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Speaker 1: If you can start to remove yourself from the feeling

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Speaker 1: and say I am not my feeling, but I am

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Speaker 1: feeling this, it's so much easier to just go through

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Speaker 1: your day.

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Speaker 2: What's going on, y'all, Emily Evadi here coming to you

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Speaker 2: from the Age Studio. You are listening to Hurdle a

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Speaker 2: while in this focus podcast, reconnect with everyone from your

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Speaker 2: favorite athletes to tap experts and industry CEOs about their

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Speaker 2: highest hies, toughest moments, and everything in between. We all

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Speaker 2: go through hurdles in life, and my goal through these

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Speaker 2: discussions is to empower you to better navigate yours and

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Speaker 2: move with intention so that you can stride towards your

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Speaker 2: own big potential and of course, have some fun along

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Speaker 2: the way. This is episode four in this week's special

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Speaker 2: Turning the Page, where I sit down with some of

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Speaker 2: your favorite guests to chat about what lessons they're bringing

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Speaker 2: with them from twenty twenty one into the new year.

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Speaker 2: As a reminder, each guest gives the word that they'd

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Speaker 2: use to best describe their past three sixty five and

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Speaker 2: then offers up some advice on how to move into

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Speaker 2: the next fifty two weeks with grace and a positive

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Speaker 2: outlook for today's episode, I am bringing back my girl

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Speaker 2: Alex silver Fagan. Alex's episode of Hurdle linked in the

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Speaker 2: show notes really really struck a chord with the community

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Speaker 2: last year when she opened up about her experience checking

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Speaker 2: herself into a mental health facility. I cannot thank Alex

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Speaker 2: enough for her vulnerability. I know it was able to

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Speaker 2: help so so many in whatever it is that they

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Speaker 2: are going through wherever they may be. And today we

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Speaker 2: are reflecting on the year that was, on what's been

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Speaker 2: going down since we had that conversation, and her biggest

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Speaker 2: takeaways from this major, major growth period for her before

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Speaker 2: we get into it, I would be remiss if I

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Speaker 2: didn't thank my friends at inside Tracker for helping me

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Speaker 2: with this week of content. Now, when you do what

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Speaker 2: inside Tracker can help. Inside Tracker was founded in two

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Speaker 2: Using their patented algorithm, inside Tracker analyzes your body's data

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Speaker 2: that is inside tracker dot com slash Hurdle to get

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Speaker 2: twenty five percent off the entire store today. Make sure

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Speaker 2: you're following along with Hurdle over on social It's at

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Speaker 2: Hurdle podcast. I am over at Emily a body and

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Speaker 2: I know I asked this all the time, but share

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Speaker 2: a hurdle on your Instagram story. Do it today, Post

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Speaker 2: an episode screenshot. Tell your followers what you love about

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Speaker 2: the show. I cannot tell you how much I would

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Speaker 2: appreciate it. Make sure you're tag Hurdle. That's really important

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Speaker 2: and tag me while you're at it. With that, let's

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Speaker 2: get to HURDLINGK Today. I am welcoming my girl, Alex

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Speaker 2: silver Fagan back to the show. How you doing today,

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Speaker 2: my friend?

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Speaker 3: I'm doing well.

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Speaker 1: How are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm so good. I do want to say thanks for

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Speaker 2: coming back on the show. I'm amp to have you here.

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Speaker 2: And I feel like so much has happened since we

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Speaker 2: last spoke for the show. I mean, when we last

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Speaker 2: spoke for the show, I was living in Manhattan. It

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Speaker 2: feels like a completely different lifetime.

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Speaker 3: Yes, so was I. I hadn't moved. We both hadn't

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Speaker 3: moved to Brooklyn yet.

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Speaker 1: And I think you know, we did that show as

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Speaker 1: an elevated version.

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Speaker 3: Of both of us, right, we both grew.

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Speaker 1: It was I think three years since the first time

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Speaker 1: that we've spoken for Hurdle, and I thought that I

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Speaker 1: realize how much more I had to go until I

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Speaker 1: now sit here with you again.

