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Speaker 1: What would you talk about on your on your podcast

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Speaker 1: first show? Oh hie minute morning show podcast. Here we

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Speaker 1: go here, I talk into this and look into that,

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Speaker 1: not talking to this and look into that the other way,

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Speaker 1: the other way. It was a joke, I don't anyway.

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Speaker 1: Everyone's here. There's a Gandhi and Brody and Scary and

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Speaker 1: he's doing that thing with his chin. And there's Garrett,

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Speaker 1: and there's there's Nate and Scotty in here. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: right here and there's Scary. Hey, why do you do

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Speaker 1: that thing with your chin? He does this? I hate

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Speaker 1: talk into this line. I hate my angle when I'm

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Speaker 1: standing up and my my cameras below my chin because

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Speaker 1: it makes me look like at five chins. No, normally

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting down this and then just stay down there.

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Speaker 1: There they're just squats in today. That would be great.

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Speaker 1: It's hidden chin crouching scary. All right. Well, look I'm

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Speaker 1: wondering why there's a five behind me. We're still sildering

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Speaker 1: our fifth year of excellence. That's what you call it?

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Speaker 1: What n speaking of scary as chin, what is the

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Speaker 1: one part of your body that you wish you could change? Okay,

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Speaker 1: what is the number the number one part of your body,

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Speaker 1: the whole thing, the whole thing. Come on, I'd like

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Speaker 1: to start with a new with a new head. I

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Speaker 1: will tell you. I can check. I can give you

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Speaker 1: a zone from the kneecaps to my tits, okay, and

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Speaker 1: everything in between. It's a zone. Okay. I would do

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Speaker 1: from my waist to my inner thighskay, that area five

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Speaker 1: chins can go, and then below the tits to the

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Speaker 1: waist to fix that up too. Yeah, I'll leave the

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Speaker 1: tits alone, that's fine. You know the skin on the

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Speaker 1: bottom of your feet like that right the bottom of

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Speaker 1: everything above that. We're always being honest. I hate that

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Speaker 1: we're shaming our bodies this way. We're canceling ourselves. I've

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Speaker 1: got this little nick wattle thing. I wish that could

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Speaker 1: go to how did those get? Like you see those

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Speaker 1: guys like was it Jared Paddle icky thing guy? Or

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Speaker 1: he's on Vampire Diaries and he's got that jaw that

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Speaker 1: is just like right. Yes, I saw a device on

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Speaker 1: Instagram that supposedly you can buy and it'll turn your

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Speaker 1: jaw square really really start. It works like charcoal with

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Speaker 1: like you got a chew on it or whatever. It's like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what it is, but they were like,

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Speaker 1: look at him before, look at him after. I go

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Speaker 1: see my you know, it's almost time for me to

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Speaker 1: go back to my two for one. Yeah, my my phacologist.

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Speaker 1: What are the plastic surgeon? Yeah, well, I tell you,

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Speaker 1: remember when I had my plastic surgery done, it was

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Speaker 1: and then now it's all kind of fallen down. I

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Speaker 1: don't think so it still looks good. Do you remember

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Speaker 1: when you sent me the pictures and your face was

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Speaker 1: all swollen and it looked you looked like some sort

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Speaker 1: of Dick Tracy character. I did, I have another body part?

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Speaker 1: Can you hear him? I have another body part? Like

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Speaker 1: to add to the list, my nose. I have a

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Speaker 1: Roman nose. I'm Italian, yes exactly. But when you do this,

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Speaker 1: you do a profile, it looks like a big schnoz.

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Speaker 1: I don't think you have a big Actually I have

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Speaker 1: a little Wait, I've got a bump on my nose.

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Speaker 1: This is really not the perfect note. Yeah, because I

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Speaker 1: paid good money. It's so cute. It's beautiful. That's as

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Speaker 1: if we all had the I have a deviated septum surgery,

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Speaker 1: she told everyone. When she's liked septum years of cocaine abuse.

