Speaker 1: The Nikki Gliser Podcast.
Speaker 2: Oh nik Glaser pos.
Speaker 1: Hello here, I am Nicky Glazer Podcast. Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1: I'm Nicki Glazer. I just decided to put on some
Speaker 1: sunglasses because my eyes have not depuffed dee puffed top
Speaker 1: puffed U depuffed from sleeping. I woke up like an
Speaker 1: hour and a half ago. They haven't gone down yet.
Speaker 1: It's annoying. And I'm just like, I'm tired of people.
Speaker 1: Like I hate when people are honest with you and
Speaker 1: they're like, you look tired. Like I remember the first
Speaker 1: time anyone ever said it to me. It was tenth grade.
Speaker 1: It was John Reinert. We were walking in between first
Speaker 1: and second period. We crossed paths and he was like,
Speaker 1: you look tired. And I was just devastated by it.
Speaker 1: And I still think about that moment to this day.
Speaker 1: And I couldn't focus and class the rest of the day.
Speaker 1: And yeah, and when when people say you look tired,
Speaker 1: it's just it's the we've everyone knows that that's a
Speaker 1: roote thing to say. I think it's gotten to most people.
Speaker 1: But I have a friend who's in his seventies and
Speaker 1: he does not know not to tell me that. And yeah,
Speaker 1: so I heard I looked tired, but he just goes,
Speaker 1: I go, that's rude. I go, okay, thanks, I know,
Speaker 1: and I got defensive and he was like, it's not
Speaker 1: an indictment. You just your eyes are puffy.
Speaker 2: I was like, I know, here's a good test. Would
Speaker 2: you say it to someone who is on their deathbed
Speaker 2: in the hospital?
Speaker 1: You look tired of life?
Speaker 2: He looked tired. You know what someone told me yesterday? Yesterday? Oh?
Speaker 2: I said yesterday.
Speaker 1: That's okay. It makes it funnier.
Speaker 2: It was like five weeks ago.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, because you know comedy and things closer,
Speaker 1: you're not going.
Speaker 2: To believe what someone told me while I was walking
Speaker 2: in here today.
Speaker 1: Okay, what does some one just tell you?
Speaker 2: They told me that I have a toothy smile.
Speaker 1: That's not nice.
Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, well I'll never smile again.
Speaker 1: You know what, you could just say, bright smile, you
Speaker 1: have a They thought it was yeah, what kind of
Speaker 1: teeth do does this person happen? Because you can usually
Speaker 1: sense what the comp is, what they mean by it
Speaker 1: when when what they're doing.
Speaker 2: She has no teeth, they're all knocked out, just a gums.
Speaker 1: Well then if that were the case if she had
Speaker 1: shitty teeth and small teeth and like not enough teeth,
Speaker 1: she might be complimenting you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she was complimenting me. She is not a She
Speaker 2: has not.
Speaker 1: A knock you down type of toothy smile.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she thought that would make me feel good.
Speaker 1: You have a skin like face, you have a skin,
Speaker 1: you have sort of skin on your face.
Speaker 2: What do you do you teeth?
Speaker 1: Toothy? Is? It doesn't sound good. It just sounds like
Speaker 1: your your mouth is overwhelmed. There's too many I don't
Speaker 1: know that you have a toothy.
Speaker 2: Grin your mouth is like the d m V at
Speaker 2: three pm, like it's just overwhelmed.
Speaker 1: And yes, it just seems like one of those like
Speaker 1: a toothy smile. It's it's not nice.
Speaker 2: No, no, so I said, I said, I'll never smile
Speaker 2: again in front of you. And then she tried to
Speaker 2: defend how toothy is not an insult.
Speaker 1: But no, you have a great smile, is I think
Speaker 1: what she meant.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, she believes I have a great smile. And
Speaker 2: she chose the word toothy to express that.
Speaker 1: You have a toey foot, you have a fingery hand,
Speaker 1: like I'm trying to think of other things It's like
Speaker 1: you're just saying the word e yeah, but the thing
Speaker 1: that's in it.
Speaker 2: Harry, Well there's Harry. You have a hairy chest? Do
Speaker 2: you have a hairy back? You know? One time this
Speaker 2: is you know, famously I went to get my back
Speaker 2: lasered with favorite boyfriend's brother, Tim Condi. We drive all
Speaker 2: the way to Santa Monica, forty five minutes and there's like.
Speaker 1: Hot girls that worked there. You guys were single at
Speaker 1: the time, and you were both like astounded at like,
Speaker 1: oh no, we have to have like sign in and
Speaker 1: these hot girls are all working this place and they
Speaker 1: know we have disgusting back there.
Speaker 2: That's right. Was this the not safe days? Did we
Speaker 2: talk about this? Oh my god?
Speaker 1: This is yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I wound up picking up the front desk
Speaker 2: girl at.
Speaker 1: The hair did you really yeah? Wow? So picking up
Speaker 1: thought Brian Frandi would use.
Speaker 2: That's right, that's right. I caught that dog in my net?
Speaker 2: Is that what they say?
Speaker 1: Picked up?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: How do you transition from like I'm checking in for
Speaker 1: a back hair lasering my third session to like what
Speaker 1: are you doing later? Like what do you say? Can
Speaker 1: I get a number?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Hey, would you like to hang out? Sometime, do you.
Speaker 2: Here's what happened. We'd go back every week, so there
Speaker 2: was no pressure because I knew that I'd have opportunities
Speaker 2: to build a rapport with this person.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So the first time I went in, you know, she
Speaker 2: was at the front desk at this beauty place. And
Speaker 2: the first time, you know, I just kind of like
Speaker 2: had a conversation with her, and then the second time,
Speaker 2: a little longer conversation. Then you have like kind of
Speaker 2: like even like inside jokes start to develop because like, oh,
Speaker 2: here it is again, remember what you said about that
Speaker 2: that plant. And then the third time I went in
Speaker 2: there and I was wearing a shirt with an alien
Speaker 2: on it, and yeah yeah, and she said and also
Speaker 2: what was funny about this is because Tim was trying
Speaker 2: to hit on her too, so it was a little
Speaker 2: bit of a competition.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: And we were kind of going neck and neck. And
Speaker 2: then on his shirt, yeah, his shirt, he had a
Speaker 2: polo Yeah, he just had a polo shirt with them.
Speaker 2: But I had an alien on my shirt. And this
Speaker 2: really was what broke it open for me. She really
Speaker 2: connected with the alien because she loved aliens. And then
Speaker 2: I was like, well, I have a whole podcast where
Speaker 2: I talk about aliens, and she was like, oh, I'll
Speaker 2: listen to the podcast. And then I, you know, gave
Speaker 2: her the information. And then the next time I went in,
Speaker 2: she had listened to the podcast, loved the podcast. And
Speaker 2: then that's when we exchanged numbers.
Speaker 1: And then what did you go out? Why didn't this
Speaker 1: work out?
Speaker 2: Okay? We went on a date and uh, when I
Speaker 2: did in Santa Monica, I find out that she lives
Speaker 2: in Oxnard, which is not a deal breaker, but if
Speaker 2: anyone doesn't know, the geography of La Oxnard is like
Speaker 2: two hours away from La.
Speaker 1: God that poor girl having to commute to Santa Monica. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then laser clinic Jesus okay, and then we.
Speaker 2: Went to like at the time, I was like pretending
Speaker 2: like I drink, but not drinking. So we went to
Speaker 2: this Like first I was like, let's go.
Speaker 1: To this bar so you could just fit in with
Speaker 1: the dating culture, Like you didn't figure out that that
Speaker 1: wasn't the move.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, there there was a certain section of girls
Speaker 2: who would it was a deal breaker if you didn't
Speaker 2: drink because they wouldn't be comfortable.
Speaker 1: So why would you even weren't you looking for a wife.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't you did not even want to date someone that
Speaker 1: was That.
Speaker 2: Was my my philosophy was they might not accept it,
Speaker 2: like initially because they don't know who I am. But
Speaker 2: then after a few dates if I say I'm not drinking,
Speaker 2: then and then know me already. Okay, So I go,
Speaker 2: I go, let's go to this bar and she goes, oh,
Speaker 2: I don't, I got it, I can't. I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: that's interesting. So I was like, okay, So let's go
Speaker 2: to this like a restaurant place, and she's like okay.
Speaker 2: And then I go sit down and I was like,
Speaker 2: uh oh. So the waitress comes by, do you want
Speaker 2: anything to drink? And she goes, I'll just have a soda,
Speaker 2: and I was like, okay, maybe she's sober. And then
Speaker 2: then during the conversation she just says some like really
Speaker 2: immature things like she says like my mom is such
Speaker 2: a bitch, like she won't let me blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, what you're calling your mom a bitch?
Speaker 2: Like what what kind of And then I say, how
Speaker 2: how old are you? No turns out she was nineteen
Speaker 2: what she was nineteen and at the time I was
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: Know nine, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2: So she's like ten, she's like a teenager. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god. And I had already
Speaker 2: kissed her.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I kissed a nineteen year old. But I found
Speaker 2: out how old she was. I had already kissed her.
Speaker 2: But then I was like, I can't. I don't think
Speaker 2: I can date a teenager. No, I don't think that's appropriate.
Speaker 2: And I don't think so. Yeah, that was the end
Speaker 2: of that. I was like, Okay, well, I think maybe
Speaker 2: we ended answer for why.
Speaker 1: Yeah, most guys would be like, yes.
Speaker 2: I was looking for a wife, so I was looking,
Speaker 2: but like, uh I a child bride though, yeah, no,
Speaker 2: this would have been I knew we would have not
Speaker 2: gotten along. And it was just like interesting, but nineteen nowadays,
Speaker 2: I dated an eighteen year old. I don't care.
Speaker 1: Yeah, now that you're married, who gives a shit what?
Speaker 1: I have this dog, and did you does your dog
Speaker 1: ever pull on the leash? And then you spill an
Speaker 1: entire Scarbucks? Now you're all over the Thank god it was.
Speaker 1: I had walked right out of the Starbucks, and she
Speaker 1: wanted to stay in just tipped it went everywhere, and
Speaker 1: I was so just disappointed. I could have just gone
Speaker 1: back in and get a new one because everyone saw it,
Speaker 1: but I just kept going and I was just like,
Speaker 1: I'm not meant to have that, and I'm so mad
Speaker 1: and if I like, I just that that. It's the
Speaker 1: feeling that when you we used to all have the
Speaker 1: headphones and they would get caught on something.
Speaker 2: Oh god, that because I haven't switched, I still have wires. Why,
Speaker 2: oh god, it's the worst feeling in the world. I
Speaker 2: know you're exactly what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: Why why haven't you switched?
Speaker 2: I hate ear pods. I feel like they fall out
Speaker 2: and they fall on the floor and they get disgusting.
Speaker 2: At least the wires they'd hang out.