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Speaker 3: And this is the last time we spoke was in

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Speaker 3: I believe.

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Speaker 1: The end of March or April of twenty twenty one,

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Speaker 1: so still this year, a few months ago or full

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Speaker 1: almost a full year ago, and I'm really excited to

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Speaker 1: talk about the topic today because I think that I've

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Speaker 1: really taken the past few months, in this entire year,

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Speaker 1: to step into a new Alex, and I'm excited to

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Speaker 1: see where she keeps going.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really special to'll get to a point in

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Speaker 2: life where you understand that so much of the challenges

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Speaker 2: that have come your way they come your way to

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Speaker 2: gain a better understanding of who it is you are,

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Speaker 2: but then help you evolve into that next version and

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Speaker 2: see how far you've come since not only the first time,

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Speaker 2: but the second time, and now to be here with

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Speaker 2: you again for this recap moment, I felt it was

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Speaker 2: a really special opportunity for you and I to connect,

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Speaker 2: specifically when I was thinking about who I wanted to

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Speaker 2: bring in for this turning the page series. So you

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Speaker 2: know the premise, you know the shtick here. The shtick

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Speaker 2: is we're going to start with your word. So tell me,

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Speaker 2: Alex Liver Fagan, what's your word when you look back

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Speaker 2: on twenty twenty one?

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Speaker 1: My word for twenty twenty one is and was presence.

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Speaker 1: So I chose that I Actually, I love I love

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Speaker 1: this exercise of choosing a word either before the year

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Speaker 3: And seeing if they align.

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Speaker 1: For me, I had chosen presence at the beginning of

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Speaker 1: the year, and I still think that that is appropriate

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Speaker 1: when I look back on this entire year and to

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Speaker 1: go off of what you were just saying. In this

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Speaker 1: growth and evolution, I now see how transient we are

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Speaker 1: in every moment and letting our energy move, but being

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Speaker 1: present in each opportunity within that. So we are both

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Speaker 1: evolving in this exact moment. But if we're not present

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Speaker 1: in the moment, we're going to lose the joy of

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Speaker 1: the growth. So it's kind of this beautiful play between, yeah,

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Speaker 1: between flow and presence, and I think presence is paramount.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So you learned a lot about presence then in

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Speaker 2: talk to me about what some of those lessons really

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Speaker 2: were for you.

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Speaker 1: So I used to try to escape feelings or escape pain,

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Speaker 1: or cover it up and reach for the next thing.

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Speaker 1: And I talked about that in our second recording, our

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Speaker 1: second Hurdle episode. And this past year, more than ever,

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Speaker 1: I've had space.

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Speaker 3: I didn't fill my.

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Speaker 1: Schedule with new things. I didn't try to reach for

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Speaker 1: just all of the other band aids that I had

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Speaker 1: reached for in the past to cover up the pain.

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Speaker 3: And when you constantly cover.

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Speaker 1: Something up and you reach for a band aid, you're

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Speaker 1: not going to let the wound heal. I mean if

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Speaker 1: you think about it physically, like we actually have to

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Speaker 1: open take the band aid off so that it can

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Speaker 1: air out and the wound can actually start to create

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Speaker 1: a scab, and then eventually the scab starts to create

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Speaker 1: fresh skin and you start to heal. And I got

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Speaker 1: rid of the band aids this year, and I just

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Speaker 1: but my wound's heal. I let myself sit in the pain.

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Speaker 1: I let myself sit in the joy. In every single

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Speaker 1: experience that I had, I was present with it, and

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Speaker 1: then I let it move through me.

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Speaker 2: Oh. I love that analogy of the of the wound

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Speaker 2: and the skin healing. That's very profound.

