1 00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:07,800 Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer, an iHeartRadio podcast. Today's Therapy Thursday, 2 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,880 Speaker 1: We've got Stephanie Schosak coming on. She's an actress. She 3 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:14,080 Speaker 1: also has a book out called Selfish Step into a 4 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:17,760 Speaker 1: Journey of self discovery to revive confidence, joy and meaning. 5 00:00:18,239 --> 00:00:21,599 Speaker 1: Let's get her on. Hello, Hi, how are you? 6 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:24,319 Speaker 2: I'm good? Thank you so much for having me. 7 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:26,360 Speaker 1: Of course, I'm so happy to have you on. 8 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 2: And where are you? 9 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,280 Speaker 1: Where are you at right now? Where are you recording 10 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,639 Speaker 1: from la? Or are you? 11 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 2: I live in Connecticut? 12 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,680 Speaker 1: Oh? You're I love Connecticut. 13 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:35,000 Speaker 2: I did. 14 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,520 Speaker 1: I did a movie in Mystic, and I just fell 15 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 1: in love with it. 16 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:41,839 Speaker 2: Just like Mystic Pizza. You know. 17 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,560 Speaker 1: I didn't like the pizza though, that was my only 18 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 1: that was my only thing. But the ice cream was 19 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: amazing right there on that bridge, Like it. 20 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 2: Was just so gorgeous. Mystic. 21 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, I just fell in love with the people, the 22 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 1: I mean the whole, like the restaurants. I was like, Okay, 23 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,240 Speaker 1: if I didn't move to Nashville, I would have moved 24 00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: to Connecticut, truly. 25 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 2: That's right. You're in Nashville that I need to visit Nashville. 26 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,800 Speaker 2: I've heard so many great things. 27 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's it's the best. And when did you 28 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,560 Speaker 1: how long have you been living in the States where, 29 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: because you were born and raised in. 30 00:01:12,319 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 2: In France and yeah, I came when I was nineteen 31 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 2: to go to college, and so it's been thirty years. 32 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: All right, So one of my I want to I 33 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:24,240 Speaker 1: want to talk about your book, but I just I 34 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 1: have to ask you, as being a native French person, 35 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 1: I want to go to Paris very bad. I've heard 36 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:35,319 Speaker 1: two different sides of Paris, and then I've also heard 37 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: that the French people just aren't nice to Americans. So 38 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 1: is that true coming from a French person or because 39 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,839 Speaker 1: I'm like, I've never actually had an actual French person 40 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:46,560 Speaker 1: tell me yes or no. 41 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 2: So obviously, like any place, there's poles and there's great people. 42 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 2: But to work with the stereotype. Do you know New 43 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 2: York City? Are you familiar with Have you ever lived? 44 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,480 Speaker 1: Yes, I've lived. I lived in New York. I was gosh, 45 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 1: oh eighteen nineteen. 46 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so to me when I moved, I lived 47 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:09,480 Speaker 2: in New York for sixteen years. And New York reminds 48 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:15,240 Speaker 2: me of Paris in a way in the no nonsense attitude. 49 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,399 Speaker 2: You know, you go to a deli in New York 50 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:19,040 Speaker 2: and people are like, come on, let's go, let's go, 51 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:22,080 Speaker 2: let's go there. Not if you're not quick enough, you're 52 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 2: holding up the line. So it's a little bit like that. Okay, 53 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:32,119 Speaker 2: service industry is really not friendly and away for American standards. 54 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,520 Speaker 2: And also people leave you alone when you're in a restaurant. 55 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,799 Speaker 2: They leave you alone. They don't come every five minutes 56 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:38,919 Speaker 2: to seize everything. Okay, can I take your plate? 57 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:39,240 Speaker 1: Now? 58 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,760 Speaker 2: Customs are different here. As soon as you finish your plate, 59 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,040 Speaker 2: you want your plate to be taken off out of 60 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,800 Speaker 2: the table. There it's impolite if somebody else is still 61 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 2: eating at the table, they won't take out off your 62 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:55,840 Speaker 2: plate until everybody's gone. So and then the last thing 63 00:02:55,880 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 2: I will say is French people, I think why they 64 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:06,240 Speaker 2: come off as rude too, is we're embarrassed about like 65 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 2: a lot of Americans. I hear they're like, they won't 66 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:11,679 Speaker 2: speak English, and then I start to speak French and 67 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 2: make a fool of myself and they now will speak English. 