1 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of You 2 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:15,000 Speaker 1: Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat and I am 3 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,079 Speaker 1: your host. You are listening to couch Talks today, and 4 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,520 Speaker 1: if you are unfamiliar with what that is, it is 5 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 1: the special bonus episode of You Need Therapy that comes 6 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,640 Speaker 1: out every Wednesday, where I answer questions that you sent 7 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:32,560 Speaker 1: to me at Catherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com. 8 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,760 Speaker 1: Now quick reminder before we get into the good stuff 9 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,000 Speaker 1: that although I'm therapist, although I'm answering your questions today, 10 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,159 Speaker 1: and although this podcast is called You Need Therapy, it 11 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,800 Speaker 1: does not serve as a replacement or a substitute for 12 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 1: actual mental health services. And it can still be helpful, 13 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 1: because I hope it is helpful. That is why I 14 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:54,080 Speaker 1: do this podcast in the first place. So today is 15 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 1: a very very very special day because it is You 16 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:04,640 Speaker 1: Need Therapies third birthday. We are turning three as I speak, 17 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 1: or as you listen to me speak. And for those 18 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 1: of you who are newer, maybe you haven't been with 19 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,840 Speaker 1: us for all three years and we haven't listened to 20 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,399 Speaker 1: all the episodes. I That is one thing about a podcast. 21 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,040 Speaker 1: You never know if you're being redundant or if people 22 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:24,880 Speaker 1: just need to hear something because they might have missed 23 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,559 Speaker 1: it on another episode. Like I'm very aware that many 24 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 1: of you guys don't listen to every episode, but I'm 25 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:32,440 Speaker 1: also very aware that some of y'all do, so I 26 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 1: don't want to be annoying. But also there's stuff that like, yeah, 27 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,040 Speaker 1: I might want to know and I might have to 28 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 1: say more than once. And I say that because I 29 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,400 Speaker 1: was going to say, I don't know who has been 30 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,120 Speaker 1: with us since the beginning. And you know how I 31 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:47,200 Speaker 1: started this podcast, but I started it literally in my 32 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 1: living room of my old old house. One of my friends, Kelen, 33 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 1: helped me figure everything out and how to like edit 34 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:57,400 Speaker 1: things and you just garage band and how to upload things, 35 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 1: which thank god, I would not be here without her 36 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,880 Speaker 1: because I had no idea what it's doing. But I 37 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 1: just started in my living room one day. I look 38 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,320 Speaker 1: back that as one of those things kind of when 39 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,720 Speaker 1: I quit my job to start a private practice, and 40 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, what in the world, how did you do that? 41 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,600 Speaker 1: And just do it not knowing what was going to happen, 42 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,919 Speaker 1: not knowing how you were going to do certain things, 43 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 1: but you just jumped in and a lot of people 44 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,359 Speaker 1: ask me, how did you start this podcast or how 45 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,760 Speaker 1: did you maybe it is how did you start your 46 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 1: practice or stuff like that. And I think that's one 47 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 1: of the reasons I am actually able to do things 48 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:37,160 Speaker 1: like this. It's because I do not plan too far 49 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:41,360 Speaker 1: in the future now that doesn't always pan out for 50 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 1: the best. I have many situations that you guys have 51 00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:46,920 Speaker 1: not heard, where I went into something without thinking and 52 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,080 Speaker 1: there were some consequences that didn't love or there are 53 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:51,519 Speaker 1: a lot of things that I've done that I've went 54 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:55,400 Speaker 1: into or have gone into without thinking that just didn't 55 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,400 Speaker 1: have any kind of success. Do I regret those things 56 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:01,119 Speaker 1: A lot of time to know, but not having any 57 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:04,200 Speaker 1: thought is not always the best way, and also sometimes 58 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:07,200 Speaker 1: it is the best way, which probably isn't helpful for 59 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: you guys. Really wanted some concrete advice, which if you're 60 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 1: here and you've been here for a while, you know 61 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,320 Speaker 1: everything's nuanced, and we like to give that openness you 62 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,240 Speaker 1: can make your own decisions versus me telling you exactly 63 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:23,720 Speaker 1: what to do. So for today, to celebrate our third birthday, 64 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 1: and this is the last new episode of the year 65 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,920 Speaker 1: where I'm gonna take a little break. I'll I'll rerun 66 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 1: some of my favorite episodes from the past three years 67 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,839 Speaker 1: in the next two weeks, and then I'll be back 68 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 1: fresh with new content in the new year. But to 69 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 1: lead us into that transition, I thought I would answer 70 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:45,640 Speaker 1: some of the questions that I have in a document 71 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 1: from Instagram stories that I've kept that you guys have 72 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:52,120 Speaker 1: asked when I have wanted to do like Rapid Fire episodes. 