Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Howdy partners. I'm here in Texas,
Speaker 1: the state that grabbed twenty twenty one by the horns
Speaker 1: and made it its bitch. Yeah. Everything that happened this
Speaker 1: year happened in Texas. The border crisis, que and on
Speaker 1: resurrecting JFK JR, me developing a crippling dependency on brisket.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. Of course Texas wouldn't have had such a
Speaker 1: big year without its governor Greg Abbott. He banned mass mandates,
Speaker 1: he banned vaccine mandates, he banned vaccine cards because the
Speaker 1: best way to fight COVID is your freedom. And I
Speaker 1: see you, bit, but we ran out because of all
Speaker 1: the COVID bill bill bill bill battles. And maybe some
Speaker 1: Texas haters will say that Abbott didn't do enough to
Speaker 1: suppress COVID cases. Well, sorry, it was too busy trying
Speaker 1: to suppress something else. If an act the Texas voting
Speaker 1: legislation would in drive through in twenty four hour voting,
Speaker 1: including prohibiting Sunday voting before one pm, which critics say
Speaker 1: unfairly impacts black voters. What's that stake? Then, effectively the
Speaker 1: voting rights of black Texans. Did somebody say, Steak, that's right,
Speaker 1: you got a bitch As states. Everything is bigger in Texas,
Speaker 1: especially the lines to vote in black communities. And if
Speaker 1: you're one of those wind states who say, oh, there's
Speaker 1: no such thing as voter fraud, why don't you put
Speaker 1: your money where your mouth is, because Texas did. Texas
Speaker 1: Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick A. Trump Ally had promised to
Speaker 1: pay up to a million dollars if anyone came forward
Speaker 1: with examples of voter fraud. Fraud he said that existed
Speaker 1: with no evidence, and he's now made the first payout.
Speaker 1: But in an ironic and expensive twist, it was fraud
Speaker 1: being committed on behalf of Republicans. So here's the first
Speaker 1: check for twenty dollars. It went to a poll worker
Speaker 1: in Pennsylvania who reported a Republican who voted twice. Yeah.
Speaker 1: See that totally proved this point in kind of the way.
Speaker 1: That was the exact opposite of this point, and the
Speaker 1: best probabless Texas bounty story. It's not even the only
Speaker 1: Texas bounty story. From let's last win that second bounty story. Now,
Speaker 1: go shit, that's a third TV this week. Just play
Speaker 1: the clip. The nation's most restrictive abortion law, is now
Speaker 1: an effect in Texas after the Supreme Court ignored of
Speaker 1: request to block it. The measure band's most abortions after
Speaker 1: six weeks of pregnancy and makes no exceptions for incest
Speaker 1: or rapes. What's unique about this law is that it's
Speaker 1: enforced by private party, is not by government officials. That
Speaker 1: means private citizens can't sue anyone who aids or bets
Speaker 1: an unlawful abortion, from the doctors who performed them to
Speaker 1: drivers you take women to the clinic. Okay, this law
Speaker 1: may be horrible for women, but you gotta admit it's
Speaker 1: grateful to want to post the industry. And that's like,
Speaker 1: not Texas as economy and say what you want, but
Speaker 1: what other state would have had the balls to turn
Speaker 1: the entire population into snitches? Not Rhode Island, Do Rhode Island.
Speaker 1: The fact is Texas was a powerhouse all year long,
Speaker 1: even when they didn't have power in their house. Millions
Speaker 1: in Texas tonight are living a freezing nightmare without power,
Speaker 1: huddled against subfreezing temperatures. Nowhere is harder hit than Texas,
Speaker 1: where more than three million homes and businesses are without
Speaker 1: power and heat. The electrical grids simply can't handle the demand.
Speaker 1: Texas it's on its own power grid, and that has
Speaker 1: a lot of people asking why was the state that's
Speaker 1: known to produce energy so unprepared for this crisis. That's right,
Speaker 1: there's the Texas is independent power grid. The energy capital
Speaker 1: of America had no energy this past year. Texas was
Speaker 1: even number one at Irony Pipo boasting. Cell phone towers
Speaker 1: were down. People couldn't even put gas into their horses.
Speaker 1: But who tas here in Texas was so tough, we
Speaker 1: don't even need electricity? Oh god, somebody plays out I
Speaker 1: dot a udgeon. Hey, the point is as epic as
Speaker 1: two twenty one was with Texas. It was also a
Speaker 1: tough time, and when things got tough, the Ted Cruises
Speaker 1: got going. Republican Senator from Texas Ted Cruz faces growing
Speaker 1: backlash for leaving his home state and flying to Camcoon
Speaker 1: while Texans were dealing with this crisis. The invattled Texas
Speaker 1: senator first claimed he was merely escorting his family to
Speaker 1: Camcoon for a vacation and coming right back, but leaked
Speaker 1: texts from his wife, Heidi, appeared to show the entire
Speaker 1: Cruise family was planning to stay in Mexico through the
Speaker 1: weekend to escape the bitter cold, inking havoc in Texas.
Speaker 1: That's right here in the while west. Yeah, either died
Speaker 1: or you right off into the sunset. And Ted Cruz
Speaker 1: rode off into the sunset while people in this state died.
Speaker 1: He's an ultimate Texans, which is why I gotta take
Speaker 1: my hat off to you, Ted Cruise. Oh another power
Speaker 1: out it that's my cuteness in goodatal fairly well te uh.
Speaker 1: I will see you next year in Cancun. Uh huh.
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