68 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:20,880 Speaker 2: And I think we're very pride people, proud people, and 69 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:26,919 Speaker 2: so we're afraid of to make a fool out of ourselves. 70 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 2: And so sometimes we don't want to speak English, but 71 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:30,800 Speaker 2: then if you make a fool out of yourself and 72 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 2: try to see something in French, then we can switch 73 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 2: to English. 74 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,120 Speaker 1: Right, okay, all right, well I still I still want 75 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 1: to go. It's a place on my on my list 76 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,760 Speaker 1: to go see. 77 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 2: What's on your lap? What are you petting? 78 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:47,600 Speaker 1: Oh, it's it's my it's my belly. I'm pregnant, congratulacious. 79 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:48,640 Speaker 1: I can't see. 80 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 2: I was like, is there a cat there? Oh? 81 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 1: No, No, it's my it's he keeps he's kicking me 82 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 1: right now. I just had a little piece of a 83 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: protein bar before you got on, So he's he's active 84 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 1: at the moment. All right, Well, let's talk about your book. 85 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:02,920 Speaker 1: I'm really excited to dive into that because it's called 86 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 1: Selfish and it's a journey of self discovery to revive confidence, 87 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,720 Speaker 1: joy and meaning. Where do you so? I think for 88 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 1: me and something I've talked about a lot on the 89 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 1: show is I really struggle with confidence. I struggle with 90 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,800 Speaker 1: and you know you're an actress, you can understand this. 91 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 1: And I pull myself out of the equation before I'm 92 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 1: even in the equation. So if like I get a 93 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: breakdown like, oh I can't do this, I'm not They'll 94 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 1: give it to someone else, Like I'm just the girl 95 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:32,320 Speaker 1: next door cookie cutter, like I know how to play 96 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 1: a part really well. And besides that, I don't give 97 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 1: myself any credit to even try or just confidence wise, 98 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:45,120 Speaker 1: I'm just like, uh, I lack it. I don't know 99 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 1: again if it's from old messages that I've received, But 100 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,080 Speaker 1: how do you, like, where does your confidence come from? 101 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: And then how do you how do you instill it 102 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:55,520 Speaker 1: in your body? 103 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 2: Okay, I love this because confidence is what I struggle 104 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:06,320 Speaker 2: with also, and then you know, just just what I 105 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,039 Speaker 2: struggle with is a little different than you. But I 106 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 2: would say, are you afraid of failing? Are you afraid 107 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,919 Speaker 2: of somebody. 108 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,799 Speaker 1: Looking like a fool? Maybe? 109 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:16,080 Speaker 2: Yeah? 110 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:17,159 Speaker 1: Being embarrassed? Yeah? 111 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:23,599 Speaker 2: Yeah, so same here. So for me, the confidence thing 112 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,400 Speaker 2: started really ten years into my career, when I finally 113 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,560 Speaker 2: started getting momentum in my career and I found myself 114 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 2: in bigger sets with bigger actors, and I had sort 115 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:39,480 Speaker 2: of the big break and I got on set and 116 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:44,320 Speaker 2: I completely lost my ability to be me, to take risks, 117 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 2: to play, to not be in control, and I was 118 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:56,159 Speaker 2: so afraid of what people were thinking, that they were 119 00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:00,360 Speaker 2: going to think, my god, she's Actually the first judgment 120 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,120 Speaker 2: came from myself. After every take I did, I was 121 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,360 Speaker 2: judging myself they sucked. And then I was like, they're 122 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 2: going to think it sucks. They're going to think I suck. 123 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,839 Speaker 2: I do suck. What am I doing here? Yeah? 124 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,840 Speaker 1: Remember I was just that I did a thing on 125 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 1: Chicago fire, and I'm like, oh, Taylor probably just thinks 126 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:16,719 Speaker 1: that was terrible. What I just did, you know? And 127 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:19,520 Speaker 1: it's like you just constantly you're the one feeding the 128 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 1: negative exactly, and they probably did weren't even thinking about 129 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,880 Speaker 1: how that was. I mean, like they do. 130 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,320 Speaker 2: It's not going to be helpful for us to focus 131 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,880 Speaker 2: on what they're thinking. The only thing we're in control 132 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:35,599 Speaker 2: of is what we're doing. And at the time when 133 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,800 Speaker 2: this happened for me, this