Speaker 1: Hello, Hey, what's up. What's your name? I'm Jack, Jack,
Speaker 1: What's up? How's life?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 3: I'm living?
Speaker 4: Is this the gek This is a man in a
Speaker 4: gecko suits who is here right now talking to people?
Speaker 4: I was I was watching an Instagram reel of and
Speaker 4: it was Jim Carrey and he was at like some
Speaker 4: awar show and he was like talking to some lady
Speaker 4: with a microphone and he was like, nothing is real, man,
Speaker 4: and I'm just a guy and I'm crazy. And I
Speaker 4: was watching this and I'm like, I really hope I
Speaker 4: don't sound like that sometimes, although I got I understood
Speaker 4: everything he was saying when he was talking about this
Speaker 4: is where this the sensation Like like Jim Jim Carrey,
Speaker 4: I think when he's going insane, he's left the matrix.
Speaker 4: And I get what he's saying because I've also had
Speaker 4: times where my brain left the matrix. But I'm I
Speaker 4: you know what is full the full circle is like
Speaker 4: the matrix is pretty good. I'm sorry I'm talking over you.
Speaker 4: I'm just stream of consciousness going and saying. But we'll
Speaker 4: get into just the matrix is good. It's good to
Speaker 4: be in the matrix. The matrix is great. I was
Speaker 4: go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 3: It's kind of funny because Sonic the Hedgehogs like brought
Speaker 3: him out of the matrix.
Speaker 4: Wait, how did Sonic the Hetchhog? Now, wait, hold on,
Speaker 4: tell me further. How do you believe son of a
Speaker 4: Hedgehog brought him out of the matrix?
Speaker 3: Whenever he was like really like he was saying like
Speaker 3: all the depressive stuff. It was like right before he
Speaker 3: started doing the first Sonic movie and he was literally like,
Speaker 3: I'm done with movies, Like the next movie that gets
Speaker 3: delivered to me would have to be like a script
Speaker 3: written in gold. And then he started doing Sonic the Hedgehog.
Speaker 3: And he's only done Sonic the Hedgehog since then.
Speaker 4: Mm hmm so wait, so t so, how is Sonic
Speaker 4: the Hedgehog wouldn't wouldn't doing something like a Hdgehog put
Speaker 4: him back into the matrix.
Speaker 3: Well, it kind of like snapped him out of it,
Speaker 3: you know, because he was saying like nothing matters, and
Speaker 3: then well I guess, I guess I guess what you're saying. Yeah,
Speaker 3: he kind of pulled him back in.
Speaker 4: No, well like being saying nothing matters. Okay, here a
Speaker 4: whold on, And I'm By the way, this is a
Speaker 4: two sided conversation. I want to hear your opinion on this.
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna throw it out there. The so, when
Speaker 4: Jim Carrey is talking about how nothing matters and this
Speaker 4: none of this is real and whatever, he has left
Speaker 4: the matrix, right and then going to doing Sonic the
Speaker 4: Hedgehog is rejoining the matrix. But part but I think
Speaker 4: the because when you're doing so the he when he's
Speaker 4: doing somea like the Hedgehog, he is like when he's
Speaker 4: doctor Egman and he's doing a silly voice and he's
Speaker 4: like working and he's doing stuff, and he's like attempting
Speaker 4: to actively participate in life. He has rejoined the matrix.
Speaker 4: But I think the the hero's journey of leaving the
Speaker 4: matrix ends with realizing that being in the matrix is good.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: There the like you like, you know, it's a weird
Speaker 4: bell curve of like you know that meme Do you
Speaker 4: know what I'm talking about? The meme where it's like
Speaker 4: a dumb guy and he's like, what's that fucking meme?
Speaker 4: Hold on, I'm gonna look that.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm talking about? By the way,
Speaker 1: I do not hold on.
Speaker 4: Bell curve meme, thanks for hanging out with me while
Speaker 4: I do this. Okay, okay, okay, the bell Okay, the
Speaker 4: bell curve meme. And it's like it's like a Wojack meme.
Speaker 4: Do you know what wojack is? Yeah, Okay, it's a
Speaker 4: woj Okay, it's a Wojack meme. And it's like it's like, Okay,
Speaker 4: at the beginning of the bell curve is like a
Speaker 4: really like is like dumb, like idiot wojack. Right, I look,
Speaker 4: you're looking at Okay, you're looking at it, right, you're
Speaker 4: looking at you're looking at it right now. Yeah, And
Speaker 4: it's like, uh, like I'm looking at one right now
Speaker 4: where it's like I just do whatever I feel like,
Speaker 4: And it's that's the dumb guy. He's like in the
Speaker 4: bottom one percent, right, And it's like that's like that's
Speaker 4: living in the matrix. Right, that's like I I do
Speaker 4: the Sonic the Hedgehog movie and I play pickleball and
Speaker 4: I paint. It's like, this guy's a fucking idiot, doesn't
Speaker 4: he really? And then okay, right, okay, so so at
Speaker 4: the at the bottom of the bell curve is dumb
Speaker 4: Wojack guy, right, and and this guy's like, I do
Speaker 4: the Sonic the Hedgehog movie, and I paint, and I
Speaker 4: play pickleball and I go to award shows and it's
Speaker 4: like that guy's in the matrix, he's an idiot. And
Speaker 4: then okay, and then and then at the at the
Speaker 4: top of the bell curve, do you see you see, right,
Speaker 4: you're looking at the same thing I'm looking at. Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 4: the top of the bell curve, you have the crying Wojack,
Speaker 4: the guy who's like stressed, right, that's at the top
Speaker 4: of the bell curve. And that guy's going like the
Speaker 4: guy at the bottom is a fucking idiot, all right,
Speaker 4: he doesn't he realize that nothing matters and what And
Speaker 4: he's an idiot. He's doing the Sonic the Hedgehog movie
Speaker 4: and he's fucking playing pickleball and nothing matters, right, And
Speaker 4: like that guy left the matrix, right. And then at
Speaker 4: the end of the bell curve, the top like the
Speaker 4: high IQ at the end of the bell curve, you
Speaker 4: see the guy in the hood. You see that, Yeah,
Speaker 4: that guy that's Jim Carrey going back to do Sonic
Speaker 4: the Hedgehog enlightened, realizing that the end of the hero's
Speaker 4: journey of leaving the matrix is fucking the enlightenment is, Oh,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna do the Sonic the Hedgehog movie and play
Speaker 4: pickleball and participate in life and society. That's the that's
Speaker 4: like the ultimates, yea, and like that's his fucking hero's
Speaker 4: journey is is you start dumb, You're like, oh, I'm
Speaker 4: in the fucking matrix, and then you have an existential
Speaker 4: crisis and you go, what what a fucking idiot participating
Speaker 4: in life? And then at the end, the hero's journey
Speaker 4: is wait a minute, the Act, the Golden Script, the whatever,
Speaker 4: it is just fucking doing the fucking Sonic the Hedgehog
Speaker 4: movie and participating in life. That is the end of
Speaker 4: the enlightenment path, you know. So that's what I think. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 4: that's the I'll show you. So that's that's what I
Speaker 4: think he's doing. Is that's that's he's at the bottom
Speaker 4: of he's at the end of that bell curve where
Speaker 4: he's so enlightened that he's doing the Sonic the Hedgehog movie.
Speaker 4: I guess I don't know, that's that's that's kind of
Speaker 4: how I look at it.
Speaker 3: No, I'm right there with you. It's even better because
Speaker 3: you know you brought you brought Adriel butt in, he
Speaker 3: got Keanu h He's spreading the information, he's spreading the happiness.
Speaker 4: And it's like, look, you know, it doesn't have to
Speaker 4: be this thing written in gold. That's amazing and beautiful.
Speaker 4: It's the fucking Sonic the Hedgehog movie.
Speaker 3: People.
Speaker 4: It's fun. It's just fun. Life. Life can just be
Speaker 4: fun and normal, and you know it doesn't have to
Speaker 4: be this fucking script written in gold.
Speaker 3: You know, I I completely agree.
Speaker 1: That's the Bell Curve. What's your name again?
Speaker 3: I'm Jack? Jack?
Speaker 1: What's going on in your life? Jack?
Speaker 4: Thanks for thank you so much for letting me right.
Speaker 4: I got really excited talking about that. So thanks for
Speaker 4: you're the you were you were the you were absolutely
Speaker 4: the right guy to have on the other end of
Speaker 4: the phone to entertain me while I go on this rant.
Speaker 1: So thank you for being that. What's up with you?
Speaker 2: Man?
Speaker 3: You know, you know, life, life, life's definitely a lot
Speaker 3: right now. But I think I think talking about Sonic
Speaker 3: the Hedgehog with the thurpy get Go helped quite a bit.
Speaker 4: It's just it's just it's like it's just distracting yourself,
Speaker 4: which is like a weird nihilistic thing. But then again,
Speaker 4: you get to the end of the bell curve and
Speaker 4: you're like, no, that's the point.
Speaker 3: Well it's kind of like, uh, I kind of have
Speaker 3: an exodia right now?
Speaker 1: What does that mean?
Speaker 3: Uh? Like in u Yo, there's this there's this card
Speaker 3: called exodia and it's like split up into so many
Speaker 3: pieces because if you use them all, you just win
Speaker 3: the game. And I was like, I was sitting here
Speaker 3: and I'm folding my laundry, and I was a little
Speaker 3: bummed out because I'm like I couldn't go to Comic
Speaker 3: Con this year, and like all my buddies are at
Speaker 3: Comic Con right now, and now I'm gonna be able
Speaker 3: to just be like, yeah, he went to Comic Con.
Speaker 3: But I talked to the therapy get go while I
Speaker 3: was holding laundry in my trap and my and my
Speaker 3: snorrelaxed cross.
Speaker 4: I am I. I want you to know, I'm deeply
Speaker 4: honored that I'm I'm a consolation prize for going to
Speaker 4: Comic Con. Wait, which is it? Are you just talking
Speaker 4: about San Diego Comic Con?
Speaker 3: No, I'm I'm in Missouri's I'm in like Kansas City
Speaker 3: Comic Con.
Speaker 4: Okay, how come you can go again? I'm sorry if
Speaker 4: you said that already.
Speaker 3: I'm just just finances and didn't work out. I just
Speaker 3: lost my job and got dumped or not, well, we
Speaker 3: broke off. I didn't get dumped. But so I'm just
Speaker 3: staying optimistic and finding a new job and folding laundry
Speaker 3: and talking about sonic the hedgehog.