73 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,040 Speaker 1: So some of these, honestly, I might have answered them 74 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 1: in some form or fashion at some point in my life. 75 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 1: But you know, I like these questions. I think they're fun, 76 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 1: and these are ones that come up over and over 77 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: and over again, except one of them isn't and so 78 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 1: we're gonna just answer those. So I'm gonna ask myself 79 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 1: questions that you guys have asked me in the past 80 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:16,440 Speaker 1: through Instagram stories, which just know, when I put a 81 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: like question box up there, that's really easy for me 82 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,279 Speaker 1: to go back and look at because you can actually 83 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,120 Speaker 1: go in your archives and look at all the questions 84 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:26,039 Speaker 1: that somebody asked you know what, matter how long ago 85 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:27,920 Speaker 1: it was. But if you just send me a d 86 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: M question, that gets very much lost. So I'm saying 87 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:33,960 Speaker 1: this because a lot of times I'm like, don't DM 88 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 1: me and ask me questions? Which if I ask you 89 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 1: to answer a question box on Instagram stories, that is 90 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 1: your sure fire Q and way I will see that. 91 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:45,840 Speaker 1: If I don't have one is up, just email me 92 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:50,000 Speaker 1: Catherine at you New Therapy podcast dot com. So let's 93 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 1: get into the questions. I picked four. We're gonna get 94 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 1: through all four. So the first one is what made 95 00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:00,800 Speaker 1: you want to be a therapist. I've definitely talked about 96 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,960 Speaker 1: this before on the podcast. I don't remember the last 97 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 1: time I did, but I get this question all the time. 98 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,360 Speaker 1: How did you know that you wanted to do that? 99 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:10,040 Speaker 1: Or how did you end up actually going to grad 100 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: school for that? Or did you go through something? And 101 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:13,960 Speaker 1: then we're like, I want to be a therapist, And 102 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,719 Speaker 1: the answer is I kind of fell into it. I 103 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,520 Speaker 1: had a skewed view of therapy before I actually went 104 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: to school for therapy. I my first time ever going 105 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: to a therapist myself. I was in middle school and 106 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,160 Speaker 1: I hated it. We called her the lady and I 107 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,680 Speaker 1: would kick and scream going. I wouldn't talk to or 108 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,160 Speaker 1: I just sat there in silence. I remember one distinct 109 00:05:36,279 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 1: memory of me drawing flowers um on a dry race 110 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: s board in her office. And I think the reason 111 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,520 Speaker 1: that I didn't like it I had a lot to 112 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: do with how it was presented to me and just 113 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 1: all of that. But I went into the rest of 114 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 1: my life thinking I don't need therapy, thinking, first of all, 115 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,479 Speaker 1: what does the therapist even do? How do they even 116 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,279 Speaker 1: know all that stuff? I thought there was like therapists 117 00:05:57,279 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 1: for people who just always knew exactly what to say 118 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,919 Speaker 1: to people, and they say, it's kind of like the 119 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,720 Speaker 1: same things to everybody, and that's not true at all. 120 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,719 Speaker 1: So I didn't go to school wanting to be a 121 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 1: therapist at all. I actually went to college undergrad as 122 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:16,200 Speaker 1: a nursing major, which makes sense because while I have 123 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:18,480 Speaker 1: no business being a nurse, because I do not like 124 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,760 Speaker 1: I can't even look at my own like I gotta 125 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,760 Speaker 1: cut on my thumb. This summer at the lake, I 126 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,360 Speaker 1: was trying to cut a bagel, which I learned by 127 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 1: the pre sliced bagels, and when you go to Burgers 128 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:31,920 Speaker 1: bagels asked them to slice them. Because I was trying 129 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,280 Speaker 1: to slice the bagel, and I just sliced my thumb. 130 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 1: I couldn't even look at it. I didn't look at 131 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 1: it for days. My mom bandage it up and then 132 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 1: I had my boyfriend change my band aids because I 133 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,160 Speaker 1: couldn't look at it because I was afraid because that 134 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 1: stuff just I can't. So I've known no business being 135 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 1: a nurse because I cannot do that. But it makes 136 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,200 Speaker 1: sense because I wanted to be in some kind of 137 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:56,200 Speaker 1: helping profession. I did know that, and so I later 138 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 1: changed my major and I changed it to Child and 139 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,960 Speaker 1: Family Study. Is because at that point in my life, 140 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,480 Speaker 1: I decided I want to work at Young Life camps. 141 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,480 Speaker 1: I volunteered at Young Life camps every summer. I loved 142 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: Young Life. It was a big part of my life, 143 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 1: and I was like, I want to be on a 144 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,400 Speaker 1: Young Life staff, Like that's what I want to do. 145 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 1: And my boss at camp her major was Child and 146 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:20,040 Speaker 1: Family Studies. So I should change my major to Child 147 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 1: and Family Studies and I did. And so what led 148 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:27,680 Speaker 1: me to then actually going to grad school was actually 149 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,600 Speaker 1: encouragement from an advisor, my advisor that I had in college. 