WEBVTT - "I'M ADDICTED TO LOVE" 0:00:00.560 --> 0:00:03.080 Hello, holy shit, I'm actually on with GEK. 0:00:03.520 --> 0:00:05.400 What a baby? How you doing? 0:00:06.400 --> 0:00:07.040 What? Uh? 0:00:07.840 --> 0:00:11.879 I'm better now that you're here, sick. How's life, buddy? 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:15.200 What's going on? Hit me? Hit me in the balls? 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:19.520 Gets get crazy? Come on, baby, come on, come on man, 0:00:19.680 --> 0:00:21.320 hit me, sir, hit me, hit me, hit me. 0:00:22.480 --> 0:00:25.799 All right, So I figure I should talk about my 0:00:25.880 --> 0:00:29.400 codependency because that's what I talked to about with my 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:30.360 actual therapist. 0:00:31.160 --> 0:00:33.080 Sure yeah, sure, sure. 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:42.400 Yeah. So let's see. So I'm in recovery. I'm like 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:44.519 five months clean off of fetanyl. 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:47.640 Congrats, I thank you. 0:00:48.520 --> 0:00:53.479 I normally tell people my my drugs of choice are slow, 0:00:53.680 --> 0:00:56.320 which is sex, love, opiates, and women. 0:00:56.840 --> 0:00:58.960 Oh, I really only. 0:00:59.480 --> 0:01:04.680 Abstained from the opiates. And my therapist is like, I 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:08.240 don't understand how you could literally say that you'd rather 0:01:08.319 --> 0:01:11.600 eat dog shit than do dope again, but you can't 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:14.560 abstain from women. And I normally replied with the joke. 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:16.319 I'm like, well, you know, it's hard when they just 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:22.520 throw themselves at me. But I feel like like I 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:24.640 grew up alone a lot, Like I was a latch 0:01:24.680 --> 0:01:26.960 tea kid, you know, like I make sure I was 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:30.920 up in time for school, got home, did my homework, 0:01:31.040 --> 0:01:34.160 fed myself, showered, make sures in bed bird. 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:34.720 You know. 0:01:35.200 --> 0:01:37.760 So it's like I seek attention because I didn't have 0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:39.200 it as a kid, which I feel like a lot 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:48.440 of people do. But yeah, what are your thoughts on that? 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:52.480 What are my thoughts on that? 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:52.800 Oh? 0:01:52.840 --> 0:01:58.400 My god? Uh slow interesting sex love, opiates women. Opiates 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:05.800 feels like it's the odd one out of that acronym. Yeah, 0:02:05.920 --> 0:02:09.119 why opiates? Why is opiates finding itself in that acronym. 0:02:11.000 --> 0:02:13.920 Well, it's like I went, I went to rehab like 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:17.040 for the opiates and then come to find out that, 0:02:17.160 --> 0:02:22.400 like my codependency was like a bigger issue, Like I'm 0:02:22.440 --> 0:02:23.480 addicted to attention. 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:27.280 Yeah, what code the whole codependency thing? What does that 0:02:28.240 --> 0:02:29.519 look like? Really? 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:29.720 Like? 0:02:29.760 --> 0:02:32.680 What is how does that manifest itself? A codependency addiction? 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:34.079 Oh? 0:02:36.040 --> 0:02:41.160 I like constantly like have to be talking to somebody, 0:02:41.200 --> 0:02:44.920 if not like multiple women, because I get that dopamine 0:02:45.000 --> 0:02:46.080 hit from the attention. 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:47.000 Yeah. 0:02:47.080 --> 0:02:50.840 But on the like negative end of the spectrum, like 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:52.959 if I get ghosted or like I don't hear back 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:55.600 for a bit. It's like books at my day and 0:02:55.639 --> 0:03:02.880 it's like I could like a week or two ago, 0:03:03.240 --> 0:03:06.720 I went on this date, and uh, like I didn't 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:08.320 hear back from this girl for like a couple of 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:11.240 days before our date. It went really well, but like 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:13.240 I was like really shitty. I was like, I'm too 0:03:13.240 --> 0:03:14.399 gorgeous to be ghosted? 0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:19.840 Is by the way? I can I just say this? 