Speaker 1: What does that mean to be staying off the mystic?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 3: Like, I don't know. I get out of bed every day,
Speaker 3: I go to work like, I go like a door
Speaker 3: dash and I like you roady like, which is another
Speaker 3: like delivery app see my friends, I get out? Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Wait what what? What is what is mystic?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 4: I so, I know that staying off the mystic as
Speaker 4: a metaphor, but what's the what's the literal mystic?
Speaker 1: Like you mean like the end of the drink?
Speaker 3: Start one more time?
Speaker 1: What did you said staying off the mystic? What is
Speaker 1: the mystic?
Speaker 3: Oh see optimistic?
Speaker 4: Oh oh oh oh oh interesting? Okay, I thought you
Speaker 4: said you've been staying off the mystic.
Speaker 3: That sounds that sounds cooler, it.
Speaker 1: Sounds Can we just I want.
Speaker 3: To just make that being like judged dread.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I kind of, I I kind of I
Speaker 4: kind of want to take that.
Speaker 1: Can we can we make that a thing staying.
Speaker 4: Staying off the mystic like we don't need to get
Speaker 4: into crazy ship.
Speaker 3: We can just but galaxy gas, which I've never done.
Speaker 4: But what happened? Uh? What you can talk about it
Speaker 4: or not talk about it if if you want, But
Speaker 4: what happened with the missus?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 3: I don't know. It's a it's a long complicated thing.
Speaker 3: We're both just kind of give until a point we
Speaker 3: were both more happy and just like arguing off and
Speaker 3: on and like breaking up off and on. And I
Speaker 3: was like for almost that three years, I'm like, I
Speaker 3: don't want to say too much because I don't think
Speaker 3: she'll listen, but I don't want to like oustad anything.
Speaker 4: Sure, yeah, sure I understand that.
Speaker 3: But it was just three years just didn't work out
Speaker 3: and we were just both unhappy. Are you and I
Speaker 3: don't want to be there? But just like a have
Speaker 3: to move on kind of thing.
Speaker 4: Are you so? I so? I undersaid it's like a wee,
Speaker 4: it's like a it is like a difficult transition, but like,
Speaker 4: do you do you feel happier?
Speaker 1: Like, what's your feel how do you feel in your gun?
Speaker 1: I'm curious.
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm so focused on trying to like
Speaker 3: work on stuff on my life, then I'm honestly not
Speaker 3: thinking about it too much. Like my mom asked me
Speaker 3: that the other day. She was like, you haven't talked
Speaker 3: to like it's been like a month and you haven't
Speaker 3: like talked about like so and so. And she's like,
Speaker 3: are you like okay with it? And then I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you the same thing I told
Speaker 3: my therapist of I know, this is just gonna suck
Speaker 3: for a while and I'm just gonna have to live
Speaker 3: through the suck and then we'll go from there.
Speaker 4: M Yeah, there's kind of a this kind kind of
Speaker 4: a beauty in that acceptance. There's a beauty in that
Speaker 4: accept There's a weird thing and this is like, uh,
Speaker 4: philosophy bullshit that I don't know if I fully agree,
Speaker 4: but let's explore the idea because it's interesting. Is like
Speaker 4: are you still there, by the way, Okay, I was
Speaker 4: wanting you the phone cut out whatever, But it's an
Speaker 4: interesting idea to explore. It's like Okay, you do, You've
Speaker 4: you accept this is gonna suck. I will get through
Speaker 4: it and I will move past it and be victorious
Speaker 4: and whatnot versus like resistance of feeling the pain and
Speaker 4: the suck and like, how do I fucking make this
Speaker 4: fucking end right now? This is like.
Speaker 1: Whatever, whatever pain or whatever the fuck.
Speaker 4: It's interesting because resistance can often, like I think, lead
Speaker 4: you to interesting.
Speaker 1: Places, perhaps.
Speaker 4: Like I think, I don't know, I don't know, like, uh,
Speaker 4: there's a weird thing and like uh. But also but
Speaker 4: also acceptance can still lead you places actionably right because
Speaker 4: you accept the pain, because you can because you can
Speaker 4: be like like I have a friend who's like, uh,
Speaker 4: you know, he went through a thing with his lady
Speaker 4: and he went like, I'm gonna become like like, I
Speaker 4: don't know if it's he and he went like, I'm
Speaker 4: gonna become the kind of person that I thought this
Speaker 4: relationship would make me become. And I'm like mourning the
Speaker 4: the possibility of the guy that I thought it would
Speaker 4: become as a result of this relationship. And so I'm
Speaker 4: going to go do the things that I thought this
Speaker 4: person would encourage me to do.
Speaker 1: I'm going to do them alone.
Speaker 4: And it's interesting because I guess, I guess as I'm
Speaker 4: talking to you, I initially was I was thinking about
Speaker 4: this person, and I was like, is that a resistance
Speaker 4: to pain or is that actually, in a way, an
Speaker 4: acceptance of pain and a kind of like let me
Speaker 4: take an actionable step to transform this pain into something productive,
Speaker 4: which actually is is a form of acceptance, I think
Speaker 4: rather than a form of resistance. I guess resistance would
Speaker 4: be like, no, this is this is gonna work out,
Speaker 4: this is gonna come back, this.
Speaker 1: Is gonna.
Speaker 2: That.
Speaker 3: I think that's kind of why I'm at a point
Speaker 3: of like we both agreed that we needed to do it,
Speaker 3: but I kind of like initiated it, and we both
Speaker 3: kind of like agreed. They were like like I don't
Speaker 3: like it got to a point right and feel like
Speaker 3: I could like talk to my friends about it because
Speaker 3: it's like we've had so many like micro breakups.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, that's that's yeah. Once you get to the
Speaker 4: point where you're once you get to the point where
Speaker 4: you're like you can't you you've talked to your friends,
Speaker 4: You've gone to your friends about an issue you're having,
Speaker 4: and you can't you can't go back anymore because they're
Speaker 4: all going to be like, You've done this dance eight
Speaker 4: thousand times and you just can't talk to us about
Speaker 4: it anymore.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And like my therapist even said that, like like
Speaker 3: my friends are like, don't get me wrong, I could
Speaker 3: like I've talked to my friends about like I got
Speaker 3: I got drunk and played video games. We played through
Speaker 3: the fire and the flames on Fortnite. That's my buddy's
Speaker 3: house and you know we did that, and you know
Speaker 3: that was that was nice. But I feel like I'm
Speaker 3: definitely kind of just like like don't get me wrong,
Speaker 3: it sucks, but like I'm trying to, like I got
Speaker 3: a lot I want to work on, and like that
Speaker 3: was kind of one of the things we dealt with
Speaker 3: is like I didn't it didn't come across that I
Speaker 3: changed the ways I needed to, and like I knew
Speaker 3: I needed to change in some different ways. But like
Speaker 3: I also was like working at Jimmy John's before, Like
Speaker 3: I was like working at Jimmy John's and the door dashing
Speaker 3: full time and just like miserable the entire time, like
Speaker 3: when we first met, and like I feel like I'm
Speaker 3: in a much better place even with the stuff going
Speaker 3: on now that I was back then. So I'm just
Speaker 3: trying to I don't know. I got to keep telling
Speaker 3: myself that I changed in ways that were good for
Speaker 3: both of us, in ways that were good for me too,
Speaker 3: and just kind of trying to keep moving forward and
Speaker 3: changing in better ways.
Speaker 4: That's wonderful that you have great friends that you can
Speaker 4: just get drunk and play Fortnite with.
Speaker 3: It is actually really funny because like my two friends
Speaker 3: that I just got to play it literally said they
Speaker 3: would never play it, like they said they'd rather die
Speaker 3: than play it for like years, and then one night
Speaker 3: I just randomly messages and saying me playing Fortnite tonight,
Speaker 3: and it kind of like stunlocked them into playing it,
Speaker 3: and now one of them plays more than me.
Speaker 1: How do you How do you know these two guys?
Speaker 3: I met them in high school and I used to
Speaker 3: be roommates with one of them that he had kids,
Speaker 3: so we moved out.
Speaker 4: Nice, nice, nice nice? Are these the buddies that are
Speaker 4: at comicic on right now?
Speaker 3: Actually one of them is, Yeah, I actually just sent
Speaker 3: a message in the discord saying I'm on therapy Gecko
Speaker 3: right now, and they said prove it, and I said,
Speaker 3: watch the stream, and so I hope one of them
Speaker 3: got to hear me talk about his Fortnite addiction.
Speaker 1: Cool.
Speaker 4: Cool, hmmm, what's your name again, Jack? Jack? Hmm, you said,
Speaker 4: you know what, I just I keep coming This is like,
Speaker 4: I know, I feel like on this show I say
Speaker 4: the same things over and over again. But maybe that's
Speaker 4: because I just keep coming back to, you know, a
Speaker 4: lot of the same conclusions. And this is just thank
Speaker 4: your You're I appreciate you so much, just sitting on
Speaker 4: the phone with me while I rant about musings. It's
Speaker 4: like I just keep coming back to. By the way,
Speaker 4: I just I hope, I hope this doesn't come off
Speaker 4: in like a preachy way, because this is a lot
Speaker 4: of this.
Speaker 1: This is just me.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 4: This is like doing therapy for myself and me coming
Speaker 4: to my own loop of realizations over and over again.
Speaker 4: It's like, like perspective keeps being the fucking thing. Like
Speaker 4: perspective just keeps being the difference between like people who
Speaker 4: I talk to on this show or just in real life,
Speaker 4: where I'm like that person is gonna be fine versus
Speaker 4: that person's is fucked. You know, It's less it's more
Speaker 4: about that than it is about like anything I think.
Speaker 1: And I and I I redirect that back to myself.
Speaker 4: I always I redirect that back to myself because I
Speaker 4: I I wonder with myself. I'm like, am I fucked?
Speaker 4: Am I just fucked?
Speaker 3: For?
Speaker 4: Like am I fucked? Or is it gonna? Am I
Speaker 4: gonna be fine? And it's like, well, it kind of
Speaker 4: depends on your perspective, and then your brain attacks you
Speaker 4: and it goes, no, there's reality and reality doesn't give
Speaker 4: a fuck about your perspective. But then but then you
Speaker 4: but then you turn around and you go, well, perception
Speaker 4: is reality, and you kind of argue back and forth
Speaker 4: with your fucking self on it.
Speaker 3: I do you want to Yeah, yeah, like you have
Speaker 3: to keep reality in check, like I don't think there's
Speaker 3: any problem, like like you've got to feel your emotions.
Speaker 3: Like that's kind of the thing I keep like, like
Speaker 3: running into here is like I like, I like, in
Speaker 3: my head, I know I'm not being cringe about it,
Speaker 3: but in my head I feel cringed for thinking like, oh,
Speaker 3: like I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.