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Speaker 3: Thanks. I think it's important because we don't.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you can physically see a physical wound, or you

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Speaker 1: can literally see a physical wound, but we don't think

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Speaker 1: about a mental wound. And I talk about this often

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Speaker 1: when it comes to mental health because, as I shared,

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Speaker 1: I've been in a treatment center, and we don't when

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Speaker 1: people go to hospitals for a broken bone, no one

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Speaker 1: that's an eye. But when we go to a mental

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Speaker 1: hospital for something for an injury with your brain, it's

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Speaker 1: not looked at the same and I'm trying to change that.

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Speaker 1: I guess that understanding like it really is similar and

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Speaker 1: you have to let the wound heal.

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Speaker 2: If I was to ask you to think about when

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Speaker 2: perhaps the theme of presence really really with you over

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Speaker 2: the past year, are there any specific circumstances or experiences

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Speaker 2: that come top of mind.

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Speaker 1: When I was in treatment, my therapist said, You're going

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Speaker 1: to have a lot of gut punch moments where you

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Speaker 1: feel like someone kicked you in the stomach, kicked you

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Speaker 1: in the gut, punched you in the gut.

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Speaker 3: It's going to be painful. They're going to happen over

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Speaker 3: and over again.

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Speaker 1: So think of your biggest nightmare, like the worst thing

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Speaker 1: that could ever happen. Think of it, put yourself in it,

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Speaker 1: and realize that you're going to be okay. So I

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Speaker 1: thought of those things. Some of them happened publicly, and

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Speaker 1: I survived. So realizing that being hit that hard and

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Speaker 1: recognizing that that feeling starts to get less intense as

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Speaker 1: you experience it over and over again, and just being

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Speaker 1: present in that moment I think of it. You know,

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Speaker 1: I said, gut punch. I'm doing a lot of analogies.

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Speaker 1: But if you think of a stab turning into a pinprick,

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Speaker 1: like eventually it won't feel that painful. And that's what

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Speaker 1: happened for me in twenty twenty one. I let myself

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Speaker 1: feel all of that and then it's I got stronger

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Speaker 1: from it.

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Speaker 2: It's kind of like when you go to get your

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Speaker 2: ears piers for the first time, or I mean, I

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Speaker 2: don't have any tattoos, but I've been told that, like,

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Speaker 2: your first tattoo is like scary, scary, scary, and then

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Speaker 2: like the reason why people continue and continue and continue

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Speaker 2: to get more of them is because that pain just

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Speaker 2: doesn't feel the same as time goes on and you progress,

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Speaker 2: And so it seems to me that it's just learning

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Speaker 2: how to navigate that pain and then embrace it in

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Speaker 2: a different way than you had before.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and learning that you will survive. You've survived things before,

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Speaker 1: you'll survive again. And everything is fluid. Nothing stays the same.

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Speaker 1: We don't stay the same, our bodies don't stay the same,

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Speaker 1: our thoughts, our feelings, and so rather than being so.

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Speaker 3: Wrapped up in everything that's happening.

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Speaker 1: I like the idea of just being present with it

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Speaker 1: but detached at the same time, because if you can

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Speaker 1: start to remove yourself from the feeling and say, I

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Speaker 1: am not my feeling, but I am feeling this, it's

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Speaker 1: so much easier to just go through your day and

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Speaker 1: not everything is that, not everything really matters.

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Speaker 3: You know, everything matters, but it doesn't really matter.

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Speaker 1: And if you find your space in the middle, then

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Speaker 1: that's peace, peace and presence.

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Speaker 2: Peace and presence. Okay. So then when we reflect on

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Speaker 2: the rest of the year, then when you think about

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Speaker 2: the other takeaways that you have besides presence, what comes

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Speaker 2: to mind for you being alone is.

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Speaker 1: Not the end of the world, and it doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: that you're lonely. It doesn't mean that you are alone

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Speaker 1: in your life. I have found peace in my own

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Speaker 1: experience more of this year than ever, and I'm grateful

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Speaker 1: for everything that's happened, all of the pain, because I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have approached a full year completely by myself if

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Speaker 1: it weren't for those experiences and those people. And I

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Speaker 1: now know that being alone is beautiful and it's not

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It's actually very

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Speaker 1: powerful to find that connection with yourself because then it

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Speaker 1: makes all the other experiences better in life.

