1 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:02,560 Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. 2 00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:05,200 Speaker 2: Breakfast Club Morning. 3 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:08,960 Speaker 3: Everybody is DJ Envy, Jess Hilarius, Charlamage the guy. We 4 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,080 Speaker 3: are the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in 5 00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:15,360 Speaker 3: the building because May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Ladies 6 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:17,599 Speaker 3: and gentlemen, friends to the room. Of course, we have 7 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:18,520 Speaker 3: Elliott Connie here. 8 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,599 Speaker 2: Welcome, Welcome back. I should say thank you first. 9 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:23,880 Speaker 1: I'm feeling good. I'm feeling very good. 10 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,880 Speaker 2: First day of mental health aware in this month. 11 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,120 Speaker 4: Man, when when you hear people celebrate Mental Health Awareness Month, 12 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,639 Speaker 4: when you see everybody posting their green ribbon, what do 13 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:33,479 Speaker 4: you think people really should be getting out of Mental 14 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:34,200 Speaker 4: Health Awareness Month? 15 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,159 Speaker 1: What I hope they should get out of Mental Health 16 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 1: Awareness Month is I mean, it's it's almost redundant, really, 17 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:45,159 Speaker 1: but just an awareness that your mental health is important 18 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,639 Speaker 1: as important as your physical health, your emotional health, your 19 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 1: your overall well being. And I hope it lasts longer 20 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,040 Speaker 1: than a month. I hope that we can use this 21 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:56,319 Speaker 1: month as an opportunity to allow people to focus on 22 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 1: their health, their mental health going forward. 23 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 3: Okay, now you got a new podcast, Family Therapy, Family Therapy, 24 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:07,520 Speaker 3: and have a question. I was talking to my wife 25 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,400 Speaker 3: the other day, right, and we were talking about our kids. 26 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,560 Speaker 3: I have six kids, yep. And she was telling me 27 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 3: that three of my kids feared me, okay, right, three 28 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,960 Speaker 3: of them didn't. The three that didn't, of course, is Logan, 29 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,880 Speaker 3: who is the Diesel agnominious kid. But Logan the baby 30 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 3: Payton in Brooklyn, which is the youngest seven. The other 31 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 3: three said they fear dad at times. 32 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:27,559 Speaker 2: Now. 33 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 3: It was kind of concerning to me because I've never 34 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,640 Speaker 3: beat them, never hit them, never popped them. 35 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 2: I am stern. 36 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 3: I always say I'm fair but firm. But it bothered 37 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,920 Speaker 3: me why they were fearful. And they said the reason 38 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 3: that they were fearfule is because sometimes I raised my 39 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 3: voice when I asked him to do things. So, for instance, 40 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,720 Speaker 3: my ten year old, my nine year old, excuse me. 41 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:50,680 Speaker 3: His job in the house is to make sure refrigerator 42 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,480 Speaker 3: is full with juice, water, sodas, whatever it may be. 43 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,760 Speaker 3: That's his job. So when Dad comes home from a 44 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,760 Speaker 3: weekend and wants a cold soda and there's no soda, 45 00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,680 Speaker 3: I'm like, this is your only job, and I might 46 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:02,600 Speaker 3: get a loud it is what it is. My daughter's 47 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,680 Speaker 3: job is to make a bed and to do the dishes. 48 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 3: If they're not done, I raise my voice a little bit. 49 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 3: But as family therapy have in a family, what is 50 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:14,519 Speaker 3: your take on kids and fearing their dad, not fear 51 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,480 Speaker 3: where they see me to dive under the bed, but 52 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,320 Speaker 3: that little fearful thing. 53 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:22,840 Speaker 1: Well, first of all, I think sometimes we confuse fear 54 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,520 Speaker 1: and respect. So I think it's a good idea for 55 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,239 Speaker 1: children to respect their father and their mother. In this 56 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:32,400 Speaker 1: specific instance, I would ask you if your youngest child's 57 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,240 Speaker 1: job is to make sure there's juice and soda and 58 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,359 Speaker 1: things in the refrigerator, and you come home and there 59 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:41,320 Speaker 1: is nothing cold to drink, and you're frustrated and you 60 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:43,960 Speaker 1: get a little loud, My question for you would be, 61 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 1: when you come home and there is drinks and the 62 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:50,040 Speaker 1: child has done their job, you get equally enthusiastic in 63 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 1: the praise of them. You're right, I don't, And if 64 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: you did, then that would create a balance and there 65 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,680 Speaker 1: wouldn't necessarily be the fear because they wouldn't associate you 66 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,440 Speaker 1: with the feedback of it has and worked. You have 67 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,000 Speaker 1: to be equally enthusiastic in the praise as you are 68 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 1: in the criticism. 69 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 2: So it's just what family therapy is all about. It. 70 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,440 Speaker 4: I listened to the first episode and I forgot the 71 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,400 Speaker 4: couple's name, Jay and David. 72 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 2: Jay and David Yeah the football former NFL player. 73 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,120 Speaker 4: Yeah, so is just what it would be about questions 74 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,480 Speaker 4: like and we just asked, Yeah. You know. 75 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 1: The way that I do therapy, it's called solution focused 76 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:28,079 Speaker 1: brief therapy. It's based on questions, and questions are very 77 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 1: very powerful things, and we don't we don't really think 78 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 1: about the questions that we ask ourselves. But questions are 79 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,360 Speaker 1: real powerful and we can't help but change it. So 80 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,720 Speaker 1: my job is to ask people the kinds of questions 81 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,600 Speaker 1: that change the way they look at things, change the 82 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:48,120 Speaker 1: way they view themselves, and change the way they react 83 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 1: in the world. 84 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,240 Speaker 3: You know, And the question I do ask. A lot 85 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,800 Speaker 3: of times, we don't give positive and reinforcements because it's 86 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:57,640 Speaker 3: it's what you should do, right. Yeah, But nobody ever says, Charlemane, 87 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 3: you were a good dad this weekend. 88 00:03:58,960 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 2: He's supposed to be. 89 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 4: That's not true. My kids could be positive it all 90 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:04,120 Speaker 4: the time, and I love it. 91 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:04,600 Speaker 2: But that's what. 92 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 4: I mean. 93 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 3: My kids do that too, But nobody will say, Charlomane, 94 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,240 Speaker 3: you took your kids out this weeknd. Oh you were 95 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:11,760 Speaker 3: being a good day. 96 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 2: I don't care about the outside validay, but we we. 97 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 1: Need to have more positive conversations. Like I remember as 98 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,800 Speaker 1: a I was in like the third grade, literally the 99 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 1: third grade, and y'all remember when you're that young, you 100 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 1: get a grade for everything, right, Like your report card 101 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,839 Speaker 1: has fifty thousand things on it. Yep. I was so 102 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:31,719 Speaker 1: happy that I got. I got a's in like English, right, 103 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:33,440 Speaker 1: I got like five or six a's whatever it was. 104 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,640 Speaker 1: And I remember coming home and I'm like so pleased. 