Speaker 3: But it's also like at the same time, after remind
Speaker 3: myself like no, I'm I still I'm still the same guy.
Speaker 3: It's just this is going on and like trying to
Speaker 3: not let my mind wander too far off.
Speaker 4: Mm hmmm mm hmm. What's uh, what's the future look
Speaker 4: like for you? What do you what do you want
Speaker 4: to do with your in life?
Speaker 3: I might be getting a fingers crossed. I'll be getting
Speaker 3: this cool new job in about a week at this Uh.
Speaker 3: You know, like when you go to Davembusters and you
Speaker 3: have like the card you put the funds on and
Speaker 3: then you can swipe it or tap it at the games.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna work for a company that like makes those,
Speaker 3: and I'd be able to like build the kiosks and
Speaker 3: like I run support for like the arcades and bars
Speaker 3: that use them.
Speaker 4: Nice. Nice, that's sick. Do you get to play games
Speaker 4: for free?
Speaker 3: They have games in the break room. I was a
Speaker 3: little jealous they had they had it just in storage,
Speaker 3: but they had south Park pinball Dude.
Speaker 4: I had, Dude. I had been searching far and wide
Speaker 4: to play the south Park pinball machine. I finally played it.
Speaker 4: I forget what I think I played it in uh,
Speaker 4: when I was in Denver one year I played the
Speaker 4: south Park pinball machine. But yeah, yeah, so it's kind
Speaker 4: of a bad pinball machine. Actually that's sad to hear.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Wait, actually I forget if maybe it wasn't maybe it
Speaker 4: was fine. I like pinball machines that have a lot
Speaker 4: of stuff on them, what what, like like ones that
Speaker 4: have like three D shit in them. I don't. Like
Speaker 4: there's a lot of pinball machines that feel kind of
Speaker 4: lazy where it's like the theming of it is just
Speaker 4: like the it's all just like standard pinball, but the
Speaker 4: theming is like just like shit plastered on it, and
Speaker 4: it doesn't feel like it has uh a lot of
Speaker 4: like depth to it. I like three D. I like
Speaker 4: uh stuff in the pinball machine, you know, not just
Speaker 4: like theming at the bottom of just this standard ass
Speaker 4: pinball machine.
Speaker 2: I agree.
Speaker 3: I like the Star Wars once where they have like
Speaker 3: the ships like flying out towards the glass, like that's right.
Speaker 3: I don't think they just like slap like like a
Speaker 3: deadpool sticker on there and be like it's the pool pinball.
Speaker 4: Right right, exactly, exactly exactly.
Speaker 3: I got a weird question for you, Deek go ahead.
Speaker 3: I used to ask this question to people while playing Overwatch,
Speaker 3: and I just I've always wanted your take on it. Sure, right, yeah,
Speaker 3: boy genius or menace? Why?
Speaker 4: Why?
Speaker 3: But he has a nuclear powered canine? Like how is
Speaker 3: that okay?
Speaker 4: In the sense that he brought sentience to something.
Speaker 3: That and like someone gave him nuclear material, Like he
Speaker 3: has some kind of like a nuclear reactor or thin
Speaker 3: power in his dog that he brings to school.
Speaker 4: That okay? That is whether or not he's a menace.
Speaker 4: I'm well, let's get into this. Is it is interesting
Speaker 4: to think about how he sources his materials, like how
Speaker 4: did he get the nuclear or whatever the fuck to
Speaker 4: get because he can't he can't just make all this
Speaker 4: stuff from scratch. He has to get certain materials that
Speaker 4: are difficult to get and did yeah, and did he
Speaker 4: get those materials through highly unethical means?
Speaker 1: Is is kind of what you're implying.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm like, on Young Sheldon, he tried to do
Speaker 3: the same thing, and the FBI shut up at his
Speaker 3: house and all he did was buy like smoke detectors
Speaker 3: you know, mmm mmmm If I don't know. In the movie,
Speaker 3: he got all the like he sent that toaster into
Speaker 3: space and then all the parents got kidnapped. Like where
Speaker 3: where does the Blaine fault there?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, I guess he does. Through science. It's the question,
Speaker 4: it's the sciences the it's the question that plagues scientists
Speaker 4: often of we we were so deeply focused on whether
Speaker 4: or not we good that we didn't stop to think
Speaker 4: if we should And maybe a lot of Jimmy Neutron's inventions.
Speaker 1: Teeter on that.
Speaker 4: I'll say that. Here's what I'll say, and I'll say this,
Speaker 4: not having recently watched the show, is that I do
Speaker 4: generally believe that Jimmy Neutron has good intentions, that he
Speaker 4: wants to create things that serve humanity and his friends.
Speaker 3: I could get behind that he like accidentally causes the damage.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, what do you I mean, what do you think?
Speaker 3: I think? I think it's a double edged sword. I
Speaker 3: can I can see it like a lot of ways.
Speaker 3: But like I also remember that, like I can't remember
Speaker 3: if it was Sene or Carr, but like he turned
Speaker 3: one of them into like a combination of like the
Speaker 3: Thing and the Hulk, and like, oh yeah, I feel
Speaker 3: like growing that size. Like I feel like you just
Speaker 3: like don't turn into that and then forget about it.
Speaker 4: Wait a minute, are you talking about. Oh, dude, there's
Speaker 4: a gnarly episode you know. I'm gonna rewatch this today.
Speaker 4: There's a gnarly episode of Jimmy Neutron that I forgot about.
Speaker 4: Do you remember the one where he makes Sheen a
Speaker 4: super genius and then Sheen completely loses himself.
Speaker 3: And like his head gets all swollen.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and his head gets like super swollen and it
Speaker 4: becomes like a god.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Like he doesn't forget that, like his memory is
Speaker 3: still there, you know, like like like the day after,
Speaker 3: he's gonna remember, oh, I was a super genius and
Speaker 3: lost all of it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, hmm, okay, I'm gonna rewatch that. Maybe maybe after
Speaker 4: watching that, I'll think he was a menace.
Speaker 3: Watch The Jimmy Timmy Power Hour two, dude.
Speaker 4: The Jimmy Timmy Power Hour was my ship growing up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I gotta rewatch that. I gotta rewatch it.
Speaker 4: You know what, I'm not into like movies at all.
Speaker 4: I don't really and I'm I'm I've never been into
Speaker 4: like serialized dramas or like movies or whatever. Like I
Speaker 4: would gladly just sit down as an adults and rewatch
Speaker 4: The Jimmy Timmy Power Hour. More than I would rather
Speaker 4: do that than watch like White Lotus. I don't know
Speaker 4: what that says about me.
Speaker 3: But I'm the same way. I basically just watched King
Speaker 3: of the Hill.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not I have I don't have a long
Speaker 4: enough attention span for like to get into a fucking
Speaker 4: whole movie.
Speaker 3: Perspect that I'm It takes very It takes a lot
Speaker 3: for me to get invested in a movie. And like
Speaker 3: I went out of uh I want to. I went
Speaker 3: to film school for a year and then it was
Speaker 3: like going every weekend of the movies and then just
Speaker 3: like again, it always stacked the Sonic because like Sonic
Speaker 3: the Hedgehog came out, then COVID happened, and then I
Speaker 3: just not to speak into the movies. But I also
Speaker 3: like I've hired everything, so it makes it hard.
Speaker 4: I'm really happy having this conversation with you right now
Speaker 4: because I was thinking about this earlier in our conversation.
Speaker 4: Is I sometimes feel like I have forgotten how to
Speaker 4: have conversations that are like like, I really enjoy sometimes
Speaker 4: having very heady conversations about life and existential thought and
Speaker 4: the universe and meaning and self improvement and developing all
Speaker 4: this stuff. But I think sometimes I get so wrapped
Speaker 4: up in that world that I am I arrive at
Speaker 4: a place where I'm like, oh no, I've I think
Speaker 4: I've forgotten how to just have a fucking normal conversation.
Speaker 4: And then we started talking about pinball and Jimmy Neutron,
Speaker 4: and I was like, okay, I'm back, I'm bad. I
Speaker 4: feel safe in the fact that I can have have
Speaker 4: and express fully presently in my entire body refined opinions
Speaker 4: about a pinball machine that that kind of gave me
Speaker 4: some relief. I was like, all right, I'm still okay.
Speaker 4: I can still live deeply in the matrix of of
Speaker 4: can I I think I tried to talk about this
Speaker 4: on the podcast at some point, and maybe I just
Speaker 4: have dimension I forgot. But this is a this is
Speaker 4: a this is a micro story that maybe you'll understand.
Speaker 4: I was at Target the I don't this is gonna
Speaker 4: make no if you're not insane, it's gonna make no sense.
Speaker 1: I was at Target the other day.
Speaker 4: And I was like, I was just having like insane
Speaker 4: like thoughts, like out of matrix thoughts, and then I
Speaker 4: was I went, I was I forget what I was
Speaker 4: looking for there?
Speaker 1: I think I was.
Speaker 4: I wanted to Oh, I wanted to by uh for
Speaker 4: olmens or whatever. And so I went up to one
Speaker 4: of the guys working there and I was like, hey, man,
Speaker 4: do you know where the omens are? And he was like, oh,
Speaker 4: they're in an aisle three. And I was like, thanks, man,
Speaker 4: I appreciate it. And then in my head I went, oh,
Speaker 4: I'm so back in the In my head, I went, dude,
Speaker 4: I just went up to a guy in a store
Speaker 4: and asked him where something was. I'm so deeply back
Speaker 4: into the matrix right now.
Speaker 1: This is awesome.
Speaker 4: Like They're like, do you know what I mean? Is that?
Speaker 1: Is that an insane thought to have?
Speaker 4: Like? Like, oh, I'm so I'm like, I'm like a
Speaker 4: I'm like such a real person right now. I'm at
Speaker 4: a grocery store asking a guy where the omens are
Speaker 4: and getting the omens and buying them. I'm like a
Speaker 4: real person right now. I am deeply in trench in
Speaker 4: the matrix of the human experience.
Speaker 3: No, I completely I I door d ash like just
Speaker 3: a butt tome and like I definitely feel like I'm
Speaker 3: just like running like side quest over and over again. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and then like I do something like going to the
Speaker 3: grocery store, or like like I delivered to some hotel
Speaker 3: the other day and like the lady like talked to
Speaker 3: me and told me where to go, and I was like,
Speaker 3: that's rare. Normally they pretend I don't exist, and it's
Speaker 3: like it was nice to feel like that separation.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you feel like you're here. What kind
Speaker 4: of elements?