150 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:35,200 Speaker 1: She encouraged me to take a class called Marriage and 151 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:38,920 Speaker 1: Family Therapy and I learned in that class, Wait, I 152 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,240 Speaker 1: think this is something I might want to do. I 153 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 1: want to learn how to be a therapist, and at 154 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 1: that point I wanted to be a major and family therapist. 155 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: I actually went to school for a different license. There 156 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 1: are marriage and family therapists, there are social workers, there 157 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 1: are the professional counselors, and that's actually what I went 158 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,760 Speaker 1: and I got a degree that led me to be 159 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: an LPC, which is a licensed professional counselor. So I 160 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 1: kind of, just like I said, I fell into it 161 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 1: and I'm glad that it worked out. What I love 162 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 1: about my degrees is that I think that they can 163 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 1: be used for a lot of different things. I can 164 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,280 Speaker 1: do a lot of stuff. I don't have to be 165 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: a therapist, but it taught me a lot about life 166 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 1: in general and just helps in relationships in general and 167 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 1: just the human mind and development and all of that. 168 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:32,319 Speaker 1: So I'm not pigeonholed to being a therapist, although right 169 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 1: now I really like it. I think a lot of 170 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 1: people also get in this space of a what if 171 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:38,959 Speaker 1: I go to grad school to be a therapist, I 172 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,320 Speaker 1: don't like it? Well, what don't you like? Do you 173 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 1: not like the actual clinical work? Well, guess what, there's 174 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 1: a lot of other stuff that you can do that 175 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,959 Speaker 1: still are involved in this sphere of work. So if 176 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 1: you're on the fence, I'm not going to tell you 177 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,439 Speaker 1: to do it, but I'm also going to tell you 178 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 1: to look at Okay, if this might not lead you 179 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 1: to exactly where you think you want to go, could 180 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,320 Speaker 1: it lead you to other places too? And kind of 181 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: just again think outside of the box there, So to 182 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:08,079 Speaker 1: put that in a small nutshell, what made me want 183 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,760 Speaker 1: to be a therapist is I wanted to help people, 184 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: and that's the way of helping people. My own journey 185 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: led me to Okay, second question, what is something that 186 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:29,520 Speaker 1: you can't live without even for a day. So this 187 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:33,080 Speaker 1: person that asked this question, I am assuming this person 188 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,839 Speaker 1: is wondering in terms of like products and stuff like that, 189 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,680 Speaker 1: or maybe a gadget. I guess you could also answer 190 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:44,320 Speaker 1: this like my bed, my car, air conditioning a person. 191 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:48,559 Speaker 1: And so I have avoided answering this question because I 192 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:51,920 Speaker 1: can't answer it because I'm like, wait, there's so many things. 193 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,200 Speaker 1: But also like I could survive a day without my bed, 194 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:56,600 Speaker 1: I could survive a day without my car, I could 195 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,800 Speaker 1: serve a day without my phone. And so because that's 196 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,360 Speaker 1: hard for me, I want to change this question a 197 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 1: little bit and just give you three things that I 198 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:11,920 Speaker 1: use religiously that I love, all for different reasons. I 199 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,240 Speaker 1: can live without all these things, but I don't want to. 200 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:18,400 Speaker 1: So the first one is this is specifically because it's winter, 201 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,120 Speaker 1: my Barefoot Dreams robe. So if you don't know what 202 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:26,280 Speaker 1: Barefoot Dreams is, it is like the softest stuff in 203 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 1: the whole world. They have socks, they have blankets, they 204 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:32,679 Speaker 1: have pajamas, they have sweaters. My first introduction to Barefoot 205 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: Dreams was their socks, and if you like a fuzzy sock, 206 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 1: this is the sock for you. Then I got the robe, 207 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:40,959 Speaker 1: and I think then I got a blanket where it 208 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 1: could have been the other way around. However, I am 209 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:47,360 Speaker 1: somebody who loves to get into a robe after I 210 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,040 Speaker 1: get out of the shower, because there's nothing worse than 211 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 1: being cold as soon as you have the shower. And 212 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:56,240 Speaker 1: this road was so warm. I cannot use this in 213 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,960 Speaker 1: the summer because it's so warm that if I have 214 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:01,920 Speaker 1: it on and it's hot, than I start sweating. So 215 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,520 Speaker 1: I have a different robe for the summertime. But I 216 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 1: love getting ready in the morning and not having to 217 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,680 Speaker 1: feel stressed about I gotta put my clothes on first. 218 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:11,200 Speaker 1: I get dressed last, and sometimes I just like to 219 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 1: lay in my bed and be cozy. So Barefoot Dreams 220 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,000 Speaker 1: Robe Highly recommend. It's a great Christmas gift. They are 221 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:21,160 Speaker 1: more expensive, so this is a gift for somebody that 222 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,640 Speaker 1: you want to spend more money on, or maybe it's 223 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 1: something that you want to save your money and splurs 224 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:29,920 Speaker 1: on for yourself. Highly recommend. They're the best. The second 225 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:34,240 Speaker 1: thing is a stainless steel water cup with a reusable straw. 