Speaker 1: I've gotten an ear infection from but I would get
Speaker 1: it from the wire once too, because I put them
Speaker 1: in bags and I'm disgusting and they roll around in
Speaker 1: dirty purses. So but yeah, the EarPods are amazing.
Speaker 2: When you get when when you accidentally pull on the
Speaker 2: wire and it feels like someone yanked out your soul.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's what it feels like when a dog is
Speaker 1: suddenly just decides to like stop on a dime, and
Speaker 1: like you are kind of going in one direction. And
Speaker 1: I got to say, with this dog, she doesn't understand
Speaker 1: that the that I'm pulling her like, she doesn't know.
Speaker 1: She just thinks this thing around my neck is getting tight,
Speaker 1: this is annoying. Like she doesn't connect it to me
Speaker 1: at all. She might be stupid. Is that possible? Like
Speaker 1: how does she not connect it? And so I just
Speaker 1: there's no me, Like she's so tiny that I don't
Speaker 1: want to strangle her. And like a lot of people
Speaker 1: just yank their dog until they give up, she won't
Speaker 1: give up. She doesn't understand what's going on. She would
Speaker 1: rather choke to death than give up on smelling a
Speaker 1: little electrical box or something like she's obsessed with this
Speaker 1: electrical box we always walk by. That's just like, you know,
Speaker 1: just two sockets. And so I have to pick her
Speaker 1: up all the time. And I know this is all trainable,
Speaker 1: but I'm just want a dog that is already trained.
Speaker 1: Is that so hard to ask for? Is a perfect
Speaker 1: dog that.
Speaker 2: You can read that?
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, you can send your dog off to
Speaker 1: be trained and then they bring it back and then
Speaker 1: you dismantle everything they did, right, I think that's how
Speaker 1: it works. You produce spend all this money there perfect
Speaker 1: they show you what they did, you go, oh my god,
Speaker 1: this dog's gonna be amazing. And then your dog doesn't
Speaker 1: respect you because it thinks it's mom. Is this lesbian
Speaker 1: whose farm you sent her to for three weeks? You know,
Speaker 1: I don't know. It just it tests your patience, you know.
Speaker 1: I just felt like and with this dog, I know
Speaker 1: this is so dumb, and I every mom listening to
Speaker 1: me is gonna hate me right now, Hello, moms. I
Speaker 1: can't get anything done because this dog always needs something.
Speaker 1: It's always staring at me to play or want something.
Speaker 1: I'm always disappointing it. I can't get laundry done, I
Speaker 1: can't clean a bath like, straighten up a not clean
Speaker 1: a bathroom, straighten up a bathroom like put my makeup
Speaker 1: back in a bag like, I can't unpack boxes like.
Speaker 1: My house is a nightmare right now because of this
Speaker 1: dog and how every second is taken up by it.
Speaker 1: And it's I like it though, because she's so cute
Speaker 1: and now she is sleeping in the bed. I got
Speaker 1: her to sleep there last night. It is part of
Speaker 1: the deal she's agreed to. But and she's so soft
Speaker 1: and so cute and so cuddly and I love her,
Speaker 1: but man, it's just like, why do humans accept Do
Speaker 1: we need love that much that we just ruin our
Speaker 1: lives to get it?
Speaker 2: Oh? I think that's it, absolutely, And you know what,
Speaker 2: I think over time the dog will settle into a
Speaker 2: routine with you, but it won't You'll you'll have to
Speaker 2: adapt also, like it won't be perfect. Like sometimes even
Speaker 2: like sometimes Jack just has to My dog Jack has
Speaker 2: to get up at like seven am in order to pee,
Speaker 2: and it's just like, oh, come on, they's standing there
Speaker 2: and he really has to go, and if and if
Speaker 2: you don't take him, he'll pee on the carpet and like, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's annoying. But most of the time there's a routine
Speaker 2: established and he gets up at the proper time.
Speaker 1: But yeah, yesterday Gilly like peed on Chris's bath, matt
Speaker 1: first accident she's ever had, and then she also pooped
Speaker 1: in his room, and he there was just a sternness
Speaker 1: with which he was like, we can't have this happening,
Speaker 1: Like he does not tolerate dogs having accidents. Like it's
Speaker 1: not like he's going to like kill the dogs, you know,
Speaker 1: Like he's not mad at the dog. He's just like,
Speaker 1: this isn't a thing I'm signing up for, Like we
Speaker 1: will not something needs to be done. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: shut your door, let it poop in my room. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get it like a pea pad or something so
Speaker 1: she can go if. But the thing is she she
Speaker 1: is like she's like gooning for peeing and pooping, like
Speaker 1: she likes to go outside. She has to go so bad,
Speaker 1: and then she waits way too long. And I'm someone
Speaker 1: who's like, let's just get it done. My other dog's
Speaker 1: just like if they have to go pee, as soon
Speaker 1: as they walk out the door, they find something to
Speaker 1: pee on. And she's like, no, it has to be perfect.
Speaker 1: I'm still learning how she works, and she's amazing and
Speaker 1: I love her, but god, I can't imagine doing this
Speaker 1: longer than thirteen years, Like at least I have an hour.
Speaker 1: She's gonna she can't live, but maybe she'll live.
Speaker 2: To like fifteen or sixteen.
Speaker 1: She's two now, But yeah, I wouldn't sign up for
Speaker 1: a lifetime of this. And it's and she she is
Speaker 1: fine doing nothing. Kids are not Kids will not just
Speaker 1: like lay in a little ball and go to sleep
Speaker 1: when you know, like when they're bored or whatever, she
Speaker 1: can just literally look at nothing. My friend Sara Lena
Speaker 1: is trying to compile. She's noticed that there after she
Speaker 1: saw the Nickelodeon doc about like all the perverts that
Speaker 1: were putting like sexual things in kids shows. She's like
Speaker 1: obsessed with finding disgusting things in kids' cartoons because she's
Speaker 1: watching them all the time because she has a one
Speaker 1: and a half year old And she's like, girls, I
Speaker 1: really think something weird is going on in this Bluey show.
Speaker 1: And she's like, I'm going there. Yesterday there was this
Speaker 1: beach scene. I was like, Bluey louis like from Australia.
Speaker 1: It's so cute, it's so seems whenever I've seen it
Speaker 1: just seems like adults love it, kids love it. It
Speaker 1: just seems.
Speaker 2: Perverts.
Speaker 1: Okay, so she yeah, I think I think that the
Speaker 1: whole country was formed on perverts. No, You're right, Australia
Speaker 1: does not have a perverted vibe to it, Like being there,
Speaker 1: it was just so no one smokes weed in Australia.
Speaker 1: Can I say that is the It's the weirdest thing.
Speaker 1: If we have any Australian listeners, will you tell me
Speaker 1: what it is about your country that makes you guys
Speaker 1: not want to smoke weed? And I swear to God, Brian,
Speaker 1: when I was there, I was like looking for anything,
Speaker 1: just because I didn't bring it on the plane. But
Speaker 1: I was like just saying, everyone's getting wasted. They drink
Speaker 1: a lot. And Chris was saying it's because they drink
Speaker 1: so much they don't need it, and I'm like, but
Speaker 1: we drink a lot here too, And I don't know
Speaker 1: if you've read recently, pot has exceeded like pot use
Speaker 1: in adults is more than alcohol use.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, which is crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Pot's on top. But anyway, I was asking Australia like,
Speaker 1: does anyone have like a vape? Like just I want
Speaker 1: a little hit at something so I can let loose
Speaker 1: at this wedding And people go, no, no, my, we
Speaker 1: don't really do that here. But how are they talking?
Speaker 1: I fucked it up and yeah, noy NOI And I
Speaker 1: was like, why don't you guys smoke weed?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: And they go it's illegal, and I go, oh, that
Speaker 1: didn't stop us. Yeah what the fuck? Yeah? I go
Speaker 1: that means nothing like less fun doing it now because
Speaker 1: it's legal, Like I want to do it less because
Speaker 1: it's so legal. But yeah, they just don't do it.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, what is it about Americans? Like what
Speaker 1: does pop give us that Australians are like, yeah, we
Speaker 1: got we're good man. We just what is it?
Speaker 2: We're a more stressful country that's focused on success in
Speaker 2: our capitalists environs, and Australians have tall poppy syndrome. They
Speaker 2: don't even want to succeed if they can.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for people who don't know, tall poppy syndrome is
Speaker 1: that if you are an Australian and you get too
Speaker 1: big for your bridges, the tall poppy rises up above
Speaker 1: all the poppies, they chop it off. They don't like it.
Speaker 1: They don't like you to flaunt your wealth. There. I
Speaker 1: heard though, in because I have some famous Australian friends
Speaker 1: who have had to like kind of play it like
Speaker 1: they can't Like if it gets out that they buy
Speaker 1: a nice car, people are like, oh what do you?
Speaker 1: Who do you think you are? Whereas in America it's
Speaker 1: like that's if you can't afford things, you get things
Speaker 1: that you can't afford, so you look like you might
Speaker 1: have money. But in Australia they're toning it down. But
Speaker 1: recently I I've heard that they are being a little
Speaker 1: bit chiller about it, and it's like it's almost like
Speaker 1: not tall poppy syndrome, but like you got to be
Speaker 1: like really like, I don't know, it's it's they're they're
Speaker 1: getting more Americanized.
Speaker 2: In that way that makes sense. I mean the whole
Speaker 2: world is really.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but me, But what I will say about Bluey
Speaker 1: is that the clips because I go, send me the
Speaker 1: clips because I don't believe this. I don't want to
Speaker 1: know this. And it was I don't think it's bad.
Speaker 1: It was Bluey's on the beach and putting sand over himself.
Speaker 1: And then there's like a seashell you know when you
Speaker 1: turn a seashell around, not even it's like a clam
Speaker 1: shell almost okay, and it combines in the back. It's
Speaker 1: like the kind that you put on a puka shell necklace.
Speaker 1: They like it like clamps in the back and it
Speaker 1: kind of looks like a vagina. Yeah, yeah, we like
Speaker 1: put is holding that on a yeah, toothy Blue's like
Speaker 1: holding that near the crotch of the mermaid sand mermaid
Speaker 1: bottom that he has. He's just holding it. It doesn't
Speaker 1: look like anyone's trying to do anything interesting. And then
Speaker 1: there's another scene where you know those like little clamshells
Speaker 1: that pop out of the sand and then they squirt
Speaker 1: water as a defense. They liked they supertout water.
Speaker 2: God, I've never seen, but I can imagine.
Speaker 1: I think they're more frequent in Australia than the States,
Speaker 1: and so that's why they ended up in this. But
Speaker 1: she was like, that looks like a penis, like ejaculating. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, but just because something in nature looks
Speaker 1: like a penis doesn't mean kids shouldn't learn about it.
Speaker 2: That's right, there is a thing.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean like that means that person was like
Speaker 1: jerking off to the idea of kids watching this. This
Speaker 1: is just yeah.