Speaker 1: What kind of nuts do you like?
Speaker 3: So funny thing about that I can't eat any nuts
Speaker 3: or I'll die.
Speaker 4: Oh peanuts, all.
Speaker 3: Peanuts, tree nuts. On my birthday, like two years ago,
Speaker 3: one of my friends excidentally gave me a moleet, which
Speaker 3: is like some chocolate like peanut butter, neat thing, I think.
Speaker 3: But I took like one bite and then I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: this has peanuts in it. And then I just, you know,
Speaker 3: I don't have an EpiPen because that's really expensive, so
Speaker 3: I just uh, I just had a MC chicken and
Speaker 3: I brushed my teeth and then I was all.
Speaker 4: Set, Oh, I love I love mcchickens.
Speaker 3: I agree, they just M chicken should not be two dollars,
Speaker 3: so I'm saying it's criminal.
Speaker 1: Are they too?
Speaker 4: They used to be one dollar right there there?
Speaker 3: Used to be a dollar, and they like vary by location,
Speaker 3: so like the one near my house is like two
Speaker 3: sixty m m. It makes me sick.
Speaker 4: What yeah? What have you do? You have the shamrock
Speaker 4: shake recently?
Speaker 3: At all I had? I had?
Speaker 1: How was that?
Speaker 3: You know? It was? It was all right, you know
Speaker 3: I had it? Well, it was door dashing and it
Speaker 3: was uh, it was just kind of a nice little treat.
Speaker 3: It's been a super windy here though, so I uh
Speaker 3: didn't get enjoyed and it's full like experience with the
Speaker 3: windows down.
Speaker 4: Mm hmm mm hmm. What's your name again?
Speaker 3: Jack?
Speaker 1: Jack? Jack Jack Jack Jack Jack?
Speaker 4: How old are you?
Speaker 3: Jack? I am twenty five?
Speaker 1: Cool?
Speaker 4: Cool, mhmm.
Speaker 1: What else?
Speaker 3: Older younger than you expected?
Speaker 4: I assumed you were like around my age. What else
Speaker 4: do I? Is there anything else that you want to
Speaker 4: talk about?
Speaker 3: I think I mentioned all the big ones, you know,
Speaker 3: the Big Chicken, Sonic, the Hedgehog.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: What's your take on the Minecraft movie?
Speaker 4: I have? I have no take Minecraft. I have no
Speaker 4: take on the Minecraft movie. I have no The only
Speaker 4: thing I know about Minecraft is that like kids like it,
Speaker 4: and there's like people wear a lot of T shirts
Speaker 4: of it and you know. I was never a Minecraft guy.
Speaker 4: I have no I'm very removed from from the Minecraft universe.
Speaker 4: Do you have do you have takes on the Minecraft
Speaker 4: on the Minecraft movie?
Speaker 3: I just I like that action figure they have that
Speaker 3: looks like a joke from like Awkwardteam Hunger Force efficiently
Speaker 3: like a Jack Black like action figure. Oh yeah, he
Speaker 3: got like a middle aged dude.
Speaker 4: What's that episode of Aquatane Hunger Force with the I know,
Speaker 4: I know the exact aquaden Hunger Force episode that you're
Speaker 4: referring to. What's the name of that fucking guy in
Speaker 4: the episode, like Meetwad gets a.
Speaker 3: I think it's like Carl or something.
Speaker 4: No, me meet. There is an episode of Aquatune where
Speaker 4: Meatwad gets a fucking uh action figure. But it's just
Speaker 4: like some guy if you know, if right, write us
Speaker 4: in the comments if you know the episode that we're
Speaker 4: talking about. Mm hmm. This is I really enjoyed having
Speaker 4: this conversation.
Speaker 1: With you, Jack.
Speaker 3: This is a dream come true.
Speaker 4: This is a dreaming. This is a fucking dream come
Speaker 4: true for me too. Man, God damn ship fuck balls. Uh.
Speaker 4: All right, I guess, I guess, I guess I guess
Speaker 4: we can end it.
Speaker 1: I guess we can.
Speaker 4: I guess this can be what it was, And like,
Speaker 4: if you have anything else you want to, you know,
Speaker 4: go if you if if you don't have anything else,
Speaker 4: I'm good to move on. But if you if you
Speaker 4: have anything, if you have anything else, we can do it.
Speaker 3: I'll I'll leave you off with one of my favorite
Speaker 3: work stories ahead. I used to work at Best Buy
Speaker 3: in Kansas. It was it was Super Bowl Someday, and
Speaker 3: it was early in the day and I was in
Speaker 3: the bathroom. We had been open for like thirty minutes,
Speaker 3: and I'm sitting there and this dude comes in and
Speaker 3: cracks open a beer on Super Bowl Sunday in this
Speaker 3: best five bathroom and he just heat He finishes three
Speaker 3: beers before leaving, and I got to have my favorite
Speaker 3: radio call the Best Buy, which I just got to
Speaker 3: tell my manager. I was like, Hey, some guy just
Speaker 3: drank like three beers in the bathroom. I don't know
Speaker 3: what you want me to do about it, but I
Speaker 3: just just let you know.
Speaker 4: Have you eard that you ever drank three beers in
Speaker 4: the bathroom.
Speaker 3: I don't think I'm powerful enough like I've definitely Like
Speaker 3: when I first moved out, I definitely had like a
Speaker 3: like a shower beer. You know, I think that's why
Speaker 3: TVR exists. But you know, I don't think I've dived
Speaker 3: deeper than that.
Speaker 1: Jack.
Speaker 4: It's a pleasure talking to you. Thanks for thanks for
Speaker 4: being on the phone with me, uh and listening to
Speaker 4: me rant and ranting yourself.
Speaker 1: This was This was good. I hope, I hope.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this was good. I hope you have a good
Speaker 1: rest of your life. Jack.
Speaker 3: I hope you have a good rest of your life. Lyle.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna try my I'm gonna Jack. I'm gonna try
Speaker 4: my fucking goddamn best.
Speaker 3: I believe in you.
Speaker 4: Have a good night, Jack, have a good night.
Speaker 3: Jack.
Speaker 4: What a great phone call? I don't I don't know.
Speaker 4: Sometimes you know, this was good. This was I I
Speaker 4: I I truly enjoyed chatting with that guy. He was
Speaker 4: a good hang. He was a good Uh, he's a
Speaker 4: good he's a good foil too. Whatever the hell this is.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Jack, You're you're an American hero today. Hello, Hi, Hi,
Speaker 4: what is.
Speaker 2: Your name, Amanda? What's your name?
Speaker 4: My name is Lyle. My name is Lyle. Nice to
Speaker 4: meet you, Amanda.
Speaker 2: What's going on with by Lyle, Oh, you know, just
Speaker 2: hanging out, but you're being a little more vulnerable today.
Speaker 2: I'm digging it.
Speaker 4: I'm I feel like I'm always It's interesting to hear
Speaker 4: you say that because I feel like I'm always uh,
Speaker 4: I'm always doing that, and then wondering if that's a
Speaker 4: fucking good idea.
Speaker 2: No, you share nothing about yourself. That's talk about other
Speaker 2: people's problems.
Speaker 4: That's not true. I I I compulsively rant about my
Speaker 4: brain a lot on here.
Speaker 2: I feel like, yeah, but like the second it's too much,
Speaker 2: We're done.
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, sure, though I.
Speaker 2: Was anxious, I was on my phone blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: I'm not a sucker, but I have a weird memory.
Speaker 4: But yeah, when oh, okay, hold on, hold on, okay,
Speaker 4: so and I'll talk about it. So wait, first of all,
Speaker 4: did I when did I talk about that?
Speaker 2: Because I forget live like this week early in the week.
Speaker 2: But the second time that okay, So, I guess the
Speaker 2: first night you did it, you weren't feeling it. I
Speaker 2: wasn't there for that. But then you picked up and
Speaker 2: you were happy. You talked to Casey the mathematician, and
Speaker 2: he had something that you were interested in. But then
Speaker 2: he had to go on his lunch break.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, the salmon fishing guy.
Speaker 4: That was the last episode. Okay, so I guess for context,
Speaker 4: for context, I don't know if this is something I
Speaker 4: talked about.
Speaker 2: I was live for that.
Speaker 4: It wasn't like, yeah, okay, so I don't know if
Speaker 4: this was I don't know if this was fucking on
Speaker 4: the live stream or on the podcast. But yes, okay,
Speaker 4: to give context to you were saying, I remember talking
Speaker 4: about being at dinner with a couple friends, and I
Speaker 4: was just like, I was very I was just on
Speaker 4: my phone, very anxiously, writing stuff on my notes app,
Speaker 4: checking Instagram, like looking at shit.
Speaker 3: And.
Speaker 2: Good for you for going to dinner, Good.
Speaker 4: For me for going What do you mean good for
Speaker 4: me for going to dinner?
Speaker 2: No, seriously, like when yeah, it sounds like you didn't
Speaker 2: fucking feel good. Sorry, but you went to dinner anyway,
Speaker 2: and you were like, man, I wasn't having a good time.
Speaker 4: Well oh hold on, so okay, let me, I guess,
Speaker 4: let me let me explain this, Let.
Speaker 2: Me explain this with your anxiety at least, well, let.
Speaker 1: Me let me explain this.
Speaker 4: And everyone is wired differently, Everyone's wired way differently. I
Speaker 4: have for me right now, and and honestly, I I
Speaker 4: don't know. I don't know what the future holds, but
Speaker 4: for me right now, I'm the kind of person where
Speaker 4: like if I some people when they get depressed or
Speaker 4: they get anxious, they withdraw and they're like, I need
Speaker 4: to be alone in my room not doing anything. I'm
Speaker 4: I'm the opposite, and I'm like, if I am alone
Speaker 4: in my room not doing anything, I get really depressed
Speaker 4: and anxious, and I am I am like I always
Speaker 4: I have like a strong compulsion. I always want to
Speaker 4: be out of my house and around people as much
Speaker 4: as possible. I want to be out of my house
Speaker 4: and around other people as much as possible until until
Speaker 4: my goal is to do that until I'm so exhausted
Speaker 4: that I am enjoying being out of my house. I mean,
Speaker 4: that's why I have That's why I had so much
Speaker 4: fun touring and fucking doing all this shit. Right and
Speaker 4: so the the the anxiety me being on my phone
Speaker 4: at dinner, the reason I was so anxious on my
Speaker 4: phone at dinner is because I am you know, I
Speaker 4: guess like I was just being vulnerable talking about excidential
Speaker 4: crisis is all that stuff that I can talk about
Speaker 4: on here is I'm like, my brain works in such
Speaker 4: a way where I'm like, Okay, I need to solve
Speaker 4: this problem. And if I am out to if I'm
Speaker 4: out with my friend or I'm around people, and I
Speaker 4: feel like I am not taking action on any of
Speaker 4: my problems in some way, shape or form, I get
Speaker 4: anxious and I'm like on my phone in my notes
Speaker 4: appsc this is. I'm kind of in a period of
Speaker 4: my life where I'm like, you know, I've identified certain
Speaker 4: things that I'm I'm you know, would like to see
Speaker 4: change in my life, and so I'm very anxiously scribbling
Speaker 4: down ideas and things and whatnot, you know, so that
Speaker 4: I can uh solve these problems. This has This is
Speaker 4: how I've operated, I think for my whole life. I
Speaker 4: think it's too good.
