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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to a new episode of

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Speaker 1: Couch Talks. My name is Kat, and couch Talks is

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Speaker 1: the bonus episode that you guys get every Wednesday of

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Speaker 1: You Need Therapy, where I usually take questions that you

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Speaker 1: guys send in and I answer them on here. And

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Speaker 1: of course, as always, I'm going to give the disclaimer

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Speaker 1: that this is not therapy. This is just a therapist

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Speaker 1: talking about therapy, and therapy has to be something that

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Speaker 1: you are in with one person and you have a

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Speaker 1: therapeutic agreement and contract and all those things, and that

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Speaker 1: is not this. But it's a great resource. Okay. So

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Speaker 1: Monday we put out the episode with Anne Marie, which

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Speaker 1: I mean, wasn't it great. I think it's such a

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Speaker 1: good episode for anybody, for fitness professionals, for people that

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Speaker 1: are too afraid to get into the fitness world, and

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Speaker 1: also for people that are in it and have some

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Speaker 1: feelings about it. I know I have a lot of

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Speaker 1: feelings about it, and I'm about to talk about them.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna do couch Talks a little bit differently this week,

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Speaker 1: and I am going to talk about a question that

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Speaker 1: I sent in to Instagram after I recorded that episode.

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Speaker 1: With a Marie. If you guys didn't listen to that episode,

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Speaker 1: highly recommend it. But we talked about fitness and fitness

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Speaker 1: culture and the good things that are in fitness culture

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Speaker 1: and some of the things that are kind of frustrating

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Speaker 1: and get us a little bit lost. So I asked

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Speaker 1: the question on Instagram, what do you not like or

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Speaker 1: what do you like about the fitness culture? And almost

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Speaker 1: everybody except two people sent in things that they didn't like,

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Speaker 1: and the majority of all the things I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to read the individual ones, but there was like three

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Speaker 1: themes that I pulled out. One is I don't fit

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Speaker 1: the outside mold of what fit looks like. The second

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Speaker 1: one was feeling intimidated or unwelcome, and boutique fitness or

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Speaker 1: just generally fitness was very clicky. And the third one

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Speaker 1: was is it become more about what you're wearing and

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Speaker 1: what you look like, making it look like you didn't

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Speaker 1: work out after the work out is over, which I

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Speaker 1: felt that hard in my bones because I do not

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Speaker 1: look cute after I work out. I mean, I look cute,

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Speaker 1: I think, but not I definitely look like I worked out.

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Speaker 1: So I want to talk in detail about these things.

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Speaker 1: I feel very strongly about these things because I so

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Speaker 1: often here that people don't go to gym's or don't

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Speaker 1: want to go to gyms, or have a hard time

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Speaker 1: going to a gym, not because they don't want to

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Speaker 1: go because they can't find the energy or I don't

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Speaker 1: know courage which I don't even like using that word

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Speaker 1: to get inside of one because they're afraid of being judge, embarrassed,

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Speaker 1: or just straight up not fit in. And this has

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Speaker 1: to do with the more of the top two, the

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Speaker 1: first two of those themes that I don't fit the

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Speaker 1: outside mold of what it looks like to be fit,

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Speaker 1: and then Jim's being clicky and unwelcoming. Okay, if it

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Speaker 1: is not a look, I think we've made it into

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Speaker 1: a look. But it's not a look. You can't look

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Speaker 1: at somebody and know how many miles they can run,

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Speaker 1: or how fast they are, how much they can lift

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Speaker 1: or do this, or what their samina is or any

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Speaker 1: of that. You can't look at somebody and know that

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Speaker 1: off the bat. And that's one of the problem is

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Speaker 1: we've taken the idea of fitness and what it is

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Speaker 1: and we've turned it into a look. And this even

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Speaker 1: leads me into the whole idea of fitting in versus belonging.

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Speaker 1: So fitting in somewhere so it feels like a lot

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Speaker 1: of times people are afraid that they're not going to

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Speaker 1: fit into a gym because they don't have the look. Well,

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Speaker 1: fitting in is what we do when we are actually

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Speaker 1: moving in assimilating to a mold or expectation of a group.

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Speaker 1: Belonging is when we just show up just as we

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Speaker 1: are and we're accepted for that. And that is what

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Speaker 1: you want to aim for in life. And I just

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Speaker 1: want you guys to hear that that is also what

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Speaker 1: you want to aim for when you choose a place

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Speaker 1: to move your body. I mean, the world will be

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Speaker 1: so weird if we all just fit in with each other.

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Speaker 1: That means we would all be essentially the same. And

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Speaker 1: this cliche as that sounds, it's true, that would be weird.