105 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,279 Speaker 1: I'm gonna show my father like this report card, like 106 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:40,839 Speaker 1: it's got all these a's on it. He's going to 107 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:44,080 Speaker 1: love this. I showed him this report card and I 108 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:47,560 Speaker 1: got a very kind of low response, and I was like, 109 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:51,240 Speaker 1: aren't you gonna And he actually said to me, you're 110 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 1: supposed to get a's. And I remember thinking as a kid, 111 00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 1: like then why try? Like as a third grade I 112 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,000 Speaker 1: remember thinking, what's the point to put forth effort? Because 113 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 1: we need to have positive conversations if only to create 114 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:07,240 Speaker 1: balance for the negative conversations, because the world makes us 115 00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:10,040 Speaker 1: talk about negative things, so we have to create effort 116 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:11,159 Speaker 1: to talk about positive things. 117 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,400 Speaker 4: And what's crazy we act like as humans. We don't 118 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 4: already know that, right. Like everything we do every day, 119 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 4: you're looking for some type of positive reinforcement, whether you 120 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 4: whether you. 121 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:24,040 Speaker 2: Say you are or not. That's why with social media 122 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:24,920 Speaker 2: is the worst of that. 123 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 4: If you're going to read comments about something that you did, 124 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:30,280 Speaker 4: it's because you want positive reinformances. 125 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,720 Speaker 2: This is reading for you, yourn helf. 126 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 1: The whole reason that we woke up today and all 127 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,240 Speaker 1: of us did. We all did some grooming thing. You 128 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,440 Speaker 1: chose an outfit. If you didn't care about positive you'd 129 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 1: roll out a bit, throw a T shirt and come 130 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 1: to work. 131 00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 2: That's right, right. 132 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,280 Speaker 1: The reason why we put forth effort in anything is 133 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,359 Speaker 1: we want acceptance and we want positive validation and we 134 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 1: want feedback. And I'm promising you like your children want. 135 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 1: When your child does a good job and he's loaded 136 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,760 Speaker 1: all the drinks in the refrigerator, he wants somebody to 137 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: come and tell him good job. And that's not weakness, 138 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,359 Speaker 1: that's just the human condition. 139 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,040 Speaker 4: If humans didn't care, compliments and insults wouldn't exist with 140 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:06,920 Speaker 4: not exist either one, not at all. 141 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 3: Now, what do you think about these students dealing with 142 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,839 Speaker 3: everything that's going on with them? Having to think about 143 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:13,919 Speaker 3: who's going to be the next president, and then some 144 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:18,000 Speaker 3: of these students protesting on these campuses, how is that 145 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,760 Speaker 3: affecting their mental health? Because I mean, as adults, we're 146 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 3: stressed out, so I know it has to be either, 147 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 3: you know, even worse on now. 148 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:30,799 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I'm concerned for this generation of kids 149 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 1: because we're not designed to consume the level of data 150 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:39,560 Speaker 1: that we are consuming, and these kids are consuming massive 151 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,720 Speaker 1: amounts of information at a time when their brains can't 152 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 1: really handle it. So I'm concerned about what that's going 153 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,560 Speaker 1: to do to their overall well being. To be very 154 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,480 Speaker 1: honest with you, like we're seeing massive upticks and things 155 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 1: like anxiety and depression. It's directly attributable to what's going 156 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,760 Speaker 1: on in the world. Having said that, I'm also very 157 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: encouraged to see these kids playing a role in what 158 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:05,960 Speaker 1: their future will look like. I think I think politicians 159 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: should be more responsive to society, and what I see 160 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,080 Speaker 1: these kids doing is letting the world know what they 161 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 1: want to have happened in their life. Sure, and I 162 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,600 Speaker 1: hope that politicians listen and pay attention because these young 163 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: people are going to be the ones voting for the 164 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:24,880 Speaker 1: next however many years, and I think this generation is 165 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 1: more kind of interactive in the world they want to create. 166 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:33,720 Speaker 1: I think this generation is more like contributing to the 167 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,080 Speaker 1: world they want to live in. And I think that's 168 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 1: a beautiful thing actually, and I think I hope politicians 169 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,160 Speaker 1: pay attention to it. They won't be re elected. 170 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 4: You know, when it comes to family therapy, what is 171 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 4: family therapy to Elliot Kane. 172 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 1: Hmm man, that's a good question. I think family therapy. 173 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 1: It's hard for me at this point in my career. 174 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,560 Speaker 1: It's hard for me to differentiate family therapy versus any 175 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:58,120 Speaker 1: other kind of therapy because family therapy is really therapy 176 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 1: that impacts the system. And I think we often think 177 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 1: family therapy is when the system comes to therapy, But 178 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 1: I don't really think about it that way anymore, because 179 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: I think anything any kind of therapy I do impact 180 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:13,240 Speaker 1: this system. And we all know this. If you have 181 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 1: a super great day and you go home, that's going 182 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 1: to reverberate through the household. If one of your children 183 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 1: goes to school and has a super bad day, that's 184 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 1: going to reverberate through the household. So if one member 185 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:28,560 Speaker 1: of a family comes to therapy, and that healing does 186 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:31,360 Speaker 1: something in the family, then that's systemic. I remember working 187 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:35,760 Speaker 1: with a client one time and this kid was probably 188 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,160 Speaker 1: thirteen years old, and these are the kind of things 189 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:42,600 Speaker 1: that molded my view of humans. Change therapy and family 190 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 1: therapy really. But this thirteen year old, I asked him 191 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,839 Speaker 1: what he wanted to achieve. When I do therapy, I 192 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 1: always ask people what are their best hopes from talking 193 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,720 Speaker 1: with me, which is my way of saying, how do 194 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 1: you want this to make a difference in your life? 195 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,920 Speaker 1: And this thirteen year old said, I don't think you can. 196 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,600 Speaker 1: And I said how so? And he explained to me 197 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 1: that his father drank a lot. And he said, there's 198 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,560 Speaker 1: really nothing you can talk to me about. It's going 199 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,679 Speaker 1: to help my father stop drinking. And I said, that's true. 200 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 1: So let's imagine your father continues drinking like he never stops. 