1 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,120 Speaker 1: Welcome to stuff Mom Never told you from House top 2 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:15,920 Speaker 1: works dot com. Hello, and welcome to the Bonus Podcast. 3 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:21,079 Speaker 1: I'm Kristen and I'm Caroline and this is part two 4 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:27,360 Speaker 1: of our super special ask Us Anything invitation and you 5 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: sure have Yes, we have lots of questions. For this 6 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:35,440 Speaker 1: episode of ask Us Anything, we are focusing more on 7 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: the direct advice that you solicited from us, and the 8 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:43,639 Speaker 1: first ask Us Anything we tackled y'all's questions that were 9 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:47,280 Speaker 1: more about who Caroline and are behind the podcast. Yeah, 10 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:51,599 Speaker 1: our lives outside of the studio, our favorite beer, and 11 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,880 Speaker 1: this time we're going to get into some more hard 12 00:00:55,000 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 1: hitting questions going on. But first, Christen, Yes, but first, 13 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 1: so you asked me certain questions last week. Yes, a 14 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:12,039 Speaker 1: condensed prooft questionnaire from inside the actor's studio. Yes. So 15 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 1: now you asked me to picture you as James Lipton, 16 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,800 Speaker 1: and now I ask for the same favor in return. 17 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,959 Speaker 1: Do you see the glasses and the balding head? I 18 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 1: see the beard most of all. Perfect, That's what I'm 19 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 1: going for. All right, Kristen, are you ready? I'm ready? Okay, 20 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:34,640 Speaker 1: what is your favorite word, Minutia? What is your least 21 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 1: favorite word? Miss indry because sometimes we are labeled as 22 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:44,880 Speaker 1: women who promote miss injury. Okay, what turns you on 23 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: the smell of new books? What turns you off the 24 00:01:52,920 --> 00:02:01,480 Speaker 1: smell of old books? No? Maybe cattler buck smell. What 25 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 1: sound do you love? I love the sound? Oh, this 26 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:12,040 Speaker 1: is very specific and weird. I really like the sound. 27 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,840 Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm telling you this. I really 28 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:20,520 Speaker 1: like the sound of a teacup hitting a saucer like 29 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:24,120 Speaker 1: porcelain and on on porcelain. I have no idea what 30 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,640 Speaker 1: that means. You like things proper I do? What sound 31 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:32,400 Speaker 1: do you hate? Nail sound, a chalkboard? Yeah? Okay, what 32 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,160 Speaker 1: is your favorite curse word that you can say on 33 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 1: the podcast? Fiddle six? What profession other than yours would 34 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:50,080 Speaker 1: you like to attempt? Maybe lawyering really for the suits? Okay? 35 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:56,320 Speaker 1: What profession would you not like to do? While it 36 00:02:56,320 --> 00:03:00,080 Speaker 1: would probably be in reality, lawyering? Um, I wouldn't not 37 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:06,079 Speaker 1: really like to be a daycare center employee again, because 38 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:10,679 Speaker 1: I've done that before and it was very taxing. And Kristen, 39 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 1: the last question, if heaven exists, what would you like 40 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 1: to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates. 41 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 1: I subscribed to your podcast. Thank you, Thank you, Kristen Conger, 42 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:30,519 Speaker 1: thank you, Caroline, I mean James Lipton. Uh. Now, before 43 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 1: we get though to your questions, wonderful listeners, we do 44 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 1: have a brief word from our sponsor of this bonus episode, 45 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 1: which is share File, Because Caroline, you know what you 46 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,600 Speaker 1: and I I'm sure have both experienced this Emailing a 47 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,160 Speaker 1: big file for a client that is too big to attach, 48 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 1: sending a confidential file and there's no good way to 49 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 1: do it securely, or being out of the house stuff 50 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,520 Speaker 1: works dot com offices and not having access to a 51 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 1: spreadsheet or power point or even a podcast say that's 52 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,120 Speaker 1: on your work computer. But there is a solution that 53 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 1: we have found in That solution is share file. Share 54 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 1: File brought to you by Citrix. It's the powerful tool 55 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:16,360 Speaker 1: that millions of professionals rely on every day. Unlike other services, Kristen, 56 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: share file was designed specifically for business use and allows 57 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: you to send files of almost any size and access 58 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: your files from any computer or mobile device, not while driving. 