Speaker 2: And also it's a common thing in Australia. It's fine.
Speaker 2: But yeah, no, there's there was another scene where Blue
Speaker 2: was at the at the beach I think was that
Speaker 2: a pool, and he was like looking at a.
Speaker 1: Picture of deep thirting a cucumber.
Speaker 2: That was going to be my joke.
Speaker 1: Yet I could see, well, I know I knew where
Speaker 1: you were going.
Speaker 2: I don't believe.
Speaker 1: I don't trust you anymore because whenever I feel like
Speaker 1: really safe with you about a story. I now I
Speaker 1: go into defense mode. Yet you're not taking me down
Speaker 1: a road I can trust. No. But I think that
Speaker 1: there are perverts doing this stuff, but I don't think
Speaker 1: Blue is one of them, and I would I think
Speaker 1: parents that are bored watching cartoons keep an eye up
Speaker 1: for the stuff because adults are trying to make jokes
Speaker 1: because they're bored with their job. And send me any
Speaker 1: that you see because I'm fascinated by it. I mean,
Speaker 1: the Nickelodeon stuff was egregious. Did you watch that?
Speaker 2: I have watched it yet, set I don't even know
Speaker 2: if I want to.
Speaker 1: They just okay, So they made one was Ariana Grande
Speaker 1: trying to get She was trying to juice a potato.
Speaker 1: So she's trying to get out of a potatoes. So
Speaker 1: she's doing like this with the potato and she's like,
Speaker 1: I can't get it. It just won't come out, and
Speaker 1: she's kind of like giving a hand job to the potato.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Then there's another one where she there's one where Jamie
Speaker 1: Lin spears on Zoe one O one or whatever that
Speaker 1: show is, is getting a squirt like squirting like a
Speaker 1: goo on her face and it just looks like a cumshot,
Speaker 1: like it's And this is.
Speaker 2: The documentary saying that the producers on purpose were doing
Speaker 2: this to get sexual content from there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they weren't like trying to fuck the kids, not
Speaker 1: in I don't think in this particular this wasn't. It
Speaker 1: was a way to exploit children, for sure, for their
Speaker 1: own little jollies of like, this is an inside joke
Speaker 1: with us. So there were people on set trying to
Speaker 1: fuck kids, and they did fuck kids, But the guys
Speaker 1: that were writing this stuff, I don't think. But it
Speaker 1: was all a culture of like taking advantage of these kids,
Speaker 1: making them do really disgusting things, making the kids who
Speaker 1: are black do even weirder things. Oh, and like making
Speaker 1: all the boys wear spandex suits as much as they
Speaker 1: could so that they would have their like so they
Speaker 1: would just feel degraded. I mean, it's disgusting. Dan Schneider
Speaker 1: is a fucking creep pervert discussion.
Speaker 2: Why would they do to the kids.
Speaker 1: Because they're sadistic and because they get off on making
Speaker 1: they were bullies and they want these kids who and
Speaker 1: they are so in charge. And a running theme in
Speaker 1: all of these shows too was that Dan Snyder would
Speaker 1: put himself in the show and the kids would be like,
Speaker 1: we fear the creator. They would call him like the
Speaker 1: creat I forget what they called him, but they're like,
Speaker 1: he would like kind of talk on a box like
Speaker 1: Charlie's Angels and give them directives and they would be like, well,
Speaker 1: do whatever you say. Like he would write this for himself.
Speaker 1: There was a scene he wrote where he was in
Speaker 1: a hot tub. He was always getting massages on set
Speaker 1: from women and probably cast members, but women in the
Speaker 1: you know, wardrobe department, would be like, we are we
Speaker 1: have eight costumes to make before noon and it's nine am,
Speaker 1: and Dan is calling one of us down to set
Speaker 1: to massage him, and we would do it because we
Speaker 1: get fired on the spot if we did it. So
Speaker 1: is he in jail, No, but because he was able
Speaker 1: to break he got fired. But he's still like he's
Speaker 1: still trying to have a career and he's such amaker
Speaker 1: that they didn't care. They didn't care. Everyone knew about
Speaker 1: this and if this woman, yeah, it's like if this
Speaker 1: woman would have spoken up and been like, we're tired
Speaker 1: of giving him massages. This isn't part of our job,
Speaker 1: they would have been immediately fired, no questions asked, because
Speaker 1: this guy was just churning out the content for Nickelodeon.
Speaker 1: They didn't care. And these poor kids are just want
Speaker 1: to be stars, so they agree to everything. The one
Speaker 1: adult on the set who was like, there's something sneaky
Speaker 1: going on, well there too. There was a woman who
Speaker 1: her son she just want Her son just was like, Mom,
Speaker 1: please stop like ringing the alarm bell, like I just
Speaker 1: want to be an actor, like, don't call things out.
Speaker 1: So she kind of like was trying to do right
Speaker 1: by her son with what he wanted because he wanted
Speaker 1: to stay on the show all that, you know, and
Speaker 1: so she wouldn't speak up as much as she wanted to.
Speaker 1: And the other parents were just like, we don't see
Speaker 1: what you're seeing. And then there was a dad who
Speaker 1: definitely noticed a weird relationship between his son Rake Bell.
Speaker 1: Turns out Drake Bell the famous drape Bell and this
Speaker 1: guy that was ended up being a rapist, a child
Speaker 1: rapist convicted and ended up working for Disney after he
Speaker 1: was convicted. Cool, Cool, How does that fucking happen? How
Speaker 1: is someone in jail in Rikers right now because they
Speaker 1: got a pot charge in nineteen ninety seven for weed
Speaker 1: for a less than an eighth of weed, and yet
Speaker 1: this guy got a job at Disney after he was convicted.
Speaker 2: It's like almost like a Benit like I had any
Speaker 2: special skills as a resume what they wanted that.
Speaker 1: I really don't undert I know that there's some kind
Speaker 1: of explanation for me there of how this happens in
Speaker 1: our legal system, but I don't get it. I don't
Speaker 1: get how people that have ever they've recently introduced castration
Speaker 1: in I think South Carolina or Georgia for pedophiles, and
Speaker 1: I think that's very interesting. That's all saying on that.
Speaker 1: I think it's not a bad idea, but I could
Speaker 1: be proven wrong if you have the literature which proved
Speaker 1: me wrong. I just don't know how else to them,
Speaker 1: because no one will get these people help because no
Speaker 1: one wants to talk to them about what they're up to.
Speaker 1: So this is the next best thing, I guess to
Speaker 1: protect children, I don't know. Maybe just don't let your
Speaker 1: kid be a child actor on a set run by
Speaker 1: adults whose only motive is profit and not making child entertainment.
Speaker 1: It's really only about money. We'll be right back after this. Oh,
Speaker 1: I got to tell you about a thing I did
Speaker 1: for SeaWorld after this, So we're back. So I got
Speaker 1: asked to, Like, see, I guess Peta asked me to
Speaker 1: do this thing they're doing. There's a shareholder meeting at
Speaker 1: SeaWorld happening and okay, so it says our team would
Speaker 1: like to submit a question on your behalf. SeaWorld is
Speaker 1: holding its annual virtual Shareholder meeting on June thirteenth. As
Speaker 1: a shareholder, PETA has the right to attend these meetings
Speaker 1: and pose a question to executives in front of each
Speaker 1: shareholder present. So Peter's shareholder in SeaWorld. That seems crazy.
Speaker 2: That seems yeah, like a conflict of interest.
Speaker 1: But maybe that's their way of like monitoring what's going
Speaker 1: on there and having a say in it.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know. I've heard bad things about Pete.
Speaker 2: I don't really fully trust them either. Who knows what
Speaker 2: they're like what you hear I've just I've just heard that,
Speaker 2: you know, a typical charity that's actually run for profit,
Speaker 2: Like the people at the top are just making money
Speaker 2: off of the off of exploiting people who want to
Speaker 2: help animals.
Speaker 1: Oh, I know that a lot of their thing is
Speaker 1: like PETA would prefer to put down animals then just
Speaker 1: have them in like a cage for the rest of
Speaker 1: their lives.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's wild.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, but I won't say anymore on that.
Speaker 1: Would you would? I? I would rather die than just
Speaker 1: stay in a concrete cage the rest of my life,
Speaker 1: covered in my own feces. What about you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I guess. I mean, it's it's an extreme stance,
Speaker 2: but I can see I can see that as a potential.
Speaker 1: I don't know all the details, so don't fucking don't
Speaker 1: make me to task on this. I don't. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying but if given those two scenarios, I would like
Speaker 1: to be sent away.
Speaker 2: Well, the only one of the arguments for that is
Speaker 2: the only reason we have all of those cows that
Speaker 2: are in those cages is because we eat them. So
Speaker 2: if we never ate them, it would be like four
Speaker 2: percent of the amount of cows on this earth then
Speaker 2: there currently are.
Speaker 1: Well, that's what people always say, if we stop eating meat,
Speaker 1: what do we do with all the cows that have
Speaker 1: are ready for And it's just like, let's just finish
Speaker 1: them all off and then stop.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then that's why they exist, that's why so
Speaker 2: many well taken.
Speaker 1: And why are people so concerned with the welfare of
Speaker 1: these cows that they were just eating a second ago?
Speaker 1: Is my question I'd like to pose. But what about
Speaker 1: the poor cows that are now left over from this
Speaker 1: new law change. Anyway, So they said, our team would
Speaker 1: like to submit questions on your behalf. All you would
Speaker 1: need to do is sign off with the question below,
Speaker 1: which we've we've tweaked it to sound like it's coming
Speaker 1: from you. Other people that are asking questions are Pamela Anderson,
Speaker 1: Joan Jet, Jillian Anderson, Gillian Anderson, Jillian Anderson. I said
Speaker 1: it's Jill, is it? Oh you know you had an
Speaker 1: alien podcast X files.
Speaker 2: Oh oh yeah, that's Jillian.
Speaker 1: Okay, thank you, speaking of Gillian Jacobs and Laala Kent. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: you were.
Speaker 2: So.
Speaker 1: Anyway, uh So, they want to ask a question to
Speaker 1: allow us to call attention to SeaWorld's continued cruelty. I think,
Speaker 1: I mean, I think this is a good thing. I
Speaker 1: think Peter's in the right place.
Speaker 2: Or is it Chris is nickname SeaWorld? Yeah it is,
Speaker 2: so every time you say it, I think you're talking
Speaker 2: about him. So there it is interested in SeaWorld's cruelty.
