaker 6: Russian and doesn't have a positive opinion of LGBTQ. He's

1155
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:46,560
Speaker 6: cordial and respectful in public, but in our home he

1156
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:49,399
Speaker 6: speaks his mind. I'm fine with it. I met him

1157
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:52,279
Speaker 6: at an underground film festival. We started dating, and we

1158
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:54,960
Speaker 6: fell in love for all our quirks and interests. My

1159
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:57,040
Speaker 6: family grew nosy and demanded to.

1160
00:55:57,040 --> 00:55:58,520
Speaker 4: Know who I was dating.

1161
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:01,000
Speaker 6: While I pushed back it for fir, I did cave

1162
00:56:01,160 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 6: and tried making that introduction as slow as possible. Jamie

1163
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,840
Speaker 6: saw a video of him on my phone and instantly

1164
00:56:07,880 --> 00:56:11,560
Speaker 6: became obsessive. Every day she was asking about him, called

1165
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:13,840
Speaker 6: me lucky, and always found ways to talk.

1166
00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:14,560
Speaker 4: About his eyes.

1167
00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:17,319
Speaker 6: She asked if we could do a triple date, and

1168
00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:20,600
Speaker 6: even bought dresses and skirts that she felt matched his eyes.

1169
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:24,040
Speaker 1: Hold on when she says triple date, does she just

1170
00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:26,840
Speaker 1: mean go on a date with them?

1171
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:29,160
Speaker 4: I'm kind of thinking that that's the case.

1172
00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:31,840
Speaker 1: To ask you if you could just be the third wheel.

1173
00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:38,120
Speaker 6: Right. That's not a thing, especially with your sister, very

1174
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 6: much not a thing. I had to be blunt with

1175
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:45,560
Speaker 6: her that he's not supportive of gender diversity, explained his background,

1176
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:48,960
Speaker 6: and said not to pursue him. She didn't let it go,

1177
00:56:49,080 --> 00:56:51,400
Speaker 6: and Mom told me that she needed to experience her

1178
00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:53,160
Speaker 6: emotions and share them with me.

1179
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:53,480
Speaker 4: What.

1180
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 6: I stopped talking about him altogether and gave short one

1181
00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:01,200
Speaker 6: word answers if anyone asked. Pushed for me to invite

1182
00:57:01,280 --> 00:57:04,400
Speaker 6: him over, even as I begged not to, but I

1183
00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:07,040
Speaker 6: gave in and explained him as gently as I could,

1184
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:10,480
Speaker 6: and explained my family to Alex as well. When he

1185
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:12,719
Speaker 6: came over, it was going well and he and my

1186
00:57:12,880 --> 00:57:14,960
Speaker 6: younger brother surprisingly hit it off.

1187
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:17,120
Speaker 4: But then Jamie.

1188
00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:19,960
Speaker 6: Started getting too close, asking him too many questions and

1189
00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:24,160
Speaker 6: constantly found reasons to brush against him, tap his shoulder,

1190
00:57:24,240 --> 00:57:27,240
Speaker 6: and touch him. I told my mom, and she said

1191
00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:29,760
Speaker 6: that she saw nothing wrong with Jamie just tapping his

1192
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:34,439
Speaker 6: shoulder and called me possessive and ridiculous. But Alex got

1193
00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 6: very uncomfortable and eventually said to Jamie, don't touch me.

1194
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:39,880
Speaker 6: This led to a massive argument.

1195
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:45,400
Speaker 1: What how does just respecting someone's personal space turn into

1196
00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:46,000
Speaker 1: an argument.

1197
00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:49,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's like, what, you don't want me to touch

1198
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:51,600
Speaker 6: you on the shoulder without your consent?

1199
00:57:52,160 --> 00:57:56,640
Speaker 4: Huh, it's crazy. He stood his ground.

1200
00:57:57,080 --> 00:58:00,560
Speaker 6: He stood his ground saying Jamie is in invading his

1201
00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:03,320
Speaker 6: personal space and bluntly said that she had no manners.

1202
00:58:03,840 --> 00:58:07,320
Speaker 6: My sister started crying about just trying to be accommodating.

1203
00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:11,400
Speaker 6: This infuriated me because I told her not to crowd

1204
00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:15,080
Speaker 6: him and keep her distance. She knew, but chose to

1205
00:58:15,160 --> 00:58:18,120
Speaker 6: ignore me. I left with Alex shortly after and got

1206
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:20,640
Speaker 6: into a shouting match with Mom and Jamie over the

1207
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 6: fact that she ignored my instructions. Mom accused me of

1208
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:27,560
Speaker 6: choosing a phobe over my sister and said that she

1209
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:29,040
Speaker 6: only wanted to be friendly.

1210
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:32,720
Speaker 4: This led to me leaving and moving in with Alex.