was like a two year 134 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,000 Speaker 2: period and I just thought, I don't I can't handle 135 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,880 Speaker 2: the pressure. I'm choking. That's what I thought this was. 136 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 2: But the good thing is it really led me to 137 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:58,960 Speaker 2: look into practices and skills and principles discover all these practices, skills, 138 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:02,920 Speaker 2: and really different perspectives that help me understand where the 139 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,720 Speaker 2: lack of confidence came from and how to work with it. 140 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:10,160 Speaker 2: The first thing was I realized that what I had 141 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 2: was imposter syndrome because I was a little bit above 142 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 2: you know, in a new environment, which is a great thing. 143 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:22,280 Speaker 2: I was pushing myself. And then also what I was 144 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 2: struggling with was really fear of other people's opinion. And 145 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 2: once you recognize that, you're like, oh, okay, here you are, 146 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 2: old friend, You're afraid of what other people are going 147 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,720 Speaker 2: to think about you. I don't have control over that. 148 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 2: A huge unlock for me was becoming aware of my 149 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:44,920 Speaker 2: self talk, that inner dialogue that we have in our mind, 150 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:49,280 Speaker 2: and being able to redirect it. So focusing on what 151 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 2: I can control, creating self talk that helps me, and 152 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 2: having my self worth not tied to other people's validation 153 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 2: or opinion of me. But really, you know, when and 154 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:08,080 Speaker 2: it's not just for when we're on set, it's all 155 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,320 Speaker 2: the time. What does it mean for me to be 156 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 2: okay with what I did? What does that mean? It 157 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,000 Speaker 2: doesn't it's not tied to what other people are going 158 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 2: to think. It's tied to was I prepared, did I 159 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 2: give it my all? Did I do my best? Was 160 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 2: I brave enough to take a risk and you know fail. 161 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:31,120 Speaker 2: Was I playful? Did I? Was I confident enough to 162 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 2: I don't understand what that means and ask somebody for help? 163 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 2: All these things really helped me with confidence. So self 164 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:46,240 Speaker 2: talk and then being aware of what you're focusing on, 165 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,600 Speaker 2: putting that focus on things that you can control. 166 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:02,960 Speaker 1: What are what are some tips for that like to 167 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,280 Speaker 1: be able to Because that's the thing where I'm like, Okay, yeah, 168 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 1: I can self talk. But do you think the self 169 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:10,839 Speaker 1: talk you just kind of have to say it till 170 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 1: you believe it. 171 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:17,000 Speaker 2: No, I think that's horseship, Okay, perfect, the self talk 172 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:21,760 Speaker 2: that you know somebody, the affirmations if you don't believe it. 173 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:23,439 Speaker 2: For me, I'm not going to believe it. I can 174 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 2: repeat it as many times as I want, I'm not 175 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,240 Speaker 2: going to believe it. But the kind of self talk 176 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 2: where and I talk about this in the book, it's 177 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:37,560 Speaker 2: an exercise specifically on self talk. So replacing negative or 178 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:41,200 Speaker 2: unproductive self talk with self talk that is helpful to 179 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:44,719 Speaker 2: you and that you believe, so you know, I'm prepared, 180 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:50,920 Speaker 2: I've done the work. I'm nervous, and that's okay because 181 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:54,520 Speaker 2: I'm doing something that I care about, Like those are 182 00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:56,840 Speaker 2: things that connect to me and we're all different. 183 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 1: It's almost like stating the truth, like what is this? So, Okay, 184 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,440 Speaker 1: I've prepared, I'm excited. I might be a little nervous 185 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 1: or but like I know this part I can do. 186 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,080 Speaker 1: You know what I mean that? So it's like it's 187 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,280 Speaker 1: it is like what is the truth versus what is 188 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:11,120 Speaker 1: the old narrative? 189 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:14,160 Speaker 2: Yes. Another thing that helped me to is I'm allowed 190 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 2: to make mistakes. I'm not supposed to have it all 191 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 2: figured out. None of us do. So I'm just the 192 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:27,079 Speaker 2: best that I can do. Is actually for me, what 193 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:32,200 Speaker 2: I love is get myself in the present moment and 194 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:36,439 Speaker 2: then completely let go and listen to the other actor. 