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:22.880 And is this not? Like? Everyone? Is this not most people? Do? 0:03:22.960 --> 0:03:25.639 Most people not? And I'm not gonna I don't think 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:29.400 most I don't think it's a universal experience to like 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:32.959 need I mean, it is, of course a lot of 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:34.519 people that are like want to be talking to multiple 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:36.040 people at once, but a lot of people only want 0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:37.920 to be talking to one person at once. But it 0:03:38.080 --> 0:03:40.400 isn't that a kind of a universal experience to feel 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:41.800 shitty when you've been ghosted? 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:45.160 I feel like it is, you know. 0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:51.680 So why what do the opiates? Are the opiates just 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:54.920 just a thing on the sidelines, or are they intertwined 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:57.480 in the the sex and love? 0:03:58.320 --> 0:04:02.240 Well, It's like I feel like it was intertwined. Like 0:04:02.240 --> 0:04:05.800 I didn't realize it at the time, but after like 0:04:05.920 --> 0:04:09.440 going to treatment and stuff, It's like if I was 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:11.960 able to get high and have that sense of ease 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:16.040 and comfort, I didn't have to seek out attention. 0:04:17.680 --> 0:04:26.560 Interesting. Yeah, that makes sense. Hmmm mmm yeah. So it's 0:04:26.600 --> 0:04:29.800 like you're just kind of trying to fix some chemical, 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:38.440 uh maladjustments in your brain, whether it be through drugs 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:40.440 or through another person. 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:42.160 Right. 0:04:42.720 --> 0:04:50.119 Interesting, M And so how has it been being five 0:04:50.160 --> 0:04:51.080 months sober? 0:04:54.120 --> 0:04:56.359 It's pretty cool, Like my they call it like a 0:04:56.440 --> 0:04:59.560 pink cloud of early sobriety where you're like, fuck, yeah, 0:04:59.600 --> 0:05:02.640 this is the that's kind of coming gone, coming up 0:05:02.680 --> 0:05:08.520 some like half a year. So now it's just life. 0:05:08.760 --> 0:05:14.880 So I'm trying to live life on life terms. I 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:17.599 do a lot of like volunteer work because they say 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:19.520 that it's a good way to stay sober. I like 0:05:20.200 --> 0:05:24.960 help lead like heroin Anonymous meetings, which Heroin Anonymous just 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:26.800 kind of encompasses. 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:30.640 Like all opiates. 0:05:31.160 --> 0:05:33.240 And I do like aa like any sort of like 0:05:33.240 --> 0:05:36.400 anonymous program. I volunteer with the special needs like twice 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:40.599 a month and once a week I go to pet 0:05:40.600 --> 0:05:43.320 COO and I volunteer with like the place where they 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:48.680 have the like kitten adoptions. Hmm. 0:05:50.080 --> 0:05:54.320 That's that all sounds nice man. Yeah, have you been 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:56.719 enjoying the five months of being sober? 0:05:58.000 --> 0:05:58.279 I have. 0:05:58.720 --> 0:06:02.200 I've made like a move to a new town I'm in. 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:07.680 I'm in Prescott, Arizona. So it's all my friends up 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:10.320 here are sober. You know, I don't know where to 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:19.520 find dope up here. You know. Oh you uh new geography, 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:22.479 you know, it's a new start. M hm. 0:06:24.240 --> 0:06:31.640 And what are you What does sobriety look like in 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:33.919 terms of like sex, are you like upstanding from like 0:06:34.320 --> 0:06:35.520 having sex with anyone? 0:06:36.480 --> 0:06:41.080 So they call that emotional sobriety. So it's like anytime 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:44.160 that I would like have sex with somebody, or even 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:49.240 if I'm like talking to people, they call it acting 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:52.960 out right. They have they have a sex and love 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:56.080 addicts anonymous, which I went for a bit, and then 0:06:56.600 --> 0:06:58.760 this dude was talking about how he fox dogs and 0:06:58.800 --> 0:07:01.160 I was like, this is not I don't think this 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:01.680 is for me. 