Speaker 1: Huh yeah, Oh, I've got some stories for them. No, okay,
Speaker 1: so he keeps me in a tank. Okay, So here
Speaker 1: here's the statement they wrote for me. Okay, and then
Speaker 1: I want to say, comedians have My name is Nicki Glazer,
Speaker 1: and I have a question on behalf of Peta. They're
Speaker 1: gonna read this for me. By the way, this is
Speaker 1: what they wrote for me. Can Medians have made a
Speaker 1: variety of jokes about SeaWorld throughout the years, myself included,
Speaker 1: whether on Late Night or Saturday Night Live or in
Speaker 1: a comedy special. Audiences laugh at these jokes because they
Speaker 1: agree with them. We laughed because we collectively recognize the
Speaker 1: absurdity of forcing dolphins and whales to live and die
Speaker 1: in tanks when they're meant for something as expansive and
Speaker 1: brilliant as the ocean. By the way, By the way,
Speaker 1: the ocean is a big body of water where sea
Speaker 1: life thrives. In case any SeaWorld execs haven't.
Speaker 2: Heard of it, Oh shit, Oh my god, someone's.
Speaker 1: A little nineteen year old brat. Yeah, and my mom's
Speaker 1: a bitch. If you impregnated a human against their will
Speaker 1: force their child to live in a bathtub for their
Speaker 1: entire life, and made them entertain you you'd go to prison.
Speaker 1: So my question is so, my question is when. So
Speaker 1: my question is when, not if, but when will SeaWorld
Speaker 1: stop forcibly impregnating dolphins and whales and sentencing them to
Speaker 1: this miserable fate. It would be a joy to leave
Speaker 1: SeaWorld off of my set list. I liked the sentiment.
Speaker 1: I liked how they're like, you know what I liked
Speaker 1: about that was that they said that the reason people
Speaker 1: laugh is because they agree with me and they know
Speaker 1: SeaWorld's involved in cruelty, right, And the joke I made
Speaker 1: in my special, well, I'll get to that. So here's
Speaker 1: here's my here's my thing I sent back to them.
Speaker 2: You know what I hate with phone apps when you
Speaker 2: are like trying to switch between apps and it has
Speaker 2: to like reload. When when you open here with that,
Speaker 2: it's like I'm looking at my email, I'm trying to
Speaker 2: transfer it to my notes app or something, and then
Speaker 2: when I go back to my email, like has to
Speaker 2: go back to the original email screen and I have
Speaker 2: to go back into the email or have sports scores
Speaker 2: on Yahoo's Sports and I want to go back to
Speaker 2: Hulu to look at the game, and.
Speaker 1: I got to start up their little logo first.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then I go back to Yahoo's Sports and
Speaker 2: it reloads the original score, like why.
Speaker 1: Can't say that ship? And here's another Oh how many
Speaker 1: times has this happened? You're on Instagram and you you
Speaker 1: open up Instagram and there's a real playing that You're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't wait to watch this, and then some reason,
Speaker 1: you like hit part of the screen or your Instagram decides,
Speaker 1: you know, we're actually gonna start over, like we wouldn't
Speaker 1: start from the top and refresh, And then that reel
Speaker 1: is gone forever because there was nothing.
Speaker 2: No, it's you can't find it, you can't scroll, it's gone.
Speaker 1: It's gone because you don't know who made it. It
Speaker 1: was just a girl talking in her bathroom about some
Speaker 1: new kind of blush technique that is going to give
Speaker 1: you an eye lift, and I needed to know what
Speaker 1: she said. I'll never find it again because I don't
Speaker 1: know who that girl was. It was suggested content, so
Speaker 1: I don't already follow her, and I'll never get it back.
Speaker 1: I'll never get that video back of Taylor swift looking
Speaker 1: fine as hell, you know, wiping some a snot and
Speaker 1: then hitting a note that is amazing or whatever it
Speaker 1: is that I wanted to see that she did, which
Speaker 1: was so cool, And it's gone forever because the algorithm
Speaker 1: decides to just like refresh for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so annoying. Yes, I need.
Speaker 1: I can't take it. It makes me want to like,
Speaker 1: I can't believe they haven't figured that out yet.
Speaker 2: You.
Speaker 1: Another thing I cannot believe they haven't figured out is like,
Speaker 1: why do I ever And maybe I've said this before,
Speaker 1: Why do I ever need to type in Saint Louis
Speaker 1: when I am putting in my address? Why is the
Speaker 1: zip code not getting a Saint Louis and Missouri boom
Speaker 1: covering those? I don't have to scroll down to the
Speaker 1: MS and find the Sorry, why isn't a zip code
Speaker 1: the first thing you put in? And then you start
Speaker 1: typing your address and it buy that zip code starts
Speaker 1: giving you suggestions? Why is it everything like that?
Speaker 2: You should go? You should think even bigger. The phone
Speaker 2: should know your location, which it already does, and just
Speaker 2: suggests we are dumb.
Speaker 1: It's playing dumb did last summer and it's asking you
Speaker 1: would you do it? Knows it's such bullshit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's so many things that I'm just like, how does.
Speaker 1: This not know this thing? Or or it will like
Speaker 1: I will type in I will say like, oh, leave
Speaker 1: that package for Nicki Glazer and it you know, I'll
Speaker 1: do the voice command and it will type in Mickey
Speaker 1: Glazer with two s's, and I go, how many times
Speaker 1: on this device have I filled in my fucking name?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean my ducking name. At least it's
Speaker 1: got that right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, it still does ducking for me. It does
Speaker 2: so many. So many of those auto corrects are terrible.
Speaker 2: But then we all say that AI is going to
Speaker 2: come in and take over the world, and it's like,
Speaker 2: we will figure out how to get autocorrect right in
Speaker 2: our phones. AI is. This is what AI is going
Speaker 2: to be for the next How long have we had
Speaker 2: this stuff on our phones? Like fifteen years now twenty
Speaker 2: years and it's still shitty and mistake written?
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Like the way that if you will
Speaker 1: dictate a text to someone and you just start talking
Speaker 1: like a paragraph of text and you say it really
Speaker 1: perfectly and you fucking nail it. You're putting on the periods,
Speaker 1: and it will just throw in commas everywhere, which is
Speaker 1: not good. I would rather it not put in commas
Speaker 1: and have it be a run on sentence because then
Speaker 1: I know where to go in and put the commas
Speaker 1: later on, because I didn't say commas throwing it just
Speaker 1: sometimes Anya is such a like Anya knows perfect grammar,
Speaker 1: and I know she judges people based on their spelling
Speaker 1: mistakes and grammar, Like I just know who she is
Speaker 1: and like, well she'll think less of so just slightly
Speaker 1: because I do too. And so whenever I write her
Speaker 1: a paragraph, I always have to say, by the way
Speaker 1: I dictated this, do not think that I think there
Speaker 1: should be a comma after every subject or whatever? Do
Speaker 1: you have that? Does it happen to you where? And commas?
Speaker 2: You em were in middle school when you first learned
Speaker 2: about the comma, and then that's what it is.
Speaker 1: Had it is seriously a sixth grader writing their first
Speaker 1: five paragraph essay about why whales are better than dolphins,
Speaker 1: which brings me back to the sea world thing. So
Speaker 1: this is my modification of it, right, So this is
Speaker 1: what I sent back Brian. My name is Nicky, and
Speaker 1: I have a question. My name is nicky. Mickey Glazer
Speaker 1: and I have a question on behalf of PETA. I'm
Speaker 1: sure you've noticed the uptick and comedians making jokes reference
Speaker 1: in the SeaWorld in the past ten years. I actually
Speaker 1: just referenced you guys last month and my latest special
Speaker 1: in case you didn't see it. The joke I told
Speaker 1: was about how I am experiencing vaginal dryness lately. I
Speaker 1: said that I longed for my twenties when I was
Speaker 1: quote constantly wet end quote Then I said, it's because
Speaker 1: in my twenties I worked at SeaWorld and animal cruelty
Speaker 1: turns me on. I'm sure you're not laughing, but I
Speaker 1: will tell you the audience there that night really enjoyed it.
Speaker 1: And the reason they laughed was because what I said
Speaker 1: is true. Everyone knows what you're up to over there.
Speaker 1: We know that you force dolphins and whales to live
Speaker 1: and die in your tiny, tragic tanks when they're meant
Speaker 1: for something as expansive, as brilliant as ocean. I didn't
Speaker 1: change that sentence.
Speaker 2: I liked it.
Speaker 1: I don't think all of you are bad people. I
Speaker 1: bet you love animals, and deep down you know what
Speaker 1: you do is wrong, But you're blinded by the profit
Speaker 1: you make off of people who come to see your
Speaker 1: shows who don't yet know the truth. Oh but they
Speaker 1: will know it eventually, and they'll stop coming. I can't
Speaker 1: wait for when they do. But until then, you've the
Speaker 1: chance to do the right thing by the animals you
Speaker 1: claim to love so much. Please, for the love of God,
Speaker 1: stop imprisoning and forcibly impregnating dolphins and whales and sentencing
Speaker 1: them to a miserable fate. I'd love to leave your
Speaker 1: company out of my jokes, therefore allowing me to focus
Speaker 1: on the other pressing humanitarian issues. Thereby allowing me to
Speaker 1: focus on other pressing humanitarian issues, like my vaginal dryness.
Speaker 1: I thought it'd be funny to like make some jokes
Speaker 1: in it.
Speaker 2: Yes, right, I agree. I liked that version a lot better.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Well. They sent back, well, I'm so sorry,
Speaker 1: but we can only have a thousand words, so they
Speaker 1: took out all the jokes, and then I had to
Speaker 1: sneak them back in and I put what did I put?
Speaker 1: Oh the end one? As me's writing back, I said,
Speaker 1: they took out my.
Speaker 2: Quoting my only have a thousand words.
Speaker 1: Because they didn't want me to say vaginal dryness at
Speaker 1: a sharehold greeting. But you know what, I think that
Speaker 1: wakes people up in a fucking shareholder meeting, Like, and
Speaker 1: it's from Nicki Klazer. Everyone knows my style. And if
Speaker 1: you don't get on board, so.
Speaker 2: Boring, just have a bunch of slaverties being like this
Speaker 2: is bad and it's tragic and I hate it. You
Speaker 2: need someone in there to be entertaining.
Speaker 1: So that, yes, we would.
Speaker 2: You just said vagina.
