WEBVTT - Mid-Week Mom Chat: Our Birthing Story 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:05.280 Hey, y'all. So I am going to be doing in 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:08.160 Middle of the Week mom Chat podcast with you guys 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:13.080 on Thursdays because I'm so in the big middle of 0:00:13.160 --> 0:00:18.000 being a new mom, learning a newborn, going through life. 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:23.680 And I realized that I don't often share on my 0:00:23.760 --> 0:00:27.600 podcast my personal journey. I'm usually talking to other people 0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:31.159 about theirs, and so now that I'm a mom, I 0:00:31.240 --> 0:00:34.720 have so much on my mind, so much to share, 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:39.200 so many questions myself. I'm learning a whole new world, 0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:41.800 and so I just want to have some conversation with 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:45.800 you all about what I'm going through. This first episode, 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:49.159 I want the Middle of the momm Middle of the 0:00:49.200 --> 0:00:51.720 Week mom Chat already have mom brain. I had mom 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:53.519 brain before I had a kid, and now it is 0:00:54.280 --> 0:00:57.160 so intense, like I can't remember anything and sometimes I 0:00:57.160 --> 0:01:01.600 can't speak words. So forgive me if I sounded fool 0:01:01.640 --> 0:01:03.960 sometimes on this episode when I'm just talking with no 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:07.480 one to talk back to, because that's dangerous, me alone 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:13.000 with my thoughts and a microphone. Um. But this episode, 0:01:13.040 --> 0:01:16.480 I want to talk about my birth experience because a 0:01:16.520 --> 0:01:21.560 lot of you have asked me about that, and I 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:27.399 just think that I had no idea how intense the 0:01:27.480 --> 0:01:32.959 feelings are with trying to create a birth plan and 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:37.240 then having your child. So I had had so many friends. 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:39.319 I'm an older mom of thirty six. I was thirty 0:01:39.360 --> 0:01:42.080 six when I had Sonny, and I had done a 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:46.399 lot of analyzing on my friends who have kids, because 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:49.600 I've always wanted to be prepared before I get involved 0:01:49.720 --> 0:01:52.640 with a brand new, big experience, and so having a 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:54.960 baby and childbirth and all that, it was a very 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:58.160 huge experience. I was very nervous and scared about it 0:01:58.160 --> 0:02:00.680 for a long time because it's just such a huge responsibility, 0:02:01.200 --> 0:02:03.160 and I didn't know if I was prepared already yet. 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:05.800 So I studied all my friends you've had kids before 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:10.080 me and my sister and my family, just cousins, tons 0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:11.920 of women who have gone before me, who have had 0:02:12.000 --> 0:02:15.600 children and who have been so gracious to share their 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:19.520 their journey with me. I realized that having a birth plan, 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:24.359 it's kind of setting yourself up for disappointment a lot 0:02:24.400 --> 0:02:26.440 of the time. I'm not saying a birth plane can't 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:28.960 work out, and I'm not saying you shouldn't have one, 0:02:29.240 --> 0:02:31.120 because I think it is great to have one, and 0:02:31.160 --> 0:02:34.040 it's good to have intentions on what you want and 0:02:34.120 --> 0:02:38.600 to have your mind set wrapped around what you are 0:02:38.639 --> 0:02:40.480 going for, because I think it's always good to have 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:43.640 a plan, but I do think with a birth plane, 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:46.080 you've got to hold it loosely because anything can happen 0:02:46.160 --> 0:02:50.360 in labor and delivery. M That's what happened to me. 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:54.480 I had hired a doula, Michael, and I had gone 0:02:54.520 --> 0:02:57.519 to birthing class. I was really wanting to have a 0:02:57.600 --> 0:02:59.840 natural birth. I really even wanted to try to go 0:02:59.880 --> 0:03:02.520 with out an nepdural. That was my goal in my mind. 0:03:02.560 --> 0:03:07.840 I wanted to go into labor, have contractions, getting a bathtub, 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:11.280 feel it, breathe through it. I've done years of yoga, 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:13.320 so I was like, oh, my yoga is going to 0:03:13.440 --> 0:03:18.120 really help me move through my labor process. I want 0:03:18.120 --> 0:03:20.480 to feel it. I want to feel the pain. I 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:25.280 want to know what this feels like. And so that 0:03:25.400 --> 0:03:27.480 was my goal in my mind. But I knew because 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:30.040 I've had so many friends who had birth plans like 0:03:30.080 --> 0:03:32.480 this and then it didn't work out, there was a 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:35.400 chance that wouldn't happen. So I didn't let myself get 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:43.960 too attached to it. And I'm glad because um sorry, y'all. 