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:06.880 Wow, yeah, you know what's crazy? I bet And it's 0:07:06.920 --> 0:07:09.480 like kind of a something and I know this is 0:07:09.720 --> 0:07:13.520 probably an invasion of a sacred space, but uh, you 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:15.960 know when a guy start when a guy is in 0:07:16.000 --> 0:07:18.520 a meeting and he starts talking about having sex with dogs, 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:22.720 is everyone else in the meeting like oh shit? Even 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:24.920 I am like that's the lot. 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:32.400 I feel like they're thinking it, but you're not like 0:07:32.520 --> 0:07:36.680 supposed to like comment on something that's well, I mean, 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:38.440 you'd like you can, but you can't like direct it 0:07:38.480 --> 0:07:44.680 at them. This is a cross cross like if I interrupt, ye, 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:47.520 if I interrupt wh somebody's sharing, or if I go 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:50.560 to my share and I'm like this, fuck, you know, 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:52.600 we're like I've never you know what I mean. 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:58.200 Like, there's this comedian named there's this comedian named Greg 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:01.840 Roguel and I think he did this joke on an 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:03.760 episode of Louis or maybe I just saw him do 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:06.600 the joke. I don't know, but he has this joke 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:09.840 about Tiger Woods where he's like, you know, they're they're 0:08:09.920 --> 0:08:12.960 on the news calling Tiger Woods a sex addict. These 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:15.880 were beautiful women he was having sex with. Now, if 0:08:15.880 --> 0:08:18.840 he was having sex with like a dead chicken, I'd 0:08:18.880 --> 0:08:21.720 be like, wow, that guy is addicted to sex. 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:25.080 Yeah. 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:28.160 When when I went to treatment, they were asking me 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:32.200 about like my sexuality and like promiscuity and stuff. I 0:08:32.240 --> 0:08:34.720 was like, well, I'm pan sexual, and I guess it's 0:08:34.760 --> 0:08:38.760 like you know, when it comes to like sleeping with somebody. 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:42.560 I literally told my therapist, I'm like, if somebody's down 0:08:42.600 --> 0:08:46.760 to clown, we're going to the circus, you know, fucking interesting. 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:48.400 I'm gonna get mine, And she was like, I think 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:50.080 you might be a sex addict. 0:08:50.880 --> 0:08:53.640 If someone is down to say that again, if someone 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:55.959 is down to clown, I'm going to the circus. 0:08:56.360 --> 0:08:56.560 Yeah. 0:08:56.600 --> 0:08:59.240 If somebody's down to clown, we're going to the circus. 0:09:01.720 --> 0:09:03.720 Yeah. I mean I've lived a lot of my life 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:07.360 like that too. Does that make someone a sex addict? 0:09:10.559 --> 0:09:15.880 I mean, are you preoccupied with sex or like relationships? 0:09:16.240 --> 0:09:17.920 What is preoccupied? Man? 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:22.760 Like, if you think about it often for more than 0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:25.120 like thirty seconds at a time. 0:09:26.640 --> 0:09:29.360 Do I think about sex for more than thirty seconds 0:09:29.400 --> 0:09:29.719 at a. 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:32.800 Time multiple times throughout the day? 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:36.600 Probably do? Is that not normal? 0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:39.679 I mean I thought it was. 0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:44.400 How many? What's defined multiple? 0:09:46.760 --> 0:09:49.680 I don't they like never told me like an exact number. 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:57.480 But it's like, if I'm preoccupied with it. 