Speaker 1: I think it's how good.
Speaker 4: I think it's how I'll probably operate for the rest
Speaker 4: of my life. Because when you when I have a problem,
Speaker 4: it just fucking fucks with my head until I can
Speaker 4: figure out how to fucking solve it. And so I
Speaker 4: just get anxious and I'm not and it's weird because
Speaker 4: I'm not present. But here's the thing, and you say,
Speaker 4: it's really good, and I appreciate that, and I actually
Speaker 4: agree with you, and I do think for I do
Speaker 4: think it's good for now. But also, let me tell
Speaker 4: you something, it fucks me in some ways because sometimes
Speaker 4: when you're on your phone and it's it's about balance,
Speaker 4: I think balance is the issue.
Speaker 1: And this I really want you to know.
Speaker 4: I really want people listening to this podcast to know
Speaker 4: I am not saying and I never say any of
Speaker 4: these fucking things in like a coaching I know the
Speaker 4: answer way at the end of this fucking Sometimes I
Speaker 4: know you know that, but sometimes I just want to
Speaker 4: reiterate that this podcast is like, this is me doing
Speaker 4: therapy publicly for myself, talking these things out. So this
Speaker 4: is just all for me.
Speaker 3: Is like.
Speaker 4: The the anxiety. Oh okay, here's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 4: There's a weird balance to it right where it's like, okay, sure,
Speaker 4: let me dedicate a part of my day and a
Speaker 4: part of my life and a part of my time
Speaker 4: to endlessly bang my head against the wall, being like
Speaker 4: I have this fucking problem and I want to solve it,
Speaker 4: and I'm not going to stop banging my fucking head
Speaker 4: against the wall until I solve it and that's great.
Speaker 2: It's like.
Speaker 4: It's like it's like life. It's like life sudoku. But
Speaker 4: I think I've realized. I think I've realized that I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 4: do that for some period of the day, but then afterwards,
Speaker 4: just be at dinner with your friend.
Speaker 2: Just don't want you to stop coming on the podcast,
Speaker 2: and like I want you to be okay first and foremost,
Speaker 2: but like I sure, I personally, like I'm listening and
Speaker 2: it's like, oh me, I'm like it's wearing and he
Speaker 2: doesn't want to do this anymore, and I'm scared.
Speaker 4: You know what. The sometimes well, but then.
Speaker 2: You come out with a really good like like a
Speaker 2: really thing that like fills your cup, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's fine, you know, well's.
Speaker 4: I mean, that's what sucks? Is is Well, it's not
Speaker 4: it's not what's you know, I'm not gonna say that.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say it sucks.
Speaker 4: It just is what is. And now we're getting we're
Speaker 4: getting so meta and I don't know, I don't I
Speaker 4: actually don't even care because I'm enjoying it. Is that
Speaker 4: it just depends on the fucking day, man, Like honestly,
Speaker 4: like like today and this podcast and talking to the
Speaker 4: guy I just talked to and even talking to you
Speaker 4: right now and whatever. I'm really enjoying this. I really
Speaker 4: feel present, I really feel good, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 4: this is a great thing. But then sometimes I just
Speaker 4: show up and I'm like, fucking, I.
Speaker 2: Can't let me tell you something. Get it's not you.
Speaker 4: I think it is me, No.
Speaker 2: But no it's not. I.
Speaker 4: Well, okay, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna let you give
Speaker 4: your perspective and then I'll give mine, but go ahead.
Speaker 2: It's just like you're listening to these people call and
Speaker 2: talk to some of them varying on IQ levels, and
Speaker 2: it's like they're problems are not something that like you
Speaker 2: can even relate to sometimes, and if you do, you
Speaker 2: do a good job of like telling them. But like
Speaker 2: you're walking such a fine line of like your podcasts
Speaker 2: and like actually caring about these people, and like that's
Speaker 2: gonna drain anybody, Like sure, it's not.
Speaker 4: Yeah, sure, And you know what I mean is I
Speaker 4: I I do agree with you on that. I will
Speaker 4: say that.
Speaker 1: I will say that I don't think it's.
Speaker 2: Bad for you. I say I like that you caught
Speaker 2: when like some days you're like, Nope, thank you. I
Speaker 2: like that. That's good. That's a good boundary.
Speaker 4: Like, yeah, I'm happy to hear that. Thank you for
Speaker 4: thank you for the support. That's really that's very kind
Speaker 4: of you to say.
Speaker 2: I'm not kind. I'm not.
Speaker 4: I'm not making a judge as to whether or not
Speaker 4: I'm not making Let me tell you this, I am
Speaker 4: not making a judgment on what kind of person you are.
Speaker 4: Only you can tell me what kind of person you are.
Speaker 4: But I can with absolutely, I can absolutely objectively tell you.
Speaker 4: But it is an objective fact that I've felt kindness
Speaker 4: from you just now, in this exact moment. But I
Speaker 4: I can't. I can't stay at any other objective facts
Speaker 4: about your life as a whole, but I can object
Speaker 4: it is an objective fact that I believe that you
Speaker 4: in this.
Speaker 2: Very moment, I want to ask you something. Go ahead,
Speaker 2: how how do you do it? Like I'm like, I
Speaker 2: just told you I'm not kind, But I feel like intellectually,
Speaker 2: like I get sometimes what you get, and I get
Speaker 2: why you call it quits, and I get why you
Speaker 2: don't want to talk to certain people, but like I
Speaker 2: can't like do what you do with like yeah, no, thanks.
Speaker 2: Like I though, boundaries are are so hard for me
Speaker 2: to like say, I like, yeah, well it's not just
Speaker 2: being a woman either. Maybe it is, well, but.
Speaker 4: I mean, okay, well I'll tell you a couple of things.
Speaker 4: Is that one eyes, I actually really, I sincerely really
Speaker 4: struggle with that because I want, I want, like I
Speaker 4: I I struggle with that because I want when I
Speaker 4: have an interaction with folk or folks or whatever, I
Speaker 4: want to be uh perfect, you are nice.
Speaker 2: You're you're like you draw the line without being like.
Speaker 4: Well, I want to do that, but I I don't.
Speaker 4: But you can't if you put pressure on yourself to
Speaker 4: do that. If you put pressure yourself to be perfect,
Speaker 4: you will You're just gonna want to get you. You're
Speaker 4: gonna fucking kill yourself if you do that. Like, if
Speaker 4: you put pressure, if you put so much pressure, if
Speaker 4: you put so much pressure on yourself to fucking be
Speaker 4: a perfect you, you'll fucking kill yourself. So I I
Speaker 4: I at a certain point, and I struggle with doing this,
Speaker 4: but I think I at a certain point I have
Speaker 4: to just be like.
Speaker 1: And again, I don't know how good about it.
Speaker 4: I'm kind of intellectualizing it, but at a certain point,
Speaker 4: you just have to.
Speaker 2: Go, like accept, I just want to know how you
Speaker 2: take another phone call.
Speaker 4: Uh. The answer is that I drank. The answer is
Speaker 4: that I drank a Celsius before this, which makes me
Speaker 4: feel like a normal caffeine makes me feel like a
Speaker 4: normal person.
Speaker 2: I don't think Celsius is that bad, and I'm an
Speaker 2: icy universe.
Speaker 4: But how do you do how do you do well?
Speaker 4: How do you do fucking that? I mean, god, damn,
Speaker 4: that's an intense job.
Speaker 2: I don't have to. They don't talk, they're intubated, they
Speaker 2: have a breathing tube, they're dead, and I'm keeping them alive.
Speaker 4: I mean, god damn, that's a I mean that your
Speaker 4: your when they talk?
Speaker 2: Why not I don't because then it's like, oh man,
Speaker 2: your life sucks, you know, but mine is worse. So
Speaker 2: like hold on, really equivalent.
Speaker 4: Wait, you don't like when they talk because you don't
Speaker 4: like when they talk because when they talk it's.
Speaker 2: Depressing mm hmm, or like they're problems that I can't
Speaker 2: help them with or legally I'm not allowed to, or yeah,
Speaker 2: there's you're right. Everyone is going through it. Man.
Speaker 4: There's an episode of the show Uh Louis that I
Speaker 4: really love where Uh it's it's Louis c K's TV show.
Speaker 2: Okay, I saw her live like after the scandal three
Speaker 2: years ago, Louie.
Speaker 1: Okay, I guess so you've seen him before.
Speaker 2: I'm in Syracuse. Unfortunately, I know how you feel about it.
Speaker 1: But what do you mean you know how I I liked?
Speaker 4: Wait?
Speaker 1: Wait, hold on? How do I feel about Syracuse? I'm
Speaker 1: going to get back to.
Speaker 2: The Funny Bone is not the only comedy club.
Speaker 4: Hold on, I hold on, hold on, just I just
Speaker 4: want to set the record. I just want to set
Speaker 4: the whole on. Can I set the record straight? I
Speaker 4: had a fucking sick time at the comedy club in Syracuse.
Speaker 2: People for Yeah, but like you hung out in a
Speaker 2: parking lot. I told you my memory is weird. I
Speaker 2: swear I'm not saying.
Speaker 4: Wait but yeah, but yeah, I hung out. You're one
Speaker 4: hundred percent right. I did talk about hanging out in
Speaker 4: the park so much more. I hung out in the
Speaker 4: parking lot of a mall in Syracuse, and I had
Speaker 4: a sick time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like everyone besides you, ah, just Syracuse. People
Speaker 2: defend themselves. So it's like podcasters are scared talk shit.
Speaker 2: But I know they don't like it here it sucks, you.
Speaker 4: Can but look, look here's look, it's what I want
Speaker 4: what I want to I will tell you objectively. Going
Speaker 4: to Syracuse for a day to do my Gecko show
Speaker 4: and then hanging out in the parking lot afterwards.
Speaker 1: Was a lot of fun.
Speaker 4: Right, No, it's great. No, it was more than all right.