195 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 2: That's for acting. And even before coming on a podcast 196 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:44,559 Speaker 2: with somebody I don't know, you know, social situations are 197 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:47,200 Speaker 2: stressful for me. So it's that too. Okay, what's the 198 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 2: best I can do right now or before the podcast? 199 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,720 Speaker 2: What's the best I can do? Just be myself, listen, 200 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:53,680 Speaker 2: learn something. 201 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:56,679 Speaker 1: What made you want to write this book? It was 202 00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 1: it because you struggled so much in areas of confidence 203 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,680 Speaker 1: or what was it? Was it? Just like I want 204 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 1: other people to kind of know now what I know now. 205 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:11,240 Speaker 2: So the book came about because on my last TV show, 206 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:17,320 Speaker 2: I met a nonprofit, a mental health nonprofit. The founder 207 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 2: it's called The Given Hour, and the founder of the 208 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 2: nonprofit was a consultant on the show. For the scripts. 209 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 2: It dealt a lot with mental health and depression, suicide, 210 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:31,640 Speaker 2: so they had Barbara look at all the scripts and 211 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:33,760 Speaker 2: work with the writers to make sure mental health was 212 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 2: depicted in a sensitive and accurate manner. That led me 213 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 2: to get involved with this nonprofit. And then during COVID 214 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,400 Speaker 2: there was a new CEO that came on and I 215 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,760 Speaker 2: got on a phone call with their team. They just 216 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,360 Speaker 2: wanted to get to know me a little bit and 217 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 2: I shared this concept that I created to help me 218 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:59,200 Speaker 2: not only with confidence but with everything, which is I 219 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,199 Speaker 2: created a play book for myself. I call it a playbook. 220 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:05,080 Speaker 2: It's just an album on my phone, but in it 221 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,120 Speaker 2: are all our reminders of all the things that help 222 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:12,360 Speaker 2: me in life. So either with confidence, but also you know, 223 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:16,800 Speaker 2: to have more joy, to have more meaning. And the 224 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 2: reason I call it a playbook is because athletes, sports teams, 225 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:26,040 Speaker 2: businesses all have playbooks with the different plays. You know, 226 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:29,840 Speaker 2: you see a coach on the sidelines in a moment 227 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,719 Speaker 2: of like pressure, he doesn't know what play to call. 228 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:38,400 Speaker 2: He's checking his play sheet. So same for us. I 229 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:41,880 Speaker 2: was like, what, there's no way I was learning all 230 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:46,199 Speaker 2: these new skills practices, but I wasn't remembering them and 231 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 2: then let alone, in a moment of stress, I was 232 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:54,679 Speaker 2: just reverting back to the same old, unproductive thoughts. So 233 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,320 Speaker 2: I created a playbook. I put all these things in it, 234 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 2: and every morning before I start my day, I watch 235 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:03,600 Speaker 2: it as a slideshow with music, and it's sort of 236 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,400 Speaker 2: this amazing tool. I've been you doing it for five years. 237 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:09,520 Speaker 2: That helps me. First of all, it makes me smile, 238 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,480 Speaker 2: makes me happy. There's things I'm grateful for in there, 239 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 2: the love in my life. But then you know, every 240 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 2: day we wake up, we feel different some days depending 241 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 2: on what's on the plate, but also some days we 242 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 2: just feel like some days we don't. And so I realized, 243 00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:27,880 Speaker 2: oh my god, every day there's a different reminder that's 244 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 2: going to hit me and sort of get me back 245 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:33,440 Speaker 2: on track. So I told Given Hour, the nonprofit, about 246 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:36,880 Speaker 2: this tool, and they really loved it. It was during 247 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:41,079 Speaker 2: COVID when we were all in our homes and so 248 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,200 Speaker 2: we decided to do a four part webinar series to 249 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 2: bring to encourage their community to create their own playbook 250 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:54,240 Speaker 2: as a practice to cultivate a more resilient mindset. And 251 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,640 Speaker 2: people really loved it. But everybody always asked what goes 252 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:01,079 Speaker 2: in your playbook? And I was like, hey, that's personal, 253 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,840 Speaker 2: you know. And also if I tell you what's in 254 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:05,200 Speaker 2: my playbook, you're probably going to be like, I don't 255 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:10,240 Speaker 2: like that. And then somebody suggested we write a book, 256 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:14,840 Speaker 2: a guide to help people create the content of their playbook, 257 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 2: and we thought it was a good idea, and I 258 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,440 