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:57.559 Is that? Well? You know what's about is the thing 0:09:57.600 --> 0:10:03.680 I saw some TikTok that was like, uh, humans are 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:07.600 our only biological derivative is to have sex. I mean, 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:11.680 if there was truly a god, like, the only actual 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:15.960 meaning of life is to have sex. Like that's the 0:10:16.000 --> 0:10:20.440 only like inherent one, So it makes sense. Yeah, that's 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:24.600 the only that's the thing that our bodies are hardwired 0:10:25.320 --> 0:10:27.680 to do, is to We're biological programmed for the meaning 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:32.559 of life being to eat and to have sex and reproduce. 0:10:32.679 --> 0:10:38.800 That's our like biological hardware or whatever programming. So of 0:10:38.840 --> 0:10:42.839 course it's gonna take up, you know, a lot of 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:43.880 brain space, is it not? 0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:47.600 Yeah? I think? So? 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:54.200 Are you thinking about sex right now? 0:10:55.720 --> 0:10:59.359 I mean we're talking about it. 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:00.319 But like are you thinking yeah, well we're talking like, 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:01.960 are you like thinking about it in like a horny way? 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:03.040 Oh? 0:11:03.160 --> 0:11:06.320 No, okay, me neither, but I you know, I was. 0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:10.480 We are talking about it, yes, which is a step 0:11:10.520 --> 0:11:13.880 above thinking about something. Is talking about something. If I 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:18.720 talked about sex multiple times a day all the time, 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:21.920 that would probably be a lot. 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:23.360 Yeah. 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:32.800 Hmm, okay, let me think, Let me think, Let me think, 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:37.840 Let me think. So, what's the future plan for you, sir? 0:11:39.920 --> 0:11:40.959 The future plan? 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:43.680 Hmm? 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:48.280 Like just in general or like with this subject. 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:51.400 Let's start start with with this subject and then we 0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:52.480 can go into general. 0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:58.920 So with this subject, I feel like it would be 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:03.320 good for me each focus more on myself and not 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:06.800 just like trying to get some tail or, you know, 0:12:06.920 --> 0:12:10.280 like trying to find somebody to to fill the hole 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:14.600 within myself that I need to, ye know, do on 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:17.960 my own. You know, like they say, you can't love 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:22.120 somebody until you truly love yourself, because they come, they 0:12:22.120 --> 0:12:24.080 become like my whole world, Like I do the whole 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:28.720 like insist treatment, which probably isn't a good thing because 0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:32.800 then it's like if they if I like, like if 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:34.960 I lose them, I lose like a part of myself, 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:36.800 which is a healthy. 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:42.200 Yeah yeah, I know, but like, isn't that fucking that's 0:12:42.240 --> 0:12:47.440 so stupid, you know. Uh, I'm I'm sorry to react 0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:52.319 so strongly, but uh yeah, but it's like, of course 0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:54.439 that's it's so it's the one thing. And I was 0:12:54.480 --> 0:12:56.679 talking about this, I was rantic about this on the 0:12:56.679 --> 0:12:59.480 podcast recently. But it's so stupid to be like that's 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:05.760 not healthy because it's like, you know, it's like saying like, oh, 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:08.880 if my wife died and left, if my wife left 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:13.160 me or cheated on me or died, I would feel 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:15.880 like losing a part of myself and that's not healthy. 