226 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,480 Speaker 1: Now I know everybody is obsessed with the Stanley cups. 227 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,080 Speaker 1: I don't have one of those, and I have never 228 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,079 Speaker 1: had one of those. I have one from Target that 229 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 1: was like ten dollars and it's amazing. Literally took it 230 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 1: to the beach. My ice didn't melt the whole time 231 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,560 Speaker 1: I was outside on the beach in the sun. I 232 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,240 Speaker 1: put it on my bedside. I cannot go to sleep 233 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,560 Speaker 1: without a cup of water on my nightstand. I might 234 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 1: not drink it at all, but I have to have 235 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,959 Speaker 1: the cup of water there was I cannot sleep, but 236 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,439 Speaker 1: I put that on my bedside table and overnight the 237 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,920 Speaker 1: ice doesn't melt. Like eight hours, it's still there in 238 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,439 Speaker 1: the morning, which is amazing. I take it to the 239 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,960 Speaker 1: gym I go to, which is a heated room where 240 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,800 Speaker 1: I am, and the ice does not melt. It's literally amazing. 241 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,760 Speaker 1: It's from Target again, cheap. I don't know how much 242 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:23,800 Speaker 1: Stanley are, but this cup does wonders. I used to 243 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 1: have one of those. I want to say it's called 244 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 1: like Reuse is the brand that there are these like 245 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,960 Speaker 1: bigger cups with handles. I think they have all different 246 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 1: kinds and all the shapes and sizes. I like the 247 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,640 Speaker 1: fact that cup was really big. I don't have to 248 00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 1: refill it as much, but it did not keep my 249 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:42,000 Speaker 1: ice from melting. My ice wild melt all the time, 250 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:45,160 Speaker 1: and so that was really frustrating. I would actually still 251 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:46,800 Speaker 1: use it because again I liked how big it was, 252 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 1: but I accidentally left it at my doctor's office in 253 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 1: October and November, and I really never felt the need 254 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,720 Speaker 1: to go back and get it. I think I realized 255 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 1: when I was driving in the car that didn't have it, 256 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,800 Speaker 1: and I just was like, oh, well, I didn't love 257 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:04,320 Speaker 1: it that much, so I gifted that to my doctor's office. 258 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:08,080 Speaker 1: But people love those cups as well. So anyway, my 259 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 1: second one is really just a cup that keeps my 260 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 1: ice from melting. Now my third thing is I grouped 261 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:20,880 Speaker 1: three things together. I am somebody who is you can say, 262 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:25,960 Speaker 1: addicted to lip gloss or chapstick or just something. I 263 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,280 Speaker 1: liked my lips to be moisturized all the time. I 264 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 1: don't like having dry lips. I think this really started. 265 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,520 Speaker 1: I went on accutane when I was in high school, 266 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:37,160 Speaker 1: and then I did it again, I think, either in 267 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,360 Speaker 1: college or right after college, which I don't recommend doing 268 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:44,440 Speaker 1: that once, let alone twice. It very much got rid 269 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,080 Speaker 1: of my acne, and it very much dried out my 270 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:51,400 Speaker 1: entire body and may or may not have affected me mentally. 271 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,559 Speaker 1: I can't really answer that because it could have been 272 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: due to other things, but that is known to have 273 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 1: a big impact on people's mental health. However, I'm not 274 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 1: a doctor, so actually don't take my recommendations on what 275 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,360 Speaker 1: medications you take to do anything with your body. But 276 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 1: I think that's when my obsession with chopstick started. Because 277 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,240 Speaker 1: my lips were always so dry that I could not 278 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,920 Speaker 1: go anywhere without chopstick. I could not go to sleep 279 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,560 Speaker 1: without chopstick. It was a whole thing. I had it everywhere, 280 00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:21,560 Speaker 1: multiple kinds, multiple flavors, all the things. So now I 281 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 1: just like love chapstick. I also love lipstick and like 282 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 1: different love colors, just part of having fun with doing makeup. 283 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 1: And I have three things that I swear by. Two 284 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 1: of them are newer. My newest obsession is the Do 285 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 1: your Lip Maximizer lip gloss. It's like a lip plumper, 286 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 1: but I just love how like glossy it is. And 287 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,440 Speaker 1: I have it in a color I think it's a 288 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:49,960 Speaker 1: raspberry that is pink, but not too pink. It's almost 289 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,320 Speaker 1: like a It's like a sea through pink, so it's 290 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 1: like a tint of pink and it is shiny, which 291 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:59,280 Speaker 1: I love. And I love lip plumpers because they have 292 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,280 Speaker 1: that tangly field to them, just like I like like 293 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:06,000 Speaker 1: minty lip gloss in general. And um, chapsticks, I love those. 294 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 1: That's my first one. That's my go to when I'm 295 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,720 Speaker 1: like going out and getting dressed up. I also became 296 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:15,160 Speaker 1: obsessed in August on a trip to New York when 297 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,400 Speaker 1: I was with my friend Amy. We were looking at 298 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:23,120 Speaker 1: lip stuff at Nord Shummer some story and found this 299 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,760 Speaker 1: lip tint. It's from Bobby Brown and it's called Extra 300 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:30,400 Speaker 1: Lip Tint and I have a like a it's almost clear, 301 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,240 Speaker 1: but it's like a hint of pink, and then again 302 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 1: a raspberry looking flavor color color or flavor or whatever. 