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Speaker 1: Why is it when people get a nose job they

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Speaker 1: use that excuse because one of our friends, uh did

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Speaker 1: the whole deviated septum thing. You're like, you're thirty eight

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Speaker 1: years old. If it hasn't bothered you by now, it's

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Speaker 1: not gonna just admit you're getting a nose job. You'll

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Speaker 1: remember what happened after I got the nose job. I

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Speaker 1: told you the story. So I was so excited because

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Speaker 1: I had seen I was doing theater at the time,

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Speaker 1: and I saw my profile in the newspaper the year before,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, I hate it. I'm gonna get

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Speaker 1: it next to you when I do the theater. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to have a beautiful profile. I was so excited.

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Speaker 1: I fucking got cast as Pinocchio. I had to wear

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Speaker 1: a prosthetic in the newspaper son of a surgery for

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Speaker 1: deva and cleavage, didn't you? Yes? I did. Hey, you

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Speaker 1: know I don't hear froggy enough more froggy where I

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Speaker 1: would just say frog. No. I told you. I just

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Speaker 1: I want a new head. And I mean, there's a

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Speaker 1: couple of other things i'd like, but I'd really like

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Speaker 1: to just start over with a new head. I would

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Speaker 1: have better hair, I wouldn't have a brain that had

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Speaker 1: been all jacked around on for two times. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I would just I want to start there, and I'm

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Speaker 1: sure there's other things I could use. But what about you,

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Speaker 1: Scotty B. I would also like to get rid of

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Speaker 1: my tits and I just want a six pack without

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Speaker 1: doing anything. Oh yeah, well, Garrett, my ears, your ears,

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Speaker 1: your ears. It goes back to childhood when I was

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Speaker 1: called Dumbo and will Smith because my ears didn't form

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Speaker 1: to my head, like my ears were outweighing my head

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Speaker 1: at that point, you like your thoughts and stuff? Well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's what that was another joke I heard between that

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Speaker 1: and Gareth the Carrot, Like I would change my name

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Speaker 1: too at that point too. My name and my ears.

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Speaker 1: Oh I know somebody who had their ears pinned back

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Speaker 1: as a child because their ears were sticking out, so

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Speaker 1: they had surgery to pin them back. Or ready to

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Speaker 1: play a game called the best Bob's in history? Yeah

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Speaker 1: history generous haircut. Oh no, that's not a bob, it's

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Speaker 1: more of a pixie, all right. He had what's called

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Speaker 1: the best reggae album of all time. Bob Marley Scary

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Speaker 1: don't look over his shoulder and guess, okay you did,

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Speaker 1: I suppose your eyes legendary hosts of prices, right, he

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Speaker 1: had a painting show. Yes, the kids are still obsessed

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Speaker 1: with him. He's like, this is born. I don't like

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Speaker 1: this game anymore. Don't worry, be happy coming your eyes

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Speaker 1: popped out your head right there? Make a partisan friend

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Speaker 1: of ours considered scandalous as a haircut in the early

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Speaker 1: Why you're popping up like a gopher. What's happening over there?

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Speaker 1: School flindfold? Where in the butt Bob? You bank in

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Speaker 1: the wh that list? Why are you looking for a blindfold?

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Speaker 1: I was looking for a blindfold because you accuse me

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Speaker 1: of cheating? So that's why? What is this in the trash? Can?

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Speaker 1: Hold on? It's it's a pile of I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you can see this. It's like from Trail makes

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Speaker 1: it Uneaten Trail makes because Scary picked out all the

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Speaker 1: eminem's and left everything else in the garbage. We look,

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Speaker 1: we all love we all love m and m's. I

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Speaker 1: get that, but you just do out like thousands of

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Speaker 1: pounds of trail MAXs to get eminem's. Yeah, because I figured,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I don't want to eat several different

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Speaker 1: types of chemicals and things, so I just want to

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Speaker 1: stick to my eminem's. At least you threw it away

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Speaker 1: this time. You remember when you gave me the bag

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Speaker 1: of rejected nuts, and you're like, hey, this reminds me

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Speaker 1: when my friend Andy Burkhardt used to come over to

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Speaker 1: my house and he would fucking hand jam all of

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Speaker 1: our cereal and take all the ship that came in

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Speaker 1: the free cereal and then leave the boxes open in

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Speaker 1: the pantry. And I wanted my mom wanted to kill him.