1211
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,560
Speaker 1: I don't okay, but like it's crazy to be like

1212
00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:39,360
Speaker 1: with all the context of like her constantly being like, oh, well,

1213
00:58:39,360 --> 00:58:41,680
Speaker 1: you're so lucky, I have your boyfriend, I are so

1214
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:44,280
Speaker 1: cute blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah, and then it's like,

1215
00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:48,960
Speaker 1: you know, doing like the classic like I'm interested in

1216
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:52,760
Speaker 1: you move of like oh I just a Hi, brush

1217
00:58:52,840 --> 00:58:55,960
Speaker 1: your arm like I oh eyebro oh here I am.

1218
00:58:56,040 --> 00:58:58,600
Speaker 1: I'm like right next to you. Oh aha, it's so

1219
00:58:58,720 --> 00:58:59,680
Speaker 1: funny touches you.

1220
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:03,480
Speaker 6: I like always talking about his eyes and then buying

1221
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:07,680
Speaker 6: skirts to match his eyes. That's crazy that you do

1222
00:59:07,800 --> 00:59:09,680
Speaker 6: not do that over your sister's boyfriend.

1223
00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:11,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, my goodness.

1224
00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:14,920
Speaker 6: Since then, I kept my distance but didn't go no contact.

1225
00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:17,840
Speaker 6: I'd still pick my other three siblings up from school,

1226
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:20,120
Speaker 6: and my younger brother would hang out with me and Alex.

1227
00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:23,320
Speaker 6: Mom has constantly tried to guil me to come back

1228
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:26,600
Speaker 6: and said that I betrayed my sister and broke her

1229
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:30,640
Speaker 6: emotionally by abandoning her, though I constantly returned to how

1230
00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:34,520
Speaker 6: much Jamie has crossed the line and steamrolled my boundaries.

1231
00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:38,160
Speaker 6: Now my mom is barring me from coming to the

1232
00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:41,640
Speaker 6: family home and not allowed for further holidays. True is

1233
00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:45,200
Speaker 6: I didn't abandon my sister, just one. Was tired of

1234
00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:47,840
Speaker 6: how my mom enabled her and always took her aside

1235
00:59:47,880 --> 00:59:50,600
Speaker 6: for everything. Tired of being the black sheep that my

1236
00:59:50,680 --> 00:59:54,080
Speaker 6: mom never values. Alex actually shows me love and support.

1237
00:59:54,400 --> 00:59:58,160
Speaker 6: We share interests, and he respects my boundaries. Most important

1238
00:59:58,160 --> 01:00:01,320
Speaker 6: part is I'm allowed to be myself with him. He's

1239
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:04,880
Speaker 6: been more to me than anyone else has my whole life.

1240
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:08,080
Speaker 6: I love my sister, I love my mom, but I

1241
01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:11,160
Speaker 6: chose to be with people who show me love back.

1242
01:00:11,640 --> 01:00:15,280
Speaker 6: And there also is an edit on the assist gender

1243
01:00:15,400 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 6: issue of.

1244
01:00:17,240 --> 01:00:19,040
Speaker 1: The Cist gender Issue, the.

1245
01:00:19,120 --> 01:00:23,040
Speaker 4: Issue, the issue with all of them CIS's.

1246
01:00:24,640 --> 01:00:27,400
Speaker 6: There are a few comments asking about my hang ups

1247
01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:30,240
Speaker 6: with the CIST gender label, so here's context. When Jamie

1248
01:00:30,320 --> 01:00:33,920
Speaker 6: first came out as gender diverse, I tried to be supportive.

1249
01:00:34,280 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 6: She excitedly told me how happy she is to express

1250
01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:39,880
Speaker 6: her true feelings and identity. Started talking to me a

1251
01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:42,520
Speaker 6: lot about the gender spectrum, and I gave her audience.

1252
01:00:42,960 --> 01:00:45,280
Speaker 6: But as she was going into this, she labeled me

1253
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:47,520
Speaker 6: as a sist gender woman and I told her politely

1254
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:50,560
Speaker 6: not to call me that, that I don't appreciate being

1255
01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 6: fitted in any of these labels. She got mad and

1256
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:57,240
Speaker 6: kept pushing with the definitions. I do not accept labels

1257
01:00:57,240 --> 01:00:59,600
Speaker 6: being assigned to me of any kind. I am only

1258
01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:04,520
Speaker 6: defined by my talents, skills, personality, endeavors, and interests. I

1259
01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 6: personally find gender identity a limiting construct and have felt

1260
01:01:07,840 --> 01:01:10,919
Speaker 6: this way since childhood. But I respect anyone who does

1261
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:14,479
Speaker 6: identify with their gender labels. I am a female per

1262
01:01:14,560 --> 01:01:18,480
Speaker 6: my biological physicality, and that's it. Jamie kept going on

1263
01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:21,720
Speaker 6: about me being cis gender and having cis gender ideals

1264
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:25,760
Speaker 6: and that it's something that I need to understand. I

1265
01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:28,880
Speaker 6: rejected that, and my mom always sided with her, saying

1266
01:01:28,880 --> 01:01:32,000
Speaker 6: that it's simply being part of understanding the gender spectrum

1267
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:36,000
Speaker 6: and finding my place. She's telling you that I'm sorry

1268
01:01:36,840 --> 01:01:42,200
Speaker 6: you're rejecting her labeling of you as cis gender because

1269
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:45,000
Speaker 6: you don't feel you don't want to be limited to

1270
01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:49,640
Speaker 6: any of these labels. And then the mom is like, well,

1271
01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:52,640
Speaker 6: you need to be understanding of the of the spectrum

1272
01:01:52,680 --> 01:01:56,920
Speaker 6: that is gender identity, and she's like, well, what what

1273
01:01:57,040 --> 01:01:57,800
Speaker 6: do you what?