201 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 1: He just continues drinks throughout your childhood, but you develop 202 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,560 Speaker 1: the ability to achieve your greatness in spite of your 203 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:19,960 Speaker 1: father's drinking. What kind of greatness do you want to achieve? 204 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,400 Speaker 1: This kid tells me, let's go to college, and tells 205 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,920 Speaker 1: me the career who wants to have and we start 206 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 1: having this discussion about his future, which, by the way, 207 00:09:26,559 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 1: is really important because your future should not be singularly 208 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,840 Speaker 1: determinate based upon somebody else's behavior, even your parents. And 209 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 1: this thirteen year old starts telling me about this future 210 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,439 Speaker 1: who wants to have the end of the first session, 211 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:38,960 Speaker 1: he's like, man, this was really cool, Like, I'm glad 212 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,680 Speaker 1: I got to talk to you about this. He comes 213 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,120 Speaker 1: back to another session. I said, what's been better? And 214 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,360 Speaker 1: he said, you know what, my father's still drinking, but 215 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:48,360 Speaker 1: I'm doing better in school because I'm realizing that my 216 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 1: future is my future, not really, I don't have to 217 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 1: wait for my father to heal in order for me 218 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 1: to grow great. So we have probably two or three sessions, 219 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 1: and I don't see that kid anymore. The mom tells 220 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,839 Speaker 1: me kids doing better. I don't hear from that kid whatsoever. 221 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 1: About six months later, the father comes to therapy and 222 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,360 Speaker 1: I said, what are your best hope? Form are talking? 223 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,840 Speaker 1: And father said, my son is doing better and I 224 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 1: need to figure out how to not ruin it. Wow, 225 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: And that father ended up getting sober. Now how does 226 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:20,040 Speaker 1: that happen? Because you, like, we participate in whatever is 227 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 1: going on in the family. So if that is something positive, 228 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,840 Speaker 1: then the family has a tendency to get on board 229 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,800 Speaker 1: with that. If that is something negative, then the family 230 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 1: has a tendency to get on board with that. So, 231 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:31,680 Speaker 1: prior to me meeting that child, the dad's drinking was 232 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,840 Speaker 1: creating a negative environment and producing negative outcomes. The kid's 233 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: grades were suffering so on its own. But once the 234 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 1: kids started getting better, then the family gets on board 235 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,960 Speaker 1: with that, and that father ended up getting clean. So 236 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 1: when the child initially said, do you don't think I 237 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 1: don't think you can help me with the thing that 238 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,959 Speaker 1: I want to achieve, I knew he was wrong. Of 239 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 1: course we can. You are a very powerful force in 240 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,240 Speaker 1: your family. So if you go home and you start 241 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 1: doing positive things and you start changing your life, then 242 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 1: the father has to kind of look at himself in 243 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 1: a different way. And for me, that's what family thinks. 244 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,640 Speaker 1: It's having an impact on how a family system functions, 245 00:11:03,679 --> 00:11:07,559 Speaker 1: it's having impact on future generations within a family. It's 246 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:12,920 Speaker 1: having an impact on healing generational traumas. To me, that's 247 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,199 Speaker 1: what family therapy is. It doesn't really matter whether there's 248 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,560 Speaker 1: one person there or whole family system shows up. 249 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,880 Speaker 3: I think I ask you this question every time you 250 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:23,720 Speaker 3: come about society and society being a lot softer than 251 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 3: when we were kids. Is that changing at all? Because 252 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 3: I think a lot of times people they don't go 253 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,360 Speaker 3: through the problems that they necessarily have because it's easy 254 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 3: to be like, I'm having a mental problem, I need 255 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:40,800 Speaker 3: a mental break instead of dealing with the situations. How 256 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 3: do you think this. 257 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 2: Helps the youth. 258 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,720 Speaker 3: Grow up when it comes to dealing with problems, dealing 259 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 3: with things, and dealing with just life in general. 260 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I don't know if this generation is softer. 261 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,240 Speaker 1: I know that's a common thing that we say. I 262 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,960 Speaker 1: think this generation is more sensitive, and I think this 263 00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:01,679 Speaker 1: generation has more resources and in available to them that 264 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,840 Speaker 1: we did not have. Like I tell people all the time, 265 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 1: I took a lot of beatings and abuse simply because 266 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,560 Speaker 1: I didn't know there was a whole organization designed to 267 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,520 Speaker 1: protect me called child Protective Services. I had no idea 268 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 1: that that was a thing when I was ten years old. 269 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:20,960 Speaker 1: Your parents exactly these days kids know that. But I 270 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,640 Speaker 1: think the further thing to your question that I think 271 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 1: is really important is I do think we have to 272 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:28,320 Speaker 1: face challenges. I do think that we learn a lot 273 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:31,240 Speaker 1: from overcoming challenges. I think we learn a lot from 274 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:35,840 Speaker 1: overcoming obstacles that we didn't think we could overcome. Human 275 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 1: beings are animals in pursuit of comfort, so it's very 276 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,240 Speaker 1: easy to be challenged and then think, ooh, I'm going 277 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 1: to take a day off from school or a day 278 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,839 Speaker 1: off from work. I need to rest day, I need 279 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,720 Speaker 1: a mental health break, when really what they need is 280 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,320 Speaker 1: to face that challenge head on and to overcome it. 281 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:53,880 Speaker 1: And I think we should encourage kids to do that 282 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,960 Speaker 1: and remind them that you are capable of achieving things 283 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:58,680 Speaker 1: even when you didn't think you could. 284 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,560 Speaker 4: You know what's interest than about what and be said, 285 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,480 Speaker 4: you know the illusion that you grow up to be 286 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:08,440 Speaker 4: an adult with no issues. I don't know anybody from 287 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 4: our era who don't have issues. Like just like all 288 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,680 Speaker 4: of that, those beatings or whatever, it didn't it did. 289 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 4: It didn't make us tougher. We didn't grow up in 290 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 4: life and not know how to be able to deal 291 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:20,240 Speaker 4: with our issues better. 292 00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:23,640 Speaker 2: Everybody's fragile. I got no forty plus year old people 293 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 2: right now that are fragile. 