Speaker 4: It was a great time. But would I want to
Speaker 4: live in Syracuse? I guess not particularly, but hold on, okay,
Speaker 4: So I don't.
Speaker 2: Live in Syracuse. I live in like, I live like
Speaker 2: fifteen miles away. But I can't, you know, I can't
Speaker 2: anyway on the subject.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 4: So there's an episode of Louis. It's called what's the
Speaker 4: fucking It's called Eddie and in it, I don't know
Speaker 4: if you ever watched the show, but in it this
Speaker 4: uh uh do you know the comedian Doug stan Hope.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. But I'm so bad with names like.
Speaker 4: But it's funny because that. Okay, So there's an episode
Speaker 4: of Louis that's kind of about the subject that we're
Speaker 4: talking about, and it's a little I don't know what
Speaker 4: to make of it, but it's a fast I don't
Speaker 4: know what to make of it, but it's it's a
Speaker 4: fascinating episode, so.
Speaker 1: You should watch it. And I'm curious. I'm curious what
Speaker 1: you will think.
Speaker 4: So in it, uh, Louie, he like does the spot
Speaker 4: at the comedy Cellar in New York, and he runs
Speaker 4: into an old friend Eddie played by Doug stan Hope,
Speaker 4: and his old friend is like this comedian that he
Speaker 4: used to run with back in the day. And then
Speaker 4: like the open mic scene and Louis had.
Speaker 2: Seen it's, uh it's like a series.
Speaker 4: Uh yeah, yeah, sure, I think, but so in it, Okay,
Speaker 4: So in it, it's not it's not serialized, if that's.
Speaker 2: What you're asking, Like, I'm comparing it to my man's
Speaker 2: I think you should leave.
Speaker 4: Yeah, sure, yeah, it's not.
Speaker 2: It's not.
Speaker 4: It's not. Yeah, it's not serialized. It's not like a
Speaker 4: serialized drunk. So in it, yeah, Louis is like he
Speaker 4: runs into this comedian who he hadn't seen a while
Speaker 4: and they hang out and they palor around and eventually,
Speaker 4: you know, they hang out, they palor around and like, uh,
Speaker 4: Doug Stanhope's character like kind of gets in some trouble Eddie. Yeah,
Speaker 4: he gets drunk, and you know, they're hanging out, they're
Speaker 4: talking about old times, and then eventually Doug stand Helps
Speaker 4: character says to Louis he's like, he says to him,
Speaker 4: I'm I'm quitting. I'm done, and Louie is like, way, like,
Speaker 4: you're quitting comedy. You're not gonna do comedy anymore. And
Speaker 4: he goes, I'm not quitting comedy, dude, I'm quitting life. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and he goes he goes, I'm gonna go fucking Upstate.
Speaker 4: I have one last show. I'm gonna do it, and
Speaker 4: then I'm gonna take a bunch of uh painkillers, and
Speaker 4: I'm gonna kill myself. And then Louis goes like, what
Speaker 4: do you mean you can't kill yourself? Like he's trying
Speaker 4: to like talk him out of it, and then Doug
Speaker 4: Stanhip he just laughs and he's like, he just laughs,
Speaker 4: and he goes, look, I get you're trying to do
Speaker 4: a whole big speech right now, and I get you're
Speaker 4: excited that you're doing this whole big speech, but uh,
Speaker 4: you know, look, I'm not asking you to save me.
Speaker 4: I'm just I just wanted to say goodbye to somebody.
Speaker 4: And it's really really dark episode.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really really, it's really it's.
Speaker 4: It's it's really dark. But then Louie says to him,
Speaker 4: he's like, He's like dude. He's like, dude, you can't
Speaker 4: put this ship on me. And he goes, he goes
Speaker 4: on this rant and this is kind of what I guess,
Speaker 4: this whole this is, this is how it connects back
Speaker 4: to what we were just talking about. Is He goes,
Speaker 4: like he said, he has this line where he goes,
Speaker 4: I worked hard to figure out what my reasons to
Speaker 4: live are and I can't just Louie. Louie says to Eddie.
Speaker 4: He goes, I worked really hard, okay, Eddie says to Louie.
Speaker 4: He goes, name one, give me one reason why I
Speaker 4: why I should keep living. Eddie goes, give me one
Speaker 4: reason why I should keep living. And then Louis says, dude,
Speaker 4: you can't do that. You can't do I'm not gonna
Speaker 4: Louis goes, he goes on this rant and he goes,
Speaker 4: I'm not going to play that game with you. I
Speaker 4: worked hard to figure out what my reasons to live
Speaker 4: are and I can't just figure them out to you.
Speaker 4: And if you want to figure out your reasons to
Speaker 4: live go to bed, he goes, he goes, have a
Speaker 4: drink of water, go to bed, and then wake up
Speaker 4: in the morning and try again, just like everyone else.
Speaker 4: And and it's so it was fascinating. I love that scene.
Speaker 4: I love that whole rant and I and I kind
Speaker 4: of love it from I love it from from both
Speaker 4: sides because I'm thinking about it from Doug Stanhope's character,
Speaker 4: where like because I've I've I've like been there in
Speaker 4: like a like a deep depression of like I've been
Speaker 4: there in a deep depression, and I've been there wanting
Speaker 4: to be saved and realizing no one's gonna save me.
Speaker 4: And I and I'm and I just the way that
Speaker 4: Louis is like fucking drink the whole thing of like, dude,
Speaker 4: drink a glass of water, go to bed, and wake
Speaker 4: up and figure it out like everyone else. But I'm
Speaker 4: not giving you my I worked hard on my reasons
Speaker 4: to live. I'm not giving them to you. I kind
Speaker 4: of felt that there's like, weirdly, even though it's a
Speaker 4: depressing scene, there's something I guess weirdly optimistic about it
Speaker 4: about just like look, man, no one's coming of Like look,
Speaker 4: no one's coming to save you, but like, dude, we're
Speaker 4: all trying to find our reasons to live. Don't fucking
Speaker 4: kill yourself. Go to bed, take a drink of water,
Speaker 4: go to bed, and try again tomorrow morning, right and
Speaker 4: then and then take take a drink of water and
Speaker 4: try again tomorrow morning, and just don't don't fucking kill yourself,
Speaker 4: don't give up. Take it, take a drink of water,
Speaker 4: go to bed, and just try again in the morning
Speaker 4: like everyone else. And I actually that felt really powerful.
Speaker 4: Hear it, like I'm imagining being in that situation, and
Speaker 4: I felt that way before, wanting to be saved you
Speaker 4: and you can't be saved. And then I also have
Speaker 4: had situations where I felt like I was in Louie's
Speaker 4: position where I was like shit, I've work where I
Speaker 4: where I felt like I was in that position where
Speaker 4: I'm like fuck, I'm sorry man, Like I'm working really
Speaker 4: hard it on my reasons to live. I'm trying to
Speaker 4: figure out what mine are, and I I want to
Speaker 4: help you, but I can't just give them.
Speaker 2: To you know, way better than take a sip of
Speaker 2: water and go to bed.
Speaker 4: But then I hold but hold on, hold on, this
Speaker 4: has nothing to just I just what's your name again?
Speaker 2: I get it.
Speaker 4: I mean, hold on, Amanda. I first of all, Amanda,
Speaker 4: thank you for thank you again for sitting on the
Speaker 4: phone while I go. Thank you again for sitting on
Speaker 4: the phone while I got on this rant and examine
Speaker 4: this scene. I just love this fucking scene because I
Speaker 4: feel i've i've i've felt like I've been on both
Speaker 4: sides of this scene and I and and they're kind
Speaker 4: of inspired because it comes back to like the boundaries
Speaker 4: in a way of being like I can't and I'm trying, okay,
Speaker 4: and I'm I'm trying to be this is this is
Speaker 4: an optimistic thing, okay, this is a positive thing again again,
Speaker 4: because there's the one side of it where you want
Speaker 4: to help someone, but you're like, I've worked hard on
Speaker 4: my reasons to live and I can't just give them
Speaker 4: to you. And I know what that side feels like.
Speaker 4: And then there's the other side where you feel deeply
Speaker 4: fucking alone and you deeply feel that nobody can help you.
Speaker 1: And I felt that way before.
Speaker 4: And then there is something about that scene that spoke
Speaker 4: to me in feeling that way where I was like, fuck, man,
Speaker 4: just drink a glass of water, go to bed, wake
Speaker 4: up in the morning, don't you can't kill your don't
Speaker 4: kill yourself, drink a glass of water, wake up in
Speaker 4: the morning and try again like everyone else.
Speaker 1: And uh, that kind of is the answer.
Speaker 4: And so again, I just I love the scene because
Speaker 4: I felt it kind of deeply from from both from
Speaker 4: both sides of it. But anyway, that's that's that that
Speaker 4: that that you know, kind of spoke to me in
Speaker 4: in a sense, and I feel like it's back to
Speaker 4: the kind of meta of what we're talking about.
Speaker 2: It does.
Speaker 4: It does anyway, Thanks for letting me random anyway.
Speaker 2: Yeah, one more question, go ahead. You don't talk about
Speaker 2: being Jewish that much.
Speaker 1: I talk about will you?
Speaker 4: You say I don't talk about being vulnerable and talking
Speaker 4: about being Jewish? What do you mean I don't talk
Speaker 4: about being I talk about being Jewish?
Speaker 2: How do you talk about like? Yeah, I don't know anyway. Uh,
Speaker 2: do you want a Jewish wife? Like not acting Jewish wife?
Speaker 4: My mom would like a Jewish wife. I am indifferent Jewish?
Speaker 4: Are you Jewish?
Speaker 2: I am? But yeah, I'm you. You don't want me.
Speaker 2: I'm hot, but you don't want me.
Speaker 4: Well, that's not what I was at. That's not what
Speaker 4: I was getting at.
Speaker 2: But you do need to do wish wife. But you're not,
Speaker 2: like I just want to say one more thing. You're
Speaker 2: not the typical. Like you're not the typical. I don't
Speaker 2: even want to say it.
Speaker 4: Are you going?
Speaker 3: Are you? Are you?
Speaker 4: Hold on? Hold on? Here's the thing you're hold on.
Speaker 4: Let me say this because you're Jewish. I'm not offended
Speaker 4: at you saying if you want to say, I'm not
Speaker 4: the typical Jewish guy, if that's what you want to say,
Speaker 4: you're not.
Speaker 2: And I'm gonna say, boy, I know you're twenty six,
Speaker 2: but urgin some and whatever. I don't know when your
Speaker 2: birthday is, but yeah, you're not. You're not. You're way better,
Speaker 2: well just as Harry way better.