Speaker 2: asked give an Hour. I was like, do you want 259 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,560 Speaker 2: to do this together? They said yes, And so this 260 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 2: is why this work. It's a work book, and this 261 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,400 Speaker 2: is how it came to be. And fifty percent of 262 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:31,800 Speaker 2: my proceeds go to Give an Hour too. 263 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:47,240 Speaker 1: I love that describe the workbook piece of it because 264 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,520 Speaker 1: that really intrigues me when I was reading the book, 265 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:54,160 Speaker 1: because I like to actively work on myself and be 266 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 1: able to Like I love reading tips and all the 267 00:14:56,400 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 1: things and the stories, but when I see workbook, I'm like, Okay, 268 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 1: something I can put like a pen, the paper two 269 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:05,840 Speaker 1: and I can just like, really write it down and 270 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,120 Speaker 1: for me, like I've the best healing work that I've 271 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,520 Speaker 1: done is when I've written things down, released it, or 272 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 1: used it. And that's why I was like, oh I 273 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,600 Speaker 1: love that aspect. So what like what like some of 274 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 1: the things in the workbook that you do? 275 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,560 Speaker 2: And same for me. By the way, the reason these 276 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,760 Speaker 2: exercises are in it is because that was also for me. 277 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:32,320 Speaker 2: The turning point is doing exercises that help us understand 278 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 2: ourselves better. You know, the big question who am I? 279 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,480 Speaker 2: That's so hard to answer, but they are questions you 280 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:44,240 Speaker 2: can ask yourself that help you sort of see the 281 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 2: thread through your whole life. Oh wait a second, these 282 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,920 Speaker 2: are the values that guide me. This is what I'm 283 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 2: capable of, this is what I've survived, this is what 284 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:58,440 Speaker 2: I really want. I thought I wanted this. So there's 285 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 2: eight exercises. The first one is called what are your 286 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 2: Greatest Achievements? And it will take you through your life 287 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 2: by asking questions about your greatest achievements. But it's not 288 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:14,680 Speaker 2: only the wins and the successes. Achievements are also moments 289 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 2: where you know you face a big challenge and you 290 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:22,040 Speaker 2: weren't sure sure how you were going to make it through, 291 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 2: and maybe you had the courage to ask somebody for help, 292 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:30,880 Speaker 2: you learned something, maybe it's a moment where you actually 293 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:35,720 Speaker 2: helped somebody else. So the questions are very detailed. You 294 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,720 Speaker 2: go through your life, you can go as far back 295 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:41,320 Speaker 2: as you want. And you know, for me, when I 296 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,840 Speaker 2: did this exercise, I was like, huh. One of my 297 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 2: most challenging moment was coming to college in the States. 298 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,680 Speaker 2: My first semester. I had huge culture shock. I felt 299 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 2: like a complete outsider I felt, and in a way, 300 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 2: it's the same as that repeated itself later in life 301 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 2: with being on a new set. It's that same feel, 302 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,000 Speaker 2: Oh my god, I don't belong here. And yet when 303 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,200 Speaker 2: I did the exercise, I was like, holy sh this 304 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 2: is one of my greatest achievements. You know, I made 305 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:11,760 Speaker 2: it through and I learned a lot. And then once 306 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:16,399 Speaker 2: you do that, you also are able to identify, wait, 307 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:20,960 Speaker 2: what got me, what made me? What got me there? 308 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:23,800 Speaker 2: So you're able to see your strength and it's not 309 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 2: just you saying these are my strengths. You actually have 310 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,560 Speaker 2: evidence from your life to say, yeah, these are my strength. 311 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:35,760 Speaker 2: I actually own this. And then you're done with that 312 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 2: exercise and you put in your playbook reminders of your 313 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:42,880 Speaker 2: greatest achievements. So and the benefit of that is that 314 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,240 Speaker 2: when we are going through tough time, a lot of 315 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,120 Speaker 2: times we forget the things we've done, we've gone through, 316 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:53,520 Speaker 2: and that we are actually equipped to go through challenges 317 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 2: and we've done it before. The second one is called 318 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,840 Speaker 2: who do you Who do you admire in your life? 319 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:07,679 Speaker 2: And this these are people you admire. They can be 320 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:11,959 Speaker 2: people you know, they can be fictional characters. The reason 321 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,639 Speaker 2: for this exercise is who we admire and the qualities 322 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,760 Speaker 2: we admire in others is often a really good I 323 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,440 Speaker 2: don't know if you know this. You know this already. 