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Speaker 1: And when you're looking for a place to move your body,

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Speaker 1: and when we are creating spaces as professionals to have

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Speaker 1: people come move their bodies, we need to be creating

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Speaker 1: spaces that welcome in everybody's differences. Screw fitting in a

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Speaker 1: gym setting our job as professionals, and I think even

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Speaker 1: just anybody. We need to take on more of a

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Speaker 1: mindset of how do we create more spaces that honor

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Speaker 1: and to celebrate that we are different, and we look different,

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Speaker 1: and we act different, and we can do different things

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Speaker 1: and our bodies are capable of different things. So that's

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Speaker 1: one part of that. The other thing that really hurt

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Speaker 1: my soul when I was reading through these is that

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Speaker 1: I do here all the time. I can't go into

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Speaker 1: a gym because I don't look fit, or I don't

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Speaker 1: I can't do that. I'm not able to do that class,

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Speaker 1: or I'm not able to run on a treadmill, I'm

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Speaker 1: not able to whatever. Where do you think you go

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Speaker 1: to find the ability to eventually be able to do

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Speaker 1: those things? The first time. I mean, I'm a cycling instructor.

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Speaker 1: The first time I went to a cycling class, I

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Speaker 1: could not stay on be to save my life. Like,

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Speaker 1: I just couldn't do it. I didn't didn't make any

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Speaker 1: sense to me. I looked probably crazy, but I didn't

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Speaker 1: really care because I was enjoying it, and the place

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Speaker 1: I was in didn't make one comment or one judgment.

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Speaker 1: It was just like, oh, thank you for coming. I

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Speaker 1: hope you had a good time, and that's the thing.

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Speaker 1: We can't work on things if we're not allowed to

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Speaker 1: be messy. And I also think as a fitness professional,

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Speaker 1: we need to be creating spaces where it's okay for

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Speaker 1: people to be messy. If we can't do that, then

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Speaker 1: like we're only asking perfect people to enter in our spaces,

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Speaker 1: and perfect people don't exist. So there's that. Now. The

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Speaker 1: third thing that the idea that's become more about what

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Speaker 1: you're wearing, what you look like than actual workout. I

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Speaker 1: have a lot of feelings on that too. I love

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Speaker 1: a good cute sports bra and I love a new

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Speaker 1: workout outfit like the rest of them. However, if I

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Speaker 1: am spending more time picking out my outfit and making

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Speaker 1: sure someone gets a cute photo of me in a

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Speaker 1: flattering position wearing that outfit, I'm doing it wrong. And

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Speaker 1: I am so in love with the idea that people

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Speaker 1: think that they're cute and want to showcase that. I

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Speaker 1: am so in love with people wanting to take a

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Speaker 1: selfie and post the picture of their face to the world.

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Speaker 1: I am so in love with just the idea of

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Speaker 1: humans thinking they look good and wanting to celebrate that. However,

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Speaker 1: fitness and movement is also about feeling good internally. And

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Speaker 1: also I would say it's more about feeling good internally

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Speaker 1: and and Marie mentioned this when she said you have

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Speaker 1: to do the inside work before the outside work comes in.

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Speaker 1: And working out doesn't have to just be about what

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Speaker 1: we look like. And I think that's one of the

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Speaker 1: things that really frustrates me is that gets to be

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Speaker 1: part of it if you want to, but it doesn't

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Speaker 1: have to be the majority of it. It can be

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Speaker 1: about how we talk to ourselves. I am telling you,

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Speaker 1: when you are moving your body and doing things that

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Speaker 1: are hard for you, moving your body in any way

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Speaker 1: is allowed to be hard for you. You're allowed to struggle,

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Speaker 1: and a workout that's kind of the point. Without struggle,

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Speaker 1: we do not essentially learn to change or grow anything.

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Speaker 1: And movement is a metaphor for a lot of things

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Speaker 1: we do in life. So working out is allowed to

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Speaker 1: be about how we talk to ourselves, working towards goals,

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Speaker 1: staying committed to ourselves, staying true to our word, showing

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Speaker 1: up for ourselves over and over again, not having to

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Speaker 1: keep our ship together all the time, being okay with

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Speaker 1: messiness with ourselves internally and externally, it's allowed to be

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Speaker 1: about community kindness, it's allowed to be about mental health.

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Speaker 1: Movement is allowed to be about getting out anxiety, grounding ourselves,

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Speaker 1: feeling emotions, feeling safe, learning to feel safe. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I could go on and on and on and on,

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Speaker 1: like I want to, but I'm not going to What

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Speaker 1: you look like is one thing, and I am not

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Speaker 1: the keeper of your life, and I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: tell anyone that they can't care about what they look like.