303 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,120 Speaker 1: I got it in a duo, so it was like 304 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,280 Speaker 1: by one get one free or something. But they look 305 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,400 Speaker 1: different on you depending on your actual skin color. So 306 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,120 Speaker 1: it's kind of really cool to actually adjust to the 307 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 1: pigment in your lips. But I love it because it's 308 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:52,520 Speaker 1: so light and it feels literally just like a chapstick. 309 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 1: It has like a little bit of color in it, 310 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,480 Speaker 1: and it looks like a shiny lipstick. So highly recommend 311 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 1: that's also a great gift for somebody. And then my 312 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 1: third thing. In my third thing is the I don't 313 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,720 Speaker 1: know how to say this, so I'm going to just 314 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 1: pretend like I know. I think it's pronounced like lnage. 315 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: It's the L A and E I g E the 316 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:19,040 Speaker 1: lip mask. You've probably seen this on Instagram all the places, TikTok. 317 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,640 Speaker 1: This stuff is amazing. I started using it maybe two 318 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,160 Speaker 1: years ago. I put it on every single night before 319 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 1: I go to bed. And he might not love me 320 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 1: saying this, but sometimes I put it on my boyfriend's 321 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,920 Speaker 1: lips because it is so wonderful and it's just like soothing. 322 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:36,320 Speaker 1: I had the because I love mint stuff. There's like 323 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,160 Speaker 1: a chocolate mint one that I'm obsessed with right now. 324 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,640 Speaker 1: I'm using the very one because I ran out of 325 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:43,880 Speaker 1: the other one, and I don't know why I had 326 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,440 Speaker 1: a Very one, but I highly recommend the ment one anyway. 327 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 1: I love this stuff. Also a really good gift for somebody. 328 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,160 Speaker 1: I had to do a Secret Santa last year where 329 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,800 Speaker 1: you had to give somebody like a product that you 330 00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 1: loved that year that you used a lot that year. 331 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,560 Speaker 1: I guess alard to this question, and that's what I gave. 332 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,480 Speaker 1: So I'm still a fan of it. So I'll put 333 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,600 Speaker 1: little links in there if you guys want to actually 334 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 1: go and look at them and get them for yourself. 335 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,480 Speaker 1: These questions are all over the place. By the way, 336 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 1: I'm talking about lipstick. I'm talking about why I became 337 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:16,960 Speaker 1: a therapist. Now. The third question is if you weren't 338 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,840 Speaker 1: a therapist, is there something that you would rather do? 339 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 1: If you weren't a therapist, is there something that you 340 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:33,479 Speaker 1: would rather do? And this one is hard because I 341 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,359 Speaker 1: guess when I went to school, I didn't have, like 342 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,440 Speaker 1: I said, a huge idea of what I wanted. I 343 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:41,639 Speaker 1: didn't think about a lot of things. I am somebody 344 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:45,800 Speaker 1: who believes that things might be different in a good 345 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:49,160 Speaker 1: way if there was more time in between, like declaring 346 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,879 Speaker 1: a major or going to college when we actually do 347 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:56,199 Speaker 1: it in our country in the United States, Because I 348 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 1: think if I would have had more time to think 349 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,000 Speaker 1: about and learn about the different things that there are 350 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,400 Speaker 1: or in the world that I could do, I don't 351 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,399 Speaker 1: know I would might I might have picked something different, 352 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,480 Speaker 1: not that I picked something wrong, but I had a 353 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,200 Speaker 1: limited view of the careers out there, and now there 354 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,520 Speaker 1: are you can literally do anything. There are so many 355 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,960 Speaker 1: careers that I never would have even imagined in my 356 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:21,040 Speaker 1: widest dreams that you see people doing now. So if 357 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 1: I wasn't a therapist, it would come from my brain now, 358 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,880 Speaker 1: not like if I would have gone and done something 359 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,919 Speaker 1: instead of being a therapist back then, because I just 360 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 1: don't think I would have known. But looking at today 361 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,840 Speaker 1: what I would do, A couple of things come to mind. 362 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: I think it would really be really cool if I 363 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 1: was artistic in this way. I would love to have 364 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:44,600 Speaker 1: like some kind of business where I'm doing like custom 365 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:49,159 Speaker 1: creations of some sort, whether that's I'm doing custom maybe 366 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:54,320 Speaker 1: graphic design to help with brands and logos and branding 367 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,360 Speaker 1: their things. Graphic designer. I don't know, see I don't 368 00:18:57,359 --> 00:18:59,040 Speaker 1: even know what I'm talking about, but that sounds fun. 369 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,040 Speaker 1: Or if I could do like custom, if I was 370 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,640 Speaker 1: artistic in the painting way, custom watercolors like I talked 371 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: to my gift guide, or maybe custom furniture. I think 372 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 1: something creative like that would be really fun. But this 373 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:14,880 Speaker 1: feels more realistic right now. If I wasn't doing this, 374 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,640 Speaker 1: I think I would be very interested in being some 375 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,960 Speaker 1: kind of journalist in my head, the