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Speaker 3: You know, it's funny.

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Speaker 2: I released an episode of Five Minute Friday from the

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Speaker 2: show a couple of weeks back. Now. By the time

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Speaker 2: this episode comes out, and I don't know at the

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Speaker 2: time that we record this exactly what New Year's Eve

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Speaker 2: will hold for me. But I was doing so much

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Speaker 2: like emotional unpacking of trying to figure out why it

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Speaker 2: is only New Years. Spending New Year's by myself that

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Speaker 2: really triggers me as someone who, like you like, feels

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Speaker 2: super good on her own and loves to do things

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Speaker 2: on my own and travel and eat and like fuck

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Speaker 2: Valentine's Day, like I'm in it doesn't matter to me.

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Speaker 2: Something about New Years, like for the longest time set

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Speaker 2: me off. And when we think about the painful experiences

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Speaker 2: and the things that are like not ideal in our lives.

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Speaker 2: Right now, this resurgent, the new wave of COVID, it

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Speaker 2: has gotten me to this place where I take a

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Speaker 2: step back and I'm like, well, I'm sure as hell

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Speaker 2: not the only person that might be sitting on my

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Speaker 2: couch by myself and for some reason seeing it like that,

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Speaker 2: even though that was the circumstance the entire time, but

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Speaker 2: seeing it like that empowered me to be like, you're

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Speaker 2: gonna be just fine. Like sometimes we just gotta again

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Speaker 2: like remove ourselves, take a step back and be like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: well this is how it is now.

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Speaker 1: I also think of that as when's the next time

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Speaker 1: that you will be in your own experience for New

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Speaker 1: Years by yourself, Like that might never ever happen again.

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Speaker 3: You might have a partner or kids, or you never know.

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Speaker 1: So being grateful for that, that's what helped me in

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Speaker 1: the past year because I have never been single this

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Speaker 1: long in my entire life. And when am I ever

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Speaker 1: going to have this chance to just book a plane

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Speaker 1: ticket if I want granted COVID but or go out

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Speaker 1: to eat by myself, or just pick decide what I

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Speaker 1: want to do by myself, And so who knows, this

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Speaker 1: might be the last opportunity that you and I can

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Speaker 1: sit on our couch or maybe we'll be together, who knows,

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Speaker 1: but sit on our couch for New Year's or just

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Speaker 1: do anything. So being present in the positive part of

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Speaker 1: all of these experiences make it.

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Speaker 3: A joy and less of augh all right, I guess

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Speaker 3: this is what I have to do now.

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Speaker 2: It's just the idea that there's power in your perspective, right,

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Speaker 2: and your perspective really, truly, truly is your reality. So

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Speaker 2: it doesn't mean that you know someone else's perspective isn't valid.

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Speaker 2: But everyone's going to have their own unique and individual

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Speaker 2: experience when it comes to everything that happens in our lives,

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Speaker 2: and so to move forward with that understanding is really

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Speaker 2: of the utmost important it's for you. Then, aside from

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Speaker 2: you know, finding this value and spending your time alone

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Speaker 2: and being really homed in on the idea of presence,

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Speaker 2: what else really rings true for you as you begin

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Speaker 2: a new year.

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Speaker 1: My word for twenty twenty two is connection. I've found

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Speaker 1: peace and i found presence in my experience, and now

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Speaker 1: I'm excited to connect more with my surroundings and connect

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Speaker 1: even more with myself. And you know, presence is step one.

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Speaker 1: Step two is that connection. So that's what I'm looking

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Speaker 1: forward to in twenty twenty two. I'm looking forward to

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Speaker 1: releasing a project that I've been working on for the

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Speaker 1: past year. I'm looking forward to embracing more opportunities, saying

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Speaker 1: yes more often, continuing to choose a perspective that fuels

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Speaker 1: me and doesn't hold me back. And I've spent way

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Speaker 1: too much time choosing the negative of perspective or getting

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Speaker 1: wrapped up in a what if experience when nothing else

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Speaker 1: has to change just because you see something, you learn something,

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Speaker 1: you hear something, as long as.