324 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:26,240 Speaker 2: It's like, which what we admire in others? Oh right, yes, 325 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:33,680 Speaker 2: is a really good clue as to what values are 326 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:36,920 Speaker 2: dear to us and how we want to live our life. 327 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:38,040 Speaker 1: Absolutely. 328 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:43,159 Speaker 2: And then the third exercises are what are your pearls 329 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:45,840 Speaker 2: of wisdom? So you're going to go through all the teachers, 330 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:50,480 Speaker 2: all the lessons and just collect that. Maybe go through 331 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,439 Speaker 2: some of your favorite books. I don't know, do you 332 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,520 Speaker 2: have a book that changed your life? If I ask 333 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:55,240 Speaker 2: you that question? 334 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,800 Speaker 1: Oh man, well, I'm a big Lisa Turkis fan so 335 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:03,320 Speaker 1: I love like forgive, which you can't forget. Like she's 336 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:09,040 Speaker 1: she's she's like my uh healing warrior. I love all 337 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,480 Speaker 1: of her books, but I love work book wise. Yeah, 338 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 1: I mean she's she's fantastic. But I am really excited though, 339 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:19,280 Speaker 1: to to do this piece of work on your book 340 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,439 Speaker 1: because again like the Workbook aspect of things I just 341 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:22,480 Speaker 1: really love, but. 342 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,639 Speaker 2: The Pearls of Wisdom exercise. So you would go to that, 343 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,520 Speaker 2: that that book that you love, and I'm sure there's others, 344 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,400 Speaker 2: and maybe you'd flip through the pages and you see 345 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:35,160 Speaker 2: you underlined something and you're like, oh my god, I've 346 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:39,160 Speaker 2: completely forgotten about this. And when I read it, this 347 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 2: really resonated with me. And maybe because for me, that's 348 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:46,199 Speaker 2: what happened. I read My first book that sort of 349 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 2: got me into this thing was The Seven Spiritual Laws 350 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,080 Speaker 2: of Success by Deepakschopra. And when I bought that book, 351 00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:54,560 Speaker 2: I was so embarrassed because I was not into self 352 00:19:54,560 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 2: help or anything, but I remember that book really helped me. 353 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,840 Speaker 2: I was on set. I made myself flashcards so that 354 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,080 Speaker 2: every morning, I would you know, get myself in a 355 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,879 Speaker 2: good frame of mind. It was my first version of 356 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,880 Speaker 2: a playbook, and then the movie ended and the book 357 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,160 Speaker 2: went on the bookshelf, and you know, a months later, 358 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,480 Speaker 2: I couldn't tell you what was in that. 359 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,880 Speaker 1: Book, right, Yep. No, that's a that's a really good point. 360 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:18,440 Speaker 1: I love that. 361 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 2: Yeah. Or if you go to therapy, you know, how 362 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,679 Speaker 2: often do you leave it there? Or a marriage counseling 363 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,480 Speaker 2: or you read a parenting magazine and you're like, yes, 364 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,919 Speaker 2: I love this, I am going to remember this forever. 365 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,920 Speaker 2: And then you don't and you're like, what did what did? 366 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 1: What did she say? 367 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:35,280 Speaker 2: Again? 368 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,760 Speaker 1: Yeah? I actually do that a lot. When I'm in therapy. 369 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,320 Speaker 1: I'm like, wait, hold on a secondm grab on my phone, 370 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,000 Speaker 1: just because I want to write this down because it's 371 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,720 Speaker 1: it's some things that you hear. They might sound so 372 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:47,680 Speaker 1: elementary or or you've heard it before, but there's certain 373 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:49,679 Speaker 1: things that impact you so much, Like I need to 374 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:51,520 Speaker 1: remember this because this will be good for me to 375 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,560 Speaker 1: remember when I'm feeling this way again. But it's so 376 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,520 Speaker 1: many times. And I do the same thing when I'm 377 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,280 Speaker 1: in church too, Like all I have like all my 378 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,639 Speaker 1: church notes on my phone that are, you know, constant 379 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:05,200 Speaker 1: reminders that I sometimes will look at and it would 380 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,680 Speaker 1: be nice to have it all in. 381 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:10,320 Speaker 2: One well or in your playbook, in an album on 382 00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:12,800 Speaker 2: your phone, and you just all you need are the 383 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:16,359 Speaker 2: takeaways because you know you go to church on Sunday 384 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:22,560 Speaker 2: and by Wednesday, right it has gone and and I 385 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:26,159 Speaker 2: love so I can tell you the other exercises. But 386 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:30,239 Speaker 2: before I do that, there is something so you have, 387 00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:33,080 Speaker 2: like your church notes in one thing, your therapy notes. 