type of journalists 376 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:26,240 Speaker 1: that's writing columns for like Time magazine or something like that, 377 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:32,840 Speaker 1: doing creative pieces. Maybe Honestly, after watching the Annadelvi Show 378 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:36,520 Speaker 1: on I think it was on Netflix, investigative journalism sounds 379 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:39,639 Speaker 1: really fun also really hard. But I think something some 380 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 1: kind of author of some sort where I get to 381 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:45,360 Speaker 1: still be creative, but in a writing way that does 382 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 1: not include writing fiction books. Every time I read a 383 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:52,240 Speaker 1: fiction book, I'm like, how do people do this? It is, 384 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 1: which I guess is how I feel when I see 385 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:58,040 Speaker 1: people creating art as well. My brain doesn't work that way. 386 00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,919 Speaker 1: Or maybe my brain doesn't work that way, because I've 387 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,200 Speaker 1: an ever tried to use it in that way. So 388 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,679 Speaker 1: that is what I might do if I wasn't a therapist. Now, 389 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:12,320 Speaker 1: our last question is a question. I took a specific 390 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,919 Speaker 1: more specific one part of a specific question, but I 391 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,920 Speaker 1: get this kind of thing over and over. So I've 392 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:22,840 Speaker 1: talked about this before, and the question is what advice 393 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:26,000 Speaker 1: would you give to somebody who was in their thirties single, 394 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,760 Speaker 1: sick of dating apps, but also once a relationship, so 395 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:35,160 Speaker 1: they had some caveats to the advice. Maybe has specifications, 396 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,919 Speaker 1: I guess, but I get a lot of questions about 397 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,480 Speaker 1: dating and and all of that. I've done a couple 398 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,160 Speaker 1: of episodes on that. Of course, we're going to keep 399 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,200 Speaker 1: doing that because it's something that you guys still want 400 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:48,200 Speaker 1: and it's still helpful to hear. I tried really lightly here, 401 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,679 Speaker 1: and that is because one thing that I know was 402 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,919 Speaker 1: so annoying when I was in that same space, like 403 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,439 Speaker 1: in my thirties, single sick of dating apps, was hearing 404 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,960 Speaker 1: what other people had to say about what I should 405 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 1: do when they didn't really know my certain situation or 406 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,919 Speaker 1: position or experiences. It was just a lot of this 407 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:11,440 Speaker 1: generic advice do this, They made things seem a lot 408 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,880 Speaker 1: easier than they were. They took out the nuance of everything. 409 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,480 Speaker 1: And I think dating is different from every for everyone, 410 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,520 Speaker 1: just like a lot of things in life. And I 411 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:22,879 Speaker 1: don't ever want to be, or try to be, or 412 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:26,680 Speaker 1: hope to be, someone who offers generic dating advice online. 413 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,920 Speaker 1: That's just not my forte. I can talk about my experience, 414 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,600 Speaker 1: and I can talk about a lot of different scenarios 415 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,399 Speaker 1: and different parts of dating, but I'm not going to 416 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,600 Speaker 1: ever put that in a one size fits all solution 417 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,640 Speaker 1: for anybody, because I don't think that is fair, because 418 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,439 Speaker 1: I don't think that's realistic. I think a lot of 419 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,960 Speaker 1: people are wanting, like hot takes here right. They want 420 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,919 Speaker 1: me to give or somebody to give them the sound 421 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,960 Speaker 1: bite that can make them feel better or help them 422 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:58,840 Speaker 1: make decisions for themselves that they want to make but 423 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,760 Speaker 1: are scared and just want an extra push. But you know, 424 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,560 Speaker 1: I'm the kind of person who wants to encourage you 425 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,120 Speaker 1: to make that decision for yourself versus make it because 426 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:10,200 Speaker 1: I said to make it. And you know, I think 427 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:15,560 Speaker 1: sometimes that might hurt me in certain areas because it 428 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:19,120 Speaker 1: is hard to create a following and a lot of 429 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:23,359 Speaker 1: buzz around the stuff I am creating, the podcast, I'm creating, 430 00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:25,879 Speaker 1: the episodes, and the content I'm creating. It's hard to 431 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,560 Speaker 1: make a lot of buzz around something when a lot 432 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,480 Speaker 1: of my answers to the questions you guys ask, are 433 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:36,160 Speaker 1: it depends and there's nuance to it, and maybe and 434 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,800 Speaker 1: sometimes that's not the thing that's going to get all 435 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:44,200 Speaker 1: the people re sharing and and clicking and posting and 436 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,960 Speaker 1: re listening, because we live in a world where we 437 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,160 Speaker 1: want answers, we want certainty, we want somebody to tell 438 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,840 Speaker 1: us what to do to take out the risk, and 439 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,560 Speaker 1: we want be able to give us feelings of hope 440 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:59,200 Speaker 1: rather than learn how to find hope within ourselves and 441 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,720 Speaker 1: our own really and ship with the world. Now, with 442 00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 1: all of the caveats that I just gave and all 443 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,840 Speaker 1: of the background on how I feel about this kind 444 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 1: of stuff, I will still give you some feedback and 445 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:14,479 Speaker 1: answer this question in my own way. And the truth is, 446 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 1: around dating apps, I have a love hate relationship with them. 447 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,879 Speaker 1: I did an entire episode I think it was almost 448 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:26,400 Speaker 1: two years ago now on dating apps, and I totally 449 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,120 Speaker 1: recommend anybody listening to that that still can be helpful 450 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,360 Speaker 1: and in in that episode. And what I've learned through 451 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:36,280 Speaker 1: my own experience with dating apps and dating in general 452 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:40,719 Speaker 1: is they're not for everybody. They have changed dating, they 453 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,240 Speaker 1: have changed the way we communicate their change, They've changed 454 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:47,080 Speaker 1: a lot of things, and they are not for everybody. 