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Speaker 3: You choose to move forward in a positive perspective.

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Speaker 1: So I'm continuing to flex that muscle and I'm looking

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Speaker 1: forward to getting stronger with it.

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Speaker 2: What do you envision connection and more of it to

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Speaker 2: look like for you in twenty twenty two, I've.

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Speaker 1: Been able to connect deeply with people that aren't here

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Speaker 1: so via Oh wow, I didn't even realize when I

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Speaker 1: just said that I was thinking of people that aren't

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Speaker 1: in this human body anymore so meaning spirit world, which

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Speaker 1: I wasn't going there. But what I meant was people

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Speaker 1: that are all over the country and all over the world.

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Speaker 1: I've found that I've been able to stay really really

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Speaker 1: close with through technology, and I'm grateful for that. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be on my phone all the time,

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Speaker 1: but it's awesome to be able to maintain best friendships

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Speaker 1: and family through that. So I'm looking forward to in

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Speaker 1: person connection more hopefully once we get through this next wave,

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Speaker 1: and also connecting with followers in a new way. As

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Speaker 1: you know, we were talking about TikTok before we started recording.

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Speaker 1: But there's new platforms and new ways to share information

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Speaker 1: and joy, and so I'm excited to connect in that

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Speaker 1: way and just connect with myself. I'm just scratching the surface.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that the interesting thing about how

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Speaker 2: we connect is that there are so many different ways

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Speaker 2: to do it, and you get out of your connections,

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Speaker 2: I would arguably say, what you're willing to put into it.

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Speaker 2: And over the last couple of years, I think many

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Speaker 2: of us have come to truly understand that if you're

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Speaker 2: not fully present with someone, and you have an opportunity

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Speaker 2: to not be fully present with someone all the time,

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Speaker 2: and it may not seem like such a big deal,

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Speaker 2: but when you do have so many fewer opportunities to connect,

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Speaker 2: whether it would be irl or virtually or whatnot, with

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Speaker 2: one person or a greater community, it's as though we've

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Speaker 2: come to understand the value of these experiences, maybe in

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Speaker 2: a way that we took for granted previously. So I

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Speaker 2: totally hear you on connection. It's something that I'm certainly

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Speaker 2: prioritizing going into the new year. And I do think

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Speaker 2: that on this quest for connection, it's so important for

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Speaker 2: us to not say that with like a caveat, right,

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Speaker 2: because I do believe that that has been easy for

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Speaker 2: some when they think about the goals they're setting or

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Speaker 2: what they want at the turn of a new year,

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Speaker 2: it's like, well, if this happens, then I want this,

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Speaker 2: or if this doesn't go this way, or if the

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Speaker 2: world is like this, or blah blah blah blah blah.

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Speaker 2: It's like we're giving so many exceptions or again and

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Speaker 2: that word caveats to like what is there for us

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Speaker 2: or what could be there for us, rather than like

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Speaker 2: finding the way to make the things that we want happen,

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Speaker 2: even if it's not via the means that we envisioned.

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Speaker 1: Exactly so beautifully said, Yeah, I think we have to

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Speaker 1: move forward without any expectation and do something from a

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Speaker 1: place of presence and connection and true love. So if

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Speaker 1: you if you do something because you're expecting something in return,

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Speaker 1: then it's never the connection's already lost because you're connecting

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Speaker 1: more to the expectation rather.

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Speaker 3: Than the act and the experience. In the moment, and.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, moving forward without any any exception and expectation.

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Speaker 1: I love these alliterations that we're finding.