Speaker 1: So what did change I changed it to? I actually
Speaker 1: were just referenced to you guys last month in my
Speaker 1: latest special. You should watch it. I'm sure you won't laugh,
Speaker 1: but boy did the audience that night and so and
Speaker 1: then I said it all the is the same until
Speaker 1: the end because they took out the vaginal dryness joke,
Speaker 1: and I said, I'd love to leave your company out
Speaker 1: of my uh, out of my jokes and work on
Speaker 1: calling out circuses next. So that that was just like
Speaker 1: something I could add in. But yeah, it's just sometimes
Speaker 1: I just get this like fire in my belly where
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I'm gonna just like say something like, oh,
Speaker 1: I nailed it, Like I just wrote that out. So quickly,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, I can't wait
Speaker 1: for someone to have to read this on a zoom
Speaker 1: to these all these like uptight suits and and then
Speaker 1: they just take out the zest. But I will say
Speaker 1: Peta did come up with a cool They came up
Speaker 1: with the tagline for my poster that I did, you know,
Speaker 1: the naked photo shoot that was, uh, don't never I
Speaker 1: never steal anyone's material or something like that. It was
Speaker 1: I forget it now. But it was a good tagline
Speaker 1: that I did not write. And everyone was like, that's
Speaker 1: so good, Nikki, and I was like, I didn't do it,
Speaker 1: Peta did it. But Peta was cool when they came
Speaker 1: when I did the shoot with them, because I was
Speaker 1: super scared when I went to the shoot, like my
Speaker 1: mom came with me, and I was like, mom, do
Speaker 1: not wear any leather, Like don't have any leather on
Speaker 1: your shoe, Like make sure you know you don't kick
Speaker 1: any dogs on the way in. Make sure that there's
Speaker 1: no bird shit on your car, like I don't even know,
Speaker 1: like they might be like your car blocked this bird
Speaker 1: from shitting in the grass where it's meant to bolt shit,
Speaker 1: or you know, I don't know how insane these people
Speaker 1: are gonna be. But we got there and I was
Speaker 1: kind of talking to them about stuff, and I go,
Speaker 1: this person, it's made of apples. It's not real leather.
Speaker 1: I like, walk in immediately like I swear, and they go,
Speaker 1: we don't care. And the representatives they sent to me
Speaker 1: were actually pretty chill, and I would like to share
Speaker 1: that not everyone at PETA is insane and it's gonna
Speaker 1: make you feel no, some of them are, and we
Speaker 1: need those people to be loud and like not take
Speaker 1: any kind of excuses or that you might have for
Speaker 1: doing what you do. But they I was talking to
Speaker 1: them about my mom was kind of like asking like, well,
Speaker 1: what about you know, I don't even think you should
Speaker 1: do use leather because she was trying to like fit
Speaker 1: in even though she absolutely believes in leather. And they go, oh,
Speaker 1: used is fine, And I was like what and they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: if it's like already, yeah, if you want to thrift,
Speaker 1: yeah totally. And then I was wearing in the shot
Speaker 1: that I shot. I brought a bunch of shoes for
Speaker 1: the shoe because that's all the wardrobe I had right
Speaker 1: to supply. Because I was naked, and I brought in
Speaker 1: these leopard platform heels and I'm wearing them in the shot.
Speaker 1: You can go look at it, but and I go,
Speaker 1: are these okay? They're leopard? I just don't want people
Speaker 1: to be like, why is it okay to use fake
Speaker 1: leopard because it's obviously not real leopard there is I
Speaker 1: don't think anyone has real leopard things. Maybe in Dubai.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, And they go, no, it's fine, like and
Speaker 1: I go, but isn't that bad to like even use
Speaker 1: animal print fakely? And they're like no, who cares. They're like, seriously,
Speaker 1: it's fine. Like we encourage like using fake stuff, fake
Speaker 1: it all day, like, just don't use real stuff. And
Speaker 1: then I saw the shot and it was me and
Speaker 1: these leopard print sandals, and I just know people hate
Speaker 1: Peta so much they'll use any and vegans, they'll use
Speaker 1: any kind of reason to dismantle what we're doing. So
Speaker 1: I knew comments would be like why is she wearing
Speaker 1: leopard print? Like it would just distract from my tits.
Speaker 1: So I had them photoshop the heels to be black
Speaker 1: because I was like, I just don't want trouble. But
Speaker 1: Pete was like we don't care use leopard, and I
Speaker 1: thought that was an interesting choice that they were just like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's fine, but I will say that sorry. I was
Speaker 1: getting a I'm just I'm getting a new car, you know.
Speaker 1: And I've been test driving all these Mercedes, and I
Speaker 1: told my sister about this one that I was gonna get,
Speaker 1: and she was like, what's the anterior? And I was like,
Speaker 1: she goes what and I was like, so she goes,
Speaker 1: it's leather, and I go yeah, because they don't I
Speaker 1: don't know what, like, there's no I like, was just
Speaker 1: like stumbling over my words. And she goes, you just
Speaker 1: did a campaign with Peta about not wearing leather. And
Speaker 1: I go, I'm not gonna wear the car, you know.
Speaker 1: And I go, no, you're right, thank you, because this
Speaker 1: is a good reminder, like Eve in me as this
Speaker 1: like I am all about doing the right thing by animals.
Speaker 1: Even I can be like, but I want it, but
Speaker 1: this is the one I want. I don't want the
Speaker 1: car that has the cloth interior. That's not as good.
Speaker 2: And she just cars have real leather, and the non
Speaker 2: fancy cars have have fake leather. You have to get ah,
Speaker 2: it doesn't.
Speaker 1: Feel as good and guess what I don't get to.
Speaker 1: I always use that argument for people who are like,
Speaker 1: but I love milkshakes. I'm just like, Okay, well sorry,
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean you get to abuse animals just because
Speaker 1: you like something. So she really like threw it back
Speaker 1: in my face, and I loved that. And I even
Speaker 1: I like when I catch myself messing up in the
Speaker 1: way that I call other people out for. And I
Speaker 1: was able to go, like, Nikki, no, you don't get
Speaker 1: the car you want just because you want it because
Speaker 1: it has leather interior, and that's not cool. So I
Speaker 1: found one that has fake leather. Oh nice, and I
Speaker 1: think I'm going.
Speaker 2: To do that. I prefer non leather leather interiors. I
Speaker 2: don't like how hot it gets and sticky it gets,
Speaker 2: and you can you can people say like, oh, you
Speaker 2: can't clean a cloth one. You can easily clean a
Speaker 2: cloth one. You can just get carpet cleaner if you
Speaker 2: get a stain on it or something, right, I prefer
Speaker 2: non leather. I also don't really like how how the
Speaker 2: leather smells for so long, but that's that's just me.
Speaker 1: It is weird. You're like sitting on animal skin that
Speaker 1: like an animal that was like skinned, it's it's terrible
Speaker 1: to think about, and Chris was saying, like he goes,
Speaker 1: I will say that I think most leather is a
Speaker 1: byproduct of like the meat industry, like they use the discarded.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're just like the Native American for using it.
Speaker 1: And I go, but then, but I don't want to
Speaker 1: partake in the meat industry even if it's like a
Speaker 1: byproduct of So it's a byproduct of something else horrible.
Speaker 1: So everyone was right, I'm doing the right thing. I'm
Speaker 1: getting but I honestly I can't always do the right thing.
Speaker 1: There's things in my life.
Speaker 2: I drive yourself crazy. There's gonna be animal products and
Speaker 2: all sorts of things that you know and blue and
Speaker 2: like it, like the glue that holds together your whatever,
Speaker 2: your your hair dryer. Might then you might find that
Speaker 2: you can't drive yourself insane, because no, you have to
Speaker 2: realize that you as an individual are not going to
Speaker 2: change the planet. But you can make you can.
Speaker 1: You do what you can. And that's what I always
Speaker 1: tell people. Even though I'm a vegan, I don't expect
Speaker 1: everyone else to be vegan. You just try to make
Speaker 1: some choices here and there that aren't meat related and
Speaker 1: you do your best.
Speaker 2: And that's all I want, except to the corporations and
Speaker 2: the governments to make change. And that's all you can
Speaker 2: hope for once they're until they're only making.
Speaker 1: Dream Yeah, I mean it just do Like I was
Speaker 1: thinking about SeaWorld and how the people that probably started
Speaker 1: SeaWorld were the people that work there do love animals.
Speaker 1: Why would you get into that? That was my dream
Speaker 1: as a little girl was to be one of the
Speaker 1: women with the ponytails that gets pulled to the bottom
Speaker 1: by tillicum or whatever and drowned to death. I wanted
Speaker 1: to be that cute girl that was riding on the
Speaker 1: nose of a whale doing a show because I loved
Speaker 1: animals and I thought those animals liked that. And so
Speaker 1: these people going to the show and working at zoos
Speaker 1: and circuses, a lot of them love animals and they
Speaker 1: they want to be there to almost monitor what's going on.
Speaker 1: And so I know that deep down, but people just
Speaker 1: get blinded by money. And that's what I was blinded by.
Speaker 1: For a second. I want a Mercedes. I want the
Speaker 1: nicest car, and the nicest cars have leather. I can't
Speaker 1: help that. That's just what they do, and I act
Speaker 1: like I have no say in it. And I caught
Speaker 1: myself even being kind of a shitty person. Not a
Speaker 1: shitty person, but like, you know, just a capitalist.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there might have been a kid out there who
Speaker 2: hated animals and was like I can't wait to do it.
Speaker 1: Well now now the truth is out there. So if
Speaker 1: you're a little shithead, like if you're a non yon
Speaker 1: Or and you want to abuse some animals, you know
Speaker 1: where to apply. Can we go to the SeaWorld?
Speaker 2: Can we spread that?
Speaker 1: Can non Yonor?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a great way. No one will know what
Speaker 2: you're talking about unless you're a bestie. And I feel
Speaker 2: I like it.
Speaker 1: I think it's good because we reference people like that
Speaker 1: all the time on here. Yeah, and I think we
Speaker 1: can all be non yon Or sometimes, like sometimes I
Speaker 1: really have. Like the other day, Anya like showed us
Speaker 1: all this video to her new music video, which is
Speaker 1: literally incredible. Anya was like a amazing figure skater when
Speaker 1: she was a child, and then she had a catastrophic
Speaker 1: injury that like kind of took her out of it,
Speaker 1: but she has all this old footage from her skating
Speaker 1: and then she has this new music video coming out
Speaker 1: with her footage of her skating now and she hasn't
Speaker 1: skated like literally twenty seven thirty something years, I mean
Speaker 1: insane amount of time. Maybe she's skated once in that time,
Speaker 1: and she's so smooth. It comes right back to her.
Speaker 1: The music video is one of the best she's ever done,
Speaker 1: if not the best, I mean it's it's so good
Speaker 1: and the song is one of my favorite songs of
Speaker 1: hers and I'm so excited. I think it's coming out
Speaker 1: this summer. But she like showed it to all of
Speaker 1: my friends and she posted this. You might have seen
Speaker 1: her story besie'es, but she posted a story of us
Speaker 1: all watching it last week and on my birthday, and
Speaker 1: Halla is here and Kirsten and Kirsten's pregnant as fuck.
Speaker 1: Halla is just Halla just like is a person who
Speaker 1: emotes generously. And so they're sobbing because the song is
Speaker 1: about life and death and nothing less forever, and there's
Speaker 1: all this footage of her as a kid, growing up
Speaker 1: through the years, and they're sobbing, and she's like, you know,
Speaker 1: filming Kirsten like like literally like red faced, puffy eyed,
Speaker 1: like you know, looks real tired, just getting called back.