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:46.040 Sometimes I have a hacking problem. I had coffee this 0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:49.920 morning after I breastfed. I tried to have my coffee 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:52.480 right after a breastfeed, so then I have two hours 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:54.000 to get out of my system, so I don't have 0:03:54.040 --> 0:03:57.240 caffeine in the next feeding. Um. But it sometimes airtates 0:03:57.240 --> 0:04:02.400 my threat. So sorry, I'm coffee, but turns out with 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:08.560 me and Sunny. I was a week late and she 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:12.280 was do she was forty one weeks and I tried 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:15.200 everything to get her out. Naturally, went walking four miles, 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:19.160 ran stairs, a drink raspberry tea. I got a big 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:23.520 yoga ball and bounced on it. I um, Michael, and 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:28.000 I had sex. Um. What else did I do there? 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:34.080 I took oh primrose oil. I took that and then 0:04:34.080 --> 0:04:38.880 I put it applied it vaginally. I literally did everything 0:04:38.920 --> 0:04:44.279 I could think of to get this baby out. And 0:04:45.040 --> 0:04:47.920 she was zero percent of face and zero percent dilated, 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:52.080 which means nothing was happening. I was not going into labor. 0:04:52.680 --> 0:04:57.880 I was showing no signs of labor, and my gynecologist 0:04:58.640 --> 0:05:00.840 said that she really didn't want to go past one 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:06.080 week late, just because the baby was already measuring really big. 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:11.359 I'm thirty six years old, and it just something about 0:05:11.360 --> 0:05:14.160 my age plays a factor in it. I don't know 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:17.080 what exactly, but so she was like, Okay, we're gonna 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:19.719 induce you or you can get a C section, And 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:23.160 she was not promoting c section because it's major surgery. 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:24.919 And I had never talked about wanting it, and she 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:26.560 was like, all about it if I wanted it, but 0:05:26.560 --> 0:05:28.839 she was like, you've never talked about this, and I 0:05:28.880 --> 0:05:33.200 don't want you to do something and you know not 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:37.039 and regret it in the end, I guess because it 0:05:37.120 --> 0:05:39.640 was never part of our conversations the whole time I 0:05:39.680 --> 0:05:42.680 was checking in with her and the whole process of 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:49.039 me being pregnant. But when I got um got to 0:05:49.160 --> 0:05:52.680 the final hour. Oh. Also, I had group strup B, 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:56.560 which sounds like an STD, but it's not. I don't 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:59.719 have an STD. Group strap B is in thirty of women, 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:02.520 and you have to get put on an antibotic if 0:06:02.520 --> 0:06:05.920 you have it, because it can really hurt your baby 0:06:06.240 --> 0:06:10.120 or even potentially be fatal for your baby um if 0:06:10.160 --> 0:06:12.640 you have group strap B and your baby is born vaginally. 0:06:12.680 --> 0:06:14.599 And so I had a lot of anxiety about that, 0:06:15.279 --> 0:06:16.600 and I was already gonna have to be put on 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:19.560 an antibotic right my water broke, if my water even broke. 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:21.560 So I just had a lot of fears. I had 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:24.760 a big fear about the cord being wrapped around her 0:06:24.839 --> 0:06:28.520 neck because I've just had a friend who lost their 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:31.320 baby um and it was due to a cord being 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:32.960 wrapped around the neck. And not that that's like rare, 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:35.640 These are all rare, freak things. But I just had 0:06:35.680 --> 0:06:37.360 a lot of fear. And all of all who followed 0:06:37.400 --> 0:06:40.840 my journey, I know that we had miscarried, and I 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:43.440 had a chemical pregnancy, and we tried almost a year 0:06:43.480 --> 0:06:46.320 to get pregnant. So I just unfortunately had a lot 0:06:46.360 --> 0:06:49.600 of anxiety during my pregnancy. I wish that I wouldn't have, 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:53.400 because I don't think that's good for the baby or 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:55.320 the mama, But and I worked really hard not to 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:58.359 have anxiety, but I just did, and that was my journey. 