1274
01:01:58,000 --> 01:01:59,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels a little backward.

1275
01:01:59,440 --> 01:02:01,600
Speaker 4: Very backward, words, very backwards.

1276
01:02:02,120 --> 01:02:05,120
Speaker 6: I clearly said I am not part of any gender spectrum,

1277
01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:09,400
Speaker 6: ID gender identifying labels, any flags, none of it.

1278
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:12,360
Speaker 4: I'm absolutely outside of all of that.

1279
01:02:12,880 --> 01:02:15,800
Speaker 6: For those who conform to gender identities, I fully respect

1280
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:18,880
Speaker 6: their choices, but I demand that might be respected to

1281
01:02:19,080 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 6: led to a lot of arguments and my mom accusing

1282
01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:24,720
Speaker 6: me of not taking part of Jamie's journey. It's not

1283
01:02:24,880 --> 01:02:28,120
Speaker 6: my job to fulfill anything for Jamie. I'm only obligated

1284
01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:30,600
Speaker 6: to respect what she wants for herself. But I draw

1285
01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:34,120
Speaker 6: the line the moment it encroaches on my boundaries. I

1286
01:02:34,160 --> 01:02:36,480
Speaker 6: don't think Jamie was trying to insult me, just make

1287
01:02:36,560 --> 01:02:39,000
Speaker 6: me part of her gender identity thing, which I want

1288
01:02:39,040 --> 01:02:41,720
Speaker 6: no part of. I don't find the term it selves

1289
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:44,200
Speaker 6: this gender to be offensive, but I do take offense

1290
01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:47,360
Speaker 6: to anyone trying to put me in any categories or labels.

1291
01:02:47,760 --> 01:02:50,680
Speaker 6: I'm offended by anyone claiming me as this gender or

1292
01:02:50,720 --> 01:02:54,120
Speaker 6: anything that's not just simply calling me a woman or female,

1293
01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:57,160
Speaker 6: or by the things that I do define myself by.

1294
01:02:57,280 --> 01:02:59,360
Speaker 6: And that is the end of that story. And I

1295
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:04,800
Speaker 6: think that's a great point and a very big factor

1296
01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:05,880
Speaker 6: to this whole story.

1297
01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:08,920
Speaker 4: Honestly, Yeah, just like you.

1298
01:03:09,720 --> 01:03:12,720
Speaker 6: It just it just really speaks to all the favoritism

1299
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:15,840
Speaker 6: that Ope started this story with, that she has just

1300
01:03:16,120 --> 01:03:20,640
Speaker 6: never been, never been. I guess I'm using the pronouns

1301
01:03:20,680 --> 01:03:24,160
Speaker 6: she but I don't know what Opie's pronouns are. But

1302
01:03:24,960 --> 01:03:28,240
Speaker 6: they talked about all of this favoritism, and I think

1303
01:03:28,280 --> 01:03:31,240
Speaker 6: that's just really the root of all of this, all

1304
01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:32,920
Speaker 6: of the favoritism of Jamie.

1305
01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:36,800
Speaker 1: Okay, Billy Tom says, I think op likes that her

1306
01:03:36,800 --> 01:03:40,960
Speaker 1: boyfriend doesn't like OGBTQ. I think she has deep insecurities

1307
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:43,920
Speaker 1: because of the familiar dynamics at play, and she selected

1308
01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:47,680
Speaker 1: a partner subconsciously that won't put Jamie first. Yes, that's

1309
01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:49,680
Speaker 1: a that's a solid theory.

1310
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:50,880
Speaker 4: I think that's very possible.

1311
01:03:50,960 --> 01:03:54,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's definitely in the field of play. I think

1312
01:03:54,560 --> 01:03:56,720
Speaker 1: really the root of this whole story though, is it's

1313
01:03:56,760 --> 01:04:01,120
Speaker 1: like Opie's families upset that they abandoned and Jamie, but

1314
01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:05,040
Speaker 1: it's like, really, there's so many other issues outside of Jamie. Really,

1315
01:04:05,120 --> 01:04:08,200
Speaker 1: it's like it feels like it's the mom's inability to

1316
01:04:08,320 --> 01:04:12,840
Speaker 1: like just see op as an individual with their own yeah,

1317
01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:15,200
Speaker 1: like thoughts and desires.