Speaker 4: I have hold on. I have multiple things to say
Speaker 4: to this is okay. Yes, I grew I went to
Speaker 4: b BYO and I grew up around I know what
Speaker 4: you mean by I. Also by by the way I am,
Speaker 4: I am body a lot of typical Jewish stereotypes of
Speaker 4: like neuroticism, and like a lot of I feel very
Speaker 4: I feel I'm I mean, I occasionally will find myself
Speaker 4: at synagogue once in a blue moon, but I feel
Speaker 4: like I do. I feel very like culturally Jewish, like
Speaker 4: I embody a lot of again the Jewish stay up,
Speaker 4: but well what about you? Are you looking for a
Speaker 4: Jewish husband?
Speaker 2: Got No, I'm Jewish, but I'm almost like more agnostic.
Speaker 2: I've been on birthright that kind of thing, like I
Speaker 2: believe in tradition and preserving. I don't. I'm not a Zionist,
Speaker 2: but I just I see what the moms see, you know,
Speaker 2: and why.
Speaker 4: But I mean, they.
Speaker 2: Changed our last name when we came over, so it's
Speaker 2: like it was scarcely part of our identities. It's just
Speaker 2: like here and there, I still have a Christmas tree.
Speaker 2: I didn't go to a day school or anything like that.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I've just been interested because you're like not
Speaker 2: as loud about it as the people I went to
Speaker 2: high school with, and but it's still important to you.
Speaker 2: And that's why I.
Speaker 4: Asked, Yeah, yeah, I am.
Speaker 2: So yeah, but you do like you don't say God blessed,
Speaker 2: but you're like, I don't not believe in God.
Speaker 4: Judaism to me is not about God or uh no,
Speaker 4: it's not about Judaism to me is about being Judaism
Speaker 4: to me is about being thirteen years old in a
Speaker 4: at a Jewish sleep away camp. Yeah, and you're you
Speaker 4: and your friends are all standing in a circle rubbing
Speaker 4: gold bond on your balls. Yeah, that's what That's what
Speaker 4: Judaism is for. Judaism is like a culture is a culture.
Speaker 4: Like when I meet another person who's Jewish, I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 4: we had similar traditions growing up and similar cultures, but
Speaker 4: more than I more than it is about like you know, like,
Speaker 4: oh I believe in something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I get that. I totally get that. And
Speaker 2: I have friends who are like in and out of
Speaker 2: believing of something like and like full their families that
Speaker 2: were like full damn Jewish, you know, no Christmas for nothing.
Speaker 2: But you got to talk to other people. My kids
Speaker 2: are about to make you lose your ship because there
Speaker 2: I've been like pushing their foreheads away from me each time.
Speaker 2: They know who you are, they know what I call
Speaker 2: you sometimes, how are they see but they don't hear
Speaker 2: five and eight?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: Nice? Nice? Yeah, they're they're so goodous.
Speaker 2: Huh.
Speaker 4: I was curious about your life. I feel like I
Speaker 4: just talked about myself for a while.
Speaker 2: Oh God, while my life you don't even want to
Speaker 2: know it's like not cute, not fun. There's no solution
Speaker 2: and you would hate it. But so what everyone? I
Speaker 2: love you so much, Please don't leave us.
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 2: Is there anything else I want to say to the
Speaker 2: support Gecko go on twitch by the subscription. Uh, we
Speaker 2: need him. You don't even know. I love only Gek.
Speaker 2: I love none of you. And yeah, I'm kitting pun
Speaker 2: in the chat that annoying girl.
Speaker 1: Uh Amanda mm hmm.
Speaker 2: Ye mm hmm. I also love Rhode Island maybe mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Do you live in Rhode Island or were you born
Speaker 2: in Rhode Island?
Speaker 4: No, I have I have no association with Rhode Islands.
Speaker 2: What about where were you raised? Gak? I know like
Speaker 2: where you went to? Okay, Maryland? Sorry, I get like
Speaker 2: Rehobo's and Maryland like sometimes confuse geographically. But if you go,
Speaker 2: I want to go to the ocean this summer in
Speaker 2: Delaware or Maryland whenever, I don't care. I want to
Speaker 2: see you there or in Syracuse again. So and I
Speaker 2: didn't know the last time you were in Syracuse and
Speaker 2: I was super bombed and get it back.
Speaker 4: I'll be back, I I Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna
Speaker 4: I'm I'm I am planning to tour again if if
Speaker 4: people are willing, If people, if people are willing to
Speaker 4: come out and see me again in twenty twenty six,
Speaker 4: I'm will be there.
Speaker 2: They will, they.
Speaker 4: Will, I hope. So I don't know every every every
Speaker 4: single day of this thing. I'm like, every every single
Speaker 4: every single day of this thing. I'm like, I I
Speaker 4: mean even the fact that you've been listening. I think
Speaker 4: you said you were listening since the COVID day, So
Speaker 4: every single day of this thing, I'm like, oh yeah,
Speaker 4: if people are still on board, I'm still here. So anyway, anyway, anyway,
Speaker 4: thank you, thank you for your kindness, Amanda. I You're welcome.
Speaker 1: I I appreciate it.
Speaker 4: You helped me out today by again being a foil
Speaker 4: for Meta rant and whatnot. So thank you very much
Speaker 4: and thank you.
Speaker 2: And if I'm so excited, if you ever talked to
Speaker 2: Casey again, that guy who is in like his whatever
Speaker 2: for the fuck, Like, yeah, getting from Dnali or Anchorage,
Speaker 2: he was fishing. He did seems like a done then
Speaker 2: he was like brilliant. He was like a physics thing. Whatever. Anyway, Yeah,
Speaker 2: keep on going, man, go out to dinner with your friends. Good,
Speaker 2: go out to dinner with mine.
Speaker 4: Yeah, please do that. Do that, go out to dinner
Speaker 4: with your friends. Live your life, God damn it, Amanda
Speaker 4: gotta live wile, stay alive. Okay, I'll see I will
Speaker 4: promise all right.
Speaker 1: Bye bye, okay, bye bye.
Speaker 4: That was Amanda. M that was Amanda. This has been
Speaker 4: a good episode of people, uh sitting on the phone
Speaker 4: with me while I rant, which is a dream? This
Speaker 4: is I think that's I I like. I feel like
Speaker 4: the callers are like their co hosts of the podcast.
Speaker 4: It's fun. I will, I will, I will pray. I'll
Speaker 4: pray for everyone. I will pray for everyone. I will
Speaker 4: pray for everyone.
Speaker 2: Hello.
Speaker 4: Hello, Hi, what's your name? Joe? Joe? How's it going, Joe?
Speaker 4: What's uh? What's the new in your life? Well?
Speaker 1: Have we talked before?
Speaker 4: No, I've been.
Speaker 5: Listening to you through COVID, so uh yeah, I'm really excited.
Speaker 1: Oh kick ass. It's always so cool to me.
Speaker 4: I feel like I lose track a lot of the
Speaker 4: times of like how cool this is that? Uh, this
Speaker 4: has been going for almost five years now, and people
Speaker 4: have been listening since COVID, which has been five years now,
Speaker 4: so I'm.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm happy. I'm happy you're still here.
Speaker 4: I'm happy that today, March twenty second, twenty twenty five,
Speaker 4: you're here and we're talking. I think it's cool. So
Speaker 4: what's up, dude? How can I get you today? What's
Speaker 4: going on in your life?
Speaker 1: Joe?
Speaker 5: Oh Man? Oh? So, I have two things I could
Speaker 5: talk about. I can either talk about oh three, I
Speaker 5: guess work, personal, or my dogs.
Speaker 4: Which one do you feel the most compelled to talk
Speaker 4: about right now?
Speaker 5: Let's do? Let's do work?
Speaker 1: Sure, what's going on with work?
Speaker 5: Oh Man?
Speaker 3: So?
Speaker 5: I have been with this large company for about I'm
Speaker 5: gonna say about a decade now. So first job right
Speaker 5: out of high school, super Fun, started off out west,
Speaker 5: got the opportunity to run a store, meet to people,
Speaker 5: and then got transitioned to kind of like the bigger picture.
Speaker 5: So I audited, I trained, and now I get to
Speaker 5: work out of like the headquarters, so I get to
Speaker 5: see the people that make all the impacts. And being
Speaker 5: from just working in the store to now making changes
Speaker 5: and being able to help people has been wild, man.
Speaker 5: And just being a dumb little seventeen year old that
Speaker 5: was like a pot smoker, didn't think I was going
Speaker 5: to do anything. This was my kind of just bullshit
Speaker 5: job while he went through high school and college and
Speaker 5: now like it's real, it's my career, and it just
Speaker 5: blows my mind sometimes how even though it's something small,
Speaker 5: you could just like make it huge. And it's just
Speaker 5: the person that makes the difference, I guess. And all
Speaker 5: the people I've got to meet, Oh my god, I've
Speaker 5: gotten to be in and see like thirty states out
Speaker 5: of the fifty, including like Alaska, Hawaii, Maine, all the
Speaker 5: different places, and just seeing the people and showing them
Speaker 5: that it doesn't just stop at the lower level, but
Speaker 5: you can do so much. It's just crazy.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 4: That's awesome. That's that's fucking great. What can I ask
Speaker 4: what this company?
Speaker 5: You can, but I can't tell you just in case.
Speaker 5: But it's a it's a really well known brand. They're
Speaker 5: huge all over the world.
Speaker 4: Cool. Cool and Okay, so you've been with them for
Speaker 4: a day. When did you start? You started with them
Speaker 4: when you were seventeen.
Speaker 5: Yeah, twenty fifteen.
Speaker 4: Wow, that's awesome. That's great.
Speaker 1: Interesting.
Speaker 4: Okay, So no, you're just reporting no problems, no, nothing bad,
Speaker 4: You're just reporting something good. I like that. That's good.
Speaker 4: What's going on with h okay? Do you tell if
Speaker 4: you have more good things to report? I'm down to
Speaker 4: hear it. What's what's going on? Uh?
Speaker 1: Personal?
Speaker 2: No? Oh?
Speaker 5: Personal wise? Yeah, let's see, this is my first time
Speaker 5: being single for like two years. It's been awesome to
Speaker 5: not just like develop my career, but like, man, everything's
Speaker 5: finally going good, like for a year. Let's get you there,
Speaker 5: but everything's good, man. And I was able to listen
Speaker 5: to your stream the other day and really just kind
Speaker 5: of like connect and when you were talking about how
Speaker 5: you called your stepmom and you were just trying to
Speaker 5: reach out but you can't vocalize those words. Man. I
Speaker 5: have been there an anti depressant's work, and it's just
Speaker 5: being able to get off of them and now like
Speaker 5: see the other side and it's okay, man.