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:00.200 And I think a lot of moms who have gone 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:03.240 through miscarriage can relate to me that no matter how 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:05.680 much you don't want to have anxiety, you do because 0:07:05.800 --> 0:07:10.240 the fear of losing your baby, and I'll cry talking 0:07:10.280 --> 0:07:13.559 about it, is overwhelming when it's all that you wanted, 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:17.600 you know. So I'm still I'm counting this as hormonal 0:07:18.320 --> 0:07:20.400 because I still have hormones, and I just I actually 0:07:20.480 --> 0:07:22.320 just put Sunny down. I was just rocking her in 0:07:22.400 --> 0:07:25.520 my arms and I was just thanking God for her 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:29.880 and that I was blessed with her, because it's such 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:33.160 a blessing to have a baby. But it's so overwhelming 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:36.360 because there's so much that she's gonna have to experience 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:40.600 in this life, like pain and heartbreak and unfairness and 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:45.679 just situations that are going to hurt her emotionally. And 0:07:46.080 --> 0:07:48.920 I hate that she has to go through all that, 0:07:48.960 --> 0:07:51.680 but I know that is the human experience, and it 0:07:51.840 --> 0:07:56.440 just like, oh God, it recks me. But it also 0:07:56.720 --> 0:07:58.560 I know that she's here for a purpose and a 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:01.240 reason and all of this things will make her stronger 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:03.480 and it is my job to guide her and comfort 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:06.280 her and be there for her. And it's just a 0:08:06.360 --> 0:08:09.120 huge responsibility being a mom. But it's like the greatest 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:11.800 blessing you could ever have. And I think that it 0:08:11.880 --> 0:08:14.840 makes you have to strengthen your faith because someone told 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:18.160 me that when you have a child, your heart is 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:21.360 now on the outside of your body. That makes me 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:26.320 cry because it's just so true. Your heart does not 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:29.680 belong to you anymore once you have a baby, and 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:33.679 it's such a blessing, but it is so overwhelming. So anyway, uh, 0:08:34.000 --> 0:08:36.920 I don't even know what I was talking about. Oh yeah, 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:41.400 So I had a lot of anxiety um before I 0:08:41.440 --> 0:08:43.400 went into labor, just that I was going to lose 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:46.280 her in the birth process. And I know that's crazy 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:49.079 because it's so unlikely, but that was just my journey 0:08:49.120 --> 0:08:52.439 and my truth. And so when we got to forty 0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:54.720 one weeks, there was a fifty chance that I would 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:58.240 end up in an emergency C section anyway, because I 0:08:58.280 --> 0:09:00.800 was gonna have to start protasin I was percent dilated 0:09:00.920 --> 0:09:05.920 or faced, and it is um sometimes that can lead 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:08.080 to just an emergency c section of the baby's heart 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:10.800 rate drops too much or it just there's a million 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:13.000 reasons why. I just had a friend who had an 0:09:13.000 --> 0:09:17.360 emergency C section and it was not what she had 0:09:17.400 --> 0:09:20.360 wanted and it was emotional for her, and I've had 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:22.200 several friends that have had them, and I was just 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:24.800 I just didn't want to end up in an emergency situation. 