294 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 4: Y know they are Instagram crying, they're in interviews crying 295 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:29,240 Speaker 4: like they are. 296 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 2: You can look at them and tell that they need 297 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:34,560 Speaker 2: some real work done. Yeah, you know. 298 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,120 Speaker 1: I that's why I don't. I understand what the env 299 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 1: you're saying, understand what you're saying fully, but I don't. 300 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:42,880 Speaker 1: I don't know that it's softer. I think to live 301 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,520 Speaker 1: is to struggle, and I don't know anybody that doesn't 302 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:47,040 Speaker 1: have anything to heal from. 303 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,320 Speaker 2: I think we suppressed more. 304 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 1: I agree. 305 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,679 Speaker 4: I think these kids they just express it like they 306 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 4: have no and they have the language for it. 307 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,280 Speaker 2: They know what they're dealing with and they know what 308 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 2: they're going through. 309 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,240 Speaker 4: That's why I hate when people say things like therapy 310 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,680 Speaker 4: is a trend now or talking about our mental health 311 00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:01,680 Speaker 4: issues is a fad. 312 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:01,959 Speaker 2: No. 313 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 4: I feel like there's a generation that just feels open 314 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:05,360 Speaker 4: about talking about. 315 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 1: These issues right, which I think is a good thing. 316 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:11,160 Speaker 1: Absolutely to your point, Charlotte Mane, like I've had in 317 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:15,120 Speaker 1: the past, I would say five maybe seven years, I've 318 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 1: had more therapy initiated by a child in the family 319 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,400 Speaker 1: than ever before that. Like I've had people say, my 320 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 1: child saw one of your videos, my child saw you 321 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,000 Speaker 1: lecture at the local school, my child saw you in 322 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 1: somewhere and wanted me to contact you for therapy. We 323 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 1: wouldn't have done that as kids like that wasn't something 324 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,240 Speaker 1: we would have done in our generation. And I think 325 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:40,200 Speaker 1: this generation is just more expectant of having these things 326 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:41,520 Speaker 1: addressed as they should be. 327 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 2: You know what I thought it? 328 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 3: It was like I was thinking, sorry to cut you off, 329 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:45,640 Speaker 3: like one of the students. 330 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 2: We were at clock University, right, and. 331 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 3: It's finals week, right, and we've all been through finals. Yeah, 332 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:53,920 Speaker 3: we all been through final week and how difficult that 333 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 3: is to prepare it to study and it's a semesters 334 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,880 Speaker 3: full of work, right, Yeah, but we all know that 335 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,280 Speaker 3: we have to study and we have to get to it. 336 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,280 Speaker 3: We have to take those tests. Yes, I've seen the 337 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 3: students say it's too hard for me. I need a 338 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 3: mental break. This is too difficult. I need to take 339 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,440 Speaker 3: a week off. Now when you get to that level, 340 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,240 Speaker 3: is it do they really need a mental break or 341 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,800 Speaker 3: is it still overwhelming? Because it's the same issues in 342 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,160 Speaker 3: the same studying that we've been doing that my I've 343 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 3: been doing, your parent's been doing, my parents been doing. 344 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:22,120 Speaker 3: So why is it now that it's too much? 345 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,440 Speaker 2: Because we've been doing it. 346 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,880 Speaker 3: And even if we if we fail or we pass, 347 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 3: if we get an A, A B or a C. Like, 348 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,200 Speaker 3: we still do what we gotta do, what we try 349 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,880 Speaker 3: out our hardest, but I feel like sometimes it takes 350 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:33,560 Speaker 3: kids away from trying their hardest. 351 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 1: But I don't. First of all, I agree with you. 352 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 1: I think if kids look at how hard it is, 353 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,120 Speaker 1: it takes away from them being able to try their hardest. 354 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:45,600 Speaker 1: But I also think we somehow romanticize the past because 355 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,920 Speaker 1: I remember taking finals and I remember kids saying I 356 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 1: need a week off, I need a mental health break. 357 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,840 Speaker 1: I remember that we just didn't really give it any attention. 358 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,680 Speaker 1: Because there's equal amount of kids saying they just got 359 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,000 Speaker 1: to get through this, and I'm sure that's true today 360 00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,680 Speaker 1: there are kids that are just like, I got to 361 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,520 Speaker 1: get through this, and then there are other kids saying 362 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,440 Speaker 1: I need a week off because it's stressful for them. 363 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:06,360 Speaker 1: It's anxiety provoking for them. That's life. But that's life, 364 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,840 Speaker 1: and it was life in nineteen ninety five when I 365 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,040 Speaker 1: went to college taking these tests, and it's life in 366 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:12,880 Speaker 1: twenty twenty four for these kids now. 367 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:13,920 Speaker 2: And some of. 368 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,640 Speaker 1: These kids like this might be too much for them, 369 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,040 Speaker 1: as it was for some of the kids I went 370 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:19,440 Speaker 1: to college. 371 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,160 Speaker 4: It was too much for us. But I didn't go 372 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,560 Speaker 4: to college. But life is too much for people. Why 373 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 4: are we acting like that. These kids are going through 374 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,080 Speaker 4: anything that we didn't go through, and we didn't come 375 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 4: out of it clean. 376 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:32,400 Speaker 2: We're crazy, Actually, we're crazy. 377 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:34,600 Speaker 1: I actually think life is way harder now because we 378 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,040 Speaker 1: had to go through all of that without social media. Yes, 379 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,240 Speaker 1: I think life is way harder because I had no 380 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 1: idea whatsoever about what was going on politically. I did 381 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:49,240 Speaker 1: not understand international war. I didn't understand any of that. 382 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 1: And these kids right now are very aware. 383 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, my dad told topic. 384 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,920 Speaker 4: My dad told me in twenty eighteen. You know when 385 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,520 Speaker 4: I started I start talking about my issues around twenty sixteen, 386 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 4: book came out shook when he told me that he 387 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,640 Speaker 4: tried to kill himself thirty plus years ago. He's been 388 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,480 Speaker 4: on ten to twelve different medications for his mental health. 