59 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:33,480 Speaker 1: Share File enhances your workflow easily and securely. So you 60 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,280 Speaker 1: have to try share file today. Yeah, you can get 61 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,200 Speaker 1: started with our special risk free offer. That's a full 62 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,920 Speaker 1: thirty day free trial. Just go to share file dot com, 63 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:47,800 Speaker 1: click on the radio microphone and enter our promo code stuff. Remember, 64 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 1: visit share file dot com and type in our promo 65 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:56,200 Speaker 1: code stuff. Now let's get to some advice giving Caroline. Okay, 66 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 1: I would just like to preface this with, um, I 67 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: am more of the gut person when it comes to 68 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 1: giving advice, and and I think Kristen uh you might 69 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:09,160 Speaker 1: have done a little more research onto some of these 70 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,880 Speaker 1: questions that our dear listeners sent in. Are you calling 71 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,360 Speaker 1: me the brains? You're the hot and I'm the brains? 72 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,720 Speaker 1: Am I the braun? Am I the bron and the heart? 73 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,000 Speaker 1: You can be? You can be the braun in the heart. Yes, 74 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:24,720 Speaker 1: I'm the muscle. Right. Finally at five too, I'm the 75 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:29,279 Speaker 1: muscle for something. Well, First up, we've got Jess, who 76 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:32,480 Speaker 1: calls herself a long time super fan, first time caller. Hello, 77 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 1: you're on the line, Jeff. She writes, I'm struggling with 78 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 1: some pretty serious hell stuff, and I just want to 79 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 1: know what's a young lady freshly thirty have to do 80 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 1: around here to get taken seriously medically. Well, that makes 81 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 1: me wonder what you know. Obviously you didn't provide us 82 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: with any details about what kind of medical problems you 83 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,640 Speaker 1: may be having. Um, but it does make me wonder, 84 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 1: you know, if you're maybe going to the doctor frequently 85 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 1: for lots of things, maybe maybe we've got a touch 86 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 1: of the hypochondria. I know that I often went to 87 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,680 Speaker 1: the doctor when I lived in Augusta. Had this great 88 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 1: intern and she was wonderful, and I thought I was 89 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,039 Speaker 1: having a heart attack one time, and then I went 90 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 1: to her for everything from like indigestion to thinking I 91 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:17,000 Speaker 1: was having a heart attack, and you know, she was 92 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 1: always great. So all of my stumbling advice, i'm, i'm, I'm. 93 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:23,400 Speaker 1: What I'm trying to get to is maybe you're not 94 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,800 Speaker 1: seeing the right type of doctor. Maybe the person you're 95 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:30,480 Speaker 1: going to is insensitive and not pay you the attention 96 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 1: you deserve. Yeah, and I would say that you could 97 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 1: be around on the money there, Caroline, because according to 98 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:42,560 Speaker 1: the American Autoimmune Related Disease Association, an estimated of women 99 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:46,640 Speaker 1: have been told by doctors that they're making up their illnesses. 100 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 1: So you're not alone, jes if you're feeling like you're 101 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 1: not getting the respect that your due. So I would 102 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,599 Speaker 1: take advice that we've given in past podcast, especially the 103 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,679 Speaker 1: when we were talking about women at the doctor's office 104 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 1: and this very issue of getting that R S p 105 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:07,680 Speaker 1: e c T prescription m hmm uh is going to 106 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:12,760 Speaker 1: a doctor armed with questions and information, but right also 107 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,960 Speaker 1: make sure you push for what you feel you need 108 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 1: to know. For instance, in a past episode, I talked 109 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,520 Speaker 1: about how when I told my gynecologist I was experiencing 110 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:25,280 Speaker 1: a lot of anxiety and wasn't sleeping, she just tried 111 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,440 Speaker 1: to write me a prescription for anxiety medication. Well that's 112 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 1: not what I felt I needed, and I didn't end 113 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 1: up feeling the prescription. What I should have done is 114 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:36,360 Speaker 1: pursued the topic further, say you know what, I appreciate it, 115 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:37,800 Speaker 1: but what I really think I need to do is 116 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 1: talk to somebody and get you know, X y Z 117 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 1: type of help. So really push for what you think 118 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,120 Speaker 1: you need and don't let any doctors rush you out 119 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 1: of the office. Like Kristen said, come prepared with your 120 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,640 Speaker 1: questions and don't let anybody make you feel like a 121 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:55,679 Speaker 1: doormat at the doctor's office. Now moving on from matters 122 00:07:55,880 --> 00:08:00,440 Speaker 1: of the body, two matters of the metaphorical heart. In 123 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: a very awkward transition, we now have a question from Paul, 124 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:10,480 Speaker 1: and Paul has a huge crush on a girl that 125 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:13,240 Speaker 1: he met at church. Paul is thirty five years old. 126 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,200 