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:29.480 So I talked to Michael about it a long time, 0:09:30.040 --> 0:09:32.120 and we both decided that though this was not what 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:36.680 we had originally wanted, our ultimate goal always was to 0:09:36.720 --> 0:09:38.840 have a healthy baby and a healthy meat. That is 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:41.440 the ultimate goal. Yes, did I want to have the 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:45.200 natural experience? Of course? Yes? Was this my plan? It 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:47.520 was this not my plan? No, this is not my plan. 0:09:48.800 --> 0:09:54.640 That's Michael texting me right now. Um, but here I here, 0:09:54.679 --> 0:09:58.360 I was in this situation where this was my option, 0:09:58.520 --> 0:10:00.720 Like I was definitely gonna have to either get induced 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:02.760 or which was and then I wasn't going to go 0:10:02.960 --> 0:10:06.720 natural without an epidural that way, because I just heard 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:11.920 protocin is like so painful and so hard, and so 0:10:12.040 --> 0:10:14.360 here I was just in a new situation that I 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:18.120 wasn't prepared for preparing for. But this is what this 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:21.600 is my circumstances. And I decided to go with a 0:10:21.640 --> 0:10:24.680 C section because I didn't want to end up an 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:29.520 emergency situation and I wasn't gonna I mean just it 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:31.760 wasn't going to be the natural experience I was wanting 0:10:31.760 --> 0:10:36.520 to have anyway. And so we went with a C section. 0:10:36.640 --> 0:10:38.440 And I called my sister the day before and I 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:40.560 cried and cried and cried and cried, and I was 0:10:40.640 --> 0:10:43.800 so upset that I wasn't that it wasn't going how 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:46.120 I had wanted it to go. And she told me 0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:49.719 the best piece of advice that I think you can 0:10:49.800 --> 0:10:52.360 have as a new mom, and it is, you know what, 0:10:52.960 --> 0:10:56.559 the sooner you can accept that the journey of parenthood 0:10:56.679 --> 0:10:59.560 is never how you plan it. It is never going 0:10:59.640 --> 0:11:03.480 to be how you think it's going to be, the 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:08.920 sooner you can let go of control and just embraced 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:11.040 the journey. I don't know exactly her words that she used, 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:13.920 but it was this sentiment, the more free you're going 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:16.040 to be, and the better mom you're going to be, 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:21.600 because parenthood is a wild journey and you know, you 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:25.719 just cannot control it. And so I really took those 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:29.640 words to heart and I just got my cry out 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:31.920 and I let go of what I had thought I 0:11:31.960 --> 0:11:35.000 had wanted, and I embraced what we were going to do, 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:37.160 which was a C section, and I'm going to tell 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:41.520 you it was an amazing experience. I was super emotional 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:43.920 about it because we got there and I realized when 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:45.400 I got there, I was about to be cut open, 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:52.720 which was terrifying, terrifying, but everyone was amazing. My antithesiologists 0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:57.840 was amazing. All the nurses were amazing. My gynecologist was incredible. 0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:03.840 She did an amazing job. The surgery went fantastic. Michael 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:08.560 was the most supportive husband ever. He was so awesome 0:12:08.760 --> 0:12:12.040 and so with me and just such a great partner. 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:16.480 He played Tom Petty wild Flowers the whole time. God, 0:12:16.600 --> 0:12:19.280 why is this making me cry? Because it was the 0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:23.360 best day of my life, truly, He played Tom Petty 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:30.880 wild wild Flowers and Sunny came out just screaming, screaming, screaming, screaming, 0:12:30.920 --> 0:12:34.880 and she had the most intense eyes, which she still does, 0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:41.320 just so much focus. And they pulled her out and 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:45.640 laid her next to me and we rubbed noses and 0:12:45.679 --> 0:12:49.400 it was the most magical experience I've ever had in 0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:51.520 my life. And I know Michael felt the same way, 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:56.000 just seeing her face and realizing who had been inside 0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:58.720 of me, who God had sent to us, this little 0:12:58.800 --> 0:13:04.480 soul that has choosing this experience of life, and Michael 0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:07.120 and I are getting blessed enough to be her parents, 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:11.640 and just who this little being was, who we've grown, 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:13.920 and who's been growing inside of me for almost a 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:17.880 year that we have the privilege of parenting. And it 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:22.400 was just so overwhelming to meet our human And I'm 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:26.760 telling you, everyone says that being a parent, the day 0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:28.760 you meet your child is the best day of your life. 