0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:20.280 It's like, well, it's fucking yea, this is life, you know, 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:24.320 it's supposed to I think, I think, I don't know, 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:29.800 there's something about like therapy and about psycho whatever and 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:37.240 about you know, there's something very sterile in all of this. 0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:39.640 Do you know what I mean? Do you are you 0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:42.600 picking up what I'm saying, Like I need to have 0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:48.520 a perfect emotional whatever with everything, And it's like life 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:54.400 is not sterile. It's beyond our attempts to sterilize it 0:13:54.480 --> 0:14:00.040 with therapeutic whatever. That's at least how I feel in 0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:04.760 this moment. So I think it's I don't know if 0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:08.880 there is a correct way to love. There's things that 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:13.520 are glaringly unhealthy and glaringly toxic, but then there's things 0:14:13.520 --> 0:14:17.200 that are just like, well, yeah, you form a connection 0:14:17.280 --> 0:14:21.440 with someone because of oxytocin or whatever, and when they 0:14:21.440 --> 0:14:25.400 are no longer there, it sucks, you know, And when 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:31.120 they are there, it is good and there's no and 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:34.160 a lot of the emotional sterilization is just attempting to 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:42.320 tempting to avoid the sucks part. But yeah, I mean 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:45.240 that's that that doesn't happen. You know, there's no reason 0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:52.560 to believe that you should be exempt from things occasionally sucking, 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:57.360 you know. I mean, yeah, I. 0:14:57.280 --> 0:15:01.200 Guess what I would like an example it being unhealthy. 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:04.400 So like I was with this girl for like four 0:15:04.440 --> 0:15:07.800 and a half years, and I was like saving up 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:10.440 her ring and stuff and it didn't work out, you know, 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:12.160 Like I was using at the time, and like she's 0:15:12.280 --> 0:15:15.800 just like I can't do this. She actually she like 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:18.320 was prepared to leave me, and then like stayed with 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:21.400 me like through like the first time that I tried 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:23.560 to get sober, which shows like she actually really cared. 0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:27.920 And then when we ended up splitting up, I was 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:30.840 gonna like use the money that I saved for the 0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:32.960 ring to go to Peru and go to like an 0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:36.440 Iowas to retreat, but before I got my passport, I 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:43.560 releft m So it's like it's, you know, is somebody 0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:47.880 such a big part of you that you're gonna I 0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:50.840 don't know, self sabotage or you know what I'm trying 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:51.320 to say. 0:15:51.600 --> 0:15:55.600 Yeah, like you like the concept of like you're filling 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:57.800 a hole, and it's like, well, if it's not this lady, 0:15:57.840 --> 0:15:59.680 then it's gonna be fucking drugs. 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:05.440 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll fill the hole with another hole. 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:12.240 Yeah yeah. Uh it's weird, make it. I mean, uh, 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:15.360 you know, we all I don't want to get to 0:16:16.480 --> 0:16:18.080 and I don't think that this is a bummer. But 0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:20.360 it's like, aren't we all kind of filling a hole? 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:25.160 In some sense? Is in a lot? Is in a 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:27.160 lot I'd love to have. I really would love to 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:31.400 talk to more. Uh, you know, get alternative perspectives on 0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:35.280 this from you know, whatever philosophy douche bag people there are. 