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Speaker 2: When you look back on your interpretation and better understanding

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Speaker 2: of your original word of presence in twenty twenty one,

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Speaker 2: do you recall any advice that maybe you've been offered

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Speaker 2: when it came to execution on that front that really

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Speaker 2: helped you adopt the practices that you preach now.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, just to breathe, it's I have it tattooed. It's

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Speaker 1: my first tattoo that's on my left wrist. I got

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Speaker 1: it when I was eighteen. I didn't even realize my

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Speaker 1: connection to yoga back then. But staying connected to your

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Speaker 1: breath and being grounded. So if you're having trouble, and

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Speaker 1: if I have trouble finding presence in a moment, I

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Speaker 1: tend to sit on the floor.

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Speaker 3: My feet sometimes don't do it. It's not enough for me.

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Speaker 3: Some people run.

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Speaker 1: I know that's a great you find a lot of

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Speaker 1: presents in that and feeling your feet, hating the earth.

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Speaker 3: But I love to just sit down on the ground

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Speaker 3: and breathe.

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Speaker 1: And I used to in moments of panic or trauma

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Speaker 1: or pain. I would find myself in that position. And

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Speaker 1: I've switched the perspective now where instead of that being

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Speaker 1: a last resort, I find myself there. I sit down

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Speaker 1: on the ground. I lay down on the ground. If

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Speaker 1: I can't, I lay on the lay in the grass.

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Speaker 1: If I can find it, if it's nearby, and I

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Speaker 1: just breathe, and you take a few breaths and suddenly

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Speaker 1: whatever you were thinking about it doesn't.

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Speaker 3: It's not as it's not as massive anymore.

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Speaker 1: So that and that's connection too, connection to this moment

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Speaker 1: and this planet and who we are. That would be

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Speaker 1: my advice. I'm going to continue with it. You'll find

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Speaker 1: me on the floor breathing.

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Speaker 2: Aside from more connection in twenty twenty two. What else

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Speaker 2: excites you about this new year.

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Speaker 1: Well, I'm turning thirty. I'm turning thirty in March, so

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Speaker 1: I'm excited for level three.

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Speaker 3: I'm done with.

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Speaker 1: Level Two'll look back for you, yo, level two.

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Speaker 3: The twenties are twenties are rough in a good way.

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Speaker 1: You there's this expectation to already know who you are

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Speaker 1: when you have no idea and you fail so many times,

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Speaker 1: but each one feels like the end of the world.

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Speaker 3: And that you've done.

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Speaker 1: You've completely messed the entire plan up without realizing that

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Speaker 1: all of those failures are just getting you to who

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Speaker 1: you actually are. And so I think my twenties were

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Speaker 1: the time when I kind of was paddling around figuring

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Speaker 1: out who I was, And now the thirties, I'm stepping

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Speaker 1: into who I am as a woman, and I'm really

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Speaker 1: excited to meet her on a deeper level.

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Speaker 3: So I love level three, baby, level three, leveling up,

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Speaker 3: level three, Oh my god. Twenty twenty two. The chapter

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Speaker 3: title is leveling up.

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Speaker 2: You're welcome. You have an opportunity to offer the Alex

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Speaker 2: back on January one, twenty twenty one.

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Speaker 3: A piece of advice.

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Speaker 2: Now that we sit in twenty twenty two, what do

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Speaker 2: you tell her?

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Speaker 3: It gets easier.

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Speaker 1: And the only way to get out of the fire

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Speaker 1: is to keep walking or else you're going to get burned.

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Speaker 3: So just keep going, keep walking.

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Speaker 2: It won't be so bad. Thanks for your time, love Bug,

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Speaker 2: I really appreciate it. How do the hurdlers follow along

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Speaker 2: with you? How do they keep up with you? How

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Speaker 2: do they connect with you? Give us the.

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Speaker 1: Details Instagram at Alex silver Fagan has been posting on

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Speaker 1: the Talk as well without Alex silver Fagan. We're getting there,

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Speaker 1: baby steps, and for now that's where you can find me.

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Speaker 1: And there'll be some more announcements coming up soon, so

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Speaker 1: I hope to connect with you there.

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Speaker 3: Stay tuned.

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Speaker 2: I'm over at Emily Body and at Hurdle Podcast Another

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Speaker 2: Hurdle Conquered.

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Speaker 3: Catch you guys next time