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:31.360 And then of course all these parents want to show 0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:33.840 you pictures and they think their kid is so cute. 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:35.800 And I used to think that was so annoying. I 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:38.240 was like, Uh, it's just a kid. Nobody wants to 0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:42.800 see your kid. But I get it. I get it. 0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:47.160 The love is unbelievable. It's love. It's overwhelming because there's 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:49.400 so much fear too, because now all of a sudden, 0:13:49.920 --> 0:13:52.720 you're so worried about this child for the rest of 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:56.080 your life. But the love is just so big. And 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:57.920 it was the greatest day of my life. I loved 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:00.040 being in the hospital. Like we had three days in 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:02.360 the hospital. We had tons of friends come to visit us. 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:06.120 My family came in, my parents, my sister, my brother 0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:08.559 in law, my niece came in. Jenevieve. She thinks that 0:14:08.600 --> 0:14:12.560 Sonny is her baby because she's a cause aunt. She's tenured, No, 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:15.000 she tan or nine. I think she just heard nine. 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:18.560 She's a cauzant, she's an only child, so she is 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:21.680 Sonny's aunt and cousin. So she could mind it to 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:24.800 be her cousin aunt, and they came in. Michael's dad 0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:27.880 and brother came in, all of our friends came in, 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:30.760 the band family, a thousand horses all came It was 0:14:30.840 --> 0:14:34.680 so beautiful and magical, and Sonny was surrounded by so 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:37.720 much love, and so were Michael and I and it 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:41.320 just was like a moment in time where time stood still. 0:14:41.720 --> 0:14:45.520 We got off social media completely, which I'm so glad 0:14:45.560 --> 0:14:48.440 we did, because I just wanted to be in this 0:14:48.600 --> 0:14:52.360 moment with her. I wanted to be in this huge, 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:57.640 huge experience that was so powerful and so spiritual and 0:14:57.800 --> 0:15:01.480 so much bigger than the day to day grind that 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:04.560 we're so used to living. And I really wanted to 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:07.520 be in that moment, and so did Michael, and so 0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:10.760 we really didn't get on social media at all, and 0:15:10.800 --> 0:15:13.520 we just were there there with this new child that 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:16.880 was sent straight from God, our family, our friends, in 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:20.640 this magical experience, and I'm just so thankful for it. 0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:25.080 It was the best experience of my life. And I 0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:27.640 wasn't worried about weight gain. Even though after you have 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:29.680 a baby, you still look six months pregnant. I mean, 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:31.680 you still have a big belly, after you have a baby, 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:34.240 the whole process. I think because I was an older 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:38.000 mom and because I had had a miscarriage and I 0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:41.840 knew how incredible this experience was and how privileged I 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:44.880 was to be carrying a child, I really didn't care 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:47.000 about the state of my body because I was just 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:49.320 so in awe of my body that my body could 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:52.120 do this, that my body created this child and carried it. 0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:55.640 And I wasn't worried about my body. I was so 0:15:56.640 --> 0:15:59.840 thankful and happy and grateful for my body that it 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:03.360 would give me this honor and do this for me 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:05.960 because I didn't do anything my body did at all, 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:09.240 and I just marveled at it. And it's been amazing 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:11.920 to watch my body go back to how it was before. 