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:38.160 But uh, I mean, isn't a lot of life filling 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:42.840 a hole? I mean, like our like is having friends, 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:46.960 Filling a hole is getting is achieving things. Filling a 0:16:47.000 --> 0:16:51.200 hole is like working out, filling a hole, having kids, 0:16:51.200 --> 0:16:54.200 having like like all these like positive things. It's all 0:16:54.840 --> 0:17:01.640 filling a hole of some kind. Yeah, everyone, Yeah, and 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:04.320 and so I guess it's just about filling the hole 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:07.080 with as much things that are considered positive instead of 0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:09.600 negative so that you look back on your life and 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:13.359 you enjoy it. But yeah, you know it feels a 0:17:13.359 --> 0:17:15.120 little complicated. I guess. 0:17:17.600 --> 0:17:19.320 Yeah, life's the trip. 0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:28.120 What's your name again, Sterling? Sterling? Sterling, Sterling, Sterling? How 0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:29.720 did you feel about this phone call? Sterling? 0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:34.760 I was stoke that I actually got on mm hmm. 0:17:35.760 --> 0:17:38.040 You're you're you're a good guy, Sterling. I like you. 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:40.080 You seem like a nice fella. 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:43.520 Thank you Mike Boy's gig. 0:17:43.960 --> 0:17:46.840 Hmmm, I'm trying to is anything I'm trying to think 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:52.280 if there's anything else? This was an interesting thing. Do 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:54.840 you feel like you'll you'll be able to like have 0:17:55.760 --> 0:17:57.800 do you do you feel optimistic about your ability to 0:17:57.880 --> 0:18:00.520 kind of work on your sexual relationships and have them 0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:06.920 be more healthy to your to your definition? 0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:10.159 Yeah, I think so, Like if I actually try to 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:11.200 start working on it. 0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:21.760 Would you ever have would you ever have sex with 0:18:21.800 --> 0:18:22.200 a dog? 0:18:23.680 --> 0:18:23.720 No? 0:18:25.920 --> 0:18:28.800 Okay, that's good. I don't think that's a good idea. 0:18:29.400 --> 0:18:31.560 I don't think that's a good thing to do. Is 0:18:31.560 --> 0:18:32.760 there anything else you want to say to the people 0:18:32.760 --> 0:18:34.119 of the computer before we go starling? 0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:43.960 Hmmm. It's better to be a dopeless hope addict than 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:49.920 a dopeless than a hopeless dope addict, and don't do drugs. Oh? 0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:51.520 I like that? 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:55.560 Say that way, hopeless. It's better to be a dopeless. 0:18:55.920 --> 0:18:59.320 A dopeless hope addict than a hopeless dope addict. 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:02.679 A dopeless hope addict and a hopeless dope addict. 0:19:02.720 --> 0:19:03.119 I like that. 0:19:03.480 --> 0:19:06.840 I like that. She put down a shirt or a 0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:08.280 fucking bracelet or whatever. 0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:10.439 Yeah, a bumper sicker. 0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:14.679 Thanks for calling Sterling. I appreciate you word. 0:19:14.720 --> 0:19:15.280 Thank you, Geck. 0:19:15.640 --> 0:19:25.280 They came in. Likewise, that was sterling slow sex love 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:30.320 opiates women. I stole the feel like, Yeah, no, that 0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:36.679 all that all makes sense. I think it's bad to 0:19:36.680 --> 0:19:41.440 have sex with dogs. I'll say that on the record. 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:45.560 Hello, Hello, where's your shirt? 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:46.919 Where's my shirt? 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:48.800 Yeah? 0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:49.840 Where's your shirt? 0:19:51.160 --> 0:19:53.480 Jessica? What's up? How you doing? 0:19:53.560 --> 0:19:53.760 Man? 0:19:53.800 --> 0:19:54.399 How's life? 0:19:56.400 --> 0:19:58.720 I don't do one all right. I decided to call 0:19:58.720 --> 0:20:02.879 in today because I figured you'd be interested in my 0:20:03.560 --> 0:20:07.399 story on nineteen And to put it simply, I'm going blind. 0:20:08.160 --> 0:20:09.680 You're going blind? 0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:15.640 Yes, So, I have a rare genetic condition called Stargart disease. 