Speaker 1: Halla sobbing, and then they get to me and I'm
Speaker 1: just like on my phone texting and I'm like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I don't feel things in this way and I look
Speaker 1: such like a non Ya Honor. But I was in
Speaker 1: that moment like I couldn't. I don't. I don't often
Speaker 1: cry when things are like make me happy or like that,
Speaker 1: or like touching I like and it especially I think
Speaker 1: there's a part of me that when everyone's crying, I'm
Speaker 1: just like, I'm not doing this, Like I don't wanna.
Speaker 1: Someone needs to be in control of this ship right
Speaker 1: now because we're going down and everyone's crying. I need
Speaker 1: to be the one who's over here figuring out our
Speaker 1: dinner plans. And that's what I was in that moment.
Speaker 1: And I looked like a real non Ya. I looked
Speaker 1: like such a psychopath in this video. How about you?
Speaker 1: Do you feel like we've talked about crying on the
Speaker 1: show so much, When are you touched to the point
Speaker 1: of crying?
Speaker 2: Ranking? Well, I want to rank cries, and I got
Speaker 2: to tell you happy crying is number two in the cry.
Speaker 1: Rankings in terms of how it feels okay.
Speaker 2: How it feels happy crying is number two. Sad crying
Speaker 2: is the bottom, obviously, Oh god, I think okay, no, okay,
Speaker 2: set uh no. When you're really when you're full of
Speaker 2: grief and you're crying, I think that's.
Speaker 1: Not Wait, you're talking about rankings in terms of how good,
Speaker 1: how what, how good it feels to you, how good
Speaker 1: it feels. See for me, ranking crying would be like
Speaker 1: I have to watch someone do it, because I am
Speaker 1: not someone who cries enough to like actually have enough
Speaker 1: data to collect and rank these. But I like, I
Speaker 1: don't care when people cry from happiness. It is sweet
Speaker 1: to watch when a little girl finds out she's going
Speaker 1: to Disney World and she's so overwhelmed that she starts crying,
Speaker 1: so fucking cute. But when you're an adult, get it together.
Speaker 2: No, it feels good.
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. I wish I could feel that happy.
Speaker 2: So happy crying is number two. I think brief crying
Speaker 2: is number three. When you're crying in pain, that's the worst.
Speaker 2: Oh no, but number one. You this weekend now, so
Speaker 2: I've I've cried quite a lot of less for weeks ahead.
Speaker 2: At an opportunity to rank the cries, oh pain from pain, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was crying in pain. But then I got to
Speaker 2: experience the number one best cry. Uh really yea, the
Speaker 2: cry of relief is the.
Speaker 1: Cry of morphine.
Speaker 2: Yes, well, you know what it was. It was like
Speaker 2: when someone even just like when when the doctor came
Speaker 2: in and I knew I was going to get help.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just from like.
Speaker 2: Someone's going to help me.
Speaker 1: That's the best.
Speaker 2: That's number one cry, number one.
Speaker 1: Oh that's so good. That's so good. I'm so glad
Speaker 1: you felt that. I'm so sorry you felt so much
Speaker 1: pain that you cried. Like I was thinking about it yesterday.
Speaker 1: I was telling Chris about that you were in ten
Speaker 1: out of two and you were like for six hours.
Speaker 1: I mean, I just that's trauma. Man. I hope you're
Speaker 1: taking care of yourself this week because you've been through
Speaker 1: like a traumatic event.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess so, oh my godless. Yeah, but I
Speaker 2: wanted to talk about the happy cry that yeah.
Speaker 1: Please.
Speaker 2: Recently, there's this video you may have seen it. It
Speaker 2: was a viral video because these cries all happened in
Speaker 2: the span of a week, so I got really all
Speaker 2: the full gamut. Oh, there's this video of an episode
Speaker 2: of Jenny Jones Show from the nineties.
Speaker 1: I remember that show.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and there's a they do. They're doing this
Speaker 2: segment where they have like a drill sergeant come in
Speaker 2: from the like a drill sucker from the military. Yeah,
Speaker 2: to scare straight little kids gay kids, you're trying to
Speaker 2: get them be straight. Yeah, yeah, you're gay. And it's
Speaker 2: totally unacceptable.
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't that would not be so perposterous
Speaker 1: on a filled on a new show from the eighties,
Speaker 1: is like a sergeant yelling at a gay kid, like
Speaker 1: I could, I could act. We probably see that happening
Speaker 1: in the nineties, but there weren't gay kids in the nineties.
Speaker 1: No one was gay in the nineties, at least not
Speaker 1: in my school.
Speaker 2: Yeah. They were either straight kids or they were really
Speaker 2: straight kids. Yes, and that's how you knew. So, uh,
Speaker 2: it's for kids who are like not were bad kids
Speaker 2: who are treating their moms well whatever, And so the
Speaker 2: parents bring the kids on. They have the drill startrant,
Speaker 2: go you're gonna go to a military school and you're
Speaker 2: gonna be with me. So they have this little kid
Speaker 2: and he's a bad kid or whatever, and the drill
Speaker 2: you know what, do you know what's coming?
Speaker 1: I just like I think, yeah, I think, so keep
Speaker 1: going on.
Speaker 2: So the drill sergeant goes, do you do you want
Speaker 2: to keep truting your mom like this? And he's just
Speaker 2: standing there being yelled at. He's like, you do you
Speaker 2: want to come to me? Do you want me to
Speaker 2: be your daddy for the next two months? He's like,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna well, it's like I'll be taken, I'll be
Speaker 2: in charge of him oka, and I'm yelling at you,
Speaker 2: do you want me to be your daddy for the
Speaker 2: next two months? And the kid goes, yes, sir, and
Speaker 2: then he goes, what what you want you want me
Speaker 2: to be? Why do you want me to be your daddy?
Speaker 2: And then he goes because because I don't have a daddy,
Speaker 2: and then everyone starts crying, and then goes, you don't know,
Speaker 2: but daddy will come here, and then he hugs the
Speaker 2: kid and then he and then he takes him off
Speaker 2: stage because he knows that the kid's being taken advantage
Speaker 2: of in this moment, and he's like, we're not gonna
Speaker 2: he might start crying. Yeah, it's so it's been so sweet.
Speaker 1: Well you said it to me. If you could stumble
Speaker 1: upon it again.
Speaker 2: I don't need to stumble upon it, and I have
Speaker 2: it in my.
Speaker 1: Find it Okay, Oh my god, it's so sweet. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So there's this there's this guy on YouTube who posted
Speaker 2: that video ten years ago or whatever of this clip.
Speaker 2: It went viral. It has something like thirty million views
Speaker 2: or something like that. And then he came out a
Speaker 2: couple a few years ago and said, I want to
Speaker 2: make a documentary based on this kid and the chill
Speaker 2: sergeant and find out what happened to them. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: so it was one of those videos where he posted
Speaker 2: about Then he posted a year later and was like,
Speaker 2: I'm still working on this, and then a year later
Speaker 2: everyone it's like, what the fuck, man, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: Then he posted listen this YouTube channel did bring me
Speaker 1: a lot of joy, but I realize it's really taken
Speaker 1: over my life. I'm he did the same speech that
Speaker 1: you say that they always give.
Speaker 2: I'm quitting YouTube.
Speaker 1: Yes, that is a happy cry so sweet. Oh man, okay,
Speaker 1: that's sweet. I'm trying to think of I cried the
Speaker 1: other night. I was if you want to cry, if
Speaker 1: anyone's in the mood to cry, there's a Taylor Swift
Speaker 1: song that she's never played live and she never will
Speaker 1: play it live. But it's called It's called Ronan. She
Speaker 1: doesn't say the name in the song, but it's it's
Speaker 1: about a kid who died of cancer or something when
Speaker 1: he was four, and it's from the perspective of his mom,
Speaker 1: who I think was a fan of Taylor Ships. I
Speaker 1: forget how their song was written Swifties. I don't even
Speaker 1: DM me about it. I can't handle it. But somehow
Speaker 1: she knew this family and this child passed, and she
Speaker 1: wrote the song about that from the mother's perspective about
Speaker 1: this kid, and it is the most heartbreaking song you've
Speaker 1: ever heard. And I played it for Chris the other
Speaker 1: day because we were playing each other songs that might
Speaker 1: make each other cry, and I started saw. I was
Speaker 1: sobbing and it felt so good. It felt good. I
Speaker 1: would ring that as a number one even though. What
Speaker 1: gets me, and I've said this before, is when people
Speaker 1: that are living talk to dead people and act like
Speaker 1: they're still there. So they're like they're still talking to
Speaker 1: them as if they're there, or a letter or something
Speaker 1: that a dead person is left behind is read posthumously
Speaker 1: talking from the afterlife. It all started for me when
Speaker 1: Forrest Gump is talking to Jenny at the grave and saying,
Speaker 1: you'd be He's so smart, Jenny, you'd be so proud.
Speaker 1: And I remember I got cracked open in fifth grade
Speaker 1: when that movie came out. That was like I couldn't function.
Speaker 1: And there was another, the other movie that I haven't
Speaker 1: seen since it happened, but I think in eighth grade
Speaker 1: I went to go see City of Angels, Meg Ryan
Speaker 1: Nicholas Cage and the end of the movie there's a
Speaker 1: twist and I didn't see it coming, and it has
Speaker 1: started my whole passion of movies ending tragic. I like
Speaker 1: when movies don't go what you're think they're gonna go,
Speaker 1: and it's Romeo and Juliet's like they both and that
Speaker 1: kind of happens in this tragedy. And I remember I
Speaker 1: couldn't leave the theater because I was sobbing so hard,
Speaker 1: and my friends all kind of looked at each other,
Speaker 1: like what's going on? And I couldn't stop crying. Is
Speaker 1: the only time in my life I really couldn't stop crying,
Speaker 1: and it never happened again. It was so embarrassing. I
Speaker 1: think I was just like, Nope, You're not doing this again.
Speaker 1: And I just put that it was too embarrassing. I
Speaker 1: couldn't I couldn't stop. And it was all about Nicholas.
Speaker 1: It was about Meg Ryan on a bicycle at the end,
Speaker 1: and she was free and she was finally gonna marry
Speaker 1: this angel that she was in love with through the
Speaker 1: whole movie. And then she gets hit by a car
Speaker 1: and now she's an angel. And now he who just
Speaker 1: became immortal a mortal, is now gonna be without her.
Speaker 1: And now he is to have this relationship with an angel,
Speaker 1: even though we just got out of a relationship where
Speaker 1: he was an angel. And it was just too much
Speaker 1: for me. And I don't even know why my eighth
Speaker 1: grade brain like couldn't handle that, But that was that
Speaker 1: was that. It was so good. I love movies that
Speaker 1: don't give you what you want more. I want more
Speaker 1: of that. Okay, we'll be back after this. Brian, what
Speaker 1: have you been watching recently? Anything good?
Speaker 2: Well? Guess what's on? I guess what just started up again?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 2: It's got talent? Bad?