389 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, he was going to a therapist three and four 390 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:10,880 Speaker 2: times a week. 391 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,280 Speaker 4: You know how many stories I started hearing like that 392 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,960 Speaker 4: once I started having conversations. So this whole notion that 393 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:20,120 Speaker 4: we just went through everything in the eighties and nineties 394 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,800 Speaker 4: like it was nothing, lie. 395 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:26,560 Speaker 1: It's not accurate the past. Yes, and I think times 396 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 1: were hard times are always hard, it's actually harder now 397 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,520 Speaker 1: because social media is real. Social media is a thing, 398 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 1: and these kids' anxieties are through the roof. And that's 399 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:39,640 Speaker 1: not weakness. We're actually introducing more to their brains than 400 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 1: they can handle. I don't know how I would have 401 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,200 Speaker 1: studied for my finals if I also had to worry 402 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,720 Speaker 1: about a war. There are multiple wars going on right now. Actually, 403 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,399 Speaker 1: but if I had to worry about all that stuff, 404 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 1: it's too much. It's literally too much. 405 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,560 Speaker 4: What do people do to protect their minds, their mental 406 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,480 Speaker 4: against social media? Because I always say it's a lack 407 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 4: of emotional iq for people to care so much about 408 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,760 Speaker 4: what other folks think about them. Am I accurate? Am 409 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:05,120 Speaker 4: I wrown? 410 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:05,480 Speaker 2: No? 411 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,440 Speaker 1: I think that's pretty accurate. I think what people should do. 412 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,399 Speaker 1: But I really want to say, get off of it, right, 413 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,640 Speaker 1: But I think it's too late, Like it's too late. 414 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,320 Speaker 1: The easiest thing is to remember that that's not real life. 415 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,440 Speaker 1: I think we have to train our children to understand 416 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,880 Speaker 1: that that is not real. That does not matter. That's 417 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 1: monopoly money, essentially, like what's going on in social media. 418 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,440 Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. It's not it's not really real. It's 419 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 1: not really important, and when kids realize that, they tend 420 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:34,640 Speaker 1: to do way better. 421 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:38,399 Speaker 4: It's not just kids though, it's adult I'm watching some 422 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,480 Speaker 4: really intelligent people, people that I know are some of 423 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,760 Speaker 4: the most well read, book smart individuals who care more 424 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:48,840 Speaker 4: about their relationships online than they do it their their 425 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:49,679 Speaker 4: relationships offline. 426 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,160 Speaker 1: I think that's true. But I was focusing on kids 427 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,800 Speaker 1: because that we were talking about. But everybody, like, we 428 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:57,560 Speaker 1: need to remember that, like that world is just not real. 429 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,119 Speaker 1: What's real is your friendships, your connections, the people you 430 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:04,120 Speaker 1: talk to, your family, your loved ones, Like that's what's real. 431 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,680 Speaker 1: How many likes and followers you have? Like that is irrelevant. 432 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,360 Speaker 1: Data that is not That is not real. But people 433 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,119 Speaker 1: get caught up in it. 434 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,719 Speaker 3: But I also tell I tell my kids and I 435 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,200 Speaker 3: tell my friends. Use social media as a tool. 436 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 2: That's exactly what it is. 437 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,639 Speaker 3: Not Not as an educational piece, not as a friend, 438 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,679 Speaker 3: not as something where you're looking for approval. Use it 439 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,679 Speaker 3: as a tool. Like my daughter does, she just graduated 440 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,400 Speaker 3: from myu IS. She does she works with her hand 441 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,639 Speaker 3: and she does real estate. I said, you use it 442 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,639 Speaker 3: to do your real estate. That's exactly what you use 443 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,919 Speaker 3: it as a tool. My other daughters do dance. You 444 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,760 Speaker 3: do it for that, you do it for tool. But 445 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:38,920 Speaker 3: most people don't say it, And like Seanamay said, they 446 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,359 Speaker 3: look for acceptance from people that are not going to 447 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:43,160 Speaker 3: give them the acceptance that they're looking and they try 448 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,320 Speaker 3: try again until we see them self. 449 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:49,320 Speaker 1: Distruct That's true. I absolutely think it is a tool. 450 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 1: That is all. Social media is a tool. Where we've 451 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,320 Speaker 1: gotten into trouble is social media has turned the world 452 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:58,959 Speaker 1: into like that high school popularity context correct And I 453 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,000 Speaker 1: remember being in high scho school and you know, you're 454 00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:03,160 Speaker 1: upset because the girl you like doesn't like you back, 455 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,240 Speaker 1: or you're not sitting at the cool kid table at 456 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 1: the cafeteria whatever, and the adults would say, you know, 457 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,600 Speaker 1: in a few years, it's angle matter because it's isn't real, 458 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:14,639 Speaker 1: And they're right, that's one hundred percent truth. There are people, adults, celebrities, 459 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,160 Speaker 1: like I've seen people all over the world like they 460 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 1: just get too wrapped up in what social media is 461 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,119 Speaker 1: saying about them because we've allowed it to become like 462 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,359 Speaker 1: the world's cafeteria. But if you use it as a 463 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:27,359 Speaker 1: tool and if you remember like this is not real, 464 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,640 Speaker 1: you tend to have much healthier lives about that. 465 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,840 Speaker 4: Stuff, and how can a bunch of stranges tell you 466 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,240 Speaker 4: about you? And more importantly, how can a bunch of 467 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,679 Speaker 4: strangers tell you about somebody you actually know. Imagine if 468 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,720 Speaker 4: I interact with a person every day in real life, 469 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,480 Speaker 4: but on social media, it's a whole other narrative about 470 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,760 Speaker 4: this individual. Yeah, who am I supposed to believe my 471 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,520 Speaker 4: real life experiences are these books on social media? 472 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:50,159 Speaker 2: I don't even know you. 473 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 1: These people on social media, they don't know you. They're 474 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:56,440 Speaker 1: just spitting out whatever they heard. I just think it's 475 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,639 Speaker 1: crazy that we've allowed this to happen, and we have 476 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,439 Speaker 1: to remember or it's just not real and personal relationships 477 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,520 Speaker 1: still in fact matter. I have friends in the entertainment 478 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,119 Speaker 1: industry and I see stories about them that I know 479 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,199 Speaker 1: not to be true. There have been times that I've 480 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,560 Speaker 1: been hanging out with people like Tiffany Has and I'll 481 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,640 Speaker 1: see stories about her and like, I know that's not true. 482 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,239 Speaker 1: I was there with her that particular night, And to 483 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:18,960 Speaker 1: your point, like, I'm not listening to that story, Like 484 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna believe my own real relationship and interaction with 485 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,960 Speaker 1: this person. And I think too often we let social 486 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,680 Speaker 1: media determine and define what our experiences are and it's 487 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:28,400 Speaker 1: just not real. 488 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:32,120 Speaker 4: As a therapist, is social media the number one thing 489 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,600 Speaker 4: you see affecting people's mental. 490 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:35,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. 491 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:36,480 Speaker 2: I think. 