0:20:16.240 --> 0:20:19.760 It affects one in ten thousand people worldwide, and it 0:20:19.880 --> 0:20:25.760 basically like I'm losing my central vision. So it's supposed 0:20:25.800 --> 0:20:29.000 to deteriorate over time until all I really have is peripheral. 0:20:29.080 --> 0:20:31.760 But my perferal vision could go to So. 0:20:31.680 --> 0:20:34.080 How do you know I'm not wearing like a skin color. 0:20:33.840 --> 0:20:41.480 Shirt because I have Well that's a good question. But anyway, 0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:44.879 I have a lot of functional vision at the moment, 0:20:45.800 --> 0:20:48.159 so I can see a lot of things, but I 0:20:48.240 --> 0:20:52.400 have a hard time reading, recognizing faces and things like that. 0:20:52.680 --> 0:20:59.800 You know, but what, yeah, go ahead. 0:21:01.480 --> 0:21:05.480 The thing is I got bullied in high school because 0:21:05.520 --> 0:21:06.720 people didn't believe me. 0:21:07.760 --> 0:21:12.240 Whoa what. 0:21:16.080 --> 0:21:18.560 Well, first of all, people would say, oh, yeah, she 0:21:18.720 --> 0:21:22.840 pretends to be blind because my vision will fluctuate. Sometimes 0:21:22.840 --> 0:21:25.359 it's better, sometimes it's worse. And I would use a 0:21:25.359 --> 0:21:29.280 white cane to get around sometimes, and people say, oh, yeah, 0:21:29.320 --> 0:21:32.080 she doesn't use a cannel all the time. She's pretending 0:21:32.080 --> 0:21:34.879 to be blind, or like I knew her, you know, 0:21:34.920 --> 0:21:37.560 because I got diagnosed at thirteen. I didn't always know 0:21:37.720 --> 0:21:40.320 I was going blind. Something was wrong with my vision, 0:21:40.800 --> 0:21:42.840 but I didn't have the tools to help me. So 0:21:42.920 --> 0:21:45.520 people are like, yeah, I knew her before, and she 0:21:45.600 --> 0:21:49.199 wasn't blind before. People would step in front of me, 0:21:49.600 --> 0:21:52.480 throw things at me, you know, the usual. 0:21:55.200 --> 0:22:00.560 Wow, crazy crazy. So what are so? You're nineteen us? 0:22:00.600 --> 0:22:00.960 Are you? 0:22:01.240 --> 0:22:04.119 Are you going to school? Are you? What are you 0:22:04.160 --> 0:22:06.600 doing now? I assume you've graduated high school? Right? What 0:22:06.680 --> 0:22:07.359 are you doing now? 0:22:08.560 --> 0:22:10.760 Yeah? So I took a gap year to kind of 0:22:10.800 --> 0:22:15.240 figure out what I wanted to do, especially like things 0:22:15.240 --> 0:22:20.520 that I could do. I want to like two different 0:22:20.680 --> 0:22:23.159 Like I don't know if you ever hear there's like 0:22:23.280 --> 0:22:26.199 camps and stuff for people. I feel like there's like 0:22:26.200 --> 0:22:28.840 a camp for kids with epilepsy and shit like that. 0:22:28.920 --> 0:22:31.879 I went to two blind camps, camps for blind kids, 0:22:32.280 --> 0:22:35.560 and that's kind of where I found that I can 0:22:35.720 --> 0:22:38.000 be a nurse, which is something that I wanted to do. 0:22:38.119 --> 0:22:41.560 So I'm going into a nursing program in December. 0:22:44.440 --> 0:22:50.280 Cool. Cool? Yeah, is that something that you think your 0:22:50.280 --> 0:22:52.520 condition will affect your ability to do. 0:22:54.359 --> 0:22:54.920 In a way. 0:22:56.440 --> 0:22:58.879 I'm only going for my LPN, so that's a step 0:22:58.920 --> 0:23:03.879 above a CNA and a step below and aren So 0:23:04.359 --> 0:23:06.760 there might be some things that I won't be able 0:23:06.800 --> 0:23:10.040 to do, like give an IV or take blood, et cetera. 0:23:11.040 --> 0:23:15.480 But not all nurses that have to perform those functions. 0:23:15.520 --> 0:23:18.400 I mean you should know how. But as long as 0:23:18.400 --> 0:23:20.560 I get through the school, I spoke to someone from 0:23:20.600 --> 0:23:23.600 the board of nursing, as long as I graduate from 0:23:23.680 --> 0:23:25.840 the program, I can become a nurse. 0:23:27.680 --> 0:23:37.520 Cool. Cool hmm. So what's your situation like at home? Like, 0:23:37.560 --> 0:23:40.280 are your parents helping you out? And you like, is 0:23:40.280 --> 0:23:42.080 everyone supportive and whatnot? 0:23:44.240 --> 0:23:49.720 Yeah, my parents are very supportive, so are my brothers. 0:23:49.760 --> 0:23:52.640 You know, I can't drive, so My parents are always, 0:23:52.760 --> 0:23:55.120 you know, open to giving me rides wherever I need 0:23:55.160 --> 0:23:57.840 to go. I have a pretty good support system, I'd say, 0:23:58.040 --> 0:24:01.800 I have some blind friends to so that helps. 0:24:02.119 --> 0:24:05.080 Really, where'd you meet these other blind friends? 0:24:06.400 --> 0:24:07.119 Blind camp? 0:24:08.119 --> 0:24:11.320 Blind camp? What's I got to know everything about blind camp? 0:24:12.359 --> 0:24:14.680 Yes, I'd love to tell you. So the first one 0:24:14.720 --> 0:24:16.760 I went to, and I never knew this was a thing. 0:24:16.920 --> 0:24:19.439 So I got diagnosed when I was thirteen, and that 0:24:19.680 --> 0:24:22.560 was COVID. And then I went back to school and 0:24:22.600 --> 0:24:25.040 I had a vision teacher to teach me things like 0:24:25.520 --> 0:24:29.920