Speaker 1: The girl in question, the woman in question, I should say, 127 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 1: is twenty, and he writes, the problem is there's that 128 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,160 Speaker 1: huge age gap, so it would probably not be a 129 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,000 Speaker 1: good idea for us to go out. Add to this 130 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 1: the fact that we both come from dysfunctional backgrounds, probably 131 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 1: not a good combo. She seems to have a really 132 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 1: solid head on her shoulders, all things considering, and she 133 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,160 Speaker 1: also has a six month old kid that caused her 134 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:39,920 Speaker 1: to really grow up. But in any case, I can't 135 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:44,640 Speaker 1: stop thinking about her. Whenever he goes to church, he 136 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,839 Speaker 1: catches himself staring at her. Everything she does, he says, 137 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,640 Speaker 1: makes me more attracted to her. What can I do 138 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:55,719 Speaker 1: to get this woman out of my brain? Well, I mean, 139 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,480 Speaker 1: under normal circumstances, I would say that a thirty five 140 00:08:58,559 --> 00:09:02,880 Speaker 1: year old dating a twenty year old is horrific idea. Um, however, 141 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 1: you said that you have similar backgrounds. You're meeting at church, 142 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,320 Speaker 1: so obviously you you have more than just maybe an 143 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 1: unfortunate background in common she you said she is mature 144 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 1: for her age because of having a child. I'm thinking 145 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 1: that this is maybe just possible bad timing on both 146 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:24,200 Speaker 1: of your parts, and that maybe you should try to 147 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 1: get her out of your head. Yeah, but he's asking 148 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,880 Speaker 1: how how do you push? How do you push the 149 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:33,240 Speaker 1: object of someone out of your head? Because what's going on, Caroline, 150 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 1: if I may put on my dark room to glasses, uh, 151 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: is that he's experiencing something called lamrins. And this is 152 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,599 Speaker 1: a term coin in the late nineties seventies by the 153 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 1: late psych professor Dorothy ten Of which is essentially a 154 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:54,680 Speaker 1: catch all for an obsessive crush on someone. It involves 155 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:59,679 Speaker 1: obsessive compulsive thoughts, feelings, behaviors, emotional dependence, which it sounds 156 00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:02,000 Speaker 1: like he's not really in an emotionally dependent state at 157 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,600 Speaker 1: this point. But this is also a biochemical process that's 158 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 1: happening because of a cocktail of NORP and ephrean dopamine, 159 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 1: estrogen test saucer, and etcetera. And yeah, it's making your 160 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:18,040 Speaker 1: brain go crazy. And the bad news is that ten 161 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,280 Speaker 1: off the Limbrins expert estimates that it can last between 162 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,960 Speaker 1: eighteen months to three years. But don't worry. You don't 163 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 1: have to find a new church. But I do think 164 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 1: that you know, he recognizes that this might not be 165 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 1: a great idea, um, So he might need to figure 166 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:37,960 Speaker 1: out ways to limit his exposure to the trigger to 167 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:44,080 Speaker 1: this amazing woman, um and let time take its toll 168 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,120 Speaker 1: and sort of ease him away from that. And maybe 169 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 1: if it's possible, I mean, this could be hard if 170 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 1: he's in a smaller town, but thanks to things like 171 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:57,000 Speaker 1: online dating Harmony, okay, Cupid, if he is looking for 172 00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 1: someone to date, get online, because you can narrow things 173 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,839 Speaker 1: down by age group. We can find someone who's a 174 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:07,840 Speaker 1: little more age appropriate, someone who has similar belief systems 175 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 1: to see does and maybe um take his attentions elsewhere. Yeah, 176 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 1: Because I mean, I know you have this big crush 177 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 1: on her, um, but that is a very big age gap, 178 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 1: as you pointed out, and while she is mature, there's 179 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,760 Speaker 1: just significant life differences there that have occurred also not 180 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:27,720 Speaker 1: just because she's so much younger than you, but also 181 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:31,520 Speaker 1: because she does have a child. So I hope this helps, Paul. 182 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:33,960 Speaker 1: I mean, I think a little bit of distraction and 183 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,600 Speaker 1: also I mean, don't beat yourself up for having this 184 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:40,440 Speaker 1: crush crushes happen, but maybe keep in mind all of 185 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,200 Speaker 1: those reasons that you have outlined to us as to 186 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,640 Speaker 1: why it would probably be a bad idea, and go 187 00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 1: with your gut on that. Okay, Well, Kristin Claire wrote 188 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:54,240 Speaker 1: in and has sort of a gender