455 00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 1: So I would never preach to you, to anybody who 456 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,840 Speaker 1: is to the person who asked this question, like, if 457 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,960 Speaker 1: you're sick of dating apps but you want a relationship, 458 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,800 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean you have to force yourself to still 459 00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:00,440 Speaker 1: use them. There's more in that, And I'm ever going 460 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,600 Speaker 1: to tell somebody that they should use a dating app 461 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,760 Speaker 1: because it's something that worked from me. I used them 462 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,720 Speaker 1: for years and I had a lot of terrible situations 463 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:12,199 Speaker 1: and experiences. I had some really good experiences. Now, I 464 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,760 Speaker 1: think that is true of a lot of dating experiences, 465 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,119 Speaker 1: whether or not we're using dating apps anyway, we can 466 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,000 Speaker 1: have good and bad in the end. Where in my 467 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:24,639 Speaker 1: present it did work, and I think the way it 468 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,000 Speaker 1: worked for me is I changed the way that I 469 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,040 Speaker 1: was approaching the dating apps, and I changed the way 470 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:32,399 Speaker 1: I was approaching dating in general. But again that was 471 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:37,160 Speaker 1: what I needed from my individual makeup, from my individual 472 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:41,359 Speaker 1: desires with dating from my individual personality. So just because 473 00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:43,679 Speaker 1: I've worked for me, it doesn't mean you have to 474 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:44,960 Speaker 1: do it. And I'm not going to tell you that 475 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,840 Speaker 1: it's going to work for everybody, because there are plenty 476 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,679 Speaker 1: of people that find relationships outside of that. What I 477 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:53,399 Speaker 1: would offer somebody in this space, rather than what you 478 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:57,160 Speaker 1: should do around dating apps or non dating apps, whether 479 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,800 Speaker 1: you should go out and put yourself here or do 480 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:02,159 Speaker 1: this or do that, what I would offer somebody is 481 00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:07,520 Speaker 1: encouragement to find a way to conjure hope, regardless of 482 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:12,280 Speaker 1: what your dating habits are and regardless of other people. 483 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,639 Speaker 1: So I said earlier, like we're looking to other people 484 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:16,840 Speaker 1: to give us hope and we just are finding it 485 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,880 Speaker 1: in them. We can look at experiences that other people 486 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:21,919 Speaker 1: have had. I think something that was very helpful for 487 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:26,680 Speaker 1: me is to see people who were in my position. Specifically, 488 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,639 Speaker 1: my therapist was very helpful in that space where I 489 00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,760 Speaker 1: saw her and knew a little bit of her story, 490 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,679 Speaker 1: and it helped give me an idea that wait a second, 491 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:36,639 Speaker 1: you got out of the space that you were in 492 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,880 Speaker 1: that similar than that mine is now. So that means that, 493 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,840 Speaker 1: like there is a possibility that that can happen. But 494 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,920 Speaker 1: she didn't tell me how to get out of it. 495 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:48,040 Speaker 1: She just was an example of somebody who has gotten 496 00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:51,040 Speaker 1: out of that space. So I think what I would 497 00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:54,239 Speaker 1: encourage again, find a way to conjure hope regardless of 498 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,920 Speaker 1: what your dating habits are, that then you hold within yourself, 499 00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:01,040 Speaker 1: not based on what some body on Instagram or what 500 00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:05,160 Speaker 1: a dating expert is saying on the interwebs. And then 501 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:10,840 Speaker 1: also create a community that helps you one continue to 502 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:14,399 Speaker 1: know that there is not something wrong with you. And 503 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 1: the secret to dating is not doing things in a 504 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:21,080 Speaker 1: specific way to get a partner or to win somebody over, 505 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,120 Speaker 1: Like create a community and find yourself in a community 506 00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,480 Speaker 1: and surrounded by things that you hear, feel and see 507 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,440 Speaker 1: that offer the message that there isn't something wrong with you, 508 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:32,640 Speaker 1: and you aren't in this space that you don't want 509 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,920 Speaker 1: to be in because there's something inherently wrong with you, 510 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:41,119 Speaker 1: and that to fix. The solution is to do these 511 00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:44,200 Speaker 1: things in a specific way to get out of who 512 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,080 Speaker 1: you are, because it's your fault that you're in that position. 