Speaker 3: It's gonna be good, you know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So I guess to expand on that, yeah, I
Speaker 4: you know, I don't shut up about it on the podcast,
Speaker 4: but like, yeah, this kind of like existential whatever that
Speaker 4: I was going through.
Speaker 1: You know, it's hard.
Speaker 4: I know a lot of people struggle with that stuff
Speaker 4: and it's great to hear. I love hearing. I am
Speaker 4: always searching for stories of hope, whether it's on reddits
Speaker 4: or just whatever, and so it's cool to hear one
Speaker 4: from you. So you felt like you were in a
Speaker 4: bit of a tumultuous time for like a year.
Speaker 1: What was tumultuous about it?
Speaker 3: So?
Speaker 5: I had been with somebody, I had known them for
Speaker 5: about ten years. We finally started dating. It was just
Speaker 5: the worst toxic relationship. We moved across the country, did
Speaker 5: all this crazy stuff together, and we finally broke up
Speaker 5: and I was able to just take a step back.
Speaker 5: And obviously I was mad for a long time, but
Speaker 5: just trying to see how I affected everything and how
Speaker 5: at the end of the day, it's like me putting
Speaker 5: myself into shit. So trying to break that and having
Speaker 5: just that year of being alone with my dogs has
Speaker 5: been kind of life changing.
Speaker 3: It's been nice. It's quiet.
Speaker 4: Do you do you seek to eventually be in a
Speaker 4: relationship again.
Speaker 5: If it happens, it happens, If not, you know, I am.
Speaker 5: I think I'm finally okay being alone and it's a
Speaker 5: it's different, it's cool, but uh yeah, yeah, I think
Speaker 5: as long as I have my dogs and I can volunteer,
Speaker 5: you know, everything's E think's pretty good over here?
Speaker 4: What do you?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 1: I guess a couple questions.
Speaker 4: What is it that made you finally okay with being alone?
Speaker 5: Just stopping and acknowledging that, yes, other people are factors,
Speaker 5: but it's me. If you're not okay with being by yourself, well,
Speaker 5: how are you going to be good helping and lifting
Speaker 5: somebody else up in a relationship, whether it's work, individual
Speaker 5: or even in like an actual partnership relationship?
Speaker 1: Sure? Sure?
Speaker 4: What what do you What do you do to volunteer?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 5: I volunteered in an animal shelter?
Speaker 4: Great?
Speaker 1: Great? What's what's up with? What's up with the dogs?
Speaker 5: One of them, my youngest one, she just got in like,
Speaker 5: uh mid January, got diagnosed with epilepsy. She's three, so
Speaker 5: kind of shitty, but we got it managed. She's doing
Speaker 5: good and she's happier than ever.
Speaker 4: Man, that's awesome. That's wonderful. Yeah, yeah, great, So you're
Speaker 4: doing good. So so it's interesting. And you know, I
Speaker 4: think I was wighing back and forth about talking about
Speaker 4: this stuff because it gets to feel it feels like
Speaker 4: a loop sometimes, But I'm I'm interested in it. So
Speaker 4: you were doing antidepressants for a while. How long were
Speaker 4: you doing Oh?
Speaker 5: I did him for about three years?
Speaker 1: Interesting and what would.
Speaker 4: So I'm curious about your perspective because so I'm trying
Speaker 4: antidepressants now and I have the I talk about it
Speaker 4: on the fucking show all the time. Is like this
Speaker 4: thing of like, Okay, how much of my dissatisfaction of
Speaker 4: life or whatever is like a chemical thing versus like
Speaker 4: external the events of your life, like what's going on
Speaker 4: in your brain versus what's going on in your fucking life.
Speaker 4: And I have this hesitancy of like, well, no, it's
Speaker 4: about what's going on in life less than about the antidepressants.
Speaker 4: But then but then you know, things happen in life
Speaker 4: and you're like, well, why am I not here with this?
Speaker 4: And then I'm like, well, maybe it is chemicals in
Speaker 4: your brain. And then you go on the internet and
Speaker 4: they're like, oh, there's neuro transmitters that get fucked up
Speaker 4: and whatnot. So anyway, I'm just ranting, But what were
Speaker 4: those three years like for you?
Speaker 5: Uh?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: So before I got on them, it was very much
Speaker 5: like a hole that you fall into that you can't
Speaker 5: really dig yourself out of. And my big thing was
Speaker 5: just overthinking negative thoughts. Yeah, on the antidepressants, it's kind
Speaker 5: of like it's just like they filled in those bumps
Speaker 5: in the road. So that was really nice. But then
Speaker 5: I got very scared of the Oh my god, am
Speaker 5: I going to have to be on this for the
Speaker 5: rest of my life just to be a person?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 5: So I integrated that with kind of not only talk therapy,
Speaker 5: but I also for about a year after going to
Speaker 5: therapy and doctors, did ketamine therapy. So that was honestly
Speaker 5: like it was in a very like pharmaceutical environment. It
Speaker 5: was very like done with doctors, but just that kind
Speaker 5: of experience was very mind changing. And again I didn't
Speaker 5: have to do that long term. I did that for
Speaker 5: about six months to a year, but just seeing the
Speaker 5: different points of view, I thought I was the biggest
Speaker 5: thing and all of my problems were insane and huge,
Speaker 5: But it means nothing as long as you kind of
Speaker 5: like take a step back and realize everybody's going through shit.
Speaker 5: I think that's what really changed it for me. So
Speaker 5: I don't know if that helps at all, but yeah, man,
Speaker 5: kettymin is crazy and amazing when done.
Speaker 4: Okay, So yeah, I was, Yeah, I have a couple
Speaker 4: of friends who've done ketemine therapy. There's this fucking uh
Speaker 4: a comedian that I was listening to on a podcast.
Speaker 4: I was talking about ketemine therapy and I was kind
Speaker 4: of interested in it because I had a little period
Speaker 4: of time where I was like, oh no, I don't
Speaker 4: know how to get out of this. And I was like, Okay,
Speaker 4: maybe ketamine therapy.
Speaker 1: Is the answer.
Speaker 4: And then you know, I have crazy ADHD, So I'm like,
Speaker 4: maybe this is the answer. Maybe this is the answer.
Speaker 4: Maybe this is the answer. Maybe this is the answer.
Speaker 4: So what was ketamine like for you?
Speaker 5: So my big kind of like thing that I worked
Speaker 5: on was I identified myself a lot with my career,
Speaker 5: so just identifying not only what the issue is about how.
Speaker 3: To work through that.
Speaker 5: So, yeah, my career is great, but what can I
Speaker 5: do outside of it to be a fucking person and
Speaker 5: to care about myself and just make sure I'm okay. Yeah,
Speaker 5: So that was huge And just like my personal problems,
Speaker 5: Yes they're impact my mood, Yes they impact me and
Speaker 5: they make me feel shitty, but how is that affecting
Speaker 5: the people around me? And how I'm like selling myself,
Speaker 5: I guess, or portraying myself and it's just you don't
Speaker 5: have to be just strong for yourself, you have to
Speaker 5: be strong for people around you.
Speaker 1: And it's just yeah that yeah, yeah that makes sense.
Speaker 4: It's weird. Yeah, it is true. Like when you're fucking
Speaker 4: when you're fucking depressed, you have it's hard to you
Speaker 4: can't you know, you can't help anyone. You can't fucking
Speaker 4: be anything or.
Speaker 5: Do anything, and then that leads you to lose people,
Speaker 5: and then fuck, you're even more depressed.
Speaker 4: And it's just a yeah, and it's hard because you
Speaker 4: have to kind of go on the journey alone a little.
Speaker 5: Bit, you know, yeah, which is shitty and different, but yeah,
Speaker 5: it's it's been good. I live like a thousand miles
Speaker 5: away from my closest family, and if I had not
Speaker 5: gone through all the shit that I went through, I
Speaker 5: probably would not be here. So yeah, man, Kenny and
Speaker 5: Kenny's crazy.
Speaker 4: All right, Cool, Maybe I'll give it a shot. Maybe
Speaker 4: I'll give it a shot. What's your name again, Joe?
Speaker 1: Joe?
Speaker 4: Well, thanks thanks for sharing all this stuff, Joe. I'm
Speaker 4: happy to hear that you're doing better. You know a
Speaker 4: lot of Yeah, we live in a crazy world. We
Speaker 4: live in a crazy, crazy, crazy world. So thanks, thanks
Speaker 4: for thanks for sharing a little story of hope.
Speaker 1: It's it's you know, it's good. It's good.
Speaker 4: Is Is there anything else, Joe that you want to
Speaker 4: say to the people of the computer before we go, Uh.
Speaker 5: Nope, get bless you and just thank you for all
Speaker 5: you do A while true, I am, I.
Speaker 1: Am trying my best. Thank you, Thank you for listening.
Speaker 3: Dude.
Speaker 1: I'll I'll see you around the universe.
Speaker 2: Joe.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was cool. It's interesting. I feel what I'm
Speaker 4: just gonna talk to open leagues is how I I
Speaker 4: think it's just my fucking whatever is like, this is
Speaker 4: a weird thing about you know, the self, the existentially
Speaker 4: putting your brain out on the table universe is weird
Speaker 4: because I think my gut tells me this is like
Speaker 4: a weird uh loop of talking about your problems or whatever.
Speaker 4: They become stories. They're become ingrained in who you are
Speaker 4: and I'm trying not to do that. But this is like,
Speaker 4: this is a positive story. This is like so it
Speaker 4: actually is in a way breaking the loop to get
Speaker 4: to talk to this person who is like, you know,
Speaker 4: sometimes optimism is like all you have, like and it's
Speaker 4: weirdly the I think for me at least, is the
Speaker 4: when you're drowning. It's like the thing you can hold
Speaker 4: on to. And so when you hear a story of
Speaker 4: a person who's like, yeah, I was on antidepressants and
Speaker 4: I was drowning for a while, and now I can
Speaker 4: happily report that I'm doing okay, you're like, okay, great,
Speaker 4: maybe there's hope for me, and you hold on to
Speaker 4: the optimism and you don't know how long it'll take,
Speaker 4: but you're like, all right, I can. As long as
Speaker 4: I maintain this optimism. There is some form of hope.
Speaker 4: So shout out to that lady for giving some form
Speaker 4: of hope.
Speaker 2: Goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night.
Speaker 3: Deacon goes doing his eye's.
Speaker 4: Teaching you a loud in them of your life.
Speaker 2: But he's not really an expert.