0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:14.400 It's not exactly the same. I still have ten or 0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:17.480 fifteen pounds left to lose, but it's going back on 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:19.720 its own and I'm just taking it easy and not 0:16:19.800 --> 0:16:23.600 stressing out about it. And I'm so thankful that I 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:25.640 can be in this mindset. And I just think it 0:16:25.680 --> 0:16:29.640 has to do with gratitude and just being older. And 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:31.560 I got to do so many things when I was 0:16:31.640 --> 0:16:35.480 younger and live so much life that I got to 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:40.000 a place where I realized that looks in your body 0:16:40.120 --> 0:16:42.240 and physical image. Yes, I want to feel good and 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:44.720 be strong, but that is not the goal for me anymore. 0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:48.560 The goal is health, and the goal is happiness, and then, 0:16:48.720 --> 0:16:50.800 of course the ultimate goal was to have a healthy baby. 0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:53.320 So I just haven't been stressed out about it. And 0:16:53.320 --> 0:16:55.840 I'm thankful because a lot of my twenties I was 0:16:55.960 --> 0:16:58.600 very stressed out about physical appearance, and so I'm very 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:00.840 thankful that I was able to not stressed out about 0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:03.720 that during my pregnancy. I mean, of course I had 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:06.240 moments that triggered me into it, because I did struggle 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:08.439 with eating disorders and all sorts of stuff when I 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:12.160 was younger. But the most part, I've just been able 0:17:12.200 --> 0:17:14.240 to enjoy this experience, to be grateful for my body 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:16.639 and not hate on my body, and so thank you 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:20.919 for that body. Um. But it's just been amazing. The 0:17:20.960 --> 0:17:24.080 first week she came home was pure bliss. But y'all, 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:29.439 the hormones were no joke. I have never experienced the 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:32.080 waves of emotion that I experienced when I came home 0:17:32.080 --> 0:17:33.800 with Sunny, because they say it takes you like nine 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:36.280 ten months to get all these hormones that you have 0:17:36.359 --> 0:17:39.560 when you're pregnant, and then you lose them all within 0:17:39.680 --> 0:17:44.480 six to eight weeks. It just draw hops. I cried 0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:48.040 every day, and not just cried, I weeped, like I 0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:51.560 have to use the word weep, because it was gut wrenching, 0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:56.080 guttural cries like worn comes out of your nose and 0:17:56.560 --> 0:17:58.800 you have to bury your hand, your face in your 0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:03.080 hands because your rying so hard. And I didn't even 0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:05.639 know what I was crying for. I was crying for Stunny, 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:09.160 my love for her, my worry for all the things 0:18:09.160 --> 0:18:13.080 that could happen. The whole world, like the whole world 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:18.000 creeped into all my thoughts, like the overwhelmingness of everything 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:21.320 that is happening in the world, all the children in 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:24.240 the world that don't have homes, like all the natural 0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:27.040 disasters that are happening, the pain of the world that 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:30.080 Sunday is going to have to experience, that all these 0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:32.439 things that were just so heavy, like I felt everything, 0:18:32.440 --> 0:18:34.440 and then I just felt nothing too, Like I didn't 0:18:34.440 --> 0:18:37.320 even know why I was crying. It was just hormones. Really, 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:40.040 everyone says it's hormonal, and you think that people are 0:18:40.080 --> 0:18:43.880 just using as an excuse. It is freaking hormonal. So 0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:47.600 women who are going through hormones after a baby, or 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:50.680 even like your cycle, your period, it is no joke. 0:18:50.880 --> 0:18:53.399 I mean women are rock stars. And that's another thing 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:58.560 I have realized. Women are amazing. We are so amazing. 