Speaker 1: Oh a GT talk about crying and they're not.
Speaker 2: Yes. So that's why America's got talent, I think is
Speaker 2: so good because when when the auditions go well, you
Speaker 2: get a combination of happy crying and relief crying.
Speaker 1: Got it.
Speaker 2: It's the relief from all the work you've been doing
Speaker 2: finally paid off and someone's acknowledging you, plus the happiness
Speaker 2: of succeeding. Yes, Oh it's so good.
Speaker 1: You know what a relief cry. Remember when Noah told
Speaker 1: us that she her favor part of a hike, because
Speaker 1: I was like, why do you like hikes? Maybe she
Speaker 1: didn't say this on air, but I was like, like,
Speaker 1: I don't understand people who like hikes, and she was like,
Speaker 1: I like it because when you see your car at
Speaker 1: the end of it, and that sense of relief, sure,
Speaker 1: when you're like, no, it's done. And I call bullshit
Speaker 1: on enjoying things where you only like the end, you
Speaker 1: don't get to say you like now, I'm calling bullshit
Speaker 1: on no I love Noah and everything she does is perfect,
Speaker 1: But like I claim to like pilates, but I only
Speaker 1: like when it's over, So I don't really like pilates.
Speaker 1: I like the feeling of dopamine I get from doing
Speaker 1: something hard and completing it. By the way, I did
Speaker 1: discover because I just read a little bit and I
Speaker 1: should have done this a long time ago. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to figure out like why, I'm just trying to figure
Speaker 1: out myself, right, like any Graham all those things. I
Speaker 1: recently was like, I don't know the difference between dopamine
Speaker 1: and serotonin, Like I really don't, do you know the difference? Uh?
Speaker 2: Not really? I just know that dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins,
Speaker 2: those are the happy chemics.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know we're oxytocin and doorphins fit into this,
Speaker 1: But I do know the difference between serotonin and dopamine.
Speaker 1: And serotonin is the feeling you get of like like
Speaker 1: of calmness, of sereneness, of joy, of just like a lasting,
Speaker 1: pleasant feeling after you know you're at a spa or
Speaker 1: you're relaxing, or you feel like you're hugging your dog
Speaker 1: and you feel this like love, fuzzy energy inside like
Speaker 1: that feeling. Yes, and then dopamine is the feeling you
Speaker 1: get And I'm paraphrasing, and I'm probably please, if you
Speaker 1: know more than me, slide into my DMS and educate
Speaker 1: me more about this. But I believe dopamine is the
Speaker 1: feeling you get after you accomplish something where there's something
Speaker 1: has been. There's the relief the doctor walks in the
Speaker 1: room and it's like, oh, it's over, or like it's
Speaker 1: a surge. It's like it's an energizing thing of like
Speaker 1: you find out that you just got something and that's like,
Speaker 1: you know, Serotonin is the feeling that you have in
Speaker 1: a committed, happy relationship where you feel safe and secure,
Speaker 1: and dopamine is what you feel when the rollercoaster is
Speaker 1: flying down the hill.
Speaker 2: Yeah. People say that when you exercise you get your
Speaker 2: endorphins going, so I wonder if that's what endorphins.
Speaker 1: It's just like yeah, because I realize that I'm not
Speaker 1: interested in serotonin. That is not what my body wants.
Speaker 1: I don't like it. I don't like feeling safe. It
Speaker 1: makes me feel uneasy, like this is gonna be easy.
Speaker 1: I don't want it. I don't want to feel I
Speaker 1: don't like spas, like the idea of going to a spot. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is insane when you go to get a massage.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've gotten to get facials or
Speaker 1: massages at like a real nice spa, but I like, well,
Speaker 1: like even though well like a Korean bath spy.
Speaker 2: I know you were making a joke rus No, No,
Speaker 2: I wasn't I do go to I have gone to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, a lot of times girls will get there
Speaker 1: early and like get their locker and they'll give you
Speaker 1: like slippers and a robe, and then they'll they'll give
Speaker 1: you some cucumber water, and then they'll just bring you
Speaker 1: to this waiting room where you sit with another woman
Speaker 1: who's just had a treatment, who's kind of just on
Speaker 1: her phone waiting, and you sit and you listen. There's
Speaker 1: like trickling and it's so serene, and I'm like, what
Speaker 1: are we doing? Like why just bring me back?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: I want to go to my massage now I don't
Speaker 1: want to and then after your massage is supposed to
Speaker 1: wait in that room. I always get to these spas
Speaker 1: and I go, I don't need the robe, I don't
Speaker 1: need the slippers, like I just let me just take
Speaker 1: me to the room. I don't want to make it.
Speaker 1: And I think that's the difference between that's that's someone
Speaker 1: who like serotonin, is someone who really embraces the spa day.
Speaker 1: I wish I were more like that, and I can't
Speaker 1: force it. It's never gonna be who I am. I
Speaker 1: feel incomfortable relaxing.
Speaker 2: You know how you do that act out where you're acting.
Speaker 2: I forgot which friend who like moves really deliberately and slowly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, pretty much all my friends.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I love that act out. I've been doing
Speaker 2: it this I've been doing I've been referencing you several
Speaker 2: times this weekend, saying like Nikki always act out, and
Speaker 2: I feel like I experienced that because let me tell
Speaker 2: you something. I was in Texas this weekend, and Texas,
Speaker 2: almost everybody in Texas is doing that where they're just
Speaker 2: like so slow. There's no urgency to anything at all.
Speaker 2: They're just like and and I, and they're used to it,
Speaker 2: so no one's like freaking out. But I'm just sitting
Speaker 2: there like, what the fuck is happening? Why is everybody
Speaker 2: so slow?
Speaker 1: It's it's it is a superpower to move that slow.
Speaker 1: I truly believe that I know people that move that
Speaker 1: slowly cannot help it, but I watch it and marvel
Speaker 1: it takes. It takes so much energy for me to
Speaker 1: move that slow, and sometimes I try to do it
Speaker 1: because I try to be like an a pilates girly
Speaker 1: when I go down to these classes that I take
Speaker 1: and I try to like set my locker and put
Speaker 1: my crocs into my locker gently, and then set my
Speaker 1: phone gently and then unscrew my water like slowly and deliberately,
Speaker 1: just to like fit in with the vibe of the class.
Speaker 1: And then also, my class is called legree. It's not
Speaker 1: even pilates. It's like it's called lagree. I don't know
Speaker 1: what it is, but it's like it means every rep
Speaker 1: you take, every rep you I should be five seconds long.
Speaker 1: So when you go down to a squad, it's one, two, three, four, five.
Speaker 1: Then you're in your squad one two, then you rise
Speaker 1: up and I am not sun I couldn't take it either.
Speaker 1: Speed it up. I hope everyone's listening on two times
Speaker 1: to speek for that section, because that was disgusting and
Speaker 1: that was not on brand for me. But I the
Speaker 1: other day I was in class and this girl afterwards
Speaker 1: was like big fan. It was really sweet. She was like, uh,
Speaker 1: I love seeing you here. I think she worked there,
Speaker 1: and she goes, you gotta go slower, and I go, girl,
Speaker 1: never gonna happen for me. I'm not doing it this
Speaker 1: way because if I go slower, I'll give up because
Speaker 1: I'm bored and it and it's harder. It is harder
Speaker 1: to go slower. And I know myself and when something's hard,
Speaker 1: I quit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't go.
Speaker 1: You can get through it, Nikki, Like something has to
Speaker 1: be about five percent harder than I'm willing to give
Speaker 1: and then I'll stick with it. But if it's six percent,
Speaker 1: I'll go. This sucks. You're bad at this, give up.
Speaker 1: So I just I have to go fast. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm not I can't agree. I'm just I disagree, don't.
Speaker 2: I don't agree with you.
Speaker 1: I don't agree with you. But yeah, that deliberately, that
Speaker 1: slow moving person is someone who can really sink into serotonin.
Speaker 1: Like I watch Anya pack a suitcase and I just
Speaker 1: I can't. I I can't. I want to go up
Speaker 1: to the little toggle at the top of her screen
Speaker 1: and do two times of speed and just seeing what
Speaker 1: would happen. Because but I'm jealous of someone who can
Speaker 1: be that, like perfect with things and gentle, and I
Speaker 1: think that's that's like, that's the kind of person I
Speaker 1: wish I was. And then sometimes you just have to
Speaker 1: be like, well, I'm not and I never will be.
Speaker 1: Is there what if there's one thing about yourself that
Speaker 1: you could change, what would it be?
Speaker 2: My my obsession, my obsessive compulsive nature.
Speaker 1: So that, oh, like you're legit OCD.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know if it's OCD legitimately, but
Speaker 2: I definitely obsessed over things and then it creates huge
Speaker 2: problems in my life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's OCD. I mean that if if you're if
Speaker 1: you're obsessed, are interfering with your day to day life
Speaker 1: in any way or your happiness, I think that's OCD.
Speaker 1: And that's okay. I think all of us have some
Speaker 1: kind of form of it, but there are things around that,
Speaker 1: as you know.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's also my superpower. That's why I'm a
Speaker 2: good writer, because I perfect ever I see. I try
Speaker 2: to perfect everything. I see the flaws and everything, and
Speaker 2: I'm not afraid to point them out. Yeah, so I'm
Speaker 2: a number one Enneagram.
Speaker 1: That's a good point. Yeah, because if I were slower,
Speaker 1: I just would not I've been over this so million times.
Speaker 1: I just wouldn't get as much done in my life.
Speaker 1: But I think I wouldn't stain as many things. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't break as many things. I wouldn't be like mad
Speaker 1: at myself for dropping stuff and getting things dented. And
Speaker 1: ruined and I wouldn't And now I'm just kind of like,
Speaker 1: that's me. Well this is me, which is the type
Speaker 1: that's so weet where it's the title of this cartoon
Speaker 1: book that I'm obsessed with. This guy, Asher Pearlman, has
Speaker 1: a new book coming out. You can get on pre order,
Speaker 1: but I got an advanced copy. It's one of the
Speaker 1: funny cartoonist It's like, you know, Farside plus New Yorker,
Speaker 1: like the best New Yorker cartoons. I think he's a
Speaker 1: New Yorker cartoonist. Yes he is. Uh, he's a Peabody
Speaker 1: Award winning cartoonist. Asher Pearlman, Emmy Ward nominated Emmy Follow
Speaker 1: him on Instagram. I don't know, but follow him on Instagram.
Speaker 1: He's so fucking funny these This book is called Well
Speaker 1: This Is Me, and I love it so much. Final thought?
Speaker 1: Did you like Farside growing up? And like cartoon like
Speaker 1: I did?
Speaker 2: But I have one. I have something I need to
Speaker 2: I want to I need to bring.
Speaker 1: Up Okay, yeah, please have you watched Hacks?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: I only watched the first season, and it's not that
Speaker 1: I didn't like it. I just you know, fell off.