513 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,400 Speaker 1: Because of who you are, that's the space you don't 514 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:53,160 Speaker 1: want to find yourself in. So again, create a community 515 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,439 Speaker 1: that helps you continue to know that there isn't something 516 00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:59,440 Speaker 1: inherently wrong with you and that's why you're single. And 517 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:05,280 Speaker 1: also that creates a knowing that being single doesn't mean 518 00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:09,280 Speaker 1: you can't live and have a wonderful, full life, that 519 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 1: the one solution to happiness and a life well lived 520 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:17,639 Speaker 1: is being in a relationship and having this typical traditional 521 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,520 Speaker 1: family that we see all over the place. So we 522 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:25,159 Speaker 1: have to find spaces where the solution to feeling good 523 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:29,879 Speaker 1: and fulfilled in whatever way isn't just this one way. 524 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,520 Speaker 1: There are multiple ways to do that. But the more 525 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:35,440 Speaker 1: we find ourselves in spaces that say, oh, no, you're 526 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,960 Speaker 1: sad because you're single, and you're single because you're doing 527 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,359 Speaker 1: X y Z wrong. So do x y Z and 528 00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:42,879 Speaker 1: then you'll be fixed, and then you'll find the person 529 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,880 Speaker 1: and then you won't be sad anymore because you'll have 530 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,800 Speaker 1: a relationship. And that is the secret to life. Now, 531 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,919 Speaker 1: that's the community that you're in. You're going to constantly 532 00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:55,000 Speaker 1: be feeling like crap about yourself. And if there's a 533 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:58,399 Speaker 1: strategy to your dating, there's gonna be a strategy that 534 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 1: you need to stick to in side of your relationship, 535 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,280 Speaker 1: and so you never get to actually relax and be 536 00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:07,560 Speaker 1: yourself and just show up and just belong there. So 537 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,359 Speaker 1: that's what you don't want to find. You want to 538 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:16,399 Speaker 1: find yourself in a community and surround yourself with thoughts, content, people, things, 539 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:22,560 Speaker 1: all of the stuff, spiritual beliefs that offer you space 540 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:25,120 Speaker 1: to believe that you are okay the way you are. 541 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:30,159 Speaker 1: And there are multiple ways to live a full life 542 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,720 Speaker 1: well lived. And I want to go back to again 543 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 1: really quick, the part where I said find a way 544 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,800 Speaker 1: to conjure hope, because what I believe is when you 545 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:41,800 Speaker 1: have more hope, When you have more hope, that you 546 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:45,520 Speaker 1: can find happiness or you can actually have the desires 547 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:48,239 Speaker 1: and your heart fulfilled. When you actually have hope and 548 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:51,440 Speaker 1: belief that that is possible, when you show up to 549 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:55,479 Speaker 1: spaces where there's opportunities for that to be found, you're 550 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 1: going to show up with more openness. If you don't 551 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: have hope, you're not going to show up to those 552 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:04,280 Speaker 1: spaces and and see the opportunities because you don't believe 553 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:06,960 Speaker 1: that they're there. So that has a lot to do. 554 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 1: Our beliefs have so much to do. It's like therapy, 555 00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:12,360 Speaker 1: one on one. Our beliefs about ourselves, about the world, 556 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:15,280 Speaker 1: about all of that has so much of an impact 557 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 1: on how we interact in the world and how we 558 00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:20,000 Speaker 1: see the world. Some people will walk into a room 559 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,800 Speaker 1: and see this opportunity, and some people won't because they 560 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:26,960 Speaker 1: don't believe the opportunity exists, which is a big key 561 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:30,000 Speaker 1: in finding something. Very rarely are you going to be 562 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,040 Speaker 1: sitting in your house on the couch and somebody just 563 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,520 Speaker 1: walks in and sits on the couch with you and 564 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,920 Speaker 1: it's like, hey, I heard that you want a partner 565 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:41,520 Speaker 1: and we're a perfect match, so let's be partners. I said, 566 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:44,200 Speaker 1: very rarely that that doesn't happen at all, And I 567 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:45,760 Speaker 1: know that was an extreme example, but you know what 568 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:49,480 Speaker 1: I'm saying. So to wrap that up, there's my feedback 569 00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 1: right there for the people that are looking for feedback 570 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,600 Speaker 1: or if you want to call that advice. But I 571 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:56,440 Speaker 1: do not believe that there is a one size fits 572 00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:58,320 Speaker 1: all guide to dating or how to get the guy 573 00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:01,120 Speaker 1: or girl of your dreams. And the truth is, when 574 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:03,840 Speaker 1: it comes down to it, we don't always get to 575 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:06,680 Speaker 1: have the final say on the timing of our lives. 576 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:09,880 Speaker 1: And and sometimes it's just as simple as that, and 577 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:12,640 Speaker 1: we can still have hope knowing that we don't get 578 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,720 Speaker 1: to have the final stay on the timing, so that 579 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:20,080 Speaker 1: is a rap on the final episode for a year 580 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,880 Speaker 1: three of You Need Therapy Again. Feel free to send 581 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,760 Speaker 1: your questions or ideas, especially for next year, because I'm 582 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:28,480 Speaker 1: gonna do some planning to them, some thinking in the 583 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,880 Speaker 1: next couple of weeks. Send those two Catherine at You 584 00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:34,920 Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast dot com. You can follow me at 585 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 1: Cat dot de fata on Instagram and at You Need 586 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:41,640 Speaker 1: Therapy Podcast on Instagram as well. Until the new year, 587 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 1: I hope you guys have all the days you need 588 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:45,360 Speaker 1: to have