388 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,920 Speaker 2: There is something to be said about having one location 389 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,960 Speaker 2: with all these little bits and pieces that speak to you, 390 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:44,399 Speaker 2: and an analogy I thought of. I love this. I 391 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:47,240 Speaker 2: was like, oh, it's kind of like the grandmother s quilt, 392 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:51,400 Speaker 2: you know, a grandmother squilt, and it had fabrics from 393 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:55,040 Speaker 2: all the different stories and the lives and your ancestors, 394 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,840 Speaker 2: and maybe some hopes and dreams, like something you wish 395 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:03,840 Speaker 2: for the future. And then it's all threaded together, stitched together, 396 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:07,359 Speaker 2: and you see the quilt and it's your unique story. 397 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,439 Speaker 2: And when you look at it, you connect to it 398 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:15,399 Speaker 2: emotionally and it brings you comfort, It inspires you, it 399 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 2: motivates you, it puts you back on track. Like you 400 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,439 Speaker 2: connect to it, You're like, yeah, this is what I'm about. 401 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,840 Speaker 1: Absolutely, what a great example. I like, I see I 402 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 1: see the quilt in my grandma's yeah, yeah, my mom's house. Yeah. 403 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,840 Speaker 2: So the playbook is that is the gram. It's your 404 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:35,720 Speaker 2: own quilt with all things from church, things from the books, 405 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:40,800 Speaker 2: your greatest achievements, and it's your unique story so that 406 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:44,160 Speaker 2: you get lift up when you need to, you get 407 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,920 Speaker 2: pumped up when you need to, and you're just connect 408 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:48,600 Speaker 2: to who you are. 409 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,320 Speaker 1: What do you want people to take away from the 410 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:52,720 Speaker 1: book the most? 411 00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:56,800 Speaker 2: The most would be for them to create a playbook, 412 00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,480 Speaker 2: because I think that's the uniqueness. There's a lot of 413 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:04,320 Speaker 2: more books out there. There's a lot of books. And 414 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:09,359 Speaker 2: I created my playbook because I gained self awareness, I 415 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:12,639 Speaker 2: gained skills. But then it wouldn't stick. I didn't know 416 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,960 Speaker 2: how to keep it going in my life. And I 417 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:21,040 Speaker 2: love this stura mental fitness, and we all, just like 418 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:25,000 Speaker 2: you know, we want to be physically fit, physically healthy. 419 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,359 Speaker 2: You first have to learn what that means for you, 420 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,119 Speaker 2: what you're capable of, what your unique goals are. Then 421 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,280 Speaker 2: you're learning skills, and then the third part is maintenance, 422 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:36,159 Speaker 2: practicing doing the reps. If you don't do the reps, 423 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,360 Speaker 2: it's all going to go, you know. 424 00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:41,520 Speaker 1: Well, and this is where you need to be selfish, Yes, 425 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:45,040 Speaker 1: that's truly. Where you need to be selfish is in 426 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 1: your work, your playbook, your because that's what helps drive 427 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,639 Speaker 1: you to be the best, whether parent, you know, coach, friend, 428 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,960 Speaker 1: all of it, you know, employee. 429 00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:58,119 Speaker 2: So yes, I to. There's a say saying in the 430 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,280 Speaker 2: in the book it's taking time for yourself every day. 431 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,680 Speaker 2: Some people might call that selfish. We say own it 432 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:08,960 Speaker 2: because you'll reconnect to the best of who you are 433 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,520 Speaker 2: and then you can bring more of what you cherish 434 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,080 Speaker 2: in value to those around you. 435 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,960 Speaker 1: Oh. I love that well, Stephanie. Where can our listeners 436 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:16,440 Speaker 1: find you. 437 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:23,240 Speaker 2: On Instagram at steph short Stack and my website is 438 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 2: Stephanie Showstack dot me. 439 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,560 Speaker 1: I love it well. Thank you so much for coming 440 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:31,600 Speaker 1: on and I cannot wait to make my own playbook. Oh. 441 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,119 Speaker 2: I can't wait to hear what you think about the book. 442 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,480 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having thanks for coming on stuff, 443 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:39,160 Speaker 1: appreciate you. Thanks you today, Bye bye girl.