492 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:41,680 Speaker 1: I think social media is absolutely, especially in the younger generation, 493 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,560 Speaker 1: is the number one thing contributing to a mental health 494 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:47,359 Speaker 1: crisis in this in this society. Wow, for sure. 495 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:51,919 Speaker 4: And the only the only explanation, I mean only uh uh. 496 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,400 Speaker 2: I guess cure for it is to just get off. 497 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 1: I would love to say that, but they're not going 498 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,399 Speaker 1: to get off. The only cure for it is to 499 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,560 Speaker 1: realize it's artificial, it is not really, it does not matter, 500 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,679 Speaker 1: and the reason why we have to be limited with it. Again, 501 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:08,679 Speaker 1: your brain is influenced by the data it receives. So 502 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:12,800 Speaker 1: if I envy hell to all of you six ft 503 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,440 Speaker 1: six foot, this is how susceptible your brain is the 504 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:20,399 Speaker 1: information If every now he knows he's six foot I 505 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 1: asked him, and in a second he was like, this 506 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 1: is the answer. If I train everyone in your life 507 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:29,600 Speaker 1: to start calling you five foot ten, eventually he's going 508 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:30,920 Speaker 1: to be like, you know, maybe I'm five foot ten. 509 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,920 Speaker 1: Everybody's saying it gets them five foot ten, Like that's 510 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:39,080 Speaker 1: how susceptible your brain is. So imagine if you are 511 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,640 Speaker 1: on social media and everybody's saying such and such about you, 512 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:43,680 Speaker 1: whether you know it to be true or not, becomes 513 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,560 Speaker 1: irrelevant because the onslaught of data influences the way your 514 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:51,280 Speaker 1: brain thinks. And the only way to combat that is 515 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,760 Speaker 1: to stay off of it. You know, I have a team. 516 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:58,359 Speaker 1: I run a large therapy training organization, and we post 517 00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:01,640 Speaker 1: a lot of content on social media, and not all 518 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 1: the comments are kind, not all the comments are useful, 519 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,440 Speaker 1: and every now and then and I get a notification 520 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,720 Speaker 1: on everybody comments, I get an invocation on my phone, 521 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,960 Speaker 1: and if I say anything to my team, they all 522 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,320 Speaker 1: say stayhead of those comments because they're trying to protect 523 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 1: my mental health because they know if you see that 524 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:21,679 Speaker 1: stuff constantly and onslaught of it, your brain accepts it. 525 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,480 Speaker 1: So we have to limit that stuff. And what did 526 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:24,840 Speaker 1: I do to limit is I just don't look at 527 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:25,240 Speaker 1: the comments. 528 00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:27,320 Speaker 4: So a question like, let's say you're on social media 529 00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 4: and it's it's a bunch of positive comments, right like literally, 530 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,000 Speaker 4: it might be ten to fifteen positive comments and then 531 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,600 Speaker 4: there's just one negative comment. Why are our brains wired 532 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,320 Speaker 4: to focus on that negative comment. 533 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:45,480 Speaker 1: Well, it's a survival really, like we we are very 534 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:49,280 Speaker 1: good at determining threat that's that's what human brains are 535 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:53,040 Speaker 1: designed to do, and a negative comment is associated with threats. 536 00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:56,080 Speaker 1: We're much better at holding on to a negative comment 537 00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:58,000 Speaker 1: because we perceive that as a threat, and that keeps 538 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,480 Speaker 1: us safe. We have to work against that and actually 539 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,480 Speaker 1: give weight to the compliment because it's actually true. Like 540 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,720 Speaker 1: if a hundred people tell you you're the greatest, or 541 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,719 Speaker 1: one hundred people tell you you're the greatest, and then 542 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,800 Speaker 1: one person says you're the worst, we have a tendency 543 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,840 Speaker 1: to hold on to that, and we have to counter 544 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,440 Speaker 1: that by realizing we're no longer in a survival situation. 545 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,880 Speaker 1: We can actually enjoy the loving comment that we've gotten. 546 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,520 Speaker 1: We can actually give weight to that loving comment just 547 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,640 Speaker 1: as much, and that improves your mental health. That makes 548 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:25,120 Speaker 1: life better. 549 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,200 Speaker 3: I was going to ask, when you're dealing with people 550 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,679 Speaker 3: that's been on social media, how do you Because most 551 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,639 Speaker 3: people are not going to get on social media no more, 552 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,240 Speaker 3: they're not, you can say, hey, get on social media. 553 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,520 Speaker 3: Even to myself, like I do limit the amount of 554 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:40,320 Speaker 3: time that I own. I don't look at comments. There's 555 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,000 Speaker 3: certain things that I don't do because I'm getting to 556 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 3: the point where I don't care, right, And I think 557 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,040 Speaker 3: that's one of those things where you've been beat up 558 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,639 Speaker 3: so much you just don't care. So how do you 559 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:53,120 Speaker 3: explain that to people, especially celebrities who they live off 560 00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:55,440 Speaker 3: of this and sometimes they might change who they are 561 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,880 Speaker 3: based off of a comment. They might change their inside 562 00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,960 Speaker 3: based of a comment. They might change through their living 563 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,640 Speaker 3: is based off of a comet. So how do you 564 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,960 Speaker 3: talk to kids, adults, and celebrities about. 565 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:08,359 Speaker 1: That by explaining to them the goal should be happiness. 566 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:12,000 Speaker 1: And I don't know anybody, literally, anybody that spends a 567 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,400 Speaker 1: lot of time caring about what people think about them 568 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,520 Speaker 1: that are happy. So if the goal is happiness, then 569 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:20,439 Speaker 1: the pathway becomes very very clear. We know what we 570 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:21,919 Speaker 1: need to do to be happy. I don't have to 571 00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:24,000 Speaker 1: actually tell them what to do. I just have to 572 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 1: ask them, what is your goal that you're trying to achieve. 573 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:30,600 Speaker 1: I'm trying to achieve happiness. You tell me what you 574 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,480 Speaker 1: need to start doing differently in order for you to achieve. Like, 575 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,520 Speaker 1: we know we shouldn't be drinking, we know that we 576 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:38,840 Speaker 1: shouldn't be out late at night. We know we shouldn't 577 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,160 Speaker 1: be using drugs. We know we shouldn't be on social 578 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,159 Speaker 1: media extreme amounts of time. And when I say, like, 579 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:47,120 Speaker 1: what do you need to do in order to achieve happiness? 580 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,679 Speaker 1: They tell me I probably need to stay out of 581 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,240 Speaker 1: the comments because I've noticed when I'm in the comments 582 00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:56,199 Speaker 1: more i'm happy, I'm less happy. I notice when I'm 583 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,920 Speaker 1: out drinking, I'm less happy. I notice when I'm out 584 00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,560 Speaker 1: super duper late a night at the club, I'm less happy. 