Speaker 2: I get it. I get it. Hack Season three just
Speaker 2: came out and I've beene watched it. It's over. Now,
Speaker 2: it's over. Now, it's over.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna cry with relief, but that is over now. Okay.
Speaker 2: It's a great show, but it's like it's it's hitting
Speaker 2: so close to home because it's about a comedian and
Speaker 2: a writer and their relationship. And she like just released
Speaker 2: in this Okay, in this season of Hacks. Yeah, Jeane
Speaker 2: Smart who's playing uh tired comedian, A very tired.
Speaker 1: Comedian, comedian, a puffy tired So this is the premise
Speaker 1: of the Okay.
Speaker 2: I don't want to spoil anythings. So anyone who hasn't
Speaker 2: seen all three seasons of Hacks spoiler alert, just.
Speaker 1: Me, Brian Me. Okay, but I watch it, but I
Speaker 1: don't care. You can spoil it for me, Okay, so
Speaker 1: stop listening if you haven't seen it and you're gonna
Speaker 1: watch it. But I am also in that camp, and
Speaker 1: I think that it's okay to spoil things and still watch.
Speaker 2: Them because the show is about the character development, not
Speaker 2: necessarily the things that happen. But yeah, end of season two,
Speaker 2: Deborah Vance releases a special and that you know there
Speaker 2: was the writer in the comedian we're working on the
Speaker 2: special together, and then they released a special and it's
Speaker 2: a huge hit, smash hit, and Deborah's career is like
Speaker 2: blowing up because of this special. And then in season
Speaker 2: three she goes on a roast and and she does
Speaker 2: the roast and and it's just all the things that
Speaker 2: happened in the show. I feel like, I don't even
Speaker 2: know what to say about this, Like I feel like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's like it's like to too close, too close, Oh
Speaker 2: my god, but it is like your life right now.
Speaker 2: And and the themes of season three are Debora Vance
Speaker 2: dealing with the fact that now she's blowing up bigger
Speaker 2: than ever before. And she goes she's getting all these opportunities,
Speaker 2: she's getting respect from these comedians that she didn't get
Speaker 2: respect from before, to do all these things that she
Speaker 2: didn't get has to do before, and it's just like,
Speaker 2: this is exactly what Nicky is going through.
Speaker 1: WHOA, I have to watch this, Yeah, I totally do.
Speaker 2: It's it's I mean, it's it's also a very good show. Yeah, yes,
Speaker 2: but watching it, I'm just like Jesus Christ. But one
Speaker 2: thing that's really interesting is that this show was written
Speaker 2: last last year. Probably it was written before the Roast
Speaker 2: of Tom Brady came out, and so this season's released
Speaker 2: on Max and they're doing a roast. And let me
Speaker 2: tell you, the roast on Hack season three looks like
Speaker 2: a barnyard dance compared to the grandeur of the Roast
Speaker 2: of Tom Brady. Yeah, it's like outdated. It's like you
Speaker 2: had a small theater there and like that. There's there's
Speaker 2: the laughs. Aren't that big. It's just the tables. There's
Speaker 2: no like big thing and it's not a big deal. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's like Friars Club and it's like, oh god, what's
Speaker 2: this from the forties?
Speaker 1: Well that's what it did. Like Comedy Central roast looked
Speaker 1: like nothing compared to what they like, this was. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's uh okay, I gotta watch that.
Speaker 2: You gotta watch it. You'll be like, this is me.
Speaker 2: Why they did they just like follow me?
Speaker 1: Well, I will say that I saw Hannah Einbinder, who
Speaker 1: I know, was on a flight that I was onto
Speaker 1: New York right after the roast and I was in
Speaker 1: first class, Uh horizontal sleeping. It was awesome. I slept
Speaker 1: all through the service, like didn't get the food and whatever.
Speaker 1: And so when I woke up, I was just like
Speaker 1: so dehydrated and was like I needed diet coke, and
Speaker 1: so I like collected my stuff and like throwing my shoes,
Speaker 1: and my pant leg is like all up because I've
Speaker 1: been sleeping and so it's like one pant leg is up.
Speaker 1: I probably am like a affiliated with a gang walking
Speaker 1: to the front of the cabin and I go up
Speaker 1: to the flight attendant and I'm like, can I get
Speaker 1: a die coke? And my like hair is all fucked up,
Speaker 1: and I have my sleep mask on my head, like
Speaker 1: sunglasses like pulled up, and my it's like half up.
Speaker 1: I mean, I look disgusting, and and he's like and
Speaker 1: this was a funny moment because I thought he like
Speaker 1: clocked me and recognized me, because he's kind of like,
Speaker 1: I got you, all right, and he kind of points,
Speaker 1: he's like lingering, and he's pouring the diet coke and
Speaker 1: he's kind of looking at me like and at this point,
Speaker 1: this is right after the roast, and so I'm getting
Speaker 1: recognized all the time. At this point in my life,
Speaker 1: it's not happening anymore, which is fine and great, but
Speaker 1: at the time it was just like I was kind
Speaker 1: of beating people to the punch because they would try
Speaker 1: to find ways to get into it that I would
Speaker 1: and I'd be like, yes it, that is me or whatever.
Speaker 1: And so I'm about to be like he goes, listen,
Speaker 1: we're not supposed to do this, but cannot and I
Speaker 1: thought he's gonna ask for selfie or something, and I go,
Speaker 1: of course, and he goes, do you want the can?
Speaker 1: Do you want the whole can? And I'm like wow,
Speaker 1: And so I took the can back, not having been
Speaker 1: recognized at all, and felt stupid. But then I see
Speaker 1: Hannah einbinder walk to the front to get something, and
Speaker 1: she is much more engaged in conversation with the guy.
Speaker 1: She looks perfect. Her hair is just like that perfect
Speaker 1: bob that's shiny. She's wearing like a cozy sweater, like
Speaker 1: a turtle neck sweater, and she's got the sleeves like pulled,
Speaker 1: like they're like kind of on her. Like she's looked
Speaker 1: like the cozy girl that's maybe like walking out on
Speaker 1: a dock early in the morning to like look at
Speaker 1: sunrise with her hot cocoa. And she just looks so
Speaker 1: perfect and beautiful and glowy, even though We're on this
Speaker 1: dehydrating flight and she walks up to the front and
Speaker 1: I see her like kind of like laughing and definitely
Speaker 1: getting recognized by the guy that just didn't recognize me
Speaker 1: but did give me a full can, and they're talking
Speaker 1: and having this fun little chat and I'm like, I
Speaker 1: wish I was more like that, and then she just
Speaker 1: like heads back with her teeth like I'm just like
Speaker 1: chugging a diet coke like a wolverine who's been starving
Speaker 1: on an island forever and just found a can in
Speaker 1: the in the you know, alley way, and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: I look disgusting, and she just has this cozy tea
Speaker 1: And I really was like, man, that's that's the kind
Speaker 1: of person I want to be. She's so refined and
Speaker 1: like she seems like a slower, more dignified person. And
Speaker 1: then I was like, I just am who I am.
Speaker 1: That's why I do roast. And she is on TV
Speaker 1: shows or something or she's.
Speaker 2: She's more measured ravaging messes who are also on TV shows,
Speaker 2: but they're.
Speaker 1: Not like yeah, like I just see it. Like I
Speaker 1: saw a clip of her on Colbert too, and she
Speaker 1: was like doing this like character, and it was so amazing,
Speaker 1: and like just sometimes I can be amazing, but it
Speaker 1: just feels like I'm messy most of the time. And
Speaker 1: when I when I seem to have it all together
Speaker 1: and seem like I'm perfect, it's it's it's something I've
Speaker 1: worked really hard on. And I think just some people
Speaker 1: being refined and dignified comes naturally to them, because there
Speaker 1: was no reason that she should look this beautiful on
Speaker 1: a plane, and I just I really did see the
Speaker 1: juxtaposition of us. And then I told my friends that
Speaker 1: I saw her and they were like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I love her so much. And I was a little
Speaker 1: bit like, I'm in your girls chat. Can you like,
Speaker 1: don't you? I mean, it's it's so funny when my
Speaker 1: friends freak out about people that my one friend has.
Speaker 1: There's this comedian that is going to her gym now
Speaker 1: and she's like, I saw her today and I'm just
Speaker 1: like easy, easy now. She was like, I would feel
Speaker 1: the same way about you if I didn't know you.
Speaker 2: That's a gift. What do you mean you were you
Speaker 2: just went easy with the sunglass going up and down.
Speaker 2: That should be that should be clipped as a gift.
Speaker 1: Check it out on our YouTube. I wore sunglasses today
Speaker 1: because my face was too puffy and that's freeing to me.
Speaker 1: And I'm also wearing John Malane's shirt that I got
Speaker 1: from doing his show. It's the coolest shirt. It's John
Speaker 1: m'lleeney Presents. Everybody's in LA. It's so cool. I'm proud
Speaker 1: to support it. That was the best part of doing
Speaker 1: that show. Like the show was scary, but then I
Speaker 1: got all this like because I was it's live and
Speaker 1: you just don't know what's going to happen. But I
Speaker 1: did get they got. I got a cool tote bag,
Speaker 1: I got a shirt, and I got a little Brea
Speaker 1: Tarpritz shirt too because the Brea Tarpets was there, and
Speaker 1: I got free passes.
Speaker 2: Love the tars.
Speaker 1: If you ever want to go, have you been? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I went as a kid. I don't remember it.
Speaker 2: And my mom got a magnet from the brit Tarpits
Speaker 2: and was on my refrigerator from my entire life. And
Speaker 2: every time my mom would walk past the refrigerator, she'd
Speaker 2: go Tall Pits and so, my god.
Speaker 1: So cute. All right, Well that's it for our show today.
Speaker 1: Tall Pits. Have you seen tar by the way with
Speaker 1: the her name. No, it's really good. I recommend it.
Speaker 1: All right, we have more show for you next week.
Speaker 1: We'll be here. I hope you will be too. Thank
Speaker 1: you besties for listening. I'll be in Indianapolis and Cleveland,
Speaker 1: not in that order, this weekend. Next weekend I think
Speaker 1: Massachusetts again. So many dates come up. Also, my song
Speaker 1: Someday You'll Die is available on Spotify. You should stream it,
Speaker 1: add it to your playlist, post it on your Instagram stories.
Speaker 1: If you film something with it, I will probably repost it.
Speaker 1: I want to get that out there. I still want
Speaker 1: to promote that song. I'm writing a new song this week.
Speaker 1: We'll see how it goes. More music on the way,
Speaker 1: but more comedy on the way. All new material on
Speaker 1: the road right now. Nico Lazer dot com for all
Speaker 1: the dates. Thank you guys so much for listening to
Speaker 1: the podcast. You know you're my favorite. I love you,
Speaker 1: Dolby Ka and I'll see you next week. Bye.