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Speaker 1: She hated because I've always come and see. I have

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Speaker 1: to tell you something about scary. When he eats snacks,

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Speaker 1: he eats like a squirrel. Yeah, you do it. Then

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Speaker 1: he stores it in his cheek for later. And he

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Speaker 1: eats one eminem at a time. No, I'd just like

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Speaker 1: to savor it. I don't know why some skittles I

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Speaker 1: eat one skittle at a time, or only the same

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Speaker 1: color skittles together. I was talking earlier about cut Back Coach.

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Speaker 1: It's not an app, but it's it's a texting program

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Speaker 1: where you share with it your how many drinks you have,

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Speaker 1: and and it tries to give you, tries to give

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Speaker 1: you a plan for the week. Okay, like on Saturday,

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Speaker 1: Saturday and Sunday Funday, it gives you more drinks and

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Speaker 1: then like Tuesdays, you're supposed to be drinkless days. Of course,

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Speaker 1: we went out for dinner last night and I had

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Speaker 1: three drinks. So, hey, Alvis, how did it go yesterday?

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Speaker 1: REPLA zero if you stuck to your target. Okay, I'm

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Speaker 1: just put three because I had three online drink magnumbers. Okay,

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Speaker 1: had three total drinks. But the thing is that he

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Speaker 1: keeps an eye on you. It attracts you, so you

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Speaker 1: attract your drinks. Drink So this week today, my target

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Speaker 1: supposed to be one drink on Tomorrow too, and then

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Speaker 1: Friday three and then three and then four on next Monday.

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Speaker 1: They love, they know I like to drink on Monday.

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Speaker 1: So how would you like? Do you know what it's

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Speaker 1: like to have a friend who goes h so you're

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Speaker 1: gonna have another drink? Oh? So annoying. I almost did

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Speaker 1: it to Nate today because he keeps saying that he

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Speaker 1: gave up sugar. And then I looked over and he

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Speaker 1: had a twigs and he had a snickers, and I

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Speaker 1: was waiting for him to open the twigs because I

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Speaker 1: was going to run over and smack it out of

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Speaker 1: his hand. He was just it. I know he didn't

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Speaker 1: we used to work with. I was counting his drinks

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Speaker 1: on night we were out and he goes, are you counting?

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Speaker 1: I'm like no, He goes, no, you're counting. He goes,

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Speaker 1: I got an idea. What you pulled your phone and

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Speaker 1: count how many miles it is to walk home? If

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Speaker 1: you count how many drinks I have? I goes, okay,

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Speaker 1: never mind, drink as much as you want. I don't

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Speaker 1: know it is gonna be your TAINE didn't have a friend.

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Speaker 1: Go oh, so you're gonna have another one of those.

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Speaker 1: Remember when I was really really large and I'd start

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Speaker 1: to eat something and Daniel ago, you don't want that,

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Speaker 1: because you would tell us if I eat something, make

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Speaker 1: sure you tell me. So. I was telling you you as,

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Speaker 1: but you're saying in an insulting way. Well that's even

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Speaker 1: does it to me? At home? All the time, He'll

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Speaker 1: come up behind me, creeps up on me, goes was

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Speaker 1: that I go, it's a piece chocolate, okay, and then

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Speaker 1: he walks away. I learned my lesson with Elvis when

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Speaker 1: we had this Remembther's cornbread crisps we had and I

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Speaker 1: opened a bag and I was eating one. He goes,

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Speaker 1: give me a cornbread chrisp No, he goes, why, he

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Speaker 1: I go, you told me to not give you any

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Speaker 1: Give me one. I go, No, you said, did not

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Speaker 1: give you any. Then he fingered gunned me like this,

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Speaker 1: and then he says, verbatim, give me a motherfucking They're

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Speaker 1: so good. I have never like, there's only like three

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Speaker 1: other times I've seen you as serious and angry as

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Speaker 1: you were at that moment. Give me a motherfucking corn bread,

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Speaker 1: Chris check, you fingered. The first place to diet is

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Speaker 1: Froggy's house because Lisa has candy bowls, I'm not even

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Speaker 1: kidding you everywhere and you're just standing there having a

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Speaker 1: conversation at like, you know, the counter and your hand

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Speaker 1: jam and everything, because she's got it all there. Why

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Speaker 1: does she do that what I did the other day?