585 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:03,719 Speaker 1: So what do you need to do? They always say 586 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,480 Speaker 1: the exact same thing. More time with family, more time 587 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 1: with my partner, more time in the gym, more time 588 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,120 Speaker 1: doing healthy things. I don't know anybody who spends time 589 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:15,080 Speaker 1: doing those things and isn't happier or at least a 590 00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 1: happier version of themselves. But we just waste our time 591 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:22,240 Speaker 1: doing these other things, mostly because vanity is real, Like 592 00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:26,120 Speaker 1: vanity is really really real, and people want those vanity metrics. 593 00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:28,960 Speaker 1: I want my followers up, I want people interacting, But 594 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,119 Speaker 1: what you should want is happiness. 595 00:26:32,119 --> 00:26:35,560 Speaker 4: That's why meditation is so important, That's why time with 596 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:37,919 Speaker 4: yourself is so important, because you really got to be 597 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:42,720 Speaker 4: aware of the energy your body is feeling like there's 598 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:47,040 Speaker 4: certain people, certain circumstances, certain things that you can automatically 599 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,760 Speaker 4: make your energy feel love. And then there's certain people, 600 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:53,280 Speaker 4: certain things, certain circumstances that make your energy automatically go down. 601 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:54,840 Speaker 2: So which one should you stay away? 602 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,040 Speaker 4: But you can't under you won't understand that if you're 603 00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:01,560 Speaker 4: not really into une with your your emotional and mental 604 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:01,840 Speaker 4: well being. 605 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,560 Speaker 1: That's absolutely true. Like the there's so much I want 606 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:08,080 Speaker 1: to say about the podcast about the podcast Family Therapy, 607 00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:11,120 Speaker 1: and I can't really because you gotta watch it, experience, 608 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:16,320 Speaker 1: you gotta listen to it. But the big lesson that 609 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:23,119 Speaker 1: I hope people get is the woman focus on this 610 00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:28,280 Speaker 1: podcast is one of the most incredible, inspiring, well achieved 611 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 1: women that you could possibly meet. But when she looked 612 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:33,840 Speaker 1: in the mirror, that's not what she saw. And when 613 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,760 Speaker 1: you spend time with yourself and when you meditate and 614 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:40,199 Speaker 1: when you fully assess, we have a tendency to assess 615 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,840 Speaker 1: ourselves and only be aware of the negative things. And 616 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,000 Speaker 1: I think sometimes therapy is enforced that because you got 617 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,440 Speaker 1: to figure out what's wrong with you and fix it. 618 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:49,960 Speaker 1: But what if, at least in part I would actually 619 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,320 Speaker 1: go farther, but at least in part, what if we 620 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,359 Speaker 1: have to figure out what's great about us and own 621 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:59,280 Speaker 1: that too? And throughout this you're gonna see You're going 622 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:03,680 Speaker 1: to see how that impacts people. And I hope if 623 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,879 Speaker 1: I could make one contribution to society, I hope I 624 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:09,600 Speaker 1: would be helping people to see their greatness within themselves, 625 00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:12,679 Speaker 1: because I just don't think we spend enough time doing that. 626 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,359 Speaker 1: I don't think we spend enough time celebrating ourselves. I 627 00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:17,720 Speaker 1: don't think we spend enough time looking in our history 628 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,240 Speaker 1: realizing that I'm kind of awesome. I got through that. 629 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:25,040 Speaker 1: I overcame that, I achieved that. We spend a lot 630 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:28,639 Speaker 1: of time saying I should have been like social media right, 631 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,080 Speaker 1: I thought it'd be a millionaire by thirty or I 632 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,560 Speaker 1: thought I have one hundred thousand subscribers by this data, 633 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:35,639 Speaker 1: and we really need to just change the way we 634 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,040 Speaker 1: think about everything. We need to look back and have 635 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:39,640 Speaker 1: a positive assessment of ourselves. 636 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,920 Speaker 3: You're right, And you know one thing, my big headed 637 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,440 Speaker 3: coho said to me that he don't think I'd be listening, 638 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,720 Speaker 3: but I'd be listening. One thing he said that I 639 00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:50,280 Speaker 3: finally got a couple of years ago, and people hate 640 00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:53,240 Speaker 3: me for it, but I don't care. It's being comfortable, 641 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:57,200 Speaker 3: right sometimes I'm not gonna say sometimes, but before I 642 00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:01,760 Speaker 3: would make myself uncomfortable, or I would be uncomfortable because 643 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:04,400 Speaker 3: of other reasons. Right, and now I'm in a position 644 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,200 Speaker 3: and I think everybody should be this way if they can, 645 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:10,320 Speaker 3: just to be happier in life. Meaning if something doesn't 646 00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:14,160 Speaker 3: make you comfortable, mesic, if you're going somewhere, or somebody 647 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,520 Speaker 3: in your house or somebody around you, change it because 648 00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,440 Speaker 3: it makes you happier. Right, Because a lot of times 649 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 3: we get to the feeling of somebody apologizes and you 650 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,040 Speaker 3: forgive them, and still you just don't want them around you. 651 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:26,800 Speaker 3: I forgive you, but I just don't want you in 652 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,480 Speaker 3: my vicinity. I just don't want to be there. If 653 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 3: I don't want to go to this function, I'm not 654 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,560 Speaker 3: going to the function, and I don't care who thinks 655 00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:37,000 Speaker 3: anywhere around me, because I realized that that makes me 656 00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:37,840 Speaker 3: happier in life. 657 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:38,080 Speaker 2: Right. 658 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:39,720 Speaker 3: I used to throw it. I think my big head 659 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:41,320 Speaker 3: co host was an asshole. He'd be like, I ain't 660 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:42,960 Speaker 3: going because I just don't want to go. I'd be like, 661 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:47,840 Speaker 3: I'd be like Charlamage's being Charlomagne. But then when you realize, nah, 662 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:50,320 Speaker 3: he's protecting his mental because he don't want to deal 663 00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:50,840 Speaker 3: with them people. 664 00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:52,000 Speaker 1: Correct, you know what I mean? 665 00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:52,520 Speaker 2: And I know this. 666 00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:55,120 Speaker 3: Once I started doing that, life is even better like 667 00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:56,880 Speaker 3: it is what it is. 668 00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:58,680 Speaker 4: That's why he loves going to get profect exams A 669 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:04,200 Speaker 4: lot makes me he likes that. Right, You've got a 670 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:07,000 Speaker 4: few of them, you too. I'm gonna be here for 671 00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:12,800 Speaker 4: this one. No, but I think that's absolutely true. When 672 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,920 Speaker 4: you protect your own piece, and if somebody invites you 673 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,880 Speaker 4: to do something and you know that would interrupt my piece, 674 00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:20,239 Speaker 4: that's right. You don't have to go. 675 00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:23,120 Speaker 1: The only reason we go is because I don't want 676 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,440 Speaker 1: them to think this. No, no, no, you need to 677 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,840 Speaker 1: prioritize yourself. We need to do that much more often, 678 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:31,040 Speaker 1: and I don't think we do very often as a 679 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,200 Speaker 1: as a collective. You know, we do a lot of 680 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,479 Speaker 1: things because we want other people to think, you know this, 681 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:36,040 Speaker 1: that or whatever. 