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:03.800 The fact that we are able to nurture ourselves, nurture 0:19:03.840 --> 0:19:07.760 our husbands, nurture our friends, nurture our families, nurture a pet, 0:19:08.440 --> 0:19:11.879 then nurture child, grow a child, or raise a child, 0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:14.520 be there for a child even if you're not a mother. 0:19:14.680 --> 0:19:18.320 Just our nurturing instinct is so amazing. Plus the fact 0:19:18.359 --> 0:19:22.480 that we're so capable of holding jobs and careers and multitasking. 0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:26.320 I'm just in awe of women. I really am, like 0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:30.440 more than ever and so God bless us. I love 0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:32.480 us women. We're killing it. We're doing a great job, 0:19:32.600 --> 0:19:34.719 and it's emotional to be a woman. We do have 0:19:34.760 --> 0:19:38.600 all these hormones that make us feel more intensely and 0:19:38.640 --> 0:19:41.000 insanely than a man a lot of the times. And 0:19:41.560 --> 0:19:44.040 you know what, I'm grateful for that because I love 0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:46.760 to feel. It hurts me to feel so much sometimes, 0:19:46.800 --> 0:19:49.320 but I feel so thankful that I am able to 0:19:49.400 --> 0:19:51.640 feel all the way to the bottom of my soul 0:19:51.840 --> 0:19:55.080 because I want to experience this life and I want 0:19:55.080 --> 0:19:57.640 to know the depths of my feelings and I want 0:19:57.720 --> 0:20:01.000 to live it. And even though things can hurt, I'm 0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:07.040 glad that I can feel. That is my birthing story. 0:20:07.359 --> 0:20:11.600 And every day it has just gotten so great. Yes, 0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:15.040 I was exhausted in the first few weeks because Sunny 0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:17.560 was up around the clock. I was learning breastpee. We 0:20:17.840 --> 0:20:21.160 breasted right away. I'm very lucky that Sunny latch John 0:20:21.359 --> 0:20:26.639 first try, and we've really gotten a great rhythm. I 0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:30.760 started working on schedule. I follow moms on call Um 0:20:30.920 --> 0:20:34.199 for my schedule, which is a book, and it just 0:20:34.240 --> 0:20:38.280 really works on getting them and rhythm early. And honestly, 0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:40.600 a lot of people say you should just hold your baby, 0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:43.000 you shouldn't get him on a schedule, and I support 0:20:43.040 --> 0:20:45.040 that totally. I think whatever works for you is what 0:20:45.119 --> 0:20:47.040 you should do. And we all know his mom's what 0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:49.960 feels right for me. I wanted to get Sunny on 0:20:50.000 --> 0:20:53.800 the schedule because I worked better with the schedule and 0:20:54.000 --> 0:20:57.040 then I was able to identify what she needed, Like, 0:20:57.280 --> 0:20:59.560 was she crying because she's tired, Oh, let me look 0:20:59.560 --> 0:21:01.600 at the clock. Yep, it's time for a nap. Is 0:21:01.640 --> 0:21:03.840 she crying because she's hungry? Let me look at the clock. Yep, 0:21:03.920 --> 0:21:06.320 it's time for her to be fed. Like it was 0:21:06.359 --> 0:21:08.520 a I was able to. It's make it. It It makes 0:21:08.560 --> 0:21:11.920 it easy for me to know what she needs. And 0:21:12.200 --> 0:21:15.399 because of that, she's really happy and we don't. She 0:21:15.440 --> 0:21:18.560 doesn't cry very often. She only cries if she needs something. 0:21:19.080 --> 0:21:22.399 She's smiley, and it just worked for us. So I 0:21:22.440 --> 0:21:25.919 think that that is you should do whatever works for you. Also, 0:21:26.200 --> 0:21:29.160 I've been blessed enough to have a night nurse come 0:21:30.040 --> 0:21:34.080 one or two times a week. Um, Nashville Boss Baby. 0:21:34.240 --> 0:21:38.159 Let me make sure I'm saying that correctly. Um, I'm 0:21:38.400 --> 0:21:42.560 I'm looking up on Instagram Nashville Baby Boss and Paula 0:21:42.600 --> 0:21:47.080 Power is the night nurse and she's really the one 0:21:47.119 --> 0:21:50.520 that taught me how to get on the schedule and 0:21:51.040 --> 0:21:54.000 what my baby needs. Because I didn't know anything about babies. 0:21:54.040 --> 0:21:55.600 I don't know about y'all, but I didn't grow up 0:21:55.600 --> 0:21:58.920 around newborns. I didn't babysit like that wasn't I wasn't 0:21:58.960 --> 0:22:00.520 just a baby person. I wasn't of that person that 0:22:00.600 --> 0:22:02.120 just wanted to hold all the babies like I would 0:22:02.160 --> 0:22:03.760 go see your baby, and I love your baby, but 0:22:03.800 --> 0:22:05.600 I'm not like, oh, let me hold the baby. I 0:22:05.640 --> 0:22:07.359 just never felt comfortable babies. I was kind of scared 0:22:07.359 --> 0:22:09.960 of them that they were going to break in. They're 0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:13.440 so fragile, and so I just needed a little guidance 0:22:13.720 --> 0:22:17.040 and Paula has been amazing. Um it's also been great 0:22:17.080 --> 0:22:19.280 to have the support of my mom and my sister 0:22:19.600 --> 0:22:22.920