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Speaker 1: I told her that I have put on some weight

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Speaker 1: and I'm trying to lose a little weight. Can you

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Speaker 1: do me a favor? Can you not bring home anymore chocolate?

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Speaker 1: She brings home a bag of her She's kisses, a

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Speaker 1: bag of chocolate covered almonds Reese's Cups. I took every

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Speaker 1: single one of them and I dumped them in the toilet.

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Speaker 1: A monster because because you know why, Because if we don't,

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Speaker 1: I do not know how to eat her She's kisses

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Speaker 1: in moderation. I eat four or five at a time.

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Speaker 1: I can do it. I can't do it, and so

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Speaker 1: I count the rappers at the end. The kisses make

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Speaker 1: sense in the toilet, but not the Reese's cups. Froggy

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Speaker 1: nobody again. Why does Lisa do? Is that something just

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Speaker 1: her family did. I don't understand. I don't know what

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Speaker 1: she does it for every holiday? I'm not sure Valentine's

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Speaker 1: Day there's little bowls of little candy hearts all over

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Speaker 1: the place. It's hospitality. She basically decorating with candies. Okay,

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Speaker 1: and you eat to decorate with Lisa. I love you,

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Speaker 1: but come on killing me. I just realized something changed.

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Speaker 1: Somebody with two seconds change it forever. Way the way,

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting in the studio, and if you're watching this,

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Speaker 1: you can see over my right shoulder is Froggy in

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Speaker 1: my little window here right you can see the camera. Well,

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Speaker 1: you keep looking over here, like you want me to

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Speaker 1: say something you like, and then you go Froggy's like,

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Speaker 1: damn it, he's not talking about right over your head,

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Speaker 1: right right, so it looks like you're talking to me.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, he wants me to say something that he doesn't.

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Speaker 1: We gotta move Froggy's monitor over here. Yeah, so here.

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Speaker 1: I like hearing Froggy too, But you keep going and

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Speaker 1: I go, no, okay, loves your chins. I was just

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Speaker 1: doing a call back the board room like a prick,

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Speaker 1: you know. I think he's getting back at you for

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Speaker 1: all the pisness. Thank you, Daniel, because you are looks lovely,

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Speaker 1: You're prey. Thank you. I'm not gonna say anying else.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna just check my text. I think we're plus right. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I actually if someone actually enjoyed this podcast, I want

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Speaker 1: to hear from you because I don't even know what

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Speaker 1: the funk we just did, and I don't think it

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Speaker 1: was a funny one today. I think feel the ship.

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Speaker 1: We're not really done. Great idea, let's let the listeners

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Speaker 1: tell us which body parts they want us to fix.

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Speaker 1: They do that to me all the time anyway, watching

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Speaker 1: comments they pick on Gandhi all the time. I'm like, alone,

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Speaker 1: you have graves disease. You should get that fixed to

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Speaker 1: a doctor. I've done it. They're just big. I have

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Speaker 1: big eyes. The other day I posted a picture and

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Speaker 1: you know, sometimes I'll put in contacts. You guys also

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Speaker 1: know me. I don't have really anything fake going on,

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Speaker 1: but I like the contact. Sometimes they had a color

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Speaker 1: of color. These people are like, how dare you be

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Speaker 1: ashamed of your face and try to change the color

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Speaker 1: of your eyes? Why would you do that? I'm like,

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Speaker 1: are you really sliding in here with that? Because leaches

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Speaker 1: her hair and in comments on your always it's always

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Speaker 1: that your fake boobs are over there. But I can't

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Speaker 1: put contacts in. Look, I can move them right now.

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Speaker 1: It's great. Tell us why we leave a comment below? Please? Please?

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Speaker 1: Don't you really? How much time do we have left?

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Speaker 1: So we're done? Now? Okay, we really done. We're actually

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Speaker 1: everyone could bye bye bye. The fifteen Minute Morning Show