norms question. She says, 189 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,840 Speaker 1: my best friend is an agender male who has always 190 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 1: detested gender roles, as do I. A week or two ago, 191 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,040 Speaker 1: we were hanging out and he confessed to me that 192 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,800 Speaker 1: he had always wanted to shave his legs, but he 193 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,960 Speaker 1: was scared because people might think he was weird, because 194 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 1: there's that whole stigma that comes with a guy doing 195 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:12,080 Speaker 1: quote unquote effeminate things. So she goes on to say 196 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 1: that they had a shaving fiesta. They shaved their legs. 197 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:17,559 Speaker 1: He was, you know, really happy with the outcome. Everything 198 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,520 Speaker 1: was great. But then his younger sister, who's in middle school, 199 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:25,400 Speaker 1: made fun of him. She she immediately made fun of him, 200 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,920 Speaker 1: and so Claire says, I know the sister personally would 201 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,160 Speaker 1: love to give her respectful talk on gender roles and 202 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,320 Speaker 1: accepting her sibling, but she's in middle school, and I 203 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:35,080 Speaker 1: think it might just go over her head. Still, I 204 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,280 Speaker 1: want to wipe away the impression that her brother is 205 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,679 Speaker 1: a freak. And I don't know how to approach it. 206 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,240 Speaker 1: Should I go for it? What do you think? I 207 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 1: think that maybe the easiest approach that she could take 208 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 1: with this guy's middle school sister is to first take 209 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 1: attack of sisterly love. She should if she wants to 210 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 1: tell this girl anything, it's that, hey, you should love 211 00:12:57,080 --> 00:13:00,559 Speaker 1: your brother as he is leg hair or no leg here. 212 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,520 Speaker 1: I think that's the concept that even in middle school, 213 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 1: no offense to middle schoolers listening, but even at a 214 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,320 Speaker 1: younger age, that's a pretty easy thing to grasp, and 215 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:13,920 Speaker 1: that it's okay for her sister to feel maybe uncomfortable 216 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 1: about her brother violating this gender norm by shaving his legs, 217 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,800 Speaker 1: but instead of mocking him, maybe talked to him about it. 218 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,960 Speaker 1: Say hey, brother, I feel like this is kind of 219 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,560 Speaker 1: weird that you're doing this. You're really into shaving your legs, 220 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,319 Speaker 1: but why do you like that? Why does that make 221 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 1: you feel good? And maybe by understanding where her brother 222 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:37,079 Speaker 1: is coming from with that, that can open her mind 223 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:42,040 Speaker 1: up to the more the fluidity of gender. And it 224 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 1: also called to mind too, And I was thinking about 225 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:50,439 Speaker 1: this was how perhaps uh, you know, hot male idols. 226 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:54,280 Speaker 1: She might have like one Direction or Justin Bieber practice 227 00:13:54,400 --> 00:14:00,680 Speaker 1: so many typically effeminate kinds of beauty practices. Mean, on YouTube, 228 00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 1: there's a video of Justin bieber Blow drying his hair 229 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,959 Speaker 1: that I find almost weirder than the idea of him 230 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 1: possibly shaving his legs, you know what I mean. These 231 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:12,120 Speaker 1: guys are accessorized, they're wearing makeup, they're putting stuff in 232 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,720 Speaker 1: their hair, doing they're doing all of this girly stuff. 233 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:18,839 Speaker 1: But they're still considered super cute and like totally fine. 234 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:22,400 Speaker 1: So what's wrong with shaving your leg hair off? I mean, 235 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 1: nothing's wrong with shaving your leg hair off. But what 236 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 1: I think Claire needs to remember is that middle schoolers 237 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:32,360 Speaker 1: are caught up in kind of different things than maybe 238 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:36,080 Speaker 1: we are at almost thirty, you know, because I mean, 239 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 1: remember when you're in middle school. This is like when 240 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,280 Speaker 1: your hormones hit and all of a sudden, you're so 241 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,680 Speaker 1: focused on fitting in and doing the right thing and 242 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:47,360 Speaker 1: wearing the right stuff that when you see someone you 243 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,720 Speaker 1: know who you expect to be normal, like your brother, 244 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,040 Speaker 1: do something that to your middle school brain is outside 245 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 1: of the norm, You're like, whoa, whoa? Whoa, whoa. This 246 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,640 Speaker 1: is outside of my box of what I consider normal, 247 00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 1: which is what you know. I'm just learning these things 248 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,840 Speaker 1: because I'm in middle school. I'm just learning what's normal 249 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:05,000 Speaker 1: and what you're supposed to do. So, Claire, I'm not 250 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: saying that she's a lost cause, I'm just saying that 251 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,840 Speaker 1: keep in mind that she has a whole different set 252 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,880 Speaker 1: of norms in her brain than maybe you and your 253 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,880 Speaker 1: friend do. Yeah, because I remember middle school days and 254 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:25,080 Speaker 1: pretty much everything was embarrassing, especially anything family related. You know. Yeah, absolutely, 255 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:29,680 Speaker 1: so I hope that helps. And even though we did 256 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,360 Speaker 1: not have time to get to all of y'all's questions, 257 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,360 Speaker 1: there is one good one that I think we can 258 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:38,400 Speaker 1: close out on. And this is coming from a sixteen 259 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,760 Speaker 1: year old listener who asked, if you could give any 260 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:44,280 Speaker 1: advice to your sixteen year old self, what would it be? 261 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 1: Was your speed, Caroline, I'm trying to think of myself 262 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,040 Speaker 1: at sixteen, and I think the advice I would give 263 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:55,680 Speaker 1: back then is continue to study hard because you're going 264 00:15:55,720 --> 00:16:00,000 Speaker 1: to get into a good school self, but don't maybe 265 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 1: take things so seriously. I don't know, um and and 266 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,480 Speaker 1: just a note to my past self every time you 267 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,880 Speaker 1: listen to Fleetwood, Mac, you're gonna think about when you 268 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,040 Speaker 1: got that first car and we're driving around at night 269 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,880 Speaker 1: to meet your friends at Starbucks. You know I'm going 270 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 1: to think about that, Mac. I hope that's not weird. 271 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,360 Speaker 1: Not at I'll share my memory. What I would tell 272 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 1: my sixteen year old self, and something that I still 273 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:30,120 Speaker 1: tell my twenty eight year old self far more often 274 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,760 Speaker 1: that I'm even comfortable to admit, is to don't be 275 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 1: so scared of what other people think of you, Because 276 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,560 Speaker 1: maybe if I had been telling myself that from a 277 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 1: younger age, maybe I wouldn't be telling myself that as 278 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 1: much from an older age, because it takes a while, 279 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,480 Speaker 1: I feel like to understand and be okay with the 280 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 1: fact that not everybody's gonna like you, and that's totally fine. 281 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,800 Speaker 1: It's not an excuse to be a jerk. It's just 282 00:16:55,960 --> 00:17:00,320 Speaker 1: in terms of when you're pursuing what you're passionate about, 283 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 1: and you're doing any kind of creative work, if you're 284 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 1: constantly thinking about how to please everyone and that if 285 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:11,480 Speaker 1: that is some kind of a goal, then it is 286 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:15,040 Speaker 1: gonna stymy I think some of some of the process, 287 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,640 Speaker 1: or a lot of the process, and I am speaking 288 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,159 Speaker 1: from personal experience, and I wish it that had been 289 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,760 Speaker 1: something that I've been more focused on from an even 290 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,359 Speaker 1: younger age. Yeah. Oh and one more thing, if I 291 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:30,840 Speaker 1: can borrow from Bo's Learman's everybody wear sunscreen, you are 292 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:35,199 Speaker 1: not as fat as you imagine. Oh yeah, that's something 293 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:41,639 Speaker 1: I still tell myself all the time. Yeah, maybe we 294 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,159 Speaker 1: should have just maybe this question should just be like 295 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,159 Speaker 1: what do you What do y'all tell yourself all the 296 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 1: time on a daily basis? Yes, don't eat the whole 297 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:54,120 Speaker 1: do eat the whole sandwich sandwich because you're awful when 298 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:59,720 Speaker 1: you're angry, Caroline Urban, Well, I think that's wraps up 299 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,240 Speaker 1: our our bonus episode. Again, we weren't able to get 300 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:07,040 Speaker 1: to everyone's questions. If this is something that folks enjoyed, 301 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:12,400 Speaker 1: We love hearing from you and like dontling out advice, 302 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,240 Speaker 1: So we could do it again. This doesn't have to 303 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,959 Speaker 1: be a two time thing. Just let us know and 304 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,160 Speaker 1: you know how to reach us mom Stuff at Discovery 305 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,720 Speaker 1: dot com. You can also find us on Facebook. Like 306 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,200 Speaker 1: us there. We had a lot of fun stuff that 307 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,920 Speaker 1: happens on Facebook as well as on Twitter, at mom 308 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:33,520 Speaker 1: Stuff podcast and on tumbler it's stuff Mom Never told 309 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 1: you dot tumbler dot com, and as always, during the week, 310 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,960 Speaker 1: you can head over to our website, it's how stuff 311 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 1: works dot com for more on this and thousands of 312 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:53,959 Speaker 1: other topics. How stuff Works dot com.