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Speaker 1: And to be honest, to some degree, we all care. However,

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Speaker 1: it does not have to be the driving factor. And

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Speaker 1: my encouragement to everybody is if you find yourself as

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Speaker 1: a professional making sure that you always look the part

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Speaker 1: and look perfect in this and that, like maybe show

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Speaker 1: some humanists, and as just the human who wants to

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Speaker 1: go into a workout class or a gym, you are

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Speaker 1: allowed to care about what you wear there. You're allowed

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Speaker 1: to care about that. I'm not going to say that

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Speaker 1: that's wrong, but you're allowed to care about other things too,

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Speaker 1: and other things are allowed to be more important. And

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Speaker 1: I really want to drive that home. I'm really grateful

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Speaker 1: for the conversation that I got to put out into

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Speaker 1: the world with Anne Marie so grateful for that. And

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Speaker 1: I know there's so many people out there that are

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Speaker 1: probably struggling and feeling some of the things that we're

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Speaker 1: feeling and maybe don't have a platform to talk about

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Speaker 1: it or just are afraid to talk about it. Because

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Speaker 1: again go back to the fitting end thing. If I

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Speaker 1: do something different than the rest of the world, the

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Speaker 1: rest of the fitness community is doing this. If I

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Speaker 1: do something different, am I going to be ostracized? Are

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Speaker 1: people going to come to my classes? Are people going

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Speaker 1: to think that I'm crazier? If people going to think

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Speaker 1: I'm not a good professional. No, people are going to

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Speaker 1: think you're different. And maybe that's a good thing, because

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Speaker 1: I think that we need some difference in these areas. Because,

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Speaker 1: like I said, I got a lot of replies and

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Speaker 1: I could put them all in these three categories. I

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Speaker 1: often use the word home when I am talking about

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Speaker 1: a place that I am spending the majority of my

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Speaker 1: time at whatever period of my life moving my body,

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Speaker 1: like my home studio where it feels like home there,

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Speaker 1: or I've created a home here or whatever, and it

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Speaker 1: makes me think of this quote, and I think it

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Speaker 1: was from a Queer Eye episode, I think, but one

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Speaker 1: of them said something along the lines of when you

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Speaker 1: learn to accept and love yourself for who you are,

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Speaker 1: no matter where you go, you can feel at home.

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Speaker 1: And I love that because I think it's very true.

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Speaker 1: And I think the more we can accept that we

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Speaker 1: don't have to look perfect, and we don't have to

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Speaker 1: be perfect, we don't have to play the perfect part,

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Speaker 1: the more we're going to feel welcome places where we

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Speaker 1: don't look like everybody else. The more we're going to

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Speaker 1: feel welcome places where we don't have what everybody else has.

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Speaker 1: And on the flip side of that, the more places

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Speaker 1: are going to feel welcoming because the more I feel

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Speaker 1: at home with me, the more I'm gonna be driven

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Speaker 1: to create an environment where allows other people to feel

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Speaker 1: at home, to be in different So all on that

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Speaker 1: to say, it all comes down to individually, us working

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Speaker 1: on ourselves and being honest with ourselves and working on

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Speaker 1: belonging rather than fitting in. I think if we did

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Speaker 1: more of that, the overarching theme of these big spaces

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Speaker 1: feeling unwelcoming or or just clicky or or whatever the

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Speaker 1: word is, that would just be washed away because the

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Speaker 1: people inside of them that make them what they are

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Speaker 1: would be the kind of people that we want to

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Speaker 1: be around, which greats environment. And you know what, I

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Speaker 1: feel like I might be rambling at this point, but

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Speaker 1: it's my podcast, so I feel like I can do

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Speaker 1: that every now. But I just wanted to spend a

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Speaker 1: little bit of extra time this week talking about this

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Speaker 1: issue because I do think it's important. So if you

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Speaker 1: have any feelings or comments or questions, or even if

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Speaker 1: you just want to share your experience, feel free to

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Speaker 1: do that. You can also emailed as a random question

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Speaker 1: for me to answer on couch Talks to Catherine at

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Speaker 1: You Need Therapy Podcast. You can follow me at cat

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Speaker 1: dot de fata and at you Need Therapy Podcast on

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Speaker 1: Instagram and um say hi. You can also join our

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Speaker 1: newsletter comes out every now. We're doing Tuesday. It's called

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Speaker 1: the Self Love Club. You can go to our website

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Speaker 1: You Need Therapy Podcast dot com to sign up for that.

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Speaker 1: We would love to have you join our little family

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Speaker 1: on the interwebs. I hope you guys are having a

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Speaker 1: good week whatever day you're listening to this on and

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Speaker 1: also want to give a shout out to Outweigh, a

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Speaker 1: podcast that Lisa Hame and Amy Brown do on Disordered

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Speaker 1: Eating because if you want more of this content just

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Speaker 1: around like body image and eating Disordered Disordered Eating. They

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Speaker 1: have a lot of good content and resources over there,

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Speaker 1: so always give them a look and a listen and

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Speaker 1: I will talk to you guys on Monday,