682 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:38,120 Speaker 2: You too much explain it of why. But it could 683 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:38,960 Speaker 2: be because I don't. 684 00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:41,520 Speaker 1: Want to, or just no, no, I don't want to, 685 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:43,560 Speaker 1: the best thing I can do tonight is spend time 686 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,280 Speaker 1: with myself. So I'm not going to go to the 687 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,040 Speaker 1: thing that you've invited me to, whatever it is. 688 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,400 Speaker 4: I wanted to ask you too about you know, you 689 00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,000 Speaker 4: recently did work with Fredo Bang. 690 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:52,880 Speaker 1: Yeah. 691 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:56,880 Speaker 4: You you were on fred Bang's y'all did a therapy session. 692 00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,520 Speaker 1: We did. We did a session that he's going to 693 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:02,400 Speaker 1: use for the release of his newest album and for 694 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:03,520 Speaker 1: the song Yes I'm Sad. 695 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:05,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it was a deluxe album. Yeah, yeah, 696 00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:06,120 Speaker 2: what was that? 697 00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:11,600 Speaker 1: Like? Man? That was incredible? Man, shark man, It's hard 698 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:13,800 Speaker 1: to even put into words. First of all, have a 699 00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 1: tremendous amount of respect for him. Uh in a very 700 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,360 Speaker 1: short amount of time getting to know him. He's been 701 00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:23,200 Speaker 1: through a lot, Like he has been through a whole, 702 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:28,120 Speaker 1: whole lot, and in just the decision to want to 703 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,280 Speaker 1: address that and to have a conversation with a therapist, 704 00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:36,920 Speaker 1: in my opinion, is a profound decision. But to expose 705 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:40,560 Speaker 1: his audience to that because he wants to spread healing, 706 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,920 Speaker 1: that is that was an incredible thing to be a 707 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,760 Speaker 1: part of. And for me, like at this stage of 708 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:50,440 Speaker 1: my career, like I want to make healing go viral, 709 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:52,560 Speaker 1: you know, I want to make healing and I mean 710 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:54,920 Speaker 1: true healing. I'm not talking about talking about it or 711 00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:57,320 Speaker 1: you know, fixing what's wrong with you. I mean, like 712 00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,160 Speaker 1: to your point earlier, I don't know anybody who's been 713 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:03,240 Speaker 1: a live longer than ten minutes that doesn't have something 714 00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,320 Speaker 1: to heal from. And when I look at social media, 715 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:11,400 Speaker 1: you know, you see someone with a super positive mental 716 00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:15,000 Speaker 1: health message and they get this many views, and someone 717 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:17,720 Speaker 1: doing a food review of a cheeseburger stand gets this 718 00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:20,360 Speaker 1: many views, and that's fine. Like I'm not hating on them, 719 00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,560 Speaker 1: like you know, have your success, but I want the 720 00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:26,840 Speaker 1: world to be equally interested in mental health and healing. 721 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,840 Speaker 1: And for someone like Fredo, with his positionality in the 722 00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:34,880 Speaker 1: culture to prioritize that, I think that that's massive. I 723 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,200 Speaker 1: think that that that's the kind of thing that will 724 00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:40,480 Speaker 1: have a rippling impact and will likely save people's lives. 725 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:43,080 Speaker 1: Like someone's life. I can guarantee you someone's life will 726 00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,000 Speaker 1: be saved because they look up to Fredo and they 727 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:49,760 Speaker 1: recognize him as a as who he is in the culture. 728 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,000 Speaker 1: And if he thinks therapy and mental health is important, 729 00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 1: then someone somewhere in Baton Rouge, Louisiana or wherever, is 730 00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:59,120 Speaker 1: going to think mental health is important and they're going 731 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,560 Speaker 1: to seek therapy too because Fredro made it cool. So 732 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:04,800 Speaker 1: to be a part of that moment was It's hard 733 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:06,760 Speaker 1: to put into words how appreciative I am for that 734 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:11,760 Speaker 1: and how much that means to me. It's a very 735 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:12,760 Speaker 1: very big deal, I think. 736 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:17,800 Speaker 4: And make sure y'all subscribe and download Elliot Khanyi's podcast 737 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,520 Speaker 4: Family Therapy with Elliott Kanie. You know, the day is 738 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:23,200 Speaker 4: the first day of Mental Health Awareness Month. Man, So 739 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:26,920 Speaker 4: if you're looking for a new mental health awareness podcast, 740 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:29,959 Speaker 4: a new mindfulness podcast to add to your rotation, Elliot 741 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:31,520 Speaker 4: Kanye Family Therapy is the one. 742 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:34,440 Speaker 2: And if they want to participate, what can they do? Yeah? 743 00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:37,719 Speaker 1: Look, so follow me on social media at Elliott Speaks, 744 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:39,560 Speaker 1: spell my name with two l's and two teas at 745 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:44,600 Speaker 1: Elliott Speaks and leave a comment, leave a rating like 746 00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:47,720 Speaker 1: really help us reach more people, Like I tell people 747 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:50,200 Speaker 1: I really do want mental health and healing to go 748 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:53,560 Speaker 1: viral and have a moment and impact lives, and I 749 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:56,840 Speaker 1: can't do that without help. So if you want to participate, 750 00:33:56,960 --> 00:34:01,040 Speaker 1: listen to the podcast downloaded on i Heart radio app, 751 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:06,600 Speaker 1: the Black Effect Podcast Network website, wherever you listen to 752 00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:09,919 Speaker 1: podcasts iTunes, Spotify wherever you listen to podcasts and join 753 00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:13,560 Speaker 1: the conversation, like and when you listen, this is like, 754 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,560 Speaker 1: how do I describe it? It's like this epic reality show. 755 00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:20,960 Speaker 1: There are multiple characters within this first family that we're 756 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:26,000 Speaker 1: doing this with. Andna, you're gonna really resonate with David 757 00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:30,040 Speaker 1: or Jay or Jay's father who's a part of the process, 758 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:33,560 Speaker 1: whose name is Freddie. Just just allow yourself to have 759 00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,200 Speaker 1: access to it, and I think I think you're gonna heal. 760 00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:39,520 Speaker 1: And and one more thing I will say too. Questions 761 00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:42,560 Speaker 1: are such a powerful thing. You're gonna hear me asking 762 00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:46,200 Speaker 1: questions to the participant family and you're gonna find yourself 763 00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,480 Speaker 1: answering those questions and it's gonna impact your life. So 764 00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:53,040 Speaker 1: just expose yourself to it, follow it, follow me on 765 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,200 Speaker 1: social media. We'll be posting clips and I'll be doing 766 00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:58,399 Speaker 1: some cool things there. But help us spread this word 767 00:34:58,400 --> 00:34:59,240 Speaker 1: because we need Jaihill. 768 00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,040 Speaker 3: All right, well, thank you for joining us. Its Elliott Connie. 769 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,000 Speaker 3: It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, Wake that ass up 770 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